The Horror Returns - THR - Ep. #256: Byzantium (2012) & Jakob‘s Wife (2021)

Episode Date: April 23, 2021

This week, Longhorn Lance circles the wagons to find Cactus Jay, and they hitch up their horses to join us live from the deserts of Las Vegas to talk some vampire movies with Jakob's Wife and Byzantium. Cool of the Week includes Secrets and Lies, The Masked Singer, Happily, and Nobody. Trailer this week is The Djinn. Podcast spotlight shines on Homos on Haunted Hill. And we get feedback from Jeff Larrimore, Kevin Nez, Steve Merlo, Mikael Carlsson, and Kate Pollock. Thanks for listening! The Horror Returns Website: https://thehorrorreturns.com THR YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@thehorrorreturnspodcast3277 THR Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thehorrorreturns THR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thehorrorreturns/ Join THR Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1056143707851246 THR X: https://twitter.com/horror_returns?s=21&t=XKcrrOBZ7mzjwJY0ZJWrGA THR Instagram: https://instagram.com/thehorrorreturns?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= THR TeePublic: https://www.teepublic.com/user/the-horror-returns SK8ER Nez Podcast Network: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-p3n57-c4166 E Society Spotify For Podcasters: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/esoc E Society YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCliC6x_a7p3kTV_0LC4S10A Music By: Steve Carleton Of The Geekz

Hi, this is Don Mancini. You're listening to The Horror Returns. Greetings, victims. For those of you delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify go, welcome. You have found the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware. This podcast contains major plot spoilers and the foulest of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror. I'm Lance and with me as always, my co-host Brian Phillip. Nez might be here later, but we do have a, do you have riding in from the dusty trail?

Well, would you just sit on a cactus or what? Pretty much. Cactus, Jay. Hey, guys, how's it going? Sounds like a roach. So, yeah, Jay and I are recording live from Vegas right now. We're at the Delano Suites Hotel, which is part of Mandalay Bay, which the hotel is basically free, but all the amenities aren't. Right.

Look at the fucking list of, like, for that. There's $10 if you get a Pepsi out of the refrigerator, guys. Oh, shit. There's no room to put your stuff in. Oh, I found it. Oh, I found it. Go out of the casino, get one for free. Oh, we've done plenty of that.

We have the ladies here, too. AJ, say hi. You want me to say hi. Oh, my family. Oh, my family. Come on, Eras, Emily. We know you're there. AJ.

Yeah, AJ and I just got back from Casino Royale, home of the $1 blackjack and one cent video poker. Oh, man. We've had probably about 24 beers each. Oh, wow. Yeah,

for a penny video poker. I'll have a fist and on butt. It's because the waitress was bringing us two at a time. Oh, yeah. You tip them a dollar there. It's like, They bring you a 12-pack. That's the way to do it.

That is the, you guys have all seen Vegas vacation, right? Yeah. Brian, you remember when Clark lost all his money, the casino cousin Eddie took him to? Oh, where they're doing like rock paper scissors and best out of ten and pick a number or whatever. That's where we just got back from. We had to walk six miles each way to get there, but God damn it, we had some cheap meat. Yeah, that's worth it. All right.

Just shed some light on this one. Lance started off with eight miles, then went to 10 miles, 11 miles. Now he just doubled it up to 12 miles. By the time this is not over, he's going to work 20 miles just to get to his casino. In the snow, uphill, both ways. To Vegas and back. All right. You all ready to jump into Cool of the Week?

Let's do it. Let's do it. All right, Jay. You're our guest. Me first. All right. Well, you know, I haven't been watching a lot of new stuff lately. But Arseli's been getting me into like some really, you know,

some really cool shows that are a little older. Some of them have been canceled. So we just finished Secrets and Lies, which was what? Two seasons long? Three seasons, two seasons, right? That was actually pretty good. That's, you know, for prime time, you know, that's a really good acting and all that.

It was like murder mystery. So it's one of those ones who revolves around, like this one detective. Right. Like first season was its own story. Then second season was its own story. Then it ends like in a cliffhanger. But they cancel it.

So you don't know what the head's going to happen for something. It's done, huh? Oh, yeah. So you'll never know. So the trip thing about it was Juliet Lewis is that is the detective. You know, she always plays a weird part. And she's weird in this shit too. But the first season, it's like, it was like from the person that she's after from

like kind of their point of view. She's kind of almost like a bat character. then the second season she gets a little bit more in the front. So where you can see season three leading to where it's going to be probably mostly about her, but... So they're kind of changing up who the lead actor is, huh? Well, yeah, because it's from who's ever under investigation. It's kind of from their story, but she's intertwined. But she gets a little bit further end.

But that's, I had a fantastic. I mean, we were, we stayed out with another one. Another one. It was like, that's like one in the morning. Okay, just play one more episode. Let's play more episode. They're like three or four in a row, right? Yeah.

Bishing them through, huh? Yeah. Before you know it, you watch like five or six in a row. Yeah. You know, I'm starting to nod up. You know, we got to go to sleep because, you know, I got to get up in three hours and go to work. So, no, it was fantastic. I loved it.

Secrets and lies. Secrets and lies. What network was it on, do you know? It was ABC. Oh, okay. I think it's on Hulu. You can go to Hulu, you can find it. Or we just want to, like, soak the day or something.

Well, here, I'll go real quick because mine sucks. the only thing I can think of that I actually watched at all this week was my wife and I got caught up on the mass singer and I know sorry Danny Trejo was on it spoiler alert which I probably should have said that in reverse order that guy is a fucking midget I have I had no idea how short he is He's like fucking four feet tall, man. Oh, right? And, you know, Caitlin Jenner, so that was a hot mess. That was fun.

But, man, that's, aside from the movies that we watched this week, which we'll get to that, that's about all I watch, man. That's it. Asked Singer. Yeah, and Tiny Danny Trail. Jesus Christ. No, like, before he took the mask off, I was like, I mean, I would say Danny DeVito, but he's like not bad enough. Was he better or did he kind of suck? Oh, no, he was awful.

