The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 146- Omg I'm A Dog Mom

Episode Date: January 28, 2021

Happy Wednesday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic

Hey guys, happy Wednesday. It's episode 146. Welcome back to the show. hey everyone what's up welcome back to the show it's Jacqueline and Jimmy we're sitting here together in the kitchen tonight about to record this episode post uh play session I just tried to exhaust him for the last 30 minutes but it didn't work he's still going he's like a little destroyer like as soon as he gets in that mode it's it's game over for me and I like I legitimately got a glute workout bracing myself while he was we were playing tug of war I'm like why am I sore from playing with my dog this is insane um I'm like it's so hard to podcast and watch him the same time I realized like the other day I was yelling at him the entire episode to stop biting

me to stop doing all this crazy shit in the house because I can't like get up and pause this so Jimmy go yeah just go in your crate go in your safe place he's in his crate I love it when he does that I'm trying to get him to warm up to it uh okay wait did I even intro this correctly if you're new subscribe to the podcast hit that subscribe button I'm here seven days a week this is my audio diary I sit down on a mic okay he's pulling okay mirror the fucking six foot tall mirror is gonna fall Jimmy no okay I'm not gonna stop recording I'm gonna parent my child and record at the same time I'm walking he has the grip of a hey you're gonna kill yourself if this mirror falls over you're done

all right let's get the let's get the squeaker let's get your duck guys this is like interactive you get to listen to me play with my dog while I while I podcast get it he's actually good at playing fetch right now so anyways I thought exhausting him would work before the episode but it just riled him up even more so I should have waited half an hour for him to start taking a nap but whatever yeah anyway so yeah this is my podcast I do it every day show up on the microphone talk about my life talk about the shit I'm going through talk about I don't know whatever's going on the world it's kind of like anything and everything but yeah if you're new hit that subscribe button

and let's get into it um I again don't really know what to talk about other than I have a new puppy that's if you're new also I have a new puppy uh Jimmy eight week old golden retriever I'm going to call him eight weeks old for the next eight weeks like I honestly don't I feel like he's nine at this point I've had him a week but anyways he is a handful he's changed my life it's amazing but uh lately it's all I want to talk about on the show because it's he's my 24-7 uh like project right now as far as training him and especially potty training um just watching him all day making sure he doesn't eat anything that kills him or pulls the fucking so I have this six foot tall I don't know I don't actually know how tall it is it's like a giant mirror in

my living room and there was a cord behind it he was pulling and it was like he probably isn't strong enough to the mirror is like 500 pounds but anyways so I'm constantly having to watch him uh because he can you know hurt himself eat something wrong eat something that'll kill him he's getting more playful and he's a lot healthier now when I first got him he was sick for the first few days but um he's like very lively and energetic and it's so funny to watch him run around like I okay I just stop you know when you do a laugh like you close your eyes and stand still and you're just in your own world laughing like when I watch Jimmy run around my apartment like a bunny rabbit he's very spry and bouncy I I can't help myself I just I I like I

like look up and I smile and I just start laughing to myself because he's such a fucking character um even like he's his personality starting to come out every day a little bit more and I don't know so let's get into it back to what I was saying I really don't know what else to talk about other than my dog and my job and like my day-to-day right now I feel like there he is acting like a bunny rabbit um it's so cute his little bendy tail um basically today I feel like I'm I think I have one day left of I need another good night a good okay I need an I need one more good night's sleep before before I'm gonna feel 100% because it's been so rough for the last week like I haven't I haven't slept you know a full night

for in like seven or whatever however many days it is now and I woke up and I still felt super groggy and tired and again I don't want to make this okay I was about to honestly did you hear that pause I'll stop myself before I do it um I was literally about to stop recording and redo this because I'm pissed I'm talking about how sleep deprived I am again. And that's all I've done for a week. So I wanted to stop it. So I don't mention that, but Hey, just so you know, let's get back into it. I think tomorrow I'll feel more like a hundred percent, you know, anyways. So basically currently, what did I do today? Yeah, I get sleepy, buddy. I can tell sleepy now. It's instant. He goes from a hundred to zero in five seconds. Like he'll just, you

