The Iced Coffee Hour - “This Keeps 99% Single!” Dating Expert Exposes The Truth on Divorce, Love, and Cheating.mp4

Episode Date: June 30, 2024

Magic Mind: https://www.magicmind.com/ICH Range Rover Sport: Start designing your Range Rover Sport today at https://www.LandRoverUSA.com Streamyard: Start creating high-quality content easily with https://streamyard.com NEW: Join us at http://www.icedcoffeehour.club for premium content - Enjoy! Add us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jlsselby https://www.instagram.com/gpstephan Official Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeBQ... For sponsorships or business inquiries reach out to: [e-mail] For Podcast Inquiries, please DM @icedcoffeehour on Instagram! Time Stamps: Intro - 0:00 Rich vs Regular Dating - 3:34 Sadia’s Background - 8:23 Stop Seeing Women As “Aliens” - 9:38 The Psychological Difference Between Men & Women - 13:29 Women Submitting To Their Man - 16:21 Men Submitting To Their Women - 19:51 High Value Men - 21:07 High Value Women - 23:20 Traditional Values - 25:32 Modern Dating - 30:00 Why Dating Is Hard For “Good Men” - 36:48 Why Women’s Support Is Important - 38:40 High Value Man Misconceptions - 41:10 Soulmates - 43:07 Deal Breakers, Red Flags, Ick - 45:03 Telling The Truth - 49:44 Cheating W/ Children - 57:07 The Friend Zone - 1:00:03 Abstinence - 1:02:48 Getting Out ‘The Friend Zone’ - 1:05:38 Daddy Issues - 1:12:41 Downsides of Being Attractive - 1:15:19 Compromise - 1:21:41 Breakups - 1:22:33 Body Count - 1:24:12 Approaching Women - 1:26:47 Sadia on Andrew Tate, Justin Waller, FreshandFit - 1:34:38 Onlyfans & Posting Revealing Pictures - 1:40:24 Dating & IQ - 1:46:29 Is Relationship Science Bad? - 1:48:11 Jack’s Mustache - 1:55:38 Boundaries - 2:00:57 Cheating - 2:07:40 Make Women Laugh - 2:13:57 Dating The Wrong People - 2:15:36 How To Know It’s Time For Marriage - 2:17:00 How To Know It’s Time For Divorce - 2:18:37 People Who Are Incapable Of Relationships - 2:19:02 Sadia’s Advice To Graham - 2:20:34 Narcissists & Sociopaths - 2:22:11 Closing Thoughts - 2:24:31 *Some of the links and other products that appear on this video are from companies which Graham Stephan will earn an affiliate commission or referral bonus. Graham Stephan is part of an affiliate network and receives compensation for sending traffic to partner sites. The content in this video is accurate as of the posting date. Some of the offers mentioned may no longer be available. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Don't miss the Devil Wears Prada 2 in theaters. Merrill Street, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, and Stanley Tucci are back. In light of the recent scandal, I'm here to restore your credibility. I did not hire you, and all I need to do is find my time until you fail. On May 1st, icons. I'm going to make something of this job. Rain. Be the bridges I burn.

Night my way. Forever. I just love my job. Get tickets now. The Devil Wears Prada 2 in theaters, May 1st. Directed by David Frankel. Women submit to men. that they respect and how you get their respect is

society's degenerate. It's not man and women. You are apparently pretty controversial. Everything I say seems to really trigger people. Masculinity, too might be provocative. For women, as much as they want you to be emotionally connected to them and all this good stuff, the key thing that they unconsciously want is... How do you know if she's into you or not into you? But here's where high-value men get it wrong.

They have incredible self-control in business, terrible with women. Are daddy issues real? Yes. and women, more so in men. You mentioned deal breakers. What's the difference between deal breakers, red flags, and ick? I love that. That is such a great question.

So, Sadia, thank you so much for coming on the iced coffee hour, also known as Sadia psychology. You are apparently pretty controversial. Apparently so, which I don't understand why, but apparently I'm very controversial. And Graham and I have just been binging your content lately. It's very, it scratches and itch a lot of people have, because you talk about like modern dating, what's wrong with it, what's good with it, and just general psychological advice. And I've loved it. It's helped tremendously.

Has it traumatized you? Because a lot of people leaving a bit traumatized from listening to my content. No, I would say, like, I had these inherent, like, born beliefs. And then culture kind kind of masks that. And I'm like, well, maybe, maybe this is actually true. But you're kind of reaffirming my, like, inherent born beliefs. Which I feel like. Yeah, which has been nice. Here's what I think about that, though. If people listen to you and they're single, I think they'll think there's a lot of work I have to put into myself to be desirable to the opposite sex. And I can't just be myself and bump through it and do the bare minimum and expect to be in a relationship where I'm happy. You can do that, but then you have to have realistic expectations

of what you'll receive in a partner. The problem lies when people want to just go be themselves, be totally like, you know, floating along. But their expectations is they want the most beautiful woman in the world or the expectation is they want the most successful man. It's you can be whoever you want to be as long as you're realistic about yourself and your expectations and your partner. When there's a mismatch between who you are and what you want, then you have to work on yourself and then you have to change. And I think the one thing I try and instill in the people that are watching it is the importance of self-respect in dating. If you go into dating without self-esteem and self-respect, it will turn into just one divorce after the other. So the reason

I put a lot of emphasis on improving yourself is the moment we improve ourselves and enhance our self-esteem, we can then select better and we can maintain relationships better. But when we have low self-esteem, unfortunately, we're just delaying the divorce. So what gives you the credential to speak on topics like this? Of course, I've researched. I'm psychologist. I've studied psychology for many years. I taught it in colleges for many, many years. I've also done therapy for years on clients, particularly high-earning clients is kind of my clientele. I've lived in Dubai, and so I do psychotherapy on a lot of high-end clients. And this is where my message gets a little bit unfair

because I do cater more to the successful men and the more attractive women, that kind of bracket of society. A lot of my viral clips tend to be related to that tiny niche. I do talk about the normal healthy relationship, but what seems to go viral is when I'm talking about that particular type of couple. So it does seem to be a little bit niche. And a lot of people are like, oh, you're generalizing.

it doesn't apply to me. I'm sure it doesn't apply to you, but if it doesn't apply to you, you keep it moving. How is that different? Oh, it's completely different, unfortunately. So, like, what's the difference between dating when you're really rich and dating as, like, a normal person? As you get richer, your criteria in a woman gets more and more shallow. And what I mean by this is as men get more and more successful, they can outsource somebody that cooks, cleans, nannies. They can outsource all the normal traits that create a connection, like intelligent conversation. they usually are so busy all day speaking to having really important conversations. When they come home, they kind of just want a stress release.

And a stress release usually the best and quickest way to do that is a woman who is highly attractive and just good at sexual old stuff. And that becomes what they're looking for. They no longer look for the woman that they can have long, intimate conversations with because they don't have the time for that. So they get more and more shallow in what they're looking for. And as a result, they attract a more and more shallow woman because the woman that is okay with a man being super, super busy, never connected, never home, always traveling,

never get to spend time with him, is a woman that will compensate that lack of connection with material things. So the relationship dynamic becomes very difficult and it becomes very transactional. You mentioned something on another podcast that I found really interesting, which is that high achieving men, if they get like, let's say, a lesser intelligent or lesser achieving partner, then it's really challenging for them to engage in, like, fruitful discussions with their partner because they're so used to a higher level of like conversation and then they start talking to their partner and like, okay, she's kind of droning. She's like not really talking about anything I'm interested in. And it doesn't end up working because of like that dissonance. Yeah. And I would be,

I would be more specific in that. I think there's two types of high achieving men. There's high achieving men that grew up with healthy self-esteem and just became high achieving. And as a result, they look for mutual intelligence, mutual value in a relationship. They want somebody, she doesn't have to be a CEO, but you're both intelligent intellectual people. And so, you're both intelligent, intellectual You both come from good homes. You both have not necessarily perfect, but you both are looking for something deeper. Now, there's the other type of high-achieving man whose entire identity is his money. Now, the one whose entire identity is his money is okay with a woman whose entire identity

is her appearance, and she doesn't need to bring much to the table. But the man that actually has far more to offer than just his money will look for a woman that has far more to offer than just her appearance. And so we'll look for more intellectual and emotional intimacy. He'll actually want to have a conversation, who will want to get her opinion on things. and he'll want to do things with her, whereas the one that's entire identity is his finances is okay with a woman whose entire identity is her appearance. Do you find that those people are less happy overall? Deeply, but they don't know what it is.

It's like they don't know how to feed their soul. They're less happy because they're looking, they think, what they think is going to make them happier is the shallow qualities like money and women and sex, and they think that. But it's like filling in a cup full with holes, it's going to constantly leak out of them because they're still undefeely. unhappy because a real cure to their low self-esteem is something deeper than that, but they don't realize it. So they look for their self-esteem in shallow places. And the same with the women that look for it in materials. Now, this might be an inappropriate question, but since we started off, and you talked about one-on-one client, like consulting and stuff like that, being like a very intelligent and obviously beautiful woman, have you ever ran into any issues where a guy comes in there

for practice? And like, over time, he develops feelings for you. No, because I'll be very good. I'm a professional at friends zoning myself. I am very good at desexualizing myself and friends owning myself, but the main thing is what makes it difficult for them to be attracted to me is part of a man's, especially when they're highly successful. They're so used to women that they're attracted to blowing smoke up their ass and just telling them that they're amazing, they're gorgeous, and that's what they're used to because that's what women usually do to try and manipulate them. They've got me who's telling you, no, no, she's not actually attracted to you. She's just using you. Oh, no, no, she's still sleeping with her ex-dollar.

because I'm so deeply cutting through, it takes away a little bit of the attraction because this woman is really going for me and I'm a little bit tough with them because I'm a bit tougher with the men. So I think that it kind of makes them less attracted to me because the kind of niceness that you get out of women and that kind of your self-esteem that you get from a woman giving you compliments is kind of derailed in therapy. You get straight to the truth. So men are more attracted to their partner if they feel like their partner thinks they're like macho and like alpha and valetating. Yeah, and my whole job is to invalidate their thoughts.

So if you say something and what they, I sort of studied the other day, somebody actually told me it was a comedian that was saying it. And she was saying that men and women both look for sense of humor, but the definition of sense of humor is completely different. For a woman, it's a man that makes her laugh. For a man is a woman that laughs at his jokes. So men love validation. They love, they say something, the woman agrees, or she laughs as well,

or she supports them. My whole role is to invalidate their thoughts and experiences because I have to challenge it. So the invalidation kind of decreases the attraction. How did you become a relationship expert like this? I don't know if it was deliberate. It was just my research. I was always in psychology of education.

I used to focus a lot on education, psychology of education. But what would happen is I would realize that, especially with children, their relationship with their parents has a really big impact in their performance. And I started realizing that it then affects their relationship with their peers and then their romantic relationships. And I always was just more fascinated whenever I would, talk about relationships. Because I was naturally more fascinated, it directed my kind of focus when it comes to studying it. So I'd study human nature a lot more and I'd study

relationships a lot more. But the key thing is, I was naturally observant with the opposite gender. I was always observant. I had lots of male friends. I would always be interested in the dynamic between men and women. I just found it really fascinating. So because I naturally paid attention to what men and women are doing and I had an equal amount of male and female friends, I understood male and female behavior really well. And so I became a bit androgynous. I was never a girl's girl and I'm just all about the girls and I was never just all about the boys. I had an equal understanding of male and female thought processes. And when you have an equal understanding, you can understand how they connect with each other

and what works and what doesn't work. And that's what I think helped me is have being a woman, but being very aware of the male mindset. Can you provide your opinion on this theory that I came up with. Yes, please. So I think, I mean, I'm sure that this is probably been documented somewhere, validating or invalidating this. But I didn't grow up with a sister. I grew up with just an older brother, my dad and my mom. And so when I would see my mom being like a little bit emotional, maybe like responding a little more, I guess, emotionally to something, like I would kind of recoil at that because I'm like, oh, it's like a problem with, you know, my mom or something that. She's just like a very emotional person. But I didn't grow up with a sister that would

come through the door one day and for some reason get like really a really. upset for something and then she started going at it with my mom and I didn't see that kind of like conversation or dialogue and I think that not growing up with like either female friends or without a sister and seeing like women interacting with women kind of provides you with like a tainted ideology and like seeing women as this like foreign alien thing and then you start talking to them like talking to guys and then they say no you need to talk to women differently and you start talking to women like completely different like they're an alien and they don't like that either yeah I think that's a really interesting observation I'm really it's a really interesting observation

I like that you said that, because one of the best insights into women that a man can have is seeing their dynamic with other women. Men tend to have this lens that women are innocent, they're soft and they're feminine, and they're not manipulative, and they're not unkind. So they naturally trust women easier. They naturally go into relationships with an element of trust and naivety about the real nature of women. When you see women interacting with other women, you see a completely different side of them.

They can be quite catty. They can fight a lot. They can be mean. They can be manipulative. And you get an understanding is they're just like. like us. They're just human. They are capable of the same misdemeanors and nice things as men and women. So when you have just the only axis as your mother, you kind of can be put women a little bit on a pedestal and think that they're really soft or think that they're really kind or think

that they've got great intentions. Seeing women in different lights, it's particularly in a non-sexual light, you realize that they are just flawed like everybody else. So you start to select a bit better and you start to be aware of them a bit more. But if you see them as this delicate, soft, angelic thing, you'll treat them according to that and they're not actually like that. They want to know that you understand human nature just as well as they do and you understand their flaws just as much and you're still accepting of all of those things. But being naive about them really puts them off. While we're on the topic of dating as a single bachelor out here in Las Vegas, one thing that is key when I go on dates is that I must have very high focus. And I've mentioned this several times before on the podcast, but for me staying focused is incredibly challenging.

It's been my entire life. Whether I'm trying to research a guest to come on the show or I'm reviewing a podcast episode, I oftentimes get very, very distracted. I've even tried everything from turning my phone black and white, silencing notifications. I even bought a box that has a timer on it that I can lock my phone up in and wearing noise-canceling headphones. However, a few months ago, Magic Mind decided to send us a few samples of their productivity shot. And we absolutely loved it. So much so, in fact, that they decided to sponsor our podcast. See, he like gingerly sips it. I just take it as a shot, and I love taking it that way. It's amazing to sip on. I like it. So,

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If you're interested, once again, the link is down below in the description. Be sure to use code ICH. Thank you so much Magic Mind for sponsoring this episode, and back to the podcast. So how are men and women psychologically different? I think the things that in a relationship sense... Just overall. Overall. Maybe in terms of priorities, it could be...

The priority for women is far more protection than men need. Men don't need protection from women. They need more appreciation and they need access and appreciation. They need access to her, like she gives them love and affection, but they need appreciation for what they do. That combination of access, even physically, they need sexual affirmation, they need physical touch. Well, combined with appreciation, they're relatively happy. For women, they, as much as they want you to be emotionally connected to them and all this good stuff, the key thing that they unconsciously want is somebody far more intelligent. than them. And they don't mean intelligent, like he's a CEO, he's a boss. They mean intelligent enough to recognize that when she might be lying, when something doesn't add up, when her truths are not adding up, when her behavior is not adding up, they like that in a man because when they see that he can't connect the dots, they start to think that they are more intelligent than him, and then they start to think that they're more powerful than him, and then they can become manipulative. But when you're with a man that loves you and appreciates you, but he still wants to fact-check what you're saying, and he still wants to make sure that, hey, listen, are you correct?

correct in this what you're saying. And fact-checking her, she appreciates that knowledge in the long run. So I think naively believing everything they say they don't like it, whereas for a man, naively believing what he says, he loves that in you. He thinks that you're his biggest fan. Also coincided with distrust. In such a way, if she's saying, oh, I'm going to go to the grocery store, doesn't it seem a little excessive to be like, oh, you're really going, who was there at the grocery store? Here's what I would say is there's a fine line between being toxic and being like aware. The key with awareness is you're not judging her. based on, you're not like misinterpreting everything and distrusting and being toxic, what you're doing.