It was terrible. Yeah. Which made it that much better. But, I mean, I had no idea that this guy was that tiny. He's just got a giant head. Dude, I think that's the mask they're wearing Phil. No, like, when he took the mask off, I was like, oh. I think it was a real mask.

It kind of cracked me up. Unfortunately, we're missing Nez because he kind of looks like him, but taller. That's my jump on, man. I don't get him as, man. He's got stuff going on, but I think he's going to pop in. I have faith. Cool, cool. I want to go, Lance?

Yeah, I've just got one, man. I haven't had too much time this week. So if you want, I'll jump in, Brian. Go ahead, go ahead. You guys heard of this? It's the weirdest movie that I've seen in a long time. It's called Happily with Joel McHale. You guys heard of this?

No, but I like Joel McHale. Oh, Joe McHale. I was thinking, it's never mind. the more I see him and stuff, the more I like him. Brian, have you heard about this movie? I've heard of it, but I haven't seen it. It's a mind fuck. I don't want to give too much away because there's a lot of twist and turns in it.

But long story short, it's just Joel McHale and his girlfriend or they, no, they're married, right? Like, it shows them at a party and it's like they're coming up to meet each other. Like, oh, do you want to go home with me? Do you want to hang out? And then you find out they're playing like they're in public. They're kind of like, that's how they sort of role play as part of their marriage. So anyway, you come to find out there are these super happily married people. And all their friends are assholes and just like miserable.

Like, God damn it, how can you two be so happy? You've been married 15 years. How can you still have the, you know, have that much romance and everything? And then the next thing you know, they, you know, they get home. Of course, they have wild passionate sex. And then somebody rings the doorbell, and Stephen Root is there from office space. You know, the stapler guy from office space. He just comes up, and he's wearing like a three-piece suit.

And they're like, well, we're on our way out to get to work. And he's like, oh, no, this will just take a minute. I'm with the city. I have to come inside. They said, can we pass on this? He says, no. He said, okay, well, it's a city official. We got to talk to him.

long story short he comes in and he says there's something wrong with you guys there's like a glitch in the matrix you shouldn't be this happy and he gives them both am i saying too much a j a all right this is as far as i'm going to go he gives him a a briefcase and they open it up and has two syringes in it this is as far as i'm going and he says you guys need to each take a take a syringe you're going to wake up you're going to be miserable just like every other married couple in the morning you'll be like everybody else you'll never know any of this happen and you'll be you'll actually be happier because you're unhappy and then that's as far as i'm going to take it it from there it goes absolutely nuts and then you find out everything's not as it seems even with their friends so yeah feel like i don't need to watch the movie now

now in minutes it's it's on the it's on the seas i don't know where it is i remember seeing the preview to it it did look interesting very interesting Yes, yeah. Kind of like, I don't know, like alternate dimension type thing, but I got to be quiet. Everybody here's telling me, shut up, shut up, shut up. But, Brian, I'm sure you're going to take the cake, man, with the best of the week, right? Not really. I only got two things.

I got a not cool and a cool. My not cool is, you guys remember we reviewed that trailer, Honeydew? must be a Stephen Spielberg's son's acting debut I've heard good and bad well I'm leaning more to the bad I was bored to tears with this movie and it's well made and the acting's not bad

it just about time the story started picking up the movie was about to be over and I really feel like if they would have just introduced the shocking elements at the end a little bit earlier it would have balanced a movie out a lot better, but I can't recommend this movie. My cool of the week is I checked out nobody

with Bob Odenkirk. Oh yeah, I wanted to watch that. I want to see Bob Odenkirk kick ass some more. All right. Yeah. Everybody, yeah. And I loved his father in it, Christopher Lloyd.

Christopher Lloyd? Yeah, I wouldn't mind seeing a spin. off movie with just him kicking ass. How fucking old is he? He's got to be like 90 something, right? Oh, he looked it in this. But I thought it was super fun. Not as violent as I thought it was going to be,

but the action was pretty good. The fight choreography was pretty good. And the director has said you could put this in the John Wick universe, so don't rule that out. How cool would that be? Bob O'Girk joins Giano Rees.

Wow. And that's all I got. I've been just knocking these other episodes out with Nez, so I didn't really watch a whole lot this week. Well, I got a potential upcoming cool for the weekend. Atlantis mentioned he saw that movie in the movie theaters, right? So for California, it just opened up. So we already got tickets to go see Mortal Kombat next Saturday.

Nice. Yeah. I know it's going to be on HBO Max and you can watch it, whatever, but... Right. It's going to be the first time and over a year that we're going to be in a movie theater. So that's good. It's movie shit. It's still going to be cool to go to a movie theater, you know?

That's going to be the cool part. The trailer looked pretty good. The trailer does look good. Yeah. Yeah, it does look good. It's fun. I totally missed the movie theater experience, and I don't know if you heard about it. I went with the family a couple weeks ago.

and saw some kid movie or whatever. But, man, it was just, it was fun to be back in the theater. It was fun. Now, are they spreading you guys out, or is it just back to normal? I mean, it's mostly back to normal in Texas. I think for us, they kind of spread us out, ish. So for us, I mean, I got on, like, right when that website came up, right? So there had been 20 spots available in the entire movie theater to purchase.

That says for that, that's all they were going to be. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. So for there's going to be, what, seven of us. So three of us get to sit together. Then sets of two. Oh, wow.

Oh, yeah. You can't even put the whole group together. Nope, because they have seats blocked because you got to purchase the seats in advance. So, and they're like, these are available. And these are already sold. And I was like, there's like two that were sold. And there was only a few to see. On my account, I'm like, yeah, they're only going to do 20 seats for the entire movie theater.

Strange. So, I mean, I don't know. I hope they take that into count. Like, this movie didn't make that much. Well, no shit. Yeah. You're not allowing anybody to see. Yeah.

Well, I heard that Godzilla versus Kong did really well. It's killing it right now. Yeah. Well, what other movie would you go see in the theater right now? You can probably catch Wonder Woman 84 still. All right. But which movie would you really want to go see in the theater? Because I would totally go watch Godzilla versus Kong again, but in the theater this time.

