The Horror Returns - THR - Ep.#404: Is It Really THAT Bad? Remake Edition - One Missed Call (2008) & Cabin Fever (2016)

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

Yet again we must ask "Is it really THAT bad?" as we delve into the world of two very hastily delivered remakes. Cool of the week includes Next Goal Wins, Righteous Kill, Obliterated, and Fargo. Trailers are Sting, Blackout, and Sasquatch Sunset. The podcast spotlight shines on Rise from the Dead. and we get feedback from Rob Humphrey, Xim Vader, Tim Davis, Marcey Papandrea, Alexander Pehlke, Joshua Caban, and Katy Yoder. Thanks for listening! The Horror Returns Website: https://thehorrorreturns.com THR YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@thehorrorreturnspodcast3277 THR Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thehorrorreturns THR Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thehorrorreturns/ Join THR Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1056143707851246 THR X: https://twitter.com/horror_returns?s=21&t=XKcrrOBZ7mzjwJY0ZJWrGA THR Instagram: https://instagram.com/thehorrorreturns?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= THR TeePublic: https://www.teepublic.com/user/the-horror-returns SK8ER Nez Podcast Network: https://www.podbean.com/pu/pbblog-p3n57-c4166 E Society Spotify For Podcasters: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/esoc E Society YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/channel/UCliC6x_a7p3kTV_0LC4S10A Music By: Steve Carleton Of The Geekz  

Regings victims, for those of you who delight and dread, who fantasize about fear, who glorify gore, welcome. You have found the place where the horror returns. Listeners beware. This podcast contains major plot spoilers. and the foulest of language. Join us in celebrating the old and the new, the best, and the worst in horror. All right, everybody, welcome back to The Horror Returns.

I'm Lance. With me, as always, is Brian, and back this week, the Valentine Bandit himself. It's Philip. What's up, ma'am? I'm back, the Valentine Bandit. That's weird. All right. Well, Brian and I figured that Rose told you no-go on the show last week, so we all get a pass from time to time.

Oh, yeah, that was a fat Tuesday thing. Oh, that's right. Work is crazy. I guess that's a good thing. It's always a good thing. So it's up with you, Brian. We had a guest scheduled. I guess we're going to have to get Adam on a future show, right?

Yeah, he had some obligatory. he couldn't get out of. Yeah, I can picture it. I think he probably looked at the schedule and said, holy fuck, Brian. I was drunk when I picked that week. Can I pick it out of

week? Or maybe not. Maybe these are great remakes, you know? We're going to ask, is it really that bad? The age-old question, but again, it's a twist this week. We've got the very, very

quickly remade remake edition. So I think each of these movies came out only what less than 10 years or so after the predecessor. Yeah, I think why is probably the better question. Yeah, I'm going to say our first movie.

I think it only five years in between the original. Might be a record. No, I think this year we're getting that Speak No Evil. Oh, okay. I think that's right. less than two years after the original came out.

Ouch. But one miss call is like a... Is it a remake? I mean, it's like an English version of a Japanese movie, right? Yeah, it's an American remake. Yeah, I'll get that. Americanized. Yeah.

Sort of, kind of. I don't know. Yeah, a little bit. All right. Well, Brian, you want to get it you want to get it started man cool of the week yeah uh let me see i only got a couple movies in i'll start with the one that i did not care for and that's a new slasher movie that's on shutter i believe called bad girl boogie okay now i'm gonna say first of all i am kind of wondering if the

whoever made the movie are they into music or are they into band or something because it feels like when the move when the music played during the movie it was like listen to our music or listen to this song oh no just like like the starfish movie that we saw a couple weeks ago yeah and the story wise it's not anything you probably see seen this scenario before. A supernatural mask gets put on by somebody and it takes over their body

and then they go on a killing spree and whoever wears the mask. Sure. Like Jim Carrey. Yep. There you go. Slasher version of Jim Carries the mask. But I want to say that I was bored through most of it.

Uh-oh. The music was kind of jarring because it just just the I don't know if it was the song choice or the type of music it was it just didn't really fit with the scenes and it was kind of making me not watch the movie but listening to the music

more just kind of taking me out of it like a music video huh? Yeah and there's some decent practical effects in there it's a lower budgeted movie so you're not going to see no

crazy CGI or anything in there, but I can't say I recommend this one. Well, shoot. But it's on, but it's on, it's streaming on, what'd you say? Screenbox?

Shutter. Shutter. Okay. Man, you would think it'd be a little higher quality on shutter, but who knows, right? Well, they definitely got some stinkers. Yeah. Oh, that's right. That quicksand maybe was on shutter, wasn't it?

That was a shutter. exclusive. Yikes. Like they wanted us to watch that one. I would let that go if I was Shutter. But I guess my cool of the week,

me and my daughter checked out what's it called? Next goal wins. Oh, okay, cool. The new Tyco Watiti film. Yes.

About the American Samoa team that never scored a goal. never qualified for nationals or anything based on a true story it's just one of those based on documentary actually

yeah it's just one of those feel good stories of you know they got the new coach in there and you can already tell not only is he going to make the team win but the team's going to change him as well because he's kind of a well not kind of a he is an asshole

got a bit of a drinking problem also played by Michael Fastbender Philip oh nice yeah he'll bring like a paper cup down in a lawn chair and watch them practice and he'll go and get all these little bottles of liquor from the little corner store and like pour them all in paper cup and just drink it while they're practice yeah great story though a lot of funny moments uh kind of uplifting message in there

I looked through the I and DB I noticed this was a lot of the team's first movie role and I thought they did a pretty good jar yeah it's a fun little movie I talk about TG is always pretty good yeah he of course he makes

a cameo in there he plays a priest yeah that's right but where did I watch this on Disney Plus. And from what I read, it's only going to be on Disney Plus for a month. It kind of drew it. It was a surprise release, and they're going to take it off here in a month.

So if anybody's got Disney Plus, I do recommend this one. This is a movie you can watch with the kids. There's a lot of humor in there. A lot of good, I'm not really into soccer, but if you're a sports fan, you kind of get the emotions that were happening. the movie so definitely recommend whether whether whether soccer is your game or not philip if you like if you like sports movies like underdog movies you'll you'll like it oh yeah well they're all the same same formula and so although this one had like this had a twist at the

end brian didn't it thought they were gonna yeah what's kind of a i'll be quite you're philip you were talking about your daughter man i'm sorry dude yeah yeah she played soccer And they were really terrible for all of the years that she played. Wow. Soccer's a hard game, man. My son played it for a while. And they had a day where the parents went out and played with the kids and just fucking running back and forth. Like, all over the field.

Just get winded quickly. Oh, yeah. No, I figured that out when I was five. I was like, all we do is run up and down the field and I never even get the ball. Fuck this game. Yeah. You want to be the one sitting in the lawn chair drinking the three bottles of alcohol in a cup, right? There you go.

Bring my little Yeti and sit in my chair and chill out and yell at the girls. All right. Philip, you're going to bring us two cools of the week since you missed last week? Yeah, I got a couple things. Like ketchup? So, all right, so here's my maybe not cool, although I feel like it should have been. I found a movie called the Texas Killing Fields. I've heard of this one.

Okay, so there's like a documentary version of it on Netflix, I think. And I had already watched that. And it happened in Texas City. It's not far away at all. Right. I do work up there. The closest H.E.B. to me is further away than the killing fields. Oh, wow.

Okay. But this one was a movie from two. 2011, I think. It had Sam Worthington, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Chloe Grace Moretz, and Jessica Chastain. Holy shit, man. This has to be good, right? Right. Not so much.

They take an awful lot of liberties. It doesn't make a lot of sense. Nothing was actually... Accurate? Yeah. Like, it was very loosely based on shit that actually happened. Kind of like a Rob Zombie version of Texas Killings. How was Sam Worthington in it?

Because a couple weeks ago, me and my daughter watched, we're about to watch the new Avatar movie, but I didn't remember anything from the first one. So we watched that one. And I forgot Sam Worthington was in it. And I was telling my daughter, like there was a period in time when Hollywood was putting this guy in everything.

Everything. Yeah. Battleship. Oh, that was the other guy. Oh, okay. That was Taylor Kitch. Oh, that's right. And Rihanna, can't forget her. Oh, yeah. Aloha, motherfucker.

Yeah, he was okay. He was like angry all the time. That's sort of his character. Well, yeah, I mean, it wasn't a terrible movie. It just, it was not as good as I expected it to be. And then I watched another serial killer documentary. I've been really into true crime lately. The Green River Killer series that they had on, I think that was on Netflix, too. Probably.

