The Horror Returns - THR - Ep. #377: Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

This week, we make THR history as we are joined by Adam Thomas and, amazingly, all 4 of us failed to see the new movie this week. So, on with the show, we at least bring you a review of 1992's Bram Stoker's Dracula. Cool of the Week includes The Boys, Annihilation, South Congress Avenue, Queens of the Stone Age and Rub. Trailers are All Fun and Games and Deliver Us. The podcast spotlight shines on Draw One Last Breath. Welcome our new members: Resident Awful horror podcast and Phil Messerer. Thanks for listening! The Horror Returns Website: https://thehorrorreturns.com THR YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@thehorrorreturnspodcast3277 THR Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thehorrorreturns THR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thehorrorreturns/ Join THR Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1056143707851246 THR X: https://twitter.com/horror_returns?s=21&t=XKcrrOBZ7mzjwJY0ZJWrGA THR Instagram: https://instagram.com/thehorrorreturns?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= THR TeePublic: https://www.teepublic.com/user/the-horror-returns SK8ER Nez Podcast Network: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-p3n57-c4166 E Society Spotify For Podcasters: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/esoc E Society YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCliC6x_a7p3kTV_0LC4S10A Music By: Steve Carleton Of The Geekz  

Regings victims, for those of you who delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify gore, welcome. You have found the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware. This podcast contains major plot spoilers. and the foulest of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror. To The Horror Returns, I'm Lance,

and with me as always are my co-host, Brian and Philip. Nez is going to jump in later, probably to talk about the movies. Cool. You know, but in the meantime, we've got a guess. that hasn't been with us for a while, but we always love it when he shows up. And, you know, I mean, dude, Adam Thomas. What's going on?

It's been a while, dude. What's up? The Dawson, man. Yeah, it has been. I'm trying to think of the last episode I was on. Also, I remember is you calling people cunts. Oh, so we talked about British or Australian movies. Right? Oh, you were just being a prick. It was, uh, yeah, it was lamb in the hatchet was the last episode.

Oh, wow, that has been a while, man. Yeah. Well, fuck, dude. What have you been up to, man? Working, uh, take care of my kid. Uh, and that's probably drinking an excessive amount. Definitely that. But yeah, no, I mean,

Yeah, that's become my favorite. Big, cheers to that. Favorite of it. Yeah. At least we all have something in common, so that's a good thing. We have started doing for our Patreon link, Adam, we've started doing some tales from the crypt commentaries. Like going back to the old school series. Yeah, so definitely want to throw the invite out for you to join us at some point down the road.

So we're going to do it all, man. that's cool and Brian and I got through the first season of Hannibal and so we're going to do the first maybe first season or first two seasons of tales from the, because the first season of Tales from the Crypt is only like what six or eight episodes Brian?

It's something like that and they're not long episodes. All right, we might knock a couple of those out and then we're going to go back to season two of Hannibal. So if you're a Hannibal fan, you might want to join us for one of those, ma'am. Yeah, actually. I just got done rewatching the three seasons. And then it was day before yesterday,

I finally caught up to and finished boys. That's a good one. That's a good one. So good. Is there a newer season out yet? No, not yet. They got that spinoff show coming, Gen V. Oh, okay.

They're saying it's supposed to be more violent and brazener than the. Boys. Jesus. Yeah, now, season four is coming out soon. I think it's, like, it's done. It's in post-production, but I think all the shit going on right now is sort of pushed it. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Understandable for sure.

All right. Well, look, Adam. You've been on enough. You know how this thing works, man. We like to start off with Cool of the Week. So, what was the coolest thing that you have experienced this week? Cool thing I've experienced this week. Dude,

gloves are off, man. It can be anything. It could be a really great shit. It could be a massage parlor. I definitely had a couple of those. I mean, I don't know.

It's not like I took like a bunch of quailodes and woke up dick deep in a sewer, great. Not this week. That was last. No, that was the week before. Like I said, I got to finish the boys season three.

That was good. That's big. Yeah, it's pretty excited. And I re-watched the newest Spider-verse movie last night. That was pretty cool. I've seen it at home. That was fucking great, isn't it?

Yeah, animation's amazing. I mean, there's nothing like it. Oh, no, I saw the T.M. in the new Turtles movie, too. I forgot. I've heard good things. Mewat and Mayhem, right? Yeah. It was pretty good.

It was fun. There was enough of nostalgia for me. My kid had fun. Yeah, you don't sound like you were super impressed. No, it was fine. It was good. I mean, it's one of the better... It was fine.

You can't say fine or okay with Lance. It has to be amazing. Yeah, it was fucking masterpiece. Greatest thing I've ever seen. So in other words, a four on ten. All right. Of animated Ninja Turtle movies that you didn't know we're in theaters. Right.

All right. So we'll go with the the boys probably. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, it was pretty good. I was such a blackout drunk and that somebody bought me a bottle of like old school sour mash Jack Daniels for a present. I got that. That was pretty cool.

That's pretty cool of the week. Brian? I got a list, so I'll go last. I'll jump in. I did actually get one horror movie in week but it's one that we've already watched Annihilation. I showed it to my wife for the first time. Yeah, it's definitely very slow, but it's a good movie, man.

I like the concept behind everything. And it was a fun watch for me. I don't know how much she dug it, but, you know, it was there. And I watched, they had a few untold episodes that I haven't watched on Netflix, the documentary series. one of them was about John Niemanzel from

Johnny football Johnny football yeah Johnny football I'm Aggiegum Aggie's So as an Aggie I watched that one and it was fun Such a

such a waste that guy man I Well you know We're all human Yeah I mean hey You know he he He brought A&M to a new level But

He apparently wasn't feeling it by the time he got to the NFL and just fell off the map. Is he in the Canadian League or something now? No, I think he tried for a minute. I don't think he's doing anything right now except. Drinking and smoking weed with his buddies. Well, you can't labor for that. Well, yeah, but I mean, you have these just naturally talented athlete.

And he, like, never practiced or worked at it at all. And it seems like such a waste. Just came to him. Yeah. If he had only, yeah, had some discipline. Yeah. And then I watched the, uh, the Jake Paul one. Oh, God.

It was pretty fucking great, dude. What an idiot. Okay. I, kids got some fucking hands, though. I tell you that. Yeah. He can box. His brother's okay.

Jake Paul is a good fucking boxer. I like, yeah. I'd like to see him actually box boxers, though. Well, that was like, like, Tyson. His brother, five, Hayweather at least. Yeah, his brother fought Mayweather. For real.

Which was kind of bullshit. Because everybody's making a big deal out of him beating Nate Diaz. Nate Diaz is not a boxer. If you look at Jake Paul's record, the only fight he lost was the Tyson Fury's brother, which is a boxer. Right. But he lost that one by decision, and he stumbled his ass a couple of times. Right. I'd like to see him fight Connor McGregor personally.

I think that would be a fantastic fight. I say he loses, or Connor loses that one. You think so? Yeah. He loses before the fight because he'll not pass the drug test. Oh. Who, Connor or Jake? Conner's looking huge right now.

Is this all good at all? He's, he, I will give him credit. He does train hard and it shows. And he's got a lot of potential. It's just I wish he would actually fight boxers, not. Yeah. Sure. Almost done past their prime.

