The Horror Returns - THR - Ep. #503: Congo (1995) & Primate (2026)

Episode Date: January 16, 2026

It's rabid monkey week at THR. Cool of the week includes Fallout, Song Sung Blue, and Landmine Goes Click. Trailers are They Will Kill You, undertone, and Lee Cronin's The Mummy. Podcast spotlight shines on The Splatter Brained. And we get feedback from Nick Roth, Gutierrez Rio, Anthony Max, Daniel Brown, Jacob Pinkston, Michael Wheeler, Universal Horror, Todd Haig, Costas Costa, and Mike Marin. Thanks for listening! The Horror Returns Website: https://thehorrorreturns.com THR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thehorrorreturns/ Join THR Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1056143707851246 THR X: https://twitter.com/horror_returns?s=21&t=XKcrrOBZ7mzjwJY0ZJWrGA THR Instagram: https://instagram.com/thehorrorreturns?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= THR Threads: https://www.threads.net/@thehorrorreturns?igshid=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ== THR YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@thehorrorreturnspodcast3277 THR Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thehorrorreturns THR TeePublic: https://www.teepublic.com/user/the-horror-returns SK8ER Nez Podcast Network: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-p3n57-c4166 E Society Spotify For Podcasters: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/esoc Music By: Steve Carleton Of The Geekz

Greetings, victims, for those of you who delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify gore, welcome. You have found the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware. This podcast contains major plot spoilers. and the foulest of language, join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror. Welcome back, everyone, to The Horror Returns.

I'm Lance, and with me as always, my co-host, Philip and Brian. What's going on, guys? What's up? Not a much, man. How about you? I don't know, Philip, you want to share it? That story?

Telling us offline. Yeah. Am I putting you on the spot? That's my not cool of the week. I forgot to mention it last week, but Christmas Eve, I was, uh, don't lift weights and flip-flops, especially after drinking heavily. Yeah. I dropped a 15 pound plate on my, on my toe, and it, uh, took, took the toenail off

and, uh, and, and broke the tip of it. So I've got a big, weird. gross Deadpool looking big toe now. It's kind of awesome. But cool the week, I'll have to go Cowboys? Oh, wait. I guess. Texans, though. Holy shit.

I mean, you know what, dude? Their games are kind of boring to watch because it's so deep. It's heavy. Yeah. But damn, dude. Like, I know. they should have lost that game in every sense of no shit well they fump three fumbles

in the first half they were like literally getting their asses handed to them and still won like 30 to six a lot i know it's insane and they're playing new england this week i think they're gonna smash new england dude that's gonna be the one i guess you know my money my money's on the texans on that one. Yeah, they might, they might go to the Super Bowl this year. We'll see. If they can beat New England, they will. I'm reading for the Bears to go to the Super Bowl, man. The Bears. The Bears? Why not? So, sorry, Phil, you said Fallout, huh? Yeah, that's got to be my cool week. That's really the only thing I've watched, I think. But I'm enjoying it, you know, Walton Goggins as the ghoul. I think it's the best for all he's ever played. I'm happy with it. And they're in Vegas this year? Is that the setup?

Yeah, you know, it's actually not grabbing me as much as the first season did. Oh, okay. But I'm sure they'll get there. Yeah, I think they're stretching themselves a little thin on their stories. Because they keep jumping from storyline to storyline. Okay. And I'm like, I kind of just want to see more Walton Goggins. Right.

but still still good so far Brian you you got a you got a laundry list you want to go last or yeah I'll go last yeah my cool of the week was was an easy one this week guys if you all have have you have you heard of the the movie that uh Kate Hudson and and Wolverine are in is that a fucking musical oh my god dude yeah song song sung blue you guys heard of that one yeah Man, like I saw the preview for it and I'm like, well, I know they're trying to make this look appealing, but it's not at all. Oh, dude. I'm going to tell you what, this is a musical the way a musical should be. They don't overdo it.

I haven't seen a movie like this in a long time where like they, you get it, you get happier than you've ever been in your life, right, watching the movie and the characters are all having a good time. and then all of a sudden something super fucking dark happens, right? Like out of the blue. And then shit happens and everything's okay again and everybody's happy. And then something super fucking dark happens. But it works. It actually works. And Hugh Jackman, I mean, he's got decades of work on Broadway, so he knows what he's doing.

I don't know if it's really Kate Hudson's voice, but she sells it in the role. I really enjoyed it, man. I think she's saying. Yeah, I thought it was fun. I think she does too. It was a lot heavier on comedy than I thought it was going to be. I really thought it was going to be just kind of one of those paint by numbers type things where, you know, they fall in love.

They do a Neil Diamond tribute band, you know. You know all the beats, right? They have a big fight in the third act that they make up. No, it's not like that at all. And it hangs himself in the garage. Yeah, puts himself in the garage. But it's a hilarious, it's a hilarious show, man. I'm shocked how much the comedy hits in it.

I really wasn't expecting that. And like I said, man, they take you to some dark, dark places. But like I said, somehow it all works out, like it balances. So I don't know, I recommend it, Brian, if you want a light foray and a musical. They don't overdo the musical numbers. That's the main thing. That seems to be the way the good musicals are, right? It's either really happy or really fucking dark.

They're like, sure. Bipolar, made by bipolar people or something. Yeah, I'm not watching it. All right. Well, what are you watching it, Brian? Okay. I got to start out with my reality game shows. We've got a couple.

The Beast Games. Beast Games. Okay. And Fear Factor House of Fear. Oh, nice. I want to see that. Knoxville was on Rogan earlier today. I was watching a little bit of it where they were talking about it.

He always goes to the fucking Bull come story. Yeah. I recommend both of these beast games because I love seeing people that really think they know how to play the game. Okay. And then their confidence is just destroyed minutes later. And Fear Factor, I like the format because they're all. all like staying in a house.

Okay. So it's kind of like you got to add like psychological gameplay to it because you might be making friends with somebody that you just told is your biggest fear and they can put you up for elimination that

involves your biggest fear. It's like Fear Factor Ultimate Fighter. Yeah. I like it. Checked out some found footage movies. He's horror in the high desert on Amazon Prime. I checked this one out because part four just came out,

and I keep seeing it pop up on people's lists and stuff. Okay. This one's basically like a mockumentary style about a guy that does, like, YouTube videos, and he, like, discovers something out in the wilderness, and people don't believe him, so he goes back out one more time, and then he disappears, and the documentary is kind of like, about his disappearance. So I'm gonna get into the other ones

to see if they kind of build upon that story or if they're just all different stories in each movie. Maybe I'll run across him when I'm in Albuquerque next week, Brian. Maybe. Next one is Don't Peak. Again, found footage.

YouTube is moving to the YouTube and couple buy a house and they discover like old VHS tapes of saying that's by a guy named Mr. Peek. Well, that's never a good idea, right? Yeah, they start watching the tapes and the husband gets in his head that we should make a YouTube series

about us watching the tapes. And as they're watching the tapes, the wife is like, we shouldn't watch this. We need to turn this over to the police. I liked it better what it was called VHS. Yeah. It was a decent one. That one's on 2B.

Okay. And then I discovered this new app. If you're into found footage movies, it's called found TV. It's like 2B, but it's all found footage movies. Oh, man. And I checked out this movie. It was like advertising the menu screen. It's called Wilderness Taves Volume 1.

And it's, Same premise with the YouTuber filming out. He's like going into a mine and he's like documenting his experience and giving a history lesson and looking for old artifacts and spooky stuff happens. And it's a quick watch. It's like under an hour. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's easy to slip in. Oh, so maybe you think that's the first in a series?

