The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 201- Going Through My iPhone 5

Episode Date: March 25, 2021

Happy Wednesday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS

Hey guys, happy Wednesday. It's episode 201. Welcome back to the show. okay I'm currently holding my iPhone 5 my college iPhone and today you and I are going to go on a trip down memory lane, memory college lane, and go through this bitch. I haven't looked through it in probably five years, but, uh, yeah, anyways, that's going to be the theme of today's episode. It's gonna be a lot of fun. I don't know what I'm going to find in here. It's probably a lot of, probably a lot of Snapchat thirst traps and Jimmy, do you guys hear that squeaking? I know you want to play right now, but I got a podcast. Um, there's like probably Snapchat stuff and, uh, like notes to my exes and like in my notes app and I don't know,

random diary entries in my notes app. I'm going to read it all. I'm going to go through it all. So, um, anyways, that's going to be today. Uh, if you're new, hi, I'm Jacqueline. Welcome to my podcast. I do this every day. It's my audio diary. And if you want to, I don't know, have a friend in your ear. Why do I say it like that? Dude, if you want to listen to, uh, if you need someone to talk to every day or listen to or fucking if you need to escape your life hit that subscribe button and listen to mine I won't let you down I'm here every day anyways so yeah hit that subscribe button and head over to patreon.com slash tjms to uh become a patron get access to my behind the scenes exclusive content in fact I'm posting so what I'll be I'm going to be airdropping

a lot of the pictures and videos and stuff from this phone um to my laptop so I'm going to upload them to Patreon so if you're a patron member you'll be seeing what I'm talking about today which will be uh I don't know like fun for you you'll put it you can put it together ah okay so patreon.com slash tjms let's get into the podcast here we go and take some uh take a sip of coffee right now I'm drinking iced espresso and water I mean what's new I gotta get I gotta get like lubricated before I start talking about this piece of shit phone okay first of all let me describe the phone so I have the 12 now and when I compare the two okay I didn't so all I want to say is this the iPhone 5 is small shit and I feel like my hand

looks giant when I hold it like I didn't at the time this was the newer like this was the upgraded bigger phone because the iPhone 4 was a lot smaller smaller than this anyways I feel like the size I have like LeBron James's hands as like that's what it looks like to me when I hold it so anyways it's kind of a mind fuck that it was this tiny um let me just turn it on and get into I know you guys are like get into it the screen isn't cracked it's still in good shape here we go um first thing I notice here home screen or the lock screen is a picture of me and my ex in London ice skating it's cute as shit we're like holding we're like embracing each other and he's he's uh wearing glasses I don't know it's like a wintery pic okay cool

like a winter wonderland pic that's the lock screen um that was a great time honestly when I look back on that trip I think was that the first time I met him yeah guys this is the guy I told you the past okay I've told the story in the past on about how my uh like first serious relationship was long distance and this picture is from the trip when I flew to England to meet him for the first time and it was around Christmas time it was around New Year's and we went to London and stayed in a hotel and I remember we went ice skating together and anyways there we go that's the lock screen so now I'm doing my password which is somehow in my brain still and I still remember it it's a 0879 I don't even know why I think I just liked how my thumbs flowed when I when I did

that combination anyways I'm at the home screen now and I'm looking at these apps and the first thing I notice is the old Instagram app like the old Polaroid um logo the original one and then a fucking green Vine app which is I think now I don't even know if you can get Vine but I remember when they stopped when it like ended the app turned black and but mine's green still a really old YouTube logo anyways I'm I'm uh not I want to go into the apps like my photos my notes and stuff but I know the home but the home button doesn't work and so whatever I pick I have to stick with for for a whole segment a whole portion podcast until um and then I'd have to shut my phone off and then start it up again to get to the to get to a different app do you get my so I'm

I'm just I'm like okay do I do notes first or or do I do pictures um well this is such a trip this bitch is so tiny okay I'm gonna do notes oh my god wait messages oh my gosh no I'm gonna do notes okay so here we go oh my gosh so these go back all the way to 2014 and I remember I would write a bunch of tweet ideas and ran and like random one-liners for Twitter because I was tweeting all the time then this is the first time so I wrote oh here it is I just found it um first of all when you take a shit during turbulence what the fuck I was probably taking I was probably on a plane and I wrote that in a note because I was taking a shit during turbulence and uh that's everyone knows what I'm well I don't

know I don't I think I've taken I've literally taken a shit on a plane probably one time i don't know i i avoid that bathroom like the plague like ew um uh but this is the first time i wrote i remember i thought this was clever i said i don't just parallel park i put on a goddamn show i think that was my instagram bio for a minute so yeah i would just like write in this notes app, a bunch of, uh, ideas. Um, ew, like why am I on a shit theme here? Food is feces and waiting. Ew. What the, okay. This is embarrassing. Um, let me scroll down further to like the bottom there's like deep stuff here there's funny stuff um can already hear monday whispering fuck you into my ear this weekend is gonna be great yeah like this was like college time like

during college you know and monday just would be the biggest fucking like i would just dread it so much because I'd be hung over shit on Saturday and Sunday and then Monday would come you all know how it is I'm noticing as I'm scrolling through this list of tweet ideas um a bunch of emo stuff and stuff I'd definitely be too embarrassed to ever post publicly but I still wrote it like uh here we go ready to cringe let's go I here we go why can't I just have you I will take you home and love you unconditionally I need to take a sip of water for that one fuck I was like frustrated by a boy who didn't want me and I wrote that and I don't know sometimes here's the thing though I noticed this in college and it's like this shit never ends or it never

