The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 101- Fish Rise From The Dead

Episode Date: December 14, 2020

Happy Sunday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic

What's up, guys? Happy Sunday. It's episode 101. Welcome back to the show. hey what's up it's Jacqueline welcome back to the show Happy Sunday. I'm recording on Sunday night in my mom's kitchen like I did all last week. Yeah, I'm going to talk about my day. I feel very calm right now. Very zen. It's not going to be an off the rails type of episode. Like back in the day, I think I just over caffeinated and went in blind and said a lot of crazy shit. And I feel like now I'm like, it's middle of December. I'm in Washington on vacation. I just, you know what guys, here's the, here's the truth. I'm full of Chinese food. Okay. I'm full of Chinese food and I just did yoga. It doesn't make any sense and I'm

ready for bed, but yo, I got to do this podcast. I do it seven days a week. So that's the, that's the vibe right now with this episode, uh, full of Chinese food, just did yoga. It's, uh, I've been on a journey today with my grandparents. I'm going to basically go into the most perfect Sunday I've had in a very long time with my grandparents. But first off, if you're new, I'm here seven days a week. This is my audio diary. This is my, I mean, it sounds dumb, but I'm working on my mental health by talking to myself seven days a week. So that's kind of the whole purpose of this yearly podcast or this 365 days in a row of podcasting. um anyways so that's that's what this is all about um so if you're interested in

getting more content from me go over to patreon.com slash tjms to get access to my exclusive content and you'll get a shout out on Fridays why am I tripping up on this episode I feel like I'm overthinking it Jacqueline sit up I'm like literally putting two chairs together to make into a couch and that's not professional. Hold on. Okay. So patreon.com slash TJMS to support the show, to get access to my exclusive content and to get a shout out on Fridays. Next up, we've got the Apple podcast app. Go over there and subscribe to the show and leave a review. And then you can follow me on Instagram and you can go watch me on YouTube. I'll be resuming in January, Monday through Friday. All right, let's get into my day. So, uh, I had a really weird

night of sleep. So basically I woke up at four in the morning, wide eyed awake to the, cause I heard the sound of our heater in our house turn on and we don't turn it like it's off at night. So I was confused and I was wide awake. So I was on Instagram being a degenerate, frying my eyeballs in the dark and just like looking at shit. I was like a zombie. I was like totally out of it. Tapping stories, not even really paying attention to what I was even looking at, but I'm like, I'm awake. I need to pass some time. Like what else am I going to do right now? I was trying to get myself tired. I make no sense. Like why did I do that? It's probably making it worse. But anyways, I thought something was off, off a little bit in the house. I'm like,

why is the heater on? What's going on? So long story short, I went back to sleep and I woke up at like eight. I'm saying like too much tonight. I don't know why. I woke up at eight knowing I'm going to my grandparents' house for breakfast this morning at nine. So I like slept in. Ah, like I slept in till eight. Anyways, my sister, I walk out to the living room and I walk into my, we have this little like like we have I'll stop we have a little phone booth room thing it's like our first room you walk in in the front door area what's that called like a foyer but it's tiny it's like for a phone booth back in the day because our house is old anyways I walk into my sister like full pump she just did a I think a shoulder workout weights all over the ground there's a

mirror set up she has like her headphones in every like it was it was like my sister was already worked out getting her morning going I went into the kitchen completely cleaned every dish was done I noticed there was an egg pan that had been used um so she had cooked breakfast already for herself at one point before her workout long story short she got up at three okay she got up at three and turn that heat on and I knew I was like something was off when I was asleep and I woke up before I thought something was off she had gotten up at 3 a.m. and started her day okay she made some beautiful like bro style breakfast thing before her shoulder workout in the fucking living room and I don't know I was a zombie because I had broken sleep and I was like great so I just drank

some coffee got freshened up and like rolled over to our grandparents house and this entire podcast is going to be what I did with my grandparents today because there's some cool shit that happened so we show up the table set my grandma made waffles and like scrambled eggs I know I've said like a thousand times I should not a professional would not call that out on themselves but this is my mental health practice my self-improvement podcast I want to I want to cut out the likes I really do I don't know what's gotten into me episode 101 who the like what is going on my grandma and grandpa have a they have a little farm they live on a tiny farm and they have chickens and they lay eggs and I always get excited when my grandma makes scrambled eggs

because they're so good like she doesn't put anything in in them it's plain just scrambled eggs and they're so good so she made that and waffles uh pretty simple we had black coffee you know just a simple little breakfast orange juice you know sat around ate that um and we know first we show up and it's my grandpa and his little dog it's my aunt's dog that he's adopted pretty much she's a 14 year old uh cockapoo named Sophie and they've bonded so she's always by his side and they were together on his chair she was napping and it's so cute so we sat down just caught up um I don't know there's probably something hunting channel on tv yeah there definitely was he's the I think I talked about it the other day we were watching it's my new favorite my new favorite show

it's called the last Alaskans and we were watching it with him I've talked about I think before but I just like going to his house and watching those kind of channels because it's I don't know it just makes me feel some type of it's like so comforting and cozy and just being at their house especially during the holidays is really cozy and nice because my grandparents used to have a Christmas tree farm so Christmas with them is really special so anyways my grandma made breakfast we ate breakfast um what happened after that was dramatic I don't know my brother called my grandma whipped out her like scrapbooks from Holland. She went on a bike trip in Holland and she's showing pictures of that trip. And then I asked her, cause she told me the other day that she found, uh, her diary

from 1957 when she's a freshman in college at Washington state university. When she met my grandpa, she wrote a diary entry on the very last page of this journal that said like my grandpa asked her out but she had a boyfriend who was gonna say no to that like she wasn't gonna be allowed to like go on a date with another guy obviously like she just wrote that but it was crazy she dated it I think it was like February 10th 1957 and I got chills I was like oh my god that's insane and she wrote it and they're married with kids now and I'm like oh my god grandma that's so cool I literally got chills so she showed me that and she read through some old diary entries about being in a sorority and like the different stuff they did and