With that same character? No I just say it didn't end well for him Okay Spoiler alert I like that Wilderness found footage stuff There was one that I was watching

And I can't remember if it was a documentary or not Where he like got lost in the wilderness And then I think it ended up being just like some hermit in the woods That killed him or something but You mean you think it was real? No I think it was a movie but they I like at first I thought it was real. That kind of sounds like horror in the high desert.

It might be. That sounds, that sounds familiar. That might be it. Yeah, where he sees something horrifying. And then he has to go back because all his followers are like, you faked it.

There's nothing out there. And he goes to proof. Oh, that sounds awesome. That's what it was. That's exactly what it was. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

I knew it sounded familiar. I was like, man, that really reminds me of this one thing that I watched. Yeah, that's pretty cool. I guess it wasn't real, but it seemed like it was there for a minute. Then they did a good job filming it. They had you almost believing it.

And a couple more movies here real quick. Checked out this To Be Original called Takeout. It's kind of mid-level to be original. It's basically about this, people that work in the diner, and there's like a killer on the loose

and one of the employees suspects one of the customers to be the serial killer. So it kind of goes into, is it the serial killer or is it one of the other people or is it one of the employees? Okay. It's not bad, but it's definitely somebody in this restaurant and we have to figure out who it is. Yeah. Okay. That's interesting. The reason why it's not upper level, like, to be original,

because if you're, like, paying attention to the movie, you kind of figure out real quick who it is and who it isn't. Okay. I'm sure it's better than that Thanksgiving movie we saw that took place in a diner. Yes, definitely. And real quick, I checked out We Buried the Dead with Daisy Redley. Okay. We reviewed the trailer about,

she's part of a there's a zombie outbreak and she's part of the like cleanup crew oh yeah that one looked very interesting it's a good movie but if you're going I think the trailer misleads you it's not like a horror action

zombie movie it's more of a drama with zombie elements put into it it's it's well made and she's really good in it but if you're going into thinking it's what the trailer is telling you then it's not that kind of movie I'd like to see Daisy Ridley and some stuff that gets her away from Star Wars

yeah she in my opinion she was really good in this one okay and my cool of the week has to go to one I can't remember the person's name they recommended this one it's called Landmine Go click. I've heard of this one. I've heard of this movie, Brian. Basically, there's people camping out

in the woods and I forgot where this was taking place somewhere in Europe. One of them steps on a mine. Yes, I've heard of this. Can't move his foot. They need to figure out how to get his foot off of it, get them safety,

get help somehow, because they're out in the middle nowhere with no reception or anything and some people come along and they're not the most helping people and some dark stuff happens to one of the female Oh

and he's stuck in a landmined and it can't move Yeah it gets real fucking dark There's one similar to that With like a soldier in the desert That sounds familiar too, yeah Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, that one was pretty good. I watched that.

Yeah. Landmine goes click is very, uh, it's very low budget, but it works. It kind of ramps up the tension. And like I said, it gets, it gets super dark. Even when you think somebody's going to get their comeuppins, it gets dark again. Oh. And it's streaming, it's streaming on prime. Yeah. And, uh, that's all I got. Nice. Yeah, that one's been on my list for a while.

Thanks for the, thanks for the reminder, Brian, because I want to check that one out. I heard that it was quite a ride. You're going to check it out, Philip? Yeah. Yeah, I think this one came out in like 2015. Oh, wow.

So it's been a while. I think it's just now, like, being discovered by people. Huh. Yeah, I wonder when that's a landmine movie came out, because it sounds like almost the same. Around the same time, right? Yeah. I think so.

Okay. All right. Well, that's cool of the week. And now it's time for horror headlines. Brought to you by Brian. Looks like I've just got majority TV news. Okay. Let's see.

Black Mirror is back for season eight. Yes, yes. Awesome. Sarah Michelle Geller has revealed the official title for the upcoming Buffy spinoff. Buffy the Vampire Slayer New Sunnydale, and this is not a reboot. It's a spinoff. TV show, is she in it?

Yeah. Okay. I know there was some people that got mad at one of my postings because I called it a reboot. Oh, well. I'm not, I've never seen the show. You get the idea. It's a new Buffy.

Reboot, reimagining spinoff. Yeah. You're making up words deciding what they mean and then telling people that they're using them wrong. Yeah. Ryan Coogler, director of Senors, Black Panther, Creed confirms that his X-Files reboot. This one is a reboot. We'll stick to the classic storytelling of monsters of the week and overarching conspiracy theories. Oh, I hope so.

What's it going to be on? I think Fox still owns it, so I'm assuming it'd be on. Fox and be on Hulu the next day. Hmm. Okay. Man, please tell me it's going to be streaming somewhere. See, X-Files kind of went through a transition there, too, where they were, like, Monster of the Week, and then they, like, slowly transitioned into the long game.

Ah, okay. Toward the end, then, they would do some ongoing stories. So maybe they can mix them in and keep it good and interesting. Yeah, so basically it seems like he's not... fucking with the formula. He's just putting his take on it. Okay. Hopefully there's some alien shit in there, right?

We need a new, a new, a Jillian Anderson for a new generation. Yeah. Have you seen her lately? She can still do it. Yeah. She can still do it, man. But like that was... I mean, you can get rid of David McCutney.

Yeah, let him get, get Dane to Han instead. I see. I'm just saying Jillian Anderson did something for a young Philip How did she now? Julian Anderson does something for old Brian Also true

Especially what was that show Lance American Gods Yes Yes American gods That scene in like one of the early episodes Where she appears on TV as Lucille Ball Yes. Oh, yeah.

Very nice. She's still got it, man. creepy scene, too. Let's see. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is getting a TV reboot and eight episode series. Okay. They were great books. This is coming from, this will be written by Steve Lightfoot and Angela LaManna.

They are the writers of the John Bernthal Punisher series. Who's movies are there? How many movies are there? Yeah, like the girl with the dragon tattoos. There's like three, three movies. There's four books. Yeah, but there's like two or three different versions of the exact same movie, aren't there? Yeah, there's two or three when Numi were Pace.

Yeah. And then they did two with a different girl. And then they did another one with that girl from, what's that movie where we were beauty like years ago where it's all filmed on an iPhone? Oh yeah. Unsane. Unsane. Unsane.

Claire Foy. Claire Foy is what you're talking about. That's right. She played the role one movie. I do remember that and I'm totally wrong. There's six fucking books now. I've only read four. Okay. I got to catch up. So we had the girl with the dragon tattoo, the girl who played

with fire, the girl who kicked the hornet's nest, the girl in the spider's web. Those are the four I've read, and these must be newer. The girl who takes an eye for an eye and the girl who lived twice. So I guess the series goes on. There's also, fun fact, a whole series of the girl in the closet, in the basement, locked in the shed, whatever, that are like Lifetime movies that have nothing to do with those. Oh, gosh.

And they're not books. If they're lifetime movies, I'm assuming they're, if anything, maybe baseman. on a a tattletail magazine or something most of them I think are like based on true story but it's like girls that get

kidnapped or whatever true crime yeah like yeah loosely based yeah they're fun they're a lot of fun this might

peak your interest a little bit more this is coming from Sky who also puts out gangs of London oh yeah oh is season three up yet on AMC Plus I think it's started

today. Okay, cool. Nice. You just made my day. Twice, Brian, you've made my day. That one, and you reminded me about the Landmine movie. Landmine goes click. Yeah, I've had five or six people tell me to watch that.

