The Horror Returns - THR - Ep. #280: Kids Halloween Special: Haunt (2019)

Episode Date: October 3, 2021

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: Be Sure to check out our brand new website www.thehorrorreturns.com for all your THR needs, links, and ways to reach us! This week, we continue an annual THR tradition with our annual kids Halloween special. Joining us this week are Logan, B'onna, and Addison. Cool of the Week includes Squid Games, Alice in Borderland, Free Guy, Dexter, The Many Saints of Newark, and Venom. Trailer is Moonfall. We shine the podcast spotlight on Cenebabes and also The Big Guys podcast. And we get feedback from Nez, Steven Lowblad, Legion Podcasts, Marcey Papandrea, And Bede Jermyn. Thanks for listening!

This is Squidward Tannicles, telling all of you to listen to and watch, if you could, the horror returns. Reminds me of SpongeBob coming to work every day. He returns over and over again. It's terrible. Ow! Millings, victims, for those of you who delight and dread, who fantasize about fear,

who glorify goal, welcome. You have found them. the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware. This podcast contains major plot spoilers and the foulest of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror. Welcome back, one and all. to The Hora Returns.

I'm Lance, and with me as always, my co-host, Brian and Phillip. And tonight, we get a couple of very special guests because this is our once-a-year annual Kids Halloween show. We're going to try something else next week for the first time ever. It's either going to be great or it's going to be a shit show

because we're going to have... Either way, you've got to watch it. Either way, you've got to get into it. But for now, it's our kids' Halloween special. it is the Halloween month officially. So we have got Logan. How's it going, Logan? Good.

How's your week? Very stressful. Uh-oh. Tell us more. Well, on Friday, I had almost on all my classes, I had tests. Oh. That's better killed it. It's called a Friday from him.

hell, huh? And we're going to have Biana on for the film, correct, Brian? Yes, she'll be here shortly. All right, and while we're waiting for that, we've got another special guest. She's been on before? Yep. Addison. What's going on with you? Addison. How was your week? It was good. Anything special?

No. So tell us about what you. you were just making on the oven in there? It was, it's, uh, it's called Squid Games Honeycomb. It's like where, um, it's like, where you mix. Like, you burn sugar and then you put like some baking soda on it and then you like melt it with like a, like a shape in it, like a star or umbrella or a circle. And you got like a needle and you try to and like not break it because if you break it in the movie,

you like die so yeah did you eat it uh it's it was a little burnt so i didn't eat oh i gotcha a little too burned yeah well that's definitely a cool of the week for me i watched squid game yeah man south korea's coming out with some really great stuff lately yeah you know what that that's addison's cool of the week too so you guys tell it tell us what it's about I mean, what the hell is it? Why do they look like they have PlayStation controllers for faces? Oh, you haven't watched it? No, I haven't watched it.

Oh, fantastic. Yeah, they basically have the opportunity to erase all their debt, which society has placed on them in this game, right? And so they have to just, they realize very, quickly that people die in this game and you have to survive it. And so they probably should have seen it coming,

but obviously the last man standing gets the money. Kind of like the Black Mirror Episode 15 million merits. Yes. So the one where they were on the bikes? Yeah. A lot like a lot of other movies, like the Cube and things like that.

Yeah. Right. Right. You know, there's a ton of movies like this, but they do it really creatively. And it's dubbed in English, but it's not annoying. You know, like, you know, there's some moments where it kind of gets a little, a little silly and stuff. But for the most part, it was really entertaining, man. I was very impressed.

So did the dubbing bother you, Addison? Like when their mouth would move, but they would see something totally different. And like, when I first started watching it, I was like, I didn't realize that it wasn't actually in English. And I was like, I looked at their lips. I was like, okay, yeah, this isn't, this isn't like English, English. And so I was like, it didn't really bother me because I kind of just stared at the subtitles the whole time. But I also watched it. But like, yeah.

So it didn't actually bother me that much. Good way to learn a language, by the way. If you wanted to watch it for you. That makes sense. have you Brian have you seen it no I've heard enough though it's it's on the docket though

I just haven't got to it you gotta watch this one you'll like it that one in the midnight mass I had to uh nez and Mike were talking about it and I had to bow out of that call

because they were going to get spoilery oh I got you yeah I want to watch that one but it looks like a slow burn yeah that's what I heard yeah and I I also watched, I got real into the Asian thing, I guess.

My next thing on Netflix was like a Japanese series that's kind of the same thing. It was called, what is it called? Allison Borderlands. I've heard of that one. Yeah. That one was like an anime in, you know, live action. Yeah, live action anime. And they did a good job of doing that.

That one gets really silly sometimes. and you definitely have to ignore some plat holes. But, you know, it looked like a comic book. It was pretty cool. Yeah, there was another South Korean one that I watched that was really good. I can't think of the name. Like, people started turning into monsters, and then, like, the people that didn't, like, barricaded themselves into this, like, apartment complex.

Oh, that sounds familiar. Yeah. It's on Netflix, too. Hmm, man. Oh, wow. Good directors coming out of South Korea. That's cool. Alice in Borderland, is that, is that on Netflix?

Yeah. Yeah, that one's on Netflix. It's Japanese, so it's got a different kind of feel to it. A little bit of a different vibe. Yeah, it's a little more. Okay. Over the top. Over the top.

Yeah. Yeah, kind of like that. That one we watched that Matt had us watch for the, the samurai police force or what the hell was called. Tokyo Gore police. Yeah. Was it like that? Yeah, probably not quite that over the top, but yes, like that.