Definitely time. Yeah. I think it's definitely time he fights some real boxers. But like, a dude, he beat up Anderson Silva. Past his prime. Well, yeah, but still. I mean, again, though, you put Nate Diaz and him in an octagon, even at Nate Diaz's age. a different outcome. That's

for sure. That's the proposal. He challenged Nate for I think 10 million to go into octagon. It's a different. It's going to be a different outcome. Oh, yeah. Which I did. I did like that part of the fight, though,

when they got tied up and he put Jake in a chokehold, a guillotine and raised his hands as if he wanted to fight. Yeah. Nate Diaz Nate Diaz will always have a special place in my heart. I love that guy.

And I firmly believe that he would not ever lose a fight if there was just no time of it because he can outwork everybody. Where I'm down, huh? Yeah. I mean, say what you want about the Paul brothers. They are athletic because... Yeah.

Right? Adam, I don't know if you watch wrestling, but every time Logan gets in the ring, he's impressing me every time. That fucking Royal Rumble spot, him and Rickashay. Yeah. From rope to rope colliding men era. I mean, that was one of the, that was like one of the biggest pops of the night.

Yeah. That was crazy. No, yeah, he's getting better and better and better. He's got really good, like, aerial maneuvers. His frog splash is one of the best in the business right now. It's crazy. Look at him going, man. It is what it is.

I mean, talent is talent, right? Yeah. They're definitely assholes, but I'm telling you, man, that kid's got some hands. I got a new respect for him. They're teaching fuck. I mean, that's what they are. Yeah.

But, yeah, that's my cool of the week, man. That's it. Okay. Yeah, that's all I got. I haven't watched much, guys. I've been working my ass off, and I barely had time to make the show notes, Brian, so there's probably going to be a few grammatical errors in there.

And like I said, all the feedback started pouring in right after, after I finished the notes, so they didn't make it into the cut. But I'll go with South Congress Avenue in Austin, Texas. You guys familiar? Anybody gone to Austin before to see live music or chill? Brian, have you ever been? I've been to Austin, but I don't remember being in Austin, but I know I was there. Somebody told you you were there.

Adam, have you ever been? No, no, never got down to Austin. It's a cool city. It took me so long to think of that. It did. It did. It did. It's a cool little city, man. So the wife and I were like, what are we going to do for the weekend? We couldn't figure anything out because we both actually have free time, which is rare,

because she works a lot on weekends. And she'll work. She's famous for her seven-day work weeks. She's a district manager for a retail store. So she's all over the place. But, yeah, we got to. away to Austin. We went to the South Congress Avenue area, which is really cool, because they got a whole bunch of bars, restaurants, and shops all like easy walking distance, like within a, you know, a one mile stretch. So we get to our hotel and we didn't know this, but we went up to the bar and they said, why are you buying drinks? Why are we buying drinks? Because we're at a fucking hotel, we're at a bar. They're getting drunk. Did you? That's right, Hank Jr.

they're like, did you not know then in the next room over that they're having a pride? Because Austin does, they don't do pride, they do Pride Month, but Austin does a Pride Week in August. So we just happened to hit Pride Week in Austin. And they said, did you not know next door they're having a free drag show? All you can drink for free parties, all kinds of free shit they're giving away, all sorts. So I'm like, well, okay, we're headed up. over there and uh put your best outfit on put your best outfit on dude well brian you know i love musicals so i fit right in right um but yeah i did fish nits we we had a blast man um some of some of those drag queens man are

it's kind of like yeah is that a guy or you know it's a i got a little uncomfortable there i was like okay well Jesus Christ. You know, all you could drink for free, so we kept grabbing the beers, kept getting the genitonics, and had a blast. Had an absolute blast, and then we had some great Mexican food. Let's see, what else did we do? We had a pool day, had an awesome pool day, and you know what? There were, again, it was fried weekend, right?

So there were a couple of sets of incredibly hot, young, bodacious lesbian couples. I'm not a lesbian. Okay, guys? Oh, really? But I'm willing to learn. To quote, Strikes like. So, yeah, it was a fun weekend. We definitely enjoyed it.

So it's kind of worth missing movies and TV shows, I guess, to be able to experience. that with the wife. So, yeah, that's fun, man. Yeah, South Congress, South Congress is my clue the week. That's the new hotspot. As, as my wife described it, AJ described it as Sixth Street for grownups.

So it wasn't, you know, it wasn't all the bra stuff, you know, that you're on Sixth Street with all the rat rats running around, but people getting in fights in the street. No, fights. Everybody was cool. Everybody was laid back.

It was an amazing weekend. So, on to you, Brian. What you got, man? All right. I'll try to make it quick since we got to get to the no news we have this week. Let's see. Lance, I know you did.

I'm going to do my non-horror ones first. Lance, I know you've seen this one. The Jennifer Lawrence comedy, No Hard Feelings. I did. I did. And you commented when I posted, I was watching it, that it was raunchy. I thought it was kind of like a raunchy, 80s throwback comedy. I felt like it was part raunchy, part romchy.

com I was kind of like pick a lane which one are you oh okay I can see that I can and I don't appreciate her fake body double that that she had when she had the full nude you wanted to see the real you wanted to still see the real J-law nude huh I mean who wouldn't I mean come on fair enough I think Javier Bardem has seen it right Yeah. Harvey Earpard. Come on. Was that her body?

Oh, fuck yeah. I don't think so. I don't think so. Like Adam brought up the new Spider-Man. The animation was amazing. Definitely recommend that. It's got to be your new movie, right? Yeah.

I got a screener for kind of an indie action movie called I Am Rage. I am rage Okay It's a It's decent It's definitely low budget Some of the Fight choreography was

It was hitting Sometimes and sometimes And sometimes it was a little off I can tell Like some of the The actresses That were doing The fight scenes

Were Not stunt Stunt people Or been in action movies Before So it was a little A little wonky okay

but if you're if you got something to watch I'm sure no knock on the movie but I'm sure it's going to end up on like Tubey or something like that ah gotcha gotcha

checked out that movie cobweb oh that looked pretty good on the trailer it was the it built up good atmosphere it was shot great but to get to the actual not spoiling anything in the trailer was something knocking at the wall when it got there

It was way into the movie and I just kind of wanted to get further in but what's his name is pretty intimidating Dane to hunt no Lance Okay, um Homelander Oh, okay, gotcha gotcha Let's see guys a pretty good assail. I see a was he a prick in this one too? Yeah.

It's like in the boys. He's typecast. Checked out this movie, Dark Nature. It involves a group of women that it's kind of a group for women that have had traumatic experiences in their life. They go on like a camping trip.

And strange stuff starts to happen in this out in the forest where they're at. They start to see like images of stuff that they've had trauma from and it's kind of I kind of don't want to really spoil anything else because I

kind of went in not knowing what the movie was about so it was a decent movie too not sure what to think from that description but okay I know you're trying to hold back Brian yeah I don't know these are

give us a little more a lot of these are new releases so I'm trying not to I'm not trying to spend a whole bunch of time on the cool of the week. Checked out mother, may I? Never heard of it. This one, you'll probably be up more of your alley, Lance. It's a slow burn.