See, and I think the other one is just called landmine. Possibly. I know exactly what you're talking about. I can't think of the name. But it was good, too. I like it. Yeah. I'm going to try to find it here. And the lone movie news that was anything new

is the Return of the Living Dead sequel to the original movie is still in production. Okay. They're looking at a November 26 release date, and they recently screened 13 minutes of footage, and it got a pretty strong reaction from the fans I got to see it. Hmm. It's a sequel to what? The Return of the Living Dead. Okay.

Which one is it a sequel to? I think the first one. Okay. I mean Is Are they all still alive? No, return The one with the

That wasn't it the first one where they had brains Yeah Remember they had the canisters of the gas? Yeah, they had the canisters of gas That would turn them into zombies The military Was hiding him Dance naked in the cemetery

Quigley Okay When was that least though. 80s. Easy, right, right? Okay, yeah. Okay, so, all right, that's what I thought we were talking about. I don't know how it is, I don't know

how it's a sequel other than the fact that the Tar Man zombie that was in the first one. Okay. It's going to be back in this one. This one stars, uh, this one stars Devon Sawah, so he's in it, checking it out.

Hunter Dunbar himself. Now it all makes sense. Okay. it's damn shame he never signed that vest I know it yeah that's right and that's the news okay

all right Phil if you're ready to take a little trip let's go we go dial to the trailer park with Brian Brian is going to bring us the big the small and some from a musical or something

The very, very weird. Oh, that's your spooky ghost voice. Yeah, that's right. What's our first new trailer? It's like a timid old gold prospector. Our first trailer is They Will Kill You starring Zazi Beats. And let's see who else.

Patricia Arquette. Does it matter? Well, not to Lance. I have to make sure. or something, Heather Graham. Oh, it is Heather Graham in there, isn't it? Yep, yep. Double check something, yep.

Tom Felton. Tom Felton. Okay, yep, yep, yep, yep. He's right in the middle of that group, that Lynch group or whatever. What did you guys think of they will kill you? Can I go first? Yeah, you go.

Yes, please. Oh, my God. Fuck, it is like. somebody reached into my dreams and made a movie with every fucking thing I love. And it was just coming over and over and over again. And it was just glorious. So I don't know how they're going to pull this one off. Are they going to be able to keep up this pace for an hour and a half?

I mean, holy shit. It does look intense. This looks amazing. Yes, this looks amazing. Yeah, like the action sequences, the trailer's awesome. The action sequences that they show in the trailer are very stylistic and cool, and Zazi Beats fits it perfect. He has done the director. Definitely looks like satanic hotel owners.

Yeah, I know. All right. Look, you lean into the satanic thing all you want. Yeah. That's cool. Coril Sokolov. I recognize nothing he's done. So this would be the first thing I've seen from him.

Huh. And anybody who hasn't seen the trailer, the synopsis is a woman takes a job as a housekeeper in a New York City high rise, unaware of the building's history of disappearances. She soon realizes the community is shrouded in mystery. Oh, boy. Huh. It looks pretty fucking cool. Oh, man. Are they really going to keep up that level of action?

Philip through the whole movie? Could you imagine, dude? It looks very much like ready or not. Yeah. It kind of does. It does have some ready or not to it, big time. If we haven't done ready or not or kill Bill on a show, I'd definitely pair.

Sure. Oh, it had a little Tarantino feel. It definitely had some Grindhouse, 70s Grindhouse feel, right? But I do have a movie in mind. It was just every time. something that happened that was like action-wise, it was like fucking crisp snap, you know?

Yes, yes. It wasn't just fast, it was like there. If they keep that up through the whole movie, you're going to need a morphine drip at the end. Yeah. This is definitely going on the schedule. I do have a movie in mind. I have to double check

to see if it's the movie I'm thinking of, but I will have something to pair with this one. This one gets theater is March 27. All right. Although Kill Bill is a good suggestion. I know we haven't done that.

Sure. We did Kill Bill. Oh, we did? Yeah. We kind of get that spreadsheet going, Brian. I checked on my partially done spreadsheet. Okay. All right.

The next trailer is a new A-24 psychological horror slash supernatural and IMDB likes to throw in a lot of genres, folk horror, sci-fi, a little bit of everything. And that's undertone, directed by Ian Toussaint. Tusson. We talked about him a couple weeks ago.

Really? He is directing the new paranormal activity, like his take on it. Okay. So what did you guys think of undertone? I thought the, I thought the trailer's really good. It sucked me in. I don't really know what it's about.

But it looks, it looks interesting. Like they get into this paranormal stuff and unlock some stuff. They have like the skeptic and the believer. And I, so I think it's a good setup. It sounds like an interesting story.

Well, the synopsis goes. A podcast hosts covering spooky content moves into care for her dying mother when sent recordings of a pregnant couple's paranormal encounter she discovers their story parallels hers each type

pushing each tape pushing her forward into madness huh yeah sounds like the skeptics like fuck you this incantation doesn't do shit oh la be all the way like the evil dead Lance, I'm getting from the trail, I'm getting, we're going to get, you know how we felt when we watched like smile with the audio stuff?

Yeah. Where I think we're going to get a lot of that kind of stuff with this movie. Oh man, I hope so. I hope so. I remember when I was a kid, we used to, in fact, my buddies and I used to like, we had these tapes and we would like trade them around to listen to him. And it was this fucking Southern Baptist preacher, like Fire and Brimstone Southern Baptist preacher, right? And he would take all these albums and he'd play them backwards.

You guys familiar with this thing that happened in like the 80s, 70s and 80s? I remember that was a thing. Yes, yes, it was a thing. And they would play, okay, for example, they would take, what is like one of the most chill Led Zeppelin songs of all? Oh, Stairway to Heaven? of all things. And they would play,

I'm telling you, stare away to heaven is satanic. These kids are listening to it. Man, you play that shit backwards, and then he would play it on there. And he said, now listen, kids, he's saying, I love Satan.

I love Satan. And I'd listen to it. And all I heard was, it, you, yeah, he, you,

you, you, you, you can barely at one point. Ozzie had some shit that was, like, legit backwards.

On purpose. Yeah, on purpose. Okay, so I... And I wouldn't surprise me if Zeppelin did either, dude. Jimmy Page was like... You think... Okay. ...into, like, some weird satanic shit.

That ain't my theory, dude. My theory is that people... My theory is, especially having listened to it, and this preacher's telling me you're hearing him say, I love Satan, and I'm hearing... It, it, it, it, it, it... My theory is you fucking hear what you want to hear, what you think you're going to hear.

Yeah. So, to an extent, right? But it wouldn't surprise me. I'm telling you, like, Jimmy Payton's some weird stuff, man. Well, dude, it's like, it's like dark side of the moon and the Wizard of Eyes. You guys ever tried that one on for size? I have absolutely tried it multiple times. It's awesome, especially when you're green.

Yeah, no, Brian, at first I thought this looked kind of hokey, but it is 824, so I was going to stick with it. And then, yeah, I'm with Philip, like halfway through. It really started pulling me. And if it gets the sound editing down right, this is probably going to be a pretty good movie. Yeah. It looks like one that would totally skip over the radar, but like the trailer kind of pulled me in.

Yeah, and if this guy puts out the movie that I think it's going to be, it might pique my interest into his new version of paranormal activity. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. The concept could be done well, right? As long as you just don't show a ceiling fan going back and forth for 30 minutes. A 24 A floor fan or whatever A24 does paranormal

activity Oh yeah That was like That was like four or five or whatever Or six or I don't know how many on there are There's a lot Yeah Is coming to theaters March 13th

So two weeks before they will kill And the final trailer One more of a teaser is Lee Cronin's the mummy. You guys don't know, Lee Cronin. He did. Did we break Lance already for some reason?

