The Horror Returns - THR - Ep. #369: A Haunted House (2013) & The Blackening (2023)

Episode Date: June 21, 2023

This week, we check out the new movie The Blackening, as well as A Haunted House. Cool of the Week includes The Machine, Fast X, and Sisu. The trailer is Cobweb. The podcast spotlight shines on 18 Night Ghouls. And we get feedback from Bede Jermyn, Tim Davis, Xim Vader, Florida Horror Scene, Cameron Sullivan, Kitty Rage, Adam Bunch, and Ryan Stevens. Let's welcome our new members: Scott White, Shall Rella Sasha, Erin Rose Hoiberg, and Michael Brighton. Thanks for listening! The Horror Returns Website: https://thehorrorreturns.com THR YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@thehorrorreturnspodcast3277 THR Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thehorrorreturns THR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thehorrorreturns/ Join THR Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1056143707851246 THR Twitter: https://twitter.com/horror_returns?s=21&t=XKcrrOBZ7mzjwJY0ZJWrGA THR Instagram: https://instagram.com/thehorrorreturns?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= THR TeePublic: https://www.teepublic.com/user/the-horror-returns SK8ER Nez Podcast Network: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-p3n57-c4166 E Society Spotify For Podcasters: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/esoc E Society YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCliC6x_a7p3kTV_0LC4S10A Music By: Steve Carleton Of The Geekz

victims. For those of you delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify gore, welcome. You have found the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware. This podcast contains major plot spoilers and the foulest of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror. Welcome to the horror returns. I am Lance.

I'm about to say I like the energy. I'm Lance and with me as always. My co-host, Brian and Phillip, what's up, guys? So, it's going. Not a mucho, man. That was Father's Day weekend for you guys. Hectic. Mine was pretty awesome.

My wife got me a big ass steak to go grill and had some whiskey. That's all I really wanted. I was like, don't talk to me about work, and we're good. Well, yeah, we had the, Brian, we had the granddaughter's birthday party Saturday. So that was, that dominated the weekend. Y'all know that feeling when you're wondering when all the last visitors are going to go home on Sunday. Ah, gotcha. A couple of grandsons stayed behind for a week or two, which is cool.

I just like to hang out with them. Yeah. It's like me and a house full of women, so it's always nice to have a couple of guys around. Little extra testosterone. That's right. Well, shit. Man, it feels like it's been forever. But you guys ready to be?

Ready to jump in, dive into Cool of the Week, because it's hot as fuck. Here. Yeah, I will go last because I think I got like five movies I watched. Well, I'll jump in. All right. I got a couple of cools this week. I finally caught up on a couple of new movies. I saw John Wick 4, which was pretty awesome.

It knew what it was, and it went with it, you know? It was, you know, a big bad shoot-em-up good time. I don't think the fight scenes were as good as John Wick too. I still really enjoyed that. That was my favorite one of the series, but it was a good close-out. Was John Wick two, the original one where he was on the horse on the bridge? Or was that three? I'm trying to remember.

On the horse home? Like in the Brooklyn Bridge or something? Yeah, I forgot about the horse. Yeah. It was the one with the club scene where he's kicking everybody's ass. Oh, okay. Oh, okay. I got you.

I got you. And I watched Burt Kreischer's The Machine. Wow. We'll watch that tonight. Yeah, that came out to rent. It's not as funny as I... There's definitely some very funny parts.

Not as funny as I thought it was going to be. It was more of a just legitimately pretty good movie. So I was impressed with it, man. It was, if you... I would watch the machine bit stand-up. before you watch the movie, because it's one of the greatest stand-up bits of all time, I think. I'm not saying he's one of the greatest stand-up comics of all time,

although, you know, maybe. He's up there. That bit alone, just that little 15 minutes is gold. And this kind of delves into that. He's carved his own lane into comedy, I think, because if you're doing stand-up, without a shirt the whole time you automatically make me take a

a Burt Chrysher. Yeah. He definitely had a gimmick that he pulled off. But yeah, so both of those are definitely cool as of the week. And I think I watch some other stuff, but I can't remember what they are right now. So I'll probably jump in in the middle

of feedback or something and say, oh yeah, I watch this too. Brian, you've got a laundry list. You want to jump in or you want to save it? Yeah, I'll jump in. Since I watched that Robert England documentary, each week I'm going to go probably watch one of his older movies out of his filmography. So I started with one.

It was basically a first time watch. I've seen it before, but that was a long time ago. And I think you've seen me post this Lance Strangeland, D. Snyder's Strangeland. Oh. Yeah, my daughter and I watched that together one night, like just randomly found it on cable or late night cable. And just we always call each other. Was it Captain Howdy?

I haven't seen it in a long time, but I remember Loving Robert England did it. Yeah, I'm not going to speak too much about it because I think it'll pop up on our schedule eventually. So it is definitely an interesting movie. I think D. Snyder's trying to make a sequel to it. So I've heard. So I've heard. I got one not cool the week. There's always got to be one.

All I got to say is Ari Aster. They all can't be winners. Bo is, what is it? Bo is afraid. How can you forget that, man? Oh, my God. Lance, I wanted to message you, call you, text you, and just ask you what the fuck is happening in this movie. It's one of those.

It's one of those, but it doesn't let you know if it's real or not. Yes. And then the reveal of what's in, I'll just say the reveal of what's in the fucking addict, I was just like, the fuck is going on in this movie. What's in the attic? What's in the attic? But I will say as far as like cinematography and acting, it was all done really well. It's just the story just lost me. I think if you would have just threw in like a little subtle hint of realism or not, you know, real, you know.

Because I just, I didn't know what to believe. I didn't know the whole thing was in his head or. You didn't like the girl that was eating handfuls of Xanax and then drinking. paint. She was so fucking annoying. When she drank the pain, I was like, fucking thank you. So, yeah, I definitely

out of, what is it, his third film? Yep. The weakest one. By far. Let's see. Checked out Fast X. Oh, that was the one. I watched that too.

Yeah. What'd you guys think? Fucking stupid, ridiculous. Everything you would fucking want in a fast and furious movie. It's stupid fun. You can't take anything serious in a movie. And I have to say, Jason Mamo is probably the fucking best villain out of the entire franchise. It's like, let's go get him.

Yeah. He was like flamboyantly weird. Yeah, he's sitting there painting somebody's nail. like their feet and I'm just like what the fuck are you doing? And then I'm looking at the feet I'm like why do the feet look like that? And then it pans out and it's a dead guy with their eyes all taped open

yeah and he's like now you're gonna want to let that drive right? I had a lot of fun with it there it was over loaded with fucking cameos that probably didn't need to be in there yeah just kind of shoe hunt

own shoe. Oh, Jack Reacher was also there with Jason Momoa the whole time. Yeah. I was excited to see him show up. I like seeing that guy do well. He's a fucking big man. Yes. Fucking large guy. Captain Marvel shows up and you're just like, oh, who is she? Oh, that's Mr. Nobody's daughter. Of course she is because the theme of the series is family. so. And then the chick from suicide squad, rat catcher.

She's a Brazilian racer who happens to be the sister of Dom's son. So she's family. Why the fuck. Rat catcher is family. Yeah. Too bad how it ended though. Tocod man. Too bad polka man wasn't there.

I don't want to go too into spoilers, but like, boy. I mean, they close it up somehow. Well, they filmed this one and the next one as one movie and split it in two. Or else this would have been like a five-hour movie. Good car scenes. Yeah. Always got to have a good car scenes. Yeah.

Phil, checked out your favorite actress, Lulu Wilson. Oh. Rath of Becky. Oh, the new one. Yeah. I was like, there was just something about that first one that made it a little bit magical. I was like, oh, yeah. Stifler.

