The Horror Returns - THR - Ep. #108: Jurassic Park (1993) & Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018) (Reupload)

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

This week we check out the original classic as well as - uh - one of the sequels. Thanks for listening! The Horror Returns Website: https://thehorrorreturns.com THR YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@thehorrorreturnspodcast3277 THR Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thehorrorreturns THR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thehorrorreturns/ Join THR Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1056143707851246 THR X: https://twitter.com/horror_returns?s=21&t=XKcrrOBZ7mzjwJY0ZJWrGA THR Instagram: https://instagram.com/thehorrorreturns?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= THR TeePublic: https://www.teepublic.com/user/the-horror-returns SK8ER Nez Podcast Network: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-p3n57-c4166 E Society Spotify For Podcasters: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/esoc E Society YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCliC6x_a7p3kTV_0LC4S10A Music By: Steve Carleton Of The Geekz

Hi, this is Don Mancini. You're listening to The Horror Returns. Greetings, victims. For those of you who delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify go. Welcome. You have found the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware. This podcast contains major plot spoilers and the foulest of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror.

Welcome back one and all to the horror returns. I'm Lance and with me as always are my co-host, Brian, and Philip. How's it going, guys? It is going good. Rocking on. Just go back from work. And I made it sort of just in time, except we're going on a little late. So, my bad.

It's all good, man. There's no late around here, dude. We don't do a live broadcast like the horror mafia. Maybe we should, though, huh? Oh, I guess we could. Yeah. Then we'd run into all kinds of issues. Right.

As if we don't have enough already, right? Yeah. All right. Well, let's jump into it, guys. You guys good? You want to start out with Cool of the Week? Who's going first this week? I checked out an escape plan two, Hades.

Oh, okay. Sequel to Stallone and Schwarzenegger's movie that they were in, where they were in prison trying to break out. Oh, yeah. Ended it being on a ship. Spoiler alert. Yeah. Yeah.

It's stupid. This one, I like the cast. It did. didn't have Arnold, but it was okay. They had a Batista. And they had a new guy, this Asian dude, I didn't catch his name, but he kicked a lot of ass in this movie. And he was kind of like Stallone's protege to like, because if anybody don't know the original one, Stallone gets hired to test these prisons to see if they're like, you know, see if you can escape or not, if they're really secure. And in this one, this guy's kind of like his protege. And there was a lot of ass kicking. going on. Not enough of Stallone.

He was like probably a secondary character throughout this movie. Okay. Pay check. Getting a paycheck, huh? Yeah. Yeah. I'm tired. And even he

and even less of Batista. So. What? Who was in? Yeah. Um, it was mostly yeah, it was mostly the new, the new guy. And there was a, there was a couple like m mhma fighters i recognize

they were like one of the prisoners because you get put in this prison and then like every now and then they make you like uh they choose a couple of people to fight against each other well that sounds super realistic yeah so where this falls under the not cool is the

story was fucking boring and it did the one thing i hate that is in a lot of action movies now there was a lot of digital fire and explosions Oh, boy. Yeah, when you can tell that it's

CGI, it's stuff. It's not good. It was really bad. And there might have been some digital stab wounds, too, that look really bad. Oh, no. Yeah. So, yeah.

So if anybody wants to check out Escape Plant 2, it is available. I did get some comments of people saying, it's out already. I didn't know it was supposed to be out. Yeah. It's out there. Somewhere out there

Stallone Oh man What about you Phil? You know what? Mine is not horror related at all But I am I've never watched it I finally picked it up

Because it's on Netflix I'm watching the office And it is like crack Really? That good Yeah Yeah I've been binging

These shit out of it It's a good It's a good thing to have on In the background You don't really have to think about it and every once in a while they are fucking hilarious uh guy

I don't know why it took me so long to watch it uh but man this lineup is stacked and uh in like two weeks ish um I burned through like seven seasons so far I I just watched where uh Michael Scott left and and I almost cried

it's uh it's it's it's pretty good man um i i i think that's that's about all i've watched so far oh i started watching uh clause uh because my wife is watching oh okay you joined you joined the club huh i guess uh i'm stuck now it's it's not bad man it's it's pretty good it's entertaining i actually really enjoyed it off off of your recommendation lance me and my wife been looking for shows and they just put the whole first season on Hulu and we were like, fuck it, why not? And we ended up the whole Saturday night just binge watch the whole first season. It's a good show, man.

It's got something for the guys and the gals, you know? Yeah, I think you posted it when we were talking on Facebook. I think you said it the best. It's way better than it should be. I totally agree, man. Yeah. Well, and it's got the black chick from Reno, 911.

Nisi Nash. Nisi, yeah. She's great and kind of hot in this. Yeah, it's kind of weird, because I'm like, are you hot? I know, right? Because I never thought of her like that, but then when I watched this show, I was like, you're kind of hot all of a sudden. It's weird, but she's pulling it off, man.

Throw some hooker clothes on somebody, and look what happens. okay it's it's it's pretty good it's I'm liking it so it is good well I got a couple of cool cool of the week picks

um was that it Phil yeah I watched the first episode of uh season two on Netflix they've got uh Luke Cage put they put that on Friday

um I'm digging it I'm digging it I hope that it's more like the first season or the first half of season one of Luke Cage I was about to say. The second half.

But you know what? I noticed that the writer, and I think he was the creator of the show, is actually going to be writing the screenplay for Creed 2. Oh, nice. Yeah, that's one thing I noticed about it. The dialogue is really good. It's really snappy and really on point. And like all the conversations people have are real.

It's like you can actually believe what everybody's saying. You know, it's not like what I would consider your typical, superhero dialogue. Although I thought the dialogue in the Avengers Infinity War was phenomenal. But, you know, historically, you know, superhero dialogue is like, oh, gee whiz, golly, gee Willickers,

you know, got to be the good guy and over the top bad guy, kind of like another movie we watched this week. But no, it's, I'm enjoying it. I'm hopeful. Why they do 13 seasons? It's not necessary. 13 episodes in the season is not necessary. I kind of wish they'd, you know, just go with eight or something.

Definitely trim the fat off of that Netflix Marvel stuff, man. They're getting out of control. Yeah, speaking of that, did you guys see the Creed 2 trailer? I did. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I am all in. Yeah?

Yes. It looks good. I like it. He's going to be fighting Drago's son? No. Yes. Yeah. Dolph London's going to be in a movie.

I'm assuming he's training his son. Makes sense, yeah. That's cool. Okay, so I had heard little bird whispers about our boy. He's a local guy's from Katie. Oh, God damn it. I started talking before I realized who it was. It's a UFC fighter.

he's from Katie blonde guy and just He's gonna be in Creight too? No, but he was trying to be Drygo's son. He was trying to get cast as that. Fuck, I can't remember his name. Y'all keep going, I'm gonna figure it out.

All right. Okay. Fuck me. I can't, that makes me so bad. But yes, Lance, check out the trailer because it looks for that. It looks like because he's Michael B. Jordan's characters in a totally different part of his life now because him and I can't remember her name and I love

her so much when I see her in movies Balchery Oh yeah She's awesome She's stuck in annihilation as well Yeah they They have a baby now And

Like he's kind of like Growing up more grown up now And he's trying to probably It kind of still seems like he's still Trying to fill his father's shoes And That makes sense yeah stuff, you know, having conflicting things going on in his life.

Yeah, and the guy they got to play, Drago's son, is pretty monstrous. Sage Northcutt is the kid I'm thinking of. Oh, Sage, Super Sage. Tell me he does not look like fucking Drago. Yeah. He totally could have pulled it off. That guy is an awesome fighter. Spitting image.

Super Sage Northcut. Super Sage. Yeah, he's a Houston boy. Wonder why they didn't pick him then. Yeah, because he's He's, I don't know I don't know about his acting skills But him, you know, because I watch a lot of MMA, he's very

He seems like the nicest guy in the world Yeah, maybe too nice And I don't know how well he'd play a bad guy Yeah, uh-huh He's like super young I think he's like maybe 20, 21, something like that He's super like Just seems like the nicest guy

I mean, he'll knock you out, but then, like, probably hang out with you after and have a beer. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, gee, Rocky. I'm so sorry. Yeah, that's exactly how he seems like. He'd just be like, oh, shucks. He, like, should have been from Canada.

No offense. Man, all right, I got to check it out. You guys have sold me. I'm in a, after we're done, I'm checking out the Creed 2 trailer. Actually, you know what? When we, when you guys talk trailers, it's, I think it's going to be just you two, because I I just realized I didn't watch the trailers this week either. I think you might have seen one of them in the data, so.

