The Horror Returns - THR Ep. #290 - Gremlins (1984) and Krampus (2015)

Episode Date: December 12, 2021

This week, Sean Henry joins us again as life truly imitates art...and gremlins try their best to throw us off our game. We get internet problems, wifi problems, Skype problems, you name it...but we pull through for you guys. Cool of the Week includes Halo Infinite, The Empty Man, Resident Evil, Destroy All Humans, and Silent Night. Trailers this week are Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2022 and Spider Man Across the Spiderverse Part 1. The podcast spotlight shines on Slashers podcast. And we get feedback from Fans of the Dead and Steve Carleton. DECEMBER CONTEST! Send us an email to [e-mail] or through our website www.thehorrorreturns.com for a chance to win a Horror Returns T-shirt. Thanks for listening! 

victims. For those of you delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify gore, welcome. You have found the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware. This podcast contains major plot Spoilers and the foulest of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror. All right, welcome back one and all to The Horror Returns. I'm not Philip. That's what it says in the notes. I give us to pull that old show from when I was out at my mom's house.

I'm Lance, and with me as always, my co-host, Kevin, Brian, and Phil. Phillip and tonight we got Sean Henry back second week in a row man what's going on dude hey how's it going I appreciate you guys letting me be on thanks for coming on what were you what were you doing man fucking um Christmas vacation or trade or what if it feels like that um I did the yeah Christmas parade the city of Penscola puts it on every year and it's like two hour long and you know instead of doing like throwing candy and stuff, they throw a marty grow beads.

Oh, awesome. It's like Galveston, Phil. Yeah, man. Did they do that over there? Not during Christmas usually, but Marty grow is big here. Yeah, for the actual Christmas parade that throw Marty grow beads. That's how hardcore is for... That's pretty awesome.

It's all thing, Marty Carl. Nass, you got a family affair going on, huh? Yeah, it's just me and my youngest grandson right now. The other one's up the street at his great grandmas. All right. Just go to us here. A little buddy going to chime in on the movies. Surely you watch Grimlins with your grandkids, right?

I think their grandma did. I haven't. His favorite movie, horror-wise, is Creature from the Black Lagoon. How old is he now, like two or something like that? He's a year old. That's it? Yeah. He's diving into the Christmas candy already.

I was trying to hide some stuff in the studio, and he found it. So I had to give him a candy cane full of M&M. So he's chomping away on that right now. Hopefully I'll keep him quiet. That's the quickest way to bribe a child is candy. Oh, yeah. Keep him busy for a little bit, huh? Yeah.

All right. Well, shit, I guess we might as well jump in. So we got a couple of movies to cover that are Christmas-related. And you guys know I'm all about Christmas movies this month. But I guess, Sean, you're our guest, man. You want to go first on Cool of the Week? Sure. I've got a couple of them.

Day of the Dead. I know I talked about it last week, but I'm still loving the newest episode. which dropped last night and it's it's got me hooked it's actually a really good sci-fi show nice yeah i mean some of the some of the graphics the cg i are garbage but the physical effects are like they're really good have you have you watched that niz i only watched the first episode it's all right that's fair i don't know i wasn't expecting much i I'm getting the, what's the other zombie show? Walking Dead?

Z Nation. I'm getting that feel. Okay. From it. Yeah. It's okay. I mean, I don't really know where it's going yet, so. I think the episode two and three kind of will pull you in more.

The first one is kind of, I was kind of so-so-on-it as well. So I think just give it a little more time. You may love or hate it, but I definitely love it. so far. Well, I'm going to finish it, but I'm already invested in these characters after the first episode, so there you go. Don't tell

me, but I just want to know is the fracking, the reason for the living dead to come around. And I did see in the credits that they gave credit to George A. Romero, rest in peace, but I'm like,

really, I didn't see that. And I I will In the movie In that cave And brought the dead alive I don't know The fracking dead, huh?

Yeah It plays a part How much I'll weave it up To the imagination You to figure out But it does have some They fracked into an ancient tomb

I was thinking Yeah, so there's that, uh, Halo Infinite on Xbox Game Pass is my like second cool of the week. That's pretty badass. I've been playing the campaign on it. And, uh, and played Halo in forever. I might try that out.

Same. I like, I was like, well, I'm not going to drop the, you know, I'm not having to spin anything. I mean, I'm already paying for the Xbox Pass. So, no. why not I may as well yeah

and then my third one would be I got to watch Encanto the Disney movie oh how was that

that was really good it was it was cute it was sweet loving kind of an all-around enjoyable

experience my youngest daughter absolutely loved it I think that's going to be on Disney Plus here in a couple weeks. Yeah, I think it drops on the

24th of this month. Yeah. So Christmas Eve. Eternal's next month. Yep. Oh, yeah. Did any of you guys see that? I've seen it and Lance left us. I guess Lance didn't want to talk about eachones. Oh, no. I watched it. I thought it was it. I thought it was boring as shit

the first hour. I loved it. Really? I know the characters, but I didn't know much of the stories in the book. So I just took it for what it was. See, I don't even know who the characters are. I just wanted to see Angelina, and she got me going. So that was enough for me.

It was what it was. I mean, I don't know what everyone wanted. I mean, a lot of people didn't know who these characters were. who aren't, who aren't average comic readers. So, I mean, because in the books, I was, those characters never really stuck out to me.

Like, I got to read these stories. So I'm just like, whatever. Yeah. I think they're just going with them because they're trying to, they're going more cosmic with the future. So.

Are they like old characters? Or are these like, 2000s. You mean in the comics? Yeah, no, yeah. Like, are they characters that I would know from, you know, the early 90s, 80s? No, probably further back than that. Okay.

They're like before Christ and everybody cares. Angelina, awesome and Paperboy. And the one little stuck-up kid. Those were my favorite. the girl from oh crazy rich Asians she was in Eternals and she was

I thought I think she's fine as hell I can't think of her name the main the main I know you're talking about yeah yeah yeah oh and what's his name I can never pronounce his name Kumal Njani

Kumil Njani yeah him he was hell of funny Yeah he was I don't know what's valet's name, but he was badass. Yeah, it's definitely a divisive, divisive movie. Yeah, I haven't heard a lot of great things. I think it'll be one of those movies that I think later on, it'll grow on some people a little bit more. Yeah, but it took me forever to watch Shang Chi, too, and it was pretty badass.

Yeah. So I love Shang Chi. Yeah, that's good. Aquafino was my favorite in that. She's pretty good and everything she's in. She gets a lot of hate somehow. I don't know why. People were shitting all over her.

We'll talk about her news later. Oh, yeah. I started watching a show. I think it's on HBO, one of these ones. The Nora one? Yeah, that's just hell of funny. I guess that's basically like her life. I mean,

I think the first time I'd seen her was on Saturday. It was a Saturday Night Live? I think she was on that. Hey, uh, any, anybody else recording? Well, we got the Skype call recording, so it should be there. That's what I was worried about. All right. It's still rolling then, right?

Skype is not going, but I am going. That's not going? Fucking Skype. Oh, shit. Skype's going now. There you go. All right. I got a backup, though.

All right. So, uh, every goddamn time this fucking program. Yep, I'm on the cellular officially. So you guys keep talking. I'm going to carry my phone and go grab a charger. All right.

That doesn't die on me. Uh, while jumping on my cool with a week, uh, I actually have a decent one this week. Uh, it was called, uh,

the empty man. Uh, you guys ever heard of that one? Yeah, it was in my bottom 10 last year. Was it really? Was it a last 10? Did the big one to bye-bye man?

No, so this was the empty man. Yeah, it's got... The hollow man? The empty man. Is this the one with the bottle? Yes. Okay. It's got a real big lull in the middle where it sort of has a bye-by-man kind of feel to it.

Right. That hurts, I think. But I love the beginning, and the ending went in a direction. I totally didn't expect it to. and it turned into a very trippy think about life movie and I think that was kind of cool I'll give it so they did something interesting

with it yeah it's definitely not the bye-bye man they yeah by my man just introduces a whole bunch of shit and then leaves you trying to figure out what the hell's going on yeah this one like it opens up with them falling like this guy falls into a cave and and I guess gets possessed by some sort of

of ancient spirit and they're like in the middle of the mountains somewhere and and so that part was pretty cool but then it just abruptly ends and changes movies completely but it at least sets it up and gives you kind of a background of it so I thought that was cool yeah I think I think I see it on HBO Mac so I'll probably give it a rewatch yeah I'll have to check it out if you're if you're recommending it well it's just the only thing horror that I've watched this week other than that it's uh i i finally realized that inkmaster was still going so i went back and looked watched some of those seasons i didn't even know that was still on the air i know i don't know if it is now but like i missed a bunch of seasons when uh streaming started happening and everybody

was splitting up so i went back and watched a few of them they've got a couple of uh seasons on netflix which are uh some of the really good ones i love that show um but it only goes up to like season three there they're on like season 13 or some shit oh shit yeah i was like oh wow i forgot about that show is it still like same host uh yeah yeah same same uh oliver peck and nunez and uh the dude from jane's addiction so fucks the name uh god god god yeah navarro dav navarro so uh yeah cool yeah i still a good good job show kind of the same format they just sort of change it up a little every

every season with like team stuff and things like that somebody's that's a funny and they can't talk yeah they can't talk back

yeah yeah more two point that's funny No, motherfucker What do you mean? That's all I got this week.

