The Horror Returns - THR - Ep. #459: Howling III: The Marsupials (1987) & Howling IV: The Original Nightmare (1988)

Episode Date: March 12, 2025

This week, we tackle the next 2 films in The Howling franchise. Cool of the Week includes Andrew Schulz: LIFE, The Walking Dead, RRR, and The Mayfair Witches. Trailer is The Bondsman. The podcast spotlight shines on Deadbeats. And we get feedback from Nicole Loftus, Matt Dey, Pat Caruso, Jamie Mitchell, Don Lowery, Xim Vader, and Jason Hirth. Thanks for listening! The Horror Returns Website: https://thehorrorreturns.com THR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thehorrorreturns/ Join THR Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1056143707851246 THR X: https://twitter.com/horror_returns?s=21&t=XKcrrOBZ7mzjwJY0ZJWrGA THR Instagram: https://instagram.com/thehorrorreturns?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= THR Threads: https://www.threads.net/@thehorrorreturns?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ== THR YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@thehorrorreturnspodcast3277 THR Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thehorrorreturns THR TeePublic: https://www.teepublic.com/user/the-horror-returns SK8ER Nez Podcast Network: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-p3n57-c4166 E Society Spotify For Podcasters: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/esoc Music By: Steve Carleton Of The Geekz

Regings victims, for those of you who delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify gore, welcome. You have found the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware. This podcast contains major plot spoilers. and the foulest of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror. Welcome back, everyone, to The Horror Times.

I am Lance, and with me as always, we have our revolving guest, or co-host cast, starting with our most prominent guest. I'm sorry, permanent. permanent host. What's up, Steve? What's going on, fellas? Thanks for having me back.

We must be talking about a shitty movie. Maybe. Maybe. Perhaps. And then we have The Rock, and that would be Brian. The dude who holds everything together. The rock, the glue. You know him well.

I thought you were comparing me to Dwayne Johnson. We did. The glue that holds us together. No, we still like you, Brian. You can't be like doing Brock Johnson. The semen. Yeah, Brian stiffens the sock. Yikes.

No, maybe that was bad. Brian will never turn heel. Brian is with us. And super important for us this week because, Philip, you got to interview a couple of directors of a, would you almost call it soft core porn or how would you tell us about? the interview you conducted with with Bede this week, man? We had a pretty good time. It was the

directors of murder size. And, uh, they've done some other stuff too. I can't remember the names of them off the top of my head, but what's the new one that's coming out? Only Fangs. Only Fangs, which is a great name for a movie. I'm really excited about that one.

Uh, but yeah, it's a, a, schlocky B, horror movie stuff. And, uh, I was there for all of it. I'm pretty sure most of the cast was porn. Ginger Lynn was in there. I grew up

with Ginger Lynn. Old school porn star. And then some young girls, I don't know who they are, but they sound very porn star-e. And look it. But yeah, horror slasher, murder size, 80s, it was great.

You guys had a blast. Yeah, they were really, They were really cool. We had a pretty good time talking to them. So check that one out on the website or the YouTube's or whatever. All right. So on that note, let's dive into Kula the Week. I would normally say our guest goes first, but since we're our regulars, who wants to dive in first?

I'll jump on because mine is not horror this week. but I watched the Andrew Schultz stand-up special that came out on Netflix. It's new. And I don't know, man, maybe I was just in a good mood or whatever. But it, like, I was, I have not laughed that hard in a long time. Like, he had this bit about, most of it is a story about how him and his wife went to get, like, IVF fertility treatment stuff. And he's got this bit where he's donating his semen. Well, I guess not donating, but, you know, giving them a sample.

And it is, dude, like, one fucking hilarious thing after, like, I couldn't recover from the first joke before he hit me with the next one. And, like, I was laughing so hard that I couldn't breathe. And I, like, almost started to black out. It was hilarious. It was great. Laughter is medicine for the soul, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. It was the best stand-up I've seen in a while.

Very irreverent. Loads of laughs. Where is it streaming? Netflix. Okay, cool. Yeah, he was just on Monday Night Raw last night. Oh, was he? Dude, he's everywhere right now.

He's got the flagrant podcast. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, which is usually pretty good. They have some pretty interesting people on there. I can go next. I got a not cool of the week And of course You guys have ever seen borderlands

No I kind of wanted to But I keep hearing it sucks so bad Not gonna go out Or a movie with that kind of cast Right That kind of flashy Shit going on the screen Lots of explosions

I don't know what the fuck happened in the movie I was so invested Whatever game on my phone I was playing Oh, no. Oh, no. So bad. Who's the female lead in that one?

Kate Blanchett. They got Kate Blanchett to be in this movie. Kate Blanchett. Unbelievable. Kevin Hart. There was a bunch of people in it. Jack Black. What?

The guy from that played Creed's son in the Creed movies, he's playing this character, trying to do his best Bane impression from Batman and Robin. So they were kind of hoping for like a too big to fail kind of scenario. Steve, they were trying so hard to be Guardians of the Galaxy mixed with Star Wars. There were some scenes that I was like, this is a scene from the original Star Wars that you guys are trying to recreate right here. Right. You would think like schlocky video game comedy with Kevin Hart up there? Like dude, he's perfect for that role.

You would say that, right? And he's not, they're not even, he's not even like yucking it up, Kevin Hart. Okay. It's like he's kind of the comedic relief, but he's kind of trying to be not the comedic relief. And I'm like, you miss using this guy 100%. And then Jamie Lee Curtis shows up in a movie. What? Didn't work out?

No, no. Wow. I don't recommend it. Man, I can't believe it. Not even on it. It's so bad. I need someone else to confirm it's bad. it's just horrible.

The verdict is in, huh? Yeah. But I did start two TV shows. One, my daughter, she likes to make lists of shows and movies that she wants to get to, and she, like, breaks them down in the 80s list, 90s list.

And I was like, well, pick a TV show that you wanted to start. That we both haven't seen. And she picked, what's it called? Once Upon a Time. The one with all the fairy tale characters. Yeah, like the Disney princesses. Yeah, it's super cheesy.

It's super cheesy and corny, but we're having a good time kind of picking apart the plot and stuff like that. All the bad CGI is kind of fun. Well, network TV, right? And we also started, for me, it's a rewatch. For her, it's a first time watch. We watched the first season of The Walking Dead. Are you going to run through the whole thing? I told her we should because I stopped it like season seven.

Okay. So I've never seen the finale. I've never seen any of the spinoff shows. I think we're going to alternate. We're going to, since we finish season one of Walking Dead, we're going to finish season one and once upon a time, then go back to Walking Dead. But she enjoyed it, and I told her, enjoy it now,

because there's going to be a steep drop-off, not too long. There are dark days ahead. But everybody was so young and fresh, and Darrell was not as dirty and good times. Everyone's so young. Yeah. He was more of an anti-hero then, though, in the first season, right? Like, he wasn't.

They tried to make him that, like, the scene when they come and tell him, oh, we left your brother on top of handcuffed on top of a roof with a bunch of zombies coming at him. Right. They tried so hard to make him not likable, but he was always kind of likable. Not to the point where he is now. That's interesting to hear on really watch.

Okay. So are we literally going to write down, Walking Dead as are cool of the week? We have to. I was going to start some other movies. I've seen Captain America is out there in HD. It's good. That's America is pretty good.

I thought it's pretty good. I did love it, but I liked it. I liked the smaller storyline, didn't you see? Yeah, it's, I think on our rating scale and the geeks we gave it, I gave it, I think we all gave it high sidekicks. Like, it's good. We liked it. I don't think it deserves all the hate it's getting. It's not like awesome.

It's kind of corny. Like some of the, there's some fight scenes, you're like, ooh, I'm really missing. I feel like they have some different second unit guys that aren't quite as good. But then, but there's like, the Red Hulk shit is awesome. It's really good. And there's a fight scene, like, of the two Falcon, like, you know, Captain America Falcon and the new Falcon with some, like, jets. You see a little bit of it in the trailer. It's one of the best scenes I've seen in an action movie in, like, a long time.

It's really, really good. I'm a fan. They got away from that huge multiverse and Thanos thing and get to a smaller storyline. And I really enjoyed that, man. They introduced Adamantium, and they made the, they made the fucking stupidest. The Eternals movie have some sort of an impact. They tried, right? Yeah, I'll probably check that out tonight.

Eternals might be the only one that I've, like, started to watch and then haven't gotten all the way through it. I tried to watch it twice. It's not good. It's not good. It's not as bad as you guys have implied on the geeks. Which one? Which what? What is it?

Eternals. Eternals is terrible. That's a zero. I'd rather watch Eternals than Secret Invasion. I never, dude, I got through episode one and a half. I stopped midway through episode two. I was like, I just can't with this. I watched the finale and I actually told my TV, fuck you.

Like my TV did something wrong. Yeah. Oof. The Eternal is really bad. It's really bad. Yeah. Walking Dead. That's all I got.

Walking Dead, Philip. Walking Dead. There it is. I can jump in. You were talking about Jamie Lee Curtis earlier. This week, I was able to procure on VHS Halloween Resurrections. Now, in the grand scheme of Halloween things, not a great movie. However, on rewatching it this time, I must say, after watching all the Drek that I've seen since the last time I've seen that movie, not as bad. It's not as bad as I remember again.

Like, it's still 40 a shit. Buster Rimes still karate kicks. Yeah, he still karate kicks Michael Myers, and it's still ridiculous. But Katie Sackoff in one of her first movies. Hey, it was, it was all right. I like the opening. Like, I was like, it's pretty good. Like, it was fine.

It was in 90s music, all that, like, that, like, weird Matrix style music, you know, like the, bam, bam, bim. It's like that fucking, like. He said sound like a porno sound like. Yeah. It's like, like Mortal Kombat music. I think everything was like super techno in like 1994, you know. I was going to say, you kind of nailed it with your little beatbox there.

That works. And when you get it on VHS, it comes with the coolest fucking commercials and trailers before the things. So it's like a time machine. It just takes you right back and you watch all that cool shit. It's really, really cool. So that was fun. Last night, or yesterday it was my wife's birthday. And to cap things off for the night, she wants to watch.

Oh, thank you. I'll let her know. You said that. I don't know why I said thank you. I'm my fucking birthday. Saying thank you for her. I'm pretty sure she's going to say tell him thank you. But she wanted to watch a 90s classic.

So we put on Robin Hood Prince of Thieves. Who was the last time you guys watched that? I saw it. I think last summer I watched it. Let me tell you. My go-to is many tights, but that's a good one. I thought Keanu's exit was bad. Kevin doesn't even do an accent.

He didn't even drive. He fakes it for like 20 seconds and then just is not even bothered by it anymore. And it's fine. I don't give a shit about that. That is a classic, that is a motherfucking classic ass movie right there. You want to know, that movie holds up.