Guy, his mother dies, had a bad relationship with her. Inherits the house. He takes his girlfriend to the house, and basically they're packing up stuff because he's going to sell the house. but let's just say stuff occurs in the house that affects his girlfriend and let's just say the presence of his mother is still there

I will add it to the little bit of a Norman Bates five maybe uh no more of a stupid mother and I'm intrigued I'm intrigued uh checked out another movie called the passenger this one's pretty straightforward a guy gets bullied at his job

by the co-worker another co-worker goes to his car gets his shotgun kills all the employees he takes a bully kid with him him being the passenger the title movie and basically

he's making him try to go over like toughen up like he's telling him all his past experiences and he was like well why didn't you stand? up for yourself and it's a pretty good it's pretty good movie and it's this and mother may I

um it has that one guy I can't think of his name he was the detective and smile I know who you're talking about that that was a funny scene and smile the detective so um shit what is that guy's it's that guy Kyle Gailner he's a pretty good actor I'm starting starting to see him pop up in a lot of stuff. Okay. But my cool. He's been around for a mistake. Yeah.

He's been around a while, huh? He's kind of been like a... He was actually... Screen 5. He was in that. Yeah, and no one really got his character in it, because I guess he was supposed to be like Stu's nephew, but they never really mentioned.

Well, they kind of offhandedly mentioned it. And my cool of the week, Lance, you post did a little laughing emoji when I said I was watching this, a movie called Rub. And the sequel is called Antug? I mean, it's pretty much, that's what it involves, a Rub and Tug massage parlor, this guy, he's kind of, he's kind of a, basically a loser.

He has no friends, a co-worker. Oh, and he's in a Rub and Teg massage parlor. What a shocker. a co-worker gives him a business card to the to the place he goes is this a comedy or what no i mean there are some comedic moments but it's more like a drama and he basically he goes and when he comes back to work the guy is asking him how it was and he was telling him it was great and then all the co-workers come and start laughing at him because they were just trying to see if he would be even go.

And he flips out, runs back to the massage parlor, to the girl. You gonna let me finish, Lance? See what kind of humor we deal with? Mention Rub and Tug Parlor and Lance loses it. That's that. He's lost.

He's lost his mind. Basically. Dick and fart jokes, man. The massage parlor gets robbed. They check you all. The massage parlor gets robbed. Back to basics. The massage parlor gets robbed and he kind of goes on to run because people end up dying.

Huh. And that's probably the first. Is this an American? Yeah. Is this an American film? Yeah. Oh. I've never even heard of it.

Yeah, it just came out recently. I'd seen somebody. It's streaming somewhere, right? I'd see. It's streaming everywhere. Okay. Down there. Oh.

I thought I thought the guy did a great job the main actor kind of playing pathetic and playing this kind of just neurotic you know guy

you kind of you feel for him because everybody picks on him and the lead actress the one that the masseuse that he kind of

has a thing with I thought she did a good job too and I've looked at our IMDB I've seen that she's won some awards for some of the indie movies she's been in, so yeah, I recommend it. It definitely, you know,

you hear that it takes place at a rub and tug massage parlor. You kind of think it's going to be like a comedy or something like that, but it was more like a drama slash thriller. And, uh, yeah. Sounds a lot like my senior year in high school. You want to a rubbing tug massage parlor? More than once.

No, no, no, he worked at one. Oh. Bingo. Yep. But, yeah, that'll be my cool of the week. Yeah, just because it kind of took me by surprise. I wasn't really expecting much out of it. Because I didn't recognize the director, anybody that was in the movie,

and sometimes, you know, those little hidden gems kind of sneak up on you. Now, is it like an IFC type film then where, you know, more than meets the eye and you said super low budget? Yeah, it's not low budget to where it looks cheaply made. They definitely spent their money wisely on making a movie. I thought it was directed good and there's some psychedelic moments that happen later on in the movie. I know you'll appreciate that, Lance. I have to say I'm intrigued, man. I hope I can find it.

And the lead actress is definitely easy on the eyes. Okay, let me guess it's available on pay-per-view, right? Or like on-demand. Okay, so I'll definitely have to look. Oh, we just got a confirmation. Just like any good movie about a Rub and Tug. Speaking of Rub and Tug, Brian, we just got a confirmation from Al Ramseer.

Don't include being on your plans with Al. He said he can make it to our Santa Claus episode of Tales from the Crips. And Tavares will be there as well. So we're going to have quite a show. It's potty time. Oh, I do have another cool week that I totally forgot about that actually would be my cool who week. I finally saw Guardians of the Galaxy. three.

Nice. Great booby, man. Yeah. I had a really good time with it. Yeah. I'd like, I want a pet raccoon so bad. Bad idea.

I know. Everybody's telling me. Like Brian said, sad, sad backstory. Yeah. Oh shit, I got another cool movie too. I went to saw Queens of the Stone Age

live. Oh, fucking. Hey, dude. I'm adding a little list. I don't get too many concerts on Cool of the Week. Yeah, that was an amazing show. They played for fucking two hours and 45 minutes.

I believe it. Yeah, it was great. All right, I am adding that. All right, and then we've got Rub for sure. Anything else, Brian, from that incredibly long list? There's got to be something else that was Cool of the Week. No, we got a wrestling returns episode out. Okay.

Watch the Nate, Nate Diaz. Jake Paul fight, it went exactly how I thought it was going to go. Yeah. No, no surprise.

No. All right. Well, on we go. So, uh, now it is time for horror headlines brought to you by Brian.

What's up, man? No news. The strike continues. The strike continues. I mean, there's little random shit, like for my wrestling

slash horror fans, uh, AEW is going to have the first ever Texas chainsaw massacre death match. Oh. Yeah. Or it's a Jeff Jarrett versus

Jeff Hardy. If Jeff Hardy can make it to the fucking, right? He looks like he's okay right now. Get it right. Right for that. Yeah.

Yeah. What is that involved? A Texas chainsaw massacre match? Well, knowing to AEW, somebody's going to bleed. Definitely. yeah sure

the ropes will probably be barbed wire it's gonna it's gonna be nuts Jesus Christ something will explode there's gonna be a real fucking chainsaw somebody's gonna die they'll probably

they'll probably just like hit them with the ass end of it instead of the blade like it's gonna AW's fucking I don't really see anything I just it seems like everything like all the movies

release dates are getting shifted we talk talked about Spider-Man, the new Spider-Man, and the next one got delayed indefinitely with no new release date. Is it another Tom Holland? No, the animated one.

Oh, okay. They came under fire, too, though, man, because once it came out, like, how they were making the animators work and how much they weren't. And stuff, like, the turnaround rate, they demand it. Like, it's pretty fucking crazy. So I think it's a little bit of a PR thing as well as with the,

the saga after on the Writers Guild. That's a shame. Real shame. Well, you know what? I'll agree with the whole rider strike thing because those dudes, I mean, I don't know how much they get paid, but it's definitely not enough compared to

how much, how important they are to the movie. Yeah, agreed, agreed. So, I heard a rumor. Is there anything to this, guys, that A-24 is actually still making movies right now? Because they made like a side deal

with the writers or something like that? Now, don't quote me exactly, but I think certain lower budget movies that are still in production have the permission to keep going and I know micro-budgeted movies also.

That's exactly right. It does depend on dollar value. It depends on if payments already been made. It depends on how people are part of the union, but also how much promotion they're going to do with it. There's so many fucking crazy things. Well, I heard this from our friends at the geeks.

They were talking about it on their show. So that would be pretty cool. Like if A-24 basically said, you know, fuck corporate greed. We're just going to pay them whatever, you know, whatever they're asking for and actually still make movies. That would be pretty fucking cool.