know, pass out wherever he's standing. If he's tired, it's really cute. No, I know I want Jacqueline time. Now I'm putting him on my lap. He's probably going to fucking eat the microphone. Hi. Okay. Yep. He just pressed the space bar and it stopped recording, but it's, it's all right. I gave him a piece of paper to chew on. There you go. Um, basically this is what happened today. What is it Wednesday it was a work day it was a just a grind type of day you know what I mean um I woke up made coffee the coffee I bought yesterday talked to you guys about I just get the the Starbucks um espresso beans at the grocery store because I have them on Amazon delivery like a subscription because it's just convenient because I go I blast through those bags so often

but I'm in this like weird gray area or gray zone where I ran out and my delivery isn't coming for a few days so I just went and bought some of the grocery stores I just do Starbucks espresso beans I have a I have a barista express from Breville the fancy you know fucking espresso maker that I don't know rich people have not calling myself rich but I feel like all the rich people I see have it and so I wanted it so now I have it but also the rich people have I feel like if you're actually rich you have the is it the melee the meal whatever that is m-i-e-l-e espresso machine where it's like in the wall it's like if you look at someone if you look at someone if you look at someone's um kitchen like a rich person's kitchen there's

usually like a built-in coffee machine it's m-i-e-l-e I feel like that is the official espresso machine of the rich but the one I have is like you enjoy coffee so much that you're willing to ball out to have an espresso like basically have a coffee shop in your kitchen so basically um why am I why am I going on about coffee again I feel like I miss it I do miss talking about coffee on the episode at the beginning of the show back in September I did coffee facts every day I talked I told you guys exactly what I was drinking I made it a thing and lately it's just been like an afterthought and I don't know but yeah I had that coffee I got it at the store yesterday while Jimmy was getting his booster shots and I made so much this morning

because as you know I don't want to mention again but I'm still like I did not wake up 100% today and I felt it so I had like six six shots of espresso ask me about my adrenals I feel like they're fucked but I keep pushing through um I kind of feel like I'm experiencing for the first time he's digging and he's literally just digging at the floor good luck with that he's like in it's like fucking alcatraz he's trying to dig out from the the calm like dig out of the the jail cell that's such a great movie what is it escape from alcatraz one of my favorites um no my favorite escape movie ever is the great escape with steve mcqueen like all-time favorite movie ever i just loved the way they moved dirt underground and like made a fucking tunnel and it was just so

like as a kid watching that it was like the most it was so cool like it really puts you in this little universe of um inmates trying to get out of jail in world war ii okay good luck with that you're not gonna get you're not gonna break any ground with your little weak paws anyways what was I saying um yeah I feel like I'm experiencing what it's like to be a mom with a bunch of kids who's got a job she's trying to like hold down and she has to exert herself mentally every day at her job like me and then you have to keep your kids going and on top of that you're waking up all night long to tend to their needs and you're not really sleeping fully and I I don't I don't hate it in a weird way I'm like enjoying the pain okay I'm gonna have to punish him live on air

can you just please get tired no one wants to hear me parent my kid on the show if I give him attention though I feel like he gets him more rambunctious um I kind of like the challenge of being tired and like forcing my fingers to keep typing emails to keep doing my job to keep like pushing through it because I'm mentally telling myself like you have it good you're privileged you are this is amazing you can work from home and parent your child and like raise your child your new dog you don't have to go off to an office like I keep telling myself all these things that are that that uh reinforce that I actually have a great life and that it doesn't suck that I haven't slept and oh my gosh poor me so I kind of like that I'm like giving

myself uh I'm doing like the positive affirmations all day and I think that's helping me get through it but okay again like yesterday he's about to electrocute himself and I have to fucking stop this I don't physically abuse my dog if you're wondering I just gently drop kick him across the kitchen and get him out of the danger zone all right okay do not squeal don't make any noises that you've been hurt thank you he hates when I podcast he wants attention this is like a little kid who's like mommy just give me attention hey do not go by the electrical cords I really need to figure out a way to conceal them it's getting sketchy um there take my slipper go run with it there you go what was I just saying um yeah I'm like kind of enjoying this new lifestyle

but I do think tomorrow will be a brand new day I'll just be like 100% like I don't know um what else can I talk to you guys about yeah I got this new nut pods creamer it's called nut pods um I don't know it's good I I try different creamers this is starting to let's just talk about coffee so I use the Starbucks espresso beans of my in my espresso machine that grinds them here it's so convenient it just grinds them and makes the coffee all in one go so I like so I feel I feel like because I have because I'm using the Starbucks beans like I basically drink Starbucks every day what the fuck why am I fucking saying this I feel annoying um I feel like I'm being annoying it tastes so like why go buy it when you can just make it at home right so that's