That's a good one. I don't remember how fucking funny that movie was. That movie's hilarious. Cut someone's heart out with a spoon because it'll hurt more. I was watching it for the, like, I've seen this movie dozens of times, But last night I was watching, it was like for the first time with like new eyes. Like when the witch was like, when it was revealed that she was like the sheriff's mom, I was like, wait, what the fuck? I was like, I don't remember this at all.

Like, what's happening? I haven't seen. Like, this makes so much more sense. And then I remember my whole life thinking that the Will Scarlet thing, him telling Kevin, you know, Kevin Coswood, he was his brother was like some bullshit thing. And then watching it this time, they prefaced that dumbass earlier in the movie. He was like, oh, man, my dad was like fucking hooking up with some peasant lady, and I was super pissed. And that's why I left to begin with them. I'm like, God damn, they really set up some story in this motherfucker, didn't they?

They were really trying. And it's really good. It was a crazy later, right? Yes. He's trying to do his accent, too. Oh, he did. At the end, he's like, you walk through the door. And I was like, where the fuck did that come from?

You haven't sounded like that. This whole movie, you motherfucker. Morgan Freeman's in there killing it. You know who doesn't lose it? his accent, Morgan Freeman, fix a fucking lane and stays in it the whole time. He never leaves his character. It's great. I love it so much.

Okay. It's very corny. It's very corny. It's very corny. Very 90s cheesy. You know, like, they had that Brian Adams song throughout the movie in, like, symphony style, you know, like, as part of the score. King of the long titles to songs.

Yes. But very, very, very good. The show that I started to watch. watching was Paradise. Have you started watching that? I don't know. On Hulu? Never heard of it. Never heard of it. Dude, don't look anything up. I'm telling you this right now. By the end of episode one, your mind is...

No! It was one of the biggest, like, where I was like hitting my, like, oh my God, like had to start episode two. No bullshit. Don't look up any spoilers. Can I just look up the show? Yeah, it's got James Marsden. and um he's always he's not the main guy the main guy i can't i can't think of his name the top of my head he was there you go sterling cam brown from predator i was trying to think of his name wow you say predator you say his name well i don't know what else to think of up the top when i think

of him oh this is an older show it's always when he's like pretty cool it's like talking about the name predator it's like oh no no no it's a brand new show brand new show but the whole season's out it's ready but I did not spoil myself and it made this show so much better like three minutes before the end you're like wait a second what's that? Wait a second what is that and then

the end how you're just like what's happening pure mind-blown moment very very oh dude you fucking asshole I've got to add it to my never-ending list of TV shows that I still have to watch Oh yeah that's a good one I forgot I checked out the first episode of Severance That's next on the list

I like it, but I have no idea what's going on. That's an Apple TV one? Yeah. Don't expect any quick answers. I'm intrigued. I was intrigued by the opening segment lens. It opens with the lady waking up on the table and the guy on the intercom asking her questions. It had me then.

Don't know what's going on, but I'm ready to take this wrong. It's a ride. I definitely want to check out Severin's next for sure. Yeah, well, that's like what you're saying about Paradise. The less you know, the better type of thing. I know enough about the premise of like the concept of it, but I don't know details about story stuff. And then the very last thing I want to talk about that,

I will want to claim as the cool of the week, is that we got paid on Patreon to review a movie on The Geeks, and it was a three-hour Indian film on Netflix, called R, R, R, R, R, R. I've heard of that one. And I watched that, and let me tell you something. Is that your cool of the week? Highest of heroes. It's so fucking good.

It's like, it's like a cartoon, but like in real life, like, you see some shit. At the end, you know how, like, on Little Rascals, one kid puts another kid on their shoulders? Or like, you do that in the pool, like your chicken fighting. Two motherfuckers escape a prison like that, because one dude's legs is broken. But this guy whose legs is broken has been working out his upper body, for hell long. So like as they're running, he's just choke slamming motherfuckers through walls and shit. It is fantastic. The opening is like a 20-minute scene of one dude beating the fuck out of like 400 other dudes with a stick. Well, Indian action movies are a whole other level of crazy.

There is, I mean, there is a cultural divide. This sounds like a commentary. This sounds like a commentary. It'd be a very long show. But it's, there's definitely a cultural divide with, some stuff. Like, you know, they do the, the thing where they break into the song and dance at the end when it's kind of like showing. You know that. They show parts of the movie, but it's like a whole separate set with like all different costumes and it's kind of cutting back and forth.

So that's just something that, you know, I'm not used to, but it's, I wasn't offended by it or anything. But there is, there is one scene. I don't hate the Bollywood dancing and song stuff that they pop up with. I feel weird if it was like people from. like Ohio doing it but you know it's it's their thing you like the beginning of the drew carry show you main but uh it's jerry springer there's a there's a dance scene in the middle that sean was really like you even like that one and i was like yeah because it wasn't like

song a day like it was all drums and it was like the whole point was like these two indian cats was going to outdance those british cats like the white people are that bad guys in this movie ray stevenson is the main bad guy It's so good. All right. All your time. There's an action scene that takes place on a bridge, two guys tie ropes to each other and with horses and motorcycles and they jump off and save a kid with fire and shit. It's fucking nuts.

It's nuts. So not only crazy action, but dance battles too. Dance battles. Yes. And friendship that borderlines, but it never steeps there because they're both into these two ladies. That's also part of the story. Sure. But like that's also part of that cultural.

divide like I'm not that close with my friends you know but over there they're real close you know they're like down the streets hold them hands with each other yeah yeah that's a thing that's a real thing but like at one point after they do some tight shit they fall is it really yeah at one point they do a really cool action thing they both fall in this river and the like slow motion they go to the bottom of the river and they walk towards each other like this and they dab each other up under the water like smiling ele big it's fucking tight like that's what you're in for it's like over the top craziness but it's just a lot of fun i had a blast of it so r r r r cool in a week all right wow you commits me i'll have to watch it i've always i've always sort of waited on it i'm like i kind of want to watch

this but it's also insane so long but it flies by if you if you get to that dance scene and then once it's over you can pause it right there that's the perfect stop right perfect to stop it right and do the next movie tomorrow. There you go. That's how I watched it. Okay. I didn't have three hours. All right, I can't, I can't top that.

Let me get mine out of the way. I'm going to say season two of Mayfair witches on AMC Plus, which is in the interview of the vampire universe. Oh, that one. Yeah, a different set of people. Okay, the special effects are fucking horrible, incredibly cheesy. You want to talk about CGI fire, eat your heart out,

absolutely horrible cinematography. But number one, Alexander Dadario is not hard to look at, especially when she's in a scene wearing a super wet t-shirt. That's always a plus. That's a super good plus. True Detective season one.

Oh my God, dude. One of the greatest scenes of all time. Screenshots to that I'll never, will never not be on my desk stop. There's gifts. No, you got to save the gifts. That's what you've got to say. Yeah.

Yeah, the little five-second clip that just like, ha-la-la-la. I will say this. A great way to start your day. This is what I'm going to say. It's eight episodes. I've never heard my life, seen the TV series follow the book as closely as season two of this is.

It's like exactly, it's almost like paragraph for paragraph the book. And like that's what I look for a lot of the times when I'm, you know, when I've read a book and I get super disappointed because they change this character or they shorten something to you know like put two characters in one

or whatever but it's like word for word the exact book Lasher which is the second book in the series so I give I give kudos whoever put this show together they like totally did their homework and they were super respectful to the novel and you just don't see that a lot so that's my cool of the week

but I can't beat RRRR four headlines Brian all right we got some more casting news for Dexter Resurrection. That show is really happy. I already hate this. We got Eric Stone Street. You guys might know him from Modern Family.

Okay. Which one was he? Cam or the Red End. Cam. Okay. Cam's cool. I like him. Never seen it. He's funny. Also, well, it's Network TV. You never seen Modern Family? He doesn't watch Network TV. I watched that whole show. I watched every episode of that show.

Yeah. I've seen the first five seasons of Once Upon a Time. How about that? I've seen all of lost. Okay. I've seen all of lost. And then I fell off. In the office?

Yeah. You ever watch the office? The English one. Not the American. What? Get out of here. Yeah, you got to watch the office. You've got to at least try modern family.

You just pick an episode and watch it and see what you think. Modern family is... I won't be lost. If I pick one randomly? No, I don't. think so. Okay. Dude,

Phil Dunphy is one of the greatest characters of television, television history, and his son, Luke? Yeah. So many great characters. All right.

I'll give it a fair shake. When I'm done with all these fucking 17,000 shows, I've got to watch. Also, Kristen Ritter joins the cast. Okay.

She's usually pretty good. Kenan Thompson from S&L, the longest cast member of all time I think what, what, 14 14 years? It's like he went from Nickelodeon

right as you. Yeah, he did kill. That dude has a career, man. He is. I can't believe he's been on it that long. He has. He's been on there a while, man. He is producing a horror comedy titled Halloween store. I'm a

fan. I've been a fan of his from day one. The old Good Burger and all that Not a ton of range on him, but that's what he does very well. He plays play a lot of the same character over and over does he. But he was like a hero in my childhood though, man, mighty ducks, heavy weights. He was in all the bangers from when I was a kid. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

You guys familiar with any creepy pastas? Not really. I actually listened to most of that creepy pasta podcast. They do like a, it's like a radio like tell them, not telling a villa, but you know, like how how the radios used to do like the radio dramas. Sure. That's how they do like the creepy pasta poggios. This is pretty good.

Are you familiar with the one called the third parent? All that to be said, no. All that to say, no, no, no. They are doing a film adaptation of the third parent, and Crispin Glover is going to play a character named Tommy Taffey. Can't be terrible then, right? Hadn't seen him in a minute. And I guess they're trying to push this as the.

next big horror character. Tommy Taffy. Yeah, okay. The third parent sounds a little woke. I don't know. We're parenting is a pod. By getting lying. Jasper Jenkins is next. Jasper Jenkins needs his dude. He's the next horror icon.

Not this Tommy Taffy. And this is your uncle daddy Bob. Who at first. Oh shit. There he is right there. There's Mr. Jasper right there. he's everywhere you can't get away from him more casting news for scream 7 Michelle Randolph I think she's from 18 whatever that show is 1873

18 18803 yellow stone one blonde the main character okay Jimmy Tataro I think he's also from I think he's from American Vandal and a couple of other TV shows.

He's one of those guys he looks familiar. Zach Krieger, we talked about him, the Barbarian director, doing the next Resident Evil movie. Resident Evil gets a September 18, 2026 release date. A long way away. There has been,

besides the first Resident Evil movie, the very first one, and even then barely, and mostly only because of that laser cubes, Yeah, that's, I'll never forget that. That's pretty much it. Everything else, Resident Evil has been pretty shit.

Even the ones that feel like they should have been, like, they showed some cast pictures of some, and you're like, God damn, that looks like straight out of the game and shit. And you watch it, you're like, what is this fucking child? Right. Yeah. That Netflix show with, um, Herrick, Lance Hedric or whatever his name was, um, the Netflix one with the girls, the two daughters.

