The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 154- 5 Childhood Stories

Episode Date: February 5, 2021

Happy Thursday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic

Hey guys, happy Thursday. It's episode 154. Welcome back to the show. okay let's do a podcast hi everyone it's Jacqueline welcome back to the show Hi. That's my LaCroix. All right. I'm going to make a professional decision right now to withhold discussing, excuse me, discussing anything to do with the level of tiredness I feel. Okay. I'm just going to make her, I'm not going to talk about it. I want to talk about it. Cause that's all I can literally think about right now, guys. It's another day of I've all I've done today is drink liquids over caffeinate and stare at a screen and I'm dying. I mean, we're all dying. We're all going to die someday, but I, I'm not doing well, but I'm going to make a professional

decision to not uh I gotta keep it professional what am I saying I just feel like ranting and bitching about being tired again and I've done that for fucking what is it this will be are we going on three weeks with a puppy yeah so anyways um if you're new hit that subscribe button I'm here seven days a week this is my audio diary audio diary this is my audio diary it's my audio or it's my audio diary. Instead of writing in a journal, I talk it out. Let's go. Okay. So my dad sent me a book today, like a surprise, like, you know, Hey kid, what's your address? I'm going to send you something. So I get a book from Amazon, cute little gift bag. It's called, um, stop being invisible. Uh, anyway, so yeah, there's like a workbook that goes with it. I

don't know. So anyways, when, right before I started recording, I'm like, Oh, you know what I could do today to give the people what they want to add some sort of uh fucking value to your life today because as a content creator that is my number one priority it's not about me it's all about you and uh helping you out how can I help you today let's reminisce about childhood my this book my dad sent me uh I was thinking about my dad today and I was like I kind of want to reminisce about childhood go through the months of the year talk about what my family did the trips we'd go on um, I don't know, I have literally no notes written, literally, literally no notes written on this, and you guys want me to talk like an influencer, so, first of all, let me, like,

think about my day, do I have anything to update on about what I got up to, not really, all I did was drink beverages, like, literally, literally, I can't do that, I can't say that word anymore. It's, I'm probably gonna have to pause and pee five times. I don't know. Do you guys ever like go, I'm so tired. I just can't stop drinking liquids or am I insane? All I do is drink liquids. I got a Zevia root beer off to my right on the counter. It's on the corner. Uh, thank God Jimmy isn't tall enough to jump up yet. Like that is this. I need to cherish this time. He can't even jump on the fucking couch. My little puppy. Um, if you're new, I have a golden retriever puppy, but he can't jump and hit that Zevia on the corner. Um, which I already know

is empty cause I drink it all. So I've got that beverage. I've got a water over on my right as well on the edge of the table here. I'm drinking LaCroix lime. I did not put lime in it. Like usually I squeeze lime juice in it, but I didn't do that tonight. Um, we got a fucking kombucha on the table drank and just like there's an iced coffee cup with the remnants of you know when this is there is nothing worse okay before I reminisce about childhood let's describe this scenario right now and let's all think about it and cringe and like go there is nothing worse than like going and getting an iced coffee and then all of a sudden you know you're in your car you're drinking your iced coffee you're blasting music the windows are

down you're having a great fucking time and then you decide okay I gotta go run errands I gotta go the grocery store so then you're in the grocery store for like 30 minutes or whatever and all the ice you come back the sun hit your cup all the ice is melted that shit's warm half it sucks at that point but you still drink it does anyone still drink it or am i insane again i don't i don't know um if i'm relatable i'm this is a cry for help this entire fucking show is a cry for help does anyone get me does anyone fucking understand me do you drink that luke that fucking sun warmed melted iced iced coffee after your grocery shop so anyways um yeah that the amount of times that happens and I still drink the fucking

rest of it is again am I insane I don't know so yeah that's oh and then I have the hot coffee cup from the hot coffee I this is how my day starts now just just an FYI I used to work in a coffee shop and, um, my coworker, I woke up at four 30, excuse me. No, I woke up at four. Did I get there at four 30? Fuck. I don't remember. But my supervisor, I remember observing him take like drink coffee, like a shot, like just get the caffeine down as quickly as possible. I just need this down my body and my, okay. What am I saying? The point is I'm starting to do that now because my first instinct when i wake up is in not not like oh like it used to be enjoy your coffee like sit down wake up bask in the sun check your social media pet your puppy like

those days are fucking over my own the first instinct when i wake up is how quickly so now Now I'm starting, I'm not liking the espresso machine right now. I'm not liking the Breville Barista espresso machine right now. I think I need to get cold brew. I think, or, no, I'm not going to waste time and make a bunch of shots and put it in the fridge. Fuck that. I'm not going to, I don't have time for that. It's the, like, it takes time to pull an espresso shot.

I have to grind the beans, load up the portafilter, fucking smash it down, put it into the little compressor fucking thing, get a cup, put it under there, and then instead of waking up and being able to just like pull something out of the fridge like a cold brew I have to like make my coffee and it takes a while and I'm not doing well I'm not doing well with it I need to buy a backup option that's quick I think I'm gonna get cold brew in fact guys I gotta let you in on a little secret right now do you know when you're like an hour and a half behind your goals of the day where you're like, ah, fuck. It's currently 6.30. I wanted this podcast to be done at 6 a.m. That's more than an hour and a half. Okay. My fantasy,

because as you know, I have a job, like a normal job and I podcast as my creative outlet, my hobby my passion it's my passion project my fantasy is like I wake up at five okay that's fucking early but I used to do it bitch I used to get up at five in the morning in college get to the gym by 5 30 I'd run six miles and go to class there's adults my there are people out there fucking Jocko you're leading that movement I understand you wake up at or who is it Mark Wahlberg they all wake up at like three in the morning my mom my okay shout out mom I haven't talked about her in a minute my mom she wakes up at three or four in the morning and works out yeah so it's crazy that I used to do that and now I'm just like so my my fantasy back let me

keep the ship afloat here as the uh what do you call it what i'm captain am i fucking captain jack sparrow dude i'm captain jack sparrow sparrow i'm gonna stop myself and sorry for friend zoning you guys throughout this episode i keep saying dude dude dude dude dude like i feel like okay i i think i've addressed this in the past I I talk to my audience as if you were either my boyfriend that we're like we've been dating for multiple years and we're just at this like acceptance point where I'm not like shy and nervous and being like cute in the beginning and like I'm not gonna tell you everything about myself yet because I'm still just trying to attract you and like not scare you off yet no

fuck that we've been dating for two years so you're either that if you're a boy or you're my best friend best friend of life girlfriend my ride or die I can talk to you about anything like that's my audience that's how I talk okay so what was the point of me saying that dude I'm gonna be professional and not bring up how tired I am and how the tiredness just thought i i just blacked out and lost my train of thought whoa i was talking about beverages oh shit oh fucking my fantasy is wake up in the morning super early like 5 a.m get my coffee going get my dog outside go you know take his morning do his morning release not going to be graphic today and then come back inside like oh and maybe we went on a

walk maybe we got fresh air early in the morning in the dark oh that's so fun I love early morning walks oh my god but come inside and like podcast like a fucking 6 a.m podcast caffeine thoughts morning it's like morning pages but it's so anyways my dream today or my goal my planner was to accomplish this early before work. It's currently six 30. I still need to do yoga. I have, uh, I still need, I still need to do my nails and, um, I'm tired of shit. So it's just one of those days where I'm like, I might just call, um, cleaning the shit off my yoga mat. Oh fuck. I don't want to talk about my dog shitting either. I might just call housework tonight my exercise because I have shit to clean up just a little inside info right now