So, what did you say? It was the empty man? The empty man. And I think master, of course. Eat master. And what else? I love those stupid reality competition shows, man. I don't know what it is to get me.

Right. Who did I miss? Brian and Nez. you guys chime in yet? No. I'll go. I just rewatched Resident Evil,

that new one. Welcome to Raccoop City. Oh, I've seen that one yet. That shit was hell. I don't care what anybody says. I loved it. Mike didn't speak too highly of it.

That movie was awesome. You guys didn't listen to my review on East Society. It was... Right. It was, they gave nods. a lot of nods to the first for the first two games

but then they just jumbled all kinds of other crap into it but I mean for what it was it's a Resident Evil movie what the fuck did you guys want yeah it's not going to be a fucking 10 out of 10 yeah well with Nes it might be oh it was it was a 10 in my book

you never can't tell with Nes was it like closer to the video games than the original series yeah it was way closer to the video So it's like they took the first and the second and jammed them together and then added stuff. But I mean, for what it was, it was cool. I mean, I don't know if they're going to make a part two to it. But it left off like they were going to do another one.

But I don't know. The way everyone tore it apart and not sure if anyone went and seen it, it got my money twice. So I have not had the chance. But if it's closer to the games, that definitely sells me on wanting to go see it for sure. Right. I mean, don't expect the games all the way through it. I mean, they throw you nods when they get to the mansion and when they're at the police station. And the characters.

A lot of the characters in the games, they were, yeah, we see the live action versions of them. Are they the best? No, but the girl from Crawl, she was good. Right. And then the other dude in it was not Green Arrow, right? no that was uh i think it was aquaman was that aquaman i call it not green arrow because i think he's like

the brother of the guy that plays green arrow oh no no i'm thinking of something else you're talking about the cousin yeah yeah yeah i thought i saw him in the trailer um what oh that was so that was good

uh that was the only one sitting in there so but i didn't care I could take my mask off. Yeah. Right. That's what the black. The black saint used to do, Brian.

Exactly. That's how old peewee got caught. Can I do notice that some of these theaters that I go to have cameras in there, there's night vision cameras in there? No. They try to hide them. They try to hide them, but you could see them. Some of them are like,

out in the day, a clear as day. That's fucking weird. They got it in the weird. That is weird. Yeah. I don't want someone creeping on me while watching a fucking movie. That's, you know. So be on the lookout, everyone.

If you guys, if you don't know if they're in your seat, just don't. No getting head in the back of the theater. Unless you want to see it on, on, on Foreign Hub in a week. Yeah, and have to get bailed out of jail. and I did a rewatch for one of our 12 random days of Christmas

Santa Jaws I don't care what anybody says That movie's awesome too Santa Jaws What the fuck is Santa Jaws? Yeah that's that was my thing What the fuck is that? Are you guys never seen that?

No I don't know what it is It's Jaws with lights around his tail and uh... Yeah You're pulling my leg Like I said That's exactly what it sounds like

Yeah Go to anchor To the East Society of feed And listen to My review We will If you guys want to watch the movie It's on YouTube

The YouTube version Is a little Ify Depending on Your internet But if you have Amazon Prime It's HD and everything on there.

So, but the movie, it is what it is. I saw it when it first came out. It first aired on sci-fi back in 2018. And Santa Jocs, I mean, it's... Wow. Usually if the Senate starts with, if you want to check out the movie, it's on YouTube. That's not a good sign. Yeah.

There's all kinds of good movies on YouTube. Well, or it's on sci-fi. Right. Not every show on TV. by his worth of shed. That's the fair. Yeah, it was one of those movies on there. Is it better than Shark Nato?

No, not even close. It was... Wow, that's a... Shark Nato's awesome. The first one was the best one. The rest were okay. But, yeah, Santa Jaws. It is what it is.

You guys want to brave it, go for it. Yeah, I'll check it out. It's just for shits and giggles. It's an excuse for a Christmas movie, Lance. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I can talk KG into that one, but I'll try. Don't try.

Do you. Yeah. There is no trick. Oh, yeah, do or do not. I got you. It was, it was, it is what it is. They really put their money into the CGI, which it looks crappy, but it looks better than, let's say, Spawn that Brian and I did on an accident. Oh, yeah.

You guys hate it. That's a movie. the CGI was a million times better than that the only CGI is the shark everything else is everybody in it but I mean it is what it is it was a fun huh he watched it with me my daughter

love it for sure yeah Santa Jaws and Resident Evil those are my two cools of the week all right cool you want to go, Lance. Well, you know what? Since we're kind of,

we seem to be in a video game mode, right? We've talked about Halo and we've talked about Resident Evil. I'll keep it going and then we'll save the best for last with you, Brian. I'm getting back into gaming and you're talking about Game Pass, Sean.

And I'm checking out slowly getting back into gaming, so it's taking me probably a lot longer to master these levels than it should be because my reflexes aren't what they were, but Oh, don't worry. I'm fucking terrible.

Dude, destroy all humans is a really fun game. I just, you play that, you got, I'm sure you've played it, right, Sean? Yeah, yeah, I love that game. There's fucking humor in it is amazing. Lots of humor. I just, I just picked up the anal probe

ability. So, not only now can I like read humans' thoughts and make their brains explode, but I can aimly probe them. So, yeah, it's pretty cool, man. It's like a 1950s. You got all the paranoia, the men in black suits walking around.

The military is after you. They're always talking about commie bastards and shit like that. And you get to play a gray-skinned alien that's taking over the shitty planet Earth. And is it just me or does he sound a lot like Jack Nicholson? he he's actually a voice actor that did um oh god it was a famous fucking nicolodian show and regrets he did um

he's who put in the regrets it could be that's it is not coming to me oh my god all right but whoever it is man he does it does a good job it's it's a fun game man um but uh i've i this new year's resolution I'm not going to kill myself reading 24 books next year.

I'm going to half it down to 12, but I want to master six video games. So I got my work cut out for me. Yeah. Do you master some call of duty or? Yeah, fuck yeah, dude. All that stuff, man. And you're on Game Pass, so we could probably do some stuff together.

Anybody else on Xbox, Nez, Philip, Brian? They have good games. Donkey Kong and Gallagher and all that. Dig-Dug. Burger time, man. Burger time, for it said. Have that on that? I've got an Xbox,

but my kids sort of taking it over. Ah, well. What are you going to do, man? Yeah. I've been playing the Skyrim on in VR on the Oculus. Oh, cool. It's fucking cool.

Yeah. You get to do naughty stuff? But what? You get to do naughty stuff? Not so cool. But I think there's some mods if you want to. Yeah. Can you black mirror with somebody?

I don't know. Oh, my God. I haven't tried to play it online either. Phillips, way ahead of us, guys. He's in the VR realm. Ready Player 1 has to be next, right? Oh, that's for sure, man. They've got the Facebook meta thing happening.

I know. It's exactly. Neurlink. It's happening. Yeah. Neurlink is supposed to be here next year, apparently. Skynet. What the, yeah. Skynet doesn't have to take us over. We're going to be them.

Yeah. Sounds that way. It's going to be the Genesis program. Yeah. Philip is the Genesis program. We just don't know it yet. all right brian what's you got man uh i only seen two new things this week one uh not gonna talk about that one because uh me and nes are going to review that later the advent calendar on shutter

sounds wonderful you'll have to wait and see but the other one is a they label it as a comedy horror there wasn't a whole lot of horror i guess the some of the the ideas is in it are horrific. It's an AMC plus movie called Silent Night. Silent Night, okay. Yeah. People die?

Oh, yeah. A lot of people die. Oh, okay. I'm going to have to spoil it a little bit to kind of explain it. So if anybody listeners don't want to hear, fast forward like a couple minutes.

Essentially, there's a big, like, poisonous gas cloud sweeping the country and the government giving out these pills so you can just like basically kill yourself painlessly. Ouch, okay. And all these, all these friends gather for one last time.

It's obviously happening over Christmas. And it's just them kind of spending one last night together, you know, truths are coming out, you know, people are freaking out, you know, everybody's having different reactions. And, yeah, it kind of goes from there.

And I thought it was pretty good. There was comedy in it, but I would say it's like a dark comedy. Okay, that makes sense. People are about to die. And there's jokes being made about certain things. And the cast was pretty good. Kieran Knightley. Oh, wow.

Okay. Oh. Annabelle Wallace, she was the lead actress in Malignant. Right, right, okay. You know, you know the character. Oh, this is a pretty decent cast then. Yeah, it's a pretty big name cast. Yeah, the kid from Jojo Rabbit.

