The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 252- Friday Night Pillow Talk :P

Episode Date: May 16, 2021

Happy Friday!! :P Patreon.com/TJMS 

What's up, guys? Happy Friday. It's episode 252. Welcome back to the show. okay hi i know you're listening and i want this to be worth your time So, I'm going to start the episode off by saying this is a bedtime podcast. This is a relaxation podcast. This is a calm podcast. I'm on the verge of sleeping. I'm so tired. So, the energy is not going to be here today.

I'm not going to get wound up. That's going to be the style today. so if that's not for you, if you want to be amped up, go listen to like Wednesday's episode or like earlier episodes from the week. I, it's Friday. I'm done. Um, what's it, what's going on with Friday being, I feel like I'm more drained on a, well, that makes sense. You work all week, you're drained on Friday. I feel like, you know, people complain about Monday. I'm dude at 3 PM. I'm out I want to go to bed like on a Friday it's really bad it depends how hard I work during the week but anyways the point is she's tired I'm gonna I'm gonna oh my god I'm gonna

entertain you though with 72 things on a list literally 72 things on a list that you need to know it's kind of mindless kind of brainless I can do it I can read them because I'm tired and I haven't even seen the list yet so I'm excited because we're going to both find out together this anyways I don't even know what I'm saying I was dude did I even did I even intro the podcast okay hi this is Jacqueline welcome back to my show I do a daily podcast about my life and about whatever it's an audio diary instead of journaling like people do where they write out their thoughts in the morning like the the morning page thing instead of doing that I talk it out on a microphone and it's kind of like a it's kind of like what youtubers do with

daily vlogging except it's audio and it's a podcast so I'm here seven days a week and if you want to hang out with me if you need someone to hang out with and chill with hit that subscribe button I'll be there for you okay um I haven't done the spiel like that in a while you know it's what's wild though and I had this thought and I remembered right I wanted to remember to say this on today's episode what's wild is that I consciously was like I'm tired so here's the thing I could podcast bright and early when I'm caffeinated I could do it any time of the day it just so happens that it's like 6 p.m. you know it's kind of, I'm in a slump, I'm tired, but, um, so I know that you're probably like, why would

you podcast if you're tired? Like, why don't, why don't, why don't you record this at a different time? It just, it varies. And I feel like you guys get every kind of version of me because of that. But I wanted to tell you guys today that I know, like, while I feel like I'm ready to go, just lay on the couch and go to bed. Um, cause I sleep on my couch. That's where I, I don't sleep in a bed. I sleep, I sleep on my fucking love seat to part. It's not, it's not even, dude, I haven't replaced the couch yet. If you're a regular listener, that is a, it's a joke. I haven't found the couch yet. I'm still rocking the two seater. Uh, if you're over six foot, you can't lay flat. It's embarrassing. I have to pull up my Ottoman. If I have people over,

which I haven't had, I don't want to tell you guys about my dating life or anything, but it's, um, I've had some situations in the past, not in this apartment where I'm like, I'm embarrassed that my couch is so small. Like I fit, but a big person can't fit on there. Two people can't really fit on there comfortably. So anyways, um, I'm still not telling you what I wanted to tell you. Shit. I had a thought and I, and I was like, wow, this is really cool. Like this really must mean I actually found my passion and then I actually am doing what I'm supposed to be doing because I was so tired and I sat down I put my headset on and I'm like I can't I'm excited I'm I'm excited to do this like I'm looking forward to podcasting while I'm tired I'm looking

like I was like I had that thought like I know this is going to be tough but I'm excited about it because I know that whenever I'm done with an episode I feel like I'm a better person or I just like feel good and I I don't know I'm not trying to make anything perfect anymore and it's like a little checkpoint or like a little like I checked the box of like oh I podcasted when I was an absolute zombie and I still did it and I posted it anyways okay so here we go without further ado here's a list of 72 pieces of totally useless information why not why not do this on a Friday at 6 p.m. why not I'm drinking a today's crystal geyser sparkling water is the mixed berry flavor it's not my favorite but I'm rationing off or I'm trying to preserve my lime ones so I'm drinking

my I'm drinking the other flavors um anyways who cares so yeah I'm hoping this kind of keeps me perked up the bubbles always lift up my spirits and wake me up a little bit how was your week how was your week um dude I kind of want to say something though before I don't know I just had a thought about a TikTok I just saw anyways I hope you had a great week but I gotta say this because I I'll forget to say it or talk about it I was on TikTok and you know when people talk about the concept that time is an illusion it doesn't exist you're always in the present like right now there isn't a like the past and the future like don't actually exist it's all your perception and it's all in

