The Hope Hotline - What's the difference in being meek or being weak? Part Two

Episode Date: March 13, 2026

What's the difference in being meek or being weak?

Real talk. Hello, welcome to the Hope Hotline. How are you today? I am. I'm good. I'm kind of thrown off. Talia's not here. As I had to, like, set things up.

I feel like it's brighter in here. I'm like... It's warmer. I can appreciate that. Oh, okay. It's warmer. Okay. I'm not freezing to death.

Yes. Yeah. But how are you people? I'm doing great. I'm not asking you. No. I'm looking into the camera. Our audience?

Meaningfully. But how are you? I'll see. How are people doing? It looks like people are doing great so far. Well, that's wonderful. Nobody's complaining yet. How are you doing?

I'm great. Yeah. Have you ever heard of lying? Yes, I have. That's me right now. You're lying through your teeth. You're like, great. But I'm going to be fine.

Yes, you are. God is good. All the time. Oh, my gosh, please do not do that to me. Oh my gosh. Because we're a tribe and we'll tribe it together. Our village will take care of each other through the hard times and the good times and the bad times. I mean, I don't know who thought of God is good all the time.

All the time, God is good. All the time. I hated when people used to do that mantra. Vanessa, you did it, didn't you? Vanessa, you did it, didn't you? No, but I was in the crowd responding. That's what I'm saying. You did do it.

And you loved it. didn't you? All the time. God is good. You loved it, didn't you? You know what we need to bring back? She's not answering the question because she knows. I know the answer.

I've used it a couple times at Abide where, you know, the pastors, like, open up to verse, whatever. And then when you've got it, say amen. Do you remember that? I grew up on that. Oh, my gosh. It feels like like an old sweater. Oh. I remember that, though.

Yeah. It's so nostalgic for me. Yeah. But how is God is good all the time. All the time. All the time. How about that? Is that, do you miss that? And do you love that? I, so I went to a Spanish Pentecostal church. So we didn't do that necessarily. But I have been, I've been at other churches where they did it. And I was like, all about it. I'm so not surprised. Borderline Tracy. Yeah. Given her mood, she would be. Yeah. True. Good point. It depends. Totally depends on the mood. Would you have been involved in it? Yeah.

And me, I stood there. She was like, clapping seals. I'm not being a clapping seal. I don't like it, though. I'm not a big fan. Now everybody will watch me. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

When people say, repeat this after me. Yeah. Or they'll be preaching and they'll say, say that or say that or. they just want you to respond or I'm like I'm listening it's to keep people awake because there's a lot of people who they need to have that said so they repeat something to wake them up

yeah that's I think why Pastor Rodney will go power all of a sudden scare the crap out of everybody even the sleepers is waking them up like when he says power and you're not expecting it you might you might, if you have a bad heart, have heart failure. That happened to me last night.

Where were you? I was falling asleep. And then Jair sneezed. If you ever heard Jair sneezed before. Oh, yes. It's very loud. My soul left my body. I'm not joking. Like, I thought I went to heaven and then I came right back.

I was like, I was like that second away from like in La La World. Yeah. And it was the loudest. I don't think he tried to hold back. He probably. But it was like that when Pastor Rodney Yale's power. You're like, ah. Yeah.

I'm so bad. Some people, including myself, have very loud sneezes. Oh, my gosh. Jarys is like another level. Everybody's, everybody's impressed. It is worse than mine. It is. Didn't Natalie say you're not supposed to keep it in?

I don't care. I do. I do keep it in. You can't keep it in because it like. Tom will divorce me because he said he literally, if he had no nice sneeze that loud, he wouldn't have married me. So I keep it in. How did you hide that for three years?

I count the cost. I sneezed in front of that man. I'm sure of it. I'm sure of it. I was going to say, that's very impressive. We're with each other every single day. Are you going to tell me I didn't sneeze? I know.

One of those days? He knew it. He's just trying to use it against me. He's trying to make me, yep. Hot House Orchid. Like, he's just using that so that he can, like, control me from sneezing too loud. Like, he tries to control me scaring him. that's not happening

I'm not changing those are the best what those are the best stories they're all true they are all actual factual truth busy day people

very busy busy day it's not that I haven't been looking forward to today I have to a certain extent but today is this weekend was going to be like off the charts but some things got moved around

so it made it a little bit better but this weekend is busy, but it was going to be way worse. That's, like, it's tough. Like, that would have been tough. I'm kind of glad things got canceled. Not on a minute. Yeah. I'm never mad about a cancellation.

Never. Last thing I'm going to say. And then we're going to get to what needs to be gotten to. Okay. But I am not a binge watcher of anything. There's nothing I bend watch. But last night, I am a shame to say. There is something out on Netflix.

And why it came across my stuff, I do not know. Because I pretty much don't watch anything on Netflix except for Jerry Seinfeld. Every now and then, I'll watch a documentary. And there can only be most, at most, an hour and 45 minutes. Oh, yeah. Nothing more than that. And it can't be multiple episodes. Oh.

No. Okay. It's one episode and it's an hour and 45 minutes. Okay. But like I was showing my mom. I love this documentary that there was done on the ice skaters, the Olympic gold ice skaters that won the gold this year, but they hadn't won the cold yet when I watched this because it hadn't happened.

So you got to watch them and the people who they competed against for World and all this other stuff is super behind the scenes, which is behind the scenes. Love that stuff. Yep, everybody does. And so that's what I normally watch. Okay. Okay. But I got, but.

But spill the beans. Uh-huh. Do it. I got roped in. Like that thing was tugging at me like there's no tomorrow. Okay. I watched five at, no. It might be worse.

Oh, no. What is it? I'm trying to remember the exact name. of it, but it's off of love is blind, which is bad. Love. It's age, something age. Yes, you don't know how old they are. That one?

