The Horror Returns - THR - Ep. #393: Don’t Open Till Christmas (1984) & It’s A Wonderful Knife (2023)

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

This week, Desmond joins us from Desmond's Flicks YouTube channel to get us in the Christmas spirit with an oldie and a brand-new release! Cool of the week includes Violence on the Meek, Monarch: Legacy of Monsters, Space X, and Squid Game: The Challenge. The podcast spotlight shines on That Was Pretty Scary. And we get feedback from Xim Vader. Thanks for listening! The Horror Returns Website: https://thehorrorreturns.com THR YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@thehorrorreturnspodcast3277 THR Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thehorrorreturns THR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thehorrorreturns/ Join THR Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1056143707851246 THR X: https://twitter.com/horror_returns?s=21&t=XKcrrOBZ7mzjwJY0ZJWrGA THR Instagram: https://instagram.com/thehorrorreturns?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= THR TeePublic: https://www.teepublic.com/user/the-horror-returns SK8ER Nez Podcast Network: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-p3n57-c4166 E Society Spotify For Podcasters: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/esoc E Society YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCliC6x_a7p3kTV_0LC4S10A Music By: Steve Carleton Of The Geekz  

Regings victims, for those of you who delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify gore, welcome. You have found the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware. This podcast contains major plot spoilers. and the foulest of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror. When we re-perjave the Exorcist

and some of our scores went up. We can't beat it. It was all tens. Yeah. Oh, did we all give Tens to fighting? Okay. Well, the score was on Exorcist, it's bound to go up. we were viewing the new one so we had better exchange for the original yeah yeah the more i think

about the exes the more i don't like it the new one i i it's it's on peacock now i still don't hate it but it just it's just so average yeah blah all right well before we move on uh Desmond, tell everybody about Desmond's Flicks, man. What's going on? Yeah, yeah. So Desmond's Flicks is my YouTube channel. I was doing that for a few years. Took a little bit of time off.

But now I'm coming back, starting to do the podcasting thing again, getting that going again. And, yeah, talk about horror movies, B movies, going to be getting into, like, talking about, extreme horror novel soon. So just kind of like anything horror related. So have you seen the new Exorcist? Of course you have. I have not yet. It's on my list to watch. One of my buddies, he enjoyed it. So he was like, you got to watch it, like see what you think. But it's definitely on my list. I've heard conflicting results from folks. I liked it when I first saw it and then it

sort of wore off. Yeah. Uh-oh. Wow. Yeah. It happens. Yeah, Brian and I didn't care for it from the go. But Brian, you said you don't hate it, right? Yeah, I don't hate it. It's just, I don't know. I think the exorcist kind of set the bar for those type of movies and everything else

just kind of, it's like the same thing repeated. over and over. Yeah, not only that, but actually having the balls to use the name. Yeah, I still, I still think that... That's the biggest problem. I still think the two girls that

were in it did a phenomenal job. Yeah, that's true. They're pretty creepy. But yeah, like, had it not been an Exorcist movie, it'd have been fine. I mean, yeah, it would have been in the top ten or anything, but... Like, two, two, as girls in the wood or something like that

would have been okay. I don't know. That seems to be the way most of those possession movies go. The possession of intername here. Yeah. Although talk to me was like that that was a good one.

Yeah. That did something that did something different though. Oh yeah. Instead of using the traditional Ouija board, they came up with their own thing and they had... It's David Gordon Green. He doesn't have a single

crate of bone in his body, not even in his pinky. Oh, he got fired. Jesus Christ. You didn't even like Pineapple Express? I mean, if he does comedy, like, he's decent, but it's like on multiple rewatches,

it just gets less fun here. Yeah. Yeah, I got you. Yeah, it's like you have to be smoking Pineapple Express to enjoy it, right? Pretty much. Desmond, I kind of pose the question. Is it just him

or is it his writing partner? Because Danny McBride's been involved with a lot of these projects. True. I mean, that could be a part of it. But it's like... Danny McBride is funny, though. Yeah, but...

I wonder how much like he's involved, though, in the writing process. Like how much is him in there and then how much is David Gordon Green like writing plus directing because really it's like his name all over. Sure, sure. His brand of

you know, hackery is in there so. Jesus God. I'm not a favorite. So not so cool. David Gordon Green, not so cool. But Desmond, I think you remember how the show works. So I, we start out with this little thing called Cool of the Week.

So you got to, we got to play catch up here for sure. What have you checked out book, movie, video game, TV show. What's your cool of the week? Yeah. You know, I'm going to go with a book this week. So I read, and it's probably a couple years older, but it's an extreme horror novel by Stuart Bray, called Violence on the Meek.

And... Violence on the meek. Violence on the meek. And the way that this story is structured is that it's coming from the point of view of a complete psycho. It's like his own diary before he unalives himself.

And he tells his story about like, hey, here's my life story. Here's what happened. I was on a goal to take out as many people as possible. and you just go through like his crazy life. And it just keeps amping up crazier and crazier. It's like a more extreme version of natural horn killers is how I would describe it.

Okay. But yeah, it was one that I could not put down. I read it pretty much in one sitting. I highly recommend it for those that are into more extreme horror. Nice. Does it compare to American Psycho? at all or have you, have you read that? I have. It's

a bit more depraved in a lot of ways. Oh, fuck, okay. All right, I'm adding this to my reading list for next year. I'm on my final book of the year, Brian. 24 books, man. Granted, some of the... I caught up. Some of them were

Sandman graphic novels, but, you know, a book is a book. right yeah yeah absolutely um i'll jump in next uh what did what did i watch oh i cut the first um four episodes of monarch legacy of monsters the god oh god okay i knew you were going to have what is that even hold on hold on philip i got i got i got to go on my rant here i knew you were going to have this attitude I can't wait. I can't wait. Okay. Because I believe you liked Godzilla versus Kong more than I did. I don't think so.

I think you came on our episode of Stream Fiends or Action Returns, whichever one it was. And you were defending that movie. It's recorded. It's on the internet. It's out there forever. Okay. But this was actually, so far, through four episodes, it's a pretty decent show. It's the production value is pretty good. It

ties in with the movies. It starts out with Kong, what was it, Kong Skull Island? Oh, okay. I didn't know it tied in with the movies. Yeah, it jumps back and forth in time. You've got the same character played by Kurt Russell and

his son, Wyatt Russell. And when they do the transition from the go from current time to pastime, the transition, they look exactly the same. Oh, that's pretty cool. And I might, I might check it out. It's on Apple. Yeah, it's on Apple, Phil. Okay.

Apple has a lot of good shit, so I might get a shot. I will say my main problem with the movies is I do not care for, I do not care for the human characters. Okay. But with the lesser known cast in the show, I care about them a lot more. They're more interesting than the bigger name cast than the movie. Ah, okay. Yeah.

I can see it. Is that one? Although with the new trailer coming out. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Maybe the show ties into that. I think it'll be cool. Yeah.

Yeah, it's all in the same universe. I had no idea. See, I thought it was just some off-shoot show. That's why I never watched it. But I guess now I'm going to kind of have to watch it because I'm sure you're going to make us see Godzilla X Kong or whatever the fuck it is. I didn't make us see the, for the main show.

I didn't make us watch the other one. But you came on that one. Don't look up the wrong version of that. Oh, shit. A form parody of Godzilla. I'm enjoying it so far. Like, there's characters that were on the, the 2014 Godzilla movie that was on when San Francisco got attacked and the bridge, the San Francisco bread. There's a character that was up there.

And like I said, they connect all the movies pretty good. Oh, all right. So are they doing it? They're releasing them weekly, or did they, like, put them all, like, bingeable? It's weekly. I think all streaming platform. I think eventually they're going to go away from all that. I think they learn their lesson with people

binging an entire show and then canceling their account after. Which, Lance, you fucking jinx me. I'm now paying like $20-something for Netflix. Dude, I'm telling you, man, we've got to pay for those squid games, man. Oh, and I'm caught up to that. Okay. Yeah, me too. Me and my daughter are having a blast with it.

