The Horror Returns - THR - Ep. #343: Santa’s Slay (2005) Commentary

Episode Date: December 21, 2022

This week, we are joined by Bede Jermyn, of The Super Network and Bede Vs the Living Dead, to talk about the 2005 Goldberg movie Santa's Slay. Cool of the Week includes The Curse of the Cat People, Jack Frost 2, Jason Brant’s YouTube channel, and Violent Night. The podcast spotlight shines on Murmers from the Morgue. Thanks for listening! The Horror Returns Website: https://thehorrorreturns.com THR YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@thehorrorreturnspodcast3277 THR Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thehorrorreturns THR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thehorrorreturns/ Join THR Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1056143707851246 THR Twitter: https://twitter.com/horror_returns?s=21&t=XKcrrOBZ7mzjwJY0ZJWrGA THR Instagram: https://instagram.com/thehorrorreturns?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= THR TeePublic: https://www.teepublic.com/user/the-horror-returns SK8ER Nez Podcast Network: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-p3n57-c4166 ESP Anchor Feed: https://anchor.fm/mac-nez E Society YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCliC6x_a7p3kTV_0LC4S10A Music By: Steve Carleton Of The Geekz

victims for those of you delight and dread who fantasize about fear, who glorify goal, welcome. All right, welcome back everyone to the horror returns. I'm Lance, and with me as always are my co-host, Brian and Philip. Nez couldn't make it tonight, but he might jump on later. We might have a few other surprise guests, but in the meantime, from the land down under, that's horrible. No, I won't need to do it because he has the literal Australian accent.

So, uh, be welcome. First of all, Lance, as an Australian, I am deeply offended. Uh-oh. You messed up, you best up the Australian intro, and I'm very, very upset. Okay, so offending people is apparently our modus operandi around here at the Hora Returns. So at least we're still on track. So what's been going on, Bede? Not too much, man.

I've sort of been very busy as a last few weeks because, you know, Christmas is coming up, so I've been doing and organizing stuff with that. And then at least by the time when this episode, drops, I'll be on my way to go visit family for Christmas. And also, I'm getting over having my first batch of COVID. So that's, that was fun. Wow. All right. Welcome to the club. Yeah, I know. I went nearly three in a heart. I went nearly three years without catching it. And then it finally caught me. Well, it's about fucking time, you asshole. That being said, though, it wasn't too bad because I had a whole like four shots up to this point.

And so it didn't hit me as hard as it did for other people because my brother who lives with me, he caught it as well. But he caught it first that I think I may have caught it from here. I was just pumping myself every day with like, you know, pan at a hole and everything like that. So I was just like, yeah, I went through all the symptoms. It was weird. but then I just started feeling better. So yeah, it was, I definitely knew within the first few days something was off and I felt different. Yes.

Now I feel better now. Like I tested myself. Sorry, go ahead. Something was a mess. Yeah, exactly. But I tested myself this morning and I'm all clean now. So no more COVID in my system. So if you listen to, I think, my latest episode of my new podcast, Bid versus the Living Dead.

if I, you probably, I was at the time unaware I had COVID. So if I've rambled on that episode, that's probably why I'm blaming it on that. So that's just me. Okay. We'll blame it on that and not that, not the, not the foster's lager. Because we know you guys drink that like water over there, right? Lance, you should know better than no real Australian drinks fosters because it tastes like cap-pice.

Like, we drink the real beer, not that. sort of that bullshit fosters. Understood. That's for the tourist. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. That'd be like the same if I went to the U.S. and such as he Budweiser. Oh, for fuck's sake. All right. That's pretty normal, actually.

Yeah, unfortunately. We're happy to have you here, man. So this Bid versus the Living Dead, I did listen to your first episode. I haven't done any further than that. So where are you guys at now in the entire sequence? Well, so far there have been four episodes released, and I've just recorded the fifth episode, which will be the first one released next year. So, yeah, I've already covered quite a lot of ground because, like,

I've already talked about the original 68 film, which was the first episode, then the 1990 remake. And then on the third episode, I chatted about with a guest about a short film called, a short film parody of Night of the Living Dead called Night of the Living Bread. Oh, God. And then I watched a reddub version of the film called, with the longest title in history, which is called Like Night of the Day of the Dawn of the Bride of the Sun of the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, it's like a 26th word title.

And let's just say, uh, that movie was an eye opening experience because let's just say you couldn't make a movie like, that today because there's a lot of problematic things in it. And then on the most recent episode, I did, which is the fourth one, was the 30th anniversary edition, which is basically like they went back and shot 15 minutes of new footage to add into the movie. And then, of course, somehow that 15 minutes of new footage got itself a sequel called Children of the Living Dead, which is almost all too hilarious. which I definitely recommend you guys need to do a commentary on because it is hilarious.

Okay. And, yeah, the new one I did recently was for the colorized version of the film and as well as the live riff tracks version of the film as well. Oh, God. Okay. All right. Well, we will definitely stay tuned. What's going on with the Super Network? Yeah, well, things have been going good at the Super Network.

We've been a bit sporadic in terms of our usual shows because we, like our more, like our regular scheduled programming has been kind of all over the place, because both Marcy and I have been busy for different things. So we've dropped a new episode of the Super Podcast, which is on our top three books that changed our lives. So that was a really good episode to do. And I believe later today, I'm going to be recording without Marcy because she's unable to join an episode of The King's Zone.

And also we're going to try to squeeze in a, a few other episodes as well, like another To Be Tuesdays episode and a few others before the year goes out. But yeah, so, but I think, yeah, it's just kind of been a bit sporadic these last few months, but I think once January comes around, we should get back to our normal programming in terms of our regular shows that we do each week. So, yeah, so can't wait to get this month out of the way because Christmas is always the busy time of the year. Oh, yeah, for all of us.

All right, man. Well, you know how we start at the show. cool of the week. You're our guest. You got to... Yeah, well, I've got two things. Because, like, over the last few weeks, I've been doing 25 days of Christmas horror.

So I've been watching at least one Christmas horror film per day. And I've been watching 31 days of Hallmark Horror with my life. Well, I've been trying to watch other Christmas movies, and I've watched some of the Hallmark-esque Netflix. Netflix Christmas movies and those have been a bit of an eye-opening experience as well. But in terms of what I've been enjoying so far of my 25 days of horror, I'll be of Christmas horror. I would say probably the two best ones I've enjoyed so far have been the curse of the cat people, which is the sequel to 30s version of Cat People.

It's too for Christmasy, but I'll take your word for it. It is a Christmas movie because it does go into Christmas in the last half. But that being said, though, even though it's a movie called The Curse of the Cat People, there's no Cat People in this movie. There's nary a cat in sight. Exactly. Like, it's basically, it has some of the same characters from the original film, but it's a whole completely different story.

It's kind of more of this sort of coming-of-age fantasy horror story. And, like, even though. Yes, it's a bit annoyed that it's called Curse of the Cat People and there's no reason why it's given that title, but it's still a really good film on its own and definitely quite. Okay. There's great people. There's a cat in it, but no cat people. At least there's a cat. It is the original troll two of the 1930s.

I remember watching a movie called Curse of the Cat Woman. Very good. Look that up. But it's still a great film on its own if you kind of take it as a standalone thing. And the other one, of course, is this movie I watched it. It's absolutely stupid, but I couldn't help but loved every single moment of it. Is Jack Frost II the Revenge of the Killer News? Is this the one where he goes to Hawaii? Yes. It should have been called Jack Frost's ghost to Hawaii, because that's what it's

lead to the film. It is, it looked like it cost about $100 to make. It is shot low-fi digital, like somebody's home video camera, and it is absolutely glorious from beginning to end. Okay. Well, a snowman going to Hawaii that can't end well. It is just ridiculous. I don't know if you guys have seen the original. Jack Frost Phil. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

It was a lot of fun. Brian made us watch it. But I definitely would use the make word. I didn't make anybody. But I actually do recommend the sequel because I kept hearing from people it's like worse than the first one.

