The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 150- Sundaycast: Gettin Deep

Episode Date: February 1, 2021

Happy Sunday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic

Hey guys, happy Sunday. It's episode 150. Welcome back to the show. Hey guys, what's up? It's Jacqueline. Happy Sunday. Welcome back to the show. if you're new, hit that subscribe button button, button hit that subscribe button, I'm here 7 days a week this is my audio diary another day, another podcast we're on number 150

150 days in a row of this shit so hit that subscribe button and head over to patreon.com slash tjms that's a bonus content section of the internet where I provide exclusive content to my diehard fans

and they get to see crazy shit. Like this morning, I recorded a video in my kitchen. The other day I was in my bathroom. I made a video in there. I make videos for Patreon. I post extra pictures. No one else sees. All kinds of fun shit on patreon.com slash TJMS. So okay, happy Sunday. Let's get into it. Let's start the show off by setting the stage. Sunday night, I'm looking out at the city I got my oven light on I got my oven light on okay there's something about let's all go back to childhood together right now let's all get comfy it's Sunday night let's get comfy the light above the oven okay I don't know if this is the same for everyone but the kitchen light that's like a dim it's like a single light glowing in the kitchen whatever that

is for you whatever you grew up with light wise in your family kitchen that's what I'm talking about it's such a fucking vibe and I don't think I've never heard anyone talk about this how soothing it is and comforting to have that one light on in the kitchen I think I've talked about it before but it reminds me of you're up at two in the morning you're at a slumber party you're walking through the house to go to the bathroom and then the mom or dad, like they left some lights on in the house and they're just, I don't know. I don't know what it is. That's what I'm looking at right now. Looking at the city. I got some nice lighting going. Uh, Jimmy just ate his dinner. Uh, I have a headache. What else is going

on? Do you guys want to know my fit? I'm wearing, uh, my ex-boyfriend's socks. is that weird that's kind of weird they're nice they're very nice um our ankles are the same size so it works um yoga pants the crotch has a hole in it I just noticed um I got these on Amazon I think they're just like they're they were cheap I feel like I got sucked into something I saw probably on fucking TikTok or Instagram they're like these are dupes for lululemon well i've never had a crotch rip out on my lulus so i don't know what they're talking about but i think they're like 25 bucks on amazon they're good like they're very good but this particular pair has a hole in the crotch and yes i was in public today i think

i'm gonna attempt to staple it on the podcast should i just staple it shut should i do a like a fun thing right now for you guys staple my crotch dude every kitchen speaking of kitchens like I pulled out my junk drawer in front of me at my desk here because I'm sitting by the way I'm just sitting at my desk my podcast studio desk whatever um I'm just sitting here but I feel like every kitchen needs to have a junk drawer and mine is so um odd like I I have I would say if I if everyone took a picture of their junk drawer mine could be submitted to the fbi for unusual what would it be called a fucking strange uh what are the technical terms that the fbi would use to describe what's in my drawer these are these items are high red alert this bitch has problems we need

to keep tabs on her and keep surveillance on her at all times. Her junk drawer is maybe foreshadowing to what she's going to do in the future. I'm kidding. I don't know what the fuck I was saying that for. I have a headache. I'm just like in a weird mood today. Let me describe. Wait, what was I talking about? My fit. Oh, my crotch. I was going to staple it. That's why I opened my junk drawer. How are you guys doing? How's your weekend going? Are you with a fam? Are you alone? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you have a boyfriend? do you have a dog um how's life you know we're in 2021 new year new you right like what's your current mood about 2021 um the times that what we're going through you know how is it kind of

how's the horizon looking in your brain because for me uh thanks for asking it's like I feel like summer I feel like summer I feel like things are gonna normalize slowly but surely quote unquote like quote normalize something that looks like what it used to as far as um people walking around uh maybe no mask or just shit like you can go into a restaurant and eat inside we can go to the club you know that kind of stuff I feel like is going to come back halfway through the year maybe towards the end of the year so that's exciting I've I'm very optimistic about it um it seems like there's a lot of theatrics going on obviously in 2020 and I think that's gonna just start settling down and anyways um so yeah I hope you're doing well where was I talking I was

just setting the scene and taking so long to intro this podcast without even telling you what I'm going to talk about because I don't have a topic to talk about I just literally want to tell you what I did today and and then like maybe go off on a tangent I don't know it'll happen it'll probably happen. So, so I don't know why I have a headache. It just came on. Here's what I'll say. Let me just get into my day. Let me cut to the chase. Cause usually this is my audio diary. Let me tell you, tell you guys what I did today. I'm sipping whiskey. I can't hide. I can't hide. Um, yeah, I know. I told you guys I want to start collecting it because I like used to live somewhere where there was a shelf of whiskey and it's, it's a vibe and I like sipping it at

