The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 144- Taking Dog Dad Applications

Episode Date: January 26, 2021

Happy Monday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic

Hey guys, happy Monday. It's episode 144. Welcome back to the show. All right, buddy, I'm going to set you on the floor before the episode starts, even though it's already recording. Jimmy was on my lap, but he's in playtime mode. So we're going to set him on the ground. He's going to lay by my feet. He likes to do that. Because when he's in playtime mode and he's in my lap, he goes, like, he likes to bite my hair, just play around. So it's not going to work for the episode. Hi, it's Jacqueline. Welcome back to the show. Jimmy is my 6'5 boyfriend. I had to take off my lap. If you're curious, like, Who's Jimmy? Yeah. Sorry. He's just, he's a handful. Literally. I had to pick him up and

throw him off my lap. So yeah, Jimmy, he's now biting my sweatpants. Jimmy. Um, okay. This isn't going to work, but whatever. I'm going to record it anyways. Please. I don't want to scold you in front of everyone or physically hit you and abuse you and get the ASPCA after my ass. I'm kidding. um where's your little bone buddy this is gonna be chaotic so um what is it day five or six with him I'm basically gonna do what I've been doing the last few days like walk you through my Monday how the first night in the crate went with him uh go down my to-do list and kind of talk about my day because I don't have a lot of energy to be honest uh I this is gonna be a journey I'll just say that my fucking single motherhood journey of no sleep waking up like we did last night two

in the morning out in the city we had to like walk around and and you know shit uh because he had to go to the bathroom so my sleep is broken he's a handful and uh anyways please please stop buddy come on you you can just go entertain yourself with your bone see it it's impossible to record and babysit at the same time but we're gonna try so okay um where do I want to start oh first off if you're new um okay I'm gonna I'm gonna ignore him while he destroys my furniture this isn't gonna be fun should I hit him what do you guys do in this moment if you're a podcast host if you're a celebrity podcast host world-renowned uh world famous top of the charts Jacqueline Monroe podcast host. What do you do in this moment? Because I got a lot of people listening right

now. I got hundreds of millions of people tuning in every episode. I got my dog biting my furniture and I really need him to stop. Do I hit him or ignore him? I don't know. What do you do? Because he doesn't respond to no. He not, I was going to call him retarded, but I know that's going to get me canceled. He's retarded. And so he doesn't know what no means yet. It's like kind of he's coming around to it but no isn't really doing much for him yet in the in the brain um anyways so let me try to regroup he'll get tired see this is what happens to puppies they're in playtime mode and nap mode it's like back and forth uh big toe is getting bit right now big toe is getting

bit. Do I kick him? Do I drop kick him? Turn him into a kickball? Bubba, go and play with your bone. Yeah. Okay. So let's start off with the night. I'm going to pick you up. Wait, I didn't even... Okay. If you're new, if you're new, I was saying that. If you're new, hit that subscribe button. I'm here seven days a week. Currently training a puppy, a golden retriever puppy. His name is Jimmy. That wasn't my boyfriend who's 6'5", who I had to sit on the floor. That was Jimmy, my puppy. And this is kind of becoming a series of what it's like to be a new mom with a new dog mom. I hate calling myself that, but that's literally what I'm doing. It's like having an infant. So yeah, the last week has kind of been what it's like to raise a puppy from the

beginning. So yeah, hit that subscribe button. I'm here seven days a week. Bear with me. I was a train wreck yesterday. I'm going to probably be a train wreck today. Cause I, I have my Apple watch. It tells me I have an average of two and a half hours of sleep right now. So yeah, but let me pick you up where we left off yesterday. Um, I said, I was going to tell you guys how the crate training went. Cause the crate got delivered yesterday. I set it up. Um, and I had him like warm up to it walk around at first before I just threw them, threw him in there to sleep. So, uh, that didn't go well. He immediately cried when I locked him in there. Um, even though I rewarded him with treats, like he went inside on his own. I didn't force him. And then as soon as the door latched,

