The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 205- Sundaycast: Hot Cross Bunz

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

Happy Sunday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS 

What's up, guys? Happy Sunday. It's episode 205. Welcome back to the show. good morning happy sunday welcome back to the show hi it's Jacqueline hit that subscribe button dude I do not have that much energy right now what am I doing I'm still waking up let's be real I'm drinking coffee it's Sunday morning I love Sunday so much anyways yeah hit that subscribe button I'm here seven days a week and real quick I'm gonna plug my Patreon even though I I've recently been ranting about how sick and tired I am sick and tired I am of saying patreon patreon.com slash tjms that's my subscription service um where you can access more of me because I know you want to okay why am I

doing that why am I saying that patreon.com slash tjms it's my uh fan club it's my subscription service. I have extra content on there that I don't put anywhere else. I shout out my patrons on Fridays. I call you on your phone and we're going, if I get two more, we're going to do a zoom hangout and like drink and all meet each other and shit. So once again, patreon.com slash TJMS. Okay. Let's get into the episode. Today's going to be all about this. I call it my, so it's like my mood board inside of a spiral book. Like I, you know, people have mood boards and they clip a bunch of magazine pictures and quotes and like their, you know, visions for their life and their goals and dreams. Okay. I do that, but I have it in a book. So it's Sunday morning and

every now and then I go back to this and I look through it and it's crazy how there's something I clipped was this two summers ago 2019 summer yeah summer 2019 where it's about intuition and I couldn't answer any of these and anyways I'm gonna go through that and I've changed so much the whole point of me saying this is like it's crazy how I was so lost at this time when I clipped it and I put it in this notebook and now I'm like she's found she was once lost now she's found so anyways we're gonna go through this I also have like this fun section of a bunch of recipes because there's a point in college where I had my own apartment I was cooking for myself for the first time and I was like making a bunch of like fucking like bro food and just like skinny

bitch food and I never cooked stuff that I grew up eating because it was like like I didn't cook food that my mom makes when I go home like I I like didn't I don't know I never chefed it up for myself and so I put on a a list like all of my favorite foods growing up that I could like maybe make for myself to have fun and like not I don't know to like do something different so I feel like I'm gonna read some of that and tell stories there's like popcorn cake there's like fucking hot cross buns I don't know we're gonna get into that and because I just feel like it's Sunday I'm Um, I'm cooking a steak tonight. That's my Sunday thing. And, uh, I want to talk about food. I feel like Sunday's a great day to talk about food. So we're going to do that. Um, I also saw this

TikTok. I don't know if I want to explain it, but there's something, this might be another segment of the episode today about juice world faking his death. And it was so convincing and I kind I want to Google, Google it and go down a rabbit hole. So, um, that's going to be today's episode. I'm still waking up. Let me just chug this. Jesus. Sorry. If I sound low, low energy, if you're used to my chaotic crackhead self that you all tell me you like, um, it's not that kind of episode. When I do this every day, you're going to get a different flavor every day. I'm not always the same um I'm a two-faced bitch who's got a multi-personality is that a disorder multi-personality disorder honestly do I don't have that come on I I'm solid dude I'm solid

what is multi-personality multi I'm like not doing the segment about the intuition journal thing disassociative identity why am I looking this up I'm fine Jacqueline why are you second guessing your personality once again I said that yesterday I was like I think you guys have 10 more days of me second guessing my personality personality before I officially own who I am and get over it like Jacqueline get over it this is who you are stop questioning yourself stop doubting yourself fuck. Okay. So let me read this. I clipped this, um, thing called, let me, I like just lost it. Here it is. It's called intuition. It's a magazine clipping intuition. Don't fret the guiding light within. Okay. Whoa. I'm not awake enough to know how to say this sentence in the right way.

intuition don't fret the guiding light within your inner sanctum what's your inner sanctum i gotta look up what a sanctum is i've never sanctum whoa it's a fucking movie 2011 20 2011 may 1 do y'all hear joe biden say may 1 that was that was funny i'm starting to do that though on these 200 episodes i'm like welcome back it's episode 205 it's 201 to I'm not saying 201 I don't know what am I saying why am I not once again why am I I'm looking up sanctum I found out it was a movie and then I started talking about fucking Joe Biden what's happening um the caffeine I can tell is starting

