The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 226- Sundaycast: Logan Paul hmu

Episode Date: April 20, 2021

Happy Sunday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS 

Hey guys, happy Sunday. It's episode 226. Welcome back to the show. good morning happy sunday welcome back to the show wait, could you hear this, I'm trying to open my sparkling water, it didn't make a noise, dang it, I'm pouring myself a little Sunday morning sparkling water, I put a liquid IV in my cup, because Jacqueline drank an IPA last night, okay, and I watched the fight alone on my couch, drank a fucking IPA, I know, I know how that sounds, I know how that sounds, let's all have a moment of silence for my social life, please, I need a straw, I need something to stir this, hold on, yeah, that's what I did last night, and I feel like shit a little bit, I woke up with that

little headachey, hungover-y feeling in my body, I had a kielbasa and a beer, that's what I did last night, I watched Jake Paul knock out Ben Askren, it wasn't even a knockout, was it, isn't it not, when he didn't, like, he got right up, right, I don't know, I don't understand boxing that much, but like, I did that last night, and what was it, like a minute 59, he did it in, it was sick, so yeah, that's what I'm doing, I'm preparing this, I'm not even like prepped for the podcast, I'm just like talking out of my ass, I had to like go get my straw, so yeah, I poured this for myself, I got mineral water, mineral sparkling water, and liquid IV as my podcast drink sitting here in a my Walmart t-shirt my bald eagle hold on I'm not really situated

we're just gonna hang out today I'm sitting here in my bald eagle double XL I think it was like $5.99 in the men's section of Walmart it's one of my favorite t-shirts to sleep in I'm wearing granny panties I low-key think they're hot though like you know what a full butt panty is kind of hot, it doesn't always need to be a thong, and that's what I'm wearing, and no pants, or no shoes, uh, hairs in a messy bun, and, uh, I have Vaseline and rosehip oil greased all over my face, because I'm not going anywhere today, and I, I skincare up on Sunday, I really do, okay, so, yeah, last night, watched the fight. Uh, it was quick, right? I'm not, I'm like trying to prep myself before I say this. Let me think about if I want to say this or if I want to save my health, save myself the

embarrassment. Okay. I'm just going to say it. I'm going to say it. Can't believe I'm saying this. I can't, I can't believe, can't believe I'm saying this publicly. Um, Logan Paul. Hit me up. I'm telling, I don't know. I don't know how else to say it. The man is hot. Something happened in the last three months. I watch impulsive every single, I've seen every episode I watch. I, I just, I like follow all of, all of his Maverick shit. I, you know, I, I pay attention to it. Right. But I don't, I don't, I just like, I don't even know how to explain it. He got hot. I feel like something happened. I was watching him like the way, I think what it is, honestly, here's here's when I when I really think about it I feel like we all we all we all watch him

be an obnoxious jackass for so long and he's really starting to just he seems so fucking normal now and just like a nice guy who really like cares about people and he cares about what he's doing a lot and he cares about his brother and his family he feel he's just like he's wholesome as fuck now and I feel like there's something about him recently that's I don't know if it's like a change but the way he walked up to Jake after the fight it was just like yep that's great I just like watching brothers do their brother brotherly shit I think but uh it was hot and I just had to say that because I'm a changed woman and that's kind of embarrassing because it's literally Logan Paul who would have thought but there we go there that's what my uh

little heart is thinking about right now or my little what I my crush I have a crush if someone asked me what my celebrity crush is i'm gonna be like logan paul i don't give a fuck um yeah it was just like i don't know he's just hot something about him recently uh the hairy this was wild his hair looks like shit i don't know what he's doing i know he's going into his training camp i don't know if he's gonna do some wacky shit with his hair for the fight but it's like super long and looks like it doesn't look great but it's just his energy now it's just like he's grown he's toned it down he's just like friendly and kind of just like bubbly

all the time and shit and he's not like putting on a show anymore and it's kind of not I just it's like swag you know swag Sunday morning with Jacqueline she wants to delete the episode this is a terrible representation of who I am and I just revealed some embarrassing uh truths about my love for Logan Paul and there you go all right so fucking I don't even know what to do today should I recap the fight as I saw it he did a one two right hook right is that what it was I don't know it happened quick that's all I know and I thought about I was like well that was actually I I feel like it's more worth the $50 I spent to see him knock him out quickly versus or for the

fight to end quickly versus it lasting eight rounds like anyways so yeah I don't really know what to say about the fight Justin Bieber performance or the Justin Bieber Bieber performance was great. God, I fucking love that song. What's it called? You are the only one I'll ever love. I should just look up his album for the name of the song because I can't remember it. Bieber. There's another example of a kid that's really just grown up, you know? Men really age like a fine wine, don't they? They get better, they mature, they grow up, and then that's when they get hot that's what happens that's what it is that's why there's some I feel like because what Logan Paul's what 26 now okay so we're in this we're like