he got it. He's like, okay, I'm in jail. I'm sad. Started crying. And let's just say that that same fucking thing happened. That same crying experience happened when I went and when I put him to bed in there um he's been sleeping with me for like the first few nights because my crate i that i ordered got delayed it didn't show up when i wanted it to so um first of all shout out amazon deliverers like amazon workers i'm so grateful for those people uh like i i'm i'm i'm i'm i feel do i say lazy I mean it's a modern way to order from Amazon but sometimes I'm like I could just run to the store and it'd take me five minutes but I can just press this button and get it here tomorrow and it you know but someone has to package it and walk it to my door it's like

this whole thing and I don't know I'm just really stoked about Amazon workers and what they do because I mean we order so much shit like it's con like they're constantly delivering shit it's like a never-ending cycle of package delivering bubba not the cord do not electrocute yourself during the episode i got hundreds of millions of listeners right now that don't want to well maybe that will get me even more maybe maybe that'll bump me above above rogan if i had a live um dog suicide killed himself with the electrical cord that's fucking dark this is what happens when you have two and a half hours of sleep every night you can't chew the cord okay literally playtime mode i should have waited till the playtime mode was over before i recorded

i'm trying to monitor him chewing my cords when i am on my laptop and stuff because i'm using the power cord obviously because i don't want him to get electrocuted um but his jaw is pretty weak right now he he's not very um he's not a shark yet so that's positive he's probably not going to get past the the outer coating of the cord um how fucked up is that a live death on the show would raise me to the top of the chart I mean remember that episode I don't know if you remember the episode where I was catching a mouse and I said you guys might be listening you might be listening to a live execution of a fucking house house rat um so anyways I just say I don't know why i have a dark mind and i say dark shit is that because i have like i i feel like it's a cliche

like oh if you have childhood trauma you're like you know everything's you're just like i don't know sarcastic and dry and fucking everything's dark i don't know um okay somehow i gotta act like act like a professional right now and ignore the fact he's destroying my furniture so just you know that reclaim would just go after it get it reclaim it yourself that's not nice at all it's not expensive just yep so crate training went went awful I put him in there as soon as the door latched that's what sucks is like he hears a click and the door shuts so maybe I should warm him up to it where he sleeps there with the door open and then I don't know maybe I think I just need to force him in and do it like I did that last night where he was

crying I set my fingers in there because I put it next to my bed uh so he could see me that's what they recommend the McCann method recommends that um not the courts not the courts no um so yeah I set my fingers in there and just like console them and then once he's out he's out I mean he passes out and he's like a rock he sleeps hard so um I keep wanting to like talk to him while I'm recording because he's being a shithead right now I need to find his bone maybe I should get up and do that because he has a little chew bone no he's literally getting the cords all over him go find your bone and I will give you um I will warm a towel and wrap you in it and snuggle with you because it's blustery and there's a storm and that would probably feel so amazing I like to

snuggle him with a warm towel okay so I put my fingers in there and consoled him and then he passed out and i was fine then at two in the morning he's scraping the crate like he wants to get out and i'm like okay we gotta literally go outside and this is what i wasn't prepared for having to take my child out in the city in the middle of the night to shit but just okay we're gonna i'm gonna hold you and okay sorry new new mom probs child is being obnoxious or just lay down maybe if I pet him gently he'll lay down there you go yeah okay so I wasn't prepared to have to take my son out in the middle of the city in the dark two in the morning to shit and it was a positive experience let me just say that he did it he accomplished his goal of or

like his urge to shit without doing it in the house and I committed I said no matter what we got this crate I got this crate now I'm gonna be locked in a minute for multiple hours in the day uh to get him used to it and I'm committed to taking him out to go the bathroom um from here on out it's like day one right Monday everything starts Monday so it's two in the morning I'm out in the city he's taking a dump and uh then I remembered I didn't bring fucking plastic bags to pick it up so uh I'm like a zombie I mean I'm basically sleepwalking at this point and then I realized I don't have plastic bags so I literally took well paper towels I mean it's not that bad right I just like took some paper towels I'm going through an entire Costco um fucking package

