The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 209- What is TJMS? feat. Heavy Eyelids

Episode Date: April 2, 2021

Happy Thursday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS 

Hey, what's up? Happy Thursday. It's episode 209. Welcome back to the show. Hey, what's up? It's Jacqueline. Welcome back to the show. Hi. uh look I'm gonna try my best to keep it together okay um I'm a professional I do this 70s a week but just know that uh it's gonna be Friday at some point during this episode I mean it's approaching midnight I've been working all day and my eyelids are heavy everything is annoying

in my environment right now like I didn't clean up very well before I started recording I mean I'm looking at a fucking empty, had some ground turkey in it at noon, and now it's empty, an empty, what's it called, Tupperware container on my table. I'm uncomfortable. I'm wearing tennis shoes past 11 p.m. with socks, and I still have my yoga pants on. They're kind of tight on my tummy, and I just don't want to have them on anymore. I should take them off.

My chair, guys, this new office chair I told you I got isn't working out. It's, it's, uh, every time I, like, if I crank the height up a little bit, I feel too upright. And if I go down, my feet are too heavy on the ground. I don't know. It's not, everything's annoying. So, um, I just got to get this done. I got to do it. So let me tell you about my day a little bit. I mean, it was Thursday. I had a work day. Uh, but that's not the point of this episode. I really want to cut to the chase. I should just list off what I wrote here. Um, Cause I'm proud of this. I'm proud of myself for God. My eyelids are heavy. You know, when they're heavy and you're just like, Oh God, this is, I'm, I'm, uh, I'm forcing it. I'm forcing myself to

record. And this is dumb. I have, let me drink some water. Uh, someone call 911. I don't think I'm going to make Jimmy's being annoying. He's chewing cords. Um, there's like shit all over the floor that he chewed up. Oh my God. Okay. I've dishes in the sink. Everything's fucked. Okay. Anyways. Uh, so I'm proud of this list. I extrapolated. I think that's the right word. a bunch of notes I took and I like picked out the things I've said over time about the show so what I'm gonna do today is tell you what the Jacqueline Jacqueline Monroe show is with a bunch of bullet points and uh ideas I wrote down bullet points of ideas I wrote down Okay. This is pillow talk, bitch. We're, we're, we're, I'm on a phone call with you. It's like

a late night phone call. This is pillow talk. That's the kind of energy you're getting. I'm tired of shit. Okay. Um, you know, I should have brushed my teeth. I think I need to do that. I should do that right now and then come back and that'll, that'll make me feel more awake and like fresh, whatever. Fuck it. You know what? I'm just going to go down this. This is the Jacqueline Monroe show. The description is, the description I wrote for it is a podcast by me for you. That's it. Simple, bare bones. That's exactly what this is. This is no frills. This is fancy. It's not that serious. It's a fucking podcast. I get on the mic every day and I talk. It's a podcast by me for you okay so we've addressed that you know the name of the show you know the bio

um and this is like a random list of like the show and my ideas about it and like what i do here so i don't know i just thought this would be interesting to share and it'd be like smart to like i think i'm going to title this episode what is tjms and like i don't know if a new listener sees it they're like oh I wonder what the show's about I don't I don't know probably not probably not probably not but I I will sleep better tonight knowing that I've posted an episode out there there's an actual episode on my list that describes exactly what you're gonna get here okay so fuck um I also wrote like themes of the show like my overarching themes I always bring up um you know okay so let me just start here I wrote uh I lube myself up with coffee and talk

every day uh well I'm not doing that tonight uh for the most part I get on the show I jot down a few notes a few ideas I lube myself up with some caffeine and I talk I press record I talk I post it that's what I do here and as I say every day this is my daily audio diary so I okay okay wait a minute let me take some water let me drink some water if you're a daily listener if you're if you're a listener of the show please just save yourself some time and don't listen to any more of this because I'm going to be repeating myself so much you've already heard everything I'm gonna say uh this is mostly for like the new listeners who are curious about the show um and also for my uh sanity or whatever I

said earlier like I'll go to bed and sleep I'll sleep better tonight knowing that this is out there and that I've listed it out and I've put it I've been like I made a I list that's cohesive and coherent everything makes sense and goes together for the most part I podcast and it's all over the place. But today on this episode, I finally have it listed out and I can describe the show with details, bitch. Okay. So anyways, um, yeah, basically I realized that, look, there's vloggers on YouTube that film themselves every day and post on YouTube and it's a video. I'm like, okay, I'll just do that with audio. And that's kind of the format of the show. It's like an audio diary. I check in every day. I say hi and I talk about my life. And anyways, um,

next bullet point says, this is my mental fitness journey. Um, I said, I want to, I want to have a strong mind and now feels like the right time to share my story. This is my hero's journey. Um, this podcast is my self mastery course. It's preparing me for life and accelerating my personal growth and development i like myself better and i love myself more because of this podcast this is kind of annoying i don't like this episode jacqueline go to bed and lie to them and record it tomorrow morning so they won't even know you recorded it the next morning when you're freshly uh slumbered and you uh have coffee in you and you're awake and perky just Just Jacqueline, go to bed, record it in the morning.