I wasn't looking I turn around Jimmy is in a squatting position over my yoga mat and guys this isn't the first time just know that when I'm close to my mat when my nose so I've washed that bitch a couple times now because he's had accidents I gotta burn it I gotta burn it when I am down low when I am in a when I am doing my chaturanga chaturangas when I'm when I'm doing my fucking cobras when I'm in my downward dog when I'm anything where my nose is to my mat I still smell a shit a little bit with like the fucking lysol no what do I use Clorox, excuse me, the Clorox bleach kills 99.9% of germs, but does not eliminate odors. Apparently I even add vinegar, white vinegar. I fucking spray it off in the shower. I hang dry it.

It's stained with shit and I have to burn it. So that might be my exercise tonight. And guys, I know I'm going to reminisce about childhood. Stay with me. Okay. The first half is the diary part about my day so I'm a little bit disappointed with myself but um dude I hate oh my god oh my god oh my god there's an influencer with my exact birthday we are the exact same age and she is so cool and so much farther ahead with creating a brand and building a business online and balling out than I am and I fucking think she's so cool like she is so and now that now that sounds sarcastic like if I didn't have my opinions about what she was selling and how she was doing it and what she was telling people to do every day I would just see her online and be like that's a

bitch go for it you're killing the game right but unfortunately the content the fucking what the the actual product the thing she is selling is so fucking pussy excuse my language i that is a swear word i am maxed out and so sick and tired of fucking influencers excuse my language telling people to be gentle on themselves listen to your body be gentle on yourselves take a nap it's okay to have a bad day today and like literally the descriptions on the stories because here's the thing I hate follow and I and I don't I'm not proud of that I think I've discussed that in the past you end up like you like following people I actually am inspired by her but at the same time it's like every time I roll my eyes now I just need to not I just need

to not watch the stories uh anyways and you know it's so fucked up she's muted but I still she's in my search section and sometimes I search her name just to watch her stories just because I do like her anyways what am I saying this for I don't like the uh the whole like it's just so meek and bitch I don't know how else to say it like everything is like take a nap self-care put on a mask like hold a teddy bear fucking order a pizza it's okay to cry I don't know what this I don't know why am I even saying this because I think I I would be telling myself that I should do that and I should not do that what the fuck do you guys again the train of thought I like hard knocks I like like I like I think it's because I was I was coached my whole life

and I had strict parents and we're gonna talk about that because I'm gonna reminisce about childhood in about five fucking minutes and I don't like to swear this much and I should stop I like David Goggins style uh communication you know like I like truths truth bombs like hey Jacqueline fucking you said you're gonna do this day get it fucking cross that off the list don't go take a nap because you don't feel like it because you're tired like it's there there are sometimes I will say when you are, it's coming out both ends. You've got a fever of 115. You lost 20 pounds of sweat and now you're in the hospital and also you have COVID and you're on a respirator. Did I mention that yet? And you're almost going to die. That's a time when

I would say, take a break, take a nap, order a pizza, chill out. Okay. Anything else? You got a good bitch. You got a good life. You're healthy. Your legs work. Do a pushup. Excuse me. I was going to say squat. I fucked up. You have arms. Do a pushup. I feel like it feels so good. Once you like push through your tiredness, when you don't feel like doing something, you feel fucking so good. I get high off that shit. Oh my God. Am I fucking, is that weird? Does anyone relate to that. I love get, I like exhausting myself. I don't know. That's maybe my, I don't know. I like to lower cortisol with a yoga and also raise it when I, I don't know. Okay. Why am I on this tangent? Dude, welcome to my show. This is a podcast about thoughts. I don't know. Where's

my dog? Sometimes I forget I have him. He's so quiet and I'm just like, where is he? He's like a little bunny rabbit he burrows in random places in the house and I always think he's sitting behind me and he's not he's in his uh crate so okay I think let's get back on task before I reminisce about childhood and talk about my parents and growing up and like I don't know my life story because I haven't really talked about it in a while and I like to feel I think reminiscing about childhood makes people feel warm and fuzzy and comfy and they're just like oh my god the school bus buying crayons for back to school like you know it's fun um yeah I think I was just going off on how I'm behind today and I'm not proud of myself and I felt like addressing it for fucking

10 minutes excuse my language again yeah but do you guys ever do that where you're just like an hour and a half behind and you're frustrated yourself you're like and it's just frustrating it's just it's just frustrating I don't know I'll say it guys I have an update there is a boy on the internet who I follow okay literally okay okay just like a update so I bought a hat because of this boy because he has the same hat am I am I insane like here's the thing I look okay this is so I'm exposing myself this is so embarrassing but he looked so good in it that I was like I want to look that good and I also think you're really attractive so I bought the hat I don't know does anyone else do that do you ever like it I mean that's like a

boy's outfit inspo not it's like not even coming from a girl but it's just like this really pretty white hat and I just really wanted to buy it because he looked great and um it's from uh imperial wait what the fuck I don't know just maybe I'll post on Instagram so anyways let's let's reminisce fucking oh I'm already on my insta dms looking for content to talk about oh my god he's so fucking cute dude fire what about wheels my dog will bark at them if I yeah so that so that was um about my dog I have a lantern where I put a little candle in when I do yoga and like just hang out in my apartment house apartment I don't know what to fucking call it same difference so my dog's he's

uh Jimmy's scared of the lantern I feel like to him if I was Jimmy I would perceive it like an alien or like a little wall-e robot because they're about the same height it's metal and it's got sharp edges and I feel like that's intimidating to him I think my dog likes round edges obviously with balls you know he's obsessed with balls just like me you know we have that in common I let you know like mother like son I'm proud of him takes after his mom and I think it's those sharp edges that are really uh pissing him off I don't know he like barks at it he gets scared of it so cute like I'll put it out in the middle of the living room and then he like hides behind me because he's so scared of it so

anyways all right let's just I need to cut to the chase I don't really know where to start should I start like the first stuff I remember I could be here for five hours guys you know I could be I should be live streaming this on Instagram the last live stream I did was four hours yep anyways so the first thing I remember okay first of all I have a mom and a dad okay obviously that's how I got here and I have an older sister and a younger brother and we're all like my sister's a year older than me my brother is a year a year and a half younger so currently our ages are 20 my brother just turned 25 I'm 26 my sister's 27 yeah so we call our we call ourselves you know three musketeers the three stooges the fucking JJR squad Julia Jacqueline