side by side in age okay that's not a problem with with me uh why am I like why am I mapping this out of my brain as if something is gonna happen like hey my DMs are open but delete this episode fuck um I usually go for older a little bit like a few years but there's something that happens straight up with guys it's like 25 hits or something and they just get they just not all the time but I feel like they start just coming into their own in the best way I don't know and then here's what I don't want to get into my red my 30s red flags because there's some 30s boys that it never happened to that they're still acting 21 and that's really hard to watch it's kind of embarrassing like i kind of get embarrassed

like whenever i'm out at the clubs and shit and there's like the 38 year old like sugar daddy type of dude who's like wearing a gucci belt and like cardi bracelets and fucking wearing sunglasses in the club i don't even know how to explain it just super flashy it's like you're 30 what did I say 38 it's just like I don't know it's just not a good look it's not a good look it just it's kind of sad I'm just like god you know live your life I feel like low-key that's what every guy kind of wants to do he just wants to be a bachelor forever I was brainwashed excuse me I got brainwashed into believing that at one point by by a very uh manipulative person in my life he had me convinced that like every man wants to just fuck around until they die they

don't ever know a man wants to commit or settle down or have a family no man wants that he had me convinced right so anyways what I'm saying is like those live your life like if you want to do that fucking do it I don't have any like whatever but um I don't know for some reason it's like they don't seem like the man to me like the man is like the dude who might be I don't know he's just like whatever I don't want it why am I on that tangent so oh I was talking about Bieber men growing up a little LP for you I don't even know that's what he calls himself right or people call him LP should I update you on my dog like what are we gonna do today I got him these new salmon treats we're gonna walk around the neighborhood I'm gonna give him salmon treats

he's going to learn to heal once and for all. He's like 90% there, but I've been really working on getting him to heal next to me so he doesn't like pull on the leash. I say heal and he comes and sits next to me. It's great. But yeah, we're going to go play around with the salmon bites around the block. I don't need to go to Costco. I went there last Sunday. I did say that. I think last week I said I just want to go to Costco for the experience like I just want to go I don't even need to buy anything I just want to be seen I want to catwalk with my shop shopping cart through Costco I want to look hot um and feel hot I think go back to a week ago I explained it I explained I think the episode was called looking hot at Costco I explained the psychology behind that and

the um the reason for it anyways I think I might I don't need anything from Costco uh but I just kind of want to go I could do that I could go thrift shopping I could go to the fucking antique store I could go to the beach I'm not gonna do laundry today I don't have enough I've been seeing you know let's google let's google what's happening in Canada uh what's going on in Canada enter Jamie what's going on in Canada yeah I've been seeing all these tiktoks like uh of people in ontario they're like you guys need to go you you guys in america need to know what's going on in canada canada like they're so something's wrong and it's in ontario what's so ontario i think it's just locked down they're pissed about it

but it seems so dramatic oh fuck i think they have really high covid cases that would make sense But Ontario sees 4,447 new COVID cases. Holy shit. And ICU admissions up to 750 people. So they have an outbreak. There are 2,200 people with COVID in hospitals in Ontario. So... okay well i thought it was something more dramatic than this like

the government's doing some crazy shit there um locked down like the rules are crazy the lockdown rules are crazy uh and people are like protesting yeah like literally this guy in like niagara falls or some shit i don't even know where ontario is he's like we're gonna do a Morse code signal to the United States to save us like I didn't even like he made it sound so dramatic and he's like we're gonna do SOS SOS from Ontario I'm like what is happening in Canada and then I saw this like like 10 TikToks later it was like guys China is taking over Canada we're next it's like be aware I don't even know what's happening but I don't see any crazy news here other than they have a bunch of cases and they're locked down.

Oh, Ontario extends stay-at-home order. Okay, well, who cares? This is not even interesting. Let me drink my sparkling water. Why the fuck did I drink a beer last night? That's, I think I even said, so I podcasted, I did the Q&A yesterday and I said, you know tonight I spent 50 bucks on the fight I'm gonna lay around and watch it alone do nothing

