The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 286- It's Done It's Big It's Red

Episode Date: June 20, 2021

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What's up, guys? Happy Thursday. It's episode 286. Welcome back to the show! it's over it's done it's over it's done it's over it's done and guess what it's big and it's also red it's over it's done it's big it's also red I am not describing a fire truck no I am not describing Clifford the Big Red Dog

from PBS Kids I'm describing that was the longest pause I've ever done I am describing my new couch I'm looking at it right now I'm speechless this has been a journey okay if you're new to the show if you're new to the show Jacqueline

wanted a cloud couch back in November something like a cloud cap a club let me drink some LaCroix just spark up I wanted a big white fluffy couch I've been telling you guys about it since since November and I finally bought one a couple of weeks ago that didn't fit through my door and I had to get rid of it. Um, and now my couch is red. It doesn't look like a cloud, cloud couch, but it fit through my door and it's done. It's big, it's red and it's done. oh my god it feels great I feel like I've been in this couch chaos conundrum what's another c word cows chaos conniption fit conundrum catastrophe for so long and I don't know it's just it's been a mess so it feels good I was laying on it today

and it's it's eight feet it's eight feet long guys I'm gonna cry I had a love seat before this couch I had a fucking love seat I had a little two-seater that I brought to this apartment for my studio that was way too small I used to tell you guys the story initially when I started talking about buying a couch I told you the story about how it's um embarrassing to have someone over because it's like you can't you can't lay down on the love seat it's not really good for people over six feet, if you know what I'm saying, if you, if you're picking down what I'm putting up, if you're putting up, if you're picking up what I'm putting down, you know, you can't Netflix and chill on a fucking love seat like that, I mean, you can, I have an, I have an ottoman that

I pull up at the end of my, at the end of it, so that it is long, or like, so that you can put your legs on it and stretch out, so anyways, I'm exhausted, if you can't hear it in my voice, if you can't hear hear it in the pace of my voice I'm I'm wiped um it's done though it feels great I feel like this is the best just like not going with a white couch was the best decision I've ever made and it it it totally so it's a dark let me describe the couch and then I have to describe oh my god I gotta describe um how i got the couch where i got the couch where my other one went that's really what i want to talk about today i want to tell you the um the delivery stories you know what i mean

there's like a lot going on still kind of well it's over it's over but it's not over there's actually one component of the couch story that's going to continue on through the night and i might I might, uh, be fined by the city. Uh, you'll find out soon. So strap in, let's talk about couches. Um, where was I? Red couch. Was I describing the color of it? Oh yeah. I think, um, it warmed up my apartment, my world, my world, excuse me. My apartment's kind of old world, old man it's very it's very traditional and old and dark and like my big leather ottoman really sets the tone and when you walk in my apartment it's like tufted it looks like something you'd see in your grandpa's den or something I live in a fucking man cave you know what I'm a girl and I

live in a man cave and I love it honestly it's cozy I don't love here's the thing I got a lot of issues with, um, my generation, especially how the internet makes us act and shit. I talked about that the other day. I hate how the internet makes people act online and how it just, it's cringy as shit. I'm not going to say shit again. That's a word I'm just trying to cut out of my vocabulary. It's cringy and just unnatural and obnoxious and stupid. And everyone's performing for other people's eyeballs and approval and it's just I can't stand how social media makes my generation act because it's yeah what did I say unnatural and stupid okay anyways I ranted about that the other day I don't want to get into that the other part I hate about my generation and

I don't I don't fit in I don't I wish I was born in a different era no I can't stand the minimalistic neutral decor thing we all do where you have a fiddle leaf tree you got your plants right you got your plants of course you do and everything in your apartment is neutral. It's a lot of whites and blacks and browns and grays and taupes and crystals and your, you know what I mean? It's just like, everyone does that. You go, it's like everyone is neutral and simple and clean lined. And it's, yes, it's soothing to be in a room without a lot of color going on. I get that. Okay. But I just don't, I like clutter. I like feeling like my apartment is lived in.

