The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 296- I Hiked 50 Miles

Episode Date: October 17, 2021

Happy Sunday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS

What's up, guys? It's episode 296. Welcome back to the show. hey what's up it's Jacqueline welcome back to the show this is going to be my 50 mile hike recap episode. Me and some friends hiked from Mammoth to Yosemite three weeks ago, and I was very ambitious and I wanted to turn around an episode like the day after I got back and recap my experience. But, um, it's three weeks later, we're finally, we're finally getting around to it. Anyways. Um, I'm queuing up my camera roll right now so I can recall what we did. And I think I'm going to start you guys all the way back to ordering things off of rei.com. Um, shout out REI

panic ordering supplies before the hike. Cause I had nothing. So I don't even, okay. I'm not even telling the story correctly um my uh my boyfriend is a big time like hiking adventure boy skiing hiking mountaineering um he does like cycling he does a lot of like outdoor activities and travel he's been to like 50 countries anyways um he's been planning this trip since the spring time because he wanted to do a through route from Mammoth to Yosemite which is like a super beautiful hike along the John Muir I don't even know how to say it John Muir Muir John Muir Trail the JMT anyways so of course um I said yes I want to go when he asked me and I've never done anything like this so just understand that like the most so my the most okay hold on let me drink

some water did I even set the scene I usually try to set the scene for each episode like describe what you did today describe what you're wearing describe your surroundings like I'm in my kitchen I feel like a youtuber right now with a big ring light on my face because I'm getting off track but whatever um I'm trying to like blast light in my face to wake my eyes up because it's I'm it's like 6 30 on a Saturday night and I'm just like I'm done I'm spent I've been tired all day I woke up at like noon anyways so I got the ring light on I got a big I got a tall glass of water next to me I bought like 10 books at the thrift store today so I'm staring at a stack of books um two of them are about dogs like why dogs love us and what's the other one called

I don't know oh my god I got like a never I won't say what I the book never mind I got okay I got this book called 15 minute German because my boyfriend speaks German he's German so like I got a book about how to speak German and I feel like a loser because like I could just use an app like Babbel um shout out Babbel they're always like a podcast sponsor um I could use an app where I could just I don't know do Rosetta Stone right but like I got a little old like 90s German book anyways I'm looking at some books um I got some dresses at the thrift store my kitchen's a mess I need to do laundry still um anyways there's a scene set for you I'm wearing I'm wearing biker biker shorts and a Scott Disick, Scott Disick.

Sometimes on a podcast, I start talking to him and I'm like, did I even complete a sentence or is any of this making sense? I hope it is. I'm wearing a Scott Disick talent, uh, his brand talent, talentless, talentless, um, like a black talentless long sleeve. Anyways. Okay. So in seventh grade, I did my first and last or first and only overnight hike, overnight backpacking trip of my life until I did this, oh my God, until I just did the 50 mile hike three weeks ago. So my experience backpacking the woods dates back to seventh grade and I haven't done anything like it since yes I've hiked yes I've gone camping where you roll up in a car and you pitch a tent and you're like it's like a chill

thing you're not hiking every day you're not like you're not exerting your body you're just camping okay so that's what like my family did growing up and then my mom like growing up she took us on hikes ever since we were little babies like yes I know how to hike I've done it my whole life but nothing like this nothing where it's like everything you need for five days is going on your back um there will be there will be mountain lions and bears and I don't know what else is dangerous out there uh snakes rattlesnakes anyways there's predator there's gonna be predators around coming after you potentially um and like it's deserted like no one's around there's nothing close by to help you other than like maybe occasional hikers you see here and

there um anyways so a week before the hike started I had to buy everything because I pretty much had no supplies other than like a headlamp my mom gave me and what else like that's it anyways so I was in South Carolina um for a couple weeks and I don't know why I mentioned that did I say travel I think I already mentioned the beginning of the episode I've been gone like traveling I was in Washington with my family and then I was in oh my gosh I didn't even do oh my gosh I didn't even recap. I went, like, all around Washington, and I went to Mount Rainier. I went to the Ho Rainforest. I went to Glacier National Park, right? Yeah, I, like, did all this stuff in Washington, and then I flew to South Carolina. Anyways, yeah, so it's kind of a blur. Like, I was gone pretty

much the whole month of September. Anyways, last minute, I had to buy, like, a backpack, a sleeping bag a sleeping pad a bear box for my food clothes like I wanted to look cute I didn't want to wear like any old workout clothes I already had I wanted to buy special clothes just for this hike because it's like I feel like it was a big deal I'm like I'm hiking 50 miles like I want to feel as cute as possible out there because I know I'm not gonna have a shower for five days and like you know so it was kind of fun like I went on to REI's outlet outlet website and I got this osprey 65 liter backpack so everything's like i don't understand like i'm not i don't shop at like rei i don't like buy outdoor stuff very often but the measurements are like the units

of measurement or how things are measured it's really interesting like the backpack holds 65 liters basically so i had to get one of those um which is it's huge it's like the size of it's like half the size of my body and it was such a good deal like I don't know what the original price is but I think I got it for like $230 versus like I'm sure $600 or something and it was a it was a great backpack like it had a great um I ended up buying two actually so I pan I was panic buying left and right because I knew I was going to return a bunch of stuff the other backpack was a 60 liter and it was too small and just like not as comfortable, but the Osprey, sorry, back to the Osprey one I have. Um, it was so comfortable, like no back pain, no issues. Like

it fit me like a glove. Um, anyways, so did I, am I going through my list of what I bought? Oh yeah. So yeah, I got a backpack. Okay. First of all, I know I'm all over the place, but like, I think I ranted. So if you don't know much about the show or like me or what, if maybe if you're just tuning in now, there was a moment. There's a, there are a few moments I would talk about like dating and like hinge and like, or just like online dating or dating apps. And I would say stuff like, if I see a guy on top of a mountain hiking I'm out I'm just not interested I don't I can't do these adventure boys I can't do these like always on a hike boys okay I used to say that and like here I am fucking hiking 50

miles with my boyfriend and it's like okay and I'm buying all these expensive um all this expensive expensive like backpacking gear and I have a like I own a 65 liter like one of the nicest kinds you can have like buy it's like it's just funny to look back and think about that because I used to rant a lot and I used to talk about like my personal life and dating and shit and it's just like it's funny how like I remember specifically saying like if I see them on top of a mountain or if they're on a hike and their pictures on their uh profiles like on their dating profiles like I'm it's I'm sorry like I'm I'm not I'm done I'm out no thank you swiping left um which is interesting because when I my boyfriend I met on a dating app and of course like

I don't think I've really talked about this at all but I'm pretty sure he had like a picture of him with a like a literal heart like a hard hat like a climbing hat on and he was like mountaineering anyways okay so I also bought this it's called a big agnes blow-up mattress thing um like it for my so I could sleep comfortably then I got a gregory I think it's a gregory sleeping bag and I was just buying I was just buying whatever like whatever was available like whatever was cheap I was like I just wanted to be light as light as possible because I have to carry it the whole time and I don't really care about like brands or like I don't really like I'm not that into backpacking to like want to buy the best stuff anyways so anyways I order oh yeah

I had to order a bear box because every night you have to put your food in a bear box in these national parks like it's a requirement you can't just f around like you have to have one you have to put your food away from your campsite like 100 feet away or something um and you have to cook your food 50 feet from your tent something like that um anyways so I got the stuff from REI and I ordered like cute little workout like crop tops like I decided my my color scheme this trip was going to be pink and red and black I think yeah pink red black so my bottoms are all black oh and white pink red white and black and I had three workout crop tank things that were pink pink and red oh my god I'm really spaced out right now

guys I don't like I said I'm doing the best I can I just need to get this out okay from here on out so let me just I feel like I'm in my groove kind of again what am I saying moving forward I'm gonna podcast every Sunday like I set out to do like I want to keep that plan or keep that routine up but right now I feel like I'm struggling a little bit and it's because I'm I don't know I have no notes like I'm just doing this off the top of my head and it's it's like you know 6 30 p.m on a Saturday evening like bitch watch some squid game go watch go go watch it go watch squid game go watch um what other shows am i watching billions go watch youtube podcast which is my thing i like to watch um

oh my god like no one psychoanalyzed this but like why do i enjoy like i genuinely enjoy watching Bert Kreischer. I think I did his name right. Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura. I like watching their podcast, Two Bears, One Cave. They're two middle-aged comedians, two male middle-aged comedians. And I, when it's time to chill in the evening, when it's time to just put my feet up after a long day of work, that's what I go to. Like, it's almost like a comfort thing. I think when I, I like watching, um, stand up as it is. I listened to like, I mostly listened to, um, comedians podcasts, but it's like, what is that? Like, why do I, it's like comforting, I guess, to just watch regular people have a regular conversation or, you know, funny

conversations anyways um how did I get here I don't know oh I was talking about how I shouldn't be doing this because it's 6 30 on a Saturday night look podcasting never sleeps it never sleeps okay I gotta I gotta keep going I haven't been feeling like myself lately okay this is gonna be a different tangent from the hike but real quick um you have to understand when when I went from so here's how my the last year has kind of gone pandemic March 2020 oh my god lost my job like everyone else and was basically just isolated and living in a new apartment alone for the in this in this new area for the first time I live in San Diego if you're not familiar with where I live anyways and from like March until July depression like I was in

the darkest most horrific place mentally I've probably ever been in my life from March April May June July like five months and basically from August until now I'm a butterfly bitch like I'm so good. I've been, I got, so I got hooked up with therapy, medication. Um, and I started podcasting. The point of me saying this is I started podcasting as a way to like work on myself, get my thoughts out and just like release what's on my mind. And I did that every single day from September 4th, 2020 up until the end of June this year. So you have to understand, I went every single day of the week, seven days a week, like a psychopath. I shouldn't say that about myself. Like a ambitious, motivated, hardworking person with goals. Um, I did that

for, yeah, like 300 episodes. And then I took July off and then in August. So just a couple months back, I decided, okay, I'm going to do weekly podcasts now. So every Sunday you're getting a new episode. So lately, lately though, something has just been a little bit like something about like me and my body and how I like, and my mindset and how I like feel about myself and how I'm like seeing myself every day. it's been a little bit like dumpy and I always say this like whenever I podcast I always feel like amazing after like I always feel better after I always feel like I'm in a better mood I'm happier I'm more connected to myself I'm um because you're literally like when you sit alone

on a microphone you're literally you're listening to your you're listening to yourself like you're listening to your uh like your soul speaking whatever comes to mind you're saying it and you're hearing it because I have the headphones I've got the feedback the monitoring in my ears so I hear my own voice as I'm talking which is I think low-key like no podcaster talks about this I feel like that's the appeal of podcasting is the fact that like you can listen to your own voice and it's kind of fun and it's like that's part of the experience as a podcast host like hearing it it like makes it more enjoyable than just not having headphones on anyways um so yeah I'm back I'm gonna continue my hiking story because I haven't even broken into like I've even talked