And it is, but at the same time, it's even more enjoyable. Nice. Nice. All right. I didn't hate that movie. it was fun

so yeah those are my uh cools of the week this week nice I got a two I'll jump in I'll kind of segue away I'll segue what are we doing here

you got to say I'll segue off a bead I've been watching a lot of I've mentioned them before this guy Jason Brandt he has a YouTube channel where he He does so bad it's good movies. And I think his videos are hilarious.

He just, I haven't seen his new one. His new videos, the movie Lady Terminator, but I watched, I watched the video before that. And it's LA AIDS Jabber. I've seen that movie pop up on Tooby, a. lot and I'm very, very curious and terrified to watch it. It's a movie. Somebody filmed it. Okay.

It somewhat lives up to its title. But the commentary, it's usually him, well, it's always him, his wife and various friends that join them, and they just kind of watch the movie and kind of riff off of it. super hilarious he also does a podcast a horror podcast called The Final Guys good podcast too so okay i've heard of that one and and uh lanc he's a he's a author too he writes books well um does he write one about the la aids jammer jabber get it right oh jabber that was the porn version no on yes you can you can understand my misconception Yes.

Love him. A lot. He does a lot of horror, action, just anything that's so bad as good type movies. And the commentary is hilarious. And they get drunk while watching it too. So that just adds to the fun. All right. So are we doing final guys for Cool of the Week or L.A. AIDS spreader.

I don't know what's going on anymore. Just put Jason Brandt. Okay, there you got. Just the name of his YouTube channel. All right. Jason Brandt. B-R-A-N-D-T? B-R-A-N-T.

Okay, got it. Got it. Well, I'll jump in. Well, I thought Brian was going to save us, Philip. No, and I don't have much this week. definitely wasn't the Cowboys performance. The Heartbreaker

lost it over time. They're pretty much out now. No, I think they're, they'll still make the playoff. True Cowboy fan talking to. Yeah. But I'm not putting a whole lot of faith in them. All right. And then I rewatched

Violent Night with the family again. Oh, cool, yes. Great movie. Might be one of my new favorite Christmas movies. It's making the rotation. every year for sure. That one an elf. I'm happy with those two.

Yeah, elf is in there every single year for sure. Yeah, for sure. That's definitely my favorite Christmas movie, but this one's moving up the list.

Nice. And that's pretty much all I got. Dealing with kids, sports, and internet issues. Gotcha. Okay, well, I'll second it, man. I'm going in Violent Night as well.

Took the grandkids to see it, and they absolutely loved it. So we'll get two votes. for violent night. Bid, is that out in Australia yet? Oh, it has been like for a few weeks out because I think it opened the exact same time as it did over in the US, but I haven't had a chance to go see it because, well, COVID. So I haven't been able to leave. Yeah, well, not only that. I have to basically stay in my flat for like three weeks because my brother caught it. So I had to like isolate and as well.

And then I caught it. So I had to stay on for another few weeks. So I've kind of a bit annoyed because I wanted to go see that and also Avatar too since that's out at the moment. So I don't think, given that I'm going away in a few days and I have so much to do, I'm probably not going to be able to have the time to check it out. So I'm slightly annoyed by it. But I'll definitely need to check out while at night for sure once I can. Am I the only one that has zero desire to see Avatar?

I just really don't. I mean, it is a three and a half. hour movie. So that's that makes me want to watch it less. All right. And on that note, we're off to a great start here, guys.

All right, well, I guess we're skipping trailers and stuff, right? Yeah. Okay. But we do have a podcast spotlight, and this week the podcast spotlight shines on Murmers from the Morg. Murmers from the morgue is a monthly podcast where two spooky gals from iHore

discuss their favorite horror movies in-depth and enlists. Get more horror movie news at https that www.Ihorror.com. And that's all we're going to do for listener feedback, but as always, our show intro. Some of the new artwork that we may be putting up soon comes from Steve Carlton, the geeks the original stuff on our t-shirts comes from Natsulani so check her out or go to our website and buy a t-shirt and if you'd like to help us out please consider becoming a Patreon patron we'll let you pick the movies for a future show at any amount and for five dollars or more a month also pick a commentary for a future bonus show just like this

and if you have a chance please give us a five-star apple podcast review and we'll move on to our featured attractions. Real quick announcement. A new Instagram page for stream fiends is now T.H.R. underscore stream fiends. For some reason, the other page was deactivated. They said I infringed on copyright issues for something. I haven't posted in the stream fiends Instagram page in like weeks.

So. Okay. Well. And when I started the new one, they deactivated that one five minutes in and then told, told me it was a mistake and then reactivated it, but not the old one. Okay. Well. And on that note, all of our old re-uploads are going up without the music. So a certain, you, blank, blink, blink, blimp, versal music can't get us.

They can and they will. The social media cops. Yeah, I know. All right. Well, we'll start it up with Santa Slay. Oh, no. Goldberg. Santa Claus is actually a demon who lost a bet with an angel, so he becomes the giver of toys and happiness.

But when the bet is off, he returns to his evil ways. Oh, boy. Director and writer is David Steinman, also known for absolutely nothing else. At the end of the film... Is he done something? I don't know. Probably a short at least, right? Maybe a short, something.

I don't know. Did some trailers. Goldberg's buddy, apparently. At the end of the film's credits, Santa breaks the fourth wall saying, who's next? And during his wrestling career, Bill Goldberg made this a catchphrase after pinning his opponents. While filming the final Zamboni scene in Bruderheim, Alberta, one of the film trailers caught fire. The movie is part of the notorious German Schlefez series. Thus it was aired December 2000.

on German TV station Tele5. Schleifaz is a German abbreviation means the worst films ever. Oh, okay. That works. In that series to in that series to hosts, I don't know what that means,

present the whole flick and make fun of it throughout the movie, kind of like we're about to do. Maybe, maybe, or it might be a really serious movie, right, B? Yeah. Exactly. It is totally a serious movie. It is like the Citizen Kane of Killer Santa Claus movies. We are in for a treat, guys. We're in for a dream. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll get super turned on. I don't know, we'll see.

Anyway, so, well, I've got the movie, because I'm screensharing the movie from my end. So I'm ready to count down now and we'll get started. All right. All right. Let's do this. I'll count us down from five, but when I say go, I'll play the movie.

It five, four, three, two, one, go. And hopefully this works. There we go. Who's next? Not quite the same ring as Goldberg says.

It's not. Sure. Great Christmas. I like it. Looks like the Home Alone house. Maybe it is. Yeah, exactly. I don't remember those from Home Alone.

The nice turkey breast. Yes. It was a bit further, that turkey breast. See, he's got some best brand dresser, dude. Is that French, yeah. And also, Chris Katard and Rebecca Gayhar. Yeah. Chris Katar, you're right.

There's some people in this. Oh, my God. Goldberg has some friends. There's one more actor about to pop up that might surprise you. James Cod. Really? I just saw a bunch of commercials for that show with his kid in it, and he looks just like him. Oh, I know.

I know. That would be nice. And interesting enough, I think James Cod made this movie the same year he made Elf as well. Are you kidding me? Oh, wow. That is a pervy-looking mustache. I mean, I would be surprised he did. He was like, all right, I'll do this Goldberg, Killer Santa Claus movie,

but as long as I get to wear it in a 70s porn stash in it. He got his wish. Oh, boy, yes. Clearly, this was a movie that was made in 2003. Got a little sunny left in him, doesn't he? Right? I keep expecting Nicholas Cage to show up now. Well, first of all, Nicholas Cage could show up any time in this movie.

