The Horror Returns - THR - Ep #271: Solomon Kane (2009) & The Green Knight (2021)

Episode Date: August 3, 2021

This week, our old buddy Pedro joins us to get medieval, with the brand new film The Green Knight as well as 2009's Solomon Kane. Cool of the Week includes Spider Man 2, Ancient Aliens, The Boy Behind the Door, and Bride of Chucky. Trailers are Lamb, Day of the Dead, and Chucky. The podcast spotlight shines on Horror-fying My Friends. And we get feedback from Steven Lowblad, Eddie Ramirez, and The Stream Fiends. Thanks for listening!

Greetings, victims, for those of you who delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify and go. Welcome. You have found the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware. This podcast contains major plot spoilers. and the foulest of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror.

All right, welcome back one and all to the horror returns. I'm Lance, and with me, as always, my co-host, Brian and Philip, Nez couldn't be with us tonight, but that's okay, because our very first guest ever, going back and reading, and reloading, re-uploading all the shows, I realized Pedro was our very first guest ever, man. What's up, Pedro? What's going on, man? I did not know that, but I'm very happy to be here then and now.

So, yeah, let's get this thing on the road, man. Let's get started. Honored to have you, man. What's up with Kay Fabulous? Well, we just recorded another show recently. We also took about a six, no, about possible, about a three-month hiatus. I did get to go to WrestleMania, so we did record a show. show from the event right after the event. So that was our last big show. But we just came back now

for the people that don't know, okay, Fabulous Lucha Brothers is a wrestling podcast. We cover everything that has to do with wrestling. And we try our best not to be kind of like snobby about it or, or, you know, right now, and I'm about to lose Philip and Lance right now, but I know Brian's going to stay with me on this. Right now, there's a big divide right now with the AEW fan base and the WW fan base. And it's becoming very annoying to go online and I constantly see them comparing each other and saying, oh, we're doing this better, that better. And to me, like, right now wrestling's hot.

Right now, there is a surge. I think it's been going on for about a month or so since they were able to go back on the road and have audiences back in the arenas. And we had the return of John Cena that really helped WWE tremendously before he came back. I mean, they were looking at maybe 5,000 fans per, you know, per arena. I tend to say houses because I tend to be old school, but I'll just say arenas for the general audience here. And now, you know, when they announced him, I mean, these arenas went up to 12,000.

Some of them even sold out. So they're hot right now. And of course, AW, you know, they have the debuts of CM Punk and Daniel Bryan, or Brian Daniels, Danielson, that's your party be called, coming up. and they have those, you know, guns waiting for them. So they're also a hot ticket right now. I mean, they put up, they have, they have something like, I think like three or four shows in Chicago within a two-week period, and they're all sold out or just about sold out. That's incredible business.

I mean, because you're sold out in minutes. Yeah, and you're oversaturating the market. Well, that's what you're doing, really. I mean, and because with wrestling, and I'm sure with anything, really, there's only so much that the audience is going to support if it's in the same. same location time and time again. And so in this situation, I mean, you have, you know, three shows in late August, I believe, early September, and then one show in mid-August, which is the latest one they just put on sale. And they're all sold out just on the idea that we're going to have these two very popular

wrestlers. If you, they haven't even said they're going to be there. But they told us in every other way, but verbally, that they're going to be there. So everybody's expecting them there. So it's given the search of popularity to the wrestling business right now. And my whole thing was like, let's enjoy this. Let's enjoy the fact that wrestling is hot rather than just be very divisive. You know, and the deed is when it comes to like, oh, I'm team A.W.

I'm team W. And, you know, and go that route where it becomes very cynical, you know, because A. Oh, yeah. Because A.W fans are rooting for WW to fail and WVFEs are rooting for AW to fail. And at the end of the day, nobody wins if that happens. So I'm just enjoying the ride. You know, it's popular right now. It's hot.

And I mean, it's not like the Monday Night War is hot, which was like the 20 years ago with WCW. But it's pretty hot right now. So that's what we're talking about over at KLB and we are on iTunes. So if people want to check us out, Kay Fabulous Lucha Brothers on iTunes. And we'll try to get a steady schedule going at least once a month because me and my co-host are like very busy. But yeah, it was fun. It was, I usually get like totally drunk with these shows. and we usually get very on PC.

As you guys tend to do a swap, by the way, which is why I love you guys. But the fan base knows that. So they either accept it or, you know, go look for another podcast. That's fine. I won't take it personal. Very good.

So that's what we're at. That's what we're at. But again, my second home is here with the horror return. Man, I love being here. Thank you. And I love the fact that, you know, I was the first guest and here I am today. And even with you guys, like to use the rest of,

I'm about to put you guys over strong right now. You know, I feel like you guys have, because I've been binging your shows, you know, no pun intended. I've been, you know, I've listened to maybe like five in a row. I've been trying to catch up. And man, you guys really developed a great chemistry. I mean, I really believe that, you know, you guys were always great, but I think you guys are doing your best work like right now. Like right now, you guys have found your rhythm.

There is this nice little synergy between all you. and then when Ness is in there or when you have to have somebody else. And so it's been great. I've had a lot of fun listening to you guys. Wow. That means a lot, man. Yeah, thank you. It's all downhill from here and now.

Well, so, hey, but we've hit the peak. Let's go out with a fucking bang. Oh, fuck. I could feel it. You guys are growing as a podcast, and that's good. Well, hey, I noticed the wrestling returns has come back, Brian. So you, you, too, y'all've got to do a mini wrestling returns. Yeah, here within the show, right?

Yeah, we reviewed Money in the Bank, which was, what, do we like two, three weeks late with that one. So, yeah, yeah. It was what it was. The second half, I thought, was really good. The second half I thought it was really good, I thought. The crowd really made a difference for me. It just felt like a different show with the crowd there. So hopefully we get the rest of the returns on a schedule, and, of course, going to,

going to have Pedro join us. Got to have him on the rest of returns. Cool. I'll be happy to be there. Let's see. I think Roman Raines is doing the best work of his career. He's never been as good as he's been right now. I think AW has got... There is something... There is a dark side with all these new additions to AW

in that the guys that they were preparing for the future, they're asked out because now they're going to take a backseat and that's kind of fucked up. Because they have this wrestler called Adam Page, who was getting over with the fans. He was getting popular. And people were ready for this guy to go to the next level. And now when you bring in guys like CM Punk or Daniel Bryan into the mix, well, the money's with them now because they bring all the hype, right?

Former WWE stars, former top guys. So now it's like, we got to put this Adam Page in the back of the line. And that's the kind of that's the kind of drawback of bringing in these big money players. That now they're going to take the spotlight. and these other guys are going to go to the back that were there already in the doorstep of superstardom. But hopefully if they play their cards right,

you know, Paige would just have to wait a little while longer and then get his chance. But it's still kind of messed up that he's got to kind of take a back seat now to these other guys. But the real money's with the superstars. And then everybody makes money with that. So everybody should be happy right now. Agreed.

Yeah. And there's more people getting released by WWE, Bray White. So, Rick Flair today. Yeah, well, he asked for it. What? Yeah, he asked for his release from what I understand. He's on the other team now, or what?

Well, we don't know that. Yeah. You know what's interesting is that there was a theory going around that this McMahon was trying to play the Cold War angle with Tony Kahn, who won't say W, because he's releasing all these guys. And I think Vince wants this other guy who just went out of money. Like, eventually he's going to assign all these guys to big money. and then he's just going to run out of money.

And that's how he's going to win this war, you know, without firing a shot. And so it might be Vince McMahon is a smart dude. Yeah, because every guy he releases, the competition has been picking them up and, you know, they don't come cheap. And eventually, how many guys are you going to pick up before you got to start drawing some money, which you haven't done yet, you know? So, so, yeah, that's interesting. But the only thing with this guy, Bray Wyatt, is that his character, which is actually a cool character, It's a very horror-adjacent kind of character. Okay.

He, his entire gimmick is WW-based. So it's like, yeah, you'll get the guy to go over to AW. The guy's name is Wyndham Rotunda, but he can't take the gimmick with him because WW owns that. That's what separates him from all the other guys who are more being brought in more because of their athletic ability and their value as far as cutting interviews or whatnot. So much like The Undertaker, I know you guys know the Undertaker, like, the Undertaker can't go anywhere because he can't be the undertaker outside WWE

because they own the name and the marketing rights to that gimmick, that character. Vince McMahon came up with it. Yeah, so in essence, Mark Calloway, which is the Undertaker's real name, he was kind of stuck there for years because what are you going to do with Mark Calloway? The money's with the other taker, but the undertaker is owned by WWE, and the same thing with his Ray Wyatt character. But I think he's one of those guys that they're going to bring back, you know, they're going to eventually just let them kind of cool down,

maybe offer them another contract with some less zeros in it, unfortunately. And if he takes it, he takes it, and he does it, he doesn't. So we'll see what happens. See, man, you may lose me a little bit because I don't know a lot of the new wrestling stuff, but I think I'm familiar enough with it to understand where you're going with it. And you have the most in-depth perspective on wrestling that I've ever fucking heard. It's crazy. Like, you're using terms that I'm never.

ever heard of. I'm like, oh, all right, I'm learning the lingo here. It's fun to listen to. There is a lot of insider lingo that has to do with wrestling that I just can be confused. And I have to remember that this is a different audience. And, you know, I have to kind of use general audience terminology. Yeah, but it's fun to get those little nuggets, little nuggets of wisdom, you know? Yeah. I was excited when you were coming on here, man. All right, dude. You know how it works, Pedro.

We always started out with Cool of the Week, man. You're our guest. All right, so there's a couple of things I've been doing. First of all, I discover this cool new show on Netflix called Heist. Heist. Is that Spanish or something? No, no, that's a lot. I was going to say, there's a thousand different IPs that are called Heist, unfortunately.

It's a very generic name. Right. But this is cool. This is three documentaries shot like three individuals. individual films, but they made them into a television series. And essentially, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, um, they're just pretty much real life stories of heist that, that, that people have done throughout, throughout, you know, the United States over the last 20, 30 years.

And it's like the old adage, man, you know, the truth is stranger than fiction. Some of these stories are incredible. And you look at these ice, because what they do is they bring back the original thieves. Like the thieves are interviewed, like a documentary and then they do reenactments. Oh, I have heard about this. Oh, so I have heard about this. Yeah. Yeah.

