The Hope Hotline - Valentine's Day Special The Hope Hotline | S02-E06 | 02-09-24

Episode Date: February 10, 2024

The Hope Hotline | S02-E06 | 02-09-24

Real talk. Real talk. Real talk. Real talk. Happy Friday, everybody. Thank you so much for joining in on the Hope Hotline podcast. We are excited about today because we are going to, again, we did something different on Wednesday, and today we're going to do something different because Wednesday of next week is Valentine's Day. I will not be having a podcast, so today is Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day.

It's official. Yep. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day. And look at the peanut gallery. We look so good. Thank you, Talia, for being so modest. You also look very good.

You do. Look at this. I did not plan. This is, this was a, this right here is a potato chip. Oh my gosh. That I was eating before we got started. And I'm still hungry. So I'm going to eat that potato chip.

As if it will help my stomach issues right now because I'm starving. I did not know that Tracy was coordinating that. I love that. I love themes. I love themes too. So all of you look adorable. Thank you. I've been wearing pink all

February so far. I love it. At church. You know why? Because I'm a theme person. Me far. I love it. At church. You know why? Because I'm a theme person. Me too. I love themes. Me too. You love themes too? I know Tracy does.

If you ever come over, like I have holiday shelves. We celebrate all the things. Yep. So at your house, I see my house is still barren. Oh my gosh. I have, I'm a minimalist right now, and I've never not had my house decorated. There's not one picture on the wall.

There's no coffee table right now. There's nothing on the mantle for the fireplace. I'm not kidding you. Oh, my gosh. I have drapes. That's about it. Wow. the fire. I'm like kidding you. Oh my gosh. I have drapes. That's about it. Wow. I know.

It's bad. And it's because of a horrible insurance company and Hurricane Ian. But I still like, I mean, it's crazy. I have nothing. That's crazy. In my house. I've never not been decorated except for when I first married Tom and he had nothing on the walls.

Yeah, of course. And he prefers the way it is right now. Really? I said, don't get used to it. It's not staying like this. Exactly. You cannot take it. It's so fun.

My house is so bare. So boring. Yeah. Super boring. Yeah. So you have a shelf in your house designated just for holidays. Yeah. Multiple. multiple shelves.

And they are so cute. Like the cutest. Interesting. Just the cutest. Is it in your kitchen? Because your kitchen and your living room are like... Yeah, all over. It's very open. Jeff loves it.

I'm sure he does. He probably doesn't even care. He probably doesn't even notice when you change it. He's very open. Yeah. Jeff loves it. I'm sure he does. He probably doesn't even care. He probably doesn't even notice when you change it. He's like Tom. I even asked Tom because Tom does care about certain things. Yeah, that's true. This is something that I'm allowed to do. Now my house is completely done, finished with the insurance company,

although they're saying they're not giving me any more money. But here's the thing. So I started painting the exterior doors, the exterior of my house, like the shutters and stuff, because we had to get new doors. And I said to him, I'm like, now, listen, come outside. I want to make sure you like this color that I picked. He's like, I really don't care. I'm like, everything else, you flipping care.

And he's like, I don't really care. And I'm like, i can't count on that so before i finish these doors and these shutters and everything else you're coming outside you're looking at it very smart good move because i'm telling you he would have cared if he hated it yep and everyone in this room knows yeah he would have cared yeah yeah no he has to after i bought the two gallons of pain i guess guess I should have asked beforehand. But whatever. Let's do our share and stuff and then we'll get straight into it.

Perfect. All right. So we've got some people on Facebook. We got Steffi on Facebook. So if you got Rumble, Steffi, why don't you pop over there for us? But before you do, like, share and comment. If you're watching the replay, you can always let us know in the comments. Um, and, uh, you can stay on Facebook if you're watching the replay, or you can jump over to rumble and find the link, but sometimes it's

easier when you're already there watching the replay. If you are on YouTube, you can subscribe while you're there and then you can comment. You can also like the video that's going on right now. And, um, yeah, that yeah that's you know those are your the best things to do for youtube we have like 144 subscribers right now which is pretty good because we don't actually do anything on youtube except go live um we're just kind of using it for what it is um and then if you're over in rumble we've got a whole live chat going like always and so we've got uh sharon's in there and logan and cj are turning tuning in they said and sarah and my mom and who else we've got we've got

um yeah who is it fern's in there so hello all of our friends and then black robe looks like okay we're reconnected on black robe so everything looks like it's going good today so if you want you can watch on any of those platforms you can also tune in later for the audio podcast that is available anywhere that you listen to podcasts you can also download it so let's say you're going on a flight and you don't really necessarily want to like view the podcast which I don't know why you wouldn't want to see our beautiful faces with our very beautiful matching outfits but if you guys ever just want to download it and just have it available in the Apple Play podcast or Spotify or whatever, it's always available to download. And then you can always listen to it when you even don't have internet. So that's really cool.

And again, if this is all kind of new to you and you are on Facebook, you do have the ability to go and like the Hope Hotline. And also you're able to follow us as well. So there are some different options there. And it helps grow. It helps like let everybody know that like we are live and you can tune in any of those times to watch that we are available. We also have our Ask Hope at Hope Hotline email. So anytime you send in a question, we will get it read and then sent over to Hope

and she is answering them as they come in. You guys have been sending some questions in, so we really appreciate those as always. And then lastly, we have our merch and the mug is available. The spoon is available and our t-shirt is available. You can even buy them if you are at Foundation Church on Sunday. We have them available in the merch store, which has got all organized and beautiful and just a whole different feel when you go into the merch store. And it is open before service for a little bit as well is what I was told. So that's pretty much it.

Again, if you want to just shop online, it's foundationchurchfl.com and you just click shop and those are always available for you guys. Here we go. Okay. Now I, what we're going to talk about today is relationships. You might as well put yourself back on because I'm going to ask you guys a couple questions. We're going to talk about relationships, dating and marriage. women's hubs or women's groups because they feel like the group is mainly focused on marriage for married couples people with kids and things like that they feel out of place so I'm going to cover it all for them perfect whether you're married or you're dating we're going to cover them both so we're going to hit dating first so don't shut off if you're married because you probably have kids or someone that you know

that you need to give good dating advice to. And then if you're dating, someday you'll be married. So don't turn off when we hit being married because you need to know that too. But just to get the ball rolling. Yeah. I told the girls, I'm going to ask you this question. So first of all, do you guys have anything planned for Valentine's Day? No. Wait. Are you guys going somewhere together or something for Valentine's Day? So we do Galentine's Day.

Look up on the screen. Look on the screen look on the screen when was that that was last year so we have to top it this year what you know what i'm so glad i was like how beautiful this is okay i'm showing it like how beautiful look at Look how happy those people are. Look at how deeply. Well, the foursome threesome. It's the Hope hotline right there. Everybody that's in the Hope hotline is right there. I mean, you guys look fantastic.

Thank you. For me, why do you have a gallon? I hate all those things. I'm going to be honest with you. That's okay. That's okay. Because most of the people that I can't stand do them. Look how happy Norma and me look. Look in that picture. Look at me and Norma looking deep into

each other's eyes. That's usually you and Heather. I know. Looking like a couple. I know. I mean, all of you look fantastic. Thank you. Everybody, just so you know, like that don't watch that are not, put that back on really, really quick. Like, you know, like that's my daughter, Norma, and the left. If you're looking at the four people so that really really quick like you know like that's my daughter norma and the left if you're looking at the four people so that i mean you know you know tracy and vanessa obviously but that's my daughter to the left if you ever um if you don't attend here or whatever and then the girl all the way to the right standing next to vanessa that's heather most people never see heather yeah that's true so if you don't know right standing next to Vanessa, that's Heather. Most people never see Heather. Yeah, that's true. So if you don't know when we talk about Heather, that's her right there.

