The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 298- Happy November!

Episode Date: November 4, 2021

Patreon.com/TJMS 

What's up guys, it's episode 298. Welcome back to the show. Okay, happy November. um what hi happy november happy halloween happy thanksgiving merry christmas it's the the year is over at this point it's like 2022 is what two months away what just happened i don't know um i actually googled before the show how many days ago it how many days ago was march 1st 2020 and on howlongago.com it says March 1st 2020 was one year eight months and three days ago there's your little trivia fact for the day um anyway guys oh my god hi it's Jacqueline welcome

back to the show. Welcome back to the podcast. We're going to talk about Halloween today. We're going to talk about, um, what else today? I have a list. God damn it. I wish I had it off the top of my head. Does Joe Rogan introduce himself? Like, hi, it's Joe. Welcome back to the Joe Rogan experience. Like, no, he doesn't. I don't know why I just did that. Um, Halloween night recap, Fiesta Island, Invasion, Alec Baldwin, Africa Black, Shiba Inu, Meta, Baked Cookies, and BuzzFeed. I just read you my podcast idea list today, or topic list. I don't know what to start with um I guess it was just Halloween so I'm gonna recap my night and yeah let's get into it basically okay first of all this this is such a mess or okay I it's Thursday okay it's not

Sunday when I should be recording this because I throw I throw up an episode now once a week every Sunday. It's Thursday. So last week, Halloween night, it's kind of a blur. I'll just tell you this. I'll tell you this. Didn't dress up. I went out to a, it's called Mavericks in Pacific Beach. I went out to this little, what do you call it? Outdoor. It's like a day club by day and a nightclub. Went out for a few drinks and yeah, um, that's all I did for Halloween. I actually still have two pumpkins in my car. I didn't carve. I picked them up at Trader Joe's and they're just still in my car. So I didn't really have a festive Thanksgiving. Oh my God. I didn't have, I didn't have a very festive Halloween. Okay. That's all I'm going to say.

And the story I want to tell about my Halloween night is that while we were at Mavericks in Pacific Beach, there was a point in the night where we wanted to go into the dance floor nightclub area. What did I say? A beach club by day, a nightclub by night. I don't know. um there's a point in the night where we wanted to go dance on the dance floor right so on one on one side of the the place like the front the front end of the place the back end was like but behind a wall where you dance or what am I trying to say it's like a separate room okay you had to wait in line to get into it so I don't wait in lines especially in nightclubs

right or bars like I go to the front and I just walk through okay I don't understand lines never have never will I don't wait in lines when it comes to uh turning up in the club and dancing and having a good night it's it's inefficient it's a waste of time and there's better ways to do it so what did I do I noticed over by the bathroom door um in this mavericks club place I don't know I honestly used to go to it a lot I don't even know what it's called let me just tell you right now Mavericks Pacific Beach Mavericks Pacific Beach I'm in San Diego by the way if you're listening you're like where is she at um Mavericks Beach Club

lively watering hole with a beachy vibe features an expansive patio tv sports tv sports and a bar bites menu that's the google description it's cute it's it's a nice spot um go to mavericks sd.com for more information okay so i noticed over by the bathroom uh at this place that the exit to the dance floor was next to the bathroom so I made note of that because I knew that was my entrance okay uh later on when we decided we wanted to go on this dance floor I waltzed over to that exit okay I dragged my boyfriend with me and I told that bouncer guy at the door the security guard I said look he's leaving back to New York City tomorrow and this is the last night we're gonna be together

and we just want to have a good night we don't want to wait in line can you let us in he goes sure walk right and I walked right in with him just like that okay this is so that was a success that was easy that was like a no-brainer just ask the guy at the exit door if we can go in that way and it worked. So that was successful. That was great. I had high hopes to enjoy myself on the dance floor, dance, woohoo, you know, have fun. There was like fog machines going off or whatever those, you know, like during songs there's like smoke everywhere. Yeah. It was like one of those places. Um, so anyways, yeah, I was like, I was feeling good. I was like, you know, ready to let loose and then like 10 minutes into dancing this is really this is the story I want to tell because

there's actually something deeper that goes along with it that I need to unpack on today's episode um about 10 minutes into this dancing party we were just in a group of a ton of people drunk and honestly people were doing I and I think this is what started it I was really disturbed by the cocaine I was seeing um on the dance floor and the people just nonchalantly doing it and something about that I think started my mind it started a down a downward spiral for me where I was just like I cannot be around these people basically and I was just so like put off by it I guess which is not typically me normally I'm just like whatever I don't it's your life I'm not bothered like I don't care just you know don't recruit me don't try to shove it up my nose right

anyways um yeah like 10 minutes in I snapped into this mode where I was like I couldn't I felt like I was being I was okay I'm dancing I'm having a good time whatever the music's playing and I started to notice that I was being fake or I was trying to fake having I was faking my fun I was faking my dancing I wasn't really enjoying it and I can't and I'm like wait a minute how many other people around me are doing the same thing right now they're just trying to look like they're having fun maybe they are actually having fun but maybe they're maybe they're like me and they're just like going they're just like moving their body and just like you know flinging around just to like fit in to look like they're having fun so that I started

like overthinking that and then I was like I just can't I can't dance right now I'm not actually enjoying this this is loud it's crowded it's sweaty it's hot it's not I'm not actually having fun okay and maybe I needed more alcohol in my body like maybe I should have taken six shots and gone in there I don't know I didn't do that okay I think I had maybe a couple drinks at that point, so I had to get myself out of, I got out of there, and, and my boyfriend, well, he actually was, like, hey, are you good, like, what's going on, just, so we left the dance floor through the exit, through the entrance, through my entrance, most people's exit, and I told them, I was, like, wait, I think I wrote some notes down on my phone right now, wait, I'm getting a text about,

oh okay I wrote I can't fake having fun I enjoy watching people I don't have to participate just to fit in the crowd that's what I wrote yeah like it's Halloween right everyone's in a cool costume and I found myself after we left the dance floor enjoying people watching and watching these drunk um what were the outfits drunk trying to think of sheba enos what the fuck were people dressed up as a lot of people were in like a squid game outfit which i still haven't watched i still haven't watched that show i was watching all these drunk clowns dressed up in their halloween outfits and i was having fun watching that and just like taking it all in and being really present it was like it was

the weirdest I've literally never done I haven't okay first of all I've been cooped up if you can't tell okay I didn't party every weekend and go out in 2020 like most people right so now I'm back in that environment it's just it's just like it used to be and I find myself in the dance floor or in the club on the dance floor and I'm like I'm not this isn't actually fun and I had that realization and then I was like you know what I just want to like sit back and watch the movie of people acting a fool in their costumes and it was and I told my boyfriend that I'm like I just want to sit here and do that I don't want to dance and that's fun for me actually at one point this guy in front of me he was a dickhead that was his costume I saw a couple of those um throughout