to hit sanctum definition your inner sanctum why inner sanctum meaning inner sanctum noun the most sacred place in a temple or church so basically your inner church okay fucking why did i have to even look that up so an intuitive therapist executive coach public speaker and author named karen store scene store steen um i think she put together this list it's like a really old magazine clipping the back of it's got like a cabinet installation fucking ad anyways so when I clipped this I was like whoa I'm a lost little sheep I'm a lost little puppy because it's a checklist so what this is is a magazine page that's a checklist of like

it says are you listening to your intuition are you on the right path and then you check the check these off to find out if you are or not and it helps you like think about your life and your if you're like using your intuition if you're okay so here we go so there's a box here that's about signs that you're listening to your intuition and that you're on the right path or there's another box where conversely you may not be listening to your intuition and you may be ready for a change so I feel like this will be helpful for you I'm gonna I'm gonna list these off because it's helpful for me um or it was at the time and it's just like in your head you can be like answer yes or no so literally 2019 summer I was a lot I literally didn't know who I was I told you guys I

that summer in June I I'm gonna just start saying the company fuck it I quit my job with move you in June 2019 and I think I've told a little bit of the story oh Jesus do I want to do it right now I walked away from the company cold turkey in June and literally the day I quit I walked out into the world and I was like I don't know who I am like my soul had been stripped it was so bad and so that summer I spent a lot of time like just by myself like like I was literally trying to find myself again. So anyways, I couldn't answer yes to like any of these. So here's a list for you. These are signs that you are listening to your intuition and you are on the right path. Sign one. Do work that is fulfilling, has meaning, and is enjoyable. I quit my job so

I wasn't working. Are self-aware. I couldn't say yes to that. Are open to feedback. Feel empathy and compassion for others. What the fuck? Okay, these are all true. I could say yes to these. Why did I feel like I couldn't? Experience doors openly. Whoa. Experience doors opening easily for you. Often in the right place at the right time. Can change direction with ease when something isn't working you know what wait a minute I gotta like undo what I just okay wait I'm figuring this out I'm like rethinking about the whole situation the fact I quit that job with move you and walked away like that was an intuitive thing I did it was intuition was gut it was rooted in like yeah intuition so I actually was listening to my intuition at the time I think this is like

I just felt lost wait what was the one where I wasn't listening to my intuition maybe these resonated better feel confused disoriented and out of balance so I said yes to these things that I was not in alignment with my intuition so I felt confused disoriented and out of balance I was in a rut bored and lackluster I had stress and anxiety difficulty making decisions I felt numb with a loss of heart there was an entire week by the way before I quit I'm should I just kind of like give you some background whatever the like the week before I quit that job um I couldn't sleep I was wide awake literally just staring at the ceiling doing nothing until like four in the morning four in the morning every single night um I I was a zombie I was what was

this I felt numb and I felt so lost and just empty um I was sad I was definitely depressed I'm reading the list so yeah have a difficult time sleeping or sleep too much that was yeah me don't know where you are headed and have an unclear direction that was totally me so yeah and then literally you know how your mom just knows um the day the day before I decided to walk away my mom I was like up at four in the morning and she called me she's like what's going on like she just knew my mom had that instinct she's like something's wrong so we talked and yeah um is this like I honestly just read these random intuition checklists and I feel like that was kind of jumbled but like basically right now I can say

that I'm in alignment with my with what I value I do work that is fulfilling I'm um I follow my intuition over the opinions and expectations of others especially with this show like I don't consider I'm just like if you I'm willing to be hated on and rejected for what I'm saying here I'm you know I'm doing I'm saying I'm speaking my truth without fucking worrying about what other people think um I'm definitely more self-aware now than ever I feel empathy and compassion that's never gone away I've never not had empathy and compassion for other people um I definitely experienced doors open opening easily for me now a lot of stuff a lot of positive things have happened um recently in that regard uh I feel creative hell yeah I can resolve problems make

decisions with ease I'm energetic I'm peaceful I have restful sleep I laugh often and I'm happy I look forward to my day I enjoy my I enjoy my home life I feel positive about the future yeah all of these things at the top I couldn't really answer back in 2019 that's the whole point of this segment and now I can so that's called hey she grew she blossomed she found herself and it's so weird to like look back at this vision book thing and go whoa whoa okay do you guys want me to talk about food now that was kind of honestly fucking boring but oh my god I even wrote here like who am I oh my gosh that's sad oh my god like the first thing I don't want to read all this because it's kind of sad and like personal but first thing I wrote is who am I