Gotcha. So was it live action or anime? No, it was live action, but it looked a lot like anime. And I think it was based on an anime series it looks like. It may have been, that sounds like it should be. Like there's some really cool moments. They've got a really cool enemy in there who's one of the big baddies. And he's like this ninja-looking, tattooed, giant sword dragon slumped over, bad guy.

You know? Oh, wow. And he looks like he came out of a comic book. Oh, that's pretty cool, man. Sounds pretty awesome. So did you get through both series? Yeah, I actually did somehow. I don't know how much have I actually paid attention to.

Squid game, though, kind of command your attention. That was a really good one. Yeah? Yeah. You want to go next, Brian? Yeah, I only got to. I started the, I was just looking for something to throw on in the background. I started that series Slasher.

Oh, yes. It's a couple of seasons in now, right? Yeah, I was meaning to start it because I know the fourth season came out on Shutter and it stars David Cronenberg in the main role. Really? Yeah, so I'd figure I'd start with season one. And I was pretty surprised at how gory it gets. Oh, Cronenberg. Well, he has nothing to do with the other season.

Well, I know. but if they asked him to be in the movie I thought she's got some kind of input first episode in I'm like they're hacking off hands and feet and you're watching it while they do it so I was like got my attention so I'm trying to burn through that one and trying to burn through Dexter

because of the new new series comes in November so what do you you, what do you think so far on Dexter? Oh, I'm loving it. Kind of similar to the way he breaks down stuff stuff like we

talked about for an upcoming Patreon episode. Okay. So, liking it, like the characters, like everybody in it. So I'm definitely going to stay with it. And as far as movies,

me and Lance will get to our 31 days when we get to it. So I'll talk about a non-horror movie that I watched. Set on here, I'm a big Sopranos fan, so I watched the Many Saints in New York that just dropped on HBO Max. Oh, is that out already? Yeah.

You got to watch that. I fully enjoyed it. There was a lot of Easter eggs, a lot of stuff that was mentioned on the show that you got to see happen. in this movie and it answered a big question that a lot of people had theories on and i was just kind of whoa interesting okay so what was the question can we do that without getting spoiler um do you guys know the sopranos the show i was just going to ask you so having never ever seen

the soprano should i watch this first oh dude you got to watch the show first ah okay yeah you guys I don't watch this. Then this. Because there's a character named Christopher Maltesante. Uh-huh. They always talk about his father was such a legend.

His father was a Dickie Maltesante. And there was never really a clear answer on how he died and who killed him. And then Tony told him a story just trying to, you know, get him to be more loyal. He was like, this guy,

he pulled up to this house and he was like, the man that killed your father lives in there. And when you watch the movie, you get a completely different answer than what was told to the son years later.

Interesting. That's pretty cool. I'm excited about that one. And Spranos in a decade. And it's pretty cool because Christopher, they got action played Christopher.

he's narrating the movie from Beyond the Grave. Oh, cool. Interesting. Yep. So that's my cool of the week. And a little sports talk. Good to see Nick Diaz back, but I think he should hang it up now. Is that it?

Was it Nick or Nate? It was Nick. He was making his return after like seven, eight years of not fighting. It was a good fight, but he couldn't. get up after the third round. He kind of sat there. He kind of sat there. He was in good shape, but

there was a difference between in shape and fighting shape. And plus he was fighting Robbie Lawler. And how old is he? He's got to be he's got to be in his late 30s, early 40s, something like that. Yeah, I would say at least late 30s, which is pretty

old for fighting. Yeah, and he just, uh, the bell rang for at the end of the third and he just couldn't get up oh man and cardio is what he's known for that sucks yeah so i i kind of think he might be done but those those three rounds he looked really good it was a it was a good back and forth fight okay well at least he looked good yeah and the cowboys and the cowboys are leading their division well i'll save that for Yeah, man. Oh, holy crap. I'm trying not to get too excited. And it looks like the Rockets are going to have a very, very long season.

What else is new? I always look good, though, man. This is the most excited I've been about them. Since last year? Well, I know. It's like, holy crap, are they actually good? What's happening right now? They look really good. They look really good. They look really competitive, that's for sure.

They looked really like I watched that hard knocks. Yeah. They looked like they were really, like, relaxed and, like, kind of jelling as a team. Yeah. It's kind of coming together. And I kind of, I didn't even finish hard knocks because towards the end of the preseason, we had lost every preseason game. And I was like, God damn it, they're going to suck again.

And then, uh, yeah. But came out swinging. Dak is looking way better than I hoped that he would. Yeah. Yeah, like three-Dak jerseys. So I was like, oh, please, come on with this guy. Pre-season is just for the guys hoping to make the team. Yeah, I know.

But it also shows some depth, which, you know, hopefully they can stay injury-free because if you got the third stringers out there, things are not going to go well. Logan what's the coolest thing you've seen this week man um definitely the Venom movie the new Venom movie that came out

Venom! Let's talk about it man what did you think? Uh I give it 9 out 10 you hear that Brian OCOP that qualifies is hell of good I gotta

I gotta go watch it now nine out of ten it wasn't it wasn't a bad movie for what it was fan no I had fun with it I had fun that's what it was

we knew what we were getting into right Phil I didn't know they were going to go that silly yeah man it was kind of like you know

Justice League they were just throwing jokes and hoping something it's a little different when Venom is telling on them. So they were a comedic duo. Absolutely.

That was the entire movie. Which one was the puppet? I don't know. It was like an odd couple. Oh, okay. But I thought they did a pretty good job on Carnage, though. Yeah. Yeah, Carnage.