the night it's like a costume where they have like a dick prosthetic I don't know that's like not appropriate to say sorry mom it's like strapped on their forehead okay and I forget what the there's like a jacket that went with it and this guy who's kind of a older guy like I'd put him at like 40 something really tiny and scrawny he was trying to strap his dick back his this there's no easy way to tell or no nothing I'm going to say is going to sound like appropriate he was trying to strap it back on his head because the strap broke so you know I sat there for like five minutes with him and I was like helping him put the strap back on or loop it through anyways so we did that honestly like after that we left um we left past midnight I think we were there till

like 12 30 but yeah that was my experience on Halloween night I had fun like don't get me wrong I had fun, but I, I had a moment of, wow, like I'm, it's crazy because my younger self totally would do that. I would fake having fun just to fit in. And I remember being in Vegas actually, and it was my first time being in a nightclub. I was at Omnia with my two girlfriends. friends and I remember thinking okay I this is like what I've seen people do online like on social media like Instagram that's when Instagram is pretty new people would still like post their

stories of you know uh being in a club and dancing so I was like oh my god this is like I'm doing it like this is what people do I'm here and then I remember um going by the DJ like as close as possible because like I thought that was like what we're what the cool thing to do was of course you got to be literally up the DJ's ass to be to look relevant these days in a fucking nightclub so I remember like getting as close as possible and I was just like dancing and but I felt like I was acting I was putting on a performance I was like not it wasn't like an authentic I wasn't I was in my head about it and I don't know if this is just the way I am, but I wish I was a more carefree bird, like, when I, okay, don't get me

wrong, I have my moments where I can be completely fully immersed in the music and the dancing, and then, you know, I'm having a couple drinks, and everything's fun, and I have, like, I, yes, I'm most, I'd say mostly like that, especially if I'm in a more intimate environment where I'm around people that I really like being around, and not just, like, a bunch of strangers, but um yeah anyways that that was like my first nightclub experience and I still and I was like fake enjoying myself or fake yeah so so on Halloween night my point of saying this is you know years later a few years later in my 20s I had a realization where I was like am I going on is this too long of a story I feel like I'm repeating myself but yeah that was

Halloween. Sorry, I'm thirsty. What else can I talk about? Shiva Eno, Alec Baldwin. Oh, let's do a quick story about my dog because obviously I'm going to talk about Jimmy. If you're new to the new to the show. I have a golden, honestly, it's like my identity now. It's like Jimmy and me are one person. It's like one, we're like a unit. All I post on Instagram is my dog. All I ever talk about with people is my dog. I'm that person now. And I know that about myself and I don't care. Like I have, it is what it is. Okay. I love my dog. But the story I have for you today is uh about fiesta island okay it sounds fun right this island is in the middle of mission bay here in san diego and there's a dog park on it and so my new find for jimmy

is fiesta island dog park and he can run forever he can have it's all fenced in it's like i don't know i don't know how you know i should look it up how interesting is this going to be for people though Fiesta Island dog park it's all fenced and it's huge and so he can run on the beach forever and I don't have to worry about him like running away and getting loose or it's all enclosed and anyways I took him there um Saturday and Sunday dogs can roam without a leash in this large fenced space on a peninsula with meadows and a beach yeah he loves it and the cool thing it's like dog paradise honestly because obviously there's a there's dog beaches here in San Diego but they're smaller and there's a mixture of people with dogs

and just regular people going to the beach and it's not always I like this Fiesta Island thing a lot better for him and especially because here's the deal I felt really sad when he came home from Washington because, um, he was with my mom for two months, September, October. I felt sad because he was on farmland running free in the fields every single day with my mom and my, um, yeah. And, and then he, then he comes back to my little apartment here in the city and it's just a lot of sidewalks and just a lot of him on a leash so I'm like Jacqueline you have to figure out something there's got to be something here in San Diego that would be a better because I can go to the dog parks also in the city here which they're also they're like small too so

I actually speaking the dog park I was at um I ran into a couple early in the morning with him and they're like have you ever taken them to Fiesta Island I'm like no I didn't even know about it so yeah that's the story uh Jimmy is now an island boy he's out on that Fiesta Island he's in those waves he's running with other dogs all like it's so amazing because there's like herds of dogs everywhere on this island it's everybody I just I found I found the gold mind mine mind mine found the gold mine for um dogs in San Diego like everyone on the weekend is taking their dogs there so there's these packs they're running and these they're it's so good it's so nice to see and I just know he's living his best life he's having so much fun and yeah so and he I think I if you

guys follow my Instagram I post um obviously I'm constantly posting videos of him but the way he runs in the water is so funny it's like a worm like he just it's probably on one of my highlights um anyways so okay two stories down we did Halloween night Fiesta Island dog park for Jimmy um I watched Invasion is that what it's called Invasion television series I watched like what was it the fourth episode it's so good and i realized why i like it um invasion show right is that what it's called apple tv

is an american science fiction television television series created by simon kindberg and David wheel premiered on Apple TV on October 22nd, 2021. This is a new show. Okay. We like, we like it a lot. Um, I like it a lot. Um, sorry, I'm scrolling here. The reason I like it is because there's multiple, uh, settings and storylines happening throughout the episode. and you're and they flip back and forth like the whole episode you're going from like one part of the world to a different part of the world to a different part of the world and then once something crazy starts happening they flip it to the next one and then you're like well what just happened to the last scene and then so the reason I like I figured out the reason I like it is because

your brain is constantly it's like perfect for our short attention span brains now that we all have because of our phones and this is just like what common knowledge now that we're all pretty much I hate when people are like I'm so ADD I'm so ADHD I'm I can't focus on anything because my phone's making me so scatterbrained blah blah it's like okay whatever that is we all have I don't want to label it or fucking self-diagnose myself but I feel like this show is perfect for us because of that because of that and uh I guess it's about like an alien invasion but this last episode only had i guess people are pissed there's a lot of reviews about the show so far and uh i think it took four episodes for an alien to finally show up and the one that

did like flew by in like a half a second you knew it was an alien but like you never really saw it so yeah i'm kind of hooked i i i started on episode four um I'm watching it with some people boyfriend boyfriend I hate talking I'm not gonna be that person who's like my boyfriend and I are watching this show together we're actually also on season what is it five of billions it's taking us like months to finish it but yeah that's kind of our show and then we've been watching a lot of like home improvement renovation shows and like house hunters and all we do all day is look at Zillow and look at houses and all over all like all over the country like different states