I don't know it was so cool um so we did that oh shit what happened after that we literally just chilled my grandpa's like well the game's on at one you girls want to sit and watch the seahawks today and we're like hell yeah we just want to be here all day pretty sure my sister took a nap before we ended up leaving going to town for a little bit but she like ended up napping while I was talking to my grandma. Um, I don't know. It was just chill. Like all we do at their house on, usually it's a Sunday. We eat, drink coffee, watch TV, nap, eat, chill. It's so fun. So I don't know what else to tell you about my grandma this morning. Like what we did. Oh, I showed her some new candidates. I make this sound like just so dramatic, but I showed her some,

a couple more people on my roster I just thought about it this year I've mentioned it before like all the guys ever that are potentials in the future the past present like anyone I've come across that's a potential my grandma wants to know about for her own entertainment and so I mean like half of the guys I'm like this is never happening but she loves to like look at their pictures look at their family and you know go on my Instagram and um she's really she's really particular on she doesn't want she doesn't want me she doesn't want me to be with a man who likes looking in the mirror all day and like is all into his appearance and looks and I'm like grandma I'm not I can I sniff that out quickly like I can tell and for me it's usually the guys that are I mean it's their

hobby it's their lifestyle and I think a lot of girls are into those guys but pretty much like gym bros that are doing competitions and stuff that are constantly staring at like a tiny little muscle on their arm they're trying to get bigger and like they're always looking at the the definition and making sure it's growing and that kind of shit just kind of it's not it's not my vibe like I don't I just I don't care if you work out or like that's your thing but I don't know anyway so I showed my grandma the boys and she still likes the first who did I show her last time she liked there's another guy from the last time I showed her she liked more than these guys today. And I was like, okay, good sign. Grandma knows. Um, uh, so yeah, we did that. My sister

and I ended up leaving before we watched the game and she went to TJ Maxx. This is so random. She's like, I just want to go look at the workout clothes. And I'm like, okay, uh, this is just online shop. I mean, you're literally going to go jeopardize our grandparents' health by going in two eight. No, I'm kidding. We're not that dramatic. My grandparents are pretty sure they've already had COVID. I don't know if they're joking about it, but they've said it. And I'm like, well, I knew my grandpa was sick when I came home for Thanksgiving. I don't think he had it. I honestly don't think they had it, but we're really, I don't know. We're like not manifesting COVID by worrying 24 seven and being in fear that if we go into public and then go see them,

they're going to die. Like we're not living in that mindset. And I know the virus doesn't care about your positive mindset but I don't know what else like we have to at some point you have to live your life and do the best you can so anyways my sister's like I want to go look at workout clothes at TJ Maxx literally it was so depressing this TJ Maxx is in the back of the mall I grew up going to all the time and this mall is so it's completely shut down there's TJ Maxx which is a new addition. It wasn't really part of the mall. I mean, this is the mall. I went to Claire's in Claire, Claire's like the earrings place, jewelry place for girls. It had hot topic, PacSun, American Eagle. Um, what's the, uh, Spencer's the food court, you know, the movie

theater, apparently the movie theater is still there, but it was so weird to see this entire mall boarded up like someone bought it out and it's not like there's no stores there aren't any stores in there anymore so anyways I let my sister shop and I sat on my phone and just like scrolled social media like you know I I just nonchalantly say that all the time because it's like we're all doing it okay you're on your phone a lot you're looking at a lot of content all day and it's just what we do when we're passing time I'm sitting in a car waiting for my sister to shop. What am I supposed to do? Okay. It's Sunday. I'm relaxing. Uh, I actually took a mini nap in the car. My sister's like, do you want to go get coffee? And then I said, yeah. And then we didn't

get coffee, but that was okay. Um, we listened to the plan was we went home just because she wanted, Oh wait, update. Like you guys really want to know this. My sister bought pants, pants. She bought new yoga pants that are really cool. I have to give it to her. Like she picked out a cool pair. They're black with these like swirls, this like, I can't describe the type of swirl. It had like swirlies around the legs. It was cool. She got those. The plan was we're going to go home so she can put a beanie on her head before we go watch football. I don't know where she thought it, like, why did she, I don't know where that thought came. I don't know why she is that way, but we was like, okay, whatever. They live close to us anyways. So we listened

to Shania Twain the entire way home. Um, it was great. And I went home. Um, what did I do? I don't know. I think I got, did I get any more coffee? I don't remember. It doesn't matter. This is literally the most, is this Zen? Are you guys chilled out? Maybe this is the, this is the bedtime story episode. You listen before bed. If you just want to hear a little story about someone's day. Do you know what I mean? I feel like, I don't know. I'm just like, here's an audio vlog of Sunday, December 13th, 2020. I'm feeling good. I'm just feeling good. Like I said, full of Chinese food, just did yoga. It's, I feel so good. So anyways, we put, she got the beanie on. She got that fucking beanie on, ran out of the house. We go over and hang out, football's

starting, go Seahawks. They beat the Jets. Of course they did. Of course they did. I remember I was watching the Jets and I'm like, wait, Sam Darnold. I remember my, I think it was my senior year. He was a quarterback at USC. And I remember everyone made fun of him because of how he looked, which is fucked up but they I was like back then I was just uh you know I'm still this way but I catch myself more where I'm not like I can pop off and say out there shit and like post stupid tweets like all day long I have that in me but I don't really do anymore I don't know I just I do that on the podcast I don't know so anyways on Twitter I think I wrote uh Sam Darnold looks like what's the guy in the in the credibles the villain in the incredibles

