The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 194- LOOK ME IN THE EYES

Episode Date: March 19, 2021

Happy Thursday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS 

What's up, guys? Happy Wednesday. It's episode 194. Welcome back to the show! welcome back to the Jacqueline Monroe show where i podcast every day and talk about my life um it seems like lately the closer i get to 200 episodes the okay i'm in a dry spell i'm in a boring spell i need to be inspired i need to be re-inspired i don't know what else to say other than a bitch is blonde i got my hair done today and i'm going to talk about that and i'm going to continue trivia week yeah for the last like three episodes I've done trivia quizzes and I'm trying to like repolish or whatever my brain sells so that's gonna be today's episode that's all I got okay I don't know is there a cap on

this shit on podcasting seven days is there like a your brain it can only remember and rotate and give so much like I don't think I mean it's like in order to do this you have to be infinitely creative and lately I feel like um I need to get I don't know do I need to get drunk on these shows now do I need to get high like do I feel like I need to stimulate something in my I don't know what to do I'm drying out hit that subscribe button I'm here seven days a week and head over to patreon.com slash tjms patreon.com slash tjms to support the show okay uh you get access to my exclusive content my behind the scenes content that i don't post on instagram you'll get a shout out every friday i'll call you on your phone and i'll keep you in my back pocket as a

favorite person on this planet because, I mean, I just consider, if people are, I mean, if you're a daily listener and you subscribe to my Patreon, you're a part of me. You are, we are, our brains are one. We are best friends. We are life partners. It's kind of like that. So patreon.com slash TJMS to tie the knot with me, bitch, and get access to more of me. Okay, dude. Uh, so today I had a hair appointment. I let my roots grow out a little too far. As you know, I'm a, I'm a dumb blonde now. And, um, that happened last January. I literally just wanted to go blonde. I didn't premeditate the decision. I was like, I just want to, I just want to be blonde. I want to try this out. I want to be blonde. So last January I made an appointment

with a hairstylist who I just believed in. I believed in him so hard. I saw his work and I knew he could put me, put me through it. I knew he, I knew he, he could put my hair through it and we could get on, get out on the other side in one day as a Barbie doll, a brunette to a blonde Barbie. And that happened. It took seven hours. I went blonde in one day. And since then it's been it's gone south okay the breakage the lack of the lack of self-care like I literally treat my hair I don't care about my hair like it's always in a bun I never do it I work from home it's all I'm I don't wear makeup I don't do my hair it's just like fuck it so and in return my hair is broken off over the last year and it looks like it looks good like from a distance but

if you get up close, it's a little sketchy. So anyways, I've been, um, uh, I've had the roots bleached out twice now and apparently that's not good to do. So today I had an appointment and I got it done in the proper way. Like I re it's like they're redoing it. Okay. So anyways, let me get into my hair appointment. Cause I feel like, um, I have a lot to say and I'm, and I I have a lot to say about my experience at this new place, um, that might come across negative, but what's new. Hi. Uh, I ran, I, I bitch and I rant. I come here to vent. So that's going to happen. It might sound negative, but I, I, I want to, I'm speaking from the heart and this is out of love and I just want to like help people out there, fellow people my age and

like you know hairstylist I guess but look I mean I won't go back it was I felt like I was a fucking cattle I was a I was a cow being put through a fucking factory farm and I was like just it was like they had a cattle prodder I don't know how to let me just start do start to finish and here's the thing I'm running the risk of my stylist listening to this so I hope this is like pure entertainment you can you can take this as like a uh overall constructive criticism this probably will help you in the long run if you're listening but like wow I just kind of felt like shit when I left and I'm really easygoing it's hard to it's hard to like make me feel bad I guess especially at a hair appointment like but after after I just felt exhausted I was like