I think the, I don't know, that's smart. because the, but they spend minimal amount to make movies, and their budget would go way up. And then also, if they said fuck them, we'll do what we want, we'll pay. The gilts are going to pull out of their movies. They're going to lose sag after. I guess. Could backfire.

It's like, they'd be like scabs. You know what I mean? We've heard that turn before, haven't with Brian Phillips. Well, we're, we're, we're. We're not scabs. No, but they would be. Yeah. Well, they had a guest on the show, and I guess

he was reviewing movies, and he had comments saying he was a scab for reviewing movies, but we don't get paid for what we do. We don't have any contracts. How? It's like, bitch, we're not making anybody. Very important distinction. I had a weekly fucking podcast

that I did for like over five years. I didn't make a fucking dime. I don't think I, during the strike, I don't think I ever heard them say, don't go to the movies or don't watch the movie. Sure. No, you still want them to go. Just, they keep promoting.

Like the premiere of Oppenheimer, in London, the whole, I had to walk off the red carpet. Oh, yeah. Good. All right, well, on that note, Adam, are you ready to take a little trip down to the trailer park?

I know you are, buddy. You know it, man. Brian is going to bring us the big, the small, and sometimes the very, very weird. Brian, what is our first new trailer to talk about tonight? First one is from Vertigo Entertainment, and it's called All Fun and Games. Strangely, he's, well, not strangely,

that he's top bill, but I did not even see him in the trailer. Keith David, not David Keith. Oh, shit. Didn't notice him in the trailer. Yeah, I mean. Because he's probably only in the movie for 10 minutes. Yes. Let's see.

Asa Butterfield, Natalie Dreyer from Stranger Things. All right. Annabel Gish. Directed by Aaron. Not even going to butcher your name. Directed by Aaron. Got you. Yep.

Aaron has this one. Adam, what did you think? Yeah. Ah, you know, it looks, all right. Like, it doesn't look bad. I think it looks fine. It's definitely got a lot of evil dead sort of vibes to it. You know, instead of the book, it's the knife.

Fucking Ender, from Ender's game, looks like he's hamming it up quite a bit. But, yeah, I mean, it looks fine. It looks like, you know, a typical, like, maybe a script that they've had for a while, but since Taunts, you hit it big, and, like, Evil Dead Rise is big. They're like, fuck it, let's make it.

It's very similar. Yeah, that's what it feels like it. But, I mean, it attracted some decent attention. Like, I always like seeing the kids from Stranger Things actually, like, do other things because I think they're all pretty fucking talented. Yeah. So that's kind of nice. But, I mean, as far as, like, a low-budget, micro-budget, like, horror release,

I've seen things that look way less promising, but there's also things that look for. But it looks like it could be fun, man. It doesn't look like it's going to be fucking terrible. Let's put it that way. Yeah, it's got a September 1st release. I think I'll probably add this to my 31. Me and Lance are going to do all new movies for 31.

Yep. It kind of gives me like... In October, you guys going to do that? What was that? You're going to do that in October, the 31 for 31? Yeah. Nice. Yeah, all 2023.

movies this year, Adam? And the movie, yeah, Lance, you're going to be in part. That's bad. You think. Good luck. I did it last. Does Danzig have a movie out this year? He has a movie that he hasn't released yet.

Okay. That vampire western movie with Devin Sawal. That still hasn't come out? No. Oh, God, I hope it doesn't. Jesus. I hope it does. I got to have a boss, too.

Yeah. But this movie, it kind of gives me, kind of, what's that one genre? Like, kids on bikes type of feel. Yep. Sure. Sure. So I'm into it.

I agree with you, Adam. I like to see the Stranger Things kids, you know, move on to other things. And, yeah, I think I'll check. I'll definitely give it a try. Yeah. It looks very. very, like they were doing the hide-and-seek thing and all that stuff.

And, you know, most of the time those movies are not great. But, I mean, talk to me proved that you can do some shit like that, and it turns out pretty awesome. So we'll see if the trend continues. If you talk to me, you've got a truth or dare. You know what I mean? You're like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. So it's hard to tell. Usually when they take those, like, childhood games and turn them into movies. They're garbage. That's kind of what I expect here, but hopefully I'll be, like, you know, happily surprised. Okay. What you think, nice? I'm kind of into it.

I mean, there's a lot of movies this year that are about, you know, playing games, it seems like. Like you guys said, talk to me, and then, of course, you got the triumphant return of Saw. So, yeah, I'll give it a shot, man. I'll give it a shot. The trailer was pretty decent. praising saw after your review of the trailer last week? Well, no, I'm just saying it's coming

back and it will be triumphant because it's going to have some box office gold. Yeah, because they're going to make it for like $3 million and it's going to make like $100 million. Yes. I wasn't on. I wasn't on obviously last week. I would like to throw something about

what we saw. Why the fuck is it a sequel to the original? Like, how the fuck if that's supposed to be the same Tobin Bell like the beard and saw

and this Amanda yeah I understood it's over yeah it's called lack of ideas

yeah it's not like just enough but they know but they know we're all going to watch it

they didn't they didn't even Nick Fury they don't they should have at least Nick Furyed him right

made it look like he was you know from the from the 90s, but... De-aging? Yeah, what are you going to do? He's not make the fucking...

Well, he was kind of old when they started. It's the Amanda character. Yeah, but it's the Amanda character where she goes from like, oh, wow, she was really young and hot and in her prime, and now she's, you know, not. Yeah. That sounded meaner than it was supposed to.

It was blunt, but yeah, I'll pick it up what you're putting out. this is like wait a minute that's not the same person as we're popping right now to defend her oh okay his radar is up right now as long as she doesn't age as much

as the chick from the original top gun where they weren't even able to use her in Maverick because she said to when she popped up in steakland as the I didn't even recognize her yeah

Kelly McGillis yeah uh Kelly McGillie us yeah yeah what was the other one she was in the endkeepers yeah yeah really rough rough stuff guys and that was 10 years ago yeah uh let's see uh moving on to our second trailer a new religious horror deliver us that's that's big this year too for some reason uh good i like the catholic church is the enemy this year philip the religious horror stuff, man. It's always

fun. Sure. Yeah, this is, uh, even when it's bad. A lot of actors that I don't know. Yeah. Unless it's the nun, that movie's garbage. I will say, the, oh, the nun. They're, they're really hype

in the nun, too. It's the most, that's the most violent movie in the Conjuring universe. Oh, sure. Sure. People were running scared from the theaters, I bet. And it isn't, isn't it? PG-13?

Probably. But, and the first Annabelle was garbage. The second one was pretty great. We would all agree. They do know how to, they do know how to course correct. Yes.

Maybe they'll do it again. But they've lost me, though, with the third, the third conjuring movie. Awful. I thought this, the third Annabel movie, I didn't hate it, but I thought it was a step-down from the second one.

Oh, it definitely was. There was a fucking werewolf in it. I'm the only one who enjoyed that one. Lila Rona. I barely even remember that one. Lila Rona, which they've now officially said is not a part of the Conjuring universe. Retcon that one, huh? Oh, no, that never was.

That didn't happen. But deliver us. We'll start with you, Phil, because I think the religious horror movies are more kind of up your alley. Yeah, man. Anything religious horror, especially if they really get into the religion of it, Sounds pretty cool. I mean, although this one doesn't sound like it's really getting into the religion of it, but it seems like a cool idea.