Carnage looked like Carnage. He was an unstoppable force that was just tearing things up as he went. and I have a problem with any of the acting or any of that. It was just, you know, maybe not so much on the comedy. Like Thor Ragnarok did comedy right in a comic book movie. Okay, right? This one kind of missed the mark. Well, look at it this way, folks.

There is an after-credit scene, so be sure to stick around, right? Yeah. All right. Oh, shit, I haven't gone yet, have I? I thought Venom. No, Venom's nothing. I was there, though. I saw it in the theater.

Do you like it, though? I did like it. When you say it's silly. That's such an understatement, but... Yeah. There's a scene where... Like, not to give a spoiler split. There's a scene where, like, Venom is cleaning up the apartment and singing a song, and I'm like, how long are we going to do this?

We did it for quite a while. They were just, it's like that joke that's bombing, and they just keep kind of digging the hole deeper and deeper. Which, hey, I'm pretty, I'm guilty of, too, so. Oh, man. All right. Hey, well, let's get back to, let's get back to gaming. Game-related cool to the week, guys. Anybody else seen that new Ryan Reynolds movie that's out there?

Free guy? Yeah. I haven't watched it yet. I loved it. Yeah? Yeah. It was awesome. I wanted to watch it.

Yeah, it was, I don't know. I mean, I'm not like a super big gamer, but I mean, I've played enough video games to know what those non-player characters are. Yeah. Like, always say the same thing over and over again. like they're just to help move the game along for the players, you know? But I thought this movie was really good. And it was some great cameos that popped up that I wasn't expecting at all. I'm like, wow.

That was totally under the radar. Yeah, and I was super impressed with it. I think the graphics were excellent. Obviously, I mean, lots of CTI, but by design, of course, right? Right. But no, I thought it was a really well-done movie. Great comedy. Lots of action.

I think that, yeah, it's one of those movies that would, you know, you don't have to be a super gamer to enjoy it. Ryan Reynolds was hilarious. I mean, he was back to doing the comedy. I mean, this was almost like the level of Van Wilder comedy. A movie originally made by Bert, well, based on Bert Kreischer. He just didn't get any credit for it. The machine, if you guys know him, he's a stand-up comic.

I've heard about it. Yeah. Just a little tidbit out there. That movie was based on his life. That's what I heard. Yep. But no credit, no money, huh? Yeah.

No. He was told that if he pushed it, because he was going to sue him, he was told that if he pushed it, he'd never work again. So we did. Well, that'll do it. Yeah. But, yeah, check out free guy. in theaters right now.

Nice. Brian, we got any headlines? We got a couple. Let's start with the unnecessary. Netflix is in talks to do some stranger things spinoffs while we still haven't got the fourth season. Right. This is what they're talking about.

I'm kind of amazed they haven't pushed the stranger things thing more. Right. It was their moneymaker for how long? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see.

Allie Larder and Sean Aston are going to start in a serial killer thriller titled The Man in the White Van. Okay. Don't trust that guy. Allie Larder, the one from Heroes? Yep. Huh. And Varsity Blues. Right, right.

Unless we not remember that scene. Yeah, that was. the whipped cream scene, right? Yep. You ever see? What's that movie? Not another teen movie? Oh, of course. Absolutely. Chris Evans.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. He had a banana. That was somewhere. All right. All right. This is the kids show. Let's see.

J.K. Simmons is going to play a sociopath murderer. upcoming thriller title of The Woods. Sold. J.K. Simmons. Yeah. I'm all for it. I couldn't believe that picture you posted of it, man. Look at Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, he's pretty

jacked. Man. He's a great actor, man. I hope he does something really big soon. Yeah, just seeing how he's built, what's that movie with Miles Teller? Yeah, the drum one?

Yeah, I wonder if he was, how many times he had to get slapped by J.K. Simmons. Yeah, I know. And he wasn't looking bad in that one either. Yeah. This is a ripped old man. Let's see. Scott Derrickson,

who did Sinister, his new movie, The Black Phone, got delayed until February 4th, 2020. Because of anything in particular? I think they're just waiting.

Yeah. so interested in that one Ethan Hawke's going to play the killer in that one Oh, all right Do you want to watch some Ethan Hawk again Yeah I don't really think I've

Has he done a character where he was the bad guy? I haven't seen him in anything since I don't know, he did something not too long ago, right? Yeah, he's always in something Mm-hmm And I guess the biggest news of the week the Friday the 13th the lawsuit is finally over screenwriter Victor Miller has won the new United States rights he gets to keep them huh okay so does that mean we got more

movies coming out I was watching this video they they said if Sean Cunningham would have won right he would have went directly into production wouldn't with more movies. Mm-hmm. But it looks like since Victor Miller won, which he has the rights to Camp Crystal Lake, Jason Voorhees, Pamela Voorhees, you know, the important stuff.

Right. I said it might take a little bit of time, but there is people talking about maybe even though he won the rights and Sean Cunningham didn't, that Victor Miller will kind of go to Sean Cunningham and say, let's work out a deal. I just need this on the back end.

And I'll let you use the rights to start making more movies. Lying the right pockets. Yeah. Well, I do. You guys remember when we interviewed, well, actually, we've interviewed D. Wallace, who's going to be in it. But we talked to Deborah Voorhees and she was talking about that 13 fanboy movie. Yeah. Understand that's finally coming out this year.