That's awesome. So there's three documentaries. Like I say, they break it down into six episodes. And some of these stories, I'm not going to get into spoilers, but they're just incredible and amazing. And just seeing the perspective of the people that pulled them off is what makes it more incredible. And of course, there's like a lot of tragedy in there and some sadness because I think

the overall, without spoiling anything, I think the overall theme, is what makes it. that I got from watching these three episodes was like, yeah, you have, you have, you pull off this great heist and you have all this money, millions of dollars sometimes, but then look at what it cost you. You know, for a lot of people, it cost them their family. It cost them their peace of mind. There's, there's such a big price to pay for doing what you did. And that's the big lesson that I took that when people were planning this, they were not thinking about the price that we're going to pay aside from trying aside from not going to prison there was

other prices to pay by pulling this off and that's and that's the thing that I came off with so it's a lot of drama in it too as well and yeah it's very interesting so if you guys want to check it out it's called heist and it's on Netflix and again there's about a thousand different shows that are called heist to just go for the documentary section

and it's a television show so it's in there another thing that I watch with Woodstock 99 documentary do you guys get to catch that one I heard it was a shit show, right? Yeah. Well, the actual Woodstock was a shit.

The documentary is not too bad, but the actual Woodstock, 99, was a shit show. And man, they draw parallels to the original one. And there's a lot of things that you start to understand that are like media manipulations. For example, like, we're all thinking about Woodstock from like 69, how it was this love piece and everybody was together and in harmony. and you see all the clips online. But then there's people that come on and say, man, people were getting raped left and right there just as much. And you had fighters fucking everything up and people stealing shit.

But nobody ever promoted that. Nobody ever promoted that side of Woodstock 69. So the promoters of Woodstock 69, they fell for the glamour of the promotion of what it was, which was peace, love. So they never learned anything from the, the experience because they felt like, whoa, look, everybody's having a good time and people are loving each other and this, that, or the other thing. So then you take it to Woodstock 99. No, no, no, it's okay. They're just loving each other.

Unfortunately, yes, you're right. So now you consensually. So then you go over to 99 where it's like we're in more of a materialistic era, right? And in 1999, you had the boy band era, you had the new metal. era with like corn and limb biscuit and all that stuff. So you had a lot of angry Midwestern kids that were ready to just rebel for a reason. Well, and they threw in like Limp Bizkit and Metallica and Braceous machine all back to back. Yeah. And then in between that, they just like booked Alanis Morris for like no reason.

Like you have all these anger. You have all these bent are just angry and promoting this like early adulthood angst, you know, and I want to beat the roll up and I want to be mean. And you have to make the women mad too. Lannis Morseh. She's the female angst. But yeah, but the documentary is very much a feminist

documentary and it's kind of like very liberal and it's telling us how like the angry white man was promoted that day and how this was for them and they destroyed all the property. So it's a very angry documentary. Was it legit? Was it legit? Was it backed up with facts?

Or were they just feeling? Yeah. Yeah. Well, they They interviewed a lot of people. Yeah, it was a shit show. They interviewed a lot of people. And what it was was that there was no connection to try to bring harmony to Woodstock 99. It was literally about cashing in on just this big festival with the idea that you were going to see something special. But it had no heart to it. It was very materialistic and superficial.

And so they went in there and they were selling like water for like $4 a bottle, you know. And there's like no water to be anywhere. You know, like you have stuck around, unfortunately. They had a scene, so they had the potter potty's, and they filled up after like the first few hours. And so then these, these corn-fed white boys from the Midwest, they're just like swimming in shit, bro. Like, they're just kicking. And they think it's mud, but it's shit. So they're thinking they're going around.

They're thinking they're going around, you know, like I said, the hippie era, right? Oh, 69. Yeah, we're swimming in this mud and this and now. And we're butt-ass naked. But no, you're in shit, buddy. And that shit that you have all over your buddy. Philip, you and I thought we had trouble at Rocklahoma that year when the tornadoes came through, remember? Right. Yeah, man.

And like, and I've been to some metal festivals before. And so I want to say, you know, wow, well, you know, they put a bunch of aggressive music in there and pissed people off and what do you think is going to happen? But I've been to a lot of metal festivals that were actually super chill. And, but yeah. And this one, like you were saying, $4. a bottle for water and scarcity, and they just didn't plan it very well. And so people were just already pissed off about the experience.

It was like that, what was that resort thing that, God damn it, one of the rappers did on the island. Firefest, fire fest. But yeah, it was like Firefest, right? Yeah, it was like that. People show up expecting some really kick-ass experience, and that's not what it is. And so they were mad.

Yeah, so. The aggressive music on top of it. of that. Right, right. So pretty much by day two and a half, you had like the Lord of the fly scenario where just everybody just goes through their primal instincts and just sets the whole thing on fire. Literally the stages are on fire. Everything's on fire. A couple people were set on fire. Literally everything went to hell. And that was the story of, without getting to more because it's worth watching. That was all right. Stock 99. And they actually have the promoter on there and he's making excuses left and right.

He's like, no, everybody has good times. It was a right of passage for a lot of young men, and I'm like, they're showing the footage of people getting beat up. You want to be right of passage. But anyways. Depends on where you live, I guess. Yeah. And then, lastly, because we have this,

the Spider-Man movie coming out with all the three Spider-Man's, right, from the movies. Are they all going to show up? That's a scuttle, but who knows? I mean, I'm just going with that idea. Spider-Man? I hope Miles is in there too, then. I don't put him in there.

That'd be cool, though. That would actually make it good. Yeah. So I went back and I revisited the Sam Ramey Spider-Man films. Oh, okay. And then I'm also going to revisit Andrew Garfield one, too, later on. Okay. But I got to say, man, Spider-Man 2.

still holds up. That's a great fucking movie, man. I mean, the way it's paced, the way it's edited, just everything about it. And I forgot how, how, like, yuck, yuck it was because Sam Ramis is a huge Three Stoogist fan. And he was still able to kind of balance that, that groundness that it had with that comedy. It was great, man. And I love that whole part with Doc Hog, kind of like when he's getting operated and he has that little tribute to Evil Dead with that POV shot of the, what do you call it, the, the clause or whatever. So all that shit's great. And just the whole story from beginning to it is still awesome.

It still holds up. Still one of the, if anybody remembers this far back to 2004, I believe, still one of the best teasers of all time when they're in the cafe, you see the car coming in, the taxi and going through the window. And then you see Doc Koch for the first time. That's like the first teaser they have that movie before the internet really hit its peak like it is now. So a lot of people were still shocked to see that in the theaters for the first time.

And yeah, man, that movie's still great. And I had a great time watching it. All right, Spider-Man 3 sucks, but I'm not a word about it. Emo, Spider-Man's a little much. You brought a lot to the table, man. So what wins? What's the cool of the week? Spider-Man 2?

Yes. Yes, definitely. All right. That's the win. All right. Well, I'll jump in because mine's always quick and shitty anyway. Um, space jam again. No, no, no, no. So I'm back into my like, I had like an ancient aliens marathon. Oh, right. I was watching a lot of that stuff because I've been reading a book by, uh, Graham Hancock. I don't know if you guys have heard of him. He's a, I don't know what he is. He's definitely an author. He may not be an Egyptologist or whatever. But, uh,

He talks about ancient civilizations that could have existed during the last Ice Age and sort of answers a lot of the unknown mysteries about the pyramids and Atlantis and stuff like that. So it's fun. I don't know how real it is, but it's fun to listen to. Nice. Anything else? I think that's about it. man, I'm just going down the paranormal path right now. Brian, you got a list or what?

I got like 3 or 4. Let's do it. Okay, I'll start with my meth of the week. And that was Masquerade, home invasion movies starring Bella Thorne. Is that her name? Oh, it can't be that bad then. Bella Thorne, the one from... Well, it is bad.

And I got some of the set by... It is Nothing new when it comes to home invasion The little thrillers And they tried to do a twisty tourney at the end That you you saw coming And it is nothing Nothing special about it

They try to cast her Not as the victim But as part of the people invading And it's It's not good Pedro No I was bored tears with that movie, man. First of all, it was, it was only like an hour and 18 minutes,

but you could tell. And it just kept going. Yeah. They didn't have a story to warn an hour and 18 minutes. So they would linger on these scenes for like what seemed on minutes on end because there was this scene, a couple of scenes actually, of this girl in an attic where it would just linger on her just crouching and being scaring crying for like forever. And I'm like, get on to the next scene already. It's just there on and on and on. And again, it would, you. You could tell I had no budget, and they did one of those things where they threw a few bucks at Bella Thorne. She's in the beginning, and she's kind of in the end, but she kind of vanishes in the middle. Okay.

She's part of the twisty tourney. And then they try to get clever. They do that whole soft thing where, you know, they flash back to all those things that we're supposed to connect at the end. But it's just so stupid by that point because none of this shit was worth my time. And that's one hour and 18 minutes. I'll never get back in the rest of my life. Oh, no. Oh, what a shame.

Hard to have too many twists in a home invasion movie, but all right. Yeah, an hour and 18 minutes, too. Yeah, they tried, and they fucking missed on that one. Let's see. Next one's a Netflix movie, Blood Red Sky. Vampire on a plane with terrorists. That looks interesting. That looks interesting.

If it's not Eddie Murphy, I'm out. No, it was decent. It had some good practical effects. some good makeup effects on the vampire. Kind of just, I don't want to give away the story, but yeah, you got a terrorist trying to take over a plane, and there's a vampire

on there, and things kind of just go from there. Sounds promising. It is a little bit long. It does kind of drag in a few places. I hope to God that somebody at some point in that movie said, I'm tired of these goddamn vampires on his goddamn plane.

It would have upped it to cool the week. Only one actor could have pulled that off. Yeah, he's busy. Motherfucking, my bad. Oh, shit. I totally fucked up the line. Damn it. And my next two are a couple of shutter releases.

The first one is called Kandisha. And it's, I believe it's set in Morocco. And the stories... How do you spell that? K-A-N-D-I-S-E-H-H-E-H-H. A, I believe. Ah, okay, I just found it. So should I check this out tonight?

Yeah, it's set in Morocco. This chick, she's about to get assaulted by this guy, and then she kind of, I'm kind of skipping parts here. She ends up summon in like a spirit, a vengeful spirit that comes after men. And then after it comes after the guy that assaulted her, what you find out is it doesn't just come for that guy. It comes for like all the men that are close to you in your life. Oh boy.

And I got to try to figure it out. And there's some pretty gruesome kills in here. I wasn't really expecting the way the movie was going. So that one's pretty decent. And my cool of the week will probably have to be the boy behind the door. All right. And that is what I will watch tonight. Yeah.

Two kids. kidnapped, they're in a house, sick people. I think when you find out what the kidnappers want to do with the kids, I think it just makes you root for the kids even more. Because I'll just say there was a line where somebody's chasing one of the boys that are loose and they're offering to trade. For him to take the place of the boy they still have because the boy, they still have cries too much. And if they take him, their customers will appreciate it more because they like the ones that put up a fight.