of bounty paper towels right now with him uh the accidents the wiping of just every everything's messy with him so uh like you know around the water bowl I need to get some sort of mat or something um so yeah we go out there and then it's like energy levels it's like that post-shit turn up where he now all of a sudden has energy at two in the morning so I put on we have dog music I'll kind of give you guys an example of a song here it's weird how the internet knows or the algorithm knows I have a dog because it was recommending me like shit like it's already doing that all my ads are dog related but it said like if your dog suffers from anxiety play this music for him so it's called dog music on Spotify and I played this when he came back from going outside

and it helps put him to sleep can you hear that I swear by this like every time we nap together there every time we go to bed it's like playing in the background so he knows it's sleep time so yeah we came back in um so that was 2 in the morning it was probably like 2 to 2 30 right just taking him out settling him down going back to sleep um then it was like 4 a.m 4 a.m time to pee and unfortunately he peed in my bedroom so because I saw him move in the crate I was like all right I know what's happening he's got to go again so it was one of those moments where I'm like how do I like I he he's probably gonna pee as soon as he walks out of it so I grabbed him

and like held him high like I was walking with him to go outside and then he just peed in my arms and it was like an immediate like reaction I had to like set him down just let him pee on the floor because I was not gonna have my PJs peed all over so is this just disgusting I don't know I really don't like here's where I'm at I really don't know what else to podcast about I mean Joe Biden is sounding like a disappointment so far his approval rating is lower than Trump's was the first week and fucking what's his face Barack Obama's I mean it was like Barack's was like is that unprofessional or in uh in uh is that uh is that an un-american to call my president barack okay i meant to say mr mr obama president obama that's the correct way president obama the

highest trump's was like 56 i guess biden so far first week is like 40 something percent so I could like talk about politics I could talk about Biden I could talk about yeah like current events you know but I'm just raising a dog right now I have tunnel vision with it I'm trying to get my life together at the same time and um I don't know just like listen to me talk about my dog peeing peeing on my floor and laugh with me you know because this is just gonna this can be like a month of working the kinks out and then I'll have a life again and then I'll be talking about other shit instead of literal, literally shit and piss. So, um, by the way, I was a bedwetters kid as a young child. So I was, I said that really fast, by the way, I was a bedwetter

myself as a child. So go back and listen. I don't know what episode it is, but I I've told stories about like slumber parties, you know, what it was like to go to the doctor and get an alarm for my mattress, waking up in the middle of the night, making my bed every single morning, having to redo it every day. Like, yeah. So there's a little dirty secret about me. I was a bedwetter as a kid. Were you a bedwetter? Send me a DM. Let me know. I don't know if that's TMI, but hey, I'm a grown woman now. It's so far in the past. I think it's funny that I think I said yesterday. Yes, I did. Jimmy shit in my bed at five in the morning. I didn't even hear him move. This is before I had the crate. I didn't even hear him move, walk around. He shit in the bed. I woke up to a squirt

noise but I said that I I'm such a deep sleeper I used the quote from Christmas Vacation about Aunt Bethany where her husband goes Aunt Bethany couldn't hear a dump truck drive through a nitroglycerin plant that's me so fucking what was I just talking about um oh so 4 a.m let me catch you guys back up to speed 4 a.m. yeah I peed on the floor sorry he peed on the floor I had to get the paper towels going and the cleaner so I woke I was up at 2 4 um he went back to sleep and then I was up at 6 it's Monday morning I get up at 6 so I don't know how much sleep that was but I went to bed past midnight basically I didn't sleep very much and I was up at six um okay wow we are not even so today's Monday night it's Monday night like I said I'm sitting through a tornado right now the city

is getting blown away um did I already did I already mention that a funnel formed a sky penis as I like to say if I can tornado tornado actually did form above the city there's a I saw a post on a news a San Diego news website I follow or Instagram page um but yeah so I'm sitting through it's Sunday night it's fucking Monday night uh so tired I might sound drunk but I'm literally just tired and this is what would if you're a doctor out there what would you recommend I don't know so it's I have a lot I have a lot of ground to cover from me still talking about six in the morning this morning it's currently 9 0 7 p.m um wow so what's he chewing oh don't kill your duck