Because I can also be Santa Claus. But it would be Santa Cage. Nicholas Cage is Santa Claus in this instead of Goldberg, I would totally watch that. I think somebody's listening to this podcast and it's being thought about written right now. Oh, there's Goldberg. Wow, what a name.

Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus. I've seen that movie. It stars Charles Bronson. Whoa! I like how James Card wasn't deterred by that at all. Right? He's like about fucking time.

What's he drinking the eggnog or what? Whoa! It's great. I mean, this is just the beginning of the movie, folks. See, this is kind of like the opening of Scream. It's like, you know what would make, like, having one well-known actor get killed off in the opening scene of a horror film? Let's get at least three or four of them for this.

Sure? There's the eggnog. That's the eggnog. I was wondering why he left her alive the longest. She's... Wow. Got the most annoying voice. Oh!

Well. Rebecca... Rebecca... Rebecca gets to fly and be back to the 100. Every one of these movies, somebody gets killed with a tree star. It seems that way, doesn't it? Except the hippie. Obviously, the new Christmas story, Christmas movie on HBO?

No, yeah. I haven't heard him. Not yet. Not yet. I won't give it away then. There's something about a tree star, and Santa will only visit your house if you have a star on the tree, not an angel. You'll get it when you see the movie. Interesting. Satanic Santa. Well, in this case, he's the son of the devil, right? He's the son of the devil, right? Yeah, and this one?

Yeah, I think so. I'm not exactly sure because this is my second time doing an audio commentary for this show because Maskin and I did one back in the day for the Super Podcasts. So I think he might be. I don't know because I have a little fuzzy on the details. Okay. Well, he's definitely carrying a pitchfork in a lot of these pictures. So that can be a dead giveaway. Yeah, well, that is true.

This director, he worked in a production crew for a lot of good movies. No shit. What else has you done, Brian? Rush hour, castaway, Red Dragon. Holy shit. Well, that explains why he's gotten some pretty big name stars in the opening scene. No kidding. Well, and also, like, a lot of those movies were directed by Brett Rattler,

and I think he produced this movie, so I think they kind of... buddies so he just produced this movie for him does make sense that guy yeah okay so this screen sharing thing Brian is this how we're going to do it from now on tell me I guess Bates can have to do to this

we don't know shit about YouTube Philip does he's got yeah I'll have to look up the rules I think there's ways to get around the color stuff on it I'll figure something out. All right. I mean, it's not like we're playing the audio real loud and we're talking over it, so it could be fair to you.

Well, I mean, that's a thing, like, you can probably get away with it if you do, like, what we do on the 2B Tuesdays podcast and do, like, a best-of little thing. Yeah. Ah, okay. You'll have to give us some inside info, Bede. You'll have to help us out here, man. Yes. Or if worst comes to worse, you just, like, delete the movie and just have you guys.

All of us on there. It's a hell township. Heaven's cent sandwich board. That kid has a lot of product in his hair. Yeah, that's true. I feel like he looks familiar, but maybe not.

I'm expecting Art the Clown to show up any minute now. Don't be surprised if he does. Oh, this guy's been in a million movies too. Yeah, yeah. Saul Robbins. Yeah, absolutely. 50 make you any happier

This kid was just in What's that movie? We just Don't Worried Darling Darling What is he? Okay Oh yeah you're right I do recognize it now

Oh shit All right well She's an hour It's Emily to Robin from Lost You know what This is an all-star cast guys I didn't expect it And also, I feel represented because Emily Deravit is also a fellow Aussie as well.

So. Yeah. Okay. Is that a buffalo driving this sleigh? Yes. Yes. They couldn't afford reindeer for this movie. I would think a buffalo would be a lot more than a reindeer.

They just... And it's a real... And it's a real buffalo, too. It's not like a seed fire or adamantibated. He's getting road rage. Get out of the way, you old bitch. See, this is why you shouldn't smoke your drive at the same time. Because Santa might rearrange you.

Aye, aye. She's got some fire for those cigarettes now. Who was this kid in, uh, Don't worry, darling. It just says Bill. Okay. All right. Well, I wonder.

I think he was one of the new couples that rocked up at that community in, Don't worry, darling. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. He's had a familiar looking face. Not the guy that ate for his fuse pussy, right? Uh, no. That's Harry Ziles. Yeah.

Hello, you too. Oh, she. I think it. Well, he said go fuck yourself and sue. I think Emily DeRava did this movie before starring on Lost. In fact, whether she did, because this movie probably would not have done anything for her career as she didn't have Lost afterwards. Yeah. It was about the same time, though.

Didn't y'all say this movie was 2003? Yeah, well, yeah, 2003. I think Lost came out the following year, I think. Was it? Okay. I guess that makes sense. Lost has been a while. Hmm.

That was kind of the first show that got me and the wife into watching the shows where it's kind of like, you know, all the episodes end up to a long movie. Yeah. Actually, no, I stayed correct. This movie came out in 2005. This movie came out in 2005. Okay. So she was already lost when she made this movie. So kind of the same time then, right?

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Gotcha. Who rides a scooter in the snow? I mean, how did you get it there? It wasn't snow I go. Seems familiar from my neck of the woods. Yeah, right, Brian.

Speaking of which, Brian, do you all have snow right now? We have too much of it. You're ready to see. send some our way. I can send some your way and still have more than enough. Don't be surprised if it starts snowing in Australia. Technically in Australia, it's meant to be summer.

Yeah, of course. A few weeks of summer at the moment, and it is still freezing cold at the moment. No shit. Well, that's good. That's good. You want it to be gold for Christmas, right? A little bit, but, you know,

there is a point where you kind of get sick of being cold after a while. Of course. Understandable. Well, Philip, for me, I'm sorry, go ahead, Bid. No, you go ahead. No, I was just going to say for me and Philip,

it's been like heaven on earth lately, right? The last couple of weeks. Yeah, last couple days have been kind of chilly, though. A little bit. Fucking good for you guys. Yeah, dude, it's all the way down to 68, Brian. It's a pimp-ass truck, man. I'll take it.

We're getting that Arctic blast, though. See how that goes. Are we? Yeah. For us, for us, the big blast is like fucking 48 degrees.

Yeah, they're supposed to get down to like 10. For Brian, another freeze. I like how this house has like free locks on it. Right.

And he knows where every single key's hidden. And they've got an alarm. Hey, redundancy. Can't be here. Jesus Christ. They must. have had a bad Santa encounter several years back.

See, they should have gone further and had a bar in front of the door, like it's like going on there. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, so you're going to go in, go all the way in, right? Exactly. Horny Asian housewives.com. Yeah, what the fuck is that? It's watching new port.

All right. Product, Klisman. Yep. And Pepsi soda. Speaking of product placement, you guys said there's a lot in his hair, huh? Oh, yeah. He was just wearing a hat. It wasn't just a hat, it was a beady, too.

He's got to go look for more product for his hair. Yeah, I mean, come on. Why not go into the dark base with just a flashlight? Is there not a light switch for fuck sake? There never is. You guys were talking about scream earlier. This is a scene right out of the new scream movie. Or this is any horror movie in general.

No, it's in the basement alone. Well, how do I know I can trust you? Well, I've seen a lot of basements a lot recently for my other podcast because Night and Living Dead has a lot of scenes in basements. Sure, sure. Where are you going to hide? And that's the thing, though, like, if something like that ever happened in Australia, like we would be able to because nobody in Australia has a basement.

You know what? We don't have them here in Texas either. We have addicts. Okay. Hey, looks, Pops. Oh, they literally do live in a town called Hellstown or something, am I right? Yes. It's near Frogstown.