There's like two immaculate conceptions. One of them's good, one of them's evil. Is that what was going on? I had no idea. I think that's what's happening. It was just a bunch of images of stuff. Yeah. I mean, it looked.

I like the idea. The cinematography looked good. I just, I didn't know what the, what the hell was going on. Nor did I. You can pass on me, dude. I don't even remember what the trailer was about. I saw nuns and nun outfits, and that was it.

Adam? I mean, the thing is, like, when is the, like, the Pope's exorcist was kind of fun, right? Like, it was fun. Russell Crow was having a good time, right around that school. Okay. Like, he was there, and they did some ballsy stuff in it towards the end. Like, what the f this is happening? but the last

really good religious horror movie I honestly couldn't tell you the last really good thing yeah it's been a while yeah like I remember last year people were hyping up that pray for the devil movie and I watched it it was fucking really oh yeah that one wasn't awesome there's a few

pretty good ones on not shutter what's the other one screen box yeah screen box has got two or three that are pretty decent they're all slow but I left off a movie off my list list. I checked out that who done it. The clue documentary.

Oh, okay. Yeah. If you love the movie, watch the documentary. The guy talked to basically anybody he could. That unfortunately some of the cast passed away and he wasn't able to talk to Tim Curry because of his health condition. But he's got everybody else.

Tim Curry is still a lot? Yeah. still alive. Okay. He was at, uh, when we were all together at Texas Frightner, he was there, but he was in one of the private rooms. That's, that's right. That's been a minute, Brian.

Yeah. Unfortunately. He didn't die since then. No, he was just in that, uh, the It documentary that came out last year. He's in that. Ah, okay. All right. But I just, I can't,

religious horror thing is, like, if it's done right, obviously there's some perfect horror movies. omen, exorcist. Well, what are your thoughts on the new exorcist? Why? What the fuck? I just No, it doesn't need

to happen. It doesn't need to happen. They're doing the bullshit, like a sequel, shit that I hate. Like, bringing back, you know, the mom and stuff. Like, if you're going to do it, just do a new version. Do a reimagining. Do just a different story. It doesn't have to tie into the original. That's, like,

sacrilege to put it in a religious term. It's just, why? The TV show they did was not bad. That was okay, but that was a cool idea, though, that, you know, she was Reagan, growing up and had almost like an anti-christ type of bend to it. But yeah, I just think religious horror, the thing is all are the same.

Yeah. Just kind of the same. Like, how many movies, religious horror movies, do you, like, deliver us from the devil, deliver us from evil, deliver us. It's not, it's just, deliverance.

If you found religion because of deliverance, I guess I don't believe you. Thank you found religion. Real quick. Jesus. All right. Deliverous comes out September 29th. But what do you think of it, Brian?

I think it's meh I didn't get much story out of the trailer I think Bill kind of filled me in on probably what the movie's about I thought

cinematography looked good acting will probably be decent but I'll probably it'll be one of those movies where I pulled my phone out and start doing something on my phone while the movies were done. I doubt it's coming to the theater

It seems like a Shudder kind of movie, and this is one where if I scrolled past it, I'd go, oh, and click on it. And then, especially all the ones that take place in a convent, usually ends up at least being, I'm not mad that I watched it, you know?

Shudder's been good for religious horror. If that's what you're into the past couple weeks, I think recently the Communion Girl and Consecration. That should be a minute. Oh, consecration. I think I saw that one. Yeah. I don't know.

They always have generic names. I can't ever remember what the hell they're called. Yes. Shutter will all of a sudden just have Ken Russell's the devil's on there, and you're like, what the fuck? Nobody's seen this. And then, did they recently have possession? Yeah. Like, what the fuck, man?

Like, they get some deep cuts here and there. All right. That is all the trailers, Zach. And, well, I'm sure I could have pulled some other trailers, but. These sounded at least interesting. Not that there's going to be a ton of shit coming out. Which is just what the movie theaters needed. Take what we can get for now, right?

Yeah. All right. On to listener feedback. This week, we're going to shine the podcast spotlight on Draw One Last Breath Horror Podcast. Draw One Last Breath as a podcast dedicated to all things horror. hosted by Matt and Paul. We have fun talking about horror from current releases

to our favorite movie classics containing reviews, features, and the latest news with plenty of laughs. Draw one last breath has horror covered from every angle. And not a whole lot of other feedback this week, but if you email us at thehorror returns at gmail.com or talk to us through any of our social media pages, We get a lot of stuff from the Facebook group, so check that out. And we'll give a shout out to our two newest members of the Facebook group,

Resident Awful Horror Podcast, and Phil Messerer. All right. I just want to say thank you to draw one last breath, the horror podcast. They do share our show. Very nice. Definitely, awesome. Thanks, guys. Conveniently enough, Lance, their latest episode, I believe, is.

they're doing they talked about your favorite religious horror deliverance there you go what a coincidence very timely nice and of course our show intro and all of our new logos come from Steve Carlton from the geeks

and be on the lookout for some more great stuff from him our original skull artwork comes from Natsulani check her out on Instagram and if you'd like to help us out, please consider becoming a Patreon, patron. Let you pick the movies for a future show at any amount. And for $5 or more a month, pick a commentary for a future bonus show. But I think we're still doing a dollar.

Give us a dollar, you can pick a commentary. You can even come on and talk to us about it. Talk with us about, you know what I mean. Yeah. So check that out. Be a little odd if they only came on to talk about spending a dollar. I know I had this dollar

I didn't know what to do with this like you can like stick a gum or give it to you guys So where did you find this dollar How did you come upon this dollar? It's in a couch man On to our featured attractions This week we check out the brand new

Last Voyage of the Demeter As well as 1992s I can't believe we haven't reviewed this movie yet Bram Stoker's Dracula So we'll start with the only but the goody The centuries old vampire Count Dracula Comes to England to seduce his barrister

Jonathan Harker's fiancée Mina Murray And inflict havoc in a foreign land Director is Francis Ford Coppola Also known for the godfather And Dimension 13 Okay writer is James V. Hart, also known for Muppet Treasure Island. Hey, didn't we just do that?

And contact, a classic. Pretty diverse, I would say. Prince Vlad's scream after he drives his sword into the cross is not the voice of Gary Oldman. Lux Interior, the lead singer of the punk band The Cramps, recorded the scream and it was dubbed in. That wasn't Gary Oldman? This movie was supposed to. Bullshit. That is weird. And the first cast meeting

called by producer and director Francis Ford Coppola, he got all the principal actors and actresses to read the entire Bram Stoker novel out loud to get a feel for the story. Oh, my God. Seriously? They had homework. That is crazy.

According to Sir Anthony Hopkins, it took two whole days to complete. Yeah, that sounds about right. A good way to spend the first couple of days At least you know everybody's read the script-ish Uh, all right Adam What did you think about Brand Stoker's Dracula?

I remember when it first came out, man And it was like A huge movie It was a huge event You know, it's Francis Ford Coppola doing Dracula Start Gary Oldman and Kear Reeves Winona Ryder

Anthony Hopkins It's like, I remember the trailer. I remember everything. I don't think I saw it and it first came out because I was like nine. But I remember, do you remember the first time I saw it and I was like, this is a fucking weird movie, man.

Like, there are so many weird decisions artistically done in this movie. Yeah. That really work. Like, it sets the tone for the movie, like, Dracula's eyes and the way, you know, the carriage moves and all that. There's some really cool art design and artifacts.

