The Ins and Outs with Ruby and Megan - Porn: Sexy or unrealistic?

Episode Date: October 31, 2024

Ruby and Meg chat about the first time they watched porn, growing up queer, the history of porn, and the ethical porn industry. Plus, what are the top 5 search terms of PornHub? Ruby and Meg reveal all. Email the podcast: [e-mail] Ruby on socials: @rubyrare Follow Megan on socials @meganbartonhanson_Links and resources:Mozart’s “Leck mich im Arsch” - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C78HBp-Youk Ruby’s steamy sex playlist - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3v2QpYyO0tSz2I5nsbKt6R Ruby’s tender sex playlist - https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1UhYyzNIbc22sBQA76NHdR Top 5 UK search terms on Pornhub (2023) - https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2023-year-in-review#united-kingdom  Ruby and Meg recommendations:Ethical porn: Erika Lust, Lustery, CheexThe Ins and Outs with Ruby and Megan is a Mags Creative and Dear Media production Producer and Content Editor for Mags Creative: Christy Callaway-GaleEditor and Engineer: Beautiful Strangers, Podcast HouseExecutive Producers for Mags Creative: Faith Russell and Kit MilsomThis podcast contains adult themes that are not suitable for children. Listener caution is advised. If you’ve been affected by anything raised in this episode and want extra support, we encourage you to reach out to your general practitioner or an accredited professional. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Me and my best friend, she came around to play at mine and was like, I found something on the internet. And she typed in like, big boobs.com. And we waited for like, all of the little pixelated lines of like images of just women with massive tits. And we were quite young, but being like, cool. I like this. And I won't think about why for a little bit longer babes hello welcome back to the ins and outs with me Ruby Rare and me Megan Barton-Hanson I'm very excited about this episode I'm excited it's one of my fave topics so Ruby's wearing a

top that's very fitting for today I do all my own porn stunts and she's looking stunning thank you but i love it's if you're listening it's i do my own own porn stunts but it's like a lilac velour top with a little embroidered kitten on it who's got like miss piggy energy it is good very on theme but are my nipples they keep they keep going like in a bit do you know what i mean i'm i'm not saying if I see them go in I'll let you know but does that work to me they're looking gorge okay thank you appreciate it sometimes I'll see photos and it's like my nipples are just like wanting to kiss getting closer and closer together under a shirt so trying to connect yeah you need to you need to watch out

for me I appreciate that um I before we get into like our main topic I want to ask you about sex and music oh my god why am I pretending it's not for a reason I had someone around last night and I was really unprepared with playing music and like they've come around before and so they know my generic sex playlist and I was like oh I need to put something else on but like I don't know what the fuck to turn to do you have go-to playlists I don't have go-to playlists but there's like certain like artists that I'll play or you know like when someone's come around for a few drinks but really you're like the motive is to fuck I'm gonna put on I'm gonna put on these sexual songs just to subliminally get in there to be like we know

we know why we're here we know it's gonna happen yeah but what's your like generic i've never had a playlist but like guys i've seen they've always been like they'll actually like announce it as well they'll be like oh yeah there's like a pride in it sometimes i'll send you my playlist i am quite proud of it but the thing is like, if you use it too often, it feels like you're like in a TV show and they're just playing the songs again. And you're like, oh, okay, the same sex. Like I want it to feel different.

I need to up my game with them. Is there like certain songs on there that you're like must-haves for the sex playlist? There's a couple. And really there's an artist called Tweaks who like is very good and like really sexy, but not like obviously because i think the songs where you're like this is for fucking sometimes can be a bit of a turn off

because it's like too obvious yeah i'm like i want like sophistication maybe you're about to bang maybe you're not i don't know okay so you're taking the more like demure approach i mean you'll see my playlist it's not demure but like like a little, I guess a little bit. Like I don't want it to be so, so obvious, but we can put it in the show notes if people want to listen to my playlist. Yeah, I feel like it's so important though, because like when you're fucking,

like sometimes I think if I'm too shy to say something, a song can say it all. I just like put this song on and be like, just read the room read the room this is the vibe I want yeah oh god I was at a friend's house the other day and like his he has a playlist that like just automatically went on or he like played one bit from it but then it was all of his it was like motivational speaking like songs but like all like positive affirmations which like really really sweet I am so here for but I had