night and I like it a lot. So we're having a beverage and, uh, let's get into it. Oh, I didn't finish my fit. I'm wearing a Carhartt hoodie and, uh, I have a bare face and no pimples. so that's positive um I woke up around 8 a.m. no fuck 5 30 Jimmy wakes me up he's making a lot of movement in the bed that's the signal that he has to go pee because guys okay please understand please understand I haven't so the crate he's supposed to sleep in the crate at night I just feel like it's gonna be fine if he sleeps in the bed I don't know I don't I feel like I'm gonna crate train during the day so he gets used to being in it during the day when I'll be gone but sleeping wise like right now I like cuddling with him I think he sleeps fine with fine with me

obviously he wakes me up early but he would do that anyways in the crate and start crying so we had to get up and go pee then I go back to bed till like eight and I get my notification from Amazon they're gonna deliver my groceries from like eight to ten they were out of two things they're out of um the chicken and salmon I ordered so my fucking protein this week is like I think I got like a couple cans of tuna and some eggs so I need to figure out so I want to I really wanted like salmon and broccoli this week I don't know so I know dude fucking I have it so good I shouldn't complain I know so anyways I'm like it's tired of shit it's Sunday I want to sleep in wait what's that song sweet Tennessee whiskey

a sweet strap no it's on that one i like sleeping in on saturdays i love wait i love sleeping in on saturdays that's saturday not sunday god damn it was there a sunday song something about sunday mornings it's five o'clock in the morning the conversation got boring no that's fucking not it all right so anyways i just want to sleep in but here's what I'm realizing and and I ran into my neighbors and they're like oh I don't I don't miss that puppies are a handful and they were like talking to me I I keep talking to new neighbors it's great the dog is helping my social life so much um but literally like I am on his schedule especially when he has to go to the bathroom like we have like I literally just want to lay in bed

till like 10 11 a.m and sleep I've had no like my average sleep you guys I know I'm talking about it again like I taught the first week I had Jimmy all I talked about was my sleep deprivation how much he uh shits in my bed and I have to clean it and he's not potty trained and it's hell and all this like negative stuff and I'm I'm still kind of coming out of that so understand that today I just wanted to like get a hard sleep in like a good 12 hours sleep in sleep in Sunday no drama just basking in my sheets and my fluffy feather comforter forever until I just have to get up and um it couldn't it just didn't happen like I already woke up at 5 30 slept till 8 then I had to go to the door to get my groceries from uh Whole Foods or whatever and then then I was like

okay I can't go back to bed because now he has you know I fed him and then after I fed him we had to take him out so my whole morning was like upside down already and all I wanted to do was sleep in. So I can't be selfish anymore. I have a dog. That's just the way it is. And it's a, it's a big lifestyle change. It's a, this is a full on my life. I was on the phone with my mom and sister. I was like, guys, my life is like a hundred percent different now. Nothing is the same. I don't remember life as a single woman with no mouths to feed and no babies and no dogs around. Like, I don't know what that life is like. I feel like I was a lot, I could just go as I please and do whatever I want all day and now I can't and it's not a negative thing it's just

such it's such a different um it's like I'm in a new reality like a new universe as a dog parent Jimmy's scratching the floor like he's digging to China I always see him do this I don't know what's going on in his brain I know my dog is um special ed I know dogs I know golden retrievers are not the smartest um bulb in the box of crayons but uh I I see where he was going with out he wants to dig a hole so that'll be this practice on the hard marble floor will be good for the beach you know but it's like he's going hard in the paint for and he's not getting anywhere like dude you're not gonna bust through that that uh that surface so yeah I'm not complaining I'm just saying my life is different and it's a learning curve it's a huge like whoa I gotta

fucking um here's what I need to work on this week so let me just set my Sunday goal I'll get into what else I did today I really need to put myself on a go to bed at 10 p.m wake up I think I'm gonna start waking up he seems to wake up at 5 30 5 5 36 dude he's pulling off my sock I love you I love you a lot I do I have no complaints um but I'm how do you parent your child when you podcast what do you guys do out there um I just okay let me get back to it so ouch I think I just need to have a hard bedtime because like I'll be honest I'll be really honest I will stay up till 11 it's usually like this I could go to bed at 10 30 tired wise like I'm there Like I feel the tiredness. I could go to bed at 1030 and then I end up staying on my phone until 1130 with the TV on in the background. This is just what I do. Okay. And understand, please understand if you're, if you're like, well, obviously you sleep like shit because you're on your screens before bed. Please understand that pre-dog, this was my routine and I got my full sleep and I was fine. Okay.