That sounds fun. You need to. You guys need to check it out in 3D. Honestly, at this one. movie theater a year I go steal McNealiers

or something stupid shit just to go to a movie theater I like that movie The name heroin story there it is and that all the

movies he's ever done I think so all right you got any headlines for us I got a couple I'm going to start with TV

Christine Elise McCarthy who played Kyle in Childs Play 2 is officially joining the Chucky series

along with a friend of the show, Alex Vincent. Oh, the other friend of the show. Sure, buddy, isn't it? We did not purchase his autograph, Brian, so he's not a friend of the show. That's right. He would gladly be a friend of the show if we had paid him. Yeah.

We wanted a soundbite, and he wanted to sell an autograph. What are you talking about? I'm here because Lance is feeding me all this alcohol. All right, let's see. Not a lot of news. A lot of news. Oh, I got a news thing. What's up?

I hear through the grapevine that they're going to start a Wolverine anthology series. What? Yeah. So, like, you know, one season will be one moment in time. and then the next season will be a totally different moment in time. I mean, probably not for another few years. Yeah. They haven't even cast Wolverine yet, but it makes me excited.

At least they're talking about it now. X, you think? Yeah, I mean, so they're going to do, like, is that going to be like on Disney or something? Yeah, I think that's the plan. I think they on the right? You know what? You know another show that we're enjoying? Young Rock.

right that that's a great show is it probably he's like like 10 years old then he's like 15 years old and then he's like what 20 years old so yeah like that they're gonna like you know so 10 year old yeah the the stuff that's an origin story that's yeah the stuff with him in in college was interesting like when he got hurt his freshman year and like when he was like the star freshman and he had like Luke and all these other people like you know getting them into the club Michael Irvin and people like that

but then as soon as he got hurt like they didn't even know his name anymore oh shit right we don't know yeah I don't know if there's any sci-fi's redoing the slumber party massacre which sounds horrible

yeah well sci-fi means no boo so they're better at least be some goddamn sharks and

I've seen plenty of boobs today walking down the strip in Vegas oh yeah a bit uh Jacob Trimblade

joins the cast of Making Blair's the toxic Avenger remake oh that sounds promising and it is

from the same studio that did Godzilla versus Kong huh well they got the money then Yeah. Hopefully the story's better, but as long as I got the visuals.

Anything making Blair is involved in, I'm interested. And I think that's it. Is that the news? Yeah. Everything else is just rehashing old stuff. All right. Jay, you ready for the trailer park? Let's head down to the trailer park.

Just don't play any music before. take a look at the big the small and sometimes the very very weird and then the ship we couldn't figure out what it was about Brian all right first one first and only one is the gin

this is from iFC midnight synopsis goes a mute boy is trapped in his apartment with a sinister monster when he makes a wish to fulfill his heart's greatest desire and this stars is Ezra Dewey and Rob Brown. I'm glad you explained it because I sure couldn't tell from the trailer.

You know what? That explains it perfectly because when we're watching the trailer, we can figure it out. I was like, I think the name of this movie is My Ghost My Bathroom Ghost. This is directed by Davis Charbonnet and Justin Powell also wrote and direct this. Well, now that we know what the trailer is about, or the movie, what did you guys think? It looks interesting. I'd give it a shot. I mean, what was that last movie about the zombies where that guy was stuck, like, in his apartment? Hashtag alive?

Yes, yes, yes. It's kind of reminded me of that one. Okay. I mean, just because the whole scene of where the guy was just kind of, you know, everything was happening, he was stuck in that one spot. It looked like, from the trailer, yeah, just looked like the guy, the kid was in the his bathroom the entire time or maybe sometimes in his bedroom. Lance? Lance is pissing.

If you can hear that. All right. We'll throw it over to Phillip. For beers. Yeah, no, I think it looks interesting. I think I've seen this one before and it looks cool. I'm surprised they haven't tackled this subject before, the evil genie. Yeah, there seems like a lot of mythology behind.

I don't think we're going to get that in this movie, but... I know. That's probably the bad part. I think they really need to go into the mythology of it, because, yeah, the gin is like a, you know, old school mythical creature, and they just turned it into a genie for, you know, Aladdin or what the fuck ever. You go, is...

You back from the bathroom? Dude, Brian, we had Wishmaster. We had Wish Upon. I mean, there's been a whole... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let's get rid of Wishapon. That wasn't a genie. That was a box. A box.

Ah, the Dibbett box. Yes. What did you think, Lance? The movie Negan was in. And he played Negan, didn't he, Brian? He plays Neen every movie. He plays Neon and everything. Yeah, yeah, pretty much.

Oh, man, I couldn't figure out what this movie was about, guys. It was like his haunted bathroom. or something? When he run out of toilet paper, do they have like a fucking coronavirus thing going on or what? Where everybody's buying up the toilet paper or what? The gin is the embodiment of the

coronavirus. There you go. Then it gets you. Ouch. All right. I get it. Now it's scary. Now I'm ready to go to the theater to see it. By every day, guys. It's amazing.

I kind of feel like this will be a perfect. This will be another like introductory movie for your kids. I think this is not anything that's going to be too scary. Right. The only down part is, like I said, I don't think we're going to get any explanation about the gin or anything. It's just going to kind of be there.

Kind of like one thing, you know, when he gets it. Gets his rug. I am, or whatever it is. Oh, are we breaking Lance early? Already. he hadn't got to the movie yet I'm not even drunk

killing me dude he gets his lamped so is it going to be will Smith or Robin Williams we are like 20 minutes in and we've already broken Lance yeah yeah it may have something to do with those

gummies that I found in that in that shop it was either the gummies the 30 beers or the 27 miles walking All right, the gin comes out May 14th on BOD. It goes well with Tone. What, the gym?

Or in the dummies. All right. Listener feedback. Listener feedback. I put it in a twist. All right. This week we shine the podcast spotlight on homoes on Haunted Hill. I feel like I should.

shouldn't be saying that. Join queer host, Kevin and Chris, for weekly phone discussions. Celebrating Outcasts and Underdogs. New episode aired Tuesdays. This week, the show is covering Gothica. Kevin and Chris continue Girls with Ghosts Month as the Halliberry-fronted Mind Fuck Gothica in 2003. The Most Talk, Dr. Miranda Gray's No...