I don't know how many minutes we're in right now like I haven't even started I haven't even put a foot on the fucking trail yet I haven't even talked about being on the trail yet okay so let's get into it um long story short I bought all the stuff from REI I got all the cute stuff on Amazon on I even got this cute little pink silicone cup for my oatmeal every morning and my coffee I got like oh my god I bought a knife oh my god I got a knife I was like I there's no way in hell I'm um I'm out there on that trail without some sort of sharp object like we actually used it like we needed it for a few times as a as a tool so I'm glad I brought it um and pepper spray bear spray so yeah and then like the sunday before we left because we hiked from what tuesday through

saturday tuesday wednesday thursday yeah tuesday went tuesday through sunday wednesday through i don't know um we went to rei that sunday before and bought all the bought all bought all of our like free stride mre meals i'm just looking here we have i'm looking at pictures of food we got beef jerky we got protein bars we got uh trail mix we got chocolate we got wait where's my pic I took like this sweet a sweet picture of um it all laid out so instant coffee liquid IV packets I brought liquid IV I don't think anyone else had those electrolytes with me and I'm glad I did um shout out liquid IV big fan um someday you know what I'm like okay I know I'm a small ship here out on the podcasting sea but like do I just like cold email these people

and say hey like I'm a podcast host I have a podcast um sponsor like can we work together like I know there's some sort of like I literally do that for my job but like I don't think about doing it for myself like I work in PR and I work the media and I like literally cold email people people all day long, and, like, sent out pitches to people, like, like, no big deal, but when it comes to my own podcast, I'm, like, oh, wait, like, I could work on this, I could grow it, I could try to get some deals and brand sponsorships, and it's just, like, it's, it's, like, not on the top of the brain, I don't know why, so, anyways, Liquid Ivy, great product, big fan, um, instant oatmeal packets, oh, these, um, Clif Bar things called blocks, which are basically little gummy, like,

fruit gummies that you eat as you're hiking for like energy. Goos, which are also these little energy packets. A lot of endurance, like marathon runners and cyclists take or eat this stuff on the, as they're, as they're like running, they, um, you've probably like seen pictures or you know what it is. These little goo packets. Um, oh, I brought some bags of tuna, spicy Thai chili, and a lemon pepper one and then so for the freeze-dried meals so like every day we basically did oatmeal for breakfast um random like oh we did oh so I made I made us pb and j roll-ups in a tortilla for lunch and then we would have like so I'd have like a pb and j roll-up some jerky maybe some chocolate and like we couldn't have any fruit so I dried mangoes like you just kind

to have like squirrel food for lunch and then for dinner it's a freeze-dried MRE is that what they're called MR I don't even know what it stands for I just kept hearing that on the trip MREs um so I did I got two mac and cheeses so shout out shout out backpackers pantry by the way um we bought all the all of their freeze-dried food so I got two mac and cheeses a pad thai and a uh chicken risotto and all of them were amazing all of them were amazing oh my favorite item that I packed on this trip or the for food is um so I suggested we do fireball fireball shots every night so I we packed like one for each night because you only have so much room in that bear box like everything has to fit it's small it's like the size of how many gallons is it

five ounce, no, I don't know, it's too, it's, like, so small, so one little fireball shot at the end of a long day of hiking is what I came up with, and so that was a nice little treat to have those, um, we just went to Vons and picked them up, the little, like, tiny, you've probably seen, like, the mini shot bottle, anyways, um, Um, so still haven't talked about walking on the trail yet. Um, I'm just looking at pictures though. Yeah, that's it for food. Um, I never starved. Like I really didn't, but it was kind of intimidating to like, look at my bear box and look at all the food I had to put inside of it. And like, it just like, didn't make sense. I'm like, there's no way this is going to fit.

and it did it ended up fitting but okay so let's talk about the hike um we drive up to oh god I have pictures here we all we had to start do a last minute REI stop on the way up um okay let me just okay so we parked our cars in Yosemite Yosemite Valley and the first day when we drove up there we looked at um Half Dome so let's just talk about this so I live in San Diego. Me and my boyfriend drove up. We picked up one of our friends. We drove all the way up to Yosemite. Um, our other friends are meeting us. They're also parking there. Anyways, uh, Half Dome took my, like, it literally made me speechless. I felt like I was on another planet. it was so majestic, like, I don't, like, okay, I have something, like, kind of annoying about

myself to admit, like, I didn't know this existed, I didn't, I didn't know, I've heard, here's the thing, I've heard about Yosemite National Park, I've heard that in my head, like, I've seen this, the bumper stickers I've heard about it okay I follow this photographer on Instagram I think his name's like Jay Guzman or Jay Guzman I should probably okay whatever anyways I follow a photographer and every now and then he posts pictures of Yosemite National Park and it's just like a beautiful picture and like one time it was like okay there's half dome but it didn't really phase me or I like I didn't really think about it okay so and I've lived I've lived in California now for three years and this is my first time going up there

like I pretty much moved to San Diego and stayed here and then if I went anywhere else it'd be LA and that's it like I haven't explored at all and I honestly have like zero desire like I I was telling um my boyfriend this I'm like I literally like I don't even think about it maybe I'm just like too tunnel visioned with my own little like work and my own little personal life and I have my dog and like I just like and I enjoy where I live like I think I've I've really enjoyed exploring San Diego so anyways it's wild so when I saw Half Dome we went up to this lookout um I forget the name of it's like something point lookout anyways um and I saw it and I was just like I got almost was emotional I had to like take a moment I like sat

by myself for a while and I just stared out and looked at it because I'm like oh yeah and then he goes um oh by the way the Alex Honnold guy from the um free solo movie climbed that so like I heard that like on the way to the lookout part where we saw it he said that and I'm like then it made it even better and I'm like oh my god someone climbed that like without ropes like oh my god that's this is from the movie also haven't seen so I haven't seen the movie here's another annoying thing about me like I haven't even seen that movie I didn't even know I didn't know about El Capitan never heard about it in my life I didn't realize like he also free soloed that and that's what the movie was all about the documentary that won all the Oscars like

I don't know I just like I judge that part of myself because I'm like it would it seems like common sense or just like a normal thing a person would do when they move to a new state to like check out a map and like explore and like want to explore and like want and like have a general understanding of the area and the things going on but like i just I got other priorities man I don't know okay I podcast and I sit in my apartment and I drink coffee and I play with my dog and I go to the beach and I work I honestly like I definitely feel like I'm in that point in my 20s where I'm like okay grind work grind grind grind work work

work, work, work. Like I, I'm so focused on my job that a lot of other things are taking a backseat. So anyways, um, but I bought 10 books today. Okay. Now I'm like, I'm going to be a reader. I think I mentioned that, um, a while back. I was like, I just decided, oh yeah. I'm like the, I swear it was the last episode. I'm like, yep. I decided I'm not a reader, but then I know as soon as I see a book in a store, I'm going to want to buy it. And then I'll get on a kick for like three months and then I'll quit again. And anyways, still haven't talked to you guys about walking on the trail. So let's do it. Um, we park our car in Yosemite. We catch a bus to Mammoth. Okay. The idea is we parked our cars there, go to the start of the trail in Mammoth

and then walk back to our cars, basically 50 miles. Okay. So, um, yeah, it was cool. We got on a bus it's called the Yart bus and we went this we had a really cool I think his name was Kyle a really cool bus driver who was telling us all about the area and just like giving us all the tour guide um knowledge he had from like all the people that have jumped on his bus and talked to him about their trips and he just knew a lot of stuff and he was uh he was funny and entertaining the whole time because I think the trip like I don't know why but I so I've studied this map I've known about where we're going like I've seen like we literally did a debrief over zoom on Sunday night before this and like went over every little section of the trail

like I knew what we were doing I knew what we're getting into but for whatever reason I thought the bus ride from Yosemite to Mammoth Mammoth was going to be like 40 minutes and it was like three hours so I was just like I got on the bus and apparently so like I don't I just I'm so sometimes I'm just, like, why do I, I'm, like, out of the loop sometimes about stuff, um, I wasn't paying attention, I guess, or just, like, misunderstood the distance, so what did we get before, oh, yeah, we got some, like, food before the bus, and I got yelled at for not wearing a mask inside the little, um, cafe thing, gas station cafe food stop, um, yeah, they were real strict, like everywhere in the valley in in the national park area like you had to wear a mask everywhere

so I had one I like forgot to bring it in the store though but anyways um I got like oh I got a good sandwich I haven't had a ham and turkey and excuse me not a not that oops bad combo not a ham and turkey I haven't had a ham and cheddar ham and cheese sandwich in like years and so I got a ham and cheese sandwich and I got a kombucha and I think that was it I just had that for dinner on the way on for a three-hour bus ride we show up oh yeah this is cool so we get to Mammoth and we have our one last like hurrah at this bar um we got some drinks and some food we all like carb loaded I think we had like six pizzas on the table two baskets of waffle fries um just lots of beer and just lots of food basically and um like we all show up there with our backpacks

and that's all we have so we're at this bar we all drop our backpacks off it's chill though like we're in Mammoth people are doing that all the time there and they're skiing and snowboarding so it's not like we I don't know just it was kind of funny how we all walked in with our fucking backpacks on how many there are six of us yeah um that was fun and then we walked to our motel we stayed at the holiday house getting a facetime for my sister I'm answering it because I don't podcast very often so this is a moment hello I want to see Jimmy yeah okay I'm on the I'm recording right now. I decided to pick up, though.

Aw. Jimmy's in Washington. He comes home in three days. Hi, say hi. Hi, Jim. Oh, his little face. Hi. What's the latest with Jimmy, Julia?

He's just playing. Yeah. You're going to miss him, aren't you? I think mom's going to miss him. Mom's going to miss Jimmy the most. Okay. oh he's so fluffy now his tail looks a lot fluffier okay this is probably annoying for the podcast listeners but

or maybe it's not I'm just saying that okay I'll call you later bye okay um oh yeah there's another life update Jimmy's been with my mom at her house for like a month and a half now she was so amazing for offering to keep him because basically I went to Washington the beginning of September literally September 1st I think is the day we left and then last minute we decided to fly to Hilton Head to fly to South Carolina for two weeks so my mom's and then my mom knew about the hiking trips so she's like Jacqueline why don't I just babysit Jimmy for the whole month and then fly him back in October so that you don't have to worry about

boarding him and like you know I couldn't if I it's like pulling out it's like putting a kid in college down here putting a kid through college for it was like a month of boarding so that's like a hotel every single a room in a hotel every single night for a month like it's just extremely um out of my budget like I can't board my dog for a month like it's so expensive like I thought boarding a dog would be like I don't know max 50 bucks a day and like some places it's like 200 like and they make you tack on like this is the thing they make you tack on like bonus stuff like hey if you want your dog to leave his isolated room every day and play with other dogs that's an extra $30 and then it's like okay but if you want it to be all day long unlimited that's not

that's another $60 a night on top of what the nightly rate is so it's like if you want to give your dog a good life while you're gone you have to like pay more for it and they just like make you feel like shit if you're like actually he's 15 minutes out of his isolated room to eat and shit is fine and then like put him back in like I don't know um so he flies home in three yeah like three days and I'm so excited and it's gonna like that's probably what that's probably affected my mental health a little bit maybe like I don't know because like during the day Jimmy and I always like cuddle and he's always there for me to pet him and to talk to and I just like miss having that around so like with Jimmy gone with me not podcasting and talking things out on the microphone

every day like I'm a I'm a fucking mess and you know what you know what's not helping I'm actually not like I'm in a great place I'm actually very happy but you know what's not helping oh my god it's like dark at 6 30 what the hell like ah like I love the fall I love being cozy I like how it's like cooler whatever but like the darkness is it affects me like getting dark early affects me a little bit I have seasonal depression you should have seen me in Washington like that was a joke it would be I when I worked at my university after I graduated it would be like three feet of snow and it's like 3 p.m. it was dark and I'd have to walk home in that every single fucking day great job though like I honestly miss that job a little bit and I miss that like lifestyle and

that routine slightly just because of, I think the people I worked with, the people I worked with made it like really fun and just like awesome interns. And it was, it was a cool, it was a cool job anyways. Okay. So still haven't, I literally plan to talk about hiking and I still haven't talked about it. So we saw Half Dome. We went and got drinks. We rode the bus. We stayed at the holiday house, just a little motel in, um, Mammoth before the night before we hiked. And then, oh yeah, I was like conserving battery. So I didn't take a lot of pictures, but I did take some selfies in the hotel room, the motel. And I had no clue. Like I looked so good at the beginning of the trip. Like I had no clue what I was getting into. I'm like smiling.