Maybe. Yeah, I'm sure. Maybe, hopefully so. I did have a second cool of the week, though. What is it? I watch so much shit this week. The premiere of Yellowstone. Oh, I've heard of it.

It's on Paramount, isn't it? Yeah, it's on Paramount. Philip, it's the new Kevin Costner. weekly TV show. What? On Paramount? Yeah, it's on Paramount. Formerly Spike TV.

Yeah, I was actually just reading that it was the highest watched premiere of any show ever on Paramount. Well, I imagine. Yeah, isn't saying much. Yeah. I haven't been around long, but it's pretty impressive. It's a little bit slow rolling. It was a two-hour premiere, so they spent a lot of time introducing you to

everybody. It's definitely R-rated. There's no doubt about it. I mean, the language they use and stuff, I'm like, are they really saying this on TV? Oh, it's like a Western? This piqued my interest. It's like a modern-day Western,

but you guys, I think you guys know from past shows how much I love the works of Taylor Sheridan. Is that name, bring a bell? Brian? Yep. Yep. Yeah, he did

Heller High Water. Oh. Well, he wrote the screenplay for Heller High Water, Sicario. And then most recently, he wrote the screenplay and also directed a movie last year called Wind River. Yes. Oh, wow.

He's still got a hell of a resume already. Did he do Sicario, too? I hope not. The way they're promoting that thing, dude, I don't want to see that. Really? I've heard really amazing things about it.

Really? I really want to see it. I heard it's... I'll see it. People are saying it's good that they might Greenland the third one because I guess they had a trilogy

in mine. Well, I'll probably check it out, but... To me, it just seems like they're overhyping it a little bit. I don't know. It just seems like I've seen the trailer like 18 times, you know?

Yeah. I'm a huge fan of Benicio Deltoro as a badass, though. Oh, he looks great. dude, especially that scene where he shoots that dude, he says, put your glasses on so you can see me kill you. Oh, that was badass.

But yeah, check it out, guys. The only thing that offended me a little bit, it seems like because there's a tribe. It's actually the wind, I think it's the Wind River tribe that's close to where Yellowstone is, or the Wind River Reservation. I think it's mainly

either Cherokee or Comanche. I'm sure Nes could tell us, but they kind of made the tribal leader seem a little bit like a villain which I'm kind of like I don't know it felt a little felt a little awkward you know

but it's kind of like everybody in the show it's like Koster can do no wrong and everybody else in the show that's running up against him or having arguments with him or stuff or bad guys and hopefully they'll

I mean, I think it's going to be 12 or 13 episodes, so hopefully they'll, you know, narrow that out a little bit and kind of make it where you get to see everybody's point of view. But it felt a little one-sided was the only problem. But I was kind of shocked. I mean, they had like a major character death at the end of the first episode. I was not expecting that. So, yeah, I'm going to stick with it.

Yellowstone. Looks like it's going to be pretty good. All right. Cool. So Brian, other than the big news about AMC that you said we're not really necessarily going to cover this week, what are our big news items, man? You know what? I'm looking at something right now. It's what I think it is, Philip and Brian, I think it's a little bit closer. I think they got on the back.

They jumped onto the back of Movie Pass and took an idea out of their book, and I think they're doing it better. but it does limit you only to AMC theaters, which kind of sucks because a lot of the time, I don't know if I'm going to get it or not, quite frankly, because my preference is the AMC theater, and they are building a new one here in the Woodlands, so there'll be two of them with an easy driving distance for me. But basically for 1995, you have unrestricted,

so you can go see 2D movies, 3D, whatever. Nice. And you can see up to three a week. And what I can tell, that's the only, and plus I think it gives you, like, discounts towards popcorn and shit like that. But for 1995, guys, three movies a week, I mean, that's a hell of a bargain. Yeah. I'll tell you what... If you use them.

Well, here's what will sell it for me. I'm going to tell you right now, the biggest pain in the ass for me for movie pass. I'm sure you guys would agree. Although, Brian, yours is a little different because your fucking theater doesn't even register that you're there. Yeah. But my biggest pain in the ass

has been having to sit there all day at work or whatever. And I have to keep watching. Oh, has it sold out yet? Are those seats gone? Are those seats gone? Because you can't use the fucking movie pass until you get down there.

Yeah. Yeah. So if this AMC thing for 20 bucks a month lets you pre-order your tickets, I'm a hundred percent in then definitely sold that's worth the extra ten bucks for it well absolutely

and like I like my movie pass but uh especially where you are those theaters in the woodlands sell out like nothing else man it could be the shittiest movie but if it's on Friday night right

don't plan on using movie pass for it because you're not going to see it absolutely yeah See, down here, I'm in Galveston now, and our little theater is pretty wide open. That AMC in spring that you gave so much DAP to the manager for? Best theater I think I've ever been to. Oh, I love that theater, man. Yeah, that's my favorite. Yeah, and they're badass there.

Everybody I've met there, I think Richard was the manager that was so helpful to me that day. But, yeah, everybody there, dude, it's just like they love working there. They must have a really good management structure in there. I guess. I mean, it's a kick-ass theater, and it's not always sold out. And it's, the seats are always really comfortable. They've got a cool little bar set up. If you're not in the Houston area, then I'm sorry that we're talking about this, but it's a kick-ass theater. Yeah, Brian, what about where you are, man? What are, what are those Alaskan theaters like? No, we don't have any. I mean, we have Regal and Cinemark and stuff like that, but we don't have AMC. I have been to. I have been to. to an AMC. I wish we had an AMC. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Yeah, so they're cool. I mean, they're not offering no plan, movie pass type plans, but... Well, my concern is how long is the movie pass thing going to last? Because I mean, it sounds like it was supposed to fall off the cliff about a year ago, and it still is gone. So far so good, right? Yeah. So I'm going to ride this train until,

it crashes. I just hope it lasts the year that I've prepaid for. Yeah. Oh yeah, that's right. I forgot about that. All right. Not losing money. Got any other stories, Brian? Yeah, we got a lot of TV news.

We're going to start with the one movie news. Are you guys familiar with the 1990s movie The Witches, starring Angelica Houston? Of course. Yes. They are remaking it and I'm a little bit interested in I mean I love

the original for nostalgic purposes but the new one Robert Zemeckis is going to write and direct while Guillermo del Toro and Alfonso Kiran are going to produce it What? Those are some big names attached to it. No kidding.

Yeah, that Children of Man is one of my top ten films of all time. Mm-hmm. so definitely I'm gonna keep an eye on this one a more news comes out so far that's the only news but that to me

that's that's really big news especially for you know I love the witches for what it was but I've never really thought about it getting remade and to have these names attached that's pretty awesome yeah it's kind of cheesy fun right

yeah There was some good practical effects in there too. Probably not so cheesy with these kind of names. Yeah, no kidding. Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah. Let's see, we got a slew of TV news. Don Mancini posted a little kind of like a teaser thing on Twitter.

Basically confirming that, yeah, it's confirmed, basically. right so we're i'm sure in the next uh next couple months we're gonna get a lot of news about that so uh nice i was play tv series coming soon we heard about that at a texas frightmare dime and what's up man when you're gonna get back to us just saying uh hey don't you listen just saying uh another horror icon another horror icons bringing the TV series. This one is Clyde Barker is teaming up with sci-fi,

and they're doing a nightbreed TV series. No shit? Yeah. Oh, they talked about that decades ago, man. Yeah, and... TV's worth that? With, what was it? What was the show that you loved that was on sci-fi?

Oh, blood drive. Yeah. Oh, that was great. I felt like they, even though that was kind of like a grind house, you know, type of movie. I felt like they are not movie TV show. They put more into it than they do their other sci-fi

shows. Agreed. I think this could work. A Nightbreed TV series with Clyde Barker involved in it. I'm all in, man. Is it going to be the same characters, though, or like the next generation? I have not

heard anything. I would like to see some of the same characters. Not the same actors, but because they're old as shit. Right. But I don't know. We'll see. Cool.

You're saying the old people can't act? I did not say that. Is that what I'm hearing? That did not come out of my mouth. That is ages. And I'm offended. I'm sorry. I apologize.

I'm kidding. Let's see. AMCs the Terror Season 2 will be set. in World War II. I really enjoyed this show. Yeah. Sounds like they're going anthology style with this show.

Yeah, they have to. Did you watch it by any chance? Not yet. It is on the docket, so I've heard good things. I heard it's a slow burn, but I've heard a lot of good things about it. It's a slow burn, but it's not

that much of a slow burn. I mean, there's always something going on. It's definitely worth checking out. And yeah, the way they ended it, there's no way it couldn't be an anthology. It couldn't exactly pick up where it left off. You know what I mean? Yeah.