Robert okay so let me just think like that's the fam um we grew up out so we started off in a farmhouse and I think I've talked about this before so I just like this is like the coolest this was like the best place to grow up because this little farmhouse had um obviously like there's like farming barns and shit behind it and like fields and pastures where we had a little pony patches with curly hooves um but the cool thing about this is we had this attic that was refurbished or whatever and we it was like a giant playroom that we all like like slept it was like our giant bedroom upstairs and it was blue and it was kind of like this I don't know like as a little kid it felt special and we all had our little sections and I'd have my little kitchenette

you know with like my fake like lettuce and tomatoes and I'd make little hamburgers like fake plastic shit and I'd have you know my well my sister was into Barbies I was always into baby dolls I feel like that makes sense like I don't do well I didn't do well playing make believe make believe where you know you have Barbie and Ken and they talk to each other and you're making up scenario like I sucked at that in fact I was so in my head about it I was like I couldn't I could never get immersed into that I I just like the decorating the house part and putting clothes on them and like anything decor you know we'd even take our I have to tell a guy's story what my brother would do so we would take our okay and I'm just gonna say the ages right now with at this

house are like well obviously I was birthed and grew up there until I was in third grade or fourth grade yeah I moved to my other house in fourth grade so this is until I was I don't know how old I would be third grade okay let's just say third grade so what we would do with the Barbie houses what we do with the Barbie houses is a oh my gosh guys side note my mom so I have my little cousin, and my, um, she's, like, what, two now, almost two, why can't I remember, and my mom, she's been at my mom's house recently, and, um, she, my mom's taking out all of her old toys, and, like, showing her them, and, like, letting her play with them, and it's such a trip to see her use our old toys, it's, I can't believe I'm at this, I'm at this age, and that's happening,

and I'm like, I'm, I'm tripping out over it because it's like, it's like inception. It's like, wait, I was just holding that doll. Why you're holding that doll that like she had this little pony that used to sit on my bed. I had patches, sunny and flip. Those were my three at brown stuffed animal pony patches was white. And these were after these were named after our actual ponies. Sunny was brown patches is brown and white. Uh, and then flip was my white cat stuffed animal I still have and sometimes sleep with, um, hashtag adults that sleep with stuffed animals. Uh, let's, let's make, create a community where, where we all take naps and be gentle on ourselves. Um, but it's wild. She was holding patches and I was like, oh my God, that was just like,

I used to make my bed and like put him on it every day. So anyways, um, but back to the thing. So we would have our Barbie house set up. We had this giant purple one and it was cool in the corner had an elevator thing where you'd like crank the top and they, the Barbies, like you could pull them up to the top part of them, even though you could just like fucking set them up on the second level. Like, I don't know. Um, then anyways, what we do is we'd set it up like in the living room by our big fucking like Panasonic box TV, you know, like, I don't know if it was of Panasonic I just feel like all those TVs were anyways and we take the VHSs and create rooms like we would make we'd make extra walls that would go out around the living room and extra

rooms with the VHSs and books we'd make books like we take the book um like picture books and we turn them into little tents where it created a wall so then we'd have all these extra rooms and the Barbie house and then guys it doesn't stop there so we had a little white Barbie house a purple Barbie house that was big and oh my god guys do you ever like think about a certain toy from your past and you just get like this like I just I just time traveled I don't know what happened but I I like see I'm like unfolding the white small Barbie house I'm fucking it's like back to the future. And my brain is, it's, this is very fun. I can't recommend solo podcasting enough. This is like therapy. I'm talking it out. I'm reminiscing about childhood. I'm probably

connecting dots about myself as to why I am the way I am now. Dude, stay woke, do a podcast. All right. So, um, anyway, so we'd have the Barbie house. Okay. It doesn't stop there. We had horse barns legit stables like briar horse barns do any girls i guess girls probably only played with them i don't know back in the early 2000s when like there were boy toys and girl toys and that was actually what it was fucking briar horse barns we'd have we'd have that set up by the house and then fucking fences around it. We had like horses, like actual, uh, they're fucking fancy when I think about it. Like they were nice, you know, it wasn't like a Barbie. Um, do you guys, is this even interesting? Let me check in with my audience right now. Like, I don't know. Do you

feel comfy hearing about this, hearing about my toys and growing up? I just thought I haven't talked about childhood in the past or you know excuse me in a while and i feel like it's time it's time to like go back in time time to go back in time so anyways yeah we'd have like the horse barns we'd have hay bales and like fake food and i remember like the horses would all have magnets on their mouths so then the buckets of like grain it would like attach to their fucking mouth anyways so yeah that's what we would do and then my brother here's where he comes in he had his John Deere track tractor collection um like actual like models of what the combines look like and the lawnmowers and shit and he'd come through we'd have like a we'd we'd have a front

lawn set up or something where he would come in with the tractors and mow the lawn for the Barbies so that's what we would do and then I think we would like cross over with the breeds we'd like cross um what's it called we'd fucking inbreed with the playmobil people or um like we'd have other figurines he had his gi joes oh my god that girl's out there did you ever like so the gi joe body compared to ken what the fuck like holy that's when you knew that's when you knew you're like wait muscles are hot I'm five and I know this like because Ken was beach bod but like no he wasn't jacked like fucking G.I. Joe dudes and also I feel like the G.I. Joe's yes they hugged the Barbie Ken's arms couldn't bend at the at the the elbow the way the G.I. Joe one

uh, did because the GI Joe doll had a hinge at the, at the elbow. So you could really wrap your arms around Barbie and kiss her when you wanted to. And it was a, it was a great time. Um, but yeah, I remember that going like, they got bigger, they're just buff and hot. And some of them had tattoos and, um, you know, they obviously came with the army clothes and shit. So it was just like, it was hot, this vibe with the GI Joe's compared to fucking Ken and the swim trunks. but I don't know um I just put that together so I don't know where do I want to transition this I could talk about school stuff um I even I could even skip ahead to middle school and tell you guys the first time I talked to a boy on the phone for fucking six hours um if that says anything

about me I feel like that says a lot or that makes sense now that I think about it um why am I struggling with the microphone tonight I'm just gonna flatten it by my lips here all right wait, no, I can't drink, um, maybe I could talk about Highland dancing, Scottish Highland dancing, I would compete, I started dancing when I was three, so yeah, I could tell you guys about my, my extracurricular activities, like, I did acting and dancing, singing, sports, I kind of did everything but one of the earliest uh i guess activities i did was scottish highland dancing i wore a kilt i wore a kilt i did patty bars and high cuts i did a sword dance to bagpipes in front of judges on a stage and i traveled and i fucking did this okay

take your hands out right now okay this is interactive take your index finger and your thumb and create a what is this like make a three wait what is this official sign this is okay index finger thumb put together you're making a circle and got three fingers sticking up wait no no no wait wait was it the second one okay no no no middle finger thumb middle finger thumb put them together that is the hand position of highland dancing whenever you have them above your head but I feel like I let no no what's the first one I feel like some girls did the first one anyways but yeah I had little um uh what are they called dancing shoes I don't know they laced up around my calves with the big wool socks I think I went to I got my kilt in

