The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 1- Iced Coffee and Chill

Episode Date: September 4, 2020

In this episode I share my famous iced coffee recipe and talk about my life. Patreon.com/tjms

Okay. Hi. Oh my gosh. I need to turn my mic down. It's way too high and I can hear every little detail of my mouth. I was just chewing on ice and that was way too fun to listen to. It was like ASMR. Okay. Better volume. There we go. Hi. Okay. So hi, happy Friday. I got some good feedback from the life update I posted, basically explaining every month of 2020 so far and a lot of details about the past year and everything I've been going through so I appreciate the good feedback it's kind of cool um people were they told me oh you're a natural you're good at talking on the microphone and a lot of people said you could barely hear me and you guys have to understand I am working with an old pair of iPhone headphones I'm using the

microphone and I'm using an app on my phone to record this this is not a studio setup I don't actually have a microphone. So I'm going to make a point to hold the little microphone really close to my mouth for this episode and talk semi-loud. I don't want to drown you guys out. I don't know how loud it's going to end up being, but just know that it's an old school setup and that's what I'm working with. Also, I just had a lot of coffee. I might as well tell you what my recipe is. Do you guys want to know my iced coffee recipe? I know I post a lot of like, I love iced coffee. Like it's my personality trait all over Instagram all the time on my stories, but, um, can't stand it when people do that. Like their iced coffee is their personality and it's, it's,

it's just overdone. Everyone does it. Everyone loves iced coffee. Everyone talks about it, but I'll tell you what my recipe is. Um, it's actually a little bit of a throwback. What I've been doing recently to what I used to do when I was in a relationship, when I first moved here to San Diego I've continued on that same iced coffee I always made every morning for us so what it is is instant coffee specifically the I'm using the one from Trader Joe's right now there's one on Amazon it's like in a green container I always buy but I don't have it anymore right now so it's like two heaping tablespoons of that in about a fourth a cup of water so you make it really concentrated and then you pour that over

ice and then I just use regular like vanilla almond milk unsweetened and then I add a little bit of coconut creamer on top that's like it's called better half I think it's really good and I just do that and oh the ice cubes this is key why am I making a podcast about my iced coffee recipe I don't know I'm gonna talk about some other stuff on my mind two minutes in I have a lot of anxiety. Like I'm stalling. I'm talking too much about something that's not important. Also, I'm going to try to talk slower. So the key part of my iced coffee recipe is the ice cubes. I use this ice cube tray because I don't have a fancy ice machine on my fridge, but I use this ice cube tray that has little round cylinders for the water. So when you go put the ice in your ice

coffee, it's like the perfect little ice bite. I don't know how to explain it. If you, if you're an ice person, I'm an ice person. I am an ice person. I think ice is underrated. I don't think enough people talk about it and appreciate it enough because I love crunching on ice while I'm drinking my coffee. It's the whole experience. You know, I don't like straws. I like to, I use, I'm using an old pickle jar right now. I don't even know, honestly, how I got the stink of pickles out of this jar, but it's a really good iced coffee jar. So I like to sip it. I don't like to use a straw. Also straws apparently cause wrinkles around your lips. And I'm not about that life. Um, even though I love looking my age, I love it. I'm so down to look my age. Here's a

side tangent I have a hot take I think people that are not choosing to get all this like I'm I'm a millennial I'm in my mid-20s I think it's starting to look younger ew I just spit I think it's starting to look more youthful when women aren't and younger girls aren't getting fillers and aren't getting all this insane like contouring done to their face that's starting to look more mature in my brain like that's just how I'm seeing it I kind of like having I have a wrinkle on my forehead I got when I was 20 I literally woke up on my 20th birthday I laid in a tanning bed for three months and I and it like it crusted over and peeled and then I woke up on my 20th birthday and had a wrinkle on my forehead and I refused to get Botox there

that is my it's like a character it's like a it's part of me and I'm down for I love looking my age And so, yeah, that's a random side tangent. Again, a lot of iced coffee rolling right now. Um, okay. And also here's another thing about podcasting and doing this. I don't necessarily love listening to people talk by themselves on podcasts. I don't necessarily necessarily love that. So I don't know. I have, I feel like I need to be really entertaining and and keep us going and that's just my inner I guess like performer thinking that oh my gosh I got a crowd in front of me right now and I'm a one one woman show and holy shit you better you better keep up the energy girl okay so I'm gonna cheers to that here's a little ASMR iced