And I love the way. It looks like a butt. Yeah. But it just adds more to the weirdness of it. Like, what the fuck? That's the decision. But even when I first saw it, even as a fan of him and everything when I was younger, I was like, why the fuck is Keanu Reeves in this movie?

It is so, like, it's painful. He has no idea what he's doing. That accent is terrible. When they said his head of a accent, that's exactly what he thought. is why the fuck am I in this movie. Yeah, right. Catch you later, Dracula, dude. Right, oh yeah, 100%.

And it's like, but no, the writer's not great either. Don't be wrong, but you put everybody else against Keanu in this. It just doesn't work. It just shows how just unqualified for the role he was at this time. I mean, he probably still would be, to be honest. But, I mean, I love the fucking guy. But, no, I think it's, I mean, you know,

everybody's air has got their, Everybody's got their personal favorite Dracula, you know, Christopher Lee or Likosi or... I don't think anybody says Luke Evans, but maybe they do. But, like, Gary Oldman is... It's my favorite portrayal of Dracula in film history, in all honesty. It's a one-and-done-er, but he's so good, and the thing is, Dracula's supposed to be, you know, historically seductive and appealing, and Gary Old's not a good-looking dude. He's not good-looking in this movie, but yet he carries...

it's so well with such gravitous that you're like right I get it I get it yeah yeah I probably I kept I kept expecting to say did somebody tell this boy it's white boy day

oh yeah yeah yeah yeah it took me a second there good pull yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah drugs yeah um but yeah it's just

I still think it holds up there's still weird shit in it like the wolf man rape sex thing you're like yeah right you know I don't know where it came from no and Hopkins is on a different level than everybody he really is just playing in a different movie

but it works again with the weirdness of it um yeah I still think it holds up I still think it's good in fact I think it's one of those that gets better kind of every time I see it as I get older because you sort of notice more especially as to become more of a film fan, you start paying attention to the cinematography and the set design and stuff like that.

You notice more and more of the cool, like, shit they put in this movie. Like, oh, yeah, that is Anthony Hopkins as the priest in the beginning as well. You know, you're like, well, that's fucking cool. Yeah, I still think it's a pretty great movie. All right. Lance, what do you think? I think this movie was definitely trying to do the right thing.

To second what Adam's saying, the cinematography is fucking phenomenal. Gorgeously shot movie. There's some great shots in here. There's some great angles. You've got a lot of different points of view. You almost want to feel for Dracula. And you kind of start wondering about halfway through the movie,

who's the hero here, and who's the anti-hero, who's the villain? Anthony Hopkins was definitely doing his own thing, which was really fucking weird. but I don't know, man. Overall, when I look back at this movie and I've seen it several times, but I haven't seen it in probably at least 10 or 12 years, but I don't know, man, I would kind of describe it as pretentious, bloated. I don't know, man.

Koppel really thought he was making a masterpiece here. I'm not quite so sure I agree. I would almost have rather seen Dane Dahan in the role of Keanu. Let me explain why, Brian. Fuck off with that shit. Because at least Dane DeHan would have played it straight. He would have done the Keanu, hey dude, I'm coming to save you, you know, man. You know.

But yes, I will say this. That accent did not know if it wanted to be California, Transylvania. or somewhere in the middle. And that did take me out of the movie. And I remember that taking me out of the movie back then. But it was definitely sexy. There were some great scenes. People talk about Edward Cullen, you know,

being the king of the sexual vampire, or Blastat being the king of the sexual vampire. I'll tell you what. Koppela did it first, and he probably did it best. Because there was more than once that I had to turn this movie off and go to the restroom. I thought Lucy was super, Lucy was super hot.

I've always been a sucker for her redhead, and the brides were just amazing. Fucking Monica Baloochie, man. Jesus Christ. Perfect, perfect breasts. That was definitely one of the seats where my VHS state started to fucking up. You know what I mean?

Absolutely. Absolutely. And I've never really, you know, been that attracted, unlike Garrick, you know, who absolutely loves her. I've never been that attracted to

miss stranger things, but I don't know, man. She's kind of sexy in this, I got to admit. So, yeah, it was a very sexual movie, very charged movie. Oldman was fucking phenomenal. I mean, this is like one of his best roles ever. There's no doubt about that.

So I'm really torn on this. I, you know, like some parts of this movie I absolutely hate. And I guess Gary Oman's, I guess his role in the movie specifically, I absolutely loved, and it's like a classic. Did he win an Oscar for this, or was he at least nominated? Because he should have been.

No. Yeah, and that's a crime. That's a crime. He really carried it. Anthony Hopkins. This one, no, this was nominated for best costume, best sound. best makeup and best art. I can see all that. Yeah, I can see all that.

Technically, it was a beautiful film. Story-wise and acting, I don't know, man. I mean, at least he tried to play great homage, right? Like, he even had some of the same lines with, I don't drink. Vine, you know.

And, of course, you know, he had the old, he didn't exactly say it the way it was in the original with the children of the night. Yes. He did music they make. But he was close. Yeah. So I love the homage aspect of it, but I don't know, man.

I probably enjoyed this movie more when it first came out than on the rewatch. Just because Keanu really took me out of it. And I don't know, man. What do you think, guys? He's also got that Oceans of Time like Panty Dropper Line. Like, for sure. Eddie, I swear I got any female or. or, you know, anybody who's seen this movie, like, that's the line.

Fair enough. Yeah, sure. Fair enough. Kind of makes me wonder if Francis Ford Coppola was fucking Gary Oldman, because he gave him all the great scenes. I wonder if there was some, you know, couch action going on. What is happening this episode? I mean, it always makes me go for six. I'll tell you that much.

Brian, what did you think about it? I have to agree with Adam. This is probably my favorite Dracula right here. I love the cinematography. I love the art design, the costumes, everything. But it's all about Gary Oldman in this. Because we get, as he's portraying Dracula, we get different portrayals.

We get Vlad, which I love that opening scene of them telling the story, his origin story. The way they shot the war with the shadows and stuff like that. Red armor, that was cool with shit. And, yeah, tragic backstory, you know, the love of his life was lied to that he died and she took her own life right before he came back to her. So you do kind of feel for him.

But, yeah, and I just love the creepy, old Vlad Dracula that he plays is creepy as hell. I was like 12 when this movie came out and I thought that was super creepy. Just him tasting the blood, the shadow doing its own thing in the background, strangling Keanu Reeves for his horrible accent and just... Even the drips would go the wrong, the opposite way.

Oh yeah, that was weird when he grabbed the cup. The Wobberless. And I think it went with the movie because there was times in the movie where you just didn't know what was up and what was down and just eyes, you know, in the background and the sky, you know, just the weird art house type of things that he does. I didn't appreciate it now. It's like Adam says when you get older and you become more of a film fan. You kind of start to appreciate stuff like that. and yeah Winona's not the best

I could man I wish they would have just flopped rolls her for Monica Balucci and Oh yeah Okay Okay

Calling it now Because Monica still looks good Yeah Looks cool Kind of like Salma Like Salma Hayek I love the The three suitors for Lucy

Oh yeah That was cool Yeah great little side characters the actor that played she was a Redfield Tom Waits yeah Tom Waits yeah Tom wait I thought he was great as

Renfield just hiking it up yeah yeah and and I totally agree with you that Anthony Hopkins that guy was I don't know what script he got for what movie but he it kind of reminds me I'm not comparing movies but when he was in that

that Transformers movie and he clearly was in a completely different movie than everybody else. Yep. He don't mess around, man. I like you. Having a good fucking time, though. Yeah, it's dregs.