Not clutter. I just mean like when I'm looking at my couch right now and I've got this beautiful painting of Italy behind it that's huge. It's got a big wood frame. I've got this big mirror. I've got this old Victorian dresser with a marble top and it's green and it's interesting looking and it's hand painted. I've got a traditional rug. I've got some heavy books. and it just feels good to be in this uh apartment i don't feel like it's too pristine and clean and

modern and just like cold you know what i mean so i've never really been a fan of how my generation generation i don't know like where did it come like it's so pinteresty i guess it's like everyone got inspo from pinterest and then everyone does the same thing and i don't know i'm just not into it I like to have my own style and my own thing going on and for whatever reason it's man cave it's uh dark and it's old everything I own is old and not I don't know okay so does anyone else get what I'm saying I'm trying to paint a picture Jimmy's eating his llama. I won't shut up. I won't shut up about this either. Did I already say that today? I don't think I did. I won't shut up about this, about my dog.

There's nothing that makes me happier than finding his toys scattered around my apartment where he was previously playing with them. It's so cute because I just know he went over to his toy basket at one point in the day and plucked them out individually and had fun by himself and that makes me happy and the funniest part like the what the toys are the things that make me laugh the most are the ones the toys at the bottom of the basket like he'll dig his nose down deep because it's a pretty big basket to find a golf ball and then that golf ball will be like under my bed in the other room at one point just like it's cool I love like that I say this every month but something new happens every month and lately it's been Jimmy plays on his own with his

toys and it's great anyways so the cloud couch didn't fit through the door I had to get rid of it I told that story the episode title is called the impossible couch um then I had to sell that then I had to get rid of it right and there there was a series of other podcasts that came after I'm burping because I'm drinking a LaCroix and it's got a lot of bubbles and so what you know what I mean it's just like we're all we're all um all of our bodies do the same things you know what I mean so I'm just gonna ride this burping session I'm in right now. It's not even burping. It's just like, I don't know. Maybe I should wash, wash, wash it down with some more.

So that white couch took me about, there was like a turnover of about a week and a half from the time I, it showed up to the time it went away. Okay. Um, there was a tarp situation with that. there was a no or a lady that showed up to tell me she didn't want it situation um which was annoying I told all those stories so that's done but um I was left with my stupid love seat and I need I was like okay I'm not quitting I gotta find a couch I'm over this I've been looking since November it's time so I've been on offer up because I will I refuse to buy a new couch you guys, I'm not, no, I'm sorry. Not when there's options ever. I live in San Diego. There's people on offer up selling couches 24 seven. I want to deal on a couch. I don't want to spend multiple

thousands of dollars on a brand new couch. Like I'm not going to be in this apartment forever. I don't know if my style is going to change. I don't want, I don't want to, I'm sitting here trying to tell you that I'm not poor. No, I'm like, I don't want to, it's not my budget right now to go spend $10,000 on a restoration hardware cloud couch. Okay. Okay. Um, no, but seriously, like it freaks me out. Like buying a new couch scares me and I don't really know why I've just always bought, um, well, I know why it's cause it's like, what if it gets a stain? What if my dog pees on it? Like, you know, it's just like, uh, it's immediately, I'm going to be hyper aware of the cleanliness of it because I bought it brand new, if you know what I mean. So, um, I've

always gotten couches off of craigslist offer up facebook marketplace you know what i'm saying i feel like we all do this uh all the savvy fucker motherfuckers out there um so yeah i was determined i put my mind in a new place about about the couch you know i made peace with the fact that i can't do a deep seated fluffy beautiful cloud couch i i made peace with my door frame is too old or it's like too small um and the angle like I've got a hallway so there's like a issue with turning a couch into my door it's a bad situation so um anyways I went back every single day since that white couch since I got rid of the white couch and I kept looking and I don't know what it was about this red one this red couch but

did any of my grandparents have a red couch I don't know it like reminded me of something I've sat in before or I've seen before that really made me feel cozy and I just like loved the color it was in great condition it was huge it was actually a section so it's a sectional here's the fun fact this red couch is a sectional okay it's got a little l shape to it that's a little uh and that take a uh we'll cut we'll circle back around to that okay just remember that this couch this new red couch is a sectional something about the picture something about i don't know the way the person posted it and everything and the price is right and i was like you know what i think i want a red couch because it will warm up my apartment i've got white walls