It's more of a case of you've picked a woman who's naturally as invested in the relationship as you are to her. You're equally invested in each other. You're equally attracted to each other. You've equally sworn off alternatives. You've already made that assessment first, then you fall in love with her. What men do is kind of attached to her first and then figure out if she's invested, if she's attracted, and then hopefully make sure that she's and try and make her, all of those things. The better thing to do is select a woman who's already interested, attracted,

invested, and loyal to begin with then go forward. So it's more the pre-checking than the aftermath. It's interesting what you're saying seems to be a little bit countercultural to what at least people are saying nowadays. Like we had Justin Waller on the podcast and he said one of the most important things a guy can do in a relationship is to set his frame, which I think is kind of what you were saying where it's like guys need to kind of call out this sort of behavior. They should not allow, I don't know, disrespect or something like that. But the key is pre. If you do post, it's too late.

It's pre in the selection process. I'm so sorry to interrupt you. You were going to say, yeah. No, I think that's a really important thing to stipulate. Yeah, I don't know. I found what he was saying really interesting. And also, you say that women need to be able to submit to their men. Can you explain that?

What I mean by me being able to submit is not blindly because he's a man and therefore I'm submitting and I'm going to worship you because you're the man. It doesn't work that way. It works more a way that I see that you are very protective, you're a good provider, you're protective, you're smart, you're intelligent, you can make decisions without me having to kind of guide you all the way. As a result of your traits, I naturally want to submit. It's a bit like having a great manager at work. When you have a manager that comes in late, doesn't know what they're doing as erratic, it's hard for the workforce to respect the authority. But when the

manager is fantastic, you naturally submit. So the key is women submit to men. that they respect. So it's important to get their respect first and how you get their respect is having a willingness to walk away when you are being highly disrespected and not allowing them a free pass to bad behavior simply because they look fantastic or simply because they're attached to you. Their behavior is causing the attachment, not you're not just blindly attached. So when a behavior is wrong, you reduce your attachment rather than increasing it. And that way a woman will realize that she has to behave right and be submissive in order to get your most love. Now, how does this work for the woman's perspective?

From the women's perspective is when she has a great partner, who she can submit to, she can finally relax in life. When she choose, has a partner that she respects, he makes great decisions, he's very protective, he's not stupid, like she can't manipulate him, she can't like him, she's forced to be a better person, and she can also relax a little bit. When she has kids, she knows that she can trust him with some of the decision-making. And she doesn't have to be in this mode of where she's lying and hiding things. She can actually be her authentic self because she's chosen somebody who sees her for who she truly is and has chosen correctly.

But when she chooses somebody who has naively selected her simply because of her appearance or has believed all her lies in the process to get the relationship, she has to maintain the act for the rest of the relationship and it gets exhausting. So my understanding of what you're saying, and I'm tying that into what I've seen currently in the dating area, is there's this trend online where girls. Girls say, if I go to the airport, I don't want to have to think about anything. And I don't know if you've seen that. You turn your brain off. I see like these like shorts and stuff. And it's like a girl filming a guy and he's carrying all the luggage. And he's like stressed out.

He's like, okay, well, we got to get to this gate by this time. We got to go get a Starbucks over here because we didn't have caffeine this morning. And the girl is just kind of like. You've never seen this. I don't know. I don't know what side of the time. I've seen it. Totally different out of it.

I've seen it on like dating apps too. Yeah. Like girls have said what I'm looking. for a man to take care of the airport or something like that. Yeah. And that's why it's so, so important to be a woman that she can't manipulate because here's what it is. If, for example, I'm manipulating you and I'm stealing, and I'm like telling you what you want to hear just so that I can get a free trip to Vegas or just so I can get free accommodation and you catch me talking to my ex and I'm like, no, no, no, no, he just came over to drop something and, you know, he left

within an hour. The moment you can't spot the threats that I'm positioning to you, I'm going to think that you can't spot the threats when we are going to the airport, you're not going to realize what's going on. Or when somebody is asking for money and investment in the future, and you're not spotting the threats in this. Or when somebody is saying, you know, taking us down the wrong path in the driver, you're not going to be able to say to the driver, no, no, you're going down the wrong way. So if you can't spot it in us, we think you can't spot it in general, and therefore we can't turn our brains off. That's what it feels like. In what situations should the man submit to the woman? There are always occasions where

women have far more knowledge than a man in a certain area, particularly when it comes to children, when it comes to families, they should be more emotionally intelligent. You submit to a woman when her requests are super reasonable and they benefit the relationship. And what I mean by this, like, for example, when my husband I might say, I'm not very good at prolonged periods apart. I'm just not good at it. I'm not good at somebody who is like, okay, you go away for a week, I go away for a week, no worries, I'll see it at the end of the week. It's not natural for me. I need constant connection. He might not find that easy at first. You might think that's a bit annoying that I have to keep checking in and calling her because she feels uncomfortable. But if he knows

that that it's just going to make me calmer and it's going to make me calmer and it's going to make me a more submissive wife and it's going to make me feel more loved, it's okay to submit to that demand. That demand is not like, you can't do this and you can, you better give me this or it's not, it's not narcissistic demand. It's going to smooth out the relationship because I'm more likely to trust, you're more likely to trust it makes us better. But when they shouldn't submit is when the demands are only beneficial to one person, and that's men and women. Whereas when the demands benefit the relationship overall, you both will be happy. The relationship will be stronger. Even if one person's not happy now, but overall, the relationship will be better, it's totally

fine to submit man or woman. What would you say makes a high value man? I would say generally, high value man is, like, of course, look, I'm not going to deny. Some men are just built naturally at an advantage. A lot of the talk online is like men have to build their value and women are just born with it. That's simply not true. Some men are born six foot four. Some men are born totally muscles and all these things. Some men are born into wealth. Some men are born at an advantage. There are some high values, it has some, there are some prerequisites that are objective that can be unfair. So it could be something like the money they make or the lifestyle their upbringing might put them in a higher value. Or things like, you know, their weight and stuff

like that. All of those things matter. Objectively those things matter. Psychologically speaking, I think what really makes a man high value is a really high level of self-esteem and self-esteem and self-esteem simply comes from self-respect. What self-respect looks like is doing what's best for you, even if you want to give in to your current desires. And what I mean by that is, let's say, for example, this woman is fantastic and she's great sex, but you know she's dangerous. You know she's chaotic. The man that can't walk away from that woman and hyperattaches to her is automatically low value because he has allowed one desire to dictate all his behavior. Or let's say there's lots of alcohol in the room and he can't resist alcohol and he might be really successful, great, but he's such a, you know, a sucker for alcohol and he's addicted to it and he can't overcome

that one temporary desire for his long-term goals. High-value men can suppress some of their current desires for their long-term vision of themselves, whether that's food, whether it's how they spend their money, is whether the women they select. They have the ability to practice self-control in different areas of their life. It's just talking about me, which is really a little bitting image. It's weird. Are you describing me? But I would imagine you do have self-control because it's hard to build something. think this high without it. But here's where high value men get it wrong. They have incredible self-control in business, terrible with women. And you have to be holistically high value. And what I

mean by that is it can't stop when you leave the office, your level of self-control and your level of self-respect. You don't throw it out the window and then go home to a wife that's abusive or a woman that's transactional and uses you and abuses you. It has to extend to every area of your life and particularly outside of the boardroom. And what makes a high-value woman? I would say, look, again, I know it sounds, it's going to sound politically incorrect, but beauty is essential to be high value as a woman, not because I believe it, but because this is what men respond to. In order for men to you to have high value, without beauty, unfortunately, you're limited in your value. And so, and also, I'm not saying everybody has to be

high value, but beauty doesn't necessarily just mean that you have to be the most attractive person in the room. It's just that you take care of your appearance. means you stay on top of your weight to some extent. And that means you stay in top of your appearance. You dress as well as you can. You carry yourself well. You can't be totally out of shape and totally not take care of yourself and expect to be high value because you've got a degree in optometry or something. You've got a great job. It doesn't work that way. It's what men respond to. So appearance is really important. But the main thing I would say to be a high value woman is though you've got appearance And though you've got so many options when it comes to men, you reject more men than you accept.

You have ability to reject attention. High value women can reject attention and verbal attention from men all day, every day. Compliments mean nothing. Attention means nothing because they look for something more valuable than that. And they know that talk is cheap. There's more to life than finding the perfect car. But finding the perfect car can help you. you get the most out of life. Like the SUV that handles everything from drop off to off road,

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and they would be choosing a man who makes really good decisions, has really good self-control, treats her really well. So they have really high selection process. So they take care of themselves, they have a really high selection process, and you can't buy them through attention and money. And I would say those are the main ingredients. Of course, nurture is really important. Naturally nurturing and caring is really important. If she's not family-orientated, I know that sounds a bit like, you know, old-fashioned, but family-orientated and nurturing women naturally enjoy looking after the men they're with.

That seems like you have a lot of very traditional values and opinions. Where did that come from? And how do you think that fits into society today, which has rejected a lot of that? You know, it's so bizarre because I was born and raised in London. I was born and raised in London, but my parents are from Pakistan, from Kashmir. which is a very traditional area in Pakistan. And I was always, I just for some reason, even though I grew up in London, I'm Muslim as well, I was just always very much identified with my culture.

So I'd always get faced with alternative views. But my parents were so strict. I almost didn't have a choice. I had to stay quite traditional. I wasn't allowed out late. I wasn't allowed to have a boyfriend or anything like that. So I was always, and I never drank alcohol. So I had these restrictions and I had this religious faith.

So I think what happened with my mind is because I wasn't allowed to do all the things. things that everybody else was doing, I found mental justifications for why the way I live my life is better or why it's better for me. So what happened is I had to constantly challenge what society was telling me. So because society would say to me, oh, you should be sleeping around, you should be doing this. And I wasn't allowed to. I had these two completely conflicting doctrines. And then I had to find my own decision making. And mine just usually drifted towards more the traditional route. So I was confronted with the opposite of what I was being told at home. And I had to form my own judgment. And that's why I'm kind of against the grain when it comes to my culture because I was

against like the Western culture, because I used to identify more with my Eastern values. Do you think one is better than the other overall? I'm going to be biased. I'm going to be biased. But like what are the benefits of being more traditional? I'm going to be biased because I have family that are far more traditional than I am. I'm actually very liberal by my family standard because, you know, I still, I don't cover up and stuff. So I'm still very, you know, somewhat modern. But I would say the only thing that I see is a difference, and I think that is better for mental health,

is in Eastern culture their value is not derived by extrinsic values. And what I mean by that is they're less likely to base their self-worth on looks, money, sex, vices. They don't really base their self-esteem on pleasure. They're more likely to base their self-esteem on duty. Have I got married? Have I got kids? Have I given money to my parents? Have I supported everybody in my, like, area in my tribe?

Have I contributed to society? So because their self-worth becomes more communal, I think it's better for my self-esteem if I drift more towards those values. What's really interesting is when I was doing research into you... Were you really bored? You can be honest. No, no, no, no.

I loved it. It's very applicable to me, so it actually, you know, it helps a lot. Jack is taking notes. Yeah, absolutely. When I was, I'm going to review this plenty of times. When I was taking notes, I decided to call up a few women my age that were single to ask them, like, what are their thoughts? What's their perspective, you know, in dating in the modern age, I suppose? And every single time they brought up, I hate this whole,

like, high value, low value thing. Which is really interesting because I think, like, colloquially, it's kind of turned into a little bit more of a toxic thing. But I also think that it's inaccurate to say that a small percentage of guys and a small percentage of women get most of the attention. So why do you think people have such a negative response to more traditional values in this sense? Like, why do you think people are gravitating towards something that you would say is ineffective? Because it's quicker. That's all it is. It's far quicker. It's far quicker to say to yourself, I know I'll be a high value man. I'll just get a girl half my age. You'll be super hot and I'll buy her if I have to and then I can walk into a room and then I can be known as a high value man.

or I quickly, you know, make a few bucks, whether I do it a corrupt way through or like scamming people or if I just do it, you know, sell a few things, whatever it is, it's quicker. So people are looking for things that are quicker. But yeah, there's a lot of truth in what you're saying. It doesn't make sense that only top people are getting matches or getting relationships because most people get relationships. The top people, I think, have it harder to find people and find matches. So I think what's happened is social media has become.

a lot of people's source of human interaction, you can call your friends and quickly say, do you believe this? And she'll say, no, there's some nonsense. And you can dismiss what you saw on social media. A lot of people, social media is their only access to opinions. And therefore, they think this is why the world is living. But when you have more real life engaging conversations with actual people, you realize that all this high value, low value stuff is real nonsense. Do you think dating is more difficult today for men or women? I would say it's the hardest time for good women to find a partner. And I would say that I think good women have it the hardest.

I think corrupt women have it really great. I think corrupt men have it really great. Good women have it really hard and good men have it. So what is it about corruption that maybe makes it a little bit smoother? It's highly rewarded. And what I mean by this is if a woman online decides to sell a body part, she will get highly rewarded for it. She'll be flown out to countries she didn't even know existed by the time she's 19, 20 years old. She can go on a private jet by the time she's 23,

and she will have bags, because it's so hyper rewarded for being corrupt as a woman. It's so, so rewarded by men, by men in society. And I was scrolling once on Instagram, and I saw this woman that just looked, it looked really bizarre, like really huge, you know, like really big, it looked like a caricature. And I was like, this is wild. And I clicked on it, and there's six million followers. And I thought, that was, be about 5 million men that are following that. Whereas if you look at a woman who's just doing recipes, who's teaching kids, she's got nothing online. She's not going to have that much. Yeah, but isn't it quality versus quantity in that case? It is. But you've got to see why men's

attention is being directed and who their resources are being directed towards. I'm in a very unique position. I've been saying this a lot and I know it's going to be misinterpreted. I'm in a very unique position where I'm a woman who has a lot of access to male subscribers and without showing my body. But it's nothing compared to women who show their body. Yeah, but I feel like it's the equivalent of, let's say, getting 10 million views on TikTok versus 100,000 views on YouTube. Like the 100,000 views on YouTube is way more valuable.

It's more valuable, but for me, I'm totally fine with that, I'm paid of. But it tells you what men are willing to invest in more. So if I'm somebody, I'm personally totally fine with that. I'm all praise me to God. I'm very grateful for my exposure and whatever it is I do get from it. But let's take the woman that is just trying to make a buck or just trying to get through life. Or he's just trying to, you know, there's more broken homes than ever before. There's all that.

I always just being indoctrinated by social media. What is she going to think? Am I going to follow the Saudi psychology route of like going through years of education and then trying this, that and the other and then going online? Or am I going to follow the route of every girl I know who just posts a bikini picture and gets flown out to Santropay? Yeah, but my thought is that in defense of some of those people, it works. I mean, there's obviously such a big market for it. And if you're rewarded for those things and it benefits you, why wouldn't you go down that route? That's my point. I think that that's why corruption has it really great.

But a good woman who's not willing to sacrifice her self-respect, who doesn't want to be flown out, but does want a good, wants a high-value man or whatever, who wants a good relationship, she's being overlooked. So is it possible to still do those things, but not be corrupted? No. Like, let's just say you're in your room. You don't get on a private jet. You're not, but you're like, you're posting pictures. Like, is it still possible to maintain the sense of self? I think as long as you don't, you're not responsive to the advances. I think once you've gotten a private jet, and there's a one-way street, you're not going to go from private jet to coach.

So is it like once you experience those things? You can never like downgrade that level of expectation? Men are the same sexually. Once they experience something sexually, it's very difficult for them to go backwards. Women want some women, not all of them. Once they experience a level of lifestyle, it's very difficult for them to go backwards. Once they experience a level of commitment from men. Isn't that true with guys too?

it's like once you get used to a certain size of house. Like I went from 800 square feet and I moved into a place that was 1,800 square feet. To me that was massive. Like that 1800 square foot house was more space than I knew what to do with. Then I moved from that to 4,000 square feet. And I thought, that's massive. Now I've run out of space. Yeah.

