The Horror Returns - THR - Ep. #69: Goldfinger (1964), Austin Powers In Goldmember (2002) & Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) (Re-upload)

Episode Date: February 19, 2022

This week we want goooooold, as our show sparkles. Thanks for listening!

victims. For those of you delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify gore, welcome. You have found the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware. This podcast contains major plot Spoilers and the foulest of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror. Greetings, listeners, you have found the horror returns. And for all of you who delight in dread, fantasize about fear and glorify gore. Welcome home. This is the podcast that proves the horror never ends.

Each episode, we seek out and review a brand new horror movie. then we go back and find a classic work with similar themes. We do include spoilers for the new film. However, we're going to wait until the very end of the show to spoil the new feature, and we'll let you know before we do so with a spoiler alert. You'll know it's there, I promise. That was Brian's doing. If you don't wish to hear the spoilers, just turn us off at that point,

and we promise you won't miss a thing. You can always turn it on later after you go see the movie. Kind of like Philip. I'll give you a chance to go see it. Sorry, guys. I have not seen Kingsman, but I saw the others. You know what? It feels good not to be the only douchebag that misses a new movie when you guys see it.

But I made up for it this week, thank God. The other thing we may do from time to time, guys, is we may use a few four-letter words. Oh, yeah. I know we have a couple of new listeners. I think you've been listening long enough to know that. A whole five minutes. This is a horror podcast. the horror movies tend to be R-rated, so you can expect us to be as well.

I'm Lance, and with me as always are my fantastic co-host, Brian and Philip. What's going on, guys? What up? What's quag-lagan? Brian, what's the weather like, man? We want that Alaska weather report because we're fucking sweltering down here. Oh, shit. It is getting colder, and it's been raining all week, and it sucks.

That's not so good. considering the whole world is exploding, Mexico's had like four effing earthquakes in the past week or two. I guess cold and raining is not terrible, huh? This podcast may never see the light of day. We're recording on September 23rd. Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah. Aucalypse or something.

We shall see you. Totally forgot about that. It's kind of dark outside. Hey, what's your cool of the week, Brian? It's going to give the first episode of watch. I ended up just binging all 10 episodes. And the only problem I have with it is have to wait for season two. I totally love the first season.

It's pretty good, huh? Yeah. And I thought I was going to have an issue with the actress Laura Lennie. She plays Wendy, the wife. Yeah. Because in the first episode, I just got a Skyler vibe from Breaking Bad. Oh, no. Yeah, but she grew on me.

Okay. She knows how to handle herself. I'll just put it like that. So definitely, that is a definite recommendation for me is Ozark. Cool. I think I got one. I haven't watched a ton this week. We're in the process of moving and I'm working like crazy.

But Kristen Bell is in one. I think it's on TBS. I'm not sure. It's called The Good Place. My wife was watching it when I came home. Yeah, I heard about it. So the gist is she winds up in heaven. And she's like, yeah, this sounds amazing.

And then she gets there and she's like, yeah, I'm not this person. I'm not supposed to be here. So she's like incognito trying to stay in heaven and trying to be a better person. It's kind of funny. It's, I mean, you know, not horror-related at all. It's sci-fi. Close enough. It's a cool idea for a show, and it's kind of goofy and funny.

Kristen Bell is pretty funny. I like her. So it's kind of like a case of mistaken identity then? Yeah, and then it turns out that she's maybe not the only one and the whole world is falling apart. And the bartender from Cheers, what's his name? Ted Danson. Ted Dantin is that. Oh, no.

He's the guy that creates the good place. He's God? This little universe. He's the god of this particular neighborhood that they're living in. Oh, okay. Apparently only one person has got it right about what the idea of the afterlife is. and it was a stoner in the 60s when he was super stoned and was asked, what do you think happened when you die?

And he listed off this stuff, and apparently he was 90% right. Everybody else is about five. Oh, it sounds interesting. Have you seen that, Brian? No, I haven't. No, yeah. All right. It's goofy, but it's not bad.

Cool. Yeah, I know a lot of people are checking it out. Speaking of checking shit out, my cool of the week, I finally got around to. Actually, I was going to, I did read Lovecraft Country, and I was going to talk about that for my cool of the week, because the TV show that, Brian, you said it's coming out on stars, I think. I think HBO. HBO?

Okay. Well, I checked that out. It's a very well-written book. They do a good job of making you feel like you're, like, back in the late 50s, early 60s. But, no, my cool of the week is it. Nice. I finally got there. Did you like it?

Fuck, yeah. It's pretty kick ass, huh? Hell yeah, dude. That's a good fucking movie, man. What's your rating on it? Oh, man, I'll give it an easy 8.5. Nice. Yeah, it's going to be in the top.

It's going to be in the top five. My top five is finally starting to round out a little bit. Yeah. I'm almost afraid to ask for some more shitty movies because last time I did that, I got the void. I know, right? But there's a lot of really good movies this year. Dude, I was just thinking that after I watched it yesterday,

I thought, you know what? This is probably my favorite year in. movies since like 99. There's a bunch of them. When the Sixth Sense and the Matrix and American Beauty and the first Blair Witch came out. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fucking blown away. Yeah, you guys hit the nail on the head with your review.

I mean, that's all you need to know about it. And that movie is killing it in the box office. It's like over 400 million already worldwide. It's amazing. Yeah, I was listening on my radio show I listen to in the morning, the Rod Ratt Show. Give him a quick plug if you're living in Houston, or you can check it out on IHeart. Anyway, they were talking about whether, because I guess it's got the record for most money on a horror movie. Right.

But I don't think they took Jaws into account. And then they were arguing whether or not Jaws was actually a horror movie. Okay. Yeah. I can see that argument. Sure. But their argument was if Kujo is a horror movie, then Jaws is a horror movie. Sure.

No doubt, man. I can't argue with that logic. Yeah. Well, yeah. So, yeah, it's my cool of the week, Brian. What are our headlines this week, man? Yeah, just a bunch of casting. Gal Godot and Bradley Cooper are going to star in a new thriller called Deeper.

Ooh, that sounds sexy. Sounds very nasty. Fete Alvarez, he's doing the new girl with the Dragon Tattoo reboot called The Girl and the Spider's Web. And he's casted the lead for it. And I'm not familiar with this actress. Claire Foy? No. Doesn't ring a bell at all.

Yeah. So, you know, I don't know. Kind of seems like he's going with a Claire foy. Okay. Kind of seems like he's going with an unknown. But I've enjoyed everything he's done. So I'm a role with it. Okay.

Philip, this one's for you. Your favorite child actress, Lulu Wilson, from Ouija and Annabelle. Oh, that girl. Yeah. She's... She's... She's joining the cast of Netflix's The Haunting of Hillhouse.

Uh-huh. I don't plan to watch it anyway. Well, see, she's not a bad actress. She just like hams it up, man. I don't know. There's something about her that like... She's good most of the time, but it's that, you know, 5% of the time where she's just irking me the wrong way and I don't like it.

Yeah. I'm going to check it out. I mean, it's going to be on... Netflix and it's it's going to star Carla Gugino which I've been hearing a lot of good things about what is it a girl's game yeah I've been hearing a lot of good things about that and it's directed by mike flanagan and he's done a lot of good horror movies so right I think it's worth a watch wait a minute so the haunting of Hill House is directed by Flanagan too yes so is gerald's game yeah i think he's uh and didn't he also he did hush as well on yeah i think he had he has some kind of deal with netflix so

i'll probably check it out if i get yeah and and like i said not a lot of news so we're going to end off with uh spencer treat clark and charlene woodert are returning to the unbreakable slash split sequel glass and people don't know who they are Spencer Treat Clark played Bruce Willis's son. Right. And Charlene Woodard played Samuel Jackson's mother. Oh, okay. Interesting.

Yeah, they're bringing a back a lot of the actors from Unbreakable. So the same thing, pull it off. Yep. And Glass is coming out early 2019. Nice. Okay. And that is all the headlines we got. All right.

folks, that means that now it's time to take our little trip down to the trailer park. Yeah. The first one we're going to talk about is a vampire found footage movie called Living Among Us, starring Esmei Bianco.

Okay. Probably said that. Totally wrong. I'm sure he said. The late John Hurd, William Sadler, and Thomas Ian Nicholas, directed by Brian A. Metcalf. Okay.

What did you guys think? I actually kind of like the idea of it, except that they're playing off a twilight, so that hurts. Were they? I didn't catch him sparkling. It's kind of a twilight sort of idea, so they're just running with it and making it a movie.

And there's just been, I don't know, the whole genre has been kind of played out, I think. but yeah i feel like i feel like i feel like i just watched this movie uh a few weeks ago called the monster project kind of similar theme where they're making a documentary and you can clearly tell it's gonna go bad especially if you're here interviewing monsters in this case vampires right right right it's like at this point if you're if you're interviewing a monster and you're carrying a bunch of cameras so you can film every bit of it. You can just sort of expect it to be a found footage in your real life.

Just don't do that. That's a bad idea. So, I mean, I'll probably check it out, but this will probably be something that if I can't find nothing else to watch, I'll probably throw this on. Yeah, this is like really fucking terrible to me. You guys have had it. This is a middle of the night, drank too much Netflix watch. Okay, release date January 15th, 2018. Oh, wow.