Yep. It's finally dropping. Looking forward to that one. Got all kinds of stuff going on over here. Dogs barking, people coming by. It's okay. It's a Halloween party, Halloween show, right? I think Friday 13th,

the lawsuit being over was the biggest news of the week. That's the big one, huh? Yeah. I figure we get some more news, but no. All right. Well, Logan, you there? Yeah. Addison?

you there? Yeah. You guys ready to take a trip down to the trailer park? Yeah. Okay. We're going to bring you the big, the small, and sometimes the very, very weird. Brian, what's our first new trailer to talk about this week? Roland Emmerich's new movie where the Earth gets destroyed again.

By the moon. Again. Let's see. Roland Emmerich's done. Let me pull them. real quick. He has done Independence Day the day the day the Earth stood still, 2012. Yeah, some kind of fascination with destroying the Earth.

Yeah. Well, Independence Day did it pretty well. But, right. I have a hard time getting into some of those disaster movie things. Yeah. Let's see. synopsis. I am not reading this synopsis because it is way too long and I'll shorten it up.

In moonfall and mysterious force knocks the moon from its orbit around Earth and sends it hurling on a collision course. Wow. We're pretty much screwed if that happens. Logan, what do you think? I'm sorry, Brian. Real quick, this stars Holly Berry, Patrick Wilson, John Bradley, Michael Pena. Donald Sutherland, Charlie Plummer. Damn.

Pretty good cast. Bruce Willis? Did they go and drill a hole? Take it, Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis, I heard, is expensive. He requires a million dollar a day. Seriously? That's why he didn't come back for the third expendables movie.

They needed him for like four days, and he was like, well, give me four million dollars. And Stallone was like, I would get somebody else. He was like, you're expendable. we'll get Harrison Ford instead Harrison was like as long as I get to fly a helicopter I want to hear what the kids thought about this trailer Logan what did you what did you think about the moon hurtling toward Earth

Logan actually hasn't watched this trailer he just showed up what is what do you think about the moon hitting the earth would that be scary Yep Yeah A little bit Game over, man All their will be is just darkness

Hmm That'll Throw our gravity off or something, right? Aliens taking over Aliens from the moon Yeah You never know Maybe I got a base up there

I've heard things Addison What did you think about it? Um, didn't it look too bad. Yeah? But I feel like it would just be like one of those movies that would just have like, like, you know how someone dies? They would like make it looks like so bad.

They would just make it look. I don't know. It looked a little cheesy. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's not a great trailer. I don't know.

But what did you guys think? I don't know. if I'm going to put my life in Holly Barry's hands or the fate of the world. I don't know. I mean, I'll watch it because sometimes I get so, you know,

they're pretty much the same plot. They just change how the Earth's going to get destroyed. And sometimes they're good, sometimes they're bad. Most of the time, they're all cheesy. But sometimes I'm entertained. I was actually entertained by that one. What was it, Green, Greenland? Oh, did he do that one?

I don't think he did that one, but the one with Gerard Butler. That one actually was kind of, that was surprising, so. Okay. I may have to watch it. I've scrolled past that one a few times, and like I said, though, I just, I don't really get into the end of the world disaster movies. Right. It's just people yelling at each other. All right.

let's see the release date is I think it just says the moon comes for us in 22 so it's still in post-production so that sounds like there's a joke there that I well no shit all right

that's it that's it all right well let's move on to listen to feedback this week the podcast spotlight shines on two great offerings First off, check out Cino Babes Well, yeah This week on episode three, it's

Haunt or Be Haunted where they cover the same movie we're talking about tonight. That'll be fun. Some differing opinions, why not? Or maybe they're the same. I don't know. Today's the day you've all been waiting for. It's launch day, Hellraiser's. Episode 3 is officially available, and they're joined by a special guest, Damien Maffay.

I'm sorry, dude, who plays devil in the movie. Look for it wherever you can find your podcast or at anchor.com. Which one is the devil? The one with the stuff in his face? The devil with the... Yeah, the devil costume, right? I think the tall one. A super big guy.

Yeah. I think he had a lot of tats and piercings on his face, right? So did all of them. The one to get his stabb. Addison's saying, what did you say? He had horns around him. They were like piercings that were like around his face. Yeah.

That's who I was thinking of. He was a bad dude, wasn't he? I can take him. That was my thought. And of course, we have to give our. love to the big guys podcast. The big guys are back for another adventures pod.

Catching up with Big Jesse and other stuff, look forward on the East Society feed or anywhere you find the McNez podcast or Skater Nez Network. Nez, well, he's not here with us. But he hung out with blind Frankenstein and covered some stuff.

And regarding last week's show, Nez says Near Dark is not better than the Lost boys. I don't think anybody said it was. You kind of insinuated. Did I?

Yeah. When you said that, I felt a disturbance in the forest. I think it was Nes. Yeah. Now, Near Dark was a really great surprise for me in particular. But yeah, no, I mean, it's not

the last boys by any means. They are remaking the Lost Boys, not you're dark. Yeah, that's why. Yeah. And I don't know if they should be doing that. Stephen Loblad, 100% agrees.

Regarding the podcast on Haunted Hill, Legion podcast, says I look forward to some labyrinth love. Oh, yeah. The movie? Marcy Pupandria says, my new design is now on Red Bubble. Hint, it's a love letter to Nick Cage. Check it out on our Facebook group.

It looks awesome. Yeah? Yeah. I don't know what the hell Red Bubble is, but that's cool. It's like a, you can like, it's kind of like T-Pubbley. Okay, I got you. Yeah. And B says now that we're just,

now that we're only just less than two days away from the Halloween season officially kicking off, at least here in Australia, here's my complete list of every horror film that I'll be watching through the entire month of October as part of my 31 days of horror. Check it out. Sounds like you're going to have some time on your hand since they won't let you out of your house. Huge announcement time. At last, you can find all of our links and everything, THR, at our brand new website, www. www.horrorterns.com. Bam.