I wrote daughter sister friend silly soul with a big heart Jesus that summer dude oh I said I listed stuff that I'm good at this is really depressing sorry to depress you on a fucking Sunday morning. Um, anyways, let me go to that food section. Let's just tell stories about food because you know what? I want to make hot cross buns. It's East Easter's coming up and I feel like that's an Easter thing. I drink more coffee. So yeah, back in college it was like egg whites and spinach and tomatoes and fucking mushrooms every morning and like broccoli and chicken and rice you know like that's all I really cooked when I was living by myself which is fine that's healthy that's smart but like I started to realize like whoa I'm in college now it's been a

couple years now from from when I was living with my parents and in high school and middle school and all that where my mom just like cooked all this fun stuff all the time and I realized like I was not I just never had that anymore and so I got a little sad about it and I wrote a whole list here um but yeah hot cross buns with cabbage and ketchup dude is that it wait hot cross buns isn't that like the most English I feel like that's English we're English my family is um hot cross buns sometimes they have cinnamon and raisins in them cabbage wait cabbage rolls I think they're just called cabbage rolls oh cabbage stuffed hot cross buns mom I'm when I come home this spring it's the spring right now I want hot cross buns so bad because or Jacqueline the whole

point of you doing this segment is like maybe I can make some of this stuff for myself yeah where's the hot cross okay do you want me to do like a history of hot cross buns hot cross buns origin it's my podcast I'm just having fun today I'm hanging out I want to bake I want to cook Oh, one theory is that hot cross buns originates from St. Albans in England, where brother Thomas Rodcliffe, a 14th century monk at St. Albany's Abbey, developed a similar recipe called an Albin bun and distributed the bun to the local poor on Good Friday starting 1361. Oh, there's a tradition behind hot cross buns.

Yeah, it's an Easter thing. over time they gained popularity and eventually became a symbol of easter weekend yeah i just remember so my mom would have like big like sheets of hot cross buns baked and then the inside was like cabbage which sounds weird and then also that she put like ground beef in it what the fuck i think she oh my god they were so good and then you'd put yeah dude there's hot cross buns cabbage beef yeah I gotta I just I haven't thought about these in literally like five years yep it's like the equivalent it's like white people um what are those asian buns uh mao buns bao buns bao buns mao buns bao buns no m wait yeah hot crust buns

are like the white people mao buns where they have like the pork inside the steamed pork buns same shit it's like it's a similar vibe or similar like look and feel Jesus Christ I don't know why I'm doing this food segment we got uh let's see what else is on here um Dutch babies oh my god my mom would like make a Dutch baby on the weekend for us that's that like it's like a pancake that you put in the oven or I don't know how to explain it you basically have a batter in a in okay Jacqueline let's do a timeout coach just took you to the locker room is it entertaining and is it easy to follow when you listen to someone discuss recipes and food on a podcast or is it kind of like oh well I'm having a hard time visualizing it because I didn't grow

up eating these things and like i don't like are you guys in that headspace right now are you like jacqueline tell us what you're gonna do today look out the window people watch i mean a woman just walked by with a fucking wolf this woman in my neighborhood she's like this funny old lady i don't know how to explain it and she's got this giant wolf it's not a husky it's not a german shepherd it's a it's a wolf i'm convinced like this thing does not exist in domesticated nature in nature in this and it's not dude it's so big and I think it's it looks like a wolf because she's really tiny but in like the size of it compared to her but I don't know you know what I mean like I'm talking about like recipes and basically a dutch baby puffs it's a pancake in

the oven that puffs up really high then you take it out you pour power put powdered sugar on it and and syrup syrup it's really good that's like a specific thing i grew up with you know hot cross buns dutch babies what else here um yeah like uh sausage rolls what else tuna noodle tuna noodle casserole uh what else is on this list bunny toast this is something that would be an easy thing to explain to do i'll explain this recipe then i'm going to stop this segment because I'm bored I want to talk about juice world faking his death so I'm like I'm over the food segment uh okay bunny toast is what we grew up eating as kids my mom would or dad I feel like my dad made this too we would have this on the weekends or before

school and all it is is a slice of bread that you cut a hole in the middle of and then you put an egg in the center and you fry it on a grill so the egg cooks in the middle of the piece of bread and then you also cook the circle you cut out as like a piece of toast and then you so like okay let me just explain the recipe quickly pan a little bit of butter the piece of bread with the middle cut out the entire middle of it in a circle cut out then you crack an egg in that on the pan while it's like on medium high and then you let it cook up and then when the egg cooks a little bit you flip it over and then it's like a runny egg situation at the end of it and then you put that on a freaking plate on a fucking plate I'm gonna