None of the people we picked made it to the final three. Oh, wow. Oh, it's already up to three? Yeah, which they're prolonging this because I think the 29th of November was the next batch of episodes. And then the finale, they're like December 6th. Ah, gotcha. So did they do the thing where they have to like take the needle and cut the cookie out? Yep.

Oh shit. Was that as hard as it looks like it would be? Yeah, especially for the people that got the umbrella, which that guy that chose the umbrella, they came in hating that guy immediately. So they do team. I'm kind of glad he got knocked out of it. He would like, I can only handle so much to that dude. Yeah, he, his, his thing was he gets nauseous when he gets nervous. Oh, geez.

And so he kept making these gagging sounds. Yeah, it was super gross. So is this like, oh my God, get him out of here. Is this like a part of like the regular show? I've only seen like that first original season. Is this like an offshoot of that reality show version of it? Yeah, it's a reality game show based on like they change some of the games, which I like, I like that because people thought they knew. oh, I know this game.

I'll be able to beat this and then they'll introduce a new game that was not even in the show. Oh, wow. Okay. And the prize money's up to like over $4.5 million. I keep saying billion, million dollars. It might as well be for what they're charging us for Netflix, dude. Yeah. Every time they, because they cut to the scene where, you know, when the money starts dropping in that big bowl in the ceiling.

I keep telling my daughter I was like, we paid for that. Yeah. That's my dollar. It's just slits in there. But yeah. I was so behind on that stuff. I ended up canceling my Netflix a few months ago

because I was like, oh, I can't. Too many services. After Squid Game, I keep my Netflix because my kids, they watch different things on Netflix. They're like, oh, I'm watching this show. And I'm like, what the fuck is that? I've never heard. of it. It's just like these random

shows they watch. That's why I keep Netflix, but if it wasn't for them after the finale of Squid game, I'd probably cancel it. Now that Mike Flanagan's leaving Netflix officially, right, and going over to Prime, maybe I will quit my Netflix. That was the main thing that kept me

hanging on, you know? I mean, the only thing I would, that I'm still watching or interested in is Cobber Kye. Cobra Chi and Stranger Things. Cobra Chi, that's right. Cobra Kai, we're not getting until next year. And who knows when they're going to start filming the final season of Strangiping things.

Those kids look like adults now. Well, they got enough of our money to do really good computer graphics, right? And make them look young again. Yeah. Oh, and speaking to Netflix, Lance, I did start the fall. the House of Usher. Ah, I think, I'm, I'm enjoying it so far. I'm only a couple, couple episodes in, but it's, it's, it's, it's, it's pretty good.

It's what you come to expect from Mike Flanagan. Cool. Yeah. If you, if you read any, if you've read any Poe over the years, you'll, you know, you'll really get into it. Like, basically every major work that Edgar Allan Poe's done, there's like entire poems that are like, like, that are scattered throughout episodes and stuff like that, kind of as Easter eggs that are spoken. It's like really cool. Yeah, I think, I think, I think you like it, man.

Yeah, it does, it does make you do that where somebody will say something, it was a video just like, was that an Edgar Allan Poe thing? And you pull that the phone and kind of look it up real quick. Uh-huh. And indeed it was, right? Yeah. So that's pretty much all I've been watching. All right. So what's, what's the top? What's the, what's the coolest, man? I'll go monarch. arc all right adding it in oh my I don't know what's wrong with my brain

I'm just remembering all the shows I started Reacher on prime the Jack Kling oh is it out there? No I've never seen the show so I started the first season oh gotcha that guy is like a Sherlock

Holmes that just fucks people up well apparently the Reacher in the book is like 6 foot six or some shit and Oh, so he wasn't Tom Cruise in the movie. No.

That was the big problem that they had with Tom Cruise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think the guy that they, I think is Alan Rickman, Richmond or something. Oh, yeah, I know who you're talking. He's in the Fast and the Furious movie. Yeah. He's like the perfect guy just the way he plays the character.

And he's from Blue Mountain State. Yeah. I had to look him up. like this guy's a great new actor and then I looked him up and he's been around since Blue Mountain State and I was like oh okay yeah he's fantastic in that show

I love that show that's a good show too but I'm gonna go with Monarch all right Monarch it is that works well yeah the game challenge is definitely

going to be my cool of the week Squib game. It sounded awesome. They have like little squibs. Yeah, they have like little squibs in their shirt. And so like if they get deleted or whatever, like a little squib will go off. And they have to lay down and pretend like they're dead. It's great.

And then, yeah, every character you like try to get attached to, they'll be like, oh, here's our backstory. It's so cool. And then they're dead. Right. You're definitely not going to guess who the final three are. because you don't even know who they are until halfway through the season. Oh, no shit.

Okay. But anyway, a pretty good show. I was impressed with it. I had something else, but I can't remember what it was. So I guess that'll be my cool of the week. That's the one I'm looking forward to on Wednesday coming out.

All right. Is they going to be the finale then on Wednesday? Yeah. Yeah. All right, cool. Good to see who takes all that much. money. Watching me

the CEO of Netflix pulls pulls off a mask Scooby-D style and says I'm going for the little old Asian lady I like her. Yeah, she

played the game the right way. People got mad at her, even the people she had alliances with were kind of like that was fucked up what you did. I'm like, it's for over $4 million.

Watch how I play. Yeah. Also, she had a point. Like, I understand why she was like, oh, I don't want her in here. I don't trust her. Yeah. And like everybody acted like it came out of the blue. It didn't make it. Anyway, I won't get too into detail on stupid squid game challenge, but I see my on that one. People may want to leave a little to the imagination until they watch it, right? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. My cool of the week is easy. guys. It's not a movie or a book or anything. It's a it's just like a moment in time. So we're here in Florida now and it's like

we were driving, fucking we drove all day Saturday so we left at like 4 a.m. and didn't get here until I don't know like 11.20 p.m. But it was fate because as it turns out at 11 p.m. We were looking at the orange sun.

We were almost to our apartment. It's super close to Cape Canaveral. And we're looking at the orange sun and something is like going straight up that's also the same exact color orange as the, or not the sun, I'm sorry, the moon, fuck you 11 p.m., sorry, you guys. The moon was orange for whatever reason. And there was something streaking up above it. And I was watching it, and I'm saying, AJ, are you seeing this too? Or am I like, do you have a flashback? Well, it's an earthbound UFO.

It's an Elon Musk UFO because we read just afterwards that SpaceX had sent 23 satellites up into orbit. So we actually got to see my very first rocket launched from Cape Canaple being here. Totally by accident. Oh, they launched them with a rocket. Okay, that makes sense. It was fucking amazing. I mean, it was just like bright orange and just you could follow it all the way up. and then it did the trajectory until you can follow it all the way up out of the atmosphere.

It was going really fucking fast. It was just totally amazing. I didn't want to go to a rocket launch and be closer to where it all happens and stuff. But for an entry into living in Florida, that's not a bad start. So that's the cool of the week. So, Brian, horror headlines. Wait, I have an addition to that one real quick. because one time I was looking up at the sky at night and my wife and I saw these like stars that went across.

It was like four of them right in a row. And we were like, what the hell is that? It's a UFO. And then somebody was like, no, those are the basic lights. The Skylink is that what it's called? Yeah. So you can actually see them when they go overhead. There's like a bunch of them all in a row.

So. No shit. Kind of a cool thing. Just in case you happen to see a UFO. So do they load them up on the rocket and then, like, release them one at a time, or how does that work? Do they have to have people up there? I guess, I mean, they space out a little. I guess they space out a little once they get up there.

And there's just like a direct line of them that are constantly circling to give Internet to everybody. Pretty cool, man. Yeah. Internet for the world, right? There you go. All right. SpaceX. Cooler to read.

Space X. All right. All right. News. Lance, we're going to start with your favorite movie of the year.

This is already getting a sequel. Thanksgiving 2 is in development. Talk to me. Oh, fuck you. And Eli Roth is returning to direct.

Why? Why? I think I think, I think, I think, I think you're the only person I know that didn't like it. Okay. What movie?

I'm sorry. I missed it. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. Oh, okay. I still haven't seen it. I got to watch it. Yeah.