No! Lee Cronin's the Mummy. What a title. Well, you got us... Because if you just talk to Mummy, like Brendan Fraser's mommy comes up first. Okay, fair enough. It just seems pretentious, man. Like, you know, I got Gatimo

del Toro's Frankenstein, you know? Is this going to be a thing now? So who's Lee Kroen? If there's multiple versions of something that's the same title. I don't hate it. At least you can specify which one it is. True. Lee Kronin did Evil Dead Rise.

Like you have Bram Stoker's Dracula, but like... Bram Stoker's Dracula will forever be connected to Keanu Reeves for some fucking reason. And the bad English, bad English accent. Even though Bram Stoker's Dracula is from like the 18. hundreds. Yeah, good point, good point. All right. Yeah, Lee Cronin did Evil Dead Rise, the Evil Dead movie in the apartment complex. Mm-hmm. So what do you guys think of Lee Cronin is the mummy?

Looks different, that's for damn sure. I don't know how much I got out of this trailer. I know. It flashes, right? I did some digging. It's not going to be your typical mummy story. It involves, from what I understand, the story I got, it involves a child that goes missing. She disappears, and then later they find her in a sarcophagus. Is that what you call it? Oh, yes.

Oh, okay. I get it. And she's still alive, I assume, right? Yeah, but she's... Or there wouldn't be a movie. She's been mummified. Okay. I don't know.

But it'd be a pretty boring movie if she just lay there dead the whole time. Well, but maybe she came back. That's the scary part about the movie. You never know. You never know. With that little bit of the story that I got, I'm down for it. It's not your typical take. Fun fact, no mummy has been found in a pyramid.

Really? Yeah, they call them tombs, but there's never been... There's never been a dead body in a pyramid. Fucking A, dude. There's a lot of mythology that there is. Right? Yeah. Let me see if I recognize anybody from the cast.

Jack Rayner. Oh, he was the midsummer, Lance. Oh, you're Christian. Yeah, Christian. Gotcha. Okay. That could have been... You know who I remember that as in my mind?

Who's a fucking... Chris... Jurassic World guy, Chris Pratt. Chris Pratt? Yeah, that's who I remember that as in my brain. Oh, wow. Slapp a beard on Chris Pratt, and he does kind of look like him. Right?

He looks like Chris Pratt from the like office days. Huh. Or Parks and Rec days. Okay, I guess I can see that a little bit, now that you mention it. See, we'll call it from now and we'll call him not Chris Pratt, right? Yeah. This one hits theaters. on my daughter's birthday, April 17th.

Man, it's going to be an exciting spring coming up, huh? Yeah. Well, hope. Coming out of the writer's strike strong. As long as it's not Lee Daniels. That's all those heavy drama, emotional drama things, like the butler. You remember the butler? No, not really.

Okay, lucky you. I mean, I know who he is. Just don't partake in his movies. Fair enough. All right. Those were the trailers. All right. I guess that's my cue.

We're moving on to listener feedback. This week we're going to shine the podcast spotlight on the splatterbrain. The splatterbrain. Yeah. Good name. Horror movie discussion podcast hosted by longtime horror fans Bennett and Zoe or Zoe Zoe Zoe we're going to do it with sure the splatter brain check it out I like it okay and we got an email from our buddy

Eli Roth oh Nick Roth my bad he like Lance's buddy he finally told Lance off that's uh if you guys remember Hanky-panky Nikki. Oh, yeah. Yes, we do. Great movie. Happy New Year. I have another thing to promote,

and there's actually a really interesting story behind it. Basically, I directed an independent television pilot for a half-hour sketch show, and we got into what we thought was the prestigious New York television festival to premiere it. Huh. When that festival turned out to be a scam, all the filmmakers who got in banded together to launch their own television festival. and so we're premiering all that at that instead. Right on.

I think it's a profoundly important time for independent filmmaking community to come together and support building a new world for independent television like theater, like theatrical has all along. I would love to chat about it. Yeah. Nice.

Anytime. Well, we try to get them on this week, but it's too short notice. That's okay. So maybe February, maybe when we get the February schedule. But we'll get it back on. We had so much fun in that episode, didn't we? Yeah, the killer handkerchief.

Yeah, if you haven't seen it, check out hanky, pankey. It's completely ridiculous, but it's worth it. It's fun. All right, in regards to horror in the high desert. Here we go, Brian. Gutierrez, Rio says, I love horror in the high desert franchise. but the movie, the first movie isn't new. Okay.

Okay, I got this comment before. When I put new, it's new to me. There you go. Boom. Fair enough. So especially when it's a new, new movie, when I do go through my movies for my worst and best list, I know which one movies were in the new movies.

Okay, fair enough. He wasn't paying attention. I paid it to I knew it wasn't new when it said 2015 Was that the giveaway? 2020 or whatever the movie was. That was a dead giveaway, huh?

Still kind of new, depends on how old you are. All right. In regards to the Burbs, the new Peacock series, not the original. Anthony Max says it's a Seth MacFarlane project,

so I think it's in decent hands. Okay. Yeah. Probably comedy heavy, maybe. Don't think so. Uh-oh, he's not involved? Not that I'm, I mean, maybe he is as a producer. He's James swamming it. Yeah, he might be James Wanning it.

Okay. Well, that was on that, that was on that trailer. It was like, yeah, produced by James Wan. I saw it. I noticed. Production company that brought you this. movie over here. Like, bitch, what? Just because you

produce two movies doesn't mean that they are anything at all similar or even made by the same studio. All right. Oh, let's see. Oh, wait a minute. This might be pretty good. What? Wait a minute. The burbs? Yes.

No, it has one glaring problem with it, Lance, and you already know where I'm coming from. Yes, I know who she is. But no, this, this creator, this showrunner did that show on Netflix, Dead to Me? Y'all ever seen that one? I think I've talked.

I know I've talked about it on the show. Dead to me. With the Christina Applegate? Yeah, yeah. Al Bundy's daughter. And Linda Cardalini still looking hot. Yeah, that was a good series.

That was a really good comedy series and super, like dark, dark comedy. You know, which I remember. Have you seen that with Philip? With Dead Rose. I remember. like me. Yes.

That was dead to me. Okay. All right. So, yeah, I don't see Seth McPrimor. I know. I know. I hate her. I hate her.

I know you do, Brian. I get it. She's a lot. She's a lot. She's a lot. I don't hate anything. I don't hate anything. I give high scores.

Come on. I give passing scores to things. I give bad movies a chance. I don't like Kiki Palmer. She tries too fucking hard. every time I see her in interviews, I'm like, it's not a fucking movie role or television role, just be yourself.

Yeah. I bet, I bet just like depending on the circumstances of you meeting her, she's either the nicest person you've ever met or a complete and total horrible bitch. Hate the player, not the game. I'm going to go with the last. I think Brian's going with B.

I think it just depends on the situation. in which you meet her. But aren't we all like that? It seems like that kind of person. At the end of the day. So very bipolar then, huh? Yeah, it's either really good or really fucking bad. All right, fair enough.

I mean, I'll be fair and I'll give it a couple episodes, but it's not going to hold up to the Tom Hanks 80s class. Well, of course not. That's your opinion. That is a great one. Have we done the burps? I don't think so. I'm sorry. I need to put your on the finish.