Is that Bruce Dern? I'm going to say, like, even though I have seen this movie before, at least twice, and I'm already thinking like, is that Bruce Dirt? Oh, wait, it's not him. It does look like him. It's somebody. Robert Culp. Robert Culp.

Okay. See, he's a big name too. They couldn't afford Bruce Dirt for this movie, so they got him to look like Bruce Dirt. Okay. That makes sense. Now, this looks like a scene out of Back to the Future. Here, Marty, try this out. Marty, we got to defeat the East.

people Santa Claus. Oh man, this kid and his profile pick on IMDB. Yeah? Just like Dane Dahan. No. He was... Minus the heroin eyes. I like the fact that grandpa here is made like a Walkman that's a record player.

And I'm thinking like, who would want that? But then I realize, oh, if I don't. has been back in for the last few years. Don't be surprised if they make Walkman record players. Everything else, snoopkin. I'm going to call it the back wax pack. The back wax pack. Okay.

I don't think that makes sense. It was better than the original title, the back sack and wax pack. It's a man's ear. Jesus Christ It's just like fucking Martin made fly That cracker's

Packed heat No shit Brown colored toilet paper Yeah I don't think that'll catch on He said it was a bad idea So Bid I've got a question for you man Yeah sure we'll go right ahead

So I've noticed on your website that Marcus writes a lot of reviews. You tend to write quite a bit as well, don't you? I do, but I haven't written a review in like three years. Maybe because I got burnt out. Marcus do it all now. Yes, I let Marcus do all the reviews out because he's a way better writer than I. Yeah. He does have great reviews.

He has a word smith. He is a word smith. He is a. word Smith, and that's why I love him. So, I mean, I just got burnt out on writing reviews after a while, and I just kind of, I thought like I'll write more during

COVID, and that didn't happen. So, but I kind of do more audio reviews now, so, or podcast reviews. Oh. Whatever works. Exactly. Now, that is a bad ass Santa right there. Uh-oh.

What's going to have the guy you walk down the street? and pick to Rob. It's like a six foot five, 300 pounds Santa. Yeah. The salvo

Oppy. Brian, I'm sorry, dude, I feel like I cut you off. What are you going to say? I was just going to say I feel like this is just what Goldberg does right here. Not a wrestling

band, you guys are, so I've never really seen him in action in the ring. He's pretty, basic. He's just a big guy. Right.

Is he bald like Hulk Hogan? No, not like Hulk Hogan. Hulk's still trying to hold on to that hair

in the back. It's got a little curtain going on. It doesn't make no sense. I'm a firm as a balding man myself, I'm a firm

believer that if you're baldy on top, you can't have your hair grow long at the the back. It just looks wrong and weird. And I just use Hulk Hogan as an example.

Oh, we were at the football game today. The Texans of the Chiefs. Well, whoever is number 11 for the Texans, he looks just like Bill Burr. Like the same exact collection, the fucking bald head. I don't know who this player is because I'm not a huge football

fan. My brother is, but I swear to God, he walked about it. Is that fucking Bill Burr? What the hell is he doing in a Texan's uniform? They almost pulled it out, didn't they? It was a close game, surprisingly. Yeah, it was an overtime game. So was that Cowboys one.

Okay. Yeah, but the Cowboys are about, wah, wah. Hey, I still got 10 wins. Can't take that away from Kenya. What do we got here? Hey, the Texans have a win, Philip. Yeah, a win.

Yeah, they're in that first round pickball right now. You pull out like the Necronomicon for Christmas or something? Right. A necronomicon Christmas. Made out of reindeer skin, right? Yeah, he's looking. He just said it. He said it.

up for the Economicon? That's the scary truth you're going to have. Sit down. Oh, man. If Bruce Campbell showed up, that would, like, seal the deal here. Well, I think I, wasn't there a Holbach movie in the last year where Bruce Campbell played Santa Claus or something like that? Well, I think it's called a country Christmas or something like that.

And so I tried desperately to find it to get my wife to watch it with me, just because Bruce Campbell's in it, but I couldn't find it anywhere. a week I think the geeks reviewed it last last Christmas did they? Yeah

could tell me where to find it then In the history of man there have been only two Immaculate consumption Jesus Christ The Virgin Erica Oh yeah

So he's the son of Satan Yeah This is some Davici code of shit right here. Mm-hmm. Not kidding.

No kidding. Beat, I tried really, really hard to get a fellow Australian on the show with us. Tim Davis. Do you know him? No, I never heard of that guy. Come on, you know, you know Tim, right? Horror for Dunnys? I mean, he has a...

It's Dubbies are horror now, ladies. Excuse me. We're really getting off you too. I kid, I kid. I kid. I know Tim. He's been on TV Tuesday. Tuesdays.

And so I have a lot of love for Tim. And it would have been also if he was here, but he's going to appear on my show, Beat versus the Living Dead in the Future. Well, I think this is his favorite Christmas movie. I think so, because he's a huge Goldberg fan. There's no chance for this. Yeah, I was going to say,

I thought it be Jaws the Revenge, because that's a Christmas movie. Oh, good point. Do a double feature of Jaws the Revenge, and Santa Jaws. That's what was Santa Jaws. Well, yeah, Santa Jaws is definitely on one of my end of year list this year. I won't say which one yet.

I believe it's on mine this year. Like one of my 25 Christmas horror films are watching for my list this year as well. I like how the wallpaper for this house looks like something you would find on a Christmas present. Yeah, right? You need to unwrap it. Yes. From the early... Oh, damn it.

It's not product for my hair. Oh, my God. It's getting to get it down. Lancy sound like a robot. Lancy sound like Megatron now. Here we go. sounds like soundwave I think it's not

got to it and gotten I think you're now taking the piss out of us now let's well I do like the fact that it's a gun that transforms into a robot so basically it is Megatron that is pretty cool was that a UFO

it's a US Buffalo you're still very robotic and alien Lance okay this could be a problem I may have to let you guys do most of the talking then what was he

on SCTV comedy network is that not Eugene Levy what's his name oh uh Dave Thomas he was in strange for us this is ridiculous this is how

you know, like you're a first-time director and your best friends with a, you know, another filmmaker who has had a bunch of hits under their belt so you can get a lot of favors for people to be in your movie. I liked the gun present. That was cool. The guy's

got fucking 16 locks on his door. You don't own a gun? Yeah, no shit. Oh, here we go. This is a thing, huh? Oh, here we go. I like there's a stripper working at the strip club named Test Tickler. Here, my buffalo. Lance, I'm going to tell you right now.

You sound like you're in a black hole. That's what you sound like right now. Come back to the light, Lance. And a little like Donald Duck. Whoa, here we go. As we say on the Tooby Tuesdays podcast, Booby Fair. I'm not hating this movie, guys. I've heard of Ho, Ho, Ho, but this is ridiculous.

Oh, she's very talented. Oh, well, it was under the mistletone, so it's okay. Well, it's that dude's fault. He fell onto that bif. Wow. Okay, is my sound any better or do we need to try to reboot while you guys continue? You sound like that you've got one of those things that you put to your throat and you talk. Oh, great. Whoa!

You may have to, uh... Yeah, don't touch that. We can't even understand you anymore. At least we know Santa Claus is hygiene because he's gave, he sprayed that pole from Kikovicoke. Ooh. This movie, I mean, I haven't seen Violent Night yet, so this movie could be set in the same universe. Well, that's kind of what I thought of when I first saw the preview for Violent Night. But in Violent Night, Santa's the good guy, so it works up. I'd make a spinoff movie where you get like Bill Goldberg, Mel Gibson, and David Harbour is their Santa Clausers, and just get together and do the attention.