We're already getting into some 2018 movies, huh? Yep. Okay, next trailer, Happy Hunting, starring Michael Dingle Wall. I thought you could say Dingle Berry. Why didn't you have that in his name? Why would you go by that? Michael Dengel. That would

I veto this movie based on that alone. Ken Lally and Kenny Warmal directed by Joe

Delch and Louis Gibson. Dingle ate his baby. Which I actually watched this movie last night.

Oh, no shit? Yeah. Oh boy. So I guess my review of the trailer will be a quick little review of the movie.

It had a good concept, but it felt like we've talked about movies that don't show death scenes and it was perfectly fine. You know, it worked. This one, they needed to show every deaf scene

to make the movie work for me personally. Did they? No. There was a lot of off-screen and there was a little too much CGI. guy. Oh.

And it just totally missed the mark for me. It had a good concept. The ending was a little predictable. But I think, again, if you don't have nothing to watch, it's a decent watch. It just, for the movie, what it was supposed to be, I wanted it to be more brutal and just kind of in your face. Yeah. Well, you would hope you would have that. Yeah.

And it didn't go that way. and it kind of missed a mark. So just purge feeling to it. I thought it was just yet another retelling of that old short story, the world's most dangerous game. Yeah, that too, yeah. But if anybody's interested in watching it, it is out now.

It just came out yesterday. So it's on demand. Yeah, I'm looking at the thing right now. It says you can get it on Amazon Prime for $699. I think I'll pass. Yeah. Okay. Let's see.

Our next one's going to be Marvel's The Punisher. We don't need to really get into the cast list because all that matters is John Bernthal. Right. I am totally it on this. I thought this trailer was badass. They put a badass. Yeah, badass song in it. It went perfectly with the trailer.

It's great. Very brutal. If you watch the trailer, they kind of pixelated the release date because there was a rumor that they was just going to drop the show. any day now, but the release date is official. It's going to be October 13th. Okay, cool. Friday the 13th. That's cool, man.

That's awesome. Plus, it's right around the corner, and I have been waiting for this for a long time. This is by far my most anticipated thing on Netflix. Yeah, and it tells you, it shows you right off the bat where this show is going to go with the scene where his wife gets shot. Yep. Because they just threw that right in there. And I was just, I was like, oh, wow. so I am super pumped for this show

yeah yeah and it's 13 episodes I was a little worried that all these Netflix Marvel shows were going to go down to eight episodes like the Defenders but this one shows a full 13 okay yeah I think I think that was just because of the as many characters they were putting in in one show so they try to simplify it and yeah and I'm enjoying that so far by the way I'm like I think

three episodes in I don't know I don't understand all the the vendors for it yeah yeah i enjoyed it i mean i don't know i don't i'm in question you know what it what do people want nowadays you know but i was perfect that's what we want the punisher yeah yeah if he those defenders huge bags because the punisher can whoop all their asses i do like daredevil though you you know what i cannot argue with you right there but uh yep october 13th uh friday the 13th, it's going to drop on Netflix. Just check out

the preview, man. It is bad ass. You will not be sorry. And our final trailer is Tomb Raider starring Alicia Vakander. And if people who kind of recognize her, she was in, what was it,

ex machina? X Machina. Yep. And Academy Award winner, right? Walton. Yeah, she won an Academy Award for that. I don't know why they... Oh, I'm sorry.

Go ahead, Brian. I was going to say... I was going to say Walton Goggins is in this. He's playing the villain. Jesus Christ. You know what? I thought that was him. I'm fucking sick.

Fed up with this bullshit, dude. They go out, these actors and actresses, they go out, they fucking get a... And they do a great role. Get an Academy Award and then go for the fucking money grab on a fucking blockbuster quasi-type bullshit. This looks stupid to me. Why would you not? Here's a movie franchise.

where you're going to be set up for the rest of your life and you're never going to have to worry about money again. Yeah, I think my poetic license is going to be put in my back pocket while I do this. Burns me up, man, but whatever. I guess you're right. It's her call, right? I think it looks fun. Yeah, so I take it you didn't like it, Lance.

I fucking hate it. It looks terrible. It's like a fucking video game. I guess that's what it's based on, right? I was just about to say that that's why I like it, because it looks more like the video game And then the, what the fuck is her name? Angelina Jolie. Yeah. Yeah.

Phillips said those exact words. I was like, oh, I like her better as Laura Croft. Because she looks like a more realistic Laura Croft than, you know. Yeah, I'll give you that. Big lips and sticking the boobs out. She's not really athletic. Right. But this chick is.

So, yeah, I don't know. I like these kind of movies. And I always am. I'm still. waiting for that hit video game adaption. Yeah. Because usually when it comes to movies adapted from video games, they just bomb horribly. I don't imagine this one is really going to kick a whole lot of ass, but I'll definitely watch it.

Brian, you don't think Pixels did it for you? For my kids, my kids was excited for it. Pixels wasn't bad, but it wasn't really based on a video game. That's true. It's kind of a video game universe, right? I mean, I liked it for the nostalgia because, you know, stuff would pop up and I would tell my kids, I used to play that. And they would be like, oh, wow, that doesn't look fun. I love Adam Sandlin.

Yeah, he's fun. Let's see. Tomb Raider release date, March 16th, 2018. Nice. All right. Well, they're teasing that one early. Yeah. That's a ways away.

Yep. That is our last trailer. All right, Philip. Got any feedback? So we've got a couple of emails. Regarding mother, Mark Chevalier, says, this movie intrigues me because on one hand, I feel like it is something I will hate.

But on the other hand, it feels like something I just have to see. I think that's where a lot of people landed on that one, huh? Mm-hmm. Still liked it. Definitely different. I want to watch it again. Let's see. We put the question out there.

This week with Kingsman, the Golden Circle, hitting theaters in the U.S. We have a question for all you listeners. What is your favorite spy-fi movie or TV show? Josh Youngblood says, Get Smart. Ricky Morgan, I'm not a number. I'm a free man.

What's he talking about, Brian? That was the prisoner. The prisoner, right? Yeah. Yeah, hell yeah. The one we were going to do along with Golden Circle. Yeah, but it's like 27 episodes and they're all in. Yeah, I'm like four episodes in, and I'm,

I'm digging it. Yeah. And I instantly recognized what that, when he posted that, I was like, I thought that was a badass moment in that first episode when he said that. Right. Also a badass moment in a maiden song. Patrick Clear says most of the James Bond films. Okay. I also love the TV shows Wild Wild West and Mission Impossible.

Ah, I'd forgotten about that. I can't argue with that. Joe Buell says the prisoner. There's another one. Art Callie Art from Cali says Spy Kids Fuck you art

Yeah Get out of here with that Spy kids Antonio Vanderes He's too sexy He's too sexy Okay Patrick Clear

Says in like Flint But Joe Beal says Our man Flint was better Oh a little disagreement there huh Joe Bueel also said that MI4 is great because they climb up the outside of the tallest building in the world. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Yeah, I mean, those... I lose track of which one is which I know. I do, too, and those movies did a lot for Tom Cruise's career, but I'm not a huge fan. First one was awesome. Jack Falvey says, it says, hey, I know guest host, you can totally hit up for the Prisoner Retro. Oh, there you go. All right.

So a couple for the Prisoner Now. Um, Darren Wilson says the Venture Brothers. Eddie Ramirez also says the prisoner. Man, okay, well, we definitely got to watch the prisoner because that was like four of them. Uh, and then we also got a few new iTunes reviews. So somebody's got some t-shirts on the way. Yeah, well, I've got, the t-shirts are at the printer right now. I bought them all today at Academy and they're at the printer getting made today, folks.

So if we've promised them, it's not bullshit. You're really getting them. So, uh, DL.L. G281 says Finally the horror returns If you're a fan of the horror genre Then this podcast is for you Each week these guys will take a look at what's coming soon

With the trailer park segment Then they'll review something new and review something old With both films sharing a common thread There's humor between the three hosts Most importantly their love of the genre is authentic Cool Aw thanks We love you too man

We can start crying man Then our buddy Mark Chivalier says, a great podcast for horror lovers. The host are knowledgeable and entertaining. And by looking at the past and present movies, you have the chance to see the whole gamut of horror. Keep up the good work. All right.

Nice, nice. You guys are knowledgeable. So that's it? Is that it for the feedback? No, no, we got one more. This one's brand new. Popped up like a couple hours ago. iTunes Review?

Yeah. Oh, fucking A. It says, by Lone Wolf G.A.M. I was listening to an episode of the After Midnight podcast with Denny Louis and guest co-host, Art from Cali. When I heard your podcast being plugged from Art and it piqued my interest. Thanks, Art. Wow, Art. Art, fucking hey, dude. I've been starting to grow my interest in the horror film genre for a while now.

After watching films like Faces of Death, Cannibal Holocaust, and Monos, the Handelholymouth. and Manos the hands of fate. Since I work long hours and travel through bus, I've been looking for more podcasts to listen to as I learned to love new things, and I want to make my job even more enjoyable. You guys have delivered the goods from your reviews of genre films and past and present,

and for each film you give the highest praise or even the best rant, the better it goes to the top of my cue. Movies like Night of a Thousand Cats. Oh! The avocado jungle of death. Remember that one? No. No.