And pretty much Norma and Heather are like my kids. And Heather's husband is pretty much like our son too. So that's a crazy little crew right there. But super close i understand why you do it but you can turn it back to us oh my gosh but i hate that crap we have i'm all for themes but not homosexual themes oh my gosh wow i don't like that it's i mean go ahead i'm glad I'm not invited. They don't invite me to certain things. And there's reasons for that.

And there are certain things that I never find out about. I mean, I end up hearing about them. That they're always glad that I know about them after they happen. Because they don't want to hear my mouth. They don't want to hear my opinion. Like, they love me. But some things are better left not me knowing about. I thought you were invited to this one.

The Valentine's Day? Was I? I must not have had anything pink. I do. I have a lot of pink. You can wear red. Hope you can come just like that tonight. She's not going to come.

When is it? Tonight. I'm not coming. I'm just curious. I'm not coming. I'm just curious. Give it a chance. Just give it a chance.

Listen, if you're on Rumble and you want her to come, we'll take a poll. Or how about if you're on Rumble and you want to come? Yeah, if you're on Rumble and you want to come, we're never, ever going to share the address. But we'll at least know you wanted to come. And that's really special to us. I mean, a lot of people are invited. That's on Valentine's. And that's really special to us. Oh, my gosh. I mean, a lot of people are invited. That's on Valentine's.

So, Vanessa, outside of your homosexual party you have going on tonight, do you have anything special with your main squeeze? I haven't had. I don't have anything planned. Do you normally do anything? No. Yeah. Okay, me and Tom.

I have a theory about this, just so you know. I'm going to share this. Do you have anything planned? No. Do you normally have anything planned? We're going to have youth group on Wednesday. So if anybody wants to come to the church and their children are ninth grade to 12th grade, they are welcome to spend Valentine's Day with me and my husband. No, but do you normally have anything planned? No, not normally. Okay, good, because I'm about to bust on whoever did. Yeah, I wish I could. Okay, me and Tom, I mean, Heather and Travis are very much like this, too.

So let me think. I don't know. Sarah and Derek, I don't know them well enough to make this. And I don't think Logan and Chris are like this. So I'm not going to insult any of my podcast people. I'm running through all of my people. Okay. Tom and I aren't big on the holidays either. We don't make a big deal out of them. And I think the reason why a lot of times people do is it's the only time they're going to get paid attention to or made to feel special.

That's not my life. And so Tom purposes all the time. All the time. I don't need a valentine's day but i see people who get so teed off that if um they don't get flowers or they don't get taken out to dinner like their birthdays are a big deal and if he or she doesn't make sure that it is acknowledged and, you know, complimented or whatever, then there's hell to pay. And I'm just thinking, man, how sad is that? That only one day or two days are like Mother's Day or Father's Day or your anniversary or

your birthday and Valentine's Day. Those are the only days that you get showered, whatever you think your expectation of how you should be showered upon is that way. So for me, free yourself from that stuff. This is one of the things that I want to just do for the podcast today. It's like if we treat each other,

if we start out dating correctly, then we'll marry correctly. And then all these holidays and all these things that we put such a big thing on will not be such a big thing because every day, and I don't mean to sound corny or cheesy, but every day will be like Valentine's Day. You won't need to go out to dinner and look at each other lovingly into each other's eyes because you do that at home. Right. And you say the things that need to be said, not on social media, but in the home. Yeah. We'll address that later too. But I do think this is pretty funny and this just goes right along. Like how did you spend your first wedding anniversary?

I had a baby. And so she was, like, two weeks old. So probably sleeping. That sounds about right. Yeah, because she was born the 12th of September, and our anniversary is the end of September. So yeah, I was probably like, like probably didn't even know what day it was.

You're like her, getting pregnant on your honeymoon. I know. I was nine months pregnant on my anniversary. My one year. Oh, wow. Yeah. So you didn't do nothing either? No.

You know how I spent my first week? I was not pregnant. I had to talk Tom into even having kids. That's not true. I had to ask his friend, his best friend at the time, to talk him into having children. I'm like, dude, we got married so late. I'm like, listen, I'm not pickling these eggs.

Come on. Let's get moving. But he was afraid. Now, my first anniversary, and this is like people making big deals, like we've got to do something big for our first anniversary. I laugh at it. So both of you guys didn't do anything. Did you feel slighted or miss?

No. Okay. I thought it was dang funny because my first anniversary, Tom and I spent it at Lemon Bay High School football banquet because he coached football. And everybody's like, how's it going? I'm like, it's great. And somehow it came out.

And I'm like, yeah, this is our first year anniversary. They're like, and you're here? Like, yeah. The big dog says we're coming so we're coming i don't know what to tell you this is not how i plan to do my first anniversary but whatever i mean uh super funny but i will go back to um social media if you're a big a um uh like if you have to proclaim your love on social media, which I know, I've known people, I still know people today,

like that's how they tell the person that they love or that they're important to them. Like if you have to do that on social media, I like, for me, I'm like, why do you have to do that like for me it's that's a pride those are not saying that you can't tell somebody periodically you love them but you know what it seems like there are certain couples and they're usually the ones that are the most troubled like if he's in trouble with his girlfriend or his wife, he goes out onto social media and he proclaims his love for her to prove to people maybe how great of a marriage

and I'm thinking to myself, if it's that great, why are you telling all of us? Because it would show itself every single time we see you. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, 100%. But the thing is, is most people know, and it's so funny to me because people who do this,

everybody knows you fuss, fight, argue all the time. And your marriage or your relationship smells. It stinks. You're not like, you're not fooling anybody. Everybody knows.

Everybody knows. Or they're always posting pictures and they're always like posing and it's like, okay, you're the only one that doesn't want to vomit. The rest of us look at that and we're like, give me a break. I will say that Jeff

has done posts on social media about me. And I think it really comes from a place of speaking my love language because I'm words of affirmation. And so I will also put that out there. And it's. Do you do it all the time?

No, it's not all the time. And it's it's from moments where he's like super proud of me. Yeah. And so he wants to like share it. OK. But I do understand where you're coming from as well. Yeah. If you have to, like Jeffrey always tells me empty barrels make the most sound.

Empty barrels. Empty barrels. Barrels, she said. What did I say? You said barrels. It sounded like barrel. Yeah. I knew what you meant.

ESL, guys. Yes. No, it's not. It's the Puerto Rican. It's the rah, rah. You're rolling. MC Barrels make the most sound. So I totally get what you're saying.

Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying that healthy relationships don't do that. What I am saying is I don't see it very often that a healthy relationship has to be out. I have seen ones that do do it. I'm not on social media that much anymore. So in the past, the ones that I, the very few that I saw, I was like, okay. And they didn't do it all the time. It's the ones that are unhealthy that have to like totally

I'm like you know what keep that for like when you're on your date and you're driving around in the car and you guys want to like share that share that amongst yourself the world the world doesn't really care the really the world really doesn't want to know that's how i feel about it like i don't care i don't care that you feel this way that's something to be shared with you and your significant other i mean i would like ask the peanut not not this peanut getter ask the people who are watching when they see somebody praising all the time, not a one-off here and there. I'm saying on the regular, they constantly have to promote or compliment or brag. Not even brag.

That's not even, because I don't think bragging is bad. I actually think it's sweet. But even still, like say how beautiful they are, how, whatever. Like when it happens all the time, don't you just like, save that for the bedroom. I don't really care. It's annoying to me. Maybe it's because I have no soul.

I wasn't going to say it. I wasn't going to say it. It doesn't annoy you at all? You're like, golly, man. I just don't. Why do you think all of us care? No, what annoys me is when I 100% know they're not doing good. And then they're posting that.

Like when you know. That's the irritant. That's the part. Otherwise, I don't like when I know people are doing well, like, and I don't mean like perfect. I mean, like they're doing good. And then like Jeff will put out there because I took an amazing picture of his wife. So he wants to brag on it.