No one will know. Fuck. This is what happens when you commit to seven days a week. Sometimes you end up in these situations and you got to muscle through it. Okay. This is a marathon. It's not a sprint. Anyways, like I said, this is my hero's journey.

Now feels like the right time to share my story. Next bullet point I wrote here is I'm drowning out these hoes doing it once a week. Um, like I said, I just took, I just like extrapolated these random one-liners I wrote throughout all of my podcast notes. And I think I, that was like a theme in the beginning. I was joking about how, like, I'm trying to drown out these hoes that post once, once a week, they make one podcast a week. I'm doing seven. I'm going to catch up to them in the thousands. If I do it for five, five years straight or whatever the fuck. And like, I was so full of myself and I sounded so arrogant and I just feel like I was testing things out I just let my gums

flap and and saying whatever came to my mind with like no filter and it's so cringy and I this episode is very cringy but like my beginning episodes like the shit I said was so cringy like I don't actually feel like my I think I was faking the confidence and I had to like fake it till it's the whole like I was I was in such a low place I was sounding I was making these inflated or what are you what I was making these cocky statements all the time about like going to the big leagues drowning out these hoes and you know rising to the top of the charts just to like make myself feel like I yes I can do this I got what it takes I'm not crazy for doing it every day like I'm just gonna own this I'm gonna share my story fuck it and uh yeah it's still true I

mean I am drowning out these hoes doing it once a week but like I don't really feel it's not like I'm uh like I'm not any better like if anything there it's probably better to do it once a week where you prepare you have show notes you've thought the podcast out beforehand you have guests you have an interesting dialogue happening it's not just like hey she remembered she had to record at 11 PM and her eyelids are heavy and she's got fucking ground Turkey sitting across from her and she's fucking, um, everything's annoying and she wants to go to sleep. Like it's probably better that they do it once a week. Um, podcast, next bullet point. Podcasting is like breathing. It's the easiest thing I've ever done.

uh next bullet point this feels like flying next bullet point this is how I know I found my passion I mean yeah I think when I first got into podcasting so in September when I just started it and I did it I just did it every single day I did it um still true 200 some days later I was like watching YouTube videos to reinforce like my reinforce my behavior like re what's jimmy jimmy what are you eating bud that sounds like metal in your mouth dude what if he had braces that'd be so cute uh just be careful bud i don't want you to die on this episode okay thank you i'm so fucking tired okay i've no energy i can't even go save his life that's someone please call if i say to call 9-1-1 please do that so um

jesus christ what am i saying someone come save my dog jesus um yeah at the beginning of recording i was looking up like youtube videos for reinforcement or like just to like see what other podcasters were saying what other people were doing um not like the podcasts i've watched that just post their episodes it was more like the how-to uh type of videos out there on YouTube about podcasting and like you know sound mixing and fucking studio setup and lighting if you're gonna do it on if you're a new video and um tips on podcasting and every everybody made it sound like it's so hard it's so complicated it takes a lot of time um most people don't get past like I guess what is it like seven episodes or maybe less than that um you know they they

made it sound like this complicated thing and I'm like it's literally the easiest thing I've ever done I don't edit the show I just talk I broke it down and I've joked about this before I'm like look or I said it in the beginning I lube myself up with coffee or any beverage usually there's a beverage on the side and I talk and then I post it that's it it's the easiest thing I've ever done and the whole this feels like flying part this is how I know I found my passion is because uh, I think it's, I think that whole flying passion thing is, like, I feel, I feel so at home on the microphone, and I feel so completely, like, myself, and I'm not, like, how do I, okay, you guys all know, or if you don't all know, this is for new listeners, sorry,