Lance did it. It's real. It's real. We have been working on it, sort of. Lance has been working on it. I haven't done anything. Not only will you be able to download all of our shows from there, but you will find links to our social media,

a way to become a Patreon patron with just a few clips, and coming soon an online store for all of your horror returns needs. We're really excited to be able to finally have a one-stop for anything and everything related to the podcast. And coming soon, a YouTube channel, featuring the much-anticipated lost scene from the fanatic. You asked for it, you got it. Oh, we're still doing that, huh?

From what I hear, a TikTok account where Lance is going to fulfill all your dancing needs. Tick-Tac. Flossing, yeah, I'm going to learn how to floss. Oh, you have fun with that. And that's it. Our show comes from Steve Carlton, from the League of Geeks. The artwork is from Natsulani.

Check her out on Instagram. And if you'd like to help us out, please consider becoming a patron patron. I have never once got through that sentence without stammering over something. That's okay. We'll let you pick the movies for a future show at any amount. And for $5 or more a month, also pick a commentary for a future bonus show. And if you have a chance, please give us a five-star Apple Podcast Review. You may win a Steelbook DVD if your name is selected.

So that way. And speaking of the league, geeks. everybody makes sure to look for their 31 days. They're dropping a new episode every day for October. Get them. All right. Let's roll on to our featured attraction. Singular.

This week, we're going to hand the show over to the younger generation here, what they have to say about 2019's haunt, which may be a little older than they should be watching, but that's okay. Haunt trivia. On Halloween, a group of friends encounter an extreme haunted house that promises to feed on their darkest fears. The night turns deadly as they come to the horrifying realization that some nightmares are real. Director and writer is Scott Beck and Brian Woods, also known for a quiet place.

I had no idea. Billmaker Scott Beck and Brian Woods. wrote the script for haunt while they were also writing the screenplay for a quiet place without the expectation that either film would ever actually get made. Production was halted when a man was stabbed and the police shooting near the Cal Poly Pomona campus. Okay. Sounds unfortunate. I know.

That's what happened. You make horror movies in the area that people get stabbed. Was the guy a clown? Could be. All right. Addie, do you want to start it out? What was, what did you think about Haunt? Or Brianna, is she there?

Yeah, she let her go real quick. Okay, yeah, let's go Brianna first. All right, she won't be able to hear you guys, but I'm going to ask her questions. Say hi to everybody. Hi. Was this the first time you watched Haunt? No. Oh, you've been there before, huh?

Yeah, I think. we watched this last year, right? Yeah. Yeah. So did you like it better now or then? Then. What didn't you like about it now? The killing scenes aren't that good. Kind of something you've seen before?

Yeah. Were the clowns scary? No. What about the faces underneath? Yes. They were. would you ever go into a extreme haunt if i had friends with me yeah even if you have to sign a waiver saying whatever happens you can't sue them no okay that's that's an extreme hot okay

okay she's got to go everybody say bye oh that's it all right thanks brianna She's Diana. Talk to you later. Hi. That's this world shortest review. It's like a Reader's Digest, condensed review. Yeah. No.

Yeah, she might be a little jaded. She's seen some other movies. Right. And I think her main problem was she's already seen the movie, so she already knew what to expect. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, that was her 30-second review. Addie, you want to go?

Sure. I thought it was good. Yeah? But, like, there were some parts that just, like, when they kept, when, like, when they would show their actual face, it was, it was, actually like all of them were like super creepy. So it was scarier when they showed the actual face. Yeah.

Because they weren't even that scary at first. But I have to admit I, I was scared to sleep that night. So I slept with my sister. I don't know why. I was just scared. And I did not leave that room. I didn't even go to the restroom. I just stayed there.

That's a good sign. I just sat there. Good movie. Yeah, yeah. I was just terrified for my life to walk anywhere. So I just stayed in bed. I was like, nope, I'm not going anywhere. That's pretty scary then, huh?

Mm-hmm. What did you think about the characters that went into the haunted house? Were they smart or were they kind of stupid? Well, the girl who was like, who like got the key or whatever, that, like, that one girl, she, like, got the key and was talking. to the clown at the front. She noticed something was weird when they had to sign the waiver,

but she was like, but she still did it because she thought it was just like, I don't know, like something dumb. But they were actually not that time out because they had to sign a waiver. So if I had to sign a waiver, I was just like, they're like, nope, I'm good. Nope. Did that one guy,

the guy in the human centipede costume, Didn't he sound like T.J. Miller? Yes. I thought that while I was watching the movie. I was like, is it? Maybe T.J. Miller dubbed it, huh? Dubbed the voice. That guy sounds exactly like him. So what do you think?

What do you think about the monsters? Like when they, I mean, did you expect that? Were you surprised when they took their mask off? And they had all those. weird piercings and like they're part of a cult or whatever? Some of it was kind of weird. Right. Because I don't know.

It was something that you wouldn't expect at all. Like, you would think they would just be a normal guy or a normal person. Okay. They were definitely not normal. They were like, I don't know, like you said, like a cult or whatever, weird. So let me ask you this. when there was the one part where the girl couldn't get to the other girl and the, uh, the witch came out with a hot poker. Did you think that was real or did you think that was being faked for the haunted house?

When the girl does appear? Yeah, remember when the, when the witch first came out with a hot poker and put it to the one girl's face? Oh, the first girl? Mm-hmm. Oh, it's like a, it's not actual like, fake real fires. like love or whatever it's called or whatever it is. Right? Magma.