And I'm like, absolutely. Of course, you're going to post that beautiful picture. I'm not saying that. Listen, I'm not saying that because I don't think probably, it's like me with my kids. It's a one-off here and there. Right, right.

That's not the thing. That's not what I'm talking about. You know when it's authentic and when it kind of feels a little forced. Or like the only way to make up and to go home and not have a vicious fight is for the person to proclaim their love on social media so that things when they get home.

I'm like, I don't really care, dude. I know. I don't care, girl. Like, come on. Keep that. Send a text. Tell them I'm like, I don't really care, dude. I know. I don't care, girl. Like, come on. Keep that. Send a text. Tell them I'm sorry. Yeah, but it's not.

The world doesn't care. Yeah. That's how I feel. I know. I know. And I know that it's a pile of hooey. So I'm like. Right.

And then everybody's got to start hitting the heart button and liking it. Or I'm like. I'm not going to hit the heart button because you know what? It's a whole bunch of lies. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not helping enabling that. heart button because you know what? It's a whole bunch of lies. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not helping enabling that. There you go.

Exactly. Drives me nuts. Yeah. So Anne-Marie says fake and people are always seeking attention. And Galena says it's cringy. That's the other part. It's seeking attention. Who said that?

Anne-Marie. That is truth right there. It's seeking attention. Who said that? Ann Marie. That is truth right there. It's like you need affirmation. You should only be getting affirmation from your spouse. You don't need to like be put. That's why I hate social media too is because nobody has self-esteem except through how many likes they get

or how many hearts they get. It's like you need to know who you are in Christ. You don't need everybody else or how many hearts they get or it's like you need to know who you are in christ you don't need everybody else or how many friends you have or i mean i can't tell you how many times people will um post something and they'll go back and they'll see how many people liked it and that'll make them feel good about themselves and it's like if nobody likes it and you like it that's all that matters. Right. Yeah. True. Preach. If you could just like sell that in a jar. Yeah.

I'd be rich. You'd be so rich. Billionaire. Man, how do we do that? How do we? Yeah, we'd be like, we'd be billionaires. Yeah.

Literally. What's, what's because that's the problem. Listen, I'm an entrepreneur. It's a proprietary thing. Like, I need to make money on this. Yeah. But the thing is, it's only God.

That's the problem. I can't bottle God. You can't. It's free. Oh, yeah. Problem. It's not like a genie in a bottle, man. No, it's not.

No. It's like a potion that you, like, pour out on somebody. I know. It's got to be confidence through him. Right. Yeah. Which is a problem because most people do not have confidence because they don't read the word.

They don't know who they are in Christ. So let's keep going because now I only have 36 minutes. Yep. And counting. And counting. Okay. What does Christian dating look like? Let's start.

Okay. There's two ways to date correctly. And neither one of them are found in the word. I mean, specifically, these two words aren't found in the word, right? But scripture, like a guideline, will help you to know how to date correctly. So first, there's obviously dating, and then there's courtship. Okay? Both of them have their pros and their cons.

They're obvious. Well, you might not. Some people don't know what courtship is at all. So what we're going to start with is dating. What does dating look like? And how do you start? So you find somebody you like, and they ask you out on a date. And nowadays it's got girls ask guys out as much as guys ask girls out almost.

So it could go either way. So if you're a guy, this could apply if this is a girl. Or if you like somebody, you need to find this out first before you do anything. Um, because there is a certain, uh, foundational steps to getting involved with somebody. The first one is you do not date an unbeliever and you do not court an unbeliever. Okay. A lot of times people think that second Corinthians six, 14 through 15 applies. Like if you're going into business with somebody, it does. It also applies if I'm friends with somebody, it does. But it also applies if you want to be romantically involved with somebody too.

So we're going to read it from the Amplified. Do not be unequally bound together. And I use the Amplified because it's way better than do not be unequally yoked. And I use the amplified because it's way better than do not be unequally yoked with the unbeliever. People are like, I don't know what yoke means. And yoking together was two oxen put together and the both of them had to go the same place, the same direction because the yoke bound their necks together and where one went, the other one went. But this is way better and more easier to understand. Do not be unequally bound together with unbelievers.

Do not be mismatched alliances with them, inconsistent with your faith. For what partnership can righteousness have with lawlessness? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and Belial, which is Satan? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? And a lot of people will go, but I want to get him saved. And then we'll be, it don't work. And that's a big risk.

And people will go, well, you know what? It did work for, what's his name, Mark? No. What's the big, his wife is also? Bevere. John Bevere. Well, John Bevere, he dated his wife, got her saved, and okay, he was out. I mean, he was biblically out of order.

If the word says do not yoke yourself with an unbeliever, just because it works out for them does not mean that you should do it. It means he was out of order and actually worked out for him. That's all that means. And it could have not worked out for him. So follow the scriptures. Do what it says. Don't look at what other people have had success in when they were biblically incorrect and hope it works out for you. You're crazy. That's insanity to go against what the word of God says, hoping that because it was fine for somebody else, it'll be fine for you. It doesn't work out like that at all.

So be careful who you date. And I will say in so much of like when I was growing up, I don't know if you guys had to do with this too, but, like, when I grew up, like, I wasn't allowed to date. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, and then my parents were really, which I was, I didn't follow the instruction because I started dating. My first date was, like, when I was almost 19. No, no, no, no, that's not true.

I was 17, I dated the pastor's son. But I got icky with him shortly after we started dating, so I broke up. And then I didn't date somebody until 18, almost 19. Okay, so here's the thing. Oh, I don't know if that's true either. I might have started dating somebody right after that. But I never was boyfriend-girlfriend with anybody

except twice in my life. Okay, it doesn't matter. You guys don't care. I do. It's interesting. It's not that interesting. No, it is. It's very interesting.

It is. I'm interested. But all of them were saved. Okay. All of them were saved except for once. And then after that, right on down. Standards and principles left the building. But I will say this.

When I was allowed to date at 16 years old, they had to be saved. And then they could not be – they had to be saved, but they could not be Baptist and they could not be Catholic. I was not allowed to date anybody that was not, like, they had to have some kind of Pentecostal background, Assemblies of God, Church of God. Even Nazarene, I was allowed to date, even though they didn't believe, they don't believe in the gifts, right?

I was not allowed to date them. And you go, why in the heck would you not be allowed to date them? Well, first of all, because Baptists are eternally secure and so full of grace that grace will allow you to do anything you want. So my parents are like, you ain't dating a Baptist, a Baptist boy. Catholics, you're not allowed to date Catholics. Because Catholics, and although I ended up dating Tom, Tom

was Catholic, but he was not practicing, and he actually was now under the Christian realm, Pentecostal, same faith as me. But by then, I was like, when I started dating him, I was 25, and although my parents had a lot to say about it, like,

he was saved, and he was, you know, he wasn't Catholic. So not allowed to date Catholics because Mother Mary and all the apostles are considered saints and they worship them. And my parents like you only worship Jesus. That's it. God and the Holy Trinity. And then the other thing is, is their doctrine has so many books to it, including the Bible, and that you're encouraged not to read the Bible, but more of their books. And then also not encouraged to read the Bible because the priest will do that for you, depending on what church you went to.

Were you guys allowed to date anybody? Did your parents have the same standard as mine did? No. You could date anybody as long as they were saved? I didn't have a lot of rules. There weren't a lot of rules? No. Boshki.

Well, Boshki would have had the rules. My dad's like, she's fine. Oh, good for you, girl. Yeah. Boshki was like, hmm. But Chipper was like, just date. It's all fine. Everything's fine.

Oh, my gosh. Were you guys saved? Were your parents saved, though? Yeah. Were they mature in their walk? Yeah. Were they mature in their walk? Yeah. Because. I mean, they, like, the dating thing, my dad was like, go on dates, like, meet people,

like, go to school. But I didn't really share any of my dating with my family. I just kind of said, oh, I'm dating somebody, and then I wasn't when I was dating somebody. But I actually was, like, in long-term relationships. Oh, so you never really. you never really dated a lot. You were only with a couple people for a long period of time. Yes, yes. Gotcha.

