The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 168- Plastic Is Self Care

Episode Date: February 20, 2021

Happy Friday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS ROBMON: https://open.spotify.com/artist/2d4jPCnnODLVsSNOWJorAy?si=0yxA6iagSAW0uOfIudovGw&nd=1 https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic

What's up, guys? Happy Friday. It's episode 168. Welcome back to the show. hey what's up it's Jacqueline welcome back to the show hi happy Friday uh hit that subscribe button i'm here seven days a week oh fuck okay wait hold on jimmy off hey next time take a shit outdoors okay ring the bell ring the bell let me know he's taking a fucking during the podcast shit so i don't know what to do right now next time take a shit outdoors like i literally just tell him to go outside but he can't like he has to ring the bell when he has of shit and oh fuck okay I don't know what to do right now guys I've been performing for Jimmy I'm just gonna ignore it I'm gonna be a professional right now I'm gonna be a fucking professional

right now and ignore it there's literally shit about 12 feet away from me um and the whole place is gonna smell um you know what I've been I've been less insecure though I'll say this I've been less insecure about leaving my windows open if the neighbor's here and shit so there's gonna be um um there's gonna be ventilation I'll be okay um yeah I used to lock every window when I podcasted and now I don't give a fuck they can walk by and listen to me I don't care they're on I'm on a phone call for all they fucking know guys I've been performing let me get back to it I've been performing for my dog um I I really wonder I I wonder if he knows I'm a podcast host I wonder what he thinks of me talking on the microphone every day in front of him but no like I literally

will I like when I say perform I will sing to him like tonight after dinner it's guys I'm fucking podcasting at 9 p.m. on a Friday you know laying low in a hoodie just fucking it's sad this is my life now I'm 26 I'm 26 I'm not out with friends I'm alone in my apartment with my dog uh on a Friday night I don't know whatever whatever fuck it but I've been um like singing to him and just talking to him and like saying crazy I think I'm going crazy like lately I've been like wait a minute something happens after 8 p.m to me where and I honestly think it's when the medication hits I think it's when the molly hits me I'm on an antidepressant should I not say this fuck um I'm on a little anti-depress and um I've been taking it later in the day

and I feel like by the time 8 p.m 8 p.m rolls around it like fully and guys this is all it's all in my head this that I've been taking it for multiple months now guys if you're like who are you? What are you? I was depressed as fuck in 2020. I hit rock bottom. My family came and rescued me. I got with a therapist. I'm on an antidepressant. Okay. But I'm just saying, so that's my life story. But I feel crazy after 8 PM. I'm just like, something's changing. And I'm, I'm singing to my dog. I'm performing for him. I'm fucking talking to him, saying crazy shit, making weird noises. Like, uh, anyways, so I don't know what to talk about today. uh, again, it's going to be like the shit smell.

I feel like since I got the dog, all I've done is bitch about feces and he's a, he's a fucking shit factory. He's a shit factory. And I didn't know what I was signing up for as a single mom with a puppy. What is this banging noise? Hey son, take your bone, take your bone, get it yeah there you go play in the other room play next to your shit pile he's making banging noises I don't know if if that's annoying for you guys okay I want to be more gentle and calm right now I need to like fucking calm the fuck down um I was thinking about it yeah so anyways as a single mom there's just there's just a lot to report on every podcast because about the puppy and his his bowel movements and everything because

it's it's just all day long it's I I wonder you know are there puppy diapers I should just do that fuck it um he'll be like he'll be like two years old with a fucking giant diaper on because I I've had I've fucking had it I've fucking had it it's it doesn't get better it's like he still has accidents inside and and it's like a half okay anyways um I want to say that this is a little reflection because as you know, this is my audio diary. This is my daily time to sit with myself and talk it out instead of journaling. I'm just like on the fucking microphone, you know, it is what it is. But I was realizing lately that I've been reporting a lot about news and current events and I feel like the the tone has been so negative lately

with like how I'm podcasting and what I'm saying every show and I feel like it is that draining for you guys like is it night because for me it's just one giant release it's an it's a daily bitch session I can get it all out I have a lot in my head I have a lot to talk about a lot to think about and rant about so for me it's like a release right it's therapeutic it's like I'm getting it I'm getting it out of my system it's like a cleanse and then afterwards I'm a peaceful little angel and everything's good so I wonder though on the receiving end for you guys is it is it like oh fuck here she goes again negative energy just bitching just but you know what here's the thing I like it when I listen to other people um talk about what I'm thinking about I know a lot

of us are on the same page right now are all of all of us common sense folk all of us common sense folk that look around at the world right now and we're just absolutely exhausted and and I think it's nice when you hear someone else uh say it for you if you're or just whatever um so yeah just had to like think or just had to say that because sometimes I'm like oh I want to be like a sweet like hey guys like let me tell you guys all about my new iced coffee routine um so a couple days ago I okay so where do I I haven't talked about coffee it was a main it was a main segment in the first month of my show back in September and I feel like I want to bring it back I want to call attention to coffee while it is 9

p.m. um I just feel like talking about my new routine with my coffee so it might be interesting to you I know everyone out there I'd say I'm just gonna assume that if you're listening to me you're addicted to coffee I don't know why I just get that impression and we don't we don't drink matcha here we don't fuck we don't fuck without horse hay during drink that tastes like horse hay and if you actually like the taste of matcha please just uh reassess yourself go to therapy uh get a taste bud transplant like what the fuck I don't understand the matcha craze I don't get it I don't care how beneficial it is I will never drink matcha and yeah I don't fuck with tea well you know I lied actually a couple days ago I think I told you guys I drank some tea before bed but

you know like I don't like the green tea shit in the morning I like the coffee so here's my routine I got these new beans from Italy I don't fucking know if they are they're called it's it's the red bag on Amazon it was like highly reviewed or there's like 30,000 reviews on these espresso beans so I think it's called like eight o'clock espresso um which kind of seems Italian I do Italians I feel like they wake up late or like is that it's kind of earlier for I feel like Italians wake up late right or no they stay up late so they wake up late right I don't know well I don't know why I'm thinking oh it's called eight o'clock because that's when Italians drink their fucking espresso. But I, um, I got those beans and then guys, I just fucking had it.