That one was supposed to be awesome. It was terrible. What was that? That was the Resident Evil one? Yeah. Oh. I think Philip and I had more fun watching House of the Dead that night, remember? That was well now.

In fairness. Ovei Bowles. Owned out of our minds, though. He knows how to make a terrible movie that man. There have been a couple of movies where I've been scrolling across and I stopped on it. And I'm like, oh, that looks interesting. And then I see the director. and it's U-Bow or U-A-Bol or whatever.

And I was like, never mind. What's the guy that did the original Resident Evil movies? That's Mia Jovovovich's husband. What's his name? He did Event Horizon. Paul. Paul Giamatti.

Paul Thomas Anderson? Paul Giamatti could pull her. Because there's like two Paul Andersons. There's like two Paul Andersons, but. Yes, Paul Anderson. Whoever, me, Lejovich, husband, whoever he is, he's remaking House of the Dead.

Oh, okay. I don't know if it's relevant. Are there still even any House of the Dead games? Like, who the fuck is this for? I know they remastered the original one for, like, the newer system. It's Paul W.S. Anderson is the one, too. There you go. Get it right. Get it right.

Because I don't know anybody that has, like, nostalgia for the game House of the Dead. It's cool, but it wasn't like... I'm playing the arcade shooter with the little shotgun. Yeah. It was definitely cool, but it's not even... There's no, like, new House of the Dead game. I just remember from the movie that...

The weird scene where, like, the camera goes around everybody while they're posing in the house of the movie. I just remember... That's the one thing that sticks out in my mind is like... You don't remember the badass Asian chick with the American flag bekees? I don't. I watched it once. That was there for no reason, just kicking ass. That moves. Terrible. I worked at a Hollywood video, and they kept showing the trailers for In the Name of the King,

with Jason Stapleman and Ron Perlin and fucking Bert Reynolds. And who's the other guy from Goodfellas? Ray Leota. And I'm sitting there watching this trailer, and the music is on. And there's one guy that's black guys and night, and he's looking. up and a fucking tear rolls down his face. And I'm like, this looks like a fucking good movie. And I put the movie in and it was the worst thing.

And it's a fucking Uvee Bowl movie. It's the worst thing. You did. Man. His name is Farmer. Fucking Jason St. Matthew Lillardt. And he's...

Wow. Because he's a... Get this. He's a farmer. That's why his name is Farmer. Who keeps giving this motherfucker money to make movies? Really? Toyota plays a wizard and he talks like he's from Goodfellas.

He's cocaine on the side. He's got like a trench coat. He's like, oh, Cadabra. Fuck out of here. You know, it's like, Bert Reynolds is like a fucking, he's the king. Abra fucking Cadabra. What do you want some fucking pixie dust or something? Again, yeah, Bert Reynolds is the king and he's just like sounds like, you know,

fucking he's jubbed right out of strip teams. And then Matthew Lillard's coming in here as Bert Reynolds' son. And for some reason, he's laying on the thickest British accent you've ever heard in your life. And he's just chewing on every word. And it's like, I just don't get it. How did he get all these people in his movie? I don't understand it. I don't know, man.

That guy's got... Lord of the Rings is big. Lord of the Rings is big. You thought Epstein was bad. We need to look into this guy. Oh, no. But then he made a movie called Rampage, and it's actually, like, pretty good. Like no bullshit, it's pretty good

The one with the rock in it? No, the one where the guy goes on like a shooting spree It's like, it's pretty fucked up You're like Yeah, the guy from prison break I know what you're talking about Yeah, yeah It was okay

Like Wall Street rampage or whatever it was Got away with that shit That was nice His stocks went down So he killed everybody Okay That was way more competently made Than anything else he's done

I guess I'll give you that What else we got? I think we'll finish off with, this just came out today as we're recording. There's going to be a new Kujo movie. It's coming on Netflix. Is Dee Wallace in it? I don't know.

We should ask her. She asked her to come back on the show. I'm automatically in if she is. She should do the review of the new Kujo with you. Yeah. Remember you were on her show 10 years ago? It wasn't 10 years ago. Yeah.

I'm sure her memory is fantastic. from 10 years. Probably not far from it. So it's coming straight to Netflix. Did you say who's directing it, Brian? No director, but it's being produced by Roy Lee. He produces a lot of horror movies. The most notable ones were the new It movies.

Okay. Yes, more good Stephen King adaptations. But Kujo, I read that book. There's a lot that they didn't go into, but I don't know how you can because they tell a lot of it from like the dog's perspective, and you can't really, I guess you could spend a little bit more time with the dog, but you don't get that inner monologue.

Yeah, like where he's going into the cave and get spit by the bat and all that. I remember that. And then you remember the dude was like an advertising sleaze bag, right? And he was doing like, they had it. There's so much drama. Kids are like getting sick on the fucking breakfast cereal. In the book, there's so much extra like drama. It's like the wife is up to, like they're both terrible people.

They're just cheating on each other. He's fucking everybody. And he just goes into detail. There's so many chapters just about that. I'm like, would you get to the evil dog already? Please. Yeah. God, I don't care.

The story I read about this, they were stressing that this is an adaptation of his book, not a remake of the movie. So more sexy time. It's going to be a lot of sexy time with a crazy dog at the end. As long as they have. have a dog in her monologue. Jerry. Jerry. That's the whole fucking movie.

And if it goes by the book, then that little kid's going to be way more annoying than he was in the movie. Wasn't that the kid from Who's the Boss? Yeah. It was. It was. I don't know his name either, but it was him. Yeah, that kid.

All right. Who's the boss? That's the news. Okay, on that note, on that note, Steve, we're going on down to the chelapok. He's going to bring you, Brian, it's going to bring you to big, small, and sometimes the very, very weird. You're hitting so many accents. You sound like an AI voice that you told to do an accent and it just starts trailing the other things halfway through. Maybe I am.

Lance is not really sitting up right in front of us. Because I was going to make a joke how you can't make the Southern accent. accent because you don't live in Texas. But I guess it's Florida. But then you started dipping into like Italian or something. So I didn't know where you were going. But I know, what's our first new trailer to talk about it tonight?

Okay. He's an Italian with a stutter. There's a Catholic altar boy out there. Right now is having PTSD with that shit. I heard a little Dracula in there too. Yeah, there you go. All right.

perverted. The new Amazon Prime Action Horror Television show, The Bondsman starring Kevin Bacon. Damien Harriman, Maxwell Jenkins. A bunch of other people. This looks like

RPD may be done right. Oh. Yeah. What did you guys think? I thought the trailer was awesome. I thought Kevin Bacon looked great. I thought the special effects, hey, it's TV. You know, some of it looked better than other shots, but for the most part, it looked really good.

Looks funny, action-packed. Looks good. Yeah, and Kevin Bacon has been really hit or miss lately, I feel like, but... Oh, shit. But I think this one looks like maybe it could bring him back. He has the right attitude for this role. Yeah. Like, it seems like he's, he's cast correctly.

Sometimes you see characters and shit and you're like, ooh, that's not for you. Yeah, he's going to have to get a few more, like, really decent. Because he's not, like, too old yet, but he's going to have to hit some real, some more real good roles. Well, like, I started putting some of the shit he's done out. He did that damn toxic Avenger movie two years ago. We ain't seen that yet, you know, like how much shit gets filmed and then just sits and waits. Well, it seems like all the good shitty films gets shelved. You want to do that tremors series that he filmed the pilot episode for?

Yep. That was money in the bank. I was so excited when that trailer dropped. Walsh. Lance, what do you think? Until we get tremors, I am so fucking into this trailer. Oh, my God, dude. I cannot wait for this series.

I was entertained start to finish in the trailer. And if I was that entertained... Wait, first I thought it was going to be a movie because I thought, okay, Brian's sending us a trailer. It's going to be a movie on Prime. Cool. Looks great. Then we're about halfway through

and it pops up a series. I'm like, even fucking better! Yes! Add it to my 16,000 TV shows that I need to be. No, I have to warn you guys real quick. There's a possible chance that this could suck. I don't think it will It is from Blumhouse

Well No That gives you 50-50 odds right there Blumhouse We had faith in Blumhouse Blumhouse I know Hey but it's okay

They can still turn it around Mithrigan was good Mithrigan was good I liked Megan Yeah It was all right They throw out some good stuff Every once in a while

And I disagreed with your guys Reviews on the Conjuring Like I like Skeletes I think was a skeleton key Skeleton key was shit That was my favorite Congreary

Of you fucking kidding? It was all of them It was all Did they turn back The devil made me do it? No I hated I hated that one I didn't like the devil

Oh the The skeleton key was the Insidious Yeah There it is There it is Okay Scalum house

That movie's trash You know why I liked it Because it doesn't have It doesn't have any of the other People in it It has It's all specs And those other guys

I like I like them more than anything I like them the most anyway. So it was their movie. I was like, I want more movies about them. Fuck. I don't care about Patrick Wilson's dumb family in their stupid dream. I so wanted that the little key demon to shut off everybody's voice in the movie.

That would have been great. And there's stuff in the trailer. Pretty cool. There's stuff in the trailer that's not in the movie. I never, I didn't even watch the trailer. Gee, see, but that was the thing from the trailer. Like, I thought. the big bad was going to be like really fucking creepy and it kind of was but for like one scene

I know about like I guess insidious one is good but then everything else besides the skeleton key is bad the red door was horrible oh my god that was bad I'm kind of done with insidious oh oh I just remember that that's part of news the new one got postponed a year. Yay! Because they have no script. Didn't stop them before. Well, they let, what's his name?

Directed to Patrick Wilson. Oh, Patrick Wilson. Oh, yeah, that's right. Sure. All right, whatever. They couldn't find a director, and they were like, don't you ask one of the actors. He's like, I'll do it. He's like, I'll do it if.

I can sing in the end credits. Sing Elvis. And then they were like, yes. And then I was like, no. But you can blame James Wan for letting them sing in The Conjuring 2. Phillips' favorite producer, James Wan. Hey, but The Conjuring 2 was badass, and he directed that. No, shit.

That was my favorite of the series. James Juan directed is a different story. All right. Bondsman's coming to Prime April 3rd. All right. I'm excited. All right. The Bonsman.

I like the RIPD done. RIPD was a really cool idea. It just was not a great movie. It just makes more sense that in this one he's a bondsman, not a ex-cop. Right. That he's not working for this law department. He's working for the devil in this one. I got you.

Yeah. Even better. Who is the devil going to be, right? The reveal in the final episode, right? Who are y'all betting the devil is going to be? Just take a wild guess. Dave Grohl, I think. Dave Grohl, that would be amazing.

I'm looking at the cast. They got Damon, the guy Damon Harriman, I'd mention. He played Charles Manson in Mine Hunter and Once Upon a Time. And once upon a time in Hollywood. Oh, oh, oh, back to Cool of the Week. Sorry, guys. I skipped over this. I meant to give it an honorable mention, Philip.

