The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 280- Eating Soap and Drinking LaCroix

Episode Date: June 14, 2021

Patreon.com/TJMS 

What's up, guys? It's episode 280. Welcome back to the show. I'm at the point in life now where I refuse to drink out of anything other than a wine glass. And I'm also at the point now where I am mixing my liquid IV packets into my LaCroix's. Inside the wine glass, I'm dumping my LaCroix's in a wine glass and I'm adding flavor. I'm adding hydration to it with my liquid IV packets. And that's all I got to say. I'm staring at it right now. That's why I'm introing the podcast with that, uh, information. Hi, welcome back to the

show. I'm drinking a LaCroix and wine glass. It's Jacqueline. What's up? How are you doing? How's your week going? Dude, my dog has a fat ass. My dog has a fat ass. I wanted to hit this, excuse me. I wanted to start the podcast off by like confessing something that I'm super like I know okay I don't know how to say this without it sounding messed up and strange and disgusting and weird but every time I walk Jimmy if you're new I've got a golden retriever puppy he's almost seven months old every time I walk him I stared his ass the like half the time because it waddles it's he's so juicy in his backside right now and I don't know if it's the extra treats he's been getting because he's been doing

good with his training I don't know if it's like there's something going on I don't know if it's his like I don't notice this on other golden retrievers in fact I feel like a lot of dogs have small butts or like small withers no withers are the shoulders that's a wither I only know that because of horses wait I don't know like he has an unusually large ass and I think it's so cute when he waddles when he walks and then his tail's really bushy now and it's like sticking up when he walks and he's just like it's the cute and here's what I got here's what I got lucky with I'm a golden retriever snob now I'm a golden retriever like I like them all but I got the best looking kind. Okay. In my opinion, I got the classic American golden retriever coat,

meaning it's that this sounds so he's a cult. He's a color of a McDonald's French fry. He's the same color as a French fry, but his undercoat is super fluffy white. Now you might say, Oh, Jacqueline, they all, they all have that. No, they don't. I used to have a dark golden retriever named Charlie and he was dark all around so his he has a little like fluffy bunny rabbit butt with a white fur fluff like fluffed out and I don't know I just had to say that I think you know I haven't talked about my dog in a second I usually end up mentioning Jimmy somewhere on the podcast but the kid's got a fat ass and I can't stop looking at it and I feel what does that mean about me is that is that inappropriate as a dog parent to admit that I mean people are

having sex with their animals Jesus that's a thing that's a thing right gotta justify my behavior somehow it could be worse I guess um nothing new about him other than he independently plays with his toys without my help now which is really fun to walk in on um it's actually my favorite thing when he has a basket of toys and he on his own on his own he will go over to the basket and pluck his little ducky pluck his little piggy he just got a new teddy bear pluck his teddy bear get a couple balls a little bone, whatever. He'll pluck them out of the basket and then put them around the floor and just start going in on them. And literally the other day I walked in and his pig was eating

out the ass of the duck. Like the, the way he had played with his toys, positioned him like that. And I want, he kind of got like, whenever I walk in on him playing with his toys, he gets like, whoa like because you know he's like freaked he like gets what's like nervous he's a golden retriever he's like well what's that you know and he gets dead in the face and so I like walked in on this threesome and it was really fucking funny how it all kind of looked I took a picture actually um yeah lately that's my favorite thing how he takes his toys out by himself and because at first when he's a little baby puppy like he didn't mess with them that much like I would take out a ball and throw it to him or I'd take a toy and he we'd play tug-of-war with it or now it's like he'll

full-on rip them apart and make them finger each other the fuck was that Jacqueline I'm trying to rebrand and be more classy I'm not doing well on this episode hit that subscribe button I'm here 70s a week. But I'm putting a little asterisk next to that. Go listen to yesterday's episode for the dirty little secret about what's going on right now with the show. So I'm not going to mention it today. I got to hold myself back. If I mention it, it's getting old whenever I mention it. So if you want to know the dirty little secret, listen to yesterday's episode. Um, with that being said, I'm doing short podcasts now. I'm doing short podcasts. I'm not, I'm not here to sit with you for an hour and a half every day or an hour like I used to. I'm