I cracked, I bought plastic cups and lids and straws. Okay. Um, this is what I posted two days ago. Okay. Insta story, fucking around, holding my iced coffee in my plastic cup in the background is my cupboard stacked. I got 200 cups on Amazon and lids and straws stacked to the brim in my cupboard. Uh, and I, and I wrote my caption was who's triggered. And honestly, this is a good sign about my followers. Uh, I think a lot of people kept their fucking mouth shut, but I had one kickback off that post that someone bitched about the turtles. And, um, so yeah, I'm not, I, I, I cracked, I, I don't, I don't frequent coffee shops. I don't go out and go to coffee shops that often and and there's something about that plastic cup that does it for me and I just

needed it in my apartment I needed it I want to feel like when I'm drinking my coffee sitting and working at home I want to feel like I'm at a coffee shop with it I I don't know like whatever um and you know I feel like that's uh me buying all of that plastic and just saying fuck it is kind of a I think it's a great indication of where I'm at psychologically and just like with the world like you know what looking around everything's fucked everything's the world's ending fuck the turtles okay okay wait no there's actually i need to look it up what's happening with the turtles right now there's all these posts about turtles turtles are dying i think i'm just gonna google turtles are dying from straws what's the next see turtles let me go to

news yeah people are oh hundreds of helpless cold stunned sea turtles rescued by navy pilots and picked up in trucks. Oh, God damn it. So anyways, I'm just like, here's my mentality. Here's my mentality. I get it. You know, if everyone pulled their weight, the world would be a better place of each. Here is me. This is the thing. This is me coming to the internet, pants down, tits out, whatever top off pants down letting it fly say in my honest truth standing in my truth saying I bought plastic cups straws and lids and I legitimately do not I it's not that I don't care it's just that I'm at a loss I'm at a I'm at a loss okay I have to take care it's like a it's fucking it's self-care these these holding a plastic cup is self-care in 2021 when you work

at home so um I do realize that you know one small step for mankind one giant leap for what one small step for if we all pulled our weight what is the whole like snowball effect domino effect one person does it and then I've ever never no small act of kindness what is the quote about like making a difference in the world my point is I'm thinking about all the coffee shops around me and I'm like a little ant with my plastic cups and they're like they're like uh what's bigger than an ant is an elephant the biggest animal on the planet how can I get any is there anything bigger than an elephant? I can use it as an example. Elephant, right? Yeah. All these coffee shops with their plastic cups, 24 seven, just cranking out the fucking beverages

at Starbucks and all these like cutesy little shops around me. They're like the elephant. I'm the little tiny ant. In fact, I'm even smaller than the ant. I'm like the microscopic fucking, um, what's it called? I'm an, I'm an eggplant. I'm a plankton. I'm a fucking plankton compared to them okay you know they're the blue whale I'm the fucking plankton it with my plastic cup usage so at this point I'm like I don't think I'm making making a dent I am reusing them multiple times why is this a fucking why is this a 15 minute tangent about me buying plastic cups I feel like I'm at uh I'm in front of the priest and I am in my I'm doing my confession and again this is like a release it's therapy I'm getting it out I'm admitting my faults um I know this is illegal

and wrong to own plastic cups in 2021 but I don't know whatever um Jimmy please don't step in your shit he's getting so big I can't stand it Jimmy please don't should I stop feeding him how do I keep my dog small um yeah that was my coffee oh I didn't even get into what I do with my coffee so I got the eight o'clock bean and I got the fucking plastic cup combo and then I found this creamer so um bikini season is basically uh what am I saying I I found a creamer that's like no sugar no bullshit right because I give a fuck and um I care about my waistline and I just don't like to spike my insulin first thing in the morning, so, um, he's literally watching the alien screensaver on my TV, yeah, it's, is there a

full moon, is it, something's weird, it, what is it, the 13th, Friday the 13th, it's the 19th, whatever, um, so anyways, I found this nut, nut pods creamer, uh, on Amazon, it's called nut pods toasted marshmallow, it, it rocks, it really rocks my world, uh, I do that with the, the eight o'clock espresso, over ice in my plastic cups it's amazing that's my latest coffee routine um i don't know treat yourself if you're if you're out there using your old mugs and your old glass and your fucking mason jars just upgrade just fucking go plastic it's it's honestly it has made an it has made a difference in my um in my day like i can't lie i just you know i might even start i might even sharpie my name on it tomorrow and I'll start doing that hey what's your name what do you want

what can I get started for you today just like talk to myself dude I'm fucking insane I said this last year I'm like if you're not like I said this last year and I and I still I stand by it in 2021 I still stand by it um people that have held their shit together they haven't cracked and gone crazy scare the fuck out of me uh it's it I don't trust him like I don't know what to say I just feel like if even okay here's what I have to say about that I feel like if a at least a piece of you if you went through 2020 and survived and you're still alive right now a eighth of you should be crazy a hundred percent batshit psychotic what every depth like to a t you are a crazy person we should all be institute we should be what is the word institute institutionalized

we should be admitted we should all be admitted like at that level of crazy because of what happened in 2020 so i'm on the spectrum where i would put myself instead of the eighth i'd put myself at a half so i'm half crazy half normal because i do have a full-time job like a normal uh 95 well it's remote i work 24 like i don't know i don't i feel like it is 95 but it's not um so half of me is like 100% normal like I'm on clubhouse networking let's connect you know like we're sending emails dms like it's just this like professional version of me and then the other half is me on the podcast just talking about dog shit so that's what's up um I don't know so should I tell you guys what I did today like it's Friday I worked at a meeting