I didn't know about it yet. It's five episodes. And Tom literally said to me, if I need you to stay up late for me, that's it. Like, I know what to do. Put this crap on right here. I'm like, he's like, he literally was shocked. He walked in.

He's like, what are you? you watching. I said, you don't even want to know. I'm embarrassed to say. Please turn around and walk out. You know, I fast forward. I know. First of all, five episodes is way too long for me. And some of it is just way too much for me personally. But man, that's what I love about that flicker. Like you're just flicking right on through it. Yeah. But as Heather would love to say, that's some trash TV. And it was like, it was not inappropriate. It was not inappropriate. I mean, not really. And if I felt like it was, I was just going to go.

Yeah, yeah. But there wasn't, like, there wasn't anything nasty or, I mean, the attire on some of these people is questionable. But I'm so, like, stuck in the 80s, 90s of shows because they don't wear that crap. No. It's so true. And I don't watch anything. Yeah. I mean, I guess, like, literally, unless it's, like, a documentary.

And it has to be like, I got hooked on all of these mafia documentaries. Oh, those are good. They're good. Yeah, I like that stuff. I got sucked into a show. What? Oh, please tell. Love on the spectrum.

Oh, my God. What is that? Is it just like this? It's autistic, special needs, people falling in love together. Yes. Do they work? Yeah. Surprisingly.

Well. All of them stay together? The majority of them. say like, mm. That's not how this works. Four out of five couples. That's pretty,

that's good, a good odds, man. And it's so wholesome. And I think it's because it's so wholesome, because there's special needs, you know, there's no, like, alterative motives.

Yeah. So wholesome. No madness. And I got sucked into that thing. There's not only five episodes, there's three seasons. Oh, my gosh. And there's another one,

another season coming soon. Oh, my gosh. Well, this one, this is how I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed. The gist of the thing is they all go on and they're going to start dating each other and they can't tell each other their ages.

Until you promise yourself to somebody. What? And some of them look very young and they're not. Wow. I would tell you something. I'd tell you a couple things, but I don't want to do a spoiler word. No, don't spoil me.

I'm going to watch that one. I feel like a bad influence. Bad morals for us good character. I already saw the preview. I'm going to put my arm. pit detox. Yes. And just lay like this.

And you're frowning. I'm just saying. Am I frownies? Gosh. I can't. Are you wearing them? Not right now. No.

Of course not. Do you like them? I haven't tried them yet. That's tonight's tonight. Tonight is the night. Tonight's the night. To do it once. I feel, and I'm not even this way, but I feel claustrophobic with them.

Yeah. I don't, I know. Me too. I don't, yeah. I can't do it. A couple friends that love them. I know. I know.

Why. And Heather got them for me for me for Christmas. because she knew. The other ones that you suggested, then I said no. No. Sorry, sister. They stinky.

P.U. They stink. Oh, man. Like actually smell? No, they just don't work. But frownies, it do work. No, they do. But it's too much.

It does. It actually worked on me. And I used it for like three weeks. Yeah. Maybe not three weeks. But. Then you would hate Botox, too. Because with Botox, you can't feel.

Yeah, I don't. You're frozen. Yeah, not like that. You can't make expressions with your... I've never had Botox, by the way, just for the record. But you know, because other people we know. Yeah. Which is okay.

I mean, I would teach your own, but... I mean, I'm going to try and do good skincare. Yeah. Okay. I'm all for that. But like Tom said, just age gracefully. Like, there's something beautiful about that. Yes.

The facelift. Oh, my gosh. I'm just going to do the facelift. In Turkey. Maybe Columbia. Oh, yeah. I got a good connection for you. I was going to say.

We know people. And he's good. Just go to the TikTok, doctor. Oh my gosh. Oh, actually, there's a really sad story right now out. Have you seen that on your TikTok thing? No. A mom went in for a thing.

Oh, yes, I did. For a mommy makeover and she passed away. Did she pass away? She did. What? For sure? She's on hospice. I know that she was in hospice.

And every time I look in the comments, they're like, she didn't pass away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She did. Yeah. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Her brain was without oxygen for too long. And so she went into a vegetable state after it.

It was just like one of those fluke things that they say could happen. But she was like a, like she did her whole like journey up into that point on TikTok. And then her husband came on and was like, please pray, like blah, blah, blah. So. Oh my. My goodness. I know. It just happened.

That's terrible. I just keep seeing that she's on hospice care, but I haven't, yeah, I didn't see anything today. We need to get Foundation Church in there because we got some power punch people. I know. I know. I know. Come with a power pack group. That's true.

That's very true. So that brain damage. Yeah, exactly. Waker out. That brain will come back of life. Absolutely. Oh my gosh. I do not like that.

I know, I know. That is not good. Yeah, not great. Okay, well, do your thing. All righty. And I'll do my thing. Okay, sounds good. All right, so Facebookers, hello, welcome on.

If you want to come and join us today, I don't have Talia, and Vanessa just dup was just pieced out on me, so that's fine. But here is the link if you want to join us on Rumble. There's a live chat over there. We've got Anne Marie and Sharon on. already chipped chatting over there. Glad to see you guys on. I see more of you watching.

So let us know who is watching with us. If you're on YouTube, same thing. You can come over to Rumble or just say hi in the chat. I'll drop the link just to make it easier for you if you want to join us over there. And of course, the audio podcast will be available later. And Natalie will be coming in April. So please start sending your questions. I know Amory had a question very specific to the parasites, which I have no idea.

So save that. Oh. Do you know? Take it every day. Take it every day. Because I'm on the same protocol. Take it every day. The size of the top of an eraser, a pencil eraser.

And then you do that for six weeks. Okay. Then you stop. And then you stop. And most likely you want to do like two cycles a year. So do you stop for like a week or two? You can stop and then do another like I would probably stop for like six weeks. Okay.

And then cycle again. Cycle again. Okay. Up to two cycles a year. And that's for entertainment purposes only. So, but Natalie will be back. So if you are not in a rush to do that, you know, you can wait on her too. Or, no, you can't because you're in New York, I was going to say.