Literally have to see it. Thanksgiving, too. Well, Desmond, Lance gave it a two out of ten. Oh. Dang. I was being. I was far as generous. Oh, you feel generous.

I was generous. Yeah. Let's see. the FX Alien series is filming right now and they've casted Timothy Oliphant joins the cast That dude's awesome

Yeah And I believe Noah Holly has said this series takes place between alien And aliens Right Wow! Okay cool He doesn't strike me as the most serious of actor I like him in comedies

Right But a lot of people liked him A lot of people liked him when he showed up in a Mandalorian. Yeah, he was pretty good in that one. Unexpected for sure. I always think he was Mickey from Screen 2. Ah, there you go. There's a deep cut.

Movie buff. There you go. You do a lot about movies. Yeah. And take you to the trivia night because we suck at it. Yeah, it's been a while since I remember that one. Yeah, not a lot of news. I guess because of the holiday.

Robert Eggers-Nazferatu gets a December 25th, 2024 release date. Okay. So that's something. Awesome. 20-24, you said? 20, yep. Jesus Christ.

Okay. Wow. Well, that's lame. Two weeks from now. 2024, dude. Yeah, dude. Are we in 2024? Almost.

I think Phil's in 2024. All right. Yeah, I was hoping there was going to be less than a month away. But it's December 25th, 2024. Oh, gotcha. You're blowing my mind, Philip. Jesus Christ, dude. Never mind.

Oh, we had some time travel. We're almost in 2024. I know, right? Dude, this podcast tonight is what life would be like, Philip, if you hadn't been born. You know? Yeah.

Biff running the town, big casino. We'll talk about it there. Oh, my God. There was not a lot of news to talk about. Okay. All right. Well, I guess, uh,

Texas Frightmare. updates oh always good to have Texas Frightner updates man for you wrestling fans Dan hausen will be there is that ringing bell Philip no you guys don't know Dan hausen's a very nice the very evil does man hadn't caught up with wrestling a long time dude oh see oh you would you were you were like 20 when he started wrestling one. He was 30. Serena Vincent from

Cabin Fever. She was the one that, the scene where she was trying to shave her legs. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. I like that movie, man. You have a chance to tell Eli Roth his movie Thanksgiving suck because he will be

at Texas Frightmare. Can't wait. Uh-oh. Can't wait. But he's hit or miss. See, some of his movies I fucking love, like, host. right and then we've got i don't know i gotta ask him what dude why are you

so up and down like you're either a two or an eight you have no in between these i got a soft spot for elay rock do you yeah i'm trying to think what movie didn't you like that he directed other than thanksgiving well the green inferno kind of sucked knock knock was fucking horrible

knock knock was hilarious i guess so yeah in a bad way did they bury kiano reeves in an ant pile or something and they have ants start biting on him or something like that? No, you're mixed in the Green Inferno. You're mixing of his movies now. Okay.

But that is updated. I like Green Inverno. That one is good. Yeah. Yeah, his movies that are not that great. They're like enjoyable in a bad way. Yeah. So.

Good horror movies. Yeah. Well, Lance, you can tell him he sucks when we get there. I may not put in those exact words. Well, I mean, I mean, I don't want to have a repeat of the Lance Henriksen situation. I don't want to get, and I definitely don't want to get kicked out of there. Yeah. What, what happened with Lance Henriksen?

Brian, you tell the story? We had an interview lined up with Lance. We went to his table. He was like, happy to see us. Like, he was like, you know, just let me take care of a couple signatures here. and then, you know, we can do the interview right here. And then his handler was there. And she was like, I didn't know nothing about an interview.

This is not happening right now. So Lance. And then Lance was like, you suck. No, I'm kidding. So Lance emails his, what was it, his manager, his agent or whatever. Right, right. Or his publicist, I think. And the guy was like, Lance said he'll do it.

So just whatever Lance wants to do, just go, Lance, Lance, Lance. nicest guy ever because he was like if we can't make this happen here i'll meet you guys in the hotel bar we'll do the interview there but we were just kind of like we see this is causing a problem we don't want to cause you a problem so we'll try to schedule it another time and we just let's be pretty drunk by that point yeah never got the interview but land lance it was not because of lance he was ready to to go right there and i i had my man's best friend blue ray ready for him to sign and everything. That's a good one. I used to watch that

over and over again as a kid. Yeah. I'm sure you did. Lance, the dog pisses acid on someone's face. Sounds like a Freddie Kruger movie I've seen. Oh, that was fire, though. Okay. Yeah. That's the update. Not much news. I'm assuming after the holidays we'll get hit with a whole bunch of news and stuff. we got we got some new we got some brand new trailers though yeah i think i think i think

desmond's ready to come down here to florida and and join me for a little trip down to the trailer park ew all right brian brian is going to bring us the big the small and some they're very very big this week but uh the very very weird as well so what what do we got brian uh we are going to start with the Mad Max Fury Road prequel Furiosa a Mad Max saga. Only people on the cast we really need to, that are noteworthy, are Anya Taylor Joy and Thor, Chris Hemsworth, which I didn't even recognize them at first when I seen the trailer. I thought that, sure, that was. Was it Fat Thor? Or was he thin Thor?

He looked like he has, it looked like regular Thor, but. He had some, like, prosthetic work done. Just changed his face up a little bit. But once he started talking, I was like, oh, there you are, Thor. There's Thor. Yeah. Let's start with Desmond. What did you think of the trailer?

Oh, man. It looked awesome. I mean, I love George Miller's style of direction. So, like, feeling like that Mad Max Fury Road to now, Furiosa. It has like that good continuity between the two. And I'm really excited about the cast, especially like Anya Taylor Joy. I really like I love her and anything she's in. She's always like the highlight of the movie. And I mean, I can tell already like the action scenes are going to be badass. All the chases, lots of explosions. I'm like, as long as I can see shit blow up, I'm happy.

So I'm into it. It looks dope. Yeah, I'm right there with you. I'm into it. I did, when they announced that Anya Tell the Joy was going to be in it, I didn't know how I felt her being the younger version of Charlize Theron. But seeing it now in the trailer, I'm buying it. It looks like it's going to work.

And I think Chris Hemworth is going to be a villain in this movie, which I liked him in, bad times at the El Royale when he played that cult leader. Oh, yeah. And I agree with you. I love George Miller's, his style of filmmaking, the action he does, the cars, and the violence is going to be off the top, over the top in this. And, yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Lance?

Yeah, man. Oh, Phil. Yeah, I pretty much feel the same way, dude. It looks pretty good. I really enjoyed the first one. This is a cool. I was going to ask you if it was a younger Charlize Theron, but you answered that question.

Yeah, now you know. It's cool. Cool to have a little backstory to it. And the bad guy with the thing on his face, who was a pretty cool character. So, yeah. Yeah, I like it, man. It ought to be cool.

It looks good. Yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to say about fucking time, man. I wanted this movie like five years ago. Jesus. How long have we then promised that this was coming now? I'm with you, Brian. I was a little questionable about Anya Taylor. So I don't know who I would replace her with, quite frankly.

I mean, I can't think of, I mean, can you guys think of someone else you might pick for that role? For Charlize, a younger. A young house. I know what you meant Like based on looks Mm-hmm How about Samara weaving? I can see that

I thought about that You know That was my first thought But I guess we'll see what happens You know, I mean it looks fucking bad ass You guys are right It's good to see they're still using gasoline In the apocalyptic future

So we didn't learn our lesson Well they got that whole little setup in the ferry road was it the gasoline gasoline town yeah gas town somebody somebody controlled all the gas oh my god i love they're gonna figure out a way to power a vehicle well that's true and i love what was the was it thunder dome with the the dude that that flew he looked like tom petty and he flew like the little fucking glider airplane oh uh he was in the second and And third one. Okay.

That dude was badass, man. I thought you were going to bring up Master Blaster. Oh, yeah. You can't. You can't go wrong with Master Blast. Yeah. But this looks, I hope they'd throw a little homage to that.

Something I got to recommend if you're, like, hyped for this, you know, this next installment in this franchise, check out the Mad Max video game. It's on. PS4 and Xbox 1 and on PC. I've been replaying it on my Xbox, and it's got me all kinds of pumped for this movie.