He was in. Oh, yeah. Oh, the kid was hilarious. Oh, he was hilarious. And all the kids were kind of hilarious because, you know, they're all about the guys. So the kids are just like saying fuck and whatever. Can I sneak this into my 31 nights ago? Christmas with AJ? It's a Christmas

movie. All you got to say is let's watch Silent Night. It's Christmas sweetie. I think I think I could pull this one off. But there's a bunch of Lance, the one guy from his house, the lead actor. He's in this too. So is it a British,

I'm assuming it's a British movie then, right? All British actors except for one Johnny Depp's daughter. Ah, okay, little, little depth. Yeah. And let me guess, they all do southern accents. No.

Okay, not walking dead. They don't do Atlanta. They don't do Atlanta accents, huh? Yeah, I do recommend this one. I ended up liking it. All right. So. Are you talking about the main kid from Jojo Rabbit or his little buddy?

Jojo. It's a new home alone. Jojo's in it. Oh, the little fat kid? Oh, Home Alone, the new one, fuck that movie. Not so cool of the week. Oh, I just remembered. Thanks for reminding me.

That piece of garbage. I like that little kid. That was the only reason I watched it. He's good. That's why I watched it because I was like, that's Jojo's friend. Yeah, but that movie's no good. It was phoning it in and this one.

Yeah. So, yep, Silent Night. Oh, Hawkeye. still going good. I was in the noise. Every episode, it gets better with every episode, in my opinion. Nice. I agree.

See, I hate these fucking weekly ones. I forget to watch them. Right. Yeah, I'm just going to wait until it's done and then just binge it. Yeah, like, like, a movie. Got two more weeks. Yeah, and then you can just binge it. Yeah.

How many episodes is Hawkeye? Six. Yeah, that's doable. Are they, like, 30 minutes or an hour or? About 30. I'm 45. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. That's doable as a long movie, right? Yeah. Tell AJ it's based during Christmas. That's what I was planning on doing. That's actually when she already said she would let to sneak in. So she doesn't want to have to do it in a serialized way, though. She's like me.

She wants to just watch it. The only thing I'll tell you it's working up to Christmas Day in the show. Okay. So there you go. Definitely counts as Christmas. That's, we had that whole argument this morning with my wife about a, because I was trying to get everybody together to watch Gremlin's and Crampus. And she was not having it.

She's never even seen Cranpus. And she didn't want to watch Gremlin. I was like, what do you mean you didn't want to watch Gremlins? And she was like, well, I saw it when I was a kid. It's like, come the fuck. This is Spielberg. And then we had to argue over whether or not it was a Christmas movie, so I made her watch Die Hard.

Of course he's Christmas movie. Straight up Christmas, right? Yeah, I mean... It's like Jals of Revenge. Yeah. Well, in Gremlins, there's at least four Christmas songs in it. That counts as a Christmas movie. It's sad as Christmas because Phoebe Cates' husband, her dad dies at Santa Claus coming down.

Corey Feldman dresses up like a damn Christmas tree. Yeah. Yeah, he's a walking Christmas tree. I don't know what else you want. Giswell's got a Santa hat on. I know. It's a Christmas movie. I think it should be in every Christmas movie.

Fuck yeah. All right, Brian. Time for some headlines, right? Yep. We're going to start with some TV news. Mike Flanagan's next Netflix series, will be called the fall of the House of Usher, and it's a new series based on the works of Edgar Allan Poe.

Is it more religious crap? I hope not. Oh, God. So far, we got a cast, and I'm going to read them off. Frank Langella, Carla Begino, Mary MacDonald, Mark Hamill. Okay. Carl Luff. Henry Thomas

Yeah Kate Siegel Of course You know He's got to have his wife in there Yeah Mm-hmm And those are the most notable names

In the cast So Very McDonald's that stands with a fist No That's I think she's in screen The other deputy The blonde one

Oh okay I could be wrong Probably am But that is the next Netflix series from Mike Flanagan Okay Interesting I've loved I've loved everyone he's he's done so far man

Spoiler alert When we do our end of year show You guys don't sound like you enjoyed Midnight Mass as much as I did But I think it passed up the stand for me for my favorite show of the year. So that's, uh, three, all three of his shows have, have been my, my favorite for the year that they've come out.

So I'm, I'm pretty fucking excited about it. That's your number one show of the year? Yeah, yeah, dude. I, I don't want to give way the angle. It's not what I thought it was going to be. And, and, and I enjoyed what they did with it. What's your favorite show of the year, Nez, Young Sheldon again, or what? No, hell on.

Over-Cide. Okay. Okay. I got you. That was not a little good. We've got season four coming in a couple weeks. That's right. Oh shit. I can't wait.

We got all that coming. And reservation dogs. Oh, man. Watch that one. There's so much. There's so much fucking shit out there. I know. I'm excited.

I'm thinking about way before everything that was going on. It was just all the religious nonsense that I didn't care for. Yeah. Understood. Yeah. I got you, man. But I kind of like the twist. Because I thought it was going to be demons,

but it was a different type of monster. And I kind of like how they did that. Yeah, I thought it was cool. I've never seen an episode, so. Oh, no? Yeah, it's slow. Super slow, but it's good. Yeah, it's slow as shit.

I was not falling in. I'm on an aisle here, guys. Yeah, I was going to say, nobody's selling me. And then after that, I went back and rewatch the Pet Cemetery roommate. Oh, yeah. Jesus. It wasn't that bad. It wasn't great.

It was bad. What are you talking about? Garbage. All right. Midnight Mass was way better than that. Way better. Yeah, that's fair. All right.

Let's see. Dave Batista is going to star in M. Knight Shyamalan's next film title Knock at the Cabin. Ah, okay. Super secret film. called Super Secret. I don't know why.

They just announce who's in it and what it's called. He's going to be invisible. He stood there for a whole hour. No one's seen. All right. Universal is developing new take on the Phantom of the Opera, Lance.

Produced by John Legend. Oh. What's the name? going to be in it in. Jerry Gerard. Is he going to be in? Gerard Butler, is he going to be in it? If the John Legend are going to do

a duet or what? Can I put that in my bottom 10? Even it didn't come out this year? No. You made us watch the Gerard or Lonnie Langston. That's what happens. That's what happens

when you're a patron, baby. You get to pick the movies. I went to my neighbor's house not two weeks after we watched that and they had it going on and we got to talking about it. It turns out there's a second

fan there's like a sequel to panel the opera and With Gerard Butler? No, but it's like they eventually came out and said it wasn't supposed to be a sequel but originally it was written by the same dude

that did the original thing and turns out it's garbage. Didn't Robert play the Phantom one time? Did he? Oh, my God. All right.

And probably the best news. We talked about probably a couple months ago, Universal was also doing a Renfield movie. Okay. Nicholas Cage is going to play Dracula.

Oh, my God. I can't wait. I cannot wait. Nicholas Cage is playing Dracula Nicholas Holt You guys might know him from Warm Bodies and Mad Max Ferry Road We'll play Redfield

We're That's coming so soon The action returns We're going to discuss That is not garbage That's not Max Rockatansky Mel Gibson's the only one George Miller

What were you thinking But I am excited for Furiosa I love me some Charlese bring that one to me. And one other thing, Aquafina is also in the movie. They haven't disclosed their character yet,

but Aquafina and Nicholas Cage, all in one movie. Is it a comedy? It doesn't sound like it. I hope they're in every same together. Is it the Dark Universe part two? Could be. Could be.

I don't know if this is a comedy or not. Ryan Ridley of Rick and Morty is writing the script. That has to be a comedy. It should be a love at first bite, too. We got to review that sometime. It loves the nightlife and likes the boogie. Jesus Christ. All right.

That is the news. All right. Oh, a couple of announcements for, I was going to do some Texas Frightmare announcements. Ah, if we, are we going to make it this year, guys? That's the question. I'm going. You don't want me to go, Lance? Well, fuck, yeah, dude.

I thought, I just want to make sure we were all planning to be there. I know I couldn't get a hotel room. They're already all booked up, so. Isn't it all over with down? Do Airbnb? Do what? Isn't the pandemic over in Texas? Yeah, I thought you guys declared it's over.

We at least pretend it is. It's over inside the borders of Texas. Let's see, last time I announced Ginger Lynn in Ross Mark Court. Hello, this is Ginger Lynn. We'll ask her. Was she the one that was riding Captain Spalding? Rest in peace. I want to say yes.

That sounds about right. Yeah, that sounds about right. It looks like we are going to have a Monster Squad panel. with gingerland on it no not gingerland she's gonna be a whole other panel she's gonna give a low job to the monsters or something

it looks like Stephen mccat is that how you say his name last name sure okay we'll go with that Michael Reed mackay he was the mummy and Ryan Lambert and Andre Gower

oh okay huh and there was one more Carl Weathers Oh wow Okay Paul Key Was he Was he part of the Monster Squad?

No Lance He's going to be a different panel Okay Well he was in Uh Master He was in the Mandalorian, right? He was in Rocky 3

Well yeah He was in the Mandalorian recently right? He was in Happy Gilmore He was church Yeah, I know he's a It's all in the hips. It's all in the hips. Star weather is awesome.