So it was actually pretty interesting. I didn't know a whole lot about it. Like, that dude killed, like, at least 50 women. Like, he cracked up some fucking numbers. I guess. And to try and catch him, they went to Ted Bundy like Hannibal Lecter and got help. No. I swear to God.

I thought you're going to say they all dressed up in drag to try to get him to come kill him. Well, that might have been smart. Throw some bait out there. Right. But, yeah, he just killed a bunch of hookers. But so Ted Bundy told them that he thinks that because they kept finding like these dump sites where multiple women in this one location and then multiple women in this other location. And Ted Bundy was like, he's going back and he's having sex with him after they're dead. And they were like, what?

sure enough wow okay well takes one to no one I guess I guess so dead Bundy's the real Hannibal Lecter

I guess so I finished up obliterated which yeah was kind of awesome I really liked that show it was nice

so it didn't end on a downer note then no no it was it was a lot of fun there's a lot of it is definitely wrong there's a lot of

there's a lot of like really giant dongs and this might be bouncing up and down or like like dong fights or what like sword fights over the toilet well there was just a whole lot of like full frontal of dudes and it was like

but with gigantic penises it's like that's not normal what's going on here not normal Philip have you never seen a porno movie Like, that's average. To the point to where you're like, is this, that's not real.

Is it, this is like a, was it CGI? Maybe. Boogie Knights. Oh, boy. But anyway, that was a lot of fun. And then I started a new one on Netflix called a Resident Alien with. Oh, yeah. Alan, Alan Kudik.

I don't know how to pronounce his last name. Uh-huh. That's how fortunately you pronounce it. Two dicks. All right. The perfect double feature there, huh? Between that and obliterated. Jesus.

I am out. Two dicks. Oh, boy. He was born with a deformation. But yeah, it's pretty funny. He's an alien who crash lands on the planet as he's like, he's supposed to drop off like this planet ending device. and but he crash lands

before he can do it so he's trying to find it while fitting in with humans he's like restructured himself molecularly so he looks like a human

and he's trying to fit in and it's hilarity ensues is it shades of Star Man a little bit maybe a little bit it was interesting

Like I saw the preview and I was worried it was going to be stupid, which it is a little bit. But as he's becoming a human, he has to figure out what love is, you know, that kind of thing. Okay. Like he's learning what it means to be a human. And so now he's having second thoughts about blowing up the planet. Of course. Of course. And I'm only a few episodes in, but it's a lot more fun than I expected it to be.

Man, I don't recommend that one. Kind of sounds like the Hail Ming Power Hour a little bit. Ricky and Danny were sent by Ming the Mercy List to destroy planet Earth, and the only reason they didn't do it was one thing, their mutual love of movies. Yeah. That's kind of it. Like there's this kid, so there's a, there's a,

apparently there's like a one in a million genetic thing where, they can see through his molecular deal and actually see him for his true self. And it's this one little kid in this tiny Colorado town. Oh, boy. Yeah. And so this kid is freaking out. And then he's like, he has this whole plot to kill him. And it's pretty hilarious.

And then they finally make up later on. But the kid's the only one that knows he's an alien. He keeps calling him an alien. His parents think he's crazy. Well, and you know, I like. I like everything that that guy's in. I don't think I've ever seen a bad movie that he's done. Have you seen this one, Brian?

I think I've seen the first episode and then filed it under shows I'll probably never finish but want to along list shows. Yeah, like the first episode's not bad and it kind of gets better. It sucked me in. Nice. And that's what I got. We got Lance. All right. That's a good one, man.

Yeah, mine comes down to one TV show. It would have been on the list last year, Brian, if I'd seen it before the end of the year that we were talking about. But do you guys, you guys, how many of the seasons of Fargo have you all seen? Three, I think. Okay. Three, third one's you and McGregor, right? Owen McGregor. Yeah, with a Midwestern accent.

I just now thought about it. I saw two and a half. I never finished that season. Oh, yeah, that was one of the weaker ones. The first season was great. The one with Billy Bob and Tom Hink's son was in that one. And then. Billbo. Yes, that's right. Martin Freeman with a Midwestern exit, Philip. I do what my accent is. yeah but yeah really got to get this blade in here yeah that's right that's pretty spot on dude you could probably make the the next season except I think this fifth one is is going to be the last but it it season five is easily the

the strongest season after the first one you guys heard anything about it I've heard good things I kind of like I said I never finished the third season and I I was interested in the fourth season because Chris Rock was in it, but I just heard nobody say anything about it. It wasn't great. It wasn't great. Well, I didn't hear anybody say.

I wound up around all these white people. No. I didn't hear anybody say anything bad. It's just I didn't hear anybody say anything at all. It was, like I said, man, I think two, three, and four were all kind of like just there, you know? Like there was nothing standard. out about him.

Who's good? It's all right. Yeah. If I ever remember correctly, it was good. I just, I don't know. I think the one with Billy Bob Thornton was excellent. Yeah, because of Billy Bob. Of course, man.

And he, I think he's the only one that didn't have a Midwestern accent because he, like, had his regular accent. He was like a killer. It was cool. It was cool. He probably said he wasn't going to. to do one. He probably showed up on sales. Like, I'm not doing that. That's exactly what happened, Brian, I'm sure.

I've got to feel it that's exactly what happened. I can't see a Midwest accent on Billy Bob Thornton anyway. No, wouldn't work. The guy's name is Billy Bob. You know who did a good one? My name is Billy Bob. How are you guys doing?

He's selling more Jersey, dude. I know. Who are you talking about? Kirsten Dunst in season two had a great. Oh, okay. So that was the season with her in it. Sounds a little bit Midwest anyway. Is that where she's from? It was like exaggerated.

Of course. What's his name? Yeah, exactly. You got to get some eggs in your butter, you know. Midwest. That's fucking North, dude. Fat Damon. Fat Damon, Philip. Fat Damon.

I like that guy. I did not know that they were married in real life. I think I did hear that yeah I did I did hear that Kirsten Dukes and uh just yeah just Plymouth's oh huh that's you know why not right yeah that work teach their own they're both they're both super quirky right like she does a lot of indie

movies and stuff well she she made that spider man money made the spider man cash and now she now she makes what she wants Lars Vintrear movies and everything else right Yeah, I'm not going to say too much about season five guys, but I will tell you that it's got more prog rock in it than destroy. So it actually had a great soundtrack. Yeah, lots of prog rock, lots of old blues,

and just a phenomenal score. That final, this was almost all score, and it was just like watching an 80s action movie or something. But it was really surreal. there were some like super surre almost like aria-a-a-a-a-level stuff which was kind of bizarre to see but I guess they just kind of went for broken this season but they did have um um oh man what was the young lady that was the the love interest of killer Joe in the killer Joe maybe Brian Juno Temple do you know Temple she's she's the main character in this one and um you've got um

Ah, shit. I'm spacing on names from the hateful eight. She kind of came back, and when she was in the hateful aid, it sort of reinvigorated her career. Oh, I'm all my shit today. Jennifer Jason Lee. Jennifer Jason Lee, she's really good in it. There's another guy in it that plays the husband that I could have sworn was Adam Driver at first, but I'm going to call him not Adam Driver. I was about to say you can't mistake that face.

Yeah, no kidding. it was a good it was a good season it was a good season and and we we kind of binged everything over two nights so that's always a good sign when you can you know binge 10 episodes in two nights so yeah fargo season 5 i don't want to say too much about it so there's some things that happen that you're not expecting oh uh joe keary from stranger things is in it oh and john ham john ham is the other big yeah i knew he was in it i sing like a little teaser So is each season like its own contained thing? Yeah, it's like, you know, it's in the same universe, like different timelines. Like I think season one and two were like 20, 30 years apart. Mm-hmm. That's about right, yeah. I'm not to put that on the list, man.

I've heard y'all talk about it forever and I've never tried it. I think you'll like it, dude. And it's like, it's just weird enough that there's things that happen in it that like, you know, like I say, kind of surreal and a little bit metaphysical, but like everything's grounded enough that you can kind of, you know, watch it. And if somebody is not into like sci-fi or horror, they would still be into it because it's just a really good. Actually, the dude that there's the showrunner is the one who's going to be doing the new Alien Limited series for Hulu, I think. Oh, Noah Hawley. Yeah, Noah Hawley. He's kind of a genius, man.

He's really good. Well, and like I said, I've been into the crime dramas lately, so. Yeah, and that's what it is. Each season is its own crime drama. So, all right, check it out, guys. Can't recommend it enough. And with Brian, with summer approaching, I'm sure we get a little bit of news, right? I think we got some.

A little bit. We'll segue into Alien. news because this is the biggest non-news there is because I've been posting that the new alien movie is called Alien Romulus. Okay. For like the past six months. And last week they officially announced the name of the movie is Alien Romulus. Who are your sources?