coffee for you. There's me getting a little more energy going. How disgusting was that? I am so sorry. I deeply apologize. So yeah, what did I talk about so far? So now you know my iced coffee recipe. I think ice is underrated. I also think instant coffee is underrated. I actually like the flavor of instant coffee so I talked about that talked about uh not wanting to get fillers and not being about that life I like looking my age it saves you so much it's annoying when people are like oh you don't look that like oh you look so much younger or whatever I'm not at that age yet I feel like in my mid-30s I'll get that where someone will feel obligated to tell me that I look younger than my age, but I want to look my age. I'm down for it. How many times can I say I'm down

for it? Um, by the way, I'm a little inspired right now. I will say I am a little bit inspired by Nikki Glaser. She does a daily podcast where she just talks about whatever happened in the last 24 hours. And she does a podcast every single day. And I feel like her girlfriend, I feel like I'm hanging out with her and she's one of my best friends and it's cool. So I realized that the best way to get to know someone is a long phone call, a long hangout session. And I think that's the best thing I could do to people that are interested in me already from following me on Instagram and the little brief stuff I put out there, the brief, I don't even talk to the Instagram stories that much anymore but the stuff I've put out if you're intrigued by that here's

an extension here's something that will give you a little more depth and get you can get you inside my brain a little more I guess that's that's what a podcast is all about that long-form conversation and I'll say this I'm going through a lot of therapy right now and I'm talking a lot of my shit out with the therapist. So I think telling the same stuff to an audience of, of strangers, it's a big step for me because I think I've lived with a lot of shame and guilt about things I've been going through because of stigmas and whatnot. And I don't, that's so cliche, but I feel like I've been shy about sharing a lot of the shit I deal with because I've got that I got that ego man I got it from my my my it's in it's in my family man we are

we're the shit we know it we don't fucking play small we we we are confident fucking people and I'm an independent woman and I don't like to I don't I thought it's a weakness to let people see you sweat and let people see you uh struggle and I and and I think if if 2020 has taught me anything. It's be vulnerable. Everyone's going through something and there's no shame in that. And so in the past, I think growing into my adulthood and becoming the woman I'm going to be, my ego was always like, you know, just put on the good face and, you know, fake it till you make it. And I think a lot of people are still doing that. And the ones I respect, I will say this, If I know anything to be true, the people I respect the most on social media and the people that I am so inspired by and so intrigued by and the ones I've followed the longest and the ones I just love are the people that are super vulnerable and honest about the details about their life and the stuff they go through, whether it's good or bad.

and the ones that I'm low-key just annoyed by right now it's so annoying now are the ones that are only showing the perfect aesthetic and the and the beauty and the the glamour and the lifestyle that is so uh idealized in this in this culture now and I'm annoyed by it I'm like you look uneducated and stupid at this point if that's all you're putting it out putting out I'm not even and here's the thing great thing I'm doing a podcast because I don't I don't want people if you were just offended by that if you're offended by anything I say don't listen and I don't want that I you don't have to listen to me and you can you don't it's it's fine. That's cool. Do your thing. I don't want to judge you for it. I just am not,

I'm annoyed by it. I'm not about it. So the people that, and I said this in the last podcast, the people that like what I have to say and agree or intrigued by it, or it's helping them in some way. Thank you. You're, you're my people. That's cool. That's what the whole point of this I want to, I want to cultivate an audience of people that are down for me a hundred percent. And yeah, so that, that, that's where I'm at. Um, shit, where was I even taught? See, I, I get down a little, uh, rabbit hole and then I forget where I was starting and where I was going. Um, oh yeah. Social media and being vulnerable and talking, talking things out. Like I'm at a therapy session. Um, it's kind of what I'm doing for you guys. I get a lot of DMS. I'm not

anybody. Okay. I'm not literally like I'm nobody. I'm not special. I'm a regular girl from a small town in Washington who had a dream of moving to California. And now she's here and 2020 went sideways for her and she got depressed. Now she's seeing a therapist and things are a little rocky socially. I've had a bit of a struggle trying to find a group and a social circle here of, of friends. And, um, yeah, that's my story. I don't think I'm, I don't have a high opinion of myself. And I think I do. Okay. I can't say that. Like I was saying earlier, I know. First of all, I think when enough people tell you there's like, they can't put their finger on you. They're like, you've got it. Something, you know, something about you. I don't know what it is, but you've

got it. I've gotten that shit my whole life. And I think it would be, I don't let, I don't let that gas me up and make, uh, make me, um, that doesn't inflate my ego because I am such a harsh critic on myself and I'm like so bad and I never think highly it's so hard for me to be proud and accepting and and and loving myself it's so hard guys this has been the worst year mental health wise of talking like I posted on Instagram I've been oh shit I really hope this didn't pause oh my gosh I'm not gonna edit this oh shit I gotta pause it okay I don't know what just happened but my phone went to 20 battery and I thought it paused this I don't know how the edit's gonna end up being but anyways what I was saying is that I'm my own worst critic and I've had a lot

