The Horror Returns - THR - Ep. #397: The Best & Worst Of 2023

Episode Date: January 4, 2024

This week, we bring you our top and bottom of the year that was 2023. Cool of the week includes The Bear, The Family Stone, and Steam Deck. The podcast spotlight shines on Kings of Kill. And we get feedback from Levonnets, Xim Vader, Ariel Wellman, and Samantha Bean. Thanks for listening! The Horror Returns Website: https://thehorrorreturns.com THR YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@thehorrorreturnspodcast3277 THR Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thehorrorreturns THR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thehorrorreturns/ Join THR Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1056143707851246 THR X: https://twitter.com/horror_returns?s=21&t=XKcrrOBZ7mzjwJY0ZJWrGA THR Instagram: https://instagram.com/thehorrorreturns?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= THR TeePublic: https://www.teepublic.com/user/the-horror-returns SK8ER Nez Podcast Network: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-p3n57-c4166 E Society Spotify For Podcasters: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/esoc E Society YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCliC6x_a7p3kTV_0LC4S10A Music By: Steve Carleton Of The Geekz

Regings victims, for those of you who delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify gore, welcome. You have found the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware. This podcast contains major plot spoilers. and the foulest of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror. Everyone to The Horror Returns.

I'm Lance with me as always. We got Brian. We got Philip. And we've got goodbye. We need some soundboard shit going, Philip. Goodbye to 2023. We knew you well. and you were a motherfucker at times, but, you know, there were some, there were some positive moments, too, so let's celebrate.

It gets way worse from here. Yes, for sure. Artificial intelligence has taken over. Ladies and gentlemen, do not adjust your sets. The AI has infiltrated and taken over world dominance. You'll know our show is AI because it'll have better resolution than this. Better resolution and better fucking podcast. host too, right? Yeah. All right. So it's very, very, very special once a year event tonight. Brian, fill us in. What are we doing, man? We, of course, are doing our annual best and worst.

And I guess we will also talk about our favorite TV series, which, of course, you guys know, I've finished very little. So mine was super easy to get to. Yeah, I'm glad we weren't doing a worst TV series. I thought about that question that y'all might ask. And I'm like, well, if it was the worst, I'm not going to watch it. The one you watched one episode of and turned off, right? I don't remember it. I guess we could have made it disappointing.

Yeah. Maybe we'll throw that in if we got time, right? Yeah. Yeah, it was a lot of good TV. In fact, up until I finally saw the show that's going to be my best, I had four or five in contention, so Can't complain, dude. You had another season of Chuckie,

even though you only got four episodes. Let's see, we got beef on Netflix. Do you guys check out beef? Oh, yeah. I still haven't watched it. It's one of the only few series I finished. It's a good one, man. Well, then I guess I'll have to.

I remember Brian, you said a lot of good things about it. Yeah. Yeah, I could go on. There was a lot of good stuff. What's the last of us? That was a good one. Oh, I forgot about that. The bear, the bear on FX, not horror.

That's a little good. Masterpiece. Yeah. So good year. But we're talking about this week first. So what's your cool of the week, Brian? Started two more TV series that I'm going to really try to finish. First, I started the White Lotus.

That's a good one. That was a good one. Yeah, I think you'll enjoy it. I'm enjoying this cast of very strange characters that are all at this hotel. So just the situations that are popping up and the humor, I think I'm going to end up sticking with this one. Yeah, I'm not sure really what the point of it all was, but it's fun to watch. Yeah, just everything going on. I'm just like, how is there a second season?

This seems like it would be more like of a limited series. Totally different story. Yeah, they changed locations. Yeah. Oh, okay. And the second. I just stuck on Max and just checked out because I've heard so much about it. And I think, Phil, you said you'd finished it, a succession.

Oh, yeah. This is a horrible-ass family. No, yeah. All of them. I mean, nobody sticks to their. word it's like they agree on something and then like two minutes later they're already backstabbing somebody else how do you think they got so rich but i'm enjoying that so far oh and i started i finally started the bear too so so what's your what's your favorite

that one i really enjoyed the bear that was good yeah me too man i'm gonna go i'm gonna go with the bear um the bear really like the characters in it um i'm early into it so um not really into it so um not really getting the reason why he has come back to the restaurant. But we're getting there. I like all the characters. It's like a different style of TV show. Yeah. Like they've got some interesting cuts and stuff.

I thought that was very uncut, uncut gems, right? Yeah. Really stressful, a lot of anxiety. Yeah. I don't know. A lot of chaotic scenes. Well, I'm sure that's what it's like working on a restaurant. I've never actually done it.

Well, it doesn't help that the... Well, he calls him cousin, but it turns out he was just my brother's best friend as a fucking asshole. Yeah, that had me confused for a minute. Everybody kept calling him cousin. And I was like, how many cousins does this bumfucker have? But, yeah, I'm enjoying that so far. Nice. You picked some good ones, man. Yeah.

I think you'll probably stick one. Yeah, I just need to come up with some type of schedule because just so much stuff like you said earlier, Lance, there's just so many TV series that are good and you want to get to them all, yeah.

And it's kind of hard because I try to get to everyone I can because everybody constantly talks about it and you go online and somebody spoiling something. Oh, that's the worst. Yeah. That is the worst.

worst. Is that you cool of the week? Yeah, I'll go with the bear. The bear? That's a good one. The succession and the White Lotus are great so far, too. Yeah, it's all good stuff. I'll jump in with my cool of the week this week.

My, well, you know, we had Christmas and all that, so that was fun. My son got a steam deck from his uncle. Nice. Yeah, fucking expensive as hell. I don't know. What? But anyway, I don't know what this is. Am I?

So it's like... Am I too old? Yes. It's like a Game Boy, but for your Steam account on a computer. Oh, okay. And my son is always on my computer, so I can't really play anything. Video games. Or watch porn.

Video games. We had video games in the 80s when I was a kid. And so I've been using the Steam deck, and I played, I downloaded a, that Harry Potter game, the Hogwarts Legacy. Oh, okay. Because it was on sale for like $30, I think. And, uh, dude, it's awesome. It's like Spider-Man mixed with Skyrim.

What? What? What you like to create your own character? Yeah, you can create your own character. Everybody's pretty much new. There's some family names in there that you know. But, uh, and I was never the biggest Harry Potter fan. It was kind of a little bit out of my age range.

But, uh, sure. but I watched all the movies and I'm really enjoying the game man it's a lot of fun I've been playing the shit out of it for like the best three or four days so that's it steamed deck

did I get that right steam deck yeah okay looks bigger is it all right well shit I got to see another I know now that I can see the rocket launches from our apartment complex

yeah because I got to see yeah man I went out and took the dog for a walk after I finished work at 625 or something like that. And some dudes wearing a SpaceX jacket at the dog park. And he's saying, hey, guys, we're about to launch. Watch this guy. You'll be able to see it in about five minutes. Sure enough, 630 launch.

We caught it. Pretty cool, man. So I can definitely. I can definitely see them. Yeah, they're launching satellites. Oh, okay. And they're sending, they got one schedule for January 17th, and they're sending four people up to the International Space Station.

Or, I guess, filming of that new upcoming movie, I-S, Brian. You heard about that one? That looks interesting. Looks very interesting. Do you see no trailer for that one, Phil? No, I didn't, but it sounds cool. Basically, it's Americans and Russians in a space station getting along, working together. Oh, yeah.

And then war just completely fucking breaks out on the planet. and they both get messages to take over to space station. I remember this. That sounds amazing. Yeah. I can't wait. That'll be interesting. Oh, yeah.

It's like Ronald Reagan said, when we face a threat from outside this world, maybe we'll all come together. Yeah, just the idea that they were just working along, getting together, and then they just get one message. Yeah. They just got to take the space station from where they're,

side. Changes everything. Yeah, firearms in space. Probably it's a movie. Yeah. All right. I guess my cool of the week, though, is Brian, after all those

31, make sure she's not listening, after all those 31 incredibly painful Christmas movies had to sit through, I finally found a good one. We watched. You guys ever seen The Family Stone? Oh, yeah. with fucking horse face.

It's got horse face in it. It's got Diane Keaton is in it. Owen Wilson's brother, Luke Wilson, like he plays the laid-back hippie brother. Just all kinds of, just a crazy cast. And it was a lot of fun. It was a really good dysfunctional family meets the new girlfriend or fiancé for Christmas story. So I'll give a shout out to the Family Stone.

Did it? Oh, because of all the brothers swapping wives and girlfriends with the other brothers. I don't know what it was, but I hate that fucking movie. Oh, no. I kind of enjoyed it, man. I thought it was offbeat. A little bit of a nice break from all the Hallmark shit. I guess that shows you where the bar was by the time I saw that one, Brian.

Well, that's true. You should be commended 31 movies. We made it. We made it. And 90% of those movies I probably will never ever watch in my life. And the funny thing was

No, go ahead, Philip, sorry. I feel like it's like that like if you're working in a department store and they're just playing Christmas music for like a month straight. Yes. Constantly. It's like, oh my God, please stop. And the sad thing was probably 20 of them

were 20-23 releases. So, Dave, we're watching like Netflix original Christmas movies, 2B original Christmas movies, free-be original Christmas movies. It ain't just Hallmark anymore, folks. Yeah, they were horrible. So fucking bad.

