The Horror Returns - THR - Ep. #431: The Crow (1994) & The Crow (2024)

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

This week, we check out the new The Crow movie and also the 1994 original. Cool of the Week includes Veep, Oddity, and Poker Face. Trailer is Y2K. The podcast spotlight shines on Mouths of Madness. And we get feedback from Richard Coleman, Shannon Logue, Thomas Durant,  Don Loery, Gillian Wells, Octavia Rodas, Buck Lawson, Tommy Padilla, Carmen Diaz-Rocha, and Mark Brinkley. Thanks for listening! The Horror Returns Website: https://thehorrorreturns.com THR YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@thehorrorreturnspodcast3277 THR Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thehorrorreturns THR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thehorrorreturns/ Join THR Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1056143707851246 THR X: https://twitter.com/horror_returns?s=21&t=XKcrrOBZ7mzjwJY0ZJWrGA THR Instagram: https://instagram.com/thehorrorreturns?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= THR TeePublic: https://www.teepublic.com/user/the-horror-returns SK8ER Nez Podcast Network: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-p3n57-c4166 E Society Spotify For Podcasters: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/esoc E Society YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCliC6x_a7p3kTV_0LC4S10A Music By: Steve Carleton Of The Geekz

Regings victims, for those of you who delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify gore, welcome. You have found the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware, this podcast contains major plot spoilers, and the foulest. of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best and the worst in horror. One, two, the horror returns. I'm Lance, and with me as always,

we've got Brandon Lee versus Pennywise. Who will emerge victorious? I guess we're going to find out tonight. The one that's not dead. Also, well hey it is good point it is like he wins that battle all right Brian Phillip what's up guys has it going but not much what's going on with you guys just wait to see you man when you gonna take that flight from Alaska to

Melbourne Florida dude when I get some money when money appears of my hand when it grows on trees we got to make it happen for for next like some some convention for next Texas fright mayor or something. Or fucking, if we're doing that, I mean, hell, we can go wherever. We can go anywhere. We're kind of spread out at the moment.

Yeah. Yeah, I think Vegas is the easiest for all three of us to get to, maybe, and they are going to open that universal park there. Well, you've twisted my arm. Sometimes. We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out.

Shit, let's jump in. We get, we get, we get, We got two possibly blockbuster movies to talk about tonight. Possibly. So, Philip, what's your cool of the week? Oh, man. Man, my cool the week's always suck. I've still been watching Veep.

And I think that's about the only thing that I've, that's my background noise at the moment. Okay. Although, okay. So, A, they do a really great job of being political. without being political. Explain. That makes any sense.

Explain. It makes no sense. Like they don't get divisive. Like they even went a whole episode on, they've had an episode on gun control and they've had an episode on abortion. And the whole episode is about, okay, what position do I take on this and how do I not say anything? So that people don't get pissed off at me. So it's real politics then.

It's flipping. It's changing your mind because somebody tells you something or... And I'm like, I didn't know this until I watched it, but I'm like, it's insane because like the president is sort of non-existent and she's the vice president. And so she's going to be like the first woman president because the president decides to resign. So it's all. Dude, I'm telling you. you. You can't write this shit, huh?

Yeah. And I think it was done like 10 years ago. So, it's, it's kind of, it's kind of hilarious. But, you know, it's the, the, the, the girlfriend friends, I can't remember her name. But actually looks probably sexier in this than she did in the friends. But, uh, yeah, dude, she's killing it. And, uh, it's really funny, man. It's a great show.

She found that rare good plastic surgeon, huh? She doesn't look like she's done, had a lot of work done. Is it Lisa Kudrow? No, no, no, no, no. It's Jennifer Anderson? No, the girl from, not from Friends, from Seinfeld. Seinfeld. Oh, Elaine.

Elaine, it's Elaine from Seinfeld. She has aged very well. Yes, she looks fantastic. And it doesn't look like she's. had any work done. Like, she's killing it. And it's just such a normal person

in D.C. Like, this is probably how D.C. actually looks. Like, that level of incompetence. That's great. And so, I'm kind of loving it, and it doesn't take

one side over the other. And I like that. That's hard to do. Yeah. I know. Like, for me to like a political satire in the mainstream media right now is kind of ridiculous, but I like it. Have you seen season four of the boys? No, I haven't watched it. I think you'd like it because they definitely throw shade equally.

They throw shade everywhere. Do they throw shade equally? I think so. I think so. I mean, there's, okay, look, so you take Homelander, right? And like on the surface, he looks like the world's biggest asshole. Right, but he's Homeland are supposed to be? I don't...

Superman, I guess? I mean, look, let me put it to you this way, dude. Superman? The last episode... No, I don't think so. Look, the last episode... I mean, I'm just going to say this. The last episode that I saw of it,

I actually was feeling sorry for the guy because it was going back to kind of like, you know, how they used to test him and stuff like that because they kind of created him in a lab. Yeah. And so he came back and got revenge on the scientist. And then... Well, now I'm starting to get into the episode.

that Steve was talking about with the fucking farm animals that shoot lasers and shit. Gotta love that. Like lambs that fucking grow teeth. Seems like they'd run into those before they had the mutant super people. I'll say watch a couple episodes and tell me if you agree. But like they make the other side look pretty fucking stupid too, dude. They really do. It's fun.

I'll have to check it out, man. I've kept up with it this long. So it's, it's on my. my list for sure. Brian, are you caught up? I'm caught up with season two. Okay. We won't go any further.

I didn't need to take it away from V. Phillip, sorry. I know, but that's really the only thing I've got. Wow. Me. Never thought I hear that as cool of the week here. Well, and re-watching some Game of Thrones, well, not Game of Thrones,

House of the Dragon stuff. House the Dragon. Okay. Yeah, and so, like, my wife went back and watched, like, from the first season. And so I have sort of caught up tangentially from that. And, like, the whole goddamn thing is kind of dumb. Because, like, she was obviously supposed to be queen. Right, right.

And, like, they keep muddying up the waters, but it was. like, okay, she's supposed to be queen, and that's it. Like what... This is obviously a coup. I don't know what we're doing. Right, right. Well, I mean, it's a deep enough show that it probably bears rewatching, you know? There's so many fucking subplots going on, you know?

Oh, yeah. It's still pretty good. I'll give it credit. It's got more subtlety to it than the last few seasons of Game of Thrones. Yes, I can see that. So hopefully they'll keep going in the right direction. Although the right direction would have been having a big-ass dragon fight in the finale, but they didn't. Something tells me you're going to get it next season.

Yeah, well, hopefully. Something to keep your, something to keep that $120 a year, HBO subscription going or max or whatever, huh? I'm saying, but they missed an opportunity, man. That was the worst cliffhanger of. any finale I've ever seen. Yeah, I know. They're all, like, standing there like, let's go fight!

And then they, like, kind of like, freeze frame it and roll credits. Yeah, pretty much. Like, like, 1970s shows. Like, I know people were mad about the, like, the finale of, uh, of walking dead, right? When they killed, uh,

when they killed, what's his name? I, I, I, the Asian dude, I can't remember his name. Oh. Glenn? You mean, yeah, you mean when, uh, when Nigen showed up. Yeah, yeah, when Niggins showed up, right? Like, everybody got all upset about that.

But it was like, dude, that was a badass season finale. And it was in the buck. That's what I was about to say. People knew what was going to happen. I don't understand why they got so upset about it. Well, and, like, they left it at a cliffhanger, but they at least made something happen. This one was like the first half to a season finale, and then they stopped. It was like, all right.

Where's the rest of the episode? It was kind of weird, yeah. Sort of an awkward ending, right? Yeah. So I guess that's my cool of the week, V. And the non-season finale that was House the Dragon. Can you top Vip, Brian? Probably not.

