The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 228- Life Change

Episode Date: April 23, 2021

Happy Tuesday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS 

Hey guys, happy Tuesday. It's episode 228. Welcome back to the show. hi so i had a life change a little curveball come my way this week. So, which I'm going to remain. I'm going to keep a mystery. I'm not going to tell you what it is just for fun. I tell you guys everything because I podcast seven days a week. You know what I mean? So this is the one thing I'm going to be like, you're not going to find out. You're not going to know. I'm not going to tell the story. Sounds more dramatic than it is, but that's what I'm going to do to you just for fun. Dream on, think it up, stalk me, go listen to old episodes, try to piece together what it could be.

anyways the life change has delayed this podcast until Thursday just know this represents this podcast number 220 what am I on 228 represents Tuesday 420 2021 I'm recording Thursday these are details no one gives a fuck about but I feel like as a seven days a week podcast host I can't lie to you I can't sit here on Thursday and pretend it's Tuesday you know what I mean so There's a real life behind the scenes. What it's like to be a podcast host. Intro. Keeping it real with you guys. I mean, I could pretend it's 420. I could tell you what I did on Tuesday. I mean, look, it was 420. My apartment, the apartments around me were going off, having parties. It stunk like weed all day. I don't love that smell at all. I actually kind of hate it. uh Derek went to prison that was Tuesday so Derek's going to prison guilty on three counts uh it was 420 you know people were doing their weed smoking um I mean like I could tell the story I could like throw it back and tell you guys the story when I first got high but I just feel

like like lately I'm really trying to class up my brand I feel like I've spent so many months as a podcast host now going off being tacky just really like cussing all the time telling you all my drug experiences all my like crazy ass stories of my life and I'm just like it's time to like level up have some class have some fucking decorum that's my favorite word right now decorum and keep it keep some shit to myself and like you guys can go back to the beginning and like last September when I would, when I would go off and tell all those stories to like hear, hear it for yourself because I'm not doing it today. Okay. There's an example of like what Jacqueline class, what was that voice? What was that noise? Classiness? Come on, Jesus. Okay.

So yeah, it's Thursday. Let's do a Buzzfeed quiz. I honestly am, you're probably like, well, what about Wednesday's episode? So this is going to be Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, you tonight. That's going to be, I'm doing a podcast marathon. I'm doing three episodes in a row. So here we go. Buzzfeed quiz to be a little, uh, slacker and cop out and not put effort into this episode. Uh, because I don't have that much energy to come up with shit off the top of my head. I have some people I'll say this though. I do have some landscapers. I could, I could do a little, uh, people watching segment on right now. Got some landscapers with a garbage can they're picking up oh did they cut down a palm tree god damn it is that the one that bent

no oh oh I'm pissed one of my one of the palm trees in front of my my place is uh is down now they cut it today I didn't even notice that that's how uh that's how much of a lifestyle change that's how much of a life change I've had I didn't even noticed they removed the palm tree. You're probably like, are you, did you go blind? Are you, you know, like what? Anyways. Yeah. They're, they're doing some landscaping. It's kind of like it's, it's been gloomy for two days here in San Diego and I'm just kind of over it. I have my sister coming this weekend and all I want to do is like go to the beach with her and like be in the sun and shit. And it's going to be like 62 the whole weekend and clouds.

anyways let's do a buzzfeed quiz I have none of them queued up I'll try to make this fun I know I'm I'm kind of uh what's it called what did I say I'm I'm being a slacker I'm not putting a lot of effort here because I'm doing I'm doing a buzzfeed quiz but you know what I have fun with these I can make it fun I can tell stories along the way I can get I can get fun with it and then uh you guys can like take the quiz with me as we do it. Tell us your Starbucks order and we'll tell you what mean girls click you belong to. No, thanks. Um, uh, you guessed my favorite color. These are kind of stupid. I wish I didn't queue this up. I just clicked on the, the list here of quizzes, plan a wedding menu with only food court foods

it won't reveal your exact wedding date. Dude, this is, this is where I get super immature and superstitious. Like sometimes when I read stuff like this and I go, Oh, that's stupid. Or, Oh, I shouldn't do that. I have this compulsive, like OCD thing where I have to do it. And then I have to write that date down. And then, cause I'm like, Oh, what if it actually happens? Like, cause my brain's like, well, you'll do the quiz. You'll find out the date. And what if it actually happens and then you can go i did i did a buzzfeed was in 2021 that i was gonna get married on blah blah day and shit here i am i don't know what's outside in the harbor it's not a tugboat yeah i'm people watching i got landscapers in a goddamn tugboat