this is gonna be a fun episode if you like interior decor if you like interior if you watch HGTV fucking this is your episode okay I don't really talk about interior design interior decorating and decor very often but um it's one of my favorite things to do I love buying decor and furniture and putting things together and making it look amazing so I've done this like I remember when my mom finally wanted to redo our house she's like Jacqueline you're picking up everything like she trusted me you know what I mean like I've had an eye for it for a long I've just I just know what to do I used to watch what was her name Candice on HGTV was that her name god I loved all those shows um anyways so I just saw the red and I was

like I think this is what I need to do I think this is going to tie everything together and it does it's pulling the red from the geraniums off of my painting or it's tying into the red on my painting. It's flowing with my brown leather ottoman. It's a nice contrast. It's a nice contrasting tone or color to my light cream rug. Um, what else is going on? It's looking like, it's honestly looking like Christmas a little bit. I'll be honest. It's looking like Christmas a little bit because my green uh dresser uh tv stand thing is nearby and it's green and red you know what I'm saying but I feel like you know what the red is a deep deep red and it it's just fucking it's sex it's pure sex honestly this is

this makes sense for me I feel like this couch fits my 2021 mood of romance and love and I don't even know what I'm saying right now but I just feel like dude I just feel like if it's it's the it's the vibe right now this red couch is matching my lifestyle and my mood and I'm into it um I actually have this is so random I have this um every now and then I go back to my little I have this spiral book that that I cut a bunch of magazine clippings out of a long time ago and sometimes I reopen it and look back at it and remember what I used to get inspired by and I don't even know why like well I do know why I feel like I cringed I was like annoyed at myself when I first turned this page and put it on display here in my little office but it's uh

the picture on display I did this in like the beginning of the year because I was like you know what I want to set them I want to set the tone for I want to manifest this in 2021 right so it's a Ralph Lauren black and white full page clipping of a headless woman in a linen like a white linen flowy like resort wear dress thing and she's sitting down and it's very tasteful and not it's not like sexual or anything it's just like a classy picture of a Ralph Lauren outfit and the fuck excuse me the clipping I clipped out to go under that picture says and this is why I cringe when I first I was like I know I want this I know but to see this every day is gonna make me

kind of go like Jacqueline this is cheesy and corny and stupid it says romance okay it says romance okay and that's it okay that was on the brain at the beginning of the year it was on the brain at the beginning of 2020 and then everything went south we all know that it was it's terrible But, you know what? I gotta be, I gotta not be so, and I feel embarrassed even telling you guys that I have, like, that's my inspo board, my inspo pick right now is his romance, and it's, like, a flowy Ralph Lauren dress pick, like, what the fuck, and then I have this, like, red couch that's, like, you know what I mean? and then also next to that spiral book, I have my two, my two doves that I've had forever. I've had them since like college that are my two love doves. And dude, I am so cheesy. And what's the word? Yeah. Anyways, I'm saying too much. Let me get back to the couch. So I saw the couch and I kind of just said fuck it you know what I mean I'm like I can't and I'm I gotta delete

offer up because I've already seen other couches that I also like now that I have this one I like still I'm still looking on the app and then I'm like wait what if I find something better oh fuck so I gotta delete the app and get my head my get get my head off this couch thing um I just said fuck it. You know what? This person, it's, it's nearby. The price is right. I think it's going to tie into my decor nicely. It's huge. It looks cozy. It's in great condition. I'm doing it. Okay. So I drive out to Pacific beach here in San Diego. I think I was on Garnet in an apartment complex. And I walk in to the place and there's a couch, right? but I'm like this is so I had this flashback to college and being in college apartments and just

like the whole vibe of this place was that it was like like I'm pretty sure when I walked in so there's the couch right next to the window but I want to get a text mom mom loved an image okay great um I'm pretty sure when I walked in there were like grocery bags with like it's like someone wanted to do a craft party or something there was like a stool and a bunch of craft supplies just kind of over in the corner and like a lamp like a like a tall lamp you know what I mean just like randomly in the corner and then there was a couch obviously and then there was like a tv mounted on the wall with a shit ton of cords hanging down. And then there was like another tiny chair that was like what a recliner should be, but it was just a chair next to the couch