You have the Scoot. You have the Scoot, Brian. The internet is my sources. had the right sources, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I think that day everybody thought it was going to be, the big announcement was going to be a trailer release, but it was just a confirmation

that the name everybody already knew was the name. Well, sometimes it's just, it's good just to have the truth confirmed, right? Who's directing this one? Fedé Alvarez. He did the Evil Dead remake and Don't Breathe.

All right. Could be good. So, if anything, if good or bad, there's going to be a lot of gore and a lot of good kills in there. I would think so, yeah. Let's see. There you go, Phil. Another new true crime series is coming to, I think, Paramount Plus this time, where Dennis Quaid is going to play the serial killer. And it's titled Happy Face.

Not Randy Quaid. I don't think Randy Quaid is allowed to do anything I can see Dennis Quaid as a serial killer That works I think he really is Especially like the older he gets I know Super creepy

Didn't he think of the movie Lance didn't he do like a few years ago Like a home invasion movie Where he sold the house But he changed his mind You just show them to start mowing the yard randomly and then go in and get some iced tea and shit. So like a serial killer but with dementia? Yeah.

Let's see. There's a whole lot. We got another rating. This time for the first omen. It will be rated R for violent content, grisly disturbing images, and brief graphic nudity. Oh, I'm all in. It's a lot of... I'm ready for that.

I will say with the exception of imaginary, I think everything that's coming out is going to be R-rated as far as horror. Right. That's a good thing. You kind of have to now. Yeah, people are desensitized. Yeah, that PG-13 horror movie,

even if the trailer looks good, and you see a PG-13 up there, it's like... I know. They always cut... cut it back at the end, don't they? They always hold back. Let's see. We talked about that last week. Phil, you weren't here. They're making a sequel

to Prey, the Predator prequel movie. Oh, that makes sense. And they're also making an additional predator movie called Badlands. And the same director from Prey is doing both of those. Yeah. Maybe they

reinvigorated the franchise a little bit. it. Pray. Yeah. I think so. Yeah, just keep putting predators in different time periods. Yeah, why not? And me and Lance were discussing bad lands. Sounds like it could be a potential Western.

So put a predator in a Western. Oh, that'd be fun. Stick him up. Like, stick him up, predator. And he's like, Cowboys like cut in a half You ain't from around here are you, partner? You know there's going to be a scene

where somebody's going to try to do a quick draw on a predator. Hell yeah. And get three dotted in the head. The dots are already going to be on him. Talked about that. Let's see. Ryan Coogler and Michael B. Jordan,

which they've done a lot of movies together, Black Panther, Creed, Fruitvale Station. They are doing a, as of yet, untitled vampire movie. Why not? And whatever ideal it was that they pitched has already been picked up by Warner Brothers. So how many women are going to be out there saying, oh, oh, you can suck my neck? Michael B. Jordan. Oh, from the movie or in real life?

Both. Behind the scenes and on sit. See, I think we need a flood of vampire movies that are like really gritty and gross vampires, you know? Like, bad people vampires, you know? Yeah. Like, do something different. Yes.

Yeah, like a movie that's supposedly from my neck of the woods, 30 days a night, those vampires were not the romanticized, sexy vampires. because they're not sexy vampires. They're scary vampires. You know, and then you, and then you had the movie from last year, but unfortunately it ended with nothing but pauper pants.

Oh. And Steve, as Steve likes to point out, I'm never going to let him let that one, Dan. Yeah, I'm double-checking here. I'm not seeing. He was like, he was on the geeks. They were talking about the movie,

Philip, and he said, yeah, I thought he was going to be Van Helsing at the end, but he was just walking around, wearing pauper pants and other guys are like the fuck are pauper pants Are you a popper pants? Let me check some of my sources

see if there's any What's your source, Brian? Let's see Gareth Edwards just just was announced 11 seconds ago is doing the Garth Edwards. Damn.

He directed Rogue 1. He's doing Jurassic World 4. Oh, God. I'm scared. What did they do to you? Well, Rogue 1 was good. I thought the last one was going to be like, I don't know. They'll have to really turn that shit around.

Those last couple were bad stuff, man. I haven't seen a good Jurassic movie in a while. Lance forgot to have fun I could The first one was Chris The Jurassic World movie That first one that they came out with Was pretty decent

You like that one? And then downhill from there? Yeah and then downhill from there When they started like creating new Fucking designer Dinosaurs Oh when they I forgot which movie it was

When they introduced that little girl That was a clone Oh no that was one of that even though I still have fun with them when they introduced that storyline I was just like what are we doing yeah that was bad you already got dinosaurs in the movie

just don't make it more complicated than it's to be I know they don't have to right they don't have to they're yet dinosaurs fuck let's see Venom 3 nobody cares so we'll skip that could be fun could be fun Lance

it's it's over your girl Dakota Johnson. Oh, no. Madam Webb. Bomed. Murdered. Whatever.

Oh, Lord. Sony Spiderverse they had going on. Why don't they just sell all those characters to Marvel and be done with it? Yeah. Because whether they put bad movies or good movies out, they still make a huge profit. Even though Madam Webb, I thought it lost money. Yeah, but when you put out a Spider-Verse movie or a Spider-Man movie that makes a billion dollars, you can use. you're okay losing a couple hundred million here.

I guess so. They can't lose that merchandising either. Right. It's all about the toys. Maybe we want to see the characters that we know and love. I know there's a million Spider-Man rematch, but keep fucking doing that. See, I think the Madam Webb character could have worked in a fucking Spider-Man movie. Right.

But not standalone. Where she's not the lead. Yeah. Well, shit. Too bad. I hate to hear that. I've heard nothing but for views saying it's not only the worst Spider-Man franchise movie,

but it's the worst superhero movie ever. Now, come on. That's rough. Worse than Catwoman? Well. Catwoman has its moments, but it's so bad it's good moments. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess I could. see that. And she looks really good in the costume. Uh, yeah. That helped that one a lot. Oh, shit, Brian, a movie that you, you had to see the trailer a couple of weeks ago that's coming out in my local theater across the street. Stop Motion. I might have to check that out. Been hearing some good things about that.

Okay. I'll put it on the short list here. Oh, another Dracula movie. announced. Of course, yeah. This one's going to start Caleb Landry Jones and Christoph Waltz. Jesus Christ, man.

That guy looks like a vampire, Disney, Philip. Oh, and this is going to be written and directed by Lou Basson. Okay. Fifth Element. Right, right. Caleb... He's the director of Fifth Element,

or Caleb is from Fifth Element? Let me be quiet. Caleb is What movie would you know him from? He was Banshee and the X-Men. He was in that David Cronenberg's son's movie where they got the viruses of the celebrities.

Oh, he was in Byzantine. He was in Get Out. He was in Get Out. He was the brother that was always talking about M.A. That's right. Okay. Tell him to make a guy how he looked like he had a good athletic build.

Yeah. Oh, that guy. Yeah, he definitely is a weird looking dude. That works. A little red-headed guy. Well, he already doesn't have a soul, right? Sure. That's what I hear.

And I've heard that from Steve, so don't anybody get mad, friend of the show. Okay, okay. Popper pants himself. Yes. But are popper pants. He said he's going to wear somebody universal for Halloween when we do the get-together. No, seriously. What are popper pants?

Oh, come on, dude. They're like the pants that you wore back in the Middle Ages, dude. They're kind of like high waters, and they have like a little, like, strings to hold them up instead of a belt. If you tie the string together. Completely lies. Well, you know, MC Hammer tried to. to bring him back, but he called him something different. Yeah, like newsies.

When you say the word popper, I can't help but think of John Travolta in that fucking movie. Right, yes, exactly. All right. I guess we'll just leave off with the only thing I can find here is Todd McFarlane's Spawn movie that Blumhouse is producing, has confirmed

Jamie Fox and Jeremy. Runner are still attached because it was rumored that they dropped out because of the long delay, but they are still attached to the movie. See, there you go. Spawn. Nobody's redone in a really long time. True. Fucking get it right.

This is what, the early 90s, would you say? Yeah, it'll make a ton of money. Fucking John Leguizamo, man. Yes. Maybe he'll reprise his role. Nah. Oh, I was watching another crime movie. movie with De Niro Al Pacino and John Leguizamo and then one of the fucking Walbergs in it.

I think I've seen that one. It sounds familiar. Yeah, it's from like the 90s. Great movie. Who was in it, De Niro, L'Alozamo? De Niro, Pacino, they were partners. Righteous Kill, I think, was the name of it. Oh, doesn't know, like, Rob Deirdig, like, get killed on a skateboard?