Vancouver I remember that was the first time I rode a train I think my parents took me up to Vancouver BC to get my kilt and my outfit my little like vest and shit and I think my socks had to get they're from like Scotland or some shit I don't even know I forget where I got my socks I had a blue kilt if you're curious see I did that that was like one of the earliest I guess activities I was thrown into my sister did ballet I never did ballet um I did jazz and then one day like after Christmas break I went back to go to my practice my jazz practice and the fucking place was shut down I'm like where where did I miss the memo like what happened you know I'm like a little kid and I'm like wait are my parents just can they not afford this anymore

and like they just didn't tell me that and they just said it shut down I don't know I mean they have three kids in catholic school I don't know how the fucking I do not know to this day I do not know how my parents did it well I do know but like three kids private school fucking all the activities are paying for paying for all of our food and all of our bills and all of our clothes like i too i can't imagine like i have a puppy now i mean obviously i can't obviously want to be you know a mom someday it's gonna happen and you know it's like what it's gonna be but it's wild like you really shit the kids are expensive when you think about it i guess that makes sense so that's why you get like when you get married with someone to someone with two

potato potato fuck um fucking your income doubles or whatever the fuck like you have more money coming in it's not just you trying to afford it but three kids is the dream I think I I don't know I I feel like definitely two I just know what three's like because obviously with my my setup um I don't know dude I had such a good childhood I should talk about farm stories now how I talk about feeding calves and having them suck your hand and then you set it in the milk and then they start drinking it and that's how they learn how to drink so they don't suck a suck a bottle anymore if I need to explain anything further yeah so I would like go next door uh to the neighbor's house there's three kids there it was a dairy farm I still like when I

go back to my mom my mom's house we live next to a dairy farm I'm gonna start getting a twang by the end of this episode it's gonna come out like whenever I fucking talk about my hometown shit like I get a twang I don't know where it comes from but it just like fucking comes out whenever talk about farm stories and shit so we had uh dairy farms next to us growing up and then let me talk like i'm an influencer who like grew up next to a farm and then so like my neighbors had three kids and they were like the same age as us and so they taught us how to be farm kids and feed cows and shit so so anyways uh my favorite thing to do though with them was like obviously ride the four-wheeler out in the field like there is nothing more fun like when I have to think of

the times in my life I felt the most alive if I had to name a top I think top three riding a four-wheeler is one of them I think I would have to say a four-wheeler is oh my god so fucking funny you sit on the back you hold on for dear life there's like four kids piled on it in the like the fucking sixth grader driving it so that was probably that we love doing that but they would teach us like how to feed the calves and i remember you know they'd obviously be on a bottle and then at some point you gotta you gotta lead them to the bucket so they drink so they know how to drink water they're still drinking milk at this point but then eventually it's water but you would basically each calf would have a stall in the barn and then you would

they some of them some of them understood it right they they knew what to do but if the ones the retards in the group excuse me for you know what can we just use that word when it makes sense like these cows were fucking retarded they didn't know i know they were three months old they did not understand the same liquid in their in their bottle is what's in front of them and obviously just stick your head down and drink it i believe that falls under the definition that is a diagnosis of retardation just that's what it is so the cows that didn't get it the r's would uh need assistance and that's where you came in and so as a little kid i'm like oh this is fun and you stick your hand up to the calf by their mouth and they start sucking your you put like four fingers

your thumb isn't involved it's like your four fingers sometimes three it's like your finger in the fucking cow's mouth and it starts there's a suction you feel the suction you're like okay they're getting how to suck and then in front of their stall is a square container of milk and then you lower its head as it's sucking into the milk and then it starts drinking the milk with your hand and they slowly take your hand away and that cow that fucking calf that fucking retarded retarded calf is drinking milk and that's how you lead a calf to drink that's how you lead a horse to drink so there's a farm story i think i've told you guys the stories of um playing in the sawdust and digging tunnels and shit I think I've told that story and how I can't believe we did

that and like it's gonna collapse 100% but we still did it or building forts in the hay bales oh my god dude that's so fucking fun stacking hay bales in a way where it like makes a fort oh my god or just like a swing have you guys ever swang swang on a swing have you ever swinged on a swing. Here's the difference. So when you grow up in suburbia, in fucking, you know, suburbia, I don't know what else to call it. And your local park has a swing. Okay. That bitch is no higher than 12 feet. Okay. And you're not swinging very high. And it's, it's a, it's, it's like, it's just it what's what I was gonna say just the tip I was like what can I compare this to yeah it'd be like just the tip that kind of swing setup okay you don't know what you're missing out

on now if you grew up where I did out on the fucking prairie and shit no I mean I always say the farmland I grew up in is kind of bougie like we had her it wasn't like a I wasn't living out in the middle of nowhere I this is why I believe I grew up in the perfect place like the city was close it was urban I guess like we had Costco we had literally like a mall a movie theater we had everything like multiple fucking um high schools kind of all around the area it was very urban I don't know what the population was like I didn't grow up out in the middle of nowhere so when I'm talking about this understand we are rich as fuck no I'm kidding it was bougie farmland it's not the case I did not grow up wealthy at all um I'd say I grew up very middle class

so I don't know whenever I talk about farm stuff I'm like wait I wonder if you're in if you're uh if you're envisioning one stoplight a hundred people like no anyways um what was the story is just gonna tell oh the fucking swing situation so yeah if you grew up where I did and there were there were barns available to hang a swing in you're getting that full fucking throttle what do you call it a full stroke you're getting a full fucking stroke okay when you're on that swing and I don't know how tall a barn what would a barn um height be let's google it I wish I had some background music for you guys here you go let's google the height of a barn just for a reference jacqueline if you touch

your fucking microphone one more time oh do i play country right now is that kind of obvious let's play a song let's get copyright and for whatever this is is this illegal all right barn height oh my headphones are on because I was on clubhouse listening to I can't I can't do it I'm on mute on clubhouse right now uh barn height are you guys on clubhouse I don't like it barn height it's a podcast it's a podcast uh like a live podcast bunch of people talking and i think it's i'm not that hyped on it honestly how tall is a two-story pool barn i need like a why are barns so tall someone googled