I worked I um enjoyed the fresh air I really I think here here guys I'll I'll do this little like sweet segment for you this will be the intermission before I talk about uh something else I saw or just like social media stuff um so I just I just really enjoy walking my dog and uh there's something like I feel like I'm going back to my childhood with a puppy now because I grew up with golden retrievers and you know I'm taking them on fresh grass a lot a lot fresh grass fresh grass a lot I'm walking him near fresh grass I'm in grass a lot now I'm like sitting on the grass playing with him and I realized that I haven't been on grass in a while and I feel like I think it's a common thing a lot of adults hold in their

in their hearts that fresh cut grass the smell of grass is one of the most um soothing like what's the word it takes you right back to childhood immediately and it's a very nostalgic with I don't know I don't know the right terminology here someone help me out but yeah there's something about walking my dog going on the grass breathing in the fresh air I usually don't take my phone out I'm fully present it's it's literally a meditation practice and um not to be dramatic but uh my dog has changed my life and I think I needed him I needed him for to learn how to be selfless be more patient um be more responsible be more present 100% that has changed the most I think because like I zone out when I play with him like we rough house

I fuck him up and we're I'm fully present I'm not like scrolling and and playing with him at the same time. No, it's like getting me in the moment. And I think I didn't realize that before I got the puppy that they really just, it sounds, you know what? And it's kind of sad. Like I know I admitted, you know, fucking laying low in a hoodie, chilling by herself on a Friday night, 26, you know, could be going out with friends, doing fun shit. Nope. So that's kind of sad. And then also the fact that I needed a puppy to realize how not present I have been in my life. So it's great. I've been uh I've been doing yoga every day since what November yeah and then that's helped me be more present and then I've been um playing with my puppy so there the sweet segment's over I need

to fucking um bitch about something I don't know uh I'm on a website here now should I read about the turtles I really didn't know what I saw a few posts about um sea turtles and there's some like you know there's some buzz around social media this week about them so let me find out what actually happened here okay the deadly winter storm that swept across texas and parts of the south knocked out power and water for millions how is this related to fucking turtles oh oh jacqueline just keep reading it also created catastrophe for animals statewide including sea turtles prone to freezing and frigid waters so they got too cold in the frozen water oh me with my plastic cups in the cupboard right now oh

oh you know what I'll just save them all and just create an art piece out of it and fucking keep it forever fuck it you know I did that with my white claws I discovered white claws in 2020 well I didn't actually do it so I didn't understand I kept hearing white claw everywhere I was like white claw white claw what and I wasn't I'm not I'm not cool enough to like know what what's up in the in the party scene like I'm not out drinking white claws all the time so I had no fucking clue and you know I'm not in that aisle in the grocery store I don't buy alcohol for myself um I have like I've told you guys that um like over this since going home for a month for Christmas time like drinking all the time with my family like it's kind of

amped up but anyways in 2020 I discovered white claws and I literally saved all of them all the cans they're currently like I have them still um like stashed away I was gonna make an art piece out of them I don't fucking know so I could do that with the plastic cups just make like a giant plastic turtle oh my god that's a great idea I can make a giant sea turtle out of my plastic cups and straws that would like okay if I did that and I enrolled it in a um art competition or whatever like I feel like that would win or like that would be like a big deal is that already a thing like someone should make it so much someone should craft a sea turtle out of plastic straws to make a statement I feel like that would make sense right

but isn't art like what you it's like you look at it and you're like oh it's it's more unexpected than that that's kind of obvious you know if you show that to an elementary school class of woke teens or okay if you bring that uh sea turtle that straw sea turtle to a campus of a bunch of woke teens that they, they get it and they'd like that a lot. So, um, maybe that'll be my, uh, spring project after I drink all my fucking coffee. Just cool. Just collect the straws. God damn it. I hate the internet. Okay. So anyways, it looks like all these turtles got cold and that's it. So I don't really need to read further. It's funny how they have them lined up it's like a parking this this picture looks like a parking lot but instead of cars it's sea

turtles there's like a traffic cone the traffic cone next to one of them it's like why is that turtle next to a traffic cone why that one specifically is that the queen in the hive they had to identify the queen the green traffic I do like that it's a green traffic cone and not the orange one because it's like they're turtles and they're green you guys have all seen the picture if you've been on social media this week I'm sure this is old news but I'm learning about it for the first time and it's really cute dude they're fucking aliens this is what trips me out like I look at stuff in the ocean I'm like aliens or even like alligators and shit like how is a slimy big-headed big-eyed little body man I get it like it's obvious okay well

I know I look at even my dog freaks me out sometimes he's got like a person face but it's like a dog face it's like he's got a soul of a person especially when I look in his eyes it's really freaky and I get um I like psych myself out too much when I when I overthink it so let's move on um can you tell I'm like coming down I'm like less I feel like I was so hyped up in the beginning of this I do have I want to just shout out my new listeners uh from clubhouse from the internet that have discovered me lately because I feel like I'm being discovered I know I never thought this day would come but I feel like I'm being discovered and it feels really um I don't know like how do I feel about it it feels really organic and natural

and it feels like I haven't tried hard which is my brand like if I ever feel like I'm promoting this shit trying to get people to listen to it making like asking people to follow me and listen to my podcast like I do that at a microscopic amount like I barely talk about my podcast and it's kind of nice when I'm like well people are coming they're knocking on the door they're like, Hey, this is fun. I like tuning in. This is a great show. I look forward to this. Wow. You're funny or, Oh, you're entertaining. And you know what? That's what it is. Okay. Those are the two compliments or not. Okay. I don't know if those are compliments, but it's like, know yourself, bitch. Like I know where I am on the spectrum of entertainment and it's not education. Okay.

