The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 195- Where's Jesus

Episode Date: March 19, 2021

Happy Thursday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS

Hey guys, happy Thursday. It's episode 195. Welcome back to the show. Hey, what's up? It's Jacqueline. Welcome back to the show. hello hi how's it going dude it's almost April what's happening um has anyone been thinking about the panhandle of Oklahoma recently okay I won't get into that yet that's one of the topics today putting a pin on putting a pin on that in that to start the episode getting off track I just I just need to check in with you um first I hope you're doing well and ask you to please subscribe I'm here seven days a week and also head over to patreon.com slash tjms to support the show get access to my you know exclusive content it's kind of patreon.com slash tjms is my it's like my

personal it's like a vault a secret vault of shit that I'm too embarrassed to put on Instagram you know so it ends up there and I do shout outs on Fridays I call you on your cell phone you get my phone number. Um, I'm going to start doing live zoom hangouts. I think once I get 10 patrons, I'll, uh, which I think I have two more until then, then I'll start doing live zoom hangouts and yeah. So check it out. Patreon.com slash TJMS. Bada bing, bada boom. All right. Let's intro the episode by saying I'm so excited today because I have random information, random thoughts, details um to talk about that I have I have notes I have a notebook in front of me with shit to talk about so well um yeah I was talking about Oklahoma because let's just get into that

get it over with I'm I'm tripping out I'm freaked out I'm actually just like whoa what's happening because I randomly so it's been about like yeah about three days ago I thought just like a day I was daydreaming or just having random thoughts during the day about Oklahoma and the handle like you know how it's a butcher it's a butcher cleaver state the shape of it dude that's a fucking like first of all I never I sometimes I randomly I randomly think about states I'm like whoa, I forgot about it, right? So Oklahoma is one of those states. And I thought about that panhandle. Is that what it's called? Let me look that up to verify. Panhandle? Dude, March Madness this weekend. Is this weekend who are you voting for?

Panhandle Oklahoma? Yeah, it's called panhandle. Yeah, that's what it's called. So anyways, I've been randomly thinking about it lately like every day and then it's a TikTok trend I go to TikTok and people are saying shit like what goes on in the panhandle of Oklahoma who lives there what happens and then it's like a fucking trend and it's like everyone else is also thinking about it what is that is that just a coincidence or is that something going on the simulation they're like making it I don't know like it's so it freaks me out i'm like why in the hell is it i think it's just a coincidence but also why did i randomly think of that and then i'm getting it on tiktok now someone's fucking

with me who's whoever's got the controller controller on jocelyn around the simulation is like i don't know does that shit happen to you guys like do you think of something and then it ends up on your i know a lot of people say well i talk about i'll talk about like um I don't know, AirPods and then it's a sponsored ad or something. And then you'll like say it, your phone hears you and then it's a sponsored ad. I'm not, I'm literally thinking it and it pops up anyways. So I thought I'd just start that, start the episode off with that. And then also fun fact, um, Amazon just had to change their logo. I don't know if you guys noticed this on your Amazon app, but it turned into like a brown box looking thing with a little blue piece

of tape and they had to fucking change it because the blue piece of tape on their new design was apparently, they canceled it. They fucking canceled the Amazon logo because that blue piece of tape was too reminiscent or too close to Hitler's mustache. So they had to turn the, what they did is they took, they took the logo and then flipped up the corner of the piece of tape so it didn't look like a square mustache. That's, I'm not even surprised. Like someone out there was so offended or so put off by that that they had to fucking change it because it looked like the Hitler stash.

This world's going to hell. In fact, Jesus is coming back, bitch. Jesus Christ is coming back. This is the next segment. I don't know if that was a good transition, but the fucking hitler stash amazon logo just go look at your phone and look it's different now it's different um okay so jesus christ is coming back uh like a 14 year old girl came on tiktok and made a whole video about it and i'm convinced i did some further research which um proves this

to be kind of a reach or kind of not what she said, but dude, it goes like this. The Dead Sea Scrolls were found in Israel recently, and the two books were Nahum and Zechariah. By the way, I'm not super religious. I grew up Catholic, went to Catholic school. Religion was a class I took for like 10 years. I went to the Vatican. I've seen the Pope. I've been confirmed in the Catholic faith. Every time I go home, I'm a Christmas and Easter churchgoer now, a Christer. I think that's what we, I think that's what the, the haters say. These are the Christers, the Christmas Easter church attendees. Yeah. Like the people, the church snobs look down and hate on people that just go to the Christmas mass and the Easter mass. I remember that was a thing, but I only go to