Yes. Santa Claus fight to the dead. Exactly. Is that cocaine? Nope. Hey Santa Claus. They're not naughty. They're just trying to make a living, damn it.

Yeah. Just like you, Santa. All right, is my voice that bad stuff? Do I need to reboot? You sound a little bit better towards the end. Do you have a plug-in microphone, or is it just the mic on the computer? Yeah, it's a plug-in microphone. Oh, unplug and plug-in?

back in. All right. Yeah, exactly. Have you tried plug it and plug it out again? Okay, is that any better? A little bit. Actually, a little. I mean, you sound like ghost face, but other than that, you sound the right. That can be a good thing. I'll be your text. What's your favorite Christmas skit horror movie? That's right. Does he have a Confederate flag up on the table there? I think it's a Norway flag or something. That's Swedish, yeah. It's from Denmark, just as large, he'll tell you.

One of those countries over there. Sound check. Any better or no? Still bad? Yeah. I'll join you guys later, hold on. All right. Most computer illiterate person I've ever met.

I don't know if it's just me, but this kid's hair has gotten at least 10 times bigger than the last time we saw him. That's almost bad citizens. It doesn't look good. Like Herman Monster. Well, to be fair, though, like I think anyone back at this time in 19, I mean, 2005, we kind of all want our hair to look like that. Yeah, that's fair. Stuff with gel.

Mine sort of looks like that normally. Now to create a machine gun nutcracker. They don't need a gun. They have a nutcracker. Exactly. See, I don't know what he's trying to do, but something just popped up on Skype. What do they have like a machine that turns the pages for you? Talk about being lazy.

No kidding. Oh, here we go. Oh, man, my side of it froze. Hey, can you guys hear me? Yes. Ah, yes. Nice. Is it much better?

Yes. Okay, cool. Regular old lance. Yep. Apparently, you know, like, uh-huh. You don't sound like a transformer, Eddie ball. Okay, good. I'm going to have to buy a new microphone and a new Surface Pro.

Sounds like Santa Claus is coming to town. Now that dude there looks like Doc right there. Doc Brown with Santa Claus. I do not see the screen share though, so I'm going to have to pull it up on my phone here. Brian is it frozen on yours? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Mine's frozen when they tried to turn the... What do you guys? Ficked it up for everybody. There we go. Oh, it's claymation. Santa Claus. All right, there we go. With a BDMS Buffalo.

I was going to ask that. Is that what I saw? Valencia, Buffalo. And they're playing curling as well. It's something that looks like a turd. Oh, it's curling. I thought it was like a buffalo turd.

I was going to say. It looks like one. Okay. All right, cool. We're all on the same spot now. The Hershey's kids just went to the hole. The old man had won. Is this the bet he lost to become Santa Claus?

Yes. Okay. But see, I thought he was like Little Nicky. I thought he was the devil's literal son. He is. Yeah. So what's up with little Nicky? What is up with the product in this kid's hair?

It's only awesome Whoya search I did plan on that when I was his age That was the That's the Marine Corps one Ah, okay, there you go Go nab chat Come on

The mid-2000's internet was weird That's true You guys remember Asjeeves Oh, yes, AJ. They changed it to AJ.com, remember? Ask Jeeves. I was going to say, isn't Ask Jeeves like still around?

Because I'm pretty sure it is. Let's Google it. Let's use it. Ah, Bruce Stern. Oh, no, not Bruce Stern. He's Bruce Stern's Canadian equivalent. Okay. Okay, maybe not.

I think he had an awesome name. like fat damon yeah well somebody doesn't like joseph hey well poor joseph had to be hard this is a literal war on christmas is it and it's cos my satanic laws ironically

think about it though your wife gets pregnant and she's like um it was stop No. We're going to need another Timmy. To be fat, they did like those kids. They're awfully calm. They were once. The House of Heathens.

While these people are undeniably moral sinners. That's a good name for a stroke club. The House of Heathens. me, if you will, for the salvation of crystal candy. So candy. That's all the strip of knives. Okay, gotcha. Test tickler, this is.

Selina Steele was in that curse of the catwoman movie I was talking about. It feels great. Holds up. A very generous. Bo! Oh! He's comfy. some bagel goods yeah it looks that way we just immediately start stowing shit at him

so it goes smash this is very jewish oh spear that was the goldberg move right there so yeah that's the star of david why there's got to be ironic thing about this movie because they're actually even though yeah it's a christmas movie there are a lot of Jewish actors in this movie Goldberg himself, right? Yeah, well, I think, yeah, Goldberg's Jewish himself. Only wanted was that, and the other guy just had to make a big stink about it, so he had to kill him. He just wanted the free ice cream. Exactly.

So that old lady came into a Jewish bagel store expecting it to be decorated for Christmas? Yes. He was an ass. Kind of like the people that, uh, that on the bakery that won't make a gay rainbow cake for their customers. Exactly. Aye, aye, aye. Eat here, get gas.

I always love, like, store names and any shop ever. Sure. It's tidy list of. Hey. Yeah. Just in peace. Oh, man. Speaking of COVID.

That's what took him down. Oh, really? Is he dead? Oh, some of a bit. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. COVID took him down. Smoking gum.

Tiny List of just can't say to get away from wrestlers who just want to play Santa Claus in a movie. That's true. It's like, of course, you know, No Holds Bar, where he was up against Hulk Hogan, and Hulk Hogan played Santa Claus in Santa with muscles. I've never seen that. How have I not seen that? Yeah, I don't know that existed. Not only is that a real movie, but it was produced by Jordan Belford of the Wolf of Wall Street fame.

What? I have to watch it. Dude, I usually be the biggest Holcogen fan. I, like, No Holds Bard was incredible when I watched it the first time. We've seen it for the podcast, haven't we, Brian? Yeah. It's a classic of Clapsics. Oh, no.

Death by Minora. Don't touch that. It's evidence of price. He's not dead. You people. Right. Who is they, though? This is offensive on so many levels.

Indeed. Like I said, you could only have made this film. And for Benowitz. Shlomo lipstick. So to change the subject, Brian, you said, what do we have? Give us a sneak peek for what we have coming up in January on the show, man. Movies and more movies. But what?

Because remember how January used to be considered the dead month, but we always get at least one good horror movie in January lately? All right, let me pull up. I know we're going to have our awesome artwork designers. Steve Carlton. Oh, yes. He is going to come on. Are they arresting all the Jews?

You know what? I'm trying to move on here, Philip. Hold on. I'm trying to get as long as we don't get into like Kanye territory. I just don't want to get taken down. Brian,

what else is coming up? He's going to come on. He's going to do the theme for the show. Ah, okay. Can't tell you the movies yet. It's a secret. Well, that's okay. That's okay.

Captain Cock and Sergeant Bush. And also the police chief is named. The sergeant's name is Dick Zucker. So, Brian, is there a new movie coming out in January that looks promising? Your most anticipated movie, Megan. Maid? Megan. I don't know what Maid is. Oh, Megan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the robot girl. It actually looks pretty decent.

I saw the trailer for it. It looks kind of funny. Don you now, you're gay apparel. Dude, they got some pretty good one-liners in here. We're really going to get taken off. Hey, if shit's funny, it's funny. It's funny. He's real. He's not bearing gifts. They look like Bob Newhart.

it's his uh it's his uh it's his uh low budget equivalent uh i'm sure you're right his name is knob boo heart no no buchhart no g nicholas that's a swell clock this is a weird looking game boy yeah well i think we have until about seven p.m that'd be midnight at the pole the north pole what is that like a santa tracker mean time i think so yeah okay but what time remember that in Australia because you guys in Australia get everything before we do like I remember you remember Y2K we were all locking Australia with with baited breath to see if all y'all computers were going to go down people are running on outside on fire let's all get in I knew Y2K was not going to happen because my TV when I changed the year went all the way up

the 2010 you were you were fine yes exactly and also like this would be if this was like in terms of what's happening in Australia on this day because it's Christmas Day here in this movie it would be boxing day so ah boxing day just like just like in Mother England right yes Canada yes it's like in a regular polygon film it's a geometrical and closed shape you see it's a close of course the cops it Big Dardots. I was going to see

all over his fucking face here. He's got it. He's got it. I thought we weren't trying to get taken down.