I mean, I guess maybe they could, but I definitely prefer the anthology idea. Let's see here. All you Lucifer fans that were mad

that Fox canceled it, Netflix is bringing it back for season four. They picked it up. I guess I'm going to have to watch it. Are there already on season four? I think I watched the first season and I forgot about it. I think I watched the first episode. It was okay.

You guys aren't giving it a ringing endorsement here. Yeah. It wasn't something. I mean, I'll eventually go back to it, but it just wasn't something that I wanted to keep up with. Yeah. It was witty and interesting to watch for the first. It was kind of like that sleepy, Hollow series that

they came out with? Sure. I actually liked that show for the first two seasons and then it just completely went out the rails. Well, that was my point. I think that Lucifer is a lot like that. Okay. Let's see here. The next American horror season will be the

Murder House and Coven crossover season. Are they still doing that show? Yes. So, I mean, I don't know. Oh, man. Murder House is one of my favorite. See, this is the first season.

It's one of my favorite. Yeah. I don't really remember Coven. Coven was good. Wasn't great. I don't know what I think, though, because I didn't even finish the last season. I didn't have to doubt.

Yeah. Not on purpose. I think I was trying to watch it while it was going on, and I just lost track of it. I actually... I just... Go ahead. Yeah, no, I actually thought the newest season, the election season was actually decent.

That was the first one in about three or four years that I actually did enjoy. I think they're going in the right direction again. But my question, if they're going to merge Coven and Murder House, those were supposed to be anthology. And so you've got the same actors playing two completely different roles. Now, how are they going to pull that off? Huh. I have no idea. That makes no sense to me.

They've been talking about this for a while. Right. So, I don't know. If they pull off, more power to them, but, yeah, that's just stupid. I'm sure one of us will check it out, so. Oh, and, okay, who's the main male character? What's his name? Evan Peters.

Evan. Okay, he is in a couple of episodes of the office that I saw. I was like, hey, oh, shit, it's that guy. Ham who's really young before American Horror Story. Fun fact. And our last news story, John Bernthal's Shane will return for season 9 of the Walking Dead. Are we just now bringing that up, dude? Yeah.

How does that work? The story broke four weeks ago. We didn't talk about it, so I thought we'd bring it up. I don't care. I don't know why. I mean, obviously it's flashbacks or Rick's going crazy. Or is it? Gosh, don't be anything else.

Oh, yeah. Maybe they found a cure. Oh, wait, if he got shot in the head. It's Shane's twin brother. I don't know. Shane's, the evil twin. All right. Sean.

Sean of the dead, guys. John of the Dead. We've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, we've, so I mean, I don't know, this is, this is just making me wish that maybe season nine should be the last season. Yeah. Now we're bringing characters back from season two. The Sopranos only went 10 seasons, right? Yeah, I think, we're regurgitating everything we talked about last week.

Yeah, I'm a big fan of the Sopranos. That whole last season was fucking garbage. Yeah. So it's kind of sounding like this is going to be horrible. I don't know. It could prove me wrong. Could be the best season. Could be.

Hey, sometimes you've got to sit through the shit and get to the good stuff. Yeah. That's where the gold is and then Nair Hills. Oh, you guys said last week they should go out with a bang on this season. That would definitely take it out with a bang, right? If they bring back Shane for no reason at all. Exactly. As a zombie.

Oh, God. As a zombie, I'm okay with that. He survived the headstabbing that Rick gave him. Oh, wait. Yeah, maybe not. He's been hanging around for six seasons. He's wandering. He finally made his way all the way where they are.

What if he's a good zombie? Like in, uh, what was, what was that late? Day of the Dead thing that we... Oh, yeah. All right. That Nicholas Holt movie where he fell in love with the chick and he was a zombie. Oh, love brought him back.

Right. Love cured him. We'll keep us together. Out. Keep you alive, even if you're alive. They might as well fucking bring what's her name back, Lori. That's kind of what I was thinking, too.

Oh, don't bring her back. She was a bitch to begin with. I was ready for her to die. bring Andrea back everybody Dale on that note that is all the news all right boys

are you at least the two of y'all can go down to the trailer park I think I'm staying home on this one I don't think I've checked any out but usually we do three I added one on because I posted it on the Facebook and there was quite a bit of comments on it Oh, yeah.

I should have seen that. The domestics, right? Yeah, starring Tyler Hoechland, which I think he's in that fucking Day of the Dead or Bloodline that we should talk about. Oh, no. Yeah, I think he's the stealthy zombie. That was just... The ninja zombie? Yeah, and it also stars Kate Bosworth.

Okay. And this is directed by Mike P. Nelson. My first impression was this was kind of like a Mad Max. type purge kind of mashup. Yeah. It looked pretty decent. It looked like something I would actually check out.

Now realizing that the main guy is from Day of the Dead, I don't know, that kind of worries me a little bit, but I always like Kate Bosworth. I mean, she hasn't been in a whole bunch of great stuff, but she hasn't been in a, you know, terrible stuff. Yeah, and you know, that whole movie was a mess. You can't really blame the actors, I don't think. So I'll give him a second chance here.

And the preview looked really good. I mean, you know, post-apocalyptic, that's my cup of tea. Although it is like a post-apocalyptic and then they'd turn it into like a home invasion thing. Yeah. And home invasion is not really my jam. but I'll watch it for that. Yeah, it looks interesting because it looks like society is split up into what they say, like eight or nine different gangs.

It'll be cool if they describe that correctly at the beginning of the movie. Yeah. Like they need to have some sort of montage where they lay it all out. Yeah, because I don't want them to, because there's gang. I didn't catch all the names, but some of them are called like the nailers and the whatever. you know, they got like weird names. The Cherries, which look like an all-female gang. So, yeah, you're right.

I would love like some kind of explanation in the beginning, not just going through the movie and dragging it out or possibly not even explaining anything. But it looks interesting. I believe June 28th. It's going to be a BOD, I think. Yeah, they got to do like a, a narrative at the beginning

like a what was that Woody Harrelson zombie movie Zombie Land Dombeyland like if they started out like that I think it could be cool

agreed will they probably not you never know our next one we're going to talk about is boarding school starring

Samantha Mathis Will Patton and Robert John Burke this is directed by going to fuck up his name.

Boaz Yakin. And one of the movies I know he did. Maybe that was it. That's error. I don't know. Sounds right to me. Sounds close.

Yeah, I know he directed, remember the Titans with Denzel Washington. Oh, okay. He neither directed or wrote it or possibly both. So. Well,

he did both on this one. Um, I have no idea what the fucking movies about. it looks like some weird kids in a boarding school and Will Patton is some evil fucking guy so little boys dancing around in the dress and I don't know if that's why he's in this boarding school

because they keep mentioning that the kids are freaks or something well when they say freaks do they mean like mutants yeah because at for a second I kind of got a Miss Peregrine what was that the movie we reviewed like a while of them.

Yeah, I kind of got that, I got that kind of vibe because one of the kids kind of looks like, what is the what is that movie Wonder? But the little boy that had the, yeah, one of the kids kind of looks kind of like that. So I don't know

if they're just there for other reasons or if they have like abilities or something. They didn't really touch on that in the trailer. I got the impression that they have abilities. I may be completely wrong. But I was like, this is kind of like the school from Deadpool, too. Yeah, pretty much.

I'm to burn the shit down. Oh, not Xavier School. You mean the other one? The bad guys. Okay. Yeah. So, I mean, I'll check it out. August 31st.

Don't know if this is a theater release. I doubt it. Our next one is going to be a Netflix release, and it is, Tao starring Maca Monroe Ed Screen and Gary Oldman.

Bear with me here, directed by Federico De Alessandro. And I checked him out. He's the only thing I can see that he's done a lot of work in the art department for a lot of the MCU movies.

Huge movies, huh? Yeah. So, uh... Okay. Looks interesting. Very, you know, 2001 Space Odyssey. Oh.

You got my attention. Yeah. Well, it probably won't be quite like that, but you know what I mean. Yeah, I believe Tao is the house of, because it's like a smart house that these people get locked in. The robots are taken over. Yeah. Alexa. Yeah.

Yeah. right yeah i believe gary oldman is the voice of tau oh okay oh okay because that didn't seem in the preview at all yeah i'll check it out yeah definitely and yeah all these people are locked in there by ed screen who a lot of people remember he was the villain in deadpool he was ajax okay so this is where maka monroe has been huh yeah which kind of if it ever since she went down here with that independence day bullshit, right?