I got a coffee. Oh yeah. I had a hustle. Like I had to, we got, oh my God, we got this taxi. it cost us like $90 to go two miles. The day before we found out, so when we were on the bus to get to Mammoth from Yosemite, after we parked, we found out that the bus wasn't going to the trailhead. So we had planned on taking a bus from the motel to the trailhead on the first day, just found out it wasn't running. So we had to like figure out a taxi. And so the taxi was supposed to like show up at like 7am and we all woke up at like six and there's a coffee joint down the road and so I was like hustling I was like running to get coffee for people and and some bananas and like just like some snacks for breakfast and like before the taxi showed up

and I don't know it was kind of like a weird it was like a chaotic morning and I was like oh my god like this is there's no turning back like today's the day like holy shit start like I got kind of overwhelmed and like I was like really nervous because I've like never done anything like this before, and I was, I was, like, double checking all my stuff, I'm, like, I'm trying to make sure I don't, like, forget anything, or, like, I have everything I need, and, because once you're on that trail, that's it, like, there's, you can't fix anything, you can't, like, get new supplies, you can't, oh my god, I'm in the middle of burps, oh my god, just, just make a noise, Jacqueline, to, like, deflect, people really like when I make the noises,

all right it's all natural though here I feel like I'm uh I'm still on day one here about this 50 mile hike you guys tuned in to find out about how it went and I'm still on day one yeah I have a cute selfie in the motel room with my coffee and my backpack on um god I took the longest shower the night before oh my god I enjoyed I enjoyed myself like I was in the shower for like 45 minutes I brought a razor and like two I brought two new blades or like yeah two new razors and so the night before I was going to I was going in I was like scrubbing my body getting as clean as possible like every little I was just like over I like washed my body six times like I was going hard and then I obviously shaved

everything and oh man I was like this is the last shower I'm gonna have for five days so gotta take advantage and just like having that hot water one last time was great I think I showered in the morning too I did like a rinse off I can't remember um we did have an issue let me say this we were concerned prior to going on this trip about the air quality because of the fires there were fires in I don't know my geography or I don't know California I don't know about the fire Sequoia in the Sequoia forest or something further south so we were concerned that the air quality would be bad if the wind like blew the smoke up so I remember on the first day we kind of have we had this little like tiff not really a tiff but like a couple of the guys are

like, I don't know if we can do this. It's starting to look, it's not like the sky's looking kind of like smoky today. And like someone else was like, nah, it's going to be fine. It's going to blow over. Don't worry about it. So anyways, like the first day it was kind of like, I don't know, like the morning before we left was like annoying because we're like, we're here, we're doing it. We decided like, it's going to be fine. And then, yeah. So, um, an Astro van taxi came to picks up I'm looking at the picture here um the guy was kind of rough looking it was a little bit I'm just saying I'm just I am profiling I'm being a little bit um judgy here but like first of all Astrovan rolls up my parents used to have one I grew up in an Astrovan so like

but I still associate them with like it's like a van it's like a van it just like it's got it's ugly like it it's old like it it kind of looks sketchy like whenever you see them now it like doesn't hit right in the brain like it just feels like someone in there is up to no good or they're proud they're on the prowl you know what I mean um so it rolls up it's got the taxi sign on top the guy was just kind of like he kind of seemed angry kind of like he's had a hard life or like he just, I don't know. He just kind of like seemed like he was going to yell at any moment. Like we did something wrong. He was going to crack. Um, but anyways, we all piled in, put our, put our backpacks in the back. Um, and we went to the trailhead and then the next picture is me looking

cute in my Nike hat. Oh yeah. I bought like a new golf hat and you would Nike golf hat just for this a white one too. I caught like a white sun shirt and a white hat. And by the end of the trip, they were brown. Like, I just want to look fresh and like crisp out there. I didn't want to look dirty. So yeah. Um, but yeah, the next picture is a selfie at the end of day one. So I guess the first day, um, what, what happened the first day? Can't remember. I don't have pictures, but like basically it was so beautiful. Like the most breathtaking place I've ever been. like, I've hiked, I've, I've been cool places, but there's nothing like the John Muir Trail views, and especially the route we went, like, we were up high, so the first day we saw the

minarets off to our left, I know nothing about them, I just know they're called the minarets, these beautiful peaks, and we're, because we're up high, like, we took a route where we're up high above the valley versus, like, going down in the middle of it with, like, the rivers and the lakes, so yeah it was beautiful like I remember though the beginning part so the very first thing we did on this hike were switchbacks forever like it was just like we got on the trail and it's like all right we're doing we're already doing switchbacks and it's boring as fuck and we're just like going back and forth and we had to do that to get up high obviously um and then I'll be honest like we were so I was like okay I say this right now about my physical fitness I'm in like medium

shape I don't feel like I'm in my best shape ever like physically I'm not like shredded and like super toned and like I it's not like I have this crazy endurance but for whatever reason every single day of this hike hiking trip I would like towards the at the end of the day like I'd want like I was like going to it was like oh she's going too fast or like I had to keep stopping to like wait for other people behind me and like it was just like what the fuck like I'm not even tired like this is getting like I'm I feel like I'm walking too slow like everything's slow slow slow so me and my boyfriend would actually just like high tail it to the campsite every single day like towards the end and I'm not I'm just saying

like I was surprised by myself I was like I think I liked the reason I liked hiking so much or if all right the reason I realized I liked oh my god what an episode buckle up bitches she's kind of I feel like I'm all over the place that's what a podcast is though it's just like stream of consciousness in 10 different different directions and you're in a washing machine as you're listening like trying to like keep it straight and sorry I'm not helping by going on different tangents but what I realized about hiking is that I enjoy the footwork the footwork puzzle piece aspect of it where literally every single you're watching every single step you take or you're anticipating every step you take so that's like fun your brain is always stimulated

by like your steps and like where you're going to go next with your feet so that's fun and then like if I woke up one morning I'm like we're hiking 14 miles 15 miles today it's like okay that's what we're doing like mentally I'm like that's we have to get that done that is the we're not going to just like cut it short so what would happen is at like the end of the day if we had five miles to go I was always the one that's like we got to get this done we got to we got to finish it we got to push through and I guess like I what I found out about myself is that I'm just like mentally. And I always knew, I feel like I've always been this way, but like, I'm just like a, I'm just like a, I don't complain. Like everything's fine. Like I just like, I was so

positive and optimistic the whole time about the trip. Like these long days we'd have 15 miles, we'd have to wake up at like 5am. I was just like this, we're doing it. We're out here. We're going to make a hat it's just like let's go like I was so amped every step of the way and I never had a moment I never had a breakdown so that's the thing first of all no blisters no breakdowns no back pain no issues with like endurance my lungs being too tired no issues oh my god my sleep no issues like I went out I I was unscathed I went out or came on the out on the other side unscathed and it's, like, I feel, like, it could not have, I'm not, I'm just, this is not me, this is, like, not a, this is just what it is, like, it could have gone terribly wrong, like, a lot of horrible things

could have happened, obviously, like, I could have rolled an ankle or gotten eaten by a bear or whatever, but, like, it could not have gone off, it could not have been better, like, I, everything went perfect with me it was like i was it was just it was like almost annoying every morning we'd wake up and someone's fucking air mattress would pop in the middle of the night and they talk about how they didn't they only slept like two hours and i'm just sitting there like i slept i slept like 10 hours and i feel amazing and my back doesn't hurt and i feel great let's fucking go like everything like ah like i had the best like honestly that i'm over or I'm overstating this or over explaining this part, but

yeah, like I just enjoy it. And I, and I, I liked pushing it. Like at the end, we'd have to like go downhill. Like I love, I love going downhill. We'd have to go for like a couple of miles downhill. And I just wanted to like run, run down or like go fast. Like I liked the challenge of I don't know anyways so I might take up trail running I might continue backpacking I'm obsessed I'm obsessed and I can't believe what I used to think about people that backpacked before this like my judgment my judgmental tone towards them and like my not like I judged people that backpack I honestly didn't think about it that much but like I'd see pictures on Instagram of like hiking people and like backpacking people and just like oh my god that seems like the most

miserable thing ever but it is it's so amazing like it's so fun you're out in the wilderness you're with your friends you're it's just you and your backpack and no phones no technology you're off the grid and you're pushing your body every day like we were doing 10 to 15 miles a day and you get to set up camp sit around the campfire eat some fucking freeze-dried mac and cheese and tell ghost stories and you know oh swim in the river talk to other hikers they're you know at your campsite it was cool um anyways I don't even know where I'm at on this or am I still on day one oh I found the campsite so the reason I'm so I saw the selfie on my camera roll and that made me think about how

that was the first day that me and my boyfriend went ahead and found that campsite early ahead of the group and we had walkie-talkies to like keep us connected the whole time so we went ahead we found the campsite I've excuse me I found the campsite and I just really think I'm a shit if you can't tell by the tone of my voice and just how I'm describing my hiking experience like I just really it's more so like okay I think I found the okay I think I found the campsite every single night actually yeah or one night I didn't but like the first three I did and so I'm proud of that I'm just like really proud of myself I guess and I just feel very accomplished and very like almost, like, surprised, too, by myself, and I don't, and so, as a former super,

um, like, I, so, before, maybe I'm overcompensating for my, like, the past, when I would just, like, sit and stew all day about how much I hated myself, and how much I felt like a failure, and how much I was just, like, never satisfied by any accomplishment, or anything I ever did, it's like I'm trying to practice the opposite of that now where I'm like you did that girl you did great you pushed yourself you had a good attitude you know what you bought the right shoes and you didn't get blisters good job doing that or like what like that's probably why I didn't get blisters honestly shout out Las Portiva Las Portivana uh Italian climbing shoes the guy in free solo wore

them I wore them on my hike I highly recommend their approach shoes um I don't know anyways yeah but I'm trying to like the it's like the way to feel better about yourself and have a better and have like a get and get a higher self-esteem and all that good stuff is to just literally compliment yourself and tell yourself how amazing you are, and not in a big-headed way, just, like, you gotta give credit where credit's due, and I'm trying to, like, you know, shout myself out a little bit here, and applaud myself, because that's a big accomplishment, and, like, in the past, here's what's kind of screwy, my mindset in the past, or my attitude towards a hike like this in the past would have been, like, ah, it's nothing, like,