I got two movies. One on Shutter and one that will eventually be on Shudder. the first one is for you guys ever heard of a i think matt and kate interviewed them they're called the adams family they're like a family that write and direct horror movies oh okay they have a new one on shutter i think it just came out last friday called hellhole i heard about this okay lance you might not like it because the effects are really bad but I think they're really bad on purpose because it's more of a horror comedy

Ouch Well that's about a It's about a parasitic Like I don't know what it is It lays dormant in human bodies Trying to lay eggs And it gets unearthed by a drilling team

Like hundreds of years later And it like kind of jumps from body to body It sounds interesting It's decent enough, but I just, I think, I don't know if the effects were done because of the budget or done bad on purpose. And I kind of don't like the on purpose bad stuff. And like, yeah. Frankie Freako a little bit? No.

More like Sharknato. I can never get into those movies because they're, they're bad on purpose. Yeah. I can understand that. I kind of like it when somebody at least tries, and it just comes out bad. I got you. Right. Like, so bad it's good, has to be like an accident.

But I didn't hate it. It was a decent watch. It's on Shutter. So if you, you know, I'm sure if you're listening to this show, you probably subscribe to Shutter. But one that I've been wanting to check out since, Somebody commented on one of our posts for our review of Long Legs. Yes. And they said that Oddity was a way better movie than Long Legs.

I think I remember that here in that. I don't have ever watched that one. Looks interesting. That's one way of the guys knocking on the door. Is that right? Yeah. It's the lead actress plays dual roles in it. She plays twins.

And one twin is in, she's trying to figure out. why her sister was murdered okay and she has like in a I don't know if this was in the trailer so spoilers skip ahead a couple minutes she has like she's like a medium if you give her an object she can like see the person like passed or something like that so it's basically like a supernatural murder mystery sounds pretty cool And it was done Right up my alley It was done really well

And I really enjoyed the I don't have her name on With me right now But the lead actors playing Dual roles It was pretty good Perlin Bracken Yeah

Okay So I think that's gonna be on Shutter Real soon No Nick Cage in it No Nick Cage Yeah That's one point right there. When I was done with it, I was like, I really enjoyed this movie. It kept me engaged the whole time with it. But then I had to ask myself, did I like it better than Long Legs? And I would have to say, no, I think Long Legs is a way better movie. Just on a directing and acting standpoint. But I do recommend Oddity. So that is my cool of the week. But I still think, I still think. I still think.

thing which long legs is now available if people haven't seen in the theater they can watch it at home now so I 100% recommend that but yeah oddity is pretty pretty good little supernatural murder mystery all right I'm gonna look yeah I'm making a note I'm gonna I'm probably check that one out this weekend then Brian that's yeah Phil it's out there it's out there all right

it's up well that makes sense I I found the one we watched today out there, and it was actually a pretty decent copy. Oh, wow, that didn't take long. I don't know if that's a good sign or a bad, but okay. Yeah, or ladies and gentlemen at home, you can rent it, right? Right, Brian? You can, can you purchase the rental or? Yeah, that's what I meant.

Oh, that's what you meant, okay. Yeah. Just making sure. What are you talking about, Lance? It's dreaming. That's all you need to know. I am talking about. I'm sorry.

Like I said, if you do have Shutter and you want to wait, it is, I think, Shudder snatched up the rights to it. So I say probably about a month or two, it'll probably be on Shutter. Maybe just in time for Halloween then. Yep. Cool. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah.

Should be a big Halloween season this year. A lot of stuff's coming out from what I understand. understand. So it can be hard to pick our 31 days this year, Brian. Yeah, 31 brand new movies. Well, they'd be good. That's the question. Probably not. There's got to be a quicksand in there somewhere. All right. Cool of the week. Is that it, Brian? Yeah. All right. So I went back and...

Oh, we lost you again. Jiggle the cord. Jiggling the cord. Can you know me? All right, there it is. Yeah. This cord shall be replaced this week. All right.

Agent, I went on a little bit of a mystery, a mystery kick because there's an Apple, Apple. We were talking about that earlier. Uh-oh. After these messages, we'll be right back. I know. I'll keep, wait, wait, keep going because you were kind of talking. Okay. All right.

Can you hear me? Yes. Okay. You need some quick draw editing this week. So we started watching Bad Monkey on Apple TV Plus. You guys heard of this one of Vince Vaughn? Yeah, I've seen the trailer. Vince Vaugh is a bad monkey?

Yeah, he's going to know. There's a bad monkey that's a character. But it's more of like a side character. Vince Vaughn's like this, not a retired police officer, but he was kind of like forced to retire. We don't know yet what he did. I'm sure that it's going to be interesting to see how he got kind of like told, you're on break for a little while without pay. But you know how these cops are, right?

He's still got to try to figure out this mystery. Loving it already. Yeah. So it's good, but I think we found an even better show on Peacock. Poker Face. You guys heard of this one? Damn, Peacock raising the price. I know.

They were raising the price. price too. And honestly, if it wasn't for WWE network, I would have cut the, I would have lost

peacock a while ago. You would have cut the cock, huh? It's kind of extreme, but yeah. You would have tossed the cock. No, I wouldn't have been doing that either.

It's not as funny. But I can't stop laughing. Have you guys heard of this show? Pokerface. With, I always forget her name. Natasha. Natasha Leonie, yeah.

It's great, man. Every single episode is written and directed by Ryan Johnson. And it's very much in that Knives Out Vane. And what's cool is every single episode. Ryan Johnson, the guy from the Star Wars? We don't talk about that. Ryan Johnson, knives out.

I've heard a lot of people say good things about poker face. It just proves my point that when he has something original, he's good. Not when he's doing somebody else's, you know, this is what we need you to do.

You know what? I didn't even hate that Star Wars movie. I thought that was... Not as much as Pat did, huh? I thought that was the best out of the three new ones. Fair enough. I think I would say Force Awakens.

Force Awakens. All right. I'll give you that. That was a good thing. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the cool thing about this show is that something happens in the first episode

that she has to kind of go on the lamb. There's people after her. And so she like goes and stops in these little towns and has to solve a murder in every town. And you've got, you get like really, really big name actors. And it's every week.

week, it's a completely different ensemble cast. So, yeah, it's a lot of fun, man. Suspend disbelief, right? So that's why they're raising the price. That's why they're raising the price. And think of it this way, Brian. What are the chances that every little town you happen to drive through a murder is taking place right when you're there?

It's kind of a stretch, right? That depends on what's town you're driving to. That's true. Episodic murder mystery with big name actors. Okay. That's exactly what it is. I'm not bad at that. Sounds like Knives Out the TV series.

That's exactly what it is, man. And if you don't like the actors in one episode, just wait a week, right? So, poker face, that's my cool of the week. And I've never seen Lil Rel Rale Howrie as a murderer until episode three. It's hilarious, man. I hardly even know her. He's like, I almost pulled it off, yeah. And she's kind of got that Colombo thing where she's like, at the end, she starts

walking out says, oh, I got one other question. That's always fun. We get that set up. So it's cool, man. Ten episodes, but I know they've got a second season going on, so we'll see how that goes. I think we're going to check out only murders in the

building next, and I think... Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, I heard good things. Our friend Steve watches it. They also, with that series, Lance, each season they add on. They add more to the cast. So anybody big besides the big three?

I know Paul, I'm not caught up on the series. I know Paul Rudd is, I think, in one of the newer seasons. Okay. And that's sold right there. No kidding. Somebody else big, too, I think was on the last season. And I think they got, they got some bigger, not bigger names, but some more big names to be on the new season. I mean, well, those are some common.

legends. Yeah. That are running a shit. It is. It's kind of neat the way they're doing it, right? Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Well, what's his name said he's only doing the show because he's working with Martin Short. Help me out. Who's the other guy? I knew it was Martin Short. Is it not Chevy Chase because he doesn't work with anybody? Steve Martin. Steve Martin. Yeah.

Yeah. I guess he is kind of done. with acting he's only doing he i guess he said he only does it because he gets to work with martin short well when's the last time you saw something with martin short in it it's been a while yeah maybe this is the only thing they're doing because they get to work with each other yeah i mean i it's you know s andl reunion i guess yeah people are getting older now i just read today denzil said he might almost be done acting he said there's just not he said there's just not he said There's just not too many films he wants to do.

Hmm. Well, he's been sort of like stuck into that action role. But like, he needs to hit the Morgan Freeman rolls because I think he can totally pull that off. Densel's great. I don't want to see him stop. But if it does, good for him. I heard he's the best thing about the new Gladiator movie. Well, that makes 100% sense.