oh is he taking the tag off of it that's gonna get choked on oh fuck you know the little tag on toys like that's coming off right now that's okay I just want his head to stay on. He's already playing catch or fetch. I have this little squeaky mallard duck and he's fucking retrieving it. I mean, he's a golden retriever for a reason. So six in the morning I wake up, but let me tell you something. I think I'm allergic to my dog. I know that I just took a turn, but hear me out. I can't, my, okay. I know the temperature is dropping around around the southern coast of California I know that climate change causes my skin to dry up and you know it can get kind of itchy if it's dry but tell me why no amount of moisturizer oil

like soothing cream will stop me from itching because I've been all night long I'm like scratching like even right now it's like I'm I have fleas I can't stop scratching it's my legs like I don't know so I'm paranoid I don't know what this is I've never known I've never I I don't I've never been allergic to I've never had allergies to dogs before but it's weird how it'll come at the end of the day like it is now and then I'll sleep with the itches and then throughout the day it's fine I don't know do I have a skin disease what's happening basically I'm itchy so still at 6 a.m. I wake up this morning I took control I took my power back as a independent boss babe and I said my kid can fend for himself for the first five minutes I can

drink my water brush my teeth make my coffee I can get myself going my kid can just he can watch cartoons and wake up and eat cereal by himself like I don't need to be hovering over him getting them all ready before I even brush my teeth like I finally took control I feel like I'm gonna get my routine down this week with him especially in the mornings because yeah so I made coffee uh okay so yeah I like got myself prepped and ready to take him out because my uh no excuse me. I made him breakfast. Then I took him out. Let me say that correctly. So he's shitting. He's shitting. Okay. So do I, what do I do guys? What do I do? I'm going to literally get up. Should I yell at him? I don't think he did. No, he didn't. That just looked like

a squatting position that I, guys, it's such a hard time. It's such a hard life being a single mom um so not the cord not the fucking microphone cord now he's got it in his mouth god damn it okay first he's shitting now he's i need can someone literally someone dm me who wants to move in i'm looking for a a dad i'm looking for a daddy a baby daddy what do you call it stepdad um so this is this is hard work and I'm also being dramatic because I'm a podcast host I got hundreds of million people hundreds of millions of people listening and I'm trying to be entertaining okay so um I'm itchy I made my coffee oh yeah I feed him first and then I take him out so I'm getting him in the routine of wake up eat no I think I gotta pee first I

I don't know. I'm going to work that out because he peed in the middle of the night and shit. So hopefully, I think the first step of the day will be, I guess I'd like it to be this. I'd like to feed him, then take him out versus take him out, then feed him. Okay. It probably doesn't matter, but I need to figure that out first with his, like what he does with his, uh, like how his body depletes itself of its, uh, feces. okay so I have a lot to like learn with that so that's my goal this week I'm trying to figure out what his um what's it called like intermittent fasting your eating eating window your I got to get him on a schedule basically so um I see curling his lip at me out of out of anger

I love like staring at his eyes into his soul um so okay I was like I made coffee I took him out um I'm just saying I'm a lot because I'm literally brain dead I okay I yeah we went outside he ate I'm struggling I'm really struggling with his kibble uh when he had his tummy issues for the first few days, uh, he wouldn't eat it at all. Didn't eat, you know, that was really scary, but he was fasting to try to let, you know, dogs do that. It's fine. But he ate chicken cause I'd give him medication. So the only thing he would eat was chicken. So I put the meds in the chicken. Now I'm having to put the chicken in his food or else he won't need his food. And I'm going to slowly take the chicken out. Does that make sense? I got myself in a, in a situation

with his uh with his food because of that chicken so the chicken is mixed with the kibble but the kibble will not be eaten in its hard form the kibble has to be moistened so it's a whole fucking situation my dog's already a picky um if you're new my dog had some health problems the first few days with him with at home um shitting blood not eating weak tired not playful dying i had to take him to the vet he's on anti-diarrhea medication um anti-blood in the shit medication i don't know what that's actually called he's getting shot boost tomorrow he got like a fancy deworming thing so anyways he's pooping he's pooping solid now i'll i'll report on that so that's positive. But anyway, so the medication would only go down with a piece of chicken and