the reason it's okay so I just like I can literally fall asleep with my phone glued to my face with a full brightness and sleep 100% fine like just my body what is it called like epigenetics no they're catching up to modern times in technology my body is I am like what is evolution what do you call this um yeah my body is adapting to the environment of technology very well so um but I think the duration of sleep needs to increase this week so I want to set my bedtime at like 10 30 10 10 10 30 and like stick to it because what happens back to my timeline here guys I don't know if this is interesting to you I don't know what kind of value I'm bringing to your life right now by telling you uh my sleep strategies and routines but just like sit with

me through this I'm trying to talk it out so yeah 10 30 I could go to bed but I don't I stay on my phone till 1130 and then at 1130 I go I wash my face like sometimes I shower because usually like I'm a morning shower person and then I sometimes shower at night too but it just depends but I like do my night routine at like 1130 brushing teeth putting on my face stuff I get my room ready I get my um sleep music on I get my fan going I get my bed all kind of undone and I took Jimmy in so that's so like it's like 11 30 right so by midnight I'm in bed and then sometimes I just so usually I'll fall asleep right away but like lately I've just been like on my phone until like 1 a.m and then Jimmy wakes me up at 5 5 30 so no fucking shit I can't I'm having a bad time with

my sleep right now. And I, and I have a headache. So here's what I need to do. I need to be disciplined around my sleep, my bedtime. And when I have that tired feeling in my body at 10 30, I need to listen to it and just go to bed. Um, anyways, I, I don't guys, I'm sorry. I apologize for talking about basic bitch. Like I'm trying to work out how I'm going to sleep better. It's the dog. It's just changing up. Cause I usually don't wake up that early. I wake up at six I don't wake up at 5 30 and that's a huge difference so today I felt like shit um I didn't sleep great because I wanted to sleep in I was kind of pissed off all morning because I had shit to do with you know taking the dog out feeding him get my amazon delivery put

away and like you know just life stuff right and then I was like ah fuck it's laundry day so then I was like great so to be honest I um what did I even do this morning I'm let me try to be more positive I really feel bad I feel like I'm in a negative I have a negative tone right now am I a raging alcoholic or does alcohol turn me into a um I've literally had like two sips my god um am i mean do i get uh negative when i drink no it's usually not the case i'm usually like okay by the way um i recorded oh that's what i fucking did today excuse my language i recorded a video in my kitchen today for patreon and it was funny because i was like pulling out i was like showing my wine and my whiskey and like this shit i have like alcohol wise and i was like

then I found these old white claws like I forgot I had and I was like oh my god oh my god if the random person came across me they'd be like she's a fucking alcoholic what's going on because to me like that's what okay I grew up in that environment so I have a fear of that ever happening to me where I become dependent on alcohol or like I have a problem with it which to be honest like let me just address this right now I've I literally I think I'm aging up or I'm maturing where I like having it around for like it's just like a nice thing to have around I used to never buy it never drink like it was just I never did you know and now I kind of like it I kind of like having a glass of wine at night or having cool bottles of stuff and I just I don't

care anymore I'm not afraid but there was a minute there where I was like okay I don't want to I don't want to have a problem with it so I should just avoid it um but for the most part when I drink I'm it's like a I get energy and I want to socialize and I I'm fun and I'm upbeat I I'm not a nasty mean like I'm like in the I'm just like pissy and I am like fucking yelling at people and raging like dude no um I don't know why though like I the thing I'm learning about myself because this whole entire podcast thing is a learning experience like every episode I learn a little bit more about myself I feel like I kind of have a negative like like what's the tone I kind of I like rant and I like pick apart what's wrong a lot and I like bitch about stuff

and it's I think it's because it's therapeutic to just like get it out because it's not like it's honestly boring if everything's sunshine and rainbows and I talk about everything that's positive I feel like it's boring as fuck like people like gossip and juice and like things because I like I think for you guys it's like uh you might think these things too so it's nice to hear someone else say it and life isn't perfect so it's kind of I guess refreshing to hear someone address the parts of life that aren't perfect and the truths about life that, um, you think that I also think like, I I'm sure that's, so you don't mind so much, but sometimes I catch myself after an episode. I'm like, dude, I just bitched for an hour. I just like fucking got negative. And I

don't know. Um, I don't even remember what I was. Oh, I was taking a video in my kitchen. Okay. No, that wasn't it oh what I did today um sorry I'm like dude I tried to bring it the last two episodes I feel like I did like I was the old me back early when I podcast started podcasting in September I just felt like my energy was back I was coming up with fun stuff to talk about like it was really fun and tonight I'm sorry I have a headache and I'm being negative but so literally today I woke up took care of all the like puppy grocery stuff I made a video for Patreon and then I think I just sat on the couch on my phone and I was in like complete just like chill mode Sunday chill mode and I took like a fat nap where I like slept for an hour woke up slept for an hour woke