So I feel like even for men, you just get used to, it's just a human nature thing. Like you'll get used to. A different level of stimulation and a different level of attention. The problem is when you're used to attention, from thousands of men to adapting to attention of one man becomes difficult. Yeah, when I'm used to, you know, let's say I post a picture and thousands of men comment, thousands of men tell me I'm fantastic or whatever it is, and then going from that level of stimulation and attention to one man being able to provide that level, it becomes a different

playing field. So it becomes harder to adapt. And what about for men? Couldn't the same be said about men going on, let's say, Instagram and seeing thousands of women there that get the most. most likes and physically the most attractive because they're getting pushed to the top of the algorithm. Couldn't that also skew a guy's perception? Absolutely. When you speak to men and ask them which women had them the most on a chokehold, which woman had them the most, they'll always focus on the women that they found the most attractive or the one that gave them the best sexual experience. Very rarely will they focus on the woman that treated them the best? And if they do focus on that

girl, she was a lovely girl, I can't say a word about her, that was bad, but it just didn't work out. But the girl that treated them badly, but as long as she gave them the best sex, she'll be the one that they think about for years on end. So it happens to men in reverse. And that's why corruption is being rewarded because women are learning very quickly that the quickest route to reward from men is by selling yourself. And that's unfortunate because sex sells, sadly. And that's the unfortunate lesson that we're teaching young girls. But before we go into that, this portion of the video is sponsored by Range Rover Sport. because, as you guys know, I'm an absolute fanatic when it comes to cars, so much so that I even

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I really appreciate having like this beat, like a dream coming true. So thank you so much. Enjoy specking out that Rangerover Sport with the link down below in the description. And now let's get back to the podcast. And you were saying that if you were saying that if you're going to be a little bit of the And you were saying that if you're, what was the term, good for both men or women, it's much more difficult. Why is that? Is it because you're competing with corruption or there's a smaller market?

What will happen is good men who are genuinely just going into relation with good intentions, who trust their partner, like as you should, and who don't think that women are playing all these games and don't think there's all this competition. They are taught to just be like, you know, they don't want to be toxic. So what will happen is if she is doing some disrespectful behavior, the good man who's just generally just trying to have a good relationship will think it's mean of me to have too many boundaries. They'll think it's mean of me to tell her that I don't really feel comfortable with her going on so many girls' trips. They kind of just want to be like good and they say allow it. And as a result, they get mistreated.

Similarly, good women who just want a good relationship, they don't lead with sex. They don't lead with enticing men. And as a result, they don't retain the men's attention for as long because, look, if a good woman wants to go online to meet a man. She might say, I really want to get to know him first before I sleep with him. Unfortunately, she's competing with girls that will sleep with him on the first night. And she's competing with girls that will, you know, send nudes on the first, after a couple of pictures. She doesn't stand a chance. Similarly, a good man is competing with potentially all the men on Instagram and stuff. So those two people tend to have it the hardest.

So not a turn off for some guys, though, to get, like, photos like that or to have, let's say, their first date advanced so quickly and the guy's kind of thinking, oh, this is, marriage material because, like, I've heard a lot of that. You would think that, but it depends on the quality of the sex they get from the girl. If it's fantastic sex, they forget their standards of what they're looking for. And I'll be honest with you, that's what I experienced, because they always say, no, no, it's a bit of a turnoff, blah, blah, but it depends how much they attach to the girl and the experience. If they really liked it, they'll forget everything that they normally stand for.

So one thing you said earlier in the podcast for guys is that sex is very important, physical attraction, and physical touch and stuff like that, but that coupled with support. Yes. Why do you think support specifically is so important for men? Because they don't receive it from each other as much. They receive it on a shallow level.

So what I mean by that is they might support each other in business or they might support each other in a sporting event. But they don't actually know what each other are going through. Very few will say, like, I'll say, to even to my partner, I'll say, oh, how's your friend he was going through that divorce? Is he okay? He's like, I don't know. He's seen fine at football.

And I was like, did you not ask him? And he seemed fine. He wasn't crying. I was like, he's not going to cry, but what, is he okay? And it's even with funerals, I'll be like, how is that person? Is he okay? I know his dad passed right. I don't know.

He was posting on Twitter, so I think he's fine. And I'm like, no, ask him. And he just doesn't have those conversations for them. It sounds like me. And I have no idea. And I'm so worried about him. She's fine to me. I don't know.

He seemed fine. And I was like, he's like, I didn't ask. And I'm like, but why didn't you ask? You know he's going through a divorce. And he's like, I didn't ask him. And I was like, okay. See, but I tend to think that if it's important, the other person will bring it up. No.

That's what I. But why don't they? But why don't they? Because they assume they're burdening you if they say it. They assume that they're, they, look, we actually enjoy hearing each other's problems. It's a form of bonding for us as girls. For men, they assume if you can't fix the problem, what's the point of me telling you it? So they just think, okay, my mom passed away, God forbid, if that ever happens to someone,

they think, me telling you about it, you can't bring her back. So what's the point of me telling you? So they don't speak to people, whereas for women, we still know that the support is helping us fix it, and just some listening is helping. So they're too problem-solving and not enough emotional dependency when it comes to men. Do you need that sort of emotional dependency with other men,

let's just say, because I'm very much the way where if something's bothering me and I know I can't fix it, it's tough for me to bring it up sometimes they will, but usually it's just like unless I really need to get it off my child, it's just like it's not worth talking about in a lot of this cases. not going to use men for that, which is a lot of men don't, then you definitely need it in your partnership and in your relationship. And because they don't need to speak to other men about it, this is why support is so important from their woman. And if they don't get that emotional support and they don't get that emotional intimacy, they are always trying to fill that empty

hole. And usually they think that they just want other women because they just want novel sex, but really they want a novel feeling of being seen and heard by somebody else if they're deprived of them. That's fascinating. When we're using the term, high-value man and high-value woman and stuff like that. Do you think that there are any misguided contributors to those things? So for example, like when you imagine like a quote-on-quote high-value man, high-value woman, is there something that they're kind of getting wrong? Like do people, when they imagine all of the contributing factors to a high-value man and high-value woman, are any of those factors, the generally understood factors, incorrect?

I think particularly the relationship with women, either the idea that to have multiple women or to have women that are, you know, half their age and I'm hyper-attractive. It's the women part that I find really, really, like, contradictory. I think truly high value is the ability to ward off alternatives to focus on your marriage and create a home for your children. That is high value because there's a legacy that you're hoping to create with children. Where they get it wrong is that you can have multiple girls on a yacht, you can sleep around and this, that and the other.

And I always say to men, if you're sleeping around, then you're potentially planting your seeds in low-value women. So imagine being a man where this random girl in this city, that girl's city, they're all carrying your babies and they're allowing other men into their world or they're raising the child in a way that you don't agree with. Essentially, your legacy is being depleted. So I think that the real misconception when it comes to high value men is the idea of endless women sleeping around loads and loads, being frivolous with who you're sleeping with, enjoying every pleasure there is, the life has to offer, and that makes you a high value man. But I think it's actually foregoing pleasure for your long-term goals is actually more likely to make you a high-value man, particularly with the women's selection,

because unlike women, women, we get to choose who we have children with in this day and age, with pregnancies and abortions and contraceptors, we get to choose. As a man, my body, my choice means you have no say. So if you're a truly high-value man and you've got millions to lose and get the wrong woman pregnant, for the rest of your life, you are serving jail time emotionally and financially with that woman. You have far more to lose. You have to be so strict with who you're touching. It's fascinating that you say that the man has to be willing to walk away. Yes. And then that is kind of his leverage in order to like be able to keep the whatever frame that he is set in the beginning of the relationship. Don't you think that it would be hard for a guy

in a loving relationship, in a true soulmate to actually wrestle with the fact that, hey, I might have to leave this? Or do you think it's more of just like playing the game? I'm going to fake kind of leaving so she kind of like has to reel her back in? No, the soulmate should be determined by the level of love and respect for you. If that is being compromised, she's not your soulmate anymore. And where people get it wrong is they attach the word soulmate to an individual, regardless of that individual's behavior and then make it work because they're loyal to the cause. This is my soulmate. But the soulmate should be somebody who genuinely loves and respects and is loyal to you. If those things are being compromised, you have to change your mindset and say, this is no longer

my soulmate. I might continue this relationship, but this is no longer my soulmate. And we don't even need the words on me. So I have to either I stay, but I reevaluate this person and realize that they have the ability to hurt me in a way I didn't think they did, or I walk away now and remain somewhat less hurt than I might be in the future, because usually when we forgive, unforgivable, I'm not saying everybody's bad. Like, I require a lot of forgiveness because I'll be rude and I'll be disrespectful, particularly when I'm on my period. And so I'm not saying you'd be perfect, but there are some deal breakers. And if I, I do the deal breakers and my husband still stays with me. Unfortunately, he is attaching to his

imagination of who I truly am, not who I really am. He needs to reframe who Sardia Khan is and ask himself, do I love this new person that she's shown me to be? And is this new person my soulmate? If the answer is yes, I still am a soulmate with somebody who might have done X, Y, and Z, perfect. But if the new soulmate is not somebody you're truly, truly can trust and be with forever, you have to have a willingness to walk away. You mentioned deal breakers. What's the difference between deal breakers, red flags, and ick? I love that. That is such a great question. Okay. Ick is, from a female perspective, it's something that a man does quite early on in your relationship that makes you question his masculinity,

and it just gives you the ick, and you don't realize that that's what it is. So it might be something really early on that. I know girls always say something like, oh, he wore something that was just way too tight, and it just signaled not masculine or something like that. When you've had enough love for a person, you've developed enough connection, it goes away. He becomes ick-proof. Then it just becomes a bit annoying and a bit more red flags. Then you become, so it's more attraction-based, and it's more that. As it gets to red flags is when you're actually considering being with them. You're actually in a relationship, you're in the dating stage and so on and so forth. You're actually considering this can go serious. Red flags are things that everybody's are different,

but ones are things that would potentially cause you to end the relationship at some stage or can potentially lead to a behavior that you would find unacceptable in the future. So it might be a red flag if I have a partner who's always cheated on every woman he's been with. There's a bit of a red flag because that could potentially lead to a problem. Or it might be a red flag that this person is really close to the X, a bit of a red flag. Deal breakers when they actually act on those behaviors, and then it's the final straw. Do you think there are certain deal breakers that everyone should have, or should deal breakers be subjective to the person?

I think it would be nice if you would make your deal breaker, your treatment. If everybody could make their treatment, like how they're being treated, it would be important. But some people, they're so difficult partners that they kind of get poor treatment as well. So I do think it's individualized. And the reason I say it's more individualized is there's so many men that will come to me and they've cheated on their wife so many times that when she cheats on him, he doesn't know if it's a deal breaker anymore because he's done it so many times himself. So he almost is like, should I forgive this?

Normally, objectively, you would say cheating is a deal breaker, but when you've done it so many times, you lose direction or whether or not you can forgive him. So the more misbehavior you engage in, the less clear your deal breakers get. By you behaving in a way that's respectful for the relationship, the deal breakers become very, very clear and you know what you deserve and what you don't deserve. When you misbehave a lot, the deal breakers get muddled. What do you think are really good red flags that if you're a guy or if you're a girl that you should check yourself to see if you have any so then you can write these wrongs apply corrective behavior because maybe no one's ever told you before or also good red flags to look for in a partner. The main thing is if we good red flags,

you mean green flags? Well like good red flags to try to detect so then you can. Ah, okay, to detect. Okay. It sounded like good red flags. Like green flags. Yeah. Like, how do you know if you're the problem? Here's how you know that you're the problem. Every time you come out of relationship, you can list exactly what the other person did wrong and not pay attention to what you did wrong. You're the problem. If you come out of every relationship and he's a narcissist, she's a narcissist, this person's a problematic, and you can't list even one thing you've done wrong in the relationship, you are the problem. And usually when, and I know I get a lot of stick for this, but when someone comes to me and they say so-and-so's a narcissist, so-and-sa's-and-a-son,

I know automatically you're the problem because that label, even if somebody is a narcissist, so many people experience that, that label automatically rids you of accountability. He did this, he did this, he did that, he did that she did this she did so when you come with that mindset you haven't reflected on the dynamic that created one person to take advantage of your kindness so it's the ability to come out of a relationship by saying i did this wrong i messed up i know i shouldn't have done this i know i shouldn't have ignored that i i i those people are definitely more green flags but somebody who can just tell you everything their partner did wrong should finish that sentence with but i should have also realized this earlier i shouldn't have paid more attention and that person is

more reflective. And what was the other part of the question? Is red flags to look for in another person to determine, okay, like, you know, are they a good match for me? I would say the same kind of thing. If somebody can't, if you meet somebody, I think the biggest great red flag is their lack of accountability. And their inability to be transparent, they're not telling you what they did wrong, and they're not accountable. Transparency is a really important trait. And what I mean by that is you could be filled with red flags. I can say to you, look, I've got terrible temper. I, you know, I can swear during an argument. I can be really rude, blah, blah, blah. But my transparency at least shows you that I'm allowing you to make an informed decision. People who are not transparent are the real issue. So I would use transparency as a detector of good or bad behavior. You could be a serial killer. But if you tell people what you are, at least you're not manipulating them. It's the inability to be transparent that I think is really difficult. But aren't there certain situations where it makes sense not to be fully transparent?

Let's say the girl that you're talking to is asking you questions about previous experiences that you've had with women and you know for a fact that this is just going to cause an argument. It doesn't make any sense to talk about it. Like you love this girl with your entire heart. Maybe this will even threaten the relationship if you bring up these things that you regret and you hate and you're just so in love with this woman. What do you do in a circumstance like that? I agree with you.

I do think sometimes some problem. I'm more troubled than they were. You can reveal your nature, but not what you actually did. So you can say, oh, in this relationship, I was such a nightmare. Because she was like somebody I wasn't really into, I used to end up going out a lot and coming home late. Like, it was a problem that I was having. But you don't have to say, I slept with her friend and I was texting a friend,

you don't have to give too much information. And if she starts asking, though, what do you say? Like, I did some things I don't regret. I don't want to talk about. I don't like thinking about it. You just say, like, I should know. I just know next time I will never do stuff like that again. I won't pick somebody or I won't be.

in that situation, as long as you are actually being honest about that. Because even when people have caught their partner cheating, one thing a lot of therapists recommend, which I don't recommend, is they say you have to tell your partner every detail. They say you've got to tell your partner where it was, who it was with, where every detail. I highly, highly go against that because it causes too much trauma. You can't undo it. But why even stay with the cheating spouse? To me, I don't know, for me, I guess it's a boundary that wouldn't even be considered. Like, I just can't see a reality where I'd be like, all right, you cheated. Well, all right, let's work on this. It doesn't even stand as soon as point left. Of course, we don't have children,

so we've got that luxury of being able to have a very, you know, objective reality. But I would say even with children, the reason they stay is very little to do with their love for their partner and a lot more to do with their lack of love for themselves. They don't know if they can meet somebody again. They don't know if that they're either going to have options or alternatives. They don't know how they would cope without this partner. And sometimes it's more they want to control the cheating partner and make sure that that partner doesn't move on so fast. So it's more, the intentions aren't always clean. Now, some women and some men have very clean intentions when they forgive cheating and it's more just to keep the family alive and to keep it all there. But I do

wonder if everybody knew that they were going to be fine if they left their cheating partner, would they stay? And I think most people would leave if they knew they would be totally fine. So it's a lack of knowledge of knowing what the other side of life would look like. I'm not saying you have to break up with everybody that cheats on you because in this day and age, everybody would then be divorced. But I'm just saying be aware that they'll have the potential to do it again if you do forgive them. On the topic of transparency as well, if your wife, partner or whatever is starting to like, let's say, show some age or something like that. And she starts asking you, am I starting to look old? Do I still look the same as in the beginning of the relationship and stuff like that? How do you address topics like that if they are starting to age and you can notice these differences?

And I feel like they're kind of like asking a question that they don't necessarily want to know the answer to. Here's how women want to receive that. We want honesty, but we want to know you're still attracted to us. And what I mean by that is I might say to my partner, have I gained weight or whatever it is? And I want them to give the honest answer. I want him to give the honest answer. But I want to still feel secure that you're still attracted to me regardless and you're still attracted to me in this moment. But your advice is for me to work out a bit more or your advice is maybe to, you know, get some facials or whatever it is to work on your skin, whatever it is. Your advice is still objectively you might need to do this, but the attraction has been compromised. Where women get sensitive is when they think or feel that you are no longer attracted to them. And then they feel like they're fighting a losing battle. So as long as you reassure and you still show attraction, and attraction is like initiating affection, it's saying nice things, but also affection, then she feels secure in receiving the information. But if you've never given affection, you give no compliments whatsoever, you don't initiate any physical contact. And then you give a criticism, she's going to take it very negatively.

