The Ins and Outs with Ruby and Megan - "Is my big sexual fantasy normal?" Your sex questions and stories!

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

We have been gagging for an episode full of your sex questions and stories and finally here it is! Ruby and Meg de-stigmatise a listener’s kink - wanting to watch his partner have sex with someone else - and discuss the “cuck” chair in hotel rooms. (You’ll never be able to see a hotel room in the same way again). Ruby and Meg get deep talking through a listener question about whether BDSM should be on the sex ed curriculum. And we settle in for story time as a listener message transports us back to a noughties hip hop night where a bandana-fuelled hook up ended in bloody bed sheets. It’s a wild ride. You’re welcome!   Email the podcast: [e-mail] Ruby on socials: @rubyrare Follow Megan on socials @meganbartonhanson_The Ins and Outs with Ruby and Megan is a Mags Creative and Dear Media production Producer and Content Editor for Mags Creative: Christy Callaway-GaleEditor and Engineer: Beautiful Strangers, Podcast HouseExecutive Producers for Mags Creative: Faith Russell and Kit MilsomThis podcast contains adult themes that are not suitable for children. Listener caution is advised. If you’ve been affected by anything raised in this episode and want extra support, we encourage you to reach out to your general practitioner or an accredited professional. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I'm Lauren and I'm Ashley and this guys is Nip Tuck Pod. We are your girl chat. We say the things you want to hear, the things that you're thinking but you don't want to say out loud and we're all about being strong aspirational women who basically don't give a... Lauren anyway if you want unfiltered chat, amazing beauty and product recommendations then look no further guys. This is the podcast where you will get all of the girly chat. I'm reading this one out and this is from James.

Hi James. She climbed on top of me. My dick was hard but dry and I most certainly hadn't had the chance to pleasure her as yet. She grabbed my dick and basically crunched down on it. Not that crunch of a penis. Hey lovelies, you are listening to the ins and outs with me Ruby Rare. And me Megan Barton Hanson. We've got something very special lined up. I've been so excited for this episode finally. We've been asking haven haven't we, for so long

for like listeners' messages and questions, dilemmas, and now is the time that we can actually get into them. I think this will be the first of many like this. I'm excited. I hope so. We've got some truly wild ones. Shall we dive in? Yeah, let's do it.

So this one is anonymous and the email goes like this. Hello, I've always been too embarrassed to bring up with sexual partners and it's probably not a normal kink, but I have a really big sexual fantasy of wanting to watch another male sleep with my partner in front of me and watch her enjoy it. Is this normal? I feel like yeah. This makes me so happy. I saw you reacting. But as soon as someone's like, oh god, this is really forbidden. Like, I don't know if

I'm comfortable. I'm like, okay, tell me what it is. I want to know. And then hearing that, I just, obviously I don't like to pick favorites, but I have a real soft spot for this as like a kink. What are your initial thoughts? My mind instantly went to me. Like, I was like, oh, if I was seeing a partner do that, it would be my worst nightmare. But then I'm thinking I have done it a lot of times and I've gone on dates with people and I'm like, why don't we go to a strip club?

Because I want to see them interact with other women and see if like, I don't know how to describe it but like, whether they're like command in the room or girls are attracted to them, that turns me on when I know I'm going home with them. So maybe that's on a tiny scale. I think you're on the scale babe. So this as like a desire kink whatever you want to call it falls under like cuckolding or hotwifing. Have you heard of them before? I've seen it on porn, did dabble and watched a few videos but like I think basic knowledge is it just where like you want to watch someone fuck someone you're into or is it deeper than that? I mean, surface level, absolutely, yes. I think there's layers. Traditionally, cock-holding is like a man-woman couple

and the woman fucking another guy and her partner, husband, boyfriend, watching that happen. So there's kind of like humiliation and degradation that can go into that. There's having like desire withheld and like seeing, I guess in terms of like a historic thing, when so much prowess for men is about like proving their masculinity and like having a hot woman and like being in control and all that shit. Like something like this really transgresses it because it's like oh wow this like other hunky guys