Nice and close. We think that hot, we cut a head off. Yeah. Yeah. So good. But, yeah, a great fucking movie. Yeah, man. I kind of agree with all of you.

Keanu definitely was not right for the part. as much as I fucking love Keanu Reeves. Oh, he's a great gun. He's awesome. Like, I feel like they maybe just, like, during the interview process when he obviously couldn't do the accent, they maybe just should have said, you know what? Forget the accent. Just talk like a human being.

I'm looking at his filmography. He did stuff like my private Idaho and point break before this. So maybe they thought he was up and coming. Leading man quality. It was a 100% studio. What's that at him? Oh, it was 100%

the studio. Oh, yeah. Okay. Just shoe-horned him in there. Makes sense. Yeah. But had he not done the accent, I think he would have been fine.

His biggest problem was that the accent was really fucking terrible. Like, it was really bad. It's really bad. It's right. He knew. bad because I think he gives up halfway through the movie. Yeah.

And he can just talk normal. Surf and talk again. Lucy, I'm surprised to haven't seen her in more stuff. I actually looked up her IMDB and she's in like, I bet you did. Nothing. She's not a goddamn thing. Probably forno now. Not much that you've ever heard of.

I think she's more of a theater kid or something. Ah. But she did great. I liked her. Fuck this episode. Jesus Christ. Those drag shows, man. Hey, follow the money, Lucy.

Follow the money. But she did great. She probably went to wave Epstein, Adam. Wow. Or what the fuck? That was so topical, fresh, too. Anthony, Hopkins was awesome as always.

I feel like the movie jumped around all over the place, but it was also... Yeah, time jumps, right? I mean, so does the book. You know, it's a little scattered, because it's just letters and shit that are written. And I mean, that's sort of what the original Dracula did, too. And I think this one did pay a lot of homage to the original Dracula. But it also came out looking very theater-y, which is really not what I want to see in a movie. Okay, so guys, explain something to me.

Was Renfield there before Dracula came across? I was wondering that, too. Yeah, yeah, no, the... Well, if you read the book, Renfield was sent before Harker was. Ah, so that's different from the classic film then. Because they crossed paths at the very beginning, right? I don't know if they do of this one, but in the original, they definitely did. Yeah, yeah.

That threw me off. So, yeah, because, like, in the original, Renfield was there on the Demeter, because he got his famous scene of him laughing as he comes up out of the, you know. Yeah, the beginning of the movie Renfield, right there. Only see Dracula down in London.

For that. But, yeah, a lot of homage. still a really great movie. Probably the one that sticks closest to the book, I think, if I remember correctly, although I haven't read it in 20 years either, so. Scores.

Adam, one to 10, what do you think? Oh, man, you know, this is one, like, gut reactions, like, oh, 10 out of 10, but it's not a perfect movie. I can't say. I mean, I love the movie, but it is, there is a lot of flaw. I'm going to say

I'll go a good eight though damn okay I think it's enough to take down anything else that works so well in it yeah uh lancin 6.67 2 3rd's good movie

all right right on that 2 thirds mark Brian what do you think I'm gonna go a little higher than Adam I'm give it an 8.5 that's solely based off okay it's solely based off of Gary Oldman

and the cinematography now that you you had brought it up Phil I think they could have did a little bit better job with the time jumps because we see Keanu with the Dracula's brides

and then like 15 minutes or 20 minutes later he's you know escaping with gray hair Yeah, but I think maybe part of that was because they were like sucking a life out of him. Yes, I think so. In which way? I must do. I don't know if she popped up between his legs, not like I would have fucking moved either.

He didn't, he, I guess he did what anybody did. We're thinking the same thing you are, Brian. It's okay. But, yeah, I think Gary Oldman just kills it with this role. Yeah. And just the different portrayals throughout the movie of Dracula, I thought were excellent. And it's an easy 8.5. All right.

I think the movie deserves an 8. I'm going to give it a 7.5. Not bad. Because that extra half a point really just comes from like nostalgia and the actors that were in the movie that did such a great job. But I think, and you know, Francis Ford Coppola. But I don't know that, I don't know that it all really worked the way I maybe thought it did when it originally came out. But still, still a pretty good movie.

A good rendition of Dracula. You got to give it the extra half a point for the guy representing Texas. Oh, yeah, there's that dude. Well, and Monica Baluchy's boobs, so. Yeah. All right. Oh, God. We'll give an eight.

She was so hot in that. Like prime Monica Bluchy. All right. Last voyage of the Demeter, our brand new one. Arr, matey. A crew sailing from Carpathia to England finds that they are carrying a very damn. dangerous cargo.

Aye. Director is Andre Averdahl, also known for Troll Hunter and the Autopsy of Jane Doe. Oh, that guy. Yeah. Scary stories to tell the in the dark, too, right? Oh, did you do that one? Okay. I think so, yeah.

Wasn't impressed. Rewatch it. Riders are Braggie F. Shoot. and Zach Olkowitz. I think I pronounced those pretty well. Lars could probably tell you. They're all Scandinavian, right?

Maybe not Denmark, but you know. In ancient Greek religion and mythology, Demeter is the Olympian goddess of the harvest and agriculture, residing over crops, grain, food, and the fertility of the earth. Although she is mostly known as the grain goddess, she also appeared as the goddess of health, birth, and marriage, and had connections to the underworld. Well, she's also responsible for beer, so she's got that one for her.

Well, and there actually really was a ghost ship story. I'm going to add to the trivia here. But it was called like the Dimitri or something like that. Yeah, Bucket. Which is where Bram Stoker actually got to. the idea for this. So some of it came from real events. Vigo Mortensen was originally attached to star for

two years before ceasing involvement. Really? That would have been a different movie, Albeda, huh? Yeah. Who is he going to be? I guess Dracula. I heard he was going to be, like, the captain. That makes more sense.

Captain Vigo. Sam uh Sam Sam Worthington was attached to it for years too that guy that they were pushing on us

yeah that's true that really he's walking drywall that fucking guy I swear to God how

how does the blue CGI character he voices have more charisma than him I know I remember it was Sam Worthington

and who's the guy from Battleship that they were pushing on us. Okay, see, I thought same one. I think too. The John Carter

from Mars guy. Yeah. Yeah, he was also Detective Season 2 or whatever. Dun, dun, dun, dun,

dun, dun, dun, done, I didn't hear you with Lance's theme music. He was

Gambit also. Yeah. And, ah, fuck. Taylor Lach, no,

Taylor Kitch. Yes. You got it. Taylor Kitch. There you go. Taylor was a good Twilight Kit. Yeah. Taylor Kitch was in there too, wasn't he?

Or was he? Maybe not. He was the Covenant. Remember that fucking movie? Yeah. All right. Adam, what did you think about the last voyage of the Demeter? I didn't see it.

For a couple reasons. One is work. Two, I read a lot of the reviews, and they were all so overwhelmingly negative. A lot of the ones I read. And also, I heard some of the things. I got a problem with this movie in this idea that, like, I could see being like a really cool short or something like that.