There's no way it's going to be as good. Stifler as the villain compared to Kevin James. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It doesn't hold up. I mean, they tried to go with the same thing. In this movie, there's the nobleman, which is, of course, is a play on the proud boys. but he just wasn't

evil there are scenes where he tried to just kind of push that he's kind of sinister and you don't want to fuck with him and I'm just watching it like shut up Stiffler oh no he just came off as kind of goofy not goofy it's just

I didn't I was just like Becky's going to fuck you up and it's going to happen and you're not going to really stand up to her and it just after seeing Kevin James and the first one and then seeing him and it's not the same

and then the violence was in my opinion toned down really? Yeah oh that's no fun too bad too bad too bad and they did that stupid thing where they shown someone gets killed and then she's doing like the narration it was like

oh it didn't happen like that no I really do that yeah I'm just like and of course how it really happened is not as good as of course the previous version but yeah I don't

you can skip that one I tell you the machine has got one of the best movie kills I've seen in a very long time just got to tell you okay

it's fantastic you'll know let's see my last two real quick I checked out a couple of shutter movies the first one's Brooklyn 45

set in Brooklyn, 1945, the old military friends get together, and one of them lost her wife. She passed away,

and he wants to, he heard about, like, doing seances and contacting her. Oh, yeah, I scroll past this one. Yeah,

it's, it's a little more on the drama side than the horror side. It's almost like the stuff starts happening after they do the seance, but it's like the,

the seance, supernatural stuff kind of takes a backseat to the story and the reason why they're there and stuff like that. So it's okay, but if you're going in and want like a supernatural, spooky seance type movie, then this is not for you. All right. Brooklyn 45, you said?

Yeah, it has a, what's his name, Lance? Larry Fezden. Oh, yeah, Larry Fessenden. Yeah, yeah, that's his name. Okay, he's always. He's always good, man. I think he's been in like 300 roles or something like that. Yeah, there's a couple of people that when you watch it, you don't know their names, but you're like, hey, I've seen you in like 50 things.

It's that guy. Yeah. And then the other shutter movie I checked out was Influencer. Oh, yeah. I almost watched that. It's pretty decent. This chick, she basically, she lives in Thailand, and, you know, social media,

influencers, you know, they go there and they make videos and vlogs and stuff. She kind of takes over their identity and gets rid of the person she's taken over. And that's pretty much the movie. I have heard about, I heard Scott and Heather talk about this one on Friday. Yeah, it's fine. It's just, there's certain things I don't understand. Like the girl that's taking people's identities, she has a large birthmark on her cheek. I guess it's supposed to

make you think she's not pretty, which it's just a birthmark, but they never bring it up, ever. So I'm like, does the actress actually have this large birth mark or did they put it on for the movie?

Mole. Mole. Wacamole. Brian, I'm going to, I'm going to tell you what my dad always used to tell me. He said, son, it's not the face you fuck, it's the fuck you face. Nah.

It works on so many levels. But it's a decent, like, because, you know, she's taking these people's identities and you just kind of wondering how far is this going to go, is she going to get caught? Sure. That sounds pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah, it's, it wasn't as creepy as what I was

looking for, I think. Oh, you've seen it too. No, I, but I was going to click on it and I'll watch the little trailer for it. It looks like it's interesting, but not what I was in the mood for. Yeah, so, I mean, I think it's worth the watch, especially

out of the two Shudder movies, Brooklyn 45, and this is an influencer, I think I'd rather recommend influencer. Okay. But my guy would have to say, out of all those, my cool of the week would have to be fucking fast

because it's fucking fun. It was fun. It was a lot of fun. It's definitely not the worst Fast and Furious movie. And then, without spoiling, somebody else shows up from the dead at the end, comes up out of the fucking ice in the submarine, and I'm just like, you're fucking dead.

Yeah, but half the characters that movie have died, haven't they? At this point, you have more of a chance of coming back in, like, the Marvel Universe or something, if you're already dead. Yeah, it is real comic-lucky, isn't it? Tony Stark will be in the next. next Marvel movie. And I tried to go to the Flash, but the one time I made it to the theater to watch it, it was completely all the showings were sold out. And so, but you can go over and listen to Ness's ESP at the Movies Review on the Flash. So go ahead and check that out.

We heard anything good or bad about it? I heard it's well it's not much to say but out of the DC movies that have come out it's one of the best okay

but it's that makes sense kind of not making the money I guess really yeah a lot of people were excited about about it

I'm kind of yeah I think it's I think it's making more money internationally than domestically yeah hmm okay

I'm sure that guy kidnapped a girl or something. Yeah. And that's my thing. Like, if you're, I understand if you don't want to see the movie because of that. But I've heard people, I'm not going to name people's names because they do listen to this show. Okay. They would not watch the Flash because of him, but then would praise like a Rosemary's baby and say the director's. Yeah.

You got to, you got to, you can't. I mean. I'm not telling you to pick and you can pick and choose, but. Michael Jackson. True. Sometimes. Because I know there's going to be a, I was just going to say it, Lance, there's going to be a time on this show when we eventually review Jeepers creepers,

and we're probably, it's going to get brought up, but we're going to have to separate art from the artists. Sure. Okay. But then again, it's, if you don't want to see the flash, because of, that I totally understand, but I just think it's kind of weird how some people don't want to see one thing because of this person, but then tell, say, this other movie is the greatest person and it's made by or acted by somebody that's also like a piece of shit. I'm just saying I can understand that being a reason why some people are like, I don't think I'm going to go see that movie. I'll go see a different movie, you know? Yeah. So I get that it's not making a lot of money. Maybe that's not the reason.

I mean, honestly, I don't, I didn't see a whole lot of previews for it. I don't think, I think it's kind of marketing. I think it's partially him. And then I think this movie was, they started making this movie like two, three years ago. And I think the buzz kind of died down. Yeah. And then on top of that, and then on top of that James Gunn, when the new Superman movie comes out, that's the start of the new DC. Oh, okay.

It's kind of like when Fox bought or Marvel bought or Disney bought Fox and they had like one more X-Men movie coming out and everybody was like, who the fuck cares? Who cares? They already gave up on it, right? Yeah. Well, and I think people are also a little burned out on superheroes. Yeah. Like I still haven't seen Guardians 3. Oh, it's fucking good.

I know. I've heard all good about that. I've heard 50-50 about the Flash, but Flash will be on Max. in what a month Brian probably yeah uh if the day keep bringing out to how poor the box office is doing I would probably say probably end of July August so but I'm rambling that's all I got all right so what I got out of that was Brian's cool of the week flash let me get that down yes all right all right man I never thought I'd see the fast X on on our cool of the week list but There it is, boys and girls.

I got a couple of great movies or a couple of good things I've watched this week. And then there's a little hard picking which one was going to be the cool of the week, but I think I've got it. First of all, a little movie that I hadn't seen in a while, but I go back to it every couple of years. It was actually mentioned in one of the films we're going to talk about tonight. The original Friday. Oh, last week. You can't be an Ice Cube and Chris Tucker. man.

You can't just go out of the dayday or whatever. It's not the same. But I was watching this movie guys and I had an idea. I'm like, surely that it's happening. I looked it up to see if it was. I couldn't find articles. So the way they're resurrecting all this stuff, right? Like the Ghostbusters afterlife stuff and Indiana Jones is back, right?

Maybe. I'm hearing bad things about that movie. Well, why can't, again, how's this for an idea? Why can't they get Ice Cube and Chris Tucker back to do a fry? Or Ice Cube's son with somebody that's kind of like Chris Tucker. See, the thing is, Chris Tucker is a little bit more religious in his older age. Okay. So he might not want to do that kind of comedy.

And a lot of people saying with all the people, all the fan favorite characters from that series have a lot of them have passed away. That it probably wouldn't be right. Is John Witherspoon, Tiny Lister. Sure. I can't think of the actor's name. The one that plays Ezel, the little crackhead from the first one. Smoky back in the back to taking the shit.