yeah I guess this is what this is what happens when you like early 20s Jacqueline wasn't really concerned about my future house someday and now I'm just like obsessed with it like I just want to build a life and create a future for myself that's like a little like magical storybook fairy tale where i have like a beautiful house and i have jimmy in my house and i have this amazing family and i'm like cooking breakfast for my kids and i'm sending them off to school and i have a fucking suburban i'm going through the car line at the school drop them off i go to pilates at 10 and i'm a stay-at-home wife no i'm kidding i actually um just had a

great conversation with um a co-worker about my future and i'm like i guess it's because i watched my mom work throughout my whole childhood like all I know is a woman working and working as an executive as a top level executive at her company like that's what I was shown growing up and so I joke I'm like oh I want to be like a little housewife little stay-at-home mom but I can't really actually see myself doing that I really like the idea of um because obviously I work um for a PR company if it's not already out it's like maybe you guys know that maybe you don't but that's my day job PR um but I really like how I feel when I'm working every day and I'm like actually part of something that's not just a self-absorbed self-obsessed podcast and then

like like I I was actually telling him I was like I can't just do this like I can't see myself just podcasting the only way I could see myself just podcasting is if I did it eight hours if I worked for if I did 40 hours on a microphone every week and made it feel like a full-time job people dream about that they're like I don't want to I don't want the nine to five I don't want to work traditional job I just want to like make my millions and live on a yacht in Italy it's like I don't I need to like do something every day I need to work I need to honestly and even when it sucks and it's mundane and it's boring I kind of like it because everything else that's sweet it makes things that

it makes things sweeter is this am I programmed am I being am I a product of am I just a factory worker at this point, have I been brainwashed, this is the, having a career, and being a professional working woman in the world is the, is the best thing to do, I don't know, it may, it may, it works for me, I like it, okay, I'm holding down a job for as long as possible, um, I'm buying Shiba Inu on the side, actually, we'll talk about that later in the show, And I'm, you know what it is? As long as I can, I've been saying this for the last year since I started podcasting, but like finding this passion of mine to talk on a microphone and share my self, um, super vulnerable, vulnerable, vulnerable, vulnerably, vulnerably. Jimmy's looking at me like get it right vulnerable vulnerable vulnerably vulnerably um and yeah like getting what did I say like finding this this is this has become my passion

this is like I it's my creative outlet it's my hobby like I finally have a hobby it's like whoa what do I do oh what what what do you like to do for fun I like to podcast okay so I found that thing so it feels good I guess what I'm saying is it's like nice to have a quote-unquote regular job and then also have something you're super passionate about on the side does that make sense like it would suck oh not only quote-unquote regular job regular job I love like that plus something like a hobby you love perfect match and I and I'm I feel very blessed and very lucky to to have that um but yeah I guess what where was I at oh I was on Invasion talking about the tv show um

speaking of going on Zillow with my boyfriend I get a text about fucking real estate in South Carolina is so cheap he's probably on solo right now um okay where's my note I baked cookies oh yeah um the other night I was like I got butter I got butter I need to use up and okay wait I'm I wanted to make I made a pumpkin roll a couple weeks ago so I needed to buy flour sugar like baking ingredients because I didn't have anything other than like almond flour and gluten-free flour and coconut flour and um maple like 100 pure maple syrup and coconut sugar

and monk fruit sweetener I only had like the healthified versions of flour and sugar and all those other baking ingredients so I wanted to make an actual legit pumpkin roll with cream cheese frosting and so I bought a bunch of baking stuff and yeah what was I gonna say oh so I had butter left over so I was like oh I want to bake cookies so I made oatmeal oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and that was they were great that's my update okay I baked okay I baked cookies and I baked like a full batch and then I had leftover cookie dough and so I had like two and gave away the rest and then the next day throughout my work day I was just like going to the fridge with my claws and I was eating raw cookie dough all day and I ate all of it

there was probably like enough for five cookies in that bowl and I ate all of it it's kind of like all I ate that day. I had intention. I had like intentions to, I had an intention to, I'm, I'm zoning out. I'm staring at the freeway right now. Yeah, I know. That's my view. Okay. If you're wondering where I live, I can see the freeway from where I live. I can also see, this is probably not safe to disclose my vanish point to the audience, but look, I'm looking at airplanes right now and I'm looking at the freeway. I live in San Diego. Might as well drop a pin. Um, it's a big city. I'm okay. Uh, I had, I had, I set an intention that day to bake the cookie dough and I ate it instead. Okay. Moving on. Sorry. Let me tell you about, let me tell you this about working from

home. Every day, around 5 p.m., I look out my window at Interstate 5, and I look at traffic, and I go wow I'm blessed I'm blessed to not have to be in my car commuting on the freeway driving home but then again it's like hey those people probably have a fun work environment they're around a bunch of co-workers all day they're you know shooting the shit by the water cooler whatever it's not Joe Rogan's thing I always talked about like water cooler talk and how he could never I don't know anyways um yeah like you always think you have maybe sometimes I'm like oh I have it better but then also I'm jealous of that because sometimes I miss that typical work environment but I can work anywhere in the world I can fly somewhere and park my

laptop down and I can I have so much freedom and flexibility and the best part is that I don't have to leave my dog all day while I'm at work. And that makes me feel good about like, that's honestly the only reason I got Jimmy is because, um, I work from home. So I don't know how people do it with like a big dog in an apartment all day and they just leave. And I guess that's what happens. Um, I'm just picking at skin on my finger. Guys, I need to finish this episode. What time is it? Okay. baked cookies trader joe's has this new 85 dark chocolate from uganda and that's what i put into the cookies is the chocolate chips because i didn't have chocolate chips and let me tell you that is the best one they've come out with in a while it's from uganda it's 85 dark chocolate

it's like probably a 2.99 maybe less it's probably a dollar 99 and it's so good usually i get the um um there's another another 85% one uh but anyways shout out Trader Joe's I need to go there uh actually today Facebook changed his name to its name to Meta what's my opinion on it uh hey Jacqueline what's your opinion about Facebook it's still gonna be Facebook but the it's kind of like when google right people are saying it's like when google changed to alphabet what do i think about it i'm not a facebook user i'm not a heavy facebook user i don't really care about facebook um facebook owns instagram i realized that i am a heavy instagram

user am i saying that right yeah they do yeah in fact i don't want to say something and sound like an idiot. I know that. Jocelyn, be confident. You know that Facebook owns Instagram. Yeah, it's like, and WhatsApp. Yeah, I know. I know. Yeah. Top five companies owned by Facebook in parentheses meta. This is already updated on Investopedia. Instagram, Anavo, Anavo, beluga oculus vr cool um here's the deal i don't really know how i feel about the metaverse or the fact or I don't want to call it a fact but it's starting to feel like a fact of life that

we're going to be living in a virtual reality someday it's going to be a big it's going to be a big lifestyle change from where we are now at some point in the future it's starting to feel like a fact even though a big part of me thinks we need to pump the brakes as a society and I just I just I don't think it's the best it's easy for me to say it would be like so me saying this about the virtual world and the metaverse and how it's gonna be the future someday like or and how like just me saying this and being like hesitant is kind of like I'm sure that's like someone literally sitting on a horse-drawn carriage bitching about model T's and being like, no, that's not the best way to go.