swear a freaking plate I'm really trying to work on my swearing put that on a fucking plate and you put maple syrup and more butter on it it's so good it's like eggs and toast but it's all in this little package and we called a bunny toast growing up all right moving on juice world apparently faked his death and I'm so convinced it's okay I know that's I shouldn't here's the thing he what I when I found out he died that's when I first figured out who he was honestly like I wasn't a big fan or I didn't really I heard his music but I never put a face to the music you know what I mean but I got into a rabbit hole after he died of his freestyles on YouTube that were literally an hour long like he could just go forever I went all over his Instagram and like

you know looked at all every single post like and it's uh it's crazy how talented he was but there's this TikTok it's gonna take me a minute to find it where this guy explained these little like pieces of like little breadcrumbs that were left that make it sound like he faked his death because of like he literally tweeted I want to get stupid famous and fake my death that was one of them let me find it sorry um I'm checking in once again is this a fun segment is this interesting I'm honestly not that awake I need to um finish my coffee like let's be honest okay wait I have a little more

I'm kind of foggy it's too early I've been podcasting at night at night lately and so this is kind of new a new thing for me even though when I started recording every day I um back in September it was the first thing I did I woke up chugged coffee and podcasted so I've changed, where is this, dude, Jack Harlow is a good-looking man, and he's not, like, a conventional, like, he's, like, ugly hot, or whatever, or what's, like, not, he's not ugly, he's just, like, not, I don't know, and I know he's, like, 22, and I, I have a hard time with that. Um, he looks so good on SNL. Did you guys see that? Holy shit. Where's this post? Okay. I need to start at the top of my likes. I like every, I know. I actually don't like every video on

TikTok. What I do is I only like stuff that I'll end up talking about on the show. So I've curated it, but I like a lot of interesting things. Okay. Hold on guys. This is the intermission. Please go take a drink of water get a snack um take some deep breaths okay found it i'm gonna play it right now it's a minute long here we go i've been trying to tell you guys for so long that juice world is still alive you guys have probably seen this tweet he says my goal is to get overly famous shine for a couple years and fake my death in his most popular song he says i'm a jealous boy really feel like john lennon john lennon died december 8th of 1980 juice world died on the same date but in 2019 but here's where it actually starts to get weird in his song legends juice road

says we ain't making it past 21 juice road was 21 years old whenever he died towards the end of his life juice road collabed with another artist called clever after juice world's apparent death clever chopped an album first this really just looks like a normal cover okay so this part you kind of have to see to understand he collaborated at the end of his life with a rapper musician called clever and then Clever's album that dropped right after his death has 13 songs listed on the album. And the first letter of each song title spells out Juice, World, Is, and then the last song on the album is called Alive.

for an album but pay attention to the first letter of every song it spells out juice world is and the last song name is alive that's what i just said comes out as juice world is alive i'm telling you guys bro i've been telling you guys bro so yeah i was like whoa what's this about you know and a lot of people were like um let me read some comments a lot of people there's 104,000 104,000 or likes on this comment like they're like hold up this album cover thing is really throwing me off like how is that a coincidence you know what I mean like most people are like I don't know what to believe anymore the album like it's all about that freaking album I'm not trying I'm not trying I'm trying not to swear a freaking fucking album

Jesus talking about someone dying this is not okay don't swear when you're talking about someone dying Jacqueline Jesus um yeah like what is that let me look up the album clever what's it called uh and then the whole like I want to get super famous and fake my death thing I will and then uh John Lennon died on December in one of his lyrics he mentioned John Lennon and something about him and then he died on the same day as John Lennon and he's like I'm not gonna make it past 21 and you know in his song and then he died when he's 21 okay clever album then I'm also gonna google like Juice WRLD faking his death and see what's there if there's anything like oh yeah I feel like there's YouTube videos about this