He passed away recently, so. Oh, man. I think they could make it work. I'd rather see that than, like, some of the shit, they're regurgitating. you know yeah and I also read that it's a rights thing because even though he Ice Cube wrote and created the movie he had to make some kind of deal to get two and three to happen yeah they only made three right yes so I think some I might be wrong but I think in making making a deal to make that movie he kind of lost control of the

property well that makes sense I just dream dream projects one day one day. Yeah, they come back as like dad's in the hood. I mean Chris Tucker and has to get his son in it. Chris Tucker's coming back as they're doing rush hour four.

Oh yeah? I did see that. I did see that. Yeah, when I was trying to fight. So I mean, you never know. He might be nostalgic and want to do another Friday movie. You can call it the final Friday or something. Oh, no. I think that's been done. Oh, man.

Hey, how far are you guys into Black Mirror? I haven't started it. Oh, me neither. I'm two episodes in. I got A.J. hooked. I got her hooked. Yeah, we're going to have to go back and rewatch all seasons one through five now. Oh, she hasn't seen the pig fucker episode.

No, she hadn't seen any of them, man. We did the first in, I think it was called like Joan is awful or something like that. Uh-huh. It's the chick from Schitt's Creek. And she finds out that Selma, Hayek is playing her on a, well, they call it Streamberry, like a Netflix show. That's a really good one, man. I love the twist at the end on that one.

And then the second one, let's see, it's called Locke. That's one with, uh, what's his name from Breaking Bad? Yeah. And no, no, no, no, that's, uh, that's the space one. I haven't gotten to that one yet. You haven't gotten to that one yet. This was, uh, this one took place in, in Scotland. and I mean

dude very much movie quality visuals a lot of great camera work and decent acting you'd had little I think in Game of Thrones what was his name Padrick the little you wanted to be a little squire

he's fucking hilarious he's I can see him doing a lot of a lot of movies he's got quite a sense of humor but yeah it's it's off to good start so it was it was kind of tough but I think I think my cool of the week is gonna have to go to a little finish movie little I don't know what would you

would you call it low budget Brian you know the one I'm talking about so it's got a little B movie quality to it oh that one I still had a scene man I can't believe I have watched that one yeah it's amazing it's everything awesome It's everything everybody told you it was Philip and more. I love the, Brian, I love the chapters. Yes. And they go really fast. It's like, man, before I knew it, the movie was over with,

it felt like it was like 30 minutes long or something. And I was like, the way it started as quickly as the action started up, I'm like, there is no fucking way that he's already running into these Nazis this early in the movie. And they're going to keep me excited, but they did the whole way through. and then you had some other characters came in that they decided they were tired of being messed around with, Brian? Yeah, I liked how they explained, though, how he ended up running into the Nazis, though,

because the war was coming to an end and other allies were coming to fight against them, and they were basically being moved this way, and he'd come in the opposite direction. So, yeah. And they proved my point why they're the best villains. because they immediately get fucking real shitty. Of course they do, right?

Glorious gore, by the way, Philip. Well, they're Nazis. That's their job. Yeah, but Nazis, man. Yeah. They show almost 100 years later. They show a woman climbing out of a back of a truck and then a Nazi gets out. So you already know what happened.

You already know what's going on, Phil. you within seconds. And he's zipping up his pants. Seconds, you already want him to die. And I think that's the one that is, it's in the trailer. I think he's the one that gets the knife in the head. Oh, geez. Oh, okay.

There's some great kills. Top ten, top ten movie. Brian, do you think? Or it's too early to say? It's, oh, that's a good question. It might be in that bottom half. so okay yeah it's uh still want to watch it rewatch it it's definitely uh rewatchable because it's the kills are fun and thank you uh definitely should check it out phil yeah definitely

well black mirror's got to be first and then i'm definitely watching that you won't be disappointed with either one for sure i don't know about the other uh black mirror episodes yet i know the next one with pink and then it is like an hour and 25 minutes long guys. They're all out, right? Yeah. Oh yeah. They put them all out at once. I've just seen the first two. They're right at 55 minutes to an hour each.

So they're kind of like short films, but this third one is longer. So I'm looking forward to it. Cool. So, Brian, you got any news going on? We get a Friday reunion by chance.

I'll keep you posted on that one. All right. Let's see. start with a little bit of TV. I've never heard of this show. It's on Paramount Plus School Spirits. I've heard of it. It's renewed for a second season, so somebody's watching it. Somebody's watching it. I guess the biggest TV news is Linda Hamilton

has joined the cast of Stranger Things Five. She got to stop judgment day? She's going to stop. back then. Oh, what if they did cast her for that? Huh? What if they did cast her? Because isn't it basically like judgment days happening at the end of Stranger Things

For? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Open to something like that. Maybe she's, so they changed the timeline and now she's there to stop this judgment day. Yes. It's all part of the same universe. instead of like Sarah Conner's

they'll name her like something like Sarah O'Connell or something as long as Arnold shows up I'm happy oh wait I checked out the first episode of Fubar finally oh yeah I'm gonna stick with it it's not the best CGI stuff going on

but it's just fun seeing Arnold play this basically I'll go through this real quick basically he's an agent like a special spy agent whatever the fuck he is

and he's retiring and he gets called back in because one of their agents covers blown and he needs to go in and get her out and he ends up finding out that his daughter has been an agent

for the past 10 years and neither one of them have known each other's been an agent Huh, that's interesting. Like true lies then. Yeah. Yeah. True lies meets the fast and the furious.

True lies with family. Like he thinks she's just been living this like going to school and whatever life. And she thinks he's been like some kind of, I don't know what he was supposed to be like some kind of salesman or something. Pencil salesman or something. She doesn't really think the highest of her dad because her, her and the mom, him and the mom got divorced and really it's because, you know, he's off doing mission. So that's why he was never home. And so I like that.

Sounds great, man. Yeah, I love the premise. It's already a greenlit for a second season. Okay. Look at. Arnold's back. Yep. All right.

All right, let's get back to, let's see. Kieran Shipka, she was, what's that? Sabrina, the Teenage Witch, Netflix. Okay. Oh, yeah. She's going to be in a new time-traveling slasher movie, a Reddit R-slasher movie, called Totally Killer. But of course. Yeah.

That has the potential to be awful. Scraping the bottom of the barrel for this. It's, uh, uh, might be it. A Good Girl's Guide to Murder starring Wednesday's Emma Myers New BBC series Okay

Yeah Okay Um Sometime this week We're gonna get a teaser For the walking dead Darrell Dixon Did anybody watch

A Maggie and Eon series That came out over the weekend No Told you I wasn't going to Man You didn't believe me I kind of If you get AMC plus

You get the episodes early I have AMC plus I've seen them there I kind of was like Okay you haven't watched like the last three seasons The Walkin' Dead Should you watch it just to see what it is And then I was just like

No I keep scrolling Yeah That one got played out too Now that you talk about it Brian I think when we're done recording I'm going to check out I can't hit myself See in my mind

Don't do it Lance In my mind In my mind in the beginning of the series They're going to do a recap Of how they got there And then I won't have to watch those last couple seasons I don't think they'll do that man I think they'll pick up like time jump

Six months or a couple of years I don't know we'll see You got me curious now Brian the first one's free right as they say well if you got AMC plus first one's free just to give you a little taste

I am not seeing any news this is the trailer part this is kind of maybe bad news potentially Mike Flanagan said he's optimistic that his Stephen King series is even going to happen okay well

I don't know maybe it's him moving from Netflix to Amazon so he thinks it will happen I think he's optimistic yeah before it seemed like it was set in stone

it seemed like they made it seem like it was set in stone when they first announced it but now it's optimistic wow man that that dude knows Stephen King he knows Stephen King like the back was in. So nobody would,

nobody could do it better, I don't think. Yeah. That's, that's it. Mads Mickelson. He's trying to, yeah, he's, that's the news. He's trying to get a final season or

at least a movie made to wrap everything out. So, that'd be cool. Yeah. I'll bet, I'll bet it happens. If they did a movie, I'd watch the rest of the seasons. Yeah. He's, He's also optimistic, but he's also kind of saying that the time's kind of running out to get it done.