It doesn't, yeah, but I don't see a lot that looks too good about the new Gladiator trailer. Yeah, but it looks got to stupid to me. I'll for sure go see it for Denzel. Yeah, well, all right, so look, newest season, guys, get this, because we know the big three, right? Steve Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez, right? Yeah, she's pretty fucking good in it, too. Right, I forgot. I knew she was in it.

I forgot about that. Well, get, hey, get this. All right, this is just a season four episode. episode one. There's a couple of names here. Anybody ever heard of a little actress named Merrill Streep? Oh, there you go. I think I was heard of it. Let's see. We got Zach Galafinakis,

Eugene Levy, Eva Longoria, Scott Bacula, Molly Shannon, another S&L alumni. Nice. So, yeah, dude, it's a loaded, loaded cast. Scott Bacula. I love it. Quantum Leap, man.

I'm in. I am in. Let it. All right. We'll start that next. So, all right. Horror headlines. Brian, what do we got? Horror headlines. Joel McHale joins the cast of Yellowjacket in season three. Hmm.

Is he going to play a creep or what? Like a pedophile? Well, I guess they're all above age now. I was about to say, why would he be a pedophile? Yeah, true, true. I you know what I I really enjoyed Joel McHale's like process like he's he's a pretty decent actor like not just yeah like he's a great comedian and I think he's got great comedic timing like with the one-liners and just like naturally you know like talking with people he's he's he's great in comedy and he's taken on some more serious roles and I like that Yeah I'm not caught up

It's on my list of many shows that I'm not caught up with I think I I watched the second season I'm pretty sure I did I think I watched the first season I'm not sure either First season was great Second season

Second season Doesn't it have Doesn't it have Elijah Wood in it? I think so at some point Maybe I'm on season two i'm not sure i can't really remember what happened in season two they're going to have to bring me back all right uh happy death days jessica roth has set the star in a sci-fi horror movie titled affection okay i'm i'm down for anything with her in it yeah i like her i kind of thought she would

after happy death day i kind of thought she would be in more stuff I don't know if it's her agent or she's just choosy on what she's in Well she was in that boy Boy kills world right? Yeah, wearing a helmet I know yeah you didn't even get to see her at the time Which we all know that wasn't her in the fight scenes

Probably not A good way to get your stunt person in there to do the fight scenes Is just have to wear a helmet the whole time Yeah You don't even have to have a helmet on yeah You don't even have to use CGI Let's see

We talked about They're doing a Legacy sequel So I know what you did last summer Yep And they're talking about Bringing back Jennifer Love Hewitt

And Freddie Prince Jr They're According to reports They have been in talks To bring back Brandy Okay She was in the second one Well yeah

Why not? Why wouldn't they You know Yeah yeah so i i kind of don't give a shit about this movie i don't think you're alone but i don't know in a weird way i kind of i kind of do want to see it

just to see what they do i'm hoping they they kind of scream the shit out of it if you know what i mean yeah and kill some people off you mean making more relevant to now but stay true to the original films and

I got it kind of up the kills Brian I got it I figured it out the dudes walking across the street right and instead of a hook

he's got a cell phone and he's like on his cell phone and they run over because he's not paying attention and then a cell phone shows up and a notice tape or no the cell phone rings

and they look at it and it says I know what you did last summer bingo I don't know. I kind of don't want to watch that movie. Maybe that was kind of 10 years ago, too. Wait a minute. I was going to say, I still feel like we've seen that one before.

All right. Let's see. Finn Wolfhardt. He is directing, starring, and co-writing a new horror comedy slasher called Hell of a Summer. And it's already been picked up on Neon, which Neon. this year has already released cuckoo, Immaculate, and Long Legs. Huh. Well.

I mean, it's been picked up by neon, so that says something. Yes, it does. Because my first reaction is, all right, kid, come on. I know. Well, at least he's not a straight-up nefo baby, right? Hey, maybe, maybe he's got something. Well, I know he's... Well, with a name like Finn Wolfhard.

I know, right? It's straight up a porn name. Yeah. Well, I know he's taking a step back from acting. I guess he enjoys directing and writing, and he has a band. So I think all those other things, he kind of enjoys more than acting.

He should have been the crow. Hey, you know what, dude? The kid has got some passion, and I will give him credit for that. At least he's doing something. Yep, and we're not. Right. And finally...

I hope it works out. Yeah, I mean, I love a good horror comedy, and I've not hated him and things I've seen him in. I know, I like him. I like, he does really well as an actor, but to be like,

hey, I'm 16 years old, I want to direct a fucking movie is a little much. On all fair, he's probably 26. Yeah, I think he's in his, I think all those stranger thing kids are in the 20s now. Yeah, that's probably sure.

Well, whatever, maybe this is his natural progression and he's just going a little faster. It could be the next Spielberg. Fuck, I don't know. Yeah. Could be. Probably not, but could be. All right. We're going to finish off with

did you guys like the Anaconda movie with Ice Cube and Jennifer Lopez? It was fun. A lot of fun. Would you guys like to see a reboot with Jack Black and Paul Red? Sure. Yeah. I don't hate that idea. Why not?

Yeah. Put J-Lo back in it, though. Oh, my God. Put J-Lo and Ice Cube back in it. Oh. Well, you could. Like a legacy, Anaconda. You could out there.

I was just about to say that. You could make. of legacy sequel because spoilers they did survive the original movie. Okay, well there you go. Because John Voigt died, right? Can't bring John Voight back. Okay.

Can't bring him back. I think Owen Wilson was in it. He died. Oh, yeah. I forgot all about that. Dan, what's the last thing he's been in it? It's been a while. Ah, that's right.

That's right. Yeah, that's right. He works to keep the timeline straight. Philip, come on. Give him credit. Oh, that's right. Yeah, well, you could have him come back in as a ghost. Because he died, right?

Supernatural Anaconda movie. Yes. He haunts the Amazon. Wow, it's weird. Wow. All right. That's the news. All right.

Philip, you ready to go on down to the trailer? Bach with us. Let's go. Brian is going to bring us the big, the small, and sometimes the very, very weird. Brian, what is our first new trailer tonight? Our first and only trailer is a new A24 horror, comedy. I don't know. It looks like a mashup of genres called Y2K. And this stars Jaden Martel, Rachel's.

Zegler and Julian Denison, the kid from Deadpool 2. It looks like Superbad. It looks like Superbad mixed with Project X with some horror and sci-fi elements in there. Yeah. Yeah, it was to me comedy heavy

and horror and sci-fi light, you know, but, or Can't Hardly Wait, right? A little bit of Can't Hardly Wade in there. Is that Hugh Grant? Is Hugh Grant in it? Is he a Lumpa? Two foot tall Limpalupa? I think it's him.

I can't tell. He's probably the professor that shows up, trying to store with one of the high school girls. He has. He has. What did you guys think of Y2K? Well, Lance, you kind of said kind of what you think. Yeah, well, and that's sort of what I think, too.

I mean, it definitely looks very super bad-ish. like as in hey we sold the the plot of Superbad and made it into a stranger things situation oh geez that's pretty funny that's pretty funny I mean Book Smart did it right

we're taking all the teenage stuff right here yeah but yeah I mean it looks pretty good we'll see how it goes yeah I'm interested I mean I love a good comedy throw some kills in there

and I want to see if they can bring to life what people's worst fears about Y2K was and just kind of exaggerate them because that's what it looks like here

with the BCR shooting out of tape at somebody's face and stuff like that. And Jade Martel, he's okay. He's okay. what things he's been in. A couple things.

The Deadpool kid. No, the other one, the one that was Bill from it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. The nerd guy, I got you.

The modern day Michael Sarah. Yes. Yeah, super bad again. He can't touch Michael Sarah. Yeah, fair enough. Michael Sarah is Michael Sarah forever matter what

movie he's in he is that same guy and it works it does I think Michael Sarah pulls it off this kid looks like a nerd and I don't mind Deadpool 2 kid

was that the megasonic teenage warhead or no he was I don't know what he was supposed to be the Deadpool 2 kid.