You don't go, you don't come here to learn about wellness or learn about, um, quantum physics or fuck it. Like I don't do a topic each episode and teach you something. So I know where I land on the spectrum and it's, it's more light and fun. And, um, overall, um, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. This is my home. This is my happy place. This is where I'm meant to be. In fact, I was telling my mom today via DM. She like sent me an inspirational message and then I followed up or no, she's like, uh, I'll just read it. I think it's fun to hear me read like actual word for word shit. Um, uh, shit. You so period. This is my mom. She replied to my story. You so period capital o you so period under full under no under dole so uh friday night wine was on board

just assuming things also my sister sent a picture of our microwave uh it was blocked by bottles of wine and she goes in the in the group text how am i supposed to get to the microwave so I'm just putting two two and two together here uh 7 45 p.m mom says sends me you so period underdole I know what she meant you're so wonderful cool thanks mom and I told her this is deep kind of but I said I feel like I said you know I'm doing so good I feel like I'm doing what I meant to be doing okay I said doing way too many times I'm the drunk one here what the fuck I'm doing good I feel like I'm doing what I meant to be doing anyways um but yeah I really feel like I'm doing what I meant to be doing and

if I look back at my I feel like up until this podcast I I wasn't at home with what my soul was lost I was just like what the fuck is my life what am I supposed to do I'm 26 like what's happening and it's crazy how I would have never picked this for myself I literally this happened this is what I love it's all not it all happened randomly and and like divinely it was just like I can't I just am so happy I'm so happy and um I think when you find your passion you find your purpose and and everything it you know and I and I now know when people say that what it is like you know what that feeling is in your in your body that undeniable I can't live without this I can't stop thinking about it wanting to do it I love it it's like people that make music or paint or

whatever it's like I I never understood when people had their one thing that was you know they were obsessed with I was upset I was always I always say this I was half pregnant on 10 things you know what is the thing uh interested in everything committed to nothing I don't know with that fucking dumb phrases but like I never picked anything and I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere in life and now dude 168 days in a row fuck yeah I'm happy and uh I know myself and I feel um I'm just it I can't recommend talking yourself enough and it's not crazy I think this is the new normal you know what buy yourself some fucking plastic cups and talk to yourself and you'll honestly be happy I just can't recommend it enough I'm gonna empty my trash

damn it that was that loud enough I wanted you guys to hear that crunching noise now I've owned Mac since I was like uh like seven should I tell the Mac story oh my gosh I'm going to right now this just appeared in my brain um because I emptied my trash on my MacBook and um look so I'll just tell that I was going to read more news. I just read about the turtles, whatever. I'm going to, I'm going to pivot here and, um, I want to talk about my Macintosh now. Sorry.

I'm like, I need to, you guys, I haven't drank, you know, when I usually pause and drink, I never, I haven't done that this entire episode. okay. So I really needed that. I was getting parched. So I'm a middle child of three kids. And, uh, my dad was a tech nerd. Like he's a tech, he loves everything techie and he's, he's super good at like, he can fix anything wrong with your computer. And like, he's just handy with everything. Right. So, um, growing up, I would always sit on his lap. He'd be editing video. He was, you know, into like, he was a writer, editor, producer, writer, editor, like he did everything underneath the video production umbrella, whatever, like movies, TV, everything.

And, um, you know, I would sit on his lap at the, and watch him edit. And I would watch him. Um, he always had like his big monitors big screens and they were like macs like everything was mac in our house and at that time they were old and shitty like i should look up an old macintosh like what were they called like it said macintosh with a red with a um excuse me the apple the rainbow Apple vintage Macintosh do they have like names you know do the clamshell laptop oh the colorful clamshell oh my god the gumdrop our family had a gumdrop those are the Macs with the the colorful Macs like the big back end they all had a big ass they weren't flat screens yet they're everything in that era was about seeing the cords or excuse me seeing all of the insides of it was like boom

boxes were clear my cd player was clear you could see through it macs were clear anyways yeah so my so anyways I'm just saying my dad had all these computers we were a tech household like because my dad in his job so we the three kids at one point all got Macs and these were like the old like the fucking square the boxes the box is the keyboard the mouse I don't know the technical terms of the Macs I just knew it was a Macintosh whatever and he had the so we went to this I'm not telling a story very well how how does this start um so it was like a big deal I think I was in like second grade first or second grade I was probably like seven yeah and it was a big deal that we were going to get computers and that feeling in your body when you know you're going

to get a big present like that is like I can't just you you know what that feeling is everyone knows what that feeling is like a new car a new you know maybe you wanted a new macbook and then you finally got it and it's like well it feels like cool in your body so I had that cool feeling about getting a mac and my dad was gonna he created a network like I don't understand this is back in like if I was okay that'd be like 2003 right something like that 2003 ish I'm gonna put around there anyway so we went to this old this is like when we ended up buying them we went to this old like furniture place okay wait a minute I swear there's like yeah wait there was there was like it was like office shit that was put inside it was like a what do you call it like a so offices

would dump their shit off there when they moved or when they okay what is the word warehouse it was like consignment of office furniture and computers ish okay so whatever we go to this junkyard of a fucking place and we go in i think they were 50 dollars why do i remember them being that cheap what are they 50 or 200 they're cheap as fuck like i didn't I mean, now you buy a MacBook, it's two grand, you know, it's like, that's what it is. But, um, yeah, we went to like the back room, you walk past all these desks first, and then you walk past the, the, the chairs and the filing cabinets and everything's packed in there.

