The Ins and Outs with Ruby and Megan - Gliding and sliding, baby!

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

Ruby and Meg tackle the holy trinity of sex topics: lube, squirting and strap-ons! Ruby gives us the lowdown on different kinds of lube and Meg shares the moment lube got her featured in The Sun. Ruby builds up to revealing an explicit lube-related story that her book editor asked her to remove before the book was published. This is a two-part episode. Part two out next week!   Email the podcast: [e-mail] Ruby on socials: @rubyrare Follow Megan on socials @meganbartonhanson_Ruby and Meg’s lube recommendations:YES Organic lubePasante lubeLiquid silk lubeThe Ins and Outs with Ruby and Megan is a Mags Creative and Dear Media production Producer and Content Editor for Mags Creative: Christy Callaway-GaleEditor and Engineer: Beautiful Strangers, Podcast HouseExecutive Producers for Mags Creative: Faith Russell and Kit MilsomThis podcast contains adult themes that are not suitable for children. Listener caution is advised. If you’ve been affected by anything raised in this episode and want extra support, we encourage you to reach out to your general practitioner or an accredited professional. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I'm Lauren and I'm Ashley and this guys is Nip Tuck Pod. We are your girl chat. We say the things you want to hear, the things that you're thinking but you don't want to say out loud and we're all about being strong aspirational women who basically don't give a... Lauren anyway if you want unfiltered chat, amazing beauty and product recommendations then look no further guys. This is the podcast where you will get all of the girly chat. The following podcast is a Dear Media production.

I was just having a wank and it was like in an afternoon, it was really leisurely and I like used quite a lot of lube and then bit more, then a bit more then a bit more and then like I don't know what it just kind of went from like two or three fingers to four and then I was like actually there's like there's some room going on in here I've really like built myself up and it just happened like really quickly. Hey everyone you are listening to the In-Done-Outs podcast with me Ruby Rare and me Megan Barton-Hunson.

Hey, it's been a while since we checked in on this. How are you finding single life? I thought you were going to ask me that. You said so it's been a while like you were a teacher and you just like sat me down to have a review or sort of like a boss being like, so this is your quarterly review, how's being single? Which I'm damn full, I probably need a bit of that. It's highs and lows mate, it's quite a lot of lows but a mixed bag. I feel like, it's so weird like trying to like enter a new phase of your life and there are moments where it's

really exciting and really lovely. I've been having some very silly, slaggy little times. I've been away a couple of times in this bit. I went to Berlin a while back for this ridiculous porn film festival, which was great. But yeah, had some fun there but also there's just times when I'm like fuck this is actually really heavy and leaving like a big relationship is a lot and messy and hard and like holding all of those big complicated feelings with also like woohoo live love love let's

get out there like that's it's a bit of a headfuck. Yeah, I can imagine. That's why I asked so like, intimidatingly. I know you did it in a really kind way, but I think because you know, like a bit you that it, that I've been going through it, it's, it's good to be asked. Yeah. And like I said, I can't comprehend, like I've never had a longterm relationship. So it must be so bittersweet.

Like you say, you've got like this independence, freedom, the fun new side of your life which you hadn't had but then also the other side it's been such a big change so. Big change but needed and I do think it's like I'm excited for what's next but you know it's just that scary thing when you don't quite know what that is yet. It's weird as humans we just don't like change or change is just uncomfortable isn't it? Yeah for sure for sure. What's going on in your dating life babe? Tumbleweed like literally nothing and then to add to how single I am hinges now put some rule on that unless you get back to all the chats in your chat already open you can't match with anyone else. that unless you get back to all the chats in your chat already open you can't match with anyone else

but sometimes I'm like oh this chat's dead and I want to find new new people but it doesn't let me so I've just I've given up with dating apps I think. I didn't know that they did that only recently. Wow that's okay that's fascinating I'm gonna look into it. Cock blocking me annoying but yeah so I've stopped that I've removed one man from my roster because he just was not good. Like, obviously we're just hooking up for sex, but equally I need like something. Do you know what I mean? Give me something. Even if, even if you're just hooking up, there needs to be more, like, I think it's really easy in those situations to like overlook a lot of stuff. And sometimes that's just what you got to do and that's okay, within reason obviously. But yeah, if someone's not,

if someone's being an asshole, whether you're like in a relationship with them or you're just like hooking up every once in a while, they still don't deserve your time and care and attention. Right, so that's what I said, but you be honest, I don't know if this was crazy. So we know it's just sex and he knows he's not like the only guy. So there's two. One that is just sex, but he's like... When two become one.