Yes. Rob Deerick has a cameo. And 50 cents in it. Yeah, 50. sense and there's a bunch of people in that movie it was pretty good and then uh the chick from the fall of the house usher i can't ever remember her name carla guginna yes yeah she was in she's deniro's girlfriend i remember and car racy yeah great movie i forgot about that one for my cool of the week that's definitely cool the week material yeah i think i've seen that in the theater

when it came out originally kill i'll add it to the list phil it's fun i just remember rob dear dick was a skateboard pimp yeah he does like he does like an ollie it gets like murdered he like he does this ollie off of like a loading dock or something and then starts talking shit to a hooker and then it gets popped oh no her pimp her pimp yeah you know who rob d'erick is Right, Lance. No idea. I'm assuming of band or some.

Okay. Fantasy factory. Fantasy for ridiculousness. Yeah. That guy, the one that hosted? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I love that guy.

I love to watch that ridiculous show. Okay. That's every time I went to my barber, that would be showing on the TVs in there. And I was just like, what the fuck of these people do it? Stupid girl that's on there that won't stop laughing. Okay. Oh, I know. I know. I think I'm convinced they're all fucking Hezekiel doing it and just stoned out of their mind.

Oh, I saw this thing. I guess they only film like two weeks out of the month and they just film a whole bunch of episodes like back to back. So they're probably, they probably are. As amount of time as they are on set, they got to kill time sometime. Makes sense. Yeah, he popped up in it. And I was like, holy shit, is that rock? Wow. Right? My wife is like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Righteous. He gets killed mid-scapeboard trick.

I have got to see this movie. I don't think I've ever seen it. Yeah, I think they build it as like, it was like, I don't know why, but it was like Robert and De Niro in a movie together. And I was like, they've been in movies together. Oh, yes, I see that.

Okay. Yeah. Puccino and De Niro. Play a spider. Yeah. All right. Oh, like was almost the con.

And he's actually in the movie quite a bit. He's pretty good. Right. Huh. Very interesting. All right. Definitely a better movie than... Better movie than the other one we saw tonight that came out in 2008.

Oh, we'll get that. Oh, was it 2008? Is that when it came out? I guess they were pretty old. 2008. I feel like Giro and Pacino have been old for, like, ever. No. shit.

Still having children. I know. I know. What are they like 80 and just both had babies? Still giving it. Something like that. Yeah, well, using a pump probably. Then ED medication. And might have not actually be...

It was the greatest end up to make you now. It might or might not actually be their sperm. But, you know. Listen, I'm not afraid to do bad impressions. No, but you do a great Arnold, man. Where's that Arnold? A terrible Arnold. Although I did plug my phone in the other day, and it said like turbocharger,

and I was like, oh, it's a terrible charger. He had a great Super Bowl commercial. Yeah. State farm one. Yeah, neighbor. Yeah, and AJ and I just, we just looked at our state farm bill for our and we're like, okay, we paid for that. So it makes sense.

It did. Insurance is a scam. Oh, no doubt. When they've got him, Patrick Mahomes, Jake, God only knows who else they got in their commercials, right? That's true. Although I do like the Jake from State Farm commercials, even though they replaced Jake. But I like the new Jake, yeah. Oh, they replaced it.

Yeah, the original one was just some dude. Right. Like, this one actually looks like he's, it's like, it's like, no, I've seen that guy somewhere. Right. All right. All right. Moving on. We're going to go down to the trailer park.

Brian will be big, the small, and sometimes very, very weird. What's the first new trailer tonight, Brian? Sting. Giant Spider movie. The police are back together then, huh? I don't think so. Are they alive? I think they're alive.

I think they're alive. Yeah, the wrestler, that's right. Yeah. He's alive. Yeah, it looks like it's going to be a big year for Spider-Man. Yeah, we talked about the other one that used realistic spiders. And this one, we got not a realistic spider, at least I hope, because that is a pretty big spider near the end of the trailer.

Another weakness has to be with. this, right? Oh, trust me. I'm sticking these movies in my back pocket for the times I want to mess with Nez because a brother Nez does not like spiders.

It's just another day in Australia. The camel spiders in the Middle East, Philip? Yeah, they're fun. This is written and directed by Okay.

Terrifying is what they are. Chia Rochay Turner, Lance, he did the Wormwood movies. Oh, wow. Okay, cool. Oh, yeah, they were pretty good. He also has a shark movie coming out. Is that that one in Paris or whatever? Paris Down Under or whatever?

You know what? It might be that one. Okay. There's just only so many ways that you can introduce a shark into a movie. Yes. Is that where the catacombs are, the underground? Probably so. Yeah, that's probably the, I'm guessing that's probably the twist in this one.

Ah, okay. But this. But this one, I'm into this one. It looks like it might be fun. I know there's going to be a lot of moments where I'm just kind of like, why are you keeping this spider? Yeah. Of course. Of course.

Because I don't know if it's just me, but I think I would be freaked out if the spider would try to communicate with me. If I tapped on the glass and it tapped back, like. Certain whistle. I don't know. If I had a pet spider, I'd be pretty pumped about that. Yeah, like that. Yeah. He's like, he knows what I am.

We can be friends. What if it kept growing? Well, then not. As long as he's my friend, I guess. I don't. I probably would have a pet spider. I have a thing with spiders, too. I don't like them very much.

Yeah, it doesn't seem like this spider and this trailer is outside of the little girl, friends with anybody else. Didn't look that way, did it? Yeah. And I do like the location. It looks like it's going to take place mostly in an apartment building. So I'm into it. I really like the director.

I like what he did with Wormwood as far as like the story and the practicals. Yep. We're going to feel bad for the spider, aren't we? He's just going to be protecting a little girl. Probably, probably. I guarantee it. All right, May 2nd. Okay, I'm sure we'll be there.

Oh, yeah. Next one. This one's for Steve from The Geeks. He's a big werewolf fan. New Larry. Fezenden? Fezenden? Fezenden.

Fezenden. Okay. That's not a name. He made that up. Oh, says it right here. Yep. Yep. Just how Lance said it, not how I said it.

The new werewolf movie called Blackout. Blackout. Okay, not paupor pants the movie. Gotcha. Which I know Larry from a billion things he's done in horror. So you got my interest

there. And I believe in the trailer we saw Barbara Crampton. So it's always nice to see Barbara. Saying Barbara first name basis with her, but it's okay.

I would like to be. Babs. Oh, that comes later. Oh, I got you. You got a one step at a time. But what'd you guys take a blackout? Yeah. It could be good.

It could also suck a whole lot of ass. Kind of hard to tell from just a trailer. Yeah. I mean, it looks like they took a kind of a serious take on the werewolf thing. Right, right. So, I mean, they're playing it pretty straight, and it might be good. You know, we hadn't had a real good werewolf movie in a while. Well, that one that came out with the AT&T girl wasn't bad.

It was AT&T, the movie. Yeah. Werewolves within. Yeah. Yeah, it was kind of like a murder mystery slash werewolf movie. Yeah, but it was kind of a dog comedy more than anything. Phil, when we review the new Godzilla versus Kong movie, that's exactly what Lance is going to sound like.

Probably. But, yeah, I do like the premise of, because usually when you get werewolf transformations and the person blacks out, just in total denial of what's going on. Then this guy seems to know exactly what's happening. And he's trying to figure out what's going on. So I think we can skip all that denial of,

am I a werewolf or not? Yeah. In other words, he owns it. Yeah, well, it sounds like he knows it before anybody else does, and he's freaking out. Right. Pulls the guy into the jail cell with him. Yeah.

I say something cool? It didn't give me anything that was like, oh man, I can't wait for this movie to come out. Right. That was kind of my takeaway, too, Brian. But I don't hate it. Yeah, I can see what you guys are saying. So I'm pretty sure this is definitely a movie that's going to be picked up by shutter or screen box or something. So I'll be surprised if it gets a theater release, though.

I doubt it. Yeah. So I do not see a release date. It says September 29th of last year. So that must be like... Of last year. The festival rounds. Festival.

Festival circuit. So this probably will end up on shutter or something this year. Or maybe it's already out there. Could be. Could be. All right. Our final trailer. The coup de grace.

Movie that involved Crypto pornography Cryptids. What do you call it? What do you call? Cryptids. Yeah, there you go. Sasquatch Sunset. Oh, God.

It opens up with one Sasquatch giving it to another one. Hey, Bearfucker! The thing that caught your eye was produced by Ari Aster, which I immediately said what's wrong with this guy. I think I said that last week when we brought his name up. Right.