your, it's like all, yeah, it's all in your head. Anyways, I watched this TikTok and I got so, it was one of those things where I've heard it so many times, but this particular video made it click. And I was like, oh my God, I was like in my, I felt for the first time, this is so wild that like a TikTok, a stupid little TikTok can do this. But for the first time I felt like this body like think put yourself in this situation right now like check in with like think right now about this this body I'm in this is gonna sound dumb because it's like hard to it's honestly kind of hard to describe without sounding insane but like when you're a baby and you're three and you're you know in your crib and you're seeing through your

eyeballs and you're looking at the ceiling like that you've always just been in the present in your body how do I fucking explain this there isn't like it's trippy because I've just moved positions and I've grown our bodies like our bodies have grown and moved in different positions around the world but your eyes only ever see now I don't know anyways I need to like probably re-watch that and like put in write some notes about that or like understand a little bit better I don't know if that made anyone go whoa but yeah it really for the first time it like clicked when the guy explained it I was like holy shit everything is just now all the time I don't know So let's just do this list and have fun.

Number one, first piece of useless information. Yes, I'm going to read 72. I got stamina, bitch. I got, I know I'm tired, but the fun thing about doing a podcast or the positive, the great thing about doing a podcast, I sound like a salesperson. When I used to work a sales job, the great thing about this ex-company is they always say like the great thing about blah blah blah fuck um podcasting is easy as fuck you literally this is pillow talk oh my god I said in the beginning this is a bedtime story episode this

is a chill episode yeah this is pillow pillow talk you know when you're laying with your person and you um you're in bed and you're just like tired as fuck but you're mumbling talking having a sleepy conversation like that's what this is okay so we're gonna have fun uh coca-cola was originally green. I didn't know that. Coca-Cola, the red can Coca-Cola, or black if you're like me, you like the Coke Zero. I guess they also have Diet Coke, which is silver, right? Dude, they've got a lot of colors happening. Red is their main color. Wow, it was originally green. I didn't know that. Did you know that? What does that look like? See, now here's what's gonna happen oh shit I don't know if this is a good idea I'm gonna I'm gonna read stuff and get

curious and then I'm gonna google images and stuff coca cola green but the logo was different or oh my gosh I've seen they did like a oh yeah they used to um I don't know if they do it anymore they used to make the throwback cans or they they like re-released the throwback um like vintage cans okay cool next one number two on the list every day more money is printed for monopoly than the than for the u.s treasury whoa okay three smartest dogs are uh the border collie the poodle why did i say that word the poodle the poodle maybe I should do my sweet voice for this episode should I snap into my sweet voice fuck um it takes a little more effort why you know what's weird to think about

does anyone if you're a girl listening I don't know I don't know if um anyone notices this or am I a fake bitch like why does when someone you like or like if you're hanging out with a guy Why does your voice get a little bit more like cute and like sweet and like, like, you know, like a little more high pitched and like, what is, I feel like it, like they bring that out of you. Is it the whole masculine energy thing? They're like, they're like, you're in your feminine energy and they're in their masculine energy and they're like pulling your feminine energy out of you when you're with them.

I feel like that's what it is because when I'm just like alone hanging out with myself I just I'm like kind of monotone and just like anyways is that does that mean I'm not being authentic though I feel like they know because I get like smiley I feel like like a boy can make you feel giddy and happy and you get more like um it's like the energy behind your voice changes anyways I don't know why I'm talking about this. Smartest dogs are Border Collies, Poodles, and of course, Golden Retrievers. Shout out Jimmy. He's six months old tomorrow. It's his birthday on the 15th every month. Can't believe it. Dumbest dog is an Afghan. Number four, dumbest dog is an Afghan. I don't

think I've ever heard of those dogs, Afghans. Number five on the list, the Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters. I did not know that. Six, men can read smaller print than women. Women can hear better. Interesting. I'm sure there's a lot of like research and shit behind some of these like studies I could look up or whatever, but that's interesting about hearing. Oh my gosh I have a story speaking of hearing last night they did a week ago my power went out the whole neighborhood like a couple thousand people lost power something exploded underground and anyways it was out like all night well last night they did an intentional outage or like they shut it down to work on something and I think it was at like around 10 p.m. and I forgot like

my landlord texted us and she said like oh at this time this is gonna happen just a reminder and I totally forgot so at 10 p.m I'm on TikTok of course I am I'm on TikTok uh probably learning about being present and being in the now living in the now and it went completely silent like you're it got it was creepy because every I had some lights on it like my lamp in my living room on and my kitchen and my bedroom i had my little like um nightlight shit on and everything went out at the same time and it was so creepy like i i didn't like it i was like if this felt it felt apocalyptic it felt like oh my god this is what it would be like if we did like their power wasn't a thing and they just shut everyone off

