The Horror Returns - The Action Returns - Ep. #52: Lady Bloodfight (2016)

Episode Date: April 3, 2022

This episode Brian and Nez jet over to Hong Kong to help out a young American woman fight in the Kumite.   Join The Action Returns Facebook group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/841619946357776   Follow The Action Returns on IG and Twitter: Instagram: @theactionreturns Twitter: @action_returns    Check out everything Horror Returns at: https://thehorrorreturns.com Join The Horror Returns Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1056143707851246 THR Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thehorrorreturns   Join the THR Presents: Stream Fiends Facebook Group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/3860579827402429 Follow THR Stream Fiends on IG: @thrstreamfiends

Oh, hang in that hell, cat. We ain't done with you yet. We're gonna make you a good little bit. Oh, bitch. Look what you made me do. You better keep on doing it, you low-life piece of shit, or I'm not fucking kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill the bitch. Just get out here. Come on.

You see what you did in my teeth? Just- The fuck. Actual returns, I'm your host Brian. With me as always, my brother, Nez. What's up, man? I'm good, man. I sound all clogged up, man.

allergy season in my area. It ain't doing me justice. Is that time? Yeah, it is. Oh, man. Cold, hot. Now it's cold again. So I don't know. They need to make up with mine because my nose and my eyes and everything are killing me.

All right. Speaking of killing me, let everyone know what we're watching. We watched. 2015's Lady Blood Fights Excuse me I'm looking for a youth hostel Follow me This is the youth hostel

I wanted to thank you For the agent Where did you learn to fight like that The Kumite Must be prepared To take a life Or lose your own Those guys took all I had

If I win the Kumitae I can get my life back Teach me Have you lost your mind? Suicide. This is my last chance. Welcome to the Kumite, a tournament for the world's best fighters. I don't have anything left.

I need to win. Breathe. Focus. Strike. Teachers, are you thinking of the real deal? I'll show you that you're not. Ready? Ready to win.

So am I. Google. A martial arts champion recruits Jane to compete in a vicious, all-female underground tournament. After months of rigorous preparation, the young woman is ready to square off against the world's deadliest fighters. IMD. Yeah. Really? IMDB.

Upon arriving in Hong Kong, an American woman is beaten up mugged by thugs. She's taken in by martial arts master who trains her for a formidable fight competition known as the kumate. This stars Amy Johnston, Oh, Morel Hoffman, Jenny Wu, Kathy Wu, Jet Tranter, Baylon Nidge, Sunny Colas, and a whole bunch of other people. directed by Chris Nahn. Ness, what did you think?

Well, the one of course was going to be the main girl, Amy Johnson. She played Jane, but Maling Nigg, was she supposed to be Russian? Oh, the one that's supposed to, we were supposed to be scared of with the gold teeth and the scars. The female Tumbo.

She looked like the, M.A fighter sideboard. She had that tongue pole. I guess she was supposed to be Russian. I was like, she was whooping up on everyone and she should have won this. I thought the story wasn't all that. And the acting was horrible.

And I didn't mind the fighting when you could see the fighting. I didn't like the slow motion and the up close. Because when they were up close, that's when you couldn't see much. You see them swinging their arms and all that. But I don't know. I know Amy Johnson, she's a stunt woman. But I think you just need to stick to that. I mean, she probably beat my ass, but I don't know.

I just could not buy it from her and what she was doing over there. and the people that were running this weren't very ruthless. And I don't know. It just seemed like it flew by hella fast and the fighting. I mean, I loved it when the camera was pulled back because it was when it wasn't the main girls that were fighting. When we saw the other ones, you were seeing it. Yeah, we're seeing every kick and punch and all that.

And the wirework, ooh, I didn't like that either. but I don't know this one was it was kind of rough to get through when the fighting was going on I like that but when it was just trying to do the story

and everyone trying to be all serious and everything else kind of like come on just show me more fighting yeah I like Amy Johnston I mean

you know she's a stunt woman she's not like a I guess a typical actress so you know this is her first I believe starring role. I think she did okay. The story is what it is.

We've seen it before. You know, white girl comes into Asia, and she's going to be the champion. You already knew she was going to win. I was a little taken back by some of the other elements of the story. Like the, I guess, mystical, magical stuff. like to bring in the bird back to life.