Hmm. Wow. I don't know if I can handle this tonight, man. Yeah, that's creepy. So it's pretty good. I enjoyed it. It had me rooting for these kids. Okay.

That's my cool of the week. All right. I guess I'll check it out. My cool of the week won't be as surprised anybody who knows me. I went back and watched this shit. again? Come on. Oh, no, I watched a shit ton of horror movies. Space Doom.

No, that was fine. Watch it like five times last week? Yeah, I was hanging out with Mikey and Lewis and we did a Chucky mini-marathon. Oh, yeah? Yeah, the one that really sticks out as bright of Chucky, or, to put it another way, Jennifer Tilly and those tight black

super high dresses with lots and lots of cleavage. ay ay, aye, she will always be my Tiffany and I think she is coming for the TV series, right Brian? Yep, she's in it. All right, bride of Chucky. Cool of the week, what more need be said? You know what it is? If you don't, check it out because it's nothing but just dumb fun.

I don't know if I've ever shared this story here on this podcast. I once went to the new Beverly Cinema here in L.A. and I watched Charles Play Part 2, and Brad Doroff was there. Just as a fan of watch his own movie, right? No shit. That's my favorite of the Charles Play movies. And then, so Brad Dorav's there,

and then there's people that are getting rowdy in the back. They're just talking. And Brad Doroff gets up in front of everybody in the Chucky voice and says, sit the fuck down and let me see that fucking movie. And everybody got, to use a wrestling term, everybody popped at that, you know, and it was just an amazing time, man.

That was wacky. that's awesome oh man he's also getting a payday for this new one of course he is i don't want he can't well-deserved well-deserved um headlines brian uh i think so i don't know i was gonna i thought i was going to have a lot of headlines because of comic-con but yeah comic-con right apparently nobody wanted to release anything so

The headline is there was Comic-Con. Let's see. Amazon's, I know what you did last summer series will premiere in October. Is that? I know everybody's waiting on that one. Not really. Yeah, man, I don't know. Is that the mouse?

No. They were making everything now, so. Philip, that's another James one produced. All right. Well, that about seals a deal. apparently that paranormal activity movie that's supposed to be coming to Paramount Plus that they pulled from the release schedule is already finished filming yeah because it took three days with a camcorder

and I guess the biggest news that came out is the title of the next predator movie will be titled skull It doesn't suck like the rest of the stuff. That remains to be seen. Apparently, they are going back to the roots. Hmm. Way back to the roots. This movie is supposed to take place

the first time a predator ever came to Earth. Oh, I hope it's at times. Yeah, that's right up your alley, Philip, that's right up your alley, man. Exactly. Everything ties together. There's about to recant about five of those movies, guarantee, because there's no way they're going to keep track of all the shit they've said in these movies. They came in the Ice Age and medieval times.

I think they've covered everything already. They're going to be as fucked up as George R.R. Martin is right now trying to finish these last two fucking books. Well, I don't hate the name of it, at least. Skull's pretty good. That's kind of cool. But I'm a little worried because the director has come out and said he has no idea where that name came from. Oh, well, that's fun. That is not a good.

So So what was he, what was it called when he was directing a Predator 5 or something? Probably just generic predator. So you get confused on which one it is. Project Predator. They've had Predators. Project Predator. I like that.

A predator. Yeah, I'm about to say, don't forget about the predator. Yes. Oh, boy. All right. That's it. That's it with news. All right. Well, before we Before we go down to the trailer park, Pedro. We got to talk some old, dude. We're not getting any younger here.

We're going to talk this thing through. So, Naz and I gave it a nine. Nine on ten and the other two boys. I heard the show. And my toes and my feet were curling up with anger when I was hearing that. Come on. Let it out, man. Let it out.

Look, it's okay to like a movie, right? Everybody likes different things, whatever. What shocked me the most was the praise that you guys gave it. It's one thing to say, you know what? It had its problems, but I still liked it. You guys were saying it was like a damn near Academy Award nominee for all we're talking about it. And I was like, what the fuck's going on here? Like, the fact that the acting itself should give it, should put it above a five, all right?

And I know you guys argue the, oh, I say you, Lance, argue the fact that it was intentional. like I've seen Gala Garcia acting many other movies and I've never seen him this bad Oh come on dude seriously There is a scene there Look listen I know the Asian dude what's his name? The one from Lost I don't know why do we even get a good actor man He's way better than that

Alex Wolf is a great actor he's shown it another Another stuff I mean yeah he had some good actors right But everything was so fucking wooden and then like like I know we all have accents. I have a little bit of an accent myself being a Latino man. But there's a scene where, and I'm going to talk a little spoilers right here. Not a lot of supporters, but just just enough to where hopefully. Yeah, many spoilers, no problem.

Fast forward two minutes if y'all don't want to hear it. Okay, so there's a part there where. It was probably in the trailer anyway. No, Garcia finds out that his French wife or whatever, she's got another accent. I couldn't make heads of tails out of. and he's like he's the one he's the one he's pretend the guy is pretend like

I'm saying how do you say the guy is pretend like what does he pretend and then that's the scene just stops and that was the worst dialogue I ever heard in my life well it stopped because he got old and he forgot what he was saying there you go Brian

you and then everybody has the goddamn Wolverine X-Men mutation gift because I understand that it's raging quickly yeah but when you get a scar you don't age daff? It doesn't follow it so lots. I don't know, man.

If it was 50, 50 years in one day, that's pretty fucking fast, dude. I don't know, man. When you get an decision to take out a tumor

that was the size of a canalove, that's going to take a few weeks, maybe even months. Yeah, which is for them seconds. Well, I don't, I don't know.

It was just too hard to. Let's do the math on it. 300, hold on, 365 days times 50 years. Damn, Lans, you're going to die a show,

aren't you? A thousand, 250. I don't know where I was going to this. We're checking the validity of old science. So that was bullshit. Okay. And then you're going like almost 19,000 speed, dude. Here's a thing.

Here's a thing. They want you to make believe that these kids are growing up, but their brains are not developing. And they tell us that when these grown up, Alex Wolf and the other broad, when they, quote, unquote, were playing around in the 10, which people were fucking, and then

they come on and she's pregnant. Oh, who's just playing? Is that what happens? But yeah, later on, they have the intellect of actual adults when they're trying to swim out through the thingy underneath. Like, what the fuck? You're right. That doesn't make any sense to me.

Oh, man, I could go on and on. Oh, the over abundance of exposition and puns in the... Like, we get it. Time. Oh. You don't have to remind us, you know? Oh, we, we don't have all the time in the world.

Like, the stupid dialogue like that in the beginning, like, it was all foreshadowing about this time and getting old bullshit. With all due respect, dude, Christopher Nolan does that in some of his movies, too. I'm not a Christopher Nolan fambul either. I got issues with that guy, too. But, um, but, um, but yeah, so, and then here, here's the bottom line, dude, like, people were laughing in the theater, all right? and Amnai Shemalun Ding Dong did not give us a comedy.

He gave us a thriller, all right? And honestly, to be honest with you, the only thing scarier than the actual movie old was his hair cut in that movie, bro. Like, this guy hasn't found a good brush in how many years? He's had that, that dead shoe off on his hair for the last like three or four movies he's done. And that's very disturbing to me. Signature, dude. He's got a head signature. He's got that wacky hippie.

I just got up and I got no money. for like the last three movies he's done. And it's disturbing to me because we know he got six cents money. Buy a brush. Either of you guys want to lower your score from what Pedro's saying. No, no, I'm not. You don't have to do that. I don't like to.

You guys loved it. That's fine. I don't know if I'd say loved it. But I need to give it a watch in the theater or when it comes out. And the next one is nitpicky because I understand there's an entire universe and you don't have time to tell us the entire story. That I get. We could cover this with all the other movies.

But when that island was discovered, a lot of fucking scientists had to die in because there was only one way in and one way out. So somebody had to luck out and go through that. What do they call it? The corral. The corral, yeah, whatever. Corral. Coral.

somebody had to go there and survive in order to find this fucking place. But you could have just imagined the plethora of dead scientists that I left in this track. So anyways, that shit kind of bothering. But I'm not going to hold that against it. That's me being an asshole right there. I admit it. How do they get all the bodies out later? Or do they just let them melt into oblivion?

Yeah. Yeah. And the fact that the dog just vanishes. Like, oh, there's a dead dog. And the baby turns to dust in like an hour. that is I'm with you But you know what

Here it is I'm not gonna die on this hill I'll die on the Wonder Woman 84 hill That's a horrible movie And nobody can talk otherwise But this one I get it I get it It's got his charm to it

I did like the cinematography In this movie I thought it was great Some of the shots got a little annoying But I understood the purpose of them To show the passage of time Right I get it I don't know about that Muppet baby style

Like seeing the adults talk with like you can't see their heads and shit. But besides that, and the kids, too, like, they would talk and you can only see their body, but you can't see their head. I'll be watching the Muppet Babies. What else? He said Muppet Babies.

That's just funny. Pedro, you got to admit, dude, he matched up the actors pretty damn good, right? Wouldn't you say the older Alex Wolf looked just like him? All I did was pain a mole and the little kids left side.

Let's not give him too much, crazy. Any random kid, and he put a mole on his left, on his left side of there, on his lip. And that kid was like, he went from, like, charming to annoying pretty quick in those first 15 minutes. Downhill fast. Asking everybody what they do for a living. And then what was the other question? It was very.

I don't know. It was creepy, though. It was very, right in the short books, if you know what I mean. Did I see your tidings? Did he, is that what he said to the big mess? That was a That was the porn parody Which I'm sure is already in development

Might have worked Well you know what That scene with the girl with the calcium deficiency That was a cool scene Yeah And whether it was a great scene And not even I mean

By far the best scene in the movie But Yeah I can see your issues with it Yeah All right brother That's it That's all I got

And But hey If you enjoyed More power to you All right, man. You had to get it out. So I think that means we got to all take us a little trip to the trailer park, Pedro. What do you think?

I'm going to give it a four on ten first of all. So there you go. That's good. That's better than I thought. All right. What are you good movie? Oh, that's the ten on ten, man. Are you kidding?

All right. All right. Brian's going to bring us the big, the small, and sometimes the very, very weird. What's going on, man? first one is something we didn't ask for but we're getting it anyways sci-fi's Day of the Dead I'm not going to read off the cast because I don't recognize not one person on there but the first three episodes I believe is directed by Steve

Kazansky who did Psychogorman the Void so I'm expecting the practicals to be top-notch in here that's all I got to say about this one, Pedro. There was not one line in that joke. Not one line in that, I mean, in that trailer that didn't try to make a joke out of it. Not one. Everything was like, oh, this is our $15,000.