ah, no big deal, like, if someone was, like, wow, I can't believe, 50 miles, like, wow, oh my god, I I would probably just like brush it off where now I'm like taking a moment with it I'm like fuck that's a big deal that's not something every anyone could just do or it takes a strong mind to accomplish that it takes a strong body to accomplish that it takes perseverance and mental fortitude and all that stuff and it's like wait a minute it's like girl you have that like you did that. Like, congratulations. Like, yes. So anyways, um, maybe it's because I've just been like verbally and mentally and psychologically abused here and there in my life to the point where like, I don't know about that. It's more like, does that, does that make me, did that turn

me into someone who's like super self-deprecating and just like not impressed by myself because I've just constantly been knocked down and like not constantly like I've had seasons of hard times and hard relationships and hard like and abusive people in my life but like I think the outcome of that is that I just I had it like caused me to have a low self-esteem and like a low self-worth and I would just like poke fun at myself all the time because I just like couldn't take myself seriously because the people around me were like abusing like emotionally and psychologically abusing me that's sad okay fuck I don't even like to talk about that I don't really think I've mentioned that but like now I'm just like that's unnecessary Jacqueline you don't have to

keep doing that you don't have to keep like that's like something you did as a it's like a survival thing or self or like a deflective self-defense thing that way of acting but i don't know but then i'm like you know what nothing's more annoying than someone that gloats and constantly like shows off and says how good they are so but then i'm like you know what dude the fucking like boxers out there that are popping off right now are all like that they're like I'm the champ I'm the best I'm going to the I'm I'm gonna win this fight I'm number one nobody can beat me like they're all like that so I'm like okay that's kind of inspiring maybe if I did a little more of that I could be great like that too someday like sometimes like the big like the best people in

the world the best of the best of whatever they're at whatever they do they're all kind of like arrogant and full of themselves but in a way it's like it serves them though it's like a good it's like a positive thing I guess my biggest fear has always been or one of my fears social fears mostly is um coming across like I am full of myself and then I think I'm so cool and like I never want to put that kind of energy out there or like give off that impression so I don't even know how I got here I guess I was just like talking about how I was like able to get through this hike unscathed and I just like I had no issues and I was just like so i just like had like the best experience and i i'm so like my mental toughness is like so

i don't know i'm so like i was like oh my god like i can i go pro with this like how do you fucking is there like a backpacking olympics somewhere jesus christ um what what can i do really quickly um backpacking i can i can stuff i can stuff a backpack pretty quickly now and i can no it should be like okay who can stuff their sleeping bag in the stuff sack the fastest that could be a competition or like roll up a sleeping pad or like put a tent together the fastest or because every single day we had to do that we had to do that twice a day take down put up take it down put it up take it down put it up and then by the end of the trip you're just like stuffing shitting your backpack you don't even care if it's folded nicely but

anyways um day two let's get there um we saw a marmot my uh geolocation my photos album my iphone my god oh my god wait it's 7 21 so wait i've been podcasting for an hour okay um the wheels or the wheels are fallen off the wagon. I forget where, what I was saying. Oh, the iPhone says Ansel, Ansel Adams wilderness. Um, the picture of the marmot above it says Ansel, Ansel Adams wilderness. This is 8 53 AM on September 23rd. We saw a marmot and we were all talking about how we want to domesticate it or like, it'd be cool to have a domesticated marmot. They're like a little mini, they're like a little beaver they're cute so we really wanted to see a mountain lion or one of the girls on our

the only other girl excuse me on the trip what was it four four guys two girls four two yeah um she really wanted to see a mountain lion I wanted to see a marmot and nobody wanted to see a bear and we ended up seeing a bear I didn't actually see it but the group did um the other half of the group selfie oh this is when we went over a pass I forget the name of the pass and then we came over and saw this amazing glacier don't know the name of the glacier and there's a lake oh yeah we were filtering water this is what was so crazy so I showed up with a Nalgene and no water filter and I was like like here's probably okay the worst okay now I'm gonna talk shit about myself after I just said all that nice stuff like you would think my number one priority

of this trip would be water like where are the water where's the water coming from how is it being filtered do we have enough filters are the filters new are they ready to go are we good with water like you would think that would be my number one priority instead it's like okay my color scheme for my outfits is pink red white and black and I want to have the cutest um setup possible with my backpack and my like fucking pink little like oatmeal coffee cup and my like oh and like I want to have a knife just in case a bear comes like I had this literal pocket knife with me like those are my priorities and I didn't think about water once before the trip and I think it's because I trust so the amazing amazing thing

about my boyfriend is that he's so prepared at all times with like everything like I never have to like he's the type of person when you're around him you're just like I'm good like I don't I don't have to worry ever like I I he just always makes me feel like everything's taken care of so I guess I heard him say like oh yeah I have this water filter we'll be fine like we just do that he's like done this so many times I just trust him and so I guess I heard him say that like we're good for water you don't have to worry about buying a water filter having your own and I just like didn't think about water after that so anyways the whole time I feel so bad because he had this water so we had like a big water filter bag we'd hang on a tree at night for our like to cook with

and to drink water and to fill our water bottles up with and everything but the one we used on the go was um on the go the one we used on the go was his like um it's like basically a silicone water bottle with a filter right under the cap and he would just scoop up glacier water like river like stream water river water whatever and then he would squeeze it into mine and it would take like five minutes like it wasn't a quick process and like literally the entire time he did that for me and I just like thought nothing of it until one day he made me do it he's like go down the river and get your own water bitch like not like that he doesn't know he wasn't he didn't say that I think I just like grabbed it and did it myself and I was like oh my god like I've been

busting through water this trip and he's made sure I've had I've had water this whole time and he's had to like sit there for five minutes and squeeze water into my water bottle and yeah but um that's kind of the amazing thing about backpacking is that like as long as there's water you can like go anywhere in the world and like backpack and go multiple days like it's you just have to make sure there's a lot of water around to drink from and um obviously we were drinking like amazing glacier water from like thousands of years ago like that oh it was melted so much like there's like no snow left on one of them it's kind of sad um we actually ran into this guy that was doing like a scientific a science project on it what was he doing like a

he's taking tests on the glacier or taking core samples or something on the glacier and he hiked by us so yeah it was cool like i just like the um how excuse me what was i saying about water oh i was looking at a picture here of the lake and i was like oh yeah we just like dump our water bottle in here and drink the water one time there's a dead fish though up the stream and i caught i saw the dead fish and then we went down the stream and filled our water up and i'm like yeah we're definitely drinking some fish guts in this right now like there's got to be some sort of like shit in this water feces like some sort of like fish gill creeping in that filter like through getting through that filter like there's no way it's a hundred percent like I don't know

I didn't we didn't get that um what's the disease you get when you're you basically like shit your intestines out from drinking bad water guardia it starts with a g I think I don't know yeah so I just took a bunch of pictures of the glacier um selfies cute my hat's brown on day two all over the bill there's just like nothing more fresh and cute to me than like a like a Nike hat especially a white one you know like a fitted Nike hat so before the hike I was like okay I could do it I'm gonna do a beanie like I knew I was gonna do a beanie at night for warmth and then I was like okay daytime like I want to cover my face from the sun and I was like okay I could get one of those official hiking hats those like safari looking hats which is like what you what most people

wear out there and I'm like I just don't want to look like a dork like I don't want to look like a dork I don't want to wear a big build big brimmed like it were you know what it reminds me of my PE teacher Mr. Bell in middle in elementary middle school like he would I feel like he'd always just have one of those like hanging over like had a little um tie on it and he'd have it like hanging on his back like all the time like he would just be like teaching PE he wouldn't have it on his head unless we were outside if we were in the gym he would just have that like do you guys know what I mean like it has a little like it has strings hanging down you can like cinch up to your chin to make it stay on and not blow away in the wind like he would like drape it would like

hang over his shoulders around his neck all the time and so yeah those hats like remind me of him and he was a cool honestly he was such a cool one of my favorite teachers of all time but like I don't know just have like it just like made me think of him and it's just ugly like it's not cute so I went with a fitted Nike hat and I looked good like honestly like I was like I like saw pictures of myself and I was like I looked fucking good like people we were just constantly taking group pictures and pictures of everyone like candids and just us walking together with their backpacks on and yeah so we ate lunch at this little stream it was very cute um oh then we just like walked god the picture is like you just

it's so beautiful came across a meadow I'm just scrolling oh then we had a breakdown I remember this part so day two was supposed to be like the hardest day where we had to do I think we're we wanted to get to Lake Evelyn or Evelyn Lake which would require us to go over two passes one in the morning and then one at night or one in the afternoon and we kind of had a breakdown as a group not really a breakdown we just had like a a standoff like me and Alex were like or I just said his name his name's Alex okay whatever um we were like let's go we want to go to Lake Evelyn or Evelyn I can't I think it's Evelyn Lake because um the view apparently and like the sunset was gonna be incredible and I wasn't done like it was only like 2 p.m and the

sun was out and I'm like I'm still full of energy like I could hike until six like I can keep going the rest of the group we like came across this meadow and this river and they're just like we want to chill we want to enjoy this we want to take our time we're tired we don't think we can go up another pass it's like 2,000 feet of elevation blah blah blah so we all just came to the um we all just decided we're gonna camp here so on the second night we camped by a river and it was cool we actually like swam in it and that was like the best part is like at the end of the day we would just stand in the river or the lake or wherever we were with water we always camp next to water and it was like taking a ice bath because we'd you know our feet would be tired from the

the hike and our legs would be tired and then you just stand in there or you like swim around and it felt so good um there's always like little fishies in in there and um I did laundry on day two already do a laundry like I came prepared like I had soap oh my god I even had these special shower wipes like I bought these um special so they're like a baby wipe with these beads on them that burst and it turns into like a it's like foamy but like it's just like it was the best purchase of the trip one of the best purchases because you know I'd sit in the tent or I'd go down by the river I'd like clean myself off I'd like fully go into my every nook and with that cloth and I never felt gross I never felt dirty never felt stinky and so

um yeah shout out to I think they're just called shower shower wipes you can get them on Amazon um they were like cheap too I think it was only like eight bucks you get like a 12 pack not not too bad I think it was worth it um made me like it made me feel like my priority so my priority when I really think about it was cleanliness like okay I told you guys about how i didn't really think care about water or think about it but like smelling good was my number one priority oh my god like i even brought like this um so i brought a ton of baby wipes and they were scented like lavender scented and like just like really high quality wipes um biodegradable of course only bought biodegradable shit um leave no trace

if you're out in the wilderness if you're at a national park if you're out anywhere outside if For even, if you're even on, if you're standing on the side of I-5 hitchhiking and you're holding some trash from 7-Eleven, leave no trace. Put it in a garbage can. Don't throw it on the side of the road. Don't throw it in the forest. Leave no trace. Anyways, so yeah, I got these baby wipes, the shower wipes.