30 feet okay fuck it whatever however tall those beams are i'm gonna put it at uh if okay but if normal swing in suburbia is 12 feet high. I'm putting a swing at a, in a barn, 12, 20, 36 feet high. Let's just fucking triple it. So you're getting that full stroke. If you're on that swing and you're five years old and someone pushes you, you're flying. Okay. At that point you are taking flight. Like there is nothing like it. I guess, obviously if you're, um, alive, you've been to carnivals and shit I'm sure there's are there swings or like what are those bungee jump things it's kind of the same thing it's just like a lot of you're you're moving through space and it's exhilarating because your body's flinging in the air so whatever that experiences experiences

for you I guess compared to a swing in a barn I don't know what I'm saying guys why am I doing this. What else should I talk about? All I want to do right now, I dropped my LaCroix on my mouse pad thing on my laptop, and I know if I touch it, it'll pause. Wait, will it pause? No, that's a space bar. I'm afraid. I'm trying to, like, tap it up so it doesn't ruin my laptop and my podcasting career. Yeah, what else can I talk about? I talked about Barbies and shit. talked about the farm life I guess or like growing up being a little kid feeding calves and like playing in the hay and um fuck like I could tell you I feel like one of the highlights let's talk about family I feel like the highlight of my childhood if I had to pick one thing was camping

I I just when I think of the best times in my life I was with my cousins aunts uncles grandparents mom dad my my siblings our dog would come a buddy and we were camping out at Deception Pass in Washington and it was like this annual thing we did around Memorial Day weekend every single year growing up and there was it was again as a little kid I feel like whenever you go out and on a trip or whatever when you think back on it it's like this world it's like this the whole trip felt like a separate universe you were living in because all of a sudden you're not in your bedroom on your bunk bed you're in a tent you know and you're making s'mores on the at the around the campfire and weenies with your aunt she's making you know scrambled eggs every morning and like

there's adults sitting around a campfire and everyone's together and it's not like you're going to school and sleeping in your bed so i feel like that was probably the camping trips were the highlight looking back and um we always did a tarp setup i don't know why this is the most like fucking hillbilly shit ever but obviously there's heavy rain and we weren't gonna have a single fucking leak in our tent not our family so we came prepared with two by fours and tarps and uh an axe i remember my dad i just remember very well him digging a trench around the tent to catch the water off the tarp so then it ran off and it didn't flood us because it would i mean it would downpour i mean it's washington it's wild whenever it rains here in california i'm like whoa i

fucking hate this I don't hate it I'm just like I can't believe I live my whole life like this so anyways yeah we came prepared uh my grandparents always had a camper so yeah I think everyone was a tent we had a my aunt my cousins I'm trying to remember I feel like there are two campers and three tent camping sites and our family was always a tent camping family and my parents had so the kids had the big tent my parents had their own little it was like a red tent. And then my dad, yeah, we would have, we'd have like a setup where we literally bring two by fours. And, and I only knew without, I literally, like I was my dad's, um, what do you call it? Like caddy fucking like in his back pocket, helping him. I'm like handing him tools

as he's doing any kind of like housework construction stuff. That's what my, that was my favorite thing ever. Like I would just follow my dad around and he would teach him about construction shit but yeah so we'd like take the two by fours and like create a frame around the top of the tent in the middle if that makes sense and you'd like pound them into the ground deep did we bring a fucking fence post digger thing what are those called have you guys ever seen those it's like a special shovel that digs it's like a hole digger a fence hole digger what's that thing called yeah anyways i feel like we had to dig deep we probably brought a shovel and he would he would implant those on each side of the tent for the two sides of the frame and

then he would nail or screw the the top one above across that so it's like a big it's like a it's like a frame yeah around the tent and then we'd get the tarp it was always blue super hillbilly i mean we could have gotten a green one or a black one or something you know i don't know if those were available back in that time but we'd have the blue tent or blue tarp um going over the frame and then we would attach i don't know we'd like have string and like i don't know and this was like a weekend thing i feel like we'd roll in on thursday and we'd leave monday but it felt like or a long weekend memorial day weekend thing but it always felt like a fucking month like when you're a kid it's just like whoa every day is so long riding our bikes

everywhere we're going to the beach we're finding starfish washed up we're fucking playing with all the baby crabs under the rocks because as you know if you live in the northwest you know i'm talking about you go to the beach and you find a rock you lift that shit up underneath you got those little tiny crabs just running around and that was so fun so you know and then obviously we would uh there was no like taking pics posting to the gram you know it's just like hanging out riding our bikes in circles everywhere oh fucking waking up with my grandpa going fishing because he a deception passes this is what's super cool about it there's a lake and then across the lake is the ocean like there's a lake next to the ocean so we'd always go fishing

we'd swim in the lake and fish in the lake and my grandpa like you know that was the thing we would do in the mornings when we camped was we just sit sit on the edge of the lake and fish and you know I learned all about I mean that's literally like when I think about my grandpa it's like what did he teach me he taught me how to fish how how to clean a fish out how to fucking bait up my fucking pole um sorry I'm getting notifications I hate when this happens during the podcast silence your phones um you know lawn mowing as you know he had a christmas tree farm and i grew up mowing his in between the rows of his christmas trees um what else did my grandpa teach me a lot of shit a lot of like life stuff but yeah um so we

do that in the morning and then i don't know it's just like a lot of sitting around the campfire building the campfire oh we'd melt bottles of like i guess yeah i guess those were all beer bottles we'd like take beer bottles and melt them down in the campfire and create like art with them we'd have a marshmallow roasting contest whoever could get like the most even golden brown marshmallow but to be honest like i feel like everyone out there not everyone don't you prefer a burnt marshmallow to anything else like I don't mean to the point where it's like falling apart but like you burn it and you blow it off that's the best um yeah so we do that we'd always collect light out we'd always collect beach glass oh fuck I forgot oh my god oh my god so my favorite thing

my other favorite thing because as a kid there's nothing more fun than building forts being in a fort. Everything about forts, like forts as a kid, what can I compare this to? Or like Teslas now to adults. Like that is the same, the feeling in my body I have about Teslas now as an adult. Why do I feel like those are like a, am I going to second guess that analogy here? Fucking probably. I don't know. I don't know why I thought that. I'm going to stick with it. But anyways, yeah, the forts on the beach, obviously the teens smoking weed would all make forts and shit and build them and sit out there. And I don't know, actually, were they smoking weed back then? I