stops like you like someone they like you back it's obvious and then you guys don't like you never really act on that or do anything about it you just have that like oh we have the hots for each other but like we never date or we never explore it and I feel like I get stuck on people like that where I'm like okay there's something there and why don't we figure that out like honestly why don't we just dedicate a month to calling each other up all the time facetiming texting or whatever and just like kick it off and then go from there like we don't necessarily have to make all these plans and dates and stuff like let's just do the whole like daily texting thing or like frequent let's have frequent conversations and just like figure it out first because I feel

like there's a lot of people um I've like come across especially virtually because hello dating apps like the way it's done now fucking a I mean where I'm like I know we like each other but like why don't we just take that seriously and like figure i don't know it becomes this cat and mouse thing and i don't know like doesn't you don't get anywhere with these people anyways okay so what else is here um life hack colon shut the fuck up why the hell would i be saying that like that is the opposite of what i do here that's the opposite of who I am I am I never shut up oh something that boosted my ego and confidence was a TikTok the other day speaking of this and being a girl who talks a lot

um there was a TikTok I came across that went super viral and this guy came on and listed like the top three types of women or like characteristics of women that you want to lock down you want to date you want to marry because these these are the best of the best these types of things they do are like uh if they're like this like lock them down and the first thing he said was those girls that never shut up they're they talk all the time they're always talking they're always chit-chatting they have a motor mouth they're constantly you know and I don't know why I always like thought that was a turnoff or like guys don't like when girls talk a lot I have that internal like insecurity about myself or whatever the fuck because I talk all the time I podcast every day

and I don't know it was it was a little uh it just boosted my confidence about what I'm doing here and who I am and because here's the thing what sucks is in the past I literally got brainwashed about the fact or I got brainwashed into believing that like girls shouldn't say a lot and like girls that say a lot are aggressive and masculine and um like men are not attracted to that and I for whatever reason was so naive and stupid to like let someone gas or not gaslight just like whatever like I was so willing to just accept that opinion and then like change myself and so for a long time I just dumbed myself down and acted ditzy and stupid because I was I just because I was trying to appeal to men and please men and and be like be the girl of their dreams and who

they wanted me to be or whatever the fuck like and in my in my brain or my brain changed to think that oh yeah I gotta like you know pep keep it down tone it down don't be like I can't be like I always thought if I was like this guys would think I'm fucking crazy and like um yeah I was so afraid of being too masculine and aggressive when I was in my early 20s when I dated guys okay anyways so there we go um see what else is on this i really want to look at pictures too the ninth circle of hell is driving behind a school bus yeah like driving i remember driving to high school and the elementary school kids would be getting picked up on the bus and you know every fucking two seconds they'd stop and then stop

sign would go on and they have to cross the street and then you can't pass them and then out where i lived another ninth circle of hell or something i'd include with that is driving behind a tractor because uh they just they're little their tractors are little road turtles they're just like and you can't really go around them a lot of times they have like big um i don't know what are those things called like rototiller things like giant long things sticking out of them that you can't really go around on the road. Dude. Where's my banjo? Let me see if there's anything fun here. The fact I haven't dropped my phone in the toilet yet is a fucking miracle. I've never cracked my screen or dropped my phone in the toilet, and I feel like I have

good luck with that because I feel like at this point with how many iPhones we've all had it's like inevitable it's gonna happen at some point you're gonna drop that bitch in the toilet or you're gonna crack the screen and I haven't um I bring a lot of bras on vacation for someone that only has two boobs okay uh is there anything else here that might be fun let me just keep going here how are you guys doing is this fun for you I think it's more it'd be more interesting if it was visual probably especially for the pictures part um oh nothing pisses me off more than knowing George Bush is a better painter than I am have you guys seen those google let me look it up right now google George Bush painting

you guys i came across this and i was like this is so funny to me george bush painting paintings for sale what images yeah there's like pictures of him painting portraits and he's did he really drop or paint putin wait is this for real george bush this is this is a article george w bush as contemporary contemporary artist dude he drew a portrait of putin 2013 oil on canvas dimensions unknown blah blah blah it's like okay he also he like just google george bush paintings anyways i i tweeted or i put a thing here that nothing pisses me off knowing nothing pisses me off more than knowing that George Bush is a better painter than me

um anyways oh and what's this guy's name he was a Nick Sheezy n-i-e-t-s-h-s-c-h-e he's a philosopher I used to love following his twitter like there was a twitter of all of his quotes and stuff. And, um, one of my favorite ones I like wrote down here is, and those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. That's a good one. Anyways, go find Frederick, Frederick, Friedrich. I don't know how to say this. Cause I think it's what, um, he's German, right? So yeah. Frederick, Friedrich. How do you fucking say it i'm just gonna say frederick neat cheesy nick cheesy how do you pronounce i'm gonna say