Uh, what? All right. No good, very bad day. Yeah. An unhygienic mental hospital, a post-rehab Robert Downey Jr., gaslighting and spontaneous combustion 101. Oh, Danny Jr. Uh, invasive camera work, an unhelpful ghost girl, red herring tattoos, a possessed car, and more. Uh, bonus topics include favorite horror performances by black actor, black actor, black actors and actresses.

Hallie Berry versus Sharon Stone and Catwoman. Oh, God. And a pitch for Loretta Divine Driven Urban Legend Netflix series. Is that a thing? Because I kind of want it to be a thing.

Yeah. Why not? And we want to extend a very, very, very special shout out to our long time patron Jeff Laramore Jeff you know what you did and it means the world to us keep listening buddy and one day

you will get your commentary if you can't show us one day regarding the House of Wax remake Kevin Ness says I just got the first go around on Blu-ray

Wow Jesus Christ not even Even the Vincent Price, good version, right? Talking about the one that had Harris Hilton or whatever. Paris Hilton House of Wax. It was kind of fun watching her die, though. Yeah, and you know what?

It's not an awful movie. I mean, it's not good either, but it's worth it. Steve Merlo says, thanks for sharing. Hi, everybody. It's me pushing the Sawyer Massacre Indiegogo once again. Help us get closer to our goal. Back it, share it, and do anything you can to get people knowing about our awesome Texas chainsaw mask or fan film. Getting to film this in Texas will be the ultimate reward.

Between two campaigns, now we have over 200 backers, and I think that's awesome. I have never felt so appreciated for anything I've ever done, even in music. This film is truly, truly will have an impact, even though it's a fan film, and I want you all. all to be a part of horror history. So thank you to everyone that has supported us so far. Let's keep it going and hit that 50% mark. So yeah, go check out Indiegogo and check out the Sawyer Massacre. Because it could be building some history here.

That'd be awesome. Mm-hmm. Regarding the new movie Held. Held? Held. Held. Held. in all caps

Michael Carlson says enjoy the original soundtrack album from Held composed by our Richard Breakspeer here and go to our Facebook group for the Spotify link oh thank you

yeah well check that out Kate Pollock from Eternal Darkness of the Not So Spotless oh yeah Eternal Darkness of the Not So Spotless oh yeah Eternal Darkness of the Not

So Spotless Minds podcast is finally on Apple Podcasts and Google Podcasts. About time. Yeah. She says, we're aware it's only episode two. We're not sure why, but we're looking into it. Both episodes are available via Spotify and Anchor. Link below. Well, not here, but go to our Facebook group.

You get the idea, right? Thank you for your patience. And we're probably missing a lot of feedback this week since Lance ran out of time pulling from our groups. But please keep it coming. Oh, we do have some new feedback. I can't tell who it's from. But we got a pod bean thing. It says, new listener love the show.

So let us know who you are, man. I appreciate it. It was me. Thank you. God damn it. Click our iTunes review and you'll probably win like three Blu-rays. I probably sent all the three of them at once. Unless, do we have any new ones, Brian?

I think we only've had one so far, so I don't know. All right. Well, that's it for listener feedback. Show intro, of course, comes from Steve Carlton from the League Geeks. Our artwork is from Natsulani. And if you'd like to help us out, please consider becoming a Patreon patron. We'll let you pick the movies for a future show at any amount,

and for $5 or more a month, also pick a commentary for a future bonus show. And if you have the chance, please give us a five-star, not if you have a chance, just fucking do it. A five-star Apple podcast review, we need it, please. You may win a steel book copy of The Shining or Psychogorman. Yeah, or a monster hunter. Or a monster hunter.

We got a new shit coming along. If your name is selected. Your name is selected first. You get first pick out of the three. There you go. Pick one. We're going to give them all away. And now it is time for our featured attractions,

which is not quite as intense without music, but you get the idea. Just take a chance. Take a chance, man. Just Brian, mix something. something in there, man. This week we check out the brand new Jacob's wife, as well as another vampire flick, Byzantium.

Good pairing, I gotta say. We'll start with Byzantium. Is that how you say that? Sure. We'll go with that. Because I don't think the word comes up at all in the movie, does it? No. You just see it on the hotel.

What kind of shit is that? But also the guy at the end that kind of like, shall we say, loses his head. Remember? That sword, that ancient sword, he said, I got this from the Byzantium Empire. Oh, okay. I missed that. Me too. That makes more sense.

Look at you, Lance. It's hard to me. Oh, wow. Residents of a coastal town learn with deathly consequences, the secret shared by the two mysterious women who have sought shelter at a local resort. Directors Neil Jordan, also known for Company of Wolves and Interview with the Vampire. Writer is Moira Bafini based on her play. Does that remind you of Schitts Creek, AJ? Moira? Moira!

The ancient shine where vampires are made was filmed on Skellig Michael off the Irish coast. This is the same location used for Luke's refuge in Star Wars Episode 7, The Force Awakens, and Star Wars Episode 8, The Last Jedi. That makes sense. I knew it looked familiar. They don't mean anything to me. Yeah. That's fair.

That's fair. Eleanor kills her victims, drinking their blood, after making them a cut. What? After make a, make this fucking sentence doesn't make any sense. She cuts the wrist with a sharp nail in the same way that Lestat kills some of his victims in interview with the vampire. The Vampire Chronicles. Who wrote that? I don't know.

I was like, wait a minute. I have enough trouble just fucking reading. But, all right. So what did you guys think about Byzantium? Jay, you want to take it first? Well, I had to watch this twice. Once, I started like real late, right? And I'm walking about halfway through it and kind of crashed.

It's kind of a long movie. It is. It's very long. Slow burn. Very slow burn. So, I mean, it's, and then the rest of the way, we watched it as driving here to Vegas from California. You mean you were driving out the desert, watching Byzantium? Yes.

Literally. Literally. That literally happened, yes. So, you know, it was a slow burn. It was, it was all right. It was aite. You have an it on 10. Is that still a scalable measurement?