Yeah, and I really like her, too. I mean, we watched the guest, and she was in It Follows. You know, she was in a lot of good movies, and then Independence Day happened, so. Right. Huh, I'm going to check this out. This looks pretty interesting to me. Yeah, June 29th next Friday on Netflix. And our final trailer is a trailer that originally was released with the upgrade movies.

but was not released until recently online, which is unfriended Dark Web. And this is starring Rebecca Rittenhouse, Chelsea Alden, and Betty Gabriel, directed by Stephen Soska. Is he related to the Soska sisters? No, I'm sorry, mispronunciate. Sosco. Ah, okay. And I believe he was, had something to do with the American Grudge movies. So, what did you, did you guys see the first one?

I did. This is one I saw in the theater, actually. Oh, no, no, no. The first movie yet sucked. Yeah, it did. I didn't care for it at all, but I did see the trailer for this one in the theater. And it looked really good, actually. Yeah, they're marketing this pretty interesting.

Because even before it was released online, I guess it was released on the actual dark web, from what I heard first. For real? Yeah. Okay. And I've heard nothing but good things about this, that they've written all the wrongs. I think we're getting basically anabel creation or a Ouija origin of evil. Like, this is going to be ten times better than the original.

That would be cool. The first one. Right. It looks interesting. Actually, my wife is not a horror fan, but this piqued her interest. So. Mm-hmm. It's doing something right.

So who's in this one? Anybody of note? The only one I recognize is Betty Gabriel. She was in Get Out and Upgrade. Ah, okay. Philip, did you see this one? Which one was it? Unfriended.

Unfriended Darkland. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks interesting. It looks better than the first one. That seems to me the consensus, right? Yeah. I mean, look, you're climbing the ladder upwards, so that helps. Yeah, this was a filmed at one of the, a couple of the film festivals,

and people really seem to enjoy it. Apparently this one, and you guys ever see the gallows? Yeah. I heard bad things. Yeah, they, I guess, secretly filmed a sequel to that one, and I guess that one is also way better than the first one. Well, that's good. So I think Blumhouse is learning from past mistakes that they made on some movies.

So, yeah, I'll check it out, definitely. When you said, Betty Gabriel, I thought you said Betty Gable. That was like the 1930s. Shit. Is she still around? She's old. She can't act. Hey, we're not ages here.

Right. Sorry, I missed the first section of that, guys. was going to pee on myself. Dude, he gets you covered, man. You didn't have to say anything. I know, but then I asked, so. All right. Went ahead and let it out.

Unfriended, definitely is better than the first one. This one is due July 20th in theaters. I don't know how well it'll do in the theaters, but okay. Well, Philip, if you're back from taking your piss break, you got any feedback for us? Mike Elric says, flashbacks, of course, it's Rick's last season, so remorse,

guilt, and fever dreams. If this whole goddamn season is a bunch of flashbacks for Rick, I'm going to fucking shoot myself. The Rick farewells, though, huh?

Jesus Christ. I don't even like it when they do one episode like that. Like, I've already seen all this shit before. It's not we have Tebow now, okay? Let's see. Our man Brian got birthday wishes from a number of listeners, including Art, Patrick, and Ricky. Happy birthday, Brian. Stay 21 forever.

I sure will. Yeah. That's perfect. Nice. Regarding Tyler Perry's upcoming Platinum Dune's endeavor. Kevin Ness, isn't he your favorite, Lance? He's not my favorite.

No, are you sure? I'm positive. I think favorites underplaying it, Lance. I love the Medea movies, except Boo, too. That one was terrible. I see he has another one coming, not a Boo movie,

but he has another movie with Tiffany Haddish and Whoopi Goldberg coming out. Well, we're definitely watching that. What is she? Yeah. recently shit. The voice.

No, not the voice. What is that fucking show that she does? The talk. I don't know. I don't know what the hell they're called. You know what? I probably would have said the voice, but I know that's a completely different show.

You know what I mean, the one that Whoopies on. The View. The View. Yeah. Is that the same one that the chick from Rosanna's on, or is that a different one? You guys. Anyway.

We'll go down a different rabbit hole. Yeah, yeah, Darlene, that chick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think she's on there. I don't know. Anyway, regarding Tyler Perry's upcoming Platinum Dune's endeavor, Kevin Ness says, isn't he your favorite? Stephen Loblad says,

so are we going to have a bunch of soap opera actors in a horror film? It's happened before. What about Medea? As long as she's there, I think we're okay. I'm good with Medea. Regarding the poster for the upcoming film, The Domestics. Josh Youngblood says, Holy shit, I didn't even know Orion was still a company.

Neither did I. Eric Bionock says, I wish the town that dreaded sundown remake last week and popped at the Orion logo. Oh. That was a pretty good remake. Yeah. Should have watched that one instead of the original.

Oh, yeah. Playing the tuba. The original was the knife from the end of it. It was long. Mark Ball saw the trailer for this today. It says it actually looks pretty good. Gary Hill says they're running it at what the hell

Cinema Apocalypse festival at the music box this week sometime if you're in Chicago land Oh that's in Chicago Yeah the music box theater Sure Whoa alright

I'm right of that place yeah Well shit we'll have to go check it out When we're in Chicago right Let's do it man Let's do it Darian Brock says Got a screener from the studio Pretty solid flick

Oh you got a screener from the studio That's special Man we're hearing We're hearing some good stuff. My bad, Karen. I'm just nice way. Eddie Ramirez. What happened to Blue Crush's

Kate Bosworth? A. M. You know what that's all about, Brian? Yeah. I'm not going to lie. I kind of like Blue Crush also. Yeah? It's, uh,

I don't believe in guilty pleasures, but that definitely falls under. under that that category. Okay. You don't believe in guilty pleasures, huh? No, because I'm not guilty about anything I watch or listen to. That's fair.

Is that the surfing chick movie? Yeah, with Nez's chick, Michelle Rodriguez. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Acting the same way again in another movie. that she doesn't ever Same hot way About James Juan

Getting his own Funko Pop What Josh Youngblood What Says Logan James Even you have to agree This one is getting out of control And Logan James says yes

It's been out of control There's also some Twitter feedback, which Lance was having trouble reading. Brian, do you know what that was all about? I tried to send you some screenshots. I guess your screenshots, dude, but Twitter, man, is above me, dude. I'm too old. Okay, let me pull it up. Let me see if I can.

This was regarding last week's discussion about Stan against Evil Season 3. is going to premiere on Halloween night, which I posted it on a Twitter page and we've got nearly 100 likes and a bunch of retweets. And some of the comments were like we said,

someone asked, really, there's going to be a season three that they didn't even know about. But majority of the comments were binge the first two seasons, loved it. Let's see. I freaking love this show.

Sorry. I'm also having difficulty reading some of these. Might have to take it out then. But he's got a following. Yeah. Another reply was Hallelujah. This show is coming back for third season. So, yeah, consensus is. I mean, I enjoy the first season.

It kind of is like a, I keep saying this. I'm not trying to bash it or anything, but it's like a kind of like a lower level, Ash versus Evil Dead. It gives you that kind of feel. Mm-hmm. Except it has to do with witches. So, it's definitely,

if anybody has Hulu, the first two seasons are on there. All right. Well, that's going to have to be on my docket for the weekend. I haven't seen it. 30 minutes each. 30 minutes each episode, so it's a quick watch.

That's easy. Once I get finished with the office, which will probably be tonight. That's it for listener feedback this week. Thanks to everybody who reaches out to us. You can always reach us at the horror returns at gmail.com or check us out on any of these social medias, including Twitter. Let us know what your ideas are.

And don't forget, we're still running the contest, so be sure to give us a five-star rating on iTunes. Please, please, please. I'm begging again. But you can get a t-shirt is what we're doing, right? Yep, that's it. Yeah, that's our man. As soon as we get enough people together that we can go and get some printing done, we're in there.

So if you've left a review on iTunes and you would like your t-shirt, tell your friend to leave a review on iTunes also so we can get you both a T-shirt. There you go. Oh, and Chad, I got your Blu-ray coming. Sorry. Look out, Chad. I suck. I went to the post office late. It's all right.

Thanks, Chad. You're awesome. Yeah, thanks, dude. Nudge your buddy's in the right direction. Make it a cult, huh? Jurassic World, Fallen Kingdom, as well as 1993 is Jurassic Park. So we'll start out, as always, with the older movie, Jurassic Park.