mean, it wasn't legal. No, they weren't. I mean, they're just like hanging out doing fucking meth then. I mean, it was a very meth heavy. Um, I feel like, why do I feel like Washington is meth? Like when I think of Washington, I don't know why, is that any other state? I just think that I think of Washington as the meth state but yeah I'm sure they were doing crack or something there and as a kid you know you'd like see these forts on the beach and you were just lit up inside you run towards it and you look inside and someone had been in there and then you're like making it your fort and adding more logs to it you know we'd have to like get 10 of us to lift the fucking log to make a new whatever like ruminant um so there's that and then we'd have log teeter-totters

where you would beach logs you'd you'd like take oh i got a story fuck i got a story i mean this podcast can be five hours who wants to hang out talk about childhood stick around so uh you take a a log on the beach or we want to do my parents my dad would have to like lift this or whatever my uncles but you'd like uh because the women don't lift okay if you're like why, why wouldn't your mom, why wouldn't your mom help out? And why wouldn't your aunts like get in there and lift these heavy logs? The men, the men do the lifting. Okay. That's who does it. So my dad, my uncles or whatever, my grandpa would like lift the logs up and make a teeter totter. And us kids would get on each side and you'd like bounce up and down back and forth.

And it was real sketchy because those logs roll, right. And it could fall off. So, uh, yeah, that was the highlight. But the one thing I got to tell a story, this is going to be my fifth grade story. We're winding up to fifth grade here. I always took my best friend to, uh, to camp with us and, you know, us two were like, let's go to the beach, right? Whatever. It's like the second day we're there and we're on our bikes at a little mountain bike. I think it was a Schwinn Schwinn I think it was Santa Claus brought it was it was red and I took that thing with my my friend down to the beach and uh this is where I took a dark turn before I tell you what happened before I go down that dark

uh story of what happened when we rode our bikes to the beach I gotta rewind three months. Okay. I'm in fifth grade. I'm at, I'm at, I'm at the, uh, the, the beginning of school, the preschool, um, playground session before the bell rings, you know, your parents drop you off. It's not quite time to line up and go to class. It's like, you know, we'd have like recess before school. I don't know if that's what your school did, but that's what my school did so I'm out there before school and here's the thing everyone puts their backpack in the row in line where their class lines up so you had all these backpacks lined up everywhere before school right so I'm with I'm with the guys and the girls we all played bump um with rubber balls at this

plastic hoop it makes no sense we weren't because we used to play well we we ended up as we got older transition to the normal hoops but it was fun we had these plastic these rubber balls and the plastic hoops and um this was like the fun chapter of going to that private school because we got an upgrade our playground equipment went from old shitty sliver wood uh playground thing to all plastic all new colorful like what you see now at parks like we finally got that but anyways, before school started, I'm playing bump. If you don't know what that is, you try to get the ball in the hoop before the person in front of you and that gets them out. So whatever you guys might know, you guys probably know what it is. So anyways, I'm playing bump and I ended up

fucking like chasing a ball. I think I was going backwards, whatever I was doing, I was going backwards and I tripped over a backpack and I broke my fourth metatarsal. Is that what the name if it is. I'm just going to own it. That's my, my fourth metatarsal on my, on my, uh, on my right foot. A little, little, uh, hairline fracture, nothing too crazy, but I immediately knew something was wrong. So I'm, um, am I cast at first? Yeah, I am. So I'm wearing a cast. I'm wearing an orange cast. I chose orange. I don't know why. I remember though, my doctor was hot. I was in fifth grade I remember I feel like growing up all my doctors I was like these men are so hot I don't know so yeah I remember he put on my orange cast and I was playing basketball at

the time and I couldn't so I was that I was uh what do they call me they always called me um I was hop along you know I was at the crutches girl going around school in fifth grade can't play basketball um this was at the beginning of the season May wait uh April March wait was our season this spring I don't fucking remember it's like winter but I remember um I couldn't play for a while and then I got my cast off and I would literally practice with my cast so I couldn't play games obviously and suit up but I would still practice and I'd be like no it's fine I don't it doesn't hurt. It doesn't hurt. So what ended up happening was, and I also was like, I refuse to use crutches anymore. So I was running around with my cast and I had this little like boot thing

to go around it, to like make a shoe bottom. So it wasn't getting destroyed. So anyways, what happened was when I got it off, I had extended my foot inside the cast a little bit every day where it was like moving a lot you know and it healed like the bone healed fine but what happens my Achilles tendon which freaks me out to even talk about or think about had gotten really stretched and kind of fucked up so I literally like took oh and I also removed my cast the cast myself early I refuse I was like I'm not fucking waiting any longer I'm fine I'm taking this bitch off we got the fucking hedge clippers I think my mom helped me I don't know who was home but I literally took like giant hedge clippers to my little orange cast to remove it and I was like

fuck this I'm out I'm done I can't I can't do the boot thing any longer I'm healed so I remember taking my first step and you know when your legs asleep really bad and you step and you fall like that's what happened. I literally had like, my foot was, it didn't work and my Achilles was fucked. And so I remember I even played basketball, um, that season, like I ended up playing games and I had my and one black shoes. I do remember my first pair because fifth grade was when I could start playing basketball. I had to get like a brace thing for it and it hurt so bad for so long. So anyways, that was three months before me and my friend camping Memorial day weekend, uh, going to the beach on our bikes. So, uh, at that point, you know, I'm pretty healed and,

you know, fine. And so I'm on my bike, we're going to the beach and I'm just like, you know, walking down to the beach right and she's ahead of me and in the northwest I don't know this is probably so many beaches there's a lot of beach wood driftwood is that what it's called driftwood like that light colored wood just washed up on the beach so in order to go to the water you have to traverse over it so I literally went on the first log because there's like a parking lot beforehand where we had our bikes and like rode through. And then the beach was like, the logs are right next to the parking lot, right? So you'd cross the logs and you probably know where this is going. I like the first log I stepped on, I like stepped on it and I stepped down with my

left foot. Okay. And I fucking broke my fourth metatarsal on my left foot in the same fucking spot three months later. So there's my other childhood story. Let's just, you know, we're all reminiscing right now thinking about life. I'm fucking thinking about that and how I did the same thing. I did the same thing three months later. And this also, um, fucking ruined my summer of track and field at the, there is this, uh, community, what do they call it? Parks and recreation, summer track and field race at once a week throughout the summer, the kids could participate in, you know, I'm in fifth grade. I'm not in like high school yet. So, uh, couldn't do that. And I ended up doing it anyways. I hobbled, I hobbled a fucking long. I remember I hobbled

in pain at one point towards the end of the summer. I'm like, I'm healed. Um, but yeah, so I, I ended up sitting in that, I went to the hospital, my foot was blown up and swelling and there was like a purple you know when you break something it's kind of graphic oh it can't it can be um and I went to the hospital it was like night time I don't even remember I my friend was crying so much and she felt so bad for me because she's super like sensitive like to emotions and stuff so I felt I don't know and I like it was only like the second day of the trip I think it was like the Friday of the trip and we're in the hospital I'm in pain and the whole rest of the trip my leg is elevated with ice I'm um like and I remember we have these