Or she can be your physician, but she can't. Sorry, not yet. Okay. So anyway, so that's Natalie. She'll be here. She'll be back soon. So start thinking of your questions. I do have a fun way to ask her questions this time.

So it'll be different from before. And it's very, very informative stuff. And I've been seeing so much of them. So I asked her, can we do this? And she said, sure. So we're doing it. And I think you guys are really going to like it, especially if you're a visual learner. I think you're going to like this new way, or not necessarily new way, but how we're

going to try it this time. We are on TikTok, of course. So if you're on there, go follow us. We're all on there. Hope's on there, Vanessa, me and Talia. Pastor Tom has his two. So he's got his pastor TikTok and his TLP clips. And if you don't know, he has a podcast that he does Monday through Friday and at 9 p.m. live.

And he just goes over the events that are going on in the world right now. Very important. Political entertainment, but with a biblical spin. So make sure you check that out. These little clips are just kind of, you know, little things that happen throughout the week. But if you want to get a bigger dose, he's all over the place, YouTube, Rumble, Facebook, all the things. So easy to find the Tom Leapley podcast. Foundation Church Worship is also on there.

So if you see us, make sure you like share, save, do all the fun things for us that helps us with our algorithm. Tonight at Foundation Church, this will not be live, this will not be recorded, so you do have to come in person. But Chris Ann Hall will be here. She is a constitutional attorney, and she will be sharing a lot of good stuff with us about our rights and just what we should know and how we can activate those rights. So tonight, 7 p.m. be here. doors open at 6.30 and then tomorrow morning she will be going live from 10 to 1230 p.m. right here at Foundation Church. We will not be live next week on Friday. So note that if you don't see us, that is why. And at the end of the month, we have Crave coming up. So that is a

night of worship. It's on Saturday. It starts at 7 p.m. Definitely bring all of your people. It is such a great time. We actually turn the lights down. And it just, totally different than on a Sunday morning, but not. You know, like, it's different in, like, that way, but, like, it is so powerful and it's so good. and just, like, just being able to set an evening aside and then to be able to come right back in the morning, I don't know, there's just something about it. I love it.

And then, of course, last but definitely not least, Easter is right around the corner. So we will be having two services this year, 9 a.m. and 11.30 a.m. So already start thinking about who you're going to invite, who you want to be here for this Easter service. And there's going to be invites here at church. So if you need a physical way to invite somebody, we're sending out emails. You can forward those emails right to somebody else. You can save the graphics that we're posting on social media and send those.

You can share them on your page. You can put them in your stories. I mean, there are so many ways to put it out there if you're not sure, like, who you'd invite, but you want to put our stuff out there. Please do. It's super easy to register. You just go to our events page and it's all there. Super easy.

You can even send that to somebody. I mean, there's really like no short. way of doing this. There's so many options. So we would love for you to really, really be praying about who you're going to invite this year. And, yeah, that is it. Sweet. Yeah. Let's do our sponsors really quick, and let's get into it. Okay.

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You can get a hold of them at 941-4603962. 941-4603962. Now today, I'm going to skip what I was going to finish off with. Okay. From Wednesdays, a podcast. Because I don't know if it'll be easy to flow into this, and now we only have 40 minutes. Right.

But how many of you guys have ever been gaslit? Like, hello. Do you, you don't know if you have? I don't know. Teenagers? Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Well, I don't know if, maybe my kids, I don't know, but I'm telling you right now, like, I see it with more, I see it more, well, maybe kids, maybe I shouldn't say that. We're going to go through examples. Oh, perfect. No, no, no, you tell me your example. That's what I was going to say. I have some, I have some gaslighting phrases that I have ran down. Which I did some too, but I want to hear yours because yours might be duplicates.

And let's just go with yours. One of them is that never happened when you know that it like you're like that that is probably the worst one because you know that something happened but there's no way to prove it. So that's one of them. I'm just saying like you're too sensitive. You're overreacting. You're crazy. You're the problem. Like it's always like right on to like you, you, you, you.

It's always putting it back on when you're just. And it's usually you trying to be like, well, what happened? And it's and you're trying to be like, well, I saw this and this. You're crazy. And it's just like just to make you feel like this big. Yeah. This big. It's manipulation at its finest.

Absolutely. Yeah. Because gaslighting, a lot of people don't know what gaslighting is. When you say that, like for the longest time, I didn't know when my kids would say that, don't gaslight me. And I'm like, what is gaslighting? I have no idea what you're talking. Or they wouldn't say necessarily me. They would say somebody tried to gaslight them.

And I'm like, I don't know what that means. So for all of you. Yes. That were like me, you don't know what it means. And I'm going to give you the definition. And do you guys know how it all came about? No. Which is super interesting.

Because I didn't know where it even came from. But I found out. Okay. So the definition of gaslighting is it is a form of manipulation where someone causes another person to doubt their own perception, memory, or sanity in order to gain control. Yes. Yeah.

Which is precisely your, what you said. The goal, okay, one of the goals in gaslighting is to form, because it's a form of disagreement. Yeah. Right. It's so that you can have a disagreement. Okay. Because that disagreement will cause you to gain control.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. You have to have that in order to manipulate, okay? The ultimate goal, though, is to cause the person to be, let me see, what's the right word for it? You know, the Bible says we're to be stable-minded, right? To be stable in all our ways. Well, this causes you, it causes your mind to be like, you know, you're supposed to have a firm foundation.

It's like we're to have a renewed mind, right? When we're in Christ, we have a renewed mind. We have strength. There's no doubt. There's no unbelief. All of that doesn't start here. It starts here. You have to, your mind controls a lot of things.