A little trivia. Directed by Steven Spielberg. You guys may have heard of him. Also known for this year's Ready Player 1, as well as many other movies that we know and love. The writers Michael Crichton, based on his novel, along with David Co-Up, who is also known for Sturr of Echoes and Panic Room. This is interesting. The T-Rex's Roars were a combination of dog, penguin, tiger, alligator, and elephant sounds. Philip?

A penguin? A penguin? How did you get a penguin in there? Yeah, who picked these animals? What even sound does a penguin make? I'm assuming Spielberg had something to do with it. Yeah, well, whoever the sound technician was, who knows? Movie magic.

I mean, it worked out great, but it's just like, you know what could work? Add penguin in there. Add penguin, huh? How does that happen? Speaking of movie magic, the glass of water in that iconic scene where it's sitting the dash of the Ford Explorer was made to ripple using a guitar string that was attached to the underside of the dash

beneath the glass. Oh, that makes sense. Whatever works. Yeah, I like it. It should have used the T-Rex. Yeah. They bought a fucking T-Rex for the movie and they just let it go to waste, huh?

I mean, they built one. They may as well use it. That's what I'm thinking. All right, and this is interesting. thing Harrison Ford was offered and then turned down the role of Dr. Alan Grant as he felt that the part just wasn't right for him. And after

seeing the film, he says he made the right decision. Did he really make the right decision? Or did you just said, Matt? I think he did, man. I actually thinking about it, I think the whole scene with Sam Neal where he's kind of like not a kids type person.

Mm-hmm. I think Harrison Ford, because he's a fucking grumpy person. Yeah, he's a collegian. I think he could have played that I don't like kids kind of role perfectly. The rest, I don't know. I don't know though. I think Harrison Ford

could have killed it. And I think that the only reason he said that is because he didn't take the role. All right. On that note, who wants to go first? Jurassic Park 1993. If you don't mind, I think I will go first.

This movie is a an all-time classic for me. Loved it as a kid. Loving as an adult. My kids love it. There's so many iconic things from it that you brought up, of course, the ripples in the water.

You know, just that end scene with the T-Rex, you know, doing his roar. I didn't know. The guy on the toilet. Yeah. The lawyer. Sam Jackson

dying in another movie, almost kind of that shark movie what was it what was that shark movie deep blue scene yeah it's kind of another deaf scene I didn't really I mean I didn't not expect him not to die but

I mean you know you just next time you see him he's all that's left his arm which was kind of weird not I rewatch it you know why was his arm just propped up there like that it's kind of kind of weird I'm getting

tired of these motherfucking dinosaurs in this motherfucking park. I thought the cast was great. Ian Malcolm is my favorite character in a movie because, you know, he's just constantly trying to tell everybody, you know, what's probably going to happen. And then it, you know, it basically does. The most annoying character is the little girl. I felt like she was fucking annoying.

throughout this whole movie. Come on, dude, have a heart, man. Sky is. Yeah, I mean, she works in some points, but most of the time, I'm just like, shut up, kind of waiting for the dinosaur to eat her. Even though I've seen this movie many times, it's not going to happen. But I thought the kid, the brother was great. You know, he kind of set the standard for these movies because from now on, you always have the little know-it-all kid that knows everything about dinosaurs.

Mm-hmm. Now, you don't mean the kid at the very beginning of the movie that was being a little, a little shithead to the doctor, right? Oh, fuck that kid. Okay. That kid just gotten eaten. Yeah, he was creepy looking at shit. He was actually in one of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.

No shit. Yeah, Dream Child. He was a little weird kid at the end. Okay. That's the trivia you can only get here at the horror returns photo. He plays weird annoying kid really well. Yeah. Overall, this is a fantastic movie.

It holds out throughout the years. Right. It's just great. I mean, I don't know really what else to say. Yeah, man. I'll go next. This is definitely an all-time classic for me. I've seen this movie.

You know, I didn't re-watch it. it this time because I just watched it maybe a couple of months ago and I regret that decision. I wish that I had rewatched it again. It's that good. I've seen it

more than I've seen Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back or Gold member which are two of my favorites. Or the Golden Child? The Golden Child. I don't know what that is. Brian, that was your cool of the week? wasn't my cool of the week yeah you kind of said it's kind of my not cool of the week

oh yeah that sounds right right but uh this one is uh I think Spielberg at his best um it it's it's in E T realm for me um because that's that's how good this is you get that that pure wonder that scene where they first see the dinosaurs and Alan stands up

and he and he looks at the dinosaurs and he grabs the chick's head and turns her head like real violently because he's like oh my God you have to look at this and like that the whole just the wonder of the whole thing you know what I mean it was it was like a dream

come to life you're seeing dinosaurs and they pulled it off perfectly I thought the special effects were on point and still hold up, mostly because they were animatronic, or at least most of them were. Yeah, because as a kid, that T-Rex was scary as shit.

Yeah. And the rest of them were, I mean, I mean, even like, well, you know, when he's laying on the,

the triceratops stomach and it's like breathing, and he lifts, it lifts his whole body. And, uh, you know, they're digging through the dinosaur poop and all the, this stuff. And then they have all these

conversations about is this right? Should we be doing this? And the villain in this movie is not a villain. It's man itself. You know? Like, is this something

we should have done? And then maybe not because it totally backfired. I love this movie, man. It's a It's maybe one of my top 10 favorite movies. Wow. I'll watch this every day. It's great.

I love it. I loved everything about it. I love the book, too. But, man, Steven Spielberg really did it justice. I think that he pulled this, like, a book adaptation to a movie with a bunch of fucking dinosaurs and shit. Couldn't ask for a better person to do that. Mm-hmm. I'm impressed.

Absolutely. This is Spilberg at the top of his game, for sure. You know, here we go, guys. It has to happen at least once a year, right? The annual horror returns circle jerk. Is this the movie this year? Well, I'm fucking dress part, man. What are you going to do?

What else can we say, right? I think I'm going to focus on the casting part of it. Okay. I think, yeah, I think Sam Neal, you guys were, you guys were, talking about, you know, you thought that maybe Harrison Ford could have pulled the roll. I'm not so sure. I think Neil was perfect for it. I mean, it

was just like him and Laura Dern were just like wide-eyed children. Yeah, she was great in this movie. They sold it all the way. Attenborough, he, oh my God, he was like the island of Dr. Moreau. Yeah. For me. It was like, he had

great intentions and he wanted to be Walt Disney reincarnated. But he just, he was, just so, first of all, he hired people that couldn't be trusted. He was terrible at human resources. Obviously. He paid all the wrong people.

Fucking Newman. Man, you felt so bad for him because you could just see it in his face. Once things started going downhill, I mean, you just saw his face fall. Like, holy shit, what have I done? It just really sold it.

Goldblum, I mean, what can you, what can you say about, actor Ian Malcolm, right? I mean, he's like, watch this dude now. It feels like he's the perfect combination of Anthony Bourdain and Neil deGrasse Tyson. Yeah.

I was watching. Wow. That's exactly what I thought. That's good. The dude that played Muldoon was perfect for what he did, like the tough guy, but of course you knew he wasn't going to make it. Wayne, Wayne Knight. Is that the guy with the Safari Short Shorts?

The Safari Short Shorts, baby. That's him. Clever girl. That was a good line. Yeah, I think of anything, Samuel L. Jackson, of course, he was pretty young then. I think this was quite early in his career, but he should have got, he probably should have got a little, you know, a few more lines, I think. Yeah. That would be the only thing I'd have to say, but Wayne Knight is Neddry just like, me.

Oh, I'm going to do. I mean, he caused all the problems, you know, from beginning to end. So, yeah, if I was to say anything was awesome, it's just whoever Spielberg got to cast the actress for this movie, I think they were just absolutely dead on. Yeah, perfect. You guys ready for scores, or you have more to say? No, I think. I think we know kind of where we're headed here. I think Harrison Ford may not have done a better job.

I'm not saying that he could have, but I think that if, you know, take him out of the movie and put Harrison Ford in, I think it would have been as good. Yeah, but don't you think people would have been thinking of him as kind of like Indiana Jones, you know? Yeah, and I'm not mad at the casting choice because I love that dude and everything that he's been in. Yeah, Sam Nilda is a lot of horror too. Yeah, Event Horizon. Mm-hmm. I know that wasn't a favorite for you guys, but I loved him in that movie. Not a fan favorite for me.

I loved him in that movie. Yeah, let's do scores. Again, it seems like I'm giving these out a lot lately. I give it a 10. Damn. I love it. I mean, I did, like I said, I did not like the little girl, but I don't think it was enough to where I, it took me out of anything. when it came to this movie.