and traffic on the five what else is happening outside here got airplanes all over oh two military helicopters going by um anyways dude Syria and Israel wait did you guys see that am I is that should I not say this did you guys see the news never mind um just go look it up was it Syria and Israel I think it was on the Jerusalem Post I'm not even doing the quiz jerlews drew the jerusalem post our news doesn't post anything that's happening over there anymore so like we have to go on these random yeah there was a syrian missile lands they tried to syria try to land a fucking uh missile on a nuclear reactor plant or some shit in uh jerusalem or in israel what's the difference i don't know is that egypt

guys I've had a life change my brain isn't working properly I'm gonna be so annoying about that here we let me just read it uh where's Demona what city is that yeah there's some crazy videos from Twitter but like it's blocked like you can't even see this shit if you search it it's only on these random news websites from overseas okay um yeah it was jerusalem i knew that syrian missile explodes near jerusalem you want to hear it you want to hear it it's kind of loud uh no i don't think the thing will work why am i not doing the quiz guys this is add this is adhd i was looking at getting these um

let me go on amazon tell you about them they're called focused by freddie vitamins or something focused by freddie and they're like they get people off of adderall it's like it's like alpha brain it's like on it alpha brain it's like one of those stimulant things stimulant things it's not adderall that like has similar effects but i think i need it like i just took you from high life change landscapers the palm trees down I got a tugboat. I got a Syrian missile hitting Jerusalem. And now I'm talking about supplements on Amazon that I need to take. Oh, and also we were going to do a quiz about when I'm going to get married. So good luck following this episode. That's all I have to say. I don't know what's

happening. Actually, I do. I had a life change. Yeah, it's called Focused by Freddie. It's like an all-natural supplement that i've i've seen reviews about this and people are like yeah it's it gives it seems like it does the same shit to me as adderall does except i'm not taking adderall anymore i'm taking this it's 50 bucks okay i trust like anything any supplement that's like 50 60 50 to 100 150 i trust that shit i'm like it's expensive for a reason it's because it works um but anyways yeah i've taken alpha brain before the the capsules and um i don't know so focused by freddie is an all-natural daily supplement designed to help women feel sharp oh it's designed to help women specifically feel sharp and collected through those long work days

so cool um designed to promote focus memory energy mental clarity stress reduction it's got ashwagandha sit sit a clean side a clean side a clean i don't know these words bakopa monner yari lion's mane we like that lion's mane i do know about that l-theanine natural caffeine from green coffee beans all right oh god damn it class it up jacqueline this is where the wheels have gone off the fucking wagon this is what happens. I have a vision at the beginning. I'm like, I'm going to keep it classy. I'm not going to be, you know, like gross. I'm not gonna like do this. What would I just do? I burped and swear like, and here we are. It's cause I'm leaning back too much. I get too comfortable. My neighbor

kind of looks like a witch. She just got a witch. She just got out of her Honda CRV and she looks like a movie character and I can't put my finger on it, but it's that, it's that silver her hair and I think it's her nose like you know how witches have that kind of nose she's probably Italian she's like a cute Italian grandma she's really cute I don't she looks beautiful she's a beautiful old woman but she gives me like witch vibes because of how she like moves and how she's like never I don't know how to explain it she's like barely outside I don't know anyways okay and she's sweet no no no the thing is is she always sweeps she always has a she's like an old school broom like a witch broom which always sweeps her porch you know what I mean so it's

like the whole aesthetic is giving me witch anyways so yeah there's a supplement here that might help me with my um just getting sidetracked constantly but I feel pressure I'll say this let me but before I do the quiz and find out my fucking wedding date uh pot so podcasting makes me or like forces me to find shit, come up with shit to say without stopping the whole time because I'm the only person talking here. So I think because of that, because I know that in the back of my mind, I'm like people like, I can't just let dead air happen for a two minute period of time before I think of the next topic. Um, cause I don't, I don't edit this. Um, I feel like it causes me to just come up with random shit to say the whole time. And like, I don't,