Wow, we got down. This is like you being on The Bachelor, being like, this is my rose just for hooking up. But the older guy, like he knows like how to treat me with respect still. But the other guy, he was driving down to mine, fair enough is like a long drive just for a hookup. But he was like, Oh, do you want me to stop and get drink or no, something like this. And I was like, Oh, I'll order it. But I thought basically then you're coming around to mine for guaranteed sex, expect

me to go out and supply you with beverages, and then you're telling me that you may or may not stay after because you have work. I'm like, now you've just taken the fun out of it. I don't know why asking me to get the drink was the final now in the coffin, but I thought, I've wanted to tell him to do a U-turn, but I didn't. I made him come and then just didn't come down and then just didn't have sex with him. I just said, I don't think this is going to work mate. I was like, I'm just not into it now, but I do want to spell out him being so tight,

not to even like, who turns up to someone's house, whether it's a friend or just going around, do you want to turn up empty handed? Or will I ask like, what can I bring? Because then still they can be like, oh no, don't worry, I've got it sorted. I guess like asking in that way makes it a bit more open-ended and a bit more like because I'm expecting to bring

something to you. Yeah. Whereas if it's just like do you want me to do this or not? Like you having to make decisions that maybe you don't need to in that context. Yeah. I just felt it was giving minimal effort vibes. Like turn up with more than your penis, please. It's quite hard to turn up without the penis actually. But also you don't have to, like, if you're not feeling it, that was maybe the catalyst of realising why. But you also don't need to justify that. Like, that's not the only thing. Clearly there were other things leading up, but you're just like, you know what, I'm not, I not I'm done with this yeah and I think that's a sign of strength thank you well done my love

growth growth also being like the roster is one yeah now we're down to one well look one is hopefully nice there's room for more there's room for other things and I think I'm just gonna let it I'm bored of the dating apps now. It is like another job. I'm just going to see if someone is out and they're cute. I might approach, but I'm not. Let's see. I like that.

Wow, really going old school, dating in the wild. I really want that to happen to me. Has it ever happened to you? A little bit. I find dating apps more comfortable as a way of having like an initial interaction. I don't think I've got, have I hooked up in the wild? Not for a really long time. Like I've met people before like at sex party things and then that's like in the wild, wild.

I want to come to it one day. Okay that's a future episode, we can talk a lot about that. But no, mostly I am a bit of a fan of the apps, but future episode just about dating apps. I feel like we've got a lot to talk about with that. I'm very excited about today, Megan. So am I. I can't wait to dive in. We've got basically, we were thinking about different episodes to do and these three topics just like have kept coming up, I guess a bit in both of our lives, but also with like the questions that we get asked. And so we've popped them all together.

For me, this is like the Holy Trinity of talking about sex in a really fun and silly way. Today we are going through the ins and outs of lube, squatting and strap ons. Yay! I'm so ready for this. I'm so excited to learn honestly I've got so many questions for you. I feel like we're both going to witness me going like really into sex nerd mode today and I'm just going to like rein me in when you need to but also ask as many questions and like let's share some really stupid stories. Literally I'm gonna eat this up I'm so excited! So first of all lube. Yep. Wonderful world of lube. So what are the reasons some people would use lube? Well it basically just creates less friction so the more fluid and wet everything is when you're having sex,

the more things are gliding and feeling great. Gliding and sliding. Gliding and sliding baby. And this could be like solo sex, partnered sex, full-blown orgy, whatever you want. Also for some people it's just an add-on where it's like more lube would be fun. For other people and their bodies it might be more of a requirement because you're experiencing some kind of dryness or like whatever and that's fine too. I love lube but I do feel like there is so much shame as a woman like oh what are you not wet enough that kind of vibe and I don't know I've always just been very open in the bedroom and like will be quite like honest I guess and just communicate what I want but I remember one time I come out of Love Island I was with my ex and we left a bottle of lube on the side and was filming ourselves his manager my manager was like guys you just posted and there's

a bottle of like I think it's like Jerex lube in the back I was like oh my good god I was like take it down but it's too late it went in the sun but I was like, oh my good God. I was like, take it down, but it's too late. It went in the sun. But I was like, actually, why am I ashamed? Like, I hate that stereotype that to use lube, you must be like, so like you don't have like a nice sweat purse. It makes me so enraged that that's where we're at with it. Also, I mean, I don't have high regards for the sun in general, but being like, really? Have we? Is that what we need to report on to be like, oh my God, Megan and her boyfriend use lube, scandal. Like no shit.