Just don't get your hand too close to that alligator, huh? I'm going to get him to sign a wooden hand. Oh, no. He probably would. Probably not the first time. Nope. All right. That's the update so far.

All right. Yeah. That's good, man. So I'm so off. What's the next section? somebody help me out here is it trailer park now or what trailer park come on lans it's been over five years okay

hey I still can't read the same fucking four lines over and over again I think when you read it I think that's when you I think if you just say it well that and I'm usually drunk by the time we do the show so yeah

this picture is a ginger is a gingerlin fucking the wolf man Oh, no. What? The kid from Monster Squad. Yeah, he'll be there. Oh, wow. Okay.

His, uh, his, uh, documentary was pretty good, too. Wolfman's got nards. Wolfman's got nards. Yeah, I've been going to watch that movie. Wolfman's got nards and Ginger Lynn's going to have a hairball. Oh. It's awful. All right.

It's going to bring us the big, the small, and sometimes the very, very weird. We still talking about Gingerland? What's the first new trailer tonight, man? The sequel to probably the highest scored movie of the horror returns history. Indeed. I think so. I think it got tens all around. It definitely did, but is that the only one that has?

I think so. I have to go back and look, but I'm pretty sure. Talking about a Spider-Man across the Spider-verse, part one. Part one. Part one. That's interesting. They saw dollar signs, and they threw part one on it. Right.

Makes sense. We'll all be there. It might even be better than the MCU version. Who knows? Oh, gosh. I don't think that's, I don't think that's ever going to. live up to what people are hoping it's going to be. Oh, yeah.

I don't think either of them are. No. Yeah. I don't think so. Let's see. Shemeek Moore is back as Miles Morales. Haley Steinfeld is back as Gwen Stacy. Oscar Isaac.

Yeah. Oscar Isaac, if you guys remember the end credit scene where he was Spider-Man 299, he's back. Oh, okay. Issa Ray is Jessica Drew. People don't know that's a Spider Woman. And Jake Johnson's back as Spider-Man, the Peter Parker version. No, Nick Cage?

This is the only cast they got for right now. They've got to have Spider-Noir and Peter Porker. Oh, God, yes, Peter Porker. Well, for sure. Yeah, but, dude, they could even go off in other directions, right? Right? They could show the old 1960s when Ness Spider-Man, Spider-Man.

They did. It's whatever a spider can. Yeah, but he could be a big part of this one, right? They may work together. I would love to see them do some like Who Frame Roger Rabbit shit and just have like one of the live action. Oh, that'd be great. That would be awesome. They might even have like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

show up or something, right? Do they own any other animated property? properties? No, that's two lines. Sony. Hmm. I don't think so. Spider-Penum, huh?

They can do a lot with this, you know? Give us a real venom, not those two bullshit movies they gave. Oh, my gosh, I just remembered. I watched that, too. What do you think? It is fucking garbage. I don't want

him in the MCU. I don't. Yeah, no. We need a different venom. You guys didn't enjoy venom in the fucking rave with taking ecstasy and playing with all the fucking glow sticks and shit. I didn't enjoy him in the first movie

when he was all Jim Carrey crazy in the fucking lobster tank. Like a skit from in living color, huh? It is very masky. It was garbage, both of them. Fucking Sony.

Yeah, this one looks pretty cool. I like how, we got the animation from the original one when they're when uh Gwen Stacy and Miles are talking but as he's going through the I guess the multiverse the animation changes yeah I thought yeah real cool I'm not sure I'm liking the new animation though I mean hopefully the whole movie's not like that but yeah too bad uh I mean yeah we just got a little taste it wasn't a they didn't give you

yeah you know I mean that's true I didn't think I was gonna like the animation in the first one and it was great It could be a point that it's not finished. Right. Because this movie doesn't come out until next October, so. Well, that could just be like a different type of universe. Yeah. Yeah, or something.

I don't imagine the whole thing's going to be like that. But I'm down. And, yeah, like you said, Lance, Haley Steinfield, she's in everything now. Yeah, I want to watch that Netflix series. Fuck, the League of Geeks were talking about it. They said the animation is like the best they've ever seen. Oh, Arkeem. Arkeem.

Yes, yes. They got me interested for sure. Yeah. Sean, you're a gamer. Have you ever played the video game? I have not, funny enough. I've played a lot of games, but I don't believe so. Yeah, I'm all in.

I'm going to check out that series on Netflix. The guys talk me into it. All right. Spider-Man. Across the Spiderverse Part 1, October 7th. They're going to have the Beatles doing the soundtrack. Across the Spider-Verse. They'll do acid and trip out with Nick Cage, huh?

Oh, gosh. That is, and you just blew my mind there. It's possible. It's possible. You got that movie in the Nick Cage as Dracula. It'd be a great. ear next year. Oh, and then his Western, that's coming out too.

Nick Cage has a Western coming out? Yeah. Oh, come on, Brian. I'm going to pull it up here. A Nick Cage Western? Is this supposed to be like a serious Western or like a Y, wow West type with fucking robots and shit? Where do I see it? This is great

podcasting, as I said. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is how the sausage is made. It looked behind the curtain. My internet already went down once, so maybe it'll do it again. I hate it when you look behind the curtain and there's more sausage. That's what's in. Nicholas Cage is in a Western called Butchers Crossing.

Okay. He does not strike me as a Western kind of guy. Which is exactly why he's doing it. He has no crazy hair. in it he's bald and the stop is butchers crossing is set in the 1870s as in finds cage's character taking a young harvard dropout who is seeking his destiny in the colorado wilderness together they embark on a harrowing journey risking life and sanity well the risking sanity part they got the right guy yeah they are calling it's nutter and a squirrel third they're calling it a Frontier Epic Speaking of West,

you guys watch Old Henry or old Henry yet? You talked me into it when I heard your review. Yeah, what did you think, Brian? I haven't watched it. I said he talked me into watching it, so. So it's on the docket, so to speak, yes.

I just got to find it. What did you think, Dan? I can find it. What? Was it good, Naz? It was elegant. I went and bought it. Oh,

holy shit. Anybody, any big names in it? Uh, Steven Dorff. And, uh, one of the soggy bottom boys,

I don't know his name. He was in Buster, Buster Scruggs. Tim Blake Nelson. Okay. Gotcha. He's got Trace Atkins in it? Yeah.

I didn't realize that was It was later. Okay. It's really slow, but man, it's hell of good. All right. I will check it out. Is it streaming anywhere? Yeah.

That was a pause, so I know what that means. You could rent it. I think it was like three bucks or something on it. Yeah, we'll rent it. We'll pay for it. It's like we'll pay for it. We'll pay universal music if any music accidentally slips in here, right? Yeah, fuck them.

It'll pay us. No shit. Free advertising, but what do I know, right? All right. We talked about it last week while Lance was taking a piss or getting a beer. Netflix's Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Old Man Leather Face. Another fucking chainsaw.

Now, wait, was this one a series or a movie? It's a movie. Let's go with the synopsis here. There's two of them. I'm going to read the smaller one. Oh, man, Leatherface. After nearly 50 years of hiding, Leatherface returns to terrorize a group of idealistic young friends who accidentally disrupt the carefully shielded world in a remote Texas town. Right next to Philem Lance.

I hope it's John Travolta. Right down the road from you. It's like 50 years after, that means that Leatherface would be like an... 70s, right? Is it the same leather face, though? Well, it can't be. Is that what they're, is that what they're implying or what? Oh, yeah, they're

implying it's... But that means it's like, oh, God, it's like... Leather face is like grandpa. Leather face in a nursing home can any control with the owls. Yeah, exactly. The nursing home. Ouch.

The one thing that I am mistaken, I thought, when he kills the people he doesn't have any teeth left Sean so he has to put him in a blender drink it with a straw he really didn't have any teeth before okay yeah that's fair

but still oh man is this after a sequel to the original or the remake or original I'm totally out I'm totally out unless Brian makes us watching for the show which I think he probably You have to watch it.

Yeah, you have to. I'm not watching, but the premise sounds god-awful. I mean, it's on Netflix. You're paying for it, so. Is it? Oh, man. God damn it. Alice Creek is in Atlanta.

Ah, the board queen. You liked her in the fuck was it with the two little kids. Oh, the witch, where she played the witch, Gretel and. Yeah. No, it's a good actress, man. Was that any good? I loved it. visually, I thought it was fantastic.

It was a little bit of the story. I agree with that visually. It was whoever I forgot who directed it. What's his name? Son. Yeah, him. We know horror. Was it Oz Perkins?

Sure. Anthony Perkinson. That sounds about right. Anthony Perkinson. Is that really Anthony Perkinson? Are you making that up now? I'm making it up. I know it's the guy that did the Black Coates daughter, so we'll leave it at that.

I'll take your work. Oz Perkins. There you go. Yes. All right. Well, you know, I don't hate that they're doing another one. Maybe it's a little too soon. I do kind of like this classic horror for every generation kind of a thing, you know what I mean?