Yeah, which wasn't better at all. No, it's not. I don't know. We just, yeah, it was kind of like. So there were no rules. Yeah, no, there was no rules. Now when I say this to Vanessa, I say this like with Tom to a certain extent,

at least you kept yourself looking good. He did not. But both of you kind of like 300 pound life. Oh my God. I'm just kidding. Tom was 300 pound life. No, like, so listen, listen, I kid, I kid, but here's the thing.

Did you like, did your mom have rules for you? We never had a conversation, but I went to, I, I was a part of a very strict Pentecostal church. I didn't wear pants. I wore skirts. Yeah. I've been there. It was very holiness.

And so. No makeup, right? No makeup. So nobody does want to date you when you can't wear makeup. Trust me on this one. Going to the movie theater was thin. Oh my gosh. So, like life is limited.

Yeah. So you're not going nowhere with nobody because nobody wants you. I was locked down, okay? And you were cute. I was cute. I mean, like listen, you were chunky. I might have been 300 Like, I mean, like, listen, you were chunky. Yeah. You were chunky,

but you look good. I wasn't 300 pounds. No, you were not 300 pounds. Tom wasn't even 300 pounds. He's dang close to it though. But, but the thing was,

is like, I knew you hadn't dated. So I'm like, there's gotta be a reason that you didn't date. Cause you're like me. Cause you weren't allowed to do it. So I'm like, there's got to be a reason that you didn't date because you're like me. Yeah. Because you weren't allowed to do it. My first boyfriend was the youth pastor's assistant.

Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. And that led, and we dated all through high school. What? With a ton of accountability. Probably like courtship then. Yeah. Because when we get into courtship, you're going to be like, that's how we dated.

We were engaged at one point. I know, Hope. I'm just like blowing your mind right now i had no idea you were engaged before jeff engaged yes and that didn't happen that thank you jesus that ended which it needed to it wasn't it wasn't right um he wasn't the right person for me um and that soon after that I met Jeff yeah was that heartbreaking or was it like you knew it was good we were together for four years it was it was like I had to walk away from a life that I thought I was going to live

with that person it's like grieving a person yeah but if you maybe were ready to go like this, then you might not be so upset about it. Do you know what I'm saying? Were you ready to go like that? Yes. But you're still sad because you're back to being all by yourself. It's a lonely feeling. And then there was a process of me finding who I was in Christ.

I recommitted. I was a believer, but kind of not. Well, because you get comfortable. So I recommitted my, I was, I was a believer, but kind of like not right. Like, well, cause you get comfortable. So you're just doing the committed my walk with the Lord. I dedicated my walk to him. I became very, um, like confident in who I was and secure in who I was. So when Jeff came along, he pursued me and he chased after me and I denied him three times because I was so content in who I was at the time and so he just waited for me and finally I was like I'll go to lunch with you guy but it's not happening and then eventually he wore you down just like he does everybody else with his sales technique yeah Exactly. But I was super content.

And that was the key for me going into that relationship with Jeff was I was super content in who I was. My validation didn't come from him. That's a beautiful thing when you can be healthy. Because I couldn't date anybody until I got healthy because I was in bed. You would have taken baggage into that relationship. And people don't realize that. When you break up with somebody, take time to heal. Take time to, if you need to get yourself back in good standing with God

and then grow spiritually back to the place and then further than where you were before so that you actually are of value when you enter into a relationship instead of being a negative super important yeah which is what i did but i think that's so valuable that you did that gotta people are so afraid of being alone that they never ever take care of themselves spiritually speaking in the way that they should to make themselves better yeah um but um i was going to say something about that. Hold on. Let me see if I

have it in my notes. Do you know there's a rule of thumb when you're getting out of a divorce of how much you should like be single, like the timeframe you should be single? No. The rule of thumb is for every five years you were married, you should take one year and be single. Really? So if you've been married for like 20 years. Why did they say that? I forget. There's some like science behind it that it takes that long to like, if you were married for 20 years,

you've missed like two decades of like what you would have done if you were to be on your own. Like you would have like traveled certain places. So like four years you should take off and like actually like realize like I'm not who I was at my 20s now that I'm in my 40s.

And so that's like a— That's a good idea, but spiritually speaking, putting that into a spiritual perspective. Like my girlfriend Karen, when she got divorced and it was not because she wanted it, that's what she did. She was married for a very long period of time. Won't go into the details because it's private. But what she did is she ended up getting saved through the process of that divorce.

Took quite a bit of time to get her to a place, spiritually speaking, where she was strong in the lord healthy in knowing who she was in christ but then healthy and looking at herself and knowing the value that she had to offer in another relationship right and then after that she was like okay now i'll date but before that she was like no way it's not happening yeah but that's a new believer even but she's like you guys all know who she is. Like she's smart anyway. Like the girls. She is. Smarty pants. Even if you, I mean, you still got to be smart, you know.

Yeah. But I know what I was going to say. My parents' thought process, I'm a forward thinker, and it's probably because my parents are really my dad, I think. My dad was always looking down the road at what a decision, what this decision would, what repercussions, good or bad, would a decision make if you do these things? My dad would always kind of like, when we were not even making big decisions, even small ones, my dad would oftentimes, if we went to him for counseling, he'd be like, well, what does that look like

later on down the road? Nobody usually thinks about that, which I'm very grateful that my dad was very much like that because it's ingrained in me. And a lot of times I would say to him, I don't really care. I want it now. He's like, that's not smart. And he would always say, what does the Bible say? A wise man seeks the counsel of the elder. Like it seeks somebody who's already been there,

who's already walked in those steps. So if it didn't work out for them, it's probably not going to work out for you. But I used to always say to him, and this is what will get you into trouble, is just because it didn't work for you doesn't mean it'll work for me, which is stupid. I mean, it's dumb, and it goes against the word of God. The reason my dad and my mom were like this is because they said, you marry somebody that is not, you're unequally yoked faith-wise. What does that look later on down the road when you have kids or for you going

to church? You marry somebody Catholic. You're not Catholic. So are you going to become Catholic? What does that mean? If you marry somebody catholic you decide you're going to both go to two different churches how does that affect your marriage if you have children and now you got children so now they have you're going to fight over which religion they're going to they're going to walk in or maybe you let them choose, which is very dangerous, or you make them go to both. That's insanity. And then they're always going to steer to the ones that's more permissible. Being permissive and allowing your child to take on doctrine, let's just say, if it's permissive that you've said a sinner's prayer,

and if you're a Calvinist, I hate to offend you, but I don't see it anywhere in Scripture. I do see it where you can lose your salvation throughout Scripture. But let's just say, and you still believe you're right and I'm wrong. Let's just say for one moment, I'm right and you're wrong. If that doctrine, which is a Calvinist, John Calvin doctrine, and John Calvin burned people at the stake who did not take on this theology, so it doesn't come from a man that created a doctrine and believed too great in it, because if you know that you're so right,

why are you burning people at the stake that oppose what you say? You wouldn't need to do that. But even still, if you believe that you can't, or you can lose your salvation for one moment, or that you can't lose your salvation, excuse me, what that does is for a child that wants to go out and do whatever he wants to do, but he said a sinner's prayer when he was like 15 years old, and now he can go and get drunk,

and he can have sex with his girlfriend or whatever, and he's okay because he said the sinner's prayer. Then he'll have momentary lapses of time where he'll live in sin, and Satan will have a foothold, but he won't lose his salvation. That's not anywhere in scripture, but most kids are going to go that route so they can live however they want to live. And my parents were like, do you want that for your kid? Because it's heaven and hell. And so thinking down the road, my parents are like, no,

you're not dating somebody who does not fall in line with our theology. It is far better if you were to fall in love with somebody that you both share the same religious theology, because then there is a cohesiveness in the home. Let's keep going. You can't have sex if you're dating. That is out of the equation. You cannot have it. It's a sin. You can't put your hand, you can't put hands in bad places. It's a sin. And the scriptures are extremely clear about this, but oftentimes we'll hear people say, and I wrote some down, they'll say it's okay because we love each other Or our love is so strong Or we're going to get married So it's okay