Oh, I know who you're talking about now. The New Zealand kid that got arrested with Deadpool. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, he was also in that one Tycho Watiti film Hunt for the Wilder people. I remember that. Yep. That's okay, I know exactly who you're talking about now. So, I mean, this

movie has possibilities of being funny. Yeah, I don't have any negative things say about that dude i think he did great in Deadpool's and that's another cool the week is uh we re-watched all the Deadpool shit oh yes took the kids to see

Deadpool 3 and it was great so did you ever watch the um the PG 13 version of Deadpool where it starts with uh but you got to it starts with him

reading a bit you got seen uh Princess bride Yeah, yes. Fred Savage. He's reading, he's narrating the story to an adult Fred Savage in the same setting. Oh, my. Fred Savage is kind of like what the fuck is happening. That is the greatest thing I've ever heard.

Oh, man. I think they, I think it's titled Once Upon a Deadpool. I have heard of that. I think I've seen like the beginning of it. But no, yeah, I didn't realize that it was a modern-day Fred Savage, which is Princess Bride remake. Yeah, if I remember correctly, he's just like sitting in bed, like, what the fuck is going on? Just shut your fucking mouth, kid. No, it's PG-13. You say, shut your darn mouth, kid.

But Y2K will hit theaters December 6. Okay. That's it. all right why 2k huh I hope at the end we don't say

why did they make this movie 824 doesn't always land you guys know that right 824 has made do you know that do you know that you were carrying the 824 flag

I think I honestly this year I think neon has surpassed them neon's done well this year yeah yeah IFC films

IFC films has done really well this year so if I had to I like it. What is 824 had this year? I saw the TV glow. I thought that was okay.

I kind of like it because of some of the deeper messages in it. We'll talk about it, I'm sure, the best and worst of show. But what else has 824 down this year? That's a damn good question. I can't really think of a lot of standout stuff. Can y'all? No, that's why if I had to rank for this year only just what I remember came out, I'd have to say neon number one.

I have few films number two and 824 number three. Abigail was universal. What else? What were some other movies we all really like this year? You're making me use my brain. I was going to say, I'm sure they've had some stuff, but we'd have to look it up. I can't imagine they're awful, though. All right. Well, let's move on to some listener feedback.

This week, we shine a podcast spotlight on Mouths of Madness. Your new favorite podcast that reviews horror movies by giving the older generations versus younger generations perspective. Oh, that's interesting. I like that. Mouths of Madness. Check it out. Let's see. In regards to Ghost of Mortals. Mars. Speaking of Ice Cube. Richard Coleman says was supposed to be the Escape from Mars film with Pliskin, but got changed. Shannon Lodge says, God damn, that was a bad movie.

It's bad, but I still love it. Yeah. Thomas Durant says, the only film I've ever walked out of the theater. theater on oh there you go I mean with the cast like Ice Cube Natasha Hintridge Pam Greer Jason Statham damn this is Jason Statham when he kind of had hair I mean kind of had hair kind of he's always had he probably had a receding hair line when he's a baby yeah let's see we got in regards

to the Crow remake, Don Lowry says it exactly what most of us said it would be. What was that? It's exactly what most of us said it would be. I don't know. Figure that out for yourself. In regards to Little Monsters, great movie, by the way.

Gillian Wells, says, I love this movie as a kid. I still love this movie. Yes, same. People called me Fred Savage when I was little for a long time, man. Little Monsters, huh? What they called you that, or is this listener feedback? No, they just called me that.

Did you have a little brother named Ben Savage? No, but I had the fucking hair. I looked like Ben Savage when I was kidding. Have the curly hair going? that guy was everything in the 80s and no kidding it is great

and I love little monsters it's one of my favorites let's see in regards to the original crow um Octavio Rodas says

the best movie ever Don LaW yeah yeah Don Lowry says there's no comparison of this to the new one. The names and the

and the relative concepts are the same but that's about it. And I don't take any issue with it as someone's else's worth. I'm sorry, guys. So of course

it will be vastly different. But I do absolutely love the original. It was perfect time for it to come out with its gritty, grunge and gothic style city soundtrack with the perfect

for it etc um i remember not knowing what it was about nothing when sitting down to watch it with friends i'd never heard of the comic uh but instantly fell in love with it i liked the whole style well

and because that was it was kind of the time frame when goth came out right yeah goth like he said grunge. Yeah. That whole aesthetic was just that time period.

The soundtrack alone. Let's see. In regards to Friday the 13th, the final chapter, Buck Lawson says Ted White was the best Jason. He was okay.

Wonder what Naz thinks. In regards to Starship Troopers. Tommy Padilla says that would have been cool if Roger Corman made it to the 80s. Okay, I can see that.

Maybe a little cheesier. Yeah. In regards to the conjuring, the devil made me do it. Ugh. Uh, uh, uh,

Carmen Diaz, uh, Rocha says, uh, this movie was okay, but the, The first two, I love the most, especially the second movie. Yep.

Couldn't agree more. Yep. Same deal. You just like Patrick Wilson singing Elvis. Absolutely. Absolutely. He did kind of kill it. Let's see.

In regards to Texas Chainsawle Masker 2, Mark Brinkley says, I didn't eat chili for a long time after that movie. Special recipe. Yeah. You got to get the good ones. All right. Hey, man, if it's got the right mix of veggies and spices. Veggies.

I don't think there are any veggies in that chili, Brian, do you? Oh, yeah. You got to put some peppers and shit in there. Peppers and onions. Yeah, at least. He was proud of that chili, so I'm sure there was some in there. Real quick, A-24 released this year, Maxine. Ah, okay.

Civil War. I saw the TV Globe. Okay. And as far as what we would talk about on this show, I think that's it. Kind of a down year for them, huh? Yeah. Well,

I still haven't seen Civil War. I need to watch the movie. I've seen it twice, man. It's a good movie. It's not great, but it'll probably be an honorable mention for me. Yeah. All right. Well, that's it for listener feedback. our intro and logos come from Steve Carlton from the geeks. Check him out on last week's episode.

It was fantastic. Steve is always great. And let's see. Our original skull artwork comes from Natsulani. Check her out on Instagram. And if you'd like to help us out, please consider becoming a Patreon, Patreon. And we'll let you pick the movies for a future show at any amount.

and for $5 or more a month also pick a commentary for a future bonus show and I guess we're still doing it might as well life on the edge man if you join Patreon at the $5

tier and stay with this at least three months you'll get six coosies a t-shirt and a a pop figurine of our choosing based on your personality from what we get from your email. All right.

Shoot us something, man. Tell us about yourself. It'd be great. All right, on to featured attractions. This week, we're going to check out the brand new Crow remake and the original. We'll start with the original 1994 Crow. Devil's night is upon us again. A little party, start a bunch of fires, make a little profit.

Someone's dead. You can't come back, can we? That's what I thought. Are you referring to anyone in particular? The night before his wedding, musician Eric Draven and his fiancé are brutally murdered by members of a violent gang. On the anniversary of their death, Eric Wright. from the grave and assumes the mantle of the crow a supernatural avenger director is Alex Proyas also known for Dark City and Knowing Hmm okay dark city great knowing not so much

is that the the Cage movie that cage couldn't say yeah uh writers are James Ovar, David, J. Schau, and John Shirley. Director Alex Proyas originally... I'm sorry, dude, I can't see it. In large. You're getting old, dude. You don't have your readers to put on? I'm telling you.

Director, Alex, Forty. Yeah, Phil, you don't have your bifocals. I'll get those next. He originally wanted to shoot the entire movie in black and white closer to the comics. Huh. And, uh, fuck, I lost where I'm at. Damn it, that was actually pretty interesting.

And only using color in Draven's flashback scenes. There you go, with a high contrast theme. but the studio executives didn't allow him to experiment with the approach that made Porya suit much of the movie in a monochromatic color theme mixed with red and dark gray. So it sounds to me like he wanted to do more of a Sin City type of thing. Yes, that was exactly the thought I got when I read that. Which I think totally would have worked in this. movie. I'm surprised they haven't

released a version of it like that. I know. That's kind of what I was wondering if you can find a black and white version. They're doing it for everything else. Fuck, even Furiosa has a black and white version now. Well, I mean... The movie's so fucking long. It is.