Yeah. Well, right, writer's strike going on as we speak, right? Yeah, nothing's going on. He makes a good Hannibal. He makes a good lot of things. I really like Mads Nicholson. Mm-hmm. All right.

That's it. Ready for the trailer park, boys. Let's go. All right, Brian is going to bring us the big, the small, and sometimes the very weird. What's the one trailer again tonight, am I right, Brian, or did I miss one? One trailer, things have been again slow. But we got a new horror trailer, a big budget one from Lionsgate called Cobweb. We'll read the synopsis because I kind of didn't understand what was going on in the trailer.

I didn't either. I'm not the only one. Yeah. Let's see. Horror strikes when an eight-year-old boy named Peter tries to investigate the mysterious knocking noises that are coming from inside the walls of his house and a dark secret that his sinister parents are keep or have kept hidden from him. Hmm.

This stars. Lizzie Kaplan, Anthony Starr, aka Homelander from the boys. Oh, that's you that was. Yeah. Cleopatra Coleman, who we last seen her in Infinity Pool. And the young kid's name is Woody Norman. His name is Woody. And a thing that never clicked for me, Lizzie Kaplan was from Mean Girls.

Wait, there's another. Yeah, she was hung out with the gay guy. Yeah. I never clicked that that was her. Like, I've seen her in a ton of things. And then Rose was telling me, we're watching. of mean girls and she was like yeah that's the same girl and I was like wait what wait give me a second there is a kid that's also on the cast list named Luke Busey and he

looks like a Bucie could it be could it be the third generation hopefully the crazy jeans passed down I'm not seeing he's got no trivia or nothing what's his name again Luke Busey. Luke Bucy. All right. Let me look here and see what I can what I can find on the intranets. You don't just look accidentally like Gary Bucy. He looks just like him.

I mean, if he was spreading the seat around, you could accidentally look like. He was played back an easygoing Jake and Disney Channel bumped. Bucy was born into the business as son of actor Gary Bucy and actor Stephanie Sampson. Wait, there it is. Gary's still having kids? I guess so. I guess they froze that sperm or something. Wow.

I mean, Al Pacino and Robert De Niro, they just both, I think, in the past week had newborns. That's true. They're 100 years old. William Shatner? He's got kids you don't know about Lance. I'm sure. I'm sure he's big

in the convention scenes. You think? He's drinking his cream de ment at the bar and all the women are coming up to him, I'm sure. Let's see. This is also directed by Samuel Bowden. Let's see what he's

done. He has done. Nothing I recognize. So this is Seems like his big shot from Lionsgate to do this movie. I'll jump in. It looks creepy, but it looks confusing because I don't know

if it has to do with spiders. The parents are just fucking crazy, or there's someone living in the walls. I don't fucking know what's going on. All three we've seen before. Or demons. Demons, let's throw those in there. Yeah.

ghosts why not yeah ghosts ghosts ghost or demons are some kind of mix of the two i think personally you got the scene a little kid waking up and his mom's like coming at him in the hallway then it goes dark and then of course you get the jump scare of her and then she's got crazy eyes so i'm like that's why i see that yeah oh the possession aspect yeah but then they have then the title cobwebs which i was thinking maybe there's something in the attic or something No. But then you see spiders. So I'm like, is it a big spider knocking on the wall?

If it's a big spider knocking on the wall, we got to have Nez because Nez loves spider movies. Oh, man. Favorite all the time. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. I don't think it's just like Cobwebs connect everything together, like all these different weird. It could be great. I mean, it could be like a back by the skeletons in your closet.

That could very well be, man. I guess that's kind of cool, right? That we don't know what it's about, but it has a good look to it. And it's from the same team that put out a barbarian. Yeah. I love the trailer. I think it was great. They used the knocking in it as like a...

Anytime they do that, you know, I always like it when they do like the gunshots on action movies and they do it to the beat. So they're just doing that with the knocking on this one. But it was a solid trailer. It looks like it's going to be a pretty decent movie. Yeah, I agree. I think it might go on the schedule. Let's see. July 21st, it might not go on the schedule.

We're kind of filled up in July, but. We'll figure something out. Maybe we'll catch it in August. Full of the week. Yeah. All right. That was it. All right.

Hopefully it'll, news and trailers will pick up as we get into July, but it's just kind of dead right now. All right. Well, on to listener feedback. This week, we shine the podcast spotlight on 18 Night Goals. A pretty hate machine and crazy sexy ghoul. Discuss all things horror and sci-fi. We will feature guest filmmakers, musicians, friends, and more. Join us, if you dare.

18 Night Ghouls. That sounds pretty cool. And I'm sorry, I'm a little confused. I don't know if it's 18 or supposed to be L8, like late night. Oh, late night. Nightgoals. That's probably it because pretty hate machine is H8. Ah, okay.

All right. That'll do it. My bad. And we have some more feedback on our poll show. Should Devon Sawa play Freddy? And B. Germain says Moose as Nancy.

As long as they're both in it. Moose should just come out playing moose, I think. That would be great. He's like ghost moose. just, yes. So we're just repurposing the cast from Fanatic? Why not? We never did ours.

His friend, that was the photographer, she might as well just be Johnny Depp's character. I like it. Tim Davis says, ha, ha, ha, holy shit, I need this now. Zim Vader says, I'll declare it a 10 before it's even being made. There you go. I mean, that's strong words.

Yeah. From two strong men down under. Regarding subspecies five, Florida horror scenes says I could just never get into the subspecies series. Don't blame you. Yeah. The more I'm kind of reading up, because I think I'm still going to dive into it just to see what it is. But it just kind of seems like if you didn't watch them as it came, out.

I think people later on and made it harder for them to be fans of the series. Oh, I got you.

See, I could see that. I can see that. But Brian, we all know you're a completest. So now we know

you've seen the first one, so we're going to all bet that you're going to see all the rest. Yeah, I got them all on my

queue. They're all on a think screen box. In the previously unreleased subspecies 27.

Yes. So, hey, screen box, does that have a lot of Charles Band stuff then? Does it tend to have a lot of... Lately it has. Full Moon. But if you're looking for some Charles Band stuff, shoot over to Tooby. Ah. Okay.

Or Full Moon has their own streaming thing, but that's just too much. To be fair, that's too much. To be fair, you should just watch Charles Band on To Be. regarding cocaine shark Cameron Sullivan says they just couldn't help themselves Zim Vader says now we're talking no when I seen the poster from Cracoon

now we're talking right it's a movie and really one of the actresses in the movie is in our Facebook group really oh man I thought it was totally a fake poster. Craccoon is happening.

We're going to have to check it out then, right? I was going to mention that. I didn't know if it was real or not. That's awesome. Although, you know, cocaine shark kind of makes more sense than cocaine beer, because I'm sure there's a shitload of stuff that gets dumped in the ocean. Well, I also think Craccoon makes sense because

somebody threw some crackaway and they're digging in the trash. That's true. My dog got out one time, ate a bunch of trash, and came back all fucked up. Oh, boy. He was wobbling. And there's a, what did I see? Caddy hack.

No. Yeah, takes place with caddies at a golf course. Caddy crack. I mean, we laugh and we laugh and we joke these low-budget horror movies, but they have fun putting together some of this stuff. They're making them. We ain't.

