The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 136- Sundaycast: The Milking Parlor

Episode Date: January 18, 2021

Happy Sunday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic

Hey guys, happy Sunday. It's episode 136. Welcome back to the show. Hello. What's up gentlemen and ladies? Happy Sunday. Um, I'm going to hit you with some real life. Uh, what it's like to be me right now. This is some real life shit. I'm going to take you into my world. I'm currently holding my belly like a pregnant woman. Uh, I'm doing a power stance podcast again. I'm upright. I'm standing instead of sitting. I don't feel good. Okay. I don't know what my stomach's doing today but it doesn't like me and I feel pregnant and I don't want to podcast right now but I do this every day and I have to do it so just let you know I'm letting you into my world um I don't know if that's TMI but I'm gonna try to pull my shit together

and make this worth your time but just know I'm practicing my pregnant lady position my power stance here you know how or like you know how I feel like moms have a stance when they hold their kid it's like the wide leg excuse me it's like the yeah leg spread out they're making them they're turning their body into a tripod so they can support their kid when they hold it and then they kind of do like a lean a lean back and then the kid is like resting on their hip and they're kind of leaning off to the left or the right you know what I mean so I don't know I have stomach discomfort uh shout out I don't know I don't want to say anything else I'm disgusted I'm even talking about my bodily functions like I always do on the show. Hi, welcome back to the show.

It's Sunday. I just made some salmon. Okay, here's what I'll say. This is my life update. I overdid it. Okay, I overdid it today. I exerted my body five times too hard and I overdid it and I'm tired as shit, but I have a few notes that I wrote down about my day. Let's just, you know, they're going to be all over the place. Nothing makes sense here, but, oh, yeah, so a couple things here. I went on a hike this morning. I'll get into that, but I have a note here that says I hate inhaling the drier smell when I'm on a walk in the neighborhood.

like it's sunday a lot of people are doing laundry and i was on a walk tonight and every other house had a fucking vent going someone was doing laundry and i'm inhaling that tide that snuggle that fucking kirkland brand uh i don't know detergent i feel like a lot of people shop at Costco around here. So yeah, I just had a note that I hate, I hate that whenever I'm on a walk or run and I run past houses and it's like, someone's doing laundry. I fucking hate it. Um, why do I feel like I have COVID-19? I swear to God, when I walked it, speaking of laundry, I don't feel good. My stomach. So maybe, I don't know, maybe I have the COVID that goes to your stomach and you have chronic diarrhea for two weeks. Maybe that's going to happen to me,

but I have some weird symptoms happening to my body right now. And tell me why when I went to hang up my laundry today because as you know I don't use a dryer I went to hang up my laundry and I came back about I don't know like an hour later tell me why my bedroom because I hang it in my bedroom on my bed because I have a it's like a what's it called a canopy bed with like poles on each side and like a you know what like a rod that I can hang my clothes on tell me why my fucking room smells like a milking parlor why does my my my uh and then when I just tasted my salmon it tasted like metal something's happening with my taste buds again I don't know I lost them remember last week

they were gone for two days I'm having something weird happen to me with my taste buds right now so just a life update or no what's it called my um yeah it's like taste and smells being weird because my laundry so the only reason I know that my laundry smells like a milking parlor is because I've been in a lot of milking parlors in my life and it's a specific scent um I do kind of feel out of breath I don't know what's happening honestly I don't know maybe it's because I'm standing I don't know so basically I just had a note to tell you guys about walking past homes when people are doing laundry and it smells like you're inhaling that and it's just so toxic and it's probably fucking my lungs up really bad. Um, another note. So tonight on my

walk, I scouted a new neighbor, a new prospect. Uh, this is going to be called cause I have man, bud neighbor this new neighbor is gonna be called let's call him hot jeep neighbor he was on my walk when I came home he had his the hood of his jeep open and he was working on his jeep and then he had a backwards hat so immediately I was like okay he's hot but then I got closer and he actually was hot so new character on the show to talk about a new neighbor I've parked by his Jeep a lot, but I've never seen him. So now I know who he is and he'll be referred to now as hot Jeep neighbor. Am I losing my voice? Okay. Wait, let me drink a beverage. I don't know if I'm like my VO two max, by the way, on my Apple watch is like poor on the scale of, um, yeah,

am I blood O2? Hold on. It's like 30. Women my age, like a good score or a good VO2 max, I think is 50 plus. Mine's 30. And I don't know. I think that has to do with your cardiovascular blood oxygen is 97 right now. That's decent. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just getting paranoid. You guys, how many times have I, so think about this. Think about this. I started the podcast September 4th how many times have I come to the show and complained about my symptoms and like being sick and like feeling like shit I mean it's been like I'd say 10 times now sorry to do this to you again but I'm just feeling like shit I just I'm trying to take you into my world I'm trying to be as like raw and real as possible um I I'm still standing like a pregnant woman I'm still