So, let's move on to good stuff, shall we? What's next to that? I don't even know what our format is tonight, guys. Somebody else. We are just going straight into listener feedback. Okay. That's good to know. Listener feedback, we're going to shine the podcast.

spotlight on Kings of Kill. The show dedicated to the love of all things horror. Kings of Kill. Check them out. Kings of Kill. All right. Regarding Alyssa Sutherland in Evil Dead Rised, Levinette said, don't forget

there were two teams doing her makeup. The first half of the film was myself on hair, tattoos, wigs, and Troy Fallington on prosthetics. Just the two of us for the first half, then Luke on the second half, after she leaves the bath.

Two teams of artists that should be noted. Yeah. Don't have some loved everybody. Yeah. I did some good makeup on that one. Oh, and the people on Instagram that when I put, when I post a news story and I put rumored, don't get all upset talking about who's your,

where did you get this news from? The source. Who's the internet, dude. That's what I commented. You did use the word rumored, right, Brian? Yeah, because... It's not how you're making shit up. What is it? Maxine.

There's no release date for it, but it's rumored to be late February, early March. Don't comment to me who's your source. Tell me this now. Who's your Thorpe? Who'd your Thorpe? The article I read, dude. Yeah. I never reveal...

sources. Oh, there you go. A real journalist. Regarding becoming a Patreon, patron, Zim Vader, says do it. All right. All right.

Yeah. Maybe we'll eventually get around to recording some more Patreon exclusive stuff one day. Oh, yeah. Maybe. I'd have to figure something out. You know, I just remember, I need to talk to Nez. We recorded

a Friday to 13 fan film review last year. What happened to it? I don't know. Oh my God. Regarding hostile three, Ariel Wellman says worst of a three, I wouldn't even recommend it. I agree on that one too. I don't ever remember seeing it. I don't think you've seen it. I mean, maybe I have and I just forgot about it. it's complete it looks completely straight to video yeah Eli Roth didn't have nothing to do I think they put him down as executive

producer but I don't think he had anything to do with it I got you like like Hellraiser 6 then huh I don't know Liz well kind of kind of kind of blend after a certain one that's true that's true um regarding Scrooge Samantha Bean says God, I love this movie. It's in the top of my Christmas movie list. So underrated. Agreed.

Yeah. My favorite scene is the whole movie with Carol and Bill. Their chemistry has always been perfect on stream, and the scene was mostly done off the cuff. They had such a great time playing off one another, that Bill almost breaks character at the end, trying to stifle a laugh. It's also too extreme person.

personalities of Jim and me, which is what makes the scene all the better. So there you go. Personal story for Samantha. Of the extremes of Jim and me. Are you hitting Jim with toasters? Samantha? Slap. Slap the spark into you. Slap the Christmas spirit into you.

It's a radical new therapy. That's it for listener feedback this week. Of course, our show intro and new logos come from Steve Carlton of the geeks be on the lookout for some more great stuff from steve our course our original skull artwork comes from natulani check her out on instagram and if you'd like to help us out please consider becoming a patreon patron just like zim vader said uh let's pick the movies for a future show at any amount and for five dollars more a month also pick a commentary for a future bonus show all right on to well i guess we don't really have featured attractions we're going to our annual best and

worst of the year So, Brian, sounds like you're taking control of this one. Let's roll. All right. My one time of year where I take control. I guess since it's the shortest of the list, we'll start with favorite TV series. Now, I'll go first because I've said it many times on here before. I rarely, I start every series, but I rarely finish one, or if any.

But I did finish two this year. Secret invasion. Secret invasion got to you. Damn it, Lance, I totally forgot. I just saw I finish three series. If we're going to do a disappointed series, it'd be Secret Invasion. Because that ending just fell apart for me. And I kind of feel like after what they did in that series, they'll have to maybe retcon or rearrange some storylines for the future.

Or turn it all down and start over. And everybody's done with Marvel. But y'all say Loki, Loki's made it word, even though, because we know they've cut Jonathan Majors loose now, right? It's official. Oh, they did it as soon as the verdict came out. Yeah, like they were ready to go.

I picture his phone to get a message on his phone before he even walked out. I'm eager. But I heard, I heard, not in news, but I heard a rumor. Lance, do you know the actor? Coleman Domingo? Absolutely. Yeah, Fear the Walking Dead. He is rumored to kind of take his place.

Wasn't he in the new Candyman movie, too? Yeah. Yeah, that dude's pretty good, man. I'm not too worried about it. They'll figure something out. Hopefully he'll stay out of trouble. But I heard they're reworking it, though. Cain's not the...

Okay. Give me Dr. Doom. That's who I'm. It's about time, isn't it? We need that now, right? We need some new characters. We need the X-Men. Yeah.

Let's not mince words here. We need fucking X-Men now. That's for sure. But Loki is my runner-up. I think it's the best out of all the Marvel DC Plus, Disney Plus shows. Just from start to finish, the storytelling, the acting everything was flawless the set design because I love the TVA

because it's in the future it's futuristic but it has that kind of 70s kind of throwback feel to it also so that's my runner up but my favorite show of the year Phil you brought it up beef beef oh cool yeah great great choice man I just love the setup of these two people that just got are very relatable just got shit going on in their lives that

just kind of makes you fucking angry and just tired of deal with people's shit and they just cross paths and then just kind of go on this kind of rampage for each other trying to get each other back for fucking the stupidest fucking thing but it just happened to be that day

that it happened on the day you said fuck it I'm not going to take no one's shit and Stephen Young I'm liking him more and more to me see now I'm calling him more him Stephen Young. Not just Glenn.

Yeah, I'll call him Glenn. Yeah. And I can't remember who you were talking about. Yeah, I can't remember the other actress's name. She's a comedian. Yeah, she looks familiar. Is the last name Wong, maybe? Just is it, no, not Jessica Wong.

Allie Wong. There's an Allie Wong. That is her name, right? That's her. Okay, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, she did the whole pregnant stand-up special. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know if she's like a terrible idea. I don't know if she's more stand-up comedian that does acting on the side or perverse, but she did a fantastic job and there was some other characters. There was one actor on there that I guess had some controversial comments and people tried to cancel the show because I guess he told the story on this podcast. Oh, they. but if anybody doesn't believe exactly what you're supposed to believe you're canceled that's it yeah so with that being set aside

I thought his his character was funny Lance he was the the cousin okay it's a good show man yeah that's my favorite series of the year so I'll throw it to you Lance Okay, so I think I've said it before on the show that there's one episode, like one type of TV episode that I hate. And that's where, you know, they show a scene with a lot of trauma going on. And then they, and then all of a sudden underneath the screen, it says 24 hours before, you know, and then they go back and show you what I'll let up to that trauma. And I'm like, that's a fucking cop out.

I hate that idea. But for some reason in this TV show, it worked perfectly. Ball of the House of Usher is my favorite TV show. show of the year. So you start out with the scene that's kind of like the climax of everything that happens in all the other episodes, and then it flashes back, but it gives you like

one death per episode, and what led up to it. Every character is totally fucking hateable. You talk about the show, y'all were talking about it's on HBO. What's that one? Succession, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like a horror version of Succession, right?

It's all these spoiled, entitled rich people. This super, super rich family and then they throw in the fact that they're into big pharma and all this other kind of stuff and i'm like it's starting to feel a little heavy-handed but you know as as usual they pull it back and i think they go they go in the right directions i don't know about you guys you guys both seen this one i've only seen the first episode yes okay it's definitely had seen that one it's uh it's it's it's a show that that we needed.

I think that I didn't know I needed because it had been such a good year for TV, but when it came on, I was one of those where I just couldn't stop. I think AJ and I watched every episode over two nights, like the whole series. Yeah.

Because we wanted to just kind of keep going with it. And, you know, as new secrets are unlocked, you know, you get to know more about what's going on with certain characters. And you've got one particular character that, like, goes around and haunts everybody. And in the end, you find out why. So there's like a lot of,

lot of supernatural to it, but there's also a lot of things that really could happen just with evil people. So, follow the House Usher for me does it does it this year for Top Show. All right, Bill. I'm going to give a couple of honorable mentions. So I'm going to say, before I reveal it, I'm going to say Jack Ryan was great. It was the final season of Jack Ryan. I've been loving that show. Always awesome. very complicated, very complex, very well done. Black Mirror made its triumphant return. I forgot about that. Okay.

So they had some, I mean, I don't know if that really technically counts as a TV show, but... It counts. Not quite back to their old form yet, but not too far from it. I thought it was pretty good. A couple episodes in there at least. And then, yeah, my favorite one's going to be the fall of the house at usher. I think it was nice great my favorite moment was in the the animal testing laboratory oh yeah that was that was the best scene in the whole series yeah pretty creepy series man flanagan flanagan delivers again right yeah it was uh beautifully made that flanagan has killed it on everything

that he's done so far that i can think of at least yeah i love the way that you would just have like certain characters that were speaking and you're thinking that really sounds like something Poe would have written and like you go back and Google it and it's the exact poem. It's like an entire poem but they're saying it just as if they're talking conversationally

and the way he works all the Poe into the script. I don't know who else wrote it with him but well done. Very well done. Very creative on such a restrictive concept. Nice. Now he's taking his talents to Amazon. Yes. And let's

Please, let's get the dark tower. Let's do it. Oh, man. Let's get the real dark tower. A Flanagan Dark Tower would be amazing. Yeah, from what I understand of the books, don't do a movie. Do a series. Oh, no.