We're not even doing our short of the fanatic too, so we got no room. Back to Sharknado territory. I like it. And let's welcome our new members, Scott White, Shalrella Sasha, and Aaron Rose Hoyberg. Aaron said thank you so much. Very happy to be here. And Michael Brighton. Michael said thank you. And I've just let people know, sorry to cut you off, Phil. If you do not answer the questions to get into Facebook group, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to consider you a bot. A bot, yeah.

You will not be denied immediately. There are simple questions. Like how many lamp posts are in this picture? I've had a lot of people not answer the question. It's just what's your favorite horror movie? What's your favorite genre and horror? A lot of people are like, go Halloween and slasher. You know, that's all you got to put.

Yeah. We don't want no bots, man. We don't want to have to call Sarah Connor, right? Exactly. She'll just destroy everything. Regarding the podcast that wouldn't die, Cameron Sullivan says, love you all. He love you too. All right.

Regarding Nightbreed, Kitty Rage says, I love this movie. Been a minute since I've seen it. And I used to get so mad about the guy that cut his scalp apart because it's anatomically incorrect. I'm like, where's the skull? Hey, at least she and I agree, I assume a she. Yeah. I think I was the only one that liked nightbreed out of the group, safe to say. No, I like nightbreed too.

Oh, that's right. Okay, me and you. And I have to say that they are doing night shift and not night shift. is they're doing night shift and nightbreed for the show yeah gotta give it a listen for sure I think I was listening to one and they said it was our fault that they're doing it and no you guys love the movie so much

you're doing it again yeah no spoilers on scores given right no even though I felt like you met your match on that episode man yeah big tell yeah I'm getting knocked out of the ring on that one And regarding Strangeland, there you go. Adam Bunch says,

underrated fun flick and a killer soundtrack. Yeah, the soundtrack's not bad. It's definitely 90s of his time or whenever it came out with. Regarding Winnie the Pooh, Winnie the Pooh, Blood, and Honey. Ryan Stevens says it was so bad, except for the animated parts.

Those were superb. Ryan. Ryan, my guy. Not throwing shots that you would. Let me know something that you do like, because he comments on a lot of, there's a lot of stuff he does not. He even comments when I post,

I'm watching a wrestling pay-per-view. Yeah. And tells me how much he hated it. Like, this is all fucking off my lawn. Ryan. Right. Let us know what you do like. Maybe we'll end up reviewing it for the show.

Regarding white noise, I remember that one. Zim Vader says, stupid tagline. What was the tagline? I don't know, but I'm looking up later. Nobody makes that live or something like, I don't know. That's it for listener feedback. Our show intro and all of our new logos come from Steve Carlton from the geeks. and be on the lookout for some more great stuff from him.

Our original skull artwork comes from Natsulani. And if you'd like to help us out, please consider becoming a Patreon patron. Let you pick the movies for a future show at any amount, and for $5 or more a month, also pick commentary for a future bonus show. Is that debate happening? Because I heard you, I heard he kind of called you out again on one of the live streams. Well, we got to make our schedules hooked up, hook up, man.

You got to talk to the Honorable Judge Steve Carlton. That's who's residing over everything. Is he? Is he the one? Yep. And he promises to be he has no, as he put it. Yeah, he says he has no, no pick or nothing. So another thing we promised that we got to make happen kind of like the,

the fanatic too oh some people some people are starting to get their coosies they're trickling out I've seen that well look at that give us a dollar you get an awesome coozy and pick

some shows and do a commentary and do a commentary on to featured attractions this week we check out the brand new the blackening as well as a haunted house I don't need my Bible you're gonna bless her

Well, yeah, I blessed this joint. Mm-hmm. Right out of their first chronicles. I haven't done many exorcism, but I don't think that's appropriate. Oh, yeah, I get it. I get it. I can fix that door right now. I got a little something to make it go out. That's a demon party.

Yeah, look out. What is this, 1988? You know what I'm saying? Just one demon? Because I feel like we get exercise. Yeah. What? I take on a whole team of demons.

What you do is get all the demons in one room and get rid of them all at once. Do a collective demon gathering. I mean, just walk on people doing. How you doing? How you doing? We're talking about the Lord today. You got demons up in there. What's up?

We'll start with a haunted house. Malcolm and Keisha move into their dream house. Then learn that a demon also resides there. Oh, I already see Bryans. I already see the wheels turning, guys. When Keisha becomes. possessed, Malcolm determined to keep his sex life on track, turns to a priest, a psychic, and a ghost busting team for help. I don't know if that's the best description of the movie, but it's paranormal activity spoof.

Director is Michael Tiddies. It's probably the best thing about this movie. Also known for a haunted house suit and 50 shades of Black. Writers are Marlon Wands and Rick Alvarez. That's probably not how you say Michael Titty's name, but that's

it is today. Despite being panned by the critics, the film nevertheless took over $60 million at the box office from a budget of just $2.5 million. Sixty? Yeah. Wow.

Okay. Nick Swartson was nominated for a Golden Raspberry for worst supporting actor for his work in this film. Are you kidding me? He's so fucking bad. It's great. Differing opinions tonight, guys. All right, Brian. What did you think of a haunted house?

He hated this movie so funny. He hated it. Oh, my gosh. I tried to watch it. it earlier last week and I had to shut it off and then today before I'm sure you did I guess I paid for it talk to me later about that one I finished watching it today right before we recorded and man it's fucking stupid and it keeps going and going I just kind of had to expect that from Marla Wayne's movie

yeah but it's it's kind of the problem well i won't say nothing about the next movie we were reviewing but some some comedies they need to be shorter compact just kind of you know kind of just brief and just move along real fast and this just had too many moments where it died

i'm not going to lie there was a couple of times where i laughed i do i did like i'm not going to say i don't like marla wayans but i i used to be a big fan of him and his brother when they had their TV show. Oh, yeah, I used to watch it all the time. Yeah, so

I do like Marlon. It's just I don't care for his comedy now that he's older. And there's just too many, some of the best parts came too late in the movie. Like, to me, the best part was fucking not Nick Swartson.

No? It was... George was funny in this one. You'll get your chance, Phil. It was a fucking, um, Cedric Dan, entertainer. Oh, yes. But he didn't come in

until like the last 15, 20 minutes of the movie. Yeah, he was definitely the best part of the movie. It was a David Kekner. I liked him in the movie, but he was, he's probably in a movie for like 10 minutes. Well, at least he made a couple of appearances,

you know? Yeah. So the movie heavily relied on Marlin and I don't even know. I don't even Essence Atkins. She's fucking annoying. She's easy on the eyes, she's easy on the eyes, but she's fucking annoying.

Okay. And she's not funny. They should have got a comedic actress to play that role. I'm convinced they only got her for her looks, because I've seen her in a couple of other things, and she's not great. Yikes.

Let me see. I like the couple, their best friends, the swinging couple. Oh, yeah. I wanted more of them, but it's like all the side characters I wanted more of, except Nick Swartson.

You've done better. But, yeah, it just heavily relied on Marlin and the lead actress. And a stuffed animal. That was funny. Yeah, but that scene I felt like kind of went on for 10 minutes, man.

I didn't need to see that. Yeah, I mean, I can see that why we make the money it did, because this came out in the time when like scary movie and all these epic movie, not another teen movie, like all these spoof movies were like the thing back then. So I can see. I feel like they had kind of died off by then. Although they were still making a bunch of them. I just kind of stopped watching them.

I think this caught the ass end of all that. No pun intended. Because I'm pretty sure if I look it up, I would doubt that a haunted house two made the same money. Oh, for sure not. I didn't even know there was one. Oh, there was that whole opening scene in the car when he's going, Jaime, get out of the car, Jaime? What you doing, Jaime?

It's a ghost in here. Hi me? What did you say, $60 million for this one? Yeah. Yeah. The second one box office, uh, 25.3 and had double the budget. Well, either way, still made money. Yeah.