church when I'm home and that's, or like if, if it's a weekend, I'm home and my mom's like, let's go to church. Um, but yeah, I'm, I still think there's a higher power. I look at my puppy. I look at the sky, the stars, the mountains, the trees, the birds, the, you know, people around mean I'm like this isn't random there's got to be a there this looks like someone there's a something created this it's not a random thing that happened so that's where I'm at as far as religion goes and and faith and believing in some and believing in God but I guess I should I wanted to preface this segment with that because um I don't know are you religious are you getting back to your faith like what's happening with that with you I'm definitely not an atheist I'm definitely

not um okay so anyways Dead Sea Scrolls were found in Israel Israel uh Nahum and Zechariah were the books and both of those books talk about a call to return to the Lord and the wrath um that is coming meaning like jesus coming back so that was like interpreted by a lot of christians a lot of religious people out there as a like a warning like these these scrolls were found because um god jesus or whatever is warning us that he's coming back okay so i'm still convinced because because um the bible says i forget the chapter verse book whatever uh that the moon must rust before jesus returns and the stars must fall from the sky

guess what's happening in april bitches meteor shower april 21st blood moon april 26th not in april but june 10th solar eclipse that's why it's a little bit a little bit of a reach because it's not all happening on the same day which would be insane meteor shower blood moon solar eclipse you know that's what this girl this little uh 14 year old said like she made it sound like it's all happening at the same time which would make sense like i if all of that happened if this fucking meteor shower was happening blood moon solar eclipse i would be like yeah i i would uh totally believe jesus is coming down from the fucking sky but um that's all happening from april 21st till june 10th there's gonna be

action up there and um apparently um it's these events have never happened before at once so she I fact-checked her this isn't happening at once but I don't know I thought that was cool I thought that'd be fun to tell you guys because I mean dude history man Dead Sea Scrolls let me look this up Dead Scrolls found what news site should I go to by the way I'm talking fast because I have a meeting coming up and I have to get my hair nice my face nice and uh you know i'm just like pushing through bitch okay um dead sea scrolls found i'll just go to cnn.com i don't give a fuck and by the way their numbers are down like what 47 i saw because since biden got elected their viewers or whatever

shout out joe biden killing it um dozens of fragments of a dead sea scroll bearing biblical texts have been found by archaeologists working in Judean, fuck, Judean desert, the Israel government said. I didn't do the right inflection. Dozens of fragments of, should I do this news reporter, should I do news reporter Jacqueline? Judean desert, the Israel government said the fragments were recovered from a cave where Jewish rebels against the Roman Empire hid around 1900 years ago according to a government press release they're little pieces it looks like honestly the picture looks like a pile of dog shit and i know what that looks like because my my puppy shits five times a day and i'm i literally look at dog shit all the time now and

i'm watching a zyrtec commercial it's fucking annoying now i can't skip it because it's not youtube it's cnn.com It's the most amazing thing I've encountered, I've found, I've seen in my life. In these remote caves near the Dead Sea, Israeli researchers found dozens of fragments of a Dead Sea scroll bearing biblical text. Written in Greek and dating back nearly 2,000 years, these new pieces of a biblical book have been unearthed for the first time in over 60 years. What we found is new parts of the puzzle of this...

Nice. She just reported that so nicely compared to me. Yeah, it's a, oh wait, he's talking about the manuscript, the translation of it. Dude, that'd be such a fun job, low-key. I used to want to be a geologist, but like, just to go to these random places in the world, not even, they're not even, I mean, every place in the world is random, okay? uh fuck basically just like going on these adventures and digging up fucking fossils and like what a fun job i'm trying to get to the point where they're going to say that jesus is coming back but i don't think they're going to report that um dead sea scrolls found wrath let me type that in NBC News what do they got here the first biblical text to be found in 60 years

okay I think I'm done with this segment and I have the chills right now my iced coffee is way too cold all right there's a little part for you if you like ASMR bodily functions okay Jacqueline close these tabs I have so many tabs open talking too fast too much okay what did we cover hitler stash oklahoma panhandle jesus christ coming back and then we're gonna go into the next more serious topic i have for you called uh this is like a social tip or a conversation tip i learned this from tiktok or like i know this but i like re relearned it like resurface to the top of my brain after I watch this. And it makes so much sense to do this. And I want to help you. Basically, underreact to situations first. So anytime you're in an

argument, anytime that it's getting heated, under-react. Underreact. Seek to understand first, and then, like, don't escalate it until you have, like, only escalate yourself or your fucking response if it's completely necessary after you receive all the information, but just sit there and underreact, because I think a lot of times people get in arguments, and there's misunderstanding, and they're just getting, they get, like, I'm talking about myself, too, like, I can get feisty first. I can just get, I'll go in attack mode first if I feel misunderstood, which happens a lot. And I get all, you know, I start popping off where, you know, it's a, I think it's a better practice or a best practice to just underreact and sit back and chill and just go, okay.