of people tell me I'm great and it's really hard for me to believe them and I think the whole point of maturing and growing, growing into who you're going to be is accepting yourself and knowing yourself and being very self-aware of exactly who you are and your unique characteristics and personality traits that make you, you. And for me, I got that comedic sauce and that charm, baby. okay I am a natural born performer entertainer it's who I am I grew up on stages acting my oh my gosh I would make videos with our my neighbors we would like make I think for five years straight we made an entire series of these little orphan girls and we would every time we got together we were at little actresses and we would record it and anyways I could I want to

uncover those videos some at some point in my life my dad was basically a stand-up comedian in the household my whole family roasted each other every day like we were constantly watching I grew up with Seinfeld I grew up with all the good classic comedy uh movies and oh my gosh so much Adam Sandler and like anyways what I'm saying is that I'm at this point in my life where I am accepting who I am and I am embracing it and I want to live a life according like I don't want to play small anymore and and be shy about it I want to be confident about it and and that's what I'm doing here I'm talking on a podcast I'm getting my shit I'm working my shit out so yeah you guys are um you guys are really nice to me about like when I post stuff everyone's like

yeah I feel like I wish I could actually be friends with people on Instagram in real life the ones that are far away that I'm not necessarily living close to um some of you guys are like I know we're on the same wavelength and you really get me and like I said I'm a girl in a city by yourself and it would be nice to hang out with a bunch of people that are they vibe with that they get me um so yeah uh let me see here I don't even know if I said this earlier because now I've recorded this I tried recording this like three times and I kept effing up but I don't know if I did it am I repeating myself I might be I think I talked about Nikki Glaser she's a comedian I follow and how she records daily podcasts and and life updates every single day and um

like I I feel like I'm repeating myself shit did I already say this anyways I feel like I'm her best friend now like I know everything about her life and I feel like I'm the point of this is to do that for you guys so I don't know if you're on a walk right now at home doing the dishes at the gym whatever but I just want to be that friend hanging out talking in your ear about stuff I guess okay let me see I did write on a little sticky note some some ideas for this a little life update podcast um oh here's one oh my gosh I got so fired up one of the people I respect and adore right now I've adored for years it's such a weird word to associate with this grown man but His name is Andy Frisella and he is, he does a podcast. It's incredible. It is so, it's called

The Real AF Podcast, I believe, formerly the MFCEO Project, but I was inspired by it today so much. He was, he was assessing everything that's gone on in America throughout the last year and everything that's gone down politically and with coronavirus and everything and basically I'm at the point now where I can hear and here's the thing he does a lot of bitching and bitching and complaining and that's just he he uses a lot of emotion and passion behind what he says to really get his points across and I really I agree with a lot of the stuff he was saying and at the end of the day what everything boils down to is there's an issue I'm going to keep this short and sweet because I don't have an answer. We got an issue with the

media. End of story, period, like period, end of story, issue with the media. And here's where I'm at. And I would love if someone would DM me, call me, let me know. This is what I want to know. This is my question. What is the solution to the media? Like what, what, what's the solution? because we can talk about how corrupt it is and how messed up it is and how they are the problem. We can talk about it. We can talk in circles about it. It's obvious. Everyone is aware of it. My question is what's the solution? I don't know. So I'm going to keep it at that short and sweet. I put that on my little sticky note here because I wrote solution dash media. I want to know. I could make, in fact, I am inspired because, you know, it's like be the

change you wish to see in the world I see a corrupt media I would like to change that if I could go and attack anything or and correct a problem in the world I would like to I would like to solve that and I would like to reform it and I'd like to know how that's gonna be done because I don't have the answer I don't have the solution turn it off I guess I mean I don't watch it, but the stuff I do see is insane. That shit crazy, man. America isn't divided. America isn't, I don't know. I'm starting to sound like, literally starting to sound like Andy talking on his podcast. I don't want to go into a, another rabbit hole, but I'm just sick of the media telling me how I'm supposed to feel and think.