kind of. And then it smelled like smoke. And then it was just really like shitty and ran down and like there was no one cleaning or something like that. And I don't know, it was just like very chaotic when I walked in and the girl was super, honestly, like I could be friends with her. Like she was just like some like young college girl her and her roommate were cool I'm not trying to shit on them at all even though I'm not trying to say oh fuck I said shit again um you know it's just that it's college you know what I mean it's just like you're you're in this junky apartment like who cares right they're not it's not like they're I don't know but it was funny when I walked in I was like oh my god I haven't been in a place like this in a minute and I don't party

and go like it's weird how when you know it's so weird when you get older and you go to parties and you go like I'm going to houses now I'm going to nice like sophisticated places where people have the people have their their life I'm not gonna say their shit together their life together and they have money and they can afford nice so it's all like you know all of the embellishments are there and everything looks nice it feels nice and it's like fancy kind of so I don't know college feels like such a pastime I was just talking to my um friend about this I was like it feels so long ago it's weird how fast that happened like after college it just whizzes by time just flies

and I I talked about that the other day I'm gonna get on a side tangent but I'm gonna make a point and I always I always set goals and get excited about new ideas on this show and I probably I put effort towards these things these new like lifestyle changes usually like about 30 percent I'll start incorporating some of these new behaviors but I won't 180 my lifestyle and completely change but I'll talk a big game and I'll get really excited on the episode but anyways something that makes time slow down it makes the years feel longer it makes life feel fuller and this is going to sound so obvious is to uh always do new things like every week do something different than the week before it

Like, hey, Jacqueline, this weekend, instead of chilling at your apartment for the thousandth time, go roller skating at the beach. Jacqueline, go drive somewhere and jump in a lake. Or take a trip up to L.A. and rent an Airbnb. Or why did I just think of that's not something I would do. just try to think of something off the top of my head um hey go see a movie by yourself or take yourself out on a date just for the fuck just for the hell of it just like try something new like you don't need to have a date just go by yourself I don't know why I feel like that's a stupid thing to do honestly take yourself on a dinner date alone no thank you I have no problems

with never mind um jimmy don't don't growl right now bud i'm almost done with the show but you know what i mean that makes time slow down when you're always doing your brain is not in the same routine every single day because you're always my neighbor has cute little like elephant pants she's a really cute style i always look at my neighbor's outfits her boyfriend really needs to cut his hair but i feel like it's his vibe it's two colors it's literally like bozo the clown like you know how he has like the two pointy triangles on each side of his head and they're two different colors his hair's like split down the middle part half of it's pink on one side the other half is black but he has a hat on so it doesn't look that bad but

I'm just I'm so confused anyways um but yeah when you get in a routine and doing the same thing every single day week after week after week that's what makes the year go fast and I know so yeah obvious information break it up do you think do new things all the time I even I think the way I'm gonna be successful at working on that for myself and doing new things is gonna be I don't know if that sentence made sense I'm always insecure about my sentence structure on this show I'm always like re trying to I'm always trying to rework a sentence after I say it and then I'm self-conscious about if I sound fucking I'm gonna bring you know dude I got it I got a theory we're gonna bring so I'm okay I think we need to start saying retarded again and I think

we need to start saying gay again that's gay and that's retarded and I think we need to bring those words back and that's a unpopular opinion I know it is that's um not probably okay to say but I I, there are so many times that I just want to say that's fucking retarded and it works. It just works. The best word for the situation, fucking stupid or fuck. I don't know. So sorry for offending anyone out there. If I just offended you, I used to be the retarded Nazi excuse.

Oh my God. Jesus. Another big word. i used to be the retard nazi on campus in elementary school on fucking campus on at recess or in the classroom i would coach my fellow classmates about uh or i would call them out when they said retard because my i've uh um my i have relatives i have my uncle's handicapped so I was really offended as a child about that I was like don't say that I have my uncle's retarded I'm really offended by that that was me like all elementary all of

elementary school anyways um the way I'm going to uh my way of trying new things is breaking up which stores I go to and which parts of the city I go to meaning instead of going to target five minutes for me, I'm going to drive 10 minutes to a different target. Or hey, instead of going to Costco, I'm going to try, I'm going to switch it up next time I go to Trader Joe's. I'm just going to constantly switch up my routine. Instead of this gas station, I'm going to that gas station. I feel like that's not a good way to go about it. But it's like low effort, but I feel like it might make me feel something. It might make my years feel slower my year feels slower um I don't know anyways I got a new couch hey it's big it's red