exciting for me every day I do it and I use different creamers that are like you know non-dairy of course I tried out nut pods what was I saying yeah I like nut pods it's like the vanilla one I usually use like califia califa farms creamer um I don't know whatever I usually just get a creamer and then I do mostly almond milk if I'm making a latte just plain almond milk and then I do like a dash of creamer um okay so I made coffee we went outside like every two hours I'm getting him on a schedule with potty training and I can confidently say that or why would I even have to be confident to say this he didn't have an accident inside once today so please bow your heads let's have a moment of silence for that so I guess my new goal with him with little

Jimmy Jim is to never have an accident in the home again I know that I know that's ambitious but I believe it's possible and like I don't know I just have this I have this dream that he's gonna be a perfect like an up like a professional uh potty uh a potty professional potty trained dog what am I saying I don't know like it's exciting when you realize okay whole day has gone by and for the first time he hasn't had an accident inside. I just feel as a parent, like so proud and also proud of myself for not watching him do it. Like I have, I, I can't, I can't lie to you guys. Like the amount of times I've just sat and watched him pee on my carpet. So I have this fucking rug I had to de-clean today. It doesn't even look like he's peeing. I don't know why he

pees like a girl. Like at what point do dogs lift their legs? Like boy dogs. Cause I remember I had golden retriever buddy and he never peed like a boy because girl dogs squat guy guy dogs lift their leg and I haven't seen this kid lift his leg up so I'm curious like is that when his balls drop like then he'll lift his leg I don't know and I have to get those things uh I got asked someone asked me if I'm going to neuter him of course I am I don't want his balls all over my face when we're cuddling like no thank you and uh yeah he'll be he'll be uh you know I think what is it at 18 months cut them off have you guys ever seen like okay we used to have lambs and sheep and shit and when they're babies like you basically take a rubber band on the male lambs

I feel like they have balls when they're born and there's this contraption that you have to like expand a really tiny rubber band around their balls and then you close the clamp and then it like cinches them really tight to the point where the blood circulation cuts off. And then all of a sudden, like one day they won't be hanging. He's eating the microphone cord as I'm speaking. They won't be hanging and then you'll find them in the pasture. Like the balls just fell off. Um, but for dogs, it's obviously a surgery. Okay. We get it. You're the star of the show. We get it. I'm talking about you all podcast long. I've been talking about you for a week. Hey, does it sound like I'm losing my voice. I don't know. So, um, let's just talk about him getting his balls cut

off. Bubba, don't bite me. How annoying is this to listen to me talk to my dog while I'm podcasting? I kind of forgot where I left off. Oh, I guess we were talking about potty training. Oh, the rug. Yeah. Like he, oh, squatting versus lifting his leg. So I said, oh yeah. Cause when he gets his balls he'll start lifting his leg up so um what was I gonna say fuck uh so hard to pay attention to the show and him and like not and ignore him so anyways we oh yeah when he was peeing on the rug so when I would like realize he was peeing it doesn't even look like it because he's just he's just standing there and so I can't really see it from across the room he's just standing right and then all of a sudden

I go to the carpet and there's a little round spot so anyways today I caught him every time he even like as soon as he starts sniffing around the the ground near the the rug where I know he likes to go I like grab him and immediately tell him like outside outside and grab his collar and his thing and we rush out and that's been successful so far so I feel like day two tomorrow will tomorrow will be day two of like actual intense potty training and um i don't know i'm just excited about it i'm really excited about it it's like a it's like a fun new challenge like a fucking like let's go keto for a month no let's make our dog not piss on the carpet for a month ever and then when you're gone they won't do it that's my dream

he's gonna be so well behaved this is all about my dog like what else can i tell you guys i did today I mean basically it was like take the dog out every two hours walk around the block um work like that's it uh what else happened I'm not even gonna try to get like exciting here and think of some rant I could talk about or like current event that I could riff on um I don't know I was listening to Ben Shapiro podcast in the shower like I never listened to it but the okay I'm just gonna have to walk and talk and like play with him he was talking about how the media is already talking about how Biden is the most normal president ever we're returning to normalcy and I just think it's funny because like it's not normal like that like I don't know