here to get in, get out, say some shit about my life. Do I don't want to, that's another word I'm trying to cut out of my dictionary. It was brought to my attention by someone I care about that I say that a lot and now I'm hyper aware of it and I'm I cringe every time I say it because I'm like oh they could be listening and they could be rolling their eyes like Jacqueline come on clean out your mouth we used oh my gosh let me just do a story time let me just let me just do a quick cute little quick story time I don't have a theme or a plan today or a topic I just want to tell stories um I've never mentioned this I've never told the story so here we go we were trained as children. I'm the middle child of three kids, all like a year apart from each other.

Shout out mom and dad. Best thing they ever did was have kids close in age. Highly recommend it. I'm probably going to do the same. We were trained to not swear as children. And if we swore, we were punished. Okay. Now, my favorite era of being punished for swearing was when we moved to our second house in Burlington, Washington. It was the nearby town to Mount Vernon, Washington, where I'm from. And it was cool little house yellow it was on the corner we had a that was a really cool spot that's the I've told the story the stories about the redwood tree that's the house um anyways for whatever okay so this is my favorite era because um I was in like what grade was I in

when we moved there I was in like first second and third grade when we lived there a little bit a fourth maybe. Um, so this was like 2001, two, three, four. That's what I love about the year I graduated. Like every year of school was the, um, actual like year, year. Does that make sense? 2001, first grade, 2002, second grade, 2003, third grade. Okay. So yeah, this is like real early two thousands. And this is the house I found out that nine 11 got bombed. Excuse me. This is the house I found out the Twin Towers got flown into. What happened? This is the house I found out by my mom running and crying.

She had just been at the gym watching the TVs with the towers falling on them. This is the house that I found out about 9-11 anyways. So a lot of memories here. We had a hot tub here. This was our first house with a hot tub. it was red it was old and like my this is so can I say this can I fucking say this I don't care we were so little I'm pretty sure we all got in the hot tub together naked like my whole family and we not that oh my god maybe not my dad and mom maybe we just kids like I would never have

it I feel like I never had just as a little girl if you look at pictures of me I feel like this is so normal though like whenever we were running around the yard playing and shit I was always shit I was always without a shirt on or just in my underwear you know what I mean so I just feel weird saying this kind of stuff because of all the pedo talk on the internet and all the like fucking like I can't even I just don't even want to like sexualize my younger self or talk about it like that but like I was always naked as a little kid and dirty like bottom of my feet always had bottoms of my feet were always brown and grass stained my knees were always grass stained I always had like cuts from falling

and scraping myself bruises everywhere yeah this is the house with the hot tub this is the house I found out about 9-11 in and this is the house where we ate soap when we swore okay not only did we eat soap this was irish spring green bar soap from god knows where probably safeway or wherever where did we shop costco where was our grocery store anyways it was bar soap um that we wore around our necks as a necklace for 24 hours if we got caught swearing and we had to take a bite of see that's the thing you have to bite the soap that's your punishment is that still a trend in parenting I gotta wrap this up I don't want to keep I'm being super good and disciplined with my timing I'm like okay 15 minute episodes 20 minute episodes I can do it I gotta like

get the story in and out okay uh punishing kids for swearing with soap question mark forcing it i love you mom and dad honestly i love the hard knocks i love the old school parenting i love the i loved all that traditional shit you did the spanking i fucking loved it it taught me a lesson i learned my lesson and it was good for me and thank you for also teaching me that there are winners in this life and there are losers not everyone's a winner and not everyone

gets a participation trophy okay forcing a child to ingest soap places them at risk of physical illness and poisoning as well as choking even if the soaps are non-toxic and designed specifically for this purpose yes they exist some parents instead resort to using vinegar or hot sauce in their child's mouth as punishment for swearing hot sauce would have been lit i would have enjoyed it i didn't like well did i like spicy stuff as a kid not really soap for swearing is it acceptable today this is cyberparent.com when was this published 2018 so semi-recent hey we should symbolically wash the naughty language from our child's mouth pop a bad with soap