And it was pitch black. I don't know. So anyway, speaking of women being able to hear better than men, not like that was hard for men to hear, but I just thought I'd tell that story. Seven, chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where they grew up is 201 in two. so two people out of 200 will move further than 50 miles away from where they grew up I definitely did and I actually got voted in high school in the superlatives um in the senior uh yearbook section as most likely to stay in my hometown and I remember the picture was me and I forget who got that who want who um they nominated like a boy and a girl for each category I was really hoping for most athletic I was really hoping for

it because I think my sister got that I don't know um she was legit at her sports I was like I held my own you know what I mean but I wasn't like exceptional at my sports I feel like I was a really good um I had stamina in basketball like insane stamina like I was a good like I could you know what I mean like run and defend anyone anywhere on the court anytime like I had I was really fast um but anyways what am I saying oh I remember the picture for my most likely to stay in my hometown um award thing was I was like in the back of my truck or no that was my sibling picture yeah no that was something different my siblings and I for like this sibling section stood in the back of our truck it was like this picture of the three of us I don't know it was kind of cool at

one time because we're so close in age this that's like some universe shit happening right now three little boys on scooters just now rolled out or rolled down the street um they're like 10 they rolled down the street on their scooters while I was saying that weird um but at one at one point um all three of us went to high school at the same time it was wild like yeah anyways so let's just keep going to the next question do you live in your hometown are you still live in your hometown? Did you get away? I always envisioned myself somewhere further away than I knew I'd either live in Seattle. I'd either live in Seattle or I'd move to California. Like I just always thought I'd end up, end up here. So cool. Good talk. Okay.

Number eight, amount of American airlines saved in 1987 by taking out one olive from each salad served in first class, $40,000. This is kind of written in caveman speak. So like, let me dissect this or let me reinterpret it. Or maybe you've understood what I just said. So by taking one olive out of each salad, American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987. That's interesting. See, that's a useless piece of information that that's something that you didn't know. Now, you know, that's, I don't know, did that just enrich your life? Are you having fun? Is this podcast worth your time? That's the thing. I'm starting to really understand how valuable my time is and how much I value time

and other people's time and I don't want to waste people's time and um it's not like I never understood that before but I'm I I don't know I've had some recent experiences where I'm like I don't feel like you value my time at all and that I'm just like you know what I mean so anyways um that's what was it oh in the beginning of the episode I prefaced this episode by saying like hey I just want to let you know it's gonna be chill I don't want to waste your time just you don't have to listen the episode i podcast seven days a week yeah you got you have so many past episodes to go tune into so um just kind of depends like i don't i feel like maybe that's why people like listening or i don't know if they do this but i get told people like listening

because they feel like they're we're just hanging out as friends and you're friends and you hang out at all times a day and you can i don't know why am i like over analyzing my fucking podcasting style Jesus let me take a drink uh number nine I gotta get to 72 shit maybe I'll do 30 is that a cop out let's see let's see what the time's looking like okay uh it's almost 6 30 city with the most rolls royces per capita is hong kong 10 state with the highest percentage of people who walk to work alaska interesting uh 11 chances of a white christmas in new york a one in four chance 12 see these are kind of dumb actually some of these are stupid 12. A portion of the U.S. annual rainfall that falls in April.

One out of 12. Portion of U.S. annual rainfall. This is a boring one. 13. Percentage of Africa that is wilderness. 28%. A quarter of Africa is wilderness. Okay, cool. Percentage of North America that is wilderness 38% damn 15 estimated percent of American adults who go on a diet each year that that diet each year 44% of adults I wonder how they surveyed that or I'm sure that was a you know what I mean like every all these facts are like well they're probably like really old and like I don't know I feel like every research study finds what exactly what it's looking for like well that wasn't an example of something like that but if you have enough money or like enough like you can like tell the story you want to tell with research

it's kind of bullshit a lot of research is bullshit like that like you have a hypothesis and anyways i could that could be an entire that could be an entire segment of the podcast of a different podcast i don't want to get into it today um oh 16 barbie's measurements if she were life size 39 bust 23 waist 33 hips to her boob to hip ratio she's got big boobs small waist relatively i don't know what that 33 hip would be um interesting 17 average number of days a west german goes without washing his underwear. Seven days. Why is this a fact? How do they, how do they know? I haven't washed. I think I said this a few days ago. 2020 changed me in a lot of ways. I feel like I did this before,

but like, I don't notice a lot of underwear in my laundry anymore. And I don't know if that's weird but like I don't wear I whenever I wear a lot of yoga pants obviously I I'm I'm in my comfy clothes a lot because I work from home and I don't put on underwear under my leggings like I don't first of all I feel like thong line thong lines like even if you wear a thong like it shows underneath yoga pants and also it's like you're gonna if you work out you're gonna wash them anyways like why would you wear underwear with your yoga pants I don't know I don't wear like I legit don't maybe I think I yeah when I do my laundry once a week I maybe have like three pairs of underwear if that maybe two like I wear I go naked under my sweats like I don't know