you know what I mean it's funny I go to the gym I'm at the gym today and everyone's smiling and laughing and being together finally again in California because the gym's reopened and we're not divided we got all races in there I finally found I live in San Diego and it's not super diverse out here but this particular gym I just started going to is every color of the rainbows going there I love it I miss that's the one thing I miss about my job in Washington I used to work with international students students I can't talk and um they're from all over I mean I had Oman I had Saudi Arabia I had Iraq I had South America Colombia like Brazil everywhere and um Europe even uh and I miss it because it was such a it was like traveling without traveling

working with them and I will just say this I think San Diego is one of the whitest places I've ever lived or just the the exposure I've had to people here is pretty white um just saying it like it is if you go if you it doesn't it's not hard to see when you live here anyways going back to my little sticky note solution to the media what is it dm me let me know I'm sick of talking about it I'm sick of hating on it. Let's fix it. How do we do it? What is the next 50 years of media look like? I know we got to look, it's hard. I think of things, my brain sees things long-term. It's hard for me to get inspired about things changing in the next five years. I think of things like, in 50 years, what's this going to look like? Because I don't think a lot's going to change

in five years. What's the 50 year plan? You know what I mean? Okay. Enough about that. Um, oh, random. Cause I'm listening to some rumbling right now. Does anyone else get fucking annoyed by their neighbors? Like, I don't want to swear. Sorry. If mom, if you're listening to this, I know she doesn't like it when I say the F word, but when I get really fired up about stuff, I start to swear. It's just like, it's really hard for me. Okay. Um, does anyone else get really annoyed by the noises? Like the subtlest noise from my neighbors pisses me off so much. It's so annoying. And I, I try to ignore it and I'm not the type of person, it's so hard for me to get annoyed by stuff. Like I have airplanes flying over all the time where I live in San

Diego, the airport just goes right, or the airplanes go right over the city. That doesn't bother me as much as like someone moving a chair upstairs. You know what I mean? So anyways, it's like a random little rant. Um, yesterday I will say this. I attempted recording this podcast and now I feel like I'm repeating myself again. I keep, I need to just do this in one take and not F up because now I feel like I keep repeating myself, but I had, I was riffing on a topic I thought about yesterday, um, for 52 minutes and then it didn't, the podcast didn't end up working out and recording all the way, but I kind of want to bring it up really briefly here. Um, I want to keep this podcast pretty short. I don't want to take too much of your time. I think a good length

for a solo podcast is around 30 to 40 minutes tops. I couldn't talk here for three hours and keep you guys entertained. And then my mouth is going to get so dry and I cannot, it's going to be annoying. So I was putting on my moisturizer yesterday. I was about to go to the thrift store and go thrift shopping because I haven't been in so long. And I stopped, stopped everything I was doing. I was putting on my moisturizer and I was thinking, I had a random thought pop in my head that it's a weird thing to realize about yourself and realize about life, but it kind of goes like this. It's about expectations versus reality. And it's weird how a tiny little thought can just turn into a tornado of more thoughts. And that's how my brain works. And that's why I think I could

be a great podcast podcaster long-term is because I have no issue talking forever and just getting every little detail of my brain out through words. I love words. I love talking. I love, yeah. So, and writing hurts my wrist because I don't like to type my thoughts necessarily. I like to write like on a journal and it fucking hurts sometimes. And I'm going to have carpal tunnel. But anyways, the thought that popped in my head about expectations versus reality, how I became the way I am comes down to this. I have not had a lot of outside influence from peers and people my age as I've grown into an adult woman. Here's what I mean by that. I have, I've been a loner for a long time. That's just the way I am. Okay. I've, I grew up social as F

socials. Fuck. Sorry, mom. I always had friends all the time going to their house, neighbors middle school I had like eight best friends we were constantly hanging out with each other all the time high school same thing I played sports tons of friends always doing stuff on the weekends like typical social life that's super vibrant and constantly inundated with hey you want to hang out today and phone calls and like a lot of social interaction and here's what happened. My, um, dream school, University of Washington didn't accept me. And I ended up going to community college in my hometown when I graduated high, graduated high school. So I basically lived at home with my parents, went to school, went to work. And that was just what

I did for two years. Then I studied abroad and then I went off to, uh, transferred to Washington State University here's the thing I lived with my parents I yeah I dabbled with I had a social I can't say this is a weird thing I'm like making it sound like I'm a complete introvert lone wolf no friends that's my current situation for sure in 2020 100% but I feel like my life is not a result it's a result of me being in my head listening to a lot of podcasts reading a lot of books being a little bit of a stoic I guess throughout my 20s so far versus parties people activities vacations wine nights girlfriends pilates classes together I don't know all this stuff that my expectations that I would

do as a woman growing up and being an adult socially versus what's actually occurred which is the which is a lot of alone time and I think I'll go back to college and social life and how things have played out a little bit but I think there's positives in that because my opinions and my point of view on the world are really my own they're solid because of and they're not because of what my friends think because I don't have friends really so depressing oh my gosh did I just admit that this is a big step for me oh my gosh okay but a lot of people talk about how they don't have friends so I'm sure someone out there listening can relate to that anyways they're I'm not influenced by a lot of people around me that