Check our non-existent spreadsheet. I was like, Dan, dude, I can't remember the last time I watched that movie. I don't think I've ever seen it. It would be a first time watch for me. You never seen the Burbs? Nope. Like the old one? I guess it's going on the calendar now.

Oh, man. You know what? Never seen it. When we can fit it in, we're going to do a fucking commentary on it. Yes. All right. I'm down. Classic.

All right. Let's see. Daniel Brown says, Good God, I'm not watching it. How dare they mess with the original? There you have it. Well, there you go. Jacob Pinkston says,

Can we just make new stuff? Be like A-24. Some of it sucks, but at least it's original. Fair enough, yeah. Yeah. True. In regards to Frankenstein, 25, Michael Lewis says.

She didn't have to put 20, 25 because it's Guillermo del Toro's Frankenstein. Ah, there you go. You know what? That one probably should have been up on my top 10 list. Really?

That good, huh? I think so, man. I think maybe it was like at least on that tier or somewhere. Christian veil. Was it Christian bail? Oh, no. It was Moon Night.

It wasn't Christian Bell. Lost your eyes. Yeah, that's right. okay Michael Wheeler says it might be my new favorite wow you know what it probably should have made my list too

but I went off the fact that I would probably never watch it again yeah it was it was very lengthy wasn't kind of boring huh two and a half hours no I mean it's totally worth watching

once right it was very lengthy huh you said they found John Holmes body for one of the parts son. Okay. If you're gonna make a guy from scratch,

give him the parts, right? All right. In regards to the poster for Insidious Four, the last key, Universal Horror says some secrets should stay locked. I don't think that was actually a comment. No, that was universal horror. All right, I got a bone to pick.

here, Brian. So you've got our Facebook page where we get a lot of people that follow certain comments now. Universal horror follows this? Yeah, we literally got a comment. It was legit. It had the check market everything. It was universal.

How are these motherfuckers going to fucking make us redo all our fucking episodes because of the music that we stole? Okay. All right, moving on. I went back and listened to some of those episodes. had complete songs.

Oh yeah, no, for sure. That was part of my favorite part was coming up with the song to match the movie. I know, that was so much fun.

So much fun. It's so heartbreaking when they took them all down. Plus some dude that works at you. No, no. Some dude that works at Universal Music has nothing to do

with whatever the universal account is there. Yeah, true. They got a million people working for him. It's just one fucking guy.

What asshole. You're not supposed to use that music. I'm going to get them. All right. In regards to doba-duba. I don't know what Duba is. We watched the trailer, man.

I think you were on that episode. Todd Haig says about a killer Dubey? Okay. Any relation to Sid Hague? That's what I was thinking.

Is that what it's about? A killer doobo doobo? I don't think so, Brian. I don't know what the doba doba thing is, but I think the found footage movie about a babysitter being tormented. It looked interesting, kind of interesting. I've seen a couple of people review it that got to see it at some film festivals and both gave a good reviews.

Okay. That is probably going to be like one of those hidden gems of 2026. Doobo doba. Doobo. All right. On to Nosferatu. Costas, Kasta. What the,

are you guys pranking me here? This is all people that keep up with this, man. For real. You call this horror. This is the most boring, so-called horror movie of all time. No suspense and not a single horror scene. We all have our opinion. It wasn't that great, though.

It was kind of dull, wasn't it? It was a slow burn. I enjoyed it for what it was. I think I gave it a really good review. Okay. It's another one though. I don't want to go back and watch it again. Yeah, I don't.

Kick-ass. It was worth watching. Was it kick-ass in it? I thought so. He had like mutton chop. The whole purpose of the movie was he wanted to bang Johnny Depp's daughter. Right. And then when he finally does, he dies.

Well, he should. End of the movie. You know, that's what happens. Sometimes it's worth it. I remember that monster, the old Nostradamus or whatever, had quite a shlong, didn't he? In a profile shot? I don't remember that.

Those Gerdamas? No, Sforat. Sorry. Which movies you're watching, Lance? I think you're thinking about the Russian guy. What's his name? Oh, the one that they stabbed, poisoned, shot.

I can't think of his name. I can't think of his name either. It's right on the tip of my tongue, but apparently he has got... Actually, I can say... Rasputin. Rasputin. Yes. There you go.

I think they've got his like shong on display. I think, yes, they do. Yeah, I heard that. Because it was so massive that he was able to like coax all the women. Well, you know, and the dude got killed like 37 times and still was able around to tell the story. So... Sounds like a Hercules tail to me. They're kind of like a tail of a bottle.

They took like somebody's fucking leg or something. Maybe. It almost sounds like an Andre the Giant type of. Yes. Yeah. Well, yeah, but Andre the Giant, like, really did jam his old check thumb up there. Is it true that he can, hey, is it true, he could drink like a keg of beer in one? night by himself?

I think so. Like, he drank a bunch of... Andre the Giant? Wine. Yeah, he would kill like a case of beer or two. I know he couldn't take a shit in the toilet. Oh. He had to lay out like a trash bag on the ground or something,

take a shit. Because there was no toilets that fit him. Oh, poor guy. Yeah, he had a tough life, man. Somebody could have custom-made one. So, like, the fact that he drank, like a tank is like, yeah, understandable.

It makes sense. Understandable. Got to give the guy something. True, true. All right, I don't know where we were, but there it is. I don't know, Rasputin.

We are at our buddy Mike. Our buddy Mike and Rasputin's giant penis has reached out to us about his first film voice, a first, god, motherfucker, about his film first voice. First voice.

First voice. Okay. Hey, hey, the horror returns crew. Would you do me the honor of watching and reviewing my film? Of course. If you like to do a show on it, yeah. Please let me know. Hope all as well and have a happy new year. Blessings to you and yours, Mike J. Marin.

That's our First Nations filmmaking buddy. All right. Well, I jumped in there when you were in the middle of talking. but when do you guys want to do it? You want to work it into like maybe one of the later January shows or early February or something like that? Like just put a review in or you guys want to see if we can get Mike on the show?

We'll talk about it off my thing. Mike has no pun intended. No thing's going on right now. Okay. All right. We'll figure something out. And he's like Nez's buddy, so get Nez on there too. Nez is in the movie.

Oh. He is. That's right. I remember hearing him talk about it. Oh, yeah. All right. Well, that's it for listener feedback. Our logos and intro come from Steve Carlton from the geeks. Be on the lookout for some more great stuff from Steve, and he's on the show. Kind of a lot. Our original skull artwork comes from Natsulani.

Check her out on Instagram. And if you'd like to help us out, please consider becoming a Patreon. on patron. We'll let you pick the movies for a future show at any amount. And for $5 or more a month, also pick a commentary for a future bonus show. And go to www.thehorror returns.com to get any t-shirts

and cool artwork and all that stuff. All right. On two featured attractions. We check out the new primate and 1995's Congo. We'll start with Congo from 1995 when an expedition to the African Congo ends in a disaster.

A new team is assembled to find out what went wrong. Director is Frank. Sort of. Yeah, that's a very vague description. Sort of. Liberal. Yeah. Director is Frank Marshall, also known for arachnophobia.

Okay. Writers are Michael Crichton and John Patrick's Shane Lee. Okay. Michael Crichton did the book. Yeah, Michael Crichton did the book As well as Jurassic Park Yeah

Pretty big name Yeah I'm pretty sure I read this book I don't remember I know I did I might have read it when I was young Yeah Contrary to popular belief

The lava effects were not CGI They were created in a In a miniature Using Methyl Cullulose smixure. I bet you didn't think I'd get through that fucking word, did you?