Yeah, it's got to be like one season per book. That's the only way to do it. All right. I don't know if we did it like this last year, but I feel like we should say worst or last. Oh, okay. That works. So we are going to start with our best. We're going to do it how we usually do it around Robin.

First, let's get some honorable mentions out of the way. I got a few that probably have made people's top ten lists, but I just kind of liked the more obscure indie movies this year for my top ten. Oh, nice. All right. So honorable mentions that didn't make my list were missing. Sorry. Oh, I forgot about that one.

Yeah. I wrote them all down, so I remembered. Yeah. Saw X. I felt like that was kind of return to form for the series. Scream 6. Didn't like it as much as I liked Spring 5. Me neither.

And we'll throw a little bit of news since we haven't had news in a few. What's your so? What's your source, Brian? Oh, this is confirmed. The director Christopher Landon has also left the project. Oh. He has quoted to saying his dream job turned into a nightmare. Huh.

Interesting. And that listeners, that is how you kill a franchise in a matter of months. That's wild. Producers got too involved, I guess. Let's see. Renfield. Renfield was a fun one. Okay.

Cocaine Bear was a fun one. It was fun. Lance, I think this is probably one of the best I seen during our 31 in October, Dark Harvest. You and me talked about maybe reviewing the book eventually. Yeah, I'd like to check that out. And also, almost made my top 10, which was a suitable flesh with... I didn't get a chance to see that. I think it's coming up.

shutter here so all right Lance you got some honorable mentions um honorable mentions uh let's see i've got uh it lives inside the uh high school girl that's battling with a genie and also cultural issues at the same time thought that was really well done um another honorable mention for me is a spoon full of sugar because if you can't get that little brat to settle down just give them Damn it. That did come out this year. That's also an honorable mention. Fuck.

I forgot about that. All right. It's on there. It's officially on there. I've got two more, two more honorable, Cobbweb. I thought that Cobbweb and you've got

Homelander, being homelander. You've got the kid, not knowing what's going on. Pretty good twist. Not nearly as good as a New Zealand film that I saw that had. somebody living in the walls that came out a few years ago but not bad not bad i know what you're

talking about it might be coming to the horror returns here in a couple months oh we didn't already watch that's that's that's a good rewatch oh all right good rewatch yeah um okay i got one more this one this one tour me up because i really tried hard to get it on the list but it just barely fell short and that is a little World War II epic end of World War II epic called Sissu because it was just such bloody good fun not you're going a different direction there no it was just such bloody good fun but oh you thought i was going Oppenheimer huh yeah it's like damn honorable mention you sent that sent that picture of day nahen and everything that's right

i didn't i didn't what a treat to see him show up in there you know and a villain too what was it was it a treat? No. At this point, it's an end joke. But yeah, pretty good year for movies. I had four honorable mentions there. All right, Phil,

you got any? Yeah, I got a couple. Mostly because they're not horror. But my honorable mentions are Grand Turismo. Just watched that one. Oh, that's so good. Fucking great movie, man.

Yeah. It was a really good movie. super impressed with it. It's the story of like the PlayStation Grand Tourismo kid that goes on to be a real racer through a contest. Is it a real? Isn't it a true story? Yeah, it's a true story. Yeah, the guy that the guy, the real guy is actually in the movie. He's the stunt devil for the actor. Oh yeah. Okay. But yeah, that's pretty cool. Definitely, definitely worse watching. I hadn't seen a racing movie in a while that was, that they're always good. And I think, what's the actor's name?

De Man Hanju, that played his dad. Oh, I know. What? That guy does not age. Yeah. And Barbie had a really good time with that. Wow!

That's a fun movie. I'm not going to lie. That movie is way better than it should be. Yeah. I can't. I really, I walked in expecting to fucking hate it right and I had a really good time I was like oh okay well maybe the social commentary isn't so harsh it's most mostly tongue-in-cheek and if smartly written

if I'm what I read is true I respect Margo Robbie as a business woman she could have got paid way more upfront but since she was a producer she wanted back end on the movie on the box office and that idea made out big there you go That's the way to go. Oh, and that's, oh, and I'll throw in nefarious. I don't know if you guys have seen this one. It's a small little movie. It's a...

Religious horror? Yeah, it's like this guy in a prison, and he's claiming to be a demon, and the psychologist comes to, like, sign off on him because he's about to get the death sentence, and he, like, has to convince this guy that he's actually a demon. And in order to do that, he has to convince him. that God exists. I have heard of this. Okay.

It was an interesting watch. The ending gets a little cheesy, but it was good. Ending was a little cheesy, huh? Yeah. All right. We're going to do round robin, starting at number 10. My number 10, best of the year, came at the beginning of the year, and that was Mithrigan. Megan.

Good. Nice. Okay. Almost did it. make it on the list because I totally forgot about the movie even though it was such a long time ago. Even though it was such a pop culture phenomenon.

Yeah, but it was like a January release or some shit. Yeah. Yeah. Fun movie. It went further down my list because, of course, like I said, I forgot it, but I kept it at this placement because when I saw the unrated cut, it was kind of disappointed. Yeah, I expected more from the unrated for sure. Me too.

It wasn't really much violence at it. It was just kind of extended dialogue on some scenes, and I was just kind of... Agreed. But we all watched it. Yeah. Yeah, of course we did. It's a fun character, though, and of course I can see this becoming a big franchise if, you know, they just keep it wacky and fun. So, Megan.

had potential to suck and it didn't. I agree. Yeah. I went in kind of thinking I was going to hate it. And you'll hear about it in a little while. All right. Number 10, Lance. Oh, number 10 is a found footage movie, which just like last year, we had that found footage movie that was kind of like the evil dead. I'm trying to think of the name of it, but we all loved it. The guy in the cabin that, like the girl showed up. She said, oh, I watch your Pondage. I'm your number one fan.

Oh, Deadstream. Yeah. Oh, dead street. That was great. Yeah. Yeah. That was, I usually don't like found footage. That was my found footage for last year.

And this year, my found footage is VHS 85. A lot of fun. Damn it. Love the way. Love the way they tied the couple of the segments together and had a great payoff. And just a lot of weird shit. going on that was great. You know, it felt very 80s. I really enjoyed the one that was in, I don't know if it was, I think it's Mexico City, where they went, they went down

below and found the ancient Aztec god. It was 80s. Directed by my girl, Gigi Saw Guerrero. Gigi Saw Guerrero, yes, sir. That was a great one. And I love the one about the, what they call it, the new flash or whatever, kind of like a David Cronenberg type thing where the ladies reciting poetry and standing on a stage doing the mixer mixing with the sound and everything and putting on the got the the um what you call them virtual reality goggles that was a fun one but again my favorite was the way they tied together the kids that went to the lake and trying to figure out was that the end of it or are they going to have a payoff and boy did they have a payoff when they finished that story so yeah man VHS 85 lots of fun enjoyed it

All right, Phil. Number 10. I did forget about that one. I kind of want to give it an honorable mention at least. All right. Consider it done. I wasn't sure whether to put on my top 10 or bottom 10. Uh-oh.

It was, I didn't see that. I didn't see as many movies. So bad it's good. Evil Dead Rise. I think it was pretty good. Okay. It was, I mean, it was interesting. It wasn't as good as the first.

version of the remake, but I was scrounging for movies. I reserve the right to change my list, but that's my number 10. All right, number nine for me is a conclusion to a fan film series that Lance

cannot stand, and that is never hike alone too. All right, I didn't say that. I know. I'm just messing with you. It's all right. It's okay. I thought it was excellently done. I love the they tapped into the lure of the of the movies and they ended it well and i'm sticking to what i said that um they need to give the guy that made this uh i think his name is vincent de centi

let him let him do a movie i mean whenever i'm sure they will whenever they figure out the rights things i heard there there is a movie coming also along with the series so let let this guy directed. He has a love for the franchise and I watched when the fan film debuted on YouTube I watched it with my daughter and she she was surprised when I told her this is this is a fan film made on YouTube she thought it was an actual Friday 13th movie. Yeah it was it was a high-gloss film I mean it looked like something the studio would put out for sure it was 10 times better than half these fucking Christmas movies I watched that's for sure

All right. Number nine, Lance. Oh, all right. Okay. Number nine is another one I thought I was going to hate. But I, and the opening scene kind of threw me off. I'm like, really? This dude's not fucking fighting people on a ship because he's like a savior for the oceans or is this like the Statham Aquaman or what? But as this movie proceeded, I realized more and more how self-aware this film was. how this Ben Wheatley knew exactly what he was doing. Every fucking scene in this film just got more and more outrageous. You've got the scene where you've got, you know, the people that are that are carrying machine guns. And then you've got other people that are running into the building behind them that are throwing grenades and shit like that.