Jesus Christ. What the fuck? I just like, okay, let me just start. Let me just start. Okay. Chocolate. Do you want to go here? Do we, do we want to do this? Okay. Whatever. I'm doing it. So I booked an appointment in a new place that was highly reviewed on Yelp. And I, I was excited about it. I looked at all their pictures of the, you know, their Instagram transformations. And um I was like wow this is gonna be a good place I saw my stylist and at the end of the day she did an amazing job uh it was the okay well I thought she was gonna go harder in the paint than she did uh for what I paid and everything I thought it was gonna like be more of a dramatic thing but it really wasn't but whatever it's all about like preserving my hair at this point and

stopping it from fucking breaking up my hair is a hay bale my hair is a hay bale and I think she you know had a light touch so it wasn't gonna fucking fry off and okay but anyways i looked up the stylist i was like excited to see her and i thought her work was great so anyways i go to the appointment like 10 a.m and um the place was high energy music you know a lot of um ellie Golding a lot of uh Ellie Golding wait what the fuck what kind of other music was it it was just like upbeat lights Ellie Golding what other fucking songs were there just like if you wait what's that song from like 2016 or 20 if you give me a chance I will take it just like feel good music was on okay so I was feeling good it was a nice sunny day I'm in the

salon and everything about my experience with my stylist felt like she was reading off a script she wasn't being genuine that nothing she said felt like she was on this planet like in the in this moment with me it was like and then there was a lot of times I noticed she needed to break away and so then she would just cut me off and just like okay so you're gonna stay here for 10 minutes I'll see you in 10 minutes and like I couldn't even like it wasn't genuine at all nothing about my experience is genuine and that's my constructive feedback I just felt like look I'm just trying to chill with you and get my hair done as a like we're literally she was telling me she's like my the same age as me and I'm like why is this so unrelaxing and

and anyway so let me just tell you what happened I sit down and there it is there's my hay bale in plain sight for her to see and I literally just said good luck I said look I don't take care of my hair very well I brush the hell out of it when it's wet I uh don't use heat protectant it's always in a bun and I literally don't care that it looks this bad it doesn't make me feel less like I I was just so open about that I'm like I know it looks like shit but here's the thing I said when I go to style it like when I straighten it when I curl it when it needs to look nice I can I can work with it and I can make it look good Okay. And that's good enough for me. I'm not OCD about my hair. I'm low maintenance when it comes

to my hair, whatever. And so she's immediately going, okay, we're gonna need to do a haircut, a dip dye. Um, you're going to need to take off five or like six inches to get rid of all this damage. She's like telling me what I was, I'm like, no, I'm here to get a full highlight. Okay. I don't want my haircut. Um, I'm like, I don't, I understand these are her recommendations as a stylist who's a professional she knows more than me but I was just like annoyed at first I'm like why are you trying to make me do all this other shit when I came here for a full highlight I just want my roots to not be brown so I was already annoyed I'm like from the start it's like here's you know she's gonna make me feel like shit she's like I'm not trying to be judgmental

and I'm like I know you hey I get it you're in the back room with your girls saying oh look at this dumb fucking blonde in the chair who who went blonde and because I told her I went blonde in one day she doesn't know what she's doing she just thinks she can go blonde and have healthy hair and that's not the case and she won't listen so I was probably that person that day but you know what uh so yeah am I just like not breathing I'm not even I'm not even breaking up this segment with like a drink of water a breath but I'll say this my only reason I'm the only reason I'm bringing any of this up and telling the story I could have just told you I got my hair done today and my roots are not brown it's because of how I felt when I left and just like

the fakeness of it all like the forced niceness or like force everything felt like let me try to explain a situation so it was like every 10 minutes she had to reiterate that it might not turn out how I want it to turn out you might have darker hair when you leave than you like you might have some dark spots because I'm not bleaching your roots fully like I used to get so that means when they bleach your hair they literally go to your root with every single every single strand of hair has bleach on it like that's called a bleach route so I I've been getting that now for the last two times yeah so she's like just so you know it'll be a little dark because I'm fading it in or whatever I'm

blending it in like I understand I was like okay I don't care like I said I'm so chill about this I'm like look you have fun you're the artist you can't mess it up I'm easy I don't care like I'm the easy she's like you're my you're a rare client I thank you so much because some people are really picky. And I said, yeah, you know, I don't, it grows back. You know, people are dying in the streets of coronavirus. We're in a global pandemic. Um, at least I'm not getting my leg blown off in fucking the middle East. I mean, I'm, I'm alive. I'm here. It's just hair. I will shave my head and wear a wig if it doesn't work out. So like literally create a freedom, do what you want. But it was so annoying. Like every 10 minutes she was like saying a speech