And composited it into the final shots. That's sort of CGI. The diamonds used for scenes during the climax of the movie were actually hair

her keener diamonds borrowed from their herkeemer diamond mines of Middleville. I'm sure I'm fucking that pronunciation. Maybe. Maybe. We get the idea. Yeah.

They are doubly terminated, two-ended quartz crystals that are found in only two places in the world. They were the only gems that would look enough like diamonds to be that large. As kind of a tribute, Tim Curry's character's first name is Herkimer. Well, there you go. It comes full circle. I wonder if that's how he came up with his accent. I don't know, but it was hilarious, wasn't it? It was hilarious.

Like, I can't, I would totally do that accent all movie and it sounds. I love the idea. Just let me fucking do that. I'm going to play a totally serious part with a completely ridiculous voice. That's accent. It sounds like despicable me. Oh, it does sound like despicable me. You're right.

all right uh congo lans what did you think about it i i remember really enjoying the book right like it was a really cool adventure book and for some reason i don't know if it's because like you're reading a book and it takes like seven or eight hours to get through right so they they can get a lot more detail and maybe a lot maybe shall we say more nuance can go into a book versus a movie right for sure for some reason these crazy fucking insane plot lines work in a book, but in this movie it did not work, man.

This was a mess. Oh my God. It's like they just happened to come upon. It's like I don't even know. What are we doing? Freaking lasers. Sharks with freaking lasers. I don't understand. This is a joke in Goldmember. Okay, you guys can probably maybe explain to me better.

I don't understand how the first group even came together. And then they just happened to find Frankfurter with the despicable me accent and then all of a sudden they're loading up the plane and they said you've got to get all your stuff off and he's

I don't have the money oh what do you know nice plot point now we got to get the other person in with us I don't know okay I will say I will say this I don't know it's hard to say it's like a whirlwind of a movie like just plot

point plot point plot point new character, new character, new character. I couldn't even figure out how some of the characters intertwined. They threw so many people at this movie. I did enjoy I enjoyed a, what's his name? Dale Roy Lindo.

Yeah, eating my sesame cake. That was great. That was kind of a high point. Why do you understand those? Spin it out of my mouth? Oh, that was hilarious. That was so funny. But, okay.

Ernie Hudson, that dude was too confident with all these fucking explosions going on and around him. Come on. Really? Smooth as velvet, man. That guy. All right. Okay. It's a mess.

It's a mess. Yeah. Brian, what do you think? I love Congo. It was a lot of fun. It is a mess. This is how the night's going to get. It's a fun mess.

I mean, look at this cast. Laura Lennie, Ernie Hudson, Tim Ker. John Hawks in a little small role friend of the show Bruce Campbell Friend of the show Yeah

He's barely in it Joe Pantilione Joey Pants Fogat about him He was barely in it too I can't even pronounce this guy's name But we all know You guys want to sell a fucking gorilla

I got you I know a person to sell a gorilla too We go for like 25 grand Okay The guy's name I can't pronounce he was Mr. Echo and lost. Sure. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Atabizi and Oz back in the day. Yeah. I mean, the cast is fantastic. I applaud them for going as practical as they can. Yeah, apparently they wanted to do

like a real gorilla for Lucy. And the studio is like, no, we're not doing that. Yeah. That could end badly. Well, as we'll see, you talk about it in primate. That probably isn't a not a great idea. But I had a lot of fun with this one.

Yeah, there are a lot of convenient plot points. A lot of characters thrown in there. But I think when you get new characters introduced, there are only little bit parts like Joey Pants. Yes, yes. He's just there to supply the equipment needed, and then he was gone. Delroy Lindo was a general that ruled over whatever part of the Africa they were trying to get into, and then he was gone. Some like African warlord?

Yes. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe it's just because this was always on cable. Yeah, that could have something with it. But I had a lot of fun with it. And the grillas didn't look great, but like I said, they weren't practical. They weren't terrible.

That's true. I mean, it was like, I guess there were like animatronic or something. Yeah, it was like... But not bad. Animatronics mixed with the people in suits. People in a suit, yeah. But I do remember, because it's been a while since I've seen this, I do remember, I thought I remembered the killer apes.

Mm-hmm. More in the movie. No, they're just at the very, very end. 15 minutes. Yeah. So... Well, I mean, they're in that scene, and with Bruce Campbell is, but that's all you see is like a face for a minute and a hand swiping the camera.

And Laura Lenny was such a bitch in this movie. She was kind of cute, though. She was kind of cute. That does not make up for any of their attitude. Well, God, you don't think she was a bitch in Ozark? I mean, dude, come on. He got shit done in Ozark. True, but she's maybe made a career out of being a little alpha woman.

Yeah, I... A slimy bitch is, I think, a good word. It's like, oh, you're vicious. I respect it. I don't want to have anything to do with you. Right. Right. But yeah, I have fun rewatching it, though.

Cool. Yeah. Man, it didn't click it. That was her. Just that young. Yeah, I have a good time with this movie. It's ridiculous. Right.

The fact that they got the cast that they had to do this insane movie, although you saw how well Jurassic Park turned out, right? Yeah. And so I think that that's where they went on with this. They were like, oh, this is going to be amazing. And like while they were making a movie, they didn't realize how ridiculous it was, I think. Yeah.

It makes sense. It makes sense. but I did I did have a lot of fun with it I do have a soft spot in my heart for this movie it's it's ridiculous

but it's a lot of fun that's really all I got to say about it yeah enough said right yeah gorillas with freaking lasers man that's right freaking laser beams

all right Lance scores. Brian's talked to me up a little from what I was going to give it. I'll give it a respectable four on 10. Okay. Is that respectable? It's like a failing grade.

It lines up with everything else. It may change by the end of the year. What do you think? You never know. I am going with the seven. Seven. Nice. All right.

I'm going to go, I'm going to go, I'm going to go six and a half. I had a good time with it. It is, it is dumb. It's a lot of dumb. But it's fun. It's a great movie to watch. I enjoyed myself immensely.

All right. On to the brand new primate. From 2026. That's a fun thing to say. A group of friends' tropical vacation turns into a terrifying primal tale of horror and survival. And that's all the trivia we got for this one. All right.

Oh, wait. I think we, no, I think we do have some trivia. We had to split the, yeah, we had to split the notes into two groups for some reason. I got it. I got it. All right, what do we got, Brian?

The director is Johannes Roberts, also known for 47 meters down and the strangers pray at night, both fun movies. Okay. Hawaii is the only state in the United States. states where there is no rabies. Okay, yeah, we got that in the movie.

Yeah, oh yeah, absolutely. IMDB says so. But why is there no rabies in the movie? And how would you know that? Don't get rabies? I don't know. Good point. The chimp effects in the movie are mostly practical.

Director, Johannes Roberts, said, Ben is played by actor Miguel Torres Umba. in the filmmaking team We used prosthetics and puppetry to make him into a convincing, frightening animal. We did build all the animatronics sculpt

and stuff there. Sorry, I can't see this. Stuff there is a little, like a million different things we use there. If any of. Okay. They did stuff like Kujo. I can't, sorry, I can't read this

all print. Yeah, no, I got it. Makes sense. Well, Kujo would have been good to pair with this one, too, right? Yeah, because some of those scenes, uh, uh, that was a guy in a suit. In the, in Kujo? Yeah, I don't know if you ever seen, like, behind the seat picks of, like, there's, like, one of the guy into the Kujo suit and D. Wallace, like, dancing. Cutting up between scenes. And Kujo, Kujo had Ravis, right? Yeah. Okay.