I was like, where is this going? And then the end, I'm going to jump all over this. We're probably not going to talk about this long. The end where she sees the ghost of her dead dad. Why the hell was he aged from the picture? I don't know. There was even no,

there was no need to show that. I mean, yeah, I mean, I don't know. Yeah, I was like, what the hell's

happening in here? I think I yelled that out loud. I was like, why the fuck is there a girl ghost dad old? And some of the fighting was okay. I assume that when they did close up, super close ups,

those were for the women that really didn't know how to fight, which then again, if why didn't you, just hire all, you know, stunt actresses to come in and do the fight scenes. I wasn't buying the her, the one chick that was, she was meeting in the fun finalies, just wasn't buying her at all. Yeah, I didn't, I didn't buy those two. I mean, she was, was she like the only white girl in it?

I remember it was her and then there was one black girl, the, the female, Jacks. Yeah. I got knocked out instantly. Yeah. My wife watched it with me and she, she asked me why do they keep, I guess she said there was a couple of other white girls there, but they kept acting like she was the only one.

So I'm assuming maybe she was the only American. Yeah, it seemed like it was because in the beginning they were showing, well, not in the very beginning, when they were showing all the, it was like all the. It was like all these females got picked to be in this kumatee. They got into street fights or whatever, and these people that were running, it just happened to see it. Well,

I guess they kind of must have knew who they were going after. Okay, let's talk about how ridiculous them inviting these people. Like, there's a scene, I think the one in Brazil, where the chick is running from people. How did they know what,

Allie way she's going to run down. I don't know. Magic. Yeah. I had no idea. I mean, the very, very beginning, the, the two, uh, senseys or whatever you want to call them. Mm-hmm. Uh, oh, man.

Shoe or show and was a way or why? I don't know. I like them. I thought those two were hot. I liked, um, the shoe or whatever, mural Hoffman. I liked her. I'd seen her and something else, but I couldn't remember. Those two were the final two in the Kumaite.

And did they just not finish or did time run out? What stopped them? I don't, fuck, I don't know. Something happened to where it was a draw. And they were going to split the money, but one didn't want the money because there's this backstory of, one one was dating the brother of the other one and he died and nobody knew how he really died and blamed each other and that was jane's dad right no it was a different guy jane's dad got killed by

the the non-ruthless umate guys that were the one guy that was trying to make all the bets on the side or something i don't i don't know what his job was It was like nobody was ruthless, except for the, I think her name was Savita. I don't know, whatever. I think she was Russian. Her, she was the only one that seemed ruthless. Everyone else was like, it's just there. I mean, it wasn't like, to me, it was just a blood, a blood sport rip off.

But instead of fighting on this cool white ring. stage and blood fight or blood sport they were fighting what in the warehouse or around big old chip containers yeah because if you're wearing a white karate game you get thrown on the ground you're like all hell of dirty like all of a sudden

yeah and it wasn't even it was just like they had this yellow yellow and black tape or whatever that made a square and that was your little fighting arena And if you either got your ass beaten, couldn't get up, or you got knocked out of that little square. And I was like, man, this was just laziness. I mean, come on. You guys can afford more than tape.

I know. The main lady in charge, she got the evil, rich lady haircut, slick back. And I know you got money. Come on. At least paint the lines or something. Everyone spoke perfect English. Of course. Nobody had accents or, I mean, there was, every now and then they were speaking Chinese, but I was just like, come on.

I mean, it was this May 2017? Um, I don't know. I just, yeah, I mean, all the ladies that were in it were beautiful. I mean, and there was, there was some F by was rated R. we did get one little gorse scene when one of the girls Cassidy she got killed but I think she was rushing that other one

when they were first they were the first round or whatever they went just hand to hand and the next round the next day they went to weapons and Cassidy was become friends with Jane

the nice one? Yeah you knew she was going to die I know it's too nice with everybody yeah she was was just a little too friendly when you know you're supposed to go there and and just beat the hell out of everybody. Nobody was really beating the hell out of each other except for

the Savita, Savita or whatever her name, Mailing Neg. She was only one because when she was beating those girls up and got them on the ground, she just kept with the left and rights until... Yeah, I think Amy Johnson's most brutal fight scene was in the beginning

when she beat the shit out of the guys was attacking her in the car garage. Yeah. I like that the way she chased that one guy down and then beat the shit out of him. Oh, that's a second. I mean, first of all, when she got to China or Hong Kong, some guy just comes out of nowhere. She was trying to find something and, well, yeah, I could take you.

I could take you. But here, let me just take you down this alley. I don't care who you are. I mean, you just can meet some stranger. that you have no idea who it is and then go with them down in an alley I was just like sloppy writing

but I don't know how she made it there because they made it seem like when she lost her job that she was hard on money or hard up for money or something like they needed money and she needed that job but next thing you know she's in a different country

oh yeah I mean did she beat up this fool they were at some restaurant And was he just trying to come on to her? I don't even remember. Yeah, I think he was coming on to her. And then she was basically telling him to stop. And then I think he started touching her.