Clever Unleashed's debut album Crazy featuring Lil Wayne, Lil Baby, Chris Brown and more and it's like a skull like the album covers like a skull with a raven like dripping blood and it's just like very dark the melodic alabama artist clever has just has just burst onto the scene with his debut album crazy featuring star set a star-studded lineup little baby little wing chris brown post malone and the late juice world so juice world was on this album it'd be interesting to see what the song he's in is about he is on oh it's weird they don't have

the song like on the album where it shows like like for example number four is call me nobody featuring Lil Wayne and Isaiah Lyric like there's no featuring Juice WRLD on any of the songs even though it's apparently featuring him so I can't figure out what song he's on anyways um let me just google Juice WRLD faking his death have you guys heard about is this old news it's been a while since he died Juice WRLD fake death see what's top of the google here oh teens on tiktok are hoping juice world's death death was teens on tiktok are hoping juice world faked his death thanks to widespread conspiracies and an eerie meme oh yeah because the eerie meme is the whole the tweet he tweeted about

um he said my goal is to get overly famous shine for a couple years then fake my death so people are thinking oh he's he did it but what what okay I honestly I don't need to like unpack like what would the point of this be like now where is he at if he's still alive what would you do if you were how would you fly under the radar what how what would you do what's the point maybe that'd be cool to have like to be anonymous and just like live under the radar and I don't know there's so many YouTube videos I think about this yeah um let me go to YouTube just see like how many videos are up hold on is this a fun segment I'm gonna say that forever like this entire episode is gonna be like are you having fun is this worth

your time I don't know this is literally like I started out the episode today talking about my stupid journal like vision board journal and intuition in my and the checklist and then I went to like hot cross buns and fucking dutch baby recipes that i grew up eating and then now i'm like did juice world fake his death welcome to my podcast it's like this sometimes juice world okay wait legends never die dude that's his wait a minute oh wait a minute hold on is that his album name

legends never die is that literally what it's called yeah duh I thought that was a song but that's actually the title of it oh my gosh okay so guys this is starting to be a little i'm so good i'm like actually so convinced juice world spotted alive at ufc 257 two months ago okay let's play this it's a nivia commercial i'm sick of these stupid fucking commercials okay i know but like where's the video of him at the ufc that's what i'm looking for here this is

a really long video is this i feel like this might be like super old news for everyone but if you haven't heard about it before like go look it up on google because it's kind of freaking weird freaking not swearing because i'm talking about someone's death wait so what do you think they never show a video of him there people are like we can only hope and then a lot of people are like my man's dead let him rest stop talking about this like i get that it's kind of disrespectful to like i don't know i'm just i feel weird about even talking about it it's like did he fake his death is this real but um i believe juice world faked his death three months ago this video was put out i feel like

this might be recent um news this is an instagram live i'm watching i think they're doing an instagram live where juice world's in it and it was after he died wait what are the comments oh this is october 2019 before he died this is so dumb someone posts this instagram live like oh this is after he died like what the like stupid youtube video clickbait shit anyways i uh by the way i'm gonna move on from this go look it up or if you're curious if you haven't heard about it the clever album is so convincing though like it all kind of adds up when you look at the little breadcrumbs kind of all like makes sense but i i don't know um maybe that's what he wanted to leave like he died or he i don't he didn't die

on purpose right he overdosed right yeah how did juice world i just want to make sure i'm saying this right how did juice world die and honestly don't look this up go watch his freestyles because holy shit that's worth your time and that's fun um accidental overdose on pink of painkill rapper died from an accidental overdose of pink painkillers why is it hard to say coroner rules jesus christ rapper died from accidental overdose of painkillers coroner coroner rules a medical examiner has ruled just yeah overdose that's what i that's what i thought but i'm just saying like if he did it on purpose like let's just i don't know maybe he's like oh i want to like leave this for people to be confused i don't know

like why would someone do that why would you want i don't honestly that's something that i can't even imagine having like living with is someone having suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideology whatever that is like that that is so sad and just like I can't even imagine what that's like having those intrusive thoughts of like oh just get a gun right now and just do it you know like that's real people a lot of people that tell their stories say that about how they're suicidal say that they've had these thoughts since they were like 10 years old and they live with them all the time like just kill yourself like kill yourself kill it I can't like I said that is I don't know I don't even know like because you live with that and it's like how do

you and then I don't know some people act on it and then that's it and then I don't know so I don't want to talk about suicide it's kind of it's so depressing and sad but shout out juice world for making me think today. I mean, you really, if you did that and if there's anything purposeful behind this, uh, great job. I mean, that was interesting to look up. Um, Jesus. So I want to say, I'm going to end the segment, but I, um, I told you guys that I want to start spending my Saturdays educating myself and like informing myself so I can show up each day with relevant current information that sounds like I'm with it and I'm up to date on the world and what's going on because for the most part I do this as a stream of consciousness and anyways I spent yesterday