just so you're aware. And this is why it sounded fake and like, kind of like what the, like you're reading a script just so you're aware it might not turn out how you want some of these dark pieces will show through and because of this process I'm doing it was just like a robot I'm like you said it 10 times already and then for another example we'd be having a conversation about like hobbies you know she had her hobbies I was kind of I didn't say anything honestly I didn't talk about myself at all as most I was just trying to make you know her talk I like I like when people I like to make other people uh I feel like when you make them talk about themselves if they feel better and also I'm not gonna be like yeah I podcast 70s week okay

then she knew then she would know she's dealing with a psychopath in her chair and she'd probably have to call the fucking police and get me escorted out because what the fuck who does that um so but yeah she'd be like talking and then you know I was just we were having like good conversations at some point but every time she had to leave me and like get a new dish of color or put my hair under the heater or whatever like you know I'll check back in 15 minutes it was like I could be mid-sentence and it'd be like okay so we're gonna be I'll be back in 10 minutes and then she like go in the break room or something instead of just like ending the conversation ending that part and cutting like and I guess that's just the part of the drill at a salon

like you're shuffling people through a lot. Speaking of which, there are two other clients that were overlapping with me and I was on my fucking, uh, I watched my clock. So a lot of the, Oh, I'll be back in 10 minutes was actually, I'll be back in 20. Okay. And I'm sitting there with a phone on 4% with a puppy at home in a cage for a Mac. He went in there, he was in the cage for five hours okay um so I was watching the time because of that and I was I had a phone at four percent I forgot to charge it the night before I didn't bring cord with me I could have asked for a charger but I was bored as fuck sitting there um wanting to keep my phone on just so I could uh you know safety first is this privilege whatever I don't care so I just sat and kind of

twiddled my thumbs I was playing with a pen a lot of the times while I was waiting those extra 10 15 minutes past the time that you know like my hair was under the heater for I think I can't like 35 minutes or more than that 40 no 40 minutes under the heater she's like oh it'll be 20 so that doubled and I was in the sink getting my hair rinsed out and like some other employee started working on it and then she had like a new client come in it was like all over the place she was curling someone's hair at one point I was like what the now I still tipped her really good because I don't know oh and then at the at the end okay so she doesn't even like it was just like so scatterbrained and all it was so all over the place my experience and I just felt like

everything she said was like hurried along and not genuine and like it wasn't a real conversation it was like she I don't know I'm not trying to shit talk it just felt like maybe she's not used of socializing because of COVID. I don't know. People just need to fucking relax when they talk and not talk ahead of you. That's probably why I'm pissed off. And she's not a Gen Zer. She's a millennial. I don't know. I feel like that's worse for Gen Zers. But my biggest takeaway about like, so when I interact with people that are my age group, younger, whatever, is they they like hurry along what you're saying and try to guess what you're going to say next because they're so short they short circuit or they're such a they have such a short attention span

they actually don't give a fuck to listen to your what you fully have to say it's a lot of uh-huh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like totally yeah yeah yeah oh yeah so one time i that happened to me too and then they make it about them which is a big mistake people do that in conversation they don't realize they're you know and then it just feels empty and fucking fake and it that's why at the end of it i was just like i was just like a fucking cow being pushed through the machine man i was i turned into ground beef my brain turned into ground beef by the end of that my organs everything got pushed through it was like i was hurried get in get out bitch pay up and then oh my god I already said I don't want a haircut but she was like forcefully saying

so I she's like okay I'm at the counter paying and we're making the next appointment and she's like okay so do you want to book your so no no it wasn't do you want to it was okay so um so what's a good day in May that works for you for the next appointment and I know that's probably good she's like being a good saleswoman you know just she's not it's telling not asking because it's like hair appointments it's routine you always go that six to eight weeks like whatever I was fine with that and then um she's like in the in a week um what day next week are you are you good or she's like and I do recommend you get a haircut next week that's how she said it I do recommend you get a haircut next week you really need to get it cut uh she's like being all

obnoxious about it I'm like I'm not getting a haircut okay I don't like I don't even want to come back at this point here's the thing about where I'm at this episode right now I just bitched for so long when I probably could have made that more concise and I feel like I just shit all over a hairstylist who honestly has a hard it's a it's a it's a it's you know it's been it's been tough okay so I'm grateful for her work I'm grateful for her you know what she did but I just feel like god damn it people just don't they just a bunch of space cadets out there when you talk especially like women i don't know how to explain it it's like they're not relaxed everything is like amped up uh skittish and like fake and it's just like