I was a former like wannabe influencer type chick who observed other people doing it and I never really took it seriously or did it full-on but I kind of deep down like wanted to do that thing like the YouTube vlog thing the Instagram like influencer thing where I work with a bunch of brands I want a bunch of PR lists I talk about products blah blah blah okay well I feel like I never fully jumped in and did it because anytime I would kind of copycat what I was seeing or like do that, do those types of, um, posts and shit, even YouTube vlogs. Like I sounded fake as shit on my old YouTube vlogs. I was literally putting on an act. I just never felt natural. I never felt like myself. I felt like I was, yeah, copying other people and reading the script everyone

else is reading from and saying the same shit like hey guys today i'm gonna show you my product you know doing the voice the whole thing and this is this feels like flying and this feels like um breathing or whatever i said because i just am myself i'm myself and i'm uh and any other time i've put myself online it's kind of been this edited curated aesthetic centered thing where i i'm concerned about bullshit i'm concerned about like tonality and like or i guess i should i'm in i'm literally in the business of voices here on this fucking show i'm a conversation uh i'm a conversation athlete and i should consider tonality and dude i can't at this hour of the day this is pillow talk you're getting my sleepy voice it gets deeper at night i think uh shit but uh like on

like Instagram talking to camera YouTube like I I was like making that influencer voice and it was fake I was I never it never felt natural there's all there's a little piece of me inside that always kind of questioned what I was doing and so I finally found my home it's the microphone it's the one take no editing shit and it feels the best so let's move on um and another reason why I know this is my passion is because I can't stop thinking about it I think in podcasts I dream about podcasts I um never dread doing it like okay today is actually the one of the first episodes in it well I feel like ever that I'm like holy fuck I need to go to bed and be a liar and wake up and do it in the morning and post it tomorrow morning soon and no one will know like I literally

considered that because I'm like uh I work I've just been staring at a screen all day and I'm I'm tired of shit you know like I act but I for the most part I and I I like like I feel good right now as I'm doing it but the beforehand part was a little bit rocky today but every day podcast it's like I I'm giddy I look forward to it I get butterflies and to sum this shit up that's how i know i found my passion jimmy what's that oh fuck hey is that a shell here i think you found a shell from the beach fuck hey can't come closer i can't reach you come here oh god am i gonna cut the microphone off hey shit okay well uh okay what do i guys i have to go check the situation jimmy come here bud

you guys are gonna listen to me do my annoying voice what is that oh wait what did he break oh fuck oh he's breaking the um great this is awesome uh oh wait this is a pot it's from a planter pot that chipped okay whatever um let's just move to the next bullet point again if you're like confused on this show I'm listing off all of the like the themes of the show what the show is about kind of like what I've said over time um and my thoughts on what I'm doing here so this is like one giant show bio this episode is a bio of the show okay how many times can I say that I wrote I don't niche down I talk about whatever I want, yeah, yeah, like, back when I was watching all those YouTube videos, and getting some,

you know, educating myself about podcasting, and how to do it right, and everything, everyone's like, you got to niche down, if you want to go big, you got to niche down, or if you want to be big, you got to niche down, to grow your audience, and to get anywhere with it, to get traction, if you, you know, find your niche, and niche down, and I'm like, fuck that, I'm too ADHD, I want to talk about whatever I want, this is my show, I want to talk about whatever I want, just sit, if I put myself in a niche, or if I decided to do a niche, or whatever, do a niche, if I picked a niche, I would be so, I would be done in, like, two episodes, I could not talk about the same thing every, or, I mean, I guess it could be a broad niche, like, business, or, you know, health

and fitness, you know, like, I could do something where I have, there's a lot underneath the umbrella but uh anyways I'm my own niche bitch this is what I've decided I do I guess my niche is daily podcasting like I don't know what's my niche uh anyways so I said I don't niche down you're never gonna get the same thing when you listen it's like it's so random it's so all it's it's whatever I want okay it's usually got this this show has a glimmer no it I feel like I combine um my personal life updates with uh current events pop culture news stocks um not really stocks when I say that I do mention investing though a lot um you know puppy updates and then I bitch about society I bitch about like cancel culture and that kind of stuff a lot I

I feel like I rant a lot uh it's uh I guess I wrote that as a theme of the show um I said I rant for this okay wait I rant because I care and for the sport of it yeah ranting to me is kind of like a sport it's or it's kind of like working out ranting is like like doing a crossfit workout it's like I got all these I have all these frustrations built up and then I I release them on the show I get it out and it's like when you get out of the gym after a workout you just feel better and so I'm unloading it on you guys but I feel like as a listener that's entertainment it's kind of interesting and maybe we have the same frustrations and same thoughts. Um, cause you know what? The world's ridiculous. This is a

great time to rant and to, uh, sit back and like fucking pepper in your opinions about it. Cause it's like, it's like watching a movie every day. So, um, but the end of the day and at the end of the day, like I said, um, I rant because I care and I dunno. And then also another theme I wrote here is, like, the older I get, the more I realize I'm not going to solve the world's problems, like, I know I get, I can get fired up, and I get really, like, passionate, and I just, like, I want change, like, oh my god, but I always, like, there's always a piece of my brain that's, like, Jacqueline, let it go, like, you're not going to solve the world's problems, you can offer up your opinions, you can get your skin in the game, and, like, contribute to the conversation being