on my TikTok actually taking notes on stuff I learned and like news topics pop culture topics like tips and tricks about like like social tips dating tips race topics everything anything and everything I took notes on from all those TikToks I saved and it was really fun I felt like I was back in freaking school ew okay first of all freaking freaking we're not even gonna we're not even gonna use a filler word if I'm not gonna swear I'm not gonna say any filler words like that is so cringe and so immature and stupid freaking freaking like when people actually say that in real life like I can't just say the f just say the f word or don't say it at all so anyways um I felt like I felt like I was back in fucking college taking notes and um yeah I just

felt like I don't know I'm gonna show up next week with like tomorrow Monday with like stuff to talk about that's interesting and like not my just what's on my brain so uh which might be is that interesting who knows who knows um happy Sunday I need to I still have my coffee I still have a little bit more should I reflect on this episode it is what it is it's one of those whatever episode it's kind of a throwaway episode and you know what if you're still listening you feel like you're wasting wasted your time with me today that's on you okay you know you weren't self you weren't self-disciplined when you started to notice you were trailing off and getting kind of like whoa this is turning my brain into fucking mush um anyways you didn't you didn't click off

this app you didn't stop listening and that's not my fault so if you made it this far thanks for coming on this ride uh it got deep it got sad it got uh gluttonous we talked about food it got uh interesting with the juice world thing and then now I'm ready to sail through my Sunday uh I definitely need more coffee you know what I should have done let's reflect on this I should have drank more coffee before I started instead of drinking it while I recorded because dude I don't even feel I still feel foggy I feel foggy and I got eight hours of sleep last night and welcome to your late 20s bitch am I my late 20s this fucking sucked dude I refuse so first of all I was robbed a year of my life in 2020 so I'm not turning I'm

staying the same age this year I'm not turning my neck my next age I refuse like I okay and also before I end this one other little thought I've had is that it kind of my okay this year kind of still feels like it like last year a little bit and I feel like I'm gonna say oh two years were robbed like I'm starting to feel like my I don't know I don't know it's almost April and this year is going by pretty quick and I'm like whoa by the end of this year I better start making some drastic life changes and start I need to start zesting up my life and my routine and and feel like to the point where I'm like traveling again doing fun shit on the weekends all the time and like going out more and like that kind of stuff or I'm gonna just feel like another I'm living

another 2020 isolation boring ass redundant life which is kind of what I've been doing so far in 2021 but I like it here I like it here I'm happy I'm not I like a simple life I don't need a lot of pomp and circumstance and fucking activities, but I don't know, I don't want to regret this 2021 and go, oh, shit was basically opened back up, and you could have done more, and you're, you didn't, so I'm not trying to be hard, I am being hard on myself, because what the fuck, it's almost April, get it together, girl, I am traveling in May, in May, and back home, hopefully I need to like I was looking at flights actually yesterday so I don't know then I want to like go to Vegas I want to go to New York um after my brother moves

I want to go to like Hawaii I don't know I want to like get I want a destination vacay somewhere maybe I'll take maybe I'll do a solo trip maybe I'll do a solo trip I always watch Emma Chamberlain's videos on YouTube and she's always doing that she's always I said always too much Emma Chamberlain is like I'm sick of LA I'm getting out and she'll road trip somewhere she'll fly to New York she'll stay somewhere for a few days and then just by herself like that's that's what that's what like being in your 20s and dating yourself is all about and that's kind of the mode I'm in right now I I'm definitely doing that like date yourself thing you know I I don't know I like that though because So you got to figure your shit out.

You got to be solid and like yourself, love yourself and know yourself before you bring anyone, bring anyone else in. Because I look, I look back at my past relationships and I'm like the re like I was not, I was so, um, I was just trying everything out. Right. But I, I wasn't, um, like my self worth, my identity, like how I, um, my values, my like routines, my goals, dreams, all that wasn't very solid like it is now. And, um, I don't know.