And then how would you start that dialogue without her asking the question? You can remind her of how beautiful a particular time she looked or how great she used to look at that particular time without being insulting. So do you remember that day when you wore that? You looked amazing. Do you remember that? And you just remind them of how great and how much their potential is. But I do think it's important to have these conversations with your wife because when you just allow her to become men and women, I think both people, when you allow your partner to become somebody you're not attracted to and you don't remind them that. this is a problem, you are going to build up resentment towards your partner. You're going to naturally feel a bit colder towards them. You're not going to resolve conflict. You're not going to be as affectionate towards them. You're creating distance in the relationship. So if you can find a way to both ask, be good at receiving that information, but also giving it, it's really important

in the relationship. Do you, as men, do you get nervous telling women when they're looking different or not great? Yeah, yeah, definitely. That was a big one for me because I was always kind of like tauts or not really top but I always had the idea if you always want to eat with with compliments yeah what do you think of this I love it um Macy would be able to see through that pretty quick my fiance see through that pretty quickly and it became an issue early on that I said something where I was like yeah you look great or I forget exactly with the context she's like honestly I need you be 100% I was like I don't and then we went down this path she's like I always want you to be honest so now I've just become like brutally honest

but that was a muscle that I really had to learn. It was incredibly uncomfortable for me to say. See, I feel like if it's a friend, you don't have that sort of emotional connection where it's like, you know, Jack walks in, just unpromptom and be like, Jack, I hate that. Awful in that. That is the worst haircut I've ever seen. What is that mustache? How dare it?

But like, you know, if it's someone you really love, it's hard to like to say something like that. But here's the thing. It's long-term thinking. The truth is going to establish more long-term connection. in long-term intimacy. Lying short-term will just please the partner in the short term. It will avoid conflict in the short term, but it will create conflict in the long term. Sorry, in the short term, you'll avoid conflict, but in the long term, you'll create conflict. So when you have to be honest with your partner, just remember, I'm being honest with you

because I see a future with you. I know I don't want this to reoccur in the future. When you're trying to please your partner in the moment, firstly women can see through it, that you're just being a people-pleaser, and therefore she values your opinion less. And the reason why that's important is if I know my partner is going to compliment me regardless, his compliments mean less to me. And then if I'm in a vulnerable state, another man's compliment might mean more to me because I've kind of got desensitized to my partners in like just people pleasing. Whereas if he's honest with me, his compliments still hold weight and his opinion still holds weight. So honesty has to be the backbone behind or feedback.

What if it's immutable changes? Like you just, you can't fix it. Like, let's, I'm trying to think of something that would offend literally nobody. Like, boobs after breastfeeding or something. Let's say, like, let's say you don't like your girlfriend's big, burly, bony knuckles. And you're like, okay, they're just, your knuckles are too big. I'm not a huge fan of them, never have been. Like, is that something that's even worth bringing up? Because you can't.

You as a person on who's doing the judging has to deprioritize how important that is to you and focus on the things that you love and appreciate because you can agree objectively that you're probably fixating on things that, can't be changed. So the better thing to do is focus on the things that you enjoy about your partner. So you mentioned boobs after breastfeeding. Are there certain things that are like hurdles that every relationship has to go through throughout, you know, like let's say a 40 year long relationship, okay, after a certain time maybe, you know, you lose symmetry, maybe like something happens. Yeah. Like certain like staples that relationships will have to address.

Sadly, it's children. Yeah. Children seems to be the biggest hurdle couples face in creating a long-lasting relationship, which you would think would be the opposite, because what it does is it does two opposing things. It ties you in for life, but at the same time pushes you away in terms of your emotional intimacy with each other. So now you're stuck with this person forever, because regardless, you have children, so now you're stuck with them forever, but your actual connection has been compromised. So the resentment grows, because mostly women, obviously, the body's been through so much, they can't be there for you physically as much as a man can. He can pick up and be back to bedroom behavior the next day, women can't see. He has to be very patient. And some women, especially when

they first start breastfeeding and start attaching their child, they get so focused on the child, as they should, that it leaves very little room to kind of reconnect with their partner. They're just so exhausted and stuff. So the disconnect gets bigger and bigger. And then what happens with men is they become more loyal to the woman, because loyal on the surface, because they're like, I'm never breaking up my home, but they can become more disloyal sexually. That's when they start to compartmentalize far more than they ever did before. Before all their needs would be met with one woman. When she becomes a mother, they mentally can compartmentalize and say all my emotional needs,

all my dedicated my loyalties with her. But that tiny thing that I need, usually sexual, I'll outsource it. So it's a scary time. How common is that? Because I've never heard of that to that degree of like compartmentalizing like your wife and children and a bedroom activity. Like I've never heard that before. It's very common in men who.

prioritize sex over commitment. So it just depends on your man's relationship with sex. If you want a loyal, loving man through thick and thin, you choose men whose priority in life is not just sex. They literally see the bigger picture. They understand that, yes, of course, every man likes it and whatever it is. But they understand that the sacrifice of outsourcing it is an entire family and a connection, and they're not willing to make that sacrifice. Other men, their entire decision making revolves around it. So you have a look at, I always say to women, And if you want to know if your man is going to be faithful or unfaithful, have a look at his relationship with sex.

What is it like? Is he one of those people that can constantly outsource it, constantly stimulated by pornography, constantly watching girls online, needs it one nightstand, one night's time, one night's time, what happens is that man finds it okay to compartmentalize. But if you find a man who actually likes relationships, actually likes connections, actually likes female friends, he has female relationships outside of sex, doesn't just sexualize every woman, he can get through those tough times. It's quite easy.

It's not easy, but he can get through. those tough times. One of the big things when I was doing research on like hot relationship topics or hot dating takes is how common it is for guys to get friends zoned and how frustrated a lot of guys seem to seem to be when they go on a date and they feel this pressure to make a move very early on and signal interest. Otherwise there's this belief that they get friend zoned. So how do you prevent guys from getting friends zoned? A lot of the time men friend zone themselves and how they friend zone themselves is they desexualize themselves. Yeah, they de-sexualize themselves.

And what I mean by this is there'll be some men that you can't friend zone because they constantly remind you, not just that you're beautiful and you're great, but they remind you that there's some sexual interest in you. So they'll remind you that they have some chemistry with you. They might say to you, oh, God, damn, you look great today. Oh, my God, he's a lucky man. They give you that signal that they find you sexually attractive. Friends zone men will either never say anything.

Or when they do say it, they say it the same way they would, a woman would say a compliment. Like, I like a dress or that, your hair looks nice. They say the same things a female could have done. So what happens is they desexualized. I'm not saying you need to sexualize and become really perverted or anything, but this is just what happens with friend zone. And the other thing that men, friend zone men do is they spend too much time around women who are not showing physical interest in them. They're spending too much time investing in women who haven't signored attraction to them. Men that avoid the friend zone is they gear themselves naturally towards women they can see are attracted to them. There's some level of mutual attraction.

Friends own men will look for women that they're attracted to, but are not paying attention to whether she's physically... How do you know if she's into you or not into you? I think that's the one thing. Guys, I think universally are all like, I had no idea she was into me. Or I had no idea, like you just have no clue. I would say one indicator is you have to polarize a woman. And what I mean by that is you have to put her in a position where she's either forced to show that she's interested or not interested. And it could be as simple as you. walk quite close to her. And if you see that she leans in, she's probably connected to you. But if you walk closer, if you lean in and you can see that immediately she goes somewhere else, the

attraction isn't there. So it's more of a case of you put her in a position to see, you polarize her, is she going to go towards you or she's going to lean towards you or lean against you? And that signals attraction. And it could, and physical affection is really important as well. So what I mean by that is even little things like body language, if they're sitting on a sofa, they'll lean in towards you, they'll make that eye contact, they allow you to put your hand on their thigh or whatever it is. But if everything is pulling away, there's probably not that natural attraction there. Alcohol can blur that, though. I can see when people drink, they can blur that, but generally speaking, it's the leaning in or leaning against physical advances. Do you think that abstinence

is a good thing for people? Sexual abstinence. I think it's only if you define it, including pornography. Some men will abstain from women, but they use pornography on a regular basis, and that would actually be worse. I think it's probably, I think abstinence to pornography is more important than abstinence to actual women. And the reason being is actual women still give you a realistic perception of what connection looks like, what connection is required, and the activity that's required in order to get outcome. Pornography allows you to get all of the outcome without any of the work. So that is a dangerous abstinence if you're just using pornography. The most important abstinence is pornography.

And if you can abstain from physical relationships, I think it's not that I'm saying you can never touch a woman, but touch women that you would be relatively happy. If worst-case scenario, they got pregnant, you'd be relatively okay. Like, you wouldn't be ideal, but she's not the worst woman on the planet. When you drop your standards too low and you start sleeping with women on such a low level, what will happen is just because you want sex,

what will happen is when you meet a woman just slightly above the low level you're used to, you fall madly in love. your standard starts to drop. You start to get used to a lower standard of woman. When you keep your standards high, the woman that it takes to marry you will still have to be high caliber. But if you're a man that's sleeping around all day, every day, all it has to be is she has to be slightly above the low level you're used to it and you glorify her. So it's really important to keep your standards high because she's going to be the mother of your children. But before we get into that, I'm sure you guys can tell that the studio we filmed this episode in is rented.

And to be honest, it is quite expensive to do that if you want to make content. And on top of that, this studio that we film in, our home studio, is expensive as well. I mean, each camera and lens together are over $5,000. I don't even want to think about it, to be honest. But if you're looking to get started and you want to create high-quality content, it doesn't have to be this expensive. And our sponsor, StreamYard is there to help. For those unaware, Stream Yard is a content creation and live-streaming platform

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And now let's get back to the podcast. If you have been friends owned by somebody, how do you get out of that? You reframe how you see her. Instead of trying, begging her to see you differently, you now also friend zone her. A lot of people will say you have to walk away from a friendship and when a girl to offer you a friendship never be her friend again. I think you're missing out on a really important data collection when you walk away from women that you are once attracted to and you don't become their friend. If she's friends are new, no problem. There's plenty of room for

friendships in your life. I think some of the most valuable friendships you can have is with women. And if you were once attracted to them and you became friends with them, you get an insight into their opinion on men. You get insight into the women that you find attractive how they think. So I've had men, many, like when I was younger and stuff, that may have had an initial attraction. And then we became friends. But by me staying in their life, we give each other so much feedback. I was like, do you remember you did that? Oh, my God, that was so creepy.

Why did you do that? Why didn't you just say this? Do you feel like that's a true friendship? Because you always hear those things on TikTok or Instagram where they call, they had the woman call for like guy best friends. Like, hey, I'm single now. Do you want to go on a date? All the guys are like, yeah, we'd love to. I think the truth of behind a friendship is the boundaries you established. And the key is you wouldn't make that phone call. The key is you wouldn't go to their house at that time and night. Because a lot of men would be like, oh, yeah, why if you called them in the middle of the night and said that you were this? And I was like, but the key to the friendship is we wouldn't do that.

Yeah, but in a hypothetical, the door is still open for the guy. The guy would always say yes. And the girl would say no. Well, I think it's really important. Cut to the chase. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure they would. Look, in my personal experience, I'm a bit of anomaly like that because I'm very good at friends zoning myself to the point where my male friends cannot sexualize me anymore because they know me so well. I know them so well. It's such a different kind of vibe. So I understand I'm an anomaly. I do believe that perhaps that could happen in any circumstance. But the key to your friendships is that the friendship means more than the attraction, if there was any attraction. And that's what makes a true friendship. The friendship itself is more important than the attraction and you want to keep them in your life more than you want to sleep with them. And that's when you ticked to a. I think that's true. But I think when a guy comes in initially with that expectation of I want a date, I find you highly attractive, and then a guy gets friend zoned. I feel like as soon as that door is opened or if it's ever opened, because there is that initial spark of attraction, I mean, granted. What if in the process of becoming a friend, you learn so much about her that you find unattractive? The reason I think it's really important. Like, okay, I love the insight. I think this. This is a place where we would disagree.

I do think it's possible for guys and girls to be friends, but I'm saying this is a generalization. So light me up in the comments if you want to. I would say of guys and girls' friendships, maybe less than 6%, 7%, you know what I mean? Like the guy would say, the guy would say no. So even if he does find things very unattractive in the girl, they can see. The guy still is like they're still friends. And guys get attracted to the fact that, oh, I've got to know this girl really well. I feel like I understand her personality and she knows me really well.

Therefore, it's like Mr. Wright instead of like, you know, the Mr. Mysterio. To have human qualities as a criteria for sex. And what I mean by that is, yes, she might be a really great friend. But you should have some kind of deal breakers with even the people you sleep with. Now, if I know my friend inside out and I know what he's like and I know that he sleeps with lots of girls on a night out, and I know that my friends like might be cheaters or I know that my friends have, I'm not their usual type, or I know that if I know that they've got these traits in them, I have certain human qualities as part of my criteria to be with somebody. So if a man doesn't have human qualities,

just the fact that she's saying, yes, is enough for him to jump on that. But when he knows, oh, God, she gets so drunk and she does this with every guy, or I know so many guys I've slept with her and it's just a bit off-putting, or I don't really need to deal with her in the morning. I know she's going to be really emotional. When he adds human qualities to the women that even he sleeps with, it is possible. I think what Jack is getting at is that, When both parties are single, there's a dynamic there that's slightly changed when one person finds the other attractive. And that doesn't really change. Now, assuming both people are single.

If both them are single, it's not really a problem. That's not really a problematic outcome. Well, I would say it's somewhat of a problem if he's not so forthright about the way that he feels and he is kind of like, you know. Yeah, this is after getting friend zoned. But one thing I would say is lots of women get friends zoned as well. There's lots of women out there that have crushes on their male friend. hoping that he will become single. It's just that they don't talk about it as much. So it can be mutual. So if you find yourself in positions where your friends, you end up hooking up,

she was also feeling that way for a long time. She had to have something initially for you for her to even go down that route. So if you ever are in a position where, you know, friends become something, both of you had this attraction. It wasn't one way. It wasn't one man getting out of the friend zone. It was both of you had some underlying attraction at some point. So it's more reciprocal than men realize. So you think it's possible to get out of the friend zone as a guy? If she's attracted to you.

If she's not attracted to you? If she's not attracted to you, then no. There's nothing that you could do. I don't think so. I think the only thing you can do is wait for her to give up on finding true love and then she might resort to you. God, that sounds horrible.

Yeah. That's how terrible. It would be a Debbie down around. Is that terrible? No, I mean, it's, you know, if it's accurate, it's honest, you know? I would speak for very, I'm not saying every woman, But I just think if she's solidly friends zoned you

And she's been through terrible relationships Back and forth, back and forth And you've stayed there And she goes back to you She's coming back to you as a source of comfort Rather than actually like seeing you You know, I've only seen it happen once Where someone was friend zone

Like hardcore friend zone And come back This was in high school And this is a friend That I guess him and this Just trying to keep names vague Him and this girl

Had been friends for like a long time He's hardcore friend zoned Went off to college came back, the dude was a stud. I'm saying like he just all of a sudden sprouted like a foot in college, came back with like a beard, got in shape,

wore like great clothes, then they started dating. I think that can happen. I think you have to reframe and if they see each other, but you're not working on yourself to get her back, you just happen to be working on yourself

and you see each other for a long time. It's almost like a fresh start. He was a changed part. I mean, he could say everything was changed. Like his attitude, like everything's different. Then I think it's different.

definitely can. But if he's just consistently waiting in the wings, I think it will become a last resort. And also, you should lose attraction to a woman who's not super attracted to you. I think the key thing for a man is to remember that just because you're attracted, a part of your attraction to her should depend on her attraction to her. If she shows you no attraction for a long period of time, try and take her off a pedestal. Don't wait for her, but instead realize that you're, there's women out there that would love to be with you. We don't put one girl on a pedestal. There's lots of women that we'd love to be with you. And you try and show appreciating to those women. It's kind of a change of pace, but are daddy issues real?

Yes, in men and women, more so in men. So what does that look like to someone with daddy issues? What's the stereotype? In women, it very much looks like a real need for masculinity and masculine energy. And what that would look like is going from relationship to relationship. There's very few periods of singlehood with women who have daddy issues. And sometimes what it can be is accepting unacceptable behavior, or having hyper expectations from a man, one or the other. They either, because they didn't have a male role model,

they just accept unacceptable behavior because they just want a man in their life, or if they didn't have a male role model and they were really, like, started to have a distaste towards men as a result, they will have hyper expectations that you have to provide for me, you have to do this, you have to basically make up for all of the missing holes in my life. So they can be on more extreme ends with women with daddy issues, particularly how she frames it. men with daddy issues, I always say is a slightly more deeper issue that no one talks about.