Yeah, and she ended up knocking him out. And then she got fired because when she knocked him out, he fell face down and blood instantly started pouring out of his mouth. She got fired. And then she was trying to leave going home. She was in her parking lot getting her car. And here came that dude she beat up in his, boys and then they wanted more

so they kind of beat her ass for a little bit and then she came back and then whooped all of them and I assume that's when the Kuma Tate people saw her. I don't know yeah it's like they were all I assume

they were watching all the ones they picked and then because after that that's when the montage started them going all over the world finding all these girls to come to fight blood sport montage yeah i was like come on i mean i'm not a director or writer or anything but man they just completely ripped off bloodsport i was just i was like oh really

they should have just called it lady bloodsport yeah that's what i was just about to say that's what they should have called it because that's exactly what it was just a a low-budget one And you could have, I'm sure Van Dam would have took a role in it. Could have got him, he could have been the father. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was like, I was like, if you're going to surprise me and make me like this film, that would have been the way to do it. I mean, they could have paid him to just show up at the end or something.

But this chick that played the Russian fighter. She don't look Russian. I don't, I guess they couldn't find any. Yeah, I guess they couldn't find any. about this shortest episode ever yeah I mean that's pretty much

the movie I mean them finding the fighters then they fight and the Russian girl beats the hell out of everybody

and then the main girl Jane well the Russian girl killed her friend the nice little other girl Jet Trent or

trainer whatever her name was Cassidy kills her slices her throat and Jane ran it over there

you're okay I mean you got blood pouring out of your throat and she just sticks her shirt you're okay you're gonna be okay I was like oh really I mean those people that came over

they came over with a stretch are like she's dead what do you do I was like oh man what did you just take her body and throw in the water I mean they did like kickboxer when his brother got paralyzed they just put him on a gurney

and then dropped him off in an alley I mean why we're just just the main two girls, Jan and Ling, how come they were the only ones that showed up with the sense or a trainer or whatever? I think that's how they got invited

because the invitation was for the senseys to have someone fight for them. So essentially they were fighting for their their senseys. All right. I guess the bad one or whatever. Her little fighter,

Ling. Did she just stroll in there? Or did somebody call it and hey, come to my to my dojo? She walked in there apparently there was some sort of I'm assuming

invitation because there was a bunch of girls there. And she beats up the her number one student and I guess number one student has to get the pack in and get the fuck out because there's new number one student. But she doesn't take the

position. and later tries to break in and steal katana sword or something? I guess. I don't know. I mean, they tried to throw in all these stories, these little side stories with the main two girls. I mean,

we didn't care about no side stories, man, we just want to see fighting. And I don't know. I mean, nothing against all these gals that were kicking ass. I mean, they were the real deal,

but it was just, I didn't like the way filmed it. I mean, it was just when you watch martial arts films, you want to see them kicking ass. And it was just a guy, like I said, it was a lot of close-ups of nothing, of just their faces. And I was going to. Yeah.

Yeah, like I said, Van Damme should have been the father. And they should have got Tong Puck, not Tongue Chungley, to be the guy running the Kumatae or the underground fights. Yeah. Yeah, it was just, Jane ends up one. Well, the main Jane and Lane fight, and Jane beats the shit

out of Lane kicks her into the... Well, I guess the final fight was on a pier, and they were fighting, and Jane, beat the hell out of her. After she powers up from seeing her ghost dad. Yeah. She was getting beat up.

And then she saw her dad. Her kinds of forest ghosts now. Yeah. She saw him standing back there smiling, and then she she got the golden glow okay I just thought of something I don't you probably don't even know why but

there's a point in this in the movie where I guess she goes and sees the guys that robbed her and she goes to beat them up and her sensei is kind of like you use my training for for the wrong thing and you have to leave and then when she's fighting by herself at the kumate and the sensei's back at home the bird dies

what does what did that mean i don't know uh i i don't know i don't know because she she brought a bird back to prove that she knows stuff and then later the she finds the same bird dead i was like was your magic week or did it mean something or no no idea i didn't i didn't like i said there was just some things that they and let's throw this in to make it more mysterious and I was like

come on yeah she goes and find those guys that beat her up in the beginning and all she wanted was the pictures you're like look you guys can have everything else I just want those pictures I know you got out I know you have them and that one guy goes in and it gets them and then she beats the hell out of them again

I was like really how'd she find them first of all I assume I think she was just walking and seeing the one kid. Apparently he's got the same exact outfit and hat on. I guess. I was kind of like, oh, man, whatever. Yeah, I mean, they ended up Jane and ended up beating them laying.