I don't know his name but I tweeted that like I was in you know call I guess you know I'm still like I'm a senior in college I should know better I don't know it was a dumb thing but everyone was saying that and everyone was talking about it and he looked he was just we all hated him because he's you know we hated USC and we yeah uh we beat them pretty sure yeah anyway so today the Jets lost of course he did they're I think 0-13 now for this season Sam Donald's their quarterback um go Seahawks so we watched the game I ended up napping part part the way part of the way um but every time they scored a touchdown I woke up and then my grandpa's dog so Sophie kept coming over to me I was trying to get her to lay on my lap with a quilt her favorite blanket and

she like wouldn't separate from my grandpa and I was like okay so yeah and then they're like you no girls, we should get some Chinese food tonight. We should order from Hong Kong. And it's like, there's local restaurant. I was like, I can't say no to that. So I sound so fucking dumb. Can't say no to that. Um, I think I only, I had like breakfast and a cheese stick. I think that's what I ate before for Chinese food. Yeah. I think I had a cheese stick. Yeah. When I came home for my sister's beanie her beanie uh grab before we went to watch football I just think it's funny she had to go home to get a beanie I don't know why so my sister but I had a cheese stick anyways we ordered from we ordered Chinese and like the game was clearly over it was like 40 to 3 or some

shit and we got a bunch of food to share and uh I feel like I'm missing a part of the day when we watched football I feel like did my sister do something my grandpa not really we just talked I don't know it was like I don't know we watched football and talked okay so we got Chinese food my sister and I went picked it up I risked my life I walked in the restaurant um with a mask of course I social distanced as best I could with a nice lady working there um my grandma this is actually kind of funny there's a so there's a fish in the fish tank at this restaurant that is no longer with us I think he's dead and he was too big for the tank like they all are at these type of restaurants I feel like that's a thing is that a Chinese

restaurant thing or just I feel like I only really see big fish in small tanks at Chinese restaurants I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it I mean do your thing but this fish had died I'm pretty sure um but my grandma's like please give me a fish tank update because I don't think she goes in the restaurant anymore I think my grandpa goes in so she hasn't seen this fish tank in a like over a year now or whatever so I said grandma you got I got you I'm gonna go in I'm gonna look at this fish tank I'm gonna give you the update so I walk in and um there's this guy in front of me in line. Uh, he was like, where's the big fish at? And I was like, I think it died. I don't think it's, you know, I think it died. I think it was too old, you know, old. It'd been here forever.

It's like, oh, that's kind of sad. He's like, these fish don't look too happy either. And what they were, were these like tiny, I don't know, like guppies. Like what's a tiny fish called? It wasn't, they weren't goldfish. They were gray, tiny little fish. There's probably about 10 of with no rocks on the bottom of the tank. Maybe they were updating it. I don't know, or cleaning it. There were no rocks on the bottom. And then they had one little castle for them to live in. And I was like, this is, this is very traumatic to see. But my grandma, she, I gave her the update and she kind of, she laughed because, you know, she's like, oh God. And then she told a story. It's funny. She's like, okay, first of all, we started talking about goldfish. Okay. Hear me

out so I told my grandma that story then we were talking about or she was talking about something she did as a kid with goldfish yeah yeah okay so goldfish freeze and then come back to life somehow and I only know that because when we had we had this big trough for our horses and I remember we put goldfish in them and once it got really cold here in the winter obviously during the winter it's cold um they would freeze in a little like a little pocket if that makes sense where they I don't know how to explain it they were like freeze like Han Solo like the whole the fish was in ice inside the ice and it was frozen but for whatever reason when the thought when it would thaw out or when we would try to save them they'd start swimming again and so we

talking about that I think my sister looked it up and it like this the google search said that's not like that's impossible they don't actually come back to life they're dead they don't hibernate but I I've witnessed it so many times like goldfish straight up dying they like can hibernate in ice or something but my grandma was saying when she was a little girl she would go to the pond the frozen pond where she lived I think that's where they did ice skating and I guess there were goldfish in this pond. I don't know. It just, it doesn't make sense to me that there were like small goldfish in this pond by her, or maybe they were at her, I don't know if it was at her house and they put them in there, something like that. But she, when she was little, I guess

her and her friends would pick these little ice chunks of goldfish out of the pond where the fish is still inside. And then they would go put it in warmer water. Now the warmer water they would put in, um, is basically the, it's a water slide park. Okay. This water slide, this water slide park for the frozen goldfish resides in everyone's bathroom. It's the toilet. Okay. She put them in the toilet in warmer water. Um, like great idea. We're going to thaw these fish out. And she said they'd thaw out, they'd start swimming and then they'd send them down the water slide and she'd flush them. So I know that's dark and I'm just imagining my grandma doing that. Maybe they didn't know maybe thought oh it's gonna go to the ocean I think that's what I thought when I was

little whenever my goldfish would die I think that's what my parents said or I don't know I knew a lot about what death was when I was young because of all the pets I saw go and all the farm animals around me die like I just kind of saw a lot of it I don't know I feel like a lot of people if you've had pets like it's part of life you witness that stuff but I had a lot of it and I know I think I told my mom that story I was like yeah mom when I think about it I've seen a lot of dead animals and like dead pets and like sad shit like tragic deaths like my goat getting hit by a truck in front of me um anyways like I've even told my my favorite story I wish I could remember the episode is my mom's German shepherd that she adopted like her dog chasing down one of our sheep

like it broke out of its kennel and it killed or it mutilated our sheep and then then it went after our horse and took it out of the legs and it got so bad my grandpa had to come and shoot it and shoot the sheep because the sheep was almost dead um I heard about that like that's traumatic just hearing that story I wasn't here to witness it but apparently it was like a bloodbath everywhere around the house like around the the pasture and anyways so what other like dramatic I've told so many pet stories and farm animal stories anyways I was talking about goldfish going down the toilet when I was little I think I thought it went to the ocean though I think I did I think a lot of kids think goldfish like their parents like it's going to the ocean um but they're usually dead when they

go I don't know okay so we watched football okay we had Chinese food um I was helping my grandpa send pictures on his phone I was helping him like showing him how to do it um there's a whole like vlogging situation with a tree at someone's house in the family and he's like I got pictures of this I want to share. Can you help me? And I was like, of course. And then I helped my grandma with her Google phone, set up the home screen. So it's better for her to search stuff. Um, uh, go Seahawks. The game was great. Um, my sister and I, oh, I went out to the farm, excuse me. I went out to the barn with my grandma before we left. And I really wanted eggs. I was like, I'm going to be selfish right I know they get a dozen a day and I'm like I will not start my week tomorrow with