um like you know when you've done things for a long time like that's something that's kind of new but it's weird how all of a sudden you have a you have a habit change and it's so different than what you or it's not even like it's so different but I don't know what else is different that I do now I don't know I think there's something about age that's been really good for me like age like I'm aging but every year I feel like or especially after 2020 and I I've been noticing it a lot lately I've been mingling more like I've been out with people more and like you know I've had more interactions recently because you know things are opening back

up and I've I've noticed that something that's been really or I'm noticing okay fuck um how do I want to say this I feel so relaxed now like no I don't have an anxious energy where I'm like trying to perform in front of people and like be super like how do I explain it yeah I literally feel like I'm I'm so zen now like I don't know I think I had a little bit I was a little bit anxious in public or in social situations before COVID and then I don't know like that seems like it would be the opposite but lately I've been talking to people I've been so relaxed I'm literally just like always I'm like mentally always on my couch hanging out like I'll be out you know at a

restaurant on a walk or I'll bump into people I'll talk to people and they're coming over to my house bitch I'm the one who's chilled out I'm the one who's just like it's not that I have low energy it's just that I'm not in my head I'm super in the moment now and it's kind of nice with age comes wisdom she just unlocked something new that was holding her back before it's kind of like that though like I don't know what I was so skittish that's the word I think I used to struggle with being a people pleaser and being skittish and kind of nervous around new people and now I'm just like yo welcome to like this is my house this is my planet you're in my not to be like that like a freak like that when you think of life like that like

the whole TikTok main character thing it's so much I don't know life is so much um it's more relaxing it's more just easygoing why are we worried about shit that doesn't matter like we're all gonna die someday you know that whole thing like i know that's kind of a cliche and but when you really think about it it's like really why are you i don't know i don't know i don't have road rage i don't have like i don't know okay what number am i on i don't know if i can get to 72 am i gonna david goggins's fucking podcast and go to the fucking end no matter no matter what he would tell me to end it or go all the way he would tell me to never give up to he would say hey don't be a pussy i know you're tired but this is where champions are made jocelyn as podcast

host you have to uh consider that this is gonna um this is gonna prepare you for your future what you do today. Um, this is like podcast, uh, bootcamp right now. Like tired podcast has bootcamp. I fuck, I'm fucking doing a podcast seven days a week. It's, it's, it's, I think I've, I said it yesterday. I think I'm getting kind of, it's tiring. Kinda. I love it. Like, don't get me wrong. I said this. I, I, I look for, I get excited about podcasting, but in times like this or in nights like this, I just want to like go to bed. I can't, I have a, I have a duty. I have a job. I got to fucking finish. It's like going to, it's like, it's like, oh, I don't want to work out today. I have to, you know, you have to, it's always like ripping the bandaid off.

You're never going to want to do it. You just have to do it. Nike, just fucking do it. Yesterday you said tomorrow, bitch. Okay. Yeah, what was that last one? Number 17. Average number of days a West German goes without washing his underwear is seven. That's how I got on the tangent about wearing underwear. Okay. That was weird. 18 is percentage of Americans who say that God has spoken to them. 46 percent have you ever had an experience like that have you ever had a paranormal paranormal experience do you do you hear voices does god speak to you and you hear an actual like voice does that make sense i don't i've never experienced that i used to date someone who

said he saw a fucking vortex open and a loud gunshot noise go off one time when he was on a fucking shitter and that's how he knew that what the that the business he was building was the right business he was supposed to be I think that's what it was it was some crazy ass shit like that I saw vortex open and I heard a gunshot go off it was so loud it was a sign from the universe like I think I had a weird um actually yeah I did I think I've told the story in the podcast before it was either okay I had an experience in 2019 in like November ish where I don't know if I was having a heart attack or in my sleep or I was like I wasn't breathing and I caught myself and I, my heart rate went really fast or something, but I don't know, in the middle

of the night at like 3, 3 AM one night in November, 2019, I was shaking uncontrollably, uncontrollably in my sleep. My eyes were shut. I wasn't awake. Like I remember my eyes, this, this was the weird thing I felt my body convulsing like really shaking and then there was a bright light like you know when you close your eyes and it's dark imagine what it's like when you put a flashlight over your eyes while you're closing them like it was super bright and there was a lot of movement and I think there was heat happening I don't know it was fucking weird and I gasped and I and I woke up and I was like holy shit what was that like why was my body vibrating and why did I see that light and that's why I was like oh did I stop breathing

you know like was that a godly thing like I don't know that's a one time and I documented it I actually before I did podcasting I did voice memos sometimes on my phone where I do little therapy sessions with myself and I listen back but I remember I documented that I documented I I was so freaked out by it and so confused by it and so like whoa that was crazy um that I recorded I think I was in the car and I explained what happened like the next morning that's the only time I can I can remember anything weird happening and who knows what that was like I said I could have just had like a um that might have been a dream like I don't know oh yeah like have you guys had um have you had lucid dreams have you had