Like horse and horse, horse-drawn carriages are better than like a car, an automobile. Like, I don't know why that's my, my comparison in my head right now, or the analogy I'm trying to draw. What am I trying to do right now? I'm trying to paint a picture, but it is and here's the deal that's life like things evolve things change especially now the grow the acceleration of technology is making everything seem like it's going 10 times faster um than it did when i was younger like even now like things move fast with technology when i was younger but now it's like you blink and there's an iphone 13 like what just happened with like what so I struggle to imagine

the future where a lot of things are virtual and digital and we're like using VR glasses to like check our emails or I don't know like like it's I don't know what it's gonna happen like eventually things are gonna evolve but my take on it is kind of like I don't know how much more my brain can handle to be honest like it's kind of gotten to the point now and I'm not proud to admit this not proud to admit this I don't know if you can relate to me right now I know about phone addiction right I know about uh how it's not great for our brains before bed and being on your phone for five hours a day is

unhealth like technically not a good thing to do and it takes you out of the present moment and it's messing with your mental health and blah blah like listen I know that shit I know it I keep hearing about it right this is gonna sound weak okay I'm admitting this about myself but like it's gone to the point where I'm just like, don't care. I'm just like, this is life now. I like an iPhone in your hand all the time. It's okay. I don't know if you can relate to this one. It's starting to feel like another limb. Like it's starting to just like, for example, I'm at Fiesta Island with Jimmy, right? He's running on the beach. I have my phone. I'm taking pictures of him the whole time. The same time I'm posting on Instagram, you know, the, the story of him on

the beach it's just like I'm flowing it doesn't even take time I'm just like doing it okay it's like oh you're at a coffee shop and you sit down with your little cappuccino it's like snap a pic post on your story I don't even think about it okay it's just like a way of life it's a lifestyle so instead of fighting it and being like oh it's bad for my mental health it's it's like sucking my life away and blah blah it's like I just feel it's it's just starting to feel like another limb okay and I and I'm just flowing with it I don't need to do yes this is where I'm like insecure a little bit about myself like

I could just imagine someone listening right now being like just by the way you're talking I can tell you need a cleanse off like from your phone and a social media detox and you need to reduce your screen time and put your devices down and meditate and like I get it I know the way I am and I accept myself and I'm starting to realize okay I'm approaching 30 I'm like I don't think we're gonna go away from this phone thing in our hand all day for a while and I can't imagine myself like yeah maybe when I have a kid or whatever I'm gonna be more occupied but it's also for work. Like, I'm using my phone all day for work. I'm one of those people. So what do you do? Don't fight it. Feel it. Okay. Feel it. Feel your phone in your hand right now. Okay. Hold it.

Thank your phone. Thank you, phone. Thank you for being. It's like one time in high school, I had to take a test, a stats test, and I took a picture of my calculator and I tweeted a picture of it and the caption I put or the tweet I went that went with the calculator was I hate you but I love you I don't want you but I need you okay and that's how I feel about my iPhone right now I fucking hated math I hated my calculator I didn't want my calculator but I needed it and I loved it because it helped it solved my problems okay same goes for my fucking iPhone. And that was, was that deep? Was that philosophical? I don't know. Is that why you tune in for those golden nuggets of information and wisdom from me? Maybe. Put

that in a quote. Put that, print that out and frame it. Put it on a t-shirt. You know what's hilarious? Am I still recording? Uh, I got to laugh. You guys want to laugh with me right now what what subject was I even on oh the metaverse Facebook so when I first came out with my show a year ago I set out on September 4th 2020 to podcast seven days a week for a year every single day for a year right I made it till June 300 episodes about and early on I talked about merch I was like I'm coming out with merch month too like I got I was really hot and heavy in the beginning with the show I was very cocky and I had to be I had to feel I was in such a low place mentally I was so down in the dumps in 2020 depressed I had a really

rough time I was one of those people and um one of those people why do I keep saying that and I had to it was I had to like fake confidence and just like I did I like overcompensate for how I was how low I was feeling by being really obnoxiously confident and arrogant and cocky about my show and like I'm going to the top charts with this thing and I'm going to start selling merch and blah like I even came out with a Patreon like excuse me I came out with a Patreon right away I actually started making so the most I'm well should I even tell anyone how much I made on Patreon I was pretty proud of myself for like not even promoting my show I was like damn okay um I had a handful patreon patrons I still I don't know if I still do it's patreon it's patreon.com

if you're curious it's still live I don't update it so it's like what's the point of subscribing if you're it's honestly like a hey I support you and your podcasting journey but I'm not going to give you any content on patreon for a minute um I should maybe you know I do have a new content schedule kind of in the works I'm finally starting to realize I need to make a schedule for my content so perhaps I will do that or I'll all include Patreon content on there um that would probably I would I would promote it more if I had more um if I had exciting new stuff for you guys every week it's I don't even think I finished the the Patreon, it's Patreon, patreon.com slash TJMS, which stands for The Jacqueline Monroe Show,

obviously, patreon.com slash TJMS, go check it out, there's, like, five, or three subscription options starting at five dollars, and, you know, I support, I support other shows, shout out Daddy Issues Podcast, I don't listen to every episode, I just like what they're doing over there and I throw five dollars at them every month just to like support because I really think what the conversations they're having are important and they're um entertaining and they're and they're good at what they do and I've listened to them since the beginning and yeah so it's like the same thing for me if you're just like am I trying to am I asking you for money right now I kind of am should I try a little harder um if you're like hey I like hanging out with Jacqueline once a week

on her show, and it's comforting, and it, it, it, like, helps me get through my workout, or well, it helps me while I'm, she helps me while I'm cleaning my house, like, get through the cleaning, or wherever you're listening, you know, maybe, if that's, if that's you, and you want support, throw, if you want to thank me back, it's, it's $5, $10, or $20, I don't know, go patreon.com slash TJMS. I'm never doing that again. Uh, what topic was I on? I keep doing that. Where's my note? Oh, oh no, no, no, no. We got to laugh. Okay. So early on when I started my show, I was cocky, right? I was talking about merch and my two merch ideas, merch, merch is, merch is merch is short for merchandise my two merch ideas were um thumb braces

because of social media addiction uh and phone hammocks or beds so I was you know in my opinion I believe uh thumb braces thumb support is gonna be trendy in the next decade like we're gonna need it'll be part of your outfit like it'll be fashionable to wear a thumb brace that's my prediction I'm saying it now who knows what's gonna happen I also think we're blindness is gonna happen or not blindness but something's gonna go on with her eyes too something's gonna malfunction and maybe I should come out with like screen protecting glasses whatever so the when I say let's laugh together right now, I have Dr. Quervin's syndrome currently. I think it's called Dr. Quervin's or De Quervin's. I have De Quervin's syndrome, also known as mommy thumb.