had in the world, and, or going on the world, just like everyone else, but there's no point in actually being that upset about it because you're not going to solve the world's problems you're not and so that's how I sleep good at night that's how I can like leave the show feeling good and not bad because I'm dumping out these rants and these like like I said these frustrations and these like annoyances about the world and society and like everything about our like especially the younger generations and the current generation um and I don't actually like I'm not actually like red hot or what do you call it um this pillow talk my brain is so dead dude uh I'm not like hot in the face about it I'm not like steaming over it you know I don't

actually get mad I'm just I just feel like um I'm just I'm passionate and I'm I'm kind of what's called I I'm obnoxious as fuck but this show is not obnoxious tonight but like most like please do not listen to yesterday's episode I had eight shots of caffeine in my veins and it was just like or espresso and that was like the first time in a minute where I did not feel okay like I was under the influence I needed I don't I I was like I felt so um caffeinated I I was drunk like that kind of feeling and it was it was a lot that yesterday's episode was quite literally the opposite energy of this episode so get it all here on the Jacqueline Monroe show a little flavor of everything um but yeah pillow talk what am I saying um oh I said I don't niche down I talk

about whatever I want oh I was talking about like themes of the show um I wrote podcasting is fun this is the next bullet point I like contributing to the conversations going on in the world that's what I just said yeah um I'm repeating myself again that's what I just said I like getting my skin in the game or I think it's um it feels good to or to release your thoughts out there I guess or it's like nice to I don't know what else there's I think I think there's a part two of this yeah facing cancel culture I'm facing cancel culture head-on I don't care um I'm not going to dumb my real thoughts down to make everyone happy uh yeah like part of getting my skin in the game and doing these rants i do and saying it like it

is and talking shit and uh expressing my raw thoughts is um kind of uh it's like jumping in shark infested waters a little bit i mean because of this cancel culture and like look i'm a nobody first of all like I'm not special I'm just like everyone else I'm a low man on the totem pole I'm literally no one so I'm not like worried about cancel culture necessarily but um I I just think like okay well if I was I feel like I would get a lot of flack and I'm sure there would be a lot of pushback on things I say but I don't want to live in a world where I'm afraid of sharing my opinions and i'm i'm i feel like i can't say things because i'm gonna get canceled like i think it's fucking stupid i literally think it's the dumbest shit ever and i just don't even

acknowledge it i'm like i don't even fear it or worry about it i'm like let those people like cry and like get upset like i don't i don't i'm not even sorry like it's okay for people to have opinions that are different than yours and that doesn't make them a bad person and so anyways um yeah and I wrote I'm not gonna dumb thing I'm not gonna dumb my real raw thoughts down to make everyone happy yeah another bullet point I wrote here is my eyelids are so heavy oh my god dude try my best um I wrote I'm not attached to leaving you guys a helpful message every day that sounds profound. I said, props to the educators. I want to tell stories and have fun. Yeah. Like I've listened to all of the gurus out there, the self-help self-improvement

podcast, like every single one of them for the last fucking 10 years. And look, that shit helps. It works. It's great. It's not for me. I'm not a fucking nerd. No, I just don't. I just like to, uh, yeah. What did I say? Like, I like, I want to tell stories and have fun. Um, if here and there, I might say something profound, but I'm not like hell bent on adding, like literally this is another thing they recommend. Add value or what did they say about value it's like that's like the buzzword and influencer culture like um how are you adding value to your audience or how are you providing value or are they getting value out of your content make sure value value value value like don't leave them high and dry with bullshit

and nonsense like make sure they walk away with something positive or something worth their time uh i disregard that i don't listen to that advice and how's it working out for you jacklyn are you on the top charts? Are you drowning out these hoes? Are you? Look, I do whatever I want. And what did I say here? I want to tell stories and have fun. Wait. Oh, I'm not attached to leaving you guys a profound message. Yeah. I'm not attached. That's what I was saying. I'm not attached to like saying something profound and I'm not attached. This is fucked up because it's like oh and also also in business if you're not um like your goal should be to help people like that should be and if it's not then why are you like you're not going to get far in in anything

in life and like truly I feel like that is a that's a result or whatever like I'm helping you like I don't take it that's how do I say this I don't take it that seriously like I don't go what are your problems and how can I solve them I go we are all the same I'm just like you I'm not special we all have the same daily life fucking problems like our puppies chewing on glass and being tired of shit and I'm just like a regular chick uh who's doing a little audio diary and I feel like the way it's helping you is it's like a little um I don't know like I know when I listen to podcasters that do a similar format it's like it's just entertainment man it's not that serious I'm not trying to like I said solve the world's problems here