I brought this like dry spray to like keep oh my god I brought gold bond baby powder uh yeah but like this dry spray for my shorts and my sweatpants my armpits like everything that was like hot and and sweaty those areas my boobs were sweaty the whole time like I'd spray it there um yeah I just wanted to be as fresh as possible and I feel like I overdid the my toiletries were weighing my bag down but I didn't give a shit I was like this is not something I can go light on I brought like fucking lotion and um well I brought a hairbrush I don't know it's like it's like not recommended but like I'm not gonna stink no it's just not an option I don't care that this is part of

backpacking you're gonna smell bad your hair is gonna get dirty you're gonna have a stinky crotch and your armpits are gonna stink like no I don't accept I'm not I can't do that actually no one it never got to the point where like someone around me was like smelling funky like everyone was like pretty much everyone just like jumped in the water and like called that a shower it was fine and it's not like our bodies get that dirty just hiking like on a nice path like we were never like in the trenches like in the church just like getting gross um am i still on day two day two i had pad thai oh my god day once we had mac

and cheese and then um one of our friends brought hot sauce and we put the the yellow bird habanero hot sauce in the mac and cheese and oh my god it was so good um I'm tempted to go to REI and just stock up on some of those just for like fun like on a random night I just like make a freeze-dried mac and cheese meal and watch tv or something like i don't know it's so good like honestly it's like one package is like a thousand calories or something because you're trying to like you're burning a lot when you're hiking that much every single day with a backpack on like if you're doing 15 miles and anyways so the whole container was like a thousand calories and i remember the mac and cheese was hard i couldn't finish it my boyfriend's like you gotta eat it all you gotta

you gotta replenish, you gotta fuel, and I'm like, I can't, like, I'm gonna, it was so much mac and cheese, but day two, I had pad thai, and this is where things went south, okay, so pad thai with chicken, right, after I did laundry, I came back to make dinner, and I remember, oh, yeah, when I went to do laundry at the, at the, at the river, I found a little mirror that said Barbie on the back and I got so excited it was like this little shitty kitty mirror and I didn't bring it so that's the one thing oh my god I can't believe I didn't bring a mirror like you would think that's a like something I would think about like okay how am I going to look at myself like obviously I had my phone and I could use my camera but like I didn't bring a mirror and that would have been

really helpful just to like kind of see how I was doing with like my eye boogies and like my mouth crusties in the morning and just like making sure there's no dirt on my face like you know what i mean um not like it fucking matters when you're out in the wilderness and everyone else is looking like shit too but anyways um next time so yeah i found a little mirror it was cool it kind of made me excited and i kept finding all these pine cones that were shaped like pineapples so i collected i like found like i got a mini one for myself and a big one for my boyfriend because I found it on the last day and he likes he like collects pine cones from the forest he goes to so um I don't know it's kind of his thing do I have that syndrome it's called boyfriend syndrome

where you like only talk and mention and say things about your boyfriend I think I do a little bit I hope it's not annoying to listen to whatever um so day three so I make the pad okay let me talk about the pad thai so didn't read the instructions I just said okay or I just knew I had to dump the hot water in let it sit for like 30 minutes it's gonna expand it's gonna hydrate I'm gonna put the spices in it came with like a peanut butter packet peanuts this like lime salt um and then seasoning powder right so I was just like oh this is like a no-brainer just put the water in let it sit put the stuff in done okay so I make my pad thai I throw it and I'm oh yeah I drink I think the second night I was like I'm drinking two fireballs like I'm gonna sacrifice

one on the last day or whatever and I'll go a day without one like I had two that night and um oh yeah and then I think we had an I had like half an edible too I didn't know one of our friends brought them and they like passed it my way and I was like sure so yeah I was feeling great that night honestly night two was probably the it was like a great campsite where we were at and also just like the vibes are nice because I was a little bit just a little bit buzzed and then I was like my edible helped me sleep really well and I like slept really hard and you know it was nice and I had that great pad thai it was super flavorful and just like so salty oh my god okay speaking of that um the next day I wake up and you know we're taking apart the tent

we're packing up our sleeping bags and our all of our food and I don't know what happened but like I well I do know what happened I um took that little barbie mirror and held it up to my face and like my eyes were swollen so bad like my eyelids were hanging, they're hanging, like, over my eyelashes, and my wrists were super fat, and, like, everything was so swollen, and I just felt, I just felt, like, chubby, my face was so fluffy and chubby, and, like, especially, so my eyes were kind of freaky looking, right, I'm, like, what the fuck, so I kept, I was chugging water, right, I'm, like, okay, I gotta flush this, I gotta flush this, this is, like, salt retention, I know I'm at, like, 10,000 feet of elevation right now, like,

it's probably a combination of you know all the hiking and the elevation and then the whatever so turns out that the spice packet for my pad thai was it's like you sprinkle it in to taste like you don't use the whole packet you just like sprinkle it in until the flavor is like and it's just like a seasoning so it would be like getting it would be like getting okay what's like a good comparison like imagine yeah okay imagine a taco seasoning packet coming with a taco bell taco in the bag for no reason at all it's just like in the bag to like add it on top as a seasoning so imagine having that and then instead of just like doing doing a couple sprinkles on top

of the sour cream and the cheese and the lettuce on top of your taco which is already seasoned like the meat's already seasoned um instead of just like doing a little sprinkle on top for like extra flavor and just like a little garnish you do the entire packet and then you eat all of it so like it's way too much sodium for one person like that's supposed to get dispersed into an entire everything of meat in my case I basically had enough salt probably for 10 people like it was so I had so much sodium from that in me and so I look crazy all day like it took me like honestly until like lunch time past no not like all day like dinner time to like look normal I kept looking at myself in that goddamn barbie mirror but I was kind of helpful just to like see if the swelling

was going down I just hate having I hate like looking at my hands and then like it was freaky like I couldn't even see my veins it's like this is not right but um anyways day three was chill I think day three was our easy day let me look at um the pictures oh yeah um yeah I took a picture of my pad thai it's so dark there's so many spices in it okay day three it looks like we hiked to Evelyn Lake that day so we ended up going up a pass instead of doing it on day two we went on we went on the pass day three to Evelyn Lake yeah which was so cool kind of felt like we were on a different planet it was um you basically walk on this trail in the middle of a giant like field and then there's mountains circling you and then all of a sudden there's this lake

and it's just like there's no shore it's just a lake there's like a couple little um beachy parts but yeah it was so cool and that there were like these big rocks everywhere and I guess like honestly like this looks like a place they'd film a movie because it's so deserted and beautiful and um yeah okay my face like i took a selfie like holy fuck i just did not look great that day um uh we came across this like i don't even know what it was um i took a picture though there was like a horse it's like what is this called it's like an equestrian horse

stop post what is it called like a a campground with cabins up what was a vogel it was vogel vogel saying i can't i don't know if i'm saying right so vogos vogos vogos saying vogos saying vogel saying pass or vogel saying peak i think there's like a there's just like something there I can't describe I only have a few pictures but like there were outhouses and this rocky there's like a rocky cabin with like a chimney and these empty like broken down cabin things I guess like they put up once a year at a certain time and they come through with horses I guess that's what this was so yeah we stopped there and we ended up not

going to Vogelsang it was like too much to do um really steep but yeah so we like hiked through that and then my favorite picture of the trip is the water bottle pictures I took um of my boyfriend squeezing the water into my water bottle because I like it was just like a constant thing so I documented that um it's kind of cute um selfie selfie selfie I'm just on my camera roll I don't know guys is this even here's the thing like I don't know much about this trail I don't know much about backpacking I'm just describing my experience like I feel like a better way to do this episode could have been like me researching looking things up getting really detailed about every little step of the way literally like every part of the trail and like what it means and like

the history and like what the name of the glacier was and like I could name like the Evelyn Lake at least um I should have like known what that horse stable thing was um I don't know we're just casual I'm just like trying to casually get this out and just talk about the trip as much as I can and call it good because like like I said it happened three weeks ago so the longer I wait to do this the longer it's just gonna get thrown to the wayside and i i want to remember this i want to have this like to like to listen back to someday even though i like can't listen to my own fucking podcast but like you know what i mean document the journey bitch okay we're on oh yeah i put i looked good I look like I was on Hoth the um so in Star Wars um is it the is it the um

the planet is it called Hoth or it's like a map in one of the games like Battlefront it's called Hoth it's like all snow the uh outfit so I was wearing I zipped up my sun shirt and then I had my white hat on and I put my hood over my hat and I just look like I look like Anakin Skywalker honestly with the all white like if I was surrounded with snow it looks so cool but um I actually posted one of those selfies like this on my Instagram so go check it out I'm just walking with my backpack on um oh yeah and then we got up we got around um some granite this granite guys here's the difference so I grew up in Washington hiking right and to me when you're out in nature you're surrounded by trees there's just trees everywhere

it's like full of like hikes in Washington are lush there's an ever evergreen tree and underbrush and ferns and all this and moss forever like that's what you look at the whole time so what I realized is that in California and Yosemite it's literally like you're walking on the same landscape except it's just bald it's just rock it's just granite there's no trees like there's trees obviously but it's not like it's full of trees and that's why it looks that's why I was like I think that's why my breath was taken away because I was like it's as if especially when I saw the half dome Yosemite like the valley area it was as if I was looking at a mountain in Washington that was just razored and just chopped and just like what's the correct word I'm looking

for here um skinned alive it's like the mountains were skinned alive like I've never really seen that before so I guess that's why I was just so amazed I was like wow it's just so much granite so I'm walking I'm taking pictures um yeah it was cute there's like little trees sticking out of the granite somehow they grew through the rock um might speed this up here oh yeah this is when we saw the bear so again we had to go downhill for like two miles at the end of day three and of course I'm obsessed I love going downhill like it's fun for me I enjoy it I actually like going fast like I have this insane body trust where I never think I'm gonna fall like it's probably a bad thing and again I know this is gonna come across like cocky arrogant

I'm just so cool I'm just so athletic I'm so amazing like I'm really like I'm just saying I'm just saying what it is like I didn't struggle going downhill like some of the groups struggled where I was like this is my favorite part this is where I want to like push it and go hard and like have fun and like enjoy the footwork part of going downhill and like it's just fun I don't like you have poles by the way like we're using um hiking poles or trekking poles to like catch you if you fall you know what I mean so that helps anyways I'm just looking at the pictures here and I definitely went ahead this day and got to the campsite early we ended up camping oh no no no so me and my I just keep saying boyfriend's kind of annoying I'm annoyed at

myself at this point we went we went to this lake forget the name of it and we were just scoping it out and on the way to the lake am I on day three yeah this is the end of the day on day three um on the way to the lake we have to go through this like meadow there's just so many meadows out there on the trail and i'm ahead of him so i'm like walking in front of him and i just like find a path within the grass and i'm like oh this is like a nice this grass has been like used like it's been pushed down to create a path to the lake okay so I'm like this is what we're gonna walk here we're gonna walk on this to get to the lake because it's like already established this is the path to take okay so something about this lake though

was creepy it was creepy it felt that so I wasn't scared so much about bears or wildlife or anything like that until we got to this lake the weather was a little warmer we were down we are lower in elevation um and yeah there's just something about it just like the energy in the room when i was reading the room the energy was just a little bit gamey like something around was like there are predators within the like in our vicinity and there were this is the day we saw the bear this is the day the bear came within like 10 feet of the rest of our crew so go check out the lake we were just seeing if this would be a good area had to camp we were just seeing if like hey is this a good spot to get water it turns out it

wasn't so i went up to we walked on this little like beaten down path um in the in the grass we walked up to the lake i looked at it and the shore was very mart like um swampy the water wasn't running it was just like a it was like still lake water which isn't good to drink like you want to the ideal spot to get your water on a backpacking trip apparently i'm just saying what i was told is where the water is like running so like a river a stream where it's like gushing and it's like it's like that's the cleanest part anyways um so we check the lake out it's like a dud like no we're not going to get water here and then we look there's this berm of trees kind of in the middle of the grass in the middle of the meadow so we go back to that meadow or