like having a really fun time with my wife and that emasculates me and so people kind of getting off on that. I've spoken to people in the past who are really into it of being like oh wow like I feel the humiliation of like knowing that my wife's getting fucked by someone who's got a bigger dick than me and like that being like transgressive and shamey but also exciting and like you know that whole sweet spot where King Confetish is just like make our brains go a little bit wild in the best ways. Yeah. With things that we might be really insecure about. So do you think if you deep it it's kind of like

power play? One of my favorite things about this is like in every hotel room there is a cuck chair, like cuck old cuck chair. You know, like if you walk into a hotel room, there's like the bed and then there's just that one little chair in the corner. I thought that was for just officey people getting on with their business on a laptop.

Every single time I walk into a hotel, I think I look at that and I'm like, that's the cuck chair. There's been a little sad, horny man sat on that chair watching his wife get railed. So yeah, sorry, we're like laughing about it. I have a real soft spot for this because I just think it's very, we don't talk about lots of forbidden stuff enough

and I'm really fascinated by this. And like for the lovely person who's emailed in about this, like he is totally allowed for this to be the thing that turns him on or like one of the things. And so it's nerve wracking sharing that as a desire. Now I'm realizing that we've like we went straight into it being just like really fun. I guess there's a lot of nerves if that's what you're into and you haven't told your partner. Like how, how would you approach that if you had a big sexy thing you needed to tell someone? I guess it's hard because you don't want to offend your

partner and then feel like oh if you want to see me be with someone else you not care about me. I think that's a big concern probably in a lot of men's heads like when they think about this, but I think it's incredibly brave. To not want to be the person in complete control and watch someone else, fuck your missus. You've got to be so secure. It's kind of gangster, I think. I think it's gangster. I really do. I'm way too insecure. Unless I was with someone for like three or four years and I'm like, we know we've got this deep connection, this deep like friendship, this love. I couldn't think of anything worse than watch them have sex with someone. So I think he is a proper G.

Well in that case, I'm a G Meg. So in terms of like talking about this, I also think often with this kind of fantasy stuff, it's okay for it to stay within the realm of fantasy as well, just because you're into something you might really want to make that a reality, but that isn't the like automatic pipeline of this. This could be something that you where you like fantasize about this, watch porn, like in your kind of solo sex masturbation, it's like an active part of that. It could be something that you talk to your partner about and then you like bring that in as a fantasy

in the sex you're having. That's hard. Or you can like, you know, make steps to make it a reality, but there's sometimes when people talk about like a bit more out there stuff, there's that panic that like, you just have to suddenly be doing it.

And there's loads of different steps and playfulness and adventure that you can have like before actually being on the cuck chair. That's so true that's why you're the expert I just heard that and I went straight to like doing it in like person where yeah it could just be a fantasy couldn't it? Yeah it could be like you guys talking dirty and her like you know being like I don't know this is being like oh fucking you fucking this, fucking this guy for being like, I wish that you were someone else and like humiliating him. I've done that before with a boyfriend where they're obviously my boyfriend, but I'm pretending like, oh my god, my boyfriend be so mad if you found out about this. That's hot. Is that in the same realm?

Yeah, I'd say there's similar. I think you're I think you're more into this than you think you are. I think, well, there sounds a bit. I never realised. I'd be so down for something like this. It's the Earth. Just in case anyone's wondering. I'm on board. I'm in.

Alright, thank you so much for sending that in. What are the headlines from that? Yes, you are normal. Yes, you are normal. Yes, me and Ruby are both on this with you. We're on board. We celebrate you. I would encourage you to have a chat about this in like a safe way of being like, hey, there's this thing that I'm like, kind of into, what do you think about this? And it depends how your partner feels about it. But even if it's not something that she's on board with, hopefully it can be received well. And it's not like an insult or like taking it because it's like, this is a part of your fantasy world and your desire. And that's really allowed.