my belly is just like it's out it's fucking out I pull my yoga pants below my belly like low you know speaking of speaking of that I think all of our highways to jeans need to fucking go I think our our guts have had it I think highways to everything needs to go we need to go back to low rise and commit to that because um our belly buttons need a breather man our our guts need a breather I came across a picture of Keira Knightley shout out Keira Knightley in low-rise jeans and she was wearing a crop top I think it's so I think it's sexier to be in a crop top because you know how crop tops are a thing right now with higher like high waist with crop tops if you can pull off low-rise jeans and a crop top and have like your abs out I think that's the hottest thing ever

just like a plain white crop top like a little t-shirt and some Levi's maybe like boot cut 2004 style you know I don't know I feel like it's just so nice to like pull my pants down right now and just not have my stomach constricted with my yoga pants and uh anyways so what else right here I know let me just take you through my day it's Sunday I went on a hike I did laundry um oh my god am I gonna do this right now am I gonna do this right now oh fuck okay I can't do this right now I want to tell a story that involves golf but I can't um shit I'll just tell you that I want to tell you a story that involves golf and there's someone I DM'd today about this uh the guy I DM'd today about this golf thing

his name's Tyler shout out Tyler I'm not gonna say any last names but I DM'd him today about this he knows what's up and no one else on this planet does but let me just say I want to tell you a golf story but I can't I'll tell you this I hiked I okay I made coffee I got my laundry together because, as you know, I go up to the laundromat and do my laundry on Sunday. There's literally a laundry room I could do my laundry at here, but I prefer the laundromat. I don't know why. I don't know why. So I, like, drove up, did my laundry.

While it's going, I go on my hike. And it was popping. I mean, I go pretty early, so I avoid, like, the big crowds because it's a bitch to find parking. I do have my spots. I do have my secret spots so I can, you know, easily park and go. But anyways, I had a great hike. I ran into some ladies on the bottom of the trail that were, like, super, like, nervous. Or they were like, we've never been here before.

We're new to California. Do you know how to go to the, like, what's the most scenic route? so here I am like tour guide Barbie, uh, you know, like telling them like the best, I was just like chumming them up, just fucking, you know, like making it sound like this is going to be the most beautiful hike you'll ever go on. Telling them all the spots I go, my, I'm like, this is my favorite route. You'll love it. Make sure to take a picture over here, like showing them the map so that was my okay so my goal I've told you guys for this year is to get out in nature every day and talk to strangers and what's odd is that I feel like the strangers are coming to me lately

like I'm not having to seek people out they're coming to me if that makes sense where I have I thought it might be kind of tough if I have if I have to do that every day but for whatever reason and it's just happening. It's like happening every day. I'm not even trying, and it's kind of nice, so let's see. I went on the hike, picked up my laundry. There's something going on. You know what? I think I inhaled some cayenne. Yeah, okay. I think I inhaled, because when I had, I had some veggies on the stove while I was meal prepping my salmon, and when I put the the cayenne on my broccoli which is my favorite spice for broccoli my favorite spice so what I like on broccoli I like doing crushed up garlic

salt and pepper and cayenne nothing else on my broccoli so when I dump my cayenne I noticed immediately I had like a spice in the back of my throat and I feel like I'm still struggling with that. So maybe it's not COVID-19. Maybe it's just the fucking cayenne and I'm fine. Emphysema, mesothelioma. Maybe I've got some toxic chemicals in my apartment. It's like coming out of the fucking walls. I don't know. What were those mesothelioma commercials? What am I, why am I recalling that? Asbestos, mesothelioma. What the fuck am I thinking of? um so I don't know I come home hang up my laundry um watch the the game it was so hard for me to distinguish the browns from Kansas City like I the uniforms were like a yin yang meaning like the

helmets were the opposite colors and like the jerseys were because they're both like red or the browns are orange but you know what I mean so I was just like struggling to like decipher players tonight, but, or it was this afternoon, but it was a great game. Um, I was rooting for Cleveland, honestly, just cause Baker Mayfield, I'm just like in love with him, but like, I don't know. Shout out the chiefs. Um, I watched the game. Um, what else? Uh, Oh, Oh guys. Okay. I'm booking, so I found a place where I'm going to take riding lessons again, so I want to get on a horse this year, at least, like, that, my goal this year is to get back on a horse, get riding again, I just, I miss it, I, I just want to be on a horse, so I found a place to do riding lessons, and I'm

really excited, I'm thinking about doing that, um, the next, like, month or so, so it was funny, because I took a little like 10 minute nap and as I'm napping I'm dreaming about riding a horse I'm like it's a sign so then I was on maps like looking for riding places and I found one and then I was looking at dogs and guys I concluded this I've concluded that it's kind of it's like weird to say or admit but I keep looking at dogs all breeds you know things that are you know cute and friendly you know I don't know um I'm looking at everything but every time I come across a golden retriever I just want it more than anything else and I feel like I don't want I like can't for some reason when I think about getting a dog