It's a blast. It's basically George Miller's film turned into an open-world game. Oh, shit. And you're trying to go to gas town. Very cool. Is the Mad Max? Is the Mad Max more aligned to Tom Hardy or Mel Gibson? Tom Hardy?

a little bit more, but it also like harkens back to the Mel Gibson movies too. So it's yeah, it's still very much like that George Miller world and it takes a lot of what was done

in Fury Road and then just makes it into a big open world sandbox game where you just like drive around cars, blow shit up, you're taking over different places. It's fun. Cool.

I may have to check that, man. Oh, you just... Cool of the year. You just reminded me a not cool of the week. Uh-oh. Here we go. Grand Theft Auto 6th trailer. Amazing.

Release date. 2025. Not amazing. It's been over 10 years since the last game. Wow. These guys can not get their shit straight. These are fucking guys. I'm watching the trailer for the new game that the trailer just came out, I think,

yesterday and I'm like watching it I was like this fucking looks amazing I can't wait trailer ends and it says 2025 and I'm just like what the fuck they need to do like some customizable players in grand theft auto I think that would be fantastic I've thought that since grand theft auto 3 first came out I was like why can I not change the way this guy is well maybe that's the next the next thing coming man yeah we'll get we'll get we'll get grant theft auto 7 when our grandkids oh yeah and 2045 yeah grand kid grand kid grand kid theft auto huh all right so ferriosa mad max a mad max saga comes to theaters may 24th all right and on to our final trailer the sequel to what was it

a couple years ago lance uh godzilla versus con Wasn't that long, like right after COVID, right? Wasn't that one of the first ones we went to see at the theater? Well, I did HBO Max, which this is one of the movies that made me have a better appreciation for movies. Not that it was a great movie, but we weren't getting nothing during the pandemic. Yes, yes. And I felt like people were complaining about everything that was coming out, and it just gave me a better appreciation. I had fun with the original one.

I thought the human characters were stupid and pointless. Brian Cranston, is that the one he was in? No, the one that really made me mad was Alexander Scarsguard. Was not believed as a scientist. Ouch. That was terrible. He seemed like the stupidest guy in the room. Right.

The monsters were awesome, man. But the people were awful. Oh, no. They should have used Markymark to be the scientist. I'm telling you, Monarch, for some reason, the characters are much. better. Oh, you think Godzilla could beat me? Come on, man.

I'm going to check it out, Brian. You got me totally sold on Monarch. I'm absolutely going to check it out now. All right, Godzilla at Kong, the new empire. I think pretty much a lot of the original cast is coming back with the added edition of Dan Stevens. Oh, there you go, man.

I think that's pretty much. Adam Wingard's Back to Direct. which makes sense right was it the guest is that the movie did it together but Dan Stevens is he going to have a British accent or an American accent

that's the big question he popped up in the trailer I don't think he had any lines in the trailer so okay is he British I would say yeah he's British I would say let him be his accent I mean Tom Hiddleston

and Kong Skull Island used his accent so right we're going to start with Desmond. Yeah, you know, I haven't watched the other Kong movies, Godzilla movies, like none of them. I mean, I've seen like the original, like the OG one. Watch the trail and I just was like, okay, I mean, it looks pretty.

But it just didn't really do anything for me. I was like, yeah, it looks cool. I mean, if I was like super into Kong or Godzilla, I'd be like stoked about it. it's just not my thing, but I can see people who do appreciate it, like really getting into it. Yeah, I see what you say saying. I think that's why I'm kind of into these movies a little bit more because I kind of grew up with the original one. Because we had a local TV channel that late at night they would show like the original Godzilla movies and Mothra and all those. So it's like how I know people get mad about or having superhero fatigue with,

superhero movies nowadays, but I grew up when we didn't have none of those movies. Yeah. So I still get excited for those. If you haven't seen these, just go into mindset, especially the Kong Godzilla versus Kong movie. It's just dumb fun. You don't have to get too invested on a complicated storyline because it's just

pretty much lays it out. and you just watch two giant monsters fight each other. Yeah, and they bring back some of the really awesome old-school Godzilla characters. Yeah. Right. So, that's fun. And I believe this new one is a sequel from that movie, and it's going to expound on, I don't know if you remember guys that's seen it. When they went into Middle Earth, kind of, I don't know what they called it, where there was that whole world inside Earth.

That was lost. The hollow earth. Yeah, hollow earth. Hollow earth. Okay. Yeah, so. That's a real theory. Yeah, of course it is.

I mean, it doesn't have a validity, too. It's like flat earth, but yeah. But I'm here for it. But the thing that people believe. Yeah. I'm here for this movie. I'm just not going to make the mistake of watching it at home because I think I would have got more enjoyment watching a movie like this on a big screen.

It makes the difference for sure. It's one of those films that, like, bags to be seen. Yeah. Unlike, like an IMAX would be freaking awesome for something like that. That's the way to go, for sure. I'm, uh, yeah, I'm, I mean, dude, you've got me stoked now with talking about Monarch, and if it plays into that. I mean, I thought the, at first, the little, is that a baby Kong or a mini Kong or whatever? They said at the end, I thought, oh, great.

It looks like there's his kind still exists, but they're in hollow earth. Deep in hollow earth, right? Yeah. And they're supposed to be a new protagonist, the other one that they showed in the trailer. I guess he's bigger than con. And he's like the king of that empire. Yeah, I think I can get into this, man. I'm going to check out Monarch.

I'm going to give it a fair shot. And yeah, you guys are 100% right. This is one to see in, like, IMAX. Well, here at the AMC across the street from where I live, it's just fucking badass. I can walk to it. They've got something called Big D. You guys ever heard of that before?

Like, D-box? Oh, big D-box. Okay. I thought you're talking about something. Yeah, they call it Big D. It's some of that. Big D. Yeah, it's in the porno theater.

I was about to say, what are you going to? You're a real D-box. You know, that. I'm going to go walk down the street to get myself a big old D. Big old D. About to say they do things different in Florida. Yes, they do.

Yes, they do. Shooting rockets and got big D's right there. Yeah, but I want to check out the, I guess the D box, like the seats move and everything, right? Yeah, I think we. we have that up here. I haven't got a chance to try it out. It's like where they blow the air in your face. They blow the air in your face.

At least it's air, Desmond. Yeah, no, it for real. Yeah, no, it sounds cool, man. Actually, the movie that's playing there Friday, I might go see because it's, um, oh, dude. Shit, I can't even remember the name of it.

Diehard. Oh, the, The re-release? Yeah. Well, you're the other one talking about big D's. Yeah, the big D and diehard, man, right? The big D. Blown in your face.

You're talking about the... Making your series, mood. My favorite Christmas movie. Not big guy on. We're about to break Lance. All right. You're talking about the re-release, right? I guess so, dude.

It's, I mean, if they're showing it the biggest theater, what is it like? Do they add more to it? No, it's just. Extra D? I don't know how much you're paying for extra, but. You usually pay extra. What theater is this again, Lance? It's an AMC theater, but it's an AMC theater.

but it's an AMC theater in Florida so I think they're called the Florida you get the big D yeah it's called the Florida man 16 I think oh okay all right so

totally fucking forgot oh Godzilla Godzilla and Godzilla Kong right yeah Godzilla Xcom so they're obviously going to work together right yeah friends now and they've got another

buddy that's going to help them out. So we'll check it along in the big. I have a theory that they're going to fight again. Okay, why not? Because why not, right? No, because I have a theory that Godzilla drove his kind

to Hollow Earth. Oh, boy. He killed a lot of them. Oh. That's why in the trailer, they keep showing shots to all the giant skulls and everything. I think those were right. His ancestors. that Godzilla had to kill.

Oh, you think so? I assume. Uh-oh. We're losing Philip. Yeah, I didn't hear nothing you said. We're losing Philip. This is a great podcast. Like the big...

Go Skype. Go Skype. It's all because of that big D. It does. Oh, man. Welcome back to podcasting, Desmond. you back you're back? You back?