and the rest as they say was history until about the 1960s when this form of punishment oh I'm going to title this episode something about eating soap yes until about the 1960s when this form of punishment began to decline in popularity until about the 1960s when this form of punishment began to decline in popularity there's a period for some reason there and I don't understand I'm I is this LaCroix am I I feel you know what you know when you're just like I'm not I don't I don't have caffeine to me that was way earlier way earlier I'm cutting myself off at noon I'm not allowed to have it in the afternoon now I'm just like in a trance I'm in an afternoon trance I love it here dude if you're not happy do a podcast start talking to yourself

you'll get so much help literally that is the cure for everything mental health wise talk to yourself have fun who gives a shit say whatever you want there's a really sunburned muscle tea biker looking dude outside right now nice okay um however wait nowadays parents are turning to discipline methods that don't involve physical punishment but a quick surf of the web revealed to me that soap punishments are still commonplace and widely accepted should they be if grabbing the bar of soap is your first reflex when it comes to potty mouth a potty mouth child please read on and consider the dangers and implications of this

punishment blah blah okay is this is it abuse and is it illegal question mark oh my god did i just say a question mark did i just include oh my god okay anyways let's move on is spanking abuse your answer to this question will provide some insight into whether or not you think soap punishments are abusive the bottom line is that forcing anything into your child's mouth whether it be soap hot sauce or vinegar is abuse the aap american academy of pediatrics deems the act a physical punishment along with spanking so does the law nice a 23 year old british man pled pled pleaded guilty jesus pleaded guilty in 2015 to an abuse charge after he held down a six-year-old he was babysitting forced him to consume soap

yeah it's like if you're forcing them to do it my parents never forced like they didn't fucking do that we would we would say fuck we would say we would say shit we would say whatever the swear word was and then we get firmly yelled at and then we'd grab we'd get the bar of soap and then my siblings would like let me get back to the story enough with this information overload about soap and parenting and stuff my siblings would like we'd all just fuck with each other you know what i mean and just like tease each other and like going to the laundry room i think the soap my dad like hung there there were hooks or something in a laundry room behind a cabinet door you know what I mean and they're like the necklace was made with twine or just like burlap

string and then he drilled a hole like I remember watching him drill so aggressive when you think about it. He like took his drill, his de-walt. What kind of drill did he have? He had a blue one. Whatever. He took his de-walt. He took his drill and drilled a hole in it and then put the string through and then hung him on the back of his cabinet door. So when we were caught swearing, we'd have to go over there, grab it, bite it in front of my parents. Like that you'd have to show them you did it and then I don't think I don't think they were evil and like made us swallow the bite of soap you took you just had to bite it it was a symbolic thing like fuck you for swearing I can fucking swear you can't fucking swear you fucking stupid little

fucking kid like you know like we learned it from our parents it's so funny also how after that phase when we were really young after that phase of like learning how to or being disciplined to not swear was the phase where we were taught how to swear and how to inflect our voice when we say fuck and where to put the like where to enunciate it and like how to include it in a sentence where there's a time and a place to say the words where it's actually a value add to a sentence and not not and it's an important or not necessarily important it's a aid in conversation especially when you're trying to make points and tell stories so shout out my dad he really taught us how to swear like he we'd be in the we'd be in the van we'd be in the fucking astro

and like on the way home from school or going to school and we would like have conversations about how to swear so yeah that was when we got older but at first we were eating soap and I think the worst was when we didn't have the bar soap and I had to put a drop of like dish soap on my tongue or something I don't remember when that was but I remember there was a liquid soap punishment time or like moment but that's it that's a story that is the swearing story childhood memory story I haven't talked about childhood in a minute but I hope you enjoyed it uh how were you punished as a child it's you know that's so much that's a fun topic to talk to people about because it varies right and then some people I feel like didn't have like they just got away with everything or

their parents weren't really disciplinary and they were more like a friend and it was more like nagging on your kid when they got in trouble be like come on Tommy don't do that Tommy Tommy and they just like like they treat their kid like a friend like a they they would just like whine and gripe at them but they didn't really like do anything disciplinary I feel like a lot of people have that or had that but yeah it varies what did you how did you get punished god I can I just listened to this podcast too about all this um abuse stuff like childhood abuse like physical abuse I'm like holy fuck so many people like there's crazy stats out there about people that have been like physically beaten or like sexually abused as children and they've had to do all this