Then you've got a giant octopus. And for fuck's sake, what do they call it, Brian, Fun Island, where they all ended up? Of course. So, yeah, I got the Meg, too, on here. A lot of fun, man. What the fucking movie are you talking about? Super self-aware. Super self-aware.

Ben Wheatley, I'll say it to my dying breath. He did this totally on purpose, and it was cheesy, and it was B-grade, and it was glorious. So, I love it. I don't think people knew that that's the tone he was going for. I mean, there's no way you can make the Meg 2. There's no way you can make the Meg 2 and just go for a series grounded. movie. Yeah.

I mean, I believe... I believe Jason Statham kicks a egg in the face in a movie. Of course he does. Of course he does. When does the rock drop in, they'll turn it into a Fast and Furious movie.

Oh, I can't wait. Fast and furious sharks. It's the crossover. Oh, my God. And they'll get they'll get like David Cronenberg to direct the next one or something, right? All right. Right, number nine, Phil.

Number nine, I'm going to go with Saw X. All right. I thought they did the franchise justice in this one. Like, I know it's just another fucking Saw movie on top of all the other Saw movies that are there. But I feel like I really enjoyed this one. Like, they kind of brought it back to the beginning almost. Yeah, they did. They did.

they kind of brought it back back to where it was supposed to be, right? Yeah. So it was more of a traditional saw movie. It wasn't as good as the first one, obviously, because the first one is always the surprise. Here, hey, you've never seen a fucking movie like this before. Here you go. And then this one just sort of plays off that.

But it was good. So that's my number nine. All right. Number eight for me, Lance, you brought it up in your honorable mentions. This one actually made the list based off of a rewerews. watch and that is cobweb. Ah, okay. And it was all...

To watch it. All because of the performances of Anthony Starr and Lizzie Kaplan. Because they are fucking creepy and wacky. Oh, yeah. Always love Lizzie Kaplan, man, and anything she shows up in. Because she plays like this Goody Two Shoes kind of housewife's form. school teacher but it's creepy and then Anthony Starr I don't think he can't smile without it being creepy that homelander smile yeah just like selling

toothpaste you're you're smiling at me but you're you're gonna do something to be right I there's some people in the vibe man that's why he's smiling I want to go back and rewatch Banshee that show he was on. I've never even seen it. I think the binge cast used to cause because he was impersonating the sheriff whose name was Hood.

So the binge cast used to call him not hood. That's right. I do remember that. I do remember that. I want to go back and rewatch that to see if he had that creepy just I'm smiling but there's something behind the smile look to him

because I don't remember him having that. You don't remember that? No. It's So what? Maybe he perfected it with Homelander. Maybe, but I'd kind of like to see it too. I never, what network is it on, Brian?

I think it's on Max because I know it's a Cinemax show, but I think HBO owns it. I was hoping you were going to say Stars because the only way I'm going to find Swim Fan is I'm going to have to fucking get at least a month of stars. so I find it it's very difficult to find swim fan swimming out there anywhere

for me it has been but we'll see oh that was Phil's idea all right Phil well that's all right because having star well stars it's $2.99 a month for three months and then it goes up to $999 so I'll just I'll just watch as much as I can in three months and cancel

there you go all right number eight Lance uh oh number eight. This is one that we did in our 31 days, Brian, that I told you this was the little independent movie that could for me this year. When is the blue blood, honey?

Yeah, very close. Shaky Shivers. Oh. Directed by Han. Really? I love shaky shivers. I knew from the trailer it wasn't going to be just a straightforward werewolf movie, and it

wasn't. So you got a cult in there. I knew there was going to be a cult. You've got, you know, lots of You got a guy that wears a werewolf mask at the most unfortunate time possible, which is hilarious, like the opening scene of the movie just cracks me up. And then you got people coming back to life. You get people that are almost like zombies. You've got a lot of like, it kind of felt like folk horror a little bit, like a folk horror undercurrent, which I'm always a sucker for that. I thought the two girls that were acting were phenomenal.

They were hilarious and just the right places, and the movie was, like, just cheesy enough that the gore was fun. It wasn't, like, totally over the top, but it was a lot of fun to watch. So I'll go with the shaky shivers. All right, Phil. All right. My number eight is going to be the Sound of Freedom. I don't know. I don't say the sound of music.

No. Not exactly a horror movie, but it kind of is. Horrithic. Horrific topics in there. Yeah. And I thought it was just really well done for all the shit that it got. And I was pretty happy with the way that movie turned out. Killed it in the box office, too. Thanks.

Yeah. So it'll take all the shit it can get, as long as they're making money, right? Yeah. But then some of the proceeds go to charity for that movie? I'm sure a lot of them did. Yeah, it's a movie they've been trying to get made. for like six years. Yeah.

Or it's been made for like five or six years. And they were just trying to pick it up. You had Jesus as the main, the main protagonist. Literally. That's true. Yeah. Jim Covesel. Yeah.

I forgot about that. Can't go wrong with that. Can't go wrong with that. But yeah, man, very, very impressed with it. It's definitely worth a watch. Yeah. I think it's on Amazon now. Real good.

All right. Number seven for me. I did not get a chance to watch Birth Rebirth, but I watched another Frankenstein-esque movie, and that was the angry black girl and her monster. Oh, okay. Yeah, I didn't get around that one either. I tried to.

Yeah, I thought this was a very smart idea to use certain topics in this time period for a Frankenstein story, and I thought the girl, who I come to find out, was the voice of Doc McStuffins, the children's cartoon. Oh, that makes sense.

I thought she was a fantastic actress in this movie. And I recommend people watch this. It's on Shudder. I haven't heard too many people talk about it. But, yeah, I just thought it was a smart... to use the Frankenstein storyline

and modernize it for this movie. I thought it was a smart idea. I still want to check out birth-rebirth, but I did check out this one. That makes my number seven. And then we'll do the trifecta with poor things, right? I don't know if I want to watch that movie. Yeah, I've heard some weird stuff about it.

I'm not a big Emma Stone fan. The Emmerstone movie was Frankenstein, basically. Oh, okay, I got you, yeah. Oh, I thought that one looked interesting. I think it's three hours long, too. They put a child's brain in her and somebody bangs her. Oh, really? Yeah.

I was going to say, usually Hemistone does some pretty decent movies. Even when they're, you know, like, fucking La La Land or whatever, but they still kill it. Oh, geez. And it's got some weird stuff in the trailer, like Mark Ruffalo's in there, and she, like, kicks him into nuts and he looks like he's enjoying it. What the fuck is this movie about? some weird sex Frankenstein things. Yeah. This might have made a Frankenstein

Fettish movie or something. Yeah, no kidding. All right. Number seven, Lance. All right. Seven is going to be the director who's better than his father. And he proves it again.

Infinity pool. Infinity pool. Seven for me was infinity pool. I loved what they did here with the concepts. But really what made it for me was the one scene where she's like riding on the front of the car and throwing shit at him. Oh, she's eating chicken wings. Yeah. Yeah, throwing chicken wings at him.

It's great scene. It's just, it's awesome. It has so much to say about the differences in class and class struggle. And it just has things to say about how we think we're entitled to shit and we go to these other countries and we all sorts of debauchery breaks loose. and we never have to worry about suffering the fallout for it. But this is one where we suffer the fallout for it. So, yeah, Infinity Corps has a lot to say. Like I've been to Pakistan and Afghanistan and Kazakhstan and all that shit.

And like Americans think they have it bad. No, the fuck you don't. He got home and kissed the ground, didn't you? How about American privilege? We definitely have that. Sure, sure. All right. number seven, Phil? Uh, my number seven is going to be Mithrigan.

All right. Yeah. Right. Good. It was a, it was a happy surprise, man. Like, you know, it's got some cheese in it, but I had a really good time with this movie. It's no ex-Machinem, but it was a fun time. All right.

That's great. I just caught that. All right. Number six. Number six for me. Another one that was in your mentions, Lance. It Lives Inside. Yeah, good pick.

Good pick. I really, I think those are one of my favorite series we do on the horror returns is the international horror when you get a chance to learn about these other cultures. And I thought another movie where it was solid acting. solid storytelling and yeah under

underappreciated movie I don't think it did well at the box office but again I don't think it was in the theaters that long I didn't even know that it came out in theaters they don't usually yeah I saw it in theater it is available

but it was a good one I forgot about that movie it is available on Hulu if anybody hasn't seen it yet so that's a place to go now to check it out then. There it is. All right, number six, Lance. It is, Mithrigan.