I only can think about getting a retriever because that's all I've had and that's all I know I mean I've been around other dogs of course but there's it's like there's something superior about a golden retriever I just want one so bad so I did find a rescue place I think it's in LA yeah I'm pretty sure I'd have to go up to LA to get my dog but um I'm gonna be scouting it every single day checking for new dogs and just like keeping up with it because there's all all of these breeders down here for goldens and like I could easily just there's so many I could just buy a golden and you know but I think I just feel like rescuing I know there's something about it that it's just like I don't know I just like really want to rescue and anyway so I feel like

I decided on the breed I want everyone was telling me they could see me with a labradoodle or a golden golden doodle which I could see too I don't know I just really want a golden retriever so it's looking like that's gonna happen this year at some point um I've been guys I was even on Amazon looking at dog beds dog treats dog toys dog puppy collars puppy crates like I was getting I was looking at everything I was googling like how to take care of a fucking puppy here and like just like the little details that I might need to think about before I do it but I'm at the point with buying a dog where if I come across a golden retriever puppy like tomorrow and it's a good fit and I just feel good about it I'm gonna do it I'm gonna pull the trigger so it could happen tomorrow

it could happen in December this year but it's gonna happen my goal this year is to get a golden retriever um so I'm really excited like I feel like I've had butterflies about something or just like excitement around something in a minute and I know it's going to change my life. I know I'm ready. I know it's going to be a good fit for my lifestyle. I mean, there's endless places to take a dog around here and like exercise it and go to the beach and like go on walks and runs and there's dog parks and there's, it's such a dog friendly city I live in. So I'm so excited and I don't know. Okay. So I did that. Um, I don't know. It was so weird when I walked into my bedroom though. And I was like, it's like, what is, why does this smell like I'm in a dairy farm

milking, milking parlor? And I was like, did my detergent do something weird? Like, and I don't know. There's, there's a weird scent. So, and I, I don't know. I still smell it. Like every time I go in my room like why does everything smell off and then when I tasted my salmon it tastes like metal like I should eat something to see if my taste buds are normal let me do a baby carrot I'm gonna take you guys on a ride right now walking and talking my stomach's actually kind of feeling better um do I feel short of breath I don't know I feel like my nose is tight does that make sense like I'm not the airway is kind of weird okay baby carrot experiment here to see if my taste buds are fucked this might be a ASMR experience for you guys if you're annoyed if you

have mesothelioma what the fuck is it called I googled this before misophonia if you don't like when people chew and you hear that noise and it makes you like cringe like sorry but here you go wait a minute wait a minute red alert red red a fucking alert hold on i don't know i don't know about that carrots don't have a lot of flavor as it is let me do like hot sauce i feel like that's a better test okay i it kind of tastes it's the it's muted i'm on high alert here in california you know what i mean like we've got this covid rampant in the city it's fucking 40 more contagious or some shit there's a new strain I'm aware I'm alert I'm taking you guys in my life right now I'm taking you a little behind

the scenes I got tapatio on my index I got tapatio on my index finger let's do it for the fucking content right now I'm fucking fine that tapatio hit just like it normally does so I'm not you know what I gotta stop you you know what I think it is I think I just exerted myself on my hike. Then I walked tonight. I was running around my apartment doing all this shit today. And, uh, the golfing story. I can't tell you guys. Um, I'm going to be a shithead about that. I don't know. Um, so fuck I'm fine. I just feel like I exerted myself. What's my Apple? Have I finished my rings today I'm almost there anyways so yeah that was pretty much my day a meal prep tonight

and then I just felt like okay I gotta do this show I know I'm not in a good state to record right now because I just felt like shit I was just like oh god I'm like I have my gut out like fucking pants down hurting a little bit and uh I was like I gotta get it done if I wait because I thought if I wait till like 10, because sometimes what I do is I wind down. I'll like lay around, watch TV for a bit, like a couple hours of just chill time. And then around like nine or 10 PM I'll record. And I don't know why I do that, but sometimes I get like a second wave of energy, but tonight is just not that. I was like, I just got to get it done. I got to march forward dude we got the inauguration on Wednesday it's this week are you guys ready are you excited