I don't know. I don't feel like I could really, I tried to connect with her. I tried to like, keep it like chill and like easy going. And I don't know. I just thought I'm, I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't feel weird when I left. I feel like it hit me. It was so tough that I had to mention it or tough. It was so tough on me. At least you're not getting your leg blown off fucking Yemen. Is that still happening? Jesus. I was, uh, I still donate to Yemen. I think on charity donator, whatever that website is, patreon.com slash Yemen. Sorry. Remember the Yemen bombings? I feel like I haven't heard much about that lately. God damn it. We have it so good. I'm blessed. You guys know, I come on here and I comment on, you know, human behavior,

how people act, why they act that way. And I just, I, I boil a lot of the, I boil a lot of shit down to people have zero attention span and people genuinely don't care about other people. They're all about, it's all about themselves. They're, um, you know, image, they're fucking profiles, they're aesthetic, they're, it's, I don't know. Um, I do recommend you get a haircut next week and then it was like a big letdown when I said no thanks I'm gonna cancel my May appointment and find a different place I should just go back to my other lady who was so chill and she was like so on the same page politically as me I'm kidding this fucking salon was full of Biden super fans no I'm kidding I'm kidding I have no clue probably

not. Um, dude, please. I hope, I hope they're not listening. What was I going to talk about next? Trivia week. Um, yeah. So Jimmy did good by the way. So he was alone for five hours in his crate as long as he's been alone. And, um, Oh yeah. Like that was fucking weird. I mentioned, um, I was like, while her other, while her coworker was doing my toner and my like rinse out and everything at the sink because she had a new client come in um I was like she I was like asking something about the time so I was like oh yeah my puppy's in the crate at home so I'm just trying to keep track no no rush like I just want to let you know that um you know I'm thinking about that whatever and then when I got up to leave and like walk to the counter she's like okay you can

go get your puppy now okay you can go get your puppy now like zero she didn't listen that's the whole point of like she didn't even like if someone was genuinely listening to me they'd be like oh I get it your puppy's in a crate at home like I said at home but she's like oh it's like here in the salon somewhere in the crate you can go get your puppy now what the fuck it was just like that kind of shit be a better listener I'm heated I'm heated okay so yeah but he did good he didn't pee or poop in his crate and then what was weird is he was in there for five hours and then when I took him outside he didn't go the bathroom right away like he's he spent like a good 10 minutes sniffing around and playing around before he went the bathroom so I was like damn this kid can hold

it like now I know he's got a iron he's got an iron bladder and I'm I think that happens with age like their bladder everything gets bigger their bowels their fucking everything is just bigger they're there he's my little shit factory but the shit factory is expanding his organs are growing and that's gonna make my life a hell of a lot easier and anyways but yeah I realized the other day, I told you guys on the podcast, I'm like, I will be removing his shit from the ground for all of time. I will be every day. Like I touch shit through a bag. So I'm not really touched. I touch warm shit. I get a warm sensation on my hand from dog shit right now. It's about five times a day. Okay. And that's humbling or that's

I guess it's the same as like being a mom changing diapers you just like you have that realization you're like this is my life now and I don't know so I need to clean my car I need to clean my car I have a note to do that let's do a trivia quiz just bouncing around my thoughts right now. Um, Jimmy had puked on our drive up to Julian, California. I told you guys on Sunday, we went up there, my mom and I, and he had, he got car sick and I kind of wiped it up, but it smells like shit inside the car. So, um, anyways. Okay. Let's do a random knowledge quiz to end this episode. I'm sorry. Here's what I want to say. I feel so as I do this episode, I'm I feel worse and worse and worse about what I said but I'm just assessing the situation telling

you my experience and it was awful it was just like I don't know I'm I'm trying to be like what what's the takeaway what could I say that's like helpful or you know useful other than bitching about my experience and I'd say look up from your devices take a deep breath when you're talking to someone listen to what they're saying pause think then react instead of react talk over hurry along not listen to like I don't know what I and that's just one experience but I've had many of these and uh fuck you social media for turning people into just like zombified versions of who they would have turned out to be if they didn't have social media everyone's a zombie everyone's a tech zombie dude did my dog just poop dude are you farting jimmy he farts a lot