Yes I think so maybe All right We didn't hear nothing he said That's okay I forgot what I was saying anyway Okay Let's move on

From this big D It's only funny the first time If I say it again It's not funny God damn it Godzilla and Kong The New Empire Comes to theater's April 12

And Oh I know what I was saying Okay No because I really had all right so no yeah i assumed it was the uh the big orangutang monster that was like killing the the the con monsters like it was a different race of monkey or something i think that's part of it but i think we're going to find out that however many years ago was godzilla because he's supposed to be like the protector of earth right so they're going to find out that maybe that that king orangutan

led the apes on some kind of whatever thing and Godzilla had to murder all of them and drive him to hollow earth dark he's the resistance the rang-and-tang is john connor right hmm could be didn't think of it that way i did get shades of planet of the apes right because they had all those apes together in the one scene which that trailer came out to for the new kingdom of the planet of the apes which that one looks amazing I think they got that motion capture down for those movies

is it still Andy Circus that's doing the movement in that one I don't think he's in it but I think he's a part of like I think people like call him to get expert advice on like motion capture acting and stuff

so I think he's involved in the movie I don't think he's in the movie all right that's trailer on to listen feedback or do we have another track? That's it. Okay. Listener feedback. Sorry guys. I think there's a delay with me today. May it just be in my head. This week we shine the

podcast spotlight on That was Pretty Scary. That was Pretty Scary is a horror film podcast hosted by Freddie Prince Jr. and John Lee Brody. What? Oh shit. What the fuck? Okay. Together they break down every horror film they've ever seen. It's a long list and the two voices come from a place of experience,

education, and most of all, a shared love of horror movies. From the classics to new releases, from cult favorites to horror films from around the world, these two cover it all. I'm sorry, Brian. What was you gonna, what were gonna say?

I was gonna say this one was recommended to me by Nez. I forgot what we were talking about something. Oh, we were talking about, we were doing our wrestling returns episode. We were talking about Freddie Prince. junior used to write for WWE and he was like you know he's he's got a podcast and he was telling me about it and then I went and listened to the first episode which it was pretty fascinating

because he did the first episode was I know what you did last summer which he was in he's never watched it oh and he went back and watched it and he told stories about how the director didn't want him in the movie because it wasn't his choice for that role and about stunt that went wrong that he almost walked off the movie because the director sent home the stunt coordinator and all the stunt people and had him do the stunt.

Oh shit. Gorilla filmmaking, huh? Yeah. Which kind of sounded like the director just didn't like him through the whole filming of the movie. Tried to kill him. I mean... So he was just... Set him on fire? Talking shit

about the director the whole time? No, I mean, he was like he didn't really talk shit. He just, like, he didn't want, he didn't want me for the movie. And, you know, it was just kind of a dick to me during the whole movie. But I just kind of, I was, he basically, he was talking about how he was the new actor in the industry. And so he, you know, he knew not to kind of fight with the director and stuff like that. But when it came to the stunt that went wrong, he just kind of had enough of it.

And it was just like, I'm not. I'm not coming back to set unless you bring the experts, the stunt team, the stunt coordinator back because I almost died doing this stunt. And it was the stunt in the movie where they're on the boat and he falls in the water. I guess the first take went horribly wrong and he just was like, I'm not doing this no more.

I'm not a stunt guy. I'm an actor. So he... Had to bring up the Big D, huh? Yeah, he did. He laid it on his face and just like that. But off of that first episode, it seemed like a podcast that I want to continue listening because he, his angle is he's more of a fan of the movies and his co-host is the guy that's more knowledgeable and kind of has all the trivia and facts about the movies. So it's an interesting podcast so far.

Wow, never would I guess that, Freddy Pritz Jr. All right. So that was pretty scary podcast. Check it out. Zim Vader, regarding our coosies finally getting to Australia. He says, I'll hang on to a couple if I, and if any, if you get any Aussie cunts who want one or become Patrions or whatever, just let me know and I'll send them one of those. All right. We will.

we got a few of them. We never got Desmond his goosey. I've got some here in the garage at the apartment, so I got to get down the post office a few more times. I just found the original ones. Oh, the old school.

Yeah, I was going through some stuff and I found the original ones. Nice, nice. Although, I like to help us send stuff out because we don't get paid enough of this shit. become a Patreon patron. There you go.

And maybe you'll even get yourself a big D by becoming a Patreon. That's the top tier. Top tier. Premium. Premium level. And for $5 or more, I must also pick a commentary for a future bonus show. And, of course, all of our

intro and new logos come from Steve Carlton from the geeks. and uh, Natsulani does our original skull artwork. So thank you for that. Check her out on Instagram. Thanks. But let's move on to our featured attractions.

We got a lake going probably. He can't hear you. Go ahead. Go ahead. Am I fucking up again? This is not you. It's your long time, dude or something. Can you hear me now?

Yeah. Can you hear me? I know, man. I'll fix it. Yeah, I can hear you. I can hear everybody fine. Okay. I'm going to send you guys a new t-shirt design coming soon.

I'm going to send to see it. Listeners are going to have to wait to see it, but I thought it was a pretty cool t-shirt design. But that's all I was going to say. I didn't mean to interrupt. Oh, no, no problem. I thought I was cutting out. All right.

On to featured attractions. This week, we begin our Christmas season with 1984's Don't Open till Christmas. and the brand new, it's a wonderful knife. Get it? Got it. Not obvious at all. We'll start with Don't Open till Christmas from 1984.

Somebody with very little Christmas spirit is killing anyone in a Santa suit. All right. One London holiday season. I know it sounds like I've been. wrote it and uh scot lanyard has to stop him before he makes his exploits an annual tradition jesus that's the worst description ever okay present from the people who brought you friday the 13th now comes don't open oh christmas homicidal maniac is loose at christmas his target is santa claus no one dressed as santa claus is safe his death toys are

a spear, a gun, a weapon razor, a dagger, or a garage. Execution by any means. Quit the job and Derek Ford took over, but was fired after two days. The distributors then hired Ray Self to complete the direction and Aaron Berkshanshaw to rewrite parts of the script, including the original ending and the London dungeon scene. and much of the footage was completely refilmed. That doesn't sound like a train wreck at all.

Desmond, what did you think about? Don't know up until Christmas. Dude, as you, like, ran through all of that, it all makes sense now. Why, you get it? Yeah. So, like, as I was watching it, I was like, what the fuck is going on?

What is happening? It felt so disjointed, and, like, they really did. Yeah, like there were different films put together. And now hearing that, it's like, oh, because it basically was. It was like they had a bunch of different directors come in and were like, I'll do it now. It's a bad movie. Like, I'm going to put out right out the gate.

It was just pretty fucking bad. They had more directors in Santa costumes. Seriously. But the one thing that was a standout, though, was the kills and the gore. Like, the practical effects for some of the kills were really well done. Like, the first Santa Claus that gets killed and, like, that bar were like, nobody freaks out. Everyone's told me from. Another day at the Christmas bar, huh?

Yeah, they're all just like, oh, oh, no. And it's like, bro, dude got like a spike through his mouth. Like, no one's freaking out about this. Nobody seen him throw the spear or whatever. Yeah, where'd it come from? Yeah, it just... Well, it came from that dummy that everybody thought was a person standing there the whole time. But, I mean, like, that was a good kill.

There was the, you know, the dude getting, like, the gun shot in the back of the head. Like, all that practical effects was cool. The dude getting his dick. cut off when he was taking a piss. I was like, oh, yeah. Oh, man, I forgot about that one. Definitely an uncomfortable scene, but that makes it good.

Yes. Yeah, and by the time I got to the end of the film, I mean, I cracked up at the ending. I was like, really? Oh, yeah. What else you're gonna do? It's just like, it, it, Didn't make any sense.