So if you can create somebody to be unstable in their thought process, then you cause them to feel like they question everything. Yeah. You second guess everything. Yeah. Yeah. So that's how the. control happens is the instability of the mindset of that individual or the questioning of that person's mindset. And that's how you ultimately, that's the ultimate goal of somebody who's gaslighting

is to control the behavior or the thoughts of the person that they're with. Yeah. It's crazy. Avoid accountability. It's another one. Because it's never their problem. Ultimately, they're up to shady stuff. Right. Yeah. Well, what they want you to do is no longer trust your Right. What you think, you trust them. Because they want their cake and they want to eat it too. I mean, I was cheated on. I was gaslighted a lot.

And it always started with a disagreement. It always started with a disagreement. True. And sometimes that person would start the disagreement so that it could flow into doing what that person wanted to do or go and see who that person wanted to see it And through that whole entire process of me questioning things, they gas lit me so that when they left,

I was like, they're just going to go do what they said they did. Yeah. They weren't doing what I thought they were doing. Yeah. And they were doing it the whole entire time. Oh, that's so gross. It makes my stomach. Yeah, very narcissistic, exactly.

Yep, yep, yep. Literally, I mean, I can remember seeing things that, like, seeing physical things and that person being like, you're imagining that. Oh, yeah, same. I saw that. But after a while, you're like, well, did I see? Was that like maybe that was there previously,

and I just didn't ever see it before. I'm not kidding you. That's how people can truly throw you off course. Right. Yep. Yep. So that person will begin to think, and this is not good, you'll begin to think, maybe I'm wrong. when you're being gaslit and it's being effective maybe I'm wrong maybe I misunderstood I used to say that all the time or maybe I'm the problem I never said that I like myself too much but it's psychologically it's it's like where you're trying to psychologically control somebody's brain and make them question everything that they do and think how horrible of our

a person can you be to do stuff like that. It is. It's like there's, they still, they're either not ready to get rid of you yet because they're still getting something or they love the control of it because otherwise just if you don't like somebody that much, go away. Yeah, like, why would you? Yeah. I could never do that to a person. They get something out of it. They do. They have to. Yeah. They, they, they are narcissists. Right. to us to a 100%

not all not everybody is a narcissist sometimes they're manipulating not because they're a narcissist if it's like a teenager they're just being naughty yeah exactly true very true

but if it's a spouse and this is a behavior that's consistent in the relationship that's a narcissist I don't know I'd be keeping others emotionally dependent

that's what I usually see a lot when I see somebody being gaslit, it's usually because they want to keep them dependent on them. Interesting. Usually like a dad-daughter or like a mom's son thing where they're like they're so afraid that they, because they don't have influence over their children or they're even adult children. So they don't have, there's no influence. There's no reason why they're going to come to you if something happens. So there has to be a shift.

Yeah. So they just keep controlling the situation. And this is a perfect way to control somebody. Because you play with their emotions because it's your own child. You know, like, of course your child cares. And so I unfortunately see that a lot working in youth ministry. And with young adults, like you see parents that like aren't ready to let go of their like 18 year old, 19 year olds. Even their 16 year olds, like give them a little bit of freedom.

There's a lot of manipulation. And it's usually this kind of stuff where it definitely plays with their emotion, emotional dependency on their parents. parents. Wow. Yeah. That's not good. That is not good. It's not good. And some of them are like you said, they're not narcissistic technically. They probably have traits of it, but they just like it. It's a learned behavior. It's not really more than that. Right. It's like what they, that's how you deal with it. Yeah. Like some people, their, their way of getting their way is to ask over and over and over again to wear you down or to pitch a fit and have a fit of rage so you're just like I can't deal with this. So that's just another form of manipulation.

Those two are not gaslighting. The other is. But it's just another way of manipulations. But narcissists do this all the time. Yes, they do. Yes, they do. And there's four reasons why. Do you want to know them?

Yeah. They want to, like I said earlier, avoid accountability. They want to maintain control, like you said, protect. their image and then keep others emotionally dependent. But protecting their image is so important because they're in our, it's number one, you take care of number one. That's amazing. Right. So if they start looking like they're not good, guess what they're going to do? They're going to flip the script. It's your fault. And you didn't do what I was expecting you to do and you should have done this for me. That's sick. Now I look dumb because you didn't do it for me.

Yeah, you're putting guilt on somebody. that's sick I know it is I know yeah I've never dealt with anything like that I've only been cheated on with I think I don't think anybody's ever

really gaslit me I mean they tried but I'm not the one you're barking up the wrong tree with me so most people yeah for me I like I've been gaslit before because I was also cheated on

and it only lasted for like three weeks but I wish I could say mine was last it was not me it was actually no it did no it was probably a little bit longer But yeah, it was a few months. But yeah, but I've seen it happen, you know, in other people.

And it's so hard to watch. Because like they come with receipts now. Like you everything's on this thing. So you can like literally read conversations. It's not like it's one person's perspective. Like you can like sit there and read it and you're like, wow. Like that's the other thing about narcissists. Like you do realize that this is like everybody can read.

Like they can send that conversation. Yeah. But I've heard people even with. I've heard people even with what's on there, it's their, you're misunderstanding that conversation. Yeah. Oh, they must say that. I'm like, uh, that was too lovey-dovey, but people do literally say that. No, we're just very good friends. That's true. Like how in the world and people believe it. You know. Not this girl. Not anymore. I learned, I learned one good time. That's all I need is one. Yeah. I don't repeat that pattern.

Mm-hmm. Mm-mm. Yeah, no, that didn't taste good. That did not taste good. That is not a repeat thing that I ever want to experience ever again. But I think most people that do stay in those relationships and won't stand up is exactly what was said. No sense of self. You have a fear of man's opinion. And there's no identity.

You just don't know. And I see women who, like, I see women who are married to Christian men or pastors or whatever. I mean, most of my life that when I have seen pastors or pastors wives cheat on there, they always stay. I mean, I guess kudos to you, but I wouldn't. Yeah. I would not do that. And I don't like, I think it's because they, I guess maybe they say, well, that's just showing the true form of forgiveness. But part of me is it, is that the reason why?