I'm not, I'm just outside of like maybe the first scary movies and then, or the first two scary movies and then going back further, like airplane and naked gun. Oh, yeah. Yeah. parody spoof movies. Like, I just, I could never get into them because they're just, it's a little too silly for me. And I'm getting older. I'm getting older now, so I'm getting more into my Clint Eastwood,

get off my lawn. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, because, like, the first couple of scary movies were pretty great and, like, really funny. And they just sort of, I don't know. They, I guess they had their time, and the market sort of got oversaturated. And you can't even really make the same jokes that they used to.

Yeah. And then they, they, they, they, They lost the Wayans and they brought in, like, Lindsay Bowen and Charlie Sheen. And I'm just like, it's not the same. Yeah. Lance, what do you think about this one? Man, you guys, you guys know who my favorite family is in entertainment. It's not the Scarsguards.

It's not the Busees. It's not the Jacksons. It is the Wayans. There's like fucking 12 of them. I've almost never. I've always never, I will defend little man to my dying breath. Fucking love that movie, man.

Love Mike Chicks. Everything they've done. But upon rewatch and especially for paying $4.99 to rent this, Brian, I kind of see your point, man. This is just more of a Marlon Wayans one-man show, you know, like you said, a few characters popping in here and there. Um, man, uh, okay, so I do like what they did with David Ketchster's character. I thought it was going to be a little bit more sublime at first because he started with that microaggression.

Where he says, uh, you, you, you don't live here. You can't, you know, and you're like, okay, he's that, that's, we get it, but it's not like hit you over the head with it. And then when he goes into the, what do you make it on the grill there? I'll bet you're grilling up. So grill and fried. Grilled fried chicken. from creling fried chicken. And then he's like, let me say it.

Let me say it one time. Let me say, no, that's not cool. That is not cool, man. I'll let you say Cracker. See, it's funny. It's funnier with the side characters. And then at the end when Cedric to entertain, like they're going through the different apartments and then the swinging couple's in there.

And she's getting gang banged. And then Cetrick did entertainers. is like, is that a mandingo party? It's like all the funny moments to me personally was just all the side characters. Yeah, for sure. Agreed. Yeah, we totally agree on that.

Yeah, sorry, the two main characters for me were just kind of, yeah, it was just too, it was too much. They could have cut an hour out of this. They could have made like a 30 minutes short, right, with all the side characters coming in. I definitely, I'm not a huge fan of any of the paranoia. normal activity stuff. So it's not going to hurt my feelings when people make fun of those movies because,

you know, I'm not a huge fan. But, uh, and I don't, I don't know. I think we're in agreement on this one. It's,

uh, it's not a, it's not a very good movie. It is not a good, it is not a good movie. Uh, yeah, and,

you know, I didn't really expect it to be a good movie. You know, I went into this knowing it was going to be a schlocky. I was like, I agree to hear. Scary movie 15. or whatever.

And did it deliver? But you like Swartson? Yeah. Well, I like Nick Schwartson and everything that he's in. I like his ridiculousness. But I sort of enjoyed myself. I definitely see where you're coming from because the Marlon Wayans trying to hold that show by himself was went way long. Painful.

Yeah, the fucking the stuffed animal on the bed was, it was funny, it was funny, but like, it just kept going. I'm like, what is this thing to end? Just like the first night when they were, they were sleeping in the bed, she farted. Right. Yeah. You know, it's funny. And then she farts again. And then she parts again. Yeah. And then now we're into like the six or seven fart. And I'm like, okay, we get it. She farts in bed. and they're like air bubble pops up

but she does. Oh boy. But yeah, the side characters definitely carried this movie because they were all so ridiculous and I think had we had more of them it would have been a better overall movie.

Cedric the entertainer stole the show. Yeah, I forgot if I dumb. He was so great. I like I like his tramp stamp stamp. Yeah, I know. Got this imprisoned. I had to earn this.

I bet he did. I bet he did. He broke that cocaine out. Yeah. That's like his version of Holy Water. Yeah. Every line that Cedric the Entertainer delivered was fucking perfect. Nick Schwartson, I liked him, especially in that scene where they're, they all end up in the basement and it's dark.

and he's like walking around naked lights come back on and he's like, dude, where's your pants? Hey. But yeah, it definitely had its comedy and there was a time for these movies

and I'm happy that time is mostly over. It definitely was. It's not going to be on a top ten list anytime soon. All right. scores, Brian, what you think? Two. Two.

Ouch. Wow. I give two for the side characters and the fact that they made a movie. Lance, what do you think? Man, I got at least go, I got at least give it a Garrett Collins. I'll go four on ten. Not good. Not good by any stretch of the imagination.

nation, but, you know, Pedro likes to say nostalgia is a hell of a drug. I always say the weigh-ins are a hell of a drug. So what can I, what can I say? I got a lot of laughs out of it. And I did love the swinging couple. And that guy just would not take a fucking hint. He's like, well, normally we don't have to chase this hard. I'm going to go, I'm going to go five and a half. Wow. I didn't hate it. it. I mean, I didn't love the movie, but it was it was a whole lot better than I expected it to be. I've never seen it before. Yeah. Okay. All right. So Brian, the low man on the total pole, that may be the first time. I'm sure it has been the first time. It happens. Uh, on to the blackening, 2023. At least we know it's working. Probably runs on racism.

No, that is one battery that ain't dying, no time-sad. Oh, that's so powerful about that, baby. Pick a card. Okay, calm down, I just did. Yeah, you better watch how you're talking to my lady, okay? Okay. What you got? You are a black character in a horror movie. Prove that you can stay alive.

Name one black character that survived a horror movie. You must answer correctly. Or you die. Stephen Black and friends go away for the weekend and end up trapped in a cabin with a killer who has a vendetta, Where their street smarts and knowledge of horror movies helped them stay alive? Probably not. Street smarts?

What movie did they see? I don't know. Yeah, that wasn't the movie that I saw. Director is Tim Story, also known for Barbershop and the Sam Jackson version of Shaft. Two great movies, both of them. Writers are Tracy Oliver and Dwayne Perkins. played himself in the movie played himself

literally uh Dieter plays the park ranger his uh name bag his name badge identifies him as

B white all right the blackening Brian what you think I had fun with this movie I did have my problems with it um overall the positives first

um I thought some of the comedy was smart. They touched on a lot of tropes and a lot of issues, but they didn't beat you over the head with it. It was just kind of boom, boom, boom. Like they would say something,

somebody would hit back with something. And I'm like, okay, that's of the times, but it's funny. And you're not just running all over me with, you know, agendas and stuff like that. I thought that was pretty cool. I thought the cast was funny

for the most part. I did see the, I'm doing air quotes, twist. I saw that coming from the moment. The character

was introduced in the movie. I'm a little disappointed with the kills because it was pretty much the same thing over and over

through the movie. And there were times when I kind of felt like this movie was running a little too long, which I kind of

feel like comedy should just be 90 minutes and just kind of super tight and just, you know, quick and fast. Yeah, get in and get out. Get the jokes. Because there was one, I'm not going to spoil it now,

there was one part of the movie where somebody was monologue in and the outcome of that was funny from the monologue in, and then they did it again. Yes. And it was, okay, we're doing the same thing again. competitive began.

Yeah, and it was just at times when, and then there's a certain character that killed off real quickly, and he was like the most recognizable one to me. Oh, yeah, far enough. And I was just like, what the fuck are we doing? Well, but they made a joke about it when they did it. Yeah. I mean, yeah, they did.

Yeah, for the most part, I enjoyed it. I thought it was funny. It just could have been probably shaved like 15, 20 minutes off the runtime. just to tighten things up. And I thought a lot of the comedy was smart and funny and, yeah, decent movie. More, definitely more on the comedy side than horror. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, definitely more on the comedy side.