So, and I just remember watching this as a kid and just, you know, majority of kids loved dinosaurs and this just captured, captured it perfectly. I felt. So, yeah. 10. Yeah. All the right notes. It captured everything.

You know, like you were saying, they looked like a bunch of wild-eyed kids. And that's how I was. When I first, when they play the music and you see the dinosaurs for the first time, it is just, it's an experience. You know, it's like being at a fucking theme park. And I can't remember a movie that's done that as well. I'm going to give it a 10 too, man. I think that this one will hold up for a long, long, long, long time.

For the rest of my life, I'll definitely go back and watch this one. Well, I'm not going to give it a 10, but I'm going to give it a good strong 9. I mean, it's a masterpiece. I'm kind of worried that we're saying too many nice things about this movie. I can't really think of any. I'm trying desperately to find a plot hole or a shitty scene or a poorly animated scene. And for 1993, I can't do it. I'm a beaten man. There's no

way. For right now. You know what? The special effects? Yeah, I agree, Philip. The special effects in this movie were better than 90% of what's out there right now. Yeah. If you wanted to talk or find something wrong with the movie, we could have reviewed the next two sequels after this one. Yeah, you saw him. So give us a rundown. I would prefer to not do that.

Yeah, I'm not really going to do that either because those movies are fucking garbage. Because one of them has a fucking little girl that gymnastics kicks a fucking dinosaur in the face. And I always, for the longest thought Jurassic Park 3 was the sequel to this movie. Yeah. Because Sam Neal's in it. Okay. So, yeah, those movies avoid them. They don't even really have nothing to do with the Jurassic World movies, so...

Right. Yeah, Jurassic World seems to be its own little separate trilogy that they're working on. Mm-hmm. Well, even Sam Neal needed a paycheck, Brian. Don't we all? All right, you guys ready to move on? All right, well, Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom, Now, I really like this director, actually.

He's from Barcelona. His name is J.A. Boyana, also known for The Impossible and the Orphanage. And did you guys see the movie, One of Monster Coles? Oh, years ago. Yes. Yeah, I really like this director. So I wasn't expected much from this movie. Let's see how that turns out.

Writers Derek Connolly, also known for one of my almost bottom five from last year, Kong Skull Island, Brian. Ah. But a movie that I actually really liked. Safety Not Guaranteed. That was a good movie. And then Colin Trevereaux and he actually directed

the original Jurassic World movie, which I made, I don't think I tried to hide it that I fucking hated that movie, did I? No. I don't think you made it pretty clear. So shot in Hawaii.

and the United Kingdom under the code... Well, they were shooting it. They were calling it the code name Ancient Future, so nobody could figure out what they were filming.

On August 13th, 2015, it was announced that Jurassic World sequel would be released in the UK before being released in the U.S. And that was on June 7th. That's not a good sign, I don't think. That's kind of weird.

Seems weird. They're doing that a lot lately, though, it seems like. Yeah, because, I mean... But with what movies? Not the big name shit. Big blockbusters, right? I know, but I know they didn't do that with the latest, like, Avengers. I don't think it was, I think everything was released on the same day.

Are you sure? I'm almost positive. If I'm wrong, I'm sure somebody will tell me I'm wrong. Maybe we can get our friend Nate Peterson to tell us who lives in the UK, because I could have sworn they got that movie first. Like Avengers and Star Wars and shit that is like on that level. I don't think that they do that with. Hmm.

Well, they sure don't. And I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm sorry. Um, I kind of would have put this on there because this is a billion dollar franchise. Right. Yeah. And this will, this could, I mean, it, it was available. I'm just saying that, but I, it's not a, it's not a, hey, let's test this out in another market. Yeah.

Yeah. It was out there, it was out there, but I chose not to watch it because I felt like this was a theater. this is a theater experience movie and for them to put it out what was it the seventh and it comes out the 22nd here that's a long time yeah kind of weird

wish I'd have known it was out there all right well one more piece of trivia and then we'll uh we'll let you we'll let you boys have at it um j a bojona was considered he considered Ian Malcolm a great character while producer Frank Marshall said the world

has changed a lot since Ian Malcolm went to Jurassic Park and we need his point of view now more than ever. He told us about chaos theory and he was right. Who went first on the last one?

I did. All right, Phil. You're the one who said you were dying to talk about this movie, man. All right. I was a little underwhelmed with this one man yeah dude i don't know how you can say i i i i like the first Jurassic world way better than this one

oh dude it was a fun time i love it when we disagree man it was a fun time i think it was it was a fun movie to watch and if you you know put your brain on the shelf and check it and and and just watch it and have fun with it then then great um I think that it did kind of the same thing as Suicide Squad, where maybe the plot was not the best. You know, maybe the writing wasn't awesome. But the actors and the director made up for it and made the movie entertaining nonetheless.

And that's the first one. Well, that was suicide squad is what I was saying. The first Jurassic World. No, I'm talking about this. Jurassic World. Okay. All right. Because I think that

I think that the writing was terrible. Some of the reasons for introducing the characters were stupid. Some of the reasons for doing the things that they did were stupid. But, you know, I mean, there were dinosaurs and it was great.

Even though they just straight ripped off a lot of the scenes from like the first one. It just, it didn't have that same wonder. that Jurassic Park did. And I know it's not fair to compare this to Jurassic Park. No, it's totally fair, dude.

I mean, this is a major film they've released, and we're having to pay top dollar ticket price to go see it. Hell yeah, it's fair, dude. And, you know, like, it's... But to compare it to something that's a masterpiece like that, I don't know. I feel like if they put that much money into this movie, get somebody who can write a fucking coherent story. please.

Dude, this should be, technically, this should be better than Jurassic Park because they spend so much more money on it. It's got probably better actors, arguably. Arguably. I love Chris Pratt, you know? I mean, I didn't have a problem with really any of the actors. I didn't have a problem with the directors. I didn't have a problem with the dinosaurs.

I thought that that was cool. I just thought that the writing was lazy and stupid, and they were just, they were, they were making this movie so that they could make the next movie. Like, I'm really excited about dinosaurs like in the real world, which supposedly is what is going to happen in the next movie, I assume.

Well, but how would we know that since we're not in a spoiler yet? Well, but that's what they basically show you that in the previews, yeah? Okay, okay. Fair enough. And so this is, this is just their way of getting there. I just felt like it was a really lazy way to do it.

And, uh, had they had maybe some better writing, um, maybe not ripped off so much shit and just, ah, uh, we're, we're, we're, we're in perfect agreement then. Yeah. I was just, I was, I was, I was really disappointed when I walked out of the theater on this one. My wife loved it. The kids loved it. Right. I did not. Brian, you mind if I jump in?

Yeah. I got to, man. Because here's why. This is probably the worst written. This is the worst script. There's fucking movies on the sci-fi network. There's asylum movies that are 10 times better scripts than this piece of shit. Dialogue, Idea, plot line.

Everything about this script is utter garbage and, trash. But for some reason, well, I went into this movie wanting so badly to just hate it. Because I fucking hated Jurassic World. I hated it. I hated everything about it. The story, the acting, I thought the special effects were terrible. Nothing about the Jurassic World movie did I like. And when I went into this one and you saw that first scene, we can go ahead and go into this now, but there's a scene where, because this is literally the opening scene, where a guy kind of like almost gets away from something, but then something else bigger shows up. And I'm like, that's so fucking dumb. Oh, yes, I'm going to hate this movie. Everything about

this movie I'm going to hate. I can't wait to get on the podcast to talk about how horrible it is. But I don't know what happened, guys. For some reason, when they brought the main characters in and they started into this ridiculously stupid, assonine story of why this is happening and why they would bring them in, I just kind of fell in love with this movie. From an action point of view, I just loved watching everything that was going on in it. And you get into some of the Bond villain-type garbage toward the end,

and I enjoyed that. It was like watching a cartoon. It was like watching a cartoon. I loved it. What kind of villain? We'll get to that. I can't explain why I had so much fun in this movie, guys, but I did. I really enjoyed it.

I really loved, I don't know if it was the chemistry with Bryce Dallas Howard. By the way, she's cute as hell. Yeah. I had never really noticed that before. And that is amazing because not putting down Ron Howard or Clint Howard, but, you know. What? What? My mind is blown.

Is that his dog? Water? Yeah. I had no idea. I thought we were just talking in general about gingers. Yeah, not putting down her family or nothing, but, you know, things could have went completely different. All right. She is smoking. And Ron Howard is a goofy-looking motherfucker.

And he's ten times handsomer than Clint Howard. All right, Brian, what do you think, man? First thoughts. Okay. This is a little weird because Philip. For majority of our shows that we've done, you and me have been eye to eye with everything. Yeah. But I had fucking fun watching this movie.