zero eggs in the fridge I think they're all gone yeah we didn't have any left so I was making sure before we left to get fresh eggs and my grandpa had gone out earlier in the day I was like do you want help like I just felt bad he's like midday at halftime yeah at halftime he went out to collect the eggs I thought oh shit um it was just cute but he had collected them and so my grandma went out there with me and set me up with a dozen and oh I should say this so earlier in the day I had gone out to the I hope this is the best podcast ever by the way I really hope I'm bringing it I'm trying my best for some reason I feel like okay this is a little like podcast host check-in behind the scenes of my brain what's Jacqueline thinking right now I'm I know storytelling is

good to do on a podcast. People like details. People like to imagine where you're at, like what my grandparents' little farm looks like, this egg room I went into, you know, what the Chinese food run looked like, what kind of streets I was driving down to go pick up this Chinese, like I know stories and speaking out details is nice on a podcast, but I feel like this is the most boring like sad shit ever and I could reflect I will reflect on today and just that feeling of being with my grandparents all day but anyways oh I wanted to say I had gone out to the barn to look at the sheep earlier in the day and it was amazing there's a they have a really long pasture and all of a sudden like I just stood by the end of the barn I didn't see any sheep but they saw me

and next thing I know there's 24 sheep in a line walking up to the barn like in in unison just all at once coming up to the gate to see me or like they probably wanted food I just thought it was so crazy like I didn't even because they're they're black with brown wool I think they're is that Suffolk what's the kind of dark I don't know they're kind of they're young too I think they're all like really I think they're all under three years old I want to say but anyways it was cool to see that I was like oh I miss being around like my grandparents farm animals or just animals in general in fact when I was petting Sophie today on the couch I'm like I need a pet I need to hold something I need to nurture something I need to cuddle with a little animal I need a dog I need

a cat I need something like that's it it's not gonna be a fucking gerbil uh but yeah I felt like okay Jacqueline get get it together girl go adopt something like you need this girl this feels good it's not gonna be a boy okay um you're you know it's my I live in I have my own apartment so I'm like I need a little companion I definitely am due for one so uh and I'm like tempted to literally when my lease is up I'm tempted to move to a better situation for a big dog because I don't I don't want a small dog I really I want a big dog and I I just couldn't keep it in my apartment I know a lot of people I just couldn't do it like a golden in a fucking one-bedroom apartment I have a friend that has that he has that set up and I think it's cool but uh because he's like

active he's always on runs with his dogs they live by a park it's like really convenient they're always out and whatever but anyways it's probably might be a cat I don't know so it was great so basically we left I came home um my sister came home we were like oh my god we had so much Chinese food this is insane I feel like shit I actually didn't overeat because sometimes like when you're I feel like Chinese food you can just go in on but I feel like I did okay I wasn't like my sister was in she was in literal pain um sorry Julia I love you uh but yeah she like showered I just like chilled I did some yoga scrolled on my phone checked some shit out and now I'm podcasting that's literally my Sunday so quickly I want to reflect on just like this the feeling of being

with my grandparents, my grandma and grandpa all day. It was like, it was so like, I can't even, what's the feeling? I guess it's, it's all the good feelings. Like I felt whole, complete love, love comfort coziness uh peace tranquility zenness I don't know like uh I just I'm so grateful like I could I could sit here and talk forever about how blessed I am and how much I'm like wow I have it really good when I'm able to take a nap on my grandparents couch all day and watch football and hang out with them and talk all day and just be in their presence. And we're all on good terms. We all love each other. We laugh together. We can tell stories together. It's really special. So I'm really, I don't know. I, we talked, we even talked about Jocelyn,

you know, you can always move back home. You know, I feel like everyone wants me to do that. And it's a I'm really fighting that guilt I have and I don't know what I don't know what to do and I keep telling them as long as I'm able to do this more than once a year like I had to do this year then I'm gonna feel so much better about my decision to move live in San Diego but you know sitting there looking at them like well I could I could just live down the street with my mom, and, like, we could hang out, like, five days a week, and I don't know, and then, you know, I saw this really sad, I think it was, like, his TikTok or meme or something about once you're an adult and you move away or you have a family, there's, like, the amount of times you see

your grandparents or your parents until you die like until they die you die is like it slowly gets less and less and less and less less or something like that like it's not like when you're a kid it starts out when you're a kid you're with your with them all the time and then as the years go on it gets like you're probably like oh I'm only gonna see them 56 more times in person before they're gone like that is crazy to think about um they're both in there I think they're both in their 80s early 80s yeah it's wild um it's wild to like think about because now I noticed in our conversations today I was bringing up a lot of the stuff we used to do at their houses like in our childhood like a specific thing like my little baby cousin was

eating popcorn for the first time today and my aunt was telling her oh grandma and grandpa will make you popcorn and like next time you go there and I was remembering how every time we spent the night at my grandparents house we blew up a we my grandma would blow up a mattress for one of us there is a bedroom with like two beds for I think usually my sister and I slept there my brother had that blow-up mattress blow-up mattress in the living room there's a caribou coming out the wall I always thought was like cool to lay under and then we'd have movies on and then my grandma popped popcorn and that was like the whole that was like the ending of the night and even down to the lighting in their house like I was imagining the little light that was on and

like it was one light so at night time we're watching movies it just lit up the house but it was just that one light in the kitchen if you know what that is it's usually above a stove it's so like cozy I can't even put my finger on it it's like when you're in middle school at a sleepover and you're up in the middle of the night going pee and there's like that one light in the kitchen on it's a vibe I don't know how to explain I don't know what it is but I think everyone has been there and they they can like visualize that but yeah I just remember being at their house watching movies laying on their mattress uh eating popcorn but yeah I noticed anyways the reason I'm saying this is I noticed there's a lot