You know, I'm going to seek to understand, bitch. I'm going to seek to understand what this other person is saying and then go from there. And I feel like that's a more level-headed approach. It's a more mature approach. But, dude, my fight-or-flight response and arguments can pop off before I – it, like, overrides and then – I mean, I got that. I got that. I'm a crazy – I can be crazy. I can be – I've been told I have a multiple – well, should I even say this?

oh, dude, I remember December, go back to my December episodes, I think it was called, um, the title is Misunderstood or something, and, like, I, should I even say this? It's talking about family and, and how I'm perceived, but, like, I've been called, um, I've been called, like, bipolar, I've been called, um, multiple personality, crazy um blah blah blah and I feel like the root of it or like the reason why I get so um not like I get frustrated because I'm like it's I feel misunderstood I'm not being received or I'm not being um like interpreted received um listened to like I don't like what I what I'm being told doesn't line up with what I did or how I'm actually thinking and I feel like I can't

it's hard for me to get that across and then whatever so there's a little insight in for me some drama some family drama we've all got it but uh I think that's just more like an attack tactic or like an it's a um it's kind of like a cop out when you're when I'm when other people are arguing with me that you can just be like, well, you're fucking crazy. Go admit yourself into an institution because you're, you're bipolar and you need medication. Um, I feel like that's just a jab. It's like a, you know, it's like a, it's kind of a cop out instead of like listening and understanding me. It's like, Oh, I'm just going to name call you and make you feel crazy and gaslight you and just be like, you know, but, um, anyways, did I just, was that

oversharing was that too much okay can anyone relate so my new thing is like if I notice I'm being misunderstood or like if I'm not understanding the understanding the other person in an argument dude I'm gonna sit back I'm gonna get a recliner for for our it's gonna be the argument recliner designated for me to sit in pop up the little foot rest put my hands behind my head, fold my finger, you know, fold my hands behind my head, kick back and deep breathe and seek. It's going to be my seek to understand recliner. It's going to be my under react recliner and I'm going to take it all, listen, and then go from there. So there's your tip of the day, fucking under react to all situations before you pop off. Cause if you're a hothead, a bitch like

me sometimes you know that's a that's a good thing to practice and good thing to uh fucking how many people did I just scare off how many people are like oh it all makes sense podcast seven days a week rants bitches is all over the place one day she's happy one day she's pissed one day she's sad it tracks it tracks I can see why she's name called and then called the crazy and um okay the truth of the matter is I just happen to use I think that you know maybe it's just like attention deficit whatever adhd i use a lot more i'm like tapping into more of my brain than the average joe and then i don't know why is that now that doesn't make any sense why would i act no um

i'm all i'm pro like feel all your emotions it's part of the human experience don't suppress things get it all out if you're you know it's like what my mom said like the native americans i don't even know if you can say that anymore the native people or whatever would say you know to they would they recommend or they they're all about like feeling your emotion instead of trying to avoid emotions like feel them you know like live through it and experience it don't push it down and so anyways that's what I do here on the show every day I'm like well it's from Sunday to Saturday it's not all going to be the same okay now I want to delete this episode because first of all I feel like I overshared overexposed

information that was not just like I don't know I'm trying to be relatable bitch everyone's got family drama everyone's got that you know they got their little tips and riffs and um I'm not perfect I'm the first one in but I'm not perfect but I just love that underreacting because I'm like that is so helpful and if you can just practice that and get it down and keep your cool then your life will be a lot a lot less dramatic and insane like mine can be and the reason I said that the only reason I said that is because now I'm overreacting um and over explaining because I'm backtracking and I feel uncomfortable is because when I notice I'm not being understood and I'm like immediately like whoa what the hell

like how do you not see how I see it or whatever um I'm trying I go immediately I often start with trying to convince like I try to convince the other party the other person I'm like I go to that mode where I'm like wait what the hell and then I get you know I pop off like how do you not see it? How I see it? How do you not understand what me? All right. So March Madness, who are you voting for? Who are you voting for? Who are you rooting for? Who's on your bracket? Um, I bought Bitcoin with my stimulus check. Um, shout out investing and not spending. How'd you, what do you, what do you, what are you guys doing with your stimulus check? I mean, I'm hearing shit like Bitcoin's going to be like a quarter of a million in 2022, 23.