I'm 27% into chaos. I got you, man. Charlie Manson. Yeah, and I saw they popped up with a Netflix little documentary on it. And I don't know how in-depth it goes. I'm going to have to check it out. I heard not as deep as the book. But like I said, I'm 27% in.

So it's it's a fucking ride. Because there's so much detail in it that you like, because he has to go through every little. Way too much detail, right? Well, but it's people that just don't want to say anything. Yeah, but he's got to, he's kind of has to go into all that so that you know that when he gets to the juicy bits, he's already done his due diligence. And you're like, oh, shit, this is true. Yep. Yep.

Yep. Loving it so far, dude. And like I said, I'm not even into the meat, the meat and potatoes yet. Yeah, you got to get it about halfway through. Thanks for the RECD man. Since you brought it back to Cool the week, I forgot to mention Daredevil, Born Again, so. Is it all dropping?

Why are they not dropping a new episode at midnight? I don't, I'm not sure. I'm not sure how that. I'm not sure how that. Usually I have them on, I think is, is there, are they dropping on Tuesdays or Wednesdays? Tuesdays. They've been doing that on all their stuff late. Like, they used to drop them at midnight and they don't do that anymore.

They have like a specific time on that day. That's weird. Yeah, it doesn't make it any sense. I haven't watched the third episode, but I did watch the two-episode premiere in. Ooh, boy. For anybody worried out there that if, like, oh, is Disney Plus going to dumb it, die, you know, tame it down? It's going to keep. It's very brutal.

It's about, it's just about as brutal as everything. Dude, the opening fight action scene that starts the whole season is one of those classic Daredevil one shots. You know, the camera never cuts away. Multiple floors, all this crazy stuff happening. That's cool. And it is... RIP to a certain character. Immediately.

There are people getting murdered. Just innocent bystanders, left and right. Knife, gunshot. Knife, gunshot. Collateral. Throw a cue ball at your face. That person's dead. You know, just like, it is pneumonia.

That was hilarious, though. The lady that caught the cue ball to the face from Bozai, Because she's just standing there and he ricochets a pool ball into her face. He's out of bullets. He's just like, using shit. Bam. One lady, he punches her to death. The lady at the top of the stairs, he's like, she's like, ah, dead.

Oh, the lady carrying her groceries. He's like, what's going on out here? Bow. It's fucked up. Wrong. It's like, and then, you know, what, what he does? What happens to him, you know, like, that, that, when you watch all that happen and you're just like, God, damn.

Like, it is very, very brutal. And it's, so kind of the first, the two episodes premieres kind of like, action, holy fuck. A lot of character story development episode ends. A lot of character story development on season or episode two. And then holy shit action at the very end. I don't hate that structure. Yeah, no, it was a nice action sandwich, you know, and it lets you know where everything was. and there was some good character beats in there too.

The Wilson Fisk and Matt Murdoch meeting and the diner was very tense because they both know all the dirt on each other. It was nobody else. It was really good. It was them catching up with each other, but also catching us out on where these characters are. Yeah. I got to watch it.

Very, very good. So I'm sorry I had remembered that. I think, see, their episode three. just drop right now. Okay, on to listener feedback. This week we're going to shine the podcast spotlight on Deadbeats. Horror, Horror, Horror. Is that the name of it, Deadbeats Horror, Horror, Horror?

I don't think so. Maybe it's just Deadbeat. Just two good friends who love everything horror. We'll be doing all types of reviews between movies, books, and TV shows, giving each other trivia, playing games. and just having fun conversations. We're not really sure what the plan is here, but we want to talk about horror. And for Nicole Loftus, she says,

thanks for doing my birthday request early. Maybe next year you could do the rest of the Carrie movies, 2002 and 2013, or Urban Legend, 1998. Thanks again, Nicole. Have we done? Urban Legend holds up. Just watched that recently.

Yeah, have we done that one? Yeah. Doesn't hold up of the sequels. Oh, I haven't, you know, I've never seen any of the sequels. But the first one, it's not a great movie, but it's like, it's a staple. It's got like young Jared Letto, Joshua Jackson. Oh, you know, it's a time capsule that. Rebecca Gayhart.

Yeah. With their big old wide face. I think I watched the second one and it was. No, you got to watch the third one where they go supernatural. Oh, shit. Shut up. That's kind of like, that's the same track record as I know what you did last summer. Yeah, I think it's called Urban Legends Bloody Mary or something. Oh, I think I probably saw that too.

I like it when they go supernatural. I don't want some regular old slasher dude. Nicole, we will be doing the other two carry movies this year. Oh, cool. So part of your birthday present. Very nice. Dad and some dirty pillows. All right. We have officially started our listener polls for the upcoming March Madness.

So be sure to... All right. Be sure to... I missed it. Be sure to check them out and cast your vote on our Facebook and other socials. For the March Madness. What is it? Horror icons.

A re-reed. do of the one we did years ago where this must be served that was my fault I will take full responsibility well I mean you you picked them to be in there but you didn't vote his way into it no but I helped

yeah because you'd get him into an argument and you'd like no no let's break it down like if it's Jason Voorhees versus Darth Vader like he'll just force stop his ass and then he just throws the lights say I'd rather be done with this bullshit. Hard to argue. Next opponent.

Dark Vader or Tiny Ditka. All right. In regards to the number 23, maybe we've been talking about this movie a lot lately. Too much, I guess. Matt Day says, I've seen this 23 times.

Ouch. You. Are you in the movie? Maybe he would have meant was two plus three so like five times. Okay. Maybe. That's sort of how the movie works. Two minus three so negative one time? Yeah. In regards to the smile

franchise, Pat Caruso says, are these movies any good? Yes. Yes. Solid, solid franchise. Mm-hmm. I like the second one better. Yeah. I wouldn't go that far. I have questions about the opening of the second one. How the curse gets transferred. But yeah, I know. Everybody else has to have this long, creepy smile,

but not that one, I guess. Just look over it, look over it. In regards to Zach Craigers' Resident Evil reboot, Jamie Mitchell says, is it a sequel to Raccoon City? No, that's why it's called a... reboot. Oof, right there in the title.

Which one was Raccoon City? I think I saw that. That was the one with the... How did they say it? Lansing, go, here's your sign. Something like that. That's how we say it down here. What's that movie, The Crawl?

Are you in Louisiana? The girl from Crawl. Oh, yeah, but I can't remember who she is. I think she's in it. Down here, sometimes dead is better. You're in Maine now. All right. You can all be in California, man.

Take a drink every time Lance does an accent. I would pay money to hear Lance narrate a Stephen King short story. You know, just one of those little five-page bangers in that voice the whole time. That was actually pretty good. Oh, my God. Make that a Patreon to here. I'll do it. I'm about to say, I'm going to put it in the universe.

If you pay a specific amount, Lance will read, I'll be kind of Lance. He'll read a short story of Stephen King's, and he will do different voices for each character. Oh, my God. I will be here first, for a second that's available. Oh, so good. Let's have to pop in with some random characters like Arnold and Sylvester Stallone show up. only you can do Arnold, Philip. Philip, you're a resident honor.

I'm terrible Arnold. I got a pretty decent slide. He could show up. Hey, uh, ain't that guy supposed to be there, you know? This is off topic. You know who's fucking good at voices that I've just seen a video on? Tom Hiddleston.

No, really? No shit. Yeah, he does like impressions of, he can do impressions of like all the co-stars he's worked with. Oh. That's pretty talented. Yeah, you've got to be brave to do impressions of co-stars or be in a pretty cool relationship with them at least. Yeah, that's surprising, but I have to check it out.

I'm sure it's on YouTube somewhere, right? Yeah. All right, in regards to the mangler, Don Lowry says it's so bad it's good, Flick. Speaking of Stephen King. Yeah. nasty violent kills lots of lash lots of laughs nausea nausea score yeah I like the nangler

I'll look over his in it's fun it's Freddy Krueger was in that one right was Brady Krueger in that one do we do they kill the laundry oh maybe I did watch it oh okay I'm terrible with names we got to get that spray sheet going Brian yeah

let's see regards to the wishmaster. Zem Vader says Andrew Divoff is the greatest wishmaster. Wishmaster, Jeannie, Wish Granter, whatever, whatever, whatever. So good. And that's really good practical effects, too.

Like, on his makeup as the gym. Yeah. It's really cool. Right? He works. That guy's awesome. Maybe we should do that for the next franchise. Ooh. You know, I don't think I've ever... Retrospecting. Like I've seen... I know that I've

seen the first wish master but I've never like gone through the whole series I think I think Andrew Devoff is the the the gin I thought he was in all of them yeah yeah that was like that's like his thing it's like this that works four of them I think oh okay I thought there was more than that many it's only four I thought there were like 12

there's not that many okay small franchise we cannot that out quick there you go that's a couple episodes in regards to horror for dummies invader says well all right dirty fucking come eating

Australian cunts that's what I was saying Wow Tell us how you really feel All right I'm going forward Somebody's not a fan Oh he's a huge fan

He's like the biggest fan. You gotta understand that Australia, it's different. When you call somebody a cum-eating... Yeah, it's like saying your best friend. Boy, God. I mean, I guess it's... I mean, it's how it works, right? Summer's winter, winter. Hey, take a joke. That's

the problem with America. We quit knowing how to take a fucking joke. And that's why we're in the predicament we're in now. So, God damn it, take a fucking joke. I don't know. Somebody called me a come-eating cunt. I'd be like, what the fuck? dude what's up I don't know

I don't know I don't know I don't know where to go with it yeah what are we doing All right well that was that was that was a good one Let's see That was a good one In regards to the 13 ghosts poster

Jason Hurth says that's really cool Has a vintage vibe to it It's always good Yeah I like 13 ghosts That was a pretty decent one I wasn't here for last week's talk about the poster last week's poster was Freddie in space in

Oh yeah that's right I commented on it And I can't stop thinking about that Because there's been a lot of You know in space You know Yeah fucking horror And to mixed results

You know But Freddy in space Make perfect sense Yeah It really does God damn Like Because people like

So that would be the thing Right Everyone's in hypersleep But just like in that weird Chris Pratt Jennifer Lawrence movie movie right You have to have

somebody not being hypership, right? And he's, like, debating whether or not to wake somebody up kind of thing, right? Yeah. But could you imagine if Jennifer Lawrence's character was like, Freddie was like trying to get her and then he wakes her up right at the last second? Like, oh, that'd be crazy.

And she'd be like, we have to wake everybody up. Holy fucking shit. Like, he's jumping around. I know. That would be fucking awesome. And then they take space caffeine, right? Or space cocaine.

It just sounds like such a cool concept. I don't know. I was like. I know. I love it. You got to have a reason for him to be. on the spaceship. I was going to say,

what? It built a space station on Elm Street. What's that overthink? Why is Freddie trying to stop the galactic conquest, man? Maybe. I don't know, maybe Freddy's just been kind of like head hopping in like comatose people for millennia trying to, you know, while they built the space program. I don't fucking know.