There's probably a lot wrong with Ari Aster, to be fair. This stars Jesse Eisenberg. Riley can know. Completely unrecognized. Yep. If they didn't say they were playing Sasquatches, I wouldn't even know that they were playing Sasquatches. But I'm into this.

You wouldn't know that it was them. Definitely know that they were Sasquatchez. Oh, yeah, that's what I meant. They look like the Slim Jim Sasquatch. Yeah. I kind of wish they looked more like the... What's that movie from when we were kids? Harry and the Henderson.

Yeah, that was a great big foot right there. I watched that movie a million fucking times. So did I. They kind of look like that a little bit, too. Well, I mean, like kind of big like that. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's true. they're on a diet or something I don't know

they're like regular size people you thought you thought it literated had some big dongs in it Philip oh I know these are just hairier but I'm interested in this movie it looks like there's gonna be some humor

a little probably a little bit of drama in there I don't know how but okay A lot of humor, for sure. It looks really stupid, honestly. I mean, we're all going to watch it, but boy, it looks dumb. Dude, I laughed like four times in this trailer. It looks amazing.

Like, I mean, there's a really good chance it's going to suck ass. Well, just get green before you see it. But this is one where when they did the trailer, I was like, oh, well, I have to watch this movie. Oh, yeah. There's no way any of us are going to avoid this one. No, Lance, you're a big Ariester fan. Oh, big time, yeah.

Do you think he would slap his name on this if it was going to be bad? Probably not. Probably not. Seems like a weird movie for him to slap the name. It does, and I think that's kind of why he's doing it, to be honest with you. Because we don't hear produced by Ariester a whole lot. No, maybe once every. three years.

James Juan, we hear Guillermo del Toro. Yeah. Quentin Tarantino did that a few times. Guillermo almost directed one miss call remake. Yeah, that was one of the trivia things.

Yeah, I saw that. I was like, oh, how this movie could have been different. I know. Maybe or maybe not? Yeah, I don't know. All right. Anyway. Or maybe he saw the script and was like,

me, I'm not doing that. Yeah. I'll do Hellboy 2 instead. I know we're not talking about that yet, but maybe he saw the script, rewrote it, turned it in, and they were like, what is this? This is not our movie. True. Would have been completely unrecognitive.

Why is this person fucking a bitch? What is your deal? Right. It'll be cinematic. Don't worry. Right. Why is Megan Good leaning over a pool with huge cleavage? Oh, okay.

we know why but okay that oh i'll wait till we get all right all right sounds like we're all somewhat in different levels we're all in on this one yeah oh for sure oh this one comes out april 19th okay and that is the last trail all righty let's see what we got for some feedback This week, we shine the podcast spotlight on Rise from the Dead podcast. Rise from the Dead podcast is a show where host Ash Xashes and J3RM dive into lesser-known horror gems. Find out that the film deserves to be to rise from the dead or stay buried. I like the gimmick. Yeah, I like the lesser-known.

horror movies. Yeah. That's always fun. Yeah. Regarding Under Paris. What was Under Paris? It's that shark movie, me and Lance were just talking about.

Okay, that's what I was like. I think I missed a couple words in there. I think it's coming to Netflix. Okay. Well, Rob Humphrey says it looks amazing. Nice. Sharks in the catacombs. Regarding Bede versus the Living Dead, Zim Vader said, I had a little orgasm when Nez popped up as a guest in this.

Great episode. Nice. Just a tiny one. Like a massaging shower orgasm. Regarding no way up, Tim Davis says I'm waiting for this to come out. Tim, I believe it is out right now. This is that we review the trail is to the plane crashes. and the plane goes underwater and the sharks are swimming around.

Oh, another shark one. That one doesn't look terrible. You know, I... There was another plane crash underwater movie that I thought was this one, and I don't think it was. And so I almost started watching it because I thought it was the shark movie, and then I think it turned out to be something else. Oh. But it was like something about breathing the title.

I can't remember the name of it. I think I know what you're talking about. Um, regarding the horror returns group, Marcy Pupandria says, love you guys. Love you, too. All right. Thank you, Marcy. Um, regarding Ghostbusters. Uh, Alexander, well, I'm going to fucking butcher your name, dude.

Pelk. Pelk. Oh, Pelk. I thought it was nice. That's easy. I thought you say, Alexander Dadario. Okay. Alexander Pelk says,

Absolutely my favorite movie ever. Ghostbusters is fantastic. Nice. Josh Caban says I also love this movie. Awesome. I guess I could have put that in news. The director said the original Ghostbusters are going to be actual characters and not cameos this time.

Look that way from the trailer. Cats and dogs living together. Yes, Bill Murray actually showed up for the entire story. shoot. Yes. I love Gilmarty. And Ernie Headsden.

Even in all these stupid fucking movies that he did. They're fun. Yeah. Katie Yoder sent us an email says, Hello, I've got a riveting film for you to watch and review that is gaining

traction. The Windigo. I'll take that. A 2024 Native American lore horror thriller directed by Gabe creates, at Gabe creates, that is now

available on most platforms. Apple TV, Amazon Prime, Google Play, YouTube, voodoo, all that good stuff. Stars Fival Stewart from Netflix to Recruit. Great movie. Brian Krauss

from SWAT. Tonnet Zinn-Carmelo. Easy for you to say. Tonneton. Okay. From Into the West. Marco Fuller.

Troy James from Hellboy. And Totonka Means from Maze Runner. Happy to send you a screener link. We have an audience scored 90% on Rotten Tomatoes, but are hoping for a review or mention from you. Well, here you are. All right. Yeah. Let's get that screener.

Yeah. There's an official HD trailer. If you guys want to check that out. They send us a Venmo or a Bimio copy, but I'm sure the trailer is on YouTube somewhere. Please let me know what you think, and I can send that screen here away. Best from KD. Oder. Yeah, absolutely. Dude, I'll totally watch that.

Yeah, Windigo. I love Windigo movies. We might even review it. Might even review it on the show. You remember when they teased us in the Pet Sematary remake? Yeah. I was like, oh, this is a cool angle. And then it's like, oh, don't worry about that.

Yeah. And then they were like, oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, let's not worry about this wind to go over here. That's it for feedback this week. Of course, our intro and new logos come from Steve Carlton from the Geeks. and Natsulani does the original skull artworks. Check her out on Instagram. If you like to help us out, please consider becoming a Patreon.

Patron. We'll let you pick the movies for a future show at any amount. And for $5 a more a month, also pick a commentary for a future bonus show. All right. Featured attractions. This week, it's time to ask, once again, is it really that bad? Remakes. as we cover

One Mist Call and Cabin Fever. Now, does one Miss Call count as a remake? I mean, it's kind of remake. I guess so. I mean, same title, right? Same basic plot? I'm going to say, yes, it's an American reimagining. Yeah.

Reimagining, okay. Well, like, like the grudge. Like, I don't know if I consider the grudge of remake. Because it was just the American version. version of the same movie. Right. But I'm glad, like, I was happy that they did that to the grudge

because it introduced me to the grudge. True. And, uh, yeah, you know, the other one, whatever that is that. Right. What was the other one? Ring. Ring. Yes, ring.

Honestly, I had never heard. I think the original one's called Ju-on. Yeah. Yes, that's right. Never heard of it. And then everybody was like, the ring is a American remake. I was like, oh.

Oh, wait. I think J-Wan was the grudge, wasn't it? Was it? You know Donnell is yelling at us right now, right? Well, we have some blind spots in certain areas. I don't know what the fuck Juan means. So what was the ring? I don't know.

Ringu, I think. Ring-goo, that's what it. There you go. See? Check out the big brain on. That's what? Burger. What ain't no country I ever heard of?

They speak English and what? All right. That's my favorite line. They ate mayonnaise with their fries. I think they ate mayonnaise with their fries. But they got from Big Kahuna burger. It's a taste of burger. All right.

All right. One news call from 2008. That's your voice. That's you. Dying. Ever since that bizarre phone call, I keep seeing things. Leanne got a phone call and so did Shelley right before they died. The girl's right.

There's got to be some kind of connection here. It's like you get a voicemail. Call came in two nights ago. You hear your death. They get your head back. And then you die. Look, these things work. your head, Beth.

I'm going to be next. I'll keep you safe. Any dead people call. We're not home. This girl needs protection. Everybody seems to be linked together somehow. We could trace it back to the source and find out who started this. Several people start receiving voicemails from their future selves messages,

which include the date, time, and some of the details of their deaths. appreciate that would make it easier to or four you would think yeah that's very that's very efficient yeah it's like really well in final destination right we appreciate you Lance every week giving us our notes it's kind of

like the spirit was giving this person their notes on whether you're going to die exactly um and let's see it was it's a J-horror remake let's see the director is Eric Valette

writer is Andrew Claven. Andrew Claven. Yasushi, Akimoto, and... I thought you're kidding. I see. Choshakata. I'm not terrible pronouncing Japanese names. Usually Japanese isn't that hard.