to be like babe if we're gonna like slide this into sex can we change the music please I wasn't doing it for me positive affirmations you're amazing you can do anything it's like I know but not right now um can I I obviously was nerding out and can i share one thing with you that i think you'll enjoy i'm a little historical nerd i'm basically trying to make a playlist of classical music to wank to like hot classical music and it is kind of out there i believe in it but it's still cooking I found this song from Mozart apparently he like wrote this for his mates as a joke it's in German it's called Leck mich im Arse which obviously I'm not a languages babe but do you know what that is I can guess yeah lick me in the arse, baby. I found it.

I was crying. I'm so intrigued. It's just lick lick my ass no it makes me so happy that people were little perverted freaks in the past he was just like yep there we go this is what we're gonna do it makes me feel happy that he's into that and that was a thing back then but equally who is he employed to sing Lick My Ass? Like, where did he find these people? Look, I think I want to do some more historical episodes because I think people were fucking perverts in the past and we underestimate them. I think worse. Like, if you look back over, like, old times, like, the things they used to do to people it's like punishments

imagine what was doing in their sex life yeah yeah i think the most graphic porn i've ever seen is from the victorian era like oh my god just give me one insight just one thing i'm gonna have to bring in some books at some point well this isn't graphic but there's like photographs that have been doctored and it looks it's like three Victorian women have all got their skirts pulled up and they're pissing and like combined they're holding a ping pong ball up in the air. And obviously like it's been like painted on. They haven't actually done it. But I love how weird that they're like, yeah, this will be entertainment. Let's go.

That's sick. Three pissing ladies. That's amazing. I think we're talking about porn today. are talking about porn today yep and i'm beaming because honestly of all of the sex and relationships like topics i love them all i think porn's up there as one of my faves really yeah porn has a real like soft spot in my heart oh my god let's get into it I'm so excited to learn do you remember when you first ever watched porn yeah I do quite vividly like a few different times I remember me and my best friend like she came around to play at mine and was like I found something on the internet

like we can't do it at your house because of where your computer is but when you come to mine I'll show you and she like we like kicked our younger siblings out of the room where the computer was and she typed in like big boobs.com and we waited for like all of the little pixelated lines of like images of just women with massive tits and we were quite young but being like cool I like this and I won't think about why for a little bit longer but yeah and then I started to watch porn on my own when I was a teenager and like I remember you know all of the bullshit of like blue waffle and two girls one cup like that went around school and so porn terrified me for a while and then when I started watching it myself i mean it was it was just consistently lesbian porn not much has changed i agree i think the women porn is better

like anything when i'm even watching like straight porn with like a girl and a guy i'll never really look at the guy other than his dick like i couldn't tell you what he looked like no what his body's like anything it's all about the woman for me well and also i quite like watching gay men's porn as well because i am into it but like actually in less of a sort of straight male gaze way if it's too like hot hunky guys that's great because what i'd really like is just to be in the middle of that sandwich I've heard this from like so many straight girls that like would never sleep with another woman or like never like I don't know be bisexual whatever but they love watching like gay men I'm like I just couldn't

see it for myself but maybe that's why you want to be the little in between of the sound like I do I do find like men attractive not all men lol not all men but in this context but like yeah and then queer porn as well like but we'll get properly into that but yeah growing up it was just day to day I was like I'm straight woohoo and then at night being like why do I keep watching all this lesbian shit what about you yeah I think the first maybe the first porn I watched was just women and I never knew back then that I was like bisexual into women I just thought oh because like you look like me I want to watch it I guess and then obviously watching them like get off it then made me horny I was like oh okay but it turns out Megan straight people

aren't as into that like there's a reason it's like when you go back on your teenage version you're like oh yeah I was super queer that like so everything makes sense cool glad I know now sorry 14 year old me life would have been a lot easier for you but even now if I'm, like, seeing a guy, I will still, like, watch porn. I watch porn quite regularly as well, which I think is, like, quite uncommon for, like, a lot of, like, women. But, like, even if I'm fucking a guy and I'm, like,