I love it. And then like, he gets onto a ship and like, there's some, you, Like, he's like, now I'm here. Fucking poof. I don't know. He's, he's just mad. He's like, man, fuck NASA. The earth is flat.

It's all fake. Steve, here's an $80,000 advance from the coffers of the Hort Returns Patreon patron account. I thought about it for, I thought about the how he gets on there for about 10 seconds. So if you give me some time, I could come up with a cool idea. Oh, yeah. But that just sounded so cool. Because I love Jason X. That's one of my favorite.

I don't. Jason movies. I love the idea of Freddie in space for sure. You don't love Jason X. It's so good. Nichols kept falling off. He smashes that one chick's face. The sleeping bag kill.

That was great. Ow, ow, ow, ow. It's so good. I love it. All right. That's it for releasing of feedback. Our intro and new logos come from Steve. Hey, there he is right there.

And be on the lookout for some more. great stuff from him. That's great for my daughter. That's really cool. That's cool. Sorry. Original skull artwork comes from Natsulani. Check her out on Instagram.

And if you'd like to help us out, please consider becoming a Patreon patron. Let's pick the movies for a future show at any amount, and for $5 or more a month. Also pick a commentary for a future bonus show. And if you want to just throw a little extra money

in there and come up with your own fucking rule, we'll see what we can do. How about that? Wow, I like that. That's what happened. Long than that, it's too weird. That's how we got to RRR. Someone was like, can I just do this? We're like, fuck yeah.

We make the rules. Fuck yeah. We'll do that. Why not? I got a whole shitload of stuff in my list. I know. Good.

It'll distract me for my broken fucking truck. I'm losing my shit here. You're already paying for those streaming services, Phil. You're using them. Yeah. Not for long. I'm at the same money for my truck. Yeah, no shit.

Yeah, truck comes first. Truck first, streaming services second. Yeah. I get it. On to our featured attractions. If it wasn't right in front of me, I wouldn't believe it. Yes, really, no shit, no kidding. It's Werewolf Week again here at the Horror Returns as we continue the Halloween franchise.

Starting out of the last eight weeks or what? I know, man. We've had a bunch of werewolf stuff. Uh, the howling parts three and four. This one's, this one. I hope it's better than the fucking werewolves or whatever it was called. What was the one we saw last year? Oh, werewolves.

But you guys didn't see it. That was me and Phil had to take on that. Oh, I saw it. I saw it. Believe me. I wouldn't let my year in without seeing you. I wish I missed me all. All right.

Well, we're going to take a little bit of a. south turn for the Howling 3, the Marsupials from 1987. Ah, way down under. A terrifying legend never dies. It lives on.

You were frightened in the howling. And you'll be horrified as never before as the howling terror continues in. Howling 3. The most terrifying howling of all. A female

Well, Weirwolf, or Wairoo, runs away from her family, falls in love with a man who works in the movie business, while a sociologist who studies these creatures is looking for proof of their existence. Wait, and then there's a second movie. About this? No, like, then there's like a whole other movie that happens in the last 20 minutes. Yeah. What the fuck is going? Ah. So many times I asked that question.

It's a weird movie, man. Director and writer is Felipe Mora, also known for Dracula Nazi Hunter. What? Oh, wait, no, that's not the whole title. Dracula Nazi Hunter, how I learned to love Christopher Lee and The Beast Within. That's under trivia from a few weeks ago, remember? Christopher Lee was like a Nazi fighter in real life, right? Oh, no, I don't know that.

Okay. Interesting. Dracula Nazi hunter. Sounds cool. Yes. World War II, Christopher Lee. Nicole Kidman was considered for the part of Jeroba, but she had better things to do. But she didn't give them the time of day.

She was considered, and then she read the script. Yeah. As in, like, they were like, hey, we should. get Nicole Kidman to play this part and they're like alright I'm gonna look it up

what was Nicole what was she going at this time as bet's saying in all fairness she could have been sleeping and it would have been better than this what was this movie 90

80 87 and she done the line yet where she was on the boat for the dude kidnapped her and had her on the oh dead com Yeah. Was it before or after that?

I'm looking at that. That's the acid test for her. That was what made her career, right? So she could have died. No, Batman Forever made her career. 100%. Ah, okay. All right. Batman Forever. That was the only darned.

Well, that just made her a household. That made her more of a household blockbuster name. Wait, so she wasn't a household name before Batman Forever, really? I didn't know about it. I don't think so. Before then. I got to think back and see who she's done. big movie?

I'm looking it up. I thought dead calm was her breakout. We're going to talk about Nicole Kidman. She ain't even

in this fucking movie. Dude, when I go to an AMC movie theater for the last four years, I have to watch her fucking for 30 seconds

before every fucking... I know. Deadcom happened two years after this. Oh, okay.

Nothing I've ever heard of before. Okay. So as a nobody, she was like, I'm good. Hey. So how was she

considered? How was she even considered if she'd never even done anything yet I don't know that's weird because she was probably hot at that time yeah she had all that one of her first movies she did was BMX bandits

oh shit okay what year did that come out 83 oh so she was in the business way free Tom Cruise huh oh yeah all of this is pretty top crew you're sending

rabbing down a fucking Wikipedia rabbit hole there Yeah, she did that movie with Tom Cruise far and away. That wasn't until 92. That's where her life took a dark turn. No, that was Batman Forever in 95s when her life took a dark turn. That happens. George Clooney with nipples.

It's weird. That's Val Kilmer. Come on, man. Oh, wrong one. Wait. Pete Carter vote. Which one was the one with Arnold? Was that Batman Forever?

Was that the other one? Batman and Robin. It was Batman and Robin. That's the one I'm thinking of Val was Batman Forever. Okay. 40-year-old Robin. I got you. I had a whole thing about that.

All right. Back to business. The Howling 3, the marsupials. Steve, you want to start us out? Yeah, it's not good. I didn't like it. I did like the connection they made to like the thylacine, even though, because like I like Cryptos.

stuff. I'm into cryptids and all that. And, you know, the Tasmanian tiger, the thylacine, as he's called, is a common one, even though it's a real species, but it's supposedly, or it's, you know, technically it is extinct, but there's still reports and people see it. Like the dodo, huh? Are there people that still see the dodo? I don't know. Maybe when they're chirping on acid, I don't know. Yeah, well, I feel like they, those weren't smart birds. They would probably would be hard, you know, they wouldn't be hiding very easily. Either way, I like the connection to that, even though that somehow, it's the first time I've ever heard it called a Tasmanian wolf.

But that was cool, but other than that, it was, the werewolves looked bad. The transformations weren't good. The editing on this whole series is just crazy. Oh, yeah. What happened first? I don't know. The drugs that the editor is taken. while cutting this shit together is just something to be whole because it just jumps jumps jumps jumps and like I don't even know how much of it is the actor's fault because like one scene their face looks this way the next scene it looks a different way and I'm like that's the editor that ain't even the actor doing that shit that's the editor piecing together all those random shit I was going to say they can't control that dude like something happens and then two scenes later it's like it didn't happen and then the next scene after that it's like three steps after it did happen well that makes me feel better because I didn't exactly

exactly follow this movie. And I was like, maybe I'm not paying enough attention. You know why? Because there's not, there's not really a good narrative. It's just kind of, you're kind of like a fly on the wall

as stuff's happening around people. Yeah. And then that's kind of it. And there's not really rules. Like, I guess flashing lights trigger werewolves. Well, it seems like anything.

Like epileptics? Yeah, flashing lights. made their living in Hollywood. And then, like, at the end, she's getting an award, and it's like the flashing lights trigger or transformation. I'm like, this bitch, you never got an award before. She never walked a red carpet.

Never was standing in front of a disposable camera. God damn. All the Polaroid cameras they use and shit like that. Like, the flash photography back in the 80s was wild. That shit would blind people. They didn't even have safety concerns. They were just like, brighter incandestant light bulbs. Make them pop.

You know, that's when it was like pop and pop, pop, pop, pop. Are they even really werewolves? No, they're like, they look like people from, like, beetle juice. Like, weird, wear canoos. I didn't even think about the Beetle juice connection until you just said it. They had some wild ones, wild transformation scenes. I didn't like this one very much. Brian, what do you think?

Understandable. I kind of liked it because it was so fucking weird. It was very. You got this You got this lady running away from her Werewolf clan Which Let's go back before then

Because you get a Old school footage of aboriginals Like Catching and killing a werewolf Or wear And then smiling for the camera And who were they smiling for? Who has the camera?

I forgot about that. I thought they ate everybody. The expedition. Oh, the guy that kept doing jump scares? Yeah, the guy, he's like, you're going to be a rainbow. He's like, no, I'm not. I'm going to die, and that's it. Like, that guy raises up two score points for his 30 seconds on screen.

He was fantastic. Loved him. But you got her running away from her clan or whatever, and then you got the group of women dressed like nuns. After her for some reason, they never really got into it. They had to bring her back. They never totally transformed, Brian. They were half werewolf.

Like, they had snouts. Then you... That was the weird part. After she's in the stazish... That was not the weird part. Phil? The baby werewolf was the weird part. Okay, that was definitely the weird part.

It was like some werewolf larva. She gets discovered by this random guy who chases her down. like she stole something. Just to put her in a movie as an extra. Then we cut to a scene where all of a sudden she's the fucking star of the movie. That's directed by not Alfred Hitchcock.

The guy that's like, in your first aid, you're going to be gang raped by a demon. She's like, okay. Are you fine with that? He was in a sweet. But he was in a sweet convertible, right? And then he's driving to this sweet convertible. He looks at it over.

He's like, the brakes just screech and he like runs and he literally chases her he chases her on a fucking hill chases and he tackles her sounds like a fucking rapist to me and then and then three minutes later the movie's like i love you yeah exactly crudor style right then three minutes later when he finds out about her being a wear kangaroo or whatever the fuck that she's praying she's having his baby he's like i got a find her. I love her. He was so excited, right? But like, she, I thought maybe like, maybe like when she, he was

like pulling the covers down and you saw like her upper leg and Bush area was like very hairy. I was like, oh, maybe it's like a transformation thing. I don't think it was. I think that's just what it looked like all the time. So he was just, he was just cool with it. You know what I mean? He's like fucking, I mean, different folks, different strokes. Technically that does give you a four. A four. fourth hole. And then you get in, all of a sudden we just cut to brand new characters. Never been introduced to the ballet dancer

that turns into a werewolf. Apparently she's never been in front of flashing lights before. Oh, the spinny werewolf transformation. I was like, wait a minute. Oh, yeah, what did she have to do with this movie? Well, she was the Russian werewolf, right? She was with that big bald guy. Yeah, Brian.