it's just weird how things have shifted so quickly and everything's back to normal it's fucking not not not I mean just like look around shit's still on fire in the world there's a lot of uh fuckery with the coronavirus and I don't know so why was I mentioning that I'm just literally going insane right now trying to literally the multitasking like he's pulling my I'm gonna just narrate what he's doing he's biting my yoga pants and putting holes in them let me see if I can get him to like cry and squeal I'm just like holding his jaw shut is that abuse I don't know here here's your bone you're not supposed to eat until you're six months old but it'll it'll occupy you there you go I'm not

supposed to give it to him I read the package so I got him this this starter kit god damn he's probably gonna die so it's called puppy starter kit from Nylabone and you start off with a soft chew they're like tiny bones for puppies right then you graduate them to this white bone and they go after six months you can feed them the edible chew that's bacon flavored and I didn't read the package and I fed him it and then I realized it totally entertains him for as long as you need so I'm gonna give it to him for five minutes and then remove it and then hopefully he'll be tired and he won't bite my yoga pants anymore I mean I looked it up it's like the ingredients are the same as like what's in a treat anyways. So as long as I don't like let

him eat the whole thing, I feel like he'll be fine. Um, what do you guys recommend? So again, I'm not going to try to like think of something fancy to tell you guys, or like, I feel like I have two uh things going on right now in my life I have a job and I have a dog and that is it and my life is job dog every day job dog and the yoga has been put on the back burner I'm not excited about that I I feel like when you're physically exhausted like when you haven't slept the last thing I'm going to do is a fucking CrossFit workout and like go run a marathon like I don't feel like exerting my body at all I just want to rest and I think every day feels the same right now with him I don't even know that like I don't know it's like I have what is it called Groundhog's

Day it really feels like I'm in the beginning of quarantine all over again because I have this puppy and every day is the same and I have a job that I can basically work 24-7 anytime because it's remote so I'm like finding myself working odd hours and like seven days a week you know what I mean so I'm trying to like figure out the new schedule with him but it's kind of rocky I feel like the first month is going to be a shit show um but I just really want to get back on my mat every day I need to like prioritize myself I know I've talked about this on the other episodes though I really feel like I'm just putting him first so much that I haven't even like I just need to like I don't know lock him in his crate while I I don't know I'm a new mom this is

difficult I have no I have no other hands on deck but whatever um let me just like go browse something what else did I do today oh it was really cute after we played so he can fetch now or he understands here so that's positive but I can say get it and then he'll run after his squeaker toy duck thing he'll like get it and bring it back and drop it by my feet and this is week one and I don't know is that like is he advanced for his age like I don't know I feel like puppies are easy to train but I was in shock when I saw him get it and like every time I throw him the toy he retrieves it and brings he drops it at my feet because my experience like the first golden retriever we had as a family buddy would run anything like he would totally

chase it a ball a stick whatever he would take it and then go off to the left or right and just lay down and chew it he would never bring it back and drop it at her feet ever like my his entire like what was he 14 when he died 13 or 14 he never brought it and brought it back to your feet to like you know throw it again so I don't know it's exciting I'm just like making sure that he's like I don't know I want him to be good at that so when we go to the park it's not a shit show with him like running off the ball like I it's no fun for me like I want to just have them come back and you know we can keep going back and forth back and forth so he understands that he understands sit down I'm starting to think he understands I feel like outside is new too new

but he's I just want to stay outside and then him run to the door so bad he's kind of going over there because I have the leash by the door and he kind of like looks at me and just stands there so I feel like he's getting it for going to the bathroom outside now but what else does he understand sit down here um get it like he get whenever I say get it he runs after whatever I throw. Um, I don't know. What was I going to say? I was going to go and browse on social media to look for talking points and content. Um, I don't know. Let me just look at my story. I don't even remember what I did today. Oh yeah. We took a nap. Oh yeah. He got really tired after we were playing fetch or after we were playing fetch and he did the cutest thing today. He, um, guys,