Just to get them to go back and watch some of the old ones. but I mean we have one of these every couple of years at this point yeah last one was 2017 see yeah not very long ago

I don't know I don't know where to jump in here Fettia Albra is one of the writers from Don't Breathe in the remake to Evil Dead okay I mean

it sounds like they got a pretty good crew going. I bet it's going to be good. We all think it's going to suck and it's going to be gone to be going to be good. Yeah, we're going to have such low expectations that polished turd is, you know, better than an ungussy turd. Right.

Got to be better than this one. The guy that's playing leather faces Mark Burnham and he was Lance, he was in that movie, low life. Oh, great movie. Great movie. I think he was the was the guy that

was he the guy that worked at the hotel? The big guy? Probably, right? Yeah. The leather face would, I mean, that would make sense, right? He'd have the physique to play the part.

I'm sure he was. Look him up on I and D.B. He looks like he would play the other face. All right. Well, we're going to watch it. I mean, fuck, dude. If it's on Netflix, I mean, you had me at Netflix, right?

Yeah, might as well. I mean, we're paying for it anyway. What is Netflix, about $50 a month at this point? With all the price raises they've had? Keep making movies. like Red Notice for $300 million. It will be.

All right. Texas Chancelam Massacre on Netflix February 18th. All right. Okay. On to listener feedback. This week, the podcast spotlight shines on

the Slashers podcast. Your new favorite podcast about your new favorite horror media. Each week we provide a movie review history report, biography or something entirely bizarre, with episodes ranging from slasher classics like Friday the 13th to harrowing accounts of paranormal cryptids.

With event coverage and creepypasta in between, we pride ourselves on having something for every gore-loving goon. If you're a horror-loving content creator, scientist, historian, musician, or other variation of spooky nerd, please reach out. Find it everywhere. Podcasts are found. Cool.

Slashers podcast. Check that one out. They cover the bases, that's for sure. Yeah, about everything. Regarding American Bigfoot, Steve Carlton says that looks terrible. Still waiting for a good Bigfoot horror movie. Primal Rage was the closest thing to dissent that I found.

Oh, to descent that I found. I don't know. I've never seen Primal Rage. You guys know what American Bigfoot is? Yeah. It's kind of a independent little movie that's being put out. Primal Rage, I don't know. That one was kind of, it was decent.

Harry and the Hendersons. I don't know. I was amazing. I love that movie. Regarding Clue. Fans of the Dead says, I love this movie since I was a little kid. Two corpses, everything's fine.

And we're going to cut it short this week, but send us your feedback. You can email us at thehorrorreturns.g.m. Or just check out our new website, www. Thehorrorreturns.com. And leave a message. For the month of December, Lance will draw one random fan

who sends an email or message to win a brand new horror returns t-shirt. So keep those cards and letters coming. Yeah, and it's got to be, so here's the rules. You can either email us at the horror returns at gmail.com. Make it at least a paragraph. Give us something to talk about. You can just say,

like, hey man, give me my shirt. Right, no shit. But I mean, I guess the rules is the rules, so you're still in the hunt. But you can either do that or if you actually go to our website, there's a button, contact us. And you can put your name on there and a subject line and then send the email that way. And it'll be directed to our Gmail account.

So either way, we'll get it. Hey, speaking of that, reread the post you did for my feed. I think you spelled Skater wrong. Did I misspell it? I think it's like S-H-something or I don't know. I noticed it last night. All right. Well, we got to do some editing on that then, man.

I'll go in and fix that in the morning. Skaternes, S-K-8. Yeah, how fucking hard can that be, right? If I fucked that up, I must have been drunk. And as always, our show comes from Steve Carlton. Our intro comes from Steve Carlton of the League. See, I fucked it up already. because you're reading it

Our artwork comes from Natsulani. Check her out on Instagram and if you'd like to help us out please consider becoming a Patreon patron that's the one that fucks me up every time Let's pick the movies for a future show at any amount And for $5 or more a month Also pick a commentary for a future bonus show

And if you have a chance Please give us a five-star Apple podcast review And you can win some cool shit t-shirts and all kinds of junk or just go to S-H-8-E-R okay I see that Nez

little typo there shitter Niz All right let's move on to the featured attractions we got Christmas going this week we're going to talk about Gremlins and Crampus we're going to start with Gremlins obviously

a young man inadvertently breaks three important rules concerning his new pet and unleashes a hoard of malevolently mischievous monsters on this small town. Director is Joe Dante

also known for the howling and matinee. Oh, I guess it was just produced by Spielberg thing, huh? Well, she don't need to know that. Yeah, fuck, they got me. Fucking...

They James won me. Writer is Chris Columbus, also known for Goonies and Christmas with the Cranks. That's an odd movie to put in there. Yeah, it is. The set for Kingston Falls is the same one used for Back to the Future. Both movies were filmed on the Universal Studios Backlott as well as many others. One of the studio notes to director Joe Dante and executive producer Steven Spielberg

on seeing the first cut that there were too many gremlin. Spielberg suggested cutting them all out and calling the movie People. That's a terrible idea. What the hell? I like it. All right, guys. Sean, you want to start us out? What did you think about gremlins?

You picked it, right? Yep. I picked gremlins. I love this movie. I would definitely put it like, nine out of ten i i know i'm gonna uh going early but uh that's okay i i i fucking love this movie i i love the uh the gremlins i love the uh

you know the bcates and uh zach galligan like their genuine chemistry like on set and i just love this movie and uh freaking the Magwai voiced by Howie Mandel. I know, isn't that crazy? Did not see that until the credits popped up, and I was like, Howie Mandel, what the fuck did he do? Right.

It does have kind of a Bobby's World sort of sound to it, doesn't it? Yeah, definitely. I haven't seen that forever. Thought about that in forever. All right. Lance, what do you think about Gremlins? Oh, man. I, well, you know what, I hadn't seen this movie in forever.

I think I probably saw it when it first came out in the theater and really haven't seen it since. What? Yeah, I know, man. Everybody's telling me, oh, you know, it's a Christmas classic and all this other stuff, you know, and it's one of those that you got to have on your watch list at least every other year or something like that.

But I don't know, I guess it just had so many other movies I've been watching instead of that and all these fucking TV series like we're talking about. But, uh, no, it was, it was definitely a lot of fun.

I can certainly understand why Philip got the Spielberg vibe. Because there's a lot of, a lot of Spielbergian elements in here. Oh yeah. Kind of like there was in the Ghostbusters movie that we saw recently. But, um, yeah,

it's a, it's definitely a fun movie, man. Um, was it maybe a little bit, uh, Uh, dated? Yeah, yeah. Looking back on it, uh, some scenes felt a little bit dated. But, um, you know, we, we can, we can get away with that. It was the 80s. It was a different, different time. So, uh, it was in a fun way, most of it. Yeah. It was, it was in a fun way. I had completely forgot that Hoyd Axton was in this and his little, um, speaking of gizmo, his little gizmos that he created like the fucking travel toothbrush slash combs. The best one,

shaving cream, slash. That's like, the world's worst. The orange squeezer that didn't work. Oh my God. Worst,

worst inventions ever. So that added a lot of humor to it. Yeah. You know, and then a lot of the kills were, were pretty mean-spirited. I mean, the fucking lady going out the window.

That shit was funny. She had it coming. It was, it was, it was, what's that? That was, flow from Alice.

Are you serious? Kiss my greetings, huh? That was a fun scene, man, but yeah, no, I enjoyed it quite a bit. It was a very fun Christmas spirited movie. I thought that the, you know,

the acting was what it was, you know, with the exception of, like I said, Hoyt-Axton, and then when you hear his voice at the end and stuff like that, it's just like, man, why has this guy not narrated, you know, more like Christmas cartoons and stuff like that because he has just a great

you know gravelly homely type grandpa voice yeah but yeah that's it was a lot of fun and then of course you know everything was telegraphed right like as soon as the rules were given you knew the you knew that's where the movie was headed

there was no doubt about it it wasn't like an unpredictable movie there was definitely you know M-night twist or anything like that it's pretty much you got what you knew you were going to get and had a hell of a lot of fun watching it. So, yeah, yeah, good pick, good pick. Thanks. Nez, what'd you think?

Is this hella good? Oh, would we lose Ness? No, I was a, you don't want to just get. It's a little gremlin. Put his jambles on. But the gremlin's, we saw this that day it came out. Why does that not surprise me? We jumped on the bus, raced on down to Grand Lake Theater,

and we saw one of the early showings that was an afternoon. That's awesome. I was all about it, seeing the posters, wanting to know what was in that box, because all we saw were the eyes and the hands. No, we just saw the hands, really. So I was like, what is this? And see Steven Spielberg's name over the top,

and he didn't even direct it. But I was like, all right, cool, let's see this. watching it. Phoebe Cates, of course. Your kid from the 80s, especially male. She helped us along for that. One of the greatest scenes in movie history. Yeah, she turned us in them in. And then also shout out to Jennifer Jason Lee.