Oh. I thought it was just like a play that they put up. Yeah, right? Like everything was fake or whatever. Yeah, that they were just doing it for scares, like some regular haunted house. Magma, I got it now. Gord. Was that Operation Preparation H or whatever?

I want to just call it Operation Ass cream. Okay. Anything else to add? No. Okay. Logan, what did you think about it? It was scary? It was scary?

I didn't think it was that scary. It wasn't that scary? It was scary? It was going to be. Okay. It was scary, though. There's some parts that kind of made me junk. Yeah.

What about the guys? Like, the bad guys, would they scare? Um, yeah, a tiny bit. Yeah. Were they scarier with the masks on or off? If I had it, probably with the mask off. Yeah, they were pretty creepy, huh? Did a bunch of weird stuff to their face.

It looks like people who would make bad decisions. That's a great point. So you raise your children, ladies and gentlemen. A lot of body modifications. So that's the man who has tattoos all over. All right. What about the people getting killed? Was that kind of scary?

Do they do a pretty good job of that? Yeah, but it didn't. really made me be like covering my eyes. Yeah, right. Did you think it was real or did you think it was part of the haunted house? I thought, okay, so to be honest, if I was inside the haunted house, like myself, I would think it would be a setup, but if like, like I was watching the movie, which I did.

I would definitely say that it was not set up. Yeah? Mm-hmm. So you think, you would think it was real and you would, well, once you start seeing your friends die, I guess that's probably that. Yeah. So we're like, all right, how far are we going with this? Because I'm about to start stabbing people. If it's a joke, you guys better tell me now.

All right, but you liked it? Was it a pretty scary movie? Yeah, I'd give it a 7.5. 7.5 out of 10? That's an excellent score. Coming out of the game with the scores. That's not bad. That's probably pretty equivalent to what we rated it.

Yeah. All right. So did Brianna have a score? She's already gone, huh? She's gone. Okay. She's probably right there, too, seven. Probably right in that range.

Yeah. Addie, what was your score? Oh, Addy, Eddie just took off. Let me... I'm done with this shit. Let's see. Best messenger, what is your score? I think she told me, but I forgot.

Hey, in the meantime, I'm going to... read a little article here from The Guardian, which is a UK publication. Oh, Eddie gives it 8.5 out of 10. What did you give it, Logan? All right. Logan gave it a 7.5. Okay.

Yeah, they're up there. All right. So before we go into this movie anymore, I wanted to kind of bring up this extreme haunted house inside the real life kingdom of masochist. This is an article from a couple of... years ago. It says on a balmy California, this is real life, by the way,

too. On a balmy California morning three daredevils park in front of an elementary school and lean against their cars trying to appear nonchalant as they wait to be kidnapped. They're the guests of McCamey Manor,

an interactive extreme haunt which is a cult-like devotion online. The kidnappers are up the road in the manner. A grand name for a San Diego suburban house smelling of dog pee. They're busy. They're busy.

I go to a lot of people's houses. Finishing touches to their outfit. Andrew McSweeney, 6'5 with a beard thick as a shoebrush, puts on a tattered shirt splattered with red and a fabric bag with eye holes over his head. He looks like a demonic lumberjack. And as you go through the article that talks about how it says for the past decade, the Manor has hosted a handful of guests each weekend, challenging them to an eight-hour tour. Marines and cage fighters, cops and bikers, plumbers and clerks, housewives and beauticians all have tried.

None succeeded. So basically, yeah, you got a real-life extreme haunt here. So these things really exist. No one succeeded until the horror return boys stepped in. Nah, that's not going to happen. I would 100% do this. Lance, you go in the door first. I've got to send Scott Crawford.

I would a million percent do this. I'm going to send Scott Crawford. That motherfucker was hell on wheels on a motorcycle back in his high school days. I know about it because I listened to them talk about their prize. episode. And I pick him for my badass of the week to go in and survive. I don't know, man. I think Pedro might could take them.

What do you guys think? Well, I imagine you don't have to fight anybody in an extreme hunt. He just have to get tattooed, literally branded with a brand. Holy shit. All right. We're going way extreme here. Tell me, what do you guys know about McCamy Manor? Tell me, Brian, what have you heard?

I've heard nothing, but you ain't branded me. No. Yeah. That may be where we crossed the line. You might get, you might get branded, but not me. Yeah, if you're willing to brand me, then you better be willing to get an ass whooping. Yeah. That's probably where they brand you is on the ass, Philip.

Whatever waiver was signed is that's going out the door. Yeah. Yeah, that's the first thing that I thought about when I started watching this movie was because I had read about McCaamy Manor and like that being the most extreme haunted house in the United States. Like people have even tried to shut it down. People have signed a petition to get it shut down. But I mean, I guess if you're stupid enough to sign the waiver and you're stupid enough to go in there, you pretty much get what's coming to you, right? I mean, I guess. Like I was thinking, ah, why, it's going to be really scary.

which is, you know, really what you want. But, yeah, once they can start, like, hurting you, that's a problem. I think they pulled a tooth from one guy. Jesus fucking Christ, are you serious? What is this? Who is running this thing? That can't be allowed. If you signed the waiver, it says it covers all these things.

It says, if we do any of these things on this list, you cannot sue us. Man, I don't know how much a waiver's going to hold up in court if you yanked somebody's tooth out with a fucking pair of channel locks. Can you possibly, like, if you sign that waiver, can you present a waiver for them? What do you mean? I mean, if you're going to do some stuff to me. Right. I might do some stuff back. You back somebody into a corner like that.