Brian. Where does a Russian werewolf come involved in Australian were wolves i can tell you exactly where they they explained that the movie travel in deli well there's when you when you i was hoping you're gonna do you go ahead there's some of us in africa there's some of us in asia and maybe if you in california just like just randomly maybe that count is one drink or like three the tests and the doctors are like just standing there while he's transforming they wait so long he's like get the dart i'm like he's already eating you like power off it's been going on for like 10 minutes

like this is a slow transformation right so much time it's like that guy and austin powers with the steamroller i don't know just the sheer weirdness of this movie as the movie went along it just got we're weirder and weirder and then we got that finale scene where everybody's gathered around their TVs and for some reason there's wear kangaroos in a cave watching the award ceremony on their TV. It's like snacks.

Yeah. They're just like hanging out. That was the three guns. They were like half in transformation but they were wearing clothes and they had like food and drinks. Like they were chilling watching the show. It looked like they had one of those fake pig noses with like the string.

I know. No, there was, I think there was a couple of cool practical makeup effects with the one that tore open his face when it was changing. Oh yeah, that was pretty cool. Yeah, once they got towards the, but like, it was all weird. Like, there weren't a whole lot of werewolves in this. It was all just weird, like creatures. Well, she made a point when she said it a point when she saw the one guy. getting his makeup done for the movie that was a

werewolf. She said, they don't really look like that. That was... Thanks, psychos. And the weird little warroo baby. Yeah. That looked weird. You didn't like when it was like poking out

of her, you know, we showed that. She saw that when it was being born. They showed that. Oh, yeah. I was like, what is happening? Yeah, she smiled. And it was like playing peekaboo down there. Like, oh.

Wait a second. This is a PG-13 movie? It was a made for TV movie. Did you see the beginning? It said Vestron TV or something like that. And she's like sliding her hand down. She's sliding her hand down her midsection and like getting into the fold and opening it. I'm like, you know, I know it's not there, but it's there, you know.

And it's very hairy. I said this was distributed by CBS Fox video, so this was a straight-to-video. Well, and I think the only way they got around the boobs was covering them with hair. That's probably a good point. At first I was like, wait a minute, is she topless? Because my first thought was like, how do you go from the howling to just fucking wild to a PG-13 movie? I know. It was weird.

I don't know. As it just went on, it got weirder and weirder, and I just, I don't know, I just kind of enjoyed it. I just, kind of went on for the ride.

I just wanted some werewolves in my werewolf movie. And if you tell me you're going to do wear kangaroos, fucking give me that then. Give me some crazy ass, hopping ass, wear kangaroos.

Give you that shit. That actually might be a great idea. Or you're going to do the Tasmanianian, tiger thing you're gonna do the thylacine that's cool too but give me that that's just like a werewolf for the longer fucking face like I could go for all these things

but that's not what I got I got this weird shit with like and the werewolves you get are so you just get quick flashes and what you do see is terrible and so it was just like I need at least a little bit of a werewolf in my werewolf movie

that's why the wolfman didn't hit with me that guy just looks sick I don't want to look at that I want to look at cool monsters. I don't want to look at sickly people. Like, call me, you know, mean or whatever, but, like, I'm not trying to be out here for my entertainment looking at sick folks. Fuck, fuck those cancer.

I wanted to do that. I can just go visit a fucking hot. I mean, I'm not saying I'm disgusted by sick people. I'm just saying I'm not going to sit here for my entertainment and watch them. You know, it's sad. Look, sometimes I like to watch some people. I go to the fucking kids cancer ward. It's, you know.

Yeah, if I'm looking for kicks, I'll go down to the burn center. I got some stuff going. I'll be around tomorrow. Yeah, no, this was, it was a weird fucking movie. I had a real hard time paying attention to it and following anything. And some of that's not your fault, though. Yeah.

And it was like horrible. Yeah, a lot of it was for lack of trying. But part of it was that the movie was so. random and weird. But I don't know if it's in a good way. Like, I wanted it to be in a good way. They had so many

weird scenes that, like, caught my, like her, the giving birth to the little baby werewolf where kangaroo Joey thing that goes in her weird little pouch was like, I just confused,

looked at the TV and just stare, like, Like that scene, I was like, what the fuck is happening here? You know? You waited until that scene to say something? Well, yeah. It was weird before then, and I sort of expected, but that's the one that, like, pulled me back in. Like when they-

When Steve brought up when they first showed her little pouch, how he was attempting to finger her pouch. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't go there. Well, but what about, like, the puppet? at toddler wherewolf why does it

still look freaking weird you know because later on at the end there's like little kids running around

that are looking normal as shit but like that one that was like getting held was like it looked like

an alien baby I don't know well and then they also went through a scene with the kid where he was like

five years old and look like a normal human child and then that's what I'm saying I have a fucking second later

he's like two nobody ages because they flash forward 15 years. That's what I'm fucking saying, bro. Nobody, nobody. That's with the movie. Super futuristic furniture, but the same TVs.

Up until this point, Brian, I was, I could have been on board with you. I could have been like, you know, crazy shit, wild stuff here and there. But then we get this stappy fucking hallmark music for like 10 minute montage of these people growing up. And like they've formed this fucking community together after they're, they burn this one guy. A whole barred montage, good call. They become a family and they start having kids out here, this weird house they build in the woods away from society. I'm with you. They were losing me there, but the whole ceremony scene on TV and everybody's facial reactions with the camera up close brought me back in.

But that's not even it. Because then after that, then they're like, we need to leave. We're going back to the city to be in the movies. He's like, that's your plan? The Pope deemed it. The were wolves are cool. Yeah, the one other doctor comes back is like, I know you've been out here forever, but like, we found you because where are cool now?

We're not going to kill you. And they're like, oh, yay. Yeah, they went full X-Man, right? Like, where now the government says we accept these mutants, right? No, not the government, Lance. The Pope. Okay, and even higher authority. And then the one guy, he goes back, he starts teaching again, you know.

still with the hallmark music and that one kid comes up after class hey teach you did a good job but I just want to let you know my parents are actually these guys you keep talking about it's it's 20 solid minutes of fucking garbage that's a little worry that the werewolf is going to eat your child because that's kind of what werewolves do and then as someone that knows you get triggered by flash photography

like maybe like prep for that you know maybe like read the room and understand your business. Like me, like, let's say, like, I'm allergic to electricity. I'd be in a bad job right now if that was the case. You know what I mean? Like, so maybe if you're allergic to flash photography, don't be in the movies. Where's sunglasses?

Yeah, something. Stupid. Or stay away from paparazzi, right? Lance, we didn't get yours. Oh, I, you know, I, this movie started off, and it was that weird, black and white. film that you can see, okay, this was somebody's like Safari expedition where they went into Australia

and then you get this creature that's tied to a tree and they're stabbing them in the average shitty. Yeah, and then the average aborigines smile for the camera and then after that you kind of go to the, I guess into the storyline proper, right?

Where you start kind of going to modern day and it starts out with this cult and I'm like, oh okay, I get it. I get it. It's the howling. so they've got to have a cult you know storyline here right so they're in this cult but then all of a sudden she fucking leaves

and she's in the city and she meets this dude and like falls in love with him in crow style like I said crow remake style and three minutes flat they're from not knowing each other to totally madly in love and then like all of a sudden she's having his baby

and these people you know catch her and I did not understand was it just me or was it was it the u.s. military involved in this was it the Australian military was it the British military it was quite a few different accents it was very deep state right like who the fuck is right in this operation the editing was abysmal

absolutely fucking abysmal because they like you you guys said earlier. They showed a kid and he was two years old and then they, or five years old and then they went and said, okay, and now 10 years later and the same kid was two years old. Like one scene

to the next, he was a completely different age and it wasn't moving up. He like went back younger. I was like, what the hell? I will agree with whoever said it, the scene where she literally gave birth to that little baby that had popped up alien style.

And then she like, oh, Cuddled it and went into her little pouch and it was glowing for some reason. That got me. I'm like, I'm back in the, Brian, I think you said it. I'm back in the fucking movie again. This is fucking nuts. And just the craziness of it. And then, yeah, you've got the director.

You guys said he was kind of like a Stanley Kubrick type. I thought he was just like a bald, like overly gay, like incredibly weird, fruity directed. It was like, oh, you're perfect. you're just the girl for our me. It's like,

Dom Del Louise. Yeah, absolutely. Like a Don Deloese take, man. Like so over the top, you know, just way outrageous. And then it's like

you're, like Brian said, he meets her, he like literally chases her down. Like I thought he was trying to rape her. I'm like, why is he stopping the car

and running after this poor homeless chick that has no shoes that's on a park bench. And he goes up a hill and chases her down. You've got to be in my movie. You're the most beautiful one. I'm like, gee, wonder if Epstein ever said that once or twice in his life.

It's like all of a sudden she's like the biggest star in Hollywood. And, you know, they're making these more. It's still in Australia. You're right. You're right. Sydney, Sydney. Was it? Oh, I thought they, I thought they were talking about Hollywood.

No, no. No, no. Steve corrected me. Steve correct me. It was in Sydney because they did show the opera house, so we know where it was. But what was so fucking weird to me was like, you know, it just as quickly as their romance blossomed. And that he was just so infatuated and like ready to give everything up. And then I don't understand how did they get from her being tied down in the city where it was the American, British and or maybe and or all of the Australia military.

they were all questioning her. Then they had this weird doctor come in, and then it was just all over the place. We have a lot of questions that we can't answer. Well, but after that, they're fucking back in the commune, which, interestingly enough, when you look at the blow. The nuns came back and got her. I missed that.

They murdered everybody at the facility. Okay, I missed that. So, shame on me. That was editing done right. but then they show the sign backwards when they came, there's that whole scene where they're standing inside the town, you can easily see it's wolf, because

the town is called Flo. That was really clever. And so, like, just how did they... I was going to ask, how did they end up from the city to back there again? Brian explained it to me, okay, so now that makes sense. Then you get the bullshit where, was that a flashback

where she was having a baby on the straw inside the barn? No, no. Happy real time. Real time. Okay. All right. Okay.

So see, you guys are raising my score, because you're explaining it to you. So now I get it. As much as I wanted to fucking hate this movie, because it's absolutely terrible. I mean, it's a violation of filmmaking, but I almost wanted to give this an eight at certain times. I was having so much fun. I just don't know what to do with my score on this one. I am so glad I get to go last. I don't know what to say.

I'm just like all over the place in that final scene with the... Was that a guy dressed up as a woman? We're in the glasses and saying... No, that's a character. That's like a Hollywood person from... Is it? It's like a old-time Hollywood person. Oh, it was somebody recognizable.

Yeah, back then. Not a good-looking woman. I can tell you that. But anyway... I thought that was weird. Let me pass... Let me pass the baton. I want to hear everybody's scores are before mine, because this was a rabbit hole in a half.

All right. Steve, what do you think? Howling three is apropos. That number is a three. But because of the Aboriginal guy, he raises it up to a four. I'll give it a four. Four on ten. Okay. Brian?

Can't believe I'm going to do this. I'm going to give it a seven. Whoa. I would 100% watch this movie again. I'm never, ever going to watch this movie again. Yeah, I feel like I need to watch it again, but I don't want to. I'm going to give it a three. Three little baby naked mole rats.