I love this movie, man. Fun start to finish. I've seen it about five or six times already. The rated and unrated versions, and you're right, Brian, super disappointing that we didn't get more carnage in the unrated, but maybe we'll get that in the sequels. Because this thing could go anywhere, right? Like in any direction.

and it's rumored I'm not going to tell you who my source is that she might meet Chuckie one day so we'll see how that plays out but I think I think Jason Blum said basically he didn't say yes or no but he was like

don't rule it out don't rule it out means yes that'd be fine print it on the website Brian yeah so my favorite part of this film was the dialogue and the writing it was a beautifully scripted film. I love

the part with the cop. There's one part with the cops there just saying cop things and then all of a sudden start saying things from out of left field. And then you got the nosy neighbor just like bitching complaining about all the goings on next door and then Mithrigan

tells her what's what, you know? So I enjoyed it, man. Fun movie start to finish. I love the dude that ran the tech company. I guess he's a stand-up comic. I think Brian, you said in real life. but yeah yeah good movie i want more i want more are we going to get a sequel this year we need to 20 25 all right that makes sense let it air out a little yeah yeah open the bottle uh number six phil

my number six is going to be candy land nice i didn't even put in a honorable mention i should have great movie man it was it was a cool concept that i totally did not see coming out all and uh like it went from like a gritty real movie to like a crazy cult movie just like instantly yeah pretty well done yeah they did it they did it very well i i was i was pretty impressed with candleland nice all right number five for me is a movie that had no business being as good as it was and proves that you don't have to be r rated to be success in the office. That's the boogeyman. The boogie man.

Oh, okay. All right. That's a good one. That's a good one. All right. Lance, number five. Okay, number five is one that Brian is not going to agree with me. In fact, it might be on his other list, if you even consider it horror.

I'm going to go ahead and throw a bone here and say that Bo is afraid is a horror movie, and I'm going to go ahead and list it as my other movie. I haven't watched it. I loved it, Brian, I loved it on the rewatch. Trust me. Rewatch it.

Spoiler for my list. Spoiler for my list. I hated that movie so much. I left it off every list. Oh, okay. All right. At least it didn't. I thought everybody was great.

Nathan Lane hamming it up as only Nathan Lane can as the, I don't know, the weird dad that's married to the lady that's trying to take care of him and has the daughter that drinks paint if you can believe all that. Yeah, it's well made and well acted. I'll give you that. You know, Ari Aster, he could make a movie. It's just,

I think this is the weakest one out of all of his movies. I do too. Far and away. Yeah, otherwise it would have been number one. So, but, you know, still, I'm, it, what, it made the top five, right? Just barely, but it made the top five for me. So, yeah, there were no one like super outstanding

movies this year, though, that I can really think of but what well maybe exactly yeah we're getting into it right i guess we'll see yeah there was no yeah there was no hereditary this year that's for sure yeah all right number five so number five is gonna be uh infinity pool nice that's a good movie man just just weird enough but not like gross weird like his dad does but I like it it is a good movie

yeah that's a good pick interesting interesting and different different it's always good number four for me Phil I hope you've seen this because me and Lance had recommended it a bunch and it's up your lane and that is no one will save you

no fuck I kept rolling across that movie and I need to watch it. I thought it was called Philip the movie. I know, dude. I was so into this movie. It was probably halfway through that I realized she's not saying anything throughout this fucking whole movie. I didn't even realize it until I heard people talk about it on a podcast after I finished the movie. That's how much I didn't notice that there was no dialogue. Oh, it's on Hulu.

Yeah, I think it's a Hulu original. Hulu original. All right. I'm going to have to watch this one. That's my homework. Yeah, I thought the aliens look super cool. And like I said, I was just so invested in it. And then I looked at my daughter and I was like, she hasn't said a word throughout this movie. And she's like in her, go ahead. Kind of like Nick Cage in the Five Nights of Freddie ripoff. Yeah, because she's going to, she's going into town.

She's not really interacting with people, but she's around people. and she's just not saying anything. I never even realized it, dude. I got to rewatch it. I got to rewatch this one. And I can't remember the actress's name, but I guess she's going to be a major character and The Last of Us Season 2.

Okay. All right, well, she can pull it off, man. She can definitely pull it off. Number four, Lance. Number four is a little movie called No One Will Save You. The Hulu original.

Yes, Philip. So this is your homework after we finished recording, dude. For sure. The part they got me was the way they realized the aliens, like the way that it was kind of like, I couldn't tell if it was creatures that were living inside of other creatures and like they were using them as host bodies. But I really loved what they did there.

I love the way that they, you know, kind of took over the human form when they needed to and they needed to appear human. They were able to do that by adapting. kind of Borg style, if you're a Star Trek fan, and assimilating, as it were. And a lot of people don't love the ending scene or don't understand it, but I've got my own internal idea theory of what that was.

And maybe we'll talk about it next week after Philip's seen the movie. But I love the ending of it, man. I thought it was perfectly done. I mean, who hasn't seen a good... Better be quiet. Phil doesn't see it. I don't want to give it away. but it harkened back to a Twilight Zone episode for me,

so we can talk about that later. Well, I'll definitely have to check that one out. That'll be my cool of the week for next week. It's awesome. Well, Philip, too, let me tell you something. The alien shit starts literally five minutes into the movie. Oh, nice. And I couldn't tell what time period it was in, Brian.

It looked like kind of that video game, Destroy All Humans, that takes place like back in the 50s. I wasn't sure if it was her in the way she dressed or if that was the time period. You're right. I couldn't really. It was hard to tell, man. And that, that, I think that added to it, man. But I loved it.

So number four. All right. My number four is going to be Sisu. Yes. What a great fucking movie, man. Like, it's not going to. win any Oscars. But God you never know. There's always technical

Oscars and special effects. Great trailer where they just tell you the dog does not die in this movie. Yeah. He almost does a couple times. Yeah. Sure. But I mean, this guy almost dies a bunch in the movie.

A bunch of times, yeah. I mean, you know, no spoiler alerts or anything, but the hero doesn't die. And, of course, You get the ultimate villain, the Nazis. Yeah. Of course. And you get to ring. Perfect villain.

You get to ring the stupid people sounder for that one. Because they are told many times who this guy is and not to mess with him. And they keep going after him. They continue to be cannon fodder. All right. Great pick. We are in our top three. My number three.

is Evil Dead Rise. Oh, wow. Okay. And that was all because of Alyssa, is it Alyssa Sutherland? Mm-hmm. Yeah, she stole the movie for sure. And she owned this role,

especially on social media. She was hype in the movie, hashtaging, because what was her line in the movie? Mommy's with the maggots now. That's right. Yes, yes. She was hashtagging Magatimmon Summer

And she looked like she had fun doing this role Because she posted a lot of Behind the scenes Makeup Work and how they did the scenes And super cool And if my theory's right This movie connects the original series And the remake

I still hold by my theory Because they said there are three Necronomicon's Right We've seen three different versions of the Necronomicon. So in my heart, we would see the final girl in this movie, Jane Levy's Final Girl in the remake, and Bruce Campbell in a movie in the future. That would be my dream, Evil Dead. Doesn't that be great?

That would be awesome. Hey, it could still happen. So that's my number three, Lance. It can still happen. Oh, shit. Number three, this is a movie that came out of nowhere that I watched for 31 days. It's called When Evil Lurks. Not we're evil lurks, but when

evil lurks. The scene with the dog, just fucking brutal, man. The scene with the hatchet, even more brutal. It's just like, just when you think that this movie's like shot you and shown you just horrific gore

and like something that just makes you wince to look at, they go over the top again. The puss drooping off of the zone. The one that falls under the road and splats. Is this the Spanish language one? Yes. Okay.

I never actually watched it. It's out there, dude. You got to watch it. It was it on shutter, Brian? Yeah. I scrolled across. I clicked on it once, and then when I realized it was like subtitled, I was like, I don't know. Move done.

Yeah. They explain the rules simply. So it's not like you have to like constantly. If you might miss a couple subtitles, you're not going to get lost or anything. Just listen to Evuela, right? Yes. Always. All right, Phil.

My number three is going to be Renfield. Ah, nice. I had a really good time with this movie. Nick Cage is Dracula, man. One of the roles he's always wanted to do. So I'm happy with it. He pulled it off. Pulled it off.

I liked it. All right. Number two for me is Lance when evil lurks. There we go. There we go. Like I said, they explain, you can play the stupid people sounder for this one. They explained the rules. You got the old lady that's been there.

Those, knows all the ends and outs of the, what they call it, the rotten. Yes, the rotten. She's telling everybody the rules and nobody can follow the fucking rules. And it kind of makes you mad watching it because you're like, no, this is just going to make something worse. Yeah, don't do it. Don't do it. But yeah, I agree with you, Lance. That scene with the fucking dog, it made me jump because I knew it was going to happen just the way the tension was building.

but when it happened I was like or before it happened I was like they're not going to show this yeah I thought it'd be off screen like you could just hear

the dog or something like that yeah made me look at my dog just like if you ever but yeah Phil I don't know if you could fit it in but I would say this is

movie homework too all right I'll have to watch both of those this trust me dude the subtitles won't take you out of it once the movie starts going and never lets up yeah like i just i watched like the first two minutes of it and i was like all right i'm not in the mood for this right now you need you just needed two more minutes and you would have been drawn drawn in all right lance uh number two rinfield this was this was my top movie of the year for a little while and it's just yeah nick kage did great but i thought nicholas holt

He definitely held his on. He's becoming quite an actor. You know, he's got, he's on that TV show The Great. And I thought that was going to be terrible, but he makes it fucking hilarious. And I mean, hell, he played Beast. And I want the X-Men back. So I'm going with Nicholas Holt. And, yeah, Renfield, for me, is number two.