Okay. This has hurt my thumb. The tendon below my thumb, right on my wrist has hurt since March. okay, it's currently November, and to, sorry, when I just said the month, I almost blacked out. It's currently November. Sunday, March 1st, 2020, was one year, eight months, and three days ago. Just a little reminder. There's your trivia fact again. So yeah, I just can't believe that this year is like almost basic. It's over. So yeah, my thumb's hurt since March. And I believe it's called mommy thumb. A lot of women who have babies get this when because they're constantly picking up their kids and grabbing them like under their armpits and they're lifting them up and they're even like toddlers like any moms out there with young kids

are susceptible to this kind of injury and I'm that I'm also a mom to a dog and I'm this is the issue I lift him up a lot whether it's getting him in the car whether it's getting him up on my bed and the start of this thumb issue I'm and the whole point of me saying this is like I literally have a thumb brace and it has nothing to do maybe it's partially due to my social media addiction my phone my thumb scrolling my scrolling what am I saying um but it's mostly because well the first the first day it happened Jimmy was pulling on the leash and it like ripped my thumb like pulled away from my wrist and then it strained that tendon and then it honestly happened on the other it's my right hand and then it happened on the left hand too

but the left hand healed and now the right hand is just like permanently fucked I feel like I need to get injections in there I looked up like rehab for it I have to wear a brace for two weeks consistently I've done that doesn't work um I have to do like thumb exercises or like wrist exercises um don't do them honestly I'm just kind of living with it but thought that may that thought that might be fun to mention because I wanted to come out with thumb braces as merch and I'm actually a user I'm a thumb brace a daily user actually when I think when I remember um went to the doctors last week for my yearly went great um I wrote a note that I went to the doctors okay oh shit Shiba Inu so I've been seeing now you have to understand

with stuff like this with like shiba and crypto and all these little meme coins happening like coming out constantly and there's so many little cryptocurrencies you can invest in right it's like easy to be hard on yourself and be like oh i should have when i heard about it at first i shoulda, woulda, coulda, right? So, for me, or something you should know about me, what am I saying? During the pandemic, I kind of got really into these YouTubers that one of them, well, honestly, the main one I watch is Meet Kevin. I don't know if any, I don't know if that rang a bell to anyone out there. I watch Meet Kevin still to the, to this day, I watch his videos. he makes like five videos a day I watch him like every single day of the week I'm not kidding like

Jacqueline oh my god are you kidding no I'm not kidding so I started watching his videos and then he was kind of in cahoots or like he would make videos about these other YouTubers that were kind of into investing and sometimes they talk about Bitcoin and cryptocurrency and just start so I started like slowly but surely watching investing related videos, crypto videos. And I even bought like an investing book. Cause I was like, you know what? I've never really been taught any of this stuff. I want to understand it better. I'm curious about, I don't want to be one of those people that's like, I don't get it. What's Bitcoin. I don't understand how the crypto coins work and what's a blockchain. Like I didn't want to be one of those people. And I also didn't

want to be illiterate when it comes to investing in stocks because I think it's such a basic fundamental uh it's so okay it's not easy what's what's the way to what's the best way to put it it's not as complicated as I feel like I thought it I thought it was like I never and I just never really I knew it's just never really around people that invest in stocks other than my like some my grandpa was really into it but I never really talked to him about it anyway so last year I started educating myself I really got into I got I got I got deep on YouTube and started learning about it and yes that's a great so I believe that people on YouTube that are talking about stocks and crypto are credible sources and

they know what they're talking about and they even show you their portfolios with their millions and And, like, I believe, like, certain people, it's obvious that they're, like, and here's the deal. None of these people I'm watching are selling something. They're not selling a course. They're not selling anything like that. They're not trying to get you to sign up. It's, like, just free information. And they're educators.

They're entertaining. They're educators. One of the guys I really like watching is Andre Jick. And he mixes in magic tricks with his videos. but he's like another, he's like a top, one of the top, I'd say, accounts on YouTube that's talking about, especially Bitcoin, in fact, I really like what he is saying about, or he made a video about the stock-to-flow model, stock-to-flow model chart, I can't remember, something like that I think it's called stock to flow and he basically took that model and

applied it to bitcoin and he like explained how the patterns are similar so bitcoin is whatever it's like the price is probably gonna they're they're saying like it by the end of the year so what we got two months it's gonna be over 100k like it's still at what 60 it's like when's that spike gonna happen because I'm sitting here going we got two months people are like it's gonna be at 120 to 150 possibly 240,000 by the end of the year I'm like okay we'll see about that um you can't really ever predict these things um there's a lot of outside factors at play too but anyways why am I talking about this oh Sheba oh so these these people these people on YouTube that I've been watching over the last year have been talking

about Shiba for months I keep seeing all these titles on YouTube videos Shiba Inu Shiba this is like earlier this year I'm seeing it okay and I didn't watch any of those videos I was just thinking oh this is another Dogecoin video if you don't know what I'm talking about Shiba Inu is a meme crypto currency coin like doge that is supposed to defeat dogecoin or like rise above dogecoin right something like that it's like the doge's competitor it's like an evil shiba inu the coin the picture of it uh shiba inu i actually saw shiba inu the other day and i was like this is a fucking sign um shiba inu token is a decentralized cryptocurrency created in august 2020 by an anonymous person or persons known as roy she or yoshi

it has been characterized as a pump and dump fraud scheme okay anyways i just invested when it was at like there's how many zeros right now like four zeros five zeros at point four zero point zero zero zero zero zero four okay back in early back earlier this year and these videos are getting put out about it and these guys were talking about it was like my point is I wish I would have invested in like fucking February and I didn't so it's so typical of me like you're just like oh it's just another dogecoin video it's like a code name for dogecoin i thought the shiba inu was just a code word for dogecoin i could have been this guy that or this account that put in 8 000 last august and is now

i think what is the value it's like worth 5.6 billion dollars he put 8 000 into shiba inu that's nuts um what am I saying oh I just put a note on my thing to talk about Shiba Inu yeah do you guys have it are you guys into crypto do you have bitcoin do you have dogecoin do you have ethereum I think I need to buy ethereum I don't have ethereum is it annoying I'm a girl I'm talking about investing. Is that, are you triggered? Is that not cool? Do I sound like a pick me? Oh yeah. I love that. Okay. First of all, I, okay. The pick me girl thing on TikTok. I think that's where I first saw it is so true. And I think I was kind of a pick me girl in the past or like, I think I just tried, I would do any, honestly, no, it wasn't that I would just do