of times uh a lot of stories we told today about childhood stuff I'm like that is so gone like now I'm a mid-20s adult who doesn't feel like a grown I don't feel I feel how would I say I feel about my age I think closer to 30 I feel like 30 I'll feel like wow I'm here like bitch you're an adult like you're uh but for some reason I think I still feel like a little I feel like I'm 21 always I think I'm always gonna feel like I'm 21 because I can I'm doing like I can do all the 21 year old shit like what do I mean by that I'm saying I'm an adult in that way does this make sense it doesn't make sense like if I was 18 I don't feel like I'm 18 because when you're 18 you're not going out you can't like go drink at bars and be an adult okay I'm just saying I feel like the

difference between now and when I was 21 is drastic as far as my growth the stuff I've learned things I've been through but um I don't feel like oh I'm a 26 year old all of our shit together I know what I'm going to do with my life. I'm working on honing in on that and clarifying it for myself because I've realized that indecision has paralyzed me and it's held me back. And I'm really embracing and excited about getting specific about what I want and where I want to go with my life and putting it down. Or I don't like to write shit. I like to keep it on my brain. I've told you guys the stories about writing shit down. I said, I will immediately sabotage. I'm different. I think a lot of people it's healthy for them to write stuff down for me I can't take it seriously I'm

I'm like annoyed by it I'm annoyed if I see some sort of motivational shit on the wall like a dream board I get annoyed I like to know and clearly it's um working for other people it doesn't work for me because it's always promoted like write it down look at it every day no I'm the type of person where I know my truths I know what's in the back of my head I know what I want it's very simple simple right now because I boiled it boiled it I boiled it down to less than five things and well that's what I'm those are my targets right now uh and I guess it works for me because I'm a thinker I live in my head a lot not in a bad way anymore I feel like I used to stew and I was in negative spirals and depression where now I'm in my head a lot

because I'm checking in remembering my goals remembering what I'm here for what I'm trying to do and I don't know I just have these like positive uh instead of all those negative loops I got in mentally now I'm working on reprogramming with like just the positive ones that are motivating that are my personal ones that I don't have on a paper that I have to carry around all the time or like look at or whatever I just anyways um but I definitely think so I said oh I'm in 20s I don't really feel like I'm fully I fully have my shit together I feel like no one ever really does they always are striving or trying to better themselves in some way, and achieve more, and whatever, rebrand, I don't fucking know, change careers, uh, marry

someone, like, date someone else, whatever, um, but, oh, I should tell you guys about my fortune cookie today, okay, um, I'll tell you, hold on, but, uh, what was I saying, shit, episode 101, train wreck kind of no Jacqueline don't be negative it's a great episode um I'm I'm moving forward with my life I'm I'm putting shit down in my head and I'm moving I'm like attacking it head-on because I I like I said indecision and indecisiveness has paralyzed me it's held me back I never really get anywhere where now I'm excited about being decisive and getting shit done okay let me tell you about my fortune cookie I don't remember the specific line but it basically said that it was about able men and it was like if there's

there's always so there's an able man there's an there's always other able men something like that like a kind of vague thing you kind of have to like unpack and and rework in your head my grandma's like oh Jacqueline that means there's other men there's plenty of fish in the sea and I'm like oh okay so stop getting hung up on one person actually I can't say that I mean I kind of it comes and goes I'll say this about my life right now I feel like I come and go with a certain person it's like out of sight out of mind or it's on my mind do you know what I mean if you think about someone or if someone hits you up that blinds like you don't expect it and you're like oh shit they're back they're back and I know okay

it's very it depends on there's a lot of backstories to this that it just depends on the context in the situation so but I'm the type where I can totally just like forget I don't even think about you ever in the back of my mind like I never think about and then I it flips like a switch the second you hit me up or I think about you it's like I'm fucked and anyways the fortune cookie was uh kind of like Jacqueline get over it move on like plenty of fish in the sea don't be don't put all your eggs in a basket it's not even like that I'm just like in my head about it because look it's COVID-19 it's fucking 2020 everything's a fan everything's like in my head okay ask me about my dating life this year I could do uh no I won't I shouldn't talk about it I just should not

um it was rough obviously I think a lot of people had a rough dating life this year but I mean I felt like it started out okay it did start out okay I had yeah I feel like the beginning of the years and then it went south but um are you like that with people like can you just I don't know I why do I think about people a lot that I don't know if it's ever gonna happen I don't know um so what was I gonna say that's really all I have for you guys today what tangent was I on can I get back to it Jacqueline can she get back to it I'm a pro I do I've done 101 episodes in 101 days um anyways i'm on my instagram right now i'm like an idiot of dj dk metcalf from seattle with love

he's a quality guy i think a lot of my sister and i were talking about dating athletes today and i was realizing that i don't know what it is about football players but i feel like a lot of them are just they're just wholesome dudes through and through they've been raised with like quality I don't know this is like not all of them okay I'm not going to generalize but I don't know even the ones that might have had a rougher childhood and a harder life than the ones that had a nice you know they're always a star always on the you know they're always the number one athlete in their school then they went off to college now they're in the NFL everything's

been hand like they've always been put on a pedestal like there's those but the ones that have been you know right there was it was a harder life for them in the beginning I feel like they just like turn their shit around the NFL players all just seem like a bunch of like quality genuine dudes with like you know a lot of them are religious which is cool uh that's like with any sport like I said I'm just general I'm just observing this from Instagram like what they post and talk about I follow a lot of football players I'm like I think it's interesting to look at athletes and their behind the scenes of their lives I don't know I really I relate to them in a weird way or I look up to athletes because I think there's something to be said about

the people in the world that are their only goal is to be the best at what they do and do like get to the top and be the best running back in the league the best quarterback whatever it is I'm just using a football as an example but you could talk about every sport I really I like to study it in a weird way like I like to because I think I subconsciously want that for myself I want to be a good person I want to be I want to learn and grow and become the best version of myself year after year I don't want to stay the same like I have this desire to without putting a ton of pressure on myself like I don't go crazy over it but I just like collective energy that's like in the athlete realm that's all about like being a badass athlete being the best of what