what's the one where you can like oh you um astro astro astral projection have you astral projected yourself before that's freaky to me that's really freaky there's another thing I learned um speaking of dreams and and um freaky shit there's this thing that people are there's a there's a community of people on tiktok they talk about like after death stuff like after we die this is what happens and they reference their um ideas from people that have flatlined and they came back and so a lot there's a lot of stories of people that die and come back right and they have they um a lot of them a lot of them have similar experiences and anyways this tiktok threw out a new idea to me about back rooms

like for whatever reason people die they they're in like a like a random how do how would i describe like you know if you go to a a mall there's like a or a what's like a different if you're in a like if you're in a high school there's always like that random storage room that's kind of big and open and empty or like in the back of a yeah like in some random room in a mall or a conference room in a hotel or those are considered back rooms and apparently like that's where we go after we die like I don't even understand like there's a anyways go look up if you're, if you're kind of, like, curious about this, or if you want to know more, um, yeah, look up back rooms after we die, I mean, obviously, here's where I'm at, I don't believe

anything, I fucking, I, we don't know, we don't know, okay, I think it's interesting to listen to other people talk about it, but I'm never the kind of person, because it makes me, it stimulates my brain, it gets me thinking, you know, I, it's entertainment to, like, hear other people talk about it, yeah, I like to hear, that's the thing, I'm not the kind of person that takes on all of this, you know, it could be anything from astrology, spirituality stuff, manifestation, back rooms, like, I'm not the type of person where I hear it, and then I get, my brain never clicks into this is the truth like this is real this is like the way life is and how things work like for whatever reason I'm always um I'm open to

hearing about all of it and I think it's fun to listen to other people talk about it because a lot of times they make a lot of sense and there's a lot of proof to back what to back up what they're saying but I'm never mentally a hundred percent all in on anything like and I don't know why I'm like that I think it's just it's kind of you know what I feel like it's because we don't fucking know we don't we don't nobody knows um yeah there's not I don't think there's any solid um I don't know there's a lot of evidence but what's there's like a good phrase to explain what I'm thinking. Like I've never heard a super convincing argument for astrology. You know what I mean? Like there's a lot of things that make sense, a lot of

coincidences and whatever, but I've never heard someone explain it where I go, oh, that's fucking real as shit. You know? Um, even religion, like Jesus definitely was a real person. I think there's definitely a God there's some higher being that's intelligent that's obviously there's some sort of string pulling and creation of all of this and whether that's like a God like an old man with a beard like when I was a kid like I thought of God as what you see in a like a story book like a religious kids book or if you're at a church and you look at the ceiling there's sometimes there's, like, a painting of, like, God and Jesus, like, touching fingertips or something, like, um, I don't know, yeah, I don't, I don't, uh, I'm not 100% sold on anything, really.

I want to make it, make something lighthearted and say something funny right now, because I feel like this got too deep um the only thing I'm sold on is iPhones over Androids bitch iPhones over Androids I don't know it's like my iPhone's in front of me I'm like well there you go there you go um does that mean I don't have a strong faith in anything or I'm like um spacey or I'm a yeah like I'm a space cadet I'm I'm not grounded like I don't think that's the case I I think I'm a, I think my mind is so like, I don't know. I love learning. That's the thing.

Like I said, I love learning from other people and I love watching. And that's why I love podcasts. I love when other people explain shit. And they're so, because they're, they're sold on it. They're, they've been, their life is all about it. Whatever the subject is, whatever they're teaching, whatever they've written a book about whatever they studied that like they fully immerse their whole life is is revolves around that um yeah I think I'm just more of I'm more of a spectator than a uh I'm not on the court you

know like I'm not I'm not an expert on any one thing I'm a observer I think that's what it is I'm an observer I'm a listener I like to sit back and um I like to watch the show I love to watch other people entertain me you know I'm entertaining I guess I'm part I'm contributing I'm being a little podcast host but um I'm just regurgitating shit other people taught me you know I'm not this is an original shit this is just like hey I saw something on TikTok and I want to share it with you and thank you for joining me today anyways uh let's move on so yeah percentage of Americans who say that God has spoken to them is 36%. Uh, not going to lie. I'm going to get to 20. Should I get to 30? I'll get to 30. Yeah. The final, the final thing is about ice cream

and it's number 30. So I'm going to end there. Cause I, I, I think I've elaborated or I've gone on a few tangents and it's taken up some time. This could be a six hour podcast. If I get to 72 like this will be a six-hour podcast okay um percentage of Americans who regularly regularly attend religious services 43 percent okay um do you go to church do you go to you know at this point in my life uh when I was a kid I was like forced on me I was a Catholic school girl I went to church with my family and it was always like it was always something I dreaded and then I sat and I sat through the only reason I went to church was for the after party bitch I went to church because I knew well I had to like I don't have a choice but the one thing that got