it's long and it's done I don't need to talk about a couch ever again on the show do I have buyer's remorse not at all but I know my younger self would be second guessing this decision so hard right now at this stage of the game like I've had this couch for a day I know my younger self would be like oh I know it's not it's just not right it's not perfect it's just not the right thing it's not really what I wanted I wanted a white couch I wanted a fluffy white cloud couch and now I have this red stupid old looking old world dark steamy couch what am I doing like and I'd be like I would be so annoyed at myself for

buying this and not the one I wanted but I'm in the flow motherfuckers like I literally literally I used to hear people say like just like be in the flow go with the flow just let things happen blah blah that is so me right now I am not I'm not trying to control outcomes like I used to I'm not attached to outcomes like I used to be I'm not um wound tight I'm just like it is what it is what is it let it be um it is what it is let it be um what happens happens go with the flow let it happen like it's just it's it's a it's a useless way to live or to use like trying to or being emotionally charged when outcomes don't go the way you want them to is useless like you can't change like

it's out of your control you can't fix or I mean okay technically I could could have controlled the couch and gotten the one I wanted in the white the white one I could have waited this out longer and found the found the right one that would fit through my door I could have done that but I'm just like you know what this is what I chose and I like it and it's it's a good uh it's a good fit and I really I really think the color is a symbolic uh thing or something I don't know I'm trying to make I'm trying to give it trying to give this new giant couch meeting in my life this couch represents romance bitches I don't know what do you think what are it's it would be different if this couch was like a bright

cherry red it wouldn't work but it's so dark and like it's like you're walking into a speakeasy oh my god do I live in a speakeasy I gotta fill it in with some I need some colors going I need to tie in some blues yeah I need to so I could go about my accent colors in a few ways I could do so it's got the deep deep red I could accent it with literally lavender or like periwinkle I know that sounds crazy but it's like a modern way to go about um or a contemporary way to go about color or I could do blush I could do like a pink and red theme throughout my living room which I'd have to buy a few more pieces to tie everything together maybe some pictures um I could do I think the classic way to do a red if you have a statement

piece of furniture that's red I think the most classic way to go about um adding color to the room to complement it would be blue like a nice teal my yeah a nice teal blue uh maybe just a couple pillows with that color would tie everything in and it would tie into the water in my painting nicely it's all about pulling colors from other places. You know what I'm saying? It's so easy to decor. Decor is easy. You just got to know what to do, but it's done. This couch is in, it's comfy. I'm going to go lay on it right now and end this episode. Thank you for hanging out with me. I hope you enjoyed. I don't know. What's your worst furniture moving story? Let me know in a DM. Cause honestly, I said this the other day,

I had never, up until that cloud couch delivery, I had never failed at putting a piece of furniture through a door, ever. And I've moved like 50 times. I've helped people move. I'm always, I feel like I'm moving all the time. I'm helping people or I'm moving myself. And I've never failed at putting a piece of furniture through the door. And that's a frustrating situation to begin. But if you go listen back to the Impossible Couch episode, I was proud of my performance and my behavior that day. That was a – I will probably remember how I mentally handled that for the rest of my life. And I'm not trying to be dramatic right now, but, like, that was a huge growth moment. or not even, I feel like I've always been easy going, and like, literally, I'll just sum it up

real quick, the guys show up, I think they were here for about two hours trying to shove it through the door, they were twisting it at every single angle they could possibly twist it in, and it wasn't going, I even got in there, I started doing, we were using our superhero strength on it, I was like, I don't care if it breaks in half, let's try, let's put all of our might into this, I got involved, But I was so like, you know what? Hey, this is a story. I said it's life. Things like this happen. I don't care. I'll figure it out. I'll get rid of it. And I never once, the whole point of me saying this is that day of failure, what did the guy say? He's like, this is a major fail. What's that phrase about failing? Big fail? Massive fail? I don't know. not once during that entire situation was i ever frustrated pissed like what the fuck why can't you guys get it in this is your job like oh my god it's so close it's we only have an inch on one side to get it through the door like oh my god this is fucking stupid i'm like i never got