also agree with me and everything I'm influenced by the content I consume the podcast I listen to a lot of the podcasts I listen to these these men and women are plus 40 years old man they're old so I feel like I've had a lot of wise old owls in my ear listening to podcasts going a lot on a lot of long walks and runs getting information for the last five I'd say like seven years now and that's kind of formed me to be who I am because here's I'll go back to high school or go back to college I was at community college lived at home studied abroad then I transferred I lived with my sister when I transferred to university to finish college and then I moved into my own apartment I've had two roommates in my life well I don't want to go into when I first

moved to San Diego. Cause that's just don't want to talk about that. But I had, uh, some of you listening might know what I'm talking about. Uh, but I had a roommate, Katie, hi, shout out Katie. I miss you. You are such a gem. And one of the funniest people I've met, like girl wise before. And we roomed for a brief time, like three months over the summer. And then I my roommate when I worked at my university after I graduated was a guy Deshawn shout out Deshawn you're definitely not listening to this uh and that was it so I lived by myself for a long time I still live by myself I've had my own apartment now for two years how's it been in San Diego I've lived alone most of my life and um into my adulthood I mean and so yeah it's it's a

weird thing. So here's what the thought, oh my gosh, I want to really wrap things into a bow and give you a nice package instead of going on tangents and getting distracted by things I keep remembering. The point of me saying this is I was in the mirror, put on my face moisturizer, and I was like, girl, you're not, you don't, you've really become who you are because of, not because of, you haven't had a lot of outside influence, man. You've really, you've really been um in your own little bubble and I think I feel it's okay this is now where it gets deep and this is where I I'm gonna preface this and say that this I'm not I don't want to this is my life experience and I'm talking on that and I'm not I'm just being

very objective and assessing some things. Expectations versus reality. I expected that Jacqueline, you started social media in 2012. You got an Instagram and you watched YouTubers in seventh grade and loved beauty gurus and loved collecting makeup and fashion. And you wanted to go to fashion school, but your parents talked you out of it. And you love beauty and taking pretty selfies and wearing a bikini and laying on the beach and oh my gosh Jacqueline you should be an influencer oh my gosh you dabbled with YouTube you have some YouTube videos why don't you can keep that going like you should be a I assumed my expectations would be I frolicked out to California okay frolicked I just think of myself like prancing down here

and i would have obviously held down a steady job because that's always been like i've never i i never would just disregard having a legit career and profession and grow professionally and the into society and be a contributor to society would never neglect doing that to become an influencer to look good online you know what I mean I just don't that's a conflict internal conflict I have and I think that's why I never went all in with becoming an influencer but I expected a little piece of me thought hey that's your down deep that's your dream you would love to be a youtuber you would love to be an influencer and have brands send you free shit and you've got the you've got the look girl you've got the personality got the charm like just do it

I assumed I had, that was my expectation. I also expected, Oh, when I move here, I'm going to have lots of girlfriends and you know, we're going to, I'm going to have, you know, all of our boyfriends will be friends together and we're going to go on trips and I'm going to, um, like we're going to go to Pilates together and get smoothies together and have wine nights and go shopping together and talk about other people together and get our nails done and all this girly stuff that like subconsciously deep down, that's what I, I think that is what I expected in me. And I do want, I'm not saying I, but here's now I'm going to take a little turn here. This is where I'm realizing things about myself. I don't necessarily think those are my

people that lifestyle I just described because when I've had glimpses of doing that living that typical like lifestyle as a woman keeping her appearance up being glam with the girls going out on the weekends doing that kind of shit because I've done I have done that it's like all I did when I was in uh my study abroad in London like I was with I think there was like 15 girls and there's barely any guys in our in the um class I was in and we all we all we all had a dorm together and like we were that was like my first real like partying experience I guess that was right before I transferred to Washington state, which is where I, that is the, that is like the Arizona state

of, well, it's, it, it's in competition as the number one party school for sure with Arizona. But, um, then I definitely got in a lot of partying in college there, but it was my first experience with like girls and being glam and being adults and drinking and going out and clubbing and all that stuff when I was doing my study abroad. And so I've done it. I did that in college I've done it even here in San Diego a lot so my point of saying this is that I don't necessarily think so my brain thinks I should be that socialite influencer type of chick who's just she's just got it going on she's got girlfriend she's got Instagram she's got fucking revolve swipe up 20% off or whatever the fuck like uh or Sephora sending her shit