how do you pronounce how do you pronounce here we go oh here we go let me turn on the volume wait play oh i don't know whatever niche it's literally like n-e-e-c-h-u-h niche neat nietzsche nietzsche nietzsche okay nietzsche frederick nietzsche fuck um it should be acceptable to wear an arms thing on days you feel like doing less yeah i should just remember how i said i'm gonna make um thumb braces for my merch someday like because of all of our social media addiction our thumbs are gonna be fucked in the next 10 years i feel like thumb braces are gonna become a trend like just like the masks are right now for i think this the fact that like masks are fashionable pisses me the fuck off i can't

even I can't even stand at this point in 2021 and everything like I can't even stand people wearing I if I see someone wearing a mask I just feel I feel mad I just feel like why are we still doing this especially outside when I'm walking Jimmy like why are you wearing a mask outside and then the people that piss me off the most are the ones like they're wearing the mask and they veer off like super far from the path they were on like they won't pass me they'll go across the street they're so freaked out still I'm like dude piss I don't know but I understand like when I don't think twice when I walk into the grocery store and shit like I I put it on still but I'm like what are we doing we are not doing this in Florida we're not doing this in fucking

Texas is it Connecticut too there's there's some states now doing the no masks or anything but anyways um what did I just read or what where did that come from in my brain wait I literally lost my the thing I just read oh oh so I was saying like thumb braces and then I'm gonna do phone hammocks to like put your phone to sleep that symbolizes like you're not doing screen time right now your phone's gonna take a nap and you're gonna be in the present moment and made some bullshit merch idea about that and then now I'm thinking I should make arm sling merch that you wear in public and or like I don't this is my idea like you just wear that when you don't want to do anything that day and this makes I think this would make more sense for like 12 year

old angsty pre-teens and little kids when they don't want to do chores or like they just don't want to do anything. And their parents are like, do the dishes, vacuum, blah, blah, blah. And they just wear a fucking arm sling or parents that don't want to fucking do anything. Just wear an arm sling. You're on a, you're on, you're having a rest day. It's a symbolic thing or a fucking boot on your foot. I don't know. Why did it, why is my brain like guys are, you guys are literally seeing how or getting inside of my brain cells. Like, why am I like this? Why do I have to, I don't understand myself. Nothing quite worse than stubbing your toe against something you didn't want to stub your toe against. I don't know. Some dumb shit. I think I'm going to just

move on to the pictures part because I can tell stories while I look at pictures. Okay. what's my transition music? Cause I have to turn my phone off and turn it back on. Let me think if I have any updates, um, life updates. I did yoga and Pilates today. Um, like just before this and, um, like I'm showered with wet hair right now. And anyways, uh, that humidifier I put in my room where I do yoga is changing the game. Like it's making me sweat 10 times as much as I was before I'm like breathing better I feel like my workout is a lot more I'm like especially with yoga like my body's a lot more um like warm and and I can I feel like I'm more bendy and I can like move better so anyways I yeah I did Pilates and then that was like my warm-up I was

like this is some bullshit I did some easy class on YouTube and then it was like 30 minutes and then I did um my Travis Elliott yoga you guys all know I love after that and um I know I had a really I had a really good day okay we're turning it back on you know here's the here's the thing let me just while I transition right now to the photos segment um on my iPhone I'm on on my on my iPhone 5 I thought okay I'm in the I'm in the 200s now I should pick a theme for each episode I should start to like niche down a little bit fucking not niche down but like be more prepped and ready for the podcast where I come with an idea and then I hit it home the whole time so today I'm kind of trying something new I thought you know wouldn't it be fun to stock my

like go through my iPhone from the past or it's like me just being like I'm letting my pants down like this is what's really in it and I don't know back to the home do you guys get what I mean like I thought this would be entertaining or interesting but I don't know okay we're going to the photos oh I didn't read the notes I was gonna look for notes to like my exes or boys I was talking to where I'd pre-write the text message in the notes app and then make sure it was okay before I sent it to them because I wasn't good at like or I was like girls I swear to god we all do this if you're if you want to say something the right way you don't just like sit and have them look like, the worst thing ever is to see them, or, this sounds so stupid, I don't feel like I'm like

this anymore, but when I was in college, I was so afraid of, like, seeing, if they saw me typing, and then, like, my sentence to them would be, like, five words long, but I was typing for five minutes to try to get it right, like, I was so nervous about that, so anyways, but yeah, I don't want to go back to my notes. I was going to try to find like funny, sappy text boy, text boys and shit. Okay. Okay. Here we are. Albums. Um, should I do videos? Wait, I have a Vegas. Oh my God. Oh my God. I have never told a story. Oh my gosh. This is perfect. I'm going to tell you guys a story about a time I went to Vegas with my family, and I, there's, okay, I got 12,000 followers on Twitter from this shit, I took a picture with Luke Hemmings underwater, and I posted it, and a bunch

of fangirls, you know who, do you guys know who Five Seconds of Summer is? Anyways, they were staying at my hotel with One Direction too. And, um, they had a concert, they had a concert at Mandalay Bay. What is it like the convention center? And I surprised my cousin on the plane and gave her tickets. And my whole family went to Vegas. Like we go to Vegas every, we went to Vegas every, every year that time. And there happened to be a One Direction five seconds of summer concert. And my cousin was obsessed with One Direction. She was okay. Anyways, long story short I'm at the pool I see them I end up swimming with them I take a underwater picture I post it it kind of goes viral and then a bunch of fangirls came after me and so I have a bunch of screenshots