Then I remember in the very back of the store, you know, there's definitely a man with a mustache and big, thick, uh, glasses on. I don't know, like, this seems like, what movie? like just a fucking old movie and it's raining out because I lived in Washington I don't know I'm getting like um what vibe is it kind of like the Goonies vibe but like also Chevy Chase movies because my dad was like Chevy Chase okay so we go to the back to the store and there's a wall of Macs or wall of computers. Okay. Got all the IBMs, the Dells. I don't even know what they were back then, but a bunch of bunch of fucking computers on the wall. And I remember we like

picked him out and brought him home. And basically it was about, I think like, like a week of my dad setting everything up and running wires in the ceilings. And like, literally we played, we could like play games against each other because he had created some sort of like network I I don't know I guess it's just like anything now but I don't feel like it was why it wasn't wireless there was no such I don't was that uh not I don't think that was a thing wireless internet wasn't a thing yeah so we had all these cords connected through the ceilings and the attic everything and um anyways I just remember playing games on there all day and like I did this oh my gosh what was the golf game pga macintosh yeah so my favorite games i'm trying to remember

so we had marathon now understand halo so halo popular you know the popular game halo started out as marathon and we would play that was like the game we would play against each other let me type it in marathon if you guys know what that is like that is one of those things that and I will immediately, uh, be your best friend. If you know, marathon, that game was so fucking fun. Or it was like, you're an alien Macintosh old game. Please show up. Yes. Oh my God. When I do this all the time, I'll go on Google images and I'll look up old video games to remember what was like oh my god there's literally a website with it with a um with a headline remembering old games on a mac is like visiting a lost world oh my god yeah so the dinosaur game

well that's a newer mac i'm talking before that nanosaur yeah no i'm not that was not these are way too new um there's also this game where you were in a maze or you were how do I explain it you were like an arrow going around it was just like green and black I feel like and there was you like didn't want to get you didn't want to run into some like there's objects you tried to avoid and it would just go really fast I think you were a mouse what was that game this is not fun because you guys have no clue what I'm talking about I'm just reminiscing right now but trying to like think so we all had let me just talk about this we all had we pick we each got to pick a song so when the computer turned on the song would play and mine was I don't even

know the name of the song I haven't even listened to it since I started that computer up that is actually crazy 106th street song oh my god my brother's was seal what's that called um is that copyright you remain my father what's that fucking called he was that was my brother's opening song, my sister's was, here comes the sun, she had the Beatles, and then I had the 160, is this Bobby Womack across 110th street, I literally, so, for whatever reason, okay, okay, okay, okay, I had a crush on a boy, uh, who was, like, 17, he was so old, so, there's these three boys that okay so how do I say this I'm trying to like make this make sense for you there was

like three teenage boys my aunt dated someone who had three teenage boys and I was I had the baddest crush on their on the middle child one and uh I feel like for whatever reason this makes zero sense when I look back this song like made me think about him maybe it's because when we were at the lake like hanging out with them like fucking you know inner tubing that I maybe he was I don't know maybe this song was playing on the boat I don't fucking remember but hold on I'm just gonna hear it for two seconds oh shit because of copyright I just want to like play the first second to remember oh my god oh my god so yeah that's how my computer started up and the other fun fact about our computers is

that my dad like told us our passwords it was like a big reveal and I remember we came out we were I think we went to Home Depot yeah I was like after school I don't know I was like the only kid getting picked up or something like that uh for whatever reason and I remember he like told me my password we were driving out of the Home Depot parking lot and this is not this is nuts I'll just tell you what it is he said okay so I was thinking about you and I was thinking about your password and I think this would be perfect because it reminds me of you and it's like I think it's a good match for your first password it's just like the big day I got my password from a Mac. And he's like, and it was like, I had no clue. Like, I was like, I was so excited. I'm

like, what's my password? What's my password? And he's like, your password is Joker. J-O-K-E-R. Your password is Joker. And I was like, all right. And that was my password forever for, you know, all my like middle or up until like, I don't know, probably middle school. And I don't know. I just thought it was a big deal. Like, oh my gosh, I have a password. And then Um, my brothers was, oh, I shouldn't say it. Cause I feel like my siblings still use the same password. I feel like everyone does that. Like you get a password when you're 12 and you use it forever. Um, so whatever. Um, that was a big deal that my, he thought it was like the little Joker and, um, whatever. So that's actually a movie I haven't seen. Everyone talks about it.

I've never seen it. The Joker. I don't see a lot of shit that's popular. Like, um, I know that's not like oh i'm not i'm just not up to date with like the cool like you know what's it called game of thrones no uh the one thing i do feel i do feel like a cool kid about is ozark because i watch that so this is the part of rogan where he's always like mid um it you you're hearing me you don't know what's happening visually but this this is always the indication that someone just took a hit of their fucking pipe and they're smoking. There's always a coughing moment in a Rogan episode like that, but, um, I'm just literally, I should just drink water. I'll be honest. I have not smoked weed since I, uh, was doing it behind my mom's back with my