Yeah. And one bit of advice, I think sometimes like when you're in the moment maybe that's not a good time to say it don't you think? Yeah don't just throw this on someone like mid-sex. Mid-sex that's what I think because sometimes before I spoke about different things and I can just envision people like saying it mid-sex. And do you know what I love? The best place for an awkward conversation is in a car, a car journey because you're both looking straight you don't have to make eye contact. We've got anything awkward to say I'm picking you place for an awkward conversation is in a car, a car journey because you're both looking straight, you don't have to make eye contact. We've got anything awkward to say, I'm picking you up for a drive, we're going for a drive

through Starbucks, no one even wants coffee. Well you heard it here first, I'm into that. Right, should we have another listener email? Let's do the next one. Let's do it. This one is from another anonymous babe. So they say, hey guys, I'm absolutely loving the podcast so far, you two are the ultimate duo.

Love that. That's really nice. So cute. Thank you. This is sort of a question for Ruby as a sex educator, but I'd love to hear both of your thoughts. I'm wondering what your opinion is on whether it is appropriate to educate young people on topics such as kink and BDSM. I say this

because I feel like I knew I was kinky from quite a young age and ended up learning a lot of it through porn, Tumblr and sexting people online as a teenager. As part of the BDSM community as an adult I'm so much more aware of appropriate behaviours, safe words and other extremely useful information which I didn't know as a teen. I even used to think that being submissive meant you could never break character or have agency in this dynamic. I feel like I could have avoided a lot of dangerous situations and people taking advantage of my ignorance in these spaces when I was younger if I knew more about the safety in

the community I understand why people would find this topic inappropriate for teenagers to learn about but equally which I'd been educated earlier what do you think is there a space for this on the curriculum big big heavy topic this this is quite a juicy one isn't it yeah I'm trying to like figure out how I order my feelings with this. I'm excited to get into it with you because I feel like just off the bat, obviously, I don't know the same in-depth education that you have and you've gone to schools and taught people, but just straight off the bat, like my first instinct is like, I just feel like this is something you learn as an adult. If you've learned like consent and like the health and safety and your own body's pleasure

of sex, this is like a nuanced thing that's like up to like you as an adult. The way I was thinking about it is like, we all have different genres of music we like. You don't get taught in school, by the way, this is like rock music, this is like heavy metal, this is like grime music, this is, you just discover that on your own journey. So I feel like really maybe we don't need to go into depths of this, but like just tell them like, consent, safety, and I think a big important thing is women

knowing their own body and not being a performative role is super important. But how do you see it? I see where we're coming from and I'm kind of on board, but then also I think I just find it really hard to look at this without like so many different layers going on. So I think the first bit of context within all of this is that

mainstream porn now involves a lot of kink and BDSM dynamics and activity and so young people watching porn this is something that they are but they are aware of and have access to. That's true. And I think does shape their understanding of sex from a really young age, which we can have whole different conversations about whether or not that is a good thing, whether that's something that people want to be happening or not. But the reality is that that is how a lot of people are learning about sex. And so I think by not acknowledging it at all in sex education and more like formal, regular, like settings, it's tricky because it like, you know, when we did our sex ed episode, I just go talking about

like queer sex being like, well, if that's not in the curriculum at all, and that doesn't get spoken about, it doesn't mean that's not happening. It just means that people like you and me feel really isolated and weird when like you have a bit of a sex ed lesson and it just completely disregards a part of you and the sex that you will end up having. So I think it is important to bring into the room with sex ed. I also completely understand why people get so nervous about that and how like terrifying that can be because sex education for like teenagers shouldn't be instructional. It shouldn't be like you should

do this and try this and look what else is out there. Like a couple of years ago there was this big scandal which by the way was complete bullshit like it was completely fabricated but a lot of the kind of anti sex ed people who are like on the right, getting their massive like knickers in a twist about like, people are going into schools and teaching teenagers how to choke each other safely. And that getting like completely blown out of proportion. And obviously you can see how panicked like school boards and like parents would be about that because that's not we don't want to go into schools and be like hey here's how you do this thing