like, I think I had, like, a three-hour stretch of just couch time, and was I watching anything on TV? I was watching, like, a live stream about the GameStop shit going on, and then, like, I don't know. I, I was just having, like, a weird, I was watching, like, random shit on YouTube, and then I, like, woke up and made a coffee. I just made, like, four espresso shots. Okay, this is terrible I probably I just like made a bunch of espresso shots and drank it really fast and I hadn't even showered so I showered and then got all my laundry together and then went and did laundry and literally slept more while I was waiting for my laundry to get done and I'm trying to think if I could tell you guys anything at the laundromat there's like a lady outside eating a

salad out of Tupperware there's another lady with the back hatch of her car open she had this giant dog bed she's like sitting there on her fucking Facebook she told she's like like not just a stereotype but she looked like she looked like a Karen both of these ladies look like Karens and yeah they're just like chilling at the laundromat the salad lady and the dog lady and then I don't know like I knew I was looking hot today because whenever I wear my Nike hat and my black mask I know I look hot even though you can't even see what I look like but I was getting some looks and I was looking at other people in the laundromat today there were some um fine like okay it's why is it so everyone looks hot with a mask on it's just that's just a fact

but it just seemed like there was so many uh options today at the laundromat and I was I was pretty uh I don't know it just like feels nice to be around hot people sometimes you're just like oh okay we're looking at each other we're not gonna talk we're gonna do our laundry I know they have shit stains all over their underwear they're trying to conceal I've been I have so much anxiety by the way like I don't know I literally like it doesn't matter what I'm taking out of the laundry thing or putting in I'm like doing it so quickly so like like if there is a single makeup stain on my white towel I'm just gonna think I assume people think that's a shit stain so I'm like super quick about like no one can see what I'm putting in there and taking out and I

like cover it all up with a like I'll find a clean blanket and like put it over the whole basket and I like get the fuck out of there really quick I don't know why I I feel like that's a dumb thing I do or think about because I usually am not like that with other like for most stuff I don't I don't care I'm like whatever um unfazed like it's not a big deal but for whatever reason in the laundromat there could literally be two people in there on the opposite side and I would still freak out I don't know that's probably why why am I like that um so yeah I mean there's like four dudes in there today uh they look like college dudes to be honest because like what upper 20s I guess there's a lot of apartments I think that don't have laundry in San Diego where I live so I

feel like a lot of people go laundromat and I'm okay I started doing the math and I'm like I have laundry here so you guys all know I like going to the laundromat and I like I just like it I don't know I can do my laundry at my apartment like it's not in my unit but I could there's a way to do it here but I don't I don't I need to start doing that because I feel like I'm wasting it's not that much money like it's like pennies compared to like the other should I buy but or spend money on each month but I'm just like trying to think about okay I'm driving my car using gas to go fucking 20 minutes away to do laundry once a week what am I doing um whatever sometimes do you ever catch yourself doing a repetitive habit where

like something you just keep doing over and over again and if anyone else observed you doing it they'd be like this person needs to get their head checked like what are like what I feel like that's me in the laundromat it makes no sense it makes no sense it makes no sense so after that I drove home and now I'm podcasting so oh shit speaking of shit Jimmy shit in the car um he shit in the car and I literally oh I almost crashed it was so bad and I was because the reason I almost crashed well I didn't crash obviously I should I shouldn't say that I was just I was so afraid after he shit on the seat and I had a I had a potty pad mat thing down so thank god it didn't get on my seat or anything but and I have paper towels like I have cleaning supplies

everything on deck like ready to use right I'm like everywhere we go I'm like ready to clean his shit and his piss because you never know with puppies like they're still learning how to hold it and have control, and all I know is it was, like, fucking Jordan Davis on, take it from me if you want a t-shirt to sleep in, it's my favorite, but you can keep, like, some bullshit, like, Jordan, it's not a bullshit song, it's a great song, some Jordan Davis song on, I'm, like, you know, bumping to it, like, driving up, and he's backwards in the seat, and all I saw, like, in the corner of my eyes I'm trying to drive right was a curved back and that's all I needed to know I look in the corner of my eye and I see a curved back and that's a

that's the indication that he is shitting his pants and so I just like but the reason I almost like crashes because I was trying to keep him out of it so he didn't step in it and like make a mess You know what I mean? And, um, I grabbed the paper towels and I like immediately picked it up because I don't know. It's like, I don't know. Just like, I wasn't going to let it fucking sit there obviously, but it was, I don't know. So that happened. Um, I don't know. What else can I tell you? Guys, I really, I'm at a loss for words. Let's set some goals this week. I definitely want to stick to a sleeping schedule. Uh, Oh my God, guys, this is a joke. This is a joke. I was FaceTiming my mom and sister and my mom's like, yeah, when I had babies, I was sweating my ass