or leave you with something profound and change your life and really help your like I don't know like oh do you like what do you need help with are you having issues with doing laundry like I could do an entire podcast on how to do your laundry better like it could add value that way but for the most part it's like look I just want to be a safe place okay this is my safe place for you I'll never let you down I'll be here every single day for you and that's what it is uh that's how I'm adding value I'm just here I show up I'm here and I never I'm honest what did I wrote right here show themes humor is a safe space this podcast is free joyful fun and honest like me yeah that's all it is it's like your little comfy zone I I love podcasts there are some

certain there's certain podcasts out there that are my comfy zone like my comfort zone they're my comfort podcasts where I'm not being preached to about meditation or exercise or diet or that kind of stuff I'm not being preached to about they're not I'm not being sold anything you know what I mean they're just like on the microphone talking about their day and that's honestly the best shit okay uh so anyways what else do they write here oh yeah props to the educators yeah I do I do have to applaud and commend those who do their research sit down and organize their pod their notes for the show they edit stuff they make it like they package it up and post it so it's full of good, tangible advice. That's going to help your life and like really make like,

I don't know, get the ball rolling for you because, um, they've helped me in the past. Okay. But again, I'm not attached to being like one of those podcasts and being sound. I don't know. Okay. I don't want to keep going on that. I'm fucking tired. Um, I wrote last bullet point here is I'm inviting you into my home every day uh this is a speakeasy no one knows about um okay so cringing at that but yeah I'm inviting that we're friends I'm inviting you into my home and we're hanging out and this is like like I said pillow talk tonight I'm tired this is just like the end of the end of the night uh but yeah the speakeasy is like me in the beginning of podcasting I think I wrote that that came from a note I wrote in like the first week of podcasting

I was like I want this to be like the secret little corner of the internet that if you know about and you listen to it then you're like in the know but if you don't then you don't like it's I don't want to be huge like all right I didn't like want this to be like some well-known fucking thing I was just like, still, I don't even care or think about it, and honestly, I'm like, look, anyone over 10k is getting blocked on my Instagram, like, I don't want a lot of followers, I don't want a lot, I don't know, it's, this is like, I like, I like the idea that, or I like the, or the fact that this is like a small community right now, and it's our dirty little secret, and it's kind of like, I don't know, I still have the training wheels on, I'm still in year one, I'm still finding my voice. I'm still figuring out what I'm doing with the show and all that shit. And I know that's ridiculous. Cause I've literally done 200 episodes, like figure it out, figure it out. Like you've caught at some point you got to figure it out. And my brain has mentally set a hard date at 365, uh, days of podcasting. So until I take off the training wheels and say,

okay okay you found your voice you figured it out time to pivot time to niche down time to take some guests on the show or do interviews and promote it and like you know but um I love that it's low key and I'm not that's why this is possible like if I put a lot of pressure on myself to grow my numbers and like get more followers and downloads. And if I did any of that, this one, it would be like, that's not the point of this. Like that's, I feel like this works because that wasn't my initial, that isn't my goal. And, um, that's why it feels effortless because no matter what happens, I'm still going to post a podcast. Like I'm not going to feel down to myself or, uh, I don't nothing my how I feel about the show and myself or anything I'm doing here never changes I just

like I just I'm doing my thing okay I'm I'm staying in my lane doing my thing I'm uh showing up every day that's the best I can do uh period period period so I think I should just wrap it because I'm so fucking tired I wrote some show words and phrases I commonly commonly use um Jesus Christ bonfire bitch I say that a lot podcast princess Jesus everyone's in the friend zone we're on a phone call I'm a housing development I'm hiring staff in five years oh my god wait dude I wrote I have all this ass and nowhere to shake it. That's why I'm podcasting. Okay. Uh, I don't know why I wrote that. Oh, this is funny or to me. Do you guys remember when I did burrito Tuesday and I also was like trying to adopt a

kitten? Like that was a theme for a while. Like I was con so every Tuesday I was like, fuck the taco Tuesday thing. I'm going to do burrito Tuesday. Be a contrarian, be a contrarian, too tired to even say it contrarian and be different and fucking whatever and be quirky and unique and then also I want a kitten and then now I'm like I I don't hate cats but I actually like cats a lot but I I'm looking at Jimmy and I'm like my golden retriever I'm like how like I'm so glad I didn't do it do the cat thing what the fuck um other random things here uh jeep trucks pissed me off uh i don't pretend to like shit anymore that was mostly for like relationship stuff or excuse me