None of that is in the Bible Actually the opposite of it It says we're not to fornicate Anyone who lives like this Which fornication is one of the things It says you'll not inherit the kingdom of heaven So if you believe fornication is okay Just know it's not And if you're dating,

it is a heaven and hell issue. You are to abstain from having sex. And I've known people, and I think probably if I were to guess, because Vanessa's done, she's done ministry for so long. I've known people who have gotten married just to be able to have sex. And then they have great regret in doing so because the only reason they got married is because they cannot control the flesh. Is she shaking her head in a mighty, mighty way? And the only reason you can't see your face is because Tracy just had a major

coughing attack and had to leave the room. Yeah. Yeah. So truth. And then they regretted it like there's no tomorrow. 100%. Just abstain. I'm going to tell you, it's possible to abstain. 1 Corinthians 6, 18 through 20 says, run away from sexual immorality. This is the amplified. In any form, whether thought or behavior, whether visual or written. So you're to run away from it. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body,

but the one who is sexually immoral sins against his own body. And why would that be? And we're gonna keep going, but sexual sin, there's transmitted disease. So like you sexually sin, you could completely get a sexually transmitted disease. Now some of them, you take a pill and you get rid of it. Others, not so easy.

And some of them will kill you. So maybe you better just abstain. And just so you know, the condom doesn't work foolproof. Known people used it, still got pregnant or other forms of birth control. Even the pill is not foolproof. Do you not know why your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit? Pay attention to this. Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is within you. Remember that. Whom you have received as a gift from God and that you are not your own property. You no longer belong to yourself.

You actually belong to God. That's the truth. He's the Lord of your life. So he tells you what to do. You don't get to do that anymore. You were bought with a price. You were actually purchased with the precious blood of Jesus and made his own. So then honor and glorify God with your body. So when you date properly, you are honoring and glorifying him. And let's

just think about this. If the Holy Spirit lives within you, when you are having sex outside of marriage, are touching each other inappropriately, just remember the Holy Spirit is there, right there with you the whole entire time. And if he was tangible and he was present, unless you love orgies, you would not want him there. You would be embarrassed, you wouldn't do it. And it wouldn't be unacceptable. But remember, he is there. And it is unacceptable behavior. And it is heaven and hell if you live like this. I'm not saying if you've made a mistake and it's been a struggle for you, that is a whole different thing. But when you live like this, it says you'll not inherit the kingdom of heaven. And I'm just telling you, people will say it's not possible.

It's not possible to date somebody. Or the other one is, but how do I know when I get married to them, I'll enjoy the sex or they'll be good or whatever. That's not your business. If you marry the person that God has for you, you're not gonna worry about all of that because it will be good.

It'll be perfect. I don't know how to tell you other than that's just the truth. You don't need to try it out in order to make sure it's good. And I did, like Tom and I, three years of dating. I've told you guys this. Three years of dating. Never, ever hands in bad places. Never once. I did not touch him and he did not touch me we did not have sex and our love was so strong trust me i would have loved being able to cross that line and people would say to me how come you guys all you do is talk how can you do that like how is it possible that you guys have not been inappropriate with each other? And it was so easy for me. And,

and the truth was, is I love God. I love Jesus so much. I didn't want to do it. I knew, I knew that it would break his heart if I did it. So I wasn't going to do it. I was like,

no, it's not happening. I love him too much. And I also knew that if I crossed the line with Tom, that relationship would not, that we had that was pure, would not look the same. And it might be the thing that tears us apart. And I loved him so much. And I knew that God had told me he was the one. I was not going to do anything that would risk that, even if it was momentary pleasure. It's not happening. Proverbs 4, 14 through 15 says, do not enter the path of the wicked.

Write this one down. If you are dating and you have a hard time controlling yourself, do not enter the path of the wicked and do not walk in the way of evil. Avoid it. Do not travel on it and turn away from it and pass on. That's what you must do. That's what you must. So I would tell you this. If you're dating, don't marry somebody that you can live with. That's what everybody was like. I can live with this person. That is not how you decide. First of all, you must pray, Lord, is this the person you have for me? It'll be the scariest question you will ever ask because the odds are it's always no. Because how many times do you date?

And it is yes, once. And most people date way more than one time. They do. So be bold enough and brave enough to ask that question and be able to handle an honest answer. Because it could be no. And be able to withstand the no.

That if it is that you break up and you wait for the one God has for you. Because if you force the issue, which I've known people who have forced it and they're like, I want what I want. and I'm friends with some of them to this day. And they literally have said to me, I regret that decision. They're still married. I regret that decision. And I literally remember telling one of my friends, do not do it. Do not marry this person. If you know that God has told you that it's not the right one. And they were like, but they can provide for me. They can give me the life that I want.

And they have since come back to me and said, I remember that conversation and I wish I would have listened to you. Because even getting a life that someone can provide for you, if you have to experience, so what your kitchen has food in it. So what you have the latest gadget, but if you're lonely, you're neglected, you're treated like you're non-existent, there's no intimacy in the bedroom. I'd rather be bad by myself or I'd rather be married to somebody who scrapes and gets by, but loves me like God loves me.

You know, because you can get, not that you can get by on love. That's not what he's saying. You can get by just being a tither and God providing each and every need that you have and be the happiest person on the face of the earth. Not in the biggest house, not having the next newest car, but just being with the person that God has ordained you to be with.

There's so much joy, peace, and happiness. You don't need to worry about provision. God's that. But I've seen it and it's terrible. Don't marry the person you can live with. If God tells you the person you're married, then consider this. And this is one of the ways that I knew about Tom. It's like, and Tom even said that, said this to me. He's like, when we knew we should ask God if he's, if we were each other's person, um, it was, I can't live without this person. I knew I could not live without him.

If I can't live without you, maybe you are the one that God's called me to be with. Best friends, didn't want to hang out and be with anybody else, never had a break in talking or communication. It was the best thing ever. And I thought to myself, how could I live without this person? I'd be like losing my best friend. I don't think I could do that. And if you marry your best friend,

you won't need to worry about the bedroom. The bedroom is like such a small, I mean, it's great. Don't get me wrong. I would be lying if I said it wasn't great. It is. I don't want to diminish the importance of it. But at the same time, I don't want to make it grander than what it is either.

Because the amount of time that you spend in the bedroom versus the amount of time that you spend just together is small. So make sure that they're your best friend and that you enjoy that part of your lives. And if you don't add intimacy to the relationship until after marriage, then you'll know whether or not that's the case. Let's go to courtship because I have seven minutes and I still need to talk about marriage. Courtship. So courtship, there's a list because I don't really know that much about courtship, to be honest with you.

Courtship. There's no physical contact. I mean, I've known people that have done it, like the Duggars. They're a little weird. So I can't take that into full. But people do do it and it's very, it's done right. Right? So there's no physical contact at all there's no

there's no touching there's no hand-holding and i think they can you can handhold after you get engaged um there's no kissing until the day you get married um you never are alone together ever so you're always with a friend and that friend's got to be pretty close to the family because they have to be trustworthy enough that you guys aren't going to sneak off and the friend back you up. Or it has to be a family. You are with the parents or the siblings all the time.

I'm going to tell you right now, that stinks. P-U, that stinks. Courtship, in my opinion, don't want to offend, but it sucks. I could never have done it. And I'm going to tell you why. Like, I want to have conversations. If I was, there was conversations that I want to have with Tom. I absolutely do not want his parents hearing or, like, there was personal stuff that I wanted to share with him.