like that at any point and that's why i'm saying i feel like that's maturity but i feel like i've always been that way I'm just like I'm realizing that I think I'm dude life's too short to get hung up on the small stuff and I'm just I am the poster poster child of that I think it's annoying to be around though to be honest like when I'm around family sometimes I get a I get the vibe they're just like oh yeah she's just like unfazed she can't we can't she can't she won't like if there's hot gossip or juice going on and everyone's going hard in the paint talking about something it's hard for me to get fired up too unless something is completely fucking wrong and like horrible if it's petty little stuff i don't really get involved i'm just sitting there like

this is bullshit none of this matters and this is just everyone's projecting and this person's a waste of our breath and why are we talking about them and giving them energy like you know i just usually sit back and like I don't give a fuck and or I'm just like I don't know if I'm just am I just like not I don't know I'm just not very um yeah what's it called like riled up riled up about stuff it breaks my heart okay so Erica Jane from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is kind of my spirit woman I'm not gonna say animal because she's not an animal but like her energy if you know who I'm talking about is like I I see myself in her if that makes sense

like the way she just absolutely doesn't give a shit just like how just go watch an episode with Erica Jane she's so like observing and just quiet and just in the background and she doesn't give a she's so she's just like unbothered I don't know because I'm always like what's the point this is stupid I don't want to waste my time on stuff that I don't care about and think that it's not important just how I am and I'm better and I am better than other people that are the opposite of that I'm I'm here saying that I am cool I am better than other people because isn't this the way to be like isn't this the goal to be like me and and eric jane like isn't that like what is that like shouldn't i don't know i feel like there are better ways of being than other ways

if that makes sense there are there's like a hierarchy of of there's a hierarchy of reaction styles in social settings in situation and in conversation I think there's a hierarchy and I think some things are some ways of responding and reacting are superior to others and I fucking believe that

because of the way I think it's because of the way or if you look at patterns and trends of outcomes after these kinds of after usually in heated debates and dramatic like blow-ups or gossip sessions when you look at the outcomes and you look at the people and where

they're at after the fact and you look at their behavior and how they responded I feel like there's a pattern and there's some people that like are better off because of the way they handle themselves versus other people. And that's just the, I just feel like that's life. So I don't know. I'd rather be, I'd rather be cool and calm and collected than reactive and crazy and just like emotionally charged by everything. What noise was that? I don't know. Hey, this is a therapy session with myself sometimes or whatever. So I get to selfishly sit here and work things out like I don't even know what that topic just was um like I came here today to tell you guys about my couch but okay but like I get to reflect about

my I my whole thing lately is or not my whole thing I am a naturally curious person I like observing human behavior and observing my own behavior and commenting on it and thinking about it and talking about it. And so I guess that's what I just did. But yeah, again, let me know what's your worst furniture moving story. There's nothing like taking a mattress down a flight of stairs. Yeah, that's always a good time. A mattress down a flight of stairs has got to be one of the most. Actually, it's kind of funny because you kind of just say fuck it and start, you start throwing it and, and you start, uh, you just let it fall down the stairs. If you know what I mean? You just like push it. I've seen mattresses go out of windows

off of, um, up from, from up above a few stories. That's always fun. Um, I don't like being, I'll say this though. And I'm glad I had the delivery people handle everything. Cause I don't like to be in my neighborhood like I don't like to be seen in my neighborhood lifting furniture and like hauling stuff it just like makes me feel I don't know I'm embarrassed like I don't have so I have quirks or whatever about myself but there's something about I don't know why being in my neighborhood and like for example whenever I go to the laundromat you guys all know I love the laundromat I'm working on not giving a shit and just like not caring because no one's literally no one cares and no one's watching and I it's all in my head everyone's

focused on themselves no one's focused on you Jacqueline get out of your head who cares but my inner socially anxious younger self comes out still comes out and I'm trying to squash her every time i bring my basket of laundry to my car um when i do laundry because i just feel like this is so like college or just like like poor and like i'm so like embarrassed of like being seen with my fucking dirty laundry out on the sidewalk like walking to my car and then i have to like hoist it up on my i like rest it on my knee as i like open my door i don't mind bringing groceries in because everyone does i don't know i'm in this phase that i'll just say this like whenever i catch myself having dumb ass thoughts like that i i am in a phase of saying like i i