Men with daddy issues who genuinely dislike them, their father, they become people-pleases when it comes to women, and they suffer a lot in relationships. And what I mean by this is if they doesn't, like, some men have really terrible fathers, that can happen, and it's justifiable. But if they don't internalize it and they just say, oh, you got a bad dad, whatever it is, but if there's some men who just had like just critical fathers, you know how fathers can push you and be a bit aggressive and be a bit difficult. with you. Some men, if they mistake that as, oh, he's such a narcissist, oh, he's so horrible,

and he's not emotionally available. What will happen is they over-identify with women. They over-identified with their mom. They see their mom as this perfect angel and their dad is terrible. So when they go into the real world of dating, they see women as perfectly angelic and men are terrible. So they'll do everything to please their partner, everything. So they might realize that, you know, their wife has cheated on them. And instead of thinking, well, why did my wife do that. They'll be like, who was he? He's this stupid, and they'll blame the man. So they can get disconnected from their masculinity and enter relationships almost as a girlfriend with a penis for their wife. So how do you solve daddy issues? Is it just being aware

of those things and just trying your best to make those corrective? Just make sure that you don't have a gendered way of looking at men and women. And what I mean by that is you're not a man who favors women simply because she's a woman. You favor people because they treat you well and treat you badly. You favor people based on that. And you're not a woman. that totally hates men just because he's a man. You hate and like people according to their treatment of how they are with you. So it's making sure you come out into the real world when not with an ungendered bias view of human behavior. What are the downsides of being a very attractive woman or a man? A very attractive woman is you are automatically disliked by

men and women. It's an automatic response you get. And people think that all men like you. It doesn't always work that way. You've got to remember there's a lot of men that. resent the women that they can't access. And what I mean by that is they see a beautiful woman and because they assume she's not going to like him back, they automatically feel, especially with this whole red pill movement, they automatically feel like they need to humble her. The reaction attractive women get is the world thinks that she needs humbling, even if she is humble. So they feel totally entitled to obliterate her self-esteem. There's so much more kind of reaction to when Kylie Jenner posts a picture. It's so easy to be like fake, disgusting.

bag, lips, blah, blah, but when somebody unattractive posts a picture, nobody would feel that it's justified to actually say any of her flaws. So what happens is as an attractive person, you almost have to go through life being more torn apart for your looks than you are praised because people automatically assume that you need humbling. I've noticed that too in real estate. It seems like a lot of the attractive realtors have trouble being taken seriously by their clients. It's almost like they have to work twice as hard to be seen as an equal. They do. But the thing is, if they want to, they can lean into their privilege. I'm not saying it's all bad. If you want to, you can also work our 10th is hard and get the sale because you can lean into a privilege.

But then you get people pretending that they want to buy a house. Because I've seen it all. And they're with these time wasteer of clients. And everyone could see it. And there's that small glimmer of hope. You know what? Maybe there's a 5% chance they find a house they like. But then you get people that just want to waste your time. Yeah. And constantly just like dates. And I knew a few realtors, that would wear a wedding ring because they would think that, hey, if I'm at an open house, I'm not going to get these fake buyers coming in. And even with the ring, it wouldn't make that big of a difference. Like, guys would not care, which is wild to me. You would think that you would just respect that.

If she was in real estate, what advice would you give her? How does she... You have to have a great BS detector. Yeah. Like, that's the one thing. And you only get that by getting burned a lot. Like, when I first started, I was 18 years old and I have a lot of people who would like to work with me because I couldn't tell if they weren't serious or not. So if someone wanted to see a

$5 million house pretend to be, you know, a buyer, I'd believe them because I had no way of telling the difference between a real buyer and a fake buyer. Just the warning signs that in hindsight, I could look back and be like, this person is so fake. Every time they start talking about themselves, oh, I do this and I do this. I'm looking for a house for the, like the real buyers are so quiet. Yeah. The real buyers are like, I'm in this price point. I want this specific area. If it doesn't fit this. I'm not going to waste my time. I'm really busy. I can't see the house until like this time and it's too. Those are the

real buyers. The fake ones are just like, oh, I want to see this. Oh, that's okay too. It's usually people talking about themselves non-stop and trying to hype themselves up. So as a beautiful one, if you want to avoid those kind of time witnesses, you just remember that the more they talk, the less they'll do.

Usually. It's just getting a sense of the person's demeanor. I feel like they have something to prove. Yeah. Those who are just... Exactly. How would you take a beautiful woman serious, what could she do in the workplace that would make you take her more serious? And say if she enjoyed... I would say it's mostly demeanor. It's like, yeah, you've met some like female realtor powerhouses. And like, if I walk into their office,

like, I'm intimidated. It's just like, they have this aura of confidence around them. Like, you walk in and they mean business and they are sharp and they are aggressive negotiators. And they're like very strict. Like that, for me, from what I've seen is like highly effective. Yeah. And that's why some of the best realtors in Los Angeles, they're women. They're not men.

Same by the best ones. So it depends if you want to lean into it or not. But I think that's great advice. Have an aura about you where you can't, like they can't just go straight to flow. Yeah. Yeah. And just also not believing everything they're told.

Like you could tell immediately when someone walks in and you're with a powerhouse like that. Someone walks in and starts talking about themselves. They dismiss them. or they shoot them down so quickly. They start questioning what they say. Like one buyer brought into an open house, and this lady was a powerhouse.

The same sort of deal. But knew, pulled me aside after like two minutes. It's like, hey, by the way, that buyer's fake. It's not a real buyer. I could tell immediately I've been doing this for 20 years. Don't waste your time with this person. I'm telling you now because I don't blame you. Like, I'd be in the same position as you, but like a person is fake.

And then that person walked back in, and she just shot this guy down, like immediately. The guy showed proof of funds. And she just literated this thing. So I think a lot of it is his confidence demeanor. Having a BS detector. Is it just favorable? Handsome men, I heard that handsome men, like handsome tall men are trusted easier. But I think it's the same thing.

I mean, people are still going to waste their time. Do you know what I find in relationship sense, handsome men? They don't necessarily end up with the most beautiful women. And I think it's two reasons. Firstly, where the normal men would have to go pursue women, handsome men get into this zone of life where women come to them, which is a very, like, trippy kind of way of experiencing it, but women come to them. So they are used to it being that way around. So when a woman's not approaching them, they assume she's not interested. They don't realize a natural pursuit is he

should be chasing or he should be initiating. The other thing I find with handsome men, because they don't require as much female validation because they get it so much, they look more for a woman that treats them well, rather than just a woman that looks fantastic. They focus on the treatment that they receive from a woman far more than they would by the status symbol of her being super attractive because they've already got that status symbol. So I feel like with handsome men, they end up with women who truly, like, who chase after them rather than who they chase. And they focus on how a woman is treating them more so than anything. They find, I feel like they're not always with their absolute equivalent, but they're with women who are true. They do get

very loyal women because women are loyal to looks far more than you realize. Women who feel like they're punching above their weight seem very loyal to their man, whereas women who believe that they are compromising, still got their eyes open. When a woman's punching above her weight, especially in looks, not finances, in looks, she tends to be hyper-loyal. Why does so many people compromise in relationships? I think we have to. In real life, I think we really do have to. I think we should, and I don't think compromise is a bad word, and I don't think settling is a bad word. I think it's really important to know when and how to compromise. What will get you perpetually single is when you don't, either you get it too wrong. You're either compromising too much when you're getting bad treatment,

or you're not compromising at all. But I think it's good to have a healthy level of compromise. If you're aging as like, let's say a man or a woman, you might have to accept that your partner's going to have children from a previous marriage, or you might accept that they might have been divorced. You have to have some level of healthy compromise, even if you don't have children,

even if you haven't been divorced, you have to have some healthy level of compromise is essential, but just as long as the compromise isn't causing you to compromise on your deal breakers. Just remember your deal breakers and don't compromise on them, but everything else is negotiable. What about when it comes to breakups? What's the fastest way that you've seen to be able to get over a breakup? You remind yourself of the vision you have for yourself in the future.

And let's say, for example, your vision is, I want to be a really successful man, and I want to be married with kids, and I want to be able to trust my wife. And if that person fits into that vision, fantastic, you can try and make it work. But if that person doesn't align with where you see yourself in the future, then instead of holding on and trying to mold over them and worry about them, you try and just remember your vision and just be happy for the person and be like, I hope she meets somebody who's right for her. And it's really tough to do that.

But we can't be moaning and missing someone and be happy for them at the same time. If you truly love someone, you'd be like, I hope she finds someone who is good for her. But me personally, I've got this particular vision. She doesn't fit that vision. She's great for me now, but she's not going to be aligned with me in the future. So I hope she meets someone who's good for her right now, and I can try and let go of my ego. Who takes it worse? Who takes breakups worth? Men are women?

I think men do. I really do. I think because it breaks their ego a lot. They're so ego driven, whereas for women, I feel like they can feel the whole of a breakup quite quickly with friends, family, even if they get into another connection, they can kind of fill that void. With men, they seem to, it hits them later, but it hits them deeper. So the first couple of weeks, the first couple of months, they kind of enjoy their freedom or whatever it is. But when they realize they don't have, because like I was saying, women have so many social supports, their friends, family, this, that the other. When it sinks in that they have no one to talk to at the end of the night or

have they no one checking in on them or no one's cared if they've like how they're feeling anymore, then it sinks in and then they wallow on it a lot more than women do in the long run. There's the age old question, and I feel kind of like dirty even asking this. So Gigi, I'm sorry, this is my grandma. She watches. Oh, Gigi is that her name?

Yeah, her name's Linda, but we call her Gigi. I gigi. Hi, gigi. The amount of partners, aka body count, does this matter? and if so, who does it matter more to? I would say it's generally understood that it matters more to the guy than it does to the girl. Do you find this to be true or inaccurate? I think the main thing I've kind of said before about body count is that I think it's having an arbitrary number is not very useful

because personally you're never going to be able to get the truth out of men and women, yeah? Men might inflate it, women might deflate it. You can't get the truth out of them. But like I said, the relationship with body count is you really have to look at your part. aren't as relationship with sex. Now, if you have a woman that will say yes to anybody that gives her attention, anyone who makes her feel loved, anybody that does that, if that's been the main cause of her body count, the main reason of her body count is a drunken night out, the main cause of her body count is because she was feeling low and someone comforted her, then that's a red flag.

It's what caused the body count, or if it's a man who's been on dating apps for years and years and just hook up after hook up, pleasure seekers, then the body count really, really matters. But if you are looking at somebody whose body count was built on strong connections, it was built on, like, you know, they really had a relationship with that person. They constantly are saying no to lots of people, more than they're saying yes, then the... Square knows that in hospitality, efficiency is everything. That's why the system lets you take payments. Track sales, handle inventory, manage staff, send invoices, and keep up with finances all in one place.

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edge. The refined Tiguan, you deserve more style. Visit vw.ca to learn more. SuvW, German engineered for all. Then that person is a little bit more trustworthy. So it's really more their relationship with sex. There's some men I know that might be 35 years old and two girls. Now, that might sound like a really low body count.

Might sound great on paper. But what if that guy is super overweight, doesn't have a job, lives in his mom's basement and is watching porn all day? Doesn't mean he's virtuous. Doesn't mean he's a great guy. And same thing with a woman. Let's say her body count is very low. but she hasn't had any options but the moment she gets an option

she goes for it is looking at somebody's relationship with sex and do they treat sex as an activity that they can do with everybody and anybody or do they treat it as an experience that they reserve for the people that they're most connected to and love the most and do they do it

can they only do it with one person at a time if somebody can have simultaneous sex with lots of different people at the same time they're disconnected from sex and as a result I would worry about their body count and their future relationships so it's the context that matters Yeah, and their relationship with sex. Can they have simultaneous sex with a couple of people at the same time or not? Some people, the moment they go on a first date with a man or a woman, they're sexually loyal. Other people, there might be 20 dates in and they're still keeping their options open. That's the person you should be more worried about. So one of the biggest issues that I've noticed amongst me and my friends is the fear of rejection. When you're like out at a bar and you see an attractive girl and you want to go and approach her, you are just absolutely deathly scared of them just saying no and you fall flat on your face and everyone sees it.

it and your friends see it and this and that. And then also just like to wrestle with that egoically speaking, like it's pretty challenging. What would you say is the best way if you find someone, you deem them as attractive, you want to talk to them, how do you do that? So the fear of rejection is something that is very deep ingrained in men. And I really think your fear of rejection really holds you back when it comes to a man because if you, and I see it different cultures, particularly since I've been in LA and stuff, and you'll see a big cultural difference in how men respond to rejection. You'll see Hispanic and Afro-Caribbean men. How they deal with rejection is they don't place their self-esteem on a woman saying yes or no to them. So they might stop you while they're in

car like, baby girl, you look great. And I'm like, okay, and they'll be like, okay, have a great date. They don't need anything from me. And therefore, they don't place my reaction, doesn't affect their level of rejection. It's just simply having a conversation. So they go into dating or they go into approaching women as if I'm here to give you a good conversation. If you want more of me, you're most welcome. If you not have a great day, they have that kind of mindset with women. They have that mindset with women, and I know that sounds a bit controversial, but they have a mindset with women that I really want to talk to you, but you're not the only woman on the world. And if you don't want to talk to me, I completely respect your opinion. Have a great

day. Where men get it wrong and, you know, they get a bit nervous is her not talking to him and her not responding to him affects his self-esteem. It gives it to them, it feels. It feels, like I'm obviously not good enough. It affects their level of how they view themselves. It's about removing that, removing that your self-esteem or your self-reflection doesn't depend on her because how she responds to you depends on her mood that day. She might be in a relationship. So many other factors that are not based on you. So you remove your self-evaluation from her reaction and just replace it with, I'm just giving you an opportunity to get to know me. If you don't want to get to know me, no worries, have a great day. If you do, you're in for a treat. I'm a great guy.

It's that unconscious confidence that comes through. So you handle it by saying her rejection doesn't mean I'm not good enough. It just means we're not meant to be. And it's that simple. I think Jack was looking for a line or something to... A line. Like what do you say? I got rejected so bad with him.

He gave me $20 to ask a girl. Oh, it was the delivery. That's all it was. You would not go up. I don't even... Hey, I thought you were really pretty... I don't even... Can I have your phone number?

Yeah, so we were... Probably something like that. went to the bank. Why would that get rejected? Was a girl like... No, it was... Oh, we filmed it too. Yeah, we filmed it.

It was really bad. Like, I saw her in the bank. I didn't... No, she was like, like, decently attractive. But like, I mentioned it to Graham, and Graham's like, oh, well, you should go ask her for her phone. I'm like, nah, no.

He's like, okay, I'll give you $20 if she rejects you. And I'm like... Oh, so you reward rejection. Yeah. Exactly. Well, it's... My thought was that either he gets a number, in which case he's happy, or he gets rejected and which case he gets $20.

So it's a win-win. But when I watched the footage and we posted it, I think so. I think we posted it. What was the way in the delivery? It was just a little sheepish, a little like, excuse me. I thought you were like, yeah, yeah. I think if Jack went up, hey, sorry to bother you really quick. I just saw you walking out.

I thought you were really pretty. Yeah. Can I get your number? I got to get got. Like something just I guess a bit more confident. Yeah. Yeah. Like I was saying, the key is her reaction and her response doesn't matter that much.

When you're sheepish, it looks like she holds all the power. And she's like, oh, God, I'm going to stress them out if I say no. And I'm going to, it's more of a case of reaction doesn't matter more. I just need to let you know that I think you're great and I think you look great, blah, blah, blah. So, yeah, I would agree. It's a delivery. The line itself, unfortunately, if I'm being honest, men underestimate if she is attracted enough, the line doesn't matter so much.