regarding relationships like i don't pretend to like be into what a guy i'm dating's into just because he likes it like i don't pretend it i don't i don't change who i am and what i like i don't that's the thing now is like did I write this on my another another theme kind of um yeah I don't I am who I am right and I and I stick to my guns a little bit I'm like totally willing to try new things of course I'm very spontaneous like that and whatever but I'm not going to pretend like I like your um what's like an example um if a guy is super into canning canning asparagus or canning vegetables and storing them away for the winter like actually that's fucking cool but like I'm not gonna be like yeah me too I love canning like I fucking don't

so I'm not gonna be a liar like that but in the past like yeah I would I would like inflate some of my interests and make them sound like I like them more than I did because man, the man I was dating did like fucking soccer because of my first two fucking boyfriends that were soccer players. Okay. I don't love it. Okay. I started to when I dated them, but you know what I mean? Um, here's the theme for the show. I, or something that came to me that I realized on one of the episodes I wrote at some point you just have to pick something uh I wrote fulfilling oh yeah I've been so I'm in my mid-20s um I'm staying the same age for the next two years because of uh fucking coronavirus I've been robbed no uh it's a

trip that it's gonna yeah anyways I don't want to talk about it but I'm in my mid-20s and I feel like the first half has all been experimental, and I've been, I tried a lot of things, and nothing ever, nothing ever, ever, okay, nothing ever really stuck, stuck, stuck, am I saying stuck at this hour, is that okay, am I, okay, juggling, okay, go to bed, um, I feel like this stuck podcasting stuck it it's here it's not going anywhere I picked it I finally fucking picked something and I'm just saying the whole point of point of me making that a theme of the show is because in my experience in the last however many months it's been like eight months of this, my life feels so much more fulfilling. I feel a sense of like clarity and like, I feel

like I have traction in the fucking tire. The tires aren't the tires. What am I fucking saying? I'm getting somewhere in life because I picked something where before I try something new for a little bit and then I try another thing for a little bit and I never stuck with anything. And then I never got really great at anything and I never really had my thing, which is fine. Like, I think it's good to have a lot of interest in hobbies and whatever. There's nothing wrong with that. But I personally felt a sense of, um, I felt like a lost puppy.

Like, what am I going to do? You know, how, what, what am I going to get great at? Like, I don't want to just be average at like 15 things. I want to be great at like one or two things. You know, I want to be wifey and I want to be a podcast host. Those are my dreams. I want to be wifey and I want to be a podcast host. I guess mommy wifey. Dude, I don't know what's been hitting me lately or getting into me lately, but I'm just like, look, I like this is the shit you never expect in life where I don't know if they're intrusive thoughts, but I just start. I've been recently envisioning like family life and like marriage life and

like one I'm like oh wait I really want that like I could have it now and I'd be so fucking happy like it just started to it's like it's been creeping in my brain I'm like oh my gosh this is nuts this is fucking nuts maybe it's Jimmy because he's like having it's like having a kid so I feel like I'm a mom right now a little bit with him. I don't know. But yeah, back to what I was saying about picking something. Decisiveness feels good. Decisiveness feels good. Picking something and sticking with it feels good because you can, I think it's also because of the progress you make on it. And you never see that progress if you don't stick to anything. Like I would, like I said,

I'd get excited about something and I'd start it and then I'd make a little progress and then I'd stop doing it and then I feel like that's I also would have like regrets later on like oh I wish like for for example yoga I've told you guys that I started doing yoga back when I was like 18 randomly like once every three months you know like I wouldn't ever do it as like a it wasn't it was never a daily thing and then now I'm like whoa what if I stuck with it like what if I just committed to it when I was 18 imagine how much of a fucking little pretzel I'd be right now and how good at it I would be right now you know but I I think that's it's fine like I was bored of it I wasn't really that into it and then I finally discovered it's my

favorite exercise it's my favorite way to move my body so um anyways is that it for the themes oh another theme of the show I said I'm trying to bridge the gap between who I am online versus real life uh podcasting is my way of doing that yeah I mean I've said this so many times like pictures and little Instagram story posts are like data points they're just like little bleeps of me out there online but this podcast this one take stream of consciousness how he just bit my pinky toe jimmy that really freaking hurt i don't want to swear i know freaking is a cringy word to say but hey bud that really hurt uh yeah but this stream of consciousness this daily podcasting thing is like a it's connecting all those little data points

it's like connecting the dots and bridging that gap um between all those little points so another thing i've been thinking about this isn't necessarily a theme of the show just something I'm predicting is, like, I think we are going to reach a peak with the influencer stuff, with the people posting the best versions of themselves all the time, and, you know, the vacation pictures, and the fucking yacht pictures, and fancy cars, and private jet pictures, like, you know, the cliches out there, I'm not, I honestly don't have, like, a strong opinion about any of it, I just think it is what it is like people can do whatever they fucking want but I feel like that's gonna start I think it's gonna peak or we're peaking I think we're peaking now and then that's gonna