brother when I was in Washington, uh, for Christmas break. So it's been a while and, I don't even like want to do it or yeah I don't know I I don't love weed I I don't know I just don't really I don't know it's crazy how I was like I I just did it with my brother when I was home and then that was it and then okay so I used to like before that I would just smoke like once every maybe like once a month if that but um anyways let me think what else I could talk about I feel like that's it and then we had so another thing we did oh my god this is so funny I had this little box I turned into a desk for my computer and it was so cute I had like a picnic blanket over it what the fuck is happening oh my god oh my god do i have covid oh shit this isn't

funny is that emphysema that's what we always do like like my i don't i don't edit i don't edit i don't edit this at all you hear everything whenever like we we would cough okay like my sister would always be like if someone coughed really hard like that she'd be like emphysema if i got emphysema what's the word i haven't used in a minute since i've been home we we always say the same shit it's like potential got potential um got potential we say that and then we say um what's the other word oh shit I can't remember whatever so yeah okay I'm doing well I'm fine um what else is there to talk about about the max not much um thought that might be a fun childhood memory

to throw in because I don't know I just randomly thought of it let's go to cnn.com uh shit animal cruelty cases surge in freezing texas well that's sad um it's not intentional animal cruelty probably not i'm sure there's a lot of people are just like i don't know how to fucking put my cows indoors like 300 cows standing outside i don't they can't all fit in a barn at once so i don't know I'm just assuming like people that have farms are kind of fucked right now if their animals are freezing but dude I used to like okay that's something that maybe I'm just I have a harder um I'm a little more um heartless about animals getting cold because like growing up

our horse would just be like out in the pasture well we'd put blankets on her i just would see a lot of animals in snow and they were chilling like a bunch of sheep laying down they're just fine they got their fur um you know chickens they'd sit in their chicken coop they'd be fine animals can deal with the cold what else what else do we the bunnies were fine like animals are fine america's too soft i think this weather is uh or this um it's her this fucking hurricane is fucking blizzard in texas it's good they're i feel like texas is is they're set up they're equipped uh if I could if I could pick any state for a random hurricane to hit I'd say random blizzard to hit I'd say Texas is uh uh I don't know and I'm talking a

state that doesn't see snow um whatever dude Texas is so trendy right now I posted it I posted a thirst trap on Instagram of me wearing a everything is bigger in Texas t-shirt and I feel like um I don't know I'm just like so on trend everything is Texas really every like what's going on everyone's moving there everyone's talking about Texas it's just like fun and I told you guys maybe a segment I'll do there's such a bad tickle in my throat I can't I can't stop thinking about it um maybe a segment I'll do is a Texas update every day this is really bad it's COVID I swear what's happening I had cayenne I had cayenne on my broccoli maybe it's the cayenne am i allergic to my dog

okay i need to like focus up here we got animal cruelty cases surge in freezing texas okay so that's something oh god i just see two words i don't like to see together plane crashes keep scrolling I wasn't ready for this you know I'm gonna go to you know what what do you guys think of BuzzFeed does BuzzFeed have a bad rap rap rep with uh like I don't know I just I don't know how to feel about it I don't know if it's if it's the best source it's fun you know what for as a podcast host I can always count on buzzfeed to keep it light and fun so oh hey you got opinions yeah we thought so buzzfeed uses polls to learn what's important to our audience answer as many as any answer as many

questions as you like keep coming back for more so i can sit here and talk about my opinions this might be fun this is about bob dylan which bob dylan is the best bob dylan acoustic bob dylan do you guys want to do this right now i'm just gonna say i like them both equally i agree wait cookies all these cookies okay what is your race oh fuck oh shit oh i don't like this buzzfeed i'm not liking where this is going i'm gonna say native hawaiian or pacific islander um no should be Asian? What should I pick? Oh, I can pick multiple. I'm going to pick them all. And other. To what broad age group do you belong? I'm under 18, bitch. Please indicate your gender. Oh, Jesus. I don't like that. I just, I'm out. I'm fucking out. Please indicate

your gender. I'm out. It's getting oddly specific and oddly, uh, yeah, I know. Oh, this is any mean? ICE detains reported not enough water and flushable toilets during Texas storm. Dude, if your toilet doesn't flush, just use a biffy. Just create a biffy. Dig a fucking hole. Go behind a tree. I would be, I'm pissed I'm not in Texas right now. I would be the best at surviving this shit. And I would have so much fucking fun. That's what I don't understand. Like whenever the power went out at home and like there'd be really bad I mentioned yesterday that a lot of times there'd be drunk drivers I lived out in farmland and there's just a bunch of people just driving like assholes like a hundred miles an hour down the the long roads right like no one's out there so

they can get away with it um but every now and then they crash and the power would go out well there'd also be really bad rainstorms and all these storms and um like thunder lightning and the power would go out, and it was scary, you know, it was stormy, and dark, and we lived out in the middle of nowhere, I mean, all you saw around was, you know, we had a dairy farm next to us, and that was about it, and I don't know why I'm getting sad about this, but no, that was the funnest shit, because you light the candles, you hunker down, you button up, I mean, I get it, it's Texas, people don't, they don't know how to layer up, okay, they don't know how to apply the layers and stay warm or they're just not, they're not used to it. They don't have that, uh, inventory

in their closet. You know, I, I empathize. I have, I have a lot of sadness in my heart for these people, but, um, you know what, when it, when shit's out of your control, when the fucking snow hits, I love this about my, you know what, one of my, not to tune my own horn. One of my favorite things about myself now is that i just i don't bitch and complain when shit doesn't go the right way if especially when it's out of my control like you know like oh shit an earthquake hits and then my 500 pound mirror shatters because i have it leaning up against my wall oh fuck it happened it's it's shattered now i'm just gonna put on a podcast and have a cleaning party and I literally have I do not spend energy anymore being sitting and having a like sitting and being