And then by like 2026, it'll hit a million. And I was crunching some numbers. And I'm like, I'm going to start. Here's my plan with Bitcoin. I told you guys I got in in 2018. Right after the pop. And I got it at 14K when it was at 14. and now it's at 50 I'm just gonna let you guys by the way it's like guess how much I put in like

I'm not even gonna be like yeah I have a lot like a ton of bitcoin or like a little you know I'll just like you guys use your imagination I'll never say because I feel like that's just not I'm not gonna tell you how much I I invest I'm just gonna talk about the fact that I whatever that I do it and that I just invest more but my new plan is because I want to have a plan with Bitcoin is to, um, and I do this with stocks too, to dollar cost average, um, into it instead of like, I guess putting a lump sum, just like putting a bunch of money in it. I'm going to like do a monthly dip or a monthly dump into Bitcoin and just have that on, on routine, consistent every month through the same thing, no matter what the price is.

and because it's a it's a it's a it's a type of thing you never get rid of and i think digital currency is the future it's you know people are i think they're starting to catch on to that i mean the banks like once everything converts or once the bank once it's an option so once you have like u.s dollars and bitcoin as an option to pay with or whatever that's when it's gonna of, it's going to be sentenced. It'll be here to stay. And it's approaching that. And I'm just trying to think long-term, like, I don't want to be that, like, I don't want to be that person that's like, I don't understand it. It doesn't make any sense, blah, blah, blah. And then, you know what I mean? I'm just trusting that it's, it's going to fucking be the new way.

It's going to be the new currency and everything's going digital and so is money and fuck. Yeah. So I put money into Bitcoin, um, or put my stimulus, I invested. So I put my stimulus check into Bitcoin and I don't know, call me crazy. I'm used to it. Um, what was this episode? Dude, I'm just, I'm just like cramming shit in at this point. and now so I want to so right now I want to go back to what I said about underreacting in that whole segment and then like being called crazy manic bipolar and I need to be in an institution by my like that whole thing I want to I want to like go back I want to go back to that so bad and undo what I said because um I I think that's like my biggest fear I think it's my biggest fear

um one of them to be interpreted as interpret interpreted as a crazy person and a wild animal and uh um you know I'm she's you never know what you're gonna get with her and she's all over the place and that's truly not me it's truly not and I think these are one-off situations I've been in heated arguments where it gets personal. It gets, everyone's attacking everyone. And there's a lot of yelling and screaming. And I think that's, I think my family, I'll just say this. Let me bring my family into this. My whole life, we always make it good. We always make up. There's always something we learn from each other when we fight. And, um, there's always apologies and no one's actually like um like it's not like that's just how I like I've been labeled that and that's just

what people think of me and it's actually the opposite I think that there's a lot of apologies and like wow um I didn't I didn't understand you properly or I now I understand you or whatever so just want to clarify that because uh yeah I feel like as a woman I'm like I understand like a lot of girls are called crazy and women are crazy and they're emotional and they're all over the place blah blah blah and I I feel like my default setting is very like not to be like oh I'm the chillest bitch on the internet but I'm the chillest bitch on the I'm like that I am I really am I know it sounds like I have no chill when I rant and I have opinions and I share them with you on this episode on these episodes but like I am like this literally

makes no sense if you listen to the podcast you're like no you're not no you're not but in relationships in like conversation and with like new people with friends with family I'm just like I'm there I'm just there I'm just hanging out I'm I'm relaxed I don't really have a lot to say I'm very calm and I just play off of other people's energy and for the most part like everything's good like I don't know okay I think I could just move on from that I feel insecure but you know what that's what this podcast is all about talking about my life talking about my thoughts my feelings my yeah my insecurities and just like spelling it out because dude I know it's probably helping someone out there I think that the internet's been good for

that or it helps people feel like like you can relate like I love how the internet makes me feel okay too much caffeine Jesus Christ oh damn it did I forget to put BO on dude I'm too caffeinated I'm sweating I forgot to put deodorant on god damn it and whenever I wear a hoodie with no shirt underneath it's like it's always a BO situation which TMI but whatever relatable I'm trying to be relatable everyone sweats you know um but yeah I love how the people I follow and listen to regularly feel like a friend because I hear them talk about life and shit and I feel like I can relate to them and we are all the same at the end of the day we're all the same we're just trying to you know make it out alive every make