off every day, working out, pushing you guys in buggies, going on runs, getting my workout on no matter what I was pregnant with you. And I was doing that. I was, when I had you, I was always working out. So you know, excuses, Jacqueline, you got to fucking move your body. Right. And I felt like god damn it they're right and I know they're right because I shouldn't be like oh I have a puppy I can't work out that's a dumb thing to say but I haven't been guys I haven't been exercising for like since I got him the most I've done like literally the only exercise I've gotten is walking around the block when he has to go to the bathroom which is terrible like that's not exercise and then like I need to exert myself hard and I could actually get into this let me go

on a little tangent about working out um and I don't want to make this my brand you guys know how I feel about people that are like their personality is that they're in their fucking their personality is the fact they're in shape and they're into fitness and stuff like I just I don't want to be that or come across like that uh because I think it's fucking boring and that's just how that's just me personally I know so many people that are in the fitness industry they like everything fitness I just personally don't I don't want to make a thing about like my workouts I mentioned I do yoga and that's about it um so what the fuck was I saying oh the most I've done is like roll around on my yoga mat and then like get bitten the entire time by him and then he

bites my mat he's put bite marks all over it he peed on my yoga mat so that's the most I've done some stretching and then the walks with him but they're so what I need to do this week let's set the goal of I literally like tomorrow morning like if I could create a perfect scenario this week I'll go to bed at 10 10 30 I'll go to bed at 10 30 I'll wake up at 5 30 I'll put on my walking shoes my outfit to work out in and I will put him in my puppy bag that I'm going to carry him in while I go on a walk because I can't walk him on the sidewalk I could but I'm afraid of him I don't know they're saying like the vets you know you have that problem to take him in it's like you just want to be careful with puppies you know their first 16 weeks when

they're building their immune system to keep them away from high traffic areas where there's a lot of dogs and people walking around and stuff. So sidewalks aren't great. And that's all I have as a, as a walking option here in the city. So anyways, I want to put them in my bag early in the morning, put them in my little walking bag. Um, obviously I'd let him walk at some points on of grassy patches and like make a coffee go on the walk get in like my good 10,000 steps in you know come back and start my work day all week like do that every day and I feel like that's doable I just need to like do it you know like I just need to commit to it but the reason I haven't been exercising I feel like it's because of the sleep deprivation like all those days I was getting

two and a half three hours of sleep I was like fuck everything I'm not moving I can't I just want to sleep all day um I feel like my I'm oh yeah let me talk a little bit about how my life is so different compared to pre-covid 2020 like literally I have since I was 18 because obviously in high school I played sports that that was my fitness and my parents did crossfit so I go to CrossFit since like middle school right so I always worked out and then after sports in high school I was a gym rat you know all through college and then after college like I've been a gym every day most of the time it's like the first thing I do in the morning is hit the gym come back and like get my day going that's what I've done for years and I have never

worked out this little in my life and like the fact I'm not sweating hard every day is so new for me and it started happening so and I know this is probably contributing to this contributed this 100% contributed to my depression back in last spring in like beginning of quarantine like fucking I went from going and working out every single morning going super hard to nothing and then I tried like I tried the at-home workout thing I just didn't really it just doesn't really work for me which is odd because now I like doing yoga at home what am I trying to say I feel like if my old self if she knew how little I worked out now and how much I'm like not stressed out about it and not like beating myself up about it and feeling all this guilt about it like that is

so much progress like and I know I should be hard on myself like I should expect I should have high expectations and move my body and exercise but I think I had so much um like the my self-worth or my my view of myself and like my body image it was so wrapped up in how much I sweat every day like I was the type of person in the gym who looked wet like bring an umbrella if you're working out next to me you're gonna have a situation on your hands with my sweat like that was how I found like I felt amazing because I worked out so hard every single day like I was sometimes I'd work out seven days a week and so it's wild how um and I haven't really thought of this until literally tonight how now I'm like I guess the last since like November I've been doing

my yoga workouts like every single day and it's less um you know I'm not like super sweaty and going hard but I feel amazing I'm breathing more I feel more connected I'm like I'm I don't know I'm calmer and I that's why I love yoga and I feel like I want to stick to it forever because I just love how I feel when I do it all the time but um I think that's the the the exciting thing about Jimmy and having a dog is when he gets big and I can go on I love running I can't there's nothing um I I need to start doing it again but I can't wait to go on runs with him like in this just like running with a dog I I love it so much so anyways that's kind of where I'm at and like I, okay. This was a, this is what's wild. Um, when my gym opened back up, I feel like,