like frustrated and mad and angry and pissed and now I get it if your house blows up because of the gas in Texas or whatever is causing that the gas exploding and you know I get it like if your house burns down there's levels to this shit but for the most part if your power's out in Texas just have fun with that, just go camping, you're just camping, shit behind a tree, dig a hole, you know, I saw people, and there was an, it was an apartment complex, you just got to go down to your local Home Depot, but this is what you do, okay, go to your local home, and now I can talk about this, because at my family home, about, so back during Christmas time, we were getting our toilets fixed, or replaced, or whatever, and there was a

period of time, my mom reported that she did not have two toilets, or she didn't have toilets in house. So she was just going outside and I'm pretty sure she used a five gallon bucket from Home Depot. So you go to your local home. This is where I'm going. This is where I'm going with this. Sorry, mom. That was probably too much. I'm sorry. That was okay. Just whatever. We're all going to die someday. Who gives a fuck? Okay. So, uh, that's my like excuse for everything. I'm like, who cares? It's I'm just having fun. So you go and get a five gallon bucket and you're shitting it and you sit on it to shit and you shit over you shit this is what people do when they're hunting you shit over the bucket but you line the bucket with a garbage bag and

you tie that shit in a knot like you're picking up your dog poop like you know how you do your little baggies for your dog poop and you throw it away okay that's it you gotta pee same thing Okay. Or I guess peeing, just pee in your shower. Why don't you just go down the drain? I don't know. Oh man. I wish I was in Texas. I would just love, I feel like my life has been a little too cushy and I, and I really would love, I need a camping trip. I need a deserted, I need to go out in the wilderness. I need to go into the cold. Um, yeah, that's why I love that show. The last Alaskans, one of the, that's one of the greatest shows I've ever watched in my life. The last Alaskans really makes me feel like my life is one giant fucking uh cloud or that's stupid

it's just cushy it's just cushy and I have everything easy you know um these people in Alaska I mean they're the one kid is like yeah I'm building my log cabin for life and it's gonna take me 19 years to fucking it's gonna he's doing it alone he has this like pulley system to put the Lincoln logs on top of each other. And he's like a one man show. And I'm like this cameraman, I know they're doing it for the show. I'm like, this cameraman is like filming him do it by himself. And I don't know. Um, anyways, yeah. Shout out Texas. Um, you'll be fine. You know, you'll be okay. Uh, this is good. This is good for you. Just try to be positive. Um, we have it so good i feel like if this is our biggest like that's what i'm i'm witnessing

all these dramatic ass people like speaking of layering up there are literal there are there are social media posts circulating about like oh my god i screenshotted it oh my god i screenshot of it let me find it like tips on dressing warmly in texas it is important to keep dry dry your clothing as quickly as possible if you come if you become wet or damp multiple thinner layers are preferable to one bulky layer pockets of still air pockets of still air like who the fuck thought of this act as insulation okay uh tuck in your layers into your pants to reduce airflow can we just all have a moment of silence for the united states of america right now

like I need a fucking cigarette I need to I need a fucking drink I how to dress warmly put on clothes layer up bitch like it's it's intuitive you know how to do it this is what I can't stand is when shit's obvious and people still post about it and make it a big deal and then it's like every and then it's like donate a sweater to a family in Texas sponsor a family and send them a it's just obnoxious and here's what I think I feel like because there's nothing else to talk about the news of course is just blasting the shit because Trump's not a thing anymore and it's sad it's just like and then there's all the bullshit about this being man-made and the government is doing a direct attack on Texas and

it's just you know this isn't this is a you know the bullshit i witness every day is a uh it's it i'm actually grateful for it because i get to talk about it and uh buy plastic cups now because i've fucking had it and that's where i'm at um yeah I'm not trying to be insensitive like again I know it's really tough to be cold um you know I used to walk in the snow to work every day um I used to walk to class I I lived in snow for three months every fucking year in college like I it's I get it you're from Texas you're not used to it buck up hunker down have fun that's what I was saying the fun the thing about me I enjoy about my guys if you can't tell I have fun but I have fun with myself like I it's

fun being me it's it's it's at that point now where I realized that I got this one life might as well enjoy it because it's you and only you and no one else can make you happy figure it out bitch and so like I said I'm at the point with when shit goes wrong I just flip my brain and have fun so it's almost like even when Jimmy shits like if he ever does anything fucked up where you know all of a sudden I have a puncture in my yoga pants my $200 yoga pants or I have a puncture in you know my hand from him I immediately go okay that was I just try to be positive and have fun and you know if my power was out and I was freezing my ass off I would have them I would just I don't know easier said than I think it's easy to say right when you're not actually there

but um i don't know i just kind of i think i miss it from childhood like all the times the power would be out and and uh like my grandpa would show up oh he would always take care of us he still does show up with a generator or some shit and like get us going and the power would be back on or he'd bring us heaters or he'd bring us like pepperoni sticks i love my grandpa yeah I had a great I don't see it a great childhood a great I just come from a great family I don't know what else to say I got I got lucky I know I did and now I'm living my dream I'm lucky I found my passion I'm lucky I know I'm not lucky I'm blessed yes um oh shit oh fuck okay musk must talk about it um i'm gonna end the episode

end the episode with a hot topic or a hot piece of news coming out today uh chris delia came back to the internet today with a youtube video of a one giant apology video and all i want to say is that is how it's fucking done that's how it's done if you don't have like respect like just that's all I have to say like goddamn like that took some gonads to fucking sit and face the world like that and apologize and and literally say that you have a sex addiction and you need therapy and you're you've had this issue for like forever and um you use people all this stuff. Like he just came out and let it all, he aired it all out and apologized. And I'm, you know, in a world of cancel culture and people are, you know, axed, I think