back to that berm of trees and we're like oh like this is a great camping spot like we're in we're covered with trees it's like flat there's like good obvious spots to put your tent and so it's just me and it's just us two right and the group's way back like way way back like there it took them I think we got to that lake and then maybe like two hours later they showed up or something like it took them a while to get there um so again I'm just so good at hiking and just so athletic and just just like I have no issues and I can just like really go hard on the on the trails um because here's the thing here's why here's what's weird it's like when I look back of the trip, it wasn't even like, I never felt like I was pushing myself really, or I was going

really fast. I was just walking my normal pace. And so I think with hiking, especially with different fitness levels and different like style, like, or different preferences, like some people hate going downhill versus like people like me love going downhill. What ends up happening naturally, I think, is you get separated and not everyone is going to go at the same pace. so I guess that's all that happened, it just definitely took him a long time on this day to get to the lake, and it was kind of creepy, for those couple hours, it was a little creepy, because this whole area was freaking me out, and I was telling him, he who should not, he should not be named, if I say boyfriend one more time, take a shot every, you know what, the drinking

game on this show is take a shot every time I say boyfriend, you have to understand, I haven't said that in a I haven't I haven't said I have a boyfriend in like two years so it's like fresh and new and I guess I'm just like obsessed with saying it so and I keep calling attention the fact that I'm saying it which is probably making you realize I'm saying it a lot and I'm I'm probably stupid for doing that but anyways I told them I was like I just feel weird about this area like we're kind of out here in the middle of nowhere and there's like no protection other than the few trees around us it just like I just felt uncomfortable there I just said something about this little campsite feels uncomfortable like I just we need to go back and then he also

said you know what I think that trail was that we walked on that you like found is a game trail that's clearly a game trail like the bears use that to chase shit and to like go to their to go drink water at the lake or go like, that's a path. That's like a common path they take because it just, it's not like a, it's not like the, it's not like hikers like us are just like constantly using that path. Right. It's like, we kind of just went out there on our own and just like found it randomly. So, um, we went back to the official, like there was an actual, like official camping spot um or campground kind of tucked back that felt a lot more safe and there were even like broken down cabins and stuff there like again I really understand how

this works I guess it's like I think these are called backpackers campsites and what you can do actually is you can do these backpacking trips I'm not sure when I don't know how where you hike and then like there's like people setting up the cabins for you and like the food's made for you everything's like done for you you just walk it if that makes sense so I think that's what we were I think that's what that whole campground was so we ended up finding um this amazing waterfall and like a nice stream and riverbank thing and so we're like okay we're gonna camp right here it's like close to it we can get water for dinner and everything so we pitch our tent we're doing our thing and then we go into the water I'm like getting my um you know my feet

soaked and literally within like 30 minutes to an hour a bear was right there where I was standing in the water like it's it just happened so fast um because I want to tell the bear story now so basically we set up camp in the wrong spot our the rest of our crew shows up and they had pointed out some signs they're like we can't camp here we have to camp back there so we had to move our tent and literally as we're moving our tent we're just like we picked it up like it was already set up we just picked it up and walked to the new campsite as we're doing this or no no where were we we were scoping out the new campsite and that's when the bear came over by the water where our friends were like swimming and and like cooling off and doing that like it just waltzed on by

waltzed on by we have a video of it and it looked like it was like brown like it's a black bear but it was brown it was pretty it was a pretty big bear and it acted on phase like we they were making noise like they're like saying hi to the bear and like you know kind of yelling at it and it just like acted like it didn't hear them it was like ignoring them it just like did its own thing it's kind of nice to see that like it's rare that it's very rare like I don't really know what the statistics are but like black bears like don't come after people there's a reason for it too it has to do with like how they like grizzlies attack because of their more territorial because of how they like ended up in their territory i don't know there's something like that and we're

like black bears like don't fear people because it never was like that with us with them where we were like hunting them i guess i don't know honestly i don't know look it up google's available at all times 24 hours a day just google search like why black bears are kinder and more gentle towards humans than grizzlies anyways this brown this black bear was brown it was big it was so big like i did not expect it to be this big and of course i only saw it through a video on an iphone but i was like damn that's a big bear and this guy that we were talking to who's also camping there that night like what the bear like walked towards him like straight at him and he had to like scream in it and then at that time or at that point the bear like ran away

but yeah it's kind of sketchy and it was literally like just like next to our campsite too our new campsite was like it's all right there the bear was around you know what I mean it's like who knows how far away it went who knows if there's other bears are like also around it's just the only reason I felt comfortable is because well the main the main reason I felt comfortable is that I was with a big group the whole time like if it was just me and one other person I'd feel a little more uneasy but the fact there was like six of us made me feel like okay everything's gonna be fine you know I have bear spray oh yeah every night I would put my bear spray right outside the tent and then my knife like right it was just like all ready to go I even put my trekking poles

at an angle to like stab something if it came towards the tent but oh my god I didn't tell the story I have a bear story um it's not really a bear story it could have been in Washington when we camped at the Ho Rainforest or in the Ho Rainforest which is on the peninsula and the like olympic national forest um we yeah we camped there for one night before we went to mount rainier the next day and i was very paranoid because i just for whatever reason decided like i was scared about bears while we were camping there like it just like it it was one of those things where like I pre-decided that, or I, like, over, what's the word, I over, I, like, worked my mind up too much, where I was, like, overly concerned, where it was, like, not right, it was, like, irrational fear

at that point, so we pitch our tent, we're camping in the rainforest, this is, like, back in early September, this is over Labor Day weekend, I believe, yeah, that we were doing this little trip and it's pitch black so first of all it's cloudy it was raining so the clouds are making everything dark the trees we're in a rainforest there's mossy trees and fully covered everything all around us did that make any sense okay we had clouds we had okay first of all we had no moon dark clouds heavy rain clouds first of all we're in Washington yeah so we're already like it's already gloomy as shit there just it that's just how it is no moon heavy rain clouds it's actually raining we're in a rainforest there's thick trees all around us it was so dark in our tent you

couldn't see your hand in front of your face and so um it was fucking creepy it was so creepy and like I've camped in Washington like that's the only place I've ever camped in my life and I was never more creeped out than this trip because maybe it's when I was camping I was younger and I was just like oblivious to I was like never scared about anything and like the older I get the more of a scaredy cat I become and it's just like really annoying especially with planes like i don't know so it's like here and there actually the turbulence from going from south carolina to chicago because we had a uh connecting flight in chicago like that turbulence going north was the worst to to this day the worst turbulence i've ever experienced in my life and i was

actually it it like rocked my body like i've never been rocked around a plane like that and it was scary but anyways um it's just like nice to hold on to somebody or like have somebody next to you on a plane that isn't a stranger to comfort you that really helps it's probably the only reason why I like seriously I'm just so blessed okay um but we're in the camp we're we're in the tent. It's like 2 a.m. I don't know. And here's what I hear. Pitch black. It's raining here. This is what I hear. Okay. I hear sniffing at our feet outside the tent. Okay. Something outside the tent was sniffing our the sniffing from the left side of the tent to the right side of the tent i did it a couple times okay i pinch my boyfriend's arm and i'm just like it was so quiet i was so quiet

he's calling me right now fuck um i'm podcasting do you guys want i don't he doesn't want to be on the podcast i don't think he even wants me to mention him but oops um i i just remember he's like snort he's not snoring but he's like totally out and i just like grab him and i'm just like really like just like trying to get his attention like pinching him almost and i'm like like something's outside the tent like i'm like something no i said i said something's sniffing the tent something's sniffing the tent like really quiet and he goes he goes he goes stay calm he's like he's like like slow down your breathing like he told me to slow down my breathing and i'm

like okay like he knows how to he knows what's going on he knows how to handle this like i trust you like i was so scared it was a bear like i was so scared like i don't know like okay and then what do you do if like a bear was there like i don't like what the fuck would you do our car like we parked our car like a ways away and like i was i have never been so like i've had i've been in fight or flight mode a lot in my life for various reasons but for whatever reason like this this moment i felt so scared and like i i felt like um my body was shocked i was just like stiff my heart was racing so fast and i was like i gotta survive i gotta like if there's if it's a I gotta like what am I gonna do I was freaking the fuck out and so anyways um we just like calmed

down it obviously stopped it went away whatever and for like 30 minutes I was wide awake I couldn't sleep I was thinking about it I was like freaking out okay speed up an hour from this by the way I'm I'm telling a story right now like I'm telling a story right now about a camping trip from this is not even about the 50 mile hike from amethyst to yosemite that's taking me two hours to fucking explain this is this is about the camping trip in washington but i just i'm telling you guys this because uh we saw the bear and i want and this it reminded me of this story um this camping story from like a few weeks before i've been i've been like camping and hiking a lot you know what i It's been a great summer and early fall.

About an hour after, I tap his shoulder and tell him something's sniffing our tent. It was a total sniff. I know what a sniff sounds like. It was a sniff. I know it was a sniff. About an hour later, he sits up and screams. like death screams like like the loudest scream he's probably probably capable of like that's his range like he full-on screamed two

times like screamed for his life screamed out of fear it was so intense and so loud and I was convinced I'm like bitch he's scaring off a bear right now I'm like it's out there he's he like here's something like I was asleep and now this time he woke up and he hears it and he's trying to scare it off and he's screaming at it okay so I'm like oh my god I'm like I'm like baby what's wrong what's wrong like I'm freaking the fuck out and um he's like he had a nightmare that a bear was on top of the tent and was like jumping on him and then he's like you know when you're in a dream and you can't scream like you want to but you can't he's like for whatever like he actually got himself to the point of like waking up to scream he was so scared and so he had a nightmare

about the bear after I woke him up about the sniffing anyways there's the story it was so dark and I honestly had a hard time sleeping after that and everything was fine and we were surrounded the nice thing is we were surrounded by fellow campers so we had a few campers around us actually a lot um so if anything went down like I would feel pretty safe like you know someone would come to the rescue I'm sure anyways back to day three night night three of the 50 mile hike uh they saw the bear it walked away the guy scared it away um oh that night we like met some people from Minnesota this couple from Minnesota and the guy that scared the bear away like we excuse me we all sat around and um why does my apple watch

think i'm running right now record outdoor run record outdoor run bitch i'm podcasting um yeah we like sat around the campfire basically or like we all made our dinner and sat next to the designated they had these like bear boxes at the backpackers campsite for your food so we like sat next to that away from our campsite and um we like chit chatted and told ghost stories I don't even know what we talked about I think we were just talking about our trips and oh like what our um like we talked about like something we brought that was like bougie like everyone shared like what's the thing you brought what's your um special item what did they call it splurge item and so like I mentioned how I brought shower wipes I think um yeah so we just

like it was cool it's just like really cool to meet people out there who are doing what you're doing and everyone's on a different uh trail or going a different route and some people have been out there for weeks some people have been out there like for a day or two like us and it's just like such a good time and you really never go like one day we saw maybe actually that's the day we only saw one hiker most days we saw about 10 i'd say so it's a it's a well-traveled or frequently traveled trail um yes you are on your own but people are out there doing it too so it's kind of nice um trying to think about dude shitting in the woods should i talk about it another thing i felt like i know this is not very classy but like here's the thing everybody shits everybody has

to go to the bathroom um you start your day you end your day it's in the middle of the day sometimes for some people like it's just part of life so i knew going into this i'm shitting in the woods that's if I have to go I have to go behind a tree whatever so I just want to say this like I hadn't okay everyone I felt like everyone was talking about how constipated they were constipated they were and I'm like literally nothing has changed like my rhythm my cadence my routine was no different than it was when I'm like home like normally and I'm like yes like I had no issues with my bowel movements I was like ew I can't believe I just said that ew bms oh my god no the one thing about my podcast if you're new if you're just tuning in I don't edit it so