No. No. So he says movies like Night of a Thousand Cats goes to the top. The Death Note, Netflix adaptation, and Eyes Without a Face would have probably been... Oh, Eyes of My Mother. Eyes of My Mother, that's probably what he's talking about. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Would have probably been bypassed if it wasn't for you guys in your thorough reviews. Keep rocking and rolling, guys. Damn. Thanks, Lone Wolf. Okay, this is why we're here. Yeah, no kidding, right? Man, we really appreciate that.

The only problem is, Lone Wolf, we need to know who you are. So we can get a T-shirt to you. Just email us. Yeah, it's all good. So our email address, Philip? Oh, yeah, okay. Well, that goes into my closing. Not on track today, guys.

I'm sorry. Thanks to everyone who reaches out to us. We love the feedback. And as always, you can reach us at our Facebook or pod bean page. Or you can email us directly, Lonewolf, at the horror returns at gmail. We love to hear from you and leave us some more reviews. We'll keep things rolling with positive feedback. Thanks, guys.

We love you all. Yeah, we really do. Much appreciated. Brian, it's got to mean a lot to you to hear that kind of thing, huh? Absolutely. And I think I can speak for all of us. We really appreciate the listeners. Yeah, absolutely.

Because, you know, without you guys, we would just be talking to each other. So definitely appreciate everybody. Which is cool. Kind of how we started it anyway. Yeah. Hey, and we got a couple of, we got a couple of treats coming up for you guys. I know we're doing a couple of at least two or three bonus episodes, because as we're getting closer to Halloween, I mean, we may be doing two shows a week for part of October, but we're, we got a big gas lined up for next week if it comes through, which I believe it probably will. We're actually planning on speaking with a director next week who's done a,

he did a really good movie that we enjoyed and then just followed up with a sequel that came out Friday. So we're open to do that and kind of tie it into a visit out to a local haunted house out here too. So when I have a bonus haunt episode for you guys. And of course we're going to do our annual Halloween with the kids like we always do. Yes, Brian, we will be seeing Medea. Uh-oh. Although, is that still coming out? Because I haven't seen a release date.

I'm starting to panic. Help me out here, Brian. I'll ask my 7-year-old. She is super pumped for that movie. Okay. All right. Supposedly October 20th. Where have we gone wrong?

Oh, man. But there's a lot of good horror coming out this month. Brian, what all do we have coming out in October? Let me see here. Let me pull up. list for October. As far as horror, we got a happy death day. Yes. Oh, yeah. Nice.

We are going to be given a review on the cult of Chuckie. Okay. I can't wait. Jigsaw. Nice. And the recently released Leatherface. Yeah, it's going to be a big month. It's going to be finally for. And we're going to squeeze in some sci-fi with the new Blade Runner 2049.

Oh, we got to do that. Nice. Okay. Yeah, how do you not? And you know what? I'm 100% on board now after you haven't seen the new longer trailer. Yes, that was an awesome trailer. I'm in. Everybody and Zach Bax for with the Nights of the Drunk Watch.

I'm Zach. I'm Adi. I'm Mark. Andrew. Crystal. Kate. And we come to you for a second time tonight. Yeah, so just a little secret, just between us, us podcasters.

Uh, my dumb ass forgot to turn the, to the mic on, which subsequently is important for a podcast. Who would have thunk it? We had no idea. Thank God we're not live streaming. This would have been embarrassing. So we've been talking about stuff for, what, seven minutes? Yeah, seven minutes. Somebody would have told us.

Somebody would have been like, guys. Yeah. So, uh, so we're going to be. We're going to do a shorter version. Let's raise our glass. We got this rehearsed. Now we're rehearsed. Yeah, we are.

We are the Knights of the Drunk Watch And now our talk begins Again Okay So the neighbors You're the neighbors Oh how'd you know? I don't know

We're going to talk with the neighbors And what their mission is So they walked over in Sanbarrow hats They're crazy That was the best though honestly We didn't talk much about the Zumberer hats We didn't talk a lot of it in Sombrero hats We didn't talk a lot of it in Sombrose

Well and also the first like 10, 15 minutes of the episode We were all just like What is going on? Why are they in hats? And then they would explain it and it still didn't make sense. It didn't feel at all scary or

like startling. It was just like, what am I? I mean, we had said that they're very forthcoming, but to go to someone's house in a sombrero and throw Taco Bell coupons of somebody, that's super, that's super confrontational. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You crossed the street and you went to Party City.

You don't know. Most hats look brand new. I see the price thing. you went to party said bought like $10 hats each, just $20, and then you clipped a bunch of coupons for Taco Bell

to go across the street. I mean, that's just... It's a lot. Definitely involves some thinking. Yeah. You know, I mean... I have a little bit of a question about the timeline.

Did they buy the guinea pig for Oz before or after they did that? After. After. Weird. Yeah. Well, they like the sun, but they don't like the mom and all that.

And that could be part of it is if they're invested in the sun, like they're invested in the sun. for whatever reason, but they feel like the parents are messing up, then they're going to go tell the parents they're messing up, I guess. We're trying to discuss the, like, the different cults and whether or not the neighbors are involved in one of the cults. I mean, clearly they're with Kai, and they did the biggest talk.

Well, they met with Kai. They met with Kai. But that doesn't mean they, like, immediately joined. Yeah. He may not have accepted. He may not even have a cult yet. He might just be, like, you know. Assembling his events.

He had all those protesters. Yeah, I don't know what that was about. Maybe he is Jesus. Oh, God. With blue hair. Drink. Toilipold. Maybe he's anti-Christ from season one.

Maybe. Could be. Oh. But so, we also talked about Dr. Cheyenne and his role in everything. Oh, Andrew had an interesting theory about that. You want to repeat your theory? Well, I had a theory. I think someone said this about that doctor.

I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I heard him some. from a podcast. Well, I'm just, I'm just, uh, anyway. No, you didn't hear from the podcast.

Dr. Cheyenne has his own clown killer cult. Clown posse. And Kai is his own cult of personality about making America Trump again. So basically the idea

is that maybe the clowns and Kai are not related. And even if they don't belong to Cheyenne, like they could be in Because one thing they see to show is the video of this episode is that Dr. Cheyenne was curing this woman of her phobia. Yes. Yeah, with the help of her husband. And then they went home and he, the clowns used her phobia to kill them. Yes.

But I also feel like, you know, and it wasn't like, as I was thinking before, that was kind of like a stepford wife's thing where it was really the husband trying to cure his wife to make a part of. the cults. That's what I thought Ivy might have been doing to Alley because they were both killed. The husband didn't know I idea what was going on either. The only thing that puts a wrench in that plan is the smiley face goes with the clown cult and the smiley face people

killed Meadow or took Meadow or something happened to Meadow and we haven't seen Meadow and Dr. Cheyenne have any kind of We don't know that. I feel like Winters. Well the face though. No, we don't know that. Involved with the clowns. I feel like she's involved with the clowns though. She could be playing for

I think there's got to be some kind of crossover. We don't know that Meadow hasn't seen Dr. We don't know that they have to take Meadow's death to get out of the fact that there's a clown serial killer cult out there. Uh-huh. Yeah, because they bought the house that a serial killer clown cult murder took. Yeah, and-and-readed it. That's true. Detective Ralph got that really immediate text message to answer to all the questions.

Super convenient, yeah. Super convenient text message. My guys, I'll let me look at my phone. Oh, it says, here. that cooperates with the other markings. Wow, yeah. It's a perfect match. No, fuck.

It's a circle of guys. Oh, no, dang it. It's a circle on your gunned. They do. We can't cuss on YouTube because YouTube's being... Okay. Anyway. A douche.

This is going to be on YouTube, so let's be careful. Well, we've done that before. The murder spray. I see, that's the thing that, like, I'm wondering how much what happened in Meadow has to do with the murder spray. because, like, if they're spraying hallucinogens and, like, things in the air that fuck you up, yeah, it's very possible that Billy, like, killed her in his sleep. That's true.

But then, yeah, but then, like, I mean, Allie was in the road with it, and she was in the yard where they were spraying, so how do we, then there's this whole, like, is she completely just bonkers and none of it's real? Like, that just, I feel like that confuses everything so much. I mean, why are I'm going to kill the birds? Okay. Well, I mean, you could find it. That's fair, though. Yeah, I killed the birds.

No, but you can throw a bunch of dead birds in someone's yard without it being nauseous gases. I mean, I think, I again, think they're just gas-lighting Allie with this. But why, Ali? Why did she matter? I, I do. Like in the scheme of things. I think that's the big. This is all because she voted for Jill Stein.

Yeah. It may be. I mean, that, I mean, that, I mean, they keep bringing it up. Right. Frankly. It's kind of happy. that people voted for Jill Stein because if people didn't, you know, vote for her, then they would have

Hillary would have won, I guess. Whatever the answer is has to do with why someone is trying to divide Ali and Ivy. Someone is trying to, I think, form a divide there. But we don't even know if it's maybe Ivy.

Maybe Oz is on all of it because he hates it. Yeah, that's true. That could be true. Oz is a chest piece. Whatever I think the answer is, is included in winter is trying to come between them for some reason. And why is she?

Okay. That's inappropriate. Giggles. She's in the house because Ivy likes her in the house. I don't like. Period. Not anymore.