I don't know. Whatever. Focus by Freddie. Get yours today. All right. Where's BuzzFeed? There's my tab. I always have like 90, 90, 92 tabs open. And then I use Safari and Chrome and I use Safari for work and I use Chrome for fun. Does anyone use two browsers? I don't know why I do that. Okay. So we're going to plan a wedding menu with only food court foods and they're going to reveal my exact wedding date. I'm going to bust through this because I have two more podcasts to record tonight. I should just make this one. It should be like, I should just title it like 228, 229, 230 and fuck with everyone. I don't know. Like I really didn't premeditate my, my, my decision about podcasting 70s a week back in, what was that? September, 2020. Yeah. I just thought I

literally, this is what I did. I had one thought. I remember it very well. I had one thought come in my head that said, Jacqueline, do a daily podcast, do it every day. And then I grabbed that thought and I like, I'm taking it to my fucking grave. I'm like, that's it. I stopped. I'm just like, I couldn't unsee it, un-listen to it, whatever. Like I grabbed it by the balls and here I am 230 episodes later or whatever. So it's weird how I didn't, I didn't premeditate it. I didn't think about it. I didn't plan like how I'm going to do it. I just kind of said, fuck it. I'm going to do it. And then I did it. I just get up every day and I do it except for the last two days, because I had a life change, okay, uh, pick an appetizer, Jesus, I, I hate this episode,

anyways, um, pick an appetizer, is this for my wedding, oh, we're gonna go white trash all the way, top to bottom here, whatever the options are, we're going full white trash, so we got an Annie Ann's, Auntie Ann's. This is all mall food court food, by the way. We got a soft pretzel from Annie Ann's, a corn dog from Hot Dog on a Stick, which is a place I did not know about. An onion ring, onion rings from Dairy Queen. I used to fucking make those when I worked there. And vegetable spring rolls from Panda Express. We got to go white trash. we're going hot dog on a stick bitch we're going that we're doing that corn dog that's an easy appetizer just your whole everyone that's like walking around with a fucking corn dog

dressed up that's hot I like that everyone's gonna have a corn dog dude why not do a white trashed food themed a white trash a white trash food theme for your wedding is that what I'm trying to say here yeah but you can make it gourmet but it would look white trash I don't know anyways pick another appetizer oh fuck we got this is fun why do I do these quizzes I really quizzes why do I I feel like I have it in me it's starting to it's starting to occur to me as I'm talking that I do have it in me I feel like it's I yeah I have it in me to like riff to come up with shit off the top of my head because I'm like I don't want to have to list off food court items and then like pick one and I'm just like listing food. Let me try to tell

as many stories as possible. And that's, that'll be the episode. Okay. We're going to talk about food and I'm going to make it fun. I can tell you about, here we go. A Belgium waffle from Jamba Juice. Didn't know they had those, but I can tell you the first time I had a Belgium waffle was when i drove from spain to france it was like an 11 hour ride and uh i remember these waffles had crystals in them or they had crystal meth in them i don't know what was inside it they had fucking sugar crystals in them and i never had that before and we got them at a gas station on the way and uh yeah a belgian waffle is that what those are aren't they called liege waffles L-I-E-G, liege waffles. Yeah, they have sugar in them.

Yeah, the liege one is thicker and contains little clumps of sugar, whereas regular Belgium waffles are just like plain. Okay, so then that's not what the picture was. But there's a story. Jacqueline Jacqueline's first Belgium waffle was on a road trip in Spain all right what's the next option that's not white trash enough spinach stromboli from Sparrow Sparrow spinach spinach stromboli spinach I can't I can't do this guys it's all like I I'm throwing in the towel I don't think I can do this this quiz let's figure out my wedding date let me pick this fast I'm gonna just I'm gonna buzz through I'm not gonna say all the options I'm just gonna pick we're gonna go cheese and bacon fries from Charlie's Philly Steaks because that's white that's the most

white trash option option uh choose an entree we're going what's white trash here like cheeseburger oh yeah we got to go the girl burger from fucking Dairy Queen yeah pick another entree uh another Dairy Queen item we got to go that we got to go the fried chicken basket okay now pick a side um fucking definitely not that grilled chicken salad from Subway we're doing we're doing french fries I mean we are we already had fries with our chicken and our hamburger we gotta do breadsticks that's too fancy for white trash yeah breadsticks could be white trash right oh you know what we're gonna do instead of these breadsticks we're