They pretty much go... Because phonetically, it looks like how it sounds, right? Like, well, like Spanish. Like I can deal with Spanish names because it's pronounced the way it's spelled. Mm-hmm. Let's see. And we got some trivia here. We're sort of looking it up on the fly, so sorry for the delay here.

Guillermo del Toro, we mentioned it earlier, was offered the chance to direct it, but turned it down to work on help to the Golden Army. And I like Hellboy, too. I almost like Hellboy 2 more than Hellboy 1. Yeah, right. So he chose wisely then. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, now, did he turn it down because he was working on something?

I was sure he just turned down. It gives us a piece of shit. Oh, here's a fun one. While in preparation for the film, director Eric Vallette never watched the original Japanese version, one missed call from 2003. And asked actors not to watch it either. That seems like a not.

good plan. Yeah, I see why he would do that. Trying to make his own version, you mean? Yeah, ultimately, I think it ended up them making something they didn't know what they were making. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like, especially if it's an American version of a Japanese movie. Right.

Like, you're probably going to want that one to be... more what's the word I'm looking for here? Japanese? Well, no, I mean, you kind of want it to be a shot for shot remake, but Yes, but with white actors.

And I would think you would watch the original one because the original one is done by Takashi Miquet and that director holds weight in the industry. So, but this director was just like, no, fuck his movie. don't watch it.

This director wasn't known for very much either, so, you know. He hasn't been known for much since. That's right. Imagine that. It might be a reason for that, because Rotten Tomatoes declared this film to be the second worst film of the 2000s. Coming in behind, ballistic X and Sever from 2002. What? Oh, the, I know, with Lucy Lou.

Yeah, Lucy Lou. They were like assassins. That movies. horrible. Was it that bad? Yeah. Was it really that bad? Okay. Yeah, we don't need to do an episode on that one. Sound designers used the voice of

Skid Row frontman Sebastian Bach in the hospital basement sequence. What? The archive audio came from Bach's scream at the beginning of Midnight Tornado, a song from the band's 1989 debut album Skid Row. Nice.

That's a nice little bit of trivia, right? Yeah, now that's some trivia. I like it. All right. Brian, what do you think about one miss call? I didn't like it. Well, there you go. It's a

It's definitely a product of his time. It definitely felt like that era of 2000s horror movie that they were just pumping out. Yeah. Because flip phones. if it was a successful Japanese or Korean horror movie at this time, you were getting

a remake out of it. An American version, I should say. Yeah, well, you know, J. Horror was all the craze. And they stuck to the same exact fucking blueprint. I mean, there's some decent actors in here. That was a new. Shannon Sossaman. I like her.

Edward Burns, who played the detective. I felt like he was kind of underused. Ray Wise is in here, and he's in this movie for like five minutes. Hamming it up for the whole five minutes, too. I mean, that storyline didn't even go anywhere. He got some girl killed on his religious paranormal show. Yes. Didn't get the footage.

Well, they didn't get the end on video. Did you get that? said did you get that? No man we weren't rolling the tape and then you never see him he was like I'm out of here I know that was it I mean give me that fucking he went to go talk to the lawyers I guess they I think they played it very safe with the kills yeah because I like I do like the 13 or are probably PG 13 I think this one was PG 13 very very tame very I didn't even really remember even hearing them swear that much in the movie. Well, the one guy said, or G.

The one guy said G. Willickers, remember? Well, that's our rating right there. Gee Willis. I do like the concept of you getting a phone call, post-dated, you know. Yeah. And it's how you sound when you die. That's creepy. But then.

But did you? But did you really like it, Brian? I mean Oh, you call me a liar I'm just asking you man I mean if you really think about it Was it really that cool of a concept I mean we just saw two

Final Destination maybe's okay So I don't know Is this like the poor man I guess I don't like it It is a little final destination E I guess Now I'd just think about it Final destination ish

I don't think it was a terrible concept I don't think I've ever watched the original Japanese movie though I assume it's probably better It is I mean the original one got two sequels in a TV show in Japan So right Which this one did not get any of that

And I'm trying to look it up Who was the one kid He's very familiar The one that died from the explosion put the rebar through him. Yeah, the one that looked like he was on crack the whole time or like he'd been smoking the blue math or something. It's like real jumpy, fidgety guy, right?

He was on all the drugs, huh, Lance? Like the beginning. Looked like it, dude. He sure looked like it, man. And then I thought, okay, is this going to be like a pretty gruger thing? Johnny Lewis. He looked like he didn't want to fall asleep, right? And I'm like, can it get you when you're sleeping?

Lance, he was half sack on. sons of anarchy. Oh, God. Okay. That's right. All right. Now I get it. Now I get it.

Okay. But I was like, do I know this guy or does he just like look like every other 2000s teenage douchebag? Right. But the biggest flaw, failure, whatever you want to call to this movie is you have my girl, Megan Good. in the movie for two minutes and 17 seconds. Don't forget about her cat, Brian.

She had the cat in there too. I'm sorry to animal love is out there, but I thought that scene was hilarious when the ghost was like, nope, you'd forget about you. That was pretty funny. That was kind of like the only I don't know if Megan Good

only had 20 minutes to work on a Friday. or something and that's all they can give her or that's all she can give them but to me she was probably one of the most recognizable names or faces oh so they did they did the screen thing then right where they get the most recognizable one and killed them off in the first scene i get it now okay because it's 2000s get it after the 90s get it we saw scream you saw scream you saw scream you get it yeah because i was I saw that scene and I went to look at the cast and I was like, hey, wait a minute, I know that girl. She's pretty good. How can this movie be that bad? And I went and looked at the cast and she's like not even fucking on there.

What the hell? And then she died. I was like, oh, all right. You also have comedian Margaret's Cho. She shows up in a movie for like two minutes. Yeah. I was she? I think I blinked. I don't remember seeing her. Yeah, if you take all her scenes and put them together, it'll probably hit two minutes. There's a lot of people. Maybe. Yeah, the link to the trailer. I mean, yeah, yes, there are.

I was kind of thinking the same thing. Like, how does who convinced talent be in it? Like, even as their main characters, there's definitely some talent. I just, I think that don't watch the Japanese version of this movie while we remake it was a really fucking bad idea. I think so. I think, I agree with you. I think them not watching it, they really didn't know what they were making or remaking.

Yeah, so how could they be inspired, right? He's like, I want to make it my own. Well, then don't fucking remake something. Then make something else. And I was very confused at the, jumping to the end, it ends up being a little girl. That's the curse spirit. why did she keep changing her face into an alien face?

I mean, it's on the poster. It looks like an alien. Sure. And you know, so I like the poster. And I like the, like there's some pretty good effects in this movie, I thought. Okay. I mean, at least some good visuals. You know, I mean, a lot of it is CGI, especially like the shit when they're sort of losing their mind. Some type of stuff.

Yeah, it's kind of creepy, right? Yeah, but it's... Like when you're having a trip. Why did they glow? Does that just mean they were going to die? I guess. I think so. Yeah, I think so.

But it definitely had some cool J-horror visuals. But like, it's kind of where it stopped. I like the burn victim at the end there. She was... Right. Like the mom. She's, like, crawling all over. She comes back to life or whatever.

Ugh. Pretty gross. Yeah, that was probably the best scene because, I mean, we got the girl that dies from falling on the train checks, which we didn't even see. Right. You sort of did. She kind of got, like, booted off the screen. You sort of. That was bad CGI, man.

I laughed at that one. I'm sorry. Then we get half, we get half sat who gets the rebar through him, which I do appreciate the build up to it because they kept making. and it's like he's going to get hit by a car because he kept crossing the street like he didn't get the shit. Yep, the old final destination page switch, right? Yeah. And then you've got the girl that had an accent for some reason that died on that TV show. Sure.

She choked or something? Something on the hard candy, the red candy maybe? Oh, yeah. So, wait, what was that all about? The little red balls they kept pulling out of people. Because the cursed girl that died, that's the candy she would always give her little sister. That she kept in her pocket. Her favorite candy.

Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't it make perfect sense, Philip? Come on. It was her calling card. Doesn't that make sense? Her calling card. Figured the calling card would beat the death.

She was there. You know, nobody knew she was involved. and you know the phone call Oie Alright I'm going to pass this one over to Lance All right What's what do you think?