I regret some things I say sometimes and then I'm like whatever I'm not trying to I just I'm just trying to like be my be 100% raw and just like exactly how I am if we're hanging out and you're at my apartment right now like I'd probably be telling you this if we're like besties if we're friends you know what I mean so yeah I was just really excited about that like every day i felt really like emptied out and in the best way before the hike like every morning every night like you know what i mean like it sucks to have to like go 10 miles with a full stomach of like food from like two days in a row like i i would be so miserable if i was constipated and it sounded like some people were or like they have like anxiety

when they're in the woods shit it's so guys we're doing it wrong like there's something about sitting behind a log or a tree and go in the bathroom like it just feels right it just feels better everything is it's just I just really felt at home and you know what I felt out of sorts when I first came back to my apartment um when I first came back to my apartment what am I saying um the first like few days after I just felt like this is so foreign and so wrong like I need nature I need fresh air I need a meadow I need a lake I need a mountain I need to be back out there put a backpack on me right now I was like I'm gonna

go off the grid I'm fucking selling everything I'm going off the grid like it made me feel that way and it was so good for the soul right like I needed that little reset that little like you know time out time out from technology but anyways what part of the trip am i on i'm kind of getting tired dude this is a three-hour podcast i mentioned shitting i can't believe i did that but you know what i'm sure someone out there was curious there are um you can purchase devices like they have these like things these funnels that you like use to pee if you're a lady. Um, there's like shovels you can buy to like scoop a hole. I just use my foot. I just use a stick. Like I don't want to have, I don't want to carry

unnecessary weight just so I could like dig a hole in the dirt. Um, you just squat, you know what I mean? You just squat. And depending on your anatomy, like sometimes you got to spread the cheeks a little bit i can't believe i'm really discussing this basically if you have a fat ass i can't believe i'm saying this we all ended up having like a little powwow about shitting though at one point and it was kind of therapeutic because we all knew we were so we all knew each other like i was i was like meeting these people for the first time right and like by the end of the trip it's like we're fucking siblings and like we're family because we just did this 50 mile hike together but everyone was like chiming in about their bathroom stuff and it was just funny

and I think I mentioned that I'm like sometimes you gotta spread the cheeks a little bit just like it's better it just it's like I don't know it's not like girls can stand to I'm talking about peeing by the way if you're curious like you okay delete the jacqueline this is the part I know hi mom I know you're listening right now you listen every podcast you're probably like Jacqueline that's just like come on don't do it and you know like I mentioned wanting to like rebrand at one point or not rebrand but just like scale back my or tone down my kind of like tacky rough like classless brash disgusting dark kind of way of being on the show but like

it would not feel like I would feel like I'm being someone I'm not like here's the thing like I can't the my favorite thing about podcasting and my favorite thing about doing this is I literally don't think about it I just press record and I go and so I like the idea of being more like polished around the edges and like a little more selective with my word choice and like a little wear like proper okay I like the idea of that because I think it the only reason I like that is oh people would perceive me as like a more like sophisticated person with like her shit together and like more like she's like more you know you know what I mean it's like that's doing it for other people Jacqueline that's worrying what other people think about you which doesn't even matter

and the best thing about life my number one or my favorite thing I've ever learned or ever learned or like heard and put into practice my favorite thing ever is it just sounds so simple to like stop worrying what other people think about you but like literally if you can live by that and actually do that and stop giving a fuck about other people's opinions of you like a hundred percent and just like really not caring because it doesn't matter that's it's the most freeing feeling it's so freeing and that's like it's how I feel I think pre and I mentioned like my year and I mentioned like when 2020 happened and like depression all that it's like before that I was

very much in my head and I made decisions and I maneuvered myself to in a way that would like appeal to other people or what I thought other people would like or you know what I mean so now it's just like zero I do I live according to how I want to live and how I think and how I talk like I not and I don't base it off of what anyone else is saying about me or what they think like I just doesn't cross my mind like dude I was so fake or not fake I just was so lost you know what that's all that's what your 20s is all about like you're just you're just like a lost puppy you're having a second it's like a second birth going through your 20s or something like that what do they say a second puberty yeah you're just like I was so insecure the word is insecure I was very

insecure about myself very insecure about what other people thought about me and I think that was giving off a very um it was just giving off the wrong energy and I probably looked kind of desperate too at some points probably a lot of points like I looked like I was trying too hard that's a thing oh my god it's so obvious to me when people try hard now oh my god and I don't mean that in like a mean way but like you can really tell when someone is really super insecure and they're trying really really hard to not make a mistake or not look like they're constantly they're on this like quest of always being perfect doing things perfect everything's perfect perfect perfect perfect and in a very like un natural way that just it like comes across like

inauthentic and and like they're just trying so hard i don't know that's why i love podcasting is because it's like it's like how do you be a fake bitch on this or how do you like talk and guys today i'm gonna tell you about like i could just put on a valley girl voice and talk about like fashion and shit. I'm obsessed with, so I just got this new La Roche Posay vitamin C, um, moisturizer and I'm obsessed. So like I put it on every single morning after I wash my face. I, first of all, I spritz my face with Mario Badescu, Badescu, Badescu rose water spray. Just like rehydrate my face after I wash it. And then I put on the vitamin C La Roche Posay can't do it I can't I tried that I tried doing the influencer thing at one point

I used to like address the camera kind of like that too like if I go to like my old snapchat videos I would like do beauty guru stuff and I was just like it's cringy it's whatever I love myself like I accept myself I accept that that was all part of my journey to become who i am now and whatever what day am i on day four um oh yeah we saw the bear then i told a story about the um the bear or the sniffing in the tent in washington oh we ended up losing half our group on the last day actually they hightailed it they hightailed it um they ended up wanting to go ahead so we let them go ahead and then we stayed back another night what happened this day oh we walked through this burnt

forest which is crazy um the merced river what's this merced lake that's a creepy lake with the um the game trail that's when i was saying how we like walked out by the lake it was giving me a creepy vibe that lake was called Merced Lake um yeah and then the the next day so we walked through this burnt forest because obviously there's forest fires constantly now in California which is really eerie and it kind of went on forever and it was just kind of like getting to me I'm like can this please stop like can there just not be a burnt tree anymore like when is this going to end and then I realized like this is nothing compared to some of the forest forest fires. Um, I took a picture of our dinner. Oh yeah. That's the night I didn't have a fireball

left. So that was great. Um, Oh, that was also the first day, the last night I, the first time the whole trip I did my own water. I took a picture of that. Yeah. And then like, okay. the crazy thing was the last leg of the trip into Yosemite Valley was so we wanted to do Half Dome which is the the free solo what am I saying the um when I when I first showed up to the trip and I looked out and I had like a moment of silence of like wow this is the most beautiful thing I've seeing that whole like that that's called Half Dome so we wanted to hike the side of it because you can like hike up climb up the side and like there's these ropes you have to like hold on to it's kind of it's super steep and anyways we really wanted to do that but we didn't have

permits so we ended up not doing it but um I'm just looking here why am I saying this oh the last day we hiked down into the valley it was so steep and this was on Sunday morning I think right yeah and people are walking up it and they're all doing half dome and I'm like this if this is not a beginner's um route like this is a I think it was like a 14 mile hike round trip and it was I don't think people go all the way to the top honestly I guess they just like go to some lookouts but it was so steep like going down with the backpack was it was a challenge like the steps were so so um each step was super tall and it was like the last day and I was just kind of like I just want to get down you know what I

mean and I had to go so it went on forever people do that hike I'm sure someone listening out there has done it it's like straight up like you go I don't know how much elevation that is but it's got to be like I have no concept of validation I think it would be like a couple thousand feet three thousand four max I don't know not no more than four but that seems like too much anyways and then you're not even at the top of half dome so then you just like hike to the base camp basically and then you do half dome and then you have to go all the way back down and it's just like that's a that's a long day so anyways I'm taking I'm like looking at my camera all here god my tits are out this day I got this crop top honestly it's really nice

I go in phases of like wanting to show off the girls and then like not ever wanting to show them off and I'm just like in that phase of like wanting to show them off yeah like I am and this top is very much a boob show top and then I had my straps on my backpack like super tight and it's just, like, a whole, just, like, a whole lot going on, but, you know, I've been super flat chest my whole life, except for, like, the last, like, year or so, and so I'm just, like, embracing my new female anatomy, my new woman, womanly body. God, it's so wild. Okay, you know what, I just gotta talk about some real, like, girl stuff right now, or real, just, like, body image shit my younger self so like I remember being so insecure about my body like honestly like

what girl isn't but like really obnoxiously insecure about my body in like college when I was literally 20 pounds lighter than I am now and I'm more confident in my body now like it's backwards. Like now I've like, I'm like heavier than I was. And I'm like a hundred percent more confident than I used to be. And it's just like, holy shit. That's crazy to think about. I guess it's honestly a lot of, um, maturity and just like accepting that your body's amazing and it's beautiful and I'm healthy and I'm fit. And I'm not like, I'm not like fucking like, Like I'd have, like, I honestly, it's not like I'm overweight obese, you know what I mean? Like I'm just curvier than I used to be. And, um, I like it a lot. So it's just funny when I think

about my early twenties and like college and like literally waking up at 5am to do cardio and then like going back and doing more cardio with my friends every night. And like, I was such a gym rat, just like constantly working out even before COVID. So I used to be a gym, I used to be a gym rat like did I just say that twice I used to um yeah like every single day of the week like seven days a week gym gym gym I was just always at the gym and I think part of me is like okay I want to get back to that and I do want to get into like really really good shape again like I really miss like when I first moved to San Diego I was in the best shape probably in my life like I was just so fit and so healthy and I was doing like hot yoga for like six months and