start to look ridiculous um this is just what I'm predicting like I think the future is gonna be or the future I want to see is like people in their fucking environment like in their homes just the rawness of it and if they're gonna post anything about themselves it's that it's like how you actually are how you are in a normal in the most normal way and you know I think when you go watch like I think that's why I like watching podcasts on YouTube because you literally just see people and t-shirts in their fucking house, like, sitting around a couch, you know, it's, like, chill, there's no, there's no impressing anyone, there's no filters, there's, it's just them, you know, and if we're all gonna keep up with each other's lives online and follow, follow people we like to listen to and

watch and hear from every day, we, you know, we, I feel like that makes sense, like, we, I would want, I want, I like it when my friends and the people I'm around are just, are casual and they're just fucking down to earth and normal like that they're not it's not like whenever joe rogan does an episode with someone he's like what would he do that would be like an influencer posting a fucking private jet pic during his podcast um like he interviews taiga and then he brings in um like what am i thinking he would do like i don't know like fucking cheetahs on chains for taiga and like make he makes his studio like a fucking music video set just for like the aesthetics because it's like oh this is taiga we got to be on theme for him

we got to like make this vibey you know it's not like no it's just two dudes talking it doesn't matter that he's taiga that's how i think we i think that's that i feel like that's the direction things should head in my brain that's just what i want but i feel like it's going to head that way because all of the uh airbrush shiny flashy perfect aesthetic stuff is starting to feel where i felt this forever and i think i've bitched about it enough so i won't it just isn't it doesn't resonate it doesn't feel it I don't when I look at it and I literally roll my eyes like that's how I feel whenever I see something that's like clearly opposed perfected well thought out picture for Instagram I just like it actually makes me

my eyes roll I'm like oh here we fucking go again here we fucking go again it's like everyone's trying too hard for no for what you know I think it's just I get it it's a hobby it's people's loves they like photography and they like you know whatever it's just I don't know I just want people to be more raw and just and just just fucking I don't know so dude I'm tired this is pillow talk I'm fucking tired how many times am I gonna say that um does that make sense though like you know everyone's putting their best foot forward right now but and I and I don't like I honestly though I don't love seeing these pictures of people like here are my rules like I look this way but I also have rules like I don't need to see that there I honestly don't

agree with the posting those fucking stupid posts like it just it's too bad that people are uncomfortable with their bodies and feel like they can't um fit in online with all the models but like hey that's life okay there's levels to this shit some people are fit some people are fat there's all levels in between but um if you don't like yourself if you don't like how you look because um there's better looking people online then like do something about it or just don't follow these people but i don't know i feel like there's a little a little bit it's like kind of cheesy all of these like posts out there people are like here are my stretch marks and my rolls when i turn sideways like you know i have them too it's like why are we doing this who cares

and i know i just said i want people to be raw and unedited and themselves but it's like i just think that's that's a bunch of unnecessary well to me um stupid shit like I'm, like, literally, I feel like people volunteer information that they think other people are thinking that, I don't want to get into a tangent, um, anyways, so, ah, late at night, shit, what else could I say about that, to sound, like, more kind, because I feel like I kind of bitched um do whatever you want honestly i i'm not i i say do whatever makes you happy that kind of content makes you happy like posting it you like looking at looking at it and following it more power to you but i'm not i'm anti-body positive i don't want to go into that but i'm

i also just think there's so much dumb shit out there's so many dumb like i'm like look it's okay to tell people i don't want to get into the fat shaming stuff either ah um what's another theme of the show oh big theme I always talk about is to follow yourself do what works for you stop looking to the internet for inspo and advice and answers on like how to literally be a human being and just like do your day like everyone's sharing their routines and their you know morning lemon water and their fucking meditation practice in their journal everyone's like sharing what they do and i feel like it's over time it happened to me it stripped me of my intuition it stripped me

of um i i didn't know what i even liked i was just copying what other people said they liked so my a big theme for the show is follow yourself follow your own story we live a lifestyle now where we quite literally keep up with other people's lives we watch their instagram story we always know what's going on in their life and shit we always know their latest updates it's like i'm just saying like check in with yourself like make sure you get clear and and make sure you identify what what you like and and and what your ideal daily routine is and what what works for you because um nobody's the same and i think a lot of people are just copying what other people are doing and i think that's why um personality is being washed down