I'm going to keep it simple. Yes, the dialogue was fucking horrible. The story was simple as shit. But I just wanted to see dinosaurs tear shit up. I felt like in a lot of these Jurassic Park movies in Jurassic World, you don't get a lot of dinosaurs. You got dinosaurs in this. one. And I kind of just felt like, yeah, it was fucking stupid why they needed to get them off the island.

But that is just a reason for me to have another Jurassic World movie where they are going to fuck shit up again. That's all that. Maybe I'm just simple when it comes to these movies. I just want to see dinosaurs tear shit up. But the cast was, it was, they were okay. They were there. I mean, we didn't even, Toby Jones was in the movie. I didn't even know he was going to be in that movie.

I didn't know Ted Levilliv. the being yeah James Cromwell James Cromwell's in this Jeff Goldblum's in this and he was in it enough enough enough because it kind of it kind of goes with his character

why he was in it as much as he I'll talk about that later but just I thought the movie was fun I mean I brought my daughter and she went through all kinds of emotions there was a part in the movie where she was kind of tearing up there was other parts where she was holding on to my arm because she was a little scared and you know it I think for for that reason I think the movie did what it was supposed to do and um yeah have fun with it yeah I thought I thought so too man I was I was pleasantly surprised I mean

there's there's a lot we have to probably go into spoilers for but you yeah because there's one thing that's fucking I will say it's fucking stupid as shit and we'll get all it was a All stupid, dude. No, there was one that was tippy top stupid for me. Are you, are you basically saying that they went to a whole lot of trouble to do something that they could have just, like, done without having to hire all these people and pay them all this money to do it? They could have just snuck in there and just grab something.

There was no one policing it anyway. Okay, anyway, whatever. Yeah. I'm curious. We're going to spoil the hell out of this immediately. All right. So, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll do scores. I'm going to say, man, I'm going to give it.

I gave Suicide Squad a 6 because despite the terrible story and nonsensical writing, it was still fun to watch. I think this one falls in that same category. I'm going to give it a 5.5. All right. Maybe just because I've watched a lot more movies than I did back then. But it's, I don't know, man, it was fun to watch. It was just fucking stupid. There were so many stupid things.

And I was like, man, like, if you're going to spend that kind of money on this movie, fucking hire Michael Crichton to write the goddamn thing. He's dead. He got a cancer. Oh, did he? Well, there's a problem. He's not available. Now they could have cloned him.

Well, I'm here. They could have hired somebody that wrote to write this movie. Like, how did they not read it and go, we did that the last movie. We probably shouldn't do that again this time. You know? Sure.

Something along those lines. But no. I think it was still enjoyable to watch. If you're going to see it, probably go see it in the theater because it's dinosaurs and they're tearing shit up and it's awesome. Mm-hmm. Yep, that's what I would say. See it in the theater. Yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to go a little higher. I'm going seven, man. I did. I actually just, I had fun. This is my, this, this is this year's Transformers the last night for me, a movie that I should have fucking hated that I went in wanting to hate so desperately. But I actually had fun in spite of myself and felt like a little kid.

Right. Everybody's shit on that movie when it came out. It was pretty good. Absolutely, especially Nes, right? all right brian um i don't know if this has ever been done but i'm gonna give it a 7.75 whoa wow i just i had fun i didn't even and i didn't even realize the movie was like over two hours i just it just i was just having fun with my kid yeah dinosaurs i agree man shit i felt like a little kid brys dallas how it's the hottest shit yep and i'm glad i'm glad she wasn't running around in heels in this one Uh, I'm kind of not, because she was pretty hot running around the heels. All right. Spoiler time.

Spoiler. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. Yeah, because there's not much you can say about this movie without, I mean, like, within the first 10 minutes, you're like literally off the rails, right?

Yeah. Can I give to my most... Stupid people? I'm just like, yeah. No, not even stupid people. Well, whoever wrote it. Okay. The fucking clone little granddaughter who's not the granddaughter.

She's the daughter. What? Right. Why? Why? Made no sense. They didn't even do anything with it. They were just like, oh yeah, she's a clone, by the way.

The whole time I thought, the whole time I thought she was. somehow maybe he had some kind of relationship with somebody that, yes, no, not even Laura Dern. What is the guy from dress, the owner of the original dress? Who? Hammond? Yeah. I thought maybe he, there was some sort of relationship between their families or something. Or even it could have been the little girl in the first one's daughter.

Yeah, something. It's been only years. A ready player one moment or something. Like you, Brian. Yeah, like when I seen the picture, when she finally took the picture out the book and it was a picture of the, I guess the original little, I already knew they fucking clone this little girl. And I'm just like, why? Yeah. Neither that or I don't know.

She was just, it just gave me this feeling. I'm like, are they going the whole cloning people route now? But they didn't even do anything with it, though. It was just a completely, point. plot line. True. Like, it had nothing to do with anything. Had she not been cloned?

Would the movie have been any different at all? Not at all. No, she could have just been another, I mean, it would have been just like the other movies, but she could have just been another kid just loved dinosaurs and knew a whole bunch of shit about them. But no, she was cloned.

Oh, well, in that case. She took it pretty well, too. I mean. Well, yeah, there was no need for that. She's got dinosaurs trying to eat her. Plus her guy that she thinks is her dad. I don't know who

the fuck this guy is to her, but he's obviously a fucking evil supervillain. Why? I don't know. Yeah. And tell me the minute you guys saw him on screen and the minute you saw Ted Levine on screen, you

did not know they were going to be bad guys. Ted Levine, you knew the double cross was coming. But bad guys, and then, like, why did he, what reasoning could you have in that moment when he finally finds blue to, A, shoot the fucking dinosaur, dumbass, why are you doing that? And then, B, shoot the fucking person. Why would you, what, what do you have to gain from any of that? He could, he could have just laid low the whole time and let it happen. happen. And then once it was all done, he could have said, see ya. Thanks for helping us. And then it would have been all done. And he wouldn't have had to leave him on the fucking island to die.

Yeah. Unbelievable, man. It would have made better to hold off that reveal that he's a bad guy. Because it might have gave you a little misdirection. Like, okay, maybe he's not. If had it been better written, that would have happened. Yeah. Yeah. Or if he had some sort of reason to shoot him. You know, maybe he fucking fucked his wife or something. You know something. Give him something. And he's like, no, I'm just going to shoot you because I'm an evil dude. And because I'm a dumbass. All right.

But hey, I will say this. I think that J.A. Boyona did a much better Stephen Spielberg impression than, say, for example, J.J. Abrams. When he tries to do his Spielberg impression, I think this was a beat-for-beat Spielberg-Apearlberg-eight movie. It wasn't a Spielberg movie. It wasn't even close to it. It wasn't even in Spielberg's shadow. But you've got to admit, some of the feelings in this movie, did they not remind you of some of the feelings you felt in some of Spielberg's best films?

Yeah. I didn't have a problem with the acting or the directing or anything. I think it was just written really poorly. How about Chris Pratt running away, running through the jungle, doing his best Indiana Jones impersonation there of the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark, right? Run with the dinosaurs from the lava.

He was a little, I don't know, kind of vanilla to me. Kind of plain. Yeah, it was just, I mean, he had some lines that were kind of like, he said it and I was kind of ha ha ha, ha, ha, you know, but others, those just, I don't know.

I would agree, but I thought, I thought he was like super vanilla in the original Jurassic world. He was just terrible in that one. I thought it was in this one, he was finding his footing a little bit. But we've seen what he can do as Star Lord as far as delivery. He's a funny guy, man.

Yeah. He's got his basis in comedy. Which brings me to my next point. Who is that little guy who was all whiny the whole time? Which one? The one my daughter said, asked me if he was the

nerd of the movie. The nerd. Yes, the computer guy. Why is he even in the movie? why do you need a comic relief? Do you have Chris Pratt? Let him be a comic relief. True. I didn't like totally hate it though. No, I mean I didn't hate him.

I thought that he did a pretty good job of comic relief, I guess. But why did you need him in the movie? Again, it would have made no difference if he wasn't in it. Not true. Not true. I'm going to tell you exactly why. You ready? Sure. Chris Pratt acts the way that when we're watching it, we think that is how we would act in that situation.