I don't know. We'll take it. Who's the girl in this movie? What's her name? Which one? The one from Hannah. Oh, yeah, man. Sorcha Ronan.

Yeah. She's cool. I like her. Very cool. Yes. That was the daughter slash little sister, right? Yeah. Yes.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Lance, have you seen this one? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we had seen the movie before. It's been several years since we were.

And I kind of did the same thing. I fell asleep too. I actually made it to the end of the movie, but it was kind of late at night. And watching it, like watching the last 40 minutes again the next day. But, I mean, Hill Jordan, I mean, is probably the perfect director for a movie like this. I kind of would almost visualize this as being in the interview of the vampire universe.

Yeah. Because it's so similar as far as the historical references and the costumes and the throwbacks and the way the story's set up. It's almost like, I don't know, I can almost see this story being written by Anne Rice who wrote all the tales of the vampire. And the way it's told through, you know, through Anna and all that.

Now, the one thing that I didn't truly understand is they had to go to a specific place to become aneworthy. That was very strange. Yeah, yeah. That's like something that's never been part of. But then again, the weird kid, ah, man, what's his name?

The one that was in David Cronenberg's sons, movie. Brian, what's this character's name? I think he played Banshee in the X-Men movies. Isn't his name weird kid in real life? The young guy, yeah. No, but then he was asked, remember he was questioning. Caleb Landry

Jones. Caleb Landry Jones, that's it. He was asking her, why are you able to go out in daylight, you know, why this, why that? Like, I guess they were just, a lot of this was changing up what you expect from like this. But I like they kept some of

the other stuff, like how they never went in in anybody's house until they was invited. Oh, I love that. You had to invite them in, right? Yeah, I kind of like when you go against the tropes against, you know, the sunlight's going to burn them, and then they're the undead. Sure. You change it up, you kind of make them more, not almost human, but, you know, almost indistinguishable between a human and them.

And the fact that you never saw, like, the fangs come out and they straight up went for the neck. It was the fingernail and all that. Just the fingernail. Just the fingernail growing, right? I really liked that. That part I did like. Yeah, that was a little different.

I like the difference in that. I definitely liked the way they set the two characters up because, like, the mother was super, super aggressive with the way she took her things and the way she kind of protected the daughter. But yet they were kind of like the same exact age because they caught in time being the same age because I guess she turned or the daughter got turned. She didn't want to turn her, but she had to because she got sick and she was going to die anyway. Because the guy raped her. Well, you're talking about the. daughter or the mom? Yeah, the daughter.

I don't think the mom meant to turn the daughter. What do you guys think? I don't think that was ever her intention. No, I think she never intended to turn her, but since that one guy that raped her to purposely give her whatever he had, I think that was the only way she can save her. Yeah, keep her alive. What do you think, AJ? You don't want to chime in?

Well, what's about Neil Jordan? I mean, the dude can direct. I mean, every movie that it is beautifully shot, and the characters, the way the characters interact is very human. But, yeah, a bit more slow burn than I would have liked. I'll definitely say that. I would have probably appreciated it if there had been a little bit more action early on. But I do like the movies that take place in these little, you know,

kind of shoddy British seaside towns. Like, for example, St. Maud, Brian. Yeah. In fact, I think it was probably filmed in the same little town, wasn't it? I think so. It looked very similar with the little trashy arcades and stuff like that. And it's somebody who's sort of a shadow dweller like that can kind of hide. Like you have like the carnival there, the gypsies that pass through,

and you don't really pay attention to who's doing what and it's hard to trace anyone. I like the way that that kind of tied into the story. Yeah, I'll take that. A lot of junkies. These little British seaside downs. Are we spoiling? Are we going to spoil it? Yeah, we can spoil it.

So what's your guys' take on? Why? Why the guy made that decision at the end? When he was supposed to cut off her head and he... Yeah, he ended up saving. Yeah, but why? I kind of felt like, because her whole thing was using that power against people that were doing bad.

Yeah. And kind of being her own person, you know, and I think for years he was doing whatever the Brotherhood said, and he kind of admired her lifestyle and what she was doing and wanted to live that way. Right. That's how it's okay. I like it.

Do you think he felt some kind of responsibility for the way her life ended up? You know, because remember he came across her. first. Yeah, but... That's true. That's right. He kind of did what he wanted to, and he looked like, he was like, shit,

I should have spoke up or said something. Right, right? So does he have some responsibility to her and her own? I don't know because originally she wasn't the one that was supposed to go to the cave. It was that guy, but she ended up stealing the map.

Right, yeah. Yeah, that's right. And he never spoke up for when the brotherhood was meeting with them, because they've never had a woman in the brotherhood so and he was not speaking up for he like he he he he sort of stuck up for the the mom uh when she was first turned even though oh that's right yeah and the flashing but i i think he was just trying to do the right thing he was a good guy yeah yeah yeah i can see that and then he realized that's what like you said that's what she was trying to do

was i mean is this almost a superhero story i mean is it I mean, think about it. What you said, you know, protect the weak, you know, and fight the corrupt powerful. I mean, it's kind of like laid. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's very. Except he was actually hunting vampires.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I mean, very a vigilante like. Yeah. Well, and then, but like I get with, I get the mom. She was a little unhinged. But like. A little? Yeah.

But I mean, but, but, but the, but the, but the, but the daughter, I mean, dude, she didn't even know. about the brotherhood. You know what I mean? Like none of that shit was her fault. She learned it at then, right? Yeah. Yeah, she had never even seen another vampire before.

Yeah, she didn't even know they existed. Right. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it's true because the mother hit it from her, but it's kind of crazy the way the mother was where she was just like, she would use kind of her sexuality to get ahead or to do whatever had to be done,

especially to protect the children, which is, I guess, what a lot of women have to do, right? or throughout the history of... Did she have to do all that stuff? She was fucking immortal. She was just... That's what she knew

and that's the excuse that she used to do it. Good point. That's what the captain, I guess, was the guy's name. That's what he turned her into, basically, right? Yeah. Yeah. Very interesting movie.