Is it really forgiveness? Or are you afraid? that you can't make it without that person. Because the odds are, and I'm not saying once a cheater, always a cheater, but if it's been repetitive, and I'm going to tell you this,

the longer that somebody has lived that lifestyle of cheating, I find it hard to believe. I would never know who that person was. Like, how do you know who you're really married to, the longer they cheated on you? Yeah, the trust factor is definitely gone for sure,

like for sure. Like there'd have to be a radical change. But I think just because I've been in this position before, like it, like I always said, I would never stay with anybody if they cheated. Right. And then all of a sudden you have like these five-year-old girls and you're like about to hand them over. Like you can't in the state of Florida.

You can't like say he cheated. And so I get to keep my babies. Like every day I had to send them off. Every birthday party, every Christmas. Every, you know, like every Thanksgiving. And I had to be, not every, but you know what I mean? Like you have to time share. Like there.

And it's like, you. I raised them. I would get it though if both parties cheat. Do you know what I'm saying? Because like I've one of my old pastors, he and his wife both cheated on each other. What? Yeah, they both cheated on each other.

But they decided to stay together. So for me, I'm kind of like, that kind of makes sense to me. To be honest with you. Did you say they were both pastors? Yeah. Well, she was, no, she wasn't, but she didn't, but she did teach,

but no, she really wasn't. but she was at this time but she was married to him oh yeah ministry 100% she did not yeah yep but but I would say that makes kind of sense to me if both people I know that sounds crazy no no no because I know a couple that they they both had an affair and they both didn't know and they came to each other and told each other and then they were like oh okay well well let's make it work I know now we have to start like over yeah do this again which is what I think they did yeah so for me I'm like they're Then they're both building trust for each other together, right? That's what this couple did.

Nobody's the bad guy. Or you're both a bad guy. You're both starting in the same place. Do you know what I'm saying? You're both starting at the same place. It's really easy to rebuild when you're both at the same level. Whereas one did and one didn't? I don't know.

I know. I would have to have like a specific word from the Lord. Yes. Like the Lord himself would have to like tell me you stay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Otherwise. Because typically you don't have to. Right. I like myself. I'm, Biblically I'm, I've been released. However,

if the Holy Spirit says stay, guess what? I want to be obedient. I mean, you do say like in your vows for better or worse. Yeah. And that's worse. By a lot.

By a lot. But it also gives me an out in the. No, biblically. Absolutely. You come in adultery, I'm out. But it is, it's very hard when you had babies and you know that you're about to give up the rest of their life. Like that was 12 years, 13 years that I knew now I have no control.

Yeah, but yours wasn't your choice because you tried to stay together. Yeah, but there are women that did try, right. Yeah, but there are women who don't, that aren't in your shoes and they have the option because a person does want to stay. Okay. and I find it hard to be a person. It's hard. It is. It's very hard to wrap your mind around it until you're there.

It really is. It's impossible. It's impossible. It would have to be. Because I said the same thing. I was like, I'll never stay with somebody that cheats on me, ever. Never in a million years.

You cheat on me. I'm out two seconds. And then it happened. I was like, oh, crap. Maybe I take that back. Yeah. I can't just like, but for me it wasn't like starting over. Like I was like, I, like, I'm very confident that like I could, like, I can do whatever I need to do.

Plus, I have a great family and I have a great support system. So I was, it was never that. It was like, how do I like get, it's my, it was my girls. Like, how do I like just here, you guys get to play house now with my daughters. So your kids were really little. But there are people that don't have little kids. Like these people. No, I know.

That makes a different. But I, but I will say, like I had a youth pastor who had multiple fares on his wife. If she stayed with him through multiple affairs, she ended up having an affair herself. And I think they're still together. But he had multiple affairs, and it happened before they had kids, and it happened after they had kids.

And I'm like, that one's rough, because if you're going to continue to cheat on me and then in turn, that's a very toxic. I know. scenario. I don't know, man. That's crazy.

I know. Because the hope is if it happens once and there's reconciliation, the hope is that it's restored, it's healed, and you guys move on. But it also depends on, for me, how long it lasted. Is it like, I mean, I'm not sure that I would stay, but if it was a one-time, like, oopsie, Daisy, I don't even know, like, I was drunk,

No, I'm just kidding. No, seriously. That's, I know, for real. I would say, okay, well, that's out of character. Yeah. Okay. But somebody who's done it for months or years. Yeah.

I mean, I question whether I really know you or not. Because for so long, you lived a double life. Right. Like, do I really know you? I know. Are you really who you say you are? Right. And it is, like, for months.

Like, if somebody, because they're building a relationship. Like, if everybody went out and, like you said, there was a drunken night and something stupid happened. Even then, it's just like, but versus like having like an emotional also relationship with them because that's what happens. It doesn't just, it's not typical that you just like go get drunk and then have sex with somebody. Like that doesn't usually happen.

It starts with an emotional affair. It's always, always starts here. Excuse me. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I don't know. I know. That's a tough one, people.

That is tough. Yeah. That's why men should not have friends. who are women. My son subscribes to this hugely. That should never be a thing. And I don't know if you've noticed it, but every time I text Cher, I always include you.

Yeah. Every single time. I don't. I just texted Jeff. I was texting Jeff. I was talking on the phone this week. Sorry, Vanessa. That was on a three-week.

Wow. I feel like I've been gas with it. Is your trust broken now? I mean, I talk to men. I text men all the time. Yeah, I don't. But that's. Not for no other, but you're different, hope.

Not really, because I text them as friends. Like, you have a different perspective on it for sure. But Tommy is just like you. No, I'm not. Now, like when my kids, like if I, not tell you, but when Norma has dated Jagger, I always, if I talk to Jagger, I always included Norma. Because that's weird.