It's more the confidence in delivery. One thing that's really interesting is guys, we have these conversations amongst ourselves, rarely ever loop women into these conversations of like, okay, you go to a bar, if you find a girl attractive, like, this is what you have to do. And one of the things that we've, like, you know, I would say unanimously universally agreed on as guys is you have to be completely apathetic to women. Yeah. Like, completely. Yeah. So do you think that that is true as like a generally decent strategy and also strategy people are going to quarrel with that word, with that word? But like to go in, act not interested at all. And then, and try.

try it or should you show some level of interest? You show a level of interest. It's not that you're apathetic to her. You're apathetic to her rejection. If you want to show that you're interested in her. Now, you really want to show that you like her, you're finding her attractive, but you're apathetic to the rejection. So if she doesn't want it, no worries. You're still a cool girl. Do you still want to, you can still hang on our table and you can still grab a drink. No worries. You're totally fine. You're most welcome. The apathy has to reply to the potential rejection, not the actual girl herself. Show her attention. Give her love, whatever it is. But the moment she doesn't reciprocate, you become completely apathetic, you're still polite, you're still loving women,

get it wrong, is they show no interest in her. They might want to play it core, but the moment they see her talking to another guy, the moment they feel a rejection, they overreact. The apathy is in the wrong direction. The apathy has to be in that you're most welcome to sit on our table, you're most welcome to join us for dinner. You can hang with us. If I realize that you're not interested or you have a boyfriend, whatever it is, you're still welcome, no problem, but I'm not going to keep pursuing you. It's that you would draw, rather than punishes in any way she performs. So I think you show some attention when it's not reciprocated, you keep it moving, but you're still as polite as possible. People who overreact to rejection

makes a woman feel like she has so much power over you. Why are you getting so intense just because I rejected you? The more apathetic you can get to her rejection, the more she'll realize that you have a great life with or without me. So you're probably somebody worth getting to know. Another message that's being shared a lot, especially in like the Red Pill community, is that guys need to like make a bunch of money. They need to get out. Absolutely shredded. They need to do all of these things to improve their own life to increase the pool of people that they can select from when they're finding a partner. At what point along that journey do you think someone should be like, okay, like, I think I'm pretty ready here to like go and try to find a partner. Because there is definitely something to be said, like at the very far end of the spectrum, let's say like you don't have a job, like 600 pounds.

You know, you're like still are dependent upon your parents and stuff like that. It's like, okay, you probably should not go out looking for a partner then. but then you start making changes at what point? When the lifestyle is conducive to monogamy and a healthy marriage, that's when you stop. And when you go far beyond that, where you're traveling too much, you're making too much money, your body is almost too much and it's like everybody's going to make monogamy a difficult task. And when you're on the other end, when you're not making it, again, it's going to make creating a family and monogamy at a very difficult task. I think the right level is where you have the right amount of options where you could meet a good woman,

but not too many where you're going to get distracted by the wrong women. You make the right amount of money where you could live a really nice life, but not too much to the point where you're traveling all the time. You never get to see each other and you live separate lives, basically. There's a tipping point. It's like the inverted you. There's a right level, right in the middle, where you have the right level of skills, tools, and attributes

that will create a healthy relationship. When you're too far along on one end, either or it's not going to make it easy. So being the shredded guy with making a little, loads and loads of money and is traveling the world and all these things. It makes you exciting to cheap women. Women who want a long-lasting relationship don't find that exciting that you're every day on a yacht and you're traveling here there and everywhere and you know every bouncer in the club and you become exciting to cheap women. If you had a like a counseling session or like a psycho analysis on someone like, you know, the Tate brothers, Andrew Tate, Justin Waller, like Myron

and Fresh and Fit, do you think that you'd be able to determine if they are happy or if they aren't. How do you think that would go? I think I would be able to determine it, but I would say here's the thing that I would say there's a barrier towards actual emotional intimacy towards women. It might be because their lifestyle is too busy, but it might be because they've outsourced it with like maybe, maybe for example, Andrew and Tristan, they've got such a close connection with each other. They share so much emotional intimacy. They're like each other's best friend. So the requirement for a woman is that she doesn't have to have those traits. She doesn't have to be super loyal, loving all these things because they've got that with each other and they can,

just a woman is just there to look pretty, have babies with them. So they can compartmentalize a bit better. But the impression I get more from like the Justin's and the fresh in fear is they've faced too much rejection in their life from women. They've been burnt too much by women. And that burnt has made them want to create a power imbalance where they're so much more powerful than the woman so that they can never get burnt again. But in the process of this power imbalance, they're actually losing power. And the reason I say this is as a man, as you get older, let's say you get older, with the age of 35 and you're still dating 22-year-old women. They think, I'm providing all the money, I'm providing the lifestyle, I'm older than her, I've got all the power. It doesn't work

like she has all the power. And the reason she has all the power is as a 22-year-old, if you're willing to date men 10, 15, 20 years older, you're a promiscuous woman to some extent because your pool of men is too wide. You're going to date somebody who's 19 up until 40. Your pool of men is endless. So if you are somebody Justin or Fresh and Fitz age and you're dating a super young girl. She's already far more promiscuous than you are because her pool is too big. Whereas your pool, as an older man who's only dating young girls, is still quite limited. There's only a limited amount of young girls. But if you're a young girl who's willing to date older men, rich men, your pool is endless. So firstly, she's already got that. Secondly,

she's learned she can access that lifestyle without any hard work. You've had to hustle all those time and money. Like, you've had to come home stressed. You've had to really put your life on the line. You've had to really struggle to get that level of wealth. She's learned. that if she just knows how to arouse a man sexually she can get that lifestyle like that, you're teaching her she has all the power. Look how difficult it was for you to acquire that wealth. And she did it from being able to please you in a way in the bedroom in one night. So you are actually giving her far more power than you realize

because you're allowing her an elevation of status that she didn't earn. So by becoming this powerful man and then selecting this really low value kind of just beautiful woman who doesn't have anything else going for her, you have tipped it where she's just let the teach she's by. Wouldn't that limit you as a, let's say, a high-value guy to only date other high-value women? And what if that's not what you're looking for? What if you don't need someone who has that like same lifestyle? It does limit you.

But that's one of the sacrifices that you make when you are a high-value man. You've got to choose. Everything in life has a sacrifice. Now, some men think that they can have it all. They think they can go for the woman that's a court of their aid and give her a lifestyle and she'd be submissive. You're when you're teaching women that they can access so much success simply because of their appearance and their sexual performance, you're teaching her the wrong lesson in life. And when you teach that to a woman young, you are going to be replaceable because she will learn that skill up until she's 50, 40. Because to a 70-year-old, 40 is still young.

So she learns that lesson so quick. So what happens is you teach a woman from a very young age that she didn't have to be intelligent, she didn't have to be hardworking, she didn't have to be loving, loyal, she didn't have to be. to do anything, and she accessed this level of lifestyle, which took you 20 years to acquire. You've given her so much power. So I noticed you had a conversation with Andrew Tate. I did. Would you say that you would deem him as good or bad faith? Great.

I would label him as good. Yeah, I would think that he's improved a lot in terms of his message. I think initially the message was far more hedonistic, where it was very much money, cars, women, and so on and so forth. And a hedonistic, I'm always anti-heedonism. I just, I find it very distracting. I find it very childlike. I don't like all of those things. But I think the underlying message of, you know, restoring masculinity,

restoring the importance of truthfulness, restoring some of your power, like not just kind of giving it all to women, I think that part I really enjoy. So, you know, overall, I would never, you know, knock anybody's, you know, message or in this sphere because I know he's gone through a lot. But I enjoyed my conversation with Andrea. I respect a lot of things that he says. Obviously, we have disagreements because I'm far more traditional. my mindset is like this. Not because I disagree with him and I think he's wrong. It's just that

I can't align with it because I was raised so differently and so on so well. So there's disagreements, but overall I think it's not, I don't have any qualms with Andrew. Do you think that I also noticed that transition as well that he's been going through, I feel like in the last, like he, I know he's been getting a lot more religious and everything as well, which is pretty interesting. Do you think that overall now, at least in his current state, that he's a more positive message for people than he is a negative one? I would say so. I would say, Because I think the key difference between Andrew and somebody maybe like Pressure and Fear, Justin, I don't know much about Justin.

I've never watched any of his content, but I see little clips here and there, is I think the underlying, when it comes to women, you can still see that Andrew likes women. You can still see that he likes women. He like wants to love a woman, wants to be with a woman, he likes women. The others, I don't see, it looks like they use women as an instrument towards pleasure and status, but I don't see that they actually like women and want to know. know women and actually want to love and connect with women. So I think the underlying likeness towards women, I think Andrew has, but I don't know if the others have. That's really interesting.

One thing I've noticed being like a younger guy, especially like back in high school and especially now like, you know, or when I was in college and now being like mid-20s, you see a lot of girls that like you'll randomly meet or whatever, you'll follow them on Instagram and then they'll post a photo of themselves online that's very revealing. And then you have all like so many girls that go in the comments and say, oh, you're in your, I'm sorry, Giegy, I'm going to swear. you're in your bad era. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like, oh, you go queen's sleigh and stuff like that. And it seems like not only the guys, but the women promote more promiscuous behavior online. Until their boyfriend likes the picture. But, okay, sure. But why do you think the women like promoting something like that? Because I've heard that women can be very competitive. Yeah. And if they see another beautiful woman, especially being revealing,

do you think it's more of like a sabotage thing that they want to promote other girls to do stuff like that? Because they know that can remove them from the dating pool for people they may be interested in? Yeah, you know what? It is an interesting thing. It's like, I don't know. It can be in two sides. It could be a sabotage or it could be because they're also doing the same thing and they want to normalize what they're doing so it becomes more accepting. So let's say, for example, if a woman is posting only fans, chances, she's going to encourage other women that are doing it and be like, you're amazing, you're doing so great, blah, blah. It's a way of lessening the impact of your own sins when you kind of see it being normalized. So I think it might be a combination of just kind of normalizing their own behavior. I think we, look, here's the thing. We genuinely do like seeing beautiful. girls as well. We like it just as I can't, my feed, my for you page is all beautiful women doing makeup, all of it. And I'm a woman and I'm doing that all the time. So I can't imagine how tempting it is for a man to see it all the time. So we actually, we like beauty just as much as you do. Is there a self-sabbit or is there like encouraging people to go down the wrong path? I think only they are doing that themselves. I think if they themselves are in that route and in that kind of

influence of world, they'll probably encourage it a lot more because then they see their own behavior being normalized. I think it goes the same for guys, too, that post pictures of themselves on, like, on a jet or on a yacht, and they're wearing the glasses, like, taking a phone call, or, like, my least favorite is the watch in front of the car steering wheel. I don't know why. Like, I'm sure when I was 18, 19 years old, I look at that, be like, oh, my God, that's so cool. Oh, watches and cars. Yeah, watches and cars. But now, as I'm getting older, like, I think when I hit, like, 30, I started to see things differently like that, like people posing in front of cars and, like, posting pictures of themselves on like these these lavish trips and like obviously it's a very

staged photo it's not that they're just like there and their buddies posting a photo just like in the moment it's very much like it's it's intentional yes it's too staged it's like it's a female equivalent of a bikini picture it is just so cringe it is just really really cringe it's just there's um look it depends how much you value value money but when you make a lot of money or when you make money it really reveals what you're true like what you're most proud of and some people make a lot of money and they're still posting their dog and they're still posting their cat

and their family. Others will start to post their material items so it's an insight in what they value the most and I mean, it's good to hear that you find it cringe. Oh, I post my aquarium. They're a bomb. You know, it's interesting.

When I'm on Instagram, I see how many people view my stories. Consistently, my aquarium stories get one-fifth of views as anything else I post. It's a very niche thing. Yeah, your aquariums. I love that for you.

It's a cool saltwater. Would someone not want to see a clownfish, like swimming inside and out of a clam? I mean, I think that's kind of cool. What did you learn most about yourself when has you made more money? I think I got a lot more private. Like, I think in the beginning, I was very much willing to, like, share everything. Like, let's talk about income. Let's talk about what I'm buying.

Let's talk about, like, exactly how I'm investing and where. And both as my presence grow in line, the more money I made. I think the more private and the more I value, just like personal friendships that were not posted online. Yeah. That was something I never thought like four years ago. I thought with Macy like, hey, we could do this like road trip and we could vlog the whole thing and we could post it and I could keep working while I do these trips. And now it's the last thing.

It's like if we go on vacation, I don't want to post a single thing. I don't want to open Instagram. I don't want to do anything. Is that what you found? I found that same thing. I was a really, I loved meeting new people. It's my favorite thing to do. And I love showing my experiences.

I used to like posting where I am, what country. I'm going to. I now don't enjoy meeting new people, and which is a bit of shame because I used to love that so much. I just get anxious about what they potentially could, like, is it going to be real? Is it not real? I start to start questioning people's intentions, which I never used to do, which is a bit unfortunate. But yeah, I've become more, I'm exactly the same. Far, far more private. Are you the same, Jack? I would say there was like a little bit of a honeymoon phase in the beginning, like when I first started. I remember the first person that I met, I think was Lof, that I like freaked out. It was a YouTuber that I watched way back in the day. He did like these

me too. Yeah, I love that. And for me, like, my heart was right. Well, obviously, Graham was number one, right? Like, I freaked out when I met him, but I freaked out again when I met Lough because I'm like, this is real. Like, I'm meeting more than just the person I've been talking to. And then that kind of, like, made me for a while.

Like, I love talking to new people and stuff like that. But then I think I just reverted back to how I've always been, which is like, I'm still best friends with all my, you know, hometown friends. It's nice when you realize that you are still you, regardless of all of it, and you haven't changed drastically. It's a nice realization to have. It's just the novelty in the beginning gets exciting. Which everybody has.

Yeah. I think the other thing for me, too, is I valued buying things a lot less. Like, there are so many things out there that, like, 10 years ago, I would have loved to have bought. The Rolex date down at the idea of buying them. Yeah. Exactly. So I like... Isn't that weird?

Yeah, it's weird. But I like having something to look forward to buying without actually buying it. I don't buy much. It's weird. But when I, before, I used to be like, I wish I could just walk into the store and just buy whatever I want. But when you get that moment, you're like, oh, I don't really, like, what am I going to do with this? So it's a weird relationship. We have is maybe it's more to do with motivation of being able to, but then actually acquiring the ability to. I think so. I think it's the ability to and then the power to say, I'm not going to do that or I'm going to wait for a better deal. Yeah, me too. I'm a bit frugal like that. It still doesn't have to make sense for me to do that. So I, yeah, I'm exactly right. One thing that I am really interested in is intellectual compatibility. We had dating expert, Ty Lopez on the podcast. And he said he's not a dating expert. But he does read a lot of books. So, you.

Yeah, he says he knows a lot about dating. What are your thoughts on this? He says people need to date within one standard deviation of their IQ. I agree with that. I think that it should be relatively the same level of IQ. And the reason why I say that's important is if you don't have a similar level of IQ, then you're relying on very temporary and weak components to keep the relationship alive. If you've got a look, your friends should have a same level of IQ as you,

your friends should even have that. If you have friends that you knew and they're a bit like they're just not the same place in life, you're like, you know, you can't talk about anything positive or anything useful. And actually that friendship dies out because you're not adding equal value to the relationship. But if you have a partner where you're so, it's the same kind of concept, but you're still with them, then you must be relying on something cheap and vacuous to keep you connected. And usually it's either looks money, like something cheap. So I think keeping it within a similar IQ, I can understand the logic behind.

I think people could be smart in different ways, is that you could be very smart in one way. As long as you can learn something, you said adding value. Adding value. Adding value. Adding value. Adding value. To a conversation. It could be in completely different fields. I think it's also positivity too. Yeah, I do think so. I think being positive, I think what's the point of being smart if you're just going to be rude and negative and all these things? I think it might be overrated. But I just think generally intelligence will help make that person each other on the same level of emotional maturity. So it will help them keep them somewhat emotionally intimate because they'll have a same level of emotional maturity if they can both grasp their intelligence.

Are you worried that we've turned love and relationships into a science? Because now, like, even throughout this entire conversation, we're like, okay, if you go up to a person, somewhat apathetic, but you also have to show a little bit of interest. You wait for her to lean on your shoulder to know that she's interested in you. You got to like, do all of these things, check these boxes. You do have to work out. You have to do this. And it turns it into a science.

You have to be within one standard deviation of IQ. Yeah. Do you think, and yet divorces are higher than ever while we have all of this new information? I think divorces have gone down. divorces overall have started to trend down. Okay, they're trending down, but they're still higher. I think people are realizing that divorce is a thing and that people can get divorced, and so I think they're placing a lot more importance of who they get married to.

I think the issue is that there's so many options out there for a lot of people, just because of dating apps, that it's become really difficult to date. And because of that, you have to find ways to improve yourself. And some of those ways you have to, like, make broad generalizations and say, like, Well, nine times out of ten, not all the time, but like 90% of time, this works. And there's tools and tricks and strategies and stuff like that. Do you think that that's removing love from the equation? Because you go back in the day, and it seems like relationships and nuclear families were way more prevalent.