like I don't even know how it works I don't do it I've had like maybe one brand gig before um but I'm saying this because when I've been around the people I think I should be friends with that look how I do and everything I there's a couple things that happen god I told this to my friend David on the phone it was really weird to say this I told him I get so bored and I don't want to be there and I I've had some exposure I will say this in the last year I've hung out with some comedians and I that experience has made me realize or those experiences plural have it's made me realize that I'm looking I'm seeking out the wrong people the people

my people are the weird kids in high school that you everyone thought were weird those are my people those are the people I should be friends with and seeking out because I just don't have a lot of interest I guess like if I was being super honest with myself and super real with myself I'm not entertained by typical girly shit I don't know how else to say it it's not interesting to me it's not and I'm not here's the thing this might come across annoying this might come across like oh you're trying to be um you're so unique and quirky and different because you like the joe rogan experience podcast and you read and i don't know like i talk about typical like intellectual type shit and i

and I write and I it's this is not a this is just my life experience this is the way it is for me because I'm trying to be super vulnerable and honest with myself and you guys right now that this is my truth that I here's the other thing I said there's two parts of this number one, I don't necessarily love chit chat and gossip and sitting around and talking shit about other people and like being concerned about, Oh my God, someone's so cheat on so-and-so. Like I get bored by all that. I'm so checked out. And I'm, I'm just the amount of times I've come home from hanging out with people and been so relieved. Like, I just don't even like, that wasn't fun at all. And that's the thing. I've probably just been hanging out with the

wrong people. I haven't had, I haven't found my people yet, but I'm saying the one, the times I've been so like down to hang out forever is when I've been around some weirdos and some people that are a little out there mentally. So yeah, the other part of that, that I was going to say is that whenever I'm in a new group of friends, this is just the way it is. I perform, I'm a performer. I'm literally like, I walk into the group, everyone's getting entertained by Jacqueline. Here she comes. I'm going to make light of something going on in the situation. This is not necessarily with new friends. It's with any group of people, co-workers. I did this at my last sales job that I got, you know, that I lost because of the fucking

coronavirus. I remember that that was my role in the new group of people I was working with. There was always that point in the day where there's a lot of laughter because of something I said or did. You know what I mean? I, that is just a natural, it's like a tick. I walk into a group of people and if it's friends, I've never not been that center of attention. Like she's doing something out out there she's doing something crazy everyone's fucking dying laughing getting their iPhones out recording what I'm doing and saying it's like this it's just I was born this way I don't know where it comes from I'm trying to work that out with my therapist but I remember this started back like really young this started I remember in middle school

it's there's two key points where i remember this happening like i mentioned earlier a bunch of girlfriends in middle school we were there was like eight of us i was bullied a lot i was bullied a ton by the boys in middle school so much i could do a whole podcast cast about that how how dark that was and how terrible it was and the the names they were calling me and everything but um I learned early on to deflect deflect never let them see me sweat everything is funny laugh it off every make a joke be self-deprecating that's what I that's how I learned learned to cope with bullying and in addition to that I was also in a friend group where we would do wacky middle school girl shit and have sleepovers and I was like I don't even know

what I was doing but there were so many we would stay up till six in the morning laughing forever and there's some wacky I would do some I don't even remember but I just remembered that I was always like the girl I was causing I was the entertaining little vessel in the group the whole time like the energy I would start that energy came from me and then it would snowball to everyone else like I just remember almost consciously like making efforts to make my friends laugh and then in high school same shit I remember being a leadership class in my junior year and for whatever reason it got to the point in the semester where anything I ever said and raised my hand and you know teacher were calling me it was like dead silence everyone wanted to

hear what I had to say and then everyone started laughing and then I felt like an idiot but then I kind of had fun with it and I would almost purposely be funny because of how it was received it made me it fucking gassed me up and made me feel good so I think that's how I've matured and grown throughout the years and I've realized that that's what I offer to a new group of people that's that's my natural I'm inclined to do that naturally it's just how I it's it's like my it's my resting state it's like hey that's just how she is there's nothing I'm not judging it I used to judge it I used to think there's something wrong with me every time I opened my mouth and talked I had a very very uh negative experience with that with a former in a former relationship

that ruined me to be honest um and I'm working with I'm really working on getting my personal self-esteem back and this podcast might be great for that because I'm actually using my voice instead of instead of suppressing it and not saying what's on my mind um so yeah I'm embracing that that's just my natural state that's who I am and oh shit this is going on a little too long how are you guys doing are you hanging in there back to what I was saying about my people not really finding them yet this is what I realized and this is what I this is what I appreciate about comedians if you if you watch this is what I love about hanging out with them it's like you walk they okay if you've got a group of new people