Like, what was it say? Like, he spent $50,000 in the wedding, I guess. That's what he's looking at? Terrible. I was like, what's up with all these one-liners? Like, every single line in this trailer is giving me one-liner. So right off the bat, I'm not taking it seriously. Right off the bat, this is going to

be like one of those self-aware zombie movies, right? That It's very self-referential. And that takes me to my next beef. Like, why do we need another zombie show? No, shit. Like, what's turned out on this shit? You know?

Even with sci-fi, they gave us Seenation, which is a pretty good show, by the way. It went the complete opposite of the Walking Dead and it established a nice little fan base for itself. And then you have, I think there's like the, I think Black Summer is the quasi sequel to C-Nation, if I'm not mistaken, or it's connected to it. Really?

I think it's another show, but it does have like a loose sequel, I think it's on Netflix. But the point is that we're oversaturated. It's pretty good. We're oversaturated with zombie shows. Like, there's no, unless you're going to reinvent the wheel, which I don't even want to see that, because who knows how many times they're going to throw shit at the wall that's not going to stick if they try to do that.

But, I mean, just, I'm tired of this shit. Look, the Walking Dead was top-notch for years. They give us pretty much everything we want for these fucking genre. They give us drama. They give us human development. They give us characters. There's everything that we want. If you can't top that or get at least to that level,

then I'll just watch The Walking Dead again. There's no reason for me to watch something that's below that. You know what I'm saying? So fuck this show already. Although I did like Psycho Gorman, though. That's a good movie. Well, and that seems to be his forte. I mean, even though what was the other one that he did?

The Void, which had no comedy in it. Yeah, I know, which is weird, because he did way better with comedy with Psycho Gorman. Yes. He also did that leprechaun returns, which wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad. It wasn't that bad. I thought it.

It wasn't that bad. The laparcan. So, you know, horror comedy, I did, I'm in. I'll at least give it a chance. I mean, it's probably not going to be scary, but it better fucking be funny. That's all I got to say. I know. Probably not.

that's going to be the the nail on the coffin if it's not funny no pun intended yeah then they just may as well move on one thing's for sure that if it's good it'll be canceled after one season because it's sci-fi

well and if it's bad I guess it'll just keep going forever huh Lance I'm out unless you make us watch it for the show I'm not even going to touch this piece of shit this looks fucking horrible

like exactly like Pedro said, it just looks like a bunch of cheap jokes and no real zombie action. And I was not super impressed with the makeup that I saw in the trailer. So I'm out. All right. If it's funny on the schedule. So much for that. Yeah, it does look really cheap.

Guess I'm back in. He's got to get you back some way. It's your musicals and shit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You and your friend Lonnie. God damn. I think there's more musicals on the way, man.

Lanny or Lonnie or whoever the fuck that guy's name is. I'd be lingy. That guy. He knows. All right. I believe this one doesn't have a firm release date, but it is coming out before the years over. Lance, our next trailer.

We talked about the teaser. We got the full trailer this time. And that is Chuckie. Why don't you, you're the Chucky fan here, won't you start us off? Well, I mean, come on, dude. Dressed up as Chucky one time. Look surprisingly good. Considering I'm five foot six, that shouldn't be too surprising.

Like, if we were going to have like a scream type serial killer movie between just, you know, us, you'd definitely be the serial killer. Oh, that's nice to know, dude. I'm all in on Chuckie. I have been from the beginning. This is the original group. This is the original creator. This is the original Chucky voice. You got the bride of Chucky.

You've got little shit fucking Andy, I think, that's going to pop up. And you got a new kid. So we get to get a new story arc. So I'm 101% in, shall we say? Can't wait. Yeah, we got a Hunter Dunbar in there. Devin Salon. Oh, that's right.

He's in it. Speaking of a whiz. We're waiting for some lines to be delivered to us from Australia. Marcy, Bede, what happened to those fucking lines? You guys were going to send us for our mandatory fanatic. Lance, don't rush perfection. Okay. Hey, we talk about a lot of shit.

What are you going to do? Who else is in this cast? What was the foster sister from two? Oh. Probably the best character in all the in all the movies, right, Pedro? Uh, I guess. I haven't seen so in a while. See, this is, we don't know horror. We can't remember.

I know, you're right? Well, there's a t-shirt on the way, right? Yes. So she was, she was like super, super tomboyish, remember? Yeah. Was it Kyle? Kyle, there you go. She's coming.

She's coming back. You just gave him enough time to Google it. Great. that's awesome. Fiona Deroff's coming. They're no attention to that man behind the curtain. I got dogs barking, guys. I'll be right back.

Yeah, it's interesting how they're going to, I want to see how they play it because this is supposed, the series supposed to be a direct sequel from the last movie, so. Yeah, from Coldo Chucky, right? Yeah. Yeah, that was a whole bunch of Chucky's running around in that one.

Oh, yeah. I guess I remember that. I don't know. They all sort of run. together. I do remember watching that one because we covered on the show, but yeah, it doesn't exactly stick out. I love cursor chucky a lot. That one was awesome. Yeah. Because I knew nothing going into it. And you look at the doll in the first half of that movie, you're like, that's what the fuck? What's up? What's up with this fucking dog? It looks all fucked up. That's not a good guy doll. And then you get the twist and it's fucking awesome. And they bring everybody back in like the last five minutes. I know it's fan servicey, but I don't care. It was still awesome. to see everybody come back from all the movies.

And he literally connects every single movie back to those last five minutes of that movie. So that was a great movie. I love that movie. What about the AI, Chuckie? That one was good, too. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. They did enough to separate it from the original childspread, the original Chucky,

to the point where in my mind I could kind of see it as a whole other universe and just a whole other movie. Yeah. Well, I guess this one's back to the original. original universe, but I don't hate it. I mean, I'm not like jumping with joy ready to go see it like Lance is, but I'll watch it. Hey, Lance, what did you think of Curse of Chucky? I was hoping that that was my Sandcastle graphic novel being delivered, because I like to old so much, but it's not. So back order. Curse of Chucky was fucking amazing. That was. like one of my, probably one of my

favorite of the newer movies. What'd you think? Which one? You said curse, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Curse was good, man. I'm still thinking about. You're waiting for the Sandcastle book to show up. That's why. Yeah, I would give Curse of Chuckie seven and a half, maybe eight on ten.

Ooh. Yeah. Yeah. Good movie. All right. Well, maybe this one will do something for us. All right. Chuckie, October 12. just in time for Halloween. And our final trailer, it's probably one of the weirdest fucking trailers I've seen this year. Yes. It's a 24, so what else do you expect?

A24's lamb. Let me read a synopsis. A childless couple, Maria and Igvar, discover a mysterious newborn on their farm in Iceland. The unexpected prospect of family life brings them much joy before ultimately destroying them. Can I start this off by saying, did that guy fuck that sheet so they can have a kid?

Ouch. You just never know with them. No, you never know. They are the proverbial box of chocolate at 824. His brother comes over. I like that, Pedro. His brother comes over. He thinks he's going to be the fun uncle and he's like,

Hey, what the... Did you fuck that sheep? And I'm gonna take it that one sheep that's following them. This is like a revenge movie because they took the baby from that sheet and she's trying to get it back. I think that was a sheep that was grown.

Oh, okay. Trying to leave these crazy fucking people and they just keep on bringing her back or him back. But no, this is what I think. There's a trend right now of these abstract, like, metaphor for like grieving and getting over deaths. And I think that's what that's what this is.

I think the trailer gives me enough to conclude that it's all going to be their grieving process for whatever they went through, whether they lost a kid, they had a miscarriage. We saw it with Pig, which was a great fucking movie, by the while. Yes, it all started with the Boba Dick. Yes, stuff like that, you're right. And so we're starting to see that trend now, which I tend to enjoy. So I'm really going to, I'm really going to enjoy this movie, I think.

Yeah, it's got a new New River Pace, I like her. Yes, she needs a hit, by the way. Let's just put it that way. It's been a while, huh? She's been a lot of shit, but she needs to hit right now. Yeah. A lot of straight to Netflix movies.

Yeah, especially that Oxygen one that was, I'd rather watch Paine Dry and watch that movie. I don't want to offend any Alexander or John fans out there, but God damn, you would have to pay me to watch that one again. You ain't lying. Alex, you're better than that. You're better than that. Lance, did you get this one before the Green Night?

I did. And the only thing I could do was turned around to the two people sitting beside me and they turned at me and we both said, what the fuck was that? I hope they were wearing their mask or else. No, none of us are in Texas, Pedro. We don't need a stinking mask. Oh, dude, there's a lot of people wearing masks.

now. No, dude. All of a sudden? It's getting a lot different again. Then bleeding heart liberals are making me wear my mask

again here in California. I don't think it's just the bleeding heart liberals anymore, man. We're back to a mandate over here, so I got to wear my mask

when I'm in the theater. Oh, yeah. Whatever. I'm sure we'll be there before long. Well, my mayor, he doesn't believe in masks, or the vaccine.

Or the vaccine. Well, you're double-fucked. I went to a concert Saturday night in Austin. I went to see King Crimson, and everybody had a mask on, so it can be done. But was the mask under the chin?

No, I had it on my forehead. Okay. All right, Lance, what you think about, Liam? Seriously. I don't know what to think of it. I honestly don't, man. I'm completely confused. Maybe I need to watch the trailer again, but

I don't know, man. It looks very bizarre and like... Very 824. Yeah, like Pedro said, it's, it's probably not to be taken too literally, you know? Yeah, that's what I think. At least I hope not. I don't want to see any fucking hardcore porn with a lamb.

Hey, it had to come from somewhere. You got to see the origin story, right? You've paid good money for that. This one, what did you think, Phil? Yeah, I, yeah. It's definitely out there, man. Uh-huh. I like A-24 stuff, but sometimes they like out A-24 themselves.

Hey, that's a good way of space. They do that all the time. You're right. So hopefully they don't do that here. Okay. All right. Lamb, this one is also due before the years over. If you're outside of the United States, you can catch it.

August 20th. So I'm sure it'll be released here soon. Okay. Or it'll be on other means. That's what happens. All right. That's it for trailer. That's one of those movies that if you go watching the theater is going to be you and like two random dudes like three like three chit turns away from you.

Yeah. One of them is Peewee Herman. Oh, aye. Ohy. Watching some sweet cheap sex. All right We're on to listener feedback Great segue

The podcast spotlight this week Shines on Horrorfying My Friends A horror podcast for horror newbies And super fans alike Horrorhead Travis Ibarra Introduces his friends and producers Kate To carefully curate horror films They'd never seen before

sharing fun facts and turning them into fans along the way. That sounds pretty cool. Oh, shit. Yeah. Regarding the upcoming Chucky series, Eddie Ramirez says, is Brad back? Yes, he is. Yeah. All right.