now I'm fucked because now it's like, he doesn't eat his food unless there's chicken in it. So I've been slowly taking it away or like weaning it back. And then I just might have to change his food altogether. Cause when I do tricks and training with him, he like, I want to just use his kibble as the treat he won't even eat it like if i tell him to sit he like he won't eat it so he'll like spit it out so i use actual little treats i bought which which works works really well but i think i bought a 50 or 80 pound bag of kibble um purina pro plan that's what the breeders told me to get purina pro plan purina purina pro plan puppy chow chicken and rice flavor um I mean, I could change it to something else, but now I have the 60, 80, a hundred pound bag in my

pantry that I don't know what to do with. So hopefully we blast through it. Hopefully his taste buds come back and he doesn't have COVID anymore and he'll eat his kibble and it's fucking normal, normal state. I'm basically making my kids cereal every morning. Cause I'm like mixing liquid in the dry food. I'm mixing chicken in there. It looks like Cocoa Puffs. Okay. Still attacking the duck tag. Just really hoping he doesn't shit. So I make him breakfast. Okay. I just had like work to do this morning. Let me be really honest. I was a zombie on my zoom meeting today. Nobody probably knew. And if they're listening now, hi, I was, I was a zombie and I was asking big questions today. I don't know what came out of me, but I

was just like going hard, uh, like hitting the Monday meeting hard, you know, with a no sleep coming hard with the questions and uh so yeah I had a lot of work to do this morning basically did that today and then um it was really stormy I caught myself horizontal at one point took like a good fat two-hour nap with him and it was just one of those days where there is a tornado I haven't slept in six days my dog has to go outside like every two hours to shit I have zero what did I already say I don't have energy I have work to do I'm cold there's a draft my apartment I discovered has a very

there's a draft uh what okay I live in California I live in San Diego and it's sunny 99.9 percent of the time so I never experience like I'm not worried about the draft because it's not like there's this kind of weather it's not like a tornado rolls through frequently so I can deal with the draft right now. And the draft is letting in cold air. So I'm freezing. Why am I saying this? Basically I curled up on my couch with my puppy and worked on my back and laid with my laptop, laid with my phone, napped, napped again, napped between work. Like it was a really difficult day, and I over-caffeinated, I caught myself over-caffeinating, and the blood, just, like, ask, ask me about, ask me about the blood vessels in my eyes right now, ask me how they're doing,

okay, they're not, they're not looking great, I look high, I have so many popped fucking veins in my eyes from being tired, staring at a screen, so, happy Monday, um, where are we at in the day, I worked, I napped, it worked okay. Uh, I threw some butternut squash in the oven. I'm like, okay, I'm not eating. I don't know how else to say it. I don't know how else to say it. I'm not eating. All right. I'm not mad about that. Uh, I need to lose some weight. You guys all know I gained like 20 pounds last year which is fucking crazy hi I have boobs now but um when you're this sleep deprived like food I don't even know what I don't I'm not hungry like I don't know so

I'm realizing like I have some produce I have some things I need to get through and like prep and so I made some butternut squash um avocados are all brown because I've been eating them it sounds like I need a day off doesn't it doesn't it sound like I should take a day off of podcasting oh wait I committed to this for a year so um I'm gonna go watch some David Goggins Instagram clips for the inspo to go hard and finish the marathon here September 4th, 2021. That would be the final, that's the finish line. But then I'm going to keep going. You guys already know, you already know. This is my 30 year plan. This is my full-time career. This is my, uh, podcasting is my chosen dream career if it all works out. So

hi, hi, I'm not leaving, but let me go back to the to-do list. Where was I out in the day? I, butternut, okay, butternut squash, um, what did I do before this? It's 9 p.m. I made some broccoli, I literally just had a bowl of broccoli for dinner, um, because it was warm, and I was, you know, do you guys ever get, oh, this is, fuck, this is, this is not, okay, this is, and I, okay, I'm proud of this, I'm very proud of this, I wanted some like cozy dinner tonight speaking of not eating I wanted to eat tonight because it's there's a tornado and I wanted like ramen you know so um I just mean like throughout the day I'm just like I wake up I'm so fucking tired I drink coffee I don't eat all day but yeah like

tonight I want some ramen and this is a huge step for me or a big win this is a big win I okay and by the way okay not not the furniture not the furniture dude yeah so if you find your bone I'm gonna warm up a towel and wrap you in it and we're gonna cuddle but you got to find your bone first and bring it to me he's not that smart yet so okay I oh I was gonna say um this is not who I am okay if you're listening if you're listening right now I have what like 90% I think it's 86% males to females if you're listening out of curiosity you're like who's Jacqueline what's her podcast I just started following her on Instagram I found around a fucking dating app whatever um this is not who I am okay I should be hospitalized