it out alive every day stay COVID free and fuck okay that's what we're all here to do reproduction eating and sleeping what are the three primal no can I eat it will it kill me can I have sex with it that's what our brains do all day long can i eat it will it kill me can i have sex with it yeah it's like death eat am i gonna die so survive danger sex okay that's literally that's all we do all this other stuff is bullshit all this like uh meteor shower jesus coming down march madness it's all bullshit we're just trying to we're just an organism dude we're okay we're a living breathing organism we're plankton with hobbies okay dude should i do my sky plankton theory for another episode

because i keep hearing like i was listening to a rogan podcast with um who was the last guy i listened to i just want to be like no no you're getting this wrong you're not even asking this question or thinking this thing about sky plankton you're not even thinking this um nate bergazzi it's like yahtzee it's barg bargat zay nate nate bark bergazzi i'm just gonna say Nate Bergazzi yeah they were talking about I think aliens UFOs and shit and not one time have I heard someone think UFOs weird moving things in the weird moving things in the sky are something other than a craft a flying saucer with a alien like maneuvering the ship like have everyone that's what everyone thinks right and my whole theory is no dude look at the ocean

look at how fish move look at how an octopus moves and slithers away really quick and um this is like is this a wild segment is this okay i have a meeting coming up i don't know if i should get into this but my whole theory in a short synopsis is that the sky is exactly like the ocean and there's organisms whizzing around so all this zero propulsion shit all of this like we're trying to figure out the technology of spacecraft and how they move and blah blah blah blah might be a possibility but I also think that there are sky animals okay weird orbs and they move they're like a little sky plankton they're just like little moving because they move so weird and quickly and we can't make sense of it now i'll say this if there are just i mean there have been

um encounters or hard they've harvested craft okay we have confirmation from the fbi cia whoever that these are from another what are they called the the we have recovered craft that are not from this planet or whatever i still think that's true i think it's it's like the earth people drive cars aliens drive spaceships but people who drive cars are also driving along the street with animals and weird critters and shit so i think that's what the sky is it's just one giant utopia of animals and aliens with spacecraft driving spray okay but I don't hear anyone talking about that no I've never heard I've okay I'm not trying to be like oh I'm unique and special and different and I have this cool interpretation of aliens in the sky but like

I've literally never heard someone say or ask the question like are these organisms are these like sky fish. All right. I'm moving on, dude. I need to end this episode. I got to put on some makeup and look cute for my meeting. Um, thanks for hanging out. It kind of went all over the place, but I don't know. Um, Oh, I didn't talk about Asian hate. God damn it. That was my other, my other, um, segment. I mean, I think I'm going to just hold myself back because dude uh if that that that sigh is all you need to know about my opinion about the Asian hate movement so um that was either okay you just interpret it for what you heard for whatever you just heard is you can just think what you think what you want about my opinion but um

I think I'm going to refrain. I don't think I'm going to talk about it. I really think I'm going to just keep it to myself. Um, yeah, because it'll probably, I'll just tell you guys it's going to piss people off. I'm going to piss people off and anyways. Okay. So happy Thursday. Hope you had a great day. Hope your week's going well. Hope you're happy. I hope you're fulfilled in whatever you're doing. I always say this. I hope your family's doing well. Hope their health is good. And, um, I hope you like yourself. I hope you love yourself, uh, either or. First step is to like yourself, then you love yourself, and then you marry yourself, right? Dude, what is this episode? What am I saying? This is called six, I'm not

even kidding when I say this, six espresso shots over ice. No cream or nothing, no fat to cut it down or like make it absorb slower nothing six espresso shots over ice it roger roger she's a psychopath that's a that is a who's a psychopath in this world people that drink straight espresso that much too much caffeine sociopath psychopath murder killer right alert confirm jack monroe I've heard that that's like a quote like people who drink straight espresso shots are psychopaths hi uh gets it it honestly gets the day started right it helps me um think thoughts for my podcast and uh we covered a lot of ground today thanks to caffeine

Jacqueline on the episode happy Thursday hit that subscribe button I'm here 70s a week and head over to patreon.com slash tjms to support the show two more patrons let's get two more patrons and i'll do a live zoom hangout then we can be then we can be official besties that is when i i really i'm really looking forward to the zoom hangouts because i don't know i'm trying to create a online club a little nightclub called the jacqueline monroe show um yeah okay cool so yeah patreon.com slash tjms go check it out love you guys lots hope you have a great day and I will talk to you tomorrow I hate this episode I'm regretting everything I said but I'll talk to you tomorrow okay bye