it's all good okay let's do a trivia quiz on the episode I'm trying to keep my brain sharp this is actually fun I've been doing these for a few episodes now and I think it's good to do every day I think you I think I need to start my day with a trivia quiz to like it'll unlock different areas in your brain that you don't really tap into because it asks you all these random questions and then you're like oh I'm back in middle school when I remembered or when I learned that. Now I'm back in high school and I learned that and back in college when I learned that. And so it's like fun. Um, here we go. 10% of everything on this is like hard. Or if I get 10%, okay, this is fun. You'll only pass this random knowledge quiz if you know 10% of everything.

what i don't get that title i don't want to think about it either first question which of these fast food establishments sell their fries in a waffle shape arby's chick-fil-a burger king wendy's chick-fil-a it always starts off with like a fast food bullshit question um which of these celebrity chefs is Australian. Tyler Florence, no. Jamie Oliver, no. Gordon Ramsay, no. Curtis Stone, Curtis Stone. I used to think he was hot when I was younger when we watched the Food Network and shit. Or is he on Food? What was that other food channel? Like food.com? Food TV? I don't know. Yes, correct. Two for two. Hades, Pluto, Hell, and Osiris are all Norse gods, early philosophers, Disney characters, rulers of the underworld. What's going on outside?

Oh my God, it's a party bus. Dude. I think, okay. It's literally a fucking party bus, guys. My neighbors are driving it. There's like rock music playing and a bunch of Modellos I can see through the... There's like beer on the ground. Dude, it's a... Looks like more fun than what I'm doing right now. At least they have a life.

Jesus Christ. Okay. Norse gods is my answer. Fuck. Wrong. Rulers of the underworld. That was my second option. Oh my god.

oh my god, okay, like, all black outfits, everyone's wearing a backpack, everyone looks like a skater slash, um, they're just, like, rough looking, and that's their aesthetic, but that's not a bad, it's, like, that's just, they look rough, and that's a, that's positive, it's just, like, their style, um, like, all black clothing, everyone has a backpack and a skateboard, and a lot of hair next question which of the following is an ampersand oh these are symbols you got the hashtag sign the and sign the asterisk sign so none of those the sideways squiggly that's like a hyphen but it's a squiggly the ampersand is that the quotation not the quotation the parentheses it's got the little squiggle or is it the

uppercase like v thing fuck you guys can't see these I need to answer this quick because that's annoying I'm gonna call it ampersand is the the parentheses looking thing oh it's the And sign? Dude, how would I know that? The ampersand? The and sign is an ampersand? It's called an ampersand? Okay. Which of these dogs is a Pomeranian? I'm clicking the picture of one because you guys can't see it. Correct. Easy. Which of these is not one of the three basic rock type types. Oh, I love earth science. Sedimentary, igneous, igneous, strike-slip, or metamorphic? Sedimentary, yes. Igneous, strike-slip, yes. I don't think it's metamorphic. Igneous is not one of the three basic rock types. Metamorphic, strike-slip, sedimentary. I don't

recognize igneous i'm going igneous strike slip it's a fault line i knew that but it's still a fault line like that's rocks my brain is mush okay it's probably because i'm addicted to social media and i don't listen to what people say and i hurry them along and i have a i'm scatterbrained and i i'm a fake bitch who is the last shark mentioned in baby shark baby shark baby shark oh there's grandma shark mama shark mommy shark daddy shark grandpa shark mommy is it mommy daddy grandma grandpa i'm gonna say grandpa yeah grandpa shark ladies before boys that's this what is that quote ladies first bitch which body of water touches iran

iran sorry saudi arabia kuwait and qatar persian gulf mediterranean sea the gulf of Oman, the Nile River, Iran, Saudi, Kuwait, and Qatar. Dude, it's fucking Persian Gulf. Correct. Which of these movies was a Broadway musical first? Mean Girls, Newsies, Legally Blonde or Chicago. Chicago. Wait, what's that song? What's the theme song? Chicago. Chicago musical songs. Dude, they're so good. I love that movie. All that jazz. done, yeah, and all that, let me, let me play it, I haven't heard this in so long, it's like in all that just okay where's my clothes I have so many tabs open which light on car dashboards mean that means the tire pressure is low