Man this was a really bad movie So it really is that bad Oh wow Well so why not just not Answer the fucking phone Well they didn't They left the woodscom

They even took the batteries out Remember that when you could take the batteries out of your phone? Well yeah but they also kept checking the fucking voicemail? Why check they voicemail? Just leave it there. It never happened. If you didn't hear it and you didn't see it like the kid was trying to say when he kept

they kept faking you out that he was going to hit by the cars and he was saying, if you don't recognize it it doesn't exist like evil, you know, it can't get you. That didn't work out for. It didn't work out too well, did it? Okay, so my main point on this movie is when I was thinking

when is this movie ever going to end? Because when it started, I'm like, okay, an hour and 26 minutes. So when the Burns dude drops Sossaman off at her apartment and she's like trying to make it, make him come in and fuck her and like, oh, you don't want to come in? I'll make you a hot toddy. And, you know, and he's like, I got to get back to work later. It's like, what? Did that just happen?

Okay. And so it's like, it's like I thought, okay, cool. So the movie's over. They may have one little final scene. but that fucking maybe went on another half an hour and it just never fucking ended who goes home to get some rest after you just encountered

evil spirits and dead bodies and that's true you'd think you'd be pretty wired just gonna go home take a shower and then lay in my house with no lights on or nothing yeah I would be getting so awesome it ignore the world hmm

like terminated. Listen to the headphones. I don't know, man. This was rough. This is really bad. I mean, I'm trying to find something redeeming. Okay, so you guys were saying that the effects there toward the end with the burnt mom in the hospital were pretty decent. Oh, how about that CGI baby in the crib that turned around? Yeah, that's pretty terrible. The visual effects, yeah, it was kind of, you know, like bizarre, like with the centipedes and stuff like that. I don't. I don't. don't know if it made any sense. Like, why did they have people with, like Brian said, alien faces? Really? Why? So they had like screaming mouths for eyes. But why? But why? I don't get it. Because it looks... They never explained it. Okay. Bingo. All right. Well, that's all I have to say, Philip. What do you think, man? Yeah, I kind of agree with you. I'm not sold on this movie. We'll bring it back to Alan Tudek, though, because Sossaman was in a Knight's Tale.

There we go. Which was a fantastic movie. This one sucked up. If Heath Ledger had shown up in this, it would have been a whole other movie. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't even know if he could say this. This had a pretty good cast. It was still a shitty movie. It did have a good cast.

Hey, you'd have a big movie with Ray Wise in it be this bad, right? Yeah. Yeah, you introduce this. I know. paranormal investigator religious show or whatever whatever it was you introduce it and then it's completely out of the story

like 15 minutes later man he could have been like the David Tenet he could have been like the David Tenant in the in the Fright Night remake right yeah ended up being the reluctant hero yeah but no in and out yeah all these all these characters

that we mentioned that were that had basically cameos in it they should have been kind of pushed to the forefront and made, made to be a bigger part of the story instead of these other people. I mean, I guess you can say the other people didn't really matter because they were going to die. I guess. They were just cannon fodder, disposable, right?

I guess. Well, and even with that, like, it just, this movie's like an hour and 30 minutes, man. It felt... I know. It felt so much long. I got so Three hours, man It felt longer than Bo is afraid, Brian

Oh, I don't know felt that long I mean, I do admit I checked the time How much was left in the movie And when it said like The movie's only been playing for like 30 minutes I was like, oh man

I know We haven't been hit an hour yet This one felt like a chore to get through. Yeah, that's a good way to the story. I was like, oh, I guess I have to watch the rest of it, because like, had it been up to me out of turn this motherfucker off. I mean, I'm pretty sure I've seen it before. I just kind of forgot about it. Did you? Not only did I have to watch the rest of it, guys,

I had to fucking pay $3.99 to rent it. Yeah, I did too. Picking one that's not streaming anywhere. God damn it. Well, I watched it on there. way. Ray Wise got his payday for me, man. Yeah. All right.

So is it really that bad? Yes. Scores. Brian, what do you think? Two. Two. I thought it was a good cast. They were just misused.

And Megan Good gets her own point all by herself. And she should have. I do like Shannon Sossaman, but I would have liked him more if Megan Good was the lead.

How about if they had both got naked right? I mean, that's a bonus. That's true. I think it would have been more than a two. Wentz? Two. Two.

I think two is a fair score. Is it like, the worst movie of the 2000s? Obviously not because ballistic X-N-sever was. Yeah. Is it this? I still don't think it's a second. I've seen worst movies.

But this one was really boring and hard to get through. Yeah. Rough stuff, man. For what should have been awesome. Let's say this could be the worst out of the J-Hore American Remakes. Yes. There you go. Well, well put. Well put.

I mean, because it's still basically the same fucking story. It's, ah, ghost story. You have to solve a mystery while you're dealing with... Haunted cell phones. Yeah. Plus, the showing the cell phone thing. And I've never, I've never liked it when they did the technology mixed with ghost stories. Me neither. That, it irritates me. Go see the machine. So, well, aside from that.

So we'll move on to the next one. Definitely don't recommend this guy. We'll go Cabin Fever from 2016. I don't even know that I knew this existed. I thought I had... I thought I had seen it before. and then I started looking for it and there was a cabin fever patient zero

and I think that's the one I saw. Yeah, if you feel like you've seen this movie before it's because you have, it came out in 2002. Well, right. So I was like, did they remake Cabin Fever? Oh yeah, I did see that. And then I went back and was looking for it and I was like, oh, from 2016, that doesn't sound right.

Yeah, there's a sequel called Patient Zero that actually wasn't awful, I think. Yeah, it's a prequel to the 2002 one. Yeah. Sorry, you don't have it off. All right. So Cabin Fever from 2016. You're going to love it.

It's just peace and relaxation. And relentless pounding for like six days. Don't forget about the beer. Wow. The place is amazing. Sometimes you've known someone a really long time. You just want to kiss them just to see if they're a good kiss, sir? I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Boy, that's how people get themselves shot. It looks like you guys were having some kind of party last night. While staying at a remote cabin for a week-long vacation, a group of five college friends succumb to an infectious flesh-eating disease. Sounds like cabin fever. Uh, director is Travis Zar, Zarwini. Zarin Zara Winnney

Sure Those letters don't go together Writer Writers are Eli Roth and Randy Perlstein Let's see We can find some

Trivia on this guy It ought to be fun Most of the shots That are based on similar shots From the original Are staged horizontally inverse to the original movie. Characters that were on the right-hand side of the screen in the original are shot

on the left-hand side of the screen in this movie's recreation of that shot and vice versa, which seems stupid. Oh, so that's how the movie's different. If a character in one version's on the right, the new character and the newer version is going to be on the left. I guess so. And the filmmakers used the same script from the original cabin fever. So, I think a lot of money.

How that works. Let's see. The dog belonging to Henry is named pancakes. This was the one and only word spoken by Dennis in the original cabin fever from 2002 as well as the remake. She pissed me off. So fucking. much. What?

Did they kill the dog? No. Well, yeah, but no. The, in the original one, when the little kid says pancakes and he does all that awesome martial arts stuff for no damn reason, it's just such a weird

scene. And in this one... Totally killed it here. This one that used it to be the name of the dog. So it's not as random. Yeah, that's true. It's a good point.

Wow. All right So Brian I'm just thinking about the cabin fever remake I didn't like it It's a pointless

movie It's almost a shot for shot remake with little minor things That have changed Like I said the scene With the little kid that says pancakes They gave a meaning to pancakes now Okay

So when the little kid Says pancakes and bites the one kid it's not as random and weird as the original one in the original was was the kid wearing the bunny mask with a paper plate on it okay he's just sitting there with a mullet on a porch yelling pancake he says pancakes and bites the guy and then later when they come back from hell he yells pancakes and he starts doing Van Dam kicks in the air for no reason and it's so random and hilarious that sounds awesome it's like i'll have to go back and watch your yeah that's the one i want to see it's like bright or strong man so good because the original one at the same time it made you feel

kind of gross and disgusting because of all the skin bacteria stuff it also had random moments of humor that you were just like where did that come from but it worked for that movie. You get nothing of that. This is a soulless remake. It's almost shot for shot. They tried to up certain aspects of it because in the original

one, the guy basically had a upgraded BB gun. And this one, he has an assault rifle. Oh, that's right. That's right. Which I have some things to say about. That's not even a fucking...

No? He gets a fucking fully automatic. That doesn't even make any sense. That is kind of weird, isn't it? Yeah. They also changed the fact that one of the guys, still, the one, the one guy and the original one that made it all the way through the end, he made it because he made a bet that he can drink beer the entire time there.

That's right. So he didn't drink the water. Get it? This guy drinks the water. And it kind of takes away that whole scene at the end when he's, He's like, I made it. I made it. And then they just blow them away.