I was like running all the time and I was doing a lot of like weightlifting and I just felt amazing right so I definitely I'm like okay it'd be nice to get back to that but whatever I'm doing now fitness wise just feels so like it shouldn't feel comfortable like you should push yourself and get out of your comfort zone in fact yesterday I pushed myself so hard running hills that I almost fainted I was going so hard so it's good to push yourself not that hard not if your heart can't keep up with you like that but um uh yeah I feel like whatever I'm doing now though is like if it's just like comfortable and it doesn't feel like I'm constantly on this hamster wheel of like trying to change my body and like fitness grind and like let's detox this month and let's like

do a new workout routine and like I'm not like do I'm not trying to do anything I'm just like alive and I'm working out I'm moving my body every day I do a ton so I still do my thing right now is I tons of yoga pretty much seven days a week I'm doing it and it's not easy and um I just started running again I like running in the fall I like running when it's cooler out especially if it's raining like I just love that's what like I used to do that in Washington I love it so yeah I've just been doing like and then you know when I get my dog back Jimmy and I walk every night and every morning every night and sometimes we go to go on runs and then I'm gonna get a bike soon I'm gonna start cycling I have a bike I should get it shipped down here but I also just

like want to treat myself and get a new road bike so yeah I just feel like this is the way to do it because I don't overthink about I long story short I think I used to be so I used to spend a lot of mental a lot of my mind what am I saying I think I used i think my body and diet and all that was on my mind so much in my early 20s in a super unhealthy way and it like it was so unnecessary like the more you think about that kind of stuff like the worse your life is like now i now i just like it i don't even i just like it's not like i don't care about how my body and how i like to feel good and look good don't don't get me wrong I'm famous like I'm fucking I'll be the first to admit I like

looking good and I I really care about my appearance like I really do I'm not ashamed to admit that like it's important to me but it's weird how like I don't obsess over it and I just feel a lot more happy and like at ease with myself and and as soon like literally as soon as someone on social media starts on a rant or a tangent or something about like fitness and diet I'm just like I can't I'm mute unfollow like I just don't mess with it anymore I think some people it's like their passion and I know so many people that it's like that for me it's just like it wasn't I like drank all the kool-aid and I got to it was like information overload about fitness and nutrition to the point where I'm just like I didn't even have hobbies it was like oh what do

you do i fucking work out and i go to the gym and i eat healthy i know how to meal prep that's like the most boring shit ever i feel like it's just like brushing your teeth fitness it's part of being a human being it's part of being alive it's part of being an adult take care of your body watch watch over your health but you know thank god for the educators and the teachers out there and the nutritionists and the trainers and the fit people because they all help me at one point but I just decided now it's like okay I know it works for me I don't need to keep diving into it and looking it up and following it and constantly thinking about it all day long I mean fuck anyways um did I even finish the hike oh yeah the last day we hiked down to the valley

back to the car it was wild we actually walked to this um god the waterfalls weren't they weren't we were flowing or gushing because the time of year but we saw some waterfalls but it was crazy we walked to this bridge and literally the bridge was like so once we crossed the bridge we're in the valley or like we're done with the hike that was like this this stopping point it was exactly 50 miles like as we're walking we're looking at our gps thing and it was like what the hell that was kind of like a weird freaky thing but yeah we got to the car stripped down I put on we had like extra changes of clothes in the back

um oh my god I like left my puff my Patagonia puff in the car which is one of my biggest regrets because it got cold at night and I didn't have anything like that I didn't have any warm jackets the only thing I had were um was a zip up like sun hoodie that was thin so I ended up layering like all of my tops um yeah it was just like it was I was freezing he's calling me again fuck I gotta text him I'm podcasting um just like you know out out on the town ignoring you no um we're both doing our own things tonight I need I needed to podcast so yeah I kept like I like layered up all my stuff because then I have my puff so when I

got back to the car I'm like oh my god my puff I can't believe I forgot you yeah we stripped down we um do we go to in and out I forget we had to drive all the way back to San Diego it was a long day oh we stopped at um one of our friends parents houses and they offered to make us dinner and I showered there oh my god I was like the mom's like do you want to shower and I'm like yeah and I just like it was like the best she like knew she looked at me she's like do you want to shower I'm like thank you I'm like thank you they had like this amazing like dinner for us cooked out it was like kebabs like with filet on them or something like some really good meat and that was great um but yeah that was a trip I feel like I need to wrap it up and

fucking call my boyfriend back but I don't really see other pictures that um looking at camp campsite pictures yeah it's a hike I mean you're out in nature you're camping and you're living off the land I don't know what else to say it was beautiful life-changing proud of myself I'm glad I got through it um mostly mentally god I I just I just am really proud of that about myself we're very like yeah I don't um I'm not trying to get deep right now but like I'm just really tough or mentally just like good about everything like I don't stress about I always say this I keep I keep repeating I feel like I say this a lot but literally nothing is a big

deal to me and maybe that's because I've had some really hard times in my life and childhood trauma and all that fun stuff but like I don't like little things that go wrong in my day-to-day life I never like fret about or I never like make a fuss about I never even I don't even like react almost like I'm almost like numb to it not numb where I'm I'm just like because there's a word for like the it's like annoying when people are it's not complacent it's like a f f f f um apathy apathetic apathy definition lack of interest enthusiasm or concern apathy because it's just that I have perspective and I know that I'm so I have I have it so good

I know there's seven billion people on this planet and I know I'm in the top one percent like I have it fucking good I don't know if it's one percent but like compared to a lot of people I'm okay and so yeah I guess I'm just like I've gotten to this really I've developed this really healthy mindset that it's really um it's making life good it's making life kind of easy that life's hard right but like when you don't freak out and worry and get cranked up about little stuff or just like

you know like if something like honestly to like straight up if i fucking rolled an ankle on that trip first of all we had a a reach thing uh i don't know what they're a garment in reach where you could like call in a chopper get a coast guard to come pick you up so i was that was probably gonna happen if i broke my ankle but let's say it was like the fourth day we had one night to go and maybe I sprained it. Maybe I could still walk, whatever. It's like, I know if something, cause nothing went wrong, but I just know if something did, I would have a positive attitude and I would have fun with it. Like you're out of my control. I hurt myself. Fuck. Oh my God. I sprained, like maybe I sprained my wrist and I had to walk the whole time with a sprained

wrist. I can't do anything about it. So instead of like, this is what I've learned. Instead of spiraling out of control mentally just like everything sucks oh my god this sucks sucks sucks instead of being negative and just like being kind of like having fun with it like holy like oh of course of course i've all right i sprained my ankle or sprained my arm on this 50 mile hike and i still have three days to go like oh that's just it sucks but like if you can just snap into i guess the quicker you are to snap into solution mode and like let's get through this mode and what's the next step to not be in this living hell situation like as soon as this quicker you can go from this sucks oh my god this terrible situation just happened this thing just

went wrong in my day and my at work in traffic whatever as soon as you can stop and I'm I'm talking like seconds the quicker you can stop from the horrible stuff the horrible terrible shitty thing happening to how are we gonna fix this what's the solution how are we gonna move forward and and resolve this and like what's the next step so i don't feel this shitty in this and i can improve this situation the quicker you can do that i swear to god the better your life is gonna be and I've I've practiced that over and over and it's been like a I'd say honestly for the last year mostly I've really consciously worked on that but it's a waste of life to sit and to just and it's human right like we're gonna have emotions we're

gonna have our struggles and things are gonna suck we're gonna want to sit there and cry and pout about it but like it's all in your head it's all mental it all comes down to the brain it all comes down to squashing your inner like bitch it's like fucking Joe Rogan stuff right there conquer your inner bitch right no but it really is it's just like oh I popped my tire on the freeway you could sit there for 30 fucking minutes freaking out about it spiraling calling someone and freaking out on them or you could just call triple a you know what I mean like you could just like okay I popped my tire I I gotta get off this freeway I gotta get a new tire I gotta get towed literally just call the tow truck or like you know what I mean like my neighbor excuse me for

this is like a weird tangent but like the other day it's like you locked your keys out I think she waited like two or three hours to have her son bring her keys or like pick her up she like sat out with no phone nothing just sat in front of her apartment for like three hours of her life and I was like hey do you want my phone I can call a locksmith do you want me to call locksmith I even offered to pay for it because I think she said like she's like doesn't want to buy it and I was like you know what I mean it's just like what's the solution like get a locksmith time that's your time that's your life and and she was like very angry about the whole thing and I'm just like you have options here I would I'm offering I'm like here's my phone anyways so

um where else or what else could I mention I think this is like a literally a three-hour episode but here's the thing I don't podcast every single day anymore so I can do what I want on these long weekly episodes yeah I guess to finish that thought a little earlier just I'm a rock star I just feel great you know what I just feel really lucky like for some reason I think I got lucky with my point of view and my outlook on life and

I I think I attribute it to I reflect a lot and I've done a lot of reflecting I've done well I've done a lot of writing reflecting I've done all that journaling like I've done it all right I've kind of like maxed out of all that like self-improvement stuff meditate like I had never really meditated but just like I kind of get the gist of it all I'm just like I don't need to keep diving into it but I think what it is is I just have I always zoom the fuck out of situations and I look at the big picture and I do that with everything and I think that's what helps me

get through hard times and get through hard stuff is I understand that in the grand scheme of things this is very this problem I have this little issue this little pop tire this little whatever is minuscule it's nothing compared to other things and so you just like constantly remind yourself about that or just like whenever something goes wrong you zoom out and you look at the big picture it just like it settles you down and you're just like a lot more calm about things and anyways it's all in your head it's all mental train your brain put in the work podcasting is the way I do it you know I always I can't recommend it enough I honestly leaned on solo podcasting during um 2020 as a way to just

it's like a personal therapy but there's something about sitting with yourself talking it out putting your thoughts into words and you're not getting feedback like it's not like I'm sitting across a therapist or a friend or a family member to you know hear back from and they're not they're not putting in their two cents there's something about that like I think that's it's good to have it all like read the books go do therapy talk to your parents talk to your friends um talk to yourself it's uh it feels awkward it's so awkward at first if you're not used to it like I used to talk to myself in the shower and do therapy sessions in the shower or the car before podcasting and

it always feels weird you're like why am I talking to myself like this isn't but you really can you really can like get a grasp on your bullshit and if you're like depressed you can like really just like literally state the facts state what's going on what is happening right now what am I going through just talk it out what situation just unfolded why like just talk about like why you hate yourself or why you're unsatisfied with your job or your boyfriend girlfriend or your anything. Just start talking about it out loud. And you just, I'm telling you, you'll feel amazing after. And then you can also go from like, okay, what's the problem? Then just go, okay,

how am I going to fix this? Talk it out. I don't know if this has been studied. I guess it's like, it's not really like a pop. I don't feel like it's a popular thing that people recommend talking to yourself if I was a doctor I'd prescribe it but it's only I'm only speaking from personal experience though maybe for other people it's like it would make them feel crazy it makes me feel more connected to myself though and a lot more like happy and just like and it's creative I like to have fun on here I didn't really get creative today but I had fun so because sometimes I get wild with my um my words and I say some crazy things but dude like last time I was literally talking about a cockroach in my toilet and I think I had fun with that episode

I was like what it was a title called pumpkin spice cockroaches yeah go listen to episode 295 I don't know what happened on that show I on it's been so long but like yeah okay I'm gonna wrap it up this has been uh episode 296 of the Jacqueline Monroe show thanks for hanging out please hit the subscribe button on Spotify or Apple podcast or wherever you're listening I'm here every Sunday I'm gonna stick with that like I gotta it's been a month now I can't do that anymore like I gotta do my weekly podcast so you can expect an episode once a week um yeah hope you're having a great fall it's October hope you've enjoyed some pumpkin spice products um pumpkin spice lattes pumpkin rolls I just made a pumpkin roll the other day I hope you I hope you've uh

yeah just like felt I hope you're like feeling in the fall holiday spirits feeling yourself in this Jacqueline in the episode you know what I mean like I hope you're cozy I hope you're lighting candles. I hope you're watching, um, Halloween, um, or, like, scary movies, October-themed movies. I hope you're happy. No, this is what I always say at the end of the episodes. I hope you're happy. I hope you're healthy. I hope you're fulfilled in whatever you're doing right now in your life, and I hope you love yourself, because you are beautiful. You're amazing. You're talented. You're smart. And no one in this world is like you. And because of that, we need you. So stay strong. I love you. Talk to you next

week. Goodbye.