Yeah. It's not short. Aside from the Jessica Alba grinding on a pole thing, I can't really beat that. all right the crow Brian what did you think about it I enjoy the crow

I'm not the biggest crow fan I'm not I'll probably bring this up into newer crow I'm not one of these fans that guard it hold it close to my chest and just defend it at every turn but I do I do enjoy it it is a movie of its time

like in our listener feedback we got the the gothicness the grunge that the music the whole aesthetic definitely was of that time and it worked I think this is probably I've seen quite a few Brandon Lee performances

I think this is best which makes it even sadder that you know he lost his life filming it because I think this kind of would have took him into a different level of his career. Do you think that the curse is real? Part of me says yes. I know. A part of me says no.

When I, when I, I think it was on that curse films. When they talk about it, it was just negligence. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that makes more sense. But it's not fun. Phil, I'm kind of there with you. Like, the Lee curse was passed through the,

generations. That's too bad. It's a little fucking weird. Because this, I can kind of believe the negligence, but Bruce Lee, I think somebody killed him. Wow.

Well, and he just had some sort of, okay, so how do Bruce Lee die? He had some sort of medical episode, right? Yeah, reaction to something he took. Oh. That's what I. cyanide, baby? It was, and the reason why I kind of think that's fishy is because

he was very careful on what he put into his body. But he was also really into like advanced shit, like, oh, well, this is the new thing in health. Well, I'm just going to inject it. Hmm. Well, so maybe.

I don't know. Yeah. But Brandon Lee, I think this was his best performance. He killed it as Eric Draven. Well, and that's where I was going with it. Like,

okay, so I can see Bruce Lee. Maybe he was, he was into some weird shit and injected the wrong thing. Right? and had a heart attack on a movie, right? Too much cocaine, whatever.

But him and Brandon Lee? Well, that's weird. The truth is stranger than fiction, Philip. You've heard that before, right? Yeah. So, who knows? We may never know. Sorry, a minute interrupt you.

Just. Oh, it's fine. It's fine. Let's see. I think the cast was pretty cool. You know, we got Ernie Hudson. Oh, yeah. I can't, I think, is it Michael Wincott?

Yeah, the dude from, I didn't realize he was the older director guy from Nope. Yeah. Until I heard that voice. Yeah, I was just about to say, he has such a great voice. Yeah. I always wondered, I probably should look it up sometime if he ever did any voice. work because I can see him doing great voice work as villains in an animated movie. And not a not a not a joker villain right more of a you know like like Thanos type

yeah like super serious yeah yeah but I will say one of the parts I didn't like was they killed this Brandon Lee or Eric Draven and his fiancee, right? For real estate. That's a fucking generic, dumb. I know, dude, but it makes sense, Brian, because they were like the last ones that were holding out, right? That old story.

So, you know, send the thugs, right? Well, I mean, what is this, Superman, Lex Luthor, real estate plot going on? Yeah, it's kind of silly, I guess. I don't know. I look past that pretty easily. I'm going to be, I'm going to be honestly. I didn't even catch that. Like, they delve into it so quickly that the reason that he's the bad guy is not even really that important. Yeah, they mentioned it in passing.

It was like, we finally got the kind of out of that apartment, so now we can do whatever to the building. and then they just kind of go on their way. At no point in the movie is he like a relatable bad guy. He's just a bad guy. Okay, okay. Let me ask you this, Brian. Oh, he's definitely not relatable. He bangs his sister.

Well, half-sister. Okay, Brian, Brian, would you like it better if it was a story kind of like, what was that one we saw where they moved to Ireland and they inherited the house and the little fairy preachers were there. Unwelcome. Yeah, would you have liked it better if it was more random like that?

Just like some thugs, you know, that he just randomly pissed off and they just showed up rather than that elaborate backstory. Would that have been better? Yeah, because it makes it more evil. I would agree. Yeah, I would agree.

They murdered and assaulted this, his fiancee and killed him. That was uncomfortable, man. Yeah. To have them do it just because they were home on not on some strangers shit or anything but just that would have made it more evil and

I agree I did like the way how he got revenge on each one of them kind of more suited to what they were known for like the guy that was always getting high he overdosed him the guy with the knives and killed him with a bunch of knives that's right I don't know where it came up with all those needles but he found him on the street

you got Candyman in here as one of the henchmen which I think was he was underused yeah AJ said is that candy man and I said god damn it that is Tony Todd but I I like the part that he played like he

played a little more like he wasn't just some street thug he was like the lieutenant it kind of seemed like he knew what Eric Draven was or what he came back as. Yeah. Okay. All right.

But didn't really allude to anything. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe it was just me, but it just kind of felt like he wasn't shocked that he had returned. Gotcha. Maybe he's hurt or something like this. I don't know. They didn't really... There was some things they didn't really elaborate too well in this movie.

If they were eating people's eyeballs, I'm pretty sure they were part of some sort of, sort of a satanic cult but I true but I got that from from the sister but I didn't really get that kind of stuff from him okay he just seemed like a generic

bad guy that calls meetings of other gangs to discuss nothing I see your point but overall I did have fun rewatching this movie. It's a staple of the 90s. But I'm

not the biggest, like I said, Crow fan. I'm not going to defend it because there was some bad CGI moments in here that do not hold up. Well, yeah. Like the scene where he's falling where he's falling from

when he gets thrown out of the building and he's falling, that does not hold up. All right, but see, that's where they could have done a Sun City thing. Okay. And made it look a lot. Yeah, kind of leaned into the comic element, right? Yeah. I would have really enjoyed it if they did that. But overall, fun cast, fun movie.

I haven't seen it in a while. I thought there was more action in it than I remember, but you don't really get the big action scenes. You get them here and there, and then you get a big action scene at the end. So it's not really action. pack from start the beginning yeah true but but they start the story at the beginning yeah yeah they jump right into the action that's for sure true that's it i don't know i feel like i'm starting to rag on the movie and i'm not trying to yeah i understand not really uh last what do you

think i don't want the crow fans to come after me get go get go I really enjoyed it. That's really getting murdered. A murder. All right, sorry. Oh, man. You guys, it's funny y'all brought up Sin City, because when I was watching it, I was kind of thinking, this movie kind of, it really has that comic book look to it. Maybe not as much as if it had been in, you know, black and white, or like you guys said, they'd leaned into the, the CG I played with it, made it look more even.

cartoonish and comic bookish. Like he falls 12 flights and then grabs the ledge and jumps off or something. But I thought I liked the element of the little kid that was in kind of a shitty home situation because her mom was a junkie. Oh, that was. I meant to bring that up. That was a great scene when he made that little speech about, you know, being a mother. And then he made the drugs come out of her system. There you go.

Yeah. The poppy milk came out of her. Yeah, that was really kind of neat. That's what a fucking hero does. That's right. Of course, she would have gone into heavy withdrawal, but, you know, see that. Yeah, fucker. Yeah, no.

Maybe he had magical power, right? Like, where she didn't go through a withdrawal. So that would be cool. No, I like that element because, like, you can tell early on that he definitely was in love with, you know, with his fiancé. and they had like a long, a long-lasting relationship. They helped take care of this kid, so you know they were both going to be great parents.

Hell, they, you know, they might have, had they lived, they might have even adopted the kid. And, you know, she was kind of cool, skateboarding around and sitting down with the cop. And, hey, buy me a hot dog. You buy him? You know, it's like she was a feisty little kid, man. I like that character a lot.

But to me, no, nobody held a candle as far as the, you know, carrying the character and acting. to me, as Brandon Lee did in this, because I think he captured the crow character perfectly. I love the fact that there was an actual crow that was like flying around with him, like picking out people's eyeballs and shit like that. I thought that was a great touch. But he was just kind of like the Joker to me, right? Like he had those one-liners, and like you said, Brian, the punishment fit the crime.