What do you think we're doing out here trying to like start fires? Okay, that's a party trick that I really want to see. But also, I want you to protect your genitals as well. So maybe, maybe not. Me too. Never again am I suffering in silence without the lube. Well, but yeah, that's the thing. I think so many people still, the last five years or so there has been a shift and I've noticed a bit more of a kind of change in the conversation around lube, but there's still a long way to go. And so many people who have that deep level of shame talking about this and it being seen as something

that like you need and it being like a failure. Let me get nerdy for a second. Like when someone gets wet, do you know where like how that's happening? I generally don't. I just thought it come from like the actual like nun hao. No it doesn't. I mean at some point we're going to need like a big diagram or whatever but I'll just describe it. There are two glands on either side of the entrance of the vagina. Actually they're like a little bit lower than the urethra called the Bartholins glands. And these are like the areas where natural lubrication comes from. That happens when people are aroused. But what that looks like, how much that is, how like easily that happens to people or not, it's so varied. There's no like one-size-fits-all, no normal amount for that. Also, that's for people who have vulvas and vaginas. For people with penises,

there's like a getting wet self-lubrication as well in terms of pre-cum. And that comes like out from like the tip of the penis from the urethra. But there are lots of reasons why people might not get as wet. And that can be anything to do with like age and menopause,

also with certain medications that you're on, like certain antidepressants can really affect that. If you're going through chemotherapy, like just general stress, like loads and loads of different reasons. And I think because of that, there's this real stigma that lube is something that you use as like, because you're a failure, because you like actually can't do this enough on your own. So here's this like, sad little supplement that you need to use because you can't get wet enough. And I hate that it feels like such bullshit. I definitely had that as a teenager, a feeling like to get wet was like the thing that you had to do, especially kind of coming into sex in a very heteronormative way where it was just like, I'm a woman, I

have sex with men being like, cool, well, the man gets hard and I get wet and then sex can happen. And that is such a boring way to approach sex in my mind. And so narrow minded and I guess like as a woman, the more you're thinking, oh my God, I should be like super wet right now. You're then getting anxious. You're not going to be. It's not helpful for anyone. And like I've slept with people before, like my body changes all the time and I can be super present, super turned on and horny and just being like, I don't know what's happening, but just like I'm not getting wet in the way that I might do on another day. And rather than that being this like source of shame and anxiety, just being like, well cool, that's fine, because I always have lube with me.

Like if, obviously at home, but like there is never not lube in my bag. I love that. Yeah. Like to be whipped out anytime you need a quickie. Quickie. And I've got, there are some brands that I like that have like little sachets of lube. So I've got a couple of them in my like makeup bag all the time. Because you never

know when you're going to need it. Oh my god good thinking. Thanks. I mean maybe a bit over keen but no better to be prepared than underprepared. Yeah and like I always have condoms with me again just in case but I also don't really sleep with men and like cis men with penises that much anymore and so the lube is essential for everyone or if I'm just having a wank. Yeah I think that like the more the better even if you're like wet like why would you not want to make it wetter? It's like why are we being so like oh no it's because the woman can't get wet or maybe it's because you, Bernard, aren't thinking really good enough. Like why is it always the woman's fault firstly? I would love that to you to say that in a sexual situation and being like is it actually on you, mate? So sorry you're not.