She did as well. Anyway, of course, he's got the great Corey Feldman. Yeah. Dick Miller. You couldn't go on us in a piece. Miller, man. He was in it a lot more than he is in most movies, too. Yeah, he was fantastic in it.

And what's his name? The guy from, what the hell was that? From Death Race 2000, and he was in Rock and Roll High School. He was the DJ guy. Sylvester Stallone? Oh, he wasn't a DJ? Hey, yo, it's a Gremlin. Don Steele.

That sounds amazing. Rocking Ricky Rialto. Don Steele. Don Steele. He was in it, so that was awesome. And I had Master Poe from Kung Fu. Yeah. It was good to see him as well.

But yeah, this movie's awesome. I mean, I didn't really know what to expect. I knew it was a little monster, Moorie, and that's exactly what we got. We got the cute little mogwis, and then we got the ferocious gremlins. And it was awesome. The stop animation was cool, and they used it at times, but all the puppets and everything was awesome. And you got them flashing, you got them drinking, you got them smoking, and you got them breaking up the bar. You got them flash dancing.

Flash dancing. That was a fucking funny scene. It was. It was. He's back spinning and everything, man. You just, this movie had it all. And it was all. I loved it.

It's definitely a Christmas classic. And I love this movie. I've seen it a billion times. Every time they showed it in the theater when they did its original run, then they brought it back. And then when it started doing the Saturday morning matinees, we went and seen it. And once it hit VHS and HBO and all those. And yeah, I can watch this movie every year. This movie's amazing.

I loved everything about it. And, yeah, Gremlins. Nice. Not so much the second batch, but that's another show. Oh, my God. I love the second one. How can we say that? With the bow and arrow?

That one's hella good. Yeah. I can't even... The only one I liked in that one was Tony Randall. The only thing I remember about the second batch is Trump shows up at one scene, right? Does he? I think so. Yeah, he is.

They were making fun of Trump. The gremlins. The gremlins fucked up. the movie and Hulk Hogan showed up. Yep. It scared. Okay. Some reason he was sitting in the audience with his wrestling gear on. The main

guy, the building owner, and the second one is supposed to be modeled after Trump. Modeled after Trump. That's what it was. It was a parody of Trump. I got you. Brian, what did you think about it? Love this movie. I'm not

a holiday person, but when I do watch my holiday movies, they're very special to me and this one is one of them uh Sean Brian you live in Alaska and you're not a holiday guy dude you're you can you can walk next door knock on the door of Santa Claus's house come on reason to not be you know a holiday person for it to be there all the time yeah yeah uh but yeah Sean like you were saying um I I believed uh Zach and uh Phoebe's uh chemistry it showed our camera

Phoebe has a fucking dark moment in this movie talking about her father but it is kind of funny it's so fucked up and then they make fun of it in the second one

where they set it up and she's like starting to talk about the story of her father's death and then they're like oh honey honey remember remember stop

yeah I don't know what to add on to this uh... of course the gizmo was like the cutest thing and then the gremlins you know they're automatically for some reason when they multiply the other ones are just straight assholes yeah like fucking stripe god he was such a dickbag and what's his name was an asshole through it he plays a pretty good asshole judge ronhold oh yeah oh shit yeah you want to come over to my apartment

talking cable here. Yeah, fucking yelpy. But, yeah, I love the movie. I love all the practical effects that went into it. And it's always good to see Dick Miller. Yep.

He pops up in a lot of Joe Dante's movies, right? Yeah, I think he's been in pretty much everyone, but I'm used to seeing him more as a cameo. And I definitely appreciated the fact that he, you know, he had more a substantive role in this one than most things he pops up in, you know?

Yeah, it's a bigger role in the second one. Oh, wow. Yeah, okay. That's true. Dude, you're selling me. Is next Christmas, Brian? Or is it a part two of Christmas movie? No.

Yeah. Okay. Well, let's work it in, man. I got to check it out. I know it was, it made it kind of far in one of our March Madness tournaments. Oh, for a great sequel? Yes. Okay.

Which one? I'm sorry, I was lost. What, which one movie? The second one? The one you don't like. Come on. Can't believe you don't like that, Ms. They had the spider gremlin.

I didn't like that. And the flasher gremlin. Yeah, I had the spider gremlin. I have the spider gremlin. Yes, and the transvestide gremlin. It was, so it was ahead of its time. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. That was a lady, Gremlin. Oh, was it? My bad. She told me she was a lady officer. The only gremlin I liked was the electric one. I thought that one was cool.

Oh, yeah, I forgot about him. A dude at the end banged the female gremlin. I got a... Guys, y'all was... I got a... I'm going to have to watch it again. Me too. Yeah, those big red DSLs.

Yeah, because she's like calling him over doing the kissing noises and he just does it look like, yeah, why not? Beastiality, it can be worse. Oh, man, I wonder if there's a video of that somewhere. I'm sure there is. Yeah, there has to be. Yeah, this one for me definitely has a nostalgia factor. This was one of my favorite movies as a kid.

My cousin, my older cousin, actually had a striped doll, and he hit a walkie-talkie behind it. And put it in the living room. And so I walk in, I'm like, I don't know, fucking six. It's like, fella. I'm like, what the fuck is one? That's so fucked up. So the Gremlin's terrified me for a long time, which is great.

I like being scared. That's awesome. And yeah, this movie is so classic. It does feel like Steven Spielberg for sure. And I don't think there's really a whole lot of bad parts. I mean, the only issue I had with any of the special effects was I think there was one scene where the Gremlin's were like running across. the parking lot or something and it looked real goofy because maybe it was like stop motion or something.

Right, right. But other, I mean, you know, all practical, I can definitely deal with that. So this one still holds up to this day. I haven't seen it in years, but it's going right up there with elf as my watching this movie every year. I can love Elf.

Elf is my favorite Christmas movie. And that was another cool of the week, by the way. Nice. All right, so let's go scores. You said nine on ten, Sean, right? Yes, sir, nine out of ten. Easy. Lance, what do you think?

Shit, man, I'll go eight and a half. It was a lot of fun. Definitely, yeah, that guy, Dick Miller, man. Just for that alone, I would have given an eight, but he pushes it up an extra point five. So fun movie. And like I said, it was kind of strange the way there were those like mean-spirited moments, like the lady flying out the window and the Santa Claus.

Dad stuck in the chimney because he hit his hand. He hit his head fucking rotted. And he smelled something. It was a lot of dark shit in this. But that's cool. That's part of the fun of it, man. But you had his mom just massacre all those ones in the kitchen. Oh, yeah.

That's great. The microwave. That was awesome. Yeah, that was. Oh, my God. Yeah, eight and a half. This is why you don't put your cat in the microwave, guys. Oh, my God.

All right, so eight on ten. Nez, what do you think? Oh, this is a ten. Oh, hell, yeah. It was going to be a ten. This is Nez's house, too, huh? Oh, wait a minute. Gilly's two.

Excuse me. Everything about this movie. is awesome. I mean, every actor that was in it, all the special effects, everything. This was in the all or nothing days. So everything was made by hand. No push of the button. That skeleton that pops out at the end is so great. It was scary. Got them right on dayboard shooting guns and crossbows and throwing circular sawblins at you. Dylan Miller can run over by a bulldozer. Nez, you got a rewatched second one.

Yeah. Gizmon dresses up. He dresses up like Rambo. Yes. Because he was watching Rambo. I know. He got inspired. He made his little crossbow and a little bow and arrow.

A rubber band of paper clip. That's what we're missing in movies today. Nobody to be to be inspired by Rambo. You know what I mean? Yeah. I knew Sylvester Stallone was going to pop in here somewhere. He was in. They showed him in the second one.

Brian? During Christmas time? No. Y'all said not, right? No. Yeah, no. During, like, the summer or something. Yeah, New York.

With a parody of Trump. Yeah, because he has like some kind of other. kind of horrific story that happens on a holiday but they stopped a 4th of July fireworks accident or what I don't remember I got to rewatch it

but my score is a she started telling the story and they said yeah whatever and stopped her they stopped her okay my score for this one is a 10 hell yeah

this is a holiday must for me. I enjoy seeing all the cameos of like you said, Dick Miller Corey Feldman. We didn't even bring a Mike from Breaking Bad as one of the deputies.

Was that him? You're right. Mike when he had hair. He was in, wasn't he in T2 also? I think he showed up in Terminator 2. He was a big character actor in the day. Yeah. Beverly Hills Cop. That's right.

48 hours. He didn't last long in that one, right? 48 hours. He didn't last long in that one. He did last 48 hours, that's for sure. But I love this. I love all the practicals, and there's so many iconic moments in here, so it's got to get to 10. Damn.

Yeah, I'm right there, man. I agree with you. I'm giving it a 10 for sure. Holy fuck, dude. Is it going into the Spiderverse, or what? It's a classic movie. and I think it's right up there with like goon. I like this one better than E.T.

Well, yeah. I mean, E.T. is more juvenile, right? Yeah, well, and this seems like a good intro to horror for kids, you know? Because there's some pretty scary moments, but a lot of it's doused with some humor, so it works. Yeah, I introduced my 13-year-old daughter to horror using this movie. Yeah, she fucking loves it. Oh yeah, no, I made my 8-year-old and 10-year-old watch it with me. The 8-year-old got a little scared a couple of times, but she was fine.