Like it matched up with their personality, the way that he murdered him. and he just yeah he had the he had those great one-liners and you know just that laughing and that smile and I think it was I think it was a really good choice for a person to play that part now one thing I kept thinking the whole time I was watching the movie and maybe you guys know um how weren't they able to film that much of it before he died like did they use an extra in any scenes or anything like that too they filmed majority of it and then they used to finish it, they used a body double and they superimposed. Okay. See, that's what I figured, surely, right? Because it was a really, I mean, the story was very

self-contained. It was very satisfying the way they ended it. You know, and I just thought it was a, it was a good comic book maybe, man, because back in those days in the 90s, let's face it, guys, they were giving a shit comic book movies. For sure. So, yeah, it was ahead of its time. I, I, I, enjoyed it a lot. I really did. I like the darkness and I fucking loved the over the top 80s action movie style villains. They were really great, man. So I enjoyed it. Enjoyed this quite a bit. I had fun. This was before that first Blade movie, right? I think so, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like, I mean, because Blade is really the first comic book movie that was like, oh, wow, this is really good. Yeah.

I guess this was kind of a comic book movie But I don't think most people thought of it Is that I really enjoy it I think it caught the culture Exactly where it was I like you know what I mean Like it great great soundtrack right

The soundtrack was fucking incredible It had one of the best don't to pilot songs on there Some 9 inch nails stuff, which was perfect for this. They killed it on the soundtrack. It was just a cultural phenomenon when it happened. I think Brandon Lee,

I feel so sad for him because he could have been something great. You know, like, Bruce Lee's kid, dude, I don't know why is, daughter is not acting in some more stuff. But Brandon Lee could have murdered Hollywood.

She really seems like she doesn't want to be in the spotlight. Right. I can understand that. I like Brandon. I like Brandon Lee's build in this movie because he was like wiry. Like super musker and strong but not like overly

buff. Like yeah, this guy came back from a great veteran in there a year. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It was great. Yeah, he was killing it. I think he did a great job.

He delivered all the one-liners perfectly. I loved freaking every line of dialogue that he had. This was a fantastic movie. It's one of my favorites. Wow. I mean, it's, you know, it's classic goth, but it hit it right in the gut. You know what I mean?

Like, it wasn't too late for the genre. It wasn't too early for the genre. It was just right on time. And, uh, and, and, and this one killed it with none other than Brandon freaking Lee, Bruce Lee's kid, which was fantastic. And, uh, I, I like the storyline. I like the, uh, I think had they done it in some sort of Sin City fashion, I think it could have been better.

Uh, for sure. like, you know, get Robert Rodriguez to direct this thing? I'm shocked it hasn't happened yet. I'm saying. Yeah. Well, but without Brandon Lee, you don't have the crow. Well, I mean, this exact movie, but like, you know, reedited and like, in black and white, I can picture that.

And I think that's the problem. Without Brandon Lee, you don't have the crow. I don't think they should have continued to go on with any. of the sequels of this movie. You lost your superhero. Yeah. You can't just replace him. Okay.

That's it for me. But this one was fantastic. I love the girl. Always a classic. Always great. All right. Scores. Brian, what I think?

Wonder who's going to be the high man on the totem pole here? I'm going to give it a solid seven. Nice. Okay. Lance? And I'm going to give it a solid eight. I really had fun with this, especially on the rewatch.

I caught a lot of details. I didn't. I love the story. I love the way they started it right at the traumatic event. And then the whole rest of the movie was about him getting his revenge. Loved it.

Well, yes. I think that was fantastic. And I actually really loved the bad guy in this. I think that he almost made the movie. as much as Brandon Lee did. Agreed. And for this one, I'm going to give it an eight and a half, man. I think it was a

pretty fantastic movie. I'm sorry if you guys can hear this ringing in the background. I can't hear it. We all enjoyed the movie now. Yeah, for sure, dude. The crow is amazing. All right, let's keep the street going here.

All right. Let's hit up the new one. When someone dies, A crow carries a soul to the land of the dead. And sometimes something so bad happens. And the soul cannot rest. Until you put the wrong things right. You were given the power of a god.

But you're running out of time to save her. The crow 2024. Soulmates, Eric and Shelley, are brutally murdered, given enchant. to save the love his life Eric must sacrifice himself and traverse the worlds of the living and the dead

seeking revenge director is Rupert Sanders also known for Snow White and the Huntsman Oh great Oh shit Shitty

Writers are James O'Barr Zach Balin and William Schneider When as to be seen the trailer For the film God damn it I got a new phone guys

I'm sorry Ernie Hudson replied I haven't seen it The actor who I can't name Is playing the lead I love and respect But for me the crow is Brandon Lee that I

There you go Don't like that comment at all I love that comment Why not Brian? The actor I can't name I can't name But I love and respect him How do you respect somebody You don't even know their name?

Maybe it was before they were supposed to The actor was when they asked him the question No that They were keeping it under wraps maybe All right We'll get into that Because it's interesting All right

But some trivia first. Okay. When Luke Evans was asked about joining the Crow's reboot, Luke Evans. He wouldn't be terrible. Yeah, a little old. As the leading character, he stated that he felt inclined to drop out from the project as he felt unworthy of portraying the late Brandon Lee's most iconic role. Oh, yeah.

I mean He was cast like 10 years ago Okay They've been talking about doing this one for a while But I just won't get Jason Mamoa He was also cast too No he was not Are you serious?

I guess I'm mine You know I don't hate that as much All right well we'll talk about it but I'm trying to think of Jason Mamoa as the crow He wouldn't have fit Probably not Well maybe he would have though Because Brandon Lee wasn't like some super

goth dude Yeah but Jason Mamoa is a fucking monster Of a man Right Maybe if he'd been the Jason Mamoa from Fast and the Furious, right? Painting the nail of the people after he kills him he's great in that movie

but I think he's got more of the personality yeah he's got the personality he would kill it in the role I just wouldn't have believed that this guy because it worked for Brandon Lee because he was almost a regular dude

he wasn't like super jacked or anything yeah that's true well they could have done a Captain America Like the way they made Chris Evans look in the first First couple of scenes Like a skinny little street kid Dude Chris Evans in the new Deadpool movie Is the best that I've ever

Like I was so fucking excited That scene was so fantastic All right Sorry All right Brian what do you think about the new Crow movie now I've already said I'm not the biggest crow fan so I went into this kind of

I mean you have to compare it to the original one but I was also going to right what it is yeah thank you trying to find the words this is not the worst thing that people are making it out to be but I will say it is

a stylized generic version of the original that had it had good ideas but didn't stick the landing I didn't have a problem with Bill Scarsguard in the role but I feel like he was

Miss Cass yeah well I did what's her name FKA Twigs she's a singer played Shelley I like I like that we got we got more

of her the other Shelley, we didn't get anything but a couple of flashbacks. So I like that aspect. That's true. Danny Houston as the villain, which I just now found out he's Angelica Houston's half-brother in real life.

Okay. I did not know that. I thought he was sorely misused in this movie. And he's played good villains in other movies. Oh yeah. He was great in American Horror Story. The season with the witches where he played

the New Orleans Axman. Yeah, and then 30 days a night, he was the main vampire. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, he was great in that, man. Ham did it all the way. Severely misused in this movie. Okay. Some of the action was kind of cool,

but the CGI kind of took it out of me, especially in the big finale. Oh, boy. Which was kind of weird because there was a point in the beginning of the movie where it looked like they were going practical with some of the wounds. Yeah. That he was accumulating throughout the movie.

And then somewhere... Good point. I think with the finale, they just went total CGI Fest. And it kind of took me out of it. Because I was just, after the big action scene, I just kind of sitting there, like, if they would have went full practicals with this, this movie would have kind of gave it a couple more points for me.

But I didn't hate the movie. I didn't love it. I probably won't watch it again but I think I'm kind of with the director because he kind of came out with a quote saying, telling people of the original movie I didn't, I just

did a reimagining of the movie I didn't record over your favorite VHS tape. Hmm. Okay. So. I guess I see what he's saying with that. Yeah. Because I think people weren't coming

in this, I think people were hating this movie before it even came out before they even watched it. They weren't even going to give it a chance. I wasn't. I was kind of looking forward to it, actually. Well, whose fault is that? Well, the fact that it took, like y'all said, 10 years to make the damn thing, right?