I'm I'm I'm delusional I am absolutely is the word sauced I like that word a lot but it's not I'm not drunk but I'm I'm so tired that this is not who I am. I'm, I'm in a trance on my own show right now, trying to tell you guys what I did today. And this is, to be honest, the last thing I want to fucking do. I want to go to bed. I want to go to bed. All right. I want to put my puppy to sleep and go to bed. Okay. But I have a work, I have a job to do and signed up for this. I made a commitment to myself that i would do a year of podcasting and uh this is not who i am this episode is a poor example of um me and i'm embarrassed but back to the big one um just

go listen like episode fucking three i don't know so hey not not the power adapter no friend no okay holding his neck nobody nobody uh can see this it's not abusive it's just it's just dominant it's not allowing him to move his neck towards electrocution okay so ow please don't bite my finger he's got little needles for teeth so the big win was i wanted ramen pho I wanted like a cozy tornado meal tonight and do you guys ever catch yourself on your apps your food delivery apps you're just scrolling you're looking you're literally your mouth is literally literally watering because it's like you know I just want this now I don't want to cook I just want it right so it was a huge win for me to say no to buying food for myself and

having it delivered and I'm really proud of that I uh had some broccoli for dinner instead I just heated up broccoli because I realized I just want something warm and I'm not actually that hungry but it it's like the setting of the tornado okay now he's doing bunny rabbit digging throwing him across the kitchen no one can see um I'm kidding just dropped this is audio only no one can see me abuse my dog oh you just sit and I didn't ask you to that's great but I don't have a treat how do I reinforce that good behavior good job yeah okay so I said no to drugs and alcohol I'd not order Postmates and I had broccoli for dinner so that was a big win I'm I realized that my mom probably is so upset listening right now she is I think we

all burned our money last year ordering food to our homes um it's just what it is you know it's convenient it's like you were gonna drive to Chipotle anyways but just order it order instead it'll show up you know it's same thing right but you're paying a little more for to have someone bring it to you but I was gonna go to I was gonna go to Chipotle so you know what I mean like I don't really feel that bad about it, but okay. Okay. The kid is behind the podcast desk and he needs, guys, someone DM me. Who wants to be his dad? I can't do this alone. I'm over it. I'm sad that he is fatherless and okay. The cords are a problem. I'm going to have to figure out a way to conceal them for the future of this podcast. Okay. Holding his neck, holding his neck. So

anyway, so I had broccoli for dinner. Where am I going with this? That's pretty much it. That was my Monday. Okay, guys, this is so hard to do. Guys, I don't know how to ignore this. Wait, if I unplug this, we'll unplug the podcast. No. There. Now you can electrocute yourself. That is my ring light cord that I actually do need. So, all right. That was Monday's episode. um clear clearly I need a day off I need some sleep I'm okay I'm being slightly dramatic very dramatic okay I'm being dramatic okay being dramatic this isn't this is a podcast I'm a one-woman show I don't come on here and tell everything tell you guys how I'm not a fake bitch I don't just come here to say I have a new puppy he's so cute his name's