as adults like this is like an obvious thing like people go through therapy but they've had to do like there's something about sexual abuse and how like it shuts down I feel like this is a woman thing um it like changes their physiology to the point where they they like close up and get they like can't funky funky they can't function properly and like they're just like it like does something to the body i'm not i don't know the technicalities of it but it's terrifying to think about or like tragic or it's terrible what's the word it's god no one gets out unscathed that's how life is no one gets out unscathed we all have something right we all have scarred past of some kind some way worse than others and god bless y'all um i definitely had my share of

trauma um but damn I had it so good that's why I always reminisce and talk about things positively because I don't look at my past as a whole like when I when I scan it and when I analyze my childhood and everything I've been through I don't it's a net positive by a lot you know what I mean like it didn't ruin my life and I've learned so much and the You know, that's the thing. It's like, I'm aware of real life shit. What's the right word for that? Real life hard knocks and relationship issues and like family BS and drama and whatever it is. Like I'm, I'm, I have this, I don't know if that makes me more well-rounded or I'm just more, um, empathetic because of it now or whatever. Like I've kind of seen it all been there, done that. And I've observed a lot of friends too and like their families and it's every, like every family, the family that you think has all their shit together is probably, there's probably something going on behind closed doors.

That's kind of how it always is. everyone's got stuff so i'm not ashamed or like shy about admitting it i just feel like it's not even admitting it she's like talking about how i had to bite soap like that's not even a bad thing that she's literally just a like funny little story but like i'm not gonna sit here and tell you about the wild like fucked up crazy stuff i've been through like i don't know it's not really I don't even care it's like it doesn't I don't even you know what's crazy it's like sometimes when people know about your trauma or like your past and they're like how are you doing it's like I don't even think about it I don't even it never comes to the forefront of my brain

I don't sit and stew and go oh my god my past was I don't live in the past I don't like I'm not like how I think about my life and my overall well-being and it doesn't like the past and all that stuff I've been through doesn't really like

I don't like bring it in the story if that makes sense it's not like part of the story it's there, it's part of the story obviously it made me who I am and it shaped a lot of my personality and the way in my um what's it called my problems my personal like how I handle things and how I um my attachment strategies and what are all those like relationship things I feel like I'm learning

later on in life are completely based on my childhood and things I've been through like the way I am is based on that so yes it's part of my story but I don't on a day-to-day basis get depressed and get all like because in 2001 some shit happened you know what I mean like um I actually was in a I had a conversation with uh someone I had an appointment she was the one helping me and she was telling me about how she doesn't remember any age below like 18 like she has no memories of childhood because she like apparently blocked it out and that's so much heavy that's so heavy to think about and so like and i know that's a real thing i know people like have they block stuff out to the point of like zero recollection

zero memory zero anything and wow again god bless y'all but if you ever wonder why it gets dark here sometimes um she's traumatized and she had trauma growing up isn't that the result isn't this the fucking result the childhood trauma making light of everything everything's a joke let's just laugh it out and have fun for the rest of our lives and not take anything seriously you know what i mean isn't this why or this isn't this how that happens or there was excuse me is this the result of that cheers i got one more sip of my LaCroix. Shout out liquid IV. I'm still drinking your immune support tangerine packets from Costco. I can't do the strawberry. Personally, I can't do the strawberry. The lime is also kind

of a letdown. I'm a big tangerine fan. And I feel better. I do know, I feel like, you know, anytime I've been having a glass of wine lately, I've been down in these liquid IVs. And I know, I feel like in combination with my 16 vitamins I also take that my sister recommended she's like the vitamin she's like a pharmacy like she just knows what to take it's great um when I do the combination of the vitamins and the tons of water and then the liquid IV packets I'm like not groggy and waking up with a headache from one glass of wine like I used to and so I feel like they help I don't know okay cool good talk I I feel like I could go over time or I'm going over time um we're keeping it short and sweet here on the show light fun spunky joyous summery