That's like, ah, we're going to remake Goonies, you know? I know. Or, yeah, I know. Oh, I guarantee if they remake Goonies, it's not going to get the level of hate because the crow I'm doing our social media, the crow

was just... People put this movie on a pedestal. Well, and part of that is because Brandon Lee died. True. Yeah, that makes sense. Giving him respect, right? It's sort of a memorial thing, and like...

Okay. You can't recapture the same thing that the crow did. I get that, but hating on actors' performances before you even see it. That's not right. Also, it's not right. Yeah.

But it doesn't surprise me. Yeah, I already knew this was going to get the treatment it got. But I went in, like you said, Phil, with open eyes and good intentions on just judging the movie for what it was. And I just thought it was a generic retelling of the original one that, like I said, had good ideas in there with good intentions, but that just didn't stick the landing. Yeah, I think that's probably the problem. Well, Lance, what do you think? I could see that. Yeah, I could see that. Yeah, I mean, I kind of was looking forward to it.

I mean, I was ready for another pro movie. And unlike you guys, you know, from the trailer, or unlike Philip, at least, you know, when I saw the trailer, it was kind of, yeah, that doesn't look bad, honestly. I mean, it kind of looks like the action scenes are going to be, you know, going to be worth watching. And it looks like, you know, there's going to be a lot going on in this movie. So, you know, I get there to the movie theater and take my seat and start watching the movie. And I don't know, something happened like 10 or 20 minutes into the movie where I realized that literally nothing's fucking happening in this movie that's drawing me in. And nothing's making me interested here. So, you know, you got the really weird backstory, first of all, which to me makes zero sense.

And, you know, I guess it, like Brian said, the guy didn't want to. you know, tape over your VHS with the same carbon copy or whatever. So they did a different story. Now, sometimes that's a good thing, right? But in this case, I didn't understand a fucking thing that was going on, you know, early on in the movie. It shouldn't have been Eric Draven. It should have been a new character. Yes.

Well, they said Eric. I don't think they ever said Eric Draven at any point, right? I believe they did. But they called him Eric and then his girlfriend had the same name. It was the same people. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, to me, okay, so you've got, you know, you've got her back. You start really with her backstory, right?

And now these people are coming after. We're not exactly sure why, but, you know, there's this like insidious cabal or this insidious group that's trying to get her. We're not 100% sure why. But so she ends up in this, you know, quote-a-quote drug rehab place that looks like a fucking maximum security prison, by the way. No shit. You know, and then he's in there too. And so they kind of like a sideways glance at each other down the hallway. And I guess it's love at first sight, you know.

But they don't explain why he's there. They don't explain why he's there. And they don't explain why, you know, they knew each other. So they get together. They decide to fucking, you know, leave this place because the bad guys are after her. They found out she's there. I mean, I'm going to tell you what. If I ran into her at a drug rehab place,

Mm-hmm. Probably my love interest, too. Okay. Okay. Yeah, it doesn't look like your normal trashy junkie, does she? No, not at all. Step up from that. But yeah, it's, I don't know, man.

Okay, so then you get to the point. I'm trying to, you know, kind of think my way through this if there's something I'm missing here. But, all right, so you get to that point. And then he's like, you know, hey, babe, come with me. let's you know sneak let's let's both sneak out together they take their wristband or ankle brace sits off and why the fuck are they so fucking easy to take off if this is a maximum security prison they get it out of it pretty fucking easy not a prison climbing out of a goddamn window i know it's not but they kind of it's almost like it's they don't know what they want it to

be brian it's like is this a maximum security prison i'm not i'm not arguing with you i'm just saying it's not a prison okay so i would say if they're going to go that that angle right where they're having to wear tracking devices and be watched closely. Let's really go that angle where tracking devices are embedded in them or something, not just something they can take a fucking pocket knife or a pair of fucking scissors and cut off their ankle and fool everybody. But anyway, so we're out of that, and now they go off together. So all of a sudden, they're the love of each other's life to the point that he has to come

back from the dead to Avenger when they've known each other three days? or this is like a long weekend and they're hanging out with all these weird fucking number one the soundtrack to this movie fucking suck dude this was like cheesy fucking 80s rom-com bullshit pretty and pink fucking crap

the whole way it's like oh I love hair but I hate myself I want to be a goth and chuck slit my wrist but I love this woman oh baby oh Robert Smith come sing with me it was fucking terrible dude It was so out of place with what was going on in the movie.

And just when the music would come on, it was jarring. It was like all of a sudden he's walking down a street in slow motion. It's like, oh, baby, oh, get the baby, you know. And then like all of a sudden they're hanging out at a fucking bonfire with these fucking goss, you know, skater kids or what? Huh? Who are these people? how do they know them? So they got this long, fucking lost weekend.

And all of a sudden, they're each other's soulmates for life. And he's basically just been fucking this hot chick for three days. You know what? I'm not trying to argue with you on this movie, but you're trying to condense it all. I think it was more than a few days. Okay, let's give it that. Let's say it was a year. Let's say it was a year.

I don't think it was a year. The afterlife, the afterlife, which is like the dumbest-looking fucking set. ever seen in my life. You've got train tracks with fucking water in them and all these weird, like, I don't know, it looks like something out of the Dr. Strange multiverse of madness movie where there's girders, steel girders, you know, this way and that way. And just the dumbest. Yeah. I don't know, dude, but this was the dumb. Well, I don't know. I've had some pretty strong acid trips that I thought I was there. Dude, this was the stupidest set design I've ever seen. Well, at least that are we going through the entire movie?

Or what are we doing? No, I'm not going to get into the spoiler territory. We're not even into the spoilers yet. This is the last thing I'm to say. You just talked about 45 minutes. Well, that is true. You're right. Because no action has happened yet,

so you're right. We are an hour and 15 minutes into the movie. Zero action now. I say 30 to 45 minutes. You say an hour and 15. Okay. Tomato. Agreed to disagree.

Okay. but this is the last thing I'm going to say. So then he pops into classic magical European. This guy comes out with a European accent. Well, you just told the whole fucking movie, so I really don't know what we're doing here. Oh, my absurd. Oh, man.

This is rough, guys. This was rough. Okay, yes, there was a little 10-minute, you know, montage there at the end where he's for whatever reason Ellen don't even get me started on Danny Houston the bad guy that he's like got these powers that I don't know why

who knows what's going on and then he hangs out at the opera and so you've got this big fight scene breaking into an opera really oh my god man I mean it was kind of cool but yes Brian it was so CGI heavy dude

there wasn't a drop of real, you know, like, K-Rosurup and red food coloring, you know, fake blood in this. It was definitely all computerized blood from start to finish. So, oh, man, I don't know where to go from here. I've probably spoiled too much already. I don't know. You guys can reel me back in if I went too far out on a limb there with a spoiling shit. Oh, you went too far.

This was trash. This was fucking trash, dude. The best review I ever heard. Oh my God. Trash for the capital T, man. I don't know how... Nothing's going to beat this. Brian, you always tell me there's a movie that I say,

this is definitely going to be on my bottom, and you say, no, it's not. And you're right. But say it about this one, and I assure you, you are incorrect. This was far in a way... I've seen this. All right.

I'll let you. trying to call back down. Owes. It was hilarious. Oh my God. I, I, uh, I, yeah,

definitely, definitely not crow level movie. I, I kept, I, but it was called the crow. That's the problem. Well,

I kept looking at, uh, Scars Guard during the whole movie, and it was like, man, he's not, the guy for this. Like the entire movie. He looked like the incredible hope. I kept watching. Like his stupid fucking haircut. It was irritating me

the whole time. The mullet? You didn't like the mullet? No. Like I it wasn't even I don't even know what it was. It wasn't even a mullet. It was like, all right, you can play the weird looking dude or you can play the hero, but you can't do both. Like, what are you doing? like this doesn't work and as much as I wanted it to work it really was like the Jared Letto Joker movie

and like those tattoos man Jared Letto could have totally pulled off this exact same part that he did and done the exact same thing that he did and it would have been zero difference and all it really did was

deteriorate my opinion of this particular Scarsguard It was great as Pennywise though, right? Wouldn't you guys go out of Yeah, absolutely. That's what I'm saying. But he's not the heart throb that he pretends to be in this movie, you know what I mean?