No. Yeah. Not anymore. And somebody sent him that video. Like, there's a lot of things going on and it's difficult to imagine. I have a question. The car has always said the camera.

Ivy's password is clowns. With Izzy. Yeah. What is he? What is that about? What up? I think she's set up I think it's all set up

But for what? Those clowns broke in No they broke it after she was in the tub Yes She sent Pedro She did send Pedro She had the same super Yeah

Maybe I've done the pinky thing When did the jerk off clown show up At the restaurant At the restaurant He stood up at the house And told you know Am I asleep? You're asleep

Yeah They were in his like closet or whatever No that was During that. During that. That was after. That happened after they found the bean in the tub. Okay.

No, but during. I think that was during. You can't set up a camera and then start recording while they're beaning each other. Well, Winter could have, though. Yeah, winter has access. And she would know. And she's already introduced Oz to the dark web. Yes, she has.

So how did, okay, so you brought up the password. What was Oz's language? He said, I got this link and I called. clicked on it and it was parental control? Well, no. Then he said, don't worry we have parental controls. Like, he couldn't have clicked on a porn site. And he said, well, I overwrote them because I saw you type your password.

Clowns with a Z. So he turned off the parental controls. Before this link got sent. And we still don't know. Sorry, go ahead. Or when he got a link that he wanted to click on. What was the website? I don't know.

No, it was scared to death. Scaredto-death. Oh, okay. Was that the same website where he was watching the murder happen? Possibly. I don't know. So I think that's very much winter. There are a lot of pieces moving right now, Ryan Murphy,

and I'm really hoping you're going to bring them together. I can kind of go away. I'm seeing kind of where Kai is being the safety net for Allie. Because he's like, I'll be here for you. Yeah, and the way that little finger was a safety net for day. Oh, yeah, yeah. And where they're driving that wedge of time. between Allie and Ivy, and then Ali is going to start maybe depending on...

I just don't understand why Ali is even important. The only reason it would be important is if Ivy is involved. That's probably going to be the big question of the season of why all of this is other than it's Sarah Paulson. Watch, it's just her in asylum, like going crazy after the election. No, I don't know. And then Jessica Lang shows up as a nun. Oh, God. Yes.

I'll watch it. The other thing that you talk about everything else. So I do want to talk about the smiley face and it's important. And Audie mentioned while we're watching the episode or at the end and I told her to stop talking. Who could talk about it now

is the mask also had the interesting thing where the mask of the poison sprayer person under his gas mask he had a smiley face mask and the nose looked like it had been ripped off. Yes. Yeah. I'm not exactly what the symbol is on the...

Yeah, because it's... It looks like it's a bloody nose. Like, its nose is bleeding. But the mask had, like, jet. It looked like it had a nose that had been torn on. Which I guess kind of somehow relate... I mean, in a very vague... I'm stretching for it kind of way,

it relates to the clowns, which have the red nose. See, at first I was like, oh, I wonder if it's red, you know, because a clown nose, but then I was like, no way, it's dripping. Well, I mean, it could be dripping, because if they do it... I mean, I understand that mostly they do it with blood, but, like, on the outside of the house or when it's not a murder, I'm sure they do it with spray paint.

So if they just spray something and then in the middle they just spray, spray, spray, spray, spray, spray, spray, spray, it would have that effect of that dripping. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, there's a lot of elements moving right now. How do we just spray the murdering? Yeah, I mean, things are moving. I mean, we're confused, so something's moving. I'm very confused.

And we're also stock at three locations, too. We're getting some good jump scares in. I think it's a little bit thrilling, but we're starting to expect the random clowns showing up in the house bit. Yeah. They can't do that again. I have to. I have to commend Billy for his awesome acting.

This episode. I really enjoyed it in him. I mean, so now... I want to see him in a series. What do we think is... Do we have, like, predictions? Well, okay, I was going to say that. You know, Ali, Ivy and Oz are going to be in a...

separate, where are they going to stay? Yeah, because they're leaving. They're leaving. They're leaving. So that's, they were a separated Allie and Ivy. So now Ali's alone. Allie's completely alone. Winter's going to be gone. Maybe.

Maybe she could not be. Winter will probably come back. Yeah, winter's coming. She's coming back. Someone's coming back. In the tub. Yeah. No, maybe not in the tub, but she's definitely coming back to the house.

She'll be Ali's caretaker? I think that she's not, if, if we're going with Ali, this is all the mind fuck Ali. I don't, they're done and I think she's in the best position to fuck with Ali's mind because Ali will grab on to anything right now. We didn't even talk about the fact that Harris and the detective

were stooping. I think I need more development out of that. Like, it was just so random out of nowhere. And I don't know what the detectives deal is yet. Me either. There's some there's something, yeah, there's definitely something more there.

They recognize a detective from the TV, clearly. They haven't seen him before. No, he's the detective that discovered the dead bodies of the house are living in currently. Yeah. Oh, and then we got, what's her name? Adina Porter. Adina Porter.

Which looked like she was going to become more than just a newscaster in the preview. Yeah. Like, she looked like she's going to... Another victim? Well, she was poking a hole in a tire. Yeah. Oh. Maybe creating her own news story.

That or like, you know, like slowing somebody down so she can interview or I don't know, you know, like catch me. And Emma Roberts was in the preview too. Oh, yeah? Is that who that was? With the Chihuahua, yeah. Okay. Oh, I'm so ready for Emma Roberts to come back.

I love her. There's so many more questions. We have a lot more questions and answers at this one. But to be fair, it's only episode three. And we don't know the plot yet. No, we do not. I don't understand. I don't know what the main conflict is other than, like, political tension.

Yeah. I just think it's also really problematic as to why do we care. Right. You know, we didn't have the episode of seeing what a wonderful person, Ivy is. Yeah. I don't care. And, you know, how wonderful their, their relationship is, and other the perfect lesbian mothers.

I don't even give a crap about Ozzy. That kid's weird. No, he's creepy. It's just a little shit. Like, why are you going into houses that don't belong to you? He's literally like, they're not great mothers. They're the worst mothers ever. Maybe they just, they raise.

They're having a rough time, I guess. Well, yeah. And they... Excuse me. we don't like cisgender names for our pets. Okay. Rest in peace, Mr. Gennie.

I love you. I'll be editing my own video in honor Mr. Gennie. So if you want to see that video good at our YouTube page. There will be ceremony lock, there will be candles. It'll be beautiful.

All right. So that pretty much wraps up our time. If you like this blubbering podcast, take two. Take two. Go ahead and thank our friends at The Horror Returns at Podbean.com.

Leave them a rating. Leave us a comment and tell us how we're doing. If you like this, if you like us and our banter, come join us at our YouTube channel. That's Zach Baxter on YouTube and Facebook. Yeah, it's also joining us on Facebook because that's where we will be live. We'll be live streaming next Tuesday. Yes, YouTube has been not so nice to us this week,

and we moved the party to Facebook. So that's all I have to say. Yeah, I think we got everything that we did. need. Thank you horror podcast. And let's raise our glass. Yeah, raising our glass. We are the Knights of the Drunk Watch. And now our talk has ended.

Finally. Good night, everybody. See you next Tuesday. Correctly. See you and D. You guys ready to get onto some featured stuff? Yes, sir. All right, well, we'll start with our first featured attraction. It's Spy-Fy Week here with Kingsman the Golden Circle,

the James Bond classic Goldfinger and of course we would be remiss if we didn't cover Gold member that was a bad one I'm sorry I'll get him some more

don't worry Let's start at 1964 The year was 1964 And Goldfinger Which is the third film in the James Bond franchise director of Guy Hamilton And he does a lot of bond stuff because he's also known for diamonds or forever

and live and let die. Writers were Richard Maibom and Paul Den. Getting into trivia, when Shirley Bassie recorded the theme song, she was singing as the opening credits were running on the screen in front of her so that she could match the vocals

to what was going on the screen. When she hit her final high note, the titles kept running, and she was forced to hold the note until she almost passed out. That's good trivia. That's good job. One other thing, the movie was the fastest grossing picture in film history when it was released and was entered into the Guinness Book of World Records.

A lot of people saw Goldfinger in the day. So, yeah, Goldfinger in 1964. I'll get started on this one. I'm the elder statesman. First, can we talk about his romper in the movie? Well, yeah. Because I feel like that's a good piece of trivia, too. Like, that's the new fashion trend, right?

The romp him? Have you seen it? I heard something about that. What's that all about? James Bond started that. He was ahead of his time. Yeah. And that was in 64, man.

Yeah. All right, here's my whole, here's my whole review. Okay. Here's all you need to know. James Bond is the ultimate fucking pimp. Yeah. When you can get a hot lesbian to turn and have sex with you at the end, and then you tell her, no, this isn't time for rescue.

I mean, fuck, dude. I wish I could pull that one off. What do you think, Brian? You know, I got that right in my notes. I wrote James Bond as one cold son of a bitch. Because when you, in the very first few minutes of the movie, when you use another female as a shield, when someone's sneaking up on you, you're a cold son of a bitch right there.

That's true. The man does what he needs to do. Yeah, there is. So many James Bond iconic moments in this. Of course, you know, you got the main Bond girl, Pussy Galore. Sure. You know, that is... We got to get T-shirts made.