I think because we used to rely on direct human contact a lot more to learn about each other. We'd have to go and talk to girls and talk to guys. And even after school, you'd have to play with each other rather than being on your technology. I think the people that studied the most, and it sounds like a bit of a hypocrisy. thing for me to say, but people who sit there reading loads of books about it and trying to work out the science and listening to loads of podcasts, I don't mean this in a bad way, because I really appreciate the people that listen to my podcast. But I do think it's the people that don't have enough direct experience with the opposite gender. I would recommend putting the books away,

putting it up there, and let life be a little bit of a lesson. Of course, you know, some people are really gifted that their family teaches them straight away and they get some insight and they have a lot of friends and it teaches them. And so if they haven't got that, they do have to rely on over-learning it from a podcast, but sometimes I'll have a client and I can tell directly that they've been watching too many podcasts. I can literally tell within a sentence. They'll either regurgitate a sentence they've heard me say, and they'll say it back to me, like I'm supposed to think they're intelligent, even though they're copying me. Or I can hear them repeat some red pill rhetoric and just be like, oh, no, I don't accept that. And, you know, men have to create their value in women,

and they just regurgitate some of the red pill stuff. And so then I'm like, you have to put the technology away and go and meet people in the real world, even non-sexual, just platonically, get to know people and ask people questions. Have good conversations with people. Have interesting conversations with people. You'll learn a lot more about the opposite. It's interesting. The most successful people that I know when it comes to like dating, life, making money, they don't listen to podcasts. I hate to say it. But like, they're not. I agree. I know. If you're watching this, you're a loser. But they're at such a, but it's true. Like, I listen to podcasts. I know. I'm so hypocritically.

But like I listen to podcasts, but not a lot of them. But like I'll pick and choose episodes that I'm interested in and I'll listen to him at the gym. But like they're doing things. A picture of me. And he said, oh, this is the first time you've ever come up on my four you page. You've never come. And I was like, how have I never come up on your full you page? How is that never happened?

He's like, I've never watched podcasts. I've never seen a podcast like ever. So I do agree. The most, and I see this a lot with broke guys. With guys that don't make a lot of money, they consume content about making money, 24-7. So much. I watch a lot of that. No, no, but there's... And same with the relationship ones. The once and the least amount of relationships will consume the

most content. I get when you're going through something, you need to learn something, or you need a bit of guidance. But there'll be some men who just don't actually practice it and they learn it. And sometimes what happens is in the process of absorbing information, you feel like you've achieved the same thing as the person who actually gave you the information and learned it and did all the hard work to get there. So they might watch your advice on real estate and feel like they've done just as much work as you guys have because they've learned it. But I do think there nothing beats real life on the ground kind of learning when it comes to money. But there's some sort of disconnect there because if people are so interested in a topic like this of relationships and dating,

they're not getting it elsewhere. And it seems as though the rise in popularity is because there's something going on. But it's kind of dangerous because in the same way that people can get trapped into like reading copious amounts of self-help books and it's just kind of like mental masturbation at that point. You're taking in information. Oh, I should be more cognizant and present. But then you, like, kind of use it as a tool for, like, a week and then it falls off and you look for a new solution. Same thing can go for, like, podcasts where you're kind of just like continually searching, but never actually going out. Well, I think it's implementing that because I went through a whole phase of self-help books, like for me, and they made a tremendous difference. Like, I've been, I've never read a book.

I've read about four books. Tony Robbins Awaken the Giant. The power of now. A lot of people have said that to me as well. You know what's so fascinating? People always ask me, have you read a book, and I've probably read about two or three books in my adult life ever. and the only person I read is Mark Manson's like Sotel Art. Oh, yeah, I love that one.

I love Mark. But outside of that, I can't sit through a book. I've got ADHD. It's to very extreme. Even when I'm listening to something online, the speed is two, or an audio book is 2.5. I have to listen to a lot of. So I've got this problem where I don't read books. But the good thing, the only good thing, I think books are fantastic.

When I have read a few books, I'm like, these are amazing. I wish I did it more. The only good thing about me, I've never watched a podcast, not even my own podcast. I've never sat through a podcast. I've never watched podcasts, never read a book. The only thing that I like about that is it forces me to reflect on my real life observations. And this is one of the things people tell me is that your perspective is quite unique. And the only reason I can attribute that to is because I'm on the ground working with people every single day with clients

and I'm observing real life behavior. I'm not in any way diluting my own perspective with consuming content. So that's where the uniqueness I think has helped me by not over-consuming content. and I do recommend not to overconsume even my own content. Like I've been doing podcast rounds this whole week. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa, whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower.

Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea and milk. Habaniero, More like Habinier, yes. Save the Everyday with Amazon. And I can feel myself even being negative and a bit draining because the questions are always going to try. This has been very positive. I really appreciate this podcast. But sometimes they can be like, do you think women do this and do you think, and then I have to answer it, but it can push you towards a more scary route of relationships. And relationships are actually the most wonderful, wonderful experience ever. I couldn't be more grateful for my relationship.

So I feel like it can get a bit negative and a bit all-in-consuming when you watch too many podcasts. But this is great. Watch this one. This one's fantastic. Are you just saying that to be pleasant? Can I say it? Yeah, yeah, my answer. Yeah, no, honestly, I'll be very honest. I've been a bit drained this week because I've been doing something. The hosts I've had, I've been fantastic.

It's nothing to do with them. It's just that the questions sometimes people want to know are the more controversial stuff. Like, how do you know women are using a man and how do you know, which is totally fine? And even yesterday, I put on my photo story, I was like, can I have some female energy? Because I just want some neutral. I don't want to hear, like, how women are so dangerous and how women are so bad. So I was a bit drained, and I was like, I hope I'm able to be okay. But the neutrality in your questions, it hasn't been to trap women.

It hasn't been for me to be the spokesman of how bad women are and how dangerous they are. It's just like, we're just trying to learn. Is this what's going on? And I really appreciate the pleasantness and how easy it's been answering this question. Oh, cool. Yeah. We always were very critical of our interviewing skills and we go and think about. Yeah, we want to just improve.

And I'm glad. I'm enjoying just the fact that I don't have to be like a sound bite or anything like that. It is just like, no, no, this is not. this is not to bash women, bash men. It's just that this is a dynamic. I asked you a really difficult question. Absolutely.

Do you like Jack's mustache? I do actually. Do you know what I would say? It looks really good on you. And I know this sounds really... It's a weak mustache. I have hair everywhere, except like for some reason it grows,

like, you know, I feel like my hair density here's like 30% of my year. You're going to be that guy that when you are 50 years old, you are still going to be super handsome. You're going to be that guy. Do you know why? Because you just, you have a lot of youth. and everything like that, and it will just get better and better and better. Wow.

Yeah, you could tell that. He's only 17. No, he's not. What did you say? I said, you're 17. I'm 17. No, you're not 17. No, you're not.

I'm kidding. I would say that for both of you. I would say that for both of you. I would say that you guys are going to really, I know, and it sounds like such a delayed gratification, but you can really tell that you're just going to get better and better with age. Or praise me to God. That's a really nice trait to have. Thank you very much.

I'm really glad you recognize Graham's female energy. I think I've been trying to point out to him for a while. Softness and female energy. I hope you find someone nice though, Jack. I think you really deserve it. Thank you. I appreciate that. I think you really deserve it.

And I'm sure you're, I can tell as well that you would be very happy in your relationship because your intentions are not bad. It's not to like screw or get power and balance and just, you don't like the games that we see on Red Pill. They go into relationships with the intention to win this match before. it's even started. And I know my advice can very much feel like that because I'm kind of catering to that voice a little bit. But when you go into it that I'm just going to choose right. And once I choose right, it's both fit in. I'm going to dedicate my life to them. If I get screwed, well, it's probably my fault. I probably miss something. But I don't care. I really want to love this

person with all my heart. But I want to choose wisely. And I think if you do go with that, it's such a beautiful experience. Yeah. It's tough for me because I hear a lot of the arguments for the red pill. I think there's some in there that makes sense to me. And there's some that's like, hey, that's good advice for guys to improve themselves, to not be lazy, to go to the gym, to make the most of their time. But there's some of it. It's just like it's so hateful. And it's so like...

It's the context. And like winning and like I have to conquer this that I never understood. Why are you in competition with a woman? Like you're as a man. It's like you should compete with other men and do these things. It's like... Well, I think that is kind of competing with. other men when you're in competition with women of sorts like I don't think you're competing

with other guys though like but my thought is that there are four billion women on the planet it's just like there's so I think that's a pretty like if you look but yeah but if you lose a competition to a guy it was never meant to be to begin with I'm just speaking for the guys out there a lot of them feel like they have something to prove but I would think a good woman doesn't put you in competition with another man where the good woman you're really not in competition with anybody or anything like that so try and look for a woman I think at the beginning to a certain In the beginning, yeah, in the beginning. But once you've established a relationship, you should never be in competition with another

man. In the moment you are in competition with an ex or a guy at work or anything like that, you let them have it. And same with women, I would say the same thing. I would say that, you know, you might be in competition in the very early phases or whatever it is. But once you've given somebody a lot of love and you've given them all, and you're still in competition with an ex or somebody else, you bow out of that game and you allow them

to, you know, without them to win. The advice that I gave Caleb Hammer, I thought, was some of the. best. So Caleb is another, I'm going to talk myself up a little bit, another YouTube, a YouTuber. And he showed me finance. He does financial audits on people. So people bring their finances, he goes through them. But we went through, we did a hinge audit. It's one of my favorite videos that I've done. Hinge audit. And I looked through his profile. And what I said the difference was, was that he, in any relationship or dating, you always want to be the buyer and not the seller. And it's this mentality that instead of trying to like,

I'm going to sell you on me. Think of how a buyer would approach a situation. If you're buying a car, you're going to be very selective about the car that you pick. You're going to be very intentional about it. You know what you have to bring to the table. And it's less about you saying, I'm trying to sell you this car. And look how great this car is. So when you try to sell yourself, which a lot of people do, it works against them.

Versus like, here's what I have to offer. Here are the qualities that I have. Here's what I'm looking for. Do you match this? Do we get along? Oh, great. Okay. I'll be the buyer.

Yeah, and I feel that that applies to everything. Like even when I see like people talking about finances and like, you know, even people are in relationships and they're saying like, oh, I'm just somebody who I'm just so like, I'm just so good at this. And I'm so even when people talk about religious, when sometimes I'm a religious person, but I try not to be like, oh, I do this, I pray, I do this. Because even when the moment you have to sell that you do something automatically means there's a deficit in that thing in you really, you shouldn't have to scream and shout like all your great qualities, whether that's in finance. financially, whether that's spiritually, whether that's intellectually, shouldn't have to scream and shout. It should just be a given by who you and how you carry yourself. So I completely agree. The buyer-seller technique always be the person who's like a buyer. Both of you should be buyers. I think the true good relationships when there's two buyers.

Both of you are like assessing each other if you're compatible, and both of you are like, okay, I'll see if I want this or not. I'll see it. But I don't think it should be one buyer, one seller. It should be both. It should be buyers. You should also look for somebody who has high self-esteem and you should come into it with high self-sesteem.

Now, this is one that we wrote down as a note. is boundaries. And it seems as though boundaries are taken to a bit of an extreme lately of, here's this example, if she goes to the club or she goes to girls' nights, she's going to come back and the bags are going to be packed and I'm going to leave. To me, that seems a bit extreme. Especially if she's young and is part of growing up, especially if she's young and stuff like, if she's a 35-year-old still in the club, I can understand this. There's probably a bit of a void that she needs to work on.

But if she's in her early 20s, wouldn't you also be out and about and stuff like that? of socializing. I think the main thing is when a woman is out and about girls trips, whatever it is, this, not the other. It's firstly, there is a transparency of where, what, how, naturally, between both of you, even when you're a night's out, whatever it is. There's a level of transparency, and there's a level of, like, wanting you there, if you can, if you're not, no worries. It's more when it's, like, hidden, there's not transparent, not where you're going, then it's something to worry about. But when you have a good woman, you can literally drop her in the middle of anywhere, and you'll be fine, like, you don't need to stress so much.

I think the other side makes the argument that if she's going to a club with the girl, she's putting herself in a situation that could be compromising and that is disrespectful to the relationship. That's what they say. Yeah. My argument to that would be, I can understand if that's where she wants to place herself all the time. And that's where she chooses over and above the relationship. If she has a choice between spending the weekend with you, she chooses the club, then you have something to worry about. But if it's occasions and it's for an occasion and she manages herself well and she's like that everywhere,

you only know you can trust your partners when they're sometimes placed in untrustworthy environments. Then you realize if she is worth trusting, so if you're just like, she's never entering a club ever, and then you don't know if the day she goes, she might misbehave. So it's more of a case of she is self-regulated. She naturally chooses a relationship over and above these kind of environments. But when she does go to those environments, again, she's self-regulated. She's back home at a normal hour. She doesn't get too disrespectful.

There has to be some level of self-regulation. And rather than you're just saying, if you go, I'm going to go you. What if she goes to the club wearing a very promiscuous outfit? Does that make a difference or does that not? You know, well, unfortunately it does. Like, as a woman, I can tell you from my own experience, when you dress in a particular way, and if there's alcohol involved and you're in those kind of environments, it just means men just don't leave you alone. Now, some women don't act on that.

They just like to know that they still got it, understandable. But as a man, I can understand why your natural protective instincts wake up, and you shouldn't always feel like you have to suppress those protective instincts. It's normal to say, like, I think I'm worried about you in that environment. The worry needs to come from a place of I'm protective rather than I'm scared. You're going to sleep with somebody. It's more like, I don't want you to be an unsafe environment. Men are just going to put you in uncomfortable positions.

It has to come from an element of safety rather than just, oh, you're just going to cheat on me, because then they'll get defensive. But what is the incentive for a woman, if she's in a long, term committed relationship. I know why she would want to go to the club to dance, to drink, to have fun with her friends. But what would the incentive then be to wear a promiscuous outfit? As a reminder that she's still attractive and attracted to others. Who's reminding her of that, though? Men, women are not coming up. I've heard that women will dress up to compete with other women, not over the guys. That's been a common thing that I've

always been, I don't want to say told, but like that I've heard. I would agree that we do care what other women think, but we don't dress promiscuously for other women. But you dress promiscuously for other men, even in a long-term committed relationship. Yeah, I would say there's an element of that still there, because naturally what happens is when you're wifed up, you see women, some women let themselves go because they literally are off the market. And so they drift more towards that. And if she's still very much like getting new surgeries all the time, dressing up even more and more promiscuous, there's an element of her that still wants awareness of how other men perceive her. Now, we do dress for other women,

But usually when we're dressing for other women, we're focusing more on our hair and makeup. And we're focusing more on a trendy outfit, a fashionable outfit. But when it's a promiscuous outfit, that's not for other women because other women are not going to stop and be like, what a cool outfit. That's more other guys. But do you think that that's associated whatsoever with infidelity if you go out trying to get attention from other men? It's associated with keeping your options open, which is a precursor for infidelity. So I just think, like, the more a person naturally wants to avoid, alternative attention. It's no different to a man that goes into clubs and gets the best table

and gets all the popping or whatever it is that they ordered this table. That's still drawing attention. It's still their version of it. So I still think there's an element of you at least want to let your status or let your... Isn't that more of a self-esteem thing? Yeah, it is a self-esteem rather than infidelity. But I do think infidelity is linked to self-esteem. I feel like, and self-esteem is probably linked the amount of adoration that you get from your partner. I would say self-esteem is something that is pre-existing. It's before your partner. You have it before your partner, like childhood, your own decision-making. If you make a lot, a bunch of terrible decisions, you'll lose self-esteem. But then your partner either, if you select wisely and you select somebody you truly love and they love you back, your self-esteem can really grow. But if you select somebody you're using, they are incapable of making your self-esteem grow. And instead, you will keep searching for it elsewhere. So as long as the connection is authentic, your partner can really help grow your self-esteem. At the risk of sounding jealous, I would genuinely be fine if I was in a long-term relationship with a girl and she wanted to go out, she wanted to go to clubs, bars and stuff like that.

But I think that I would be really bothered if I saw her wearing something that she, like, hasn't worn from me. Yeah. Or she's wearing an outfit that's, like, very revealing. You could see, like, all the cleavage and everything like that. I would probably be bothered. How would you feel? I feel uncomfortable. I think it would depend on the context, too, like, who she's there with.