happy free alive I don't know what's what's another adjective adventurous free spirited whoo um that's kind of the bitch it's summertime I want to have fun I don't want you know what that's why I podcast anytime I'm like down or just like I get on the microphone and I like this is the portal to happiness straight up if you're out there struggling with your mental health. If you're sad, talk it out in the shower, in the car, in your living room, on the couch, in your bed. Just it's, here's what I'll say. I am going to go over for like two more minutes over time. It's awkward at first. You feel like a crazy person. You're like, this is not normal. Like who talks to themselves or whatever. But once you break the ice with

yourself and realize how and this may be just this might just be a me thing you know everyone's got their own ways of handling their problems in their head and you know a lot of people journal and they a lot of people obviously seeing therapy is great too and talk calling a friend or telling talking to people there's great ways to deal with it but for me it was like no one knows you like yourself, right? And it's easy. I, I found, I, I find it so, how do I explain this? Talking out everything in your head and being a hundred percent honest with yourself where you can't bullshit yourself at all. It's like, you're in your head, you know the truth you know what's up you know what's going on so when you put it out there in words

and get it out of your body something happens and at first yeah you're gonna feel like this is stupid this is fucking awkward like I'm in my car just having a conversation with myself but what I found with it is that it becomes fun and then you just start going or the way I talk to myself is like like I'll catch my I'll say I'll tell the story I'll say okay this is the story this is what happened and then I go no big deal we're gonna figure this out stop taking some stuff so seriously it doesn't matter I say all those things back to myself that are like hey you got this like that's all in your head and all that's noise and all that's bullshit so I release it and then I go hey it's all good you know what I mean and then you're just like why the fuck do I worry

about shit that does like then you start going then I stop thinking this is the craziest thing I've evolved to become this person who doesn't spiral and stew in my head all day. Like I used to about things I don't like about myself and things that are wrong with myself. Like none of that doesn't exist. Like, you know, I still have my moments, but God in the, in the early, my early twenties and teens, like I was so in my head about stuff that doesn't fucking matter. Like it's kind I feel like yeah it's kind of a hard pill to swallow but now I'm just like yo let's be little butterflies and fly around and have fun and just be carefree and just think positively it's just all in the head man and I'm noticing a ripple effect in every every area every area of my life

like a positive ripple effect and I'm yeah I think I'm I'm attracting the same kinds of energy and like people and yeah so it works all that stuff works all the stuff that gurus talk about it fucking works just do whatever like this podcasting thing and talking to myself works for me and like I said you don't have to like podcast you could just sit and talk to yourself, but, um, yeah, cool, Jacqueline, hey, good talk, nobody cares, hey, hey, I'll never forget that, when I was home for Memorial Day weekend, my brother and I were having a deep conversation, I think it was, like, 3 a.m. when we finally shut the, I, he finally ended it by saying, hey, Jacqueline, none of this shit matters, nothing you're telling me right now

fucking matters, and that ended the conversation, we went to bed, because I was spiraling, I was going on, I was so, I feel like that was the night we all had, like, a bottle of wine each, and then my brother and I got high as shit, and I had never been that, I felt like that was the most, since COVID started, since, that was the most messed up, like, on, like, what, well, drugs, I mean, marijuana, whatever, I had been in so long, and I just, like, noticed, though, he was just, like, okay like chocolate great points you're making great points but like none of this shit matters like it's true like we make I don't know I want to sit and talk about theories and ideas until the middle of the night and then it's like okay well we're all gonna die someday we all we

actually don't know how anything fucking works we know we're not gonna know we can make we can come up with ideas all day long and then exhaust ourselves into the middle of the night and then it's like well fuck it it doesn't matter that's what I love about my brother he just he says the like he just like knows what to say with me where it hits home harder than like anyone else and so yeah okay thanks for listening thanks for hanging out hit that subscribe button I'm here seven days a week this is my audio diary this is my verbal uh morning pages or whatever you call this is my audio vlog instead of video talking talking about my date and stuff on my microphone and yeah so if you want to hang out if you need a friend if you need someone to listen to and

hang out with if you don't really have somebody I'll be there for you hit that subscribe button all right that's it hope you had a great day and I will talk to you tomorrow bye