what's your mood what's your current mood about that are you this entire honestly this current time like time in history is so fucking fun to observe it is like I keep joking about just stay alive keep yourself alive keep you know as long as you're alive you'll get through and getting through this you'll be fine you know that's you have one goal just get through each year where there's shit going on with coronavirus and rioting and fucking all this crazy shit so just stay alive and sit back and watch the movie pop some popcorn on on Wednesday um I just think it's gonna be so fucking lit I don't know what we're gonna see but it's gonna be fucking lit um I don't know my mom sent me she every Sunday she DMs me something from

is it Maria Shriver wait who's this from yeah Maria Shriver she every Sunday she posts a Sunday a Sunday evening reminder my mom sent it to me and she's like and the quote is this will be a big emotional week let's go into steady let's go into it steady calm and grounded let's ask our highest selves to show up for us and to lead us forward the world is watching us show up in a way that makes your heart feel full and that allows you to access the peace that resides within so yeah every Sunday my mom sends me Maria Shriver's Sunday evening reminder and uh I don't know it's gonna be a big emotional week apparently um yeah I mean I'm actually excited I just fucking love this time I love

you know what I'm like in my 20s going through it figuring my shit out the world's get working some kinks out right now we got a virus um it's just like a fun fucking time I'm like enjoying it now instead of dreading it I'm just kind of like I'm staying up I'm like staying on my grind doing my thing controlling what I can control and as long as my life isn't in shambles and the world is like as long like I as long as what am I trying to say the world's gonna be in shambles but my life is not gonna be and that's based on me putting in work making good choices working hard staying I'm in my lane staying uh emotionally stable um I've been proud of myself lately I feel like I've been this I love 2021 I love it here I do I just feel like it's gonna be my fucking year and it's

gonna happen probably honestly when I get a dog I feel like when I get a puppy my life is gonna change and then I'm just gonna feel like a brand new person I don't know I'm so excited guys I'm so excited. I don't know what to name it. I'm definitely getting a boy. I'm not going to get a girl dog. I'm getting a boy. Um, I can't name it anything. My other dogs have been named cause I just couldn't do that. I got, we had buddy, Charlie and champ, but I think if I have a dog, I feel like Cooper is such a, like, it's like a golden retriever name. You know what I mean? Um, Cooper. Maybe I, you guys should submit names. Just like DM me a name for my puppy. I want like a cute, cool name. Like, I don't know. Avocado toast. Coconut. That'd be kind of cute. Is coconut

not a boy or a girl name for a dog Coco um I don't know Tootsie fucking someone DM me today they're like what are you gonna name your puppy and I said Lardass come here Lardass just like give it a fucked up name here fuckface I don't know um what are what what have my uh other pet's been named Rocco Maria we had fuck what was my horse's name was um Ginger I don't know I'll figure it out I'm just so excited all right I think that's gonna be the episode honestly I feel like that was a good good amount of time I got through my day talked about my symptoms um again took you through me being a paranoid little shithead who is like eating a carrot testing her taste buds um freaking out that her bedroom smells like a milking parlor

should I tell you guys some farm stories like that I feel like if you guys want to know what it's like okay so let me take you into a milking parlor at a dairy farm so I grew up next to dairy farms my whole life and still now when I go back to my mom's house we live next to a dairy farm that my grandpa built and she grew up on like that's how much I feel like there's so much history that runs through the neighborhood of my mom's house but whenever I was a kid and I went in a milking parlor it was so scary because the first step you take when you walk in the door like there's a gate and sometimes the cows are walking through and so you have to go when the gate's shut but sometimes you would like I would just like walk

through and the cows are going through like it was scary so I was always scared about that and then basically there's two sides in a milking parlor with a staircase down because whoever is milking the cows is lower than the cows they're on a kind of like on a platform on each side and then you know they're wearing like fucking waders like some sort of like rubber overall situation to keep themselves clean and they're wearing gloves they always had like I think it was like blue gloves or fucking I don't know then they're taken so the first thing so the cows walk in and I would just sit and observe this. I was never the one milking the cows. I would just like go in and have fun, but it was always scary because of the, they're just like biggest. I mean, I'm a little kid