I like the way it was written. I like some of the photography when, like, they went out and changed and it would show the waterfalls turned into blood. Yeah. Yeah. Dale Jordan's fingerprints are all over this one for sure. Brian, any thoughts?

Just to add on to everything I said, I'm pretty, I enjoyed it for the most part. It is a definite slow burn. Yeah. So be prepared. But I thought visually it looked great. Lance you just brought up the waterfalls of blood. I thought that was a great visual. That was cool.

I like Jay, like you said. They changed some aspects, but they also kept some other aspects to it, which is always a fresh take. And Gemma Ardington and Sorcia Ronan, I thought they did phenomenal in this movie. I really like Social Ronan's character because just all the little thing,

you know, she was not supposed to tell their story, but she was always dropping little things. Yeah. Like about how, like, how she was playing the piano and the one guy, Frank, was like, how did you get so good? And she was like, well, I've been practicing for 200 years. Yeah.

Just little stuff like that. You know. Yeah. I feel like it's kind of the same character that she plays in every movie that she's in. Yeah. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. Power or superhuman powers kind of and like the hero.

Well, just the very theatrical. you know yeah that that thing but you know what I really fucking like this movie man it was definitely very slow and I've watched it before and I didn't realize that I had watched it before

until like 30, 45 minutes into it and I was like man all this shit looks really familiar yeah and it's a very grounded vampire film like they weren't flying and changing in the bats or turning in the mist. It was just kind of like...

Very realistic. They were immortal and they just fed on blood. Yeah. And it took until they really got into the story where I was like, oh, I remember now. Right. But I think it was done really well. It was, yeah, maybe a little slower than I would have liked, but it sort of worked with the movie. It was a very chill kind of tone for the whole thing.

And it was just a really, like, I feel like this would have made a really great book, and this would have been a good translation. Yeah. So. I think someone's joined us. That's what I was thinking, man. Hey.

Yeah, what's up? What are, man? I'm good. This movie was good. I loved it. I had seen it a while ago. Shout out to the Paddy Room podcast. We did it on there.

I love Sorcerona. To me, she's been good and just about everything I've seen her in. Yeah. Caleb Landry Jones, I can't stay in that kid. Too bad for you. I like this movie,

but I just, no, I don't, I didn't like him. They made him a sick kid. which makes sense because he kind of looks that way. Like they could have put, they could have put Dane Dahan in there and they'd have been fine.

I don't know. With Dane Dahan and the Slow Burn, it might have took me out. And is this a horror movie? No. No. But it was a good dramatic vampire story. I mean.

Interesting. Yeah. How many more super dupe? violent ones do we need? I mean, they vampire stories have changed throughout time. First, it was just the ones with the cave flying around, turning into bats,

and then next thing you know, they're glittering. And then they're hanging out, Santa Cruz Beach, boardwalk, and then you put guns in their hands. You put guns in their hands. And now this was just like a heartwarming drama type of thing, but let's add some vampire story to it. So, I mean, I really thought it was a really good movie. I enjoyed this film.

Yeah. too. All right. Scores. Jay, what do you think? You know what? I'm going to go ahead and give out a 7 out of 10. Not bad.

No, it's not. Maybe give it like one more viewing where I can sit down and, you know. Watch it all the way through. Yeah, yeah. Not worry about, you know, hey, is this cop going to pull me over? Yeah.

Or am I going to hit this truck? I'm not paying it into the road. But yeah, I'd like to give it a one view, but I do. what everybody spoke about just the difference of how it was a different vampire story that was the most part of movie for me. Yeah, pretty original, right?

All right. Lance, what do you think? I'll go seven and a half. Neil Jordan's direction, and he's good in anything that he directs. I think these two actresses kind of stole the show. I just wish it hadn't been quite as, you know, slow and plotting as it was. I kind of wish they'd gotten to a little more action sooner, but it wasn't that kind of movie.

But seven and a half, I think, is a decent score. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And, you know, once they get into it, it gets kind of rolling. It just takes it a while to start moving the fucking ball along, you know? Brian, what do you think? I'll give it seven decapitations. Right.

Byzantine sword. Uh, you know, I think I'm gonna go seven and a half too I almost I almost want to go eight dude This is a this is a really cool middle of the night Nobody else is fucking awake and you're watching a movie by yourself Just a slow burn cool interesting thing I liked it Uh

Kevin? I'll give it. I'll go up. I'll give it an eight. I'll give it eight and a half. I mean, I really didn't enjoy it. Hell of good, huh? Not quite, but it was.

I mean, it was really good. I wasn't expecting much from this. I mean, because the first movie I'd seen this little gal and was Hannah, and that was only like, yes. One movie ago before that. Fucking incredible movie. She was also in the lovely bones, which was not as good. I haven't seen that one.

one. You're not missing anything. Okay. Yes. Trying to figure that out a while back. Is Kevin Spacey the killer in that one? I don't remember. Oh, I think he was. He does play a good creep guy.

But he's super creepy. Remember? Spoiler alert. I just said I didn't see it. The detective of that or the tertiary character? I don't know. All right.

Well, we're going to, hey, before you guys get on to the next movie, Jay and are going to, are going to head down to the casino. Actually, the women need something to eat. Oh, all right. Well, yeah, because you guys haven't checked out the new one yet. Yeah.

Where are you guys staying? We're at the Delano, which is part of Mandalay Bay. I don't even know where that is. Yeah. Oh, we're down on the far end of the... Dude, the reason we're staying here is the rooms were almost free. Plus, they've got a really nice swimming pool complex. we got a cabana for Wednesday

and they've got a lazy river a wave pool a beach and then two or three other we'll have a to topple's pool we're trying to talk to wives into going there guys but is there a cabana boy are you in AJ

oh yeah where you're masking the pool now you're talking don't do that all right we're out of here guys all right later yeah fuck the radar

clothing in that Las Vegas. You got it, brother. Bye-bye. All right. Later, guys. Well, thanks, Nez, for joining us and helping us out because now we're down to three. What was the next movie? Jacob's wife.

Have you seen that one? Is that new? Yeah. Oh, I haven't seen it. Son of a bitch. Did you guys watch it? Oh, I know Brian did, but... Yeah, I did.