you guys can't see this okay the tire pressure is low that's the defrost symbol that looks like a engine light tire pressure that looks like i'm gonna go well you guys can't see it oh i got it correct the top right i got 58 i got seven out of ten right okay cool let's do one more I don't know. Like I, I do this for personal, like for personal reasons, my, my quiz taking, my trivia quiz taking is like, because it's good for me and it's fun for me. But as a listener, I hope it's, I hope it's fun for you. Um, you don't have a choice. I mean, this is what I'm going to talk about today. Unless you want me to undo what I said in the beginning and apologize or, uh, take back what I said. Cause I mean, I should just be like, look, hairstyles, it's hard

out there. It's hard out there for hairstylists and I should give her a pass, but you know what? I'm trying to be the change I wish, wish to see on the world. And I'm going to be that call out bitch. I'm going to be that call out. I'm going to call shit out when I see it, when I don't like it, when I noticed things about my generation, the up and coming generation that I don't like, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to talk about it. Okay. Uh, I'm not perfect. I understand that. Um, I think it's just as bad that I came on a podcast to bitch and rant. Um, but we're not just, I mean, I don't know if this is the most useful or productive use of my time, but I don't know. I'm trying to help people out there. And I guess like what I said, yeah, breathe, think,

relax listen take your time with people when you talk to them no I love conversation I love people I like listening and learning from people and figuring out who they are and I like doing that but it's like when I'm around someone that doesn't seem to really be on this planet with me in the moment they're just like scattered everywhere else just like it it sucks it sucks to spend I was like in the chair for five hours you know and I'm like wow that sucked and I have good I have good experiences with hairstylists I usually um you know and here's the deal I'll say this but I don't know why I was going to do another trivia quiz but I'll say this I get how like some days stylists don't want to talk to you and they're like I had you know maybe they're just having a bad day and

they don't want to talk and so maybe maybe it was that so I understand that but whatever it's not like I'm a chatterbox in fact like I said I let her talk I let her you know talk about her hobbies her passions what she's up to her life and all that and anyways let's do another quiz is your random knowledge better than the average person let's find out. Oh, I've done this one before. Which continent is Cameroon on? You have too much random knowledge if you pass this quiz. Here we go. Who came up with the law of motion? Fig Newton, Sir Isaac Newton, Wayne Newton, Olivia Newton-John, Sir Isaac Newton, bitch. correct persistence of memory is a surrealist painting by which artist the persistence of

memory I took one difficult art class in college and there was a cute boy there was a cute boy in it uh and I don't remember anything and that's why isn't that how it was dude I'll be honest this is like I've never said this before but I literally chose classes based on like so it was a thing to put your classes on Facebook in like high school and shit and so I'd like go to all my crushes Facebook pages and see what classes they had like which periods what number and I would like rearrange shit to be in the same classes because that's what made school fun my favorite thing like all I did in high school and college for well some classes I feel like I don't know there's so many people in my classes whatever um like all I did in high school was

have I had crushes on cute boys who all had girlfriends and I would rig my uh schedule to be in the same classes with classes with them so I could just sit there and like have a crush on them and and feel pain no and like just feel like well it worked one of them it kind of well two of my crushes after after high school um one of them I matched with on tinder which is kind of funny randomly like freshman year of college I don't even know like we were both back in our hometown and it was weird and I told him I always had a crush on him and like the fact like you know how that is it's like whoa you liked me the whole time or oh you thought I was cute too what the fuck that happened for a couple with a couple people and I don't know I think that's

funny but why am I even on this topic why did I mention high school oh art class uh the persistence of memory is a surrealist painting by which artist um who did surrealist paintings Rembrandt Salvador Dali I don't think he was an artist Salvador Dali wasn't an artist was he uh vincent van gogh i'm gonna go why does van gogh seem like he did surrealist he did abstract or no van gogh he did the starry night right he's a starry night painter picasso rembrandt i i think i'm gonna go rembrandt god damn it was literally salvador dali i know nothing I'm, I don't, I, like I said, I didn't pay attention because there was a cute woman in my art class and whatever. Typically, the human body has more than one of all of these.