Yeah. I don't want any more wear kangaroos. You know what? You're right, Phil. Fuck that. We're back into three. Three, baby. I'm so with Brian on this one because I really wanted to give an eight

because I had so much fun in certain scenes. But seven is fair. Seven is fair. This is literally so bad it's good for me. It's not hard to swing me from a three to a seven. If there was a couple extra really good scenes, maybe I should have just paid attention a little more. I don't know.

Even just the scene where they went to see the fake horror movie, right? that was a movie within the movie where the mouth was this big and went top top top top top tap tap tap I kind of like that they were watching a porn the way it was set up I know it did look like

the setup for a porn big time I feel like that was their first attempt at a werewolf transformation and they were like man that looks really shitty but we filmed it we gotta do something with it oh that actually makes sense that makes perfect sense

all right so two threes and two There you go. Look at that. That is split. Yeah, take what you want from that one. That doesn't happen very often. All right.

On to the next one. The Howling Four. Is it an upgrade? From 1988, a year later. Everybody's worst nightmare has returned. It's known simply as the Howling War. Every night I've been hearing this howling. There's something so sinister about these words.

He's out there. I'm here. There's no big animals here, bass. Don't worry. There's nothing in the forest to harm. A successful author moves to a small town after suffering a mental breakdown and is tormented by demons

and werewolves. Is she? Eh. Director is John Huff, also known for Escape to Which Mountain Hmm Disney movie? Yeah

I don't know, it has to be Yeah Not the one with the rock But the one, the earlier ones Yeah, the old school ones Has to be Writer is Freddy Rowe

Also known for Howling 5 The Rebirth And that's it So I guess However we feel about this Is a good idea If how we're going to feel Next time

All right, well that'll be fun Oh boy Well, John Huff said in an interview in Fangoria that there wasn't a script when they went to go make the movie. The script was eventually written by Freddie Rowe, and he would also receive notes and messages from him as well as additional pages. When Huff tried to ask for Rowe's phone number or an address so he could reach him, he was denied every time. He suspected Rowe was actually Clive Turner himself, supposedly because he and Turner, never got along and that Turner kept trying to make power plays as he wanted to be the producer and the director. That seems like a lot of really weird background information that is too dramatic for this.

Sounds like somebody's trying to pass the blame on the next person. It sounds like it's the howling for nobody cares. The tagline in the movie. How was this the original nightmare? That was my question. I was like, how are you going to have the fourth movie in a franchise and call it the original anything? Well, I mean, you know, events took place 10 years before, right? Well, and it took place in the woods in California.

So at least there's that. There was actual wild wolves in it. There's that. Okay. It was sort of almost an hour and a half of this lady having hallucinations before we even seen anything. Oh, oh, don't get me wrong, Brian. I'm not over here. I'm not setting up my horrid.

Sorry. We're just kind of round robin. We're doing the round robin. Oh, I was like, Steve, we've got to get into it. Don't get it twisted now. All right. Steve, start us off. Oh, this one sucks, too.

but it's better than three. I thought it was better than three. What? And here's why. Here's why it's better than three. Because there's at least, at least the semblance of some sort of a through line narrative. There's at least something I can follow. Now, the editing.

The editing. You ignorant slut. Point, the editing. Good. Fucking Lord. The editing is just as bad as three. It just jumps all over.

over the place. No, it's worse. I hate, I hate almost every character on, the acting's abysmal. The, at one point, like, I'm just going to jump real quick at the end when, like, the husband's, like, laying on the ground all fucked up. She's like, Richard. I was like, you bitch, like, even now, even now, even now you're on his shit. Like, I couldn't stand anybody. And they play fast and loose with the rules about werewolves in this. I don't understand the transformations. I don't understand what a full werewolf is. I don't understand what the fuck that thing is. Or did you just commit bestiality?

Because that is a straight of actual wherewolf, like a wolf wolf right now. So like, I don't know what's happening. That's a dog. There's a bunch of weird nun shit that gets tossed in for some fucking reason. It was like they had this hodor moment. It's like, hold the door, hold the door. You're like, wait a second.

I've seen this before. But this has fell before that. And then that stupid lady. And then there's like, oh God, there's a scene where like they're in this Jeep. And this one guy with a shotgun takes out two tires with two shots. That guy's an ace. That's a pretty good. He's an ace.

They get out and start running. I'm like, where the fuck you're going to go? He hit your tires from way over there with a shotgun. You're going to die. And he doesn't even crack any more shots off. Just stupid. This is a terrible movie. But I would watch this again,

before three only because there is at least the semblance of a three line of a story and I enjoy the setting of a mountain setting with cabins and actual fucking shit like that for my wear off movies more than I do.

Australia. Understood. Camping in the woods and the cave and all that. I get it. I get it. That's right. Now me saying it's better than part three is like saying you know having diarrhea is better than vomiting you know like they both suck you know know so it's a very slim margin but that's where i'm at

brian what do you think there's nothing good about this story there's no way i will put this above three at any point. You said, there's a pouch, there's a little baby. What story? You know, they're going up there. I saw a were a woman. No, you didn't. Okay, I didn't.

Cut to that scene. I saw a werewolf. No, you didn't. Okay. She's up there to unwind from de-stress like Dee Wallace had in the first one. And by the way, Tom, this motherfucker, Tom. Do you see the actual ties to the first month? movie, I get it. Tom, this character is the reason women can't have male friends.

This motherfucker right here is a lot. Yes. You think? I fucking hate this guy. He was just a friend. And she was egging him on. She was complaining. Yes, she was. Towsling his hair,

ramping his cock. And second of all, when you come, don't hold my wife like that. Yeah. Why are you touching her back, bro? Yeah. What's going on, dog? Both arms wrapped around her. Hey, hey, and then when my wife comes back inside, I'm like, why the fuck did you wave like eight times at that's four and look longingly after him?

Look, what's going on? I like, has she, like, just invited him to fucking stay at the romantic weekend. And the boyfriend's like, or fucking not. That would be good. Exactly 100% justified. Yes. No, he's got it. No, he's got to go.

before it gets too late. He 100% has to go. So you should go back. But they had a gun. And then they go. And then they go. Fucking shit back home. I don't know.

When I was a kid, I remember seeing this one. This is also one of the only ones I remember seeing as a kid. This one and the first one. I remember scenes of this one from a kid. And I don't know. I just, I thought maybe, you know, when you're an adult and you're in a man, you know, you'd walk in an art store somewhere and there'd be some, you know, somebody'd be there, like, come back when you have more time.

That's never happened in my adult life. I've never. The shopkeeper ever tell me to come back when I had more time. You're not in this universe, Steve. Come on, man. But there's nothing redeeming about this movie. The werewolf that he bangs, she's not even sexy. Right.

She's not even that hot. We don't actually get werewolves until the movie's about to be over. I looked at the time. There's like 10 minutes left of the movie. I'll give you that. There's not a whole lot of werewolves for this warwolf movie. I also time stamped it. I also time stamped it.

And then all of a sudden, then all of a sudden, this nun knows how to kill werewolves. We have to gather them all at the tower, at the bell tower, and I have to keep them in there. I have to blow it up. I have to ring this bell.

This is a good explosion. Yeah, and none of that makes it easy. Good practical effect explosion. That's where they, that was probably their whole budget, was that explosion. That was a real explosion.

It was a good explosion. The whole last. 10 15 minutes in the movie was their whole budget. I agree. They blew somebody's bell tower up for real. God, that's a big boom.

That's real impressive for this movie. I can't find one redeem. I didn't like any of the characters. She was annoying the main one. She was. And I can't remember at one point they went into the end and it was like that weird fucking like

the doctor he turned around his mouth was like bah like that's what the fuck what the fuck was that what monster was that?

Did I get this confused with the third one when I said the third one had the werewolf that ripped his mouth open was that this one?

I think that was this one okay yeah you're right yeah and then the guy that melted literally into a pool of literal

that was awesome but that made no sense but it wasn't awesome it was cool visually no fucking sense. But yeah, it didn't make sense. And then he's like, I can't buy into the awesome. It was awesome as the practicals that went into it.

100% yes. But as in. You guys are fucking killing me. I enjoy looking at old school of practicals. I get a kick out of the scene. I think it's awesome. It makes no sense of the fucking movie. Where he melted in particular was very cool.

Like, while I was watching that, I was like. In a Scanners movie. But then it was like. An alien movie. But I was looking at the other werewolves around him with like they're like going, I know. And they got like a piece of felt food to their face. I'm like,

how come? I'm like, I'm like, why did this guy, why did Richard get the short end of the stick? Like why is he got to turn into a puddle of goo and everybody else just gets fucking cool fangs and claws and shit? Like I want to be that cool fang claw werewolf. Not a,

not puddle. Not that puddley. Yeah, that looks painful. Let's see like the great practicals. Ryan's talking here. oh wow what just happened

but it makes me mad you got the dude hey that fucking no sorry stealing my thunder I forgot what I was going to say now last oh the good practicals that went into the melting thing

you could have added some of those later to win the the other guy drives up in his Jeep and he finds the boyfriend in the middle of the street and he's like, what's wrong? And he just turns and looks at him and goes, ha ha, but he's just a regular guy. Yeah. And what did I miss? How did Tom die? Because the old girl just rolls up on him on the Jeep and he's dead. And he's like, wow. And he's just like, I'm dead. And I was just like, how did he die? I forgot. Not the boyfriend, but and the boyfriend went, ah, and the guy jumped back, scared. Another werewolf came out and bit his face. I don't know, I might be a little scared if somebody turned around I was like, I mean, I mean, I would. If I was like walking down the grocery store, you know, looking at by like, I'm looking at this fucking can of baked beans and somebody's like,

like, what the fuck? You know, it's scared the fuck out of me. And pushing some shit into perspective that that happened to me in real life. That boy ain't crying. I'd question every. single grocery store aisle after that for all time there's there's youtube videos about that steve you're on your dream bus with people they yelling a microphone real loud behind him and it's out there yeah you're right this isn't a good movie all right i guess i just i don't know

i just i didn't i watching part three i was just like yeah and then through this one i was too but i was looking up more i guess it just i get it I get me off because they were so fucking way off of what the first movie was in the last two. Yeah. And it's like they tried to make this one a little bit more grounded and a little bit more serious. And it just kind of, it didn't work for me. I kind of wanted the wacky what the fuck is going on. There's so much unnecessary detective work in this.

I'm just like, why? She just met this lady too. And she's like, I'm going to go on this investigation. with you. And then her guy friend that's in love with her teams up with her new best friend. She goes, they go to like this country store. They're having a getaway weekend and like

the lady sits down like, oh, I'm going to give you the dirt on the town. Like, I've gone on romantic getaways. Gone to corner stores. Guess what? Doesn't happen. Nobody gives a fuck you're there. They're a tourist. They're annoyed. They upcharge your ass because they know that you're not from around there. And they don't

fucking make small talk with you. Especially those little bitty ass towns. Who the fuck is this guy? They don't make small talk with you. They see you pulling up in your little ass car in their mountain town. They're like, look at those fucking chump. Coming up here to look at the trees and shit. Hey, Steve, got to help your car brakes down.