by the way by the way just selfishly right now I'm talking about all this cutesy shit with my puppy so then in 10 years I can come back and listen to this and remember what he's doing like you know it's for me it's for me this is my diary I'm telling you guys what Jimmy did today I'm sharing it with you but just imagine me in 10 years listening to myself okay first of all I hate doing that so I don't know why I'm fucking saying that I'm just saying like like I don't I hate I just can't stand listening to the show, um, in my own voice, but I fucking just, like, like the idea of documenting the experience right now, and then, like, having it for the future to, like, look back on, I don't know, but anyways, after we played fetch, he did the cutest thing, he, um, he was

laying by my feet under my desk, and then he just, like, looked up at me really sad, and then jumped up on my knees he can't jump on me yet he's too tiny but he just kind of like whimpered like a cute little whimper and then he like wanted me to hold him and then as soon as I held him he like nestled me so hard like it was like he was hugging me he put his head he like stuck his head in my sweatshirt hood and it was like the most like beautiful moment of me and him yet because obviously he cuddles me and stuff but it was like he wanted to be like next to me to like take a little nap, and I don't know. It's really cute. Uh, what else did he do? I'm trying to look at my story to see what he did.

Oh, yeah, what happened to the world? I really don't know. Um, how do you guys like Biden so far? Let me, like, look at the news. Is California open? Is that official now? Uh, California open. Google search. so i did yesterday i just got on my computer and fucked around and recorded it like my browsing i was just like okay let's look at the news ktla california lives stay at home order uh here's what can open here's what can open and i can't open here's what can here's what can open in la orange riverside san bernino okay here's what can open okay um not loading come on wi-fi there you go california on monday canceled the state's regional state home orders

that had been in place since last month paving the way for some businesses to reopen it i feel like san diego like i honestly i need to look at gyms here because i canceled my membership i want to switch gyms i really want to join a hot hot yoga studio but um i just thought it was outdoor only what can be open with restrictions i feel like this is just an l in these counties i should look at san diego san diego because i feel like gyms are open gyms fitness centers and dance studios outdoors only outdoor only with modifications i'm gonna look at san diego uh covid restrictions guys i know this is just for me this is me time i'm sitting here jimmy's oh my gosh no i gotta get that bone from him hold on before i look at

the restrictions I gotta go remove it remove the bone from the mouth he's gonna cry Jimmy dessert time is over you've ow oh my god did he drop blood did he drop blood that was the that was the most like crackhead do not take away my bacon bone bite I've ever that hurt guys that was the okay you just witnessed the most painful bite I've had since I got him okay is it did it draw blood no it punctured there's like a little um what's it called little like dent in my finger I just gave him my slipper to eat yeah the bone is like a 40 percent bit chewed through so I don't know he's gonna be fine I feel like it would be bad if he ate the whole thing you know what I mean that hurt oh if I squeeze it blood comes out that's cute he hasn't drawn

blood yet so that was the first that was the first that was the first skin tear skin puncture it's playful like I I feel like golden retrievers are harmless right but they puppies play by it and you really have to like it's not something that just goes away you know what I mean you kind of have to like that could have been a parenting moment but I'm a podcast host and I can't um I can't abuse my no I'm kidding it's not like my parent I'm joking about all the abuse I'm like I think I've joked about that a little too much you guys are probably like what are you saying that for it's hard to like yell at him and then podcast at the same time you know what I mean so that was a good opportunity though to parent because you got to nip that biting in the ass

got to nip the nipping, he's getting so big, it's wild, like, I can tell in a week, so anyways, let's go back, what restrictions are in San Diego during the COVID-19 pandemic, San Diego.gov, let's go, public health order, okay, this is a fucking PowerPoint, nope, two days ago, just give me some, like, fucking Fox 5 San Diego news here, here we go fox5sandiego.com for people that are listening from all over the world right now in other countries and other states like i know this is annoying but i live here and i got i gotta know this is for my safety county businesses can reopen for outdoor service okay fucking what the what's the purple tier i just need to look at like bullet points of what

is open and what isn't because i literally came back from washington with zero awareness of what shut down still obviously i knew it was outdoor outdoor dining but latinos make up for around 34 of the county's total population but compromise 56.9 of all covid cases 54.2 of all hospitalizations from the virus and 44 of the deaths shit sucks to be latino in san diego apparently right now they make up half of the hospitalizations of COVID. Fuck. Okay. Where's the second vaccination station? Okay. I was thinking about getting, getting vaxxed. What do you guys think? I watched a TikTok of a family getting their vaccines at a, they went to like a baseball park. They like drove in their van to