blue camping chairs and I would like stick my leg up on the corner of it and I just sit there in pain it hurts so bad um and then crutches you know crutches life and then I can do it I'm off crutches and I just hobbled along I feel like that that foot healed better than the first one because I don't know. So there's another story. I'm trying to think if there's anything to button up about that. Oh, I was talking about camping. What else do we do camping? I don't know. There's just so many like trails to go on and, um, and we'd always reserve like the, we'd always reserve the same, um, what's it called? The same number. I don't remember. It was like 117 or 121 or some shit what was our campsite number 109 maybe wait what is that I feel like it's 109 whatever yeah

we'd have to like reserve it a year in advance and um that was kind of fun we'd always have the same spot yeah guys what else like I could talk about going to the drive-in movie theater with my family and my dad got so pissed off one time at us because we were being rambunctious kids in the back and we weren't being respectful and and quiet and he fucking peeled out he was like we're done we're leaving no more what was the movie probably like fucking a bug's life or some shit toy story i don't know and we had these purple sleeping bags i remember these barbie barbie sleeping bags purple interior i remember it so well and oh my god what were we eating there's something also very specific i remember from that

milk duds i don't know so yeah um i could talk about going to my grandma's house in the summer and um riding bikes and circles around her house and then she would quiz us on flowers like the variety or what are they called flower genealogy fucking flower types she had all these beautiful flowers around her house and we would ride in circles when you know we'd go to her house in the summer my parents you know we were on summer break my parents worked so we'd hang out there a lot and um she would like quiz us right and then my favorite one was digitalis digitalis foxglove it's like a wild purple it looks like a bell a bunch of little purple bells and um it grows wild I think in Washington

and I remember side note about that flower my mom and I we were I don't know who was with us we were going up on a hiking trip as a family and I saw that shit on the side of the road I saw the purple bells and I literally was like pull over we're fucking digging this I want it like I wanted to like capture that and like bring it home because I saw it growing out in the wild it was my favorite flower but yeah we would take the flowers though back to that story at my grandma's house and we would press them we'd press them in this little like scrapbook thing where um it would like preserve the flower and then I don't know there was like black-eyed Susan there was what else were there other flowers she had like I don't know so many cool flowers um

but yeah that was a highlight and then she always had iced tea uh it was always like peach iced tea and then our snack with her a lot of the times was a graham cracker and then frosting in sandwich form holy fuck like that was so good I remember like or so we'd have that as like a dessert to our grilled tuna sandwiches on whole wheat bread I remember like she had the best tuna sandwiches because she had this little like grill thing panini press thing and so she would make them it was like the best thing ever um i don't know and then she always like made the best like or no she always burned the pancakes but like on purpose because my grandma likes burned food like whenever we were camping and

we had hot dogs around the fire and shit she'd like burn hers 100 like incinerated i don't know or she likes burnt why do i suck the microphone today i'm really sorry i need to sit on my hands she would um she I think she likes burned cookies too kind of like crispy I don't know love you grandma if you're listening I miss you guys I could go I mean when you think about your life when we think about your childhood childhood there are so many in my case I don't know if everyone has this in their bank account in their brain of like memories but I have so many random thoughts and they're really vivid like I think it's because I'm a super um photographic visual person like I or I don't know if that's I don't know what I don't know what you call it I I can

literally remember the most specific details of my past and sometimes it's creepy especially when I dream I think I've talked about this before like sometimes when I dream I will be in my ninth grade advanced fucking algebra class I shouldn't be in what class is that called honors algebra was I in honors algebra with Mr. Lowe wait honors geometry whatever the fuck and I can remember like what his fucking pencil case looked like and like what posters were on the wall and like his shit green polo and his fucking khakis like I remember the details like of his like his face super well and like a weird it's a it's a very weird thing when i dream it's like i i actually go through rooms from my past a lot and get like i it's like a game in my brain

i don't know how to explain it and i i can like see details of like even my friend elena's fucking backpack and her fucking carabiner on it. Fucking like it was a purple carabiner. I think like, I don't know. I don't know. Why am I like this? I don't know. Um, it's kind of fun though. Like when I take naps in the middle of the day, I actually enjoy, cause it's like a light sleep. It's actually like a mind game at that point when I'm going back, it's usually, it's usually high school it's usually high school and I'm trying to remember um certain classrooms and details of classrooms like I just had a really vivid flash in my brain of my science classrooms where I used a box of fucking Bacardi a Bacardi box one time for a project and I don't think that one went over

too well with my teacher and I didn't understand that it was a rum thing and an alcohol thing and you know um so happy what is it Thursday I guess this is this is actually like throwback Thursday reminiscing um oh fuck I didn't even go into horse camp I didn't even go into horse camp there's another universe i lived in at one point in my life like the funnest i say i'd say camping and horse camp well then no because the plays the fucking backstage area of the fucking lincoln theater if you know what i'm talking about if you grew up with me and ended acting like that theater uh the backstage of that old theater is like a whole it's like a fucking world it's like a it's like a it feels like lord of the rings when you're in it it doesn't

make any sense that probably makes no sense to anyone it felt like Harry Potter or some shit like the details I remember from that place trips me out like when I dream about the the fucking structure of the Lincoln Theater and the rooms and sitting in the corner eating bonbons from the fucking concession stand before I went on goddamn that's a fun time that place was like a shithole in like the best way yeah I didn't talk about horse camp I didn't talk about acting and plays which is a huge part of my childhood I feel like um I didn't talk about like school at all like I'll go into elementary school and like getting my list uh for all of my

you know all the shit I had to buy for school every year and um I feel like my parents refused to buy paper towels and Kleenex and all this stuff that you help the teachers out with I feel like we never did that I don't remember like handing over classroom supplies to my teacher ever I don't know I feel like oh you know what oh okay I don't know if this is bad whatever it's in the past mom and dad I think you're perfect this isn't just like whatever they're like we donate enough already like we don't need to keep supply like I don't even know it was something along the lines of that or no was that at church like we donate every day we donate every we donate at church every sunday or like we donate to the school already so why are we buying all this

fucking extra paper towels teacher needs to get paid more obviously so she can fight herself i don't fucking know uh is that or do i come from do i come from piece of shit parents does that make them sound really bad honestly I don't know I just never I think as a kid like I didn't really understand the politics of of how the school was ran and like anything about what adults were kind of like up to behind the scenes and so now it's kind of weird like I'd love to go back and sit around and observe just being those old classrooms would be such a trip is that not on anyone's bucket list is that on any so people are like I want to go skydiving I want to go to the Taj Mahal I want to fucking go to Dubai and like does anyone want to like