Jimmy he's being such a good little boy and we have no problems he is already potty trained and I love my life like today we're gonna talk about how it's Monday and I set my goals on Sunday night and how I accomplish them and everything is going well and I've gotten eight hours of sleep every night because I don't go on my devices before bed and I put on my healing crystals I put healing crystals all around my like I'm going through it and you're hearing about it because I'm not a fake bitch and I'm not trying to make my life sound cool for the internet anymore I'm not trying to make anything sound good I'm just being fucking as straight up as possible and um it's it's kind of embarrassing to be honest like this is the show right now all right I literally have to

abuse my dog right now. He's going to electrocute himself. Jimmy, come here. Sit on Santa's lap. Let's do this. Let's send the show off with a bark in the microphone. You got to get close to me though. There you go. There you go. Good job. You just need petting and cuddles and calm energy. we're gonna calm ourselves down gentle energy let's play the dog music you're gonna listen to this and go to sleep immediately can you guys hear this he's going crazy I think he has cat claws I think my dog doesn't have dog claws he has cat claws or I need to trim him I got a lot to do. I got to trim his, I got to trim his toenails. They're, they're so scratchy. So that's on the to-do list this week. Um, potty training is a huge to-do list thing this week. Crate training

is a huge to-do list thing this week. Um, I got to give him a bath. He's starting to stink. Um, I really liked, I think fetch is too complicated for him right now. Like bringing a toy back to me and dropping it. That's a little bit advanced or way too advanced right now, but he did it guys. he did it today. I was so proud of him. I didn't even ask him to bring it back to me and drop it, but he did. Got it on video, go over to Instagram and watch it. Um, he's a, he's a professional duck hunter already and he's what? Eight weeks old. So really proud of my son. He's doing great. Um, but I'm, he's, he, guys, single motherhood. I need it. He needs a dad. So hit me up if you want to be his dad. I'm taking applications for roommates. I have a blow up mattress.

You can sleep on the floor. I think I understand now why couples get a dog. Like the girlfriend and the boyfriend have been together and they're like, let's get a dog. And they raise it together. And it's just like amazing experience where it's like, before you have a kid, you have a dog. I get that um it's fucking insane to do it alone and this is gonna make me a better person I already feel like it's pushing me I'm going hard in the paint in all areas of my life as best as possible like I'm hyper aware now of my own like the I'm I feel like I'm putting in more effort in what I'm doing especially around the house and like making everything safe for him and clean. And, um, we're sanitizing where

everything's COVID proof. I'm wearing a mask. Me and him are social distancing. I'm pulling shit out of his mouth as I'm telling you this. He's going to be so confused. I feel bad. Cause I've been like pulling him away and I haven't been saying anything. So he's probably just confused by my like movements. I don't know. So anyways, I feel like, yeah, this dog's would make me a better person I'm gonna be going it'll be rough at first but I think it's gonna be a really good responsibility lesson for me which I'm excited about because I think I need to grow the fuck up I mean you guys listen to that should I talk about on the show I need to grow the fuck up um out of your mouth son there you go okay let's no we're gonna sit on Santa's lap and we're

gonna say goodbye because I really need to end the show there you go oh yes do I have a squeaky toy or something you could play with if I get him in the right position he'll just kind of like get calm on his belly yeah there you go now he's biting my apple watch okay so I hope you had a great Monday I hope you guys accomplish all your goals this week new year new week new me you know I'm praying for you please say a prayer for me and my health and my um circadian rhythm because I literally don't know my ass for my what is the term my ass for my feet um yeah I need sleep I need a day off I can't do that but I'm gonna try to get to bed at a good time tonight and get him in his crate calm so he's not crying and I need to tune out do you want to bark in the microphone

on right now? How can I get him to bark? He's biting my boobs. Ouch, ouch. Ruff. Bark. Ruff. Do it for, do it for the content. Ruff. Ruff. Bark. Ruff. Damn it. Okay. It's not going to happen. We'll, we'll work on that. Love you guys. Hope you had a great, I'm not even going to plug my stuff. I got this cat clawed, cat clawed dog pawing at my chest right now. It really hurts. I need clips toenails. Um, is that abuse? Do you guys, are you guys team? Don't clip your dog's toenails. Is that a thing? Oh no, no, no. That's declawing your cat. Is that a thing with dogs though? No, you got to clip your dog's toenails. Yeah. I remember like when I was a kid, it was like a bad thing if you declawed your cat. I don't know. So, um, I'm not going to plug my stuff. I'm

too, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm actually kind of in pain right now from him biting my boob, but, uh, hope you have a great week and I will talk to you guys tomorrow. All right. I wish you could see what he's doing right now. Um, it's a lot. All right. Love you guys. Talk to you tomorrow. All right.