Like, you can't be a heart throb and Pennywise at the same time. All right. Like, you have to, you have to pick a lane. And I don't think that he's picking a lane. I think that he's trying to do this got cool thing that Brandon Lee had going without even trying to do. Right. And he doesn't have it.

And so it's kind of hard to follow that. I, I, I, to be honest, the most of the movie was a little bit boring to me. I got distracted a lot Oh, it felt like a six-hour movie Yeah And and and and I was I was not Incredibly impressed Like I want

Okay so ScarSgard is great I like him I like him a lot I like him in just about everything that he does This was the wrong role I thought it was going to be the right role But it's not at all. I don't think that he pulled this off.

All right. Spoilers. Now that I've spoiled it all, Brian. Now that I've walked us through the entire movie. We're going to do scores? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, scores first. Of course. All right. Brian, what do you think? Four. Four. Ouch.

That's super fucking low for you, dude. That's generous. Yes. One. One. All right. Well, that's to be exact. Man, I don't know. I guess I got a little four. I think it wasn't as good as five. Okay.

But it was as good as four. And so that justifies my four. There you go. That's usually why they give a four. Why not? All right. Spoilers. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert.

You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. Where do we go from here, Brian? Scars Guard versus Brandon Lee. Save me, Brian. Save me.

saved me. Well, that would be an ass whooping, is what I'm telling you. Would it? I guess, but Scarzo would look like the fucking Incredible Hulk. He definitely didn't look like he crawled out of a coffin, that's for sure. Well, not Incredible Hulk, but he was pretty fucking ripped.

So, I'll give him credit. Like, he... That's part of the problem with this movie. Like, he got so fucking ripped. Mm-hmm. And then there were so few, like, that last action scene where he was like popping people with a shotgun and shit

and and like getting hit while he was doing it was pretty badass. I'll give him credit on that. Yeah, I enjoyed that 10 minute segment. Right, but like that didn't happen until the very end of the movie. Like all the cool shit was at the very end. What do you think, Brian? Is there anything redeeming in this that I'm missing? Yeah, but you're just going to argue with me.

So. Well, let's hear it, dude. Let's hear it. Well, that's the best part. That's why we're here. That's why we do the show. I actually liked he went to a different realm to speak to the other person. We never got that.

Right. In the other movie. That is true. That is true. Yeah, because in the other movie, they just kind of like, in fact, the other movie, it was kind of weird that why did they wait a whole year, you know? Because he would have really been decomposed. Like, you would have been a skeleton. This movie, I felt like we got

a little bit of rules to his powers. Okay. Because when he started not being able to heal himself is because he was starting to doubt his love for her. Right. But because she was doing,

so it was a little more, like, so she was doing some sort of, like, demonic shit, right? Under Danny Houston's influence, Because he had some kind of like purple man from Jessica Jones type power. Yeah, that's what it was. Okay. So, all right.

So I can't say that I paid enough attention to know exactly what happened. But I know that he started whispering in his ear at one point towards the end. What happened there? Didn't work, though, right? It didn't, no. It didn't work. It didn't work just because his influence didn't work? because that demon in particular didn't like affect him like I liked I like the whole demon aspect of it

but like they didn't really go far enough I think yeah like I said there was good ideas they just didn't execute him right yeah and and what do you think about the casting right like like for not not just I already said he was miscast but what about like Danny Hughes I mean, do you think he was a good villain at least? Do you think he was like... He could have been. Well, you can't go wrong with that guy here, right? Yeah, it just wasn't evil enough for me.

Like, I don't know. And like, yeah, he didn't have that many scenes, actually. That makes sense. And you would think that he would, like... Because you can put that guy into the depths of hell. And he makes a great bad guy. And maybe they didn't go there for him. Mm-hmm.

So do you know, has either one of you actually read the comic? No. So I'm wondering which movie's closer to the comic book, and I'm kind of tempted to go read it now. I'm just curious about that too. I don't think either movie is a clear adaptation of the comic book. I think both movies borrow elements.

Gotcha. Or at least I think the original one borrowed elements. And this one obviously borrowed elements of the original movie. So do we count the Crow as the first good comic book movie? Kind of. Yeah, I mean, that or Blade, for sure, right? Yeah. And they were both mid-90s.

I mean. I mean, because Blade was definitely awesome and this worked. Yes. I don't know which one came first. Like the Captain America where he was riding around on his motorcycle was terrible. Apparently the Roger Corman Fantastic Four was terrible. Although, didn't they not, they wouldn't release it or something like that, Brian? Did they like Bat Girlette or whatever back in the day?

I'm not sure. I think it's hard to find. I think the original Roger Corman Fantastic. They tried to hide it. But I think you can find it, like on YouTube and stuff like that. Who was in that one? Nobody. Well, that's a problem.

It was, like, cheesy costumes, like original series Star Trek costumes. Listen, I am a stupid Jessica Alba fan, so I'll go fantastic for. Yeah. That one wasn't horrible, though. I think the new one's going to be really good. I think casting into it is phenomenal. Because, I mean, obviously, Pedro Pascal, to give him, like, some graying on the side of his hair.

You know, he's perfect. And then the dude from, Brian, do you watch The Bear at all, the TV show The Bear? Yeah. So that dude that plays cousin, I think he's going to be great as the thing. Because I can really see him, like, when he loses his temper and gets the orange skates.

scales and everything. I think they've casted the new one really well. So hopefully, hopefully we really did see a rise of Marvel Jesus on the Deadpool movie. And we're going to see some great stuff now.

We'll see. Yeah, man. It's been kind of a down. I'm like, all right, this shit ain't working. Marvel Jesus. Taring it up. Yeah. I don't know. You guys think, you guys think I've been maybe a little too rough on this one, huh? No. I think this movie was fucking terrible.

Like, I tried to like it. I tried to like it a lot. Maybe I went in with too high of expectations, honestly. Because I really, you know, I was really looking forward to it. That, I think was the biggest problem because, like, as the, like, a movie as a whole, it was really not good. like it looked yeah like one action sequence right

yeah I even I mean with the amount of talent that they had in this movie it looked like some sort of independent like if if I was to make this movie with these people

this is what it would come out looking like you know what I mean I was like oh man that's not great Maybe we should try somebody who knows the fuck they're doing next time. That'd be a good idea. Let's do that. So you get the Snow White and the Huntsman director, right?

Yeah. Well, and there you go. Snow White and the Huntsman. Like, how shitty even movie was that? Like, I wanted to like it because I like the people in it. I actually like Kristen Stewart, whatever the other name is. Yeah, she's good. man she's done so good roles

like but I mean you sort of have to play around her perma depressed face she has she might have she might have been good in this movie

honestly maybe you know I don't know she's kind of got that got that got you know feel to or what you are you are you with me Brian it would have been a cool thing I like the chick that they got to play

I don't know who she is, but she's very cute, and she totally pulled off the part. Like, I think, I don't blame the actors in this movie. I do blame the writing and the directors because it was not awesome. Yeah, not the best. Anything to have, Brian, before we sign out? Nope. Well, I mean, you gave it a four, so like, nobody loved it. All right, fair enough.

Yeah, and I'm kind of second-guessing my four at this point. Oh, man. Well, we'll revisit it at the end of the year, I'm sure. All right, as always, we want to thank you guys for listening to another episode of The Horror Returns. We would love to hear your feedback and ideas. You can always reach us at thehorrorreturns.com and follow all of the socials from there. Brian's got us hooked up.

Next week, the new summer movie binge continues with a brand new Afraid and also Tao. What is Tao, Brian? A movie. Oh, great movie. Is it? Yeah. Yeah, it's a good one.

It's like a smart house. and it blocks you in. Well, technically it's robbers in a smart house. We'll see how that works. Oh, it would be interesting. All right. So, again, it sounds like two movies that are pretty similar.

So until the horror returns again, Philip. Good night.