This kid acts the way we would really actually act if we were in this thrown into the situation. I kind of fall in with Jeff Goldblum's character because, like I said, it fit the amount of time he was in the movie because there's no way he's going back to the fucking island ever. Because he was basically like they all should just probably die on the island. and that's why I thought he kind of fit his whole character because there's no reason for him to even have anything to do other than to say we need to have them die on the island so I don't know okay that's where I would fit in

is with Jeff Goldblum so I'm not going I like Chris Pratt as a tough guy but they could have made him a little more funny just and and I wasn't mad at the little nerdy guy. I think he was pretty funny. He just didn't really serve a whole lot of purpose.

I did kind of like the other chick, the little animal vet. Oh, yeah. Wow. She was kind of cute. Yeah. Probably why I liked her. Yeah, she served the purpose.

Her character served a purpose. Yeah. She was a strong character. I liked her. Ish. Ish. I don't know I just

the whole evil villain thing I don't think needed to like why do you need the evil villain I think that despicable me right the fucking dinosaurs are

are wrecking shop enough okay and people do stupid things and that's sort of the point of the Jurassic Park movies you don't need the evil corporate villain who is who puts money above the safety of the entire fucking planet. Because he is oblivious to the world.

You know what I mean? It's just, it was, they went cartoon with it. Like you said he was a cartoon villain? That's exactly what he was. They went super cartoon with it. And it was, it was despicable me, man. But like, without the lovable villain. So here's my question.

You ever made $100 million on a Tuesday? All right. Well, see, that's, I'm glad you mentioned that, Brian, because I don't know, my mind's blown here. I don't even know how to verbalize this question. Why would you go and spend that much money to those people that went and got them when the whole fucking park and island was abandoned, as you could tell from the beginning of the movie,

why wouldn't you just fucking send a ship over there and grab them your fucking self and take them for free? Spend a few grand on a helicopter and go pick a couple of them motherfuckers up. You're like, $25 million. I'm going to go with the reason of they wanted someone else to take the risk for them. But they're going to buy the most dangerous dinosaur on the face of the planet. And then they're like, hey, yeah, we'll just take him in the cage. He's fine.

We'll put him in a collar. We'll give him. It's okay. Yeah. I mean, how did you guys feel about the new dinosaur? What's you going to do with the dinosaur? How do you guys about the Indo Raptor?

I tell you, what I thought, when I heard Endo Raptor, I thought it was fucking Snoop Dogg, and Dr. Dre have a new fucking dinosaur. It's a hybrid strain, maybe. That would have been great. I thought that it,

that was my point. That is the same militarized shit that they were doing with the last one. There's a reason they don't like militarized fucking elephants and tigers and shit, why would you do it to dinosaurs? It makes no sense.

You can get a gun and shoot some shit faster than you can throw a dinosaur out on the field and hope that he's going to go in the right direction. I kind of like that they actually didn't just talk about militarizing them. They actually did it. I mean, you can shoot a little laser beam from distances and just send a, you know,

I mean, I don't know. It's stupid. And then what? Picking back. I don't know. It just seems like a long way to go. Get to your point where you, I mean, if you're going to shoot a laser on somebody, you may as well hit him with a fucking bullet.

Well, that's, that was, I can't believe I'm trying to make sense that. That was the whole reason they were trying to breed him with the raptors because of Chris Pratt's whole research that you can, you can train them to be obedient. Yeah. I mean, it's stupid, but. No, no, no, no. I'm just trying to go. They're pretty cooperative for the most part until they, uh, until they, uh, until they,

uh, until they, until they, until they bit what's his face is face off. I'm, uh, I'm, I'm just reaching here, but. Yeah, you're reaching, brother. I don't know. It was, it was, it was, it was like the same plotline from the last movie. They just moved it to a different location. And, uh, yeah, I mean, you guys are right. I, speaking, I get the hybrid dinosaur thing. I, I, You know, you can make some cool things that maybe didn't actually exist or whatever, but why? And speaking of tigers ripping off Vegas entertainers faces, how about that after credit scene, guys?

What the fuck? I waited for like 10 minutes for that shit to come on and it was like a 10 second video of a bird. I don't give a shit. It's a taradactal sitting on a building. Wow. But where was that building, Brian? Las Vegas. Oh, yeah.

Jurassic World Creek Vegas, baby. They seem to bypass every other town and go to Vegas. Why not? Why not? Is that where they were? Is that where the dinosaur auction was?

No, no, no, no. No, it was in Northern California. Ethan Embry needs to show up and reprise his role as Mr. Papa Georgio, guys. Ah, from Vegas vacation? Hell yeah. yeah now to think about it it was they because they were in california so oh yeah northern

california right yeah so i guess that's not too far but those dinosaurs were popping up all over the world remember i liked a lot of the scenes i liked probably my favorite scene in the movie um was from the trailer because most of them were um the uh the the the the the the the the the the gigantic alligator thing from the last movie, swimming through the water and eating that surfer? Yeah. It was great. They got that from Rampage, huh?

Yeah. My daughter got a little misty-eyed with the ship leaving the dinosaurs on the island. I did too, man. Oh, yeah. That was kind of sad. Yeah, got misty-eyed too, man. Because she leant over and was like, I thought they were supposed to take all of the dinosaurs. You know what?

I got misty-eyed on that scene and where the little girl founder grandpa did. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That was tough, man. There was some emotional beats in this every now and then, I mean, they were there. I had fun in it. Philip, I'm sorry you didn't have as much fun, man, but. No, I did.

I think I just tried to look at it through a critic's eye. Yeah, maybe two, I don't know, maybe I was trying to make it too real. Right. It was just the whole super, very. villain guy was ridiculous. How do you get to where you're at if you act

like that? You don't. How did they get everybody to show up without any cops or federal agents showing up? Toby Jones. Toby Jones made it happen. I guess he was well connected, huh? He's a creepy little dude. He could do it. Oh, he shows up in

all these movies, doesn't he? And you know what? You never know he's in the cast. He just watched the movie and then Toby Jones. Yeah. What about that TV show that he was in that, um, uh,

come on, help me up, Brian. I know you saw it. Um, not Twin Peaks. It was called something else. Uh,

goddamn it, where they were, come to find out at the end, or about halfway through you, found out they were like in the far future. And they were like, they'd been put in deep freeze because they came from like a post-apocalyptic world. Oh.

It sounds familiar. Somebody helped me out here. Philip, did you see this movie? No, I'm not sure what you're talking about. It's a, oh, Wayward Pines? Wayward Pines, yeah. Thank you. There you go.

He was like the mastermind in that show, too. He seems, see, now if he had been the evil villain and maybe a little smarter than shitbag we got in this one, it might have worked a little better. I believed him. I didn't believe shitbag in this one. Yeah, maybe possibly if he survived and made it out of this, he could have kind of took, because there was no one really left to oversee this whole operation they had.

Well, he definitely didn't make it out. No, he didn't. They made no bones about that. Well, that's Jurassic World Falling King. them. Looking at the numbers, it's already, it's over a 500 million already. All right.

And they're estimating, they're estimating 140 for the weekend. Bottom line, whether we tell you guys to see it or not, makes no fucking difference. It's a big movie. Yeah, we definitely all mildly recommend it, though, yes? Yeah. If you don't watch this, watch Jurassic Park. Yeah.

Yes. It was a fun time. I like, I don't, I don't know how you shit on Jurassic World so much and you like this one, to be honest with you. Because I like the, I like Jurassic World better than this one. We'll save that for another show. Yeah. So anyway, as always, we want to thank you guys for listening to another episode of The Horror Returns. We would love to hear your feedback and ideas.

You can reach us at the Horror Returns at gmail.com. Look for us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. pod bean, just do a search for the horror returns. And look for us on iTunes, and if you like what you hear, rate us and review us. You will be rewarded for doing so. And next week, Philip, I swear to God, dude, if you pick any fucking minute work music for next week, brother.

Oh, you know what's happened. I'm gonna shit. All right, we're going down under, mate. the horror films of Australia and who's going to join us Brian Super Marcy and Bede Germain and I asked

Brian I'm certain didn't mean to hurt your feelings Philip but I knew Brian would correct would pronounce Beid's name correctly I couldn't count on you oh yeah no that's fair

I totally intend to mispronounce it when he gets on the show. Should be fun. It's fine. It's fine. I showed my wife just to see what she would say. She said Beattie.

Hey, by the way, all kidding aside, I don't think it's on our page, but we need to put it on there. He did direct a short film. It's only a minute and a half long. Oh, yes. I've seen that. Emotional little movie, man. I will put that on the page, definitely. I have seen it.

Oh, that's cool. I was like super impressed, man. I did not see that incoming. So check that out for sure. And until the... Join us as we put another shrimp on the bobby. All right, Philip. On that note, until the horror returns again.

Good night, mate.