It made zero sense to me. Brian, what'd you think? Yeah, I'm with there with Desmond. I don't know what was going on story-wise. I thought the killer originally was murdering Santa Claus's, but then started murdering women in the second half of the movie. That was, yeah. But didn't murder the naked?

woman. Yeah. But the highlight of the movie was the kills. And I will say for a slasher movie, I did appreciate that the killer changed up his weapon. It wasn't just a knife, stab, you know, stabby, stabby kills every time. He had the spear, the gun. He even had a studded spike leather glove that he punched the shit out of somebody with. a bunch of times

which I appreciate that I appreciate the practical effects but I was just lost in what was going on in the story then it introduced this whole aspect of the cop that maybe wasn't a cop

and then had this brother that nobody knew about that was really weird right I'm like nobody knew about this brother did the story of this movie know about the brother either because he seemed to just pop up at first yeah I don't think they did at first man i think they they were making it up as they were going along it looked like and then i'm right there with you the do we need to explain that nah i'm right there with you the

ending was hilarious why why not just end it with an exploding package at the end just why not sure why not which wasn't that his brother yeah his killer brother why he was like wait why are you opening that from your serial killer Santa Claus brother, what? And why is his serial killer Santa Claus brother trying to kill him?

I don't know. Because he's not the one that was like having sex with the random lady. It was her dad or his dad. It's like, why are you mad at him? What did he do? I don't understand any of it.

I felt like I missed something when I watched it. I don't think you did. The writers missed something when they were putting the script together because it was, it didn't make any sense. The only entertaining value that I could find was the kills because I was just waiting to see how the next person was going to die. And I appreciate the practical effects.

You got to be aware of your surroundings when you're in a men's bathroom. That's all I got to say. Oh! Speak up on somebody. It can't get you can cut off. Ouch. But, you know, you always got to kind of look behind you. If somebody's walking in the bathroom, you know, you don't want somebody attacking you

when you're the most vulnerable, you know. Yeah, just do. It's not, I think that does cross through your mind. Yeah, somebody walks in the bathroom, just do a little glance behind you, you know, that's it. Yeah, there's a Santa, Santa Killer in town after all, right? Check your. Everybody knows it, apparently. Yeah, somebody walks in with the knife, just glass behind you, and just, just.

recognize he's at a knife and put your dick away put your big D away but I in a bad way I kind of enjoyed this movie the story made no sense

but I enjoyed the kills and some of the characters were kind of hilarious and yeah that opening scene nobody gave a shit about somebody getting stabbed in the back of the head with a spear that was

weird. And this movie was kind of in that weird period in the 80s where it still kind of felt like the 70s. It wasn't quite the 80s. So maybe there was a lot of cocaine. Disco age. A lot of cocaine used in the movie,

huh? I imagine. Lance, what did you think? Oh, man. Yeah, it's I guess you're, Brian, you're right, man, the kills were the only, the only redeeming quality here. All right, so I have been in the London dungeon

because the wife and I took a trip to the UK and they do still have the London dungeon there, but it's it doesn't look anything like that. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What's the London dungeon? No, no, the London dungeon. You brought up the Big D earlier, so I'm just. Yeah, it's very, actually

very related, because you see you have to put on black leather. It's a tourist attraction, right on the River Thames, okay, and you go through there and they like have people act out like, you know, different, you know, British, like there's a Jack the Ripper room and, you know, room making the meat pies, the Sweenie Todd room. There's the fan base out there. So, yeah, it's pretty cool, but it's very tame, right? I mean, it's just kind of like going through a haunt or something like that.

And then at the end, they give you a little chip to get a beer at the pub because it is. is London. So they got to give you a chip for a beer at the end of it. But, dude, it was not. What the hell kind of London dungeon was that? This was nothing like what it is now. And that makes me wonder in the 80s, did they have all this weird like S&M and naked body parts

and stuff hanging up in the London dungeon? Did they consider that like a tourist attraction? Another thing that just popped in my head. There was nobody in London in this movie. Well, and nobody cared about the girl going around. That's true. I'm sure. Nobody was.

They would have told everyone to quit wearing a Santa suit, right? Nobody was at this London Dungeon attraction. Yeah. The girl that was the dancer behind the glass. Yes. She runs out of the whatever the establishment she works at, and she's running around broad daylight, and there's nobody around. Yes, very odd, right?

for one of the most populous city. Even in the 80s, London was a very populous city, right? I think London's been around a year or two. So, yeah, it didn't make a whole lot of sense, man. And yeah, the storytelling was horrible. And then you've got all these, I don't know if you would say that it's like characters that they put in there to throw you off or make you wonder, is it that person or is it that person or whatever,

but they didn't do a very good job of it. is like nothing really. And let's go back, gentlemen. Shall we return to those days of the misogyny returns? Because my God, what he did to that poor on the cot and chaining around? It's like killing Santa's and all of a sudden he's into like S&M and bondage and misogyny. Well, I didn't understand that because one minute he made no sense, right? He's kind of that way, but then the next way he's like, I'm going to leave you here until

you think about all the wrong you did and then I'm gonna come back and kill you I was like oh now you have morals and values now like a james bond villain i'm gonna leave you here and come back and see you're still and did he die at the end i don't know did he because he woke up and because they had to do the horror movie thing where they got to go check the body and then he jumps up and he grabs them by the throat and then we get the flashback. Which, I'm like, I got to talk about that flashback for a minute, because this also had me rolling, this whole flashback sequence. So, like, the kid gets, like, a Swiss Army knife for Christmas.

He's like, he's a man. He's a man now, so he gets a Swiss Army knife. Yeah, you're a big boy now. And he's like eyeing it, going like, oh, fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, I got an army knife I like how he's doing the stab emotions Yeah, he's like, I know And he starts like cutting into like

The freaking tree and the mom is like That's right! That's my little boy! That's right! And then This weird old kid goes upstairs And sees his dad dressed up at Santa Porking some random lady

And he has like a Swiss army knife He's like that bad And then the mom comes in and the dad's like dude what the fuck I'm banging this lady get out of your wife when she returns and when he pushes her down the stairs the way that that's edited and she's just like very softly lying herself down on the stairs and then slowly the head on the floor it was like oh my god this is amazing and the pool of blood forms Of course.

At least they didn't stop motion the blood. Ah, they couldn't have done that. See, that movie was, to me, was at Home Sweet Home to me. We did that a couple weeks ago, Desmond, was actually entertaining. Because it felt like a labor of love, you know, even down to the dude with a kiss makeup, but he's really a mime. But he plays a heavy metal guitar. Speaking of kiss makeup, Gene Simmons was the fucking killer in this one.

Oh, that's right. He did look. He did have a seen. The killer with his eyes. They were like smiling. I was like, what does that mean? Yeah, I don't. And he was more than one person that said, I couldn't see his face, but I saw his eyes.

It was like they were smiling. When Irish eyes are smiling, I don't know. I'm lost. Because he was really happy to stab people. Well, it was. but I didn't see where the eyes were smiling, but okay. And it's like his whole motivation was like, I remember from the end he was like, I want to give my brother something to really, you know, look for.

So I'm going to like give him the Christmas season and give them something to like really investigate. And it's like, what? But why though? Shouldn't you be like stabby's like your dad? Because she like... Unbelievable. Right. Yeah.

That would be my first victim, probably. But, you know, what are you going to do? I don't know. Maybe something that makes sense. But yeah, I kind of felt the same way. I mean, it's definitely not a good movie. But it is kind of fun because it sucks so much. Everybody had like the exact same Santa costume with this shitty little, like,

red ribbon belt. And they were all drunk. Maybe that's a British thing. I don't know. But they looked like really cheap Santa's. They were the cheapest Santa Clauses they could find. And yeah, the special effects were kind of cool. The kills were definitely the highlight of this movie because the story was insane and didn't make any sense at all.

I was confused by the end. I was like, I want to have questions, but I kind of don't care. Yeah, it was just another movie, right? Yeah. All right. Scores, Desmond, one to ten. Or zero to ten, I guess. Ooh.

What the hell you want to do? I don't care. I feel like a two. Like, it gets a two pretty much. for like it gets one point for like the kills and then one other point for the mom slowly and gently rolling herself down the stairs. Okay. Brian, what do you think?

I'm going to be a little bit more generous. I'm going to give this a four. Whoa. I like the practicals. I like the changing up of the. the ways to kill people. And also a horror trope for slasher movies is

you got to have the excessive nudity. And there was nudity when there didn't need to be like the scene where the cops come to question the girl. And she's like, I'm wasting money by being, not being at work. And then she flashes them.