of them like yelling at me and being mad like there's literally a picture of a machine gun that says um it's like girls that take wait here it is girls that take pictures underwater with luke hemmings and then it's a youtube video of a machine gun shooting because like i was that girl who took pictures so they wanted to kill me with a fucking machine gun um are you and then i would get a bunch of mentions and shit in my or in all my twitter mentions were like oh my god are you with the boys these are all like 12 year old girls um then a bunch of people were like oh my god can following me blah blah but let me try to find like um something funny my mom was just like milk this shit just play along because it's funny it's funny as fuck

you could like search my name like who's jacqueline like if you typed in jacqueline on twitter it was all like it was a bunch of pictures of me and luke and also callum we had an i posted another picture with him and anyways it's so stupid i think at the time it was funny because i was like dude these little girls are they're this is wild um they all wanted to like have me all these girls like most of them dm me or like sent me a tweet to like get the boys to follow them and to like they thought like oh i had that power i could fuck it and i'm literally just a random girl at the hotel like i don't know them and that's how that's how everyone they all thought that oh and then they also wanted tickets to come in

they're also like hey we're outside here we go um at london styles 1d hey girl me and my girl are outside the venue and some outfits that can't be wasted help us out with some tickets question mark like i'm gonna fucking get you inside anyways just a bunch of fangirl stuff i screenshotted it was hilarious and then um i don't know i have some funny one direction stories though from the like concerts and shit you guys all know by the way the x i told you about the home screen or the lock screen picture that guy dated went to high school with harry styles i've told that story before like that's

that's how i fucking found him because of harry styles it's like a long story i feel like you know since I'm talking about it I could some because I have so many episodes it would be hard for you to go find that and I don't even remember when I told it it's probably in the very first month or something I don't know but yeah I was um this was like back when I tweeted all the time and I was on Twitter and shit and I followed one reaction I followed their whole story and like their um the x factor and everything from the beginning and I knew who they were before they got huge anyways I happened to see one day that Harry and his friend were golfing and I had followed his friend then I'd seen my ex and on a profile and I like thought he was cute we had

followed each other and then that's where it all started because of Harry and golf and they went to high school together and fucking I ended up like being friends with his friends and shit I don't know that was like I don't know how many years ago that was like six so in the past now but anyways, uh, okay. What other pictures can I show you guys? Um, so I'm on my camera roll and I'm looking at the first pictures in ostrich. Uh, I don't know why I think I tweeted about ostriches. Yeah. I probably posted that a bunch of pictures of me and my brother at the Manchester United soccer game in Seattle um I dated British soccer players I don't know no I wasn't dating one of the Manchester United players but like my two first boyfriends were

like like actual boyfriends were soccer players and they were British and I became obsessed with soccer because of them even though I didn't grow up liking soccer I wasn't a big soccer fan I watched football I watched baseball I watched NBA I watched basketball I watched NCAA fucking um you know that kind of shit and anyways whenever when I started dating them I was like oh I gotta I gotta learn about I gotta learn about soccer now pro soccer and uh anyways like I literally was like okay I'm gonna take my brother to a soccer game like that's how deep I'm in that's how that's how much I am a fan now so anyways there's like pictures of that you guys are really hearing some I feel like I'm embarrassed by a lot of the stuff I said today but

you know what it's this is my excuse it's so in the past this is my life story this is what I want to do on the podcast I want to talk about my life tell my life story and bring you along and so I don't know there's some pictures of me at a wedding I think I was helping the catering team yeah some really nice cakes and like charcuterie and fucking pretty people everywhere um pictures oh here's a picture here's a montage of me being vegan as shit uh dude this is so cringy to see first of all uh I'm it looks like I'm coming home from work from like my retail job at coach and because I'm in that kind of outfit okay I'm there's like 12 selfies of me in the front seat of the car and then but like purposely showing the fact that there's swiss chard sticking out of a

gatorade fucking cooler in the back seat like I'm trying to show like the leaves sticking up like I hey I just picked I literally went to my grandma's house I remember this well I went to my grandma's house and I picked her Swiss chard from her garden. And like after work, I went there and then drove home, but I was vegan as shit. And this is embarrassing. And like, Oh, look at my produce. Look at my fresh organic produce, like my local fresh organic non-GMO fucking produce. Cause I'm vegan. Okay. By the way, you want to know a Swiss chard recipe? I don't know if you guys, you know, that part of the grocery store in the produce section where there's like, there's a package salads there's the you know everything that's all those package greens that

are easy for salad making right and then there's the heads of broccoli and cauliflower and the celery and zucchini and cucumbers and turnips and all that stuff and then you start to see like the leaves the like bunches of leaves that are out there they're not in a package right so here's an easy recipe for you and I don't know why this is so good but it reminds me of home it reminds to my grandma and her garden, this is what you do. You go get that Swiss chard. Okay. Uh, it's usually, it looks like kale, but it's charred. Just look for charred. It's got some thick stems on it. Sometimes they're red. Um, but the ones I like are usually the white stems. Take that home, wash it good, throw it in a pot with water, a bunch of water and cook it down until it's so