I guess that makes sense. Got bit by a bat. When it chased a ball into a cave and, whoops. Well, this one got bit by a mongoose. That's right. Mungoose love. Tell us what's got about it. I don't know.

I would say if this is how 2026 is going to start, sign me up. Because if this is supposed to be shit week, right? Like the first week of the year, January. throw a night swim out there type thing, right? Okay. So when it started, I thought, okay, I kind of like the vibe here, right? Because it's the kids that are in the airplane and you get the goofy guy and then his buddy and then, yeah, they're flirting. And you get the, you know, just like a high school shenanigans or, you know, young college shenanigans type movie.

We love those, right? We love those comedy movies. You know there's going to be a... Goosey's go to college. Goolies go to college. You know there's going to be a bong and there's going to be a keg stand before this movie's over, right? So I'm like, okay, I'm liking the vibe. Not what I expected out of this movie, by the way. Okay, bingo. Bingo, I had no idea. I didn't know if this was going to be kind of an art house approach.

I didn't know if this was going to be, you know, kind of just a cheesy, low budget type thing. But I don't know, man, I don't want to give too much away as far as the kills because they were fucking glorious. I thought the kills were amazing. And I was very worried. I didn't even know, I didn't even know how the baby was rated. And I thought, oh, shit, this is going to be a PG-13. And I got in and they had that first kill. And I was like, remember you guys? I said, they better have a face, they better rip off a face. Well, I didn't have to wait long. True. The little scene there that they get to later in the movie. And that was the very, very, very first scene in the movie.

So I don't know, man. I enjoyed this movie a whole lot. I thought that it was kind of cool the way they used the setting there, like a particular, I don't want to say it. There was a part of the, I don't know, was it given away in the trailer, Brian, where they had to kind of hide to get away from him? Don't remember the trailer. Okay.

Yeah, this was very original. I liked the way that they used the father that was deaf. I love the scenes that they filmed with him, right? Where you could just only hear what he's hearing. Yeah, he's actually deaf too. Okay, all right. Yeah, like, at first when they brought him, because the first scene that he was in was like super awkward.

And I was like, what the fuck are we doing? I get what Phil's saying, because I thought he was being an asshole or something. Well, it was just like, it was like the whole fucking movie went silent because he's deaf. And I'm like, I thought this was right. Does this guy need to be deaf in this movie? Can we, like, put somebody in here so I can hear something?

I thought it was kind of neat effect. What were you thinking, right? Well, but that was my first thought. But then as they got further into it and they actually used it as a plot device, I was like, okay. And they did. I was talking about more like his attitude. Yeah, he was kind of. I didn't get the deaf part right away.

I just thought he was kind of being. and dismissive. Yeah. Being a jerk. Dismissive. He's got a weird vibe about him, man. Like, I know he's dead,

but he comes across a little creepy. A little bit. Yeah. I'm like, he's their dad? Okay, all right. I guess we can go with that. Well. Because at one point, I'm like,

how do all these people know each other again? Yeah, no, I thought the setup was great. It wasn't really a tropical vacation. right? It was somebody going back to their house I guess after college, right? After a semester college and then a couple of friends came with them and then they met other friends on the plane.

Boom. Perfect. Simple. Gives you plenty of people to kill. Lots of fun. I'm going to move on before I spoil too much. All right. Brian, what do you think? Yeah, super fun movie. Great way to start the year off. I love the

practical effects, the animatronics, the suit. I thought Ben, was a great villain of the movie. I like where he progressed from. We got to know his sweet normal side. And then when the Braves thing happens, his like dissent into being the villain of the movie. I thought the cast was,

I don't want to say great. Like, their acting was amazing, but they were serviceable. Funny of people to kill. They fit the part. What has that girl been? in the main girl yeah i haven't seen anyone in a lot which i kind of appreciated you know i didn't know him from a lot of stuff she was very familiar johnny her name is johnny sequoia

and she was in dexter new blood that's it huh that's the first thing that pops up huh okay she looked familiar yeah i do recognize her now from dexter first blood now that she say it now i know who it is. Okay. I don't recognize anything else she's been in. Okay. Hey. But I thought to- She felt like she had a little more

chops than everybody else. Did you? Yeah. She was more of a an established actress, maybe. Yeah. That's probably why she was the lead and everybody else was just side characters. Right. Fodder. I thought the

Monkey food. I thought all the kills were great. I thought the effects, the practical effects, love the practical effects. And Brian, that opening scene, that opening scene sets the tone for, if you didn't know what you were getting into, that opening kill sets the tone for the movie. Right off the bat. Yeah, right off the bat. Yeah, this one is a, it's, it's not what I expected it to be. I think I went into this,

expecting it to be like some sort of a family drama. with like a serious like, you know, they had this pet ape in it like just slowly goes bad. It was almost a side story why she wasn't home because the mother had passed and

she had grown apart. Oh, it was a total side story. Nobody's background mattered at all. Yeah, they gave you a reason for her to be back but it wasn't the main reason of the movie. Yeah. It was like, ah, here's a vague reason on why these people are here.

but here's the real story. Yeah. Which is kind of cool. Like the sister is like, you left me here alone. Well, I'm sorry. You want to get drunk? Yeah, okay. Yeah. Well, and then she had like some weird jealousy thing with this other girl. And I'm like, first of all, why is she here?

Well, that was. But then it didn't really matter because like they sort of got along. From what I remember, that was her best friend's friend, not really. her friend. Yeah, but why was she at her house? Because the best friend brought her along. Her best friend invited a friend to go to her house.

Okay. That's weird. Well, we needed an extra body to kill. Yeah. That makes sense. But then they like, they didn't put enough effort into it to even like micromanage what these plot lines were.

Because it was like, all right, Here's a reason for these people to be here. Sure. That's all you need to know. Yeah. But it, it, I thought it was going to be family drama with this, like, a slow burn monkey, serious thing involved. And that's not what it was at all.

It was. Slow burn monkey. Yeah, it was like. That'd be a great name for a band. Yeah, there you go. Paint by numbers horror trope movie. for sure. Yeah.

But I think they pulled it off, man. I had a really good time with it. Like I wanted them to take it more seriously. But like as soon as they started out with like the, a bunch of teenagers who were having fun on a weekend or whatever. And it was like, oh, we're not supposed to give a shit about anybody in this movie. Exactly. So we'll just watch them all die one by one.

Which is, which is exactly what this movie was. but they did make no mistake yeah they they did a really good job of it i thought the kills were uh fantastic i did want more from this movie i did that's not the movie that it was so i mean yeah yeah it knew what it was philip it knew what it was it definitely knew what it was i didn't know what it was going into it but i didn't either it pulled me in and i enjoyed it so i'll give him credit he pulled you in at eight your he pulled you in at eight your he pulled you in at face up. Yeah.

They pulled me in and I'll give them credit where credit is due. I enjoyed it. All right. Scores and then we'll go to spoilers. Seven and a half. Okay. Brian. I'm gonna go to eight.

Nice. Yeah. You know what? I don't think eight is a terrible score for this. Not really. Yeah, it's seven and a half. Seven and a half is a, uh,

I feel like is the appropriate score and it's fair. It's not on any weird scale or anything. It is fair too, really. I mean, it is a fun fucking movie. I think seven and a half is a fair score. Because what this is is a schlocky, teenage slasher movie.

Yep, slasher. Yep. But, like, it's done really well. It's not what I expected at all, but they definitely pulled it off. All right, spoilers. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned.