I'm just gonna reach for the lube now because your fingers, I don't know what they're playing at. Well like lube's really helpful like in just creating a bit more fluid, more lubrication in the situation. But also, if you're not feeling it, lube shouldn't be like a substitute for then carrying on with sex that isn't feeling good. Like you're allowed to also be like, hey, this isn't working for me. And either pause and readjust or be like, maybe I don't want to have sex with you. And so let's just not go there. For me, the biggest shift was seeing lube as like a sex toy and as a pretty essential sex toy in most

of the times that I have sex and it being this like fun enhancement rather than like a shameful thing of going like vaginal dryness. Oh no, like quick, we have to get the lube. So yeah, that's been my biggest shift in focus in the like the last 10 years and now I am just a real nerd for lube. I think that's a good way to look at it as another sex toy. Yeah. Rather than like you say like something you need. I don't know why I do think we're starting to change though I've noticed over the last like five years like you say before that it was like no one spoke about lube or do you reckon it's just like an age thing where we're young, we didn't

really know about it as much? That's a really good point. Maybe it's a bit of an age thing because as you just come into yourself a bit more, you can be more confident and be like, yeah, I'm going to get some lube because I'm allowed to get some lube. That's just happening. Yeah. I think, yeah, I hadn't thought about it in that way. I reckon that's as much as like a wider cultural shift, also just us being more confident in our own sex lives, and the people that we're interacting with it not being like a shock. Because maybe if early days, when I was like in

my late teens, early 20s, I don't think the men I would have slept with would have been like, cool, yeah, lube, great. Like it would have it maybe would have been like, cool, yeah, lube, great. Like it would have, it maybe would have been a bit more of a thing in the same way that like if I'd whipped out a sex toy, they would have been like offended by that. Yeah. I know what you mean. Like, oh, am I not doing a good enough job? Like that you need a sex toy and need that. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, no, it's not about that. It's about bringing in more fun into the mix. Like this is going to be good for you. Good for me. Good for everyone.

We're leveling up baby. Always. So I feel like now we're obviously using lube more we're speaking about lube more and I've noticed there's a real trend there's like CBD lube there's this there's so many different kinds now is there any that you think are like better for you like in the health of your vagina that's like good for the pH balance or any it just just suits you differently. Yeah, let's do the full lube breakdown. Okay. Thank you Megan, I would love to do nothing more than that right now. So there's three main categories of lube. There's water-based, silicone-based and oil-based. Water-based lube tends to be my go-to almost all of the time. And that is because it works well with condoms. If you use like an oil-based

lube with condoms, condoms break down. If you use a silicone-based lube with some like silicone toys that can damage the toys. A water-based lube is good for like all bodies, all toys, all condoms. So you kind of know that you're safe with that. Right. It can vary sometimes water based lube, especially like less stuff that's just not well as well made can get quite like tacky, which I hate that isn't as good. But there are loads out there that are really great. I think yes, organics and makes, I would say the best water-based lube that I have ever tried. And as you can imagine, I've tried a lot of lube. And for Santa, I have a really good like

basic water-based one that I really like as well. And it's, it's a little bit of a Goldilocks of like figuring out the consistencies that you like. Some people like a lube that's a bit more runny. Some people like a lube that's like much more thick and it's going to like hold its consistency. Also depends what you're doing with it because there are some lube that are specifically designed for anal play and for like fisting as well. We'll come on to that maybe in a minute. That word just scares me. I'm not going to lie. My butthole tense is up when I hear that one. Let's just park that. Hear me out.

I'll chat to you about that in a minute. So yeah, especially for anal play, you're probably going to want a slightly thicker consistency of lube. And also be wary for lubes that have glycerin in them because that in particular can affect pH balance. And that's just not a nice time. You don't want to use lube and then be like, now I have a yeast infection, this isn't fun.

So I would say going for lubes that really are like designed for sex and like medically approved is the best way to go. Water-based lube rant over. Silicone-based lube, it's much, it kind of can feel weird. Have you ever used it before? What bright like there's lots of different brands. It feels like really silky. It's a bit eerie. It's like, it's like a bit of a slip and slide. It's like really, really silky all over the place. I feel like this one I had, it was like white lube and it's called like liquid silk. And it was like amazing. I'm assuming that

must be silicone. So liquid silk is water-based actually, but it is very silky. So hybrid in terms of sensation, like silicone-based lube has silicone in it, so it's got this kind of like very glidey texture. Some people really like it, some people less so. The two, the biggest downside for me is it really fucking ruins your sheets. Like it is like a, you know, it really shows up and it can be kind of hard to get out. I also, I don't love the sound of like silicone, which is a plastic than just like being in and around my genitals. And that's more of a personal preference. Mostly it's about the bed sheets.