soft that you're like like it'll just fall apart and then take it out of the water you don't want to keep the water take it out of the boiling water and then put it in a bowl with vinegar just like white vinegar and that's it and eat it I don't even know if that's even is that even a recipe you can google Swiss chard why did my grandma do that Swiss chard vinegar is a thing wilted chard with shallots and vinegar I guess that's a thing whatever I thought it was my grandma's secret recipe but there you go if you want to be if you want to try something new it's so good I can't even it's like a great side dish so okay moving on to my camera roll

if you're new if you just tuned in even though you see me I don't know did you just skip ahead and you missed the part of the episode where I told you what I'm doing going through my iPhone five and I'm on the camera roll and I'm looking at a lot of leg pictures, a lot of leg pictures of me walking in a dress with heels on, stepping into a car, trying to take a good like leg pic. Um, I was going off to dinner. Oh yeah, this is the dinner I went. I went to this dinner on my 21st birthday or not like when I turned 21 with my family and I bought my first legal drink. So I was all dressed up and shit. And I think we went to a curry place. and I got a mojito yeah here's a picture of here's a snapchat picture and I wrote on it

first legal drink and it's a fucking mojito what was in it here and I took a picture of the menu of like what was in it eight dollars and fifty cents Bacardi superior rum fresh muddled mint and limes lemon lime soda fuck yeah first legal drink Jesus Christ okay let's see here's pictures of me working retail. Dude, so many pictures of me in the break room, just looking exhausted. There's like a picture right here of my shoes off. I'm drinking a green smoothie. Of course I fucking am. That was my vegan phase. Drinking a green smoothie with my shoes off, looking like Jesus Christ sitting in the break room at my retail jobs. And let me just say something about the retail world, the break room and the retail world, the retail universe. Um, that, okay.

Unless you've worked retail, you don't know what I'm talking about, but I feel like there should be an entire section of the internet or like social media. Like there should be a tick talks about them an Instagram Instagram page dedicated to retail store break rooms because it's such a mind fuck from like the front of the store that's all beautiful and like everything's pristine and perfect and aesthetic then you go to you go to the break room and it's just a fucking it's like walking what does this remind me of it's like a warehouse right basically it's where you house all of the or you store all of the merchandise and it's all stacked up there's boxes of stuff there's you know and then there's always that stupid little kitchenette where you

put your lunch in the fridge and there's like a counter or table for you to sit and eat on your break at and fucking there's like an office and a safe in there your boss that's always like where your boss hangs out do you guys know what I'm talking about there's just like this and there's I feel like the reason why they're kind of like eerie and like not creepy but just like you feel like shit when you're back there on your breaks is because there's no windows there's no light it's just like these fluorescent light bulbs a bunch of back stock and packages coming in and like ups trucks ups trucks stopping by and shit and no light like no there's no windows outside so anyways there's pictures of me in the in the break room i worked at um

uh Tommy Hilfiger I worked at Juicy Couture and then Coach I worked at Coach for the longest I worked at Coach for was it three years yeah in college right up until I wait oh yeah I worked at Coach right up until I met I went and flew to England what was that for that was up until like was that 2013 anyways yeah that that was my I guess my those were my college jobs and I learned a lot I remember um my first interview my boss Lenny my boss Lenny sat me down and for the interview right we're outside of Tommy Hilfiger and he's like because I was he's asking about experience and stuff and I'm like I don't have any retail experience yeah I'm like 18 whatever and uh he goes it's just retail it's not rocket science

you know it's not rocket science and I've applied that idea to everything like it's nothing is rocket science it's nothing is that complicated it's just you know everything's you can figure everything out even if you're new to it so um damn I've worked a lot if you go to I could like you guys do you guys want to know my do you want me to verbalize my LinkedIn profile like all my jobs I've ever had I've worked I've not I've worked since I was in like sixth grade I officially I feel like my even though I couldn't legally like I was working for my grandparents Christmas tree farm since I could walk like I well like I remember I'd be like fucking like six out helping my grandma like trim the trees and like help my grandpa mow the tree rows and like feed the

animals and stuff I don't know I love working though I can never stop working I like well it's not like I can never stop working I think I don't know I could never I don't think I could ever not work like I or not I need something I need something to like be I need to be productive I need to be moving I need to like put my body in the motion what is the what is it called what why are we what do human beings need to do to feel sane um accomplish something they need to i feel like yeah productivity is huge and working makes you feel productive it makes you feel like you have a purpose makes you feel like you're contributing to a greater good and a greater purpose and especially for companies like doing big things and helping a bunch of people in the

world like that feels the best and if you're not doing that if you're just like well i say that and at, at, at heart, at heart, at heart, at heart, uh, my inner, uh, I, I got an inner 1950s bitch inside of me that just wants to be a stay at home mom and a, and a hot wife and take care and raise kids. And, uh, I know I mentioned, I know I mentioned, uh, TikTok earlier and that guy that talked about like the best types of women and stuff. Anyways, I watched another TikTok was ben shapiro popping off to a big audience like they look college stage college aged kids and anyways he's like should i do my ben shapiro voice ben shapiro sorry it's fucked up anyways he's like i i don't understand why we're telling women now that their greatest superpower the fact that they