Oh, no. Sign my waiver. Shit's about to go down. Oh, man. think, you know what? I honestly think you may be under something here, Brian. That would make a hell of a movie

where you've got some people go into a McCamey Manor type thing like that and the guys that go in there turn the tables on the guys doing the haunt. That would be a fucking great movie, right? Yeah, I might go, because I might go full Roershack when, well, than Watchmen, when he was like, I'm not locked in here

with you, you're locked in here with me. I mean, yeah, if you're just, I mean, because all they're doing is coming at you one by one trying to scare you. Like, all right. Go ahead. This is how kung fu movies work. All right, me and Phil are in. That's funny, Philip. Me and Phil are in.

Yes. We'll destroy it. Here's one thing that's in the, I'm reading through the contract. It says there is a chance of death. Probably there is not mine. Says one person came to work, and he was going to work as a volunteer for the manner. He says, I read through it, and I immediately quit.

I got to the last page and turned around and went home. There's so much. Probably a good decision. Listen, you have to pull out your own teeth. There's a chance of getting a tattoo. A chance of your fingernails getting pulled out. It's really overwhelming. There's a chance of death accidents do happen.

Well, I mean, a chance of death accidents happen. I get it. But, like, there's a chance of your fingernails being pulled out. Uh-huh. That's either it's going to happen or it's not. That's not a chance thing. You don't accidentally get your fingernails pulled out. Where does the hot stuff come in?

It sounds like you're just signing up to get tortured. Yes. Hold on. It goes on. But here's what the actual Mr. McCamey. I don't have his full name here. I guess that's at the top of the article. I mean, I'm just kind of scrolling through.

McKamey comes across as a charismatic, theatrical man. He grew up loving movies and theater. After serving for 23 years in the Navy, he spent another 13 working in Veterans Affairs before turning McCamey Manor into a full-time gig. It's all entertainment. McCaney says Halloween is nothing more than a big play. The manner is just putting on a big show.

That's all it is. Just a big production. Well, what's really going on in there, you know? Realistically, I would think that that kind of a waiver is just something to scare you. I think so. I mean, yeah, once you start talking about like teeth getting pulled out of heads and fingernails. and fingernails getting ripped out. Uh-huh.

Oh. Let somebody get out of that thing. They better win a shitload of money. Yeah. What's the prize? Somebody's going to jail. Well, it says here, okay, so it says the prize if you can make it through is $20,000. I was going to say, I hope it's not a T-shirt.

You can't take my fucking fingernail for $20,000. That's just not going to fly. The price to get in is two cans of dog food, which they give to the local animal shelter. McKee goes on to say, they're not getting hurt. I use a lot of hypnosis, a lot of mind control techniques. What? What's going on here? This sounds like a cult.

If you can hypnotize people, you can make them think whatever you want. I don't need to rough anyone up. So when you come out of there and you're missing teeth, you're only thinking you're missing teeth? Hypnosis is a powerful mind tool. I can put somebody in a pool with three inches of water and tell them there's a great white shark. And they're going to be like swimming in the ocean with a great white shark. This is, somebody needs to arrest this guy. He is definitely a bad guy and some sort of movie that we haven't seen yet.

It sounds like the don't breathe guy except he's not blind, right? Yeah. Oh gosh, what was his name? The murder hotel guy. Norm. Norm Nordstrom. That ruined Don't Breathe for me. Oh, man.

Well, if anybody sounded like a serial killer, it'd be him. Yeah. So, Lance, you weren't on the episode where we reviewed this. I think Samantha was. Which one are you talking about? For a haunt. Oh, yeah. I missed that.

So what did you think of the movie? I enjoyed it. Like I said, it really, the first thing I thought of was Macaamy Manor, because I'd read about that place before. But I thought it was kind of interesting, you know, the way they were kind of a cult, and they did all the body modification stuff, and then they put the mask on over, so that you would just kind of think you're, you know, in a cheesy haunted house with cheap plastic mask and stuff like that. They do a lot of information, though.

There's no way that they did. I'll give it a six and a half. I thought it was two-thirds good. I enjoyed watching it. You guys remember how y'all scored it? I think we was around like the seven and a half. Yeah, it was a fun Halloween movie. Right?

It was short and to the point, and there was no real downtime in it. We got not T.J. Miller in the movie. Yeah. Maybe. But I do like the whole different face underneath the mask, and they apparently had to earn their true face. So they've been doing this for a while, because they were well organized, especially when,

And it was, excuse me, when it was time to burn everything. Mm-hmm. Yeah, right, time to move on to the next town or whatever. A bunch of carnies. No offense to the carnies out there. No, not at all. I actually love you people. Is that up for this week, guys?

What do you mean you people? I wanted to bring up the one girl real quick. I hated her in this. I really did. Which one? Bailey. None of the other girls bothered me. But Bailey,

man. Which one was she? The one that dropped the ring and they got her arm. Was she dying? Okay. Because she was sitting there like she was, like she'd been shot. Yeah, that's a good point. However, if I'm at a haunted house and suddenly I got blood dripping down my arm,

that's a problem. She sat there looking like, near death and then she got the other girl killed because at first she didn't want to get in the the little tunnel thing or vent and she didn't give the girl enough time to get in after her horrible character again though at that point if you know your friends are dying and you think it's real which i thought that that may have been a cool route to take if they went like towards the end of it maybe this girl goes rogue and fucking kills everybody and it turns out it was just a haunted house.