that's obviously not okay. Of course. But if if I was in a classroom and a young person put their hand up and asked me about choking I'd say like well yeah some people incorporate that into their sex life it's much more common in porn. There are some risks and dangers with that so I'd really advise people to be very careful about doing that and not just take that as like a granted thing. Like that's something that people who want to engage in that need to have conversations around it, around safety and around consent. Like none of that is me saying like, this is how you do that. It's kind of keeping it all really broad. Yeah. But it's not shutting down conversations. But I think you're so right. I didn't even think about it like that. A lot of the porn

that people are watching, including like young kids at school, the whole demographic for that is a lot of women being like more submissive and the man being more dominant. So I guess that is a form of BDSM, isn't it? Yeah, for sure. Whether you like it or not. But I think where it's so ingrained in me from a young girl to see that as like the women be the submissive one, I didn't even clock. And like the person who's emailed in, I think especially like if you are into BDSM, whether you fall on the more dummy or sub side, it is important to understand a little bit more about that and understand like the agency that you have

and that it's not about just like putting up with anything. Me, early years in BDSM scenes, I definitely went along with things that in hindsight I wasn't as comfortable with because I thought that was just like what this was meant to be like. And some of that, I guess I kind of had to just experience with time and age and like learn to become more confident talking about what I wanted and what I didn't want.

But also I wish there'd been more in-depth conversation about consent and it not just being like, say yes, say no. And again, that's not me being like, we should go in and teach year sevens about kink. But like, I think there's a real difference between like age appropriate education, which is kind of the buzzword and the people use. What is appropriate? We don't know, like, who can who can judge what's going to be appropriate for like each different individual teenager. But timely education is like is this already something that they are aware of? Yeah. In like their internet usage, the way they talk to their friends, what they see in pop culture, if that's the case we need to be prepared to have

those conversations. Yeah that's what's really like opened my mind with this because I was like surely when you're watching porn like people would just be like when you first experimenting, it's like will from the in between is you don't even know what you're doing. You're kind of like awkward. So how they even going to think about like getting into like kink or BDSM. But equally, when you deep it, a lot of the porn that is just on the main like feature page of like PornHub or any porn sites, that's a lot of what they're seeing. Is that like domination and all of that? So you have to kind of address it. It's a tricky one in terms of like putting it in the curriculum. I don't know. The government are being really crap about the sex ed curriculum right now anyway, so I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon.

But what about past school? So say like you've left school, you're in uni or college or whatever. And then say you just discover you've maybe watched a few BDSM or kink fetish things. You want to go to your first, I don't know, Torch Garden or whatever. Is there a community where you can join up on the internet and learn different things before you go and trial it out? Because I think this is the biggest takeaway from this. When the listeners said that they could have avoided a really dangerous situation that just made my heart burn a bit because we've all I don't know about you but I've definitely been there in my earlier years of being like more submissive more quiet than I wanted to about certain situations. Well and like letting someone else dictate how things go, rather than being like, oh,

I'm allowed to be like, actually, I'm into this. And like you said- Or like, I don't want to do this or whatever. Yeah, when you went to your first like parties or whatever it was, whatever dynamic it was, you were saying, I just thought this is the way it's supposed to be. There definitely needs to be this conversation, but whether it's like at an educational level or past that, do you reckon there's like you know like forums on like there's definitely like reddit's really good for this also there are loads of really good kink educators on like

tiktok and instagram so it's kind of finding the right people for that and then scarlet teen's really good it's like an american website and it's like queer sex positive sex education that also will does talk about like King can be DSM. And that's an online platform. And it's not like telling teens to have sex or how to have sex, but it's just like giving a lot of information that maybe you wouldn't hear in school, but you actually probably really want to hear about like if you are a young person who is having sex, who's interested in exploring this, I do think you should be able to access education that feels good for you.