and watered down oh jesus do i want to bitch about influencer culture yeah i will whatever i'm going to end it with this so you've got all of these influencers bloggers youtubers whatever um kind of reading from the same script it's out there it's been done i mean we've been at this for a decade and there's like a formula there's a script in place so it's it's not none of this is when someone becomes a youtuber or a beauty guru it's like not groundbreaking it's not unique it's not really interesting anymore and um i believe the voice people put on the stuff they say is a learned behavior that's unnatural it's not a natural way of talking it's like you saw Kylie Jenner because she's like the queen of it like showing her like new lip products

like hey guys today I'm gonna show you my new Kylie lip kit this color is called stormy like then you've got millions of influencers making saying that same voice doing the hey guys and you know it's like whatever i'm not there's not anything necessarily wrong with it i'm just saying that i think what's happened is a lot of people maybe i'm also talking from firsthand experience a little bit because i noticed myself doing this unnatural shit um i think when people start going down that influencer rabbit hole and doing those types of things online with products and and their content it starts to like strip away their personality and they in that like script they are using or reading from and that like way of being and the whole like even how you move your

body in your hands and you're just like you're posing everything it's like I don't know it's like, it's like a mask, it's like masking who you are, and I don't know, I just, I just think, like, it's not like you see, it's not like you see Kylie Jenner, like, rolling out of, like, okay, how do I explain this? It's not like she's, like, it's always a performance, I guess, with influencers, they're always, you know, and that's what, it fucking sells product, it moves product, it works, I'm not going to take that away from them. It works. So I say, whatever, keep doing it. I think just be aware that like, Hey, if you never had exposure to social media and influencers and beauty gurus and bloggers and blog and

YouTubers, would you talk like that? Or would you be like, Hey, what's up? So yeah, my grandma just got me this new Kylie lip kit and for Christmas. And, um, do you want to see what it looks like? It's super, I like, this is like so new. I've never seen any, there's never been like a matte lip gloss thing like this I mean back in the 90s we had all the shiny stuff and now you know like they would just be like saying it for what it is there would be like no hey guys you know I don't want to keep I literally beat this horse to death back in was it September or if Kylie was like yo what's up just got a new I don't know you guys get it like she'd just be like more like whatever and casual about it I guess my reason for saying any

this is my observation that um everyone sounds the same looks the same does the same thing everyone's copying each other and my theme the theme of the show that i try to carry through here is to follow yourself be yourself do what works for you um find your own voice find your write your own script like being like other people is fucking boring and i just i don't even think people have the self-awareness anymore to realize that that's that's happening to them or that's how they come across and i had that big ass kick in the face where my sister watched a youtube vlog of mine she's like you sounded fake as fuck go listen to my episode 200 it's uh episode 200 i posted my first podcast episode i sounded fake as fuck like just parts of it i think it's like 40

minutes long putting on like a little voice a little act it just it wasn't really me it wasn't like how i actually am when i'm let my hair down and be myself so i don't know i just think this world needs more uh fucking character and nuance and like i don't know personality and messiness and worn in this and not every everything is so aesthetic and like shiny and airbrushed and minimal and neutral and it's fucking annoying to me okay I'm just having this is honestly the end of the episode I okay this is we'll find out you'll find out if tomorrow well I don't know how you'd find out you won't find out but shit uh I'm trying to say that there's a chance I could delete this and then post a

different I could like wake up tomorrow fresh and re-record today's episode but I feel like you and I if you're still here which is a shock if you are um like actually especially this episode like I get like okay whatever um what did I just say this is just a throwaway episode kind of like whatever it's because I'm tired I just feel like I mumbled on and I'm yeah so okay just make this your bedtime story you won't even have to really pay attention to it this the sound level will be kind of calm and and calm and and quiet compared to my other ones so i don't know let this let this rock you to sleep bitch okay uh

maybe i said did i okay also like let me go back to what i said i'm not i'm not attached to saying anything profound or leaving you guys with something profound each episode but i actually feel like I did today. A couple of my nuggets of, or my themes of the show. Maybe that, maybe that helped you, helped you. Maybe that was worth it. So I hope it did. Cause if not, then just my, uh, just me being here and my, my, and me comforting your ears and your comfort, like warming your little hearts with my, the sound of my fucking voice. Like that's the best I can do as far as helping you goes today given it all I got I'm exhausting myself I'm squeezing all I have out um so yeah happy Thursday holy shit thanks for tuning in hit that subscribe button

hopefully Friday will be jazzier than this shit Jesus um and I'm not even gonna plug my Patreon because that's an embarrassment if I plugged it right now now fine patreon.com slash tjms that's my patreon it's my subscription service go check it out um anyways yeah I feel like dude don't it's just this is trash trash don't even fucking plug it whatever okay I love you guys a lot thanks for tuning in and I will talk to you tomorrow bye