Like that kind of would have been a cool twist. Yeah. But yeah, like at that point, there's no running away. It's time to turn around and start fighting back. Yeah. And I really did like not T.J. Miller because when the guy with the chainsaw got a little close and he pushed them and told me to get out and get out my safe space. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I'm kind of like I see you. I'm there with you. No shit. I'm kind of surprised we haven't seen him and anything else. I kind of like that kid. Maybe we have. Shit, dude.

I'm trying to think they, some of the people look kind of familiar. And then, but then the guy behind the mask also kind of sounded like T.J. Miller. Oh, come on. It's like the T.J. Miller production or what? Maybe. Mitch. Mitch sounds a little like T. J. Miller.

But both of them kind of did. I was like, is that the same character? No, the not T.J. Miller is going to be in the Matrix coming up. Oh. Oh, no shit. I'm excited about that. You guys are making this sound like a Tyler Perry production, where he literally writes, directs, and plays every role in the movie.

Oh, T.J. Miller? Yeah, a T.J. Miller production? Is that what this is this is? We got to come up with a name for him. Like Fat Damon. Ah, right. Nothing beats Fat Damon. We have the binge cast to think for that one, I think.

Yeah. I think they started it. They started a lot. Yeah, you remember Gouie McGregor? Yeah. And you know where they're talking about Kerry Mulligan. Oh, man, they need to do another movie jail episode. Fuck, maybe we need to do a movie jail episode.

What, Dane Dahan? You know what? If they're not going to use that shit, we can, right? Yeah, what has Dane Dahan been in lately? Since the one that I love so much that everybody else hated, the Valerian? Let's see. I like that one with you. Okay, all right. Using Lizzie's story.

Yeah, I haven't seen it. My least favorite Stephen King book ever. The Stranger, which I actually did like him in that one. The Stranger. Oh, that was the one that was on the... The Quibi. Cell phone only. Which, though, it's now on Roku.

If anybody owns Roku, just go to the Roku channel, and it's on there. What's that? You mean Quibi didn't work? No. You call that one, Philip. Nost your dumbass over here. What was the last thing? Yeah, Valerian was the last thing I seen him, man, other than the stranger.

That was the last big thing, huh? That was 2017. He may have a stint coming up in movie jail, guys. Maybe we'll do an episode soon. Maybe we'll tie it to Patreon. That would be a good idea. Maybe we can get Dan on since he's not really doing anything. Probably good.

Oh, he played Billy the Kid, in The Kid. Yeah, I didn't want to watch that. Maybe he can hook us up with whatever. fucking crazy drugs he's taking. He looks like heroin addict. Him and that other kid from Stranger Things. He's starting to show up

in a lot of, even the one that's in the new Ghostbusters coming out? Yeah. Jesus. I heard that kid's got a successful band. The one in Ghostbusters. Yeah. Is the marshmallow man or what? It's...

Oh, I like the new Ghostbusters. Busters trailer. They showed it before Venom. They showed a couple of good trailers before Venom. We're going to review it. Ah, sounds good. We're doing Dune, right? There's another longer Dune trailer now, too, out.

Yeah, I'm not watching none of the Dune trailers. I just watch that first one. That's all I need. Yeah, well, we're covering it, right? Yeah, that one and the David Lynch one. All right. You guys ready to sign out? Let's do it.

I'm going to go catch a 20-21 horror movie. I don't know what yet, but I'll find something to continue the 31 days. All right. As always, we want to thank you guys for listening to it. Logan, thanks for reading on the show, man. Oh, he's gone, too. Everybody's gone. All right.

I'm here. I'm sorry. Oh, okay. About to pee on myself. All right. As always, we want to think you guys are listed to another episode. Waiting in the episode.

You and McCaney Manor? What? In your brains. All right. The Horror Returns. You can reach us at our email. The Horror Returns at gmail.com. But you don't even need to do that.

All you have to do is literally go to www. Thehorrorreturns.com. And you can find a button to fucking everything we do. everything we're involved with. There's a button for sending us a message, which we will get. I've already tested it. You can send us an email.

You can go to our Facebook group through there. You can go to our Twitter page, our Instagram page. You can go to our Podbean page. We're working on setting up an online store. Pretty soon you're going to have one button you can push and go to our T-Public page. I would say within the next week. We will have some sort of video, whether it be YouTube or TikTok or whatever, just simply because we've got to do the fucking Moose Returns episode or whatever it's called. What did we decide to call that, Brian?

Shit Show. The revenge of Hunter Dunbar. The revenge of Hunter Dummy Bar. That's it. Oh, gosh. Put some respect on his name. All right. Next week, this is going to be crazy.

We're going to do our first ever Halloween, THR Halloween party. That's right. We invited and they're coming. So we're going to have a lot of people on the show if everyone shows up that's been invited. Real quick, make sure everybody goes over to the Skater Ned podcast Network. Of course, you know, every year we do the 31 days. So new episode dropping every day.

Ah, that's... Yeah, that's S-K, the numeral 8-E-R. Yes. Everywhere good podcast or found. Yep, and new action returns come in and stream fiend, so definitely be looking out. October's going to be a busy month for everybody. It always is. So we get not only the Halloween party going on, but we're all going to do a commentary together

on the 1978 classic John Carpenter film They live, right? Oh, wait a minute. Is that the one we're doing?

I thought it was Halloween. Escape from New York. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Halloween, that's right. Is it how we're doing? Vampires. We're doing Halloween. Okay.

So we don't know who all's going to be here yet. It's going to be like spoilers, if we tell you. going to have some special guest on and we can't wait. So, Philip, until the horror returns again, come joins the party with us.

I love gold. Magma.