It's none of the dadgum business of the parent or the siblings or whatever. That's crazy. There was questions I wanted to ask him about what he thought marriage looked like for him. I'm not asking that in front of the parents. Like, if I want to get to know you, it ain't going to be in front of your mommy and your daddy and your brother and your sister. Like the Duggars. I'm not doing not doing that like and they say one of the negatives about courtship is always on your best behavior always putting your best foot forward and you don't really know each other that well because you're never alone to ask those deeper questions. You're dating their representative. It's day. That's dangerous for me.

Courtship. But my, I would say to you, I would say this about, um, dating. Listen, if you can't do it without like having sex or touch, putting,

putting your hands in bad places, spiritually, you're not mature enough to do it. It's an adult activity. I would never like, I applaud, um, Talia, likeia like heather's got the same thing with her kids you have to be 18 i believe she has that same thing i think it is

right because yeah i could swear she told me that um my kids weren't allowed to date until they were 18 it's an adult activity spiritually you must be mature enough to be able to handle the situations that you put yourself is in as far as temptation goes if you can't do that spiritually speaking without crossing the line then you don't need to do it until you can otherwise it's not worth sin it's not worth going to hell over no one no thing is and if you can't date properly then don't do it I know that sounds mean but don't do it I don't know it's just the thought it's not worth it it's like ridiculous to me like you're gonna just take a leap of faith on the basis that you think you're strong enough no most people are not they can't handle it. So let me just, before we close out, and I got four minutes to go to marriage,

and that's a biggie, but we might go a little long. So here's my thing to end the dating. 1 Corinthians 10.31. If you can't do this, then don't date. Therefore, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God. If you can't do this, then don't date. Therefore, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all to the glory of God. If you can't date to the glory of God, do not date.

You have no business doing it. Next question. What does God, it's not really a question, it's a topic. What does a godly marriage look like? So let's look at marriage. God created marriage. He created the covenant agreement between a man and a woman. But most people forget that covenant agreement is with him. So it's a love triangle, right? He's at the top. He is at the center of it. If you have a marriage

that is not a love triangle, then we need to get it to where it is. And that is when you will, and that is that when, and when you do there, when you get there, that is when you will have a godly marriage. You will have a successful marriage. And I'm going to tell you, I'm going to talk about some things and probably some people are going to get teed off because they're not going to like what I'm about to tell you. But I would say have ears to hear and a heart to receive something that might go against the grain of what you want carnally. And maybe biblically you need to apply some things to your marriage so that it radically changes and it becomes way better than you ever thought it would be based on you dying to yourself. Okay. Because a lot of times people have horrible marriages.

No, all the time people have horrible marriages because they're so carnal and God is not the center of it. That's it. That's the only reason why. So let's go to Matthew 19, 6. The New King James Version says, so then there are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate. So you are now one with each other.

It is not a two-person relationship. It is a one-person relationship. Everybody goes, it's a 50-50 deal. No, no, no. It's 100 and 100. 100 of you with 100 of him. That's how it works, or vice versa. You don't get to give 50% of yourself.

It's 100% of yourself. Malachi 2.14, New King James Version says, yet you say, for what reason? Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth with whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. You have made a covenant. A covenant is a contract. You have made a contract between your wife, or if it's a guy, between you and your wife. If it's a girl, between you and your husband. And God is the one that you made the covenant with. You made the contract with him. He put you together. You decided that you two were perfect for each other, and you made a contract with him, and he put you together. And

now you're going to stay together, and you're going to make it be a godly relationship. So let's look at why or let's look at what a good godly relationship looks like. And the example that we have is Christ. Christ is the perfect relationship that we should follow with the church because he calls the church his bride. And that is perfection. So let's look at this model and it's in Ephesians 5, 25 through 33. Husbands, and if you're not doing this, be honest with yourself and say, I got to fix some things. Okay. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ has also loved the church and gave himself for her. And he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word. So husbands, you and your wife, like he might

sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water of the word. So that means, well, Jesus is the word, but how much word are you taking in and how much word are you living out and being the example of Christ and who he was or who he is to the church. Okay. But then on top of that, you're to sanctify your wife through that word. Does that make sense, ladies? Or did I just confuse you? I know you were working on something. Were you not listening? That's okay, Vanessa, if you weren't.

Did any of you get that? No, I was adding something. Oh, okay. So if you didn't get that, I blame the peanut gallery. No, I'm sorry. I'm going to keep going because we are losing time. It's okay if you guys weren't. I don't care.

Okay, so that he might present her to himself a glorious church, Losing time. It's okay if you guys weren't. I don't care. I mean, okay. So that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having a spot or wrinkle. So if Jesus is going to present the church without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish, shouldn't when you date your wife, shouldn't you keep her pure without spot or wrinkle, without blemish?

So all of that, like guys, if you're dating a girl, you should do the same. You should keep her pure. You should keep yourself pure. But then once you marry her, you need to keep her, like the great thing I think that I love about Tom is when I'm out of order, he lovingly gives me correction so that I can keep myself in good standing.

That's what a good husband does. But there are women out there who resent their husband giving them correction. And maybe you're not getting the correction the way you feel like it should be done. I don't know what to tell you about that. But maybe you need to die to yourself, even if he's not giving you it the way you think he should. If he's saying truth to you, then you should receive it. You should fix it and get over him not doing it the way you think he should because how you respond to him might be the way might be a reason why he changes how he does say it to you next time so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies he who loves his wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh

but nurses and cherishes it just as the lord does the church for we are we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Again, the one flesh. You are no longer separate. You are together. You no longer have two bank accounts. You have one bank account.

Your children are his children. His children are your children If you come in a blended family If you're not in a blended family But you guys have Like I said Mama has a favorite That's not

They're everybody's kids Everybody shares in the same responsibility Dad if you have If dad doesn't participate And mama has to rule the roost They're all your kids So daddy start doing your job Dad, if dad doesn't participate and mama has to rule the roost, they're all your kids. So daddy, start doing your job.

Be in the discipline. You don't get to take a back seat. You all have to work together. There is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Super important. So remember, Jesus sacrificially gave himself to us. So are we sacrificially giving ourselves to our spouse? That's a big thing because a lot of people will say, you have no idea who I'm married to and no idea what I live with.

I cannot sacrificially give myself to him or her. They don't deserve it. That's not what the Bible says. Therefore, be imitators of God as dear children, Ephesians 5, 1 through 2, and walk in love as Christ also has loved us and given himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling aroma. So let me ask you this. When Jesus was dying on the cross for each and every single one of us, and at the time, the Jews that had turned him in,

when Jesus died on the cross, there wasn't a whole lot of people standing there with him. In fact, Peter denied him three times. People walked away. He basically was at the cross by himself. Okay. So if anybody knows about somebody not being worthy of giving a sacrifice to, he does. But yet he still did. And in that time, so any woman or man who's going to sit there and go, you don't know who I'm married to.

They don't deserve it. They'll walk all over me, yada, yada, yada. I would say to you, well, let's thank God that Jesus didn't act like that. Because when everybody walked away from him, he not only continued to keep himself on that cross when he could have angels come and rescue him. He, let me look at my notes. Let me make sure.

That's the one thing I didn't want to read. He also made sure that he asked God to forgive every single one of those people who did him wrong. Okay. So there's no justification at all for you to feel like you righteously don't need to do something that the word says. Our deliberate actions make a difference in how our marriage operates. You have to deliberately do things. And that means sacrificially respond to certain things a certain way when you don't feel like it. And I would say to you, and I used to hate those bracelets, WWJD, what would Jesus do? Because half the people who wore them didn't do what Jesus would have done, and the other half weren't saved.

So, that we're wearing them. So my thing is, are your conversations, are they like ones that Jesus would have with you? Or are they how you want to be? My daughter just sent me a text that giant rock just hit my windshield. She's traveling to Tampa. Tommy, can you take care of that for me? It's Norma.