gonna do my i gotta tell stories we're gonna do my aunt's buns and uh they're uh hawaiian rolls that she puts cheese and butter on and garlic i think and she bakes it and it's like it's it's one of you know how they you know when you go on pinterest it's like christmas christmas crack or like crack this crack that like they have all these recipes with the word crack in them because it's like that it's like you eat one and you're like this is so fucking good it's stupid those are those uh cheese i think we call them cheese buns that my aunt makes is what we're having so i'm gonna go breadsticks but we're actually having my aunt's buns um they probably take two seconds to make they just like I don't know what is with Hawaiian rolls Hawaiian rolls

are so good I have them once a year uh well if my aunt anytime I go to a family party and she brings them that's when I have them but for the most part I have them once a year the day after Thanksgiving when we make leftover turkey sandwiches so it's an occasional thing I feel like you know what should I just make avocado toast with Hawaiian rolls that would not taste good but they're like too sweet I'm like what do I eat that's bread that I could substitute for a Hawaiian roll avocado like literally the only bread item I really eat is a is avocado toast so anyways um what's my apple watch doing oh my mom liked my mom liked a picture of my dog I sent her what is she saying okay now we got to choose a drink um hi Jim I know I've been

neglecting you because I had a life change and he's been really depressed so it's tough when I go through when I when something new happens in your life it's tough to be like a like I've had my puppy by my side 24 seven, except for this week. Um, like my attention towards him is insane because I ha I work from home, you know? So he's kind of hating me right now because this week's been rough. Um, but anyways, he's looking like a dog now. He's not even a puppy. He looks like a dog. Yeah. And he's still biting me because he's still teething. Okay. We have to pick a drink. um ow

Jim hold on bud we'll do a five minute break before I do the next episode and then I'll pet you for five minutes okay dude

hold on let me get his llama get your llama get him yeah he destroyed his llama his llama's already losing it's uh

his stuffing okay we gotta choose a drink we're going we're just going diet coke we're going diet coke at my wedding finally lastly pick a dessert thank god this is almost over should I tell stories about diet coke I had a diet coke addiction and I had an addiction to

coke zero excuse me not diet coke because it tastes better uh in college me and my friend had like physical withdrawal withdrawals when we stopped drinking it we were like we need like it would happen once a day I'd be like I need a coke zero and I would like get one and then I'd be like holy shit this is so like I don't know it was like a replacement for coffee I drank so much of it I was like zero calories it's better for you and it's like fucking chemicals and shit I don't give a fuck honestly I still drink diet coke sometimes it's great um I drink no if I drink soda I drink that Zevia Zevia whatever it's all it's all it's all honestly bullshit it's probably not any better I don't know uh lastly pick a dessert oh my god chocolate chip cookies from

subway a sundae from Dairy Queen yeah there's something kind of uh depressing about a sundae from Dairy Queen it's kind of like it's not it it makes me sad I used to serve these to people back in uh was it 09 when was I 14 15 I think 09 wait a minute no what the fuck how old was I anyways back in the day back in the day when I worked there like when people would order a banana split or a sundae I'm just like oh god they're they're dairy I don't know I don't know why it depressed me it just uh it just did because like the blizzards we would make were like it just seemed like what she should get a Dairy Queen and then people would it's almost like an old person sitting alone with a strawberry

sundae like a tiny one so we're gonna do that because it's depressing and then I just think of like I don't know it's like part of me okay the date I'm getting married oh fuck yeah we're doing it. Oh, here we go. Uh, December 15th, 2030. Okay. We're having a, a winter wed. So you'll be getting married in 2030. Imagine a cozy wedding in December with your loved ones. It'll be a day to remember. Holy shit. That's a nine years. So I'll be mid thirties, early 30s that's not too bad it's not ideal I think every woman's like yeah by 30 I'll get married at 30 and like at 30 like I just imagine I'll be yeah married like I'll have I'll be married at 30 that's literally in like

30 days no it's not I'm not that I'm not that close to 30 um let's face it I'm 21 once you're 21 you're 21 for your entire 20s that's how I feel sometimes I'm like what I feel like I blacked out or like how did I don't know I just I just like I look back at time and it's like whoa boom now I'm 26 I just said my age it's not very classy to say your age is it classy to say your age I say it all the time I'm 26 but I feel like because of COVID