in my, like, straight era for a second, I'm, like... Women are just hotter to look at. I think it's a bit... Like, some of it, I think,'s a bit like some of it i think is around like genuine attraction and desire but also porn a lot of like mainstream porn is so based off of the sexualization of women because historically it's so much catered towards men and like straight men and so again i'm not saying this is like a good or a bad thing but I'm always interested in that like how much of my attraction to women when I'm watching porn

is about my own desire and how much is it about the desire I've been taught to have of being like hey the most important like sexual thing or like person in this scenario is the woman I feel like yeah predominantly porn is for the male gaze but I think now when I like watch porn and I watch women it's either they're like content creators themselves or they're like a verified like amateur on Pornhub and they're like doing it with their actual boyfriend and they're into it there's nothing worse for me than like watching porn and it's like fake staged bullshit and you can tell people aren't into it as's nothing worse for me than like watching porn and it's like fake staged bullshit and you can tell people aren't into it as well I think nowadays there are big pockets of the

porn industry where we are wanting and seeing more authenticity in like the sex that we're watching because I don't want it to feel weird and fake and staged. It immediately shuts off like a pleasure part of my brain. And I'm like, what's going on? Like, you look really sad or being like, dude, you need to exfoliate. Like your skin is flaky or whatever it is. It's like, why is that lighting terrible? Like, why did you put a chair there? Like whatever it is.

Yeah. I need it to be like a fantasy I can get on board with yeah something you can like actually believe is like half genuine for the woman because like this is so deep and I didn't even like think about about this before but I've genuinely this is like a lot but I've been brought to tears before by watching porn like I was obviously just trying to like get off and like have a good time and I like stumbled across this video and this girl looks so unhappy and obviously where I've worked in the sex industry I know like how it can be like she's probably got a massive paycheck she thinks she has to be there and she has to put on this performance but you don't understand like

how many hours she's probably been there and like she's not enjoying and you know when you could just like see someone's like body language I just thought she looks like so unhappy and I think that's something that's never spoken about like it's very heavy and it's very deep and like we don't know the backstory could be like she was just having a bad day like it wasn't that deep but like for me like when i watched it i don't know why maybe because i've been in that industry myself it just triggered something and i was just like i've only come here to have a wank and now next thing i know i'm crying you're having an existential crisis yeah it was mental but i do think there needs to be a whole shift in the and i think we are getting there slowly but I think the whole shift of the whole

porn industry needs to be more catered for like women and like authentic couples rather than what used to be in the 90s and whatever of like the woman is just like for other people's entertainment yeah it's just very victimizing of the woman I think I'm glad you've said it because I think it's I honestly feel wary of the woman, I think. I'm glad you've said it because I think it's, I honestly feel wary of bringing stuff like that up sometimes. And then hearing you makes me be like, no, this is really important to talk about. So I come from a place of being like,

trying to be like pro-porn because I can see the impact of being so negative about porn, especially from like young people where I've gone into schools and have taught. And also I'm very informed from being like very pro sex worker like I've noticed myself in the past being like well then I'm pro porn and I'm pro sex work so therefore yes there are issues but like let's focus on the good stuff and like I do think that's important to like lead with the positives but we also have to make room for the realities of this and that there are lots of like aspects of like harm and really problematic stuff that happens in these

spaces and that's not to say therefore it's terrible it shouldn't exist no but it's like opening up just how messy this is like talking about porn is like a hundred different conversations it's not just one thing it's not like one industry yeah but it's a lot I mean also I thought we were going to be having this chat and like it would all be like haha lol porn it's so silly but it's not is it like it's this is really deep stuff but I feel like also because we don't speak about as a society as a whole there's no room to say like the negative and if we do we're like oh we're just basically speaking about it for the first time that's not like focus on the negative but it's it's always going to be

there do you know what i mean but i think the more we like be so like backwards and taboo like oh my god everybody watches porn every single person watches porn and i don't know why we're not speaking about it it's like the most human thing we can do is like, fuck. Like, why is everyone being so weird about it? We've been making porn for as long as humans have been like making art and documenting lives. Like it's cave paintings of like nude people and people fucking. I'm pretty sure they're fucking maybe that's just me looking into it but you know like the invention of the printing press then people