anything to make, to please people, just to make people like me, so at a party, if they were cleaning up, and, um, or if they, I would just, like, volunteer, sorry, uh, I would, like, volunteer to clean the kitchen, and pick things up, and I don't know, well, why am I saying this, sorry, I'm, this is, okay, oh, oh, a girl on a podcast talking about investing, I was, like, who's triggered, is am I being a pick me right now am I just one of the boys yeah maybe I don't care it's not that sometimes in life it's like why do we have to label that why can't it just be what it is like some girls it's only when no no no no I think it's the pick me girl no there's some bad one no no no

it's like when when they're like oh this shirt doesn't or they'll like try to call attention to like their body parts like their boobs or something or like oh like um like shoot like a girl pointing to another girl at a party being like oh my god that would never fit me because my boobs are just so big and they're saying they're like saying that in front of a guy just to like call attention their boobs is that pick me some there's examples out there there's like podcasts about pick me girls but sometimes it's a little bit obvious and a little bit obnoxious and but other times it's like hey like for in in you know when I was saying like me cleaning up the kitchen at a party like that's just me being a good person it's not that deep it's not like oh I'm

trying to impress the boys it's just like I feel like that was just a natural thing to do hey it's a mess I want to help out that's how I was raised okay I'm gonna pick me girl I'm gonna pick my girl, because I talk about cryptocurrency, maybe I am, I don't know, I'm getting Postmates notification from Tender Greens, Tender Greens, save $10, and don't forget the mashed potatoes, bitch, it's not even close to Thanksgiving, it's fucking, excuse me, it's November 4th, and they're already advertising for mashed potatoes, Postmates, sit down, all right, I feel like I need to wrap this up, I keep saying that every topic change, alec baldwin i wrote a note to talk about that um wow

tragic sad horrible suspicious a little bit like the details that have come out about how i guess i should i should have looked this up and so i could speak on this a little more clearly but i it sounds like whoever was in charge of that gun or someone on that set before the scene or like prior to that event where alec baldwin shot the woman the camera woman they were like off to the side firing off rounds actual bullets so like that to me is a little bit what did the kids say now sus try it's it's just sad I don't know I feel but I just I don't I think he's innocent I think it's a total fuck up and I don't I don't know I don't know I don't know what else to say like what can

you say um I guess the movie was about the movie they were filming I'm giving no context like if someone was listening to the show right now they're like hearing about this for the first time they're like who's Alec Baldwin what are you talking about who was shot I don't get it it's like they were on a movie set Alec Baldwin shot um he pointed the gun at the camera and shot it and killed someone unintentionally and that's what I'm talking about and but apparently the movie was about an accidental murder so that's a little bit interesting and it's like wild um not interesting wild like what are the chances or odds or what a coincidence he looks like hell like all these paparazzi videos or pictures of him coming out of the

bushes wherever he's at right now like out of his house hotels I don't know where Alec Baldwin is to be honest but the man has not slept and it's I can't even imagine what kind of like I don't want to get into detail and be and get graphic but like i don't know what he saw but i can't he probably it's like permanently in his brain now that visual of him shooting someone and watching them bleed out and i shouldn't even like i feel like i'm being insensitive even saying bleed out but it's like a soldier at war shooting someone then they have ptsd he's totally in a i can't imagine he probably already it's it's gonna change his life forever and it's gonna be long journey of

like how do you i guess you move on eventually just time time time heals time heals everything especially horrible things I guess that's honestly the only healer the when the worst stuff I don't want to say shit the worst things happen in this world worst horrific tragic sad gory events happen sometimes the only healer is time like that's it that's all like sometimes you just have to ride the days out for years until it feels okay again and I know that after breakups like after breakups it's like you just it's a ride ride time until you feel better anyways okay uh oh I love this account

I said Africa Black in the beginning because this Instagram account is so lit um her name is Africa Black she's a writer she's a consultant a consultant and writer she's at Africa Brooke oh did I say Africa Black on my note it's probably how my brain read her name but it's Brooke Africa Brooke um and she has come out with these amazing pieces of writing these little Instagram posts and I want to find a couple of them and read them because they are so on point and she's commenting a lot or she's making she she's writing about

current times, and the way things are, and hold on, let me find it, I love this one, here we go, I'm just gonna read it, move on, you can let this sink in, and you can think about it, and whatever, uh, here we go, the reality is that this unforgiving culture casual dehumanization public shaming spectacles outwoking one another oppression olympics the extremes of identity politics binary thinking refusal to accept diversity of thought rebranded division tactic tactics etc isn't going to magically fix itself as fully grown autonomous adults we all play a part in opting out of this game

yeah um I was gonna say something I was like I'm not playing it I can't I agree with that I'm like I hate it um here we go this one I love Africa Brooke on Instagram second uh post I'm gonna to read here says, I am not anti-woke. Be as woke as you like. In fact, we need more people to be awake. That can only be a good thing. But what we are collectively seeing today is far from progressive. It's regressive and disturbing. I'm all for people wanting to create a better world. i'm all for people calling out genuine injustice what i'm not for is extremism in any form entitlement denial of reality in favor of an imagined utopia that demands to pick a side and division masked as progress that's where you lose me

I think I like that one a little bit more she's a great writer I love what she's putting out she's making she's making some statements about current events and you know what she's writing what I'm thinking uh a lot of us are I think are thinking I'm sure you might be thinking but i just love like the uh division masked as progress what i'm not for is extremism in any form entitlement denial of reality in favor of an imagine yeah i love that denial of reality in favor of an imagined utopia denial of reality in favor of an imagined utopia that seems to be what's going on like when things just didn't make sense in 2020 for example

you're like none of this adds up none of this makes sense this doesn't this is not reality this isn't actually like the especially i don't want to go back in time but The other one, what was the line I really liked? Refusal to accept diversity of thought. Oh, yeah. Outwoking one another, oppression Olympics, the extremes of identity politics, binary thinking. Yeah, diversity of thought.

Nuance is fucking dead now. like there's life is all about nuance and like let's define what the fuck is it let me just go and why am i even okay jocelyn sometimes i have to google stuff to remember nuance the subtle difference in in or shade of meaning expression or sound it's important in conversation it's important to consider nuances in conversation and acknowledge that life is full of nuances and they're like black and white nuance in the word gray are they are those like

dude I'm in my own I'm like I just got something just sparked my brain it's like the gray areas of life the subtleties of life does this make any sense is someone out there is anyone does this does this track is anyone africa brooke on instagram go look her up read her stuff she makes sense when she writes things very well so what was the one line though hold on i wanted to go back to it binary thinking Relating to, composed of, or involving two things. Binary, of course.