they do going hard no days off like that kind of shit just fires me the fuck up that's why I like David Goggins that's why I like all these fucking podcast nerds out there that are just like their conversations are so just on point they fire you up Tom what's his last name I can never pronounce it billy billy billy whatever billy billy billy you guys know who i'm talking about he's like a thought leader dude uh entrepreneur i think he was the ceo of quest nutrition at one point uh founder all this shit fires me up follow that guy on instagram tom i think it's b-i-l-y-e-u billy I don't know does that make sense are you guys like that too I don't know um I just like to follow I just I don't know so I was on Instagram looking at something DK Metcalf posted I've been

posting more on the gram lately and let me say this um I just feel like in order for me to play this I'm a podcast host content creator game like not that I don't want it's not that I don't want to post pictures I'm not saying I'm not making this sound like oh I don't want to have to I don't want to do this but I have to it's it's not like that I just think that I like that I'm consistent with posts now and I'm posting like I'm doing it almost every day where before I was like I just like I'm over it who cares whatever now I have a reason to I'm like oh well I'll post a selfie and I'll say oh today was my 86th day of podcasting like so if you go to like one of my selfies you'll be like oh this girl's a podcast she does it every day it's like promo in a weird

way I don't know um look I'm like a third of the way into this shit right 365 days I'll be honest with you right now I don't know what's gonna happen with the world in the next year uh with I guess like jobs will I be able to go to an office will I still be working remote um whatever like I know I'm never gonna burn out of podcasting and that's impossible like this is my passion this is my dream life I'm doing my dream job this is everything to me like can't explain it I don't want to do anything else creatively than fucking talk on a microphone all day but um anyways I was thinking oh after the 365 fifth episode am I gonna like just pull back to Monday through Friday will this be a weekly gig gig or will I go on like a two-week vacation

I kind of want to go on a vacation just take a whole week go somewhere tropical that'd be so amazing just for like the celebratory I did this for a year I grew as a person I had fun whatever I should celebrate celebrate myself um I did have champagne yesterday with my sister when I did the, I did the hundredth episode, which is great. She gave me a pedicure and we drank champagne. She's like, can I like pick at your feet? Can I do your pedicure? And I'm like, oh my God. She likes that shit. I love her feet. This is so weird. I have this weird thing with my sister's feet because I think they're so cute. And my feet have grown on me over the years, by the way. Like I used to hate my feet and I feel like, I think they shrunk. I think I had

bigger feet in high school. I was always a bigger size than I am now, but I like my feet now, but I love my sister's feet. I, I, it's sometimes like we would be little, I'd be like giving her foot rubs and I just look at her feet and like, I want your feet anyways. Um, but yeah, back to this thing about like reflecting on this show, it's been amazing so far. I love it. It's not like the passion is never going to go away. I just want to think about what my career and job and workplace situation, the world, all that looks like. I'm keeping that in mind because, and here's the thing, I'm living in the moment. I love doing this every day. I'm not trying to control it and be like, okay, well, if the world is still shut down and everything's crazy and COVID goes off

the charts and the vaccine isn't working and like, yeah, of course I'll like a hundred percent do the seven days a week, but who knows if my ass is going to be in a seat somewhere in an office. I don't know why I think that I don't think it's going to happen. I'm like, I have a remote job. I love, I'm going to keep that. Who knows? I can move up to their city and work with them in person once things are open. That's an option. Um, I don't know. I'm just thinking out loud, but thanks guys for hanging out tonight I feel like I used to right now when I podcasted in my apartment in San Diego like before I came home I feel like I'm at that point in the in the show where I'm trying to squeeze out whatever I possibly can like whatever is on my

mind I'm like what can I finish this with what can I keep talking about I think I did okay I did my day with my grandparents you guys heard all about that I reflected on how my gratitude just like being with them and how amazing that is and how good I have it I talked about I don't know like my grandma in a fish situation should I google that do you guys want to learn something can goldfish rise from the dead let's look this up I think they can I really do can goldfish come back to life after Frozen? What are you guys doing today on Sunday? Did your teams win after Frozen? Search. Are you with your family now? It's the holidays. My brother's coming home in a week. I'm so excited. Oh, okay. This is the article I think my sister read. Can goldfish

freeze and come back to life no here's why bullshit if you've ever had a goldfish out in your pond during several very cold months and your pond is shallow enough you may end up with a little frozen pond but your goldfish may have just been fine did they come back to life or you may have ended up with a frozen fish if your goldfish were truly frozen would they survive so the question is can goldfish freeze and come back to life answer no goldfish cannot freeze and come back to life they will die this has to do with the biological makeup of their cells the cells are made up of thin membranes that when frozen will expand and rupture causing the goldfish to die however having said that goldfish can survive freezing waters by

minimizing their metabolism and bodily functions there are other fish that can survive after being frozen but not goldfish okay huh i disagree um just because like i remember like a whole winter would go by and the fucking fish would come back to life i swear um i remember just swimming in that trough too i could talk about swimming pools this could be the swimming pool ending the episode but we would take our hose our garden hose and we'd fill up this giant trough and it would be our swimming pool and then we graduated from that it was like this big blue one we got at the feed store um this is like so specific I don't think we have it anymore I don't even know how we got rid of it it was so big I don't know what truck it went on maybe we still have it