would start started like writing smuts and like the Victorian era that's when photography came about what was the first thing that they took photos of it's like all right whip your kit off like for me porn is also a conversation about technology and how humans interact with it because like obviously now porn is such an online presence and is changing more and more like the way that ai plays into this the way that like deep fakes can play into like the sexual exploitation world and how that kind of often gets merged with porn it's about like what turns us on but it's also about like privacy and ethics and like personal choice versus like actually governments and bodies stepping in and making sure that there's regulation but that not feeling stifling like it's so this is why I love talking

about it because it's like so big I can't get my head around it if that like yeah no it does make sense and I do think the more that people speak about it, the more it will be regulated, the more it will be like a normal thing. Like any other profession. I don't see why it's such like a shady taboo thing. And there is a whole world of ethical porn, which has been really popping off over the last five years or so. Do you know about ethical porn? last like five years or so uh do you know about ethical porn i only know one i don't know if she's like a producer director what her role is erica lust have you heard of her she's one i'd say she's like one of the trailblazers in the kind of ethical porn world that's that's like an individual person but also a production company and then there's lots of other ones as well cheeks lustery is really good audio porn as well as like a whole other world of ethical porn that's like just sexy stories in your ears or

people telling you what to do in your ears very hot and then also like written porn so like smutty stories going back to the ye olde times again like it really varies and like and I guess what so when I think about ethical porn and when I teach about it I'm teaching it in two different head spaces so you've got like what presents as ethical for us when we're watching porn which is obviously really important and like making sure that's not about sanitizing the content but making sure that like there are references to consent being given because the other side of ethical porn is like from an industry perspective how this is treated as like ethical work how people get paid properly how like sets and crew directors producers as well as obviously like performers feel respected at work and have like ways that consent and like all of this other stuff is really regulated.

So what you were saying about like the porn that made you really upset. So like if someone rocks up and they're not having a good day, no one is being like either full on made to do something they don't want to do or put in a context where that's just not feeling comfortable for them but it goes even deeper than that even like how do you how do you protect the rights of people when they're like editing porn like if it's something that's actually really hardcore making sure that there's like a okay i'm gonna like take a little break now because this is great but watching it like 50 times in a row my head's kind of gone a little bit loopy yeah it's it's like this whole behind the scenes world I never thought about that the editors of porn yeah they must be like they need a break and a hug sometimes oh my god I bet watching all of that

oh my god imagine yeah but as well as that you know it's making sure that there's like a real diversity of bodies and identities and we don't just have this like one narrow beauty standard I think firstly the whole thing about like the more diverse and stuff I think that's why a lot of women straight women specifically don't want to watch porn because they feel like they're comparing themselves to people in porn that was like made in the 90s where they all have like the perfect little like designer vagina and these massive fake tits they're all like size zero but like in that porn you're not watching a woman enjoy herself you're seeing a woman really in my eyes be objectified and be like doing whatever for the male gaze whereas now with producers like erica last or like just genuine couples that are like on only fans whatever you know they're like actually into

each other and that's what turns me on it's not like seeing like the most like chiseled six-pack or whatever the biggest dick it's like if someone's fucking you can tell they're into it for me i'm like oh my god like i want to be fucked like that you can tell they're into it for me i'm like oh my god like i want to be fucked like that you can tell they've got a chemistry you can tell they're into each other and i think that's so important rather than how it used to be back in the days but i feel like now where we're speaking about it like you said all these rules are going to be put in place and it's kind of boring to speak about porn like, oh yeah, like we need like workplace regulations. But it's any other kind of aspect of work,

whether it's like music, film, whatever, you would have these rules. So why do we not for porn? Yeah, there already are like lots of regulations. It's not like porn is just this like complete wild west. But yeah, we're so reluctant to actually legitimize it from from like just everyday people i think then when you're in the sex and sex industry and porn industry people like are aware that it is a job and so it does have all this regulation but i hope it's helpful to like hear a bit from that perspective too

i hope this breakdown has been helpful it's so helpful yeah now I feel like if I'm watching ethical porn I'm gonna feel so much better because everyone's looked after they've got a job role and as it should be like this should have been happening years back but thank god we're here now we're here we're here now and it also helps like a lot of these sites are ones that you pay for and again as adults like we're so used to paying for like spotify and netflix and like to get our entertainment from those sources if you are able to afford this i think it does genuinely improve your own relationship with porn if you find specific content creators that you like or specific production companies or sites and actually like put some money towards them being being like ethical practices and also making really hot