And like I've got really nice expensive silicone sex toys. I don't want to mess them up. So yeah, that's why I tend to stay away from it. And then oil-based is an interesting one. There are some brands that make oil-based lube designed for sex, which have been like approved and are safe to use. have been approved and are safe to use. The issue I have with people using coconut oil or another kind of natural oil that isn't necessarily packaged and designed for sex, the main thing is about contamination.

Because most coconut oil jars, you're just opening up and scooping your hand in. Actually in terms of bacteria and STI transmission, but just also general like bacteria stuff, it's not really great to be like scooping that out, using it all over you and someone else and then like going back in there. Yeah. I know that's deeply, deeply unsexy, but there's like an alarm bells thing that rings for me. Yeah. So some oil based lubes

that have like, you just like pop the lid open and squeeze it out. Like obviously there's not going to be that contamination. That's good to think about. And if you were using condoms, do not get oil anywhere near them because it would just break down the condom and it See that's nuts. Why was you not taught that at school? Yeah, it's wild. Yeah, I used to actually when I went to inter-schools I would like sometimes show like with a condom like rubbing oil or like Vaseline on it and show that after time like it does just break the condom down yeah and obviously if you're using a condom you don't want to get pregnant or transmit

STIs and that is a like you know big spanner in the works. Yeah I feel like the only other question I had is with the oil ones, so you know you can sometimes get them candles that turn into an oil. Can that be okay to be in there? Because sometimes I'm lazy and I don't want to walk all the way downstairs or somewhere else to get the lube. So if we're using the massage candle that turns into a massage oil, can that be okay or no? I think it's hard to say like a hard and fast yes or no because I think those products are designed to be massage candles, which is then like an oil for your body. And I'm sure that getting that in and around your genitals may well be fine. If I'm in professional sexual health modes, I'd probably say best to also have

some lube that you can use if you're doing anything penetrative. But also if I'm day to day Ruby mode and I was in a sexual situation and what we had to hand was a little sexy massage candle, would I not use that as lube? No, I probably would. So like, I don't know if that's the best advice to give. And don't be a lazy cow, read the instructions on the candle or have a lube to hand. Don't be a lazy cow is good advice for this, I would say. If you do use that or something and it's not working with your body, that's a good thing to think about.

If like, okay, what condoms, what lube am I using? What am I using to wash my genitals? Using really scented soaps and stuff is not a good thing for anyone's, but particularly bulbous and vaginas. So yeah, I've had mates who've had like chronic yeast infections over and over again. And it's like, because of the lube that they were using or something like that. So we don't want that. No.

And you know, the worst ones for me, the flavored ones or the scented ones. Oh my God, my purse hates them. I'm just like, get them away. I don't like a flavored lube. I've also never tasted a flavored lube that I like. No, it's like so chemical. It's not great, nope. And I think for like using them if you're like going down on someone with a penis, like giving a blowjob may be different, but like it's probably not even sugars that are in flavoured lubes

now, but whatever is in them going inside a vagina or an anus, I'm going to say probably not a good thing to do. Yeah, probably better alternatives. Makes me sort of squirm up. And my main kind of tip for people is to just use more lube. Again, like what don't be sparing with it. It's not that thing again, of just being like, oh, a tiny little bit because that's all I need because I'll do the rest. Like actually seeing what it's like, seeing what it's like when you use a lot of lube can be really fascinating because sometimes interesting things happen, Megan.

I feel like I know what you're hinting at. This is one of my, I actually in my first book Sex Eds, I wrote this out as a story and then my, after the first draft, my editor was like, I love you Ruby. I think this one's a bit too much to put in. Please share with us. So we found the place for it, everyone. I was, well, sometimes when you use a lot of lube, some would say maybe a bit too much lube, you can accidentally end up fisting yourself.

Oh my God, wait, we need to know everything from the start. You're like. Well, look, first of all, I don't think fisting is like a major taboo thing. I think it's fine. Like, fisting has so many misconceptions. It is not like you holding

your fist like you're about to punch someone. I genuinely thought that's what it was. No, it's... The way I describe it is like it's more... Well, I don't like this terminology. People do it like it's more of a duck bill. Yeah. Like you're you're kind of squeezing all of your fingers and your thumb together in like a long way for people who are listening. People with the camera like this.