get vaccines. And I was like, Oh, it's simple. You just drive up and get, get your, get the shot in your arm and go. It's not that big of a deal, but I don't know. I don't know. Am I even eligible I don't even know if it's possible I see you sniffing the ground do not do what I think you're gonna do no he doesn't have hops yet I'm so happy about it like he can't jump on furniture like he can't even hop on my ottoman he can't even get on the couch like that is this is I need to cherish this time I know he just bit me really hard but I need to be grateful and cherish this time because at some someday he's gonna be able to jump on everything like he'll be on top of my fucking oven in my refrigerator at some point. And, um, I know he's being a little, he's being a little

shithead tonight, but he's, you know, it's all part of the process. You got to love him for it. I'm glad his teeth work. I'm glad he has a good, uh, jaw to defend me when the rapists knock on the door. Hey, chew the basket. I don't care. I don't take this. I got this picnic basket, Jimmy, because I thought I'd take you to the beach on a cute date, but I never did. So it's all yours destroy it there you go get the handle wait he's like actually going to break the handle it looks like the wizard of oz like what toto what was it toto the dog would sit in uh dorothy would like hold the basket yeah um it's wildly he hasn't gotten tired it's kind of like getting worse like it takes him for longer to get tired now than it did a week ago but he

was also on his deathbed last week with a intestinal disease or fucking some sort of indigestion problem it's okay we got medication on board he's totally it's totally working because he's like totally he's 100 better so anyways the vaccine i just watched like a nonchalant like we're getting our vaccines today everyone rolled up in the van and got their their arms shot up and i don't know what do you guys think about it have you gotten vaxxed yet can we get vaxxed i don't know i'm not a first responder he's digging to fucking china right now on the ground how does that work in his brain it's a rock hard surface he's got his paws going 100 miles an hour like he's trying to dig i don't know um i still can't tell what's new here it's just like a bunch

of paragraphs i don't want to read i just like bullet points like just give me a list of shit that i can attend like i think salons are okay honestly i'm not gonna read any more about san Diego. I feel like everything here is wide open except for like, obviously you can't walk in a restaurant and like eat inside, but I feel like gyms are, it's like fine. What else can I talk about? Um, should I check my emails? I keep getting emails from Reddit. I don't even have a Reddit and I don't know how to unsubscribe. Um, got an email from Robinhood. We wanted to reach out to you in the midst of the current volatile market market conditions it is important to be informed as an investor whether you're brand new to robin hood or been investing with

us for years okay investing 101 let's go to the investing 101 help center do you guys invest in stock market what's the uh did anyone get game stop before this year holy fuck did you guys see that what did that one guy make like 800 million or some shit from his GameStop stock okay Jimmy don't be being I can't see him right now whenever I can't see him I feel like he's okay I'll stop talking about him sorry um I had a red day today that's like I mean that's part of the game you just it's literally like playing a game the stock market is just a it's like to me it's like a video game and I know that's weird but or it might sound irresponsible but if you think of it like that there's strategy involved obviously but you really have to

like be dead like you and what's the guy on I feel like I followed him or I watched his video on YouTube about how to be dead inside when you're in the stock market you can't have an emotional response to every fucking time that your stock dips and you're down like I don't know I feel like it's a good it's like a good um what's the word like it's like a good practice of discipline and resilience and perseverance like just yeah it's like something you really have to like it's like a wealth you have to like think things out you know it depends if you're playing okay something is getting destroyed right now i'm sorry guys i'm sorry again real time i'm parenting my child and podcasting at the same time

um if you're in shit for the long run like you have to have like an okay books aren't being fucking chewed don't he's eating my cigar box my decor star or scar box hey buddy he's getting older and he's getting more mischievous come here where's your uh where's your chew toy here you go get it there he goes he's probably gonna retrieve it yep if he brings it back to me i'm feeding him a treat he got halfway that doesn't count um anyways do you guys invest what's the uh excuse me what's the hot stock right now ev stocks are going wild or they're about to everything's gonna be electric and all that but also gas isn't going anywhere so uh i don't know