So we'll take that. Stephen Loblad says the only one who's excited for this is Lance. He may be correct, sir. He knows you. Yeah. That show's going to. live or die by two things. How much the pilot is connected to

the previous movies and how much the kid and the kid's performance. The new main kid. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. If he's an annoying little brat that knows it all, like all these Hollywood kids tend to be then I'll... But if he's a little flawed, like we all were when we're his age

and he's relatable, then I'll stick with it. I mean, he looks good from the trailer. Yeah. So, hopefully. And Stream Fiends is back. Yes, we are. Yeah. This episode, Brian.

Back, back. Masker, back, back. Oh, I was trying to write a parody song the other night to Return of the Mac, but changing the lyrics to, yeah, you guessed it, Brian. Although, you don't deal with that in Alaska, right? Just like we don't in Texas, we just say, fuck it, right? I wear my mask. Do you?

You're in the minority, aren't you? Yep, I'm wearing my mask. One time you got the same vaccine, man. Okay. Oh, this kid, hey, guys, this kid was in Mom and Dad, the Nicholas Cage movie, remember? Oh, okay. That was him, yeah, all right. Okay, so he should be good.

He looked good in the trailers. All right. I'm all in. Well, you've been all in for a minute. Well, yeah, it's Jackie. You were in when Don Mancini told you. was making the show. Yep.

Long time ago. Inside info. Yeah. Not that we could do anything with it, but, you know. It was a sound bite. And so did Fiona. So that's more that we could say for little Andy. But I'm not Lance Sandvickson.

You didn't get shit. Oh, I know, dude. That sucked. Well, that's not his fault. Lance was cool. No, not his fault at all. That was kind of like the low point of my, trip to Frightmare that year. I was so

disappointed. Maybe he makes, I don't, I don't mean to bring you guys down a little bit, but it's a possibility that he makes his handlers be the bad cops. Maybe he never wanted nothing to do with you guys, but he doesn't like to pretend. Certainly. So he's like,

fucking guy. It's possible, but I think she was enjoying herself a little bit too much. Yeah, she was basically giggling at that point. Fuck. You fucking nerds. Get the fuck out of here.

No. Everything I, everything that Lance talked to me about was super cool. He seems like a good guy. Maybe he has a story that he tells his friends about that one time at that convention where he waited for these guys to interview him. How good he fucking does. God damn it. And they never showed up. And he's like, I don't know what happened.

I told them yes. And I never tell yes to anyone. But I like this dude, Lance, because yet we have the same name. So I'm like, yeah, you couldn't review me. And he just never showed up, and I'll never know why. Oh, man. He thinks about it while he's laying awake in bed at night. All right.

Well, back to business. Not likely, but okay. Stream Fiends is back. Brian and Nez team up for the third time. Has it only been three? Yeah. Third time for this movie series. I got you.

Oh, okay. Oh, gotcha. With hip-hop duo, Kid, and Play. To celebrate with Kid one last time before he sells his soul and holy matrimony in the 1994 classic House Party 3, which I didn't even know existed. Well, until Ness brought it up, I didn't know there was a four and five, and I jumped on both of those grenades for everybody. Well, we won't then. Yeah, everybody was so upset that LeBron wants to remake Housework. party after watching four and five, go ahead. Go ahead, man.

Why not? Yeah. Why not? That'd be a good one to remake, I think. I'm not mad at that. With LeBron's acting skills from, uh, well. Oh, he doesn't want to be in it. He just wants to make it with his company. Okay. Well, I'm, I'm better with that than with him being in it, because that would be bad. Maybe he did get it. Let's not, let's not down talk his acting skills. Michael Jordan was that much of a better actor.

No, he really wasn't. A little bit better. More personality. Michael Jordan's an asshole, so. But he was a better basketball player, so there's that. Maybe you get Megan the stallion for the next house party movie. Make it from the girl's point of view, right? Hey, that might not be a bad one.

I said it might be a bad idea. All right. Yeah. Yeah, all right. Anyway, so there's that. Brian posted a poll in the group page. What's your favorite M-night Shama Lama Ding-Dong movie? And the Sixth Sense runs away with it, which I would have totally expected except the list that we read last week.

I can't remember who it was. But they listed Unbreakable as number one. And I was like, you know, I don't hate that. No, I could accept that. That's good. I would have to go with signs. I love signs. I think he has this tension running throughout the film that is rewatchable.

I think that birthday party scene always gets me with the alien walking across the lawn or whatever. Oh, yeah. I think the light bulb scene, when they're in the basement and the bulb keeps on and off, I think that scene always gets me. He does a good job in that movie, and the movie's coherent is one linear story. There's no wackies. Other than the fact that the aliens can't drink the water or some shit, or they run out. I hated that swing away.

But then again, the world of worlds had a stupid ending too, which was the, I guess it was the original ending from, but they just don't know how to end these alien movies because once they're here, what are you going to do with them? They've got to die somehow,

so you just either, like, starve them or kill them with disease, one of the other two. But, um, but no, I love signs. That's probably my favorite one from him. You know, I don't hate that either because I actually really like signs.

It gets a lot of hate that. I like it. Fun movie. Yeah. All right. And that is it for listener feedback this week. As always, our show intro comes from Steve Carlton of the League of Geeks with Z. And our artwork comes from Natsulani.

Check her out on Instagram. And if you'd like to help the show, please consider becoming a Patreon patron. We have a whole mess of extras available for you at different tiers. And we really appreciate the sport. Thanks, guys. If you have a chance, please give us a five-star Apple podcast review. And you may, when I still book DVD, if your name is selected. They're all gone as soon as Lance Kimmy's those names.

But I'm here to announce because it is summertime. I picked up two copies of the cult classic until dawn. Slash a movie. So two Blu-Rays to give away. So maybe no Steelbook, but there's still prizes. It's on again. Yeah, I'll take it. It looks at Steel Book TVDs.

I'm like, I'm waiting for my Steelbook VHS. When am I going to get that? So it's, I think you meant Blu-ray, right? I hope you did. Yes. And now for our featured attractions. This week, we're going to take a look at the Green Knight, as well as 2009. Solomon Cain.

That would be an interesting show, I think. We'll start with Solomon Cain. Once a mercenary of Queen Elizabeth I first, fighting Spaniards in Africa, Solomon met the devil's reaper and discovered he was bound for hell. Barely escaping,

he soon renounced violence to atone for his past sins. Seeking out redemption in a life of peace like kung fu i got none of that movie are you just reading this

or are you making it up i didn't see any of that happened i must have missed it uh that is until the followers of the sorcerer malachi kidnap a puritan girl Meredith pro thorne back to children of the corn now

and uh... they brutally slaughter her family before his very eyes, forcing Solomon to take up arms and return to his violent ways once more to rescue her. Director and writer is M.J. Bassett, also known for the series Ash versus the Evil Dead and Power. I've ever seen Power. I don't believe that. No. All right.

To prepare for the role of Solomon Cain's James Purefoy read the entire. I don't know what fuck that word is Overture Overture Okay Is that right? I just Mishuah

Huah Some friends Hey You feel at a common stage and I'm coming I'm coming Oh Was that Austin

I'm so hard It's like I'm coming All your accents lead back to the British That's little Arnold Uh oh Okay It's mini me

of Robert E. Howard, as well as researching extensively the lifestyle of the attitudes of the Puritans. Holy shit. Do you know how many fucking books Robert E. Howard wrote? He wrote all the John Carter of Mars books. He wrote all the Conan books. Oh, really? Oh, dude, he's probably written over 100 fucking books. James Furford just sat down and grabbed a fucking nook and started reading, huh? I guess so. Holy shit. He has the Cliff Notes. Yeah.

Yeah, his handlers read him. Let's be real about it. They just told him what's up. Audio books. I can't get them in audiobooks, man. I've tried. He might have been listening to the audio... While he was performing this character, to be honest with you. There you go. Okay. For a lot of the fight sequences, director, MJ Bassett would play heavy metal to amp up his actors.

Yes. Should have played it down his movie. During filming James Purfoy accidentally received a deep cut to his forehead, which required stitches. For some close-up, these stitches had to be digitally erased, just like the mustache. There's a lot of sacrifices for this shitty-ass movie. I'll tell you that right now. People reading shit, people getting hurt on set, heavy metal in the background. God damn.

Yeah, I think I also read, like, after getting the rights for this, whoever got the rights for this movie, it took them 10 years. to even begin filming. Are you serious? It's like the house of the dead. Huh. You could tell that it's an origin story. You could tell that they had more in mind. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

The way to end it? Sure. And the pacing of it, too. All right. Well, Pedro, I'll let you have it out on this one. Since you kind of already showed your hand. Well, first of all, I got to say, like, you know who would make out, like, bandits back in the day?

Barbers would, man, There is no barbers in this time period because all the heroes, whether you're a sorcerer or a wizard, whatever the fuck, they all have the long hair and the scruffy beard. Every single one of them. I never seen like one of these films, the one of these timepieces with somebody with a nice crew cut. It just doesn't happen. Barbers are expensive, man. Well, I guess so. I guess so.

It was either you go to the blacksmith or you go to the barber. I guess everybody chose the blacksmith. And so, yeah, but if you're a spy, you do get a nice. character because I noticed the spies in all these movies or TV shows. They always have either their bald or they got the nice little crookka going on. Good point. And they always

have their hands hitting in between those oversized leaves for whatever reason. Every single movie has one of those characters. And so yeah, so this movie starts off good. Like I really like where it was going. It starts off, like I say, it's a redemption story for Solomon King because you're introducing the character and you

kind of want to get to know him to kind of follow him along for what was supposed to be three movies, but only being one movie. And here, we see that he was a bad man back in the day. He was, what do they call that? What was it? Mercenary? Or like a killer for hire?

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't get none of that. I thought he was like a pirate or something. Yeah, was the same shit, pirate, mercenary. Yeah. Yeah. Looking out for number one, basically.

Well, I didn't think he worked for. somebody else. I thought he was all for himself. I think so, because he had his look at it. So anyway, so he gets confronted by a demon, and then he gets, he loses his soul to saying supposedly, because he's always lived in sin. And then Solomon goes into solitary at a sanctuary, like in a monastery or whatever. And that's it. You get that introduction about him before the credits of him, which is great. I'm all in. I'm watching that. Cool. Boom. And then the people in the monastery,

the, what is it, like monks? I don't really know what they are. They have, they have, they have, you guys threw this shit at me at the last minute, all right? Okay, that's all good. And then so, so, because we don't know horror, unfortunately. I apologize in the last. Right, right.