Pussy Galore's Flying Circus. Did you catch that? Yeah. On the side of the plane. And, of course, you know, you got... I forgot what the chick's name in the movie was. The one that got painted gold. The one that got painted gold.

Yeah. The urban legend was that she died or something like that from... That she literally died in real life. You know, I did hear that. I did hear that. Yeah. Shirley Eaton is the actress. That's not a real thing, no.

I don't think so. They painted her. You go. Yeah, did. Didn't she continue to do movies after this one? Yeah, I believe so. So would have been kind of hard to do that from the grave, right? Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, I don't know, man. I guess she's not dead. Anyway, yeah, it was, uh, no, I mean, this, James Bond, old James Bond is definitely misogyny 101. There's no doubt. It was 60s, man. What are you going to do? I know.

Use that as an excuse. Kind of like a couple of Star Trek episodes that were that way. And we got the first appearance of the Aston Martin. Oh, yeah. Nice car, man. First appearance of a lot of things in Bond movies. Right. This is the first time he really used a lot of gadgets, huh?

Oh, yeah. He had gadgets to spare in this one, didn't he? Mm-hmm. Go ahead. Go ahead. I was going to say, I just realized watching this movie, I haven't seen this movie in a while. So, rewatching it. James Bond can do a lot of things, but he cannot diffuse a bomb.

No, he could. No, because he was, oh, this part's moving. Let me just try to put my hand on it and stop it from moving. That'll diffuse it. And it was a lot of weird stuff going on. Some of the fight scenes were a little hokey. Yeah. Because he would, oh, gosh.

Well, just that first fight scene, when he used the chick as a shield. There was a moment where he had, like, grabbed his leg and not sure what he wanted to do with the guy's leg and just continue to hold on to it. And it was, it was, I really, I really liked this movie, but there was a lot of, like, weird moments, especially with the fight choreography.

Pretty awkward, huh? Yeah. Yeah, it's definitely got some cheese. But, hey, it was the highest grossing movie when it came out. Yeah, and I feel like this is, this is the iconic, James Bond movie though. This is the one that sort of started that whole gadget rich. It's the reason it's the reason Kingsman exists. Yeah. It's

it was fun but it was definitely hokey and cheesy and it's also the reason that Sean Connery is a fucking legend. So can't go wrong there man it's got a lot of really iconic stuff odd job but it's throwing that throwing of the hat. and all that stuff, man. It was great. Let me ask you guys this. How easy do you think it would have been for Pussy Galer's Flying Circus to pull that gassing off after 9-11? Also true.

I don't think they got that on the plane. That was pretty crazy, man. Get a little plane flying right over all the military and knocking them all that with poison, or with gas to put them to sleep. Give me a fucking break, man. No flies on them? Even back then, they had to have some security. Hell, we wouldn't be a country right now if we'd been that lack.

Somebody can just fly in and gash it. Jesus Christ. How cheesy, man. And let me say something. I know Goldfinger is kind of like an iconic James Bond villain, but I didn't understand anything he was doing. Like, why did he keep James Bond alive? He's kind of retarded, huh? And then...

It was like the old Batman show where they would set some kind of a Rube Goldberg machine. Yeah, it's like... And they'd just leave and say, happy dying, boys. I got to go. like you leave him alive and then you bring him with you to Fort Knox. But he's got to explain his evil plan first. But he did.

This movie is the reason all that shit exists. Yeah, he did have that line though. Do you expect me to talk? No, Mr. Bonn, I expect you to die. That was great. With the laser. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. And then the laser. Yeah. How many times has that been copied? Yeah. Like a million times.

It's iconic, man. But yeah, it's a little oaky. Would we recommend it? I mean, we'll get into ratings in a bit. I mean, yeah, I'd watch all the James Bond movies for sure. Yeah, dude, it's definitely dated when you watch it, but it's not like, it's not boring at all. Yeah, for me, when it comes to James Bond, I like all of them. I even like the Timothy Dalton ones.

Those were actually like the first ones. I watched as a kid, and then my dad told me, no, they're better James Bond movies, and that's how I got introduced. So I think they're all fun, you know, especially with all the gadgets and cars and... What was the one with the chick from Wild Things where she played like a scientist, Denise Richards?

Oh, she was like Dr. Christmas or something. Like a super genius? Because Christmas only comes once a year. Oh, my gosh. That was, uh, which one was that? It was a Dalton one, wasn't it? No, it was a, uh, Pierce Bros. Oh, okay.

See, I'm way off. I think you need to rewatch them all. Yeah, that was the one, I don't know the name, but it was the one with the, it was with the villain that he felt no pain. He had some kind of condition where he didn't feel any pain or something. Right. Yeah, it was, it was the second one. I can't remember. The living daylights, maybe?

Mm. I have no idea what the name it was. okay well anyway i just can't uh i i'm frantically typing in the keys here to okay the living daylights was thomas timothy dalton ah okay so we're not looking for dalton who we're looking for pierce brosanna okay i'm all over the place oh mamma mia mamma mea boys sorry about this the world is not enough the world is not enough that's the one brian got it we got it fast fingers

Dr. Christmas Jones. Oh, no. I just saw something I fucking wish I could unsee as we're looking up here. Mama Mia, here we go again. They're filming. Oh, no. Is this for real or is this an urban legend?

I don't know. It's on IMDB. I didn't see the first one. You got to be fucking kidding me, dude. Holy shit, dude. Plot unknown sequel to the 2008 musical Comedy Mamma Mia. Oh, no.

Does it need a plot? Oh, God. Anyways. How about scores for Goldfinger? Lance, you went first. He's depressed now. I'll give Goldfinger a six.

Ouch. No, that's not out of all, dude. Fucking six is great, dude. No. This fucking cheesy is hell, man. It is cheesy. I mean, to be honest with you, man, let's, you can't look at a movie like this

and say, a masterpiece. I mean, it was a big popular populist movie at the time, but I wouldn't go back and re-watch it a lot. I mean, it's fun, but it's not anything groundbreaking to me. That's just my opinion. Six is very good, man.

It means it's six times good and four times bad. That's pretty good, man. That's pretty fucking good. How it works? Any way you look at it. Who's next? I'll go I'm I'm gonna go a little bit higher than you.

man. Seven. I'm going to go seven. Seven. Seven? That's not that my time. It's seven times good. Three times bad.

Seven times good. I'm going to give it an eighth. I think that this is the iconic Bond film. If you're going to pick one to watch, even though I think License to Kill is my favorite, just because childhood stuff, this one is probably the most iconic. And you get the most iconic scenes out of it. to reuse that word for the 10th time. And, you know, as soon as you watch it, you see a scene and you go, oh, man, I've seen that a thousand other times somewhere else.

Well, this was the first one to do it. So I do think it was a little bit groundbreaking. It's hokey and cheesy, but it was fun, man. And it's definitely iconic. Dude, it's super groundbreaking. Everything you say is true, man. You know, I'm just rating it based on my enjoyment of it. Yeah, yeah.

And there's a chick name. see galore in it. Right. That adds a point right there. All right. You guys ready to move on? Yep. So in other words, I think we all three recommend that every listener check out Goldfinger as well as every

other James Bond movie. Yeah. You've never seen this one, definitely. All right, so next movie, we're going to go a little bit off the rails here. Gold Mimba. Director What's that? Is it a song or what? Yeah.

It's been playing in my head all day. What is it like a super disco song? It's gold. It's gold. It's gold. It's solid gold, baby. Dude, that sounds like Superfly or something. I know, right? It's Beyonce. Ah, okay. Speaking of Superfly.

I'm on my way. She's got more than talent, brother. Yeah, for all you people who tell me that Beyonce is not that hot, go watch that. You know what? That's my review. I fell in love with Beyonce. watching this. Director Jay Roach, also

known for Meet the Parents, as well as the other Austin Powers and Meet the Fokkers. Okay. So he's got a pretty good body of work. That does comedy well. There are a couple of writers, but the main writer was Mike Myers, and he, everybody knows, I think, did a lot of writing

while he was a cast member on Saturday Night Live. Speaking of Goldfinger, Sir Sean Connery was considered to play Nigel powers. Well, I imagine he was the first choice. That would have been awesome. Wonder if he turned it down. Probably. When Godzilla is going around after the two guys go, run, it's Godzilla! That's great. You can see Charmander and Pikachu

in the background. Do you notice that? No, but I did notice that one of the guys that said that, the one who was narrating it and said, but due to international copyright laws, it's not. was the dude from heroes oh yeah yeah okay cool the actor portraying the doctor giving physical exams on the submarine

is the same that played the guard giving Austin his belongings and his penis enlarger pump in the first movie so that's why they call it trivia because it doesn't really add up to much but Philip I know you've been dying dude go first this is uh

all right I'm going to set the stage here This is one of my favorite movies of all time, and it's dumb, but it's fucking hilarious. I've seen it literally a thousand times. Every single line in this movie is so quotable. It's dumb. A schmoke on a pancake. I like gold. You smell of it.

Taste of it. The texture. I could just do gold member impressions all night, and I'd be happy with that. That would be a great show. Right. We could close it out, huh? It's definitely dumb, but it's comedy done right, man. I don't know that they could get away with it like today.