Just telling her I'm busy. Are your conversations biblical? Like if you get bothered with each other, do you just respond being bothered to one another? Are you very methodical and very deliberate with your response and how you're going to speak to one another? If you're not, there's a reason why you fuss, fight, and argue all the time. If you're demeaning and nasty, there's a reason why nobody wants to be with you in the room. Your spouse can barely stand hanging out with you. You can't be like that. You can't.

And the thing is, is if you're being talked to like that, you have a decision how you will respond. Okay, and it has to be the way that Jesus would. Because if you do, if you respond correctly, you will see that other person begin to change and begin to be more Christ-like themselves. And if you think I'm wrong, I've seen it in ministry. I've seen where husbands radically changed their relationship with their spouse

based on how they started treating their spouse, vice versa. And a bad marriage turned into a very healthy marriage. Men, I'm going to talk to men specifically. Bad marriage turned into a very healthy marriage. Men. I'm going to talk to men specifically. Men, if you want your wife to love you like Christ, if you want men to love you, if you want your wife to love you and to have a healthy relationship with her, I'm going to give you a list of things that you can do to make that happen.

Because women and girls, listen to this and tell me if you can add one or if you don't agree. If you make your wife feel special, make the life that you have together very stable, not one, like, if you don't work, if there's not, if you're not out there humping it every day to bring in, you don't have to be the breadwinner. There's different times in my life

that I made more money than Tom. He could have given a rip. But what he was out there doing was humping calls every single day working for the sheriff's department, making sure that he was providing for his family. If you're not doing that for your wife, you're making things very unstable for her. That's not how it works. If your moods are not consistent, you're making life very unstable for her. Stability is the key to any strong relationship. And the man is the core to that.

Okay. It's the foundation of the home. You're the priest of the home. So make them feel special, make them feel stable. And I would say, I wrote this down, but make them feel like they're a trophy wife. Even if you don't think, even if you don't think she really is a trophy wife, maybe she's let herself go. You want her to be a trophy wife, maybe she's let herself go. You want her to be a trophy wife? Make her feel like one. Make her feel like one. And I guarantee you, she'll be what you speak.

It's like prophetic, but it will invoke something in her to be like, you know what? He thinks I'm like this. I don't think I'm like this. I think I need to fix some things. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Women love to be honored by their husbands. I love it. Like Tom honors me like crazy. And I absolutely love it because then I know how important I am to him when he makes sure that no one else in the room,

like how you honor your wife. When you're in a room with a bunch of people and when it's like a social setting, I'm not talking like an office meeting. I'm talking about a social setting. You're at like a social gathering, a party or whatever. Or at a restaurant and it's a circle. The one thing that Tom is famous for

is when he talks in those group settings is most of the time you'll see him looking at me while he's talking. He has done that since we started dating because he's letting me know out of everyone in that room that he's talking to, I'm the most important. That story, he wants me to hear more than anybody else in that room. Okay. It's super important that when you honor your wife like that, she knows how valuable you are to her. It's very, very important. You will radically change your marriage, but by just such small, simple things. People think it's this too monstrative or it's too monster big for them to be able to,

or it's too big of an undertaking for them to fix or change. It's not. It's little things every day. And those little things every day add up to big things after a year. Like you'll see a big change. Women, this is not going to make you happy.

You need to honor your husband. And you need to care for your husband. And I'm not going to tell you anything that I don't do for my husband every single day. Every day I treat my husband like this. I serve him every day. I bring him drinks. I bring him his dinner. I don't tell him he has two feet and two hands. Go get it in the kitchen himself. I'm not your slave. I don't say any of that. Tom would never expect me to do any of it.

But every time I do do it for him, he understands how important he is to me. And that, I don't do that for anybody else. I don't do that for any other. I mean, if I have a group of people over at my house and men are sitting in the living room, I go to him first. They say, is there anything you want? Do you want me to get you this or you want me to get you that? And then I begin to ask everybody else. Okay. Because sometimes wives are doing other things, but they have small kids or whatever. So they're taking care of them. But on the whole, I only do it for him.

And that allows him to know how important he is for me. Women think, well, I'm not his slave. I'm not his servant. You're not his slave and you're not his servant, but he's the most important person on the face of the earth that you gave yourself to. And that you said, I love you more than anyone else. And if you can't serve him,

when you say I love you more than anyone else, if that's beneath you, then you got a problem. Like it should be so simple for you to take him a plate of food and bring him a cold drink. That should be extremely simple, even if it's something that he demands because you love him and you said I'm going to marry you and there's no one else on this earth that's more important than you. We are one. So like when Tom's out working in the yard, I go outside in the heat

and I say, hey, do you need a drink? Can I get you something? Do you need anything? He's outside working in the yard. He's that important to me. I want him to know, even though I'm not with him, I appreciate what he's doing. And if there's anything that I can do to make that job a little easier, I'm gonna do it. Why? Because I love him. He's the most important thing outside of God that I have.

And I will treasure that and treat it as though it's as important as it is. Actions, you know, people spit out words all the time, but actions really convey how you really feel. If you tell somebody, it's like, I was going to go into a story about something in the Bible. Forget about that. If you tell somebody they're important, but your actions don't follow it,

are they really that important? Words don't mean anything if your actions don't follow them because you're a liar. Does that make sense? Yes. Iron his clothes unless you're Vanessa because Vanessa can't iron as good as Jeffrey likes it, but he's military.

He likes the creases. But he's military. So, okay, there's some times that you're just not going to hit out of the park. But you might be able to learn. Yeah. You might be able to learn. I'm not saying you have to.

I'm just saying. But if your husband, like, would love it, Jeff would not. But if your husband would love you to iron his clothes, some husbands have to wash their own laundry because the wife won't do their laundry. I mean, that's ridiculous to me. There should never be, this is yours, this is mine. This should be always, we're a team. What do we got to do to get the job done together? We'll tackle it together. And sometimes it's, I'm going to hit this, you hit that, and we'll come back and we'll, you know what I'm saying? But it should always be team-minded.

Team-minded. Another big one, and women don't like this, but men have big egos. And I don't mean that in a negative, nasty way, but men, God created them to have an ego. Feed it. Feed that ego. Stroke that ego. Again, you married him for a reason. You thought he was the best thing since sliced bread.

So keep making him feel like he's the best thing since sliced bread. Because he deserves it. You married him. He's worthy of it. And I say this, I was just saying this to Sarah and Tracy last week one of the and I say this and you were gonna say I've heard this before you probably have and I'll keep saying it until people start listening to it and doing it but you know Tom made me where let's read all these marriage books when we were about to get married and stuff like that and I don't remember squatting

almost in any of them except except for this one thing. I didn't want to read them. So that might have something to do with it. But he loved them. Yeah, right up his alley. I am on the hand hated every minute of it. But the one thing that I got from one book, and it is the best thing ever, is women, you can you how you are with your husband, you can make your husband believe that there is nothing that he can do, or you can believe that there's nothing that he can't do. And we have the ability as the wife of that man to believe that there's nothing that he can't attain,

especially if we're backing him, supporting him, and maybe even doing it with him, right? So always remember, their egos are frail. And that's not a bash on men. That's how God made them. But their egos are frail. So let's support them. Let's hold them up. Let's make them realize their value, how important they are. They are very important, especially to the family dynamic, because you don't have the priest of the home. The home falls apart, or it has a very hard time functioning. So how do we do that? We're almost done. In order to have a godly marriage and to attain everything that I just told you about, you got to read your word every day. You got to pray

together. I'm not saying every day, but it read your word every day. You got to pray together. I'm not saying every day, but it needs to be somewhat frequent. You got to go to church together. Church together, not to separate places. Every Sunday. And if you buy a boat, or if you buy some golf clubs, and it's a really beautiful day, and it just so happens to be Sunday, you don't go. You wait to do those things after church. Church is important, whether you believe it or not. And if you feel like you need to go out on the boat, then you do it on Saturday, not on Sunday. You don't make yard day Saturday and boat day Sunday. That's not how it works. You want to destroy your marriage? Don't go to church together. You make decisions together,

but if you're at an impasse, then you go with what he decides. And you do it with a submissive heart. And sometimes that's dying to your flesh. And submission isn't where you make sure that he knows how much you don't appreciate or how much you do not agree or you're argumentative

or you complain the whole entire time. Or this is another famous one, you withhold sex because he didn't do what you feel like he should have done. Okay, none of that is allowable. He's going to be accountable for making the wrong or right decision. And you're going to be accountable for how you submit. It's like fasting. I say this all the time.