Typically, the human body has more than one of all of these except the gallbladder, the kidney, the patella, the lung. Okay, you have two lungs. You have two patellas. These are your kneecaps. The kidney or the gallbladder? You have two kidneys, right? Or one kidney. God damn it.

You have one kidney. Wait. No, that's your liver. I'm thinking mixing those up. Gallbladder. Yeah. Gallbladder. You have one gallbladder.

Gallbladder. Ugh. Edward Norton played Brute by... Okay. High water, high liquid IV that my mom bought me and I threw it in the cart like a little kid and I didn't tell her what the price was and then she got mad at me when she looked at the receipt after and found out it was $30 for a pack of like $30 which is a dollar

a pack which is actually a good price at Costco thanks mom sometimes I burp from water and you know what I'm alive Edward Norton played Bruce fuck Edward Norton played Bruce Banner in the MCU before Blank took over

the character in Marvel's The Avengers i don't know what i just read mcu avengers edward norton i'm just gonna pick john stamos i don't fucking know mark ruffalo great great i don't watch uh i'm not a big is marvel is batman marvel or dc marvel right all i love the batman movies and like that's it like batman oh my god sometimes say yawn because i'm alive anything i do that's a bodily bodily function i'm gonna say because i'm alive uh isn't that so batman begins the dark knight like all these batman movies are my favorite out of all the superhero movies but i'm not really into them to be honest like the avengers or whatever the superman okay which of these books was not written by ronald doll

literally not ronald roll roll roll what the hell r-o-a-l-d rowald doll charlotte and the chocolate factory james and the giant peach caroline coralline matilda matilda oh fuck coralline i don't know i don't know how many dice are used in yahtzee oh four five six or seven four or four or six why do the odd numbers seem seem wrong i'm gonna go four dice seems like six would be too many five god damn it okay i haven't played so long wow in which region of the graph is x always positive and y always negative oh you guys can't see this it's going to be in the bottom left quadrant of the graph

wait x always positive and y always negative excuse me the x positive y negative is the bottom right quadrant correct I love doing math I should just do math trivia I want to do like an entire quiz on math because I feel like that would be good for me to like revisit and I actually like lately on these quizzes I've been enjoying the math questions and that's so not like me but I think it's fun to just prove that or it kind of makes me feel better about going to school which is shitted on a lot now like you'll never use the what's like other I always say Pythagorean theorem as a example but what's like another bullshit thing like you're never gonna need to find the area of a triangle is not literally the Pythagorean theorem what's another uh formula

whatever like people say that shit they're like yeah school's pointless but sometimes it's fun to just or whenever i do a math question like oh well i still remember it was worth it i feel better about that and anyways which rock which of these rockers is them is in the band kiss axl rose alice cooper david lee roth or gene simmons bitch kiss fuck gene simmons or alice cooper i'm gonna go gene simmons yeah i mean his face just looks like it's painted and he's in kiss what is it well his face in the picture isn't but i'm imagining it would be what is a fjord a fjord oh my god this is like a geography question

a narrow inlet of the sea between cliffs or steep slopes fjord fjord a large body of ice moving slowly down a slope or valley a broad terrace with an abrupt slope on the one side a bare recess in the shore of a sea lake or river a fjord a fjord is that ice no i don't feel like it's ice i don't think it's a broad terrace a bare recess in the shore of a sea lake or river or a narrow inlet of the sea between cliffs or steep slopes. I'm going to go Bay or Recess. I don't know. God damn it. What was it? A narrow inlet. Yeah. Okay, cool. Let me type that in to see Google Images. F-J-O-R-D. Jimmy's drinking so much water right

Oh, Jesus. Oh, yeah. Okay. It's like the Grand Canyon, but not. It's like a valley with a river going through it. Yeah. Cool. Which of these spices is not typically used to season tacos? Saffron, paprika, cumin, chili powder, saffron. Dude, I only got 24% on that. That's so bad you got five out of ten five out of ten right yeah what question was tough for me um the Yahtzee dice roll up roll all doll like an author about a kid's book I didn't know the Avengers question the painting one yeah I kind of suck dude I feel like I'm but the questions I usually get right are like, um, I can do like some easy math. So I usually get those right. Cause it's easy. Here's like a, or, um, people like rockers in the band, like kiss. Like