this is a key, what Chris did is a great example of how you can be axed and come back and you can be a changed person. You can, people can evolve and change and grow and learn and he's gotten help and he said that this him getting canceled for all the stuff he did it was like that's where that's where he was going like that's what everything led all of his actions led him there and it was like supposed not supposed to well kind of supposed to happen and he's better off for it so yeah that's a big thing that happened I don't know um you know it's cool uh I've missed his content I think a lot of us have that liked his podcast and look forward to it and um it's going to be interesting to see what he does next

and i just i don't i don't know how he'll be received uh after that video um i just look at people as human beings and i go because i know i have i have uh i'm sure you could relate to this too there are friends you have there are family members you have that have done some fucked up shit and they've struggled and I think the worst thing you can do to a human being is hold that against them for the rest of their life and and just like quote-unquote cancel them you know and I I think I like I said I come from a place of looking like looking at someone as a human being who's learned a lesson is changing his ways and he's admitting fault and he's working on and he's like coming out and be like look i'm sorry i fucked up if you still have i don't know

i just i think it's you're entitled to your own opinion you can think what you want but to if there's it's going to be interesting because there's obviously going to be some negative uh feedback all about his video he posted today and uh it's going to be interesting to see what people uh say and and you know the and they'll cycle they'll like dissect the whole video and say well he blinked twice here so that means he's lying and then he is he's you know he's a sociopath or whatever the fuck and he doesn't actually mean this and so whatever i just like i said big mad respect for what he did i think it's a great example of um like for you know for men that struggle I think that will help a lot of people I think he's gonna honestly I think

at the end of the day I think Chris D'Elia is helping a lot of people with that video and that's um awesome so let me know your thoughts um I don't know I'm just commenting you guys it's like well why do you have anything to say about it like what are you talking about like, it's like, I'm an internet bitch. I'm into podcasts. Okay. I, I, I fuck with him. I fuck with him. I like what he puts out and, um, you know, his bit about, oh my God, the couch potato bit about the couch potato kids in quarantine, like going to war by staying home and fucking, it's like an act of it's like a like what's his what is he he just goes off about these kids like sitting in the base in the basement eating Funyuns during quarantine and it's like they're going to

war anyways it's like that literally the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life but yeah I like his content I think he's the funniest person ever and um you know I I hope we can all move on and he can come back to the comedy world and have a flourishing career I think you know just and I call this like not to say I called this but I he doesn't strike me as the kind of person that'd be like I got canceled I'm and it and it's a lot of it was bullshit and then I'm just gonna stay away forever or fuck now so I think the timing's great I think it's new gear and new Chris so sweet um yeah let me know your thoughts i don't know let's like just like come at me let's debate let's whatever i have nothing else to fucking talk about i don't have any juicy gossip in my life

so let's talk about chrysalia whatever um and then also it'll be interesting what other comedians say that will be very interesting to see who is not cool with it and who's cool with it and i don't know um yeah all right i think that's it this is a two-hour episode this might be my best one yet i don't know why i just feel like i don't know i had fun yeah i think i'm gonna call it um was i on buzzfeed let me just check the tab one more time no i just have no interest in these like oh my oh my god like here's the headline on buzzfeed the constipation trick for people with vaginas is going viral on tiktok nope i'm out i don't even like to see that word spelled out i don't know why i just don't like it's such a i hate

that word vagina um everyone says vagina like they've it's their first time saying it like no one likes to say it and if you do you're a feminist and you're like you know you have pink hair and you're uh i don't i could be negative i could be really fucking negative right now i'm not going to i could be judgmental and i could just be bitchy right now but i don't know or you don't shave your armpits or some shit you love saying vagina and like there's this person on tiktok that has a vagina diagram i'm saying it so much right now and she like nonchalantly teaches people like how to caress it and it's just so fucking odd and i'm just like i don't i don't like it i'm like look this should be behind closed doors you and your partner like

I know this might be educational for a lot of people but you're creepy like it's it's kind of creepy um and you know what Jacqueline well it's I'm not ending the episode this always happens you know what Jacqueline well you know it should be more um we should it should be talked about more and normalized and it should be normalized and we should all know like what to do with the vagina when we touch it and it's like no it's just like go see a doctor like go talk to your friends or I don't fucking know. Like don't show a bunch of like, I'm sure 12, like, like 10 year olds are seeing this, you know, it's, it's just, I don't know. This world's crazy. And, uh, that's it. All right. I love you guys. Happy Friday. Please hit that subscribe button. I'll be here

tomorrow for Saturday's Q and a number 19. Uh, yeah. 19 Q and A's now tomorrow. So hit that subscribe button I'll be here I'm here seven days a week and follow me on Instagram and follow me on clubhouse at club Jacqueline and go over to patreon.com slash tjms to support the show support me support my journey as I don't know just pay it's pay to play okay subscribe for more subscribe for more content I do shout outs I'm actually doing one after this show so stick around if you're a patron I do phone calls I do videos there and pictures that I don't post anywhere else so check it out at patreon.com slash tjms all right guys love you lots I hope you're happy and I hope you're fulfilled and I hope you're like I hope you like yourself all right I mean it

love you lots and I'll talk to you tomorrow all right bye all right today's patreon.com slash tjms patron shout outs go to ricky jensen thanks ricky trevor garrett thank you trevor eagle one whoever you are thank you ozzy osbourne i didn't forget you this time chris o'hearn thank you chris and rich rich rich rich thanks rich all right guys that's it I'm doing the rap thing again this week I don't know if you can even hear the music but thank you for your support it means a lot to me and I will talk to you tomorrow I'm out I'm out bye