the comedian walks in the room and he'll make light of something or she will and if you're in a room of the new people that are you know a little more corporate a little stiff more reserved that person the comedian like makes everyone feel okay with letting their hair down and being a little more relaxed and chilled out I love that I love those kind of people that do that because they invite everyone to be themselves because so many of us are wearing we're playing an act and and we're wearing a mask in front of new people even people we've been friends with forever we're still putting on an act to keep up an appearance in an image because of our egos we want to be seen a certain way by our peers so the good news is

so it so I was talking about having a friend group and in my my role and how I haven't really found my people and the girls I usually would assume I'd be friends with my expectations I honestly really haven't it's because I haven't really put myself out there and found them yet I can't just say that I'll never be friends with women like the ones I assumed I would be friends with that's a really like that's a little bit of a reach and to say that um but in my experience it's been hard because it's hard for me to I just have a hard time relating to certain lifestyle choices and ways of doing things I guess and the people I relate to more are they're just fucking psychopaths like they're just weird as fuck and I oh my gosh like

I could do I want to do I almost want to do a podcast of my experience hanging out with comedians um I don't know if that would be interesting maybe it would be just like as a random not non-comedian chick regular girl being around it and my like how that was um, might be kind of interesting. I don't know. So that was my thought. That was my thought in the, in the bathroom while I was applying my moisturizer that I'm just, I haven't had a lot of influence on how I am because I've really been on my own making it, you know, thinking for myself, being independent. I haven't been caught up in drama, cattiness high school type of shit I haven't been caught up in that at all which is so nice but

it's also I think it's given me this really individual point of view like very my own vibe and personality and the stuff that I'm really interested in and into is because I, it's from me and it's what I've sought out. It's not because my friends happen to be into it and they're, um, constantly around me and we're all like, you know what I mean? I think a lot of times that's all a distraction because the stuff that's really worth seeking in life doesn't come from distracted people and a lot of distractions. I think a good balance. And here's the thing. This shit all can all be balanced out. Jacqueline, you can have all the girlfriends and the white nights and the activities, and you can still come back to your

little fucking apartment and have your little stoic time and be an introvert. And that's the good balance that I'm probably most likely, most likely going to seek because I love turning up with the girls. I love getting schwasted on the weekend. Did I even just say that? Holy shit. uh I love like I I love going out I can't wait for the clubs to be back to their normal state so we can like I just can't wait for it I live for it I do love it I do enjoy it but it's very microscopic doses like I I think what I'm really excited to find the next few years of me growing into the woman I'm going to be is finding great friends that are that I can relate to on a on a level like I'm on a how I think level

because I'm a deep thinker I got it from my dad he is we we still to this day we have the longest I just got a 10 battery notification so it paused but I just saved it so I was going to cut off I was just talking to my dad how we have really deep talks but anyways I want to wrap this up what the hell was I talking about oh my thought yeah I I just feel I feel like my expectations of my lifestyle and my friends and everything is not my reality. And I'm trying to accept that. Do I want to change it? Not necessarily. I don't, I like what I'm doing. I think that this year has been very convenient for my little introverted self because it's easy for me to isolate and be on my own. I don't, I don't, I don't need a lot of

outside stimulation from people all the time. I love it. Now, when I'm, now, when I go down that rabbit hole of going going out a lot and having a lot of friends and activities like I do enjoy it um so yeah what am I saying I'm just like oh I'm an introverted extrovert I'm honestly really tired okay now I want to stop talking about stupid shit um wow that was rude I didn't actually mean that I hope that maybe someone out there gets that what I just said finding your people having a hard time relating to people you think you should be friends with versus you know what I mean not it's hard it's really hard as an adult no one tells you there's

no manual for how to make friends as an adult it's not like kindergarten everyone's friends with everyone now it's like so hard especially when I'm on my own um but yeah uh I want to talk about let me see my little sticky note here it's cute it's orange iced coffee is so melted all my ice cubes I really wanted to crunch on are all gone I hate I hate here's a huge pet peeve I can't stand when iced coffee when the ice cubes all melt and it gets watered down it is so like frustrating that's just not and then here's the worst part is I think everyone does this when it's in your car in the little the little cup holder and maybe you've been in the grocery store for an hour or whatever and you go back to the car and it's all melted but you still drink