so i'm just reading here now i'm gonna let's like learn about the stock market tonight because I don't know might as well do some homework hey is this fucking annoying like me I'm like um stock investor I have a new puppy I'm sitting in my apartment doing a podcast 70s a week am I annoying I don't know this is like a whole new Jacqueline like compared to the other shows like I don't even know what's happening right now um he is just on one he was bad this morning he's ending the day bad he was good in the middle of the day and now he's being bad again um I don't know what kind of like vibe do I fucking put off sometimes I'm curious do you guys ever want to know that for real from someone like my favorite thing and I think it's because I'm like

insecure about myself or something like I okay I just love when people tell you like oh you're like this vibe or oh you're like this you remind me of this person and then I don't know it's kind of fun to like because there's some trends like when people is that like a I'm full of myself thing too like you just want to know how people like perceive you it's interesting because you have a certain view of yourself and then when someone else tells you how you come across it's kind of like it can be a mind fuck but it can also be like flattering or a good wake up like oh oh for example my mom told me I swear swear too much on the show because I used to really bad and that was a good that was a good wake-up call I feel like I

I just really cut it the fuck out and nipped it in the ass the tea towel is being dragged fuck you I had to like clean the other one damn it it's hard to get mad at him like he's so cute he just took my little tea towel out of the kitchen like pulled it off the cabinet like where it's hanging and just fucking bounced around with it um yeah do you guys know what I mean though like I don't know again it's just like we all are trying to be okay like I'm on my own little journey of self-acceptance like I feel like I'm there I'm fucking there bitch but like I still have that wait a minute if I didn't if I didn't express myself online for all the public to consume like anyone who is like a slight like

slightly curious about me or like slightly who knows if they want to like pursue me or like be friends with me like they have access to like so much content like so many discussions I've had and like every day I've podcasted now for what 146 days like it's kind of terrifying but also kind of exhilarating I don't know because I sometimes go well if I didn't expose myself like this then I would remain a mystery and then I could like I don't know control things like I can't control how people fuck this is a weird thing to realize I'm just like airing all my laundry out every fucking day and I don't know am I psychotic probably just drinking water that means in about 15 minutes he's gonna piss all over the floor might have to wrap this up I got

a LaCroix I haven't drank yet all right we're gonna learn about the stock market um thanks for tuning in I don't know if you're curious if you're one of those curious cats um I think the other night I was like this is not who I am this is not who the fuck I am like this state of mother or the single mom life and the no sleep thing is bringing out a really strange side and I feel like it's a poor representation of who I am but maybe it's fun I don't know I'm having a wild time this this new lifestyle is um it's really important for me for my future family to um experience this I feel like this is a mom training having a dog alone I think it's going to be um a good test to see if like how the fuck so you know how couples get dogs like I'm doing

alone in its hell but I feel it's like a good hell I don't mean that in a negative way but like to have a dog and then go yeah let's have three kids like I don't get it I mean like I want that but how insane like a like you realize after you get a dog how much fucking mental space it's taking up how much you can't be selfish anymore and you can't like everything changes when you when you have to take care of something else and I don't know I think that's a it's like an amazing shift I think in adults that happens then when they finally go you know I want to like bring kids into the world and do that thing but right now I'm like oh my god it's okay think about this though any help I receive like any future help I have with this dog hypothetically let's just

create a scenario that Jacqueline isn't single in, I don't know, a year. And there's, there's a partner in crime in the situation with the dog. And then it's like, oh, any help with like feeding, taking him out, like that's going to feel amazing. Like I'm going to be so much, like that'll lift so much weight off my shoulders. Like just the slightest amount of help. Cause right now I'm doing a hundred percent of it. So someone came in and just did 10%. I would feel that change and like that relief. So is that a goal? Should I set a goal for 2022? I don't know. I thought 2020 was going to be the, the Bay year, the Bay year. And what's that? Uh, what does that mean? The boo, the boo thing here. Um, and then I got depression and went through it, but Hey,

shout out finding exactly. Like I found myself. I know who I am now. It's like a great thing I feel like when other people used to talk about that like oh I had this you know there's a point in my 20s when I realized and now I'm 10 times better blah like that's how I feel I feel like I've experienced that no he's chewing a knob on one of my drawers he literally removed it your jaws of fucking steel over here he unscrewed it how insane um yeah but I really feel like I had one of those like like phases or whatever last year in 2020 but uh yeah yet last year was the trainer like I was not in a place to date date anyone last year and I feel like I'm I think I I don't know if I am now I feel like I'm not now or I'm like I'm like on my way I