will talk myself down from those stupid thoughts and i'll like just i'll cut myself out of it which is such a huge deal because when i was younger i just spiraled it got worse i was in my head i was thinking about oh my god everyone's looking at me this is so embarrassing i wouldn't catch myself i wouldn't see the thought and catch catch it and stop it that's what i'm saying now i do that now i'm like who gives a fuck and honestly i get over it in two seconds but i that thought still surfaces i'm not saying it never happens anymore but i wish that that's something i wish i could tell my younger self or like a tool i could give my younger self because nothing fucking matters like that

and I don't know why I used to care so much, so I'm so nervous, I'm so nervous, and just scared, and anxious, and just, I don't know, what the hell was this episode, I gotta end it, I'm gonna go make some dinner, and lay on my couch, and watch probably basketball, or I don't know probably need to walk Jimmy again what are my steps at 8609 we gotta work it up

to 10k boys that's just a couple laps around my apartment honestly 4.39 miles yeah the night's young I'll finish my 10,000 steps I'm kind of one of those I am one of those people

I am one of those people I'm tied to my my step count I feel what is how do you say this I find my self worth through my step count no I get self

my self esteem is tied to my step count or my confidence I don't even know what I'm saying i just feel like a loser if i go to bed and it's like 7 000 steps but anyways that's stupid but i think i do think about it i'm like oh i could have done better i could have done 20k i usually do like now that i've been um walking jimmy my dog i've been averaging like 15 000 i think a day and we've been running lately like i've been And I love running. I miss, I feel like the only reason I haven't been running

was, or is because I had a puppy who was really little. And now that he's bigger, I still haven't been running though. Now that he's bigger, I'm like, oh, I'm doing this every morning. It feels amazing. And my thighs are getting snatched. I love, that's what I love running for. I'm like, dude, if you just want to get your thighs in shape, like really quick, just start running a couple miles every day just tones them really nicely and get that little line on the side on your quad um just gotta film roll it out though i feel like the first couple weeks is rough on the calves you just gotta film roll it out and um i do see my new routine i haven't updated you guys on fitness stuff is i run now i'll walk run because you know he's got to stop

to do his business but I run a couple miles and then I come home and I do my 30 minute Travis Elliott edge flow on YouTube which is my favorite intense yoga yoga workout so I run and then I do that and it's like the perfect morning sweat it's like I get the fresh air I get my lungs pumping and then I go do my yoga and then I'm working all my muscles out and I'm, and I'm stretching and I'm, I don't know. It's great. I'm just a, I'm such a creature of habit. Like I do the same things every single day. And, um, when it comes to fitness, like that's, I'm so locked into yoga. It's not even funny. It's like, you just have to stay consistent with, I feel like you just have to get through the first couple months of being bad at it before you get locked in and like look

forward I always like see that's the thing I can tell if I skip a day of yoga I can tell my body at this point is like get it like wants to stretch out and get on my mat and like move and it it's like I get I get like pulled to my mat I'm like oh I feel kinky I feel stiff I just want to go like even if it's five minutes, just do a twist, do the splits, do some cat cows, do some fucking rainbows, do some, what are the, all the poses, I don't know the names of the poses, but, uh, they feel great, anyways, okay, that's it, hit that subscribe button, I'm here seven days a week, um, this is my, this is my audio diary, diary, this is my audio diary, this is an audio vlog it's a daily vlog daily audio vlog it's my audio journal

audio diary same thing um it is it is what it is it's it's whatever I want it to be okay you get to tune in seven days a week and hang out with a stranger on the internet and hear about my life and that's the long and short it doesn't i'm not here to change the world i'm we're bitches we aren't going to mars okay we're not we're not inventing anything uh that nothing here is gonna break new horizons this is not i'm not going to share any groundbreaking information with you that you haven't heard before i'm going to sit here and say a bunch of relatable things, relatable topics. I'm going to sit here and discuss relatable topics that

might soothe your soul because you'll feel less alone. And that's all I can, honestly, that's all I can do. That's all I got. That's all I have to give. I just, I just, I can't, I don't know. That's all I have to give. You know. Anyways. Hope you had a great day. Wear your sunscreen.

It's summer. Wear your sunscreen. Hit that subscribe button once again. And I will talk to you tomorrow. Okay, bye.