But that's to be said about a lot of comedy because, you know, people get butt heard about dumb things. Hey, did you guys, to go not off topic at all, but to say something different, did you guys hear the quote this week from Mel Brooks? The Mel Brooks that did History of the World Part One, Spaceballs. blazing saddles. I mean, fantastic comedy. And then all of a sudden, about 20 years ago, he just stopped doing it. Didn't do anything since then. His son wrote the zombie books.

Yeah. The ones that Brian helped me out here? Zombie Survival Guide. Yeah. World War Zee, right? Yep. Okay. Oh.

Yeah, Max Brooks. Max Brooks. Really? Yep. Anyway, Mel Brooks had a quote I read this week where he basically said, you know, I got a comedy because comedy's not comedy anymore. He's like political correctness has killed comedy. Absolutely.

Absolutely killed comedy. Yeah, you blazing saddles? Dude, you couldn't get away with... 75% at least of that movie right now. It will be but heard about something. Hilarious, isn't it? It is hilarious. The Dutch could be offended by this movie.

There's two people I can't stand. people who are in tow of other people's cultures and the Dutch I'm from Holland isn't that weird Oh I forgot about that Yes

I am from Holland Isn't that weird I love this movie Yeah You know what There's like so much Stupid shit in this movie But it's funny stupid shit

Like sometimes I'm like I shouldn't be laughing But it's like Preparation H feels good on the whole. That whole thing right there was funny. And then, you know, you get, you get, and this is the third movie, so you get

evil Scotty. Yeah, sure. And the more the more evil he's getting, the balder he's getting. And, you know what? I will say, I didn't like Beyonce in this. No? This is a little too much

for me. Just, this is when Beyonce, this was her breakout role. Well, yeah, it's when she became Beyonce. This is when she got that whole 70s girl power attitude that she's yeah. That was my snapping. I mean I know what she is in case you guys can't see it. We heard it. But you know, there was a lot of other little things. You know, I like, I like how they're a evil talent agency now and oh yeah. Oh no. That's right. They even got Leo. But, you know, this movie is funny. You know, I like, I like Mike Myers. I wish he would come back, you know,

I know, what was it, the love guru really, really hurt his career. Taked, yeah, it's horrible. Well, I think even if they did another one of these right now, it would tank too, and it'd be kind of dumb. I don't know, man, they're supposed to be doing one. But given the time period when they did it, I just, like, I think they pulled it off perfectly, man. It's satire at its best. That's great. And I love that.

I agree, but. I love that whole opening scene. Oh, yeah. Tom Cruise's Austin Powers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kevin Spacey, Kevin Spacey and Danny DeVito. Yeah, that's perfect. Yeah.

I forgot about Danny DeVito until he showed up. Right. And what was it? John Travolta is a gold member. Oh, yeah. I have from Holland. But yeah, this movie's great, you know. There's a lot of funny, funny moments, the fountain scene.

Yeah. It's funny. Yeah, we were talking about that earlier. We was eating the asparagus and stuff. Yeah. Fat bastard. That's like something. Who would have thought to put that in there?

I know. He uses a fountain to, you know, to, he hides behind the fountain, pretends like he's pissing or whatever. So, uh, that's, that's enough, right, to be funny. And then you throw in the asparagus gag and it's like,

yeah. Mike Myers was, he was at the top of his game when he did this movie. Yeah, they, they overkilled that gag and it was still funny. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think he,

anything, any, he didn't lose any of the humor. Like, that's the funny thing about it is that so many movies today that are comedies, like I saw Hall Pass the other night. It's like the first two-thirds of the movie were hilarious. Yeah. And it's fucking falls on its ass. And the, nobody's making movies. Because it tries to give you some sort of real fucking story at the end.

Yeah, exactly. And this is just fucking slapstick for the sake of being slapstick, you know? This and Jay and Silent Bob belong in the same category to me. J and Silent Bob strike back that last movie. Sure, because they're, I know it's one of the dumber, most produced movies that he's done, but those two movies are probably some of my favorites of all time, man. I can watch them over and over and over. Mm-hmm.

And you were talking about Fook you, is that the character's name? Fook you. So that's the Chikaryana Naba. That's one of the judges from Dancing with the Stars now. Is it her? She's like super popular now, yeah. Oh my God, they're different people. Yeah.

I thought it was just the same person. Okay. Huh. Okay. So, Karyana Nava was Fook you. Fook me was Diane Mazota. Twins, Basil. Pull out the list.

Three some with Japanese twins. Cross it off. It's on my list. Wow, man. What a great comedy, huh? Oh, we didn't even talk about Michael Cain. Oh, right.

You got you? I thought he was great. Look at you. Yeah, I've even got a name badge. I don't know if you just fall down. Yeah, he drives a mini because it's not the size of your package. It's how you use it. Wow.

Yeah, I'll tell you what, he's, they may have considered Sean Connery, but I don't know if he would have done as well, quite frankly. Oh, I love Michael Cain in this movie. You know? Yeah. Yeah, he might have, the comedy might not have worked with because he's a little bit too serious of a, I don't want to say serious of an actor, but serious as a person. So I don't think the comedy would have really.

A little too intense, maybe. Yeah. Well, I guess we'll do scores on this one. I'm going to give it at 10 because I'm insane and I love this movie. I'm telling you, man. Masterpiece, huh? Look, it's, it's a dumb comedy, but I could watch this movie a thousand times in a row and not get bored of it. And you have.

Yep. You said it yourself, right? Yep. Brian? I'm going to go eight because I think this movie is very rewatchable. And like you guys said, this was at the height of, you know. And I'm a fan of Mike Myers from Saturday Night Live and Wayne's World and all that. So this was when he was at his funniest.

So I'm going to give it an eight. Yeah, agreed. I'm also going to give it an eight. I consider this one of the better. That's better than I expected. Here's what I'll do. I'll take the trilogy, Austin Powers,

the Spy Who Shagged Me and Gold Member, and I'll say that it's probably the best comedy, the best three comedies of all time that have actually all three of them have been funny and spot on. That's true. Because a lot of the time you'll get a couple of them are funny and then the third one tanks or the middle one sucks, but then the third one's back.

See, and that's weird. And because this is my favorite one out of the series. Right. So they got better and better for you. I think the second one was my favorite. Yeah. But I would say this is a close second after that for sure. All right.

So we're recommending this one big time, huh? Definitely. It kind of seems like watch Goldmember instead of Goldfinger. Uh, yeah. I wouldn't say that, dude. What's what the man? Based off our scores. Although, yeah, there's a lot of gold finger references in this.

Yeah, absolutely. Of course. Can I paint this you, uh, gold? Right? Kind of insane dude, huh? But no. And everybody look out for Mike Myers' comeback. He's going to be in that Bohemian Rhapsody movie.

No, he's not. What is Bohemian Rhapsody? It's the movie about Freddie Mercury. What? With the one dude who's playing Freddie Mercury from Mr. Robot. I have, wait a minute. That does sound kind of familiar now that you mention it. you're oh okay cool so mike myers who's who's he going to play i'm not sure

or one of the other band members or do you know let me see it doesn't say it just says huh okay it just says also featuring uh mike myers huh yeah huh well i mean probably won't be bad that guy that kid does kind of look like a young freddie mercury a little bit Oh, you should, uh, if you get a chance, you should Google or they released a picture, Entertainment Weekly did. He looks just like him. Spot on, huh? Yeah.

Yeah, that's pretty cool, man. I do, now that you mention, I kind of remember hearing about it. So it's probably a pretty good biopic, man. Yeah, and I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I want to see him make a comeback, you know, I haven't right. Right. Right. Right.

No. Well, he's not coming back anytime. So, uh, Mike Myers. Right. Because the only thing I remember he was in, he was in Glorious Bastards for like a couple scenes. Yeah, and it wasn't very good in it from what I remember. He was in that movie about the stewardesses, where he was like training the stewardesses or whatever. It is fucking horrible, too, man.

Trust me. I can't even remember the name. I was going to say up in the air, but that was actually a pretty decent George Clooney and a Kendrick movie. Fuck, dude, I can't remember what it was called. It was shite. Terminal? Uh, something like that. See, even saying it, I don't remember it, man.

Um, but yeah, as fat bastard would say, it was bloody shite. If it's not Scottish, it's shite. Okay, I'm crossing. I think I crossed over into, so I married an axe murderer there, but we'll move on. Um, you ready to talk about Kingsman, Brian? Yep. All right, and this one's going to be me and you, man, because, uh, Philip, uh, for once, I'm not the only asshole that missed a movie.

Philip actually didn't get a chance to see this one. So we're talking Kingsman, the Golden Circle. Director was Matthew Vaughn. And I like him a lot, man. What do you think, Brian? Yeah, I really wish he would have. Even though I like Days of Future Pass, I really wish he had stuck with the X-Men franchise.

Yeah, probably would have been better, man. But, yeah, X-Men first class is actually my favorite of all the X-Men movies. Yeah, mine too. And then, of course, who doesn't look? love kickass. Yeah. Writers were Jane Goldman

and Matthew Vaughn and those two worked together quite a bit. She's a British writer. The film's cast includes

now this is pretty crazy man. It includes five Oscar not nominees but Oscar winners. So you've got

of course Julianne Moore, Hallie Berry, Jeff Bridges, Colin Firth and of course Sir Elton John who won

a, I guess, a musical Oscar. Yeah. Probably the Lion King, I'm guessing. Maybe.