shit that you enjoy watching so there's my little plug for paying for your porn right i'll get off my soapbox and i have a silly thing to ask you also nipple check they They've not gone. They're not meeting in the middle. No. Great. Thank you. They're bad. So we haven't spoken about the big porn elephant in the room, which is Pornhub tend to profit off of other people's work by like streaming performers and like it's more regulated and a bit more different now but like for a long time it was just solely like taking other people's content other people uploading it and then them profiting off it so like we don't love that however they do something that makes it really hard for me to completely hate them because every year they release like a year review of like global stats around porn usage no yes stop yeah and i love it i'm obsessed with

it and every year it's like it's like my Christmas basically where is this released and when uh it's like towards the end of the year so we haven't we've I've just got like the data from 2023 but do you want to guess so this is UK specific do you want to guess what the five most popular categories and like search terms were in the UK. Yeah, okay. Oh my God, this is going to be so telling of my own... And I'm here for it. Cum shorts? No, not even in there. Really?

Mm-hmm. What, in the top five? Mm-mm. Okay, that's just me. Oh my God. Mine would be like squirting compilation. No. I don't know.

Threesomes? Threesomes in the top ten, but it's not in the top five, which surprised me. I feel like whenever I go on porn, it's always like incest-y, like stepbrother, stepsister shit. See, that was a real trend like five, six, seven years ago. And there's still a load of shit there. But like five years ago, you could not move for incest porn because do you know what it really irritates me i see like hot girls and i'm like i want to click on you but then it's like step sister i'm like i don't want that narrative we don't need that right now like you're so hot your tears are amazing but i don't want that narrative um the first one begins lesbian lesbian's number two ding ding ding okay good number one begins

with m no like mom you're so close babe it's milf oh okay so it is mom but it's a hot mom a mom would love to fuck yeah love yeah so milf's number one and then lesbian and then it gets really fucking interesting because then third is indian and fourth is hentai and fifth is british which like come on guys have some imagination from the uk just like brits shagging which maybe i don't know maybe you want it in your native accent but yeah i think like a lot of the time in the states every year a lot of the most popular categories in like the south of the US which is you know famously quite has like a lot of evangelical stuff and it can be quite racist like a lot of the popular search terms are like ebony and about race and like you know over the years like searches around specific nationalities or

religions like Arab or Muslim like become more popular it's almost like what we were talking about last week with kink and like shame and taboo like nestling up together that like when something's seen as taboo people start searching it for more on like porn like even in terms of like trans identities and how much that's being like vilified in the media now, such like people searching for trans people in porn has massively increased. So in a way, I kind of think the Indian thing is a bit like that of, you know, if there's more like fear around like people who are really anti-immigration or like people who are, you know, like bigoted in some kind of way that like if behind the scenes they're actually being like well i'm gonna search for this that is wild imagine all them assholes that like voted like brexit and then they're like literally honestly that is what's happening

that has blown my mind what on earth one more fact is that in this report globally 36 percent of porn abusers are women which i think is way higher than people think but that gives me some hope that the industry is changing because people the like demographic of people watching is changing as well and also i think that's like the most like mainstream like if you was like very innocent to all of this that's like somewhere to start and then if you like something that you like then you can like then go off on a tangent on your little ethical journey yeah let's make it ethical baby i'm so glad that women are watching porn because i think there's been so much shame

around it yeah for years and years and years for like women like masturbating watching porn being sexual unless it's for a man people didn't like to hear it so i'm so happy that we're actually like i think it's good doing us watching porn having a good time yeah and if porn's not your thing that's also fine but we want the choice to be out there if you want to explore it do if you don't that's also all good that was such a deep dive into porn i absolutely love that pleasure honestly she's growing every day in knowledge and if you've got anything to send us about your porn stories or you want to tell us any of your sex dilemmas please get in touch and email us at ruby what is it it is hello at ins and outs pods.com i'm

remembering it yes um and also the information from like stuff that we chatted about is in the show notes so you can have a look there until next time bye loves