I just feel like I'm in a better place now that I've taken time with myself and I haven't been like locked down in a relationship. And I don't know, whoever's next is going to be lucky compared to the last boyfriends I had because at that time like my past relationships was literally me just morphing into who they wanted me to be and I was like changing how I like my music taste and the things I was interested into interested in interested in and like how I dressed and how I did my hair and all this shit like just for them you know like what I thought they would want instead of like who I actually was and that's why I have a multi-personality what did I start the

episode with I was googling disassociative identity disorder and shit dude it's because I was insecure and I was um a people pleaser and now I don't do that I'm like take me or leave me you love me for this or you don't sorry sayonara plenty of fish in the sea boy boy there's so many there's so many fish in the sea do the internet just go and look on the Instagram discovery page you can find 10 girlfriends in 60 seconds if you want to. I mean, shit, you'll never run out. And I don't know. Someday I'll lock someone down. Someday they'll lock me down and we'll, you know what? I think that's what happens. I think that's what's going to happen with this generation of people dating with social media and apps and everything. I think,

because I'm starting to feel like this, I'm going to get to a point and guys will get to this point where they realize that they're wasting a lot of time. they're not getting anywhere with dating and and they're just gonna be burnt out of it they're gonna be like i just want to like commit to someone and like fucking stop looking around and like stop trying to be on a quest or stop stop going on this quest all the time and like i don't know always looking for the next best thing because that's we all do it and it's it's just at some point i think we're all gonna burn out of it and be like i just want to fucking wake up with someone regular regularly like build a life together hang out together and like just

stick with each other and fucking go for it man because I think a like a routine life where there's stability and um you know just like your quality I feel like your quality of life is better when you're committed and you're just done you're just done you're just like I'm married I'm booed up I've got kids I got a house that's got to be the best I think you get to a point though I don't know if it's men in their late 30s early 30s women I feel like it happens when they're fucking like 18 they're like I'm ready bitch not for me I feel like 30 is when I all start I feel like I'm mentally going to be more serious about that commitment and like being married and that kind of shit I feel like I'll because I'm not quite there yet I definitely want it but I'm not like

I don't know why did it go on a tangent at the end of the episode Jacqueline finished the episode does that make sense are you guys burnt out like that like I am I just want to like fucking go for it and lock it down and get it done not like get it over with but just like stop I don't, I just hate the dating process now. It's so annoying and just, it's so different. Can't we be like, Hey, I like you. Hey, I like you back. Let's date. And let's just like, not have 10 other people on the side all the time. Like mutually, like, I'm not saying that I don't do that. Like there's always a fucking, there's always those people trailing off in the distance that I still kind of have, like, I never let fully go. You know what I mean? They're always

just kind of there. Why do we do that? It's because we're, we're all just conditioned to do that now. We're all, I don't know. Am I a shitty person? I, okay. By the way, though, this is the thing. When I date you, now I'm talking about my, what I bring to a relationship. Why am I doing this right now? But here's the thing. My brain, like, and I don't know if this this is a woman thing or like I don't know I as soon as it's like it's you I'm your girlfriend we're a couple this is this is official you know we've made it official we're exclusive whatever as soon as it gets to that I I'm like we're going to the grave together like that is where my brain goes I'm like I am going to give this every chance like every chance possible or whatever

I'm gonna put everything I have into this relationship or to like give it the best chance possible like I'm not gonna fuck around and like talk to other people and like think about dating other people because it's you and only you like I don't ever I would never I don't know my brain gets tunnel vision I get locked in and I don't know it's not even a thought like oh like this might not work out I just assume it's going to and then I go hard in the paint and date you until it fucking doesn't work out. And we'll find that out, but we have to go a hundred percent or it's not gonna, or what, why are we doing it? You know, I've never cheated on anyone and I've been cheated on. So yeah, I have. So, um, facts about me. There you go. And I don't understand what's

this whole like cheat on him shit. Sorry. Like I know that's a popular color daddy tagline, cheat on him why what where I don't know and there's all these like toxic behavior tick tocks like how to be toxic and it's just like why are we doing this this is not okay why are why is this trendy why is this why are we playing these stupid fucking games and and and hurting people just be a good person I don't know I'm all in or I'm not in that's how I am when I date you end of story Happy Sunday. What an episode. This is one of those, what was that episode? What was that? And I need to eat. I think I'm over caffeinated and underfed. Jesus Christ. Happy Sunday. Thanks for hanging out. Hit that subscribe button and head over to patreon.com slash TJMS to support

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all I need I'm I'm hard I'm set in my ways I've set a hard number in my brain and I need two more so anyways patreon.com slash tjms that's too long of a plug for my patreon but whatever happy Sunday I hope you had a great weekend and I will talk to you tomorrow bye