in there and it was always scary to walk in and like, you don't know if the cows are going to come through. So anyways, the person milking the cows would have these like iodine. So on the udders, like the cows are all lined up. There'd be like, I don't know, like four or five on each side. And then they, they have this, this little like cone thing with iodine that they stick on each teat, tit, nipple, whatever on the cow's udders. So they cover it with iodine to sanitize or whatever. And then, so they do that with each one. And then I think they wipe it with a blue towel. Like, you know, towels in a shop when you're working on cars, like those blue towels get the grease good. I feel like they will like do the iodine and then like wipe the,

like wipe it with one of those blue towels right after so they do that to every cow and then they would put on the suction tubes they're like metal suction tubes they had like a black I don't know it was like this black insert thing I don't know they do that on each cow and then they just stand there and then just you like see it suck and then there's like a little um you'd see through a little I don't know it was like a pressure not a pressure gauge but uh there's always like a little thing where you could see the milk coming in like a little round thing on the tubes or whatever so you'd like see that anyway so I don't know I would like stand

there and watch this I'm trying to think what else would happen the cows would get milked and then it'd all be done and then like you'd hear like it release like and then like the things would come off I think it was automatic I think that like all of the suction cups would come off at once if I recall and then the cows would like walk out and then that's when if you were walking in the door and they were coming through you'd be fucked as you get trampled so they'd all like go out and then like the next cows would come in but I would always like see so my favorite thing was when whenever there was a Guernsey in there like a brown cow because they're all like heifers right or no what are they called uh Holsteins yeah Holsteins the black and white cows but every

now and then there'd be a a Guernsey or a Jersey cow like a brown cow and they were always like the cool one like I'd always love to watch the the brown cows get milked I don't know they were like different but yeah anyways that's the milking parlor story I'll tell you for today because my bedroom smelled like one and I don't know because I was like what's happening with my laundry like it wasn't my detergent my detergent doesn't have a scent so I don't know something in the air smelled like a milking parlor but have you guys ever been on a dairy farm have you ever witnessed that let me look up pictures to like confirm to confirm what I just said milking parlor um it was always cool to go in there it was like this little like laboratory for milk

sorry vegans if this is triggering um the cows were doing I mean honestly they look like they're having a good time all right come on wi-fi milking parlor nothing's like moving on my my browser right now I'll say this when I booted up my computer it was just being so annoying all these pop-ups are happening and the site can't be reached what and so I was like super frustrated before I recorded I was just like this everything everything was just being annoying on my computer and it still is like why are my messages open why is like my Spotify open right now milking parlor I'm just gonna go on my phone

because I really want to see a milking parlor picture and then I'm gonna end the show okay so images yeah it's interesting I mean where's the iodine I want to see like milking parlor iodine it makes you realize when you're down there at the base like at the ground floor of the milking parlor how big cows are because you're kind of under them they're fucking huge they're like a milking parlor iodine yeah yeah they had these little like cone things with iodine they have to go over each udder

each teat and clean it and then yeah i was like seeing the milk though where is that little valve that you would like see the milk come through dude i just want to go milk some cows now but yeah the scent you just if you know the scent you know if you don't you don't but just like just know my bedroom when I go to sleep tonight because my laundry will be hanging in there for another for it takes like a day for it to dry I'll be smelling that fucking milking I should put on like some essential oils on my diffuser and just like drown it out anyways all right that's Sunday's episode that's episode 136 um you know I'll just I'll just uh

summarize summarize this is one of those days you know when you do the seven days a week you get there's highs and lows you know and I consider today one of the lows where I'm just like fuck I'm in I'm just not I'm just not feeling great so that's it that's real life welcome into my you know I welcomed you into my world and um thanks for hanging out happy Sunday um let me know what I should name my dog. Shoot me a DM. Um, give me your thoughts about the inauguration. Shoot me a DM about that. Just like any, any kind of like juice you want to tell me any gossip about Joe Biden, Trump, like anything like that. Kamala shoot me a DM. Let's, let's gossip about the inauguration. Um, subscribe to the podcast. If you haven't already, I'm here

70s a week and uh oh my gosh go over to patreon.com slash tjms patreon's my subscription uh page where you can get access to my exclusive content my pictures i don't post on instagram that no one else sees uh videos i do shout outs i do phone calls i do all kinds of stuff so it's over on patreon.com slash tjms trying to sound enthusiastic about all my plugs right now but I don't feel that I mean you know what I just it's one of those days so I did my best I completed the episode I haven't broken the streak yet you know um if I'm ever in the hospital like I joked about this I'm like I will literally be on a headset in the hospital if I'm like if I'm bedridden somewhere and I like can't I'll bring my laptop I'll bring my headset it's a

simple setup I'll be podcasting every day no matter what so all right love you guys have a happy Sunday hope you're having a good day and I'll talk to you tomorrow all right bye