I don't know I came home though and a tree fell over I wasn't prepared to see that I didn't know my mom I think my mom's tree had a sinus infection no I had a fungal infection and it fell over in a windstorm anyways the trough is over there over there that's why I'm thinking about it but um we graduated so I remember Costco popped off here in the town it you know opened up everyone's going to Costco now it was like going to Disneyland free samples they draw uh smileys on your receipt when you leave there's a food court anyways uh I remember we graduated from the trough to a Costco pool and I feel like a lot of families had this it was the pool with it was always a Costco blown up like suspended or like hanging off the ceiling on display it had a white ring that blew up

and then you fill it up in the middle and it was kind of this like i think it was about how many feet wide probably like eight feet maybe ten um so we swam in that and it would always get these little water bugs in it that scared the shit out of me they had like these little legs and pinchers that would like fucking freak me out um so we swam in that we always jumped off the slot the what's it called the maybe you guys right now are like i love this section because or this segment because I used to have a pool like that too she's reminiscing about child that this is fun I hope that's you if not just try to imagine this fucking pool from Costco uh but we always jumped off of the what's it called the ladder that was our diving area whatever it's called

um I don't know why but my my dad was always good about like making everything better than it needed to be or like improving shit that I would never think of or I don't think regular people think of he dug about a six inch like I think it was about six inches deep maybe deeper maybe a foot probably six inches why am I going into this much detail about this he dug a little hole in the ground that was six inches deep and then he put sand on it and then instead of just putting the pool on the lawn he put it over sand I don't know what the purpose was I kind of think it was to help with popping or making it like softer I don't know it was official like the fucking yard had a hole in it when the pool wasn't up it was just like this place we had the pool I mean he

also dug two holes for trampolines for them to go on the ground um anyways but we graduated from that pool I remember driving around homes my parents really wanted to put in um it's an above the ground how do I describe these pools they're put together kind of like a like a puzzle they're not a in the ground pool they're above and people put decks around them they look like they're solid like they're better they're an upgrade from that Costco pool do you know what I'm talking about they're kind of like I can't think of what they're called anyways we would drive around neighborhoods and like I remember our neighbor down the road had one I think my mom grew up swimming in it I don't know it's weird like this is a small town like she's like been to every house

like knows everyone that lives here but yeah I think my neighbors had it but we wanted to get that we didn't get that but then in seventh grade my parents were like we're getting a pool and we put in a giant like 40 foot in ground rectangular pool in the backyard it was like the dream I think that's the year we also went to Disney World like everything was great everything was fucking great we got a pool for the like finally our in the ground pool and we got a water slide and a diving board and it's just like it was amazing and yeah so we finally got that but I remember starting at we started out swimming in a trough when we were little and sometimes we would swim in a little tin trough it's like smaller the blue trough is plastic I don't know

okay but you know the best pools ever were those rectangular blow-up pools that were like thick on the sides where the blow-up section was and then just like slip and slide material on the bottom. It was about two feet tall. That was the shit. Those were the times. And I remember my neighbors, I remember, I remember my neighbors had that and we always would go like sit in it. You don't really swim in it. You just sit in it. I'm 26 and I, I don't know, childhood's gone. It's kind of fun to think about shit though. I don't know when you walk through something specific, like your pools really takes you down a memory lane. Like if you think about something and work backwards. It's kind of cool. Then I went to swim team and I was swimming in lap pools.

There was nothing like jumping off starting block in a, in a sprint race, like a hundred meters in front of people. And like the adrenaline you get from that and the fact like you're not allowed to breathe, your coach will yell at you. If you breathe too many times, you take too many strokes to like breathe and turn your head. Um, I don't know why, like the adrenaline, the feeling before a race at a swim meet, if you've ever been there, there's something about it. It's different than like, I used to play basketball and I used to run track and shit. Like, I don't know what swimming is like, there's something different about that, that adrenaline rush, that fear. Um, but you just kind of get shit done. You like go down and back a couple

of times, you get shit done, then you're done. You might have like three races for the whole meet and maybe a relay with your teammates and then you're done but um I remember did I talk about swim team yesterday I think I did yeah my sister and I drove by for my 100th episode we did a little hometown tour and I drove by my like where we used to do swim practice in high school and we were talking about having to do 50 uh 50 50s which is like down and back 50 times for like a practice. But I remember just like the feeling of holding your breath and trying to impress your coach. Cause you're like, I'm not going to take a breath on the way down. What I would do is I would no breathe the entire way down. So I go one breath across the pool and then

I do a kick flip turn, kick turn, flip turn. And then my first, I do one stroke and then a breath coming out of the flip turn and then this is on a 50 I was usually a sprinter back in the day I didn't really do a lot like the long distance stuff and then I would take a breath uh at the flags right before the like the wall to hit the wall anyways guys what else can I talk about you want to know about my swim team journey I was a water baby my parents had a swimming when we were like a year old you know I was thrown in water um I had a great swim coach and I think I started swimming in fifth grade swim team fourth fifth grade I did it locally and then I started like high school no we I think we went I think we competitively swam in middle school I think we

go to meets but then high school is when it was like official um claim to fame is I went to state my freshman year when I got got my varsity jacket what's it called my letterman's jacket my freshman year I'd wear that shit to school there's like no one else no freshman that wore theirs or like had one that made varsity oh my god and I thought it was so cool uh because I went to state I had my state hoodie with my name on the back and shit. Anyways, it's a good time. But it was cool going to state down in, I forget where it's at, like somewhere towards Seattle. And I was like, oh my God, Michael Phelps has swam in these waters for trials before. Like, holy shit. Someone said that they're like, Michael Phelps has been in this pool. Like, oh my God. And those pools are so

majestic like I was swimming in a YMCA that has been around since like 1969 or 70 like I don't know super old YMCA with uh the water was like too shallow for us to dive in during meets so our opponents would we would dive because we were used to it but our opponents would start on the wall in the water because they were too scared to like hit their head on the bottom I don't even know but it was an old pool but when we went to state it was so deep like the water was so deep and it felt majestic the water felt everything was bigger there's you know grandstands the ceiling is huge there's a high dive with a big you know the 12 foot deep pool where the divers go and I think the length of the pools they were 50 meter pools yeah so you do a hundred meter dash

down and back instead of four times. Anyways, I could go into, guys, again, I'm squeezing it all out like good old times. Back in my studio in San Diego in the morning, over-caffeinated, thinking about what else could I share today? What else could I talk? I could talk forever. Dude, I could do a three-hour podcast alone. No stress, no issue. I just need a little breather sometimes. Guys, okay, I'll be honest right now. I'm going to expose my, I'm going to expose myself. ask me what I just sipped, asked me what I just sipped, thanks for asking, um, Diet Pepsi, okay, I need, I need to stop, I had a Diet Coke issue for the first week I was home, actually, like, first two weeks, I think I'm on, what, week three starting tomorrow, whatever, I'm at my