Yeah, that sounds amazing. And in the privacy of your own home, you don't have to be awkward about it. Yeah, you have to put your fucking hand up in a school lesson and be like, I'm actually really into this. Yeah, you can just deep dive on your own. And then you're right, when you get older, then there's like whole pockets of different communities and you can learn and like, you know, that's like a longer term process of self discovery. Everyone of any like age from teenager to like all throughout our adulthood, like we've got no idea of what we're all into. Like that's a constant self discovery. There's, there's shit that you and I will be into in the future that we've got no idea of what we're all into. Like that's a constant self discovery. There's, there's shit that you and I will be into in the future that we've

got no idea about and we'd probably look at but now and be like, all right, Megan Ruby, bit weird. But like that, that is exciting. That's so exciting. To not like define sex in a limited way. Oh, I feel like with my kinks, like that's it. I'm into what I'm into. Do you reckon it changes over time? I mean, I've brought some new things into the arsenal in the last couple of years where I'm like, oh, wow, that. Oh, cool. You've just made my whole week. I want to be like, hopefully I live a long life and I would love to be in my 70s and 80s and like discovering new things about sex. I would love that too. I think we can do it. Okay so I think the takeaway for this is TikTok creators, Instagram creators like yourself know to find out more information

rather than taking it into schools and educating. Do you think trying to like... Yeah I think a bit of both. I think like knowing that there are people online who speak about this well but trying to make sure it's people who like look and feel legit and aren't, you know, there's also a lot of misinformation online. So it's a fine line to tread. But I think long term, we do need to get more comfortable talking about this kind of stuff in schools and it not being like an instructional thing, but just acknowledging that this exists because it already is out there in the world. That it's an aspect of sex rather than like brushing under the carpet.

We really went off on one that, well I really went off on one. No I did as well. I find it so interesting. I could talk about this forever, but we shouldn't because we have one more story to share. Okay, let's get into it. I'm reading this one out and this is from James. Hi James. I'm gonna confidently say James has matched our oversharing energy.

I love that. I love an overshare. He's done quite a long one. So I've cut it down a little bit. I hope you don't mind babe. Right. I was 20 years old and a local hip hop night back in the early noughties I started dancing, chatting and flirting with a pretty hot girl and she was

also a hip hop nerd like me. I remember a very cute bandana she was wearing and that turned me on a lot. We love a detail. That is the female gaze. Well we started to have a good snog and things were getting a little more intense than what should happen at that kind of club night. So we decided to get a cab back to mine so things could go a little or a lot further. At that time of my life, I'd just bailed out of uni so was back living with my folks. Very hip hop. Look, we've all been there, babe.

Well, I have been there. We snuck in through the garage at what must have been 3am, up the stairs and past my folks' bedroom and straight to mine, complete with Man United First Team dressing room sign stuck on the bedroom door. I can picture it now. That's so teenage. Oh, I've shagged in rooms like that. It's a teenager.

It's showing PTSD right now. Yeah, wow, okay, okay. She climbed on top of me. My dick was hard but dry. And I certainly hadn't had the chance to pleasure her as yet. She grabbed my dick and basically crunched down on it. Not that crunch of a penis!

I could almost hear it rip. And all I felt was extreme pain and screamed for her to get off She did and I was completely torn my banjo string had snapped and blood was spurting from what was still a very erect And then I was too ashamed to go to a doctor So I let nature mend what was now a slightly broken penis that I was embarrassed about. I should also say with shame that I did no- oh my god,

oh my god, I did nothing! This is the worst bit of the story! I should also say with shame that I did nothing about my bed sheets and my mum stripped the bed and washed them as normal. No one's penis blood everywhere! Oh, sweet Lord! Middle class plastering over the cracks, no conversation, ignorance is bliss, which I was quite grateful for at the time to be honest. The mum is the hero in this story. How could she contain herself? How did she not ask? But also that. Babe, have you had a nosebleed? Are you okay?

That's more blood than a fucking nosebleed. So in a medically way, this is this part of the penis is called the frenulum. This is known as the banjo string, like in slang terms, and it's like a section of skin that attaches the foreskin if someone is uncircumcised, to the shaft of the penis. So it's that kind of like underside line. And so it can tear. And when that happens, it can be really painful. This can happen a lot when people don't use lube or like just bodies aren't lubricated enough because it's like that tension just pulling down and causing it to tear. Oh no.