You can fast right or you can fast wrong. One, you'll get and reap the reward of doing it correctly. The other one, why do it? Submitting is the same way. If you submit wrongly, you're not submitting anyway. So don't expect it to be, I mean, I'm going to submit, but then you give them an earful. Have you really submitted? You haven't. So don't say you are, or just be quiet, but loving and walk out of the room. For me, submitting is saying, you know what?

I don't agree with this, but you know what? I'm going to support you in this and I'm going to follow behind you. And we're going to do this together. That's what you do. I've had to do that. I've had to do things where I didn't agree with Tom, but I knew I was going to be held accountable for how I responded to him. And so I was like, well, if we're going to do this, we're going to do it together and we're going to do it right. So that's what we're going to do. And that's how we did it. It's not submitting if you make him do it by himself and you're going to make sure he knows you don't agree. That's not submission. Just so you know.

And you will be judged by that. You'll answer. He answers for him. You answer for you. Be honest with each other in love. You can be honest with each other without being nasty. And a lot of people think, I'm going to tell you how I feel. Make sure how you tell each other how you feel is actually done in love.

If you can't say it, be quiet. Tom always says the cold winds are blowing sometimes in the Lively House home. It doesn't happen very often, but the cold winds have blown. And the reason why the cold winds were blowing is because neither one of us were going to say something we regretted and could not take back. And I can honestly say Tom and I have never called each other a name. We've never cussed at each other. We've never really yelled at each other ever. And we have nothing that we've ever had to say that we were sad that we couldn't take back. And that's very, very important. And I'm not saying that we are perfect, but in this, I would say it's pretty dang close. Pretty dang close. Because words matter.

Be romantic. Listen, romance is super important and I don't care how long you've been married. I'm on 27 years. But I love it when he holds my hand. I love, we laugh all the time. Laughter is great. Laugh together. You were dating and you were laughing all the time, I'm sure.

You gotta praise one another. When somebody does something great, make sure the other person knows how great you thought it was. It's such a valuable thing to know that your spouse is in your corner, that they're watching what you're doing and they're cheering you on. Super important. You'll focus less on the negative things about them when you're cheering them on.

And then you become such a great team. Go on dates. That's not something that Tom and I do, but neither one of us really like doing that. I mean, we'd rather eat in. I hear you. You can feel the same exact way as you did when you were dating, but better and more and better. And I'm going to tell you this. And I told Jagger, Jagger was at Norma's little boyfriend. Jagger was at the house last night and she was like, shut up, mom. But I was telling him like right now when you start dating somebody, you get the butterflies, you get the ooey gooey's. You're like so excited to see each other. And that does not have to have that does not have to stop. I still feel there are certain things that Tom does

that I still get the butterflies for. I still get excited when I know that I'm going to see him if it's a specific situation. And there's no one or no thing that I would rather be around more than him. I still, number one, want to hang out with him more than anybody else in this world. No one can offer me anything more than he can, and he brings so much to the table, to our relationship. And it's so important that what you fell in love with, it lasts and it lasts for the lifetime of your marriage.

But you have the ability to make that or break that by how you respond, how carnal you live in your walk with God will be the carnality that you walk in your marriage. Jesus is the model, okay? If you do not apply that model to your marriage, it will not be successful. But some of you are saying, I don't got that. It's too late. It's like we are so far gone. We're like two ships passing in so much even that maybe you're

living in two separate rooms. I'm telling you with God, all things are possible. And if you start today changing you and being different with how you are in that marriage, I promise you, you will see some changes. Maybe not as quick and maybe not as drastic as what you want initially. But I can promise you that you will over time and it will astound you. Happy Valentine's Day. Do you agree?

Yes. That was really good. So good. That was really good. So good. I love it. Do you guys have anything to add? I was taking notes.

Were you really? Yeah, I was actually. Because I saw you over there using your phone, but you were. Oh my gosh. And I thought you were texting. You probably were doing that too. I was texting my daughter, but no, I was taking notes, especially like celebrating each other's wins.

So important. Very important. Yeah, like I don't know if I do that enough you probably do because I've seen you but he wins a lot he's a winner he's a hard worker

super important and I love everybody were you going to add anything? I mean without coughing? the word submission is always that like word, but you, the way that you said it was really good that you are held accountable to the way that you submit.

That was really good. I think a lot of people will get that. When I see the thing is, is the other day when I was saying how perfect you are and stuff like that, you are, you truly are in so many ways, but it, and that's why I said she's not perfect in everything. Nobody is. But I would say if there's anything that I would think, it would be that. Because you're a strong individual and you've had to go through some very tough situations in life that make you be like.

So you have to retrain yourself. You have to trust somebody to be able to submit to them. But that's not what you. You didn't sign on for that when you signed on and got married. Immediately that happens. Right. And there are a lot of women that are like you, Tracy, as far as like you're you're you at least try. Oh, yeah. You do. Right. Right. Yes. I shouldn't say try. At least you do. There are some women that will use that as an excuse to say, I'm never putting myself in that place again. Right. If that's the case, then don't get married.

Right. If you cannot submit, do not get married. And if you are married and you still say, I can't submit, understand you're out of order. You will never have a successful marriage. Right. And you reap what you sow and your daughters are watching you if you have them and your son you will make him a wimp when he gets

married it all has a ripple effect and people are like it's just i'm just doing this to me and my spouse no if you have kids i know women who will not submit or had a very tough time overcoming submitting when they got married because their mothers ruled the roost and they like told daddy how it was going to be. And daddy didn't take the reins and become the priest of the home, which he's responsible for. So everybody, it just kept going on. Every time somebody got married, it just kept going on and going on and going on.

It's a chain effect. It is not good. It is not a biblical home. It is not a biblical relationship. And you will cause damage and maybe divorce for generations to come. It's a big deal. Yeah. So we'll pray over marriages and dating today.

That's a good idea. Yeah. That's a great idea. How about that? Because I'm almost 30 minutes over, which is, I think, my longest one ever. It might be. I'm sorry.

So needed. So needed. Yeah, this is good. Okay, Heavenly Father, we just come to you right now. And Father, I speak over everyone that is listening, whether it is live right now or hashtag replay. Father God, I just speak to the young people who are, even not young people, adults that are in the dating world.

Father, I speak to these relationships or relationships to come, that they would be ones that are godly, ones that reflect Christ, that they would respect and honor each other's bodies physically, that they would go into relationships and marriage purely, and Father, that their marriage, when they do get married, would be a model of Christ loving the church, that it would be perfect, that they would flourish, that they would love each other, that they would ask you before they got married, if this is the one you have for me. And they would walk into that union, confident and united

as one. And I speak to the marriages right now that are successful. Even a successful one can always get better. So I speak to success for you and that it would only continue to get better and better each and every day. But to the ones that long for a good godly relationship, maybe it's both a God-fearing, God-loving one that wants to change, to be all that you want it to be. Even if the person isn't saved, Lord, allow this to be an opportunity for the spouse that is married to the one that's not saved. To show so much love of who you are, it'll draw them in and they will become saved. And that union will be Christ-centered.

Let each and every marriage that is under the sound of my voice be a love triangle. You being the center and us doing our part each and every day to keep you number one, making each other number two. And for that, I thank you. I praise you. And I wish everyone a very happy Valentine's Day. And we will see you next Friday. Have a great weekend. Bye. Real talk Real talk Real talk you you you you