What the hell the Hallibary went to Oscar for? Um, shit. Uh, monster's ball. Yeah, what's his name

where he was fucking her and, you know, the guy that died, he was the Joker. Pete Ledger. I'll think that. All right. That was a shitty movie,

though, I thought. Did you? Did you guys like it? Mm, I think it was. boring as it was me. It was okay, but

I don't, I don't know. I don't, now that you're talking about, I would have to re-watch it to even, I don't know, I don't know if she deserved to win an Oscar. Yeah. Well, you know, I mean, she's a good actress. I mean, she's had some good roles. She's had some pretty crappy roles, like that kidnap that we saw last year.

Well, I feel like she took like seven years to get released. She's stuck in that fucking role right now. She's like. Yeah, after that 911 operator. It plays the same goddamn thing every time, yeah. I will say this, though. she still looks pretty damn young and pretty damn good for being she's 50 something huh I don't know but she looks like 24 in this movie she still looks bad you know um and you know

what I pick this as trivia but after having seen the movie now it's so fucking obvious all the statesmen are named after alcoholic beverages oh did you catch that Brian yeah I did that didn't go over your head no even she's not named after Holly Barry is not named after alcohols Is that how it is? All right. Let's not get too far off the rails. Holly Barry is 51.

Okay. Yeah. Still rocking it. Oh, so she, I thought she was older than that for some reason even. Yeah. But anyway. Sign me up. Like I said, she looks 24, but this is the second film of 2017 to feature John did for

song, Country Road, Take Me Home. The other film to feature, for the song is Logan Lucky, which coincidentally also stars who, Brian? Channing Tatum. Is that Channing Tatum or Tanning Chatham? I never can't get that story. You asked Danny McBride as Tanning Chait Yom.

That would be great. All right. So, Brian, you want to go first, man? Yeah, because I just literally got out of the theater right before we started recording. I really had a lot of fun. fun with this movie. I didn't love it.

I wanted to love it because that first one, I loved it because it was so unexpected. Right. Yeah, the first one was amazing. I thought the, what is his name? The lead actor that plays EGZE.

EGZ. Anyways, the main, the main guy. He can be, I think he can be a star. Yeah. Terry Angerton. Yeah, that guy. And I really enjoyed him in it. I enjoyed all the spy shit in it.

I think Julian Moore was underused in this movie. Right. As a villain. And, you know, there was, the action was there, but there was a, there was a lull there in the middle. It just kind of got a little slow. Like, they were trying to get into the story and introduce the statesman and their whole thing. And it just got a little, a little slow there. And I wanted it to pick back up.

Maybe too many players. Yeah. Another person, though, I thought, was underused, was about to say his name wrong, because we didn't set his name three different ways. Channing Tatum. Yeah, that's his name. I thought I was going to hate him in as because I don't hate him as an actor. Right. I think he's a good comedy actor. I actually really like him. I think he's not the best serious actor. What I don't like is how they put him in every different. kind of role there is. I mean, he's been a gangster. He's been a cop. He's been a Roman soldier. I'm like, he can't, he's not all these things. So stop. And, but I really enjoyed him in this for the,

for the five minutes he was in the movie. Yeah, he was probably, a spoiler alert. Oh, sorry. No, he's probably my favorite part of the movie, actually. My favorite part from the preview is when he's like, oh, it's awfully American. And he's like, yeah, it is. That's right. But overall, I had a lot of fun, but I didn't like it as much as I did the first one. And that kind of bummed me out a little bit. I thought just from the trailers, like we were going to get something more than the first one. And it just fell a little short for me. Okay.

I think we're going to be in lockstep agreement on this one then because I'm going to say I loved the first Kingsman. Yeah. As much as I love kickass and X-Men First Class, I liked Kingsman the Golden Circle, is what I'm going to say. And you said there were probably too many people in it, you think, Brian? Yeah. Too many chefs or whatever. Yeah, I didn't get that so much. I mean, they could have.

I always, I love a good ensemble cast. I'm a sucker for that. You know, movies where you go and follow different characters and their storyline and stuff like that, I'm really into that. And I thought Channing Tatum was hilarious. I mean, I really enjoyed his part in here. For me, this movie was way too cartoonish, way too outlandish. It relied too much on comedy. I think if it was going to just redo and just completely do a gold member or like at Austin Powers,

it should have just been fucking Austin Powers instead of Kingsman, you know? They should have just brought Mike Myers in and made it Austin Powers 4 or something. that's what I liked about the first one is it had a good balance. Yeah. Between the action and the comedy. There were a couple of good action scenes. I mean, okay,

we can say this, I think, without spoilers, Brian, about the car chase, because it's so early. I mean, that's an awesome scene.

Mm-hmm. That was a really cool fucking scene. I thought this is going to be a really good movie. Right, I actually did see that part. You know what? It was all downhill from there, for me anyway.

That was an awesome scene. Yeah. And they had some, I'm not going to lie. They had some, I had some big laughs in this movie. Oh, absolutely.

A scene with an old folks home that just made me, you know, almost shit my pants laughing, Brian. I know exactly what you're talking about. But, you know, I mean, it's,

you know, nah. Not too bad. I mean, you know, definitely a lot more, a lot more good than bad, but,

uh, it definitely ain't no, it ain't no Kingsman the Secret Service. But how many good and bads does it have? That's the question. Brian, what's your score, man? I'm going to give it a soft seven. That's pretty good.

Yeah, like I said, I really, I had fun with it. It just, oh, it's watchable for sure. Yeah, it just, it kind of, it slowed down. I wanted more action. I think you're right, Lance. I think they focus too much on the comedy and they should have just, I don't know. I just wanted like balls to the wall, just action. and it just, I didn't get it.

I think they were trying to tell the story, and they introduced a lot of new characters, and it just kind of just fell a little short for me. So I'm going to give it a seven. Yeah, I had no problem with the new characters. I thought that was a pretty cool twist. I thought it was a little, some things wrapped up a little too neatly. I think a lot of things were telegraphed that we'll get into in spoilers that, you know,

of course this is going to be the case. Of course this is about to happen. Of course he was right about his intuition, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, bullshit you see over and over. But, I mean, it was highly watchable. It was a fun movie. I had some great laughs, you know. And shit, let's face facts.

Facts, the action scenes that were there were good. There was way too much CGI for me. Way too much. To the point we're looking at certain scenes of where the bad guy was, where it was like literally looking at a video game, you know? But, yeah, overall, I give it a six. Not bad. Six parts good and four parts bad. Six parts good.

I didn't see this movie. So I'm going to go ahead and review Gold Member again. So I think Mike Myers is a genius. And that movie was great. I'd give it a 10. It would have been awesome if he just popped up in this movie. I know. Yeah, baby. You're trying to say that Mike Myers' comedy is solid gold, huh? Solid gold.

All right, yeah. All right, cool. You ready for spoilers? Yep. It's gold. It's gold. Oh, sorry. It's not the

Spoiler music filler. That ain't the spoiler alert. No, this is the spoiler alert. Music. Ready? This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert.

You've been fucking warned. This is a motherfucking spoiler alert. You've been fucking warned. All right, Brian, what's you got? Okay. I'm just going to touch on the couple of things that just kind of, I didn't like.

I thought I liked Julia more as the villain in this. I like her as a villain because I fucking hate her as an actress.

There's something about her. She's, she's got a very, um, I don't know, bitchy sort of feel to her. Cunty?

Yeah. Hey, this is a horror podcast. That's a, and horror movies tend to be R-rated. It's, and not her so much

as the other one. Hmm, I'll think of her name. Uh, someone who's kind of like her a little bit. Yes. Red hair, too? Older.

Dame Judy Dinch? No, no, no, no. Okay. I'm just grasped. I'll think about it. I'll think about it. No offense, Judy, if you're listening. Was she in Bull Durham?

Not Jolene. Oh, no. Susan Sarandon? I fucking hate Susan Saran. Dude, she's smoking hot, man. Oh, she's not. Are you serious? Fuck you asshole.

She's gorgeous, dude. I like, I like Julian. She's great in the Rocky Horror Picture show, and you're right. It was kind of downhill from there, but I don't have a problem with her at all. I like Julian more better than I like Susan Saran. Oh, oh, oh, ouch. Phillip, you're kidding. God damn.

And it is what it is. Oh, man. Oh, man, you're about to see my head do what everybody's brains did in the first Kingsman movie here. She's got like five goods and five bads. We'll go with that. Wow. But, uh, but, yeah, I liked her as a villain. I like her whole, uh, setup with the, what was it, Poppyland?

Yeah. How everything was like a throwback to like the 60s. I didn't like that. I didn't like that. And I thought the way that she killed that, had that guy, the fucking meat grinder was just, just fucking way too stupid. Yeah. You know what?

I didn't like it because it, if you're going to throw someone in the meat grinder, it, there was no blood. Yeah, it was going to look. like if I could hamburger meat, literally coming out of the other side. Yeah, because when you are talking about, I'm going to say, when y'all were talking about throwing somebody in the meat grinder,

I was like, yeah, how can that be bad? I actually thought that would be kind of cool, with blood going everywhere and shit, but no. Like fucking Fargo. Dude, it looked just basically,

it showed the guy's leg sticking up out of the top of it, and then like hamburger meat coming out of the hand. Neat, nice, already bled, like you get in a slaughterhouse, hamburger meat. Well, it's stupid. Horrible. A scene, dude, that turned me off so much.