are they still outdoor right now? I don't know. I quit my gym membership cause I want to switch in the new year and I haven't, I haven't yet. But, um, is this boring as fuck? I feel like all these topics are kind of dry. Sorry. But I, um, back in like the fall. Yeah. I was like going hard I think if you guys follow me on Instagram I was posting all my like fucking deadlift weights I was lifting and like all my workout you know pose from the gym like I was back at it like full force like I was pre-covid and then it got shut down again that was outdoor only and I'm like I will not I I don't like the chaos of the outdoor setups like I just don't like it. It just seems makeshift. I'm, I just, I was so annoyed by it that I just fucking

didn't go anymore. And then I switched to yoga as you know, and now I'm like sticking with that, but it's wild how it's like, I have this indecisive or not anymore. Um, in the past, I had an indecisive relationship with exercise where I'd like doing, it was like, I was obsessed with running and every single morning me and my friend Alexis would go to the gym together at six or seven a.m. I would run two miles on speed seven and then I would do this like glute workout after she would climb the stairs and we did that like five days a week every like that's how I got into gyms and fitness and then I did that like throughout college and then like I was a tread I was a treadmill person. And that's what I told you guys. Like the only thing I can watch on the,

on the treadmill is golf. That whole story I've told, like, that's when I started getting obsessed with that. And then, um, obviously I'd like lift weights too. And then I got into yoga the year after college when I joined a hot yoga studio. But then, but then I like flip-flop. So I'll get like super obsessed with yoga Pilates. Like I was doing bar yoga Pilates running that kind of stuff I'll get like so obsessed with it and then I'll go fuck that I'm my ass is gonna get huge I'm gonna do a ton of deadlifts hip thrusts like lift weights like do bro workouts or whatever they're called like bodybuilding style workouts and then I'll go hard at that and then I'm like I hate how I can't fit my jeans and so then I'm like back on the yoga and

I feel like it's annoying because I'm I never like I'm not I'm not consistent with anything and so I think I'm just like ready to stick to yoga and just like fucking send it because I love it so much like I can't deny how great I feel when I'm there's no better feeling than finishing an hour of yoga that was super hard it's like there's nothing like it I can't even compare or describe any other feeling like that feeling and if you've done yoga and if you know what I'm talking about you get it but it's not the same as like I just did a fuck ton of deadlifts and pull-ups and squats and like lunges and all this stuff. And then I leave the gym exhausted. Like you feel this, it's like a different kind of, um, like it's not a pain with yoga. It's not a

destruction of the body with yoga. It's like a liberation of your, uh, I don't know your muscles. It's like a, like leaning into the pain and breathing through it. And it's like a fun challenge every time you get on your mat. Cause it's like your body's slowly like getting more um I think the tissues are lengthening and strengthening and it just I don't know it's like it's a great feeling so 2021 is the year of yoga it's the year of Jimmy the puppy it's it's still the year of podcasting and that's where I'm at so I never really talk about like fitness stuff uh on purpose like I just don't it's kind of an afterthought to me obviously right now it is, but, um, I know I like, I listened to a lot of people talk about health

and fitness and here's where I'm at with it. I've literally done it all like CrossFit since middle school. And then like I've done, so then I like ate a certain way. Like I was like CrossFit paleo college. I was running vegan, like literally like I was raw vegan, didn't drink coffee for I was like six months raw and then I did vegan for like regular vegan high carb like fruit potatoes all that shit for like three years and then uh bodybuilding fucking egg whites uh turkey ground turkey kind of stuff um fucking like gym shark girl workout style stuff and then yoga then I was like obsessed with hot yoga and then fucking now I'm like back to like I like yoga so um anyways I like yoga and running

if I could pick two of my favorite workouts yoga and running are my favorite so I'm gonna do it I'm gonna stick to it that was a tangent that might have gone on too long but I just want to like sometimes I just need to talk it out and make it make sense in my head and I catch myself the great thing about the podcast and how I learn each episode is I catch myself or I notice patterns about myself as I'm talking it out and I go oh oh I see where I could like fix this area of my life or work on this part or make a decision here or whatever it is and um I mean I think with writing it out like a lot of people do morning pages a lot of people journal in the morning like it's the same shit I'm just saying it I'm like speaking it out and

it's my personal preference like my fucking hand can't do the the journaling thing like I I know I still write in my journal but like because guys you know on the podcast I have my notebook I like write my notes out first um for a lot of the episodes in the past like I have an entire notebook filled of so many little chicken scratch ideas and things. So it's kind of a joke. Like obviously I could write it out, but I like to talk it out. What am I saying? You know, and I think the reason, let's go back to what I've said in the past. And this is why I recommend, like I recommend solo podcasting. I recommend talking it out with yourself because there's something to be said about hearing your soul speak like you're speaking out the pieces of your life and your