feel like summer is gonna be my time summer fall winter like this I need like a good I feel like six months to like feel like I don't know because I only started really working on myself last what was it August and when I started therapy and all that stuff so I don't know I feel like I need a of it I don't fucking know but I can't control anything it's just like I'm willing to roll the punches if someone comes my way I'll like fucking you know roll with it like I'm not trying to control my life and be like oh well if I meet someone now then I'm not ready to date so you know I just threw him across the the room he no one could see it you can really throw puppies far like if I I don't even have to try hard he's a light little shit you're like fucking what nine

pounds I'm kidding I just like to like gently kind of like bump him away from me to show my dominance yeah there you go he's gonna destroy all my yoga pants um what was I talking about oh dating I don't know so I think this episode's over I feel like I've talked it out I really want to get a good night's sleep and uh watch like Ozark tonight I just need to like you know what's the problem I've been around the clock with my job around the clock with a dog and I feel like I haven't had a time to just relax and like do something that isn't work or the dog and I don't have like I need to have like a weekend you know and I haven't had that in so long so I'm just like I feel like I need to make my nights more relaxed and not like on my fucking computer

on my email at fucking midnight like what am I doing like that's not good so okay we're moving again we have to we have to mobilize the podcast again he's really hurting me it's so hard to do this and he is so energized it's actually crazy he's probably thinking like who are you talking to is this fun for you guys to listen to i hope i hope so because i feel like it's a train wreck like when is he gonna get tired maybe when i stop talking and give him attention i don't know i'm gonna have to like sit on my table so he doesn't bite my legs off

he really wants to eat the cord sorry okay I feel like yeah this episode is it's done um thanks for hanging out like I am in pain he is being very violent with his jaws um yeah I feel like I've talked it out it's kind of gone all over um but that was my day I feel like the potty training is going well um like for one day it did so I feel like it's going well but I really think that I'll keep him going with it like we're gonna go out after this episode I can tell he needs to just run off this energy and he probably has to pee it's probably what this acting out is mom I have to pee I'm gonna bite you um so yeah like I feel like it's only gonna get better it's just gonna

to be frustrating obviously for a while until he obeys like a obedient son but um there you go sphinx pose little yogi sphinx pose relax this is what my mom used to do with my cousin when I was with my baby cousin she'd like sit her on the couch and they'd lean back on the couch and then my mom would be like relax we're relaxing yeah we're relaxing he's already in a relaxed position because I'm saying it relax yeah get tired please it'll literally happen in five seconds if I just let you if you guys just stay with me for five seconds right now I can get him to sleep yeah relax there you go he's on his back this is good news um so yeah the dog's going the dog training's going well so far um the job's going well uh I feel like just shit turns up in

new year I don't know this has been a busy month for me uh what else is happening I don't know I'm blowing up my family's phone with pictures of him all day and like updates and yeah what else I talk about today I don't know I talk about coronavirus stuff vaccines uh dating I don't know all right there's the episode I did it 146 happy Wednesday uh happy middle middle of the week I always ask this I always ask this but do you guys look forward to Friday or is does that even matter anymore like does your life still revolve like does a weekend still matter to you do you still live for the weekend like I don't understand what people's how people's lives have changed in that way since like I guess the weekend still exists I guess it doesn't for

me because of my I guess my job just makes it like every day is the same I guess am I like working from home feels like it. So anyways, halfway over halfway through the week. Um, I kind of feel like I suck because I don't even know what's current to talk about, but I mean, whatever, maybe I'll brush up on the news tonight and then report back tomorrow. I really just need to have a night of chilling and like just calm energy. Um, god damn it it's guys literally that entire last minute was him biting my crotch fuck guys how do you podcast and discipline your dog do I need to put if I put him in the crate he'll cry the whole time um ow oh that was the worst that was worse than the first bite

that was worse you guys just witnessed this fucking second hard bite okay I need to end this guys do you hear what I'm saying like how do you do it how am I gonna fucking thrive you know what it's gonna have to be nap time from here on out when I record he's got to be in a sedated state and not a play state he's hating me right now but um all right that's it hit that subscribe button uh leave a review helps people find out about the show helps me out uh follow me on instagram for all the jimmy updates I'm posting stories of him all day and uh yeah love you guys hope you had a great Wednesday and I'll talk to you tomorrow all right bye