This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. I was kidding when I said we were going to get a swimming pool horror movie in January, Brian. I guess it kind of was the swimming pool thing. Yeah, I know.

I know you wanted to say something about the, swimming pool earlier. And I think that that probably would have been okay since they're in the swimming pool for like... It probably was in the trailer. Yeah. I'm sure it was. Yeah.

The kills were fantastic. We got the face rip. No shit. Yes. We got the guy that for some reason thought he was going to push Ben off of the side of the cliff. Yeah, that was not. Yeah.

I like the show that he landed directly on his head. Yeah. Yeah. Mid-sumar. reach your heart out, right? Well, the thing that he's obviously using the least. Yeah, exactly. All of his blood was elsewhere.

That was a weird moment with his character when the dad met, seeing him, and clearly he's known him since he was younger, and he asked him about his girlfriend, and he wasn't like, oh, we're not together. Then he looked at his daughter and was like, oh, basically, like, you're going to get on that later? Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

Pimper. I know the guy is deaf and I want to give him some credit, but he seems like a creepy, weird old man. Yeah. Not the most sensitive dude, huh? He's just, and I'm sure a lot of it is that he can't hear,

and so some of the nuances that he doesn't play off. True, true. But just the facial expressions and stuff. The general vibe is, okay. Ew. Ew. Okay.

And what else do we get? We got the other friend. We got the best friend, got her head smashed in on the stairs. Oh, that was awesome. That was awesome. Oh, yeah, when she just fucking left her behind? Yeah, we got the other friend who got torn apart in the car. In the car?

I love that where he had the keys. Anyway, beep, beep. He opened the hatchback. A lot, a lot of stupid. fucking people in this movie. Of course. I was thinking the same thing. Brian would have a field day with his stupid people section in this one. And I love

Ben's little tablet that he used to talk. My only problem is I didn't want Ben to die. I wanted more of Ben. Maybe we'll get a maybe we'll get a sequel with an offspring of Ben or something.

Well see, but that's what I was... The resurrection of Ben. That's why I was like, I was I was a little disappointed when the opening scene was about rabies and I was like

oh man I thought we were gonna have like a he ain't gonna make it yeah yeah well I thought we were gonna have like a like a real you know you want to be emotionally attached to this animal but it's

it's still a fucking animal right and it can kill you right like that sort of vibe okay it was just an animal with rabies and so you're, well, yeah, true, but you gotta take the movie for what it is, Phil.

Yeah, I know. It's not the movie that I would have made, but I like the movie that they did make. I like the sister that got bit on the leg by bench and they discovered

your babies. Yeah, that means I have it too. I'm like, that's the least of your problems right now. You better drown that bitch quick. She's gonna come back and say I'll be and bite you.

And then, of course, we got the, the jaw rip. That was a fantastic kill. That was the best one in the movie, I think. He was he he was kind of asking for it

because he went into fright mode at first. Yeah, I know. To full on insulting Ben. Yeah. I sort of felt bad for those kids, man, because they were like... Yeah? They were just coming to fuck. They were just having a good time, man.

I had two hot chicks that they met on the airplane that are like, hey, come fuck our brains out. Yeah, I was wondering when they were going to. That is the message she left on their voicemail. Yes. The House of Horror or something. House of horrors. She literally said come fuck our brain.

Come fuck us. Yeah. And as a dad, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? Hey, I'm sure that shit goes on all the time. Philip, y'all probably did that when you were young. Come on, man. Well, the dead seemed kind of loose. Because what's the first thing?

He comes home to a torn-up house. And the first thing he does is pick up a slice of pizza and start eating it. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. He just kind of looked around, oh, one of these parties. It's kind of loose. He's like, okay, where's the joint? I'm just saying, don't give them the...

invitation but then the guys come they come and they're just in good spirits right is the guy a douchebag i mean that's the impression that they give you but you have no proof of that they're just having a good time well at least one of them was the other guy was kind of he didn't really even say much yeah the black dude seemed pretty nice the white dude seemed i don't even remember how he i don't even remember how he died he was like yo they're in the pool and then yeah they didn't really They really showed the monkey, like, hitting him with something. Yeah, they didn't really show something. Yeah.

That was one of the few that was kind of an off-screen kill. I did, like, when the dad finally came home and he realized what was going on, his instincts were correct, because the first thing he does is punch the shit out of bend. Right. That's the part where I was like, what the fuck are we doing? Because I don't care how bad ass you, think you are if you think you're going to punch a chimp in the face and live

to tell about it. Well, it's a movie. It's a movie. Especially as an old man. That's how you get your arm ripped off and beaten with it. Well, just raising a chimp isn't the smartest idea anyway. Rabies are hot, right? Yeah. True.

Because all it takes is one bad decision. That's what I thought this movie was going to be. Like one bad decision. One emotional chimp. Who just fucking loses it for a second. I think that was part of the trivia that it's illegal to have chimpanzees in Hawaii as pets. Yeah, makes sense. I'm assuming that's why.

I'm sure that's everywhere. When he thought something was wrong at his book signing, why he didn't tell anybody. He just came straight there. Oh, okay. Okay, I hadn't thought about that. Yeah, I was like, why did he call the fucking cops and have him come over right away, you know? Yeah, because the... Maybe that's something to do with it.

His handler that was with him kept continually asking him, what's wrong, what's going on, and then he would just not answer, just kind of stare off. He wouldn't even use sign language to tell him. Okay. It's like, I'm just going to pretend I didn't see that. Is that about all the spoilers on this one?

It kind of straightforward. It's a slasher movie. Yeah, there's not no twisty tourneys in there. All right. It is. I wanted a little more like, nope, chimpanzee. But. Yeah, a little more brutal, maybe.

Yeah. Well, like, okay, you remember the, uh, the argument of like, 100 dudes versus a gorilla? You want that movie? Well, I don't know, maybe. Okay. But, like, I feel like, I feel like a gorilla, a gorilla is to a movie.

champanzy as a chimpanzee used to a person you know okay i guess so yeah i guess that that that motherfucker can rip your arms off yeah with them animal strength right uh-uh never have yeah it's the question a gorilla versus a hundred men yeah who under men's a lot of fucking people i think a hundred men would win every time i don't yeah i mean it just strength of numbers right i think I just wouldn't want to be the first guy. I think because of the numbers, man wins, but not many of them survive. Well, if they're allowed to have guns,

it's going to be really quick. What are the rules of this fight? Hand to hand. No rock, nothing, huh? That might be different then. I don't know. It's a good question. Hand-to-hand's tough.

That'd be really tough. It'd be really fucking tough, man. I mean, he just pulls the first guy's arms off and then beats everybody else. like Gorilla Grod and DC Comics. Like the Royal Rampage. All right. We want to thank you all for listening to another episode of The Horror Returns.

We'd love to hear your ideas, and you can reach us at thehorrorreturns.com or thehorror returns at gmail.com. Next week, Brian, it's going to be, what, a couple of 28, 28 movies, right? Yeah, 28 weeks. weeks later and the new 28 years later, the Bone Temple, which I am hearing that it is way better than the previous one. Oh, nice. All right. Well, I won't be on the show, guys.

I'm going to be in New Mexico doing the Breaking Bad tour with AJ and my mom. But Matt Wood from across the pond, eternal darkness of not so spotless minds. He's going to be on as a guest. why they based the Jimmy's on that guy. That's what I'm hoping. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He said he'll give us some intel there. What's the guy named Jimmy Seville or something like that?

That's it, yeah, that's it. That's it. I don't know much about it, but it'll be fun to learn. All right, Philip, until the horror returns again. Good night.