me through it the one thing that got me through it was the free fucking like the the cookies after the donuts the I think we made like the kids would make like um yeah the hot chocolate and shit the apple cider um or so there was that like the the church after party and then the like this is literally at a like a crusty old like catholic church like this isn't like a fucking party I don't know why I said after party but the other exciting part was our family would go to um we go out to breakfast after so it was always like fun like oh if i sit stand kneel pray sing bow shake other people's hands and wish them what do you say um peace be with you and also with you peace be with you peace be with you peace with you does that does anyone is there are there

any catholics out there peace be with you peace be with you um as long as i did all that i knew oh, I got a, I got a little fun outing at my local breakfast place that I love. And we're going to have like, I don't know, scrambled eggs and bacon. It's going to be fun. And the waitresses were always really cool because we were regular. We were, we were regular people that would go once a week. So, um, yeah, but church was never like, oh, I love this or I'm so into it. I was always like a drag it was always like a chore but now I'm realizing that like the reason I enjoy church now like I don't go unless I'm home and we happen to I happen to uh maybe it's a holiday or like an Easter or Christmas or we my mom's like hey you want to go to church like I

I know um anyways what I'm noticing now is that I like the meditation ask or like the yeah the meditation aspect of church now or the just the peaceful um energy of going to church it's just it's kind of nice to it's a serene environment at a catholic church like it's very calming and it's nice especially in the chaos of the world now like with a just me being absolutely fucking addicted to my cell phone and like always doing shit all day long like it's nice to break it up with a little hour of church and it's kind of the I guess it's the same as yeah like it's a form of meditation just sitting and listening the priest say the gospel and read from the bible and do the homily and you know you're you say the

apostles creed it's always fun now because i'm like oh can i still remember like we believe in god the father almighty creator of heaven earth as well as wait why is my iphone or my what's it called my apple watch is buzzing what's happening yeah what is it we believe in god the father of the almighty creator of heaven and earth we believe in one lord jesus only son of god there are so many so here's the thing I went to Catholic school we had to memorize prayers and we had to recite them in front of the class and there were some difficult prayers to remember super long ones and we took religion as a class like that was something we studied I'm grateful for it though I feel like it was a good at the end of the day like I learned a lot

about history with the church and the beginnings of a lot of i don't know days of jesus jesus mary and joseph jimmy i don't want to take it away from him he picked up a styrofoam cup you guys are going to absolutely call me call me into the what is it the aspca or some shit the animal protection society um for letting him do this but he took home a styrofoam cup and like it was broken in half and he's destroying it right now and I feel like it's not good that he's doing that but I I don't know I didn't take it away from him like I it was on the it was on the floor and he wasn't really messing with it now he just started messing with it at first he walked in he didn't chew it up oh fuck anyways jimmy dean he's he's a he's a land

shark he's a land shark he's a baby shark and here's the thing he doesn't whenever there's something bad for like a bad um what am i saying i think i'm really good i'm really getting tired now holy shit it just hit me like a rock or a bus or an asteroid um he doesn't really eat anything he like plays with it he like spits it right back out stuff that he shouldn't swallow if that makes sense like I know that's bad like I'm letting him eat scrap like traps like actual garbage but here and there if he uh chews something up and I don't notice it or I don't catch it like he'll pull something out of the kitchen or the garbage or something on a walk. Um, anyways, I noticed he doesn't chew it up. I'm really tired. Whoa. This is like, okay. Oh my gosh. This is the

equivalent. What I just, what I feel right now. Oh my God. This is literally like, you know, when you first, when an edible hits and you first notice that feeling of like, I'm high, like that's the feeling I just dropped into. I'm tired. I don't even know what I'm saying. Is this bad for my health? Is podcasting seven days a week bad for my health? I don't know. Um, shit. I got to muscle through it. What number are we on? We're getting to 30. We're going to, we're going to end it on 30. I can just list these off. I don't have to go and elaborate on each fact. Number 20. Ted war. Okay. I could do it. Are yawns contagious, contagious through headphones? Like, can you, if you hear someone yawn on a podcast, do you yawn?

Did I just make you yawn? Is that a thing? Okay. Uh, number 20 city with the highest per capita viewership of TV evangelists, washington dc 21 percentage of american men who say they would marry the same woman if they had to do it all do it all over again 80 percent are satisfied with who they married uh what's the divorce rate what's the divorce rate hold on i'm curious uh divorce rate in america 50 yeah that's what i thought fuck here's what makes me hopeful i think if i marry someone whose parents are still together and they had a good example of a strong marriage growing up and they still have that like that makes me

hopeful that makes me optimistic about like that will maybe things will end well for us maybe things will maybe we'll go to our 90s together you know like that makes me hopeful but like this is gonna sound fucked up because it's not their fault it's just how they were raised but like I was dating or I for I don't really want to call it dating I mean shit it's never dating it's talking it's like fucking stupid but um I was in communication with a man who you know told me his life story and he was like you know I think he's he like grew up raised by I think his grandparents his like in a trailer park and he doesn't know his dad or something and like his mom was always out of the picture like he can't help that he was a great you know well he wasn't that