grandparents' house, I only drink Diet Pepsi at their house, it's a thing, they used to only buy diet Pepsi lime and now they don't make that anymore. So they, they just do the regular diet Pepsi, but I took one for the road. I was like, I want to drink this while I podcast, but I wasn't going to tell you guys. And I was like, no, I got to tell you. I've been, I've been drinking a lot of diet soda at home and, uh, I don't know what to do. It tastes so good sometimes. I just like, I just, it used to be a kombucha, uh, every day I drank a kombucha. That was a, that was a phase. and uh now I'm going zero calorie with my diet pepsi because you know I don't want that uh extra sugar that's in kombuchas I love those articles that come out kombucha is a sugar bomb it's worse

than drinking soda blah blah I'm like people will make a thing out of any they make everything a thing everything is dramatic you know oh coffee's gonna kill you coffee's good for you wine is great for your heart don't drink wine it's gonna give you cancer like you can't win people that's why I'm all about I'll leave on this note I will be disciplined and call the podcast now my I guess my the message I want to promote on this self-titled show something I want to help people with because of my personal experience being stripped of my intuition given this or I've been let me restart I feel like the information age I live in has overexposed me to so much information about how people live their lives what they do how they you know what they do when

they wake up, all the way to when they go to bed, what they're consuming, how they're working out, what their careers are, you know, everyone's an entrepreneur, remote, nine to fives are stupid, like everyone has, there's these messages that are so confusing out there about how to live your life, and you can't help it sometimes, you just come across it on social media, unless you completely stop following people, and it's hard, like I've really curated who I watch on my stories, like I barely watch any, I've said that so many times a good way to like get rid of the excess crap that's confusing you and maybe it's annoying you like you watch those stories every day and you're like I'm just kind of getting

annoyed by this like they're preaching to me I don't want to do what they're saying like I don't whatever just mute them or unfollow them but the message I want to promote is listen to yourself follow yourself you know better than anyone what to do and you don't need to start some new thing or jump on some new trend that everyone's doing so I feel like what ends up happening and this is my experience I felt confused like I just it's this thing this year this thing the next year what do I want to do what do I do every day that's unique unique to me that works for me that no one's telling me to do because that's what I should fall back on because those people aren't there when all these messages and information isn't there like what are if that

was never exposed to you what would you do you learned your morning routine from your parents they taught you how to brush your teeth when you were like two okay so it's not that deep we don't need to make routines and all this like self-opt human optimization shit such a thing my mom says it all the time and she she's right about it uh I know a lot of people say oh okay boomer and all these like negative things about our parents generation I'm just assuming you're like around my age group but there's some truths in it like we make everything like we over complicate shit and we don't need to go into so much detail and think about things so uh and dissect everything and create problems around them and think oh you know whatever if you go if you know like just go

all over social media and people are just preaching trying to make everyone more well and healthy and optimized and which is positive but I'll say this I think it's easy for me to take a step back and totally just ignore all that now and just not sit and over consume it because I've I pick and choose I got all that information throughout my 20s you know I'm 26 started up in college with, with, uh, podcasts, always listening to those, always listening to, or excuse me, watching people's content on Instagram. Like it started then. So I've over-consumed it. And now I'm basically, I've cherry picked what works for me from all these different people. And that's what I do now. And it's just like, uh, it's autonomous. I don't even

know where it comes from or who said it or who taught me it, but I just have it in the back of my head and I go with the flow with it I don't make it a thing it would suck if your whole life or your whole brand was a fucking I sell morning routines for a living ah that scares me I just don't get it but to each their own you know we need we do need teachers out we need excuse me I can't discredit and uh make light of all these educators out there in the optimization, health and wellness, fitness, inspo, business, entrepreneur space. Like we need those educators. I'm just saying, help yourself out and take it in small doses and listen to yourself at the end of the day. Uh, or else you'll just be a zombie. Who's like

trying to do other people's lives. And I don't know. Okay. So happy Sunday. There's your podcast. uh I could have done something with 101 is there a song about 101 Jacqueline I could have done Jacqueline 101 uh facts or some shit I don't know I could have done something with one anyways 102 is tomorrow I'm not too comfortable saying the episode number in the beginning when I say what's up guys it's episode 101 welcome back it just doesn't roll off the tongue as easy as saying like episode 17 or whatever so whatever i'll get over it um happy sunday hope you're doing well once again you can go over to patreon.com slash tjms if you want to support the show and get access to my exclusive content you can head over to um i just said it patreon oh fuck

I'm tripping. You can go over to the Apple podcast app and subscribe to this podcast and leave a review. If you enjoyed today's episode, real simple, you just go to the show, you scroll down. I think you have to go through all the episodes, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll. Once you hit the bottom, it says like leave a review. And then you click the stars. You can go like one through five, submit it. Simple. You don't have to write anything. You can just submit a one through five-star review I joke all the time like just leave if you are offended today please leave me a one-star star with you and tell me why I just want you guys to go over and leave a review like that's my goal it's like someone please just do it I don't know it's good to it's good to take

your business seriously and uh business meaning my podcast and ask people for what you want So anyway, so yeah, Patreon, Apple podcast, Instagram at Jacqueline Monroe, Jacqueline Monroe. No, my name is not fake. Um, random thought I just had. A lot of people are like, not to be like, Oh my God, it's everyone's thinking about me. Everyone wants to know where I am in the world. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just like, it's been a trend lately. everyone's like are you in San Diego or are you when are you or did you move to Washington I'm like just listen to the podcast you'll know what's going on I'm here for a month okay chilling family happy holidays uh anyways so yeah check it out and uh that's all I got for you today I love you guys hope your hope your family's healthy I hope you're healthy and happy and uh I'll talk to you tomorrow all right bye