It's just the beginning. I don't know, man. Emily, Emily Riven looks super young here, Bid. You're right.

She looks older and blocks. Maybe it's the makeup or something. Mm. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Oh.

Oh. Oh, that's just insults. The Santa Claus. The Santa Claus of this movie just does not give zero bucks at all. Yeah. And somehow, those toothpicks are holding that guy up on the wall.

That's a good point. So, B, do you have seen Violet or you haven't seen it yet? I haven't seen it yet, though. Oh, I can't give anything away then. God damn it. There is some Viking heritage though. I'll leave it at that. Yeah. It's it's an interesting take on the Santa Betos to say the least. Well, Brian, you said there was a sequel coming out, right? Yeah, they're talking about it.

Not a time soon. Yeah. As much as it's already made, I'm not surprised. But if it's like an origin story, how cool would that be? It's Santa. they can make the terror train two for two be yeah yeah I'm gonna see get my father's gun yes

did you ever watch the TV show American gods or have you read I haven't read the book and I haven't seen the series but I'm in Bain too though oh man I'll just say there's a particular character that has a very heavy camera yeah and I'll leave it at that.

It ties into the new violent night movie. I won't say any more than that. Okay. But it's very interesting, the way they, I think you'll enjoy it. I do. I don't know anyone who's seen the movie that hasn't liked it. Top Gun! What the hell is he?

Sure. Now, flying to the dangers of... Oh, have you guys heard the... There is some Oscar talk for Top Gun Maverick. Have you heard this? I have heard about this. It won best picture at the National Board of Review, which is like a pretty prestigious award.

Really? Yeah, I think it's going to be in there. Absolutely. I mean, maybe for like special effects and shit, definitely. Like, it has sound editing and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's the rumors I'm hearing for best pictures so far. Top Gun Maverick.

Best picture. Every picture all at once. that's like when they put Black Panther in there and I was like what? Black Panther was a good movie though I haven't seen the new best picture good movie Top Gun's not best picture good movie Yeah I don't know top bands pretty fucking good man It is not best picture kind of movie

I'm pretty sure Compared to what other movies are that are going to be on there You probably think it's a better movie Elvis is supposed to be on there and I thought that movie really yeah i did not care for elvis have you all seen it Lance i think we can't be friends anymore sorry what's that oh it my opinion it was so-so

it was so-so you got from shit for so-so it's probably my favorite i love that movie what's that everything everywhere all it wants was is probably one of my favorite movies of the year it got league fogged by another one when i set the second time but it's still up there for me

Yeah, I think that one, like everywhere all of once I think is the frontrunner, I think. Which is so weird given how insane that movie is. Yeah. Well, that's great. They're so different. Yeah, very different. Very original. To be fair, I think everyone's always wanted to do this to Carolus.

To be fair. To be fair. To be fair. To be fair. So, see, when you guys say to be, you just have to give me, Barcy, a batch, like, a dollar. but what I say it's okay. We say it a lot, so I guess we'll get you a lot of times. Yes.

We still have to do that crossover episode at some point very soon. To be fair, I will say that my favorite movie of the year, I'm not going to say what it is yet, but it's a director that has had my second favorite movie of the year two different years. Interesting. So just think, what could it be? It was everything.

ever roll at once, but when I rewatch this one, I was like, okay, there's a lot of great shit interconnected in this movie. So, it's been a good year in movies. It really has been. It's been a great year. I have to say that is a really stupid fucking hat. To be fair. I don't understand it. Let's hide the key in the oil can. Uh-oh. Oh, that door is obviously made out of plastic. Yeah, no, I'm kidding.

Well, yeah, it is bending every time he hits it. And the kid's name is Nicky, like Little Nicky. You really love that movie, don't you? To be fair, that movie came out before this one, right? Oh, yeah. Did it? Yeah. And I also like that Santa Claus's belt looks like a W.W.E.

his ship belt. That's awesome. To be fair, me, it would. You see, Lance, every time you say to be fair, you have to give me a Macy a batch a dollar. My checkbook sitting right over here. They'll be writing that shit.

It may bounce. It may bounce when I write it, but to be fair, it may bounce. I got to say they did a good job on his hair. Because that's good. That looks real. Yeah, I like this too.

I mean, yeah, well, Bill Goldberg is a very bolding man, so they were able to do a good job to make his fake hair look real. I mean, it looks better than Stephen Segal's hair. Let's just say that. He's got like that cano paint. Ben, I will say that one of my favorite segments on TB Tuesday, is when Professor Patch breaks down the weave of the week. There's notes of cinnamon. It's like he's describing a bottle of great wine, you know?

And it's a new one each time because basics. Yes. Purple hair is mixed with a tinge of ginger-colored hairs. a slight cinnamon flavor and an intense cranberry finish Jesus Christ

so who's the old man is he the angel I think he's not Bruce Dern well yeah I think basically like oh he comes the

the Santa buffalo oh boy well that's why you stay away from him in the state parks yep that was only going to end one way

I grab pot only a month day left all the time I would love to drive one of those things They're fun Well Brian you drive you drive to one to work every day don't you No I usually save gas and take the sled dogs Be fair If I had sled dogs And you wear the tennis rackets on your feet right

Yes. That, to be fair, was totally by accident. We still have to pay for it, Phil. I know. Oh, Gapas presents have the opposite. Yeah. It's the Christmas season. We're feeling generous. But, I think we just financed your podcast for the next seven years. Yes.

I think you, that's, I mean, Lance, you have promoted my podcast more than your own show on this podcast. It's probably worth it. Which means... Why? Listen to YouTube. It comes that unidentified flying buffalo. Buffalo chips raining from the sky.

Yes. Oh, come on. Really? That's getting a little ridiculous. Oh, he's got a red nose. You know, Buggers should show up in this. Isn't he in most of the ski movies? See, I'm disappointed that, I mean, Clint Howard isn't in this movie.

Oh, he's got to be. He's got to be. It's not over yet, me. It's not over yet. Do you see him? Sorry, okay. The reason that Santa Claus is basically only going on a killing spree because, like, he no longer has to give presents to everyone, so now he's just gone batch it,

say. Why not? You skates. He's the, the Satan version of Jesus, so. Well, yeah. Well, I mean, at the end of the day, what's the difference, right? I mean. No, I think there's a big difference there.

There's that. Sweet Jesus. He said sweet Jesus. Hell deer. Yeah, it's on a buffalo. It's a hell deer. I think you kind of have to be like, listen, I got to stop you. Listen, I got to stop you.

It's not a deer. Hey, that is a very Viking look, right? With the shields on the side of the sled and everything. it's basically like a reindeer on steroids all right well now his hair is messed up uh oh yeah

that's why they look huh I was going to say they're looking I was going to say they're trying to break it so they can find more product for his hair I thought he's figure in a socket that's what he asked for for Christmas That's why Santa's after him.

Like, fuck this goddamn kid. I can't take it anymore. Oh, Jesus, cute. Oh, come on. Really? Who keeps a barrel? Like a dummy? To a barrel.

Leave it to the woman to figure out. Well, she's the one with the badass truck that knows how to use a gun. Yeah. God damn it, it'll slid her throat, whatever you do. I was going to say. At least break the rest of the bureau. That's shit. Now, that is some great special effects right there.