So then he goes on, on to his Odyssey, right? He goes on to his mission because they have, they have this vision. And they literally kick him out. Like, they literally kick him out. out bro like they just tell him to leave he doesn't fight it he just takes off and then the movie and then the movie just hits a standstill like you wouldn't believe because then he meets this family right he that that one the guy that that that played the main crowd crawled thorn the i think he's in other movies he's always awesome that character actor i don't know his name but okay we've seen him

in other stuff so he befriends this family um who i think are like puritans traveling across and then they get killed by the by the aforementioned Malachi and so um in the dying words of this character actor that we all love from other movies he's like you know go save my daughter or whatever and that's when Solomon Kane takes it upon himself to go rescue the daughter of the crown thorns and that's pretty much what makes the entire movie and then from there he goes in all these adventures um eventually uh you you know he goes up and down first he's not going to rescue her because he tries and he can't find her then he completely gives up. Then there's like a crucifixion scene

where he sees her and the will of, this is another thing that pissed me off. Why is he allowing himself to be crucified when I had to do was get pissed off and unhook himself? Because that's what he does essentially once he sees the girl. And then he unhooks himself and then he kind of roused up the rebels

and then they go out and then he leaves to that final fight with Malachi. And then that's the way is called. And I didn't see the end of it. I guess he supposedly thought she had died and so he couldn't fulfill his oath so I guess he gave up. That's what it

is. Okay, well, he could have maybe helped other families along the way, but just because he couldn't save this one, he's going to give up. All right. That wasn't part of his oath. So anyways, the thing that I got from this movie was that it's very boring in the middle, in my opinion anyway.

There's a couple action pieces here and there and then it kind of leads to the ending where they have the big action piece with Malikai. and Solomon Cain, and that's pretty much the movie. Max and Sightor, and has a payday somewhere in there, too, he's locked up. Josiah Kane, I believe his name is. All right, scores. Sighto or Sight out?

I guess the world will never know. You want to roll right past it, Brian? You want to talk about it? No. I'm going to jump in. Are you out, Brian, or what? No, I'll throw. I'll go.

I'll jump in real quick. I've never seen this. I haven't either. I didn't even know it existed. Dude, you could have picked Excalibur. I was going to... Dude, you could have fucking picked Mighty Python of the... Well, we've done that one before. But God damn it, dude.

Solomon Kane? It was the best you could do? I picked this because I knew how serious the Green Knight was. So I thought we'd probably have some fun talking about this one. Yeah? And Pedro, you summed this whole movie of. It was what it was And I found the little

What was it? They got the rights in 1997 And didn't start filming into 2009 That's how much problems this film had But James Pierrefour, I liked him in it I thought there was some good action in there There was some good makeup effects I thought on the witch The witch looked pretty cool

And whatever them little zombies were that was in the cellar that crazy priest was keeping. Like Evil Dead too? Like many zombies or what? That was a very awkward scene, by the way, because he's like, who's like this guy? Oh, he's going to feed him.

He wants to feed his little minions. What the fuck? You can look for evil. Evil is here, all right? Or some shit like that. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? What the line, huh? No minions come out.

Try to eat it. But the movie I could not get out of my head watching this was Van Helsing for some reason. Yeah, that makes sense. This was... The poor man Hugh Jackman, that's why. Right. Yeah. James Perfoy is crying somewhere.

But, yeah, there was nothing special about it. There's a couple of redeeming action scenes and just you can clearly tell this was more than one movie squeezed into one. and they thought they was going to get away with probably making a sequel, but it just didn't happen. So, yeah, I did my best try to point out the good spots, but I can't find it anymore. Lance, what did you think? Hey, 2009, right?

The CGI fire is better than the CGI fire is better than the C. GF fire and turn rid of champions that we saw two weeks ago. You're stuck on that fire that happened for like two minutes. I like that movie, Lance. Oh, my God, dude. This movie was silly. I mean, I'm with Pedro in the beginning before the pre-credit scene. I just thought he was just like a random pirate or like a plunderer.

You know what I mean? I had no idea he was sent by... Especially when he found out gold, there was no, nothing that he did made me think that he was going to bring that to somebody else. It's like, I got the money. I finally got the money. I thought he was going to fall over a heart attack right then. I mean, for fuck's sake, I mean, no, this was, this was not good. And there were some talented actors in it.

There were, you know, a couple of people that I've seen in other films that have been really good. but yeah, I think it was grab a payday on this one, unfortunately, because... What kind of payday they grabbed? I've never heard of the guy. You know what? You talk about a predictable ending, though? Did we really... Was anybody really surprised that he ended up having to go back to his castle and fight that

douchebag brother, older brother? I mean, come on. I forgot about him. Yeah. I hadn't. Unfortunately, that was telegraphed big time to me. So not a fan, guys. Anything would have been better than this, man.

Excalibur would have been the best of the best, but I'm sure there's a hundred movies about King Arthur or Sir Gail Wayne or The Green Knight or any kind of quest at all. I've never seen it before. So, hey, at least I can mark it off my list. So we got to make for us. Did anybody think it was going to get weird between him and the Pirateen guy's daughter? Totally, totally. I thought for sure they were going to be fucking.

That was weird. It was probably an 824 film. We didn't even know about it. I know. He was all done off screen. Yeah, like the other kills in old, bro. Don't get me started on that. I know.

Shut up, dude. We moved away from old. You know, now I'm thinking about it, the Asian guys acting was bad. Yeah, it really was. I'm going to swim over there, 200 meters, that direction. He's better than that.

I swam in high school. I swam in high school, which means he hadn't swam about 25 years, dude. Yeah. On this island, 35 years, right? Oh, man. Yeah, not much to say about this one, guys. Yeah. You know, I think this was like so close to being awesome.

Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. You threw last for a poop on that one. All the aspects were there, you know what I mean? I would agree with you, yes. The effects were kind of cool. It had kind of a quirky thing going.

Right. But, man, they did not pull it off. Like, I watched it, and I fell asleep. Uh-oh. And, well, which is, you know, nothing totally abnormal. But then I tried to watch it again. And about halfway through, I was like, nope. here's here's my big question guys did he really make a deal with the devil though or was that just like random where some fucking dame popped up and said oh you're mine now as soon as you finish this quest he's like don't i have any fucking saying this i think i go to church every sunday i take care of my family i pray you're what the fuck are you talking about here you well i thought it was i thought it was hokey the way he got his soul back at the end i mean it was

was sure lucky that that blood hit the mirror and everything went back to normal. I guess. I mean, damn. Then how are they going to make a second and third movie? Well, that's the problem. That was my biggest

movie. The way it ended, I was like, okay, thank you for the opening scenes. Now can we get on to the other two movies? Because it's like, this was so obviously set up to have further films, right? Yeah. Yeah, but

they didn't know what they was doing I mean they had Max von Siedel and Alex Krieg and they were just totally underused in this movie Like I think had the I hate to say that but I hate Like if the if the story had been better

Like this could have been something cool And they just It could have turned to like a cold classic Like people would have discovered it and really enjoyed it But it didn't because it sucks So that there's no reason to make it make another one. Well, and like a lot of the visuals that I saw, just watching it and not really paying attention to what was going on because the story was awful. Right. I was like,

man, I feel like this is a good movie and I'm not giving it a chance. And then so again, you know, I tried to watch it again and still was like, ah, no, I'm done with this shit. Oh, oh, and I wanted to point out, when did he become a witch finder? Yeah. If he was a mercenary, that scene where he knew to try to make the little girl wear the crucifix? It was like the Witcher.

I haven't seen that yet. I need to get into the books, I think. Oh, the Witcher's cool. Well, I remember the books, but I played the game and watched the show. And No mustache. It's, yeah. It's very witcher-esque, man.

It's like little side quests, you know. Yeah. Like side quests on Skyrim is what is well and it's kind of the next movie's like too I I suppose except with the Witcher they tell you he's a monster hunter and that's exactly what he is but yes this one they're telling you he's a mercenary but he's something else yeah so okay like the Witcher is a better version of this how about that? Ah okay good way to put it man all right scores Pedro I'm going to give it a three on 10.

Ouch. That's pretty brutal. Brian? With the few decent action scenes and like you guys said, there were elements there, I'll give it a three. All right. So this movie sucks, Lance, what do you think? I can't be the high watermark again. I'm going four on ten.

It was kind of fun to watch. It was kind of fun to watch and great, great talent. minute. So four on ten. Man, I didn't know what I was going to give this one until we started and so call it biased or whatever, but I'm going to go three also, I think. The high watermarked again, huh?

You know, had I been able to finish the movie, it'd be a different story. You could make a difference. You're trying, though. You'd try. Yeah, I tried to watch it twice, man. I was like, ah, this movie. They saved all their CGI budget for them. You missed it. Sounds like it. All right.

So, don't watch that one. On to the Green Knight. That's all you guys, because I didn't get to see that one, so I'm going to sit back and listen. You guys just put it. I don't give a fuck.

Oh, yeah, you didn't see the Green Night yet. You don't might listen to spoilers? That's fine. I was curious to see what you thought about that one. I'm just wondering if Solomon has a brother named Coe. All right, Green Knight, an epic fantasy adventure based on the timeless Arthurian legend, The Green Knight, tells the story of Sir Gawain, Gowan, whatever, I don't know how to fuck him now. King Arthur's reckless and headstrong nephew, who embarks on a daring quest to confront the eponymous,

what the fuck, Green Knight, a gigantic emerald-skinned stranger, and a texoranist. Testor of Men. Gawain contends with ghosts, giants, thieves, and schemers in what becomes a deeper journey to define his character and prove his worth in the eyes of his family and kingdom by facing the ultimate challenger. Tester of men, that doesn't sound good. Director of writer is David Lowry, also known for a ghost story and Pete's Dragon. the idea for adapting the Green Knight came to David Lowry while he was setting up a diorama of willow action figures in his backyard.

Isn't that how all great movies start? That's how they do in my head. In this movie, Dave Patel plays the role of God damn it, Gowan, Gawain, God, either or. Yeah. You're good. You're good either way, man. Joel Edgerton plays in 2004's King Arthur.

In this movie, Edgerton plays a character named the Lord. All right. The Green Knight. Lance, let's start with you. What did you think about it? Oh, man. I really wanted to like this movie more than I did.

I guess is the bottom line. I can't put my finger on anything it was specifically missing as far as being a good quest story and all that and being just bizarre enough for an A-24 film. But God damn it, dude,

this thing did, it was just really quiet. It did not have enough action in it for me. I think it was definitely overlong for what it was. I understand... 20, 30 minutes. Well, I do understand why

he met the characters that he did and that was like part of his quest and part of his journey and I did not have a problem with that. I thought there was some great talent in this movie. I think that how do you pronounce her name? Elisa Vicandar.