It's going to be $3,000 to get out of there, right? I'm saying that as someone that lives in a small mountain town. So I'll fuck out of these people. Come up here. Fucking. I'm one of those locals. They are the best, though. But, all right.

So, Steve, I kind of agree with you on this one. I like this one better. But it's only because I actually. Well, okay, so... Me and Phyllarote, me, me, me are nice, man. I get it. I get it. It was more tied into the first movie, right?

It was more tied into the first movie, and I feel like the story made more sense. It was dumb, and it was not a good story, but I could at least follow it. It kept my attention. Like, I wasn't paying attention at three at all until, until weird fucking weasel baby popped up and jumped in the couch. And I was like, what the fuck is happening? Yeah, up until that point, I felt like the movie was a smash cut. I was just like, okay. I was like getting whiplash trying to keep up with it.

And this was, I was actually following along, like, because, you know, the blonde friend guy comes over. Sure. And I'm sort of like, this is a super awkward situation. Of course, the boyfriend wants him to fucking leave, like, what are you doing? But then later on, the boyfriend turns out to be such a. a fucking dickhead and uh and i'm like well you know maybe the blonde friend is better i don't know

like i feel like the boyfriend like they were playing they were playing like uh with richard they were playing like a fast one on this because i felt like he was going like he went that one time back to the art store right and i was like he was gonna hook up with the lady but he didn't he bought his wife a present and then he like continued to go back and forth to l.A it didn't show us him fucking around her and he kept bringing her gives and bringing her more stuff to like try to make her stay better.

But he was sort of being a dick to her while he was doing all that. Yeah, because it was supposed to be a romantic getaway weekend. And now she's been there for three fucking months and he keeps driving back and forth to L.A. He's getting tired of this shit. Your mental health's important, but you know, we got a budget. Well, in all honesty, Steve, he did say, I'm going to L.A. for some work. I'll see you in an hour and a half. So they couldn't have been that far from L.A., right? Yo, that's a commute to be doing that.

Hour and a half, fucking, it takes me in 45 minutes to get to the nearest H-GP. I know, that's close. It's 30 minutes to get to the grocery store for me. I'm not, I don't, I'm not complaining about the commute. I'm complaining about the commute for these folks. Yeah. Richard in that little ass sports car can't handle an hour and a half commute. Yeah, that's true.

Having said that this werewolf movie, does not have a lot of werewolves in it until the very, very end of the movie and that definitely irritated me. And even then, the were so like... All over the place?

Yeah, they were all... They were glowing-eyed wolves. They're like... But, like, some of them just had like little felt noses jammed on. No consistency. They were like, background characters. And I was like, wow, dude,

the makeup on that guy is awful. Like, my daughter could do better than that. We were watching, what we were watching was makeup tests that they filmed. Yeah. And they just jammed it in here. It could very well be. Because they needed to fill some runtime and they had it. There was never, even when they were all together in the, in the bell tower burning alive, you only ever saw one on screen at a time.

Never more than one. It was all makeup tests. They were just awful. And then they had like the cool melting scene. which I thought was really badass. Like, I love the special effects on that one. It didn't make a bit of sense. But it was pretty cool.

Fair enough, dude. You know what? I mean, we don't watch movies, horror movies, necessarily for the script, right? But the werewolves don't even do any werewolf shit in this one. Yeah, they don't do any werewolf. They just go, ah.

Like, yeah, they run around. She, like, she like runs into that one house. She, like, pulls up to the, she gets out of the car, runs into the house. house and she like looks around this lady's like sitting on the couch she jumps up she's like and then she's like she just runs out of the house and gets in her car and drives away like it's not like it's so quick lest you forget philip the ghosts that she was seeing right like the fire owners like beetlesew style so that was sort of making me mad about her too because like she had literally seen ghosts and like she's got this guy gaslighting the shit out of her and she's just like

like, sure. Do you not believe your own eyeballs? Yeah, then she saw the she doesn't because when the

go ahead. I was going to say we're confused with her eyeballs because she sees the dead dog, we see the dead dog but then Richard goes back

and it's a doll and we see that it's a doll and he picks it up and brings it back to the house and it's a fucking doll it's not a dead dog so she's an unreliable narrator.

Yeah. Exactly. And what, Hey, what tip me off to that was that there was the one scene where she went into the cave because Mrs. O said, oh, take this route instead. It's quicker. So she goes through the cave. She sees her dog's head, right? And then like, fucking 10 minutes later, she's talking to these two hitchhikers or whatever they are. They have their, I guess, travel van, not hitchhiker.

The ADR on her. Yeah. When he starts dumping all that information. Well, then all of a sudden she says, have you seen my white dog? It's missing. Bitch, 10 minutes ago, you saw your dog's fucking head in the cave. Did I miss something? Was that before that happened? I don't remember.

Yes. I don't remember. Huh. I thought it was after that. Another, another huge issue I had, especially when those two friends popped up because it was just very glaringly obvious at that point. The dubbing was so bad. Yes. Oh, her boyfriend was dubbed the whole time.

Yeah, it was like, it was like you were watching a different speaker. Like a Japanese movie dubbed in English. I thought I was watching a Japanese movie. But they were. I had it on. I was watching this movie with headphones, you know, and it's all here. And then like that dude starts talking. And it's like from way back here.

I'm like, whoa, what the fuck is that? What's happening? That's great. So, yeah. Definitely not a good one Man, I don't know if I can call it better than than the third one. That's kind of what I'm leaning into.

I just... I liked it more, but I can't say that it's better. Right. Yeah, so I'd like it a little more because I paid more attention to it. It just held my attention more. Fair enough. But it definitely still wasn't good.

Except that cool melting scene at the end. That was the only one that brings it together for me. But then he turns into that stupid, stupid weird monster. Remind me of that thing they build at the end of an American tale, that big mouse fucking puppet thing. Yeah.

Oh, the big puppet werewolf thing. Yeah. I mean, at least it looked cool, but... Kind of. But it was a puppet. Yeah, it just looked like a mackette standing and going, like with his mouth open. It wasn't even moving.

It was like... The fake fire in front of it. I don't know. It was like a really cool haunted house decoration. And then it ends. it ends like I said with Marie the main character

like her husband falls out of the fire like burn to a crisp dead and she's like Richard Richard I'm like

pissed and his corpse I get it what the fuck and then she looks up and then when something's like blah and then she's like ah

and it frees frames on her but like I don't even see what comes out of the fire they cut away so fucking quick it was a shadow comes out of the fire

and freeze frame on her stupid face. Because they didn't want you to see the finished product of the wolf. It wasn't finished. That was, I think, the problem. I don't know that we ever saw

a finished wolf in this movie. So the writer of this is the writer of next week's movie, eh? Yeah. Yikes. Well. Not next week. I mean, next time.

Get ahead of yourself. But it's Christ. It sounds like from the trivia that they didn't. have a script going into the movie so maybe although if the only two movies he's ever done are four and five that's not

doesn't exactly go to yeah you're dead in this town I tell you you'll never do a movie again in this town I tell you I don't think anybody had to tell him that they just didn't hire him

I loved in the beginning when Marie's in the hospital and the doctor's talking to Richard and he's walking down with his fucking jacket and his fucking his denim shirt opened up and his hair flow

I'm like God dude's fat damn eight is like all denim so much denim the mullet the open chest hair shirt like god damn

that guy was the quintessential douche it's like you just and you know the director told him to stand like that too. Like it was so unnatural. He didn't look comfortable doing it. Just like, ugh.

God. All right. How you may be bringing me down? Steve scores? Hey, well, hold on. Oh, Lance, my bad. I'm sorry. You keep passing me up, man.

I know. Well, no, I was trying to go in the same order and I forgot about you. My bad. All right. I don't really have that much to say about the actual meat and potatoes of this movie

because you guys have covered it. But I will say this. from start to finish this movie a lot of times we love to make fun of movies and say oh it's like a Hallmark movie right looks like a Hallmark movie I'm not going to give this movie that much respect this looked like a fucking old 70s

soap opera literally with like all these weird fucking relationship stories going on guys you know y'all know me I love a slow burn I love the house of the devil where you got all this back and forth and weird scenes like too much cheese on the pizza

and the pizza restaurant and shit like that. And just stuff that makes no sense. Y'all know I loved that movie last year that everybody else hated about the serial killer. It was super, super, super, super slow burn. Like, the 70s are back. But this wasn't slowburn.

Because slowburn has a payoff at the end. All this had was a bunch of fucking chaos thrown at the end. Like, you got the melting guy. You've got one person with a snapping mouth, like in the first movie. You've got seven or eight people that are just going, rah, with snouts. It made no sense. It never started and it never finished for me.

This was on the dung heap for me, guys. This is right up there with, what was that movie? We saw, like, Who's Madison or Where is Mary? Or, y'all know what I'm talking about, Brian and Phil. Two, Jennifer? Yeah, you do. Two Jennifer. This is, honestly, this movie's into Jennifer territory for me.

Oh, no. I'll get my score now. It's a one on ten for me. Ouch. All right. Wreck the Band-Aid off. Steve, do you bring us back up? Yeah, I'm going to, but I'm going to have to alter my score for part three then.

Because I can't give this a higher than two. And if I give this a two, then that, in retrospect, gives part three a two. So I'm back at a two over there and a two here. One. Only for the Melty Man and them burning down to people's... They burn down some town's bell tower for this movie. Yeah. They definitely rated the fireworks shop for the props.

I don't know. I don't know if that was necessarily supposed to happen. Like some builders You know the people that made that thing In the 1800s weren't Planting it on some asshole Blowing it up for a wearer move. Yeah, I say

I probably didn't blow up a national Landmark, but it would be funny if they did On accident Like, oh shit, that wasn't You blew up that one? Oh no. No, we said not to blow up that one. Blow up that one.

Just on the last chaotic scene which I did kind of enjoy, even though it didn't make a ton of sense. I'm going to give it the same score I gave the last one, a three. Okay. And that's, that's, that's probably being generous. These are not good movies. This next one I think is going to be a treat. That's why I was like, that's why I had to ask for the twos.

Because generosity, like, they weren't even generous with showing me werewolves. So, like, I'm not going to be generous with my. That's the problem. That was my biggest problem with the movie. It was a werewolf movie with no werewolves. So, as always, we want to thank you guys for listening to another episode of The Horror Returns. We would love to hear your feedback and ideas. You can always reach us at The Horror Returns at gmail.com.

Or just go to our website, Thehorrorreturns.com. Next week, we dive back into psychological horror with a brand-new borderline, as well as 1996 is the fan. So, Steve, until The Horror Returns again, Good night.