Yeah, I wouldn't call this a horror comedy. I'd call this a comedy horror. Yeah. Well, that was to be expected, I think. Lance, what do you think? Oh man, I went into this movie, like the first, that opening scene, right? The first 10 minutes or so. I got all the anxiety that they were feeling, and there's a lot of anxiety laced through this movie.

So if it's like a little bit more, you know, under the cover, some of it's a little bit more obvious with some of the things that are said. But I enjoyed it. I thought, okay, well, we're going to actually at first I thought maybe we were going to get kind of like the scream beginning. I didn't realize that the storylines were linked without, you know, I'm trying not to say too much. I will say that when they went into that creepy room and they opened that fucking game and that weird-looking dial on the game

and the board and everything, I was like, okay, this is pretty fucking well done. I thought, I'd like where this is going. This is going to be a great horror movie. We're going to get fantastic gory kills. We're going to get incredibly, a vast array of different weapons killing people off. Hell, jigsaw type shit might even

pop into play here, right? Oh, yeah. So I was anticipating all this, just from that opening scene. And guys, boy, did this movie fucking proceed to let me down. I mean, Jesus, Christ, the same kills, the same. And then the characters you got, yeah, I mean, was there some good acting? Of course there was. But a lot of these people, I just kind of thought they were, they were like,

almost overdoing, like the typecast. And, well, like, Cabin in the Woods does that, right? But I don't know, just a little bit differently. Something about this movie, I was like, and we're going a little too far with, like, typecasting characters and stuff like that. What happened at the end, the whodunit thing? I saw it coming just like you, Brian,

from the very, very, very beginning of the movie. I just thought it was just such a great opportunity here, man, and it was squandered. Maybe because, what was it? Dwayne Perkins. Uh-huh. He wrote, this was originally just a sketch. Yeah, but we've seen great sketches.

I mean, we've seen good sketches, you know, turn into, turn into good movies before, you know? Not, not usually, though, right? Usually you like McGruber and stuff like that or Night at the Rocksbury. Wouldn't terrible. You know, you don't get that many. Roxbury. For everyone, Wayne's World, you get like 10 of those, right? I like Wayne's.

Oh, I love Wayne. That's what I mean. Wayne's World turned into a great. You're naming off all winners to me, Lance. Oh, okay. Well, shit. I misspoke then. Let me put it to you this way.

I would have rather seen a man on film movie or, you know, any skit from in living color. Here, I'm going back to the way in's altar again to, I guess, sacrifice a lamb or whatever. But I don't know, man. This to me, like I said, I just thought there was going to be such a great setup. What a great opportunity for like a real. Kills and, you know, was this movie PG-13? Because it sure didn't feel like... They said fuck way too many times for it.

Okay. I guess so. I guess so. But, man, I'm trying to think of something positive to say about it, but I'm just... I don't know, I feel like I got Ropa Dope, man. Like, the first 10 minutes were amazing and super creepy. And then... Yeah, I totally see what you're saying.

They, in that whole opening, they sold you on a horror movie and you got a comedy. the rest of the movie. This was comedy people that probably should stay in the comedy lane. I'm thinking. You know, you didn't need to have the horror element. And if you're not going to give us horror, don't sell us horror, I guess, is what I'm saying.

Or at least pick a lane and roll with it. You know, like maybe a little more comedy or a little more horror. They sort of mixed them and mashed them. Yeah. I mean, I kind of knew what I was getting into when I went to see this because it's comedy horrors or horror comedy.

whichever one you want to call them. They're very hard to do because you've got to balance that. Yeah, but I feel like if you're really going for comedy, which I feel like, especially this cast, should have been doing, even the horror parts should have been more funny, maybe. Although they definitely had some funny parts. I don't want to give too much away. I'll say, okay, so you had like the typecast, you know, the gay guy, right?

And then I'm, you know, then you had the typecast, oh, you know, I'm the one that all the ladies like, but I'm a player. And I don't know, man. To me, the characters were too simply written, and the kills weren't, you know, at all, the kills weren't even somewhat. As far as it felt like the characters were typecast because they were playing off the tropes of each. Absolutely, like Cabin and the Woods did. But it's no, it's not, but it's still not forgiven, like, the opportunity they missed,

especially with the kills. Because, like I said, without spoiling how they were killed, it was that method. and then that method again and then that method again and I think maybe one person died by different means and it was off camera Oh yeah

So yeah That was a good part though Yeah good good way To describe it without getting too Spoilery Yeah But that's it man I thought I was getting

Something that I wasn't getting I guess you know I'd love the beginning But you know after that I don't know Maybe a lot of the same stuff over and over again for me. Yeah, I wanted to like this more than I did. I feel like I sort of kept giving it

opportunities and it was just the same kills, kind of the same jokes. They definitely had some funny part. Dwayne Perkins was pretty awesome in this movie. He makes me want to go do Molly. Yeah. Him and then I forget the character's name, the one that did Adelman. role oh yeah like are you are you guys is this good are you guys advertising drugs in this movie because it's like amazing but it was like the the racism jokes just picked up from the beginning to to the end it was like racism racism racism racism and like to the point to where i thought that they were going to turn the corner and say something different about it in the end and nope it was on black Christmas level of hitting me over the head with it for me.

No, I totally did. I disagree. You've gone too far. Yeah, you've crossed the line. You brought up Black Christmas. I didn't hate this one as much as I hated Black Christmas. I'll tell you that. Oh, okay.

That's saying a lot. You brought up Black Christmas again, Philip, you've got to be stopped. But I definitely didn't fucking like it. And as Nes was here, he'd hold out his copy. If Nez was here, he'd pull out his copy. I'm sure. Yeah. But yeah, we'll get into spoilers on some more stuff.

Brian, what do you think? What do you think on score? After thinking about it and seeing the total, that it was the horror and comedy was not balanced. And I felt like agree with you, Lance. They kind of missed the opportunity. And I did find some of the comedy funny. And I found the cast funny. I do wish they would have kept a certain, we'll talk about him and spoilers cast member alive.

Yeah. Because he is. So they did the screen thing, right? They took the most famous person. Maybe, well, maybe kind of makes sense. But with all that being said, I kind of wish they would have cut a good little 20, 15, 20 minutes out of it. And I think it would have tightened everything up. See that.

I can see that. but comedy horror horror comedy is very hard to do so i'm going to have to give it a six not bad not bad better than a haunted house just a little bit uh lance what do you think man i gave a haunted house uh four oh man i so here i was like teetering on this one because there is some clever stuff in here for sure and it's again, I love the, don't get me wrong, I fucking love the takes that they had on anxiety. And there's certain anxieties, you know, the people, I mean, everybody has different anxieties, right? Based on where you come from, what your background is, what's been hammered in, you know, what you've grown up knowing, what you've grown up actually experiencing.

So see, I took all that into account. But then I thought, okay, if it is a Saturday night and I've had a joint or I've had a six-pack, am I going to put this movie on? or am I going to put in a haunted house? And a haunted house goes over this one. So I got to go three on ten, guys. Three on ten for me. And I'll be low man here. I can't remember what I gave Black Christmas.

This one gets a... I can. I think it got negative points. This one, I'll give it a two, because it definitely had some funny parts. So this is your haunted house. Yeah, I like the cast. They had some, there was definitely some good parts. it just, you know, kind of couldn't decide what it wanted to do, I guess.

Spoilers. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. All right.

Is there any point in the fucking movie where somebody could have picked up something other than a bow and error or a crossbow? Oh, shit. I know. So much opportunity, man. Yeah. I just wanted to see all the creepy shit like when that TV came on and then there was that

very racist looking character right on the game gameplay which by the way didn't make it through the whole movie the fucking game died before you know half the movie was done with which really does the game I thought it was funny

that they were asking these specific questions yeah but the the consequences for not answering the questions was not there. Yeah.