can birth the next generation of human beings on this planet and literally create another human being in their body and like push it out like and like that is all of a sudden like being a mom and raising children is looked as as like less important in society now than being like a boss babe and being a career woman and like uh and i don't necessarily agree with that because i feel like some people are you know kids aren't for everyone you know um i think you know he also said like it's a free country do what you want you know be a mom if you want to be a mom or be a career woman if you want to be a career woman but i feel like there is some there is this and i struggle with it as someone who wants to be a mom like i feel like there's this narrative being

pushed and this um this thing around like women are equal to men and we should just we should be in man's positions and we can be the top executives and leaders of the company and be and work 80 hours a week and blah blah blah you can do it all you can raise kids and be that boss mom or whatever which is all true like I'm not saying there's anything I don't really disagree with any of that I say do what you want to do in your life like I watched my mom be that top executive my mom has always been in a man's position quote-unquote man's position she's always been at the top of her the company she works for and I witnessed that growing up like my mom was that and so and she also had three kids at home she took care of

anyways and I feel like she was part of the first generation of women doing that and like putting on the suit going to work every day and like you know being a breadwinner you know being one of the breadwinners of the family, or the breadwinner of the family, and, um, anyways, I just, I don't necessarily, um, I personally am starting to see the, the, I'm evaluating myself, and, like, what I want in life, and, um, dude, how am I even on this tangent? I was, like, reading, it's, like, on my iPhone 5, how did I get here? Should I open it to, like, remember what I was looking at? wait I don't even know anyways so I was talking about like retail jobs anyways um but yeah I've had that internal struggle internal struggle or internal like

conflict about moving forward with my career and like my life because someday yeah I want to have kids and I want to be there and I want to be a present mom and I don't want to be stressed out with like an 80 hour a week job and like a bunch of like I don't know responsibilities like that when I at heart I just want to take care of my kids and my husband and like not to say I want to be a stay-at-home mom but if I I want to maintain like I want to maintain the the setup I'm in now where or ideally if I could be like a remote worker which is what I'm doing now and you know obviously a podcast at home which is my fun hobby I do that and then I work from home I work I do PR I don't know if you anyway if you're new I do PR and I work from home but um

that would be nice if I had like three little babies to take care of you know I don't know I guess I've never been career driven I've never been like oh I want to like you know go to the top of the ladder in a company or I want to be the best I never I've never been driven I literally just like like I said I want to be a fucking mom and um prioritize that over i guess career stuff even though that won't like i said i'll never stop working but i i don't know i'm not motivated to like yeah anyways i just spilled coffee all over me where am i even at on this episode or like i'm like confused on how i got on this tangent still but whatever um oh retail I was talking about that yeah okay let me just keep going on

my camera roll uh just so many vegan food pictures like banana ice cream I used to okay literally let me tell you guys what I did so I was living at home because I was going to community college at this time on my camera roll and uh this is before I transferred to Washington State University And anyways, I would go to, there's a, like a, what's it called? A wholesale grocery store place in my town. And they always had a ton of produce, like in big boxes where there is, like I could buy like a hundred pounds of bananas if I wanted or whatever. So anyways, I go to that place and buy, I would buy a giant, like, you know, when you go to Costco and you walk out with a big box like I'd fill an entire box full of bananas and bring it home and I would

unpeel all of them and freeze them in the in the freeze them in bags in the freezer that's where you free shit okay Jacqueline Jesus and I would make every single day I would take like three or four bananas blend it maybe I'd add some strawberries or I do a lot of the times I do cacao powder and that was my breakfast like every single day for fucking three years as a vegan like banana ice cream for breakfast for breakfast I so oh no my this is literally my recipe I would do okay let me remember three bananas uh and then I do like a little bit of almond milk because you didn't want to add too much liquid or it wouldn't be like ice cream so I do a little bit of almond milk a ton of spinach which you wouldn't taste because the the bananas were super sweet so

I just do bananas spinach a little bit of almond milk and I blend it and then it was green and then I would do on top um oats I would like sprinkle just dry raw oats like I wouldn't cook the oatmeal sprinkle that on top as a topping and then I would take um I would do like powdered peanut butter because you as a vegan like I didn't eat a lot of fat like you had to like watch the ratios of like fat protein carbs it was high carbs you wanted your fats to stay low so I could that's how I stayed lean the whole time with eating all the carbs anyways there's like science behind it and shit so I would do like powdered protein or powdered peanut butter drizzle on top and like that was my breakfast and honestly it was good as shit it was like ice it was so sweet like I

remember just eating so much sweet fruit and like I don't know it's like a whole different way to live and eat and anyways I don't do that anymore I'm a fucking meathead I love meat I feel better this way um I've always anyways so I'm just like telling you guys this because I'm looking at pictures of so much fucking banana ice cream anyways bikini pics me trying to make my boobs look good on the fucking pool deck at my mom's house r.i.p and I'm burned I'm so burned in it um let me see what else is here I remember I looked like all these selfies are of me looking directly in the camera lens like I I feel like I don't do that anymore everyone takes a selfie and you look at the screen like you don't look I don't know why I stared right at the camera

but that was my that was my old style I guess oh yeah here we fucking go picture of me and my dad's truck driving on a back road got one hand on the steering wheel there's like a field in the background with poplar trees looks like i'm driving by a yep that's a blueberry field out where i live or out where my mom lives and um i used to drive that bitch to school high school my siblings all three of us would carpool we'd all go to school together at one point we were all in high school at the same time my brother was a freshman i was a junior my sister was a senior yeah and um we drove a big ass old ford uh to school and it was a piece of shit and anyways it was now looking back that was cool but at the time i was embarrassed um let's see