Laura Croft. Yeah, Laura Croft. You know what? This was the best acting that I've seen her in in anything I can remember, which was cool. She was in Ex Machina, X Machina, which was awesome.

Yeah, which was awesome. She's got some talent. One of my favorite movies. And they say we don't know horror. See that? We know our shit. Well, yeah. Look how fast you came up with that little stat.

Is that horror or sci-fi, though? Expo. Well, Greg. You call it horror. Okay. Who gives the shit what it is? It's awesome. Well, Edgar, Egerton kind of surprised me.

I really liked his role. I thought he did a great job portraying the Lord. I was incredibly shocked. But I've got to tell you, and it's, this is my old man, you know, coming out and talking. but not my Sir Gawain and not my Knights of the Roundtable. They definitely had Easter eggs in there and they had a lot of scenes from prior books, prior movies and stuff like that,

and of course they were at a round table. But other than that, I mean, for fuck sake, King Arthur and the Knights were all pretty much the same age. Because if you know anything about the history of Camelot and the story of King Arthur, which is a complete myth. As far as anyone knows, there's no evidence that a King Arthur actually existed in England. But that's basically the UK's primary mythology right there.

But they were all pretty much the same age. And any one of them could have been the king. And they all tried to pull the sword from the stone. And I don't understand why he's going to be the Green Knight when he has to fight a Green Knight. That's actually a statue. there were some great photography in the movie. I don't know if it was just my theater, but there were a couple of scenes,

particularly early on that were really, really dark. Did you guys catch that? He had trouble seeing what was going on on screen? Early on, yeah. I don't know why that is. I don't know why he chose to go that route. But, I mean, I love that opening scene, right, where you showed the animals in the yard there,

the camera would pan around and then everything was fine. What's that? That took so long. It did take that long. I get what they were trying to do, but come on, man. Well, see, that could have taken 10 minutes out of the movie right there.

I just, I found it pretty boring. I found it pretty long. I found it totally out of line with what my interpretation of the King Arthur Mythos is and the different knights and the, I think Liam Neeson,

was the best Sergo Wayne ever in Excalibur. If he hasn't seen that. He always was kind of like the, he was the night that would go out there and stick his neck on the line and just do stupid shit and, you know, go out and have a lot of bravery, but not a lot of wisdom necessarily. And I kind of caught that in here.

Most of what we probably want to talk about, we have to say for spoilers, because there's a lot of weird, unambiguous stuff in here. But a bit disappointed. from what I was expecting, unfortunately. All right. Well, that was surprising. Brian, what do you think?

Visually amazing. Right. The cast, phenomenal. Yes. I didn't have a problem with not one person in here. But the runtime, this movie, for Lance, because I know you wanted this on the schedule, that first 20 minutes, I was like so mad at you,

because I was re-positioned my you know when you're in your movie chair and you're kind of bored and you kind of shift one side because you know you're going to be in there for a long time I started doing that but then once he got on his quest I was

kind of digging it but I will say one thing not the performance of Del Patel but the character of Gawain I don't fucking like him he's a big ass pussy there was nothing to redeeming about Yeah, but that's kind of what the story is.

It's him, you know. I don't, I don't really know nothing about the character. I'm split over that ending myself. I'm really, I'm really split. Do I think it's because, I like the ending. Yeah. If they would have went with what you thought was going to be the ending, I would have been, this movie would have been a fucking four on ten.

Yeah. Because there is nothing redeeming about this pussy. He's the fucking biggest coward in this entire movie. I understand. He's his journey, man. That's his journey. And he starts out on a brothel. And he's telling her, oh, you're my true love.

And I'm going to marry you. No, he didn't. He never tells her that. He never professes. There's nothing redeeming about him. Yeah. Why is there a movie about this character? Well, he was a big part of the Knights of the Roundtable.

I can tell you that. I don't know why. Because he's what, King Arthur's cousin. And that wasn't in the, In the original menthos, dude, none of them were related. He was just, he was someone that he knighted because he was an incredibly brave, too brave, too headstrong. That was Sir Gawain's problem. He was too brave.

This guy was the exact opposite. So this was basically like a reimagining of the character? I guess so, because King Arthur was the same age. King Arthur and this one looked like he was fucking 80 years old at Death's Door. I think that there was some kind of poem. I could be wrong that this, like, that this thing kind of follows. Okay. It is Sir Gawain as King Arthur's nephew.

Right. I don't know if it, you know, jails with the rest of the King Arthur stuff or not. Huh. But I'm pretty sure this comes from somewhere. Okay. I just, I don't know. I just, I didn't connect with the character. even when he first interacts with King Arthur, he's just like, tell me a story so I know about you.

And he's like, oh, I have no stories. I was like, what the fuck are we? Did he made a movie about this guy? He hasn't fucking nothing to tell. See, because what I got from that was that he wasn't a knight yet. He never was. Spoilers, sorry. He went.

Well, no, no spoilers. Well, yeah. But I will say. They don't start out as knights. they have to be nodded by the king, Brian. Okay. Come on. Well, that's what I'm saying.

King Arthur was super old. Sir Gawain was one of the Knights of the Roundtable, right? Unless it was like a different... It's a very liberal retailing, and I don't like... I wish we were closer to the real story. The real mythos. I mean... We should have had one of the Brits sit in on this, man.

Yeah. But I will double down. Bradshaw, you're not British, are you? that I know of I will double down I did enjoy the cast I thought Alicia Bacandard

she gave us two different performances here without really getting into it definitely you did there my new my new movie crush Aaron Kellerman

you guys know her from the Falcon and Winter Soldier the cute one with the red hair and the freckles yep oh yeah I love that she popped up in here I didn't even know she was in here she's an interesting person

I like her. And a Jamaican and Irish. Yeah, that's cool. That's a cool mix. Unless you piss her off, then it ain't such a cool mix. Well, it could be fun. But anyways. It would be.

We could do a drinking game. Pick any two ethnicities, add a woman to the mix, and decide how fucked up you're going to be when you marry her, right? Philip, what do you think? I think I'm not going to start any arguments with that. But, yeah, so I pretty much agree with you. But he's a big-ass pussy. Yeah, he really is. He's not a knight, which gets said in this movie in a scene that we'll go into in spoilers.

He, uh, like, The stories there, he has like this, you know, great Odysseus-like journey, you know, where he runs into all these really amazing-looking things. But nothing ever really happens. Happens, yeah. Yeah. The scene with the Giants was amazing, especially when Giants started singing and the rest joined. Yeah, because the, well, and we'll get into that.

I can't, you know, I don't get too detailed, but... I was glad I'd eaten a couple of edibles before that scene. See, that's like, I think that maybe I was a little too high for the other one and not near high enough of this. Guys, you were saying that you were calling up on a little more than popcorn, as we were trying to say, yeah? Yeah, definitely. I was getting green for the green night. Well, maybe that's why it's called the Green Night. and so it had these really cool surreal moments in it

and again you know camera work is fucking fantastic there's some really amazing stuff in here but they sort of again they go a little to 824 on it you know like they they went artsy but like a little too hard and some of those scenes that are really artsy and cool to watch

are just eaten up clock off of this movie. And by the end of it, I was like, all right. You didn't like the slow 360 rotations of the camera? I mean, it was cool, but God damn it. It took like six minutes. That one visual was awesome.

You know the one I'm talking about that. I don't want to say till spoilers, but he saw himself. Yeah. Well, and that was the one. But it took like six minutes to spin the camera all the way around. I was like, God, can we fucking, I get it. Can we move it along?

Like, by the end of this movie, I was like, is this going to be over soon? I thought it was fucking old as King Arthur spinning the camera around. Yeah. One step and then the other. I love gold. That was Solomon King.

I think this would have actually benefited had they thrown more Easter eggs into it and made it more obvious that it was King Arthur and all that stuff because they didn't fucking mention it at all. None of the other nights, you know, from the fables. Like, I had no idea that they were at the round table until I started looking up videos on this movie. Well, the table was round, Philip. Yeah, and there were fucking people sitting at it. So was the table in my kitchen.

And, yeah, it was a weird story. I think I like the ending. Well, I won't get into that too much. But I don't hate the ending. I don't hate where they landed it. And I'm right with you, Brian. Had they gone the other way with it, I'd have been like, I fuck this movie.

So take that for what it's worth. All right. Let's do spoilers. I feel like this movie needed some Peter Dinklage in it so you could have... It would have been awesome. The tiny green knight. They should have just patted in the round and the so-called round table you guys keep on talking about with like no context. He could have been like the tiny green night, like the sapling?

He could have jumped over the table and throttled elf. All right. Spoilers. Oh, we got these scores. Oh, scores. All right, scores. Lance. Oh, man.

I was hoping this was going to be my nine on ten that old was last week, Pedro. Uh-oh. Did we lose Pedro? Oh, I'm here. I'm here. I'm just doing all. All right. seven and a half

seven and a half i i liked it a lot more than i didn't visually beautiful i'll definitely watch it again definitely um but i won't pay to go see it again right are you one of them stup card members yeah i got amc a list so technically it's quote unquote free but i still have to pay the 20 bucks every month so it comes out to about six dollars a movie usually maybe maybe five. I usually probably see at least one a week on average.

And you get the free stuff when you rack up enough points. Oh yeah! All kinds of freebies, man. Free beer, free popcorn, free this, free that. You got it. I got the regal unlimited for 20 bucks I can go to a movie every day for a month. That's a better deal than AMC. My score

I'm going to give it a seven. Like I said, strong cast, great, great visuals, but pacing and lack of action, just kind of, I really thought I was getting something else from the trailer that I didn't get when I seen this movie.

Yes, exactly what Brian just said, seven, for the exact same reasons. Hmm, all right. All right. Spoilers, it is. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert.

You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. All right. Let me jump in with how much of a fucking coward this guy is that his mother has to set him up on a quest. Because he's such a loser. This is the only way that he'll be worth anything. Is that what happened?

And he's still fucked it up. all. I mean, in this movie, yes, but in the real story of Sir Gawain, hell no. He was an old knight. He fucking cried in this movie because he was getting robbed. Well, I mean, we're all human, you know?

Well, yeah. Trying to show the humanity. I mean, he just took down granted the green knight let him take his head. But, I mean, have a little fucking dignity. I mean, you're getting robbed by

some kids, and you didn't really try to fight him off either. You gave up. And then you started Did that kid, was he even really there? Or is that like his alter ego or something? No, I kind of felt like... Are you in another room or something? Yeah. No, I'm over here taking a piss.