That guy could not be Beast because he is the new Lex Luthor. Allegedly? Or what's your source? Confirm. I am D.B. is my source on that one. I can definitely see that. Yeah, definitely see that.

Yeah, if he plays it kind of not whiny, but just kind of unlikable, how he did in the menu. Yeah. Yes, that's right. That's right. As long as it's not Jesse Eisenberg.

Where's Dane to Han when you need him? Oh, yeah. There you go. My number two is going to be talk to me. Nice. Nice. Nice. Great, great movie, man.

Didn't expect it to be as good as it was, and it was something unique and different, and I like that. All right. Segway into my number one, which is Talk to Me. I thought it was just a fantastic storytelling. They took a, how can I say this, an unoriginal idea, which is the whole, the Ouigi Board aspect and Vated Original. put their own twist on it with the ceramic what do you call it embalmed hand

and just use that in place of a Ouija board and then there was some super violent scenes in there and then the main actress I thought it was fantastic because she did so many fucking unlikable things in it and it wasn't the actress it was the character And that's just the way she played it.

They all did unlikable things. Yeah, and hats off to the directors. These guys were making YouTube videos and had a script for a movie in A24. Didn't make the movie. They were making a movie, but believed in the movie enough to put it out. And rest is history.

Yeah, for sure. That's a good pick. All right, Lance. Talk to me. Number one is talk to me. When we got to that scene where it was kind of show, the music was playing real loud, and it would show all the different characters,

like, touching the hand, and, like, their eyes would go up, and they'd start speaking to the dead. It was just, that scene got the man. The montage was fucking phenomenal. That was, like, the best part of the movie, but everything about the movie was good, and I definitely loved the extreme violence,

and they weren't afraid to hurt kids, that's for sure. And then, you know, you obviously anybody that's had experience with, you know, either drugs, alcohol, you know, challenges like that, it's not real far-fetched to realize that every time they're doing this, they're getting high. So it was a really good movie, man. Talk to me was my was my number one of the year. So again, you say 824, right? Yeah.

To release it. So, yeah, they haven't fallen yet, and they haven't let me down yet. If it's got A-24 attached to it, I'll almost definitely be like, oh, okay, I'll watch that. Even the comedies. Could let you down in the future. So you want to go bigger budgeted movies now. Wow, it was good while it lasted. My number one, even though talk to me probably should be number one because it's actually a horror movie. This one sort of is horror.

Oppenheimer. Yeah, it's horrific. That chilling final line that he says in the movie. So remember what he said? Oh, God, that movie is, that, that's, yeah, that's a good one, man. That's a good pick. We'll definitely let's get away with that one for horror. The World. That's what it was. Great movie. Yeah, yeah, it was, it was epic, and it was, that one's going to win some awards for sure. Should win Best Picture. I mean, I can't see why it wouldn't. I can't think of anything better. But you never know. Very impressive.

I haven't picked the best picture of the last two years in a row, so we'll see. Maybe the last three. I don't know what's on the list. There's definitely nothing that I've seen personally that's going to beat that for sure. You'll probably vote for Barbie. Yeah. It's my pick. This is probably the only one I've seen.

All right. now to our worst of the year the bottom 10 I don't have any dishonorable mentions but do you guys have any no I had a hard time filling out this list I had it a hard time too I've got one

dishonorable mention and it's almost more of a this year I'm going to call it my dishonorable mention because it wasn't horrible but it wasn't good and that was the the movie straight to video or straight to shutter called the puppet man I just thought it was kind of silly.

Let me put it to you this way. Dream Warriors did it better. Yeah, I remember you talking about it for 31, and I just skipped it. You're okay. You're okay. All right, I'll kick it off. Bottom 10. I recently re-watched this movie.

Still not good. But it almost got bumped out of my top, or bottom 10, and that was the Exorcist believer. Okay, giving it a little bit of love then. Yeah, I still think the girls did a fantastic job. I just think it was a very boring by the numbers movie. It's just a typical exorcist movie instead, but instead of one girl, it's two girls. Instead of one priest, it's five priests.

Yeah. So I walked in. Different denominations. And my wife and daughter were watching this the other day, and it didn't click what it was. and it was just a scene with like a possessed girl talking to her parents or whatever I'll be right back to think my dogs out there playing out that scene from Winnieville lurks hold on there it is oh no stop him and I thought I thought it was like a Saturday Night Live sketch or a sketch or something just the way that it was set up but just initially just from the

look of it I'm like oh man yeah yeah oh man I would like to give you a number 10 to cut in line here, but I don't know that I have one. All right. That's fine. So I'm not sure I have one until number eight, so we're going to have to wait until Lance gets back, and I'm sure I'll add some stuff to it. All right, so I don't know what to do now that Lance is gone. I know. Well, the Exorcist believer, I think if they would have just...

That's my number. eight, by the way. Yeah, they were trying to go big, like I said, with doubling up the girls that were possessed and all the people that were doing the exorcist. I think if they would have just stopped trying to go big and just focus more on story. There were too many, like, especially in that last scene, there were like so many people in there. I was like, what? Where did all these fucking people come from? Why are we doing this? All right. Let's tell you're talking about. Exorcists still. I was talking about, I don't think that I have a number 10, but Exorcist is actually my number 8.

I don't even think I have a number 9, but we'll go to you for number 10. You move Exorcists to 10 in them? Well, I don't have enough movies to make up the top 10 bottom. Wow. Okay, well, that's good. That's a good thing, man, right? Yeah. You should have watched more bad movies.

I know. Well, that's how I was saying. I never watched Skinnamarink. I saw that on a few top 10 list. Top ten, okay. Yeah, but... I've heard nothing but bad shit about it, so... I've seen it on a few top tens, too.

It's like when me and Phil were talking before we started recording, the Outwaters. It could be on the bottom, it could be on the top. Yeah, because it was a good one. There's something there, but like the whole flashlight thing made me kind of enraged to the whole movie. That's bad, yeah. So I guess I'll throw that one on there. is number 10. There you go.

Even though I actually kind of like it, it doesn't deserve to be in the bottom 10. It was a weird year. All right, Lance. Number 10 was a movie that I thought I was really going to love, and I did love one scene that involved in ambulance.

But other than that, this was a fucking bore to me, and fucking Rayleigh ought to God help him if this was his last role. Although I think I saw a trailer for something new coming out that he's in. So explain how that work. But cocaine bear, you let me down.

I expected a lot more from you. Yep, number 10, worst film of the year, cocaine bear. I know. I wanted it to be better, but I almost put that on my top 10. I figured y'all were both going to have it on your top 10. No, I thought I mean... I ain't done yet, guys. I'm going to shit on the horror movies y'all

probably like before this night is over. Yeah, I mean, cocaine bear was fun. but it just wasn't good enough for the top 10. Yeah. All right. My number nine was a movie that not only disappointed me, but disappointed the public because it was in the theaters for less than a month.

And that was the last voyage of the Demeter. Oh, that was a very great. Now... That probably should have made the list, actually. I can't actually say that it was that bad because I never actually watched it. You didn't miss much. There was no Renfield in it. There was no...

The guy who's the Dracula killer. What's his name? I think I watched a movie in a copy of it. So I'm going to catch that. There was no Van Helsing, but there could have been a Van Helsing in the final scene, but they had him walking around the town and pauper pants the whole time. That movie was so bad. A papa.

That none of us, including our guests, Adam Thomas, none of us watched it. Yeah. first time ever nobody watched it and then when I watched it then when I watched it I was like this movie is beautifully shot I like the setting

and I know for a fact they did make up for Dracula but he just looked like they just threw a whole bunch of CG on him and it just fucking looks stupid all right well that's my number nine to Lance, number nine. Number nine. Thanksgiving time is a special time.

Catch you out of Shander going and smoke your weed that time. I don't know. Thanksgiving fucking sucked. Eli Roth has made nothing but trash lately. This, let's just move on. This is not even worth talking about again. Oh, you're just saving your words. I already had to watch it one.

You're saving your words when you say. see Eli at Texas Frightimer. That's right. That is exactly right. He's got some explaining to do lately. All right. Number eight. I don't know why they keep making it. I don't know why

it keeps making money. The Nun 2. That almost made my list. Yeah. If you didn't see the Nun 2, don't worry, because you saw the Nun 1. Same movie. Same movie.

Yeah. and I still think Bonnie Arons kills it as the nun but they give her They give her nothing to do Right The movie's called the nun It's all the guy

It's all the guy that gets possessed But you don't know he's possessed until the last five minutes of the movie Because he's asking like just a regular nice human being Just happens to have Satan living inside of him Yeah and then you follow What is her name? Taisa Formiga You follow her in Stormwood you follow them here

just for someone to say to go here and then they go there and then they keep doing this until they figure out they need to go back to where they came from. Yeah. I think they had a lot of McGuffins in this. Like you could go

like religious horror or you can go like really demonic scary horror and this did neither of those. This was Hollywood horror. And this Fair enough. Well, well said. This is one of the movies this year where I really fucking hated trailers because they're, they need to stop putting cool shit in the trailers. I know you got to sell it. Yeah. But that scene with the magazines flipping and it made the design of the nun. Yeah. That would have been super cool if you just saw it in the movie. It got revealed the first time in the movie.