maybe i should find my studying abroad pictures sister's college graduation um let me see here so more vegan food oh me and Hawaii pictures of just so many like screenshotted snaps from boys um Jesus me like so and then me screenshotting my own inappropriate snapchats so I had them and then like I don't know it's just dude what a time snapchat college days like what a fucking like, I should probably delete this shit, sorry, um, oh my god, wait, that's kind of, okay, wait, what the hell, I look so good, um, uh, it's inappropriate, but, uh, anyways, Jesus, okay, I want to find something fun to tell you guys,

i i don't know how this is going to translate audio wise like listening to someone go through their phone i want to tell a story so i'm looking for a picture to tell a story at my grandpa's house here's some like old cars his sheep his donkey um picture of our horse what horse was that Hummer we had to put him down dude he got his leg yeah my sister's horse got um like a cut in his hoof really bad where his hoof was like dangling off and we had to put him down we couldn't save him and where we couldn't get it was like his he was gonna be foot like hoofless his entire foot was severed um horses are horses are like that like if you

see racehorses um if they go down if they fuck up a leg they're they they just shoot them up and kill them right there it's just like what they do and then what's that movie when they revive a racehorse and they get it going again and they they like it heals up and it's on a big isn't that the movie with a zebra dude what's that movie zebra zebra horse race movie what's it called oh racing stripes yeah isn't it racing stripes and then there was a i think it was racing stripes that's an old one but yeah i think it's that movie where they like heal up

a horse and it's on a big, um, it's like suspended in the barn. So it's not putting weight on its legs and on a big, like cinch or like a big, I don't know, like swing thing. Okay. Anyways. Um, Oh, one thing I'm noticing, I want to mention too, as I'm going through through this camera roll are a bunch of yoga pictures where, cause in my, so as you know, if you're, or if you're new, I do yoga every day. Like that's my, um, I guess my like workout of choice right now, or it's like, it's like my, yeah, when I work out, I do yoga. It's like my favorite thing ever. And what I'm noticing is a bunch of pictures of me dabbling in it back in like college and stuff. And I never stuck to it. So what I'm thinking here, what I'm realizing

years later and I guess this is like wisdom after it's like wisdom after the fact is that I never committed to it fully or I never sustained my yoga practice and I would get excited about it and I do like maybe a week of yoga and then I'd stop and then I'd randomly like go do it with a friend or you know do it at home or whatever and then anyway so I'm realizing looking back like Jacqueline if you just stuck with it if you just stuck with it you would be a pretzel right now you'd be the pretzel you want to be right now but now I'm having to start from well basically zero because I just started so I haven't I've done yoga every day now since um November was it when I started I don't know I think yeah like like last November and um it takes a lot of work to get your

flexibility back and your body like really aligned and like limber and strong and it's like you I have to do it every day to, to sustain that and to get like constantly get a little bit better because flexibility goes away really. For me, at least if I don't, uh, stretch every day, if I don't, you know, move my body and like all these crazy ass positions every day, then it just, I stiffen up and then I don't know. So I guess there's a life lesson for you. Well, not necessarily because you know what I was in the trial and error phase of my 20s like trying a bunch of stuff seeing what I liked and I guess I've always gone back to yoga that's what I'm saying and I finally stuck with it oh my gosh here's a picture of inside my fridge oh my gosh coconut water

gingerade kombucha almond milk raspberries grapes um strawberries just like packaged like you know when you go to the grocery store and they have the chopped up vegetable like you vegetables you can make for dinner like as a side bunch of those trays um dude this is wild and I wrote on it's a snapchat I wrote I like took a picture of my fridge and I captioned it turtle food my vegan ass captured it turtle food why was i like that dude oh i wrote a note to my mom oh i think she stocked up my fridge honestly and i wrote a note and i took a picture of the note and sent it to her like i hand wrote a note and then sent her the picture of it and it says thank you for everything mom i love you heart jack

mom's always stocking the fridge up I don't know what else could I oh yeah this is the trip when I met my boyfriend okay moving past that let me go further up Christmas pictures of us opening Christmas presents on Christmas morning we look like babies my grandpa oh my gosh pictures of my grandpa cutting the Christmas feast he's carving the ham and the turkey in the kitchen cute okay I think I'm gonna move on honestly um I'm just starting to feel like I don't know I should just I tried something I went through my iPhone 5 I haven't looked through it in years I read some notes I looked through some pictures um it's not as I don't know exciting as I thought it would be I think it's fun for me because I'm like

whoa I've here's what I'll say looking back um I can say that there are a lot of things that have never changed and then like a lot of things that have and it's weird when I look when you see yourself especially like selfies and different like different pictures I took of myself okay what am I saying like I can tell that or those are my insecurities those are the days when I didn't really know myself well or like myself that much or really like I was I don't know like I was in my early 20s just trying to figure out who I was and I remember being kind of like like I feel like I was not I was trying to be um what was I trying to be I was like especially because of the guys I was dating I was trying to be like the girl they wanted me

to be. And like, I was morphing myself and my personality to like be, I don't know, someone else than who I was. I don't know. Like, that's what you feel like you figure that out in life at some point. Now I'm on the other side. I'm like, okay, never again. I don't need to do that. They don't like me for who I am and you know, fuck off. It is what it is. Okay. But yeah, I can see that. Um, I was a lot more naive then and just like, like, one thing I'll say, because I mentioned being vegan and stuff, is that, is that, um, I was so influenced by the wellness stuff and the diet, like, the different diets on Instagram that you would see, like, that's how I found veganism, and, um, like, that's probably why, wait, why did