I got that right. Gene Simmons, um, and geography and cooking. Okay. That's literally the only questions i got right on that happy wednesday um weird episode but i don't know some shit i just sometimes i have to get shit off my chest and i hope it i hope it helps someone out there who might now think about how they interact with other other human beings post covid like that's probably an issue i think a lot of people have social issues they're gonna go back with some so like it's gonna take a while to get back in the swing of things when you're interacting with like strangers and new people like especially if you've been locked up like me I don't really have an issue with it I've always been a natural charismatic fucking sleazeball in the streets I

don't know look I'm I'm a snake charmer I'm a fuck I don't know if that's a red flag like oh she must be a master manipulator she might be a psychopath like no like I genuinely enjoy like I said talking to people learning about them like I love conversation that's why I'm a podcast host I know I'm doing it one-sided I'm not interviewing anyone but I watch podcasts on YouTube I literally enjoy watching two people talk as my that's my favorite entertainment right now listening them on a podcast also I just like to watch it it can be the ugliest podcast studio but two people are having a conversation that's my love that's what I like to tune into what I like to observe listen whatever and um maybe it's because I don't know I just um

ah Jimmy he's chewing my bath mat or not my bath mat my kitchen mat anytime I don't know what to say I just like pull something out of my ass about my dog and I'm like well he's doing something distracting me from thoughts so I can't think straight or say it right or get it out how I want it wanted to I'm a natural okay talking doesn't come naturally to some people and you know what that's just what it is and I will um end this episode by saying it's all love. I'm here to make people think. I'm here to address things that are funky in society that need a little fine tuning. They need an oil change. Some conversations need an oil change. People need to look within and, and, and, or be more aware of themselves than they,

i don't know right because i think we're all we're all we all know that okay the phones are now changing the way we operate and so what are we going to do to work with that and to um keep ourselves on the right trajectory instead of like letting them everything just like take us over and ruin us look me in the eyes when you talk to me okay look me in the eyes and listen okay that's all I want thank you thank you for being here happy Wednesday um hit that subscribe button I'll be here tomorrow I'm here seven days a week I won't let you I won't let you down I won't um I'm I'm your internet bestie at this point

i'm your gay best friend i'm your fucking girlfriend i'm your boyfriend i'm your mom i'm your aunt i'm your sister i'm your brother whatever you need me to be whatever gender whatever uh pronoun whatever i'll be here for you seven days a week just envision like you can hear my voice and just envision what i just like create me in your head and bitch i follow you on instagram i know exactly what you look like and that's what i think when I listen shut what are you saying why are you trying to be creative at the end of the episode with your word like just shut up um but yeah that's kind of like what this is all about I know what it's like to be going through it to be having a weird day a bad day a depressive phase and you

just want to like listen to someone you seem like a little friend a little person in your ear while you're taking your depression walk or you're doing your depression cleaning because why is that a I feel like when people are depressed they clean and that's like the one thing they can control that's positive they're like well I'm not leaving the house but I can clean my house and that'll help that'll help me feel better so I'm gonna scrub and tune out to Jacqueline Monroe talking about bitching about hairstylists but I'm just saying I will not go back I will not go back I didn't have a good experience I kept it you know I literally wanted to say something at the end out of like hey just so you know like like a pull like like a fucking coach pulling someone

aside being like hey this doesn't sit right with me this whole interaction just something about it okay wasn't genuine I feel like I was uh just like a cattle I was a fucking what do you call that I was cattle prodded I know what that is I grew up on a farm and they they'd use shock they'd use like fucking electric electricity sticks like to get the cows to move they'd like stick them and it would have an electric current and they'd go the cows move because cows are big bitches and if they're taking a nap and you got to get them up to go to the milking parlor you got to use some fucking electricity okay they don't do that on their own you can't just push them happy wednesday hit that subscribe button i'll be here tomorrow i'll be here every day i

won't chill I won't let you down and head over to patreon.com slash tjms to support the show get access to more of me more of my content and uh get a shout out every Friday so check it out patreon.com slash tjms love you guys lots hope you had a great day hope your week's going well hump day halfway there fucking let's go talk to you tomorrow all right bye