And then the two senseys that were like, I assume mortal enemies became friends again. They found out the one guy running the bets. He killed the brother and killed James' father because some shady money thing. Because I guess her father, when he was competing into Kumita, he was going to win, but they had money for him to lose. And he figured he just kill him and have him not because I guess he was known as a coward for not showing up to the fight, but he really got killed. Yeah.

Well, I mean, that guy, the little shady dude. when the whole fight was over, I assume he wasn't going to pay up, and then all the higher-ups with the little gunman, he pulled out his gun, they pulled out their guns, and he knew they were going to kill him, but he was getting ready to shoot to kill himself.

And because then one of the ladies are like, yeah, you'd want a quick death because it's going to be more torturous or whatever she said, if we do it. But then Jane goes, no, you need to tell him. You need to tell him the truth. I was like, okay. Yeah, he had the gun to his head ready to shoot himself.

And she was like, you need to tell him the truth. And he just went all right and threw the gun down. Yeah, I was the one that killed them. I was like, oh, man, I assume they're torturing them or whatever. That was the big, one of the big reveals at the end. and Jane got her money, a ling and shoe or whatever, our friends again,

our way or why or whatever her name is, those two were friends again. They join forces. They have this big, I don't know, a bunch of other students out in the grass or in the weeds or whatever. I wasn't sure if they were training or dancing.

I don't know. I assume they were training or. And she sent her mom some cigarette. because she told her mom she'll pick up some cigarettes and then fucking left the country. Yeah, and then her mom opened the cigarette. Her mom was all happy with the cigarettes and then she opened them up and it was full of money. I think she was bombed after that because there was no cigarettes. Yeah, she was juiced.

I assume she wanted those Chinese cigarettes. Because when she opened that little packer, she was like, oh, hell yeah, three packs. And then she opened them up and looked all like, discreet. They were just full of money. I was like, all right, whatever. Serious about her cigarettes. Yeah, and there's your movie.

I was like, really? This had to really be an hour and 40 minutes. Getting it all this in an hour. Yeah, like I said, Amy Johnson. She is a badass, but she's not an actress. She's a stunt performer. I'm looking at if she's worked on Deadpool, Captain America.

the winter soldier I know she did a lot of the stunts for um scarlet johansson uh suicide squad bunch of stuff and the russian girl she was in all kinds of shit too um i was i was looking at what the hell was she in she was hot even with that big scar on her face she looked like she looked like she was tall what else is she done yes it's a kind of weird they kind of try to make her not attractive but she kind of was oh well she only did stunts in Wonder Woman but she's in and she she was in a bunch of films she was the suicide squad she was in that oh she was the one chick that was hanging from the helicopter that burnt up oh that was her yeah I was trying to remember I seen her

somewhere before. Yeah, that was her. Looking at her pictures, man, she's, I need to find these movies she was in other than that. She's swinging swords around and running around looking all high with bow and arrows and guns. All right. I don't have to.

And it was probably Wonder Woman with the Bowen Arrow. Yeah, it looks like it. Let me see. Yeah, that's Wonder Woman. She was probably just in the background. I don't think He's in a Scott Atkins movie Which one?

Debt collector I don't know if I'd seen that one Yeah everyone That's a lady Blood Fight It's on Amazon if you want to watch it But You'll the rest of your life and not

You'd be all right All right All right, what do we got next? Well, we might as well Do the real kumet And do bloodsport what's that on HBO Max

okay see how they really do the kumato yeah I get that one in kickboxer mixed up well we'll get into

we'll get into we'll start a whole other show talking about yeah I haven't seen bloodsport forever but yeah definitely come back next week

for blood sport and when you're done listen to this one go over and check out stream fiends we got Scarface for you so yeah um East Society we got a new episode out

finally um you got action wrestling returns is coming after um the second day of uh WrestleMania

and yeah and everything else we got more for you so just come back until then so yeah everyone sorry man my house allergies are killing me. Yeah, this wasn't a very good movie. So, yeah, come back next week until they had party on.

Yeah, and you can always go to thehorrorreturns.com to find all links to the shows and social media. And next episode of The Horror Returns, you'll hear what I really think of Rob Zombies, Lords of Salem. Until then, everybody be nice to each other.