great of a person but if I was to marry that man like and unfortunately I have a little bit of a I'm a bit how does how do I how do I explain this like people with a family people with a set of parents that are still together like that's so weird to say or maybe this is fucked up or bad I don't know that's like that makes me attracted to you or that's like a bonus to me because I'm like I don't know because you see that because the man sees that oh my god my parents love each other they're still together they've been together for 50 years like whatever like versus not really knowing your parents not being raised by in a traditional way like growing up on a trailer park like

it's not for me like I don't know how to say it without sounding fucked up you know it's like it's not their fault they could be the greatest person ever they could be amazing but I'm gonna the back of my mind that's gonna I'm gonna think about that I'm kind of uh am I a family structure snob or like a family am I uh is that a snobby thing to say it's more like a I feel like it's kind of smart maybe is that judging judging a book by its cover maybe I don't know I'm optimistic about like here's the thing while the divorce rate is 50% I go glass half full bitch 50% of people don't get divorced so I would I'm assuming knock on wood that'll be if I get married that'll be me that's that's how my um

that's how I work I feel like I don't know if it was sold to me or taught to me by movies and you know disney movies and disney princesses and rom-coms and all this happily ever after shit i don't know if that's i don't know if my brain is this way because i've been exposed to fairy tale relationships and shit but like i don't i don't i'm at the point where i'm like if i I'm I feel like I'm gonna I want to date someone with the thought that like I could marry them someday like and we could be a long-term partnership couple with like you know like yeah like married to each other like I'm not gonna lie about that I'm not gonna be like oh

yeah I just want to like date someone for like five years and then date a different person like and I know it's one of those things like I know I could I I could change my mind and you know I might think something different in a fucking week or five years from now but I don't know I just whenever I'm in a relationship I I I love hard I love love I love um the idea the the idea of having a person like I want to find my person you know that's kind of a beautiful thing to me and I think it's it's almost like a natural thing I'm it's not like oh fuck like oh my god I'm getting I'm married I'm stuck with this person forever it's like no I like I want to I'm choosing that like I want to do that I want the fucking fairy tale and I'll admit it I do I shouldn't feel bad

I shouldn't feel weird about saying that in a modern, in a modern way though. Like it, I don't mean like 1950s housewife shit, but like kinda like I just want like a really cool family with like a cool lifestyle. We do fun shit and we, our kids are cool and we fuck around and we have fun and we, I don't know like go camping I don't know I could go on I think this is the part of your 20s that I think you mourn the past and at the same time you're you romanticize the future or you like you look you're excited about the future but in the meantime like where you're where you are now as a single person who's like I don't know what my next steps are going to be I could go

this way or that way I'm working on a career I'm working on hobbies I'm you know raising a dog for the first time I'm you know planting roots in a new city like in the meantime it's kind of like what the fuck this isn't ideal it's like great like I love my life but I feel like I'm so excited about the whole like finding my person potentially marriage kids thing you know building and creating a family of someone would be super cool it's just kind of like and it's so weird how my early 20s like this would freak me out that I'm saying this I was so gaslit but or just brainwashed though about men by in bad relationships about how no man ever wants to settle down he wants to be a bachelor forever he wants to fuck everyone like any girl he wants

all the time he wants to have a rotation he doesn't want to be tied down to anyone or commit to anyone he wants to be single forever and fucking just anyways so i don't buy into that bullshit anymore and uh i know what i want now and i know it's real now and okay what number are we on this episode's kind of like this episode's kind of like emo is it emo it's kind of deep that's why i like podcasting i can talk out my thoughts and i can what's cool is like i don't think about that all the time what I just said but while I podcast I work it out I elaborate I say it I verbalize it and I think that's what's great is like I'm

getting to know myself really well and I'm getting to I feel like I'm my my identity or my self-perception is so strong because I yeah I podcast every day um and then of course like if you're listening maybe you relate to me in some way and maybe you feel uh similarly uh to what i feel and i don't know it's uh we're building a network bitch we're building a fucking we're building a community slowly but surely uh one day at a time podcast podcasting isn't going anywhere oh god I did not oh man that's not wifey that's not wifey that burp was not wifey I just talked about well your wife you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna hear all about her bodily functions and her

nasty shit eventually. So I know that might be premature if we're getting married, but there you go. That's how I burp. Okay. Number 21. 22. Percent of American women who say they would marry the same man, 50%. So 50% of married women wouldn't remarry the man they're with. Interesting. Twenty-three, percent of men who say they are happier after the divorce or separation? Fifty-eight percent. Hmm. Twenty-four, percent of women who say they are happier, oh my God, percent of women who say they are happier after their

divorce or separation 85% women wait a minute does this make sense to me so men are more unhappy post divorce than women are wow