I don't have any fancy drinks or like fun snacks or food or anything okay I fucking went to the gas I can't even say it I fucking went to the gas station and bought an IPA hey I went to the like I literally bought like a tall whatever you know those like big ones because I felt like I had like I literally was like I just spent fifty dollars I have I'm not like I don't I'm not like with people like drinking and watching this or doing anything fun I just like need something I don't have any alcohol I need to like drink something and watch this and I have a fucking little headache and hangover and I'm drinking a liquid IV so welcome to your 20s bitch all right it gets it gets it gets better I keep telling myself it gets

better. Ontario's lockdown. That's all we got to know. Um, we don't, there's not much more to report. Um, Oh, I kind of want to do this tomorrow. I don't know why I wanted to do an entire episode on my bucket list, but maybe I could do like a pre-podcast before the official one and brainstorm it and then tomorrow tomorrow I could that won't make sense yeah um should I read some bucket list items and then talk about them and like if I would do them or not is that interesting um patreon plug my patron I don't know what to talk about so I'm going to plug my patron patreon.com slash tjms if you want to support the show uh my patreon my patron patreon is a subscription service where you get access to my exclusive

content you get shouted out every friday you get a phone call with me monthly you get yes you get my phone number uh etc etc it's kind of like where all my fun shit i don't want to post on instagram lives and it's just a way to support the show because this is my passion this is my hobby I want to do this for the next 30 years I want to retire as a podcast host and I'm just getting started you know we're in year one and it would mean a lot if you supported me over on patreon.com slash tjms and now back to the show like I don't do ads but there you go I don't know what to talk about so I did I plug my patreon um I could go on amazon do I need to shop I usually do like a I don't know what this is but

one of my favorite things to do is when I'm drinking my morning coffee, like that moment of quiet time, that moment of like, I'm starting to wake up, I'm drinking my coffee. I'm just zoning out and looking out at the window or whatever. Um, what am I, what am I fucking saying? I like to drink coffee and scroll Amazon bright, like first thing in the morning. I think it's Amazon gets my wheels turning. I get so excited. I just like to put shit on my list. I don't even buy anything. I just add to my list. I'm a fucking dude. That is all Pinterest is Pinterest is like, or Amazon lists. It's like for hoarders. We're just hoarding shit on the internet. All these like boards you create all these lists. It's just hoarding. Yeah. I don't

need to buy anything. I feel like I'm, I don't need groceries. I don't need to go to Costco today. I don't need to go on Amazon. Um, like what are some things I've told you guys I want to buy but I haven't pulled the trigger on oh a Roomba a vacuum like a handheld vacuum because I use my goddamn dust buster my little handheld dust buster I go around my entire apartment and I like bend over like I'm literally like a 90 degree angle with my dust buster walking around my apartment cleaning up Jimmy's hair I just need a Roomba and a hand like I need a vacuum thing with like a stick vacuum where it's got a long neck on it so I can stand upright Jesus Christ so yeah those are a couple things I haven't bought and I haven't pulled the trigger on

let me just go to my list um like what have I been marinating over yeah those things let me go to my big oh no my home list I kind of want to get I know it's gonna get hotter in San Diego breathe bitch uh it's gonna get hotter in san diego obviously because we're approaching summer um so i don't think i need this but i've been debating getting a a heater so when i do yoga it's like hot yoga because i have my humidifier but i feel like the heater would take it to the next level the humidifier took it to the and the next level and then the heater will take it to the next next level versus not having either of them and just doing yoga in a room temperature room okay oh this is fucking embarrassing the first thing I have on my home Amazon list

I feel so ashamed about this like when I put this on the list I thought I thought about it for a long time I sat and I sat and sat and stared at it and I've never felt more disgusted by myself than to then adding this to this because I'm not retired I am sophisticated I got my shit together I value being I value I value being like I have sophistication in my blood still and I'm like not dying and I'm not like bedridden and I'm not I'm able-bodied and I own a table I own a table that's all I should have said I didn't need to include any other any of that other shit bitch bitch owns a table the she owns a table so um what tell me why so I put a I put a fucking tv tray on my list here

yeah so I like to eat my dinner on the couch okay I like to eat my dinner on the couch I like to queue up a Netflix show or YouTube channel show YouTube podcast something on YouTube as I'm cooking I'm queuing it up and I park my ass like there's something about that I can't you know when people are like eat mindfully and don't be distracted I'm like I need to be distracted while I eat I I live alone I watch tv and I eat at the same time I don't just sit there in silence I do like during the day I do that when I work I just like eat lunch at my I'm like on my email or whatever the fuck I'm like doing my shit while I'm eating so that's usually my daytime but at nighttime parking my ass down with my bowl of food because y'all know I don't I don't use fucking

plates. We've been over that. Plates are out. I don't own plates. Bowls only. And I'm parking down there with my bowl and I'm watching TV. Period. So yeah, I want a TV tray. And this one's $35.12. It's on sale. And I don't need it. But I want it. And I feel like it'll look really tacky. It's called the Table Mate 2 Folding TV Tray and Cup Holder. Oh, fuck. It has a cup holder for my goddamn course I just need a I just need a hungry man tv dinner and a goddamn course and I need the fucking bull riding show on tv and I'll be set like that's why I get depressed about it because there's some I think there's a movie from the past yeah there's a movie from the past I I don't remember what it's called honestly fucking Matilda yes Matilda living living room scene