I think it's weird. Yeah. That I'm texting a girl, a guy, my daughter's dating, and not and I'm having a conversation. I just, it doesn't sit well with me. I text Noah privately all the time. And Eli, actually just message Eli this morning,

McKenzie's boyfriend. That's freaking funny. Isn't that funny? And I think that that's, I'm like, I'm like, isn't feel weird for me. But Tommy is,

yeah, I'm not. That's what I described to. I'm not texting men. I'm not texting men who are married. Yeah. Like, if I have to have a conversation with you,

I'm tagging the wife. It's very much. It's the appearance of evil. I don't want them to ever be an appearance of evil. Like, oh, why is she like texting? Yeah, I need to. No, not me. I'm not going to be the one who has rumors.

It's not going to be me. Exactly. Well, it's just like when I, we send Jair to the high schools now to go preach at these FCA meetings. And so I kind of go to one because it was on a Tuesday. So I sent Linda and I just said to meet them there. You know, like not go in his truck with him and drive there together.

Because again, it's avoiding the appearance of evil. Yeah. And then thankfully, you know, Tommy got to go too. So it wasn't even like, there's just not even that. Like, there's just no opportunity for rumors or anything. People are not allowed to be alone with females ever. Right. No one on staff.

You're brilliant for that girl. Yeah. It's like, it's protecting all parties. Yeah, exactly. Right. And there's no, yeah, no wiggle room. None. Exactly.

No wiggle room. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's funny. Mm-hmm. So I guess I'm including kind of. in my conversations with that one. You do what you.

You be you. I will. I will. I mean, Jared texts me all the time. I know. I know. I don't know.

Because I said that to Tom. If you texted Jerr, but then I, it's just different. No, it's not different. I'm telling you, me and Jerr don't talk about business all the time.

Me and Jerk can talk about the weather or whatever. We don't care. Okay, we talk about everything. Even if I get on the phone with him. I can talk to him. for an hour. I know easily. And be laughing and joking around. I am telling you. Josh Swidrick, his dad. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like if I, back in, I say this to him all the time in high school,

me and me and Eric would be thick as thieves. I could get on the phone with Eric Swedrick and talk to him for forever. He's just, he's just my kind of people. Yeah. There would be nothing between either one of his and his wife is like, I love his wife because you know what? She's very similar to me. She's like, she is a strong woman. Like she can hold her own, but she's just not, nothing offense her, nothing is personal. And she's like, whatever. Like, so, but I'm, there's plenty of guys out there. Now Tommy and Talia and I got into this conversation. And, and I'm like, because they are kind of like thinking that it's not right. And I'm like, screw that. I said, I told them both. I'm like, I talked, I talked to, because they think it's so wrong.

And I'm like, well, sorry, but I talk to guys all the time. And they're like, that's different. I'm like, it's not different, guys. I am texting guys. I would text Jeff about absolutely positively nothing and think nothing of it, guys. I just wouldn't because the heart is pure. Now, but I will tell you, I'm not saying that you guys aren't wrong in the appearance of evil, but I have documentation of the whole entire thing.

So for me, feeling pretty good about myself. Yeah. But I wouldn't call just anybody. I wouldn't, I am very careful who I do call. I will only call the people who will never think, or text the people who would ever think, that I would mean anything behind it. Right. Otherwise, I ain't texting you. So I text, I text guys, but I don't text very many.

I know. Because I never want it to appear like that. Right. Right. You got to be careful with that, but yeah, I do. Yeah. I do. I don't even know what to say about it.

It's not going to change. I love my guy friends. No, I know. I know. I know. And Tommy's like, no guys can be friends with women. And I'm like,

they can't, dude. I had a really good conversation with Tommy on Wednesday, actually, on like marriage and submission. And I was just telling him, I'm a very submissive wife. But it's because Jeff loves me well. And he said, you know what you are?

And he's like, you're one of the happiest women I know. in marriage. Aw. I was like, Tommy. Right? Thank you, Tommy. Yeah.

Okay. I like that. That's why I wanted to find somebody like you. Tommy is very important too. Oh, it is. He's got very strong convictions on that. But here's the thing. He grew up in our house.

Yeah. And I don't think he can, I don't think he could be with somebody who, like, I'm too strong of a personality for him, to controlling of a personality for him. But Tom's like, I get the best of both worlds. I do nothing. She does everything. And she still submits to me. Tommy, are you sure about this? Are you sure you want to have somebody who doesn't know how to get through the airport?

Right. Or do you want the person who'll take the reins, take you through the airport and I've got to just sit and pop down in your share. Well, it depends on personality. Tommy is a, Tommy likes control like that. He likes it. Like Jeff likes to take the lead. So guess what? Can I navigate the airport? I'm sure. sure I've done it before. I've done it before, but do I want to? Absolutely not. And Tommy loves that. Turn off my brain and Jeff loves it too.

So I just, I gave him what he likes. At 15 years of age, Tommy was having to navigate to the airport for Tom. Tom was lost his last year's Easter egg. Thank God he had Tommy. I know. Yeah. Jeff loves putting an itinerary. Like before we even land to the destination, he knows what we're having for breakfast, lunch,

and dinner every single day. every day. I like itineries. I do too. I like flexibility, but I do like itineries. I like following. What does that like? Yeah, what is that like?

I like talking along and do you guys. I don't think I could handle it. But I mean, it sounds nice. It's a very peaceful life. But do I like that? I don't know if I like that. It boils down to personality. It really does.

If Pastor Tom enjoyed it, you probably could enjoy it because when I was with you and we were traveling, you were like, you were just la la-la world while we were in Vegas. You're like, oh, I didn't, which direction are we going? And so I think it depends. Like if he enjoyed it, if you were with somebody that enjoys doing it, you probably would be fine. Well, that's true. Because I don't mind him being in control. Right, right. That doesn't bother me. I know. I mean, other people in control, maybe not so much. Right. Right. But you know that like if he enjoyed it, you'd probably be like, yeah, absolutely go for it. But he doesn't. So you take on that role.