Almost, when I saw that scene, Brian, I was saying, you know what, this movie's going to be like a three or a four. Ouch. But they saved it later. I love the car chase at the beginning. When they get to Poppyland, they totally fucking lost me. But once they kind of got into some other stuff later in the movie, I kind of picked it up.

Like the, I was talking about earlier about the guy that shit his pants in the old folks. Oh, yeah. That was there a gang bang? fucking hilarious. Tell them about the scene, Brian. Okay. You see it in a trailer where the ski cart car or whatever was falling. And it's about to slide into like... Above the air. You know, to take the skiers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what it's called. And it's about to slide into like, I guess it's an old folks retirement vacation place. I don't know exactly what it is. In the Alps or wherever it was or Spanish, mountains or wherever the hell it was. Yeah, of course, it stopped short of, it stopped short of heating them. And what did the guy say?

He said, that's the best shit I've had in months. Yeah, yeah. Or all week or something. I don't know, at the time, though, the theater erupted into Latin. Yeah, it was like, we're watching Austin Powers part four here, God damn it. And another thing. And another thing I thought was, uh, Channing Tatum was underused in this. Oh, yeah.

They took him out and put him on ice literally. And I enjoyed his accent in this. I think he was spot on with his accent. He was awesome, dude. He was using southern euphemisms like, that dog don't hunt boys. And he'd say like, now you're shitting in high cotton, you know. And he'd say a lot of that kind of stuff. And he was spot on, man.

That's cool, man. I'm not mad at that. I know a lot of that talk about. You'll enjoy it. You definitely need to check it out. He had one action scene, and it was. badass. Right. And then...

With the whip? No, he had a... He had a gun. Okay. Which he didn't really use. I like when he plugged up that hole to that barrel with his chew spit.

Two in the backy. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. But yeah, he had the one action scene and then he pretty much was in a coma for the rest of the movie. Literally.

What did you think about the basic storyline, Brian? The drugs and all that? I thought it was really fucking high-hand. it, dude, because... I mean... I'm sorry, go ahead.

I was going to say, I didn't mind that. The one thing I didn't like was the explanation of Colin Firth being alive. So dumb, dude. Yeah, I didn't like that at all. That was horrible. And then, you know what? My score is lowering as we speak.

But, okay, you know what? 5.5, man. Oh, it's only got 5.5 goods. And we may be falling faster than what we're... No, I'm sticking strong. I just... I'm not sticking strong. I hated how the reason why they brought him back and the way they brought him back.

But if you were going to bring him back, see, now I'm about to talk myself to a lower score. He didn't have a moment like he did in the first one. That church scene in the first movie was amazing. Yeah, that was the best part of the first movie. He had nothing close to that in this movie. I couldn't have put it better, man. You didn't come close. I think they only brought him back to have that kind of emotion, that emotional.

connection with uh... uh... tarant edgersit which i will say there was a couple times uh... he hit them emotional notes i thought really well yeah but i would agree i would agree i think i think that's the only reason they brought him back because he did absolutely nothing and

the stupid shit with the butterflies and him hallucinating and getting his memory back and i i didn't care for none of that they could have probably just left him out of this movie i would agree i i would agree but here's what bothers me about the plot of the whole movie, and I know it's a comedy, you know, yada, yada, yada. But so basically, all the good guys are named after alcoholic drinks and what have you. And all the bad guy, or the main bad person, she puts something in all the drugs that fucks you up and makes your veins turn blue, and then you start dancing, and then you go into paralysis and then you die and your eyes explode, Philip. Since you haven't seen the movie, I just spoil the whole fucking movie for you.

That's all right. But what pisses me off is that basically they're having it. The message they're sending, because they're basically saying, if you've done any of these things, you're at risk of having these blue veins. And the first thing they say is cannabis. It is like cannabis. Cocaine, methamphetamine, or what was the fourth one, heroin, right? Yeah, she had to market cornered on everything.

Yeah, but how fucking high-handed a message is that? Alcohol, okay, kids. It's okay to do alcohol, kids. We're named after alcohol, but... We're all named after alcohol, but... But, you know, fuck you if you do. Cannabis is bad. Yeah, fucking cannabis.

Yeah, fucking piss me off. You know, I don't get political on the whore returns. I'm not being political. But I'm just saying, that's bullshit, man. Fucking to lump all those together. To lump cannabis with heroin, that's like the fucking DEA, those dumb shits. We go DEA. You know, give me a fucking break, man.

You're fucking up. You know what? You know what? I'm down to five. You know what? Well, I'll bring us back here. I like, they interested. they introduced a new way to slip a listening device on somebody.

That was pretty cool. I did like that scene. So, Philip, it had to go through the mucus membrane, right? Yeah, so Philip, they have a little, it looks like a little tiny condom that you put on your finger. And he had, he had to, they were surveilling a girl, so he had to slip his finger somewhere. And you could take it from there where he had to slip his finger. And he got into a competition with whiskey on whiskey. which of them could get the girl.

And whiskey was like sweet talking her, like, hey, baby, you know, being like a typical ugly American with her. And then she moves her finger to the left. And he says, what are you doing? And then a little egzy who knows what the fuck's going on says, she's swiping left. She's swiping left. Which we didn't even talk about him, Whiskey, Pedro Pascal. Right. He did a lot of cool shit in here with his lasso and his whip.

He's not to see him be a bad guy. I thought he... Yeah. I didn't like it. You know, you know what would have saved Colin Firth? If he was actually the bad guy? Oh, that would have been good.

That might have been a much better movie. And another thing, okay, I'm a six. I got to try. I just remember something. I hate they killed, what's her name? She was like the only female Kingsman from the last movie. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they killed her offered.

The one that looks exactly like, what's her name from, ah, fuck, not Drew Barrymore, but the other little perky blonde that's in everything. They just won an Oscar. Or not an Oscar. God damn, we're so fucking far off the rails. She looks like the chick from, God damn it, the listeners are fucking kicking the fucking. What does it matter what you wear now? Somebody.

Yeah, no, that's the, that's his girlfriend. No, we're talking about. talking about she looks exactly like dude this is killing me help me out here bryan please you lost you lost me you lost me a moon threw me a freaking bone you

you said drew barry more now like she keeps popping up in my head oh no drew barry more no alicia silverstone no how hard is it to get sharks with freaking lasers on their heads perky little bond man she was just in the show that won an award it was a

mini series on HBO oh about the fucking women and the guy that, oh, uh, shit, dude. Do, the one is she,

man. Fuck is her name. Oh, man, big little lies. Legally blonde. Rees. Wetherspoon.

She looked just like her. I think, my opinion, she looks better than her. Oh, okay. Never been a big Reese Ritherspoon fan.

Yeah, she's pretty good, man. Yeah. But, yeah, I think I talk my, no,

I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, marathon. I'm a stay out of seven. I'm not going to talk myself. It's a fun movie.

It just has a lot of problems with the story. Yeah, I couldn't agree more, dudes. Fun movie. I'm right on the fence. I'm going to go ahead and stay with a five out of all the way down to from six. Five goods. Yeah, it's 50-50, man. So in conclusion, go watch Gold Member.

Yeah, watch Gold Member. Go watch Gold Member now. Then watch Goldfinger. and then if it comes on Netflix at midnight, watch Kingsman Golden Circle. Well, the first one, which is kick-ass. All right, you guys- Yeah, watch kick-ass too. Oh, yeah, and kick-ass.

All right, y'all ready to wrap up? Wrap it up. As always, we want to thank you guys for listening to another episode of the horror returns. Like a listening device finger condom. That's how we're wrapping it up. We would... What was that? Stretching it.

Get it? We would love to hear your feedback and ideas listeners. You can always reach us at the horror returns at gmail.com. And if you have left an iTunes review recently, Lonewolf, email us name and address so we can get you that t-shirt. Seriously, we really mean that. This is, I don't know if we're going to be able to keep giving them away. after going and spending all this money but this is the golden time

to get the t-shirt so please send us an email Hey, gold member oh shit did I really fall right into that? Yeah, go ahead. I'm just, it's stuck in my head. You know that's going to be our outro music, right?

Oh yeah, it has to be now. All right, be sure to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Podbean and just search for the horror returns. And also look for us on iTunes and if you like what you hear, please rate us and review us. Next week, it's flatliners,

both the new one as well as the original 80s version. And possibly, maybe or maybe not, with special guests Kevin Nez. We'll see what happens. But he may have work going on, but if not, hopefully Kevin could be here with us. Because, Brian, it's a movie from what decade? I actually think it's 1990.

Oh, gosh. All right, then fuck you, Kevin. Wait, do he did the witchboard sequel. No, all kidding aside, Kevin. We hope you can join us, man. I know you'll get into it. Keeper Sutherland, man. Yeah, Keith for Sutherland.

You can't go wrong. He's in both of them. Hope, is he? Yeah. He's in the new one, okay. So, Brian, are they seeing the new ones a remake, or are they saying it's a sequel now? I'd have, it's a remake sequel, reboot, remake. I don't know.

You know what? It's all of those. If our good friend Kevin Ness shows up, he can explain it all to us, I'm sure. I imagine he will. All right, so... Until the horror returns again. Good night.