That looked real. It should be retroactively given an Oscar. Can we do that? Is it legal? Yes. I say so. All right. Well, then it's done.

Oh, come on. Oh, no. Jesus Christ. So instead of giving him a gun, they gave him a nutcracker gun. Well, you know. It's the thought that counts. Exactly right. Tell you need it.

Instead of showing off his guns now. Literally. He's got an ice scraper. For what? His beard doesn't really move. You mentioned it, Brian. I noticed that too. It looked real until Brian just literally lifted the curtain back from the wizard and revealed that the beard doesn't move.

Or offense. Saddest beer's got product in it as well. That's why it's not moving. There you go. Got a bit of beard. What is it? Beard oil in it. I thought maybe it was just pussy juices, but okay.

Are we off YouTube now, Brian? I'm not entirely sure we put this one up anyway, but we'll figure it out. You guys have now been bad for YouTube. All right. Well, it was a fine. This shows. Oh! He's got a cane saber.

He has a glow-in-the-dark candy cane, and it looks cool, but he's like, don't know. need that anymore. Yeah, I know. That seemed like an entirely worth worthless thing to put in your pocket. Whoa! Especially when you can do that. We've switched over to an X-man cartoon all of a sudden. He's a multi-purpose killer Saturday Claus. He could just do whatever the scene requires. I guess. So don't be some of his eyes. Okay.

Yeah, don't be surprised if, like, he opens up his chest and he has a cannon in his chest that fires. Don't think that idiot. Did you just spoil it? He's got a, like in Austin Powers, the nipple guns. Yes. See, look at the belt. It's basically a WWE belt that's in the shape of Santa Claus face. It is kind of awesome.

I can't believe Nez is missing this show. Is that a grenade? Why does he even have that? He has everything. I get it. It can scare the dickens out of people because he's reading a Christmas carol. Oh. Oh, good shot.

almost. Who throws a pork? Seriously. Oh, is this the Zamboni scene? It's got to be, right? Hockey stadium. I'm going to run you over really slowly. This movie has taken way too many cues from Austin Powers.

Yeah. Oh, true, true. That's the third joke we've made in the past minute. Well, you guys have talked about doing an Austin Powell's audio commentary, so you may have to do it at some point. We've done Gold Member. We've done Go member as part of the Gold trilogy. Yeah, we did that one in the Golden Circle of the...

What was that movie? Brian, the Spy. Help me out here. Yeah. We did that one. We did... And we did James Von Goldfinger all in one episode. Gold member is one of my favorite movies of all time.

I love that movie. Orstedtons how is he's Fajah? What the fuck? The flashlight's going to stop him? That's not fucking Dracula. Why did he stop it? Whatever it was. Whoa!

Yikes! He ran out of juice. Oh! It's the magical curling thing. Yep. The turtural. What is that called? The curling thing is it?

I don't know. I don't know. I know the sports. But I don't know what the actual figure is, like, that they have to use. I think out of all the four of us, Brian would know the best, because he lives in the frozen tundra, so. Don't write fucking curls here. What is up with Angel Grandpa's outfit?

I don't know, but it looks like a fucking leprechaun. It's a curling iron. He's got to make this hat on. Curling iron, guys. There you go. Okay. He looks like a backstreet boy from the I wanted that way. I hope the backstreet boys come back.

I hope the backstreet boys come back when they're super old and look just like that. I think this is. them now, actually. If there's money. I would watch that. New kids on the walker about there, right? Well, pretty much. I mean, probably Walburne the work.

What about Minuto? Do you guys remember Minuto? Isn't that the group Ricky Barton was in? Yeah. The original. The original. Because they've had like 80, like, member changes over the years. Yeah, I was going to say, that's the one where they like, cycle through members.

Mm-hmm. Yes. Can I please have a mini big... Destroy one child's life after another. As each priest rapes such...

No, oh, never mind. Now we're off YouTube for sure. Don't go there, let. Don't go there. This is a sophisticated podcast.

Oh, you're in front of Christians. That's totally fine. I don't think anyone's without you're going to. All right, good. So the whole Final battle is that doing a curling match

You've got to be kidding Man Pops really likes curling No shit Note the self If you go up against a killer Santa Claus Challenge them to a game of curling Well now you know Nicky just remember

This literally is like Nicky's grandpa literally is Rick and Morty now that you mention it I can see it I can totally see it and not just because I happen to have been watching Rick and Morty last night either so all that shit and they didn't even

use the nutcracker gun oh they're still they're still talking Wait, so like In the Olympics when they do curling They like sweep in front of it and shit, right? Yes, you have two people sweeping, right?

So can they not do that here? Oh! Brian! Oh, sorry, Santa Claus, cheated. Well, Brian should be able to clear this up. Brian lives in the land of ice and snow. So how does it work, Brian? I'll get back to you on that one.

Oh, here we go. Now he's going to use it. Uh-oh. Oh, my God. He's right. He's right. He's scary yet. I may.

Yeah. It's still Christmas somewhere in the world, so. He exists at all times at once on all planes. Oh. Uh-oh. The nut tractor. Chestnut. Come on.

Killer Santa Claus has been techie out by the labest figure ever. I know. You're done. Oh, Wake Grandpa's still alive. And he's not in hell yet. Oh, no. Just when you thought it was safe to go back into Zamboni.

to quote Austin Powers right now why don't why won't you die seriously Santa Claus in this movie has more lives than the robot killer Santa Claus from Christmas

Bloody Christmas although to be fair he did get hit on the opposite side of his heart with a nut so how the fuck does fire freeze How the fuck does fire freeze it again? Because curling's a cool sport.

Oh. So why did he leave this guy alive? And now he's dead. You were saying, Philip? He's just like cruising around with him. I don't understand. Who knows? He's like, I'm going to murder you by sticking a bunch of toothpicks in your fucking body.

And this guy I'm going to hang out with for a little bit. So Brian, what are we what are we going to watch along with Megan in January? You'll just have to wait. Oh man, you won't give anything away. You're worse than Santa Claus, man. X Machina, have we already done that one? I don't know. Did we do that?

I don't think we've done it. But we've done other movies from that director. X. Machin is a good one. Especially when Oscar Isaac does his disco dance. He's an angel. What can go wrong? Hold my beer. What could go wrong?

Literally. All right. Big, well, secret. Drinking is a big part of hunting. Yeah, I was going to say, Beid, welcome to America and Canada here. But they're not even hunting. They're just like shooting like clay.

They're just fucking around. Yeah. Oh, hey, Lance, this guy here was doing what you were doing earlier with the little throat thing. There you go. That's what you sounded like earlier, Lance. It's exactly what you sounded like. Maybe he had too many cigarettes too then. It was like Dalkelder was on the show.

Oh, oh, cool. Too soon, fella. Too soon. Although that dude, even though he has that thing to his phone, he's still. smoking. Right. Ain't nobody going to tell me I can't smoke.

Even my doctor. It's actually weight. That doctor. Oh, well, that's purely medicinal then. Why do you keep giving this kid the gun? He has no idea how to use it. Why don't you shoot him? Of course, this movie would add, like, the only way to stop

set it close is to shoot him out of the sky. Again, be welcome to America. And of course, it's the guy who didn't even know how to use a gun that killed a... Ouch. Why did he explode? He had a rocket launch. Someone had a rocket launch. Yeah.

I guess a rocket launcher. Okay, well... Again, America. That's far. Oh, he had a rocket launcher. Yeah. America. Fuck yeah.

Jesus Christ. Was that you, Lance? Yeah, that was me. And the Angeles finally arrived. Yeah, about 28,237 cigarettes too late. And also like Hop the town being killed. Hey. The American flag.