Yeah, and I, we're probably. I know exactly. I'm fine with it. I know. It's all good. It's all good. I love it. Okay.

Okay. We have 15 minutes left or 12 minutes left. Okay. Oh, poor girl. Okay. Sorry, I got a text. I had to look at that and make sure it was nothing important because today. Is it a day.

It is a day. So, okay. So here is where gas lighting comes from. Okay. Apparently there was a show or movie. Let's see. It was a film. In 1944, there was a film called Gaslight.

What? And in the story, a husband slowly manipulates his wife into believing she's losing her mind. And this is how he did it. Yes. I'm watching it. Is it on the lifetime? It's on Netflix? Probably not.

Is it on Netflix? Probably not. Is it on YouTube? Bitch a bottom dollar. Maybe. I'm looking it out. Okay. So this is how he did it.

This is how he made her think she was losing her mind. And this is how I realized when I read this, I was like, this is how this happened to me. Oh my gosh. Denying events that clearly happened. So he would deny events that clearly happened. Wow. Moving objects and blaming her. Oh, man, that would drive me crazy.

That's so gross. Deming gas lamps and times. telling her nothing changed. Like, so he would change the effects in the house. Yeah. And say nothing looks different. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

The goal was to make her doubt, her sanity so he could control her. And the Bible is very clear about this, guys. Yeah. You know how you don't get gaslit? Know your word. And then you don't allow it. Right. Yeah.

Because it warns us. Because people will absolutely try and do this to you, and they will try and distort the truth with you. And they will try and control you. That's a facts. And guess who did this? Satan. He did this in Genesis. Genesis 3 when he told Eve about the apple, or excuse me, not the apple, the fruit,

when he said, will you really die? Were you really told not to eat of the fruit? That sounds like asslating. Yeah. So Satan did three things. He questioned the truth. He twisted what God said, and he made Eve doubt God's integrity. Now, you can tie and figure out if there's anyone in your life that does any of those things, okay?

Because I'm telling you right now, it has happened to me. And I don't allow it in my life. I won't allow people in my life that make me question my walk with God. And people will do this, but not in just. just regular life circumstances, but there are people who will try and take you and pull you out of your walk with God, and they'll use these means to do it. So let's look at spiritual gaslighting, which is contradicting the truth to manipulate someone's belief, okay?

What happens to me, in my opinion, or not me, what happens, what I believe happens to people, especially married people are people that have children that get saved and they don't want them to be saved. What they will do is they will, the husband will try and get the wife to walk away from Christianity by gaslighting her with the word of God.

And he may know a little bit, but he's like Satan, he'll twist it. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yep. To try and have levage. leverage. Parents who don't want their kids to be Christians will do the same exact thing,

but in a different way to try and control them, whether, like with Tom, when he got saved, his mom basically said, you can't go. She was just straightforward. You're going to the Catholic Church and you're not doing this. We are Catholic. Now, there are people who will be very honest and transparent with how they feel. But then there will be people who, who don't feel like they can go that route, so they'll manipulate you to get what they want. That's dangerous. It's better to have somebody who'll just tell you the truth.

And if you're not obedient in that truth, then there's consequences for it. Versus and husbands and wives, it's like that. Some husbands and wives are like, I asked you not to do that. You did it anyway. Now there's a consequence because we're going to have a situation in this marriage where there's going to be a riff.

Okay? Whereas a spouse it tries to manipulate, what they'll do is they will try and make you question friendships in the Christian realm. Make you, I'm trying to think of different ones because I've seen different ones where they'll, once you start making friends and you start hanging around these people, now they'll use certain scenarios. If you're talking, go home and you tell them about. about your spouse about something,

though you try and use that scenario against the church or against God or whatever to try and make you not want to go anymore. Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you have a scenario that you can share without letting people know too much? Yeah. Because it's very like, you got to be discreet. Do you have anything? I don't know if it'll be discreet enough.

Okay, well, let's not do that then. But if you are a believer and you're married to an unbeliever, you'll know whether or not they're trying to manipulate you or control you from going to church through gaslighting. And if they are, you need to recognize it for what it is so that it doesn't happen. Because it literally will affect, I've known people who don't go to church because their husband's supposedly a Christian. They don't go to church because he doesn't go to church and then boating. becomes because that's really what he wanted to do. So there's something so it's a maneuvering

and a shifting of why we don't go. Yeah. There's one where like somebody was in a church and then the church fell apart and then people stole money while it was falling apart. So they're like, well, that's why I don't go to church anymore. And that's why I don't want my kids in a church because everybody just like and I don't know if that's necessarily gaslighting, but I can see somebody use. those as like reasons why like church hurt and that's why we don't do that and like you're just going to get hurt and um you know people are going to tell you what to do and manipulate you because they know that their spouse is easily manipulated because they manipulate and they're afraid somebody's going to catch on yeah yeah it's not good in human relationships the bible

describes people who manipulate truth with control is like twisting words which uh proverbs 12 17 says an honest witness tells the truth. A false witness tells lies. So gaslighters, they operate in false witnesses, false witnessing. Of reality, they rewrite events. Like we said, they insist that their version is the only truth. And that, again, creates, like you said, confusion, emotional instability, constant second guessing. Which the thing is, is if you try and convince somebody not to have a walk with God or go to church, because of past, experiences. And here's the thing. What can happen is, is what look like it could have been fraud, money issues, whatever. Maybe it's not. But they're going to try and make you think that

that's the truth through exaggeration and then trying to convince you not to be a part of it, which happens. It becomes true to them. Then they, they don't even, like, even if it's not true, it's so true to them that they act like it's true. Because they're usually. Because it gets them to the place that they want to be. Exactly. Exactly. Calling evil good and good evil. Isaiah 520 says, What's sorrow for those who say that evil is good and good is evil. And here are some biblical examples of gaslighters.