She loved the movie. They all did. It was great. I'd rather watch House too again, but that's good. This was Baby Yoda before Baby Yoda. All right. So everybody at least recommends that one. That's a gremlin.

Fuck, everybody's seen grimace. It's a great movie. Go watch it again. Hell yeah. Go watch the second one, too. Yeah. That's going to have to be on the docket at some point. Let's see.

Next movie is going to be Crampus. A boy who has a bad Christmas accidentally summons a festive demon to his family home, which is an education. We need to discuss that. That's a strange description. It is.

Yeah. Director is Michael Doherty, also known for Trick Art Treat and Godzilla King of Monsters. Writers, Michael Doherty, and Todd Casey and Zach Shields. Cramppus is a huge part of Austrian and German folklore. In Austria and Southern Germany, they have a, they have crampus runs where grown men dress up as crampuses and parade through the city streets and scare children. That sounds creepy as shit. Is what I'm talking about?

Is it crampuses or crampi? I don't know. What's the plural of crampus? So take your kids to that brain. The opening series. Where is this that? In Austria, in Germany. Go there.

Yeah. Does the southwest fly there, Naz? Can you get a free flight? I don't think so. I think we're just in there already. But American does. Yeah. I think we fly on you guys for free.

Do you fly on us for free? No, but we can get a Zad fair so we can get 50% off. All right. Yeah. Go work in the airline industry. Holy shit. That's awesome. Yeah.

Got its part. The opening sequence was shot on location in a single day at a department store in New Zealand. So there's that. Sean, why'd you pick Cranpus? All right, I love this movie. I think I love this movie even more than Gremlin's. Really?

Oh, wow. Yeah, there's something about it the way, like I heard about it through H&R when I was listening to one of their episodes where they reviewed it. and then I went and watched it and just fell in love with it. I love the lore. There's just something about the Christmasy feel and the creepiness of Crampus

in addition to like kind of the nostalgia now of like I showed this movie to both my 10 and 13 year old and it scared the shit out of them. They still both claimed to be traumatized by watching this. They're not.

They're just being dramatic. but I don't know I just I love it and I I love the dad in it I think he's a what is his name? Adam Scott yeah yeah I think him and Tony Colette I think they're great

a hell of a cast yeah and then the way like the family like knows German just for the sake of like the being able to communicate effectively with the grandmother is sweet and there's kind of like the old time values and kind of put into the movie and he said, I love this movie.

I'll agree with you. Lance, what do you think? Let me get off mute first. Yeah, it was definitely a treat, man. It was more of a treat than a trick. In my opinion, Godzilla King of the Monsters is more of a trick that was played on us. So this dude's kind of hit or miss for me.

I'm still waiting for the fucking sequel to come out for trick-or-treat, which we've been promised for years. I don't think it's going to happen. Doesn't sound that way, does it? Does not sound that way. I will say this. The opening sequence

was a lot of fun, and it was definitely making... Let me put it to this way. The opening sequence of this movie was what this year's film Black Friday tried desperately to be and failed miserably in the attempt.

And like jingle all the way. Oh yeah, very much so, dude. People fighting each other, pushing him out of the way. I love the opening sequence. You talk about fucking hateable, punchable people. Everyone in this movie, I mean, Tony Collette's great.

Don't get me wrong. But she was a bit of a bitch. And what was the one that was kind of like clue that we saw a couple of years ago with um god damn it help me out here guys with the family knives out knives out she was kind of a cunt in that right yeah um adam scott is just always a fucking cock sucker ever ever since stepbrothers i cannot stand this fucking asshole i really any no anytime i see him he just fucking pisses me off like just makes the the the hackles rise on the on the back of my neck or whatever i guess that

I disagree with you on that. Okay, well, good. Well, maybe in Step Brothers because that's what he was going for. Yeah. Yeah. You want to punch me in the face. You know what? Every time I see this dude, I get pissed off and want to punch him.

And every character in Parks and Rick. Okay. Every character in this movie, to me, it was just like your typical, you know, holiday family get together. Nobody really wants to be there. Nobody wants to be together. Then you got these other people show up that nobody wants to fucking see. And

I think that's a testament to the movie. There was so much family kind of like it was like a dystopian you know, family get together type thing. And then as the movie went on and you found out Crampus was the real villain, people

had to kind of work together. And once they started working together, think it kind of became a different type of movie. And I do like the fact that it's kind of like a kids movie, but it's sort of like a kid's movie, but not disrespecting the kids. If that makes sense, like not making them look like, how do I explain this? There's certain movies that you see that kids are in where they're kind of taught down to and stuff like that.

Not so much in this one. I thought that they handled, especially the little boys. very, very well, his interactions with the family and the fact that they, he knew he caused it by tearing up the letter. And, you know, he was, he's trying to tell him, hey, I think, I think I have something to do with this. I think I have something to do with this. He was actually taking responsibility for his actual letter. Well, that's the part I just never really got. Yeah. Yeah, but it was kind of like simmering there. And I think that was sort of like the catalyst that, that, that, that, that caused grandpas to show up.

Well, the moral to the story is, you know, don't lose your Christmas spirit or I'll fucking kill you. Yeah, that is exactly what I told my kids after that. And that's what the hell my kids do. I'm like, grandpas will come for your ass. Yep, the fucking moral to the story, but I am going to say this. I loved the dark ending,

where they made it look like everything was hunky-dory. Thank you. And then you saw what was really going on. That got me. So it was a good movie. Another good pick, Sean. Another good, a, another good mean-spirited Christmas movie.

Thank you. I love the ending on this. It is so dour. And you're like, oh, yeah, it's, you know, he's going to be able, you know, the boy's going to be able to talk his way out. And maybe Crampus will let him, you know, take him to his place of his family.

And it's like, nope, Grandpa's like, fuck you. I don't care. So now in the underworld, they have to spend all of the rest of eternity together. Together, yeah. Yeah, that's definitely the underworld. Yeah, that's hell.

Nez, what did you think about Crampus? I didn't know none about nothing about it. No, no lore or anything. You ever seen it? Yeah, I saw it. Oh, okay. I mean, before now? Oh, I saw it in the theater when it came out.

Oh, okay. It was one of those ones. Hey, let's all go see this. It looks good. None of us knew anything about it. I didn't even know it was some kind of legend. So we went seeing it, and I was blown away on how awesome it was. The practical effects are amazing.

CGI. Yeah, awesome CGI. But I just loved what was going on about this ungrateful family. that had to team up to get through it. And I just thought it was really good. The actual crampus itself, what it looked like, oh, man, that'd be scary. If I was little kid and those things were running after me in Germany, hell no. A good design.

It was awesome. My favorite part was when they were up in the attic and all those, were they bears or what the hell were they? Yeah, they were like teddy bears. Yeah, that was awesome. But yeah, this movie and Tony Collette is what got me in the theater. But I loved it. I thought this was an awesome movie. All right.

Brian, what you think? Really, really quick. Have you guys watched all the other billion other movies that came out after this one? Oh, dude. A couple of them. I had to sit through three of them with the horror mafia two years ago. No. They picked like Bad Krampas spinoff movies.

This one's a masterpiece compared to any of those. Did he go to space at any point? Didn't see that one. But we saw a bunch of them that, like one of them could have been on the Lifetime channel. It was really bad. Oh, my God. That sounds atrocious. Brian, what did you think about Cranthus?

Love it. Love the cast. Lance, you're wrong about Adam Scott. I love him. He's awesome. Tony Collette, she should have got an award for hereditary. Oh, definitely. Yes, you do.

Definitely. The only, I love this movie, but I just, I don't, I don't see why the whole family was punished. Why not the boy? I just, I didn't, I don't get it. I think he's like a force of nature, right? I think it's kind of the collectivistic approach to like how Asian societies are like, impact of one person impacts the whole society kind of thing.

Well, and everybody else had already lost their Christmas. spirit. He was just the last one. Right. I guess. I kind of felt like he got what he wanted at the end. It's true. The perfect Christmas

with his family forever. Forever. And true. And it's extended family. Cousins and stuff. We didn't, we fucking hated. Right.

Yes. Holidays with extended family forever. That sounds like the perfect definition of hell. Yeah. But yeah, I love the practicals. especially like the jack-in-a-box was probably my favorite

oh that was amazing yeah I love that the mouth and everything yeah I did watch I picked up the the naughty cut that just came out on 4K I'll just say huh

that the scream factory one yeah I've been wanting to get that is it worth it I'll say this it looks fantastic did they add any scenes to it? They did, but if you're buying it for that, it's not really worth it

if that's why you're buying it. It's just extra dialogue and maybe a little bit of gore. There's nothing really brand new, but it looks fantastic. Okay. I'll definitely have to go pick it up. But yeah, I love it. I just

had a few problems. Like I said, I don't really understand why the whole family was punished, and especially like did the delivery DSL guy did he lose his Christmas spirit too DSL you know they they don't have Christmas spirit right it's hell on earth man

yeah kind of like the girl's boyfriend like his whole house got decimated right everybody in his family what did they deserve that right yeah yeah the whole neighborhood kind of got destroyed there. That was kind of... Right. Let's get the fuck out of here.