He was one of the altar boys. Hey, I've got the jaws of life. Literally, Jules the Red. Yes. Oh, wait a minute. If he's using the jaws, he'll like the free satir class. So that means it's the sad of jaws.

There's no restrictions on two-way. That dude's allowed to have a bazooka. Don't start. Yeah, that's true. That's true. If we're going to open that door, he might as well keep it open, right, Philip? Yep.

It's been open. Why should we live in fear? 200 fucking years. Well, I can say one thing. this dude's product in his hair must be keeping a walk because everybody else is wearing a hat or a beading oh that's true that's true now that you mention it and he's got the necronomicon yeah i got you babe this girl has been flirting yeah her mind with him the whole movie and he's still oblivious he's got so much product he's more interested in his own hair than fucking she had to kiss him

And even then she'd be like, are you flirting with things? Right. Also, real life, guys are pretty oblivious. Just so you know. Yes. Night. Is that it? There's like a little ten minutes to go.

Okay. Mr. Satan. That's your time. Like the hockey player. Seriously. man. Well, my work here is done. I guess.

Just the Santa bag. And for all of you folks listening at home, this is why I plead for all of you if you're listening. Please become a Patreon patron. So Brian can no longer pick the movies for us to do

commentaries for. So you didn't have a good time watching this? Oh, listeners at home. I've been, I've been. of me are pretty think you have one too many drinks I'm glad we got to watch it again no this is what this is awesome I'm gonna bump up my Patreon so I could get you guys to do a commentary on elves next year hey we're we're down we're down oh you get to say the word

you know seriously though this one is not as bad as we kind of made it out to be like it's got some good lore behind it it's definitely ridiculous and funny, but by intention. That's the point. That's the point. And it got some definite talent in here. Some big name stars in here that I did not expect to see. A lot, a lot of favors were made to get this film made.

Yeah, I'm sure. And maybe a lot of cocaine, too. Oh, but true romance. That's what I remember him from. Remember, he was the director that was shot about the cocaine from Christian Slater's character. exactly llama cigarettes he's got a cigarette

he's got a cigarette shit all over everything that's awesome he got all the points right like they used to the micro points and shit like that yeah the camel thing I think Campbell did a bunch of those

right oh yes yes they did and Brian we want to thank you for picking the city man but we're not done yet. After credits. There's like

bluepils. Let's see some boobies. Oh yeah, I forgot one of the things I enjoy in the credits is like they have the section where it tells everybody who was naughty or nice in the movie. Why?

Tim is naughty. He didn't know anything. That was nice. Chris Katana was naughty. Brandrester was naughty. And the list goes on. So, B, tell us more about, tell us more about what you got going on, man. What have I got going on at the moment? Well, I've got, well, I talked about this earlier,

I got my new solo podcast, Beat versus Living Dead, which of course, is a podcast that's dedicated to looking at and exploring all the remakes, reimagining for my follow-ups and so much more to George A. Romero's 1968 horror classic Night of the Living Dead. Believe me, there's a lot. Okay, but will you be

doing the sequels? Or will you only be doing versions of the original? Well, I will be at the moment because there's already like a fuck ton of this. And I literally found out the other day there's like three, four,

or at least three or four more indie remakes coming of Night of the Living Day. And let me guess, they're all available on YouTube as well. Well, at least one of them is. And others I may have to like email the filmmakers themselves to kind of see if they can send me a screener to watch. And so, but I will be doing like Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead as well in the future.

I sort of cover every bit. Okay. Oh, yeah. Because Daughter the Dead, like, has, you know, its own remake and that, but it also has all the Italian side, like, you know, zombie and all the other ones, like all that spot off from there. And also, uh, Day of the Dead has, uh, you know, has a remake. It has like two, well, two remakes, a sequel and also a TV show.

So there's definitely a lot of ground for me to cover. Yes. lots to cover to say the least I think I like to make better sorry all right yes no go ahead man

and of course you know find all my other podcast I host with Super Marcy on the Super Network on all podcast streaming services everywhere including Bebust the Living Dead so you can check those out there and some and maybe members of this podcast

may be joining me in a future episode of Beavis is the living dead. I'm just saying it may happen. Yeah, we're going to we're going to try to. But we appreciate you coming by but Brian tell us what's going on with wrestling and streaming and

action for that matter. Nothing's going on right now. It's the holidays. But there is shit going on dude. Y'all had a wrestling return a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, we talked about that a couple of weeks ago. But what's coming out in the future?

It's done for the year. Oh, man, come on, dude. You're killing me. So you gotta have an action returns coming out soon. Maybe, but right now it's all about the 12 random days of Christmas over on the Skater Nose podcast network.

And where can our listeners find that? Anywhere you get your podcast at. As if they don't already know, am I right? All right. That's how they got here in the first place. Well, that's the S-K-Numeral 8-E-R. Am I correct, Brian?

Yep. Skater-N-E-N-S. And Philip, what's up with you, man? Hey, man. Just trying to make it through. Same as always. So are you doing, it's kind of cold weather right now. So are you doing any coaching, or is that going to wait

till spring. Yes. Still baseball coaching. You guys can't watch that. Sorry. Maybe one day, right? Come down to the island, man. All right.

Island of Galveston. Everybody's involved. And of course, of course, we will all be at Texas Frightmare in May. And Bede, any chance at all? You guys could make it all the way

from Australia to Texas in May. Oh, probably not. It's a little bit of a jaunt. Listen, if we're going to visit Beiden and Marcy, I would totally go to Australia, except it's a shit ton of money. I think that I was like reading the other day of a few months back that there's going to be flights directly from Dallas to Melbourne, I think.

Really? I'm not exactly sure. Well, it might be. It's something might look at up. But I definitely need to go to Texas Fright Mayor at Sop. point in the future. Probably not this year, but definitely in the future. It's definitely in the cards. And like I said, you guys are more than welcome to even come down here. So it saves me money, too. Yeah. We got to find a place in Australia that has some sort of horror convention and do it.

You guys have them all the time, don't you? Oh, actually, no. We don't really have that many horror conventions. We have regular conventions. Okay. But not horror conventions as much, which is kind of bizarre, but it needs to definitely happen for sure. Well, yeah, I know Marcy knows some people. Yes, exactly. We'll get together. Well, I mean, Marcy has family that is literally in the business.

Yeah. Because I've seen, is it her sister be that I've seen her sister's name on several high-profile films? Yes. Yes. And I know we have a place to sleep, feed, because you can always let us, you know, sleep in the outback near your house. Am I correct? Oh, totally. Like, you can sleep on like kangaroos, and I think there's probably a couple of years there.

A platypus or two? Yes, exactly. I'm definitely taking one home. Smuggling. A baby room in my backpack. On that note, on that note. note we would like to thank you guys for listening to another episode of the horror returns you know how to find us just go to the horror returns.com or our email

address is the horror returns in gmail.com still waiting for more of that feedback guys nobody has entered our contest yet to send an email so how does that contest work Brian send an email with your information to the horror returns at gmail.com yeah That is simple as a kid's, right? A stubby holder. A stubby holder, as they call him a stroke. Exactly.

That's what we call him here. Is that a thing? That's a stubby holder. All right. All right. Well, so next week, I think even though Al can't be on the show, because I think he's going to be in, uh, fuck Israel or something like that, somewhere way overseas.

We are still doing his picks, right, Brian? next week? Yep. Commentary. Ah, okay. So we got a big commentary coming up for Al Ramzer

and he's a super patron. Dude sends us a nice little check every month and the least we can do is do a commentary for him. So we're going to do

tragedy girls which I've never seen but I've heard great things. Have you guys seen it? Yes, I have. Me too. I know what it is

but I will be happy to watch it. Well, Looking forward to it. So, uh, until the horror returns again, Bade. Good night.