go to their elementary school classrooms and just sit and look around guys am I fucking weirdly whoa or like obviously a lot of people go back to their childhood homes and shit but that sounds so fun looking at 2021 third graders in it in the classroom I was in third grade in or it's probably a different classroom so I do know the building is the same it's like this old brick building um or even high school like just to see what that's like see how these like students with their phones like stuck on their phones I guess we did we had phones, but I don't know. It wasn't like, I don't know. All right. I feel like I could button it up. That was a lot of fun. And to be honest, I was hard on myself at the beginning about

being behind on my tasks, tasks tonight, but I'm going to say this. I'm not going to do them. I'm not going to do an hour of yoga. God damn it. Now I'm sounding like that influencer. I was like, no, don't be gentle on yourself. Fucking get it done. Okay. I have a 30 minute class that's in my back pocket that I do when I'm in a pinch I'm gonna do that okay and paint my nails and get my shit done but I was gonna say I feel so good this episode like it was a good release I feel great so I'm like well I did something positive instead of finishing my tasks because it's kind of like blurring into the night right now it's only what 7 30 what time did I say I started this I don't even remember um but yeah it's kind of like whoa I don't feel bad about not doing those things

because I just did this amazing world-class performance fuck dude should I try okay first of all let me tell you guys something before I end the podcast something I still struggle with to this day is my inner battle with feeling like a try hard in any way like I I think it would be recommended after 150 some episodes I'm in my first six months like I just started this at some point I should like try to make this like like try to promote it and and maybe cross-pollinate with other podcasters and build a brand around it and shit you know but i just don't even like it's my inner battle is like if i put effort towards some i i feel like i just want this to be 100 organic like organic just i i just want it to

unfold however it does and I don't want to feel like I'm putting the I'm pushing on the gas pedal because I'm doing all these extra things to make it grow I love the idea of it just happening how it happens that's like what I would prefer over anything and I think that it just I honestly just wanted to fucking sell itself I just wanted to speak for itself sell for sell itself like to be honest I think I've talked about that like I don't I don't know I just and I literally work in the universe of marketing and like social media and growing a brand like I literally know all of that top to bottom and I don't want to do it for myself because I feel gross about it I need help all right we all figured something out tonight she's fucking crazy I'm cracking my

back but here's what I'll say on a serious note after six months of doing this when did I start September I have never been more comfortable with who I am and I literally feel equipped and ready for and prepared I feel ready for fucking life because I talk to myself every day and it's in a way that's like I I can it's about like communication and perspective and like how I, I'm noticing my interaction. What am I trying to fucking, I'm noticing my interactions with people are a lot more, uh, full and there's a lot more quality to it. And I think that's a side effect of why I'm even fucking using that as an example of me. There's so many other areas that this podcast has helped me, but in communication with others, I feel like

I'm enjoying those experiences more because I've done so much conversing with myself that when I bring it into the world now it's so much more fucking fun and I have a different um I guess aura about myself that's a lot more magnetic and interesting and I have a lot to say and contribute where before it's like I wasn't very sure of myself and I don't I I now know what it's like to feel confident as fuck and be like I can walk into this room I can talk to these people and know who I am that's the difference I a year ago because I can compare myself to like 2020 you know lost little puppy me I didn't establish my I didn't know who I am I I didn't know who I was or I didn't fuck me okay I'm I'm solidifying my or I'm not now I'm just calcifying over if I'm

I'm not getting set my ways here but I'm working out my thoughts and my ideas and my perspectives and that is creating this like it's fucking it's me it's I'm turning into myself is that what it's fucking called I'm turning into myself I don't know it's always been there but it's a it's like I'm digging away every time I talk I'm like getting a little bit more connected to myself and more um at home and just like comfortable and like I can take anything on and I'm I don't and I would say this in addition in conclusion the biggest, um, one of the biggest, there are so many, but the one that stands out to me the most about the way I operate now is that I, I always shoot it to you straight. I don't fucking lie

or try to make my try to make anything sound good so that I can appeal to someone else including people that I think most would be uh intimidated by telling them like it is and that's not like oh I disrespect people it's literally like I am not I'm standing in my truth always now instead of letting people walk on all over me and push me around and you know I don't do that anymore and that's probably the most fulfilling things about my life now is like people always know where I'm at I'm always saying what I think I'm never I'm not being um fake I'm not being a fucking fake person and and being like oh yeah it's okay I don't care that you say that and disrespect me or think like I literally will tell you straight up how I'm feeling now and I think that um is a

change in me because in the past I would I guess change myself to appeal to other people all the time and take on however they like it it sucked and I and I didn't realize I was doing that till now where I'm like dude like I get what I want wait what's that fucking quote I get what I want is that mean girls oh no that's uh Megan Fox I get what I want um it's not even that I don't get what I want I'm just saying that I don't have time for bullshit I'm gonna shoot you straight and I'm not gonna lie to you and I feel like the more people in this world that could be like that the better it feels good um I think there's nothing worse in relationships to and this is like with anyone friends lovers your uh significant others co-workers to

like not really understand where you're at with them because and and you feel like there's this they're just not telling me everything thing and I know obviously it's good to reserve some thoughts and to keep some shit to yourself I understand that but in a lot of situations I've been in, been in recently, I've been like, I just want to take this person and shake them and be like, snap out of it. Just tell me what it is. Don't fucking, you don't have to like, you know, just say it like it is. Why are we making this little, uh, you know, why are we fluffing it all up and making it sound better? Like, just tell me how it is. Raw thoughts. Be honest. Don't fucking sugarcoat anything and here's why i think sugarcoating um i have a fucking it's like

a bullshit detector for that and i just i don't know dude hit me up if you get it i just need to talk to someone i think okay well there's your episode episode 154 coming to a close i'm about to do some yoga um throw away all my beverages around me and clean up um I hope you had a great day I really do I hope you're healthy happy fulfilled and whatever you're doing I hope your family's doing well um I don't know I'm do you guys I'm like wait someone out there validate me did you like the episode I don't know like let me know if you enjoyed the reminiscing if you enjoy the stories I'll be here all week bitch I got seven days a week to talk to you so i can pepper it in whenever you want um you know just give me

some feedback i enjoy i enjoy well you guys do already but i enjoy hearing from you so shoot me a dm uh let's talk happy thursday happy thursday uh oh fuck hit that subscribe button head over to patreon.com slash tjms to get access to my exclusive bonus content I post videos there I post pictures there my patrons get perks like shout outs and phone calls you get my phone number there's all that kind of fun stuff over there um uh on patreon.com slash tjms and then follow me on Instagram at Jacqueline Monroe for all the puppy updates and all thirst traps. Yeah. All right. Love you guys. Have a great, have a great day and I'll talk to you tomorrow. All right. Bye.