Wow. It sounds like this is a bad version of the original. It is. It's like, yeah. Let's take the humor and heart and everything out of the original one that made it so good. Mm-hmm. And there you go.

And then we cast a bunch of people that I have no idea who they are. We don't even get. I don't think they know. they are. I was expecting Eli Roth to show up with his dog. I did too. I thought for sure he would be a cameo. What was his name?

I think his name was grim and his dog was Dr. Mamo. Yeah. Grimus. That's right. And then they switched the deputy to a woman

and they kept doing this thing where they kept super sexy woman. Yeah, I didn't. I didn't mind. I didn't mind. She was nice to look at, but they kept doing this thing, where she kept pulling her sunglasses down just a little bit to focus on the scar on her face. I was like, is this going to lead to somewhere, or is this supposed to be that she's badass, I guess? I was wondering where that came from. I was like, are we doing something with this? Or is it just, is it a mark that's actually on her face?

And she didn't even have this. Show it if they weren't going to do something. She didn't even have the same attitude as the original deputy because he was the guy that was like, oh, I'm the party man. Where's the party at? You know, he was that guy, but he was the deputy. And she's just. Oh, and she kept saying, oh, you're the party man. Now I get it.

Okay. It didn't hit the same way. And then she would pull her sunglasses down again. Yes. Okay. We noticed a scar and just nothing about it. Yeah. I don't know.

So many things it didn't make sense. So many things. Like, this is not how normal humans act. But not in a fun, but not in a fun surrealistic way, right? Like the little kids saying pancakes and doing Van Dam. Right. And I believe the one that is the quote-on-quote writer, you guys know who Ryder Strong is.

He was the main character in the original one. Boy Meets World. I believe the one that plays him in this one is. you guys recognize his last name, Matthew Didario. Yeah, I was wondering, is there any relation to... She is the little brother. Oh, look at that.

Big boobs, big eyes. Alexander Didario. Hmm. I'll bet he did a little... I'll bet he did a little peeping tomfoolery when he was growing up. What do you think? Oh, he's weird a shit.

but he's like the only one that I can say is recognizable just off of his last name. I have no idea who anybody is in this movie. Yeah, I don't recognize anybody either. So it just makes me wonder why did Eli Ross sign off on, I mean, obviously he got paid. Is he bad? To say, hey, look, see, my movie wasn't so bad after all, guys. Sorry. I don't know.

I don't even know why they made this movie. Like, it wasn't that far off from the original, isn't it? Like you said, it really didn't have a whole lot of heart to it. It was just... Even some of the way some of the scenes are shot, like the one girl that he has sex with, and then she takes the bath. The way they did the bath scene, they tried to... They over did it with the full...

The bathwater was just all bloody, and then she had a giant chunk coming off her leg. The way they did in the original one, when she shaved her leg, you just seen it take off the skin here, like little patches here and there. Yeah. Like, if you're going to do a shot-for-shot remake, I feel like... If this movie had been, like, from the fucking 60s or something, and you're doing a shot-for-shot remake of it now, I get that. but this was not in any way shape or form better than the original yeah i did find the one scene hilarious because when he the main the main guy has to kill the his the girl his dreams the one he has a crush on and the original one he just straight up kills her with a shovel she's dead right

this one he damn near chops her jaw off and then she's still alive yelling at him like what are you doing and then he pours gasoline on her and then she's screaming from all the pain of the gasoline I was going to say that dude

I was like this is a mercy kill you set her on fire what the fuck is wrong with you like Mr. Mr. Didario you are horrible that kill of somebody let me let me put her out of her misery

by burning her to death. To burning her alive. But see, I think even even though I felt even though I felt that it was hilarious, I felt like that's not how they were filming the scene.

Right. It's like the scenes that I found hilarious were not supposed to be straightforward. That was by far the worst of the plot holes. There's plenty of them with gun. because that doesn't make any sense.

Okay, you brought up the gun. Oh, well, I just, there's... Okay, that one actually is probably actually an assault rifle. But how in the fuck did he get a hold of a fully automatic anything? Like an M4, which is what the AR is based off of? Like a military. It's not. It's a three-round burst.

You don't get a fully automatic unless you put like a fully automatic trigger switch in. Like, you can't just go fucking buy one of those. this fucking douchebag can't get one for sure. He violated every fucking gun safety, everything. Like, why do they let him keep the gun? He almost shot the dude in the first scene. Yeah.

And then there's just some mechanical things that don't work out with it. But like the one that irritated me the most was the burning alive scene. It just didn't make any. since. I was like, okay, so you ran out of bullets, even though 10 minutes later, they're still shooting somebody with it. Okay, that's what I was going to ask you. I was going to like, I swear he ran out of bullets and he couldn't kill it that way, but yet he was able to kill off the shopkeepers that came after him with the gun.

And I don't remember seeing him reload or anything. No, he didn't. And he click, click, click, click. That's not how that works either. But still. and then he sets her on fire to put her out of her misery like a fucking witch in the 1600s like it makes no sense it was it was at that point where I was like what the fuck is going on here

I will give it credit though that was good makeup effects on her jaw oh yeah there was there was a lot of blood and a lot of gore and that was pretty cool but how did that not kill her? I don't know if she'd still be talking. She was not happy about not being killed.

I wouldn't be either. You motherfucker finished the job. Although as soon as he started dumping gasoline on me, I'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? Well, she tried. She tried. The shovel, dude. Hit me with the shovel again.

How about that? Lance. I don't have much to add. I mean, there's not too much that we haven't already covered this. This is terrible. I mean, holy fucking shit. The only thing I can think of is that Eli Roth purposely had this movie made so he could prove to everyone that he's a great director,

even though we all know he's a hack. Because he's going to say, oh, see how much better mine was that I directed? And he hired the most obscure, unknown filmmaker. this dude's done nothing but shorts before or since so you got you got to i don't get it yeah but he's the guy that did smile the guy that did smile true that movie was based off of a short this guy did not do smile brian it's safe to say this this this is this is absolutely fucking atrocious man it did ah man that there's nothing there's i don't find much redeeming about it. I mean, was it more entertaining than one Miss Call?

No. Yes. Yes. No. At least they try to do something in Miss Call. Okay. Yeah, Miss Call was more entertaining because you had at least canios from Margaret Cho, Ray Wise, and then you had Ed Burns in there and, you know, Shannon Sossaman looking sexy and her friend looking sexy and Megan Good with wonderful cleavage looking sexy. you know i mean this was just garbage just not much to it this one held my attention more than one miss call did it okay yeah just because there was at least stuff happening yeah it well it held my attention because i was just in like waiting for something good to happen no i was a bewilderment what's happening how can you

make essentially the same movie and it be bad be worried yeah I kept thinking, like, when they were doing the, you know, the shaving and the legs in the bathtub scene and then the sex scene with the back and all that. I was like, dude, these are like the exact same scenes that were. Why are you remaking this movie? Yeah. In the sex scene, like, they, in the original one, after he has sex with her, he goes to the bathroom and he pour his listerine on his dick. This one, you just completely just jumped to another scene. in the first movie didn't he go down on the girl and come up with a bloody mouth and on this one he just put his finger in there no i don't

think so for some reason i thought that that it happened okay all right it does sound kind of familiar though i'm almost positive that happened in another movie but the same same scene yeah same basic idea except i think in the original one it was a little creepy because she was she was sleeping when he did it. This one, she's fully original at a long time. It didn't even click that this was really a shot for shot remake until

they started doing like the really iconic scenes. Well, I mean, the trivia, you read it in the trivia, I mean, they just went with the original script. Yeah. All right. All right.

Scores, Brian, what do you think? One. Worse. Lance? One. Ouch. Hmm. I'm going to give this one a two also.

Okay. Because, like, I feel like it was more entertaining than one miss call. But on originality, obviously, there is zero. Oh, that's true. Yeah. literally obviously huh so

okay if I was going to watch one of the other again it would not be one miss call that's terrible I don't think I'd ever watch either of these again

but I see your point I see your point you have to watch one and the other yeah well but we did answer that question is it really that bad yes we did

both of these movies are really that bad definitively definitively they definitely are no hidden jam here tonight they're just bad not tonight not tonight no lep in the hood

tonight so uh no as always as always we want to thank you guys for listening to another episode of the horror returns we would love hear your feedback and ideas uh you can always reach us at thehorror returns at gmail.com or go to our website

thehorrorreturns.com follow our social media links from there next week it is going to be the horror films of New Zealand as we are joined by Bede and Marcy from, not too far from New Zealand, they're from Australia, so close enough. And the Super Network will be well represented. So, Philip, until the horror returns again,

good night.