Yeah, I didn't expect to see it. That makes sense. I would agree with that. That was the only part of the movie I liked. And then Storm Reed, they have to go out of the way to show you. Oh, she's a rebellious nun. She's rebellious. So what does she do and sneak in a cigarette behind the rectory? How else could she have a miracle at the end? She can't be that, rebellious.

Jesus. All right. My number eight is the Exorcist. We already talked about it. The Exorcist. A little disappointing. Lance. Are we on eight or?

already? Shit. Okay. Number eight was a remake that did not need to be remade and a snooze fest called Children of the Corn. Why, oh, why did you do it? Children of the Corn. Not good. I'm interested to see how y'all's bottom 10 list goes here. Our retrospective on Children of the Corn will return in a few weeks. Oh, that's right. That's right. More corn coming. More cheese and corn coming, Philip. Right. Number seven is from my 31 days. I threw in some family-friendly horror movies, so maybe this probably shouldn't have made my list, but... But it did. R. L. Stein's Zombie Land. Zombies. I'm sorry. Zombie Town. Oh, I never watched it. I've heard it so bad. So bad. Yeah. It has cameos from Dan Aykroy, Chevy Chase. How can it be bad? It was. It was. It was not. not funny.

It was, I found my, it was one of those movies I found myself looking on my phone instead of looking at the TV. Yeah.

Sure, sure. That'll happen. Number seven, my number seven is going to be Pet Cemetery Bloodlines. It's just kind of disappointing.

To me, it was just kind of meh. Yeah. Pet Cemetery Bloodlines. Well, I haven't watched this quite as many movies as you guys, so I've got slim pickings on my bottom ten.

And I don't hate a lot of movies. I didn't even hate that one. I don't hate that I watched it. Right. Did it live up to the standard? No. I would agree. If they had found a way to sneak Jason Clark in, Brian,

would have been a whole different movie. Yeah. Something. Some way to tie it back. It probably could have made my bottom ten just for the simple fact that they kind of changed. that character because totally yeah where they set that character up is not where the character is that we know so

a little retconning perhaps right we on what number six now or number seven for you lance number seven is death metal you guys seen this one yes I have there's no death and no metal just about bunch of easy listening elevator music in between sequences of dialogue with maybe a kill do you remember a kill being

even in it, Brian? I was thinking, what is it, death lords? Is that the name of that movie? I haven't seen that one, but I want to. That was on Netflix, right? I saw a screener for death metal like two years ago, so I barely remember it.

Okay. I don't think we're missing much, Philip. All right, number six. Also for my 31 days, heard. And I think I described this as if you took the most boringest walking dead episode where nothing happens, and you make it into a 90-minute to an hour,

45-minute movie, you got the herd. That's bad. All right. That's bad. My number six is going to be insidious, the red door. Good pick, man. You know, actually, I didn't entirely hate this movie. It was definitely a whole lot better than the last key.

I had nothing good to say about that one. That was garbage. That was really bad. Really bad. And so this one was definitely a step in the right direction. It was just like, I, you know, I mean, I hate for you to quit while you're down, but like, just quit. Let's make some different movies. We don't need more in cities sequels.

Fair enough. Well said. Well said. All right. Number six, Lance. Number six is my non-horror movie of the list, but it's so bad that I had to put it in here. It's a genre film. It's, I guess, sci-fi.

But my number six is Transformers, Rise of the Beasts. Ah, I didn't watch it. I don't know what you guys love. about these Transformers movies? I don't love them all. This is rough. I thought this one was funner than the last few that came out.

It even had a guy in it that it was our hero that had been in a musical and even that couldn't get me to like it, Brian. I was what to say you should have loved that guy. That guy's in all kinds of movies where he's singing the dancing. I know. I know. It's just

it's the one off for me, man. Now, if he would have sung and dance in this one, would you score go up? Probably would have been on the top 10. All right. Number five for me is another 31 days. I saw a lot of shit in 31 days. Sure. You have to. You have to.

This movie had Daniel Harris, Robert England. Oh, wow. Bill Mosley. It's called Natty Knox. Natty Knox. Yep. Throughout the movie, I was wondering.

That's what kept me from watching a shitload of terrible movies is because when you came on and you were like, yeah, this movie kind of sucked. I just was like, all right, well, I'm not going to watch that. Without the movie, I was trying to figure out where Natty was and why she wasn't knocking. Is this a tribute to Natty Light? Oh, I was about to say, is the sequel going to be called Nanny Light? Oh, there better not be no sequel.

It depends How much they make I think this was straight video or on demand or whatever you call it Or free YouTube Or to me They sell you with Like I said Daniel Harris, Robert England

Very mostly You'd barely get Daniel Harris That doesn't surprise me Then you get a little bit more Robert England Okay You get a lot more Bill Mosley than I would think But then you get the rest as the kids Yeah Bill Mosley is fucking horrible

I don't know if he's on that level yet Well Of like a Robert England Definitely not Yeah I don't know he's a horror legend man Yeah he's a horror legend but Yeah

You're throwing in Robert England Like let me see that fucking guy Because you've watched around since Texas Chainsaw. You watch the documentary, Lance. You know this guy can act. Right. But he's barely in the movie.

And then, like I said, they create this mythology for this thing called Natty Knox. And it's just kind of like a side story. The stupid name of a movie to begin with. How about that? So that's my

number five. And it gets worse from here. We're going down hill fans. It reminds me of the five-bye. My number five is, it's a wonderful knife. This one was garbage. I thought you were going to say Black Christmas. Just because it deserves being on here every year.

Yeah, it's a wonderful knife sucked, man. Like, I cannot recommend that movie to anybody. it is terrible all right all right lance uh let's see number five it's been mentioned insidious the red door hateable people the father-son relationship is atrocious why was this movie made what father-sum relationship exactly there you go bingo all right done it was terrible really bad all right number four lance i know you've seen this one quicksand where there's no Quick sand. Just dirty water, right?

Splash running the dirty water and act like you're stuck. A movie called QuickSand where they're like looking for quicksand and they actually can't find any because how often does that pop up? I mean, I guess the real, it's two people stuck in like Lance said, muddy water that's supposed to be quicksand. But I guess the real horror of the movie, I guess, is being stuck in the quicksand with somebody that you're divorcing and don't want to be with anymore? Well, yeah.

What a way to go. And I thought the ending was just fucking stupid. Terrible, wasn't it? Don't forget about the poisonous Anaconda. It's a non-venomous snake in the real world. But, you know.

That's that, too. All right, number. They can squeeze you and bully out. Number four, Phil. My number four is Children of the Corn. I don't even remember what happened. At all. Enough sad.

All right. I know that I watched it, but I don't remember a single thing about it. Well, you remember it was a girl leaving him instead of a boy this time, right? Sure. No. You don't remember. That's kind of a given. All right.

Lance. All right. Number four. A little indie movie they couldn't. Winnie the Pooh. Blood and honey. I'm surprised.

It was all in my number over. So fucking terrible, man. Just guys, just sadistic guys walking around and Winnie the Pooh and Piglet masks. Now, granted,

but there's a lot of the head. The head crushing, true. The head crushing scene was wonderful. That was good. But the fact

that the girl in the hot tub didn't take her top off, takes it right out of the running for me. So, yeah, and why they drooling petroleum jelly? That was honey. Sure. Sure. There was some good stuff.

Like, uh, he whipped Christopher Robin with, uh, Eeyore's tail. That's so stupid, man. It wasn't with an accent. I'm Christopher Wobbin. Oh, don't hurt me. I'm, I'm your friend. Don't you remember.

I'm your friend. Isn't that what he sounds like? He's not British. He's just got a speech impediment. Well, you'll be up for the sequel, Lance. Bigger budget. And we get Tigger in this one. That's what I'm worried about.

That's what I'm worried about. I want the backstory on Eeyore because they implied they ate them. Yeah, I'm sure that'll be the prequel. They're going to save everybody. maybe he's going to be the good guy you never know hey it's possible with this bouncing tail he he he he he he Tigger's the lion king man he's like oh your dad just dies fuck it

All right number three Was a movie I didn't remember until I seen it pop up on somebody else's list And it had probably the worst CGI alligator or crockoning I can't tell the difference. In this movie, it could have been either one. It looked the same. And that was the flood.

Okay, I never got a chance to see this one. I didn't either. I thought you were going to say the one where he gets, like, trapped in the pool with the alligator? That's one, right? That movie is Oppenheimer compared to this movie. Oh, wow. Oh, boy.

Yikes. There's that. I think it takes place. I want to say New Orleans, Lance, when there's a flood happening and a prison, prisoners break out and also somebody else. Basically, everybody gets stranded in this building when there's a flood and that leads the alligator, crocodiles, whatever the fuck. And it looks like a fucking video game inserted into a live action movie. If it happens in New Orleans, there has to be the gator expert that sounds like the guy from the Waterboy. yes absolutely

Bobby Breeshey this if if that guy showed up the guy with the nipple rings yeah is that what you're talking about if he showed

up I tell him right now this movie would have never made it in my bottom 10 but the characters were fucking

I wanted everybody to die they were that hateable huh I wanted them to die at once so the movie

could be over and it didn't happen I can't just hungry right down I think And I think it's also billed as like an action horror movie. There was no action in this movie. No action?