25% less happy than women Is that the right math? I don't know. 50, 85, 60, 80. Yeah. Ish. Plus or minus two. I think men, um, yeah. Why would that be the case? Are they less, are they more remorseful? because they lose the I don't know they lose maybe it weighs heavier on women and then they divorce and they're just

like a free bird where men are like well maybe this I don't know this is just some statistic shit that could be it's kind of maybe it could be bullshit who knows um hi Jim do you need to go pee pee he just drank a bunch of water you just heard him lapping up his water bowl yeah you're gonna be six months old tomorrow

tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow i love you tomorrow you're only a day away the sun will come out tomorrow bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow i love annie oh my god okay i'm i'm almost done i gotta do that i gotta do the home stretch while he bites my wrist um 25 number of different family relationships for which hallmark makes cards 105 five different family relationships that's interesting uh number 26 cost of raising a medium-sized dog to the age of 11 this must be super fucking old 64 6400 bucks to raise a dog to age 11 I'm gonna say if I raise Jimmy well I plan on raising him to like fucking

15 um oh my god like 100 grand like what 50 50k on a dog like i don't know maybe that's a lot maybe 25 i don't know way more than 6400 bucks he's already half that to buy him then to buy his food and his toys and his medication at the vet and his vet checkups and his vaccines and his treats and that adds up that's this must be like a 1990s fucking list and honestly this is on an edu website with written in times new roman ow fuck like it looks really old school um i'm like chinese wrestling him right now i don't even know what chinese wrestling is with my legs okay so number 27 average number of people airborne over the U S at any given hour, 61,000 people in a plane at the same time

or in the sky at the same time. Yeah. There's a lot of fucking planes. It's weird to think about like all of the paths they're on and like how many, I don't know, flights are happening right now. Okay. Anyways, I'm almost done. I'm almost done. 28. Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland or Disney World, 70%. 29. Average lifespan of a major league baseball. Seven pitches before that bitch pops out and fucking flabble. Right? Is that why it lasts seven pitches or if it gets hit or if it is three strikes you're out they do a new ball for the next team up on the field right I used to sit in the dugout and um my dad coached baseball and I would do the stats I think that's wasn't that called this doing the stats I'd have to um there was a

little, like, spiraled book, and I used a pencil, and I had to fill shit in for each batter, and each inning, and it was, it was fun, and I always had crushes on my brother's teammates, um, I heard, oh, the first time I ever got my butt pinched was, oh, yeah, that was so weird, I was, like oh my god why did he just pinch my butt this um I think this guy's name was it's like Alex or something he had a crush on me and he was my brother yeah like literally I was probably 13 or 12 or something and he just like came up behind me in the dugout and pinched my butt and I was like whoa or like I think he like yeah like he grabbed my ass it's very strange um or like I think he like also was into like poking my stomach if we talked you just guys were so weird with

flirting and stuff back then it was like so new too like it was like you were experiencing everything for the first time you're like what does this mean or like I don't know anyways okay we're almost done oh number 30 yes okay finally portion of ice cream sold that is vanilla oh my gosh a third of all ice cream in production is vanilla ice cream it's a good base for a lot of other ice like you can add shit to it like oreos but it all starts at vanilla as vanilla cool okay oh my god not to bring up jimmy again but the leg humping the leg humping it's out of control like he still has his balls I don't know does that keep going I feel like they still hump

after they get their balls cut off but it's just like it's so funny like he doesn't know what he's doing but he his instincts are are overriding and he's like I see I see a little it's like my knee height is perfect for him and he's like I need to pulse my ass towards it like he humps like he fucking yeah like he moves his butt he's twerking on my knee and he doesn't even know why this is why i've only ever had boy dogs and it's always a thing with them i feel like they still do it after they get neutered yeah are you gonna get your balls cut off yeah do you still want your balls i'll give you the option i don't want to deal with balls like that's the thing i don't want to be cuddling with him and i got his balls all over me like no thanks like i've seen there's

like people online with their dogs and they're they're like chilling with them and they you see their big balls I'm like I just it's and then they're swinging when they walk it's just like a whole thing like I see a lot of pitbulls with them here and it's just like it's too I might sound kind of fucked up what I'm saying like cut their balls off but personally like it's just I don't know like what would be the reason to keep them unless you want to have them like if you unless you want you want to use them as a unless you want to breed them oh jimmy okay 30 totally useless pieces of information done there you go thank you for hanging out thank you for allowing me to be myself in my time and be tired and it's not like

you it's not like I care if you didn't allow me to but I mean if you stuck it out till now damn thank you for being here I hope you had a great week um hit that hit that subscribe button I'm here every day I hope you sleep well tonight if you're listening to this at night and I will talk to you tomorrow okay bye