But yeah, no, I really enjoyed this one, too. This is only my second watch. I think the first time I watched it was maybe last year. And I had always kind of avoided it because it was, it looked like one of those cheesy monster movie things, you know what I mean? That was just based around Christmas. And, you know, there was. was always that section back in blockbuster at the stupid fucking monsters and you were like

oh man these movies are really going to be bad all the full moon feet Charles band movies and stuff like that I got you and so I always had the impression that this was going to be that and I watched it for the first time like I said last year and it really surprised me I didn't know all these people were in this movie and it was

fucking great man they had a lot of really good humor in there it did have some actually kind of scary moments but it sort of did what Gremlins did where it sort of lighten the mood a little on some of the kills because it was a little bit comical. Two very, very similar movies, man. Yeah.

Yeah, well, but it still had darkness. I mean, they prempis took the baby and all of the ants reaction. They took the baby! Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, they were all getting picked off one by one. my kids were

everybody's dying well they'll come back at the end sort of but yeah on second watch I kind of love this one too I don't know how you do the 31 days of Christmas movies because I get tired of Christmas movies after a while elf I think is the only one that I can watch

Christmas with the cranes yeah well that's True. Christmas vacation. Ernest saves Christmas. Ernest goes to Christmas. We watched that one too. But this one, maybe on another list, too. We're going to have to watch this one as a normal Christmas movie every year.

It was pretty great. I loved it. Hell yeah. All right. Let's do scores on crampus. Sean, what do you think? I think it's a perfect movie

or near perfect so I'm going to go nine and a half damn better score than Grimlins yeah Lance what do you think is better than Grimlins

slightly below Grimlins I gave it eight and a half I'll give this one at eight but don't get me wrong it's a great movie and it's definitely one to watch you know over and over again

because there some things I caught in it that I didn't catch the first couple of times I've seen it. So for Dougherty, it's definitely on the top of his. It's on his nice list, not his naughty list for me. So eight out of ten, I think that's a great, great, great score for this one. Nez? Is it hella good? Hell of good.

I love it. This is a ten. I give it. I give it a ten when I first seen it and when I watch, rewatch it. Only because I didn't know nothing about who or what crampus was. That's even better, man. You went in blind. This was my introduction to it, and I thought it was awesome.

I'm looking at the other ones, and I have no desire to watch it. It was a good crampus one. Lance, what was it called, A Christmas Horror Story, the anthology? All right. Never mind. Well, I mean, it is a cool kind of a lore thing, and I sort of like this, you know, different traditions from different countries kind of a deal. And I don't know if there's any more creepy Santa stuff out there, but we should definitely find out and make movies about those. What's Mother Crampus?

Cray Rides. Cranpus, the Reckoning. Crampus, the Christmas Devil. Oh, God. That's when we saw with the horror mafia. But they don't have anything to do with this movie, huh? No. Okay.

Is it just to do with the actual character or? Yeah, the myth, mythology. Yeah, it's, at Nez, dude, picture it this way, man. When Jaws came out, remember all the fucking movies that copied Jaws, that's all this shit is. It has nothing to do with this whatsoever, except it just kind of like uses the same concept. Was this the first one? of the I don't

I don't remember any Cranpus movies before this do you guys? I don't. If this wasn't this definitely gave it some popularity to start doing Cranpus movies.

Yeah, I don't think there was anything prior to this. I could be mistaken, but yeah, I think this one. Yeah, nothing I can think of.

Yeah. Well, okay, wait a minute. Crampus the Christmas devil was two years before this one. I'm going on IMDB here. guys.

Oh, shit, really? Yeah, other than that, nothing. And Campas the Christmas devil, this is I think this is when I watch with the horror mafia too. Man, they picked some real losers, man. This was fucking horrible.

Yeah, watch a Christmas horror story. And you can see Crampus fights Santa Claus. Yes, yes, that's right. The one with Shatner in it, right? The Shat, the Shat is in it. Yeah. I forgot about that one. That's good one.

Yeah, that's a good one. Was that creep show movie, the Christmas one? Was it a Christmas one we did last year by? Yeah, with the robot Santa. Oh, was that what? I thought it was planned. That sounds terrible. I thought that one was pretty good, too, I think.

I can't remember. All right, but let's see. Brian, you're up next, right? Or did we skip Ness? No, you gave it a hell of good. That gave it a 10. There you go. Brian, what do you think?

Nine and a half. This is another... Nice, nice. This is probably going to be watched in my household, probably a few more times. My daughter's also a fan of it, so... Oh, that's very... You're lucky bastard, man.

I can't get AJ. AJ watched this movie with me the first time, and she said she's out. She's not going to watch. Why? She's in the jerky stuff, though. I think it tripped her out a little bit for some reason. My Christmas movie rotation is very small. Yeah.

Cranpus, Gremlins. Yeah. Christmas rotation. Die hard. Die hard, let the weapon. Scrooge. Got to get scrooged. Yeah.

We watched that last year. That's pretty good. Pretty good. Santa Jaws. Oh, fuck you. I'll throw it in there this year. Fuck that. I have to watch it now.

My gosh. Do a bonus episode for your Patreon. Watch Santa Jaws. God, I guess we have to now, huh? Sounds like it would be a good commentary. Yeah. Sean sounds like you're about to get roped into this one, dude. Like it or not?

Sounds good to me. All right, when are we going to do it? I'm good one. I'm good one anybody else is. Just schedule it, Brian, and I'll beat it. God, damn it. Fuck. I'm happy to join, too.

All right, Santa Jaws coming up. It is on Amazon Prime. Okay, let's discuss it now. We can reschedule next episode and just make it as Santa Jaws commentary. Okay, let's do it. So no Christmas evil and no scent. But somebody was talking about Christmas evil that I was listening to this week, and it made me very interested.

So, well, fuck it. Maybe I can talk AJ into watching Christmas. evil. We can do both. She's still got a lot of standard jars. Well, if we're going to do a commentary, fuck it. Let's Brian, you're making the command decision right now? It's

put it to a vote. Okay. Yeah, I'm down. Oh, for sure. I'm okay doing both. Sean? Yeah, both. As? When? That's the thing. Next week. That's

the fun part, getting everybody set up for commentary. What night? Well, you all want to just do the regular night or? A week from tonight. Stay up late. I'm good for whatever. I'm good for it. So that's going to be just to be our next episode, right?

Yeah. All right. Let it be written. Let it be said. Listeners get to see how it works. There it is. Behind the curtains. All right.

We got a, I'm going to say, I'm going to give it a nine for Crampus. Something tells me San to Jaws will not be getting these numbers. No, I doubt it. Maybe. I think it's going to be fun, though. But yeah, I like Gremlin's better than this one, but this is a way better movie than I expected it to be originally. So, definitely

great. And it's going to end up on my Christmas rotation, too. Damn, very nice. Sounds like we got two winners this week. Oh, yeah. All right, everybody chimed in? Yeah. All right, let's go into the outro.

So I'm excited to say this. As always, we want to thank you for listening to another episode of the horror returns. We would love to hear your feedback and ideas, and you can get a t-shirt. If you email us, That's not that you're guaranteed to get one, but we are going to randomly draw from any emails that we get

or anybody who reaches out through www. Thehorrorreturns at Gmail. Or I'm sorry, thehorrorreturns.com. Check us out. You can link everywhere from there. I'll fix Nez's spelling, so it doesn't say Shader Ness or whatever the way it said. My bad.

Sorry about that. But, Nez, what's going on with Action Return? brother you were supposed to give me some ideas for a t-shirt design or something right I gotta sit down with my artist I haven't done that yet so all right well forthcoming

forthcoming but what do you guys have coming up for uh well I I think the action returns you guys did the most recent episode so what's what's next for stream themes uh stream go ahead and this uh clenny the Clint Eastwood classic

and the line of fire Oh shit. That's a good. It's an amazing movie. And next action, we're going holiday with the Long Kiss Good Night. That's a good pick. And I can consider that a Christmas movie too, right? Yeah, this is Christmas parade and decorations. I've seen it once. I don't remember it.

All right. This is what I've been excited to say. Next week, Christmas continues. with a commentary for Santa Jaws. Woo! I don't listen to my episode. It'll ruin it for you. Oh, okay, okay. So just kind of rotate it backwards behind this one.

That was full of spoilers and everything. Don't listen to it. All right. Thank God I have it. How many spoilers can there possibly be for Santa Jaws? There's a lot. Uh-oh. Sounds pretty deep.

Did M. Knight direct it? Is there a twist? Did we find out Santa Jones is really the Easter Bunny or what? Yeah, you've got to watch it to find out. Okay, I guess you're not going to tell me. All right, Sean, John, until the horror returns again. Good night.