But yeah, I've, I know someone, a mate who I went to uni with, this, she brought a guy back and this happened. Kind of similar, like drunken after a night out and he was in loads of pain for a bit and so they stopped having sex, but he kind of left and was like, ah, embarrassed. And then in the morning she woke up and she was like, I'd slept in a horror movie. The amount of blood was huge and there was a bloody handprint on her wall.

Oh my goodness. Probably from where he tried to like hold the bleeding dick. She was like, I killed someone. That's what's just happened. I've murdered somebody. It's like quite graphic. Oh no. I'm even more traumatized, you know. This happens and it's like, I, it's really sad that, that James didn't feel comfortable going to a doctor because this kind of stuff can heal in itself, but also sometimes you might need a stitch to help the healing. So if this does happen, go to your doctors. They've seen all this stuff before.

It's not a big deal for them. Yeah. And I feel like I'm laughing in the matter of fact. I put myself as being the girl that has just like traumatized the penis, like as a man if you've got an injured dick, like there should be no shame in going to your doctor and be like, do you know what I mean? And also like it must be, must have been like quite a lot for the woman involved as well. Like that's, that's quite intense. It was my biggest fear growing up at school. There was rumours circulating about it. I'd never known like a direct friend to have like, is it snapped or broken one?

I don't know. Torn I think is the like medical but people say use any of those. Yeah. But it scared me a lot. So I remember there was this one girl in my year and she ranked someone off and it was going around for years and years and the poor girl she couldn't shake the shroom of her oh she broke her dick she's just trying to wank him off I forgot the whole wanking situation went straight

into giving head because I was like I can't take no risks I had braces at the time and I was thinking wonder what's riskier me and my big clumsy hands or me with this brace and like getting a foreskin stack in these absolute train tracks I was like I'm just gonna go with the mouth it's wide enough as far. I've still got so I when I had braces I've still got like a wire on the back of both my teeth and I'm playing pretty fast and loose in my life, Megan a little bit of one of the like However, they fix it on one side is worn off So there's like a little bit of wire just poking around in my mouth all the time

That's treacherous for a penis in that Yeah I mean once once I like did something weird with my lip and I was in the middle of quite an important meeting and then My lip just started bleeding and I was like I'm so sorry guys this is weird but it's never happened in sex and I'm always curious like maybe that one day it will happen. Touchwood. Really fucking touchwood. Or maybe I should just suck it off and go to the dentist. I think it cost me like 200 quid to get it fixed for like a tiny thing I'm being stubborn and being like I'll live with this live wire in my mouth, but no we should I should probably fix it.

I believe in your head skills. You're not gonna empower anyone. Well James, thank you for making us laugh a lot But also sorry that we're laughing at your trauma a bit And also please don't ever be ashamed to go to the doctor if you have any kind of dick issue again. If something weird is happening to your genitals, go to the doctors, just go to the doctors. They will like, they are way cooler about this

than you think. They've seen loads of this before, it's fine. Definitely, that's one thing. I'm such a shy little weirdo, but that's one thing I'm not ashamed of. I'll go to the doctor for anything. Legs splayed immediately. Like something weird's going on. Look here, what's going on? Yeah but I get why it's why it's scary as well so it is it's okay. Sorry we have I have to go back to the mum thing for a minute. That's not okay. You cannot, you cannot expect anyone, but especially not your mum,

who has raised you to strip and wash your highly bloody sheets. Get a fucking grip. Love you James. You need to wash those. There's a lot of sympathy in this story but it runs out at that point. No, I'm not having it. Right, we've really done the rounds today. It's been a lot. We've been on the journey. We've been on a journey. I'm going to be haunted by those sheets forevermore, I think. But thank you. We really appreciate everyone messaging in and sharing questions and stories.

And I love doing it like this. I think I'd love to do more episodes like this. So keep them coming. I love an oversharer. We're such oversharers. Yeah, we implore you, James, for stepping up and really showing us how, like showing everyone how it's done in terms of oversharers. Yeah we implore you James for stepping up and really showing us how like showing everyone how it's done in terms of oversharing. So if today's episode has made you want to share your own sex stories or give us any questions

make sure to email us at hello at ins and outs pod.com. Bye!