Oh, thanks for telling us. I thought the Sandcastle somewhere in that. I thought everything on his journey was happening was testing him to see if he'd even continuous journey, so I don't really think those people were really there. Well, yeah.

He failed every single test that he tried. Every one of them. Like, loyalty, honor, like, chastity, like, all the little... And I can't even, sorry to cut you off, but he's such a fucking... Like, when he helped, what's the name from the Falgun and Winner Soldier, Winifred? Mm-hmm. Right before he was... Because she needed someone to go to the...

bottom of the lake to find her head. And I looked it up. This was based off an actual, like, her suit her chopped her head off because she's decided to be a nun. Because I guess that's what you did back then. Holy shit. I'm sorry to stop. While I was working today on the west end of Galveston

in the middle of fucking nowhere, like beach houses, I'm doing some work on those. I swear to God, three like old school nuns. dressed in straight up Nungarb or just walking down the street. It was the craziest fucking thing I've ever seen. I don't know why they were there. I assume it's some kind of sign. I guess I need to get some Jesus.

But this guy is such a fucking loser. Right before he dives in to get her head, he's like, he asks her, what do I get in return? and then she asked I would have gone for that would have made more sense I can't with this this character he's the fucking he's like the worst character

I've seen this year but can I get can I get you guys at least think about one possible thing toward the end okay I'm glad he got his head cut off at the end well no look at it this way

look at it this way Look at, well, off with your head was the final line of the movie. Yeah, I mean, I think he did eventually after he fucking stopped flinching. And running away. Hey, but do you guys think it's possible that him getting rid of that, that belt was like him throwing off? Yeah, that he jizzed all over. Yeah, that he jizzed all over. Do you think that might have been a, do you think that might have been a metaphor for science over superstition where he said, well, this is.

is just a good luck quote unquote charm. I'm going to throw this away and now I'm a secular humanist. I'm in charge of my own destiny at this point. I'm reading. He clearly never believed in it because he was wearing it when he was going to get

his head cut off and he still fucking flinched and was afraid. True. Well, but I think in him taking it off in that last scene, we're kind of skipping ahead. But that it was him finally after failing all these tasks it was him being honorable he was keeping up his end of the bargain

and he's like all right if that means i die that means i die and so he took the the jiz rag off and which he had been carrying around with him for an excessive amount of time there's got to be something more to this than just what we saw Pedro you didn't see it yeah well and that was that was what I was saying. That was the end of his story. Like he had to make good on his deal. He had to hold up his end of the bargain. And that's why had he run

away and not got his head cut off, I'd have been like, well, what's the fucking moral of that story? There's no consequences to your actions. And they showed how much of a fucking worst person he became. Yes. He went back, had a child with the woman

that was in love with him, but because of who she was, took the child, and then fucking just drop some money down for her troubles and then became a horrible king and I'm assuming it was overthrown. Yeah. Well, he definitely was getting his city burned down, so that wasn't good.

And, you know, maybe that's why he was like, okay, well, if I continue living this life of... Right, right. Dishonesty and not living up to my end of the deal and not being nightly. This is where I end up. There's your, there's your redeeming story right there, the hero's journey. Well, that's what it is.

That did not redeem anything for me. That sounds like any of us were huge fans. He bravely took his jizzrag off and was ready to accept his fate. That was a weird scene. As it stuck to his fingers. How was the audience? How was the theaters? Was it packed?

Was it two people? Was it just you guys? Mine was packed. I had like four people. Well, I always go early in the day because I don't want to, you know, a packed house. But it was, there were more people there than normal for a 5 p.m. movie. I'll put it that way. Okay.

I mean, this one had a lot of buzz to it somehow. Yeah. My crowd didn't react to anything, but the fucking, when he jizzed on his fucking belt and the lamb trailer. That's the only thing anybody reacted to it. Right, same here. And they were both the same reaction. What the fuck? All right.

You guys ready to wrap it up? Yeah, even though we didn't mention the giants, all the giants had tities and. You said they go into a dance number or something like that or a box? Hollywood style or what's going on? No. So he wants to take the easy way out and has, like, asks the giants to throw him on a shoulder and carry him across the valley. Yeah, what happened with that? They just looked at him and just kept fucking going, huh?

Well, I don't know if they were going to eat him or what. One of them, one of them is reaching out to him and his little fox buddy who actually is, it's weird. It doesn't really have a lot of context. the story. Sorry, which he ended up acting shitty to at the end. Yeah.

Fucking. Go on. But the little fox friend howls at the giants and then the giants make the same sort of howling noise. And it just echoes

across the valley with all the giants walking across, which was actually really cool scene. It just didn't necessarily make any sense. Yeah.

It's definitely tripp. This is kind of mass, wasn't it? I may have to lower my score. Seven and a half, I said. I'll go seven. I'll go seven.

I mean, Lance, it's too much of a mass. Lance, it could be like you said. There could be something we're missing here that we just didn't. It's gotten a lot of hype and a lot of praise, man. But it was just, you know, like that camera scene that we were talking about where, okay, so he's tied up on a tree. and like the camera swings around and like at halfway which takes three fucking minutes to get there

he it's it shows him tied up and it's a skeleton and then it flings back around and shows him back where he is and that's where he could end up if he doesn't move his ass right

sort of the same concept as the ending I guess and I love the fucking actor that played the kid the one from the Sacred Deer movie that gets creepy as fuck he's in that that new Marvel movie that's coming out

The Eternals that makes sense because he's probably going to be eternal he's a good actor he's a good little actor do you like him Pedro he's okay yeah yeah the guy that was Bob it's super creepy right yeah no he definitely has a future

all right you're ready to move on Yeah, I can't talk about Gawain anymore. Yeah. Probably saying his name wrong. He's kind of a douchebag and it was slow. There's your, there's your headliner. Gosh, he fucking, he took down the green night and spent the next year sitting in a fucking brothel.

He didn't take down the drink night. He'd put his head off when he let him. I know. He just, that was stupid. This whole fucking story would have been prevented had he just listened to the green night when he said something. and then just like nicked his arm or something. Maybe this is like a metaphor for like the modern day lazy millennial. That's what it seems like.

There you go. It might be. He wants handouts from giants and he wants to take shortcuts and he's crying all the time. I mean, you guys are paying a picture of it. Pedro, I'm glad you're here. You said better than I would have. Pedro, what else is going on with all your podcasting endeavors, man? I said it in the beginning.

Just like I said, we came back. We had a recap, a little show about what's going on with the wrestling business. Everything is going to go good. Let's enjoy the ride. And that's it. KLB, K Fabulous Lucha Brothers on iTunes, and that's pretty much it. Thanks for having me on again. It's always a great time to be here with you guys.

K fabulous. Always a great time. Maybe this year if Delta stays in, in check. we can hit another haunted house, right? Well, I was thinking about going to a Texas Fright Mirror, but I don't know about the lineup. I'm not very impressed with this lineup this year. I like a lineup.

I'm just worried that they're going to cancel it. And fucking Pat sent me a text earlier. He said, do you think it's going to go forward? Not if these people don't get vaccinated. It's not. Well, and even that... I kind of think it's...

They might postpone, because I don't even know if the guestless is even... Wow. that many people because I know there was some cancellations so yeah because it's hard for me because I just want to go over there

because it's kind of a big convention and it's growing every year it's pretty well known right in the horror industry and of course I would have got to hang out with you guys but I also have a lot of these conventions here locally like we have like we have Monster Palusa here which is a big deal and they have better guests this year we have ours in September

coming up so I was well you get it's also in September for Texas Fright Mir so I was thinking I had already planned on going because I wanted to go there and then also catch me a Texas Rangers game while I'm over there. But I wasn't very impressed with the lineup. So I haven't booked anything. But I could always do it last minute. But like you said, hopefully they don't cancel.

You should I go to a range of game with you? Good news, dude, is you've got my spot for the Airbnb because the wife insisted we got our own private hotel room. They're at the convention. So I've got an Airbnb room available. Brian, you're booked, you're all paid for so hopefully we'll all meet up there, guys. Well, fuck, I guess I better

do something. Yeah, you better get your assing here. No. You guys are only like four hours away, right? I'm a little bit farther than that. No, no, no, I'm talking about it. Yeah. All right.

Yeah, because I'm also going to SummerSlam, which is a wrestling event. Oh, lucky. In like two weeks in Vegas. So I'll be over there. That's about four hours away from me. And we have all kinds of shows here as well, wrestling shows that are coming back.

But like you guys said, it would be a bummer if we've got to go back on another lockdown because we're just getting, I'm just getting back to the groove of going to all these events. I know. Social life again, going to the movie theater, concerts. And just to have that taken away again, it'll be a big bummer. God damn you, COVID. Yeah, you're damn Delta. Yeah, I'm looking at the cast list.

I don't really see a big name. I don't care. I'd just like to go. Malcolm McDowell's confirmed. Hey, look at it. Well. Virginia Madsen. Maybe we can video well, huh?

So you guys go for all three days, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday? Yeah, usually. Okay. Yeah. Well, my wife has me on a vacation the week before we're going to Nashville. and then Memphis. So road tripping it, and we're going to hit Dallas on the way back.

So we'll get there Saturday. We'll probably get their midday Saturday. Nice. So. Check out some Elvis shit. Hopefully I'll meet up with you guys. So as always, we want to thank you guys for all listening

to another episode of The Horror Returns. We would love to hear your feedback and ideas. You can reach us at the Horror Returns at gmail.com. Follow us everywhere. One day, Philip and I will have a website up. one day um did I read this correctly

Brian we're doing another commentary next week yep for all you kids going back to school what are we doing Billy Madison yes are you serious

fucking hey Billy Madison no and that ties in because it's the creepy dude that's in all these movies now that was his in it right school. Sorry.

I think it's going to be the faculty, actually. This is a good faculty, huh? That's a good movie. Yeah, it's a good night for this movie. Don't sound all excited, Lance. No, I'm ready for it, man, but... Oh, real quick. Action returns. Our next episode's Nobody. Bob Oden Kirk. Get Well Guy.

He had a heart attack on the set of Better Call Saul. Damn. THR presents stream fings. Our next one is 1992 Sidekicks starring Jonathan Brandis and Chuck Norris. Dude, I was almost in that movie. We got to hear this. Chuck Norris came to a karate class that I was in in Dallas

and whatever that fucking movie came out, whatever year that was. And he was casting for sidekker. kicks. Oh, wow. Just like that, huh? What the fuck, man? I mean, I didn't make it, but, yeah.

He hung up to fuck the mom for a while. Yeah. You know, you go up against Chuck Norris, you're probably not going to win that one, right? That's all right. I'd have got kicked in the face by Chuck Norris for a movie. All right, Pedro, until the horror returns again. Good night.