Let that person out the room. Right. And then I'm sitting there, I'm like, let me guess they're going to use the crossbow on him. Mm-hmm. It should have been keep these style of questions, because I thought that was hilarious that they were asking these

questions, especially the beginning. We didn't even mention the character that shouldn't have got killed. Was that Jay Farrow. Yeah. He should have survived. You know, the asking, you know, name two black characters that survived. And of course, he just names the ones he remembers and he says

Mackay Fyper, was it Macai Fifee? No, Omar Eps and Jada Pinkett from Scream 2. Right. He didn't even talk about the, what was it, Dream Warriors? Where you had a black character living Dream Warriors and

of course everybody talks about Hello Cool J. Hello, Cool Jee from Halloween H-2-0. Yes. But there was no... I felt like you should have kept that style of questioning for the games that they got it wrong. Then they... That person gets let out the room and then they go into this kind of saw-style trap or something. That would have been great.

Not just shoot them with a fucking crossbow again. Yeah. And the only time someone got killed with something else was... She was basically like the main character, the one that was supposed to be like the attorney. Uh-huh. that had relationship with the one guy. Player. Yeah.

Yes. Yeah. She beat one of the killers. It was more than one killer. She beat one of them to death. Practically smashed his head with the candlestick. And they didn't show it. Yeah.

That was actually pretty cool. They just ain't fucking clue. They'd only shown it. At least she was brutal, man. You know, that's what I wanted to see in the whole movie. And it was a call back to. the candlestick because they were laughing at her yeah we're picking a candlestick

and they said what are you playing clue professor mustard and all right one of the jokes it was pretty good I thought it was funny the gangstead dude he looks over and he's like you see this is why I married a white chick and I

that one part was funny when the player guy he's shooting a gun he's got his he's got the guns he's holding it sideways and then the one guy like straightens. Yeah. That was funny. See, there was, I think there was a lot of clever comedy.

It's just that you're trying to play this balancing game with horror. And it's just like the, you're trying to bring in the horror crowd. And I just felt kind of left. I was there for the comedy, too. I knew what I was getting into. But I was just kind of disappointed with the horror comedy. And then the reveal of the one guy, of course, he had something to do with that. nobody invited him nobody even knows who the fuck he is oh they even called him carlton at one point

yeah yeah it says what about carlton i mean not garleton it's like and then i knew saw that coming a mile away and they did that in another movie to us this year too that i don't want to name because it was this year but they did the fucking fake kill thing where that person came back and ended up being one of the urtives and i'm like come on that's that that's like you what you were talking about earlier brian that frustrates me to no end just like when they show a great gory scene, like somebody beats the fuck out of somebody and then they go, rewind

the tape, oh, but that's not how it really happened, like you were talking about, what was that in the Becky movie? Yeah. Yeah. So, fuck, man. Same thing. These fake outs, dude, I don't know, man. It's a little too commonplace. But, sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. And the other thing that gave

it away to me was they saw him get killed on a TV. Right. Not that it was actually happening. think about that. See, that didn't even click for me that it was on TV. Well, and see, and I thought that they were almost going to make a point, especially with him, about, hey, maybe we should stop arguing how black we are, and race shouldn't really be a part of this.

Just stick together and get out of this shit. Nope, you know who's just as bad as white people? Black people that act white. You know, I was like, man, come on. I really thought they were going to turn a corner there at the minute at the end. And there was some jokes there that it's just like the, his name wasn't Carlton, but we'll just call it Carlton. Yeah, that makes sense. When he was like, oh, a Ouija board, I tried to contact Gary Coleman and he did not like that.

Like, my theater was like quiet. Really? I thought it was funny. I thought that was kind of corny. Like we're doing Gary Coleman jokes. But yeah, Jay Farrell, I guarantee if they would have maybe switched him out for the guy that was the player. Okay. Yeah.

And just have Jay Farrell through the fucking whole movie. You would have been laughing your ass off. And then we could have maybe got some impressions for some odd reason. He throws an impression in there because I don't know if you guys have heard Jake Farrow do impressions. But he's like... No, I think I've heard a couple of them. YouTube J. Farrow impressions. He's like spot on. Especially like his Denzel and Jay-Z and DMX.

Yeah, they definitely should have kept him in. Although, I assume that had something to do with budget reasons. Well, I think Lance kind of hit it on the head with the whole comparing it to scream. Yeah. He basically was Drew Barrymore. Yeah. Oh, like, oh, this is our main character. Oh, no, he's.

not. Yeah. Yeah, you can see that. Well, the book of them, the chick at the beginning, I've seen her before. Yeah, and I kind of thought maybe she was in on it because we never really seen her die. Yeah, that's true. And then when we saw her get her body thrown in the well, it was also on a TV screen, so I'm like, okay, when is she going to pop out? And she never did, so. Yeah, it wasn't much of a twist. Right. Not much of a twist. of a twist, was it? It's like they sort of tried. We'll give him

Annie for effort. It was a little... Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. I was going to say, I give Duane Perkins a lot of credit, man. All this came from a skit he wrote, you know. Sure, sure. He got to make a movie and... And we didn't.

You know, regardless of if we hate it or love it or whatever we feel about it, you know, congrats to him, you know, from writing a skit to making a movie and acting in it. Right. I thought he was funny as one of the characters. I thought he was the best part of the movie. I did, like, a lot. I did kind of like the red herring of the Park Ranger.

They were trying to make it look like he was in on it, but he really wasn't. Like, he had, he became a victim just like everybody else. That guy. I thought that was kind of interesting. I can't think of it. I know I've seen him in so much. He's in a lot of things. He is a funny.

He's a funny guy. Yes. Yeah. Drew Carey show. many trips. Drew Carey show. That's it. Drew Carey show. Where they had the pool table out in the, out in the middle of the yard. They played pool behind the house. But yeah, most of the cast, like, I didn't, other than Jay Farrow, I didn't recognize any, the player guy, I just recently seen him in the White Man Can't Jump remake where he was trying to convince me. He's, he's mostly

snipes. I know he looked sort of familiar. He's the, he's kind of like, like that that actor now that they're trying to push now yeah so gotcha but i thought for for not really recognizing anybody i thought everybody kind of was was was was pretty good in it as far as acting was just yeah i just wanted more good kills yeah for me i wanted them to do more with the game you know tramps i don't know for me the horror didn't hit for us and for phil the the comedy didn't hit for you so it's a hard balancing act I laughed at some of the jokes. Some of them are pretty good.

All right. I think that's it. Okay, well, we'll wrap it up. As always, we want to thank you guys for listen to another episode of the horror returns. We would love to hear your feedback and ideas. Got some shows coming up with some gas, Brian, that I'm trying to get some schedules over to you. A couple people want to be in some shows. I know Tabaris, July 16th, and a couple of folks that have reached out to us through email,

which you can reach us at the horror returns at gmail.com and be part of the show. Share your, share your meetings. Matt, I'm waiting on you to get a hold of us. Matt's been wanting to come on and he said he's going to bring Kate. I was listening to them today, so maybe we'll hear from them. Oh, obviously you guys know where to find us. Thehorrorreturns.com doesn't get myself. simpler than that. And consider becoming a Patreon patron, as Philip said earlier. And people

really are getting coosies. It's not like the UFO sightings, which is a whole other episode, Philip. No, that freaking leak. How did I not mention that during Cool's week? God damn. I had to go there, right. We have UFOs. That's what they say. But it's like an official word that we have UFOs. I heard that too, man. Let's see what develops. But back here on Earth at the horror returns next week. We go international, guys, and it's the films of Indonesia. We're going to check out the Queen of Black Magic, as well as, May the Devil Take You. So, Philip, until the horror returns again.

Good night.