I start doing yoga? My friend taught yoga, and I went to her classes, and I think I got into it from that. But, um, my brain was so, I was so just like gung ho. And so like, like I learned some new shit about, you know, I learned about veganism and I never tried it before. So I got into it. And then now on the other side, I'm realizing that, um, after it's been all said and done and after years of having social media and following influencers and everything, like now I'm, I guess the wisdom or whatever the lesson now, or the biggest thing I learned is that, follow yourself listen to yourself do what works for you and at the end of the day most of the time these people are just trying to sell you something they're trying to that's how they make their money

and so they're sharing their lifestyle and they're sharing what they do because maybe they have a course or a program or they have affiliate links and they're showing you products that will and that helps him pay their bills and shit and so anyways um the lesson I learned and all that or something that happened to me is I started I started realizing I'm living other people's lives like I'm basically copycatting other people on social media and I'm like it was alienating myself from myself or whatever like I think I I'm I'm finding my my so now I'm like solidifying my identity or, like, my self-perception or, like, my self-perception or whatever by literally talking it out every day and, like, yeah, I guess just being myself and being my, I

don't know, like, not really, I don't watch influencers anymore. Like I literally, if you're showing me links, swipe ups, go to this salon, fucking, I drink this juice or I buy this food or like I use this eye cream or like, I don't really pay attention to any of that anymore. Um, I don't know. I just feel like it doesn't really do much. I don't need to anymore. It's like, I, I've kind of seen it all and I fall back on what works for me now.

And I, I tune off the noise because I don't want to feel, I just, yeah, the worst thing is feeling like you're, for me at least, because I guess being my own person is a big part of, like, I don't know if I have a fear of like, I don't know why. okay here's here's what it is I have this weird need or weird internal whatever to be an individual and be unique like be my own person be unique be different than I don't want to be like other people and so anyways that's why I don't really I just buy into all that influencer like you know what I mean like the blogger and the beauty guru stuff anymore because I just I don't know that's like one one lane and then there's like the fitness people and then there's the diet people and the I don't know I'm just like over at this point okay I should move on um but yeah follow yourself listen to

your intuition do what works for you and then like create your own life create your own shit and I I'm having more fun I feel like my life's a lot more um fulfilling now because of that I'm not I don't like make decisions during my day based on like what I've seen on Instagram like oh so and so said to do that this so I'm gonna do it do it too I'm like no Jacqueline wants to do this so she's gonna do this and this is what's always worked end of the okay I'm gonna end this uh thanks for tuning in hope you hope you enjoy this episode hope um I don't know like I said I tried something new I'm in the I'm on episode 200 now and you know I'm gonna bring you into my podcast host brain right now uh and I shouldn't volunteer this information or say it but um

I've been kind of feeling not insecure about the podcast lately but kind of like what am I doing like whoa now that I've had 200 episodes I'm like whoa I'm sure I'm saying a lot I'm sharing a lot there's so much out there on the internet now about me and it's kind of what I signed up for and I feel like it's honestly me it's what I signed up for but I also feel like there's more good than bad in it in my experience so far like I feel better for it and I feel um I'm what's it called I'm releasing my what's it called attachment or my um fear like releasing it to the universe like whatever like I'm not holding on to the fear of letting my story be known or um my fear of being judged or made fun of or looked at in a bad way because of

something I said or any of that so it's like a I feel like it's a healthy practice at the end of the day doing this is a healthy thing for me and it's uh I think it's accelerating my personal development and my growth because I'm constantly checking in with myself and I'm talking I don't know you guys get it but sometimes that really hasn't happened because for the most part I've been like so like gung-ho and like I'm a podcaster I do it every day and then it's super fun and I most of the time it's been chaotic and crazy and I pop off and for the most part it's like that but I don't it's for lately I've been kind of not second guessing but like kind of going whoa anyways I don't want to bore you happy fucking Wednesday thanks for hanging out hit that

subscribe button I'm here seven days a week and uh finally head over to patreon patreon.com slash tjms to see those pictures I mentioned today I'm going to post them um on my patreon and you'll get access to the embarrassing, all the stuff that doesn't make Instagram. And I have like personal videos from my apartment here, pictures of me or like videos of me training my dog. Um, all my patrons get shout outs. They get phone calls, um, with me and yeah, it's a lot of fun. Patreon.com slash TJMS. Go check it out. Hope you're having a great day. Great week so far. Um, Pray for Colorado. Pray for Boulder.

I haven't mentioned that yet, but holy shit. Dude, I could go on a tangent about mass shootings now. I won't. Anyways, thoughts and prayers, man. Fucking stay safe out there. Stay safe out there, guys. Jesus. Anyways, that's it.

Talk to you guys tomorrow. All right. Bye.