Okay. And I'm interested to hear what Brian thinks about it, so I'm going to let you go first. But let's read the synopsis here. Anne, married to a small town minister, feels her life has been shrinking over the past 30 years. Encountering the master brings her a new sense of power and an appetite to live Boulder. However, the change comes with a heavy body count. Director is Travis Stevens, also known for Girl on the Third Floor. Anybody seen that?

Yeah, it's pretty good. Okay. And writers are Kathy Charles, Mark Steensland, and Travis Stevens. In addition of playing the titular character, Barbara Crampton, is also one of the film's producers, having spent years shepherding the script to the screen. She said, I read it, and I was immediately captivated. I hooked up with Bob Portal at Alliance. media partners and it took many years for us to develop the project and put it together.

The film had its world premiere on the SXSW Film Festival on March 17th, 2021. So brand spanking fucking new. Brian, what did you think about this one, man? I enjoyed it. It was, this was another, I would say different take on the, vampire genre. I love Barbara Crampton everything she's in. Of course.

I like the story about how she's kind of meek and kind of doesn't really get her attention. Nobody really listens to her. Yeah, she's at the midlife crisis. Yeah, and then you've got the husband who's a

preacher, which they allude to he's kind and maybe he's doing little things with the women of the congregation, you know, on the side. They never show it, but they kind of allude to it. Really? I didn't get that. Yeah, because

there's not really a spoiler. Because you get that scene when the girl in the church, she's talking about her sick mother. And he said he'll stop by her house to make a house call. And then she kind of, Barbara Crampton kind of looks at him like, uh, no.

I kind of give like that. I don't think you should do that. I like what they did with the master because it was very different as far as his appearance and some of his powers were kind of, I don't know, I'm trying to dance around this. Right, yeah, you can't get too far into it. Yeah. I liked everything about the master. I liked his powers, the way he seduces women. controls them.

I thought everybody did find. Yes, definitely. Style vampire. And the story, the story went, it went by pretty smoothly.

This was not like the other one. It's definitely not a slow burn. It moves at a good pace. And when there's blood... Go ahead. The master was a guy? Yeah. Played by Bonnie Arons?

It looked. like a dude to me. The nun? That's who played the master. Look like a dude to me. I don't know. Could have been. I might have misinterpreted.

We'll figure that out. It goes into spoilers. And when there's blood, there is blood in this movie. Yes. I was CM Punk. If you're watching this movie for CM Punk, then you're going to be disappointed. Which one was CM Punk? Oh, he was the deputy.

Oh, he was a deputy. Yeah. Very, he looks very not like C.M. Punk in this. Huh. They made him very... I can't even fucking remember him in this movie. Exactly. So, which is, which is odd because he's the director's other movie, the girl on the third floor.

He's the star of the movie. Oh. So when you hear he's bringing him back, because you know how directors like to work with people a bunch of times. You would think. he's in a bigger part but no he's barely in the movie and he doesn't really do much and

you kind of don't really recognize him dude that didn't even click I don't even really know who that character is but you know what the movie was good I think it was a little disjointed

like it kind of started out as one thing and then turned sort of silly at the end. Like, I couldn't, it's hard to tell if it was trying to be serious or a comedy or serious in the beginning and then a comedy at the end. That kind of thing, you know? I got you. Yeah. And so it was, like, because, you know, towards the end of it, it sort of turns into a Santa Clarita diet sort of set up.

Yeah, I could. Yeah, with the bodies and stuff. Yeah, but in the beginning it's a little more serious. So I didn't really know what to make of it, except that it was different, and I did kind of enjoy it. It was definitely not a bad movie. So take that for what you will. Barbara Cranfton was great, and of course she shows her boobs.

Yes, she does. And still looks hot. Yes, she does. What was your score on this one? I'll give it a seven. I'll give this one a seven also. Obviously, for different reasons in Byzantium. Right.

Again, a big fan of Barbara Crampton. Nez blew my mind by telling me the master is Bonnie Arons, who was the nun? Oh, we're going to get to that. Yeah, I didn't realize it was the nun. Larry Fessitin. I'm definitely going to get to that. I enjoy that guy every time he's in a movie because he's done a lot of stuff.

He played The Preacher. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he was really good. I liked him. Him and Barbara Crampton, they had a pretty cool thing going. Yeah. And Seam Punk,

I enjoyed him in the director's previous film, so I kind of felt like maybe he should have been in this more. But, I mean, what is the deputy going to do? mean yeah this is sort of like when holkogan showed up in rocky yeah he's there for a couple minutes thunderlips in the flesh

thunder lips in the flesh baby but yeah I enjoyed the the look of the master his power is what he was trying to do what he was trying to convince her what she can do and some of the makeup effects were pretty good

and like I said there's, when there's blood, there's a fucking lot of blood. Yes. All right. I'm going to give it, did I already give it a score? No. Okay. I'm going to, I'm going to follow you because I didn't have a score in my head until you said seven, and I went, oh, that sounds about right.

So, seven it is. Spoiler. Yeah, that's why you go first. Spoiler alert. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned.

This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. Okay, so yeah. The master, I think, starts out where it looks like it's going to be a guy. And I think both of these movies had kind of a girl power sort of thing to it, fighting to get into the boys club sort of thing. Yeah. Turns out the master is a female,

which you don't really realize, even though you don't even, like it's hard to tell even at the end. But yeah, I felt like at the end, it was definitely a woman, especially with that little speech that she gives Barbara Crampton,

which gives the movie the name. She's like, you know, you can have anything that you've ever wanted or you can just be Jacob's wife. You know? Jacob's wife. Yeah. Yeah. I see it now.

And like I said, when there's blood, man, I mean, they don't just, they damn near tear your head off to get to that blood and to drink it. Yeah. Well, somebody got their head completely torn off. So I feel like it was like a female vampire coalition because there was no, like they killed all the guys. Yeah, I could see that because that one guy didn't, did he come back? The teenagers that were at the nest? No, I'm pretty sure the dude died for sure. I thought he came back when she took him home.