Yes. So I give it a four out of ten. 4 on 10 Man, I'm right I'm right in the middle Yeah, I'm right in the middle It's a three It's a three on 10

It was You know It was decent kills You know It was definitely interesting Seeing that particular version Of the London Dungeon And you know

Not a lot more You can say about it But it It was kind of fun to watch In a way In a weird weird way So yeah And yeah

Yeah all the drunk Santa is being murdered And they don't put out a warning that says don't go around in a Santa suit after like the 37th murder or whatever. But anyway, three on ten. I kept thinking that. I was like, why are these motherfuckers still dressed as Santa? Is it that important? Yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to go for because I had a pretty good time with it,

even though it was a pretty obviously bad movie. But it is what it is. So I don't know if we're actually recommending it or not, but if you're looking for a B Christmas horror movie, this is a pretty fun one. All right, we'll move on to It's a Wonderful Knife from 2023. Brand new. After saving her town from a psychotic killer, Winnie Carruthers' life is less than wonderful. When she wishes... Angel Falls, I give you Christmas.

The lights are so pretty. This is perfect. What did you eat? Waters, it's Christmas still haunts me. Time to let that go. No one cares. Everyone would be better off if I was never born. All right, Desmond, what did you think about it? It's a wonderful knife. No spoilers yet.

Yeah, no spoilers yet. Um, you know, I was pleasantly surprised. I wasn't expecting to enjoy this as much as I did. The thing that made me laugh the most was Justin Long's teeth. Yes. I don't understand why they did it. Oh, it was amazing. And just like the voice he put on and those muscles were speaking. It was incredible.

I love that. Fun kills. I thought the premise was interesting and different and fun. And it felt very festive. It felt like it was Christmas. I love Christmas horror movies. And this was like one that like ticked a lot of the boxes that I enjoy about Christmas horror movies.

And it was fast-paced. It moved like really quickly. But still like you were able to keep up with going on. The story was very clear. It was very simple. And I like the, you know, the way that they took, it's a wonderful life and turned it into a slasher. It was creative in that way. So, yeah, this was probably one of the more surprising movies I've seen recently that I really wasn't expecting to enjoy as much as I did.

Okay. Brian, what do you think? Yeah, I think we, I forgot who we had on here. before had seen it and didn't really recommend yeah didn't really speak highly of it so i was like okay we kind of fall in lines of you know similar things we like so i was kind of not really had the highest expectations and i came out actually enjoying this movie i thought it was a pretty fun movie uh it gets points alone on that title it's a wonderful knife i like the wordplay and tying it in with the slasher uh story was pretty much straightforward

there was some decent kills in here but my favorite part of this movie besides seeing katherine isabel pop up in a movie i love when she pops up in movies i i think she's a modern scream queen but just in long everything he did was hilarious i also don't know what they were going for with his face or what was going on with with everything going on up there but it was hilarious There's probably some stupid decision he made. Yeah. And I think it was Lance Tavaris was on here with us, how he said, we need to start recognizing the Screen Kings.

Yes. Justin Long's up there. Just everything, it doesn't matter if the movie is garbage. He always stands out with whatever he does. I'm going to give him his flowers here on this show today, because millions of people listen to us. and everybody should know. Justin Long.

And Lance Henrichs was hammer. Yeah. Sorry, Brian. But I had fun with the movie. The story wasn't too hard to follow. I am a little disappointed with the ending. It was a little anticlimactic for me. But we'll talk about it in spoilers.

But overall, I think this is a good addition to the Christmas horror genre. So, had fun with it. Lance, what do you think? I was unpleasantly surprised. I was really thinking I was going to fucking love this movie, especially with Joel McHale and, you know, and you've got, I don't know, I don't know what Jess Thelong was doing.

He reminded me of like a televangelist or something, like, you know, give till a hurts type, you know, and then like y'all were saying, the teeth were you going to tell, a lot of teeth work done. So I'm thinking, okay, this is, this is going to be absolutely fucking phenomenal. And I think I just went in, I think it was a case of me going and expecting more than what I was going to get because, okay, we knew it was going to be a riff on it's a wonderful

life, obviously, right? I thought they were just a little too on the nose for me. I mean, I would have liked it if they'd done something a little bit different than that, you know, and Brian's talking about the anti-class. climactic ending. That really bothered me. Like the ending, it almost kind of felt like this movie was going to end, and then I thought, okay, there's another twist coming,

but I never got the other twist. And I was kind of like, there should have been another twist. I don't know. Maybe I'm, you know, you know, probably being a little bit too harsh on it, I'll definitely give it a second viewing, but I don't know, I expected it a little bit more out of it. I do have to say I got a laugh out of the gay Christmas tree ornament,

the mother giving her her lovely gay son a rainbow that he'll treasure forever. Now you know you're going to have to hang this on every Christmas tree for the rest of her life. That was great. That was great. And the characters, I love, the characters were kind of real, right? Because they were rigging each other and stuff like that.

But see, I can't say too much about the things that bothered me because that would be given a lot of way. But it, way too much, not only, like it's a wonderful life but way too much like another movie as well which i alluded to a little bit earlier hint hint but we'll talk about it more but yeah not quite what i was hoping for guys sorry fell a little bit short for me holidays have been rough on you with these movies lance first thanksgiving it's a wonderful knife it's only just begun man it's only just begun i i actually kind of agree with Lance on this one. I think it was

it wasn't a bad movie. It just like if you're going to go like horror comedy maybe a little more comedy because I felt like it was sort of they sort of got silly with it and it was a little bit cheesy but without being as funny as it probably should have been. I did think Justin Long was great. I don't know what's up with the teeth. Why they made that decision?

because it's no sense or has any effect on the movie whatsoever except to be like kind of funny right yeah it was it was okay like I didn't I didn't hate it it was it was fun

yeah it went fast but it wasn't Desmond was spot on like it never really slowed down yeah it wasn't it wasn't as fun as freaky or Oh, not even close. Like Happy Death Day. Not even close.

Like, I like those movies a lot better. I feel like this one pulled some punches. You know what I mean? Like it was a... I don't know. Maybe a little less R-rated than it should be. I don't know how to explain.

It just didn't hit the same way. Yeah, and it was gory, but it wasn't really gory-gory, if that makes sense. It was just kind of like excess of blood. Yeah. And like in Freaky and in Happy Death Day, they had like some real jokes, you know what I mean? Where they were serious about it, but they gave some pretty damn good one-liners, and I felt like those were kind of missing from this. With the scores and then go into spoilers. Desmond, what do you think? I feel like I'm like kind of in the middle here. I'm probably going to give like a six and a half.

that's good yeah that's two-thirds good right yeah yeah I enjoyed it I mean I went in with again really low expectations yeah lowered expectations yeah

was Marilynne manson there please no but yeah but I enjoyed it for for what it was yeah And it is also just like it's kind of, I don't know if I would call it saccharin sweet, but it is pretty.

Yeah. It tends to go there. It's got a pretty good layer of cheese on top. Yeah. And I would have liked to have seen, like to Lance's point, it felt like a hard PG-13 rather than a radar movie. You know, you got some. You got some blood, you know,

maybe a tiny bit of gore, but not much. I would have seen them push it a little bit further. And, yeah, and I'll get into it more in the spoiler talk for some of the other stuff.

But, yeah, six and a half. All right. Brian? Oh, I kind of want to give it a seven. But it doesn't, I know it's not really,

high of a score i i also came in with low expectations lower by having a guess come on here and they they got to see it in the theater when it it because it was in theaters before it was on shutter so i was just kind of like okay expectations lower lance maybe i was just in the right mood that can definitely happen were you were you green were you green by any chance I might have ate something and I might have been feeling good so you know what

this is 2.11 I'm I'm gonna go with my gut I'm just gonna give it a 7 I like some of you guys I really enjoy Justin Long's performance Catherine Isabelle I love

every time she pops up in a movie even if it's just a cameo I love seeing her pop up and stuff. Same. And some of the comedy was hidden. Some of it didn't. But, you know, that's just how comedies go sometimes. And the one

fault I can say, I do agree with you guys saying this was more it should have been more R-rated. And now that I'm thinking about it with it being released in theaters and then going to Shutter, it kind of felt like it should have been more R-rated in PG-13.