that lukewarm sun like the sun has been beaten down on it for the last hour and you still sip it and it's it's almond milk at room temperature needs to go fuck itself like it is so wrong and I should never put myself through drinking lukewarm iced coffee in the car I just need to bring it in the grocery store and keep it on hand because that's a waste of fucking money um what am I gonna do for the rest of the day uh let's see it's currently 12 38 uh I'm probably gonna make some lunch and uh oh yeah I'm gonna go do some uh work on my um wow I can't even think straight my job no I'm gonna work on some homework I'm doing I'm learning a lot about the stock market and if I'll say anything

so damn I wish they taught this shit to us in school because I'm starting to take it seriously now I want to really understand it like through and through like every term on investopedia I want downloaded into my brain I want to know everything about the stock market I want to know like I want Warren Buffett to be like he could ask me anything and I would just know the answer so it's gonna be a long time a lot of studying a lot of um reading i i just got a book on amazon intelligent investor and then there's the other one that's technical analysis for dummies i think yeah um but anyways i'm starting to take it more seriously because i realized the really only way to get ahead in america is stocks and real estate i mean

if you're not playing those two games there's a lot of other a lot of other markets you can get into. I never, you know, I could have been a drop shipper. I could have been an influencer. It didn't work out. So I could still do all those things, but I want to understand the stock market because I'm so sick and tired of people saying that, that no one understands that no one ever knows what's going on. No, it's, I don't want to be the type of person that has, that doesn't get it. So that's what I'm going to do today. I'm going to, it's like a two hour, it's an hour and 45 minute, um, lesson I'm going to go through. So I'm going to do that. Probably go back to the gym. We're going to probably deadlift again tonight. It's been a couple of days. I'm so sore,

but I feel so good being back in a gym lifting heavy. I missed it so much. Um, so yeah, I'm going to do that and get my weekend going. I don't know. Maybe I'll, maybe someone will slide in my dms I want to hang out today or something and my social life will launch itself again I don't fucking know do I even want that I got some wacky neighbors though that I think I should just try to make friends with I know that they're probably they probably would get me shout out to anyone I offended I love you if I offended anyone in this episode I'm sorry I'm not sorry I what am I trying to say here

I hope that you thought about something about yourself maybe you woke up to something about yourself if anything I said offended you that's a good thing that's how you that's how you grow that's how you learn new perspective new perspectives new ideas it's all good I always come I always come from a place of kindness and love that is I'm in my zodiac sign while I do not believe in any of this like majority of it I think it's a bunch of yes but I do identify with my cancer cancerian cancer side that's very loving and nurturing and I'm a water sign and very emotional so I might have a lot of rants in me and a lot of you know shit talking about the world and my perspectives and whatnot on people and things but when it all boils down to it

I'm a golden retriever I want to be friends with everyone and I love people and I I think that at the end of the day we're all just trying to live a good life and make our dreams come true and I don't want to judge anyone for how that whatever they do that makes them happy and if that is being a basic bitch on Instagram go for it I've been there I do it I still do I dabble like I still I I get it so if it's that if it's uh knitting scarves if it's uh you know sucking on toes I don't know whatever you're into if whatever makes you happy I support you that's the whole point of life is happiness, man. Man. Oh man. I'm sounding like such a, I, I do judge this about myself about how I don't, I I'm like super feminine. I love tuning into my femininity and my feminine

voice. But like sometimes when I get going on my, my brain waves and thoughts and talk things out, I start sounding a little more rough. My sister, she does it the best. Like we can really talk like fucking hillbillies. I mean, like if I wanted to, I could put on a little twang, but I don't like that. I like sounding like, hi guys. So this podcast is sponsored by Trader Joe's I don't even know like I I prefer to be more feminine and and in my with my uh voice I guess so I don't necessarily love swearing and sounding rough and whatever i'm low-key right now living life on the edge as my phone is dying trying to squeeze out any last thoughts because i love a challenge and i'm sitting here

watching my hot neighbor okay do you have a hot neighbor with a is a french bulldog yeah i had to remember what the dog breed was but yeah he walks his dog every day and i see him and i i've never gotten a close-up shot of his face because he's always like across the street but um i'm i'm interested i'm intrigued um see i'm just sitting here as my headphones dying, dragging the shit on, watching my neighbor walk by while he passed now. And this goes back to what I said about being a deep thinker and having a lot of, and overthinking everything and having a lot of thoughts and the fact that I could talk forever and I'd never get bored. And I could just, I could excel in the podcast space if I applied myself. And this is

me applying myself. So cheers to that. Happy Friday. I'm going to go dump out my lukewarm iced coffee and, uh, make some lunch, get myself some nutrients because I am over-caffeinated and underfed. And that is, that is an abomination to, I don't even know what the abomination means to society. Goodbye guys. Have a great weekend. And, uh, yeah, that's all I got. Love you. Okay. Thank you.