So the widest part is where you're like thumb knuckle and your little finger knuckle is kind of meeting together. Yeah. Mine is still quite big big you've got tiny little hands. I've got tiny hands so honestly I've experienced toys and dicks bigger than that. Oh my god your hands are diddy! They're really small so maybe I've got the perfect fisting hands. You have! But this is not something that I had ever experienced before and again there's not something that I had ever experienced before and again there's so many taboos around like

being loose or like oh my god two fingers fine three or four oh my god that's way too like that's so playground we've got so much fucking playground double standards going on but yeah I was just having a wank and it was like in an afternoon it was really leisurely and I like used quite a lot of lube and then a bit more then a bit more and then like I don't know what it just kind of went from like two or three fingers to four and then I was like actually there's like there's some room going on in here I've really like built myself up and it just happened like really quickly. Did you panic or not really? No I was actually really curious to just be like, wow, my body's doing a thing that it has never done before. This is cool. And you know, if you if you like have a child like a baby can go out of there, like vaginas are like very elastic. And

it's not like you use a really big toy or like fisting or whatever. And then it's like, you use a really big toy or like fisting or whatever and then it's like forever you've just got this massive fucking vagina. Yeah of course. But it was really fascinating and it kind of opened my eyes to something I was not aware my body could do or something that could be fun as well and I have leave to thank for that. What's the verdict? Do you think it was good that that wasn't in my book? I think that should have been included in the book because that must have happened to so many women when you're just like playing around like there's loads of lube like one finger leads to another. Why not?

Literally one finger leads to another and another and another. You got the full whole set. Yeah I think I was always scared of fisting So I thought it was more of like a performative thing for your part. Like, I don't know. Or like when I'd gone into like sex toy shops in Soho and you can see like the actual like rubber fist, it just all looked very aggressive and scary. But the way you're describing it, so like natural, and if it feels good, why stop? Yeah. And there are some people who are into more hardcore fisting, like, and that's vaginal or anal, like, more power to you,

if that is something that your body can do and contain. I have a couple mates who are gay guys who are really into fisting and, and like, it can get pretty extreme, but everyone's having a fun time. And like, you know, you're not going from nothing to full fist going into one of your orifices, you know, like you build up, if something feels uncomfortable, then like slow it down. I actually feel I'm now realizing I feel very passionate about fisting. I want us to normalize this. If it's something that you're into, then great. If it's not, also fine. But maybe give some things a go sometimes. Yeah, we shouldn't be here to shame anyone.

Like, try it. Or just size up people like me who have really small hands and you're like, you, you're coming home with me tonight. Yeah, maybe I'm going to start dating girls more again. Check out their hands, hey? Okay, I am just realising that I've told you that story and it's going to be out in the world. I think I feel fine with it. It was actually like a really sweet tender moment for myself.

I think it was so endearing. And now all of you as well. No, I think it's so endearing and it definitely people can relate a hundred percent. Enduring fisting. I want that on a t-shirt. Like I, much. But I feel like we've covered so much, all the different lubes. I can't wait to get out and just try one. See what my lube is. Yeah, and just use more.

Like if you're not using it, use some. If you're using some, use a bit more. And like you say, I'm going to remember that. I shouldn't be like, Oh God, is he going to think like I'm super dry or this? Like it's another sex toy, more than Mary are. Let's lube up. Let's lube up baby. So we are currently part way through recording this and there is too much to talk about in one episode. So we are gonna push this to a two-parter. We'll be back next week for even more ludicrous fun.

It's been so fun though, I can't wait to pick it back up. Yeah, more lube, more squirting, more straffons. So yeah, in the meantime please do get in touch with us if you have any questions. Our email is hello at ins and outs pods.com. We want to hear your stories. Let's go. So soon we're going to do an episode all based on your sex questions, your sex stories. We can't wait to hear them.

So make sure you write in and share everything with us. And don't be afraid because we love to overshare. If this episode has not already demonstrated. As you've seen it. Alright, tune in next week for more of this silly educational chap. Until then, muah! Bye bye. Bye!