But there's no stakes. Okay. Yeah, you kind of already know everybody's going to die. Everybody's going to die. So what the fuck do you? Unless they went, which I heard the gourd stuff, that's pretty good in it. but they should have gone balls to the wall then, which is the gores, the kills,

to make it entertaining like, this is fucking crazy, make it over the top instead of, okay? Like, I don't give a fuck about any of the people. They're all going to die. Wow. Seems like more of a period piece. And I mean, for me, though, right?

Like, what the fuck? Yeah. It's got, like, Black Widow. Yeah. The movie Black Widow. Like, what does, none of this matters Scarlett Joe

Anson was at this movie? The movie Lance. No, I'm sick Mac Widow Lance. Yeah, Scar Joe is in this as you know or you're a fucking

Hollywood pizza shit. No, um, but like nothing's gonna happen. You know, it's not going anywhere. The story's going to know. So.

And Andre over to all of all that ever. Like, yeah, all types of Jane Doe is great. Right? There's still some, there's still some shit

in that movie you're like, eh, it's a little silly, but it works. Right. Troll hunt is fucking so fun. Yeah. Scary stories.

I've only seen it the one time. I heard Brian say maybe rewatch it, so I will do that. I wasn't, like, blown away by it, but I was never really beholden to the source material. I think it's good. It's good to watch with the kids.

Oh, yeah. That was fun. Yeah, my kids, like, going to be eight. I figure give her a couple more years and maybe watch it with it. Okay. Sure.

my 10-year-old loves War movies, man. She's crazy. I can't fuck him. But, like, he's a very promising director. But this feels like this is one of those scripts

that's been floating around for so fucking long. They're like, we got, we got to get it made. So it's like, there's no artistic merit to it either. Like, you know, they just had to push it out

before the rights, probably the lost the rights or whatever the fuck. So they just, hired whatever director. He probably just had to make what was on the fucking page. And, okay, there you go. It just feels like a waste

to me. Right. Brian, what do you think? I also did not watch it because I am an asshole. Oh, wow. This is the first time ever time. We have a... Houston, we have a problem. What are we going to do? There was...

There was very minimal showings at my theater, and I just couldn't not make it to any of them. Okay. Full disclosure. No one on this podcast saw the film. I saw parts of it when I wasn't asleep. So I guess we're just going to call this episode Dracula 1992 and assorted bullshit.

This is this is fucking radio magic. Okay. So I did actually, I tried to watch it at home because I didn't get a chance to see it. the theaters and man i fell asleep quick uh so i don't we are not doing any favors we can at least come back into the very i hated it's kind of cool i hated renfield i did not like renfield i loved i loved it yeah i did not and i heard nicholas cage yeah all right the rest of the movie though yeah i loved it i absolutely loved renfield Adam?

I could have fucking stand that the guy who does Sonic, the voice, is the bad guy, fucking Aquafina and what's his game at? Is that the guy that does Sonic? I didn't even know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The dude, Jackson, Rick? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I fucking love him.

But when I read reviews, like, out of the two Dracula movies come out this year, this is the worst one. I'm like, oh, God. well. Dodge the fucking bullet. Renfield may make it on to my top ten.

I had a really good time with Alan. Is there anybody we can call that can jump on the podcast real quick? Did Ness watch it? Hold on. Let me see if Ness is available. He didn't watch the movie. No, I think he did. Did he?

You sure he wasn't. I was a fourth of watch this movie. You sure he wasn't coming on to talk about a Dracula? It's going to fuck. Yeah, I'm sure he wants to talk about Dracula. This movie's going to fucking bomb in the theaters. Maybe not. Maybe not. Because we were, yes, it will.

Because we were supposed to go watch it, and none of us did. What about the people that just want to go watch it? I bothered Brian for like three days to be on this. Be on your show and beyond this episode. And I'd go see this movie. So nobody's going to see this fucking thing. Well, and I started to go. back and try to watch it and I'm like I need to at least get enough information to like to do a real review on this and I started to turn it back on and I was like no man I can't I it's it's kind of boring well spoil everybody guys yeah yeah the box office so far it's made 6.5 million dollars yeah see I figured it's not going far

we make 6.5 that's just a I don't know if they updated it I don't know how much it cost to make, but I imagine it was more than that. 6.5 million. That's not good. All right. And I cannot reach Nez. So, any last minute words before we sign

out on this Dracula 1992 special edition episode. Nobody gives a shit about the last voyage of the Demeter. They're all dead. No, I still want to see it. I'm going to see it. I just make it with all the drag

All the drag shows going on guys Come on I'll watch it when it comes to like Netflix or some shit Exactly Yeah like next week Yeah What studio made it

Was it Paramount? It's a universal It's a universal monster So it'll be on Max right Isn't that part of Max? Peacock Yeah Oh it'll be on the cock

Give it a week It'll be on the cock And then we can come back and regroup. That's my motto. Just like hanging on your boner at that drag show. I, you know, the thing is, it's like,

I just stop with the fucking, I like, of course, the Universal Monsters, we all horror fans. We all love the Universal Monsters. They come from, everything. A, I'm glad that shared universe shit never really took off. Yeah.

I'm saying. Could have been cool. It could have worked, but at the same time, like, why? Yeah, I mean, not after that mummy movie, but... The idea of it was cool. I mean, we don't need... How many Dracula fucking movies are there, man? It's non-stop.

Dracula. Like, just... I'm not against vampire movies or anything. I like vampire, the subgenre. I love all that. that stuff. But you could do something different than telling the same fucking story again and again.

And again. We all know who Dracula's. Everybody in the world knows who Dracula is. Kids, my 7-year-old knows who Dracula is. You know, like everybody knows. The market's saturated enough. So if we're going to do a movie let's put some fucking

effort into it and some care. Not to say that anybody worked on this movie did put effort in, I'm sure they all busted their fucking ass. but it's got to start at the script and is there a reason to fucking make or you're going to have to redo the whole story I mean you know, Bram Stoker did a good job I guess but again it was just a bunch of letters

and it was totally disjointed I mean you could write your own Dracula story and make it like choose your own adventure movie worthy yeah I think it was written in like 1890 they didn't have movies yeah something like that all right I'm so definitely guys I'm reaching out to Tavaris. He hasn't seen it either.

I think our work here is done for the night. I can't find anybody who's seen this movie. So, Adam, thanks for joining us, brother. What else is going on with you, man? Often, except I'm not going to see

Last Voyage of the Dmitter. So what's the next show you're going to jump on with us? I don't know, man I'll reach out. There was something in September or something like that you guys were going to do that I was interested in. I forget which one it was. But yeah, I'll pop back on for sure.

Figure it out. Yeah, dude, that'd be awesome. All right, well, on that note, as always, we want to thank you guys for listening to another episode of Dracula 1992 Returns. We would love to hear your feedback and ideas. You can reach us at the horror returns at gmail.com. or just go to thehorror returns.com.

Let's see. Yeah, please consider becoming a Patreon patron so you can get more of this gold. Next week, speaking of Patreon patron, we're going to honor our Patreon patron, Sean Henry with a long-anticipated commentary for killer clowns from outer space. So you guys looking forward to that?

Nice. Should be better than the last voyage? of the Demeter, but we can't say that because we don't know, so it's better, it's better. I was about saying we didn't say that. It doesn't really we all say that. It's better.

All right, on that note, Phillip, until the horror returns again. Catch you later, Dracula, dude. And good night.