Just a video game alligator, huh? I'm talking Nintendo 8B. Looked like something from that video game pitfall. Fucking sci-fi movie. Oh, man. Number three for me is the flood. The flood. Okay.

All right. Number three for me is going to be elevator. game. Oh no! I kind of like that one. I know. I remember you telling me that. And I was like, oh, that's so sad for you. That movie was seemed a lot lower budgeted

than I expected would be. It was pretty low budget. It looked like Disney Channel kids in a horror movie. sort of. Without a lot of horror, right? Yeah.

Yeah. It was like the haunted mansion. I just kind of like that alternate universe part to it. I thought that was kind of neat. That actually was pretty cool. I mean, there were some good bits, but it was overall not a great movie. Yeah. Well, you didn't hear it on my top 10.

You noticed. Well, I think I had a little bit higher hopes from it because I think it's from the same people that made that movie Glory. Yeah, absolutely. Which was an amazing movie. I love that one. And compared to glory, this one. Didn't.

Or glory. Not glorious. Yeah, glory. Yeah. Glorious. Yeah. Glorious. You got it.

Yeah. This was not that for sure. Fair enough. All right. You got a number three. Oh, yes. Number three is the exorcist believer. Bad.

Bad. So, oh my God, man. What do you do? You want to make an exorcist? Well, let's put two kids in it. like Brian said, and that way we've got twice the devil, twice the fun. But wait, let's not stop there. Let's bring in like all these weird hybrid, like let's bring in a Bible thumper. Let's bring in a televangelist. Let's bring in a Haitian person that's doing voodoo and shaking chicken

bones. And let's mix all these people together, but never, never forget. It's the Catholic church. The Catholic church. But the Haitian voodoo, the Haitian voodoo priestess is like, Jesus will save your soul I know they're all Jesus it's all Jesus it's like okay aren't there not other religions in the world that's what I'm saying man they couldn't get there in time Lance

I guess sure sure yeah let's let's just let's move on this was not a fun time at the theater I am not looking forward to the next two movies all right there's more fuck

according to my sources Yeah, don't, don't reveal your sources, though. Continuing my 31-day spiral here was a movie called Fog City. Don't even know what that is. When you take hot women that occasionally get topless. And I still don't care. Oh, that's rough. Yeah.

Fuck you, movie. I'm looking it up right now. Fog City. I bet you are. Basically, these hot people go to a cabin. And get lost in the fog? No, a siren happens and a fog rolls in. And nothing happens.

This looks so bad. It is bad. Wow. Wow. How did I miss this? Jim. Look out for the fuck. That looks bad.

My number two is the none too. Of course it is. Which I kind of knew before we even went to the theater to see this one. Kind of rough, huh? Yeah, man. It was kind of the same thing as the first one. It's just like, I already talked enough about it. It was pretty garbage.

And you know what I realized? Like, it's a cool concept. You could do something good with this, but you didn't. Right. What? Me and Phil have done both none movies without you, Lance. That's right. Are you serious?

Yeah. I did watch those. You came on the next week and talked about them. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't great. It didn't quite make the bottom of ten, but it could have. It could have easily made the bottom of ten.

All right. My number one, worst of the year. Oh, boy. A worst of 31 days. A movie that could have been not good, but so bad it's good, if they would have just played up the wackiness. Through some nudity in there, some fantastic kills. Oh, wait a minute.

Are we already up to number one? I thought that was three. Oh, Lance, you're doing two. Oh. Damn, and I gave my big setup. You know what? It's all right. Go ahead.

We're going to gloss right over it, Brian, because you're going to gloss right over it, Brian, because you've already talked about it. It's called QuickSand. Okay. All right. Slother House. Slother House. Oh, I shouldn't know.

Slother House? Yeah. A killer. Greenlit the name for this fucking movie. That's even hard to say. It's a killer sloth that gets let loose in a,

what do you call it? Sorority House. Oh, boy. And they can get away from the sloth. He's murdering everybody in unremarkable ways. There's no nudity. The comedy was fucking so just had me rolling my eyes. My head was hurt.

How does the sloth murder anything? I guess I would say you'd have to watch the movie, but I'm telling you not to watch the movie. I've seen those things move. Like Winnie the Blue Blood and Honey. And, well, I mean, in videos, not in real life. But, like, I've seen those things move. and sloths do not like they live up to the name for sure like they don't move fast when they're doing anything they got bugs crawling all over him and shit they just completely missed the mark this could

have been this should i should have been laughing my ass off the kill should have been crazy like i said there was it's a sorority house there i don't think there was any nudity at all that they showed that's a sin not to show any nudity at a sorority house man Especially with a movie called Slothor House. No, shit. This should have been something I would have been talking about in my cool of the week talking about. This movie is so stupid but fun. I can't wait for them to make a sequel.

They have to make a sequel. I hope this movie dies and they never resurrect the idea ever again. It'd be like making a movie about a hedgehog that kills everybody. That's bad. Or like the lawnmower man, right? right? I liked a lot more, man. It's dead.

Okay. All right. What's that Jeff Fahey? Oh, yeah. Jeff Fahey, the little slow. You can't use the other word anymore. The guy that was kind of slow. Yeah.

That turned out to be the evil genius at the end. Don't they try to, like, make him sexy in the movie, though? lawn mower boy that took his shirt off to muddle on or something like that yeah his I don't know why I remember this but he was like all sweaty with no shirt on they should have called it the pool boy the pool boy yeah I vaguely remember that Brian and I probably watched the movie five or six times when I was younger but oh man have you seen the director's cut no I don't think so you don't the only thing they added was a monkey

like a champ, a laboratory champ, that were a virtual reality headset running around. Why is there a monkey? Probably why it was deleted. I had to try it on the monkeys before they tried on the humans. And now here we are. Wait, wait, wait. The monkey was running around or he was running around a virtual reality. He was running around wearing virtual reality and attacking people.

How's the monkey going to play the game? Bad stuff. All right. My number one is going to be Winnie the Plu. Winnie the Pooh. Blood and honey. You know what I mean. Same.

Winnie the Loub. All the Loub come out of his fun. It was honey. Like, I feel like there was something here. And I think the biggest problem I had with this movie was just I expected it for I expected for it to be I kind of knew that it was probably going to be bad But I expected it for for it to be like bad and awesome And it wasn't I think they kind of what I was I think they took it too serious

Yeah, that's good that's what I'm saying I think they agree more serious I think the costumes were dumb like Winnie the Pooh doesn't need to be wearing combat boots. What are we doing? But the smashing head scene kind of saved it. But yeah, all in all, it was a failed attempt, I would say. A failed attempt. Floodgates are open. And next week we'll talk about Mickey's Mousetrap.

I heard of that. The trailer. I watch the trailer today. I know. See, this is another one I'm going to be excited about, and it's going to come out, and it's going to suck. And it's going to disappoint you. Like I said, the floodgates are out, because after the trailer came out, I guess there's a horror Mickey Mouse video game and then another horror movie based on the Steve Boa Willie Mickey Mouse character. There has to be. Yeah, there has to be. There's some sort of horror-ish game that seems very old-school Mickey Mouse. It's. It's like ink. Oh. Bendy.

That's it. Yeah, my kids have played it. I don't know what it is. Kind of trippy-looking? Yeah. It looks very old-school Mickey Mouse. Hmm. I might check that out.

All right, Lance. All right. This is it. The worst movie of 2023 was also one of the first movies of 2023. This was another January release, and this is one where I was like, okay, I've got my AMCA list. I'm going to use it. and I went to see the devil conspiracy. Now, this was about a group of mad scientists who figured out how to, I don't know, reincarnate evil.

And so to make the ultimate evil, what do they get, the shroud of Turin? So why the blood of Jesus Christ is going to make an evil demon? I have no idea. And then the archangel Michael comes down to planet Earth. But by the time he gets there, they've already kidnapped like three or four women and impregnated them somehow, and it just goes off the rails after that. So,

that devil conspiracy. I really don't like religious horror, and you're just saying words to me right now. See, and I love religious horror, but I've never seen this movie. I remember, I remember seeing the trailer in

the book theater, and Lance was like, I'm going to go check it out in the theater, and I was like, okay. Yeah, but I've heard nothing but bad things about this one. Well, it made the list. It made the list. So, gentlemen, is that it?

Can we sign us? That is it. All right. Another year on the books. So, as always, we want to thank you guys for listening to another episode of the horror returns. We would love to hear your feedback and ideas. You could always reach us at thehorreturns at gmail.com.

Or just go to our website, www.thehorreturns.com. And follow all our social media links from there. as well as hear the latest episode of the show. And next week, as we do every year, Pedro joins us. He's going to talk about some of his favorite movies and least favorite, and we are going to talk about the brand new Night Swim as well as Swim Fan from 2002. So, Philip, until the horror returns again, Good night.