I guess, is that another way of saying, like, black and white thinking? Two things. Binary thinking, also known as dichotomous thinking, happens when even complex concepts ideas and problems are overly simplified into being one side or another yes that's how my brain saw it okay so yeah things are that's why i'm right that's why okay you're like what'd you say why were you talking about nuance and that whole bit it's because that's in my opinion what's missing nuance is fucking dead

especially in conversation people don't consider it it's like either think this or you think that and anything else any little other things that don't they get shunned they get shut down they get squashed and anyways um let's see if i have any more things i'm gonna note her um it's gonna go on buzzfeed.com are any celebrities in hot water right now not Alec Baldwin that's like a whole thing I'm like thinking of is there any gossip that I've heard about recently I could talk about what's Demi Lovato doing um so one thing I used to do a lot last year is um when i podcasted i used to do a lot of buzzfeed quizzes so i'd go on buzzfeed.com

and i'd read a quiz excuse me oh wait jay-z's on instagram okay there's your news of the day jay-z joints joined instagram for 24 hours promoted quote the harder they fall and quote and dipped and honestly i don't blame him he promoted his is that a new song and then dipped okay pump and dump pumped his song and dumped his gram 49 gifts for couples who've been together so long that they've run out of gifts to get each other jesus christ i love sometimes okay i have a love hate with buzzfeed because sometimes it's so ridiculous but sometimes it's like that's why I go to it is for the ridiculous content

but anyways last year I used to do buzzfeed quizzes during my show like I'd end the show with a quiz dude I'm gonna eat ice cream and I'm gonna find out right now what my most dominant personality trait is let's do it and let's end the show yeah I would end the show with these or I would um do an entire episode of buzzfeed quizzes because it gives me topics to talk about like while I take a quiz I go on tangents if that makes sense because the questions on the quiz will spark an idea in my brain and then I'll talk about it and okay pick a classic okay this is the actual quiz I just clicked it and I've been eating let me say this about 2021 this is the year of ice cream for me like I'm ingesting a pint a week on average which my former self wouldn't touch

ice cream for like a whole like I would eat it like once a year I would never buy myself ice cream I was so like oh my god like unhealthy I actually okay I would eat a lot of like fake ice cream like halo top and I would make like healthy ice cream like bananas anyways this year it's like a pint of Ben and Jerry's a week not just like one brand okay I got my other brands shout out Jenny's shout out uh so delicious because I do eat a lot of dairy-free so delicious ice cream it's like the honestly the new one I just had so delicious go to the freezer section in the grocery store. So delicious. It's so good. It's like dairy-free with cashew milk, and it's... Where is it? I think it's new. It's so good. Okay, the salted caramel cluster is like the classic.

I used to always get that one, but they have this new one that's like salted brownie. Where is it? I'm going to find it. Maybe it was in this brand. Salted brown. It's like salted caramel brownie, I think is the flavor. It's, it's so good. So go to the grocery store, go to so delicious, go to the non-dairy section and get so delicious. So delicious. Uh, salted caramel brownie. But yeah, I've been eating a lot of ice cream this year. So this quiz is perfect. Eat at this ice cream buffet and we'll reveal your most dominant personality trait? I'm curious. What do you think? Okay, should I guess what my most dominant personality trait is before I do this quiz? What's a personality trait, first

of all. Dude, I am, my most dominant personality trait is sarcasm. No, it's not even a personality trait. What's my personality? I don't know what, dude, I don't know. Like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, personality, actually, brain cells, oh, my God, 638 primary personality traits, I can't, that's too many, let's just get some ideas here, active, adventurous, aggressive, ambitious, okay, wait, I'm gonna pick one really quick, happy, dude, I think, okay, wait, or fun, wild, warm, unique, sporty. I have a lot, but my most dominant as of now, as of this season of my life, I'm feeling elegant. I just read that one on the list. I am feeling elegant and classy lately.

uh feeling like a woman like a classic woman just yeah um i think what's the other one here easy going i think that's my vibe right now my most dominant i'm just easy going yeah guys i need to do the question and the show holy shit is this a two-hour episode i don't care pick pick a classic flavor vanilla chocolate mint chocolate chip or strawberry i'm going mint if mint's an option i'm taking it um i grew up eating a lot of mint chocolate chip ice cream out of the dairy gold it was the dairy wool the um remember the bot member remember the boxes of ice cream you'd get at the grocery store I want them to bring those back

I get the box of mint chocolate chip ice cream as a kid that was my favorite pick another flavor coffee pistachio only if it's gelato only if I'm in Italy cookies and cream or caramel to pick another flavor bitch I'm in Italy I'm eating pistachio gelato I'm doing pistachio pick a fruity flavor okay whatever I pick is gonna it's gonna um the quiz result is gonna tell me my my most dominant personality so I got to keep that in mind um mango raspberry lemon coconut um I'm going if I meet an ice cream and it's fruity I don't want it to be honest

unless it's strawberry coconut raspberry lemon I love lemon I don't know that sounds good like if this ice cream was like lemon if there's like lemon bars chopped up inside of it I would that would be that would be so good okay I'm picking lemon pick another flavor is this all I'm doing on the quiz how many questions are there just like okay I'll do this quick uh pick another flavor cookie dough bubble gum peanut butter or matcha fuck off okay first of all raise your hand if you know my opinion about matcha if you don't know my opinion on matcha it's so important that you guys know my opinions right why I'm even bringing this up I just feel

like, you guys need to know that I fucking hate matcha. It tastes like horse hay. And I only know what horse hay tastes like because I've eaten it before because I used to have horses growing up. And I like literally, I can smell hay just thinking about it. And that is exactly what matcha tastes like. I'm picking cookie dough. Classic. Pick another flavor. Cotton candy, marshmallow, rum raisin, or rocky road. I recently had rocky road and I used to kind of hate those marshmallows in it when I was a kid but now I kind of like it so I'm going I'm going rocky road okay pick some soft soft serve as a former Dairy Queen pick some soft serve as a former Dairy Queen employee I worked there for like four months um I gotta go black and white