But I just was kind of a little disappointed with the ending and we'll kind of talk about that. All right. Lance, what do you think? Yeah, fair enough. I mean, again, I didn't hate it. So it's just a little bit, I disliked it a little bit more than I liked it. So it's a four on ten. That makes sense. I'm going to go five and a half. I liked it more than I didn't. Yeah, I thought it was a lot of fun and it was really well-produced. and actually really well written. It just, like, it could have been so much better, and it just wasn't quite there.

That's kind of what I was thinking. One more step up, you know? I wanted more from it. All right, spoilers. Okay, I'll jump in real quick. You guys are making me think about the rating of the movie and the tone of the movie, how. Right. Now that I'm thinking about it, it was kind of a.

little bit uneven because I'm thinking of the kill of the best friend earlier in the movie. That was pretty brutal. It was brutal. It kind of reminded me how ghost faces in the newer screen movies because she was getting stabbed, slashed, just mutilated. But then some of the other kills were just... ...of the head with a candy cane, so... Yeah, and then there's kills later on in the movie that kind of seemed like... really toned down and...

This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. It just kind of felt like something that should have went hard R instead of like a PG-13.

How do you do a slasher movie that's PG-13? It just doesn't work. Yeah. So my biggest question in all this is, would things really have fucking changed that much? I mean, okay, yeah. And plus, it's like, it's almost like nothing changed until the moment of like when that first opening scene happened, right? Like all the stuff before that was probably exactly the same except she wasn't there. And everything would have happened up to that point.

But then all of a sudden, as soon as the moment when she would have killed, you know, the killer, you know, who we find out who it is. and then they do kind of a switcheroo later that I definitely saw coming. Like I saw that, found that to be super predictable. But really like fucking back to the future too here with fucking Biff and the big casino. And come on. I mean, over the top.

What really changed, I mean, outside of, she didn't stop. What really changed the whole fucking town? People that were just stoned us were smoking crap for some reason? Okay. Because I'm saying,

you're saying everything changed. Everything in her life didn't change. I mean, in her family didn't really change. Everything that would have happened with him taking over the town changed. I guess. I guess. I don't know. To me, it just came off as a little bit unbelievable.

And I get it. I get it. But like, back to the future did it in a fun way. And this one I just kind of thought was aping that movie a little too much. And it was too much like it's a wonderful life. I mean, you've got the fucking bridge scene. You've got the, oh, what would happen if I haven't been born? And it's like, I knew they were going to kind of go there, but I didn't think they'd go that hard there.

So, I don't know, man, it just kind of, for me, it crossed that boundary of paying homage and just like stealing from other stuff, you know? I don't remember it's a wonderful life that well enough to point out all the stuff they took from the movie. I was 30 when it came out. I mean, at least they didn't shoehorn the line of every time the bell rings the angel gets its wings. Oh, yeah, what did that?

Fucking horrible. I know. Why was everybody like hypnotized? Was it the drugs? Oh, that was weird. What was that? Was that drug? Yeah.

I would have liked to have seen that part where he's like somehow made it so that everyone is like under his spell. that's where it fell apart for me because it almost looked like I don't know if it was me but it kind of looked like at the end when he's at the little I don't know meeting or whatever it kind of looked like everybody had like this green tint to their eyes so I thought they were yeah that's because as soon as you stabbed him they came out of it yeah but why right they didn't

explain that's the thing yeah that's the part at the end that I did it get where it was like, wait, so how did he do that? What? I mean, I'm going to know. I kind of got to everybody doing drugs and stuff because he kind of made it a town where, yeah, people are getting murdered. I'm going to figure it out. But until then, you guys can kind of do whatever you want into town. My brother's the sheriff and he's going to, he's going to turn a blind eye to whatever you're doing. And he puts out his own little mind control myth. There you go. Mind Control Meph. That's what it was. I did.

I just figured it out. I did like the look of his costume, though, how he looked like an angel that sits on top of a tree. Yeah. And the mask was cool, right? Because like kind of a two-way mirror or whatever, where you could see out of it. He could see out of it, but you couldn't see in. Yeah, as soon as... I'm sorry, go ahead, Byrne. I was going to say the character that she ended up befriending Bernie. how is this girl the weirdo? I don't know, but I like her a lot. I want to see her in more shit.

She's kind of cute. She runs the movie theater so you can watch movies anytime. She wants to be a badger guy. She knows what she wants to do. But yet she's the weirdo. I would have rather have a better version be the main character because she was more interesting to me than the main character. Yeah, good point.

She was. She was a better actor, too. Main character was pretty fucking boring, wasn't she? Yeah, she was like... She hammed it up a lot. And she was just kind of like every girl and, you know, every girl USA where it was like, I don't know. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

The more outcast, the more weird. Yes, much better. And much more reason to say I should have never been born, right? Exactly. But yeah, I do want to see that. actress and more shit, because she was fucking awesome. She was like the bright spot in this movie for me.

So she can definitely play quirky perfectly. Definitely want to see her again. All right. I don't have anything else. All right. Well, I think, yeah, I mean, it's not like a super, neither movie was like super deep, right? So this was no speak to me,

Desmond. So dude, tell us what is going on, man. Where can the list find here? Yeah. Well, you can find me on YouTube at Desmond's Flicks.

And on Instagram, Desmond's Flicks. And yeah, feel free to follow me there. Subscribe to my YouTube channel. Talk about horror movies, B-movies, and extreme horror novels.

So, yeah, come and say a hi. And it was awesome to be back here and chill with you guys and talk about some some new horror flicks. Always good. And it's just Desmond's flicks straight, right? No, no apostrophe, no space, no dash.

No, it's, yeah, Desmond's flicks, although it's very queer instead of straight. All one word, right? Yeah. It's a little good. All right. That's all right. We're cool with that. As long as you get that ornament on your tree, every fucking Christmas, we're good, you know.

So that being said, we want to thank all of you guys for listening to another episode of The Horror Returns. We would love to hear your feedback and ideas. You can reach us at The Horror Returns at gmail.com or go to our Facebook group, Instagram book group, whatever. What else do we have, Brian? I like you called it Instagram book. We are on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, X, whatever you want to call it. Tumblr to find us everywhere. Find us on the

facebird. You kids in your facebird and your Instagram. So, the real place to go though, for everything horror returns is just simply www. www.orgorreturns.com and you can

go absolutely anywhere from there. Next week, what are we going to check out? More Christmas movies. We're going to cover await further instructions as well as host. Okay, Brian, you got some splaining to do. I did not realize a new host was a pandemic movie, but is it a Christmas movie? Yes, both movies are science fiction horror-esque Christmas movies.

We haven't done that one? Cool. No. Okay. First time for everything. It's only an hour-long movie, so that'll be easy to get through. But It's not that host

Oh it's oh so I so glad I asked Oh fuck Okay so which host are we doing I'll send you the link All right, all right good I guess woo I must watch the wrong movie Hizman, out Not that we haven't done that before

I was like an pandemic movie I was like wait a minute Okay Oh boy on that note Phillip until the horror returns again. Good night. Damn, I was hoping for a delay, but that's all right. We'll take it.

Ah, yeah, no, I finally fucking internet kicks in right at the end of the goddamn thing. Yes, of course. Movies. We haven't done that one? Cool. No. Okay. First time for everything.

It's only an hour-long movie, so that'll be easy to get through. But, in the means... It's not that host. Oh, it's, oh, so I'm so glad I asked. Oh, fuck. Okay, so which host are we doing? I'll send you the link. All right.

All right, good. I kissed, woo, I must watch the wrong movie, Hizman. Ouch. Not that we haven't done that before. I was like an pandemic movie. I was like, wait a minute. Okay. Oh, boy, on that note, Phillip, until the horror returns again.

Good. No. Damn, I was hoping for a delay, but that's all right. We'll take it. Ah, yeah, no, I finally fucking internet kicks in right at the end of the goddamn... Yes, of course it's ass.