Saul, King Saul towards David, and that happened in First Samuel, because Saul repeatedly tried to kill David, and yet acted like David was the problem because he said he was trying to take his kingdom. Okay, he wasn't trying to take his kingdom. he lost his kingdom and God took it from him. And he lost it because of lack of obedience.

So he tried to rewrite the narrative of what was really going on. Who was the true threat? He was the true threat. David was not. David could have killed him when he was in the cave peeing. He did not. So that's gaslighting. The Pharisees with Jesus in Matthew 12.

When Jesus healed someone, the Pharisees said that he cast out demons, he was, he cast out demons by the prince of demons, meaning he was Beelzebub himself. And so what they tried to do to try and turn the people from him was tried to say that Jesus himself was Satan himself and was doing all of these miracles on behalf of Satan, or on behalf of himself, which, who were they? They themselves were not saved. They were saved. They were saved. They were. sinners. So they tried to turn a miracle into evil and rewrite the truth through manipulation to try and get people to turn on Jesus. Delilah was Samson. Judges 16 says Delilah repeatedly

betrayed Samson. And how would she do this? She would say, but you say you love me. Then why won't you tell me? So she flipped the situation. She was the betrayer. And he was truly the honest person. But she tried to say, because you won't tell me, you don't love me, which made him feel convicted and made him feel bad. And then the only reason she wanted to know the information is so she could betray him and turn against him. That right there, if that ain't the epitome of what gaslighting is, come on. I know. Oh, that's good.

So here are some signs for you to know if you're being gaslit. in one minute and a half. Let me see. I'm not going to get done. But that's okay. That's okay. They deny things that clearly happen. They rewrite conversations.

They accuse you of what they are doing. A cheater almost always will accuse you of cheating. Or question because they weren't trying to throw you off the track of what they're doing. They make you feel unstable for asking. That's what I was talking about. Your mind makes you. unstable like in all your ways it makes you not makes you feel unstable for asking questions they constantly shift blame that ain't if that ain't the truth they dismiss your perception of reality

and eventually you feel confused emotionally exhausted and ensure of what the truth is but if you are handling things in a biblical way you can't be gaslit because these are the things that you have to do in order to make sure that this doesn't happen. You anchor yourself in the truth, which is the word. You have to know it. You have to know the truth. You have to walk in the truth. You have to...

That's part of the problem. A lot of people don't know the Bible. Right. So a lot of people don't know, like, what this looks like. Yeah. Yeah. True.

You got to know it inside it out. What do you guys want to say? Yeah, and also know your identity. Because if you know who you are, no one can ever gaslight you. Right. Because when they start saying you're crazy, Like, no, absolutely not. I have a sound mind, actually.

And they're like, I didn't say that. And you're like, okay. Like it doesn't, you don't, there's no, you just keep throwing water on fire. Water on fire. Water on fire. Yeah. And how do you know your identity? By reading your word. Yeah. So it goes back to you. Read your word. And stay around people that are sound minded too. Because some of these people like seclude themselves and they, they, they hide and they, because it's embarrassing or they start thinking these things are true. And so they don't put themselves in healthy situations. It seems like the ones that come into the fold. And they, end up seeing like maybe if she just said I said something really smart so I guess I'm not that stupid and like all the lies that have been spoken over you when you're around the

anointing it helps it changes it does and remember this like in John 8 it says how does that go for the truth will set you free how does that go oh so Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him if you abide in my way word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. Know your truth. Yeah. Like, don't let somebody make you believe something that's not true. Right.

And it's just like Vanessa said. The more you know, the more you know the word, then you'll know your identity. And then you'll be so, your mind will be renewed. It has to be renewed by knowing your identity. Right. And then nobody can put it. anything past you. Right.

Like I literally say, I'm not going to get gas lit because I know the Bible. Right. And I know what the Bible says and I, about myself, about others and what to look for. Mm-hmm. And so because of that, I can stand strong. Right. If you know, if you are the same way and it's not arrogance and it's not confidence in a cocky, stuck up way.

Right. It's confidence in him. And if you're confident in him and the truth, it's like putting on the armor of God every day. And this can't happen to you if you're wearing the armor of God. That's just the way it is. So that's it. That's good. That was good.

I'm glad we touched on that. Great idea. Great idea. We will see you Wednesday. What are we talking about next week? We only have one day. We only have one day. Oh, yeah.

We'll figure it out. God will tell me. pretty confident in that it's a secret it is no behind the scenes for you guys are avid listeners I don't get to know yeah you won't get to know but hopefully we see you tonight yeah come tonight and tomorrow morning it's gonna be good she's so good yeah she is great she's excellent communicator yeah yeah yeah yeah oh my gosh is she bringing her i'm gonna be bored is she what is she bringing her new book tonight yeah my mom is like she better bring her new book she's so excited about She hasn't purchased it yet?

No, because it's brand new. Oh, so she's going to have copies with her, you think? Yes, she has a book table. Yeah. She's going to be so excited. She's going to bring her book table, which I didn't know what I'm happy about. I just found that out this morning. Perfect.

Okay, so come, get her books. You know what she's got to say. It's going to be good. You can probably get it signed too. Oh, I'm sure she would. Yeah. I'm sure she would. She's such a great person.

Oh, my gosh. She is. So transparent and so honest. She's a hard nut, though, man. I love that. But what's great is when she crosses the line of being too hard, she's honest, transparent, and is one to repent. That is such a rarity in people.

It is. It is. It is. Very uncommon. Also, Gaslight, the 1944 movie. It's on YouTube. It's on YouTube? What did I tell you?

What did I tell you? When was it made? 1984. The film in 1944. And it's called Gaslight. Yeah, gas light. You just read gaslight. 1944, it pops right up.

There you go. You can find it. Okay, on my list. Have a great weekend. We will see you on Sunday. And if not Sunday, Wednesday. Bye.