I gotta I gotta go half and half you got vanilla dipped in chocolate black and white vanilla or raspberry vanilla, that dip, though, is pretty good, it's kind of waxy, I used to dip the cones in the chocolate, like, I'd have a heart attack every time I turned it upside down, because I would think, oh, it's gonna fall, and it never did, and it would drip everywhere, it was messy, dude, fast food restaurants, if you've ever worked in a fast food restaurant, they have a scent, and the scent behind the counter we were making the food is a combination of in my case it was like ice cream machine and like dairy like milking parlor because we literally had these bags of i don't know if i can expose this about dairy i'm sure it's like common knowledge we had these bags

of liquid ice cream that would go in these and they were giant bags you'd have to like put them they like went behind the wall behind the machines in a different room so it's kind of smell like a milking parlor like a dairy farm mixed with like stainless steel appliances where you're like making that you're like blending up the blizzards but the most pungent smell that you that you constantly smelled or that I did working at a fast food restaurant was the scent of that rag that rag okay that damp rag you're constantly using all day long to wipe the counters down and wipe everything down like grateful for the experience made me who I am today it made me a hard worker it made me a more empathetic person or made me more

my heart goes out if you're working at a fast food restaurant right now my heart goes out Um, I hope those rags don't smell as bad as the rags I used it. Cause my last day at Dairy Queen, I had to, um, unclog the men's toilet. It was a big old shit and clean puke up. Oh yeah. That's how I went out. So I'll never forget that last day work. Um, hardest day, the hardest day on the job, last day, last day of the job was the hardest day the job and you know what's crazy or not crazy but like my manager it's like you know this is my last day so of course you're gonna make me do the heart like I guess there's no one else to do it uh pick an ice cream pop I'm not a big fan of ice cream pops but you know what I gotta go with

the strawberry crunch here this is like the strawberry shortcake one you get at the gas station the other ones are kind of like bougie looking like they're they're very they're like too classy like cherry vanilla chocolate vanilla which is it's like striped it's like a popsicle or a pineapple popsicle no I'm going strawberry crunch because those are good okay those are real I actually those are good I haven't had one in a while I feel like ice cream sandwiches and strawberry shortcake uh like classic ice cream sandwiches and strawberry shortcake um ice cream bars are most underrated ice cream pick a loaded scoop you can load my scoop oreo chocolate vanilla with dulce de leche dulce de leche dulce do

fuck strawberries and cream or cookie crunch pick a loaded scoop dude uh oreo chocolate 100 percent it's got like the pictures are very juicy like there's a lot of sauce the the they're big ice cream scoops there's a lot of toppings they just look good and beefy and like when you want ice cream this how this is how I want it personally like I don't like just a scoop of vanilla ice cream like I need a hundred things going on around it not always okay well like you know what I mean I need like a sauce I need a little drizzle of something okay pick a sauce for your speaking of sauce pick a sauce for your ice cream caramel sauce marshmallow sauce

strawberry sauce or chocolate sauce I'm going oh god I can't I don't know if I can pick between caramel and chocolate both caramel okay wait sometimes I say caramel something I just realized that. Sometimes I say caramel. Sometimes I say caramel, caramel, caramel, caramel, caramel, um, caramel. I'm going, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Uh, I usually pick caramel sauce because my ice cream has chocolate in it already. So it's already got that, like the chocolate's already covered in ice cream. So then I want the caramel vibe as the, as the sauce, because that's like the missing component so I'm going to go caramel caramel finally last question I'm going to end the show pick an ice cream topping oh my god I'm so fat brownie chunks

cookie no like I saw sprinkles and then I saw next to it brownie chunks and I'm like duh like not sprinkles like if brownie chunks are an option what you got to pick those marshmallows no or cookie dough I gotta pick between brownie chunks or cookie dough cookie dough is already in the ice cream I'm going brownie chunks okay what is my most dominant personality trait here we go caring caring eat at this ice cream buffet and we'll reveal your most dominant personality trait

caring okay the picture is literally a woman and her dog you have a calming energy hold on you have a calming energy and people and animals alike gravitate toward you. You're the type of person who goes out of the way to do good deeds and make a difference. You truly have one of the biggest hearts. Dude, me cleaning up, being a pick-me-girl at the party. It all makes sense. I go out of my way to do good deeds and make a difference. I'm laughing because it's true, I don't know, I feel like, okay, that's not my, I feel like that's not my most, well, okay, I am a Cancer, not to bring up the Zodiac, my Zodiac sign, but the thing is, I recognize about myself, is that I have a natural inkling, or, like, a natural,

um, I have, like, a desire, or it's, like, not, I don't even try, it just happens, like, I just want to nurture and take care of things and make sure people are okay. That's why I think I would have been a great nurse if I could go back in time or like some sort of like caretaker. I just love taking care of people. I love hosting parties. I love making sure like everyone's having a good time. Everyone's happy and their bellies are full and everyone's enjoying themselves.

and I just like to create the vibe and and and like set the I like playing music for people I like I like making other people feel good about themselves okay isn't that what the is that a quote somewhere on Instagram like and is that isn't that like a Gary V quote or like a Tony Robbins make it make others feel good about themselves dude it's not how much you get it's how much you give your net worth is your network okay um I will say this though okay yes I am caring I feel like I'm a warm I should I get into this I am I

you know something i've been kind of hard on myself okay jesus this is gonna go on for a while now i can already feel it i've been a little bit bitchy lately or like how do i say it jaded or I just don't I feel like I've been a little more cold than I usually am and I think the reason for that and let me unpack this really quick because I I mentioned earlier in my past it's like I used to be bubbly and not bubbly excuse

me I used to be um a people like a chronic people pleaser and I just want I would like I was like really smiley and like you know like yeah yeah like I just said yes to everything and let people walk all over me but I just I did that just to just to make people happy and keep the peace and um I wanted people to like me because I always felt like I didn't fit in or I was an outcast in the friend group and I was trying to get in the group and I was always on the outside that type of thing. So the reason why I feel like I'm a little more cold and less bubbly and like, I don't know if the word is friendly cause I'm friendly. It's like, I'm now starting to say no, like just in the last like year,

like I'm I'm I'm I'm actually using my voice to stand up for myself now I'm saying no to things that don't align with um my values or what I want or or I say no to things that are unhealthy for me and you know that aren't that don't serve me or my life like I'm taking care of myself by saying no now I'm taking care of my my um and it contributes the most obviously to my mental health because it's like before I would get stretched so thin saying yes to everything like being nice people just like like twirling around and then I would exhaust myself for other people and then I felt empty and I didn't have a sense of self I didn't have a sense of who I was because I felt like I was doing things constantly for other people it's always about other it wasn't

always it wasn't about me like what do I want okay so now that I'm doing that I I I don't know if I'm like distancing myself from people maybe it's making it's causing me to grow from people grow away from people or um yeah kind of like that because I'm not just gonna go like hang out and say yes to something that is that I don't want to go to like I don't do things I don't want to do and like sometimes in life not all the time sometimes there's you got to suck it up you got to go to the event you got to show up to the party you got to say hello to whatever you got to go to the birthday party whatever it is even if you don't want to do it you got to do it sometimes you just have to suck it up but I don't do a lot of that anymore

and I do things I'm trying to live a life I'm trying to what is the fucking phrase Brene Brown take your power back or stand in your power own your power but for me it's like a lot of saying no sharing my opinions which is a very aggressive dominant masculine trait I know that I know that running my mouth on a podcast bitching about society bitching about like whatever's going on in my life just constantly like vomiting out opinions is a it's a it almost say I feel like it's like a negative it comes across me probably negative but it's kind of like it's just like I guess whatever I'm like trying just being