truths you're speaking it out right on the microphone and I feel like there's something powerful I feel like that has more weight to it than simply writing it like hearing it out loud like I don't know how to just I don't know how uh to I guess it makes sense doesn't that does that not make sense does that make sense I don't know um for me that's what works but I recommend it like if you just it's basically therapy with yourself I guess um I don't guess I know so that's that I have a lot of like I just want to be a rock star this week do you guys ever feel like oh I'm gonna get my shit together this week and then you don't do it like I need to get my shit together this week especially with the routine of uh sleep and exercise because what the fuck

um I don't know this dog is perfect guys he's so perfect there's no nothing will love you more than your dog nothing it's important like I don't know I mean he just wants to be close to me and cuddle with me and like play with me and um it's like the most amazing feeling I don't I didn't know how uh I didn't know what I was missing I feel like a lot of people my age have dogs they have boyfriends girl they have like another uh soul around them all the time a roommate there's something about it man I think it's uh obviously what humans need we need that just even him like cuddling he spoons my back when we sleep I'm like this feels like a guy like he literally is like he'll stretch out like a full feet above his head legs all the way back

and he'll like lay on my back like a big spoon and I'm like if I didn't know any better this is a man behind me spooning me like that's why when he gets bigger he's a hundred percent sleeping in my bed and that sounds is that like a weird I feel like a lot of people sleep with their dogs but it's comforting like it's nice and I know that's kind of embarrassing and maybe stupid to say but or not embarrassing um but just the lack of touch I received in 2020 uh it's starting to become like it's I'm seeing it now like I'm seeing it full force like I'll never sleep alone again ever fuck that I'm just you know that's that's a little bit uh dramatic but I I mean I'm fine I think

I think I'm a really strong independent woman who doesn't need no man right like I'm I'm uh I've what is the word I have exhausted that uh way of being like I've I've lived it out I've been single I've been alone I've done that and I've worked my shit out I've worked on myself and it's always in progress it's never complete like you know there's so much it's a never-ending thing in life you're always gonna keep going and chugging along and working on yourself and and um I feel like I am at that point where dude somebody holler holler holler at your girl lock it down if you like me if you want me let me know I am available and looking so slide in let's chat like I thought 2020 I was so like so ready to start dating and like going out

and I moved to a place that's super happening in the city here like I literally moved to the hub of where people go out and I was all excited and then shit got shut down and then I got depressed you guys all know the story and now I really feel like I feel like I'm actually in a better place now to start dating again and like and doing that because I've done so much work because before it I was still kind of I did I was so different a year ago guys it's wild it's so wild how much you can change and and not in a I'm a completely different person but just a I'm more at home with myself and I like myself I really do like I have a um I can say that with confidence I'm not like oh there's this part of you that sucks or oh you need to you know I'm I feel like I'm solid

I'm a well-rounded individual who has a lot to offer in this world and who deserves deserves love and all that fun fucking shit I don't know I'm a mush ball I am a mush ball but I'm also jaded because I've been burned you guys there's someone in my dms who he's like because I had um I think he's the one that asked me on my Q&A to do a breakup story and he's like that was he basically was like the story I told on that Q&A wasn't good enough I think I told like multiple breakup stories he's like it wasn't good enough there's got to be something worse than that you've got to have some sort of like crazy breakup story and I feel like I have a very like honestly all my breakups have been mutual like we're both on the same page about it

they're not psychotic and no one's like going psycho and like there's no screaming or obviously of theirs crying but it's not it's not like some crazy shit went down and then one of them like there's a there's levels like there is one that's pretty bad but not in a it's more like I feel bad for them that they don't see how they are and I had to finally like put my foot down and get out but I was like I can't even be mad at them because they are so oblivious to their um fucking like narcissism and their sociopathic personality like they don't even they don't even have that they do all the self-help courses read all the books they go to all the seminars they have all the mentors and the guy the people you know helping them in life and business and yet

they're still fucking crazy like that and so that was probably a bad one where I was just like I don't even I just felt like oh I'll pray for you you know what I mean but yeah back to that breakup breakup stories like I really I'm pretty like boring I'm I have nothing crazy and juicy to say I don't have a lot of I guess baggage is the word in the past for like even with friendships or I really don't I don't have a lot of like like if I hear someone I don't know whose name I could hear and like roll my eyes and be like oh do I have a story to tell you know I'm not even I have no I'm like very low drama I've stayed out of um I haven't gotten myself involved in a lot of dramatic messy shit in my