enter they're eating tv dinners and they're at the fucking they have tv trays I'm not crazy and it makes me depressed because that family made it just makes me feel like I'm back in the 70s things are shitty everything's like junk food and tv dinner food and like jello molds and everything's like shitty and not I don't even know how to explain it it just like rubs and everything smells like this this room definitely smelled like cigarettes so if I have a tv tray it'll just put me in a depressing place and it'll just make me it'll make me depressed about myself so I can't do it dude I just unlocked that in my brain immediately you know when you just know shit i just knew shit i just knew that shit tv dinner the tv tray and matilda

is the reason why i don't want a tv tray because that whole situation they lived in it made me angry as i watched it for matilda i felt so bad for her she didn't live with that fucking family that treated her like shit and then just the environment she existed in and that like old ass living room. I can't. So we're going to remove that from the list and I'm going to sit my ass at my table instead of my couch, because it's just like the holding the bowl in my hand instead of like having a TV tray. So I could like park up and I need a flat surface to eat off of. I can't, I can't keep eating with my dude. I'm probably getting some catty wampus collarbones from holding my bowl in my left hand and like eating out of my right hand.

it's like weighing down my left shoulder at this point and I'm always looking at the tv in the same position always like I gotta change it up I gotta change it up I don't know what I'm gonna do I think I'm gonna start eating at the table this is a weird episode um whatever so oh was I reading I don't even know how did I get here how did I get here I have to I have to look at all my tabs um we were talking about canada i talked about matilda let me okay oh my god this is a google search i had up yesterday what are tonsils oh i was on amazon she always remembers she always comes back home i was trying to find stuff that you guys but i've told you guys i want to buy and i haven't yet

I didn't get the fucking muffin tins yet they're four dollars I still won't buy them I think I did an episode where I went over my Amazon I like bought shit on Amazon I never bought it I just put it in my cart for fun I just don't like buying things if I don't need it and there's that goddamn Roomba the iRobot Roomba um yeah I didn't get the muffin tins it's three doll it's $3.99 I won't buy it still am I aging I don't think I need to continue this episode it's Sunday I should take it I should make it short and sweet let's be let's be uh um let's be uh let's be disciplined Jacqueline let's go over our daily itinerary. It's Sunday. Let's not have a blase fucking low energy day because

I think it's easy to just kind of feel like hung, hungover, hung, same thing. It's easy to feel hung and just like ride that hungover, hung, ride that hungness all day. But when I'm hung and I ride that hungness all day. I feel like shit about myself. So I really need to regroup, come back to my senses, look at the horizon ahead and get my shit together right now with you guys. So it's Sunday. Let's go over it. Uh, we're not going to the laundry mat. I think I already said that because I don't have enough laundry. So that's not happening. Um, we're going to hydrate. we're going to wash my hair shave I got a new speaking of Amazon I got a new dry brush I'm going to dry brush I'm going to yeah do my self-care Sunday shower situation you all know

I put that almond oil all over my body we're going to be doing that we're going to be shaving everything we're going to be washing our hair we're going to be face masking with I use the uh ordinary what's that called it's like glycolic glycolic peel colic colic um ups is here on a sunday is that a sector is on a sex trafficking truck jesus the internet has me convinced that like everything we see is a sack all of these places are sex trafficking centers all these vans are sex trafficking vans and there's 13 pregnant women inside and they're shuffling them around the city it's just like i swear to god tiktok has this insane side of it that's like it can be like mattress firm is that what's called mattress outlet sex trafficking fucking

everything is see i'm a little suspicious i don't know because it's sunday are they uh celebrating the Lord or are they supposed to? I don't know if UPS delivers on Sunday. I'm suspicious. Here's a fun story. I, uh, last night was Saturday. People are out. I don't know why I made that sound weird. There was a person puking. I don't know if it was in an apartment around me out on the street. I couldn't figure it out. It was coming from somewhere. They puked from like 1 a.m 1 a.m to like 4 35 a.m i was looking at my clock every time it woke me the fuck up it sounded honestly i'm ashamed of myself for not like flying my ass outside to help the person like it sounded so rough and it sounded like they were dying like it was a it sounded

like a death scream but like puking at the same time you know what i mean like they're shit they're fucking puking their brains out probably from drinking that's what i figured because it was Saturday and uh yeah I'm kind of ashamed of myself I didn't go out there to help them no one did like no one really I didn't even know where they were at I feel like they were just in a bathroom in an apartment around me I couldn't like figure out what was coming from but um I'm talking really fucking fast um so yeah there's a story oh I was talking about what I'm gonna do today let's regroup so once I end recording upload oh I talked about my shower shit I'm