It just makes you start asking questions. why are you doing this? Who are you trying to impress? And it's hard to avoid that, like, ruminator. So I guess some of it for me, maybe I'm a little selfish, but like I like certain things to be reserved for me. Yeah. And so like the more that's shown, the less special I feel for myself, I guess. I think sometimes women, myself included, we get it wrong. You see a lot of women that after a breakup, they glow up or after a divorce, they glow up. And it's like, but why weren't you glowing up in the relationship? Why were you not putting your best foot forward in the relationship? And then I might say, oh, because he was toxic. this, that and the other. But then you have to ask yourself, why did you, why did you choose that relationship? But then bigger and they'll come out of a divorce and they'll lose all their weight because they're going back on their market. But really, that your best version of yourself, if you're not bringing it to your partner, you can't expect the best relationship. So I think we get it the

wrong way around when we start to only glow up when we get single and then start to get complacent when we're with someone or only glow up when we're out with other people, but not apply that to our partners. What opinions do you have that you've seen the most negative response to? Were you surprised by any responses to an opinion? Everything I say seems to really trigger people. But there has to be something that really strikes. I think the biggest thing I get that gets the most backlash is when I say that probably, I wonder what it would be. Whenever I talk about how men and women are different in response to cheating, and I always just say, like, you know, as a man, as a woman, you could potentially forgive and you can reclaim the relationship.

If you forgive a woman for cheating, she will forever cheat on you and just use you for free accommodation and that seems to be a big, big trigger. Why? Why do you think it's so triggering for people? I think the thing is there's a lot more men that forgive cheating than they care to admit. It's very difficult for a man because like, you know, when you go through something like that, you firstly, you're not allowed to tell anybody because then you look like, you know, you're weak, so you can't really tell your friends and you can't, you know, get any alternative perspective. You're only getting the woman's perspective, so you're almost kind of indoctrinated by her in that moment. But at the same time, you're really angry, stressed all these horrible things. So when you

have somebody online and you've gone through all of that to make this relationship work. Let's say you've forgiven your girlfriend. You've gone through all of that where you've been isolated, just thinking about it, going through all that. Then you have somebody like me online saying, oh, by the way, if you forgive her, she's going to cheat on you again. She's probably using you for a free accommodation and you're going to catch her a few more times. It's very triggering. And even for the woman that's spent all this time in doctrinating her partner into forgiving her, hearing that message is very difficult. So I think that really triggers a lot of people. It's anything you saw in my content and you thought, oh my God, this is not going to go down well.

Because the amount of a reaction I get, I assume there must be something that is the underlying thing that's causing a lot of people to be upset. Part of my thing and the cheating thing going back to that. I took a stance a few podcasts ago that if a partner cheats, I'd say in a lot of cases, not all, certainly, but I think in a lot of cases you have to look 50-50 at what were you doing in the relationship to cause your partner to cheat. Like, where were you lacking? What were you doing? and taking some amount of responsibility for that. Now, I'm not saying in all cases, because there are cases, regardless of what you could have done,

they would have gone out and cheated. But I think in a good chunk of those cases, I think you also have to look internally and say, was I a good partner? Was I encouraging of this person? Was I loving to them? Did I give them attention? Was I neglecting their feelings?

What did I do? And maybe you could pinpoint some things, not to excuse cheated. Because I don't think that was the appropriate response. But I had a, a friend asked me the other day and he said, what do you think is the main reason women cheat? And I said, the number one reason is having a people please her husband. And he said, oh, but you're taking the onus away from the woman.

I said, I know it's on the husband. And I'll tell you why, because what will happen is the women will do inappropriate things to test their partner. They want to know where his line is. And this is an unconscious thing. And when they feel like he totally rolls over, there is no boundary left. Like I had a client that said to me, oh, you know, my wife. a couple of weeks after we got married. She, you know, she slept with her ex because, but she thinks he slipped something in her drink and she slept with her ex-boyfriend.

And in his mind was like all about like, I hope she's okay. He must have slipped something in her drink and was really worried about her. And I said, but didn't you question why she was with him or why he came over? And he said, no, I just wanted to make sure she was okay. And I said, this is going to set you up. The moment you make the entire relationship about pleasing the person rather than making sure both people are being respected from a female perspective. She could have easily not told you that, but she told you that information to see where your boundary is. But don't you think there is a chance?

Because I guess the hard part, if I were the guy in that situation, I would think there is a chance that she is being truthful. And I think it depends on the context. If she was saying, hey, I'm meeting up with so-and-so, we're going to be here. Here's why it's just the two of us and not you. Like, I feel like there would be an air of deniability there. If, like, hey, yeah, this dude did slip something in the drink. But here's what men that don't get cheated on do.

They stop the footsteps of this devil. And what I mean by that is, why are you even in those positions to begin with with an ex-boyfriend having a drink? They would, they stop you there. You don't get to, he slipped something in my drink. It gets to, why are you, why is he texting you? Why are you guys even texting each other? Then they don't even entertain the idea of, you don't even. you going, because this is what happens with men that don't get cheated on. If I say to my husband,

oh, my ex texted me, he's like, change your number. You're changing your number today. And I was like, I might say, I'm not like this, but some women might say, no, that's too toxic. He's like, well, something has to happen because this is not, I'm not comfortable with this experience. And I'd hope you're not comfortable with me talking to my ex. And they draw the barrier there. Now, some women will say you're too toxic and leave. That woman is somebody who's probably got plans to be unfaithful. But the right woman would be like, yeah, fair enough, I don't really care about him anyway. Block, delete, whatever. it is. That man, it's harder for him to get cheated on. But the man that says, oh, really? How is he? And he's like,

oh, no, he wants to meet up on Wednesday. What are you going to do? I think I might see him. Okay, what time do you think you'll be back? I don't know. I'll see how it goes. That guy's setting himself up. So I think, unfortunately, I know it sounds so toxic. And this is where my culture and why it's so opposite of the current climate. The current climate is total freedom. My culture, my background is you're totally free to do whatever you want. But I'm free to live. leave or set a boundary when I'm uncomfortable in my relationship. And they set those boundaries early on the ones that don't get cheated on. And I would honestly say if you're a man,

if you want to prevent cheating, it's totally in your hands. You set the foundation early, not because you're toxic, but because you want to preserve the future. But is that setting a foundation? Part of me just thinks some people are just naturally not going to cheat. I don't know if it's about even setting a foundation.

Those people who are not going to cheat, you don't have the conversations that my ex is calling me. So the people that are not going to cheat, they don't even say my ex text me because my ex was out of my life way before I met you. So the people that have these conversations, they don't go into the environments and then you realize that it's trustworthy. They just don't want to be in those environments where they're having a drink with their ex. So that's where it comes into it, unfortunately. In my personal experience of working with clients, that's why I say. Is it true that if you make a girl laugh, that you can then make her fall in love with you?

Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. So of all of the things, because women say, or maybe people just say, the guy has to be charismatic. He has to have like a sense of self. He has to be funny. He has to be intelligent. Along this scale, this tier list, what would you say are like the top three or four things? Depending on her own sense of humor or anything like that. Sense of humor is definitely important one. But I would just say each woman is going to be different. But in her world, in her mind, you are what you're, what you're, really attaches to is someone who's quite similar to what she's used to. So if you're choosing a

woman who is used to a lot of abuse, a lot of chaos and she's been through a really hard time, where men get it wrong is they would say, I'm going to be the night and shining armor, I'm going to save you, and you're going to see how great I am and everything's going to change. Unfortunately, if she's used to that behavior, she will find your love and affection quite difficult to get to adapt to. So I think the number one thing to ask yourself when you're looking at a woman, And if she's like me, ask yourself, what is she used to? What are her exes like? Now, some women, her exes are really funny.

They're really vibrant. They go to the gym, stuff like that. If you're like that, plus you treat her better than everything else that she's used to, it's easy. But if her exes are complete chaos and bad boy going up and down and you're nothing like that, it's a risk. Couldn't that be a phase? It can be a phase. But she has to want to step out of it rather than you're trying to make her step out of it. She has to really want to step out of it.

And it's usually a conscious decision before you're in there. But if you're trying to take her out of it, it can go back and forth. Unfortunately, I've noticed a lot of women get stuck in a cycle of talking to really bad dudes, like over and over and over and over again. Why do you think this is such a common thing? And why does that cycle never get broke? She would have grown up with some kind of cycle of abuse or some kind of neglect. but the main reason why she goes back and back and back, she comes out of every relationship choosing so badly that it's easy to blame the man.

He cheated on me, he did this, he does some crazy behavior that it becomes easy to blame the man. And then she will obviously go with the narrative that he was an artistist, he was this, he was that she hasn't taken the time to reflect on our own patterns and our own behaviors. And another thing that gets women in these positions is when a woman is so easily led by verbal affirmation or just when easily manipulated. So when she's a girl, when a man just gives her a couple of compliments or gives her a bit of attention and she falls madly in love, that woman always goes into bad relationships

because the moment a man says, I've changed, she gives him a chance. I've changed, she gives him a chance. She's not looking at his behavior, she's just looking at his words. And when she's that kind of woman, unfortunately she'll be in a cycle of men that treat her badly because men learn very quickly. It's very cheap and easy to say the right words. It's hard to do the good work.

Now, women that will just accept words and not behaviors, they're easy targets. So bad men tend to target women that accept words over actions. What about when it comes to marriage? When do you know it's the right time to get married? Time for you as a person. When you feel like you are done with alternatives, I think that's a really important one. I think when you realize that you are naturally inclined to wanting a life where you are not easily distracted by the opposite gender, you are not easily distracted by a good time going elsewhere

here, there, and you can do all of those things, but you'd rather share the life you've created with one person, and you are just wasting time when you're single. You're just doing the wrong things, you're spending money on the wrong things, you're self-sabotaging as being single. It gets more and more self-destructive. So when you realize that I'm actually in a position where if tomorrow, somebody came into my life, I wouldn't have to, you know, hide all the hose that I've got in in my back garden, or I wouldn't have to stop all these plans I've got to go to Miami and Vegas. my life is pretty much, if somebody was to walk into it tomorrow, we could pretty much transition into a relationship quite easily. But if I would have to literally have a personality transplant to

cope with a wife right now, probably best not to do it. So do it when your life is compatible with monogamy. And what question should you ask someone before getting married to make sure that you're on the same page? How do you cope in relationships when things are bad? What do you do when things are absolutely awful? And if they say, well, in the past, I would turn to an addiction or in the past I would turn to an alternative partner or I might call an ex or whatever it is, then they might not be ready. And it requires honesty, but you have to ask yourself this. But if you're the type of person is when things go bad, you take a minute, you try not to be too abusive, you try not to be horrible, and you try and repair the relationship. You're good at repairing. Then you're probably ready for

marriage. When is divorce a good option? Like, how do you know that you've crossed that bridge? When staying with them is far more painful than leaving with them. Yeah, for what if for some people, staying with them is quite painful, but leaving with them is really, really painful, probably a bit worse, so they can stick it out. But when staying is causing more damage than leaving and leaving word, either to you or the children, then it's probably time to start planning a divorce. Are there certain people out there that are just not equipped to ever be in a relationship? Sadly, we're creating more and more people who are incapable of a relationship. And what does that person look like?

somebody who finds monogamy and sexual exclusivity difficult. No. I had to. I had to. No, not at all. Jack would be definitely. Thank you. He would be amazing.

I would genuinely say people who prioritize sex over and above every other quality in a marriage will struggle to get married. Yeah, if they make that, their number one, men, I would say. If they make that, their number one priority for women, I would say those that are not emotionally regulated. So I think for men and women, it's different. I think a man who places sex as a number one. one criteria for his entire happiness in his life and, you know, how many women he gets or how many, or just how often he gets it. And he doesn't learn that sometimes there's ups and downs with that. You just got to hang in there. When a man that doesn't have a good relationship with

sex, he will struggle to be in a marriage and women who are not emotionally regulated, who act severely out of emotion. So when they're really upset, they might, you know, get abusive, they might hit, swear, they might threaten the relationship. And when they're really happy, they get super happy and they're just not regulated, those women will struggle with marriage. It's interesting you mentioned the emotional regulation because we asked Chris Williams in this question. I know you've collaborated with him. We said, what are the two things that you should look for in a woman when finding a partner? And he said psychological stability and a growth mindset. So like prioritizing truth and reality maybe instead of, you know, an ideological way of thinking,

which I think is also. Yeah, it's very interesting. Yeah, I agree. What's your advice to me if I'm getting married soon? What advice would you give me? The key thing is to respond to each other's bids, and this is what all the research has shown, is the number one tool that will make a relationship work is when two people are very responsive to one another's bids. And what a bid looks like is very small gestures that are placed on the table, on a daily basis to create connection. So it might be as simple as I walk in and I'm like struggling with my bag and you quickly grab it for me. Or it might be he comes in and he's like, oh, I'm so hungry. And she's like, oh, yeah, let me just warm this up. When somebody makes a tiny bid for connection,

does their partner respond to it? Some people will come home and they'll say, I'm so tired and their husband will be like, what have you done all day? I'm the one that's been working. And when they make a bid, they get angry at them. Whereas if you have a partner, it's like, oh, so hot. And they're like, oh, just switch. You know, simple things, I'll just put the window down.

They respond to you trying to connect. It could be in tiny forms. They respond to it. The ones that totally reject to it, you can say, I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm sleepy, I'm hot. Like, no reaction. That leads to a slow and steady build up a resentment, and then the marriage starts to decline.

So responding to you, to each other's bids is really important and making sure that there's far more, there's far more compliments over criticism. We all criticize our partner, it's normal. But whatever criticism you have, you relay it with an instruction. So if you're going to say like, okay, she says, oh, you left your socks on the floor, whatever it is, she could easily say, oh, take you left your socks, you're such a messy, or it could just be like, I really appreciate it when you just fold the socks and put it in it makes my life so much easier. You turn your criticisms into instructions and it creates a healthy dialogue in a marriage.

I like that. So alongside the people that are undaidable, are narcissists and sociopaths just purely undaidable? I would just say that, look, I really try and shy away from the term narcissists and sociopaths. They do exist. They definitely do exist, but they're far more rare than you would think because everybody in this current dating age just thinks anybody who dislikes them is automatically a narcissist or anyone who treats them badly.

what I would say is that try and figure out whether it's a narcissist or a sociopath, you're just got to learn that if they have these traits, it's not that they're undated. They have conditions that make them date you. That condition might be you have to listen to everything they say, you have to do everything they want you to do, and you just have to be, submit to them completely. Some people actually like that level of kind of order. They like that submission. They want someone that just tells them what to do, and they always do it.

So if you want to be with somebody like that, you have to be the submissive type that just completely forgets your own needs and wants in life. So they can meet somebody who's okay with that. Generally speaking, I do think that most people who are very difficult to date, it stems from a very big trauma, some real lack of self-esteem and inability to love and be loved. You have to decide, are you willing to take on this level of trauma in that person? If the answer is, yes, I'm up for the challenge, do it, but I don't recommend it. If the answer is, no, as much as I can sympathize and I love you as a person, I don't think I can undo the damage that you're going to bring into my life. I'm just going to step away, but I wish you the best. I think that's a

healthy approach. So try and avoid people that have this level of trauma and narcissism in them if you can. So although those are very uncommon, something that isn't so uncommon as ADHD, and you mentioned that you have that. Very extreme. How has having ADHD affected your relationships and is it, like, what are the negatives and are there any positives if any? The only impact I find is I can get over an argument almost instantly. I can have an argument and then it's like back to normal like this. I can say something really mean and hurtful and then within a second I'm back to normal. So I think that the only thing it does is it shifts my brain and shifts my mood almost immediately. I can almost do it immediately, which comes across a bit psychopathic because it's like how did

you go from there one to the other. But I haven't really seen any negative consequences on an extreme end in my personal experience. But I've heard that it does have really bad implications. but for me personally I haven't noticed that. I heard it's like a no-no to go up to a girl at the gym. I don't think so. I don't think so. I think that it's become like that because of the way social media portrays it. But women are super receptive to men they're attracted to.

You could approach a woman at a funeral. If she's attracted to you, she's receptive. And the gym is a great place to meet somebody. As long as you're not disturbing her flow, what I say to guys are when they're approaching a woman, if she has to then drop all her weights, take all her headphones on just to entertain, you, she's going to be annoyed. But if she's already

packing her bag on her way out, just don't interrupt her flow. Same thing on a night out. If you're like pulling her with her friends and she has to interrupt her flow, but if you just join her when she's having a drink with her, as long as you don't interrupt her flow, it can't go that bad. Yeah. This is amazing. Thank you so much.

We need to be respectful of your time. Thank you very much for helping out as well. Thank you. And we really appreciate it. All of the links will be left down below in the description. And until next time. See you guys. Thank you guys so much.