20s so far like I just don't I just don't I don't know I don't know just um it's probably because I'm not a super social person like I am social but I'm not wrapped up in it constantly and I feel like when you have a multitude like when you have a lot of if you're going out all the time if you have like multiple groups of friends and there's interconnection like interconnected relationships with boys and girls and exes and it can get messy and kind of crazy And then, um, I just never got involved. I really, honestly, guys want me to be honest right now. I feel like, honestly, you want me to be honest right now? I feel like one of my kind of, I wouldn't necessarily call this a regret, but just one of my, um, kind of feelings about my past is that I looked around a lot at people with a lot of friends. and a lot of fun activities, and, like, trips to Napa, we're gonna go on a wine tasting adventure, and, like, you know, girls trip, or go into Tulum, and, like, you know, all these fun girl excursions,

because people have friends, and they have shit going on, or going to people's weddings, or getting invited to, you know, baby showers, like, all this fun stuff, like, looking back, I feel like I have a very empty bucket of that kind of stuff. And I, I'm a loner. I'm a lone wolf. I've kind of always, well, I haven't always been that way. I definitely had a shit ton of friends in the past, but I don't know. It's kind of wild now that I'm 26 to assess my life and go, whoa, what is that? Or why, um, you know, what is that? It's just interesting. And I definitely think my future is going to be full of those types of things and I I'm trying to like manifest girlfriends this year I said I want a best friend this year I want to find like a rock you know like

a girl that I can just like click with really well and and get along with and I got a dog so that's my first best friend but that's kind of emotional like kind of a sad thing to realize I don't know can anyone else relate to that where you and I think it's because of social media a lot of people post their social activities and their the things they do and you can kind of get FOMO about it and kind of go well my life sucks but I kind of think it's because um there's a lot of things that happen where like all my best friends and I got split up in high school and then in high school I was friends with everyone involved in all the you know the clubs and the sports but I never really had a had a super tight friend and then in college I lived at home with my parents

you know I did community college and I stayed at home and all my friends went off to like you know big universities and then then I studied abroad with like random people and then I went to college and lived with my sister and I didn't have I wasn't in a sorority with a bunch of new people I wasn't with a new roommate. And then after I lived with my sister, I got my own apartment and never had a roommate in college until then. My only roommate was a guy after I graduated when I worked at the university or no, I had a girl roommate for like three months. It was like a summer thing. So yeah, I just like never was thrown into a big group of like a lot of new people. And I kind of just always did my own thing and then yeah and then I moved to San Diego well where was

I going with that I moved to San Diego obviously like knew nobody so I'm still kind of um and you know my issue is like let me talk this out I feel like I just don't put I don't put myself out there like I don't like put effort into socializing and I'm hard on myself about that I feel like it's stupid that I don't because I'm definitely missing out on a lot of fun stuff but um I think I'm just like totally fine alone and I don't feel like a need or craving for it I'm just like life's I'm fucking happy like I can't I can't hide that and so now I feel like I want to share myself with other people because I feel I definitely feel so much more complete holy fuck that's what happens when you podcast sometimes you just talk it out it gets kind of

deep and then you post it and you hope that you know and here's the thing I've said this so many times I have completely let go and released the fear of any judgment any criticism critique you don't think I'm, you know, whatever you think, like it's fine. Like I have zero care in the world about that. And I feel like that's the biggest, one of the biggest steps or like growth things for me so far in my life. Like finally being able to admit that and not have any like, well, I still kind of care about, no, like I'm not for everyone and that's okay. and I think um I don't even know why I have to put that out there like if you you know but sometimes I feel like addressing it because um I know I say a lot of like deep honest vulnerable

shit and I kind of feel like I have to say that like I know that was a lot but uh this is just who I am you know we're all the same I think at the end of the day what is the quote we're all just walking each other home fuck that's such a like I could cry whenever I see that quote I feel like it's just something about it we're all just walking each other home home to me like when I when I hear that I think walking each other home is like walking each other to heaven like we're all gonna die someday so like every person you hang out with or interact with it's like you're all just on the, you're all on this continuous dance of life together. And I think it's all about your relationships and who you encounter and, um, making the most out of that walk

home. It's kind of sad. Fuck dude. That's like a sad thing to think about. Um, like and you ever wonder, you ever wonder like why you meet certain people? Like why, why did I meet them you know especially guys I'm like what why them out of everyone in the world why them that's what freaks me out about people that like like obviously I want to get married someday but it's just like whoa how can you just be like they're it that's it I don't know all right that's episode 150 150 days I didn't really make a big deal out of 150 I could have 200 like I'm not gonna start so I'll like celebrate the hundred number like 200 300 I'm gonna hit 300 in like August maybe 200 is coming up 50 more episodes um I don't know so yeah that's the episode hit

that subscribe button I'll be here tomorrow I'll be here all week I do this seven days a week hit that subscribe button write me a review write me a review on the apple podcast app let me know what she thought the show helps other people find out too. Like if you write something, they'll get a gist of what I talk about or whatever. And then, uh, follow me on Instagram for all the puppy updates and head over to patreon.com slash TJMS. If you want to watch that video I recorded in my kitchen this morning, cause it's kind of fun. So, and it involved alcohol. That's all I'm going to day. All right. Love you guys. Hope you had a great Sunday and I will talk to you tomorrow.