Who took him home? Barbara Crapton The teenager? Yeah, the guy And that's when her husband walked in And she was like looking the blood up off the floor And then she was like, it's not my fault And he was like, of course it's your fault

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, wrong guy Yeah, no, he came back Half-Headless, mind you But, no, I thought you're talking about the guys In the warehouse Like the two punk kids, Oh, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that dude got definitely killed.

But yeah, no, and I thought that was a really funny scene. It's all kind of like, none of it's really funny, ha-ha. It's all kind of dry humor. A fucking clown. But the guy getting up with the sheet over him and his head is like flipped over the end of his body because she, basically took it off when she was drinking his blood. And he stands back up and starts like kind of walking around in the sheets and bumping into things. I thought that was pretty fucking funny.

While the sheriff is there and our preacher buddy is trying to cover for it. Oh, no, nothing's going on. We're all good. He's just got like a towel over his shoulder covering up all the blood somehow. So, but that's kind of, that's kind of where it turned for me, you know? Like, up until that point, it was, it was almost kind of serious. And then, and then it got pretty comical. And this, this movie also does the kind of changing of the rules, because she was able to go out in sunlight.

Sort of. Yeah, there was a scene when she was getting her teeth whitened with that ultraviolet. light and it just burned the shit out of her mouth. Yeah. So maybe she wasn't all the way turned yet. So was she fully by the end of the movie? I don't know. Because she already fed on many people.

Well, right. But like the master was never out in the daylight. Well, the way the master looks should never be out in the daylight. Yeah. and like even the the chick in the warehouse that was missing in the very beginning of the movie Mm-hmm

Like she Like her teeth were all fucked up I like the I like the The rabbit teeth Yeah kind of looked like rats Yeah Yeah they look like rats

There you go Had like the rat teeth going I thought I thought that was interesting And maybe a more while less appealing maybe a more realistic version of a vampire teeth so that was cool

yeah and the gathering of all the rats and stuff that was like creepy too yes very creepy lots of rats in one place are a little scary so now do they does that mean that they're more related to rats than bats in this one? I'm I

going by this movie, I would say. Yeah. Although I guess bats are kind of just flying rodents anyway. Yeah. But I would go to more bats, or rats, because they just the look they would have, like, when their fangs would come out, it would just

basically look like sharp rat teeth. Yeah. They look like weird rabies rat vampires. Yeah. It was cool and it was something different. Yeah. And so I appreciate that. All right, I think this can't really go to it much.

Yeah, I suppose that's about it. Now that we've lost, everybody, can I be still? Yeah, I'm here. Hey. What did I miss? Give me the fast version. Rat vampire. Rat, rat vampires.

Well, I suppose that's it for today. As always, we want to thank you for listening to another episode of The Horror Returns. We'd love to hear your feedback and ideas, and as always, you can reach us at thehorror returns at gmail.com. We're still working on some stuff, but for now, you can follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Podbean. Just search for the Horror Returns. Also look for us on iTunes or Apple Podcasts or whatever the fuck it's called.

And if you like what you hear, please rate us and review us. And even if you don't, rate us and review us. viewers, but five stars only, please. Real quick. Everybody go check out the action returns. We just dropped the episode on Band of the Hand. THR presents stream fiends, the long

riders, and we are going to start dipping into the Mortal Kombat movies next. And, uh, Nez, want you tell everybody about the new show over at the East Society. We got a bunch of them over there.

Well, we just started, ESP presents Fight Society when we talk about favorite fight scenes and movies or television. There's a ton to come, a ton to talk about. We've done three of those episodes so far. We've got fourth one coming. Writer director, Mike J. Marin is going to be on the next episode. Also, Brian and I, we did ESP, THR. of sports. We cover Jake Paul and Ben.

Askrid fight. He fucking won, right? Yeah. Yeah, then now there's controversy saying that Ben Ascran through the fight. Oh. The interview that I saw him, Jake Paul's not a bad fucking boxer, man. Yeah, like, he looked better than Ben.

Yeah, like I said, Ben is not. That was never his game in MMA. So, yeah, he's a wrestler. He, um, Ben was like, well, he goes, yeah, I got knocked down and I got back up, but then I was all ready to go. But the ref said no, I saw, there's multiple videos from different angles. Uh, the one, the last one I saw, it was right behind, uh, Ascran. When he got up, he stumbled back against the ropes. And then he was talking to, to the ref and the ref was trying to just make sure he was all right.

And when the ref let him go, he stumbled again, like his knees, were about to buckle. And that's when he called the fight. So I think he was pretty dazed. If he didn't move off the ropes, I think he probably would have let him keep going. But once when he took that step, you see him shaking his knee. So they said, no, that's it. Yeah, he wants Nate Diaz now.

And Nate said he can get it. He can get that stock and slap. That's not going to go well. Like, listen, Jake Paul is. a better boxer than most people give him credit for but Nate Diaz will put a hurting on that son of a bitch well I'll watch it

I will too shit I'll get the paper view for that one as far as that everything on East's side we just dropped the new episode 216 oh yeah I think that's about it majority of our newest stuff

is all on anchor just go to anchor or just go to Spotify if you're there. And search e-society. It'll all pop up on there and you can just go and have that it. The anchor edition stuff is on multiple platforms. Iheart radio, overcast, pocketcast, Spotify, CastBox, breaker, and Apple Podcast.

So just search E-society and have at it. There's probably like 300 episodes of this that on there. They're all dealing with the East Society. And when we're doing, Brian and I are doing the the horror returns bonus episodes.

They're kind of like crossover episodes. So they're going to be here on the Horror Returns Network as well as the East Society Network on Anchor. So this and download both of them. Help us all out. Yeah, dude.

And with that, yeah, that's it. Nothing else. Just listen to more Like Brian said we got Mortal Kombat Coming and we also got another Bonus episode coming Is a Paradise Cove? Was that it?

Yeah, that's coming so Yeah, get ready for that and Yeah So that's it for me So until next time everyone Thank you for listening and party on Party on, man Next week we're going to check out

Another new movie with Blood Thursday and dog soldiers bear wolf movies nice so until the horror returns again bright good night