The Horror Returns - THR - Ep. #501: Anaconda (1997) & Anaconda (2025)

Episode Date: December 31, 2025

Pedro gives us his best and worst of 2025. Cool of the week includes Pluribus, Stranger Things, and Epic Universe. Trailers are Dooba Dooba and Killer Whale. THANK YOU TO PATNESS15 FOR A 5 STAR APPLE PODCASTS REVIEW! The podcast spotlight shines on Neon Braniacs. And we get feedback from Tracey Anstey, Shawn C Dandelo, Joseph Roseberry, Kenderson Woodward, Shel Pawis, Jodi Atkins, Jimmy Lacoume, Dom Cent, Bryan Hepburn, Amber Lynn Cash, Jacob Tipton, John Wood, Don Lowery, Bennett Hall, Pat Caruso and Matthew Goudreau. Thanks for listening! The Horror Returns Website: https://thehorrorreturns.com THR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thehorrorreturns/ Join THR Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1056143707851246 THR X: https://twitter.com/horror_returns?s=21&t=XKcrrOBZ7mzjwJY0ZJWrGA THR Instagram: https://instagram.com/thehorrorreturns?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= THR Threads: https://www.threads.net/@thehorrorreturns?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ== THR YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@thehorrorreturnspodcast3277 THR Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thehorrorreturns THR TeePublic: https://www.teepublic.com/user/the-horror-returns SK8ER Nez Podcast Network: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-p3n57-c4166 E Society Spotify For Podcasters: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/esoc Music By: Steve Carleton Of The Geekz

Greetings, victims, for those of you who delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify gore, welcome, you have found the place where the whole, the whole, return, you have found the place where the whole return. Listeners beware, this podcast contains major plot spoilers on the foulest of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror. All right, welcome back, everyone. to the horror returns. I'm Lance. With me as always, co-hosts Brian and Pedro.

Phillips, is he playing in a volleyball game tonight, guys, or is he coaching? He wasn't too specific. He could be playing. He could be coaching. He could be a kid's thing. I don't know.

He wasn't too specific. Okay. Well, there's a volleyball situation going on. So not a Cowboys game. Guys, I am, I swear I'm, like, listening to some of those older episodes because we're having to re-upload him, Brian, because of our trouble we got into with ShmUniversal Shmugic or whatever that company was called. Yeah.

Yeah, so, Philip, I swear to God, every episode around playoff time, he's like, Cowboys are going to be in. We're going to win it all this year. We're going to win it all. You can always tell what time period we were recording, the Cowboys talk. Yes. And then the following episode, he's always like all gloomy

and like, well, we missed it again. It was always next year. That's right. Pedro, what's up, man? You're going to, you're going to, when are we doing your list before Cool of the Week, after Cool of the Week? Oh, we could kick it off with that.

I could share some of my Let me share my Cool of the Week first, which kind of be, it was, I was sharing with Lance. It was becoming my uncle of the week. But was it called Plaribus? They turned it around on me, man. Nice.

All right. I'm obviously there's no spoilers because that's a pretty big review at the end. But they, they really, really got me with that last episode. But I'll tell you what, man. It was a drag getting there. At least for me it was.

I know Lance you told me you were pretty, you were pretty dialed in from the entire run. I don't know, man. Something about a woman just bitching over and over. started getting like it was it was graining on me man it's like it's like i understand no i get it the first three episodes it's literally you know wash rinse repeat they they're trying to like you know show her some affection show her some love she says no she goes inside the house that went out for three episodes with absolutely no like storyline going forward around episode four

things started picking up a little bit okay but then but then as i got to the season finale again no spoilers i think that was all intentional i think that was all now that i'm starting i saw the big picture the big thing the big piece of the puzzle finally got put together for the first season i think that was all intentional i think we're supposed to believe that this woman is i mean she she just went through a very traumatic experience you know and and and sure her she was emotionally unstable the entire time um but yeah no i i i really enjoyed it i'm looking forward now i really do hope that next season we start picking it up a little bit i'm hoping that this was just setting the table and next season we have a little more you know storyline progression i will say because i did

ask the people that were here because lans you weren't here early i did pose a question is there enough here and i'll and lans i'll ask you right now because you didn't get to answer last week right right bans do you feel that okay now that's the wrong question the right question is how many seasons do you think they will get out of this not you already knowing the premise before it becomes tedious and repetitive. It just depends, right? I mean, it depends if they, like, okay, so the very finale was a big twist, right?

You would agree. Right, I would say so, yeah. Okay, but for me, there were a couple of big twists in there. Okay, episode two, that's the one that hooked me. I don't know if you guys remember a TV show called The Good Place, where it was kind of like the afterlife, and they were all deciding, did they want to be there? Were they happy?

You guys ever, ever checked that out? It's kind of a sitcom, but it's not. network, no. I've never seen it, but my entire family has seen it, and I'm familiar with the twist ending. Okay. So I got serious vibes of the good place, because at its core, Pedro, that show is all about philosophy.

And to me, once you started getting into some of those season or episode two discussions, when she met the other people that weren't affected, I think that's kind of where the philosophy took off for me. that's what hooked me first episode i was very much on the fence right like a lot of weird shit going on what's going to happen here how like you know like you said how can they drag this out but some of those philosophical discussions kind of like that would you rather type stuff kind of kind of pull me in and then when they introduced the character from uh paraguay that really got me going dude yeah that that's when i connected because he he did bring the philosophical question

right because he keeps on saying they stole their souls right and and we're not spoiling nothing because it's pretty that's pretty much the premise of the show um and and so um the thing about her uh rea rebehorn's character um is that we have no background on her and and when they introduced the french guy i believe it's in episode four our three um he's like this is this is you know we're in heaven here like there's exactly the good and i'm a good place and i'm agreeing with him right is it's like there's no threat that we know of anyway. But then again, maybe there is, maybe the fact that these people don't have a soul or whatever,

you know, that that has, that, that itself is the threat, right? So, but I don't know, I think the last, the last episode really hit it for me. I'm excited for the second season. Again, hopefully they don't circle back and just move forward. But Vince Gilligan, man, he does this with all his shows. Like, he'll linger on a shot for damn your minutes, man. like there was again no spoilers in the in the season finale there was a shot of a girl

opening up a barn door picking up her dog putting the dog back down right up the barn door getting out of the little barn and then walking away that took like I timed it because like it was like a sure three minute shot with nothing happening and the and he he not only did this initial he's done this in breaking bad and better that's his thing right he literally on these shots. And some of them are nice. Like, I like those driving shots that he has where there's just people driving on the road and then he gets close up of the wheel spinning. I like those shots. But, but yeah, man, I'm talking up. I'm like, this guy's script's got to be like two pages. Like, that's it. Like, you have two pages and, and, you know, everything else is just lingering

on shots over and over. Like, for example, in the, in the big review at the end, when they're delivering something, man, that's like forever to like just land. It took a while, didn't it? Yeah. so anyways i see your point i see not something like the lead character and just bitching over the same shit um anyways but but the season finale was great uh again they they really hooked me there i'm on board for the second season and then we'll see what happens but i was close to tapping out i was i text me i'm like this show because i got other shit to watch you know and it's like yes limited time and and i'm like this show is just kind of going in search i felt it was going in circles in the first three episodes but then things started happening um okay yeah

Yeah, with the, what was it, what was the guy from? What part of South America? Paraguay? Paraguay. I got some, uh, some lost vibes right there with the guy that was in the hatch. Absolutely. Yeah, I got a little nostalgic right there. Yeah, I got nostalgic for a Netflix show that very few people watch that I loved.

Cents 8. Did you guys ever see this one? No, but you pumped it up when it was on. Okay. Yeah, yeah, you talked about it when it was on. I got some Sense 8 vibes. right because if they continue with that and they like film it in different places around the world i think that could be pretty cool like see what's going on not just in her little corner of the

world in albuquerque but like an international spin if they bring that out like in seasons two and three this this could go three or four seasons i don't want it to become another better call saul where they drag it out to what like eight seasons no it was like it was five it was five it felt like eight yeah six seasons it was six seasons All right. We'll see what happens. Three would be good for me, man. Three would probably be good. So, and the sense they'd ever have like an actual, did they finish the story or they just canceled it midway?

They canceled it and then they did a two and a half hour movie to wrap everything up. So you knew, yeah, you knew where everybody ended up. Are you done with it yet, Brian, with the show we're talking about, Pluribus? I am on episode six, so I will definitely have it done by next. episode. All right. Well, I finally finished Welcome to Derry, guys. So Pedro was right. Damn near perfect show. I love that show, man. I love that. And that's actually on my

list here, because I don't have, I don't watch a lot of TV, so I'm not going to have like an actual list of TV shows. Maybe you guys will next week or the next couple of weeks when they'll do your list. But so I guess that could be your clue of the week, but before you talk about that, I wanted to share my list, my top 10 bottom 10 and then you guys could just give me some feedback so i'm going to start with the bottom 10 okay i think i think the bottom 10 are pretty there's not very a lot of surprises in there um the top the top i think there is it's a big surprise actually okay so my my honorable mentions

for bottom of the year is the wolfman this i think we all oh yeah we're very disappointed um this is surprising but i just didn't like it shelby oakes is one that really that really just i just didn't connect with it um i know i fell asleep in the middle of it and i just never went back and watched it there was a scene where there was a lady to go walking through the woods that just seemed like it was it just would never end and so i just passed out okay and then we have the woman in the yard which i think a lot of people like uh kind of enjoyed that one yeah yeah i mean i thought the payoff was kind of weak but then again i think it was supposed to be like ambiguous that way so um yeah i didn't i don't like that one and then the george romero a resident

evil doc i don't know if you guys ever got around to watching this one i saw it yeah i thought it was very kind of like just plain and it didn't really offer any insight i thought i thought they they got off the main course a lot they started they started kind of like getting distracted with other little mini topics specifically like talking about the dream okay yeah i got you i just felt very let down by it And it was, and the production values weren't that great. You could tell us a very low budget documentary. So, and then speaking of George A. Romero, his daughter directed a film this year. Yeah.

Queens of the Dead, which I also put in, now, again, that's one of the movies that a lot of the community has to like. I'm not one of those people. I'm a very honest person. Fair enough. I know it's LGBTQ. I love them. I respect them. I'm an ally, but this movie didn't do anything for me.

um so those are my honorable mentions okay so now i'm going to give you all my top my bottom 10 um the first one is witch board 2025 just just a cg i mess at the end it made no sense we reviewed it we were i was here for the review of this of that okay had a weird cat i was just it wasn't very good then we have a death of a unicorn i i just oh yeah i can see that i forgot about this one it tried to be comedy but it was just it didn't really hit the jokes were kind of blah um paul rudd has been kind of struggling at of late when we'll talk about that later as well okay um so yeah so death of unicry wasn't wasn't very good the next one did the the ultimate sin of not not being really that bad as much as just being really boring and just by

the book and that's the ritual with alpashino and uh well well well One of Lance's favorites, Dan Stevens, playing a priest. But he didn't have an accident in this one. No. I'm surprised this one is it lowered on your list? No, it was just plain. It was just boring. It was a Hollywood movie, assembly line, you know?

Generic exorcism movie. Very generic. Yes. Speaking of very generic, this one was same thing. the fear prom queen movie from netflix and i only say that because the first three were really they got tremendous reviews great films you know and then they came back and they did this junk and it was just again it was just assembly line you know it was like an ai product you know just give us go ahead me and my me and my daughter were just talking about that one because we were

seeing we were watching some youtube video and they were talking about the worst of the year and that popped up and she groaned then she told me the same thing i was feeling about it it wasn't the same quality as the first three right but was it the same team i think it was the same team right i think so because that girl it was it was it was a woman that directed the first three and she got a lot of like positive feedback and reviews and and so i know that she was excited to come back and then she comes back with that with this kind of like generic junk and it's like just horrible and and these movies hurt more because you're expecting so much more the expectations are higher coming off the the trilogy you know that came out in 2022 i think then the next one is

uh no surprise to anyone i know what you did last summer i mean that movie didn't even make sense at the end you know and and they they they kind of you know they spit on some legacy characters that came back for a paycheck and it was just a big old thing those catchphrases that's right that's right yeah we've got to make them remember what they did all right

and then there's a character that vanishes for like the second half of the movie and then just comes back at the end so all right interesting then the next one this is the one where we're going to collide

a little bit this is this is the one that everybody loves but I just and that's black phone part two I said earlier that I said I said earlier in other previous episodes that there was no reason to make this movie. The

director went on record saying the reason this movie exists because the other one made money and we had to make this one. So he's very honest about it at least. Right. This one did the mistake of harming part one by what part two was, which I hate when sequels

do that. When they not only fuck up that movie but they also fuck up the previous movie, which I consider a classic. I know Lance you don't like it very much. So that's okay. Um, but now, but yeah, it went from being this awesome, like very original serial killer kind of movie, you know, with a little supernatural aspect of it, uh, with the, with the black phone with the kid in the room. So just being like a Freddie Krueger, nightmare on Alam Street rip off where like all of a sudden, this guy infiltrates people's dreams. That's the part I loved. But, and not only that, not only that, they pigeonhole somehow he had a connection with the lead actor with the lead character before that was a stretch.

That was a stretch. And it kept going. And it kept going. And then there was characters that had absolutely no reason to be there. Like the, what was it, the daughter of the guy that was the character taker of the place? She didn't do nothing. She was just there. And she did nothing the entire movie.

The one with the cowboy hat? Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know if she had that many lines. Not many. She was literally a background character. The dead count was not. I think everybody lived at the end.

I literally, except for those two, except for those two obnoxious characters they introduced that, they're the only ones that died. The father, the record don't really. Most of the kill count don't count because spoilers, they were already dead. That's true. There you go. There you go. That's true.

And props to Ethan Hawks for never taking that, that gimmick off. He has it on the whole time. But yeah, that was, I was just so disappointed by that movie. That's another one that I fell asleep on. But I'm not blaming the movies Because this happened It's happening a lot with me lately I'm blaming me being old

I'm not blaming the movies When I fall asleep in the theater And then And then we have Number three That's him I just Look

Him Him was also a product of the high Come on man Right I mean How could you be so What a generic payoff You know

The white man still running the ruse, you know, and trying to oppress the black man. I mean, I get it. And I agree with that statement, but it's been done before and it's been done a thousand times better. Now, I will say this about him. It is very, like, you're into it because you don't really know what's happening. Okay. Yeah. Fair statement. That makes the payoff even worse for me. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, because it's like, okay, now you're building to something. And it's like, That's it. Well, we've seen that a thousand times that it's done better. Kind of like some people felt about lost, right, Brian?

Yeah, I mean, I guess. Yeah, I felt like him that the way it ended, just the tone didn't match the rest of the movie. That's right. I could see that. Yeah, I could see that. Let me see my list. I got to. Then we have number two is Megan 2.0. Good pick. The less that about that one, the better, you know?

Just complete, like, tone death when it comes to your boys over at Blumhouse, Lance. They just didn't know how to read the room, you know, and they completely changed this film from what the charm that the first one had, you know, completely absent in this one. I agree. And just this is this is another example of like them not understanding their audience, which is one of the things that number one is really guilty of. so number one actually no this is number two I'm sorry so just back up a couple numbers number two

is the strangest chapter two now your review you guys his review was a total mess and I'm going to tell you guys why first of all you guys had a filmmaker on that week which that's not the point I'm saying okay so you all were your best behavior I get it however

as you guys are reviewing the movie all right You guys are tripping over in your review because that's not what you really want to say And it was awkward Like Like Like there was a point where it was like

I don't have the whole movie I don't know what to rate That came from you guys like We don't have a whole movie That in itself is a red flag Right True Yeah that's a red flag

You should have Okay like for example We just talked about Plaribus or whatever I feel like I watched A nice encapsulated season of television and yet we still don't know the story.

That's how you make movies too if you want to do the whole to be continued gimmick, right? You're making a good point. Back to the future part two. You don't feel ripped off even though it says to be continued. You feel like you watch the whole movie.

Now with Strangers Chapter 2, first of all, it's got to have the longest chase sequence recorded in history of man. Longer than prom night even, right? Longer than prom night. Because this movie, this movie is 90 minutes long. I say about 87 of them is a chase sequence.

I think you're right. And we don't learn anything. It's just thunder and lining going on in the background. Sure. We have our boy Richard Drake once again in a came. Remember we got excited because like, okay, this is going to be involved in part two. Right.

He's not. He only comes off for a couple minutes again. And so it was just like a cheap way to like just, you know take advantage of the of the horror audience and that's what i don't like now here's with a what was the name of the director he's he's a legendary rennie harlan this is where ranny harlan stuck in the 80s and he he didn't know how to read the room so we understand cinema's going through a crisis right now life since the life cinematic experience is dying by the day um and so instead of bringing people in with good storytelling you you you

assume that people are that you're that you're giving them this gift of a movie right oh they're going to be so grateful to get strangers chapter two i'm not even going to give them the whole movie because they have to pay 40 bucks instead of 20 to get the whole movie how like how tone div could you be where we already don't even want to go to the movie theater and then you insult us with to be continued sure and we're like i should have stayed home so the third one the third one's coming out next month i don't give a fun um thankfully i'm i'm my amc a lister and i will be there right you'll be there but man you're you're talking me into putting this on my bottom 10 at this rate jesus um but uh anyway so that so that so that so that was it and end of number one and i feel like number

one's going to be in all of our list if if you guys okay there's no way there's no way there's any other movie this year that was worse than world of worlds with i i forgot all about that Like, what else could be said about that movie? It's the Amazon commercial, you know? Yeah, all the Amazon boxes in every scene, the Amazon driver. Ice Cube not even trying to hide that he's reading lines from the computer. Like, you know, and you know he filmed his sin separately in a day and just shipped them off to the director or whatever. The character, it's like a parody movie.

It's really what it is, a parody movie. It's almost unfair, Pedro, to have it as your number one. I mean, but it's a movie. Is it self-aware, though? You think at all? I don't think it is. No, it's not. Okay. So it is fair.

All right. Yes. Yeah, it's not a sucker brother's movie where you're there, like, laughing at all, you know. It's not hard shot, hot shots part due or the naked spot. Okay. But it feels like it. It feels like it. It feels like it, totally, yeah.

Yes. So anyways, that is my top bottom, you know, wasn't too bad. We've had years where we've had some worse, yeah, much worse. Now I'm going to really quickly, I'm going to go over my top 10. Honorable mentions really quick, Final Destination Bloodlines. I had a lot of fun with that movie. Nice, nice. Old school stuff.

I thought the kills were, you know, were very original, especially the hospital scene with the, with the MRI machine and all that stuff. Good stuff, good stuff. Actually, they were all really good, you know, the trash one with the with the truck, you know, that was cool, too. yeah the glass floor dangerous animals was really good you know very old school um you know um jai corny he kills every movie he's in but this one he actually elevated it so good for him yeah jai corny got to be jai cordonie in that one that's right yeah and it was a good movie really fun movie um the monkey i think i didn't hate it i like it lance didn't like it philip was like in the middle yes i enjoyed it i enjoyed it and and i thought it was fun um i i like seeing osgood perkins kind of just cut loose like that because he's always so serious you know so it was nice to just kind of have fun with this with with with this script and this movie um i'm not a big stickler for like sticking to the to the novel or the short story so that it really bothered me um it was fun it was a fun movie uh hard ice is

another one that i really enjoyed you know i thought it had the tropes of a slasher and and and the tropes of a rom-com. Remember we talked last week about rom-com, so they all have the same story. Well, this movie combined both of them. It gave you a slasher, which is the same shit over and over, and a rom-com, which is the same shit. And it bombed together. And it was a good time. Kind of falls apart there at the end, a little bit, in my opinion, but it's still a fun time. Then we had Good Boy. I mean, that movie, that guy should get an award just for training that dog and putting them through hell the way he did, you know? But that was a fun movie. Frankenstein I don't know if I didn't really like it but I appreciate the spectacle of it

you know the way it looks the cinematography I'll never watch it again to be honest with you but when I watched it it was it was nice the way it looks I mean give him all the Torres always with the cinematography he's top notch um then we have together that one almost cracked my top okay but together um yeah I thought it was original it was funny spots it was serious in other spots um and so yeah and then you know they had a good chemistry because they're really married to each other so okay so you like together and and the monkey then yes okay so you like both sides of the coin that's right yeah understood and then the last one was one that not a lot people saw is ash i really i really liked ash okay yeah that was had some

trippy special effects man yeah with jesse pinkman from uh breaking bad um yeah it was it was a good movie people should check it out i think it's already streaming on i think it's on sugar yeah yeah so really quick my top 10 we're not going to get too much into this because we i think we all like these and we talked about them in depth in previous shows but number 10 i am going to cheat a little bit i'm going to say welcome to dairy just i mean okay uh that might be lances cool the week so we'll talk about it more if you you know when you talk about it um better bad lance i really enjoyed i thought um obviously i came i came i will say i came into it with cynicism because of the Disney purchase and I'm like oh we're going to get the Disney predator week when we did I'm sad to say we did but they found a way to still make it very captivating and you know have a good story behind it you know it's not as dark as the previous predators and they do the whole tropes of having the young predator very Disney but still they found a way to make it work have you seen it yet Lance still have it man I guess I better before next week yeah it'll be available I think January 6th

on digital. But it's going to Disney, right? I'm sure it's going to Disney or Hulu, one of those two. Yeah. I might have to rent it. Because I got to see it before we. Here's a couple that are going to surprise both of you. They're found footage films,

but I thought that they were just so good that they left me kind of thinking afterwards. And I know, I think Brian talked about this first one in our blood. Yeah, I really enjoyed that one. That was a great movie. And I thought it was very original. Another one I haven't seen.

Yeah, these are very small films, the two that I'm going to mention right now. But I like the story. And what I like about in our blood, again, I won't spoil it because you haven't seen it. If you watch that movie again, because it has that rewatchability because there's the twist at the end. If you watch it, you kind of could pick up on all the little details that they give you along the way, which is, you know, those movies, I'm a sucker for those kind of movies. Yeah, I was not expecting that twist because I wasn't really, like you said, looking for the little. clues in there right so yeah i'm i'm adding it to the list of stuff to to watch yes it's a really good movie uh then the next one is uh strange harvest which is another

really good movie okay that's on hulu lance yeah all right another one i need to see that that that one remember when we covered uh the one about the guy taking photos and he had this like entities what is it called borderlands uh savage land um it was a request Savage Land, I think it was a Patreon pick. Yeah, yeah, it was months ago, like maybe even years ago at this point. Yeah, it was like a mockumentary.

Right, it's the same thing with Strange Harvest. It's like this crime documentary and, you know, there's something creepy about found footage because of the way it's set up, you know, it looks very, like, with no budget, it's easier to get scares and give you that kind of sense of unease.

And this film does a great job with that. And, you know, it's like you're following this crime footage being presented as like a newscast like a 2020 kind of thing and they interview the two cops that are after the serial killer and they have pictures of the serial and it's it's just a lot of twisting turns to uh i thought the ending worked for me so yeah that's another one that's kind of stayed with me yeah check that out lansley they just just now a couple days ago put it on hulu i got i got quite a list going which is good because i've i just finished my 24th book for the year. So I'm freed up. So I'll be watching a lot this week. Then the next one, as the as the

month went on, it kind of kept on going lower on my list. And I'm going to explain why. This is a darling of the year and that's weapons. Okay. But I just felt like weapons didn't, you know, it didn't, it didn't stand up to scrutiny when you really analyze it. And the thing is that this movie, you know, I can be accused of being a snob because this movie invites you to analyze it just because of the script and the it's one of the movies that thinks that it's smarter than you so you want to kind of look into it the three different perspectives and all that and as you analyze it it just it just it just falls apart i mean you know we're talking well yeah i feel like it does i mean the the witch is essentially a superhero at this point and and she's got she's got all kinds of

weird powers that she could do with what she knows right she's like uh she's got all these little potions but it seems like she she limits herself for the sake of the story you know what i'm saying like she had she she had a strand of uh what's her name from from uh yeah her i forget her name um she had a strand of her hair she doesn't do nothing with it you know she sends uh the the the fat guy from from the avenger movies after her uh the asian guy um uh and so it's like you could you could have done so many things with her having the strand of her hair and that's what you decide to do you know but uh and then of course and we talked about it when we're reviewing the movie like the FBI this would have been a bigger story than what it is right like it would have made the news and um like true crime podcast and wouldn't a dog just find the kids unless she also had a weird thing for the dogs where the dogs can't sniff a mom because they were literally in her basement she had the dog's tail I don't know maybe she had the maybe she'll send a weapon at the dogs I don't know maybe she'll send a dog ask a weapon to the dogs and then they would have to run in that wacky way too I don't know

could be it could be a crossover with good boy there you go they should have saying good boy to go look for these kids he would have found them I'll say that right now I'll bet so I don't know it just I don't know it's still a great movie it's still my top 10 it just I really like the story structure but then when you think about it this is this is this one of those films that I feel through time is, it's not going to be as regarded as it is when it first came out, you know? It's no barbarian, huh?

No, I don't think. So I think barbarian is a lot better. Then the next one that I really enjoyed was bring her back. I thought that was a good movie. Nice. Okay. Yeah, just, especially the third act is so tense, you know, so really good movie. And I feel like it got lost in the shuffle. Like, nobody talks about it, even though it was like really, really well done.

I hear a lot of people talking about it. Yeah. I guess her name had a fantastic performance. Sally Hawkins. Oh, yes. Yes. She was amazing in that movie. Better than when she loved the fish man, I think. Well, that's one of my favorite movies. Is it? And I don't even like Guillermo Del Toro. You're a Mark, dude. Don't, don't, you're trying to hide it. You're a, no, Del Toro Mark. I didn't even like Frankenstein. You got Frankenstein in your top 10. No, as though, no, it's in the honorable mentions. Okay. All right. Then the next one is, companion that's another one that yeah i what an original movie and and i like all the little

uh easter eggs for you know previous movies the terminator two little reference there one of the characters um unfortunately the trailer gave it away but it is what it is don't watch trailers people um then then it would be uh keeper we we love keeper that we was me and you right that really put it over on the so if you want to know our opinions on keeper listen to that episode or we cover of the movie. That might show up on a different list of mine. All right, that's okay. No, it was very polarizing. It was, yeah, it was very

polarizing. Then the next one is, this is a surprising one, but I really loved it and it really got me thinking. That's a, begonia. Begonia, yeah. Emma Stone one, yeah.

Oh, I can't. I can't take the director. Sorry. No, this was more linear. year it's not it's not it's not it's not as potentious as the other ones all right I'm not gonna rush for this one yeah it really it really felt like something different from this

this guy this movie and it's also not three hours long like his other movies or two and a half it's it's a it's a straight hour and 40 I think and the I think the third act is really really good and it really like there's so many twists and turns in that third act no kidding it's it's a straight story it's like it's nothing you don't I get it I don't like the director either for the reason but it really surprised me i was like what the hell did i just watch and it was really good

a skinny damon did a great job you know um he was actually they all did a great job um but yeah bologna is my number two that's a really great movie damn and then and then i'm gonna just i'm gonna join the bang wagon and what everybody's saying or most everybody because it's between weapons and this one i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna stay with sinners i mean sinners what else could we say that's my number one movie of the year. Yeah. It left me. There's so many,

there's so many themes that this guy tackles in that movie. I know, I know one of the big knocks that he gets is that it doesn't have a lot of vampire action in it and the horror aspect of it. It, it doesn't really kick into the third act. But I don't care, man.

I thought, I thought everything about that movie from the soundtrack to the cinematography to the message. Everything was just top notch. So it's my, that's my first movie of the year. So that's my top 10 list. Nice.

Can I wait to hear what you guys got to say a couple. I think it's next week. Yeah, maybe in two weeks. We'll have some similarities, won't we, Brian? Yeah, I think my list is, my top list is kind of similar to Pedro's, but I think my bottom list will be a little bit different. Good.

That's how it should be. That's a good thing, yeah. And I have my pen ready, ready to write down the ones I didn't watch. But you did give me some stuff to think about. I might do a couple of rewatches. There might be some alterations to my list. Okay. More than fair, right?

Yeah. So that's my cool of the week, going over my list of top and bottom. Okay, one, two, three, four, five. I got six movies I need to see this week, guys. All right. What's your cool of the week, Brian? I'll go Stranger Things three. Okay.

Even though I didn't think these were the strongest episodes compared to the first four we got, but there was a lot of closure to some of the characters, some things they've been building to, and maybe some foreshadowing on some characters that might be gone come finale. Yeah, well, Glasda, do you watch it? I think I'm two episodes in. Okay, so you're missing the third one.

Oh, two episodes from the season or for the second half? Yeah, for the, no, for the season. So I'm not even into the second half Okay, so yeah, we can't really say much That's fine The thing is, and I'm only gonna say it this way Because this is kind of how it's been on the internet I know what you're talking about

The Will scene got a lot of negative flack on it Just because of a lot of different things And I agree with it I thought it wasn't Was it like a red wedding type thing? No, no, no, no It'll be building up to this But you'll get to it when you get to it

And so, but I thought it was just very overly dramatic maybe because we live I would admit I think because we live in a time where that's not a big deal anymore so I had a hard time putting myself in like 1984 or whatever, 87 or whatever this takes place

but at the same time it was like it was just overly dramatic and there was so many people in there that shouldn't even been in there you know it's like have you even met Will like this is the first time and now he's here like saying this but uh

he gets him wondering and then I did I did thought that it kind of like dragged a little bit like there was yeah they had a lot of closure like what I like about is that they closed all the uh to use a wrestling term they blew off all the angles except for 11's angle 11's angle 11's still ongoing and I guess we're gonna see it but other than 11's angle they blow off all the angles here in episode seven okay so so now you're getting to the big finale with everybody already kind of like just ready for that you know that's the only distraction um but but I did thing the show kind of ran in circles for a little bit there in these three episodes. They're not as strong as, in my opinion, they're not as strong as the first four episodes that they drop. And so we'll see. I do fear, I don't think the Duffer brothers were expecting this kind of negative reaction because they've been on the defensive online since the shows dropped.

But we'll see. Hopefully they hit the landing, which not a lot of shows do, unfortunately. but some do, most of them don't. So you guys had me wondering, so it's a big event that was based around Will? Is that what you're saying? We're not even going to watch it. It's a reveal that the characters are building to.

And I didn't have a problem with it. I do agree the scene, even though I think the scene ran for like 10 minutes. I do agree there was like people that probably shouldn't have been there when he was given the reveal right okay

the only one that wasn't there was Hopper that's right right okay he guys had me wondering it was it wasn't it didn't bother me just because I knew it was a thing that kept coming up

throughout the series hmm okay I guess I'll find out yeah so people got mad about that and they also got mad at the jonathan nancy storyline yeah okay they were confused they were confused that's why yeah did they did they have a kinsenera for a 32 year old or what at some point i mean these guys are like middle-aged yeah but uh we'll see what happens uh tomorrow when it drops tomorrow the finale okay yeah

But that's all I got. I pretty much took a break from watching new stuff. All right. So Stranger Things and Pluribus, huh? So my cool of the week's not welcome to Dairy. So we can talk about that more. But I didn't get a chance to chime in last week because I showed up late.

If you guys remember that fiasco. Right. I got to say, man, I didn't really necessarily want to go. And I definitely didn't want to shell out the big bucks to take my granddaughter. But how often do you get your granddaughter to visit, you know, in Florida? You know, maybe two or three times a year at the most. So she wanted to go to Epic Universe, the new Universal Park.

And I was like, oh, boy, here we go again. I'm not a Universal guy, Pedro. I'm a Disney guy all the way, right? You've been to that one before, right? I've been to all of them except Epic. This was the first. Pop my Epic Cherry, okay? Okay.

This place is fucking amazing. I was blown away. They had a roller coaster in the How to Train Your Dragon. They had like a whole story. And it was like, it was probably, yeah, it's like a five-minute long roller coaster ride, dude. I was shocked, man. So it had like three different sections to it and three different parts of the story. So there was actually a narrative.

Lots of great special effects, lots of creatures. The one roller coaster, we call it the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Death Coaster, because the dude already died on it, but Star Dess Racers, I think it's called. You're not selling me on this roller coaster. Well, the granddaughter, we got off and thank God there was a trash can right by the exit because she tossed her cookies, man. It was a hell of a ride. I hope you didn't buy her the cookies at the park because that's a lot of money she just threw

up with that. It is, it is. Well, it really blew me away, and I'm not even really a video game guy, but the Super Nintendo world because most of the the sections you kind of like walk through this portal right so you're going through a portal and you're being transported to that world right so once you get over that you can see everything and this one you actually go up an escalator and it was like flashing lights and stuff like that and as soon as you emerge you can see like yoshi and you know it looked just like the screen in the game it's like you're literally in the mario brother's game so it was pretty

fucking amazing, dude. They put a lot of money into that part. Well, you go into those, the pipes? Is that where you... You go through the pipes, yeah. At the video game, like you said. It's like you're in the game, dude. It's amazing. Yeah, we have one here. They build one here in the University Studios,

Hollywood, but I haven't, like you, I'm not a theme park guy at all. I don't, I don't like them, but, so I haven't been there, but everybody talks about it in a, in a positive way. I was, I was impressed, man. I was, but, uh, yeah, for not being a video game guy.

I played a lot of Mario brothers when I was a kid, but the set design, I guess you'd call it set design, the way they had all the characters and everything. It was just like very immersive. So that's my cool of the week. That's cool, man. I mean, to me,

the priceless thing here is that you got to spend time with your granddaughter. That's really what matters. Absolutely. Because like you said, those times are so limited and then infrequent. So that's really why you made the right decision. And, you know, the rest is all bonus, you know. I'm glad you also had a good time at the park because, yeah, so that's cool.

I'm glad that that happened and that you had a good time. Will I ever go back for the price tag? Hell, no. But it was awesome seeing it. So, uh, epic, was it epic, epic universe is what they call it. I thought there's a hokey name too, but whatever. Yeah, very lazy. You know, kind of lazy, right?

Yeah. It's like when, uh, it's like when, uh, it's like when, the football when the foes of the Washington team was called the football team like the Washington football team very lazy name it's not much better now what is it the commanders or something like yeah okay all right what are we going to next news Brian any headlines yeah we got a couple things speaking of the doofer duffer brothers uh they have confirmed that

their adaptation of Stephen King's The Talisman is no longer happening at Netflix, which I didn't think so because they are moving to Paramount Plus, so I didn't think they were having anything new happened. Okay.

Yeah, Paramount Plus went back the old bank truck to their yard, you know, offer a ton of money to jump ship. So they were like, okay, let's go for it. Even though even though in the big picture, I think they're going to end up in the same umbrella if Paramount gets to buy Netflix

but we'll see about that. How crazy would that be? Yeah, I think the last thing I heard of Warner Brothers denied the Paramount deal. They're going with Netflix.

Well, either ways. The times are all changing. That they are. I'm more about the theatrical experience with all this going on with this whole Netflix going with here I don't know because their whole goal is to completely kill it they don't want

Seems that way right you know Yeah so Yeah what I What I don't like is Even though they're going to own HBO Max that was included in the deal There's from what I understand They're still going to keep it

As a streaming service That's weird Because I was thinking More money I guess right Yeah because I was thinking Yeah I was thinking Yeah, I agree with what Pedro said, and I don't like the fact that they're trying to kill the theatrical experience, but on the other hand, I was like, okay, this consolidate two streaming apps, and that'll save money. But then they were like, no, we're going to keep H-Meo Max how it is.

I guarantee you saving us consumers' money is not on their agenda. No, no. They're going to figure something out. They'll probably shatter it into seven different streaming services you have to have. That's right. Well, come early next year, probably here within a month or two, from what I understand, their Hulu and Disney Plus are going to merge. Okay.

I've already re-uped, right? And I pay the higher price to have both of them. I don't have ESPN, but maybe I should get it. I have actually cut ESPN. I heard the wrestling's not that impressive. I will find... Ryan rents the wrestling shows is what he does. There was a rental

store that opened up up the block from the south so he rents the wrestling shows now. Oh, okay. That makes sense. I just not for that price amount, which I'm going to only use the app once a month.

And then they got, they were going to get a free fucking month out of me. Really? I'm not even having Royal Rumble until the end of January. they lost you huh yeah yeah i never got them i i've been i've been lucky that i had a rental store up my street here for years so i never yes went up with and and now i'm about to cancel peacock because they're about to use the archives and and uh and uh nxte i think oh they got

nxte till march but i have ways to watch nxte um yeah i heard they're just putting the archives on you too yeah yeah and i and i and i frequent the archives i love the archives so that's that's a big loss for me um so yeah so i'm gonna cancel peacock i this one's gonna surprise you guys i actually canceled shutter um like maybe about a year yeah just because all those we could rent all those movies you know and it's like yeah there was a lot of good movies on there though but i've seen them all i like the amc plus angle too and the i yeah yeah if you get amc you get shutter right you get you get yeah i got i got all of the above i think it's like 10 bucks a month for me it's a value you know right well one of them had a go with me so i had shudder was the odd

odd app out i guess yeah you got to you got to make your decisions i get it yeah so because that that that emc the stubbs card man i'm holding on to that baby i still use it i know you are that that card has become such a big part of my life that i will feel it if i ever cancel it i'll tell you that much right now pedger so i saw i saw i saw a anaconda today for five bucks man that's a good deal melbourne florida dude our our little local local yokel theater up here man that's owned by mom and pop or whatever yeah they take good they take good care of their folks where did brian go they we lose them oh man i guess we better bullshit i guess we better bullshit a little bit huh for for brian to find this way back to the feed they must have heard him say

something by going to the video store too many times. So tell me what you thought about Welcome to Derry. I see. Oh, here it goes. Never mind. Yeah. Oh, you could still tell me if you want. Welcome to Derry was awesome. You were right. You were right. I mean, the characters were amazing.

They did things that I never thought they would have done. You, like, you get attached to certain characters, and then those characters are gone. You've got the old story of the kids trying to convince the adults that something's going on. You got all the adults have secret agendas. I love the way that they tie it in with these people are the parents of the ones that we get to know or the grandparents, right, of the ones that we get to know and love later.

I like that aspect of it. The special effects of Pennywise were fucking amazing. I love the fact that they were able to keep Scars Guard in there as Pennywise because I was worried. What did you think of his episode? What do you think of that episode? I love every episode Bob Gray, right? When they show Bob Gray

Yeah, yeah. Okay, I thought that was great. But I always, okay, here's the thing. I always thought that Penny Weiss's voice was him trying to be human, but he can't really capture the human. So that's why he talks like that. So they kind of, you think they reconded a little bit, right?

No, no, no, that's what I thought. They've never said that. That's what I thought. But then they showed the Bob Gray episode, right, where he's just Bob Gray. And that's his voice. And I'm like, bro, this guy talks like that. Okay.

I've got one worry. All right. There's one thing I'm a little bit worried about. And that's seasons two and three. Okay, season two, they didn't give you too much about the 1935. We know there's going to be gangsters involved and stuff like that. But they went way back to like the, what was the first year, 1908? Well, the first year were, yes, yes, 1908.

Or the first, yeah, what's supposed to be season three? He's been there forever. Yeah, he's been, he's been, he's been, he's been, okay, I hope season three isn't 1908, all right? Spoiler alert. I hope season three is, like, before that, like, before, you know, the dude that became Pennywise, the clown. Because I'm afraid they've given too much away of the characters and what happened that year and too many flashbacks to that. For me, that makes me kind of worried about what they're going to do, but that's not a concern. And also, another thing is that it can be, like, first of all, he's got a win in one of these, episodes like anyways has because he always loses in the end you know so he's got a sure has to be a

season where he actually wins or i was like like empire strikes back right i mean and and and so because then he's not he's gonna lose a lot of that quote unquote evil stuff you know and then also we can't go back and cycle back to having like these kids on the bicycle kind of thing that's been the trendy thing right now they'll have like those old bicycles built for two they had a 1908 no no I know you have to have kids because he likes to eat kids because they taste better, I guess. But the whole, like, like, loser club, like little trope, they have to kind of, because they've already done it twice, you know, stranger things did it. So many of these movies have done it, you know, so I feel like there's other ways to get kids

involved where they don't have to be like these outcast, you know? Okay. And yeah, so that's my thing. I do like how it kind of became a sequel, you know, when he talks about how he goes through time and shit. I like that. Yeah, I thought that was pretty cool

because he's actually he's essentially becoming the T-800 where he's going back trying to kill the parents of like the kids that They alluded to that. They alluded to that at one point. Yeah.

So, yeah, so I thought it was great. I really only didn't like episode three. That's when I thought it was starting like kind of meander a little bit, but then it picked up. Okay. All the other episodes revealed something new,

you know? Yeah, so great show. What did you think, Brian? of the show Yeah Like what's your takeaway It's fantastic I didn't mind

How late I know some people Were complaining how late In the series we got Pennywise I think it was perfect Lead up to him And they put him in at the right time And I love all the flashbacks

I love the connections to the movies Especially in that Finale that we got We're fantastic and, yeah, it might be my favorite show of the year. I don't know. Might be, huh? Might be.

They might, that little Cuban kid did a great job. You know what? That was, that was one part that I didn't like. And I guess it's been out for a while, so we could spoil it. It's been out for like a month, over a month. Shouldn't that, the gross should have also died of, like, the smoke. Like, that little box ain't going to protect. You would think so, right?

Maybe. I wonder if anything, it would have killed her, right? No oxygen at all. And I was like, this kid is way too smart to be spewing that kind of philosophical stuff when he's dying. You know, and first of all, when you're 12 years old, you're still selfish. You don't go and take a bullet for anyone when you're 12, you know? And this kid's over here protecting her on the box. He was in love, man.

He was really in love. It's the power of love, Pedro. No, nah. He fucked up is what he did. And the weight of his dead body Was pushing down on the box And it was keeping it airtight from the smoke Okay, we'll go with that

I like it Yeah, fuck you do Spoiler alert We're going to say it next week It's my favorite show of the year All right I'll say it More than Plaribus

Or Pluribus or whatever More than Pluribus More than Alien Earth Those are all in the conversation Don't get me wrong But dude, it was fucking amazing Yeah Okay. I was looking over to see what news was. Sorry, my internet cut out for a second. And the only thing I could find is something I kind of mentioned last week. I think you were not on with us, Lance, was ready or not? Here I come to. Moves from April 10th. And they pushed it forward to March 27th.

Huh. Okay. That's fine. I mean, we're excited about this one, right? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it looks good. something different with the sister involved yeah katherine newton who we've seen in uh lisa frankenstein and uh unfortunately antman quantum man quantum man well i got to get a paycheck you know yeah well that's the news all right pedro that means uh time for us to take a little trip down to the trader part The trailer part.

That's right. Brian is going to bring us the big, the small, and sometimes the very, very weird, like tonight. So what's the first one, Brian? The first one is a teaser trailer for a new found footage horror movie called Duba Duba. Just that why I didn't get to watch any of the two trailers. I completely forgot. It was my bad.

Okay, I'll give you a quick synopsis. In-home security cameras watches an awkward 16-year-old girl terrorizes. is her well-meaning babysitter. What the hell? I don't know. I like the idea. I like the concept. Yeah, it looks interesting.

It looks very independent, which I also like. And it looks like it neither could be like a sleeper, a nice little hidden gym, or it could be another skinnamarink. Uh-oh. But that was a hit, wasn't it? I didn't like that movie, but I know it was a hit.

A hit? Well, it made money. It had its fans. Yeah. I'm not necessarily one of them. I didn't hate it, but I didn't. It's only because I didn't love it because I didn't understand it. I felt like there was themes in the movie that I think me and Nez reviewed it and we were trying to, we were trying to get the director.

You're trying to get all to the director. so we can see was there something we're not understanding because we were both kind of not understanding what was going on so there was no

that's hella good in that review huh no 10 on 10 none of that that's skinnering not skinnering what'd you think

Lance oh man I don't know dude it's it could it could be great or it could be not so great Like, it's really fucking hard to tell. See, that's the problem for this teaser. They don't give you anything.

They do give you weird images of, like, stock footage of, like, in a laboratory or a classroom back in the 50s. Did you see that? Yeah, they were kind of cutting from the house to those scenes and back to the house. And that scares me. So, like, okay, so there's a filmmaker. I can't think of her name right now, but she did a movie that I thought, was like, if I'd seen that time, it would have been on the bottom 10. It was so boring.

It's called, we're all going to the world's fair. I know you saw it, Brian. I saw it, too. What'd you think? It was boring, like you said. Very boring, right? Okay, that's what I'm getting to. Okay, I saw the TV globe.

Yeah, I saw it. I love that one. I loved it. All the hidden meeting in that, right? It wasn't very hidden. It was pretty obvious, right? What the story was really about. and people who have to deal with that in real life, right?

The way they're treated and how they are forced to live in a hell by other people and stuff like that, if they let themselves be, right? So that one was brilliant. So, like, I don't know. See, it could either be really, really good, or it could be kind of just out there and nonsensical. I want more than just a teaser, but I kind of don't, you know. The image, the images look pretty cool.

It looked creepy, and I liked your description of it. I sure didn't get that from the teaser. yeah 16 year old terrorizing the babysitter i love the idea i don't know well it's gonna be like that like that one christmas movie of that the the kid terrorizing his babysitter was it oh better watch out yeah that's that was good that was a fun one that's what this uba wuba will be about uba jumble umba i don't i would assume that at the most this would get a limited theatrical release but i think it's going to be straight to digital and that will be january 23rd hmm i'm i'm man i want to give it a try uba what about if it's the whole

skinnamarink you're gonna i hope not we'll see we'll see you know you know what when i was younger i used to have this weird rule where once i commit to a movie like i have to see it through even if i'm bored i don't go by that rule now now if it's not if it's not hooking me in the first 10, 15 minutes, I'm out. Like, I don't, I don't finish it anymore. There's a lot of logic to that, man. There's so much media, right? There's so much media. Yeah, yeah. So, but, yeah.

So back in the day, I would have forced myself through Skinnamor ring. Now it's like, nope, I'm out. You know, so. Yeah, well. A rule that I know, I don't do any, a rule that I know I don't do anymore, but I used to do when we started this show was if we had, if we were watching something like when we did the Silent Night Deadly Night Remake,

I would have made sure that I would have watched the entire franchise before. That makes sense. Yeah, I don't do that no more. Yeah, there's only so many hours in the day, right? It's like Lance's best friend of all Gary Collins, and that's the way he does. Oh, that's right. Mr. 4 on 10, huh? He watches the entire thing from beginning to end.

I know. All right. He's a true professional, man. Our final trailer of the week is the latest from Linesgate. It is an action horror movie titled Killer Whale. Okay. And Pedro, you said you didn't see this one. It is the typical girls on vacation and they travel to a beach or an island that they're not supposed to be at.

okay well we've seen that a thousand times yeah yeah except this is a well it's not a shark yeah that's the twist yeah that's the twist yeah that's the twist i'm sure we'll see a sheriff in there that saves the day we'll see the crazy mare that doesn't want to close it down you know the same old tropes it kind of looks like where they're where they're stranded out it kind of looks like a mix between the movie orca and the movie the shallows

That was my first thought. You stole my thunder, Brian. I was thinking the Lake Lively movie. Because where they're stranded at, there's not much to stand on to get out the way. So it gives you real shallow vibes. But instead of a shark, it's a orca. I mean, I watch these movies. They're fun.

Of course we're going to watch it. Who are we kidding? It's probably going to be out for rent. It's not going to get a theatrical. You don't think so? The lead actress is familiar I'm pulling her up. They were hot.

You know, they look good in bikinis. I know that. Who can blame the killer whale? Oh, she was the blonde girl in that movie Fall. Well, there you go. Kind of similar. She was also stuck in.

There's going to be, stop staying stuck in these long poles with like two feet of, like, being able to hold yourself. I thought that was getting a sequel. I heard that was going to be a five part two coming up. Yeah. I think they're filming it or I think so. I forgot. Like they didn't learn their lesson the first time.

They have to get on another, another radio tap. Scaffles or whatever. Killer whale, I'm assuming it's coming to VOD January 16th. All right. So two of them that are like right around the corner. Yeah. Nice. Lots to choose from, right?

None of this coming in 2028 stuff that we've gotten in the past. And no January movie is about a killer swimming pool this year, Pedro. Or ever, hopefully, because we don't need that. Okay. All right, that is the trailers. All right, so this is the part where Philip usually steps up, isn't it? Are we in feedback now? Yes.

All right, let me get my notes out here. Okay, listener feedback This week we shine the podcast spotlight on Neon Brainiacs. I like the name. Neon Brainiacs is a retro horror. What's that? It's like a cold classic, like an old movie from the 80s.

Totally, totally. Yeah, they are a retro horror movie podcast. That makes sense. Let's see, they said they're diving headfirst into the glowing nightmares of the past from, VHS era slashers. Oh, this has Naz written all over it.

To forgotten cult classics, I wonder if they'll ever do the forbidden zone. Probably not. But we should just be forgotten. They do rad. Nes will be on it. They do rad. I'm sure they'll do rad. We break down the scares, style, and strange charm of old school horror.

No fog machine required neon brainiacs. find it wherever your podcast are oh shit you know what i forgot to do guys i completely forgot we have got a new apple review let me see if i can find it here uh yeah this this bears uh bring it out pre-s greet it we don't get as many as we'd like no i'm going to read it right off the cuff all right here we go the horror returns podcast uh rating and review from patness 15 all right What does Patness 15 say? See, that's the sad thing.

We don't know who these people really are. That's the director of Skinnamarink. Then we really want to have you on the show. So we can do a roast. So, all right, Patness 15 says, been listening for a while now. Oh, so I'm sure that Patness is listening. So send us an email. Let us know where we can get you a horror returns T-shirt.

I'll pick up a T-shirt for you, Patness. We appreciate this. and by the way it is five stars five star review been listening for a while now I'm a huge horror fan love me a good slasher Brian Lance and Phil are fantastic hosts

I download ones when I've already seen the flicks they talk about I even go back and listen to older episodes I save other apps until I get to see the movie in question nice listening to like-minded people

if you're looking for fun on a specific topic like horror, this podcast is for you. We cannot say thank you enough, Brian, can we? Oh, thank you. That's good. We haven't gotten a review in a while, and you are the final one of 2025. And a five-star.

There you go, man. We like those. Helps the algorithm, push you guys up. Yeah, and we need all the help we can get. So send us an email, Patness 15, so I can get you a t-shirt. Just need the address. All right.

Poozy. I promise not to stalk. Okay. Do you still have coosies? I got a whole box of them. I usually hand those out when we go to Halloween and horror. Now that I'm drinking only sodas these days and not bearing more, but hey, they still come in handy. Yeah, yeah.

But yeah, I hand them out like crazy at horror nights, dude. So do people listen? I don't know, but at least they know where. They got a coozy. They got a coozy. All right, let's get into the meat of this. Brian posted a poll. What horror movie Defined 2025 for you, the one that scared you the most and stuck with you after the credits?

Unsurprisingly, so far, Sinners is in the lead followed by weapons. And I will announce all the winners in our best and worst episode. Okay, cool. Very nice. So we do have a few people that chimed in. Tracy Anzley says, none scared me but bring her back there you go there you go

sinners oh I see I like all three of these bring her back sinners and until dawn that one surprised me too I like that one we're the best by Miles yeah I got to watch until dawn again I remember watching it and it was okay but I got to watch it again yeah that one's on Netflix I think is it that was a fun one for me

especially when they started exploding from the water that's right um shan c dandello says best best was easily weapons um most overrated oh here we go overrated and overhyped was easily sinners um sinners i don't know about easily that's a very pretentious statement there by this well all right sean it's arguing laying the gauntlet out okay sinners was good but at its heart was just a one-dimensional vampire film in the vein of from dust till dawn Okay. Do not agree. Undimensional.

Weapons was way deeper and fleshed out in top-tier cinema regardless of genre. So, hey, we all have our opinions. We respect it. Yeah, that's why the FBI didn't catch the kids. That's right. Okay. That was fleshed out for you. Joseph Roseberry says there hasn't been a good horror movie this year.

Wow, what a cynical there is Hold on, hold on I think we're getting trolled here Sinners was complete garbage Weapons was a little better And bring her back was about there too But nothing I've watched from 2025 Has been good in any way, shape, or form

Wow, look at that And he's still watching too, so he's still searching. Maybe he'll get lucky in the last two days of 2025 maybe you'll find like three movies in the last 24 hours here we can hope we can hope all right joseph you have your opinion we respect it kenderson a bunch of five on tents it looks like if even kenderson woodward says none of these scared me uh here we go welcome to dairy gave me a few jump scares and was much better than any of these that's that's a fair that's i for sure yeah uh let's see shell powys says final destination bloodlines i like that one too

there you go that's a good movie jody oh here we go jody atkins we're smile too that one was my fave well i believe that came out in 2022 well that could be one reason okay jim jim jimmy lecum says not here we go again not a movie but i thought welcome to dairy was better than any of these. I am telling you that's a great show. Dom sent related to Fitty

I guess. Weapons, edges, sinners as a horror. Sinners was doing too much and lost its way. What? Weapons stayed on the WTF storyline all the way up to the end.

All right. It becomes a comedy all of a sudden in the last. People part of a Weapons Appreciation Facebook group. or something. You know? All right, let's see what's the next one.

Brian Hepburn says, I wouldn't say stuck with me because they scared me. Off that list, Final Destination was probably the most pleasant surprise, is I expected it to be rubbish, but it was actually decent. Okay, fair. Yeah.

And another poll, what was the best horror thriller series of 2025 and which show kept you hooked all season long, needless to say, it welcomed a dairy is far away in the, the lead. Amber Lynn Cash says, well, Stranger Things Five hasn't fully released yet, so you can't really put it on the list, bro. But it will be finished before 2025, so I can. Everybody's a critic. Plus, it's a sci-fi before anything else.

Man, that group is very cynical, man. What's that guy that says everything is a classic? We need him right now. We need him in our Michael Arnaz. Michael Arnaz. Where are you, man? We summoned you. Jacob Tipton says, My best horror thriller series of 2025 was Alien Earth, and also it, Welcome to Derry.

Okay. And another poll. What was the worst horror movie of 2025? The one that completely missed the bark for you. Here we go. This is going to be fun. And Mithrigan 2 is in the lead. So, John Wood says,

presence was bull crap because there was no goals throughout the entire movie I you know what I'd kind of forgotten about that one truthfully Don Lowry says 28 years later okay

he says that was the worst movie I think I've ever seen and the most incoherent storyline I bet the hundreds zombie slong is what bothered me it gets worse guys. Hey, we read them all, all right? And the most incoherent storyline. I bet the hundreds, if not thousands of child victims of Jimmy Seville

molested, really appreciated being a massive theme in the new exploits of a formerly amazing franchise. Woo! Jesus, right. Yeah, you got to, that's one thing they got to do with that second one. They got to explain why he's Taking out of parents. Weird shit. All right. And then Matthew Goodrow

chimes in. He says they're both remakes. I'm not sure what he's talking about. The 1941 Maltese Falcon is the third adaptation. And Some Like It Hot is a remake of a German Are we on the right?

Did I take this from the right section? Some Like It Hot is a remake of the 1950s German film. Well, you're at the big media page all of a sudden? That's what I'm wondering. was adapted from a French film from 1935. What movies you're talking about?

Megan? Matregan, too. Matthew Goodrow. Send us an email, brother. Let us know what you're talking about. Um... Something like it hot. I don't know. Okay. Our show intro and all of our new logos come from Steve Carlton, from the geeks.

And be on the lookout for more great stuff from Steve. Our original skull artwork comes from Natsilani. If you would like to help the show, please consider becoming a Patreon patron. We will let you pick the movies for a future show at any amount. And for $5 or more a month, also

pick a commentary for our future bonus show. And now, it is time for our main attractions. It's the brand new Anaconda and the 1997 original. So we always start with the older movie here. This is 1997 Anaconda. A National

Geographic film. Was it National? Geographic? I didn't, I miss that. Is that what they were? They were making some sort of documentary. Okay, we'll go with it. Because J-Lo's like, this was supposed to be my first movie or something like that.

Yeah, I didn't think it was Nat Geo, but all right, taken hostage by an insane hunter, who, boy, that's a spoiler alert, if you haven't seen the movie, who forces them along on his quest. He's definitely insane. That's a caption.

Right, the world's largest and deadliest snake. Director Luis Yosa, also known for The Specialist and Sniper. That's two pretty big titles. Writers, Hans Bauer, Jim Cash, and Jack Epps, Jr. During the filming of one scene, the controls for the animatronic anaconda shorted out. Sounds like Jaws stories here, huh? Causing it's completely lose control. Now, some of this footage is, is in.

included in the movie. I guess that makes sense. The Amazonian film shoot was occasionally disrupted by the fact that several cast members were deathly afraid of snakes. Wrong movie, bro. Pedro. Look at what you sign up for.

No shit. Original Anaconda, Pedro. What did you think, man? I watch this movie from time to time. It's a cheese fest, you know. But it's enjoyable. obviously everybody talks about John Voight's weird accident in this movie that's kind of like the joke and they made a joke about it in the new movie as well so no I like it I think I think that the cast is pretty amazing when you think about it it's a pretty A-list cast you know you have Owen Wilson right in his prime you know J-Lo right thing right after Selena had come out which is a big deal

because you kind of blew up afterwards ice cube ice cube is always a Nae Lister, John Boyd, you had the original Marty McFly was in this movie, Eric Stoltz, you know? He was in this movie. He was kind of in this movie. That's true. That's true. You also had a... He was in this movie

laying down most of the time. This is the person that I did forget about, and that's like 90s B-movie Scream Queen Carrie Worre was in this movie. She did a lot of like, she did a lot of like Skinner Max movies back in the day. A lot of like B-movie.

movie horror movies i guess i guess at this time she also had done thinner if i remember correctly thinner came on like that's right i remember thinner yeah she was she was in that one as well oh she was the the gypsy guy's granddaughter yeah right um she she pops up from time of time during this era like she's all over the place during this era um and so that was i i had forgotten that she was in this i sound like oh shit there she is um and and and and then danny trejo gets a little, I guess you could see a little camille. Kind of a cameo.

Yeah. Very young. Of dubbed Danny Trejo. Right. I don't know about young. Maybe younger is the right term. I don't know if Danny Treo was ever young. Yeah, he's got to be around 50.

He was born old, huh? No, but I like it. I like it. I think it keeps you invested the entire time. The kills are a little cheesy nowadays. Like when John then hide fights falls off the waterfall like that's like you know yeah how the cGI sure and of course he plays us not be british guy you know um right and uh and then uh when they kill uh the i guess

is john voids like helper matteo i guess it because the reason i remember matthew that's right matthew they probably said matthew about a thousand times in this movie matthew get this matthel get that poor matthew he gets sacrificed to the to the big anaconda um so yeah i know i really like the kills uh it's by the numbers uh you know but it's a fun little movie you know i like it yeah i agree with him this is like a this was like a staples 90 movie for me it's fun to put on every now and then Pedro ran down the cast a fantastic cast a lot of fun uh the cg i does not hold up but it's still fun to watch and kind of laugh at uh i like all the animatronic stuff

I like Ice Cube not only in one scene listening to his own music yeah oh that's right also in another scene referencing it was a good day yeah but it happens

a lot in his movies I could have sworn this is not the only movie where he's listening to his own music yeah it happens from time to time though we're supposed to just go with it that's not him

listening to himself a little narcissistic kind. J-Lo was, this is probably one of my favorite movies of hers because, you know, J-Lo looking all wet and jumping around.

That first scene with a see-through negligee? Yeah. And she still kind of looked the same too, which is interesting. Kind of. Original Marty McFly, like I said, he's in this, but he gets taken

how early and he spends most of the time unconscious. Kind of like Nick Cage in that one movie, the end of the world movie with his two sons where he was in it for like two minutes and then bedridden the whole time. Yeah, but that's because they could only a four Nicholas Cage for those two

days. That's true. This was Eric Stolls, you know, being told you're going to just lay here for the entire movie. And then on this rewatch, I was kind of on Owen Wilson's side. Because he's like, hey, we're here to film a documentary, and that's all fucked up now.

Why don't we film this guy, catch this snake, and make some money. Okay, I like it. I like that idea. But overall, this is, like I said, a movie I can, if it's on, I can sit down and rewatch it. It's kind of, like I said, a staple from the 90s for me, and yeah. And then much like the, this also started the staple of the black man not dying at the end, which was contrary to what it was going on in the 80s because we also had we also had

nightmare on a street not die at the end of a Halloween age 20 which is okay yeah and the blue sea actually Al Qudje has survived in a couple horror movies um and so yeah we started having this little trope of them making it all the way um and yeah it just kind of finishes though they they say like a throwaway line and then the movie just the credit start rolling once the monster's gone the movie ends right doesn't over say it's welcome right doesn't overstay it's welcome you don't get like the fake boo scare at the it's just gone yes but what did you guys think of john boy's character because he's the one when everybody talks about this movie they talk about him like the overacting the cheesy accent i like it i like that they probably he took this movie for a paycheck and they were like you can do whatever you want with the character and he chose that accent we don't even know what that accent is it's just I know I just think he knows what that accent is right go back to your mother and then he just throws the snake back into the that was great and then he even has like a little skullet where he has that little ponytail in the back yeah oh that's right that's right but he's

kind of bawling a little bit from the top but he's got the little ponytail in the back and then he wings right before he dies which is always classic so What did you think, Lance? Oh, man, I hadn't seen this movie since it first came out. Like, I probably saw it, like, on HBO, a year or two after it came out, and I didn't remember loving it so much. Like, I really enjoyed this a lot. And I liked it from the very beginning because you had serious vibes

of, like, older classic black-and-white adventure movies. So, like, I mean, obviously the African Queen, right? something like that where they're actually literally on a boat ride, you know, going through the jungles and stuff like that. But I got, I got vibes of like a lot of those, a lot of those old movies, man, you know, like I kind of almost expected to hear what I'd say, play it again Sam or something, you know, and I kind of like that. I like the setup at the beginning. And it felt kind of throwback for me for some reason. Obviously, you know, it got, you know, kind of cheesier after that, but I mean, those old, those old, you know, black and white and, you know, early 60s and

end of the 60s, sci-fi and creature feature movies, this was a lot like those, you know? And you had the bizarre cast of characters and, but yeah, I, when Homeless showed up, man, with that accent. Now, dude, say what you want about this guy and he's gotten really fucking weird with his politics and shit like that. That's right. Things he says and what. not that are that are like really fucking bizarre like tinfoil hat

pen tinfoil hat level shit but um it was a good performance man i love that he said oh go back to your mama's there way i can't even do nobody can do the accent what the fuck is he doing was he south american was he italian was he russian what the fuck was this man and then you're and then you're thinking is the character creating this fake accent for his own to protect his own identity like there's a good possibility there's so many things because it's obviously a white guy it's obviously a white sure sure but he could he could be from like south africa or something like that we don't know but right is that is that part of the con job like did he come up well that's the thing that's so like bewildering about this character like what

the word did he come from like um and we'll never know because he doesn't make it out of the movie yeah yeah i can see i love that i love the way the cast was so diverse right like every character was different. Everybody had their own agenda, you know, and they weren't hiding it. J-Lo was like the serious one. Owen Wilson was kind of like, like you said, you know, the common sense guy, right? Like this is what's happened. Like, you know, this trip gave us lemons, let's make lemonade type shit. Mateo, you know, he was, he was like leering. He was leering offstage from the beginning. And speaking of leering, you know, all that, all that leering that, that, that, that, that, that, that we got at Jennifer Lopez, right?

It was definitely creepy. There was some, but I mean, it was 90s, right? It was a different time. So, you know, we can- Are you talking about a Wikipedia? John Void's character is supposed to be from Paraguay. Oh, okay. Well, that's not how the guy from Plyrabis talks.

No. I don't know, man. I don't know. It kind of added to it for me, you know? Like, not, no. I kind of almost would not. want to know where he was supposed to be from but yeah pyruguay come on just pick a just pick a place right and do a weird accent but uh yeah it was it was it was a fun movie man some great kills um they

were the waterfall scene was was terrible but it was also kind of fun let's face it all right look you had movies like king kong right where they had literally claymation like you know stop motion claymation shit, right? So take it for what it's worth, Pedro. Don't be too hard on the Waterfall Scene, man. I like that. I have nothing bad to say about it. And I agree with you in that I feel like this movie was paying tribute to those movies, you know? It's just like nowadays we see movies that are paying tribute to the movies made in the 90s. The 90s were paying tribute to the movies made in the 50s, the 60s, you know? And there is that whole like monster movie kind of aspect to this movie that's pretty fun. And so and so the cheese.

factor is a part of it. It's not done because it's not, it's very self-aware in what it's doing. And, but it's interesting that- Unlike war of the worlds, the other ice cream. There you go, no, that was definitely not. They actually thought they were making a masterpiece with ironically ice cube. Same thing.

Now, here's the thing, though, one of the things you won't see nowadays, like you said, like the voyeuristic camera angles with the women, you know, the ass shots and all that stuff, that was a product of its time. Like that, back in the day, people knew that men go to watch movies to, you know, see a little skin, you know, those shots. Sure, sure. They don't really do that anymore as much. They sneak them in there still, but it's not, you know, you're not going to see a movie nowadays

where you see like an upskirt shot of a camera, you know what I'm saying? So, so that was interesting to see, you know, still that was back in the day. But, yeah, I really enjoy this movie. Yeah. All right. Sounds like we all liked it somewhat. Pedro, what's your score? I'm going to go 7 on 10 on this one.

I think that's a first score. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to go a little bit higher, 7 and a half. Seven and a half. All right. We're getting there. I'm going 8. I'm going 8 on 10.

I really loved it, man. No, I really, really loved it. This is when I'll see you again and again. I don't know why I haven't seen it since it originally came out. Just too much other shit, I guess, getting in the way and too many other, you know, new movies. You know, you can't really. blame yourself or not see there's too many movies out there yeah this is a fun one to

put on in the background anytime right um so we all so we all what's that say there's a and then it did it there's a couple sequels uh anacca or the wild orchids yeah they were that's right i do remember here were they any good anaconda anaconda the hunt for the blood orchid yeah that one three offspring okay anaconda's trial of blood and And there was a crossover movie, Lake Placid versus Anaconda. Oh, we got to see that one. Yeah, but no, they were not back. Okay.

I have a Monday movie somewhere, but. All right, well, we'll stick with this one, or will we? Because now we're getting into 2025. Anaconda, a group of friends are going through a midlife crisis. They decide to remake a favorite movie from their youth, but encounter unexpected events. when they enter the jungle director and writer oh here we go

director and writer that's a red flag we're gonna oh boy that explains a lot okay oh man all right so we've got Rob Zombie territory here all right

Tom Gormickin also known for hey Beverly Hills cop Axel F I actually enjoyed that one that was a good movie yeah so maybe there's a hope here. Now, here's the only trivia we got. Get this guys, Jack Black replaced

Nicholas Cage. Okay. That would have been a different movie. Not the only trip, but it's a good bit of trivia. That would have been a completely different movie. All right, Pedro. Did this one live up?

No, it didn't. I thought it was I feel like this movie didn't know what it wanted to be. I thought it was just all over the place. It was kind of mean-spirited at times. I thought the, you know, we'll get to it in spoilers, but the part-run character led me feeling of some kind of way.

Huh. Yeah, we'll talk about it. We'll talk about it. And then, yeah, I mean, a lot of the jokes didn't hit with me. Yeah. I think we brought this up about Jack Black before. The thing about Jack Black is that he only has one

character that he plays in every single movie he's in and this is the same thing here like it was literally just jack black playing jack black um so that that that kind of got tedious after a while which tends to happen with his movies with me it's like we get it dude like you know you're always going to be the bubbly shabby yeah making faces and stuff like that although although in the third act he did get a little subdued like he wasn't as jack black yes he's down a little bit um but but uh yeah and then um Steve Zahn was completely underused, I thought. I thought his talents could have been better, you know,

we could have seen more of him because he's a talented comedian. He's really good. And we hadn't seen him in anything mainstream in a while. And here he, you know, he plays kind of like the bumbling idiot, you know, using drugs and stuff. Like saving Silverman. Sometimes you forget he's in the movie. Yeah, but he's very much in the background the entire time.

Yeah. And then there's a whole. was in it there's a whole subplot that goes nowhere and i don't want to spoil it until we talk there's a whole subplot that that starts the movie that goes absolutely nowhere and it really piss me off because we're following this side character and then what happens happens and like what the hell that's it okay whatever um yeah and then and then uh thony newton was okay i thought i thought she was playing she was she wasn't that's not the normal roles that she takes So I thought she did a pretty good job.

Yeah, you're right. You're right. Definitely out of character. She was kind of going against type, you know. I agree. And I like her character too because they had like little subtleties to it. It wasn't like for example, and this is not spoilers, but you could tell that she wasn't happy in her life, in her current life before she decides to go on this trip. But they don't spoon feed that to you.

You kind of get it through her body language, through her dialogue a little bit. So that was kind of cool. Okay. And so, yeah, I mean, that, that's pretty much it. Yeah, the movie's kind of all over the place. At times it's very dramatic. They try to be very dramatic, but I feel like it doesn't land. Everything that they try to do doesn't land with me.

Like, their jokes didn't land. The dramatic pieces don't land. And so to me, I was just left like blah. I didn't hate it because we saw it with a packed theater, you know, I saw. So that was nice. It helps when you're watching a movie like this. had I seen it in my living had I seen it in my living room

I probably would have been more cynical about it but because I saw it in a pack theater and the jokes that didn't hit with me they were hitting with other people so I was like okay that's cool but it helps me put up with the bullshit right because it's working for them fuck it like we're gonna go with it

so because there was some dumb joke there was like some like fifth grade level jokes in this movie and I was like at best yeah at best Jesus Christ but that's where you're gonna get with Jack Black. He's always going to, like, lower everything to, like, a fifth grade level. Chicken, jockey.

Yeah. That was that character in this movie. Pretty much. Exactly. And other movies, he does. Now, the cameos were cool, which we're not going to say in the end, but the cameos, there was one that really

surprised me. Like, I was like, damn. Really? Yeah, I mean, yeah, that was one that was. I expected more, but, like you said we'll get to that and there was one that got a lot of hype that that they didn't deliver on which we just talked about in the previous movie um which i don't know what like you said it would have been almost impossible to get this particular person with the way they've been lately okay yeah but uh but no the the the cameras were cool um and and so yeah that's kind of my my thoughts on it i i did like the the snake wrangler that that guy was pretty cool um yeah uh you know the his whole little story, stuff like that. But yeah, that's, I'm not going to say I hated it because I didn't hate it. I watched it with a very enthusiastic crowd, but I've never watched it again. You know, that's pretty much it.

Yeah. So that's it. That's my thoughts. What do you think, Brian? Well, I am going to say I didn't like it because I was bored of tears with this movie. Little honesty is always good. Yeah. And I was extremely disappointed because I love.

majority of this cast from Paul Rudd, Jack Black, Steve Zon, Tandy Newton. Sure. I can't pronounce her name Daniela Melchor. She was

the one on the side quest. She's been in the suicide squad. You can pronounce her name any way you want to as far as I'm concerned. Is that the one that had the little rat in the suicide squad? Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. I thought she looked familiar.

she was uh Jake Jelinehall's love interest and Roadhouse Okay Oh okay Okay He's gotta get another agent man Because their career's going from like up here

To like down here like down here Yeah I really enjoyed the cast I enjoyed the premise Of them wanting to Of them being Fans of this movie So much that they're going to make

Their own version of it And I like that the character The Paul Rudd and Jack Black were their horror fans, especially Jack Black, because you see posters at his home and his office of horror movies. I love that, but once we got out of all that

and they started making their version of the movie, I was fucking bored to tears. None of the jokes landed with me. Pedro mentioned the side quest, the side plot story was completely unnecessary. They could have just completely cut that out and just had them trying to make this movie right and yeah i i don't know what else to say this movie it was so hard for me to keep my attention to this movie i kept looking at my phone

checking the time see how much time was left i did like the cameos and it wasn't even that long of a movie that's a sad part yeah i did like the cameos don't watch i don't know which trailer it was if it was the final trailer. One of the one of the trailers gives away one of the cameos, which I thought would have been a nice surprise. Yeah, that's silly. But I already knew that cameo was coming.

And I thought the other cameo was a nice surprise, but was completely underused and could have been used better. I agreed. I think Pedro agrees with you too from what he said. But yeah,

I did not like this movie. oh man wow well i think that's lands for a movie the year right here no not not even close man this is not a good movie i agree with everything brian said about not liking certain parts of it but i disagree

with brian when you said you kind of like the idea and the setup i didn't like any of that i thought it was fucking dumb from the beginning i thought this was a stupid movie Look, I didn't think I was going to go in loving it, but I thought, yeah, maybe I'll get a few laughs, right? Look, dude, Paul read it, like, look at some movies he's been in like, I love you, man. He was fucking awesome in that, because he kind of plays the straight man in a way. But this one, he was trying to grab the comedy spotlight, and it, dude, it was not working. I'm not exactly sure what Pedro was referring to with the dark twist with him or whatever.

No, no, no, it was just kind of like, it was an a-hole. he was an aho the whole time and yeah what what he did that's what bothered me to get them he never really changes like you know how every every movie's no art that's what they say every movie has a journey this guy starts off being like an asshole and he ends up being an asshole like nothing nothing happens to where he he redeems himself like and again we'll get into his specific examples and spoilers but right man that that that character was so great and it's kind of concerning because this is the second time this year where he brings that

because death of a unicorn he's also an asshole. Oh no, you're right. And that movie sucked too. And I wanted to like it. What I was spoiling is. He has a scene where he does something and everybody was like,

why the fuck did you do that? And he's like, but I'm a hero. And I'm like, no, you're fucking not. Obviously not, huh? Geez. Yeah, no, none of these jokes landed. Now, I will tell you, okay, so here's the deal.

You guys know, and the same thing, Brian is going to say, oh, you're going to get this a 10 on 10 because of what you're about to say. Because this is the same scenario as when I went to see. I know what you did last summer, which I absolutely hated. Dude, this was $5 movie day. Today was Tuesday. I saw it $5 movie day in Florida in Melbourne, Florida. So what I did get enjoyment was was the crowd. So I got in and it was not a packed house, but it's a pretty full house.

Oh, you're the youngest one in that problem, that's my theory. Okay, look, I got there and the trailers were just starting, right? So you had the ladies knitting club over here, like bullshit and talking and laughing. They were just talking the whole movie. They were over to the left, but they were fun. It was kind of cool having them there. You know, just talking about weird wild shit. So just like the three, I don't know if they had rich husbands that were off working during the day

or if they were just like, you know, cat ladies that were all hanging out together and just, you know, they were having their knitting circle in the theater. They used their SSI check to get into the theater. That's what they did. I think so. So they're over here to my left.

The dude to my right, early on, somebody in the first part of the movie has like a French accent or a... Yes. What language does they speak? Portuguese or whatever? I don't know. Paraguayan accent.

Paraguayan. All right, and they say something early in the movie. Okay, so this dude, to my right, he's wearing a baseball cap, and he's got a coat on. I can't figure out his way wearing this huge coat. This comes in later, though. We find out later. But he's wearing this huge coat, and he's got a cap on.

And they said something in the movie, and he goes, he goes, oh, my God, you're really loud. And I'm like, how the fuck is this dude, man? What's going on here? So, anyway, about 10 minutes into the movie, I hear a can open to my right where this dude's sitting I think this is the guy that was in Pedro's theater

last week. He smuggled in a 12 pack of beer. And he sat there drinking beer after beer through the whole movie. About every seven minutes you hear the can open, the guy guzzles and it puts in his coat pocket. So that's cool, man. All good. I'm having fun watching the audience. But what gets me

is none of the jokes hit this one dude and I'm not trying to say anything controversial but this dude that he was in a wheelchair okay and there was another guy beside him and I wasn't getting any of the jokes but I'm glad this dude was because like

toward the end when they started saying some of those really corny jokes dude was fist pumping every time they did a joke he would fist pump and just start laughing so I had fun with the crowd I had fun watching the crowd there were some like teenagers or something up above that you could you could kind of hear giggling

and they were probably making out or something up there but as far as the movie itself, not a single joke hit, if they were going to do a parody type thing of Anaconda, I think it could have been on a lot better than this. And I think the talents of everyone in this movie were wasted. I'm so over Jack Black, man. It's always the same fucking bullshit.

You guys nailed it. Same dude over and over and over again. big hairy dude doing a you know on the fucking air guitar and it I'm done with it so didn't enjoy it did not enjoy it god damn it we lost

so much that Brian left no but but I hear you though it wasn't a it wasn't a good movie you know you know what really shows the jack blackness of this movie what's that this isn't the trailer something they give away in the trailer where he's running with the pig on his head

the pig the wild pig yeah yeah the borer whatever it is right and that was mean-spirited too by the way that whole scene was very mean-spirited right right so yeah so he's running with the with the bore whatever on his head and it's like right well you could put any jack-black movie on in the history of his career you're going to get that scene in every movie i know i know whether without the bore the little rat on his head on his mouth whatever it was a gerbil i don't know what it was so richard dear Richard Gere action, huh? Richard Gere was in the house for the gerbil scene as a stunt double.

Oh, evay. Are we ready for scores? Yeah, well, we're going to go, we do scores and then spoilers on. That's how we do. Yeah, okay. Sure. I'm going to give this movie a five on ten. Ouch.

Yeah, just saw one. I didn't care for it and never watched it. Yeah, fair enough. Three, and don't be surprised if it shows. up on a list. Damn. Jesus Christ. That's harsh.

Oh, man. I'm with you, Brian. Three on ten. Wow. This is a three, man. I'd rather see Night Swam on repeat. I don't know about that.

I think I'd rather see Anaconda again. You think so? Yeah, I think I'm leaning towards but it's not like, you're not making, that's not a good choice to have. So it's not like I like it. Yeah, fair enough. Yeah.

All right, spoilers. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. Spoilers.

Can I just say what was the point of the side plot? There was no point. Trying to find gold. To get a hot chick in there? I don't know. That was it. That was literally the point to get her. She could have been part of the boat crew that they,

hired. True. True. Yeah, it was just for drama purposes for that scene where when the, I guess she's the bad guy, quote unquote, bad guy that's trying to steal a lot of the resources, the gold or whatever. And so the other guys are cops. And they try to get cute with you thinking that they're the bad guys. And she's like this woman that's on the run. But it's actually the opposite. They tried to do a big twist there, right? And that's the scene that I was talking about where they make you think Paul Rudd thinks

he's like redeeming himself after he continues to be an asshole and he quits and leaves everywhere he gets fired and says no you can't fire me I quit right and he pops like that's right yeah then he magically goes and wanders around

in the jungle by himself and then shows back up to shoot the FBI agent and mess up everything well he takes a little tour because one thing that we didn't say in the non-spoiler, they're actually filming Anaconda, the remake while they're doing their own remake. And that's another thing.

I guess. I couldn't tell. And that's a big reveal because that's when we find out that Paul Rudd doesn't own the rights to the movie. And he gets mad the whole time. He gets mad when they call him out on it, you know, because Jack Black gets mad at him. And all of a sudden, Jack Black, it's, yeah, it's like he doesn't take accountability, you know yeah and i thought they did a horrible job i thought they did a horrible job of not because you knew when he said he had the rights you knew immediately he didn't have the rights that's right it was

dumb it was dumb you're ahead of i didn't i didn't i kind of thought maybe somehow he inherited him he said he met he met the the owner of the one the person that wrote the book and they were a fan of his oh the japanese yeah okay all right no they got me on that one they spoon feeding you in this one because because he's literally walking through the back lot when he gets fired for once again being an asshole because he's doing an accent for absolutely no reason even though the director tells him don't do a fucking accent

and then he gets fired and then he looks at the poster of Anaconda and he literally does a hmm and then I hated I hated him in that scene where he's shooting the whatever TV show he's doing yeah doctor number four

oh that's right talk to number four. Don't do an accent. Do it regular. That's kind of a funny joke. He can't fucking do it regular. Right. I don't like this version of Paul Rudd.

Yes. It's pretty bad. And then, yeah, and then the whole movie seemed just one, him fucking up out, you know, one fuck up after another. Sure. Sure. He's the one that, because of him, the snake handler gets killed with his snake. You know, it's because it's because of Paul Rudd's fault. And it's never like, and again, and again, usually, usually,

these movies in the third act you have that scene where it finally hits them that they've been messing up right and they they do something to redeem the redemption yeah that never happens with this character he just no it never does does it he just forget forget forget and then all of a sudden you know uh jack black gets to direct the movie because jlo comes out out of nowhere and and knocks at his door yeah come on dude talk about fucking pigeon hole in right i mean that was that was that was So, Lance, why did you say that that cameo was wasted? Oh, the Ice Cube cameo or the Jay-Lo?

Oh, that's the one you're saying. Which one did you say one of them was wasted? I didn't enjoy either one of them, dude. I thought it was silly. I mean, all right, so what I was hoping, okay, so they got Ice Cube in there and they're like, okay, this is going to kind of be cool because they're going to bring the whole cast back.

I literally thought they were going to bring everybody. Like they were going to, Jay-Lo was going to jump out and then Eric Stoltz was going to. I will say they only mention the characters that survived the original movie. I guess that makes sense. No, because they mentioned Job Void a lot. No, I mean, Ice Cube. Well, as far as being involved.

I got to go rescue my castmates. I got to go get Eric and Jennifer. Okay. That makes sense. Well, I wanted to see them there in an action. But I didn't, I kind of didn't like Ice Cube because he was an exaggerated version of himself. Yeah. Yeah, I could see that.

I got to go, I got to go rescue my castmates from the ops. But I think, I think that's his character in general now with everything he does. Is it like where are the worlds? No, I don't know about that. But yeah, that was just so random. Yeah, out of place. Even that set at the end, you know, they have that set that is blowing up with the pyrotechnics. Sure.

It looked like, it looked like Universal Studios backlaw. Like, it looks so cheap. You know? it looks like not epic universe that's for sure right no it looked like something that was left over from like Jurassic World Dominion or something it did it really did just use that we got a left door do whatever you got to do you know even when they're driving on that little jeep and like it's literally they drive like like 10 feet and that's supposed to be where it's so cheap looking you know um and yeah the movie is just bad it's just a bad movie and then so and then

And then at least with the original Anaconda, we saw Anaconda in action, right? We saw Anaconda's, you know, tying its grip on people, Mateo got it, you know. Yeah. But in this one, but in this one,

all the kills are off screen, man. Like, like, whenever the snake handler dies off screen. Okay. Yeah, and then there's a couple other, oh, the, when, when Paul Rudd is going around the actual production of the real Anaconda, He sees that girl that she gets kind of killed off. It's like, come on.

Like, we want to see something. It's PG-13. Give us something, you know? I guess. I guess. It was weak, man. It was weak. It's a hell of way to end the year, guys.

Kind of a depressing, isn't it? Hopefully that primate, which is getting great reviews, by the way. Hopefully that one picks it up for it. Brian's got it on the schedule, thank God. Yeah, which unlike Anaconda, it was just announced today. the primate will be R-rated. Nice. Good.

Get to see a face-eating scene, I hope, right? I don't know about that. Okay. Well, monkeys, like to go for the face. That's true. I think we talked about... No, I was going to say, before we leave, they are doing that cheesy thing with the primate trailer,

where they're having the hidden camera on the audience, and they're like screaming as they're watching the movie. They're doing one of those. I've never been in the audience like that where they're just The whole audience I'd like to be I think that's fake though

I think that's fake I think it's all dumb for the movie I don't know Come come here to Florida for Tuesday $5 movie day and you might You might see it Maybe I'll see that guy that sneaks up It's right

Beer in Yeah in Florida it's like 78 degrees here And he's got this huge coat I'm like why does he have a huge coat He had a fucking 12 pack hidden in it And a lot of these Got his own guy

Yeah I got my own guy The mullet But my guy actually succeeded in getting hammer. That's the problem. Yes, he did. Yes, he did. He did a full somersault down the stairs.

Yeah, man, that was crazy. Yeah, so. All right. Hopefully that doesn't happen again. We want to thank you guys for listening to another episode of The Horror Returns. We'd love to hear your feedback and ideas. Go to thehorrorreturns.com or email us at thehorreturns at gmail.com. Leave some more five-star Apple reviews.

We love that shit. other than that it's been a it's been an up and down here and we're going to talk Pedro already gave us his top and bottom we're going to do ours next week with our famous top and bottom of the year

Brian what is going to be the format this next week we are going to do our best top 10 best top bottom worst favorite series and I'm adding a new one favorite horror villain Huh

Okay I mean I think about that one I'm gonna say pennywise for me since I didn't get to sense The penny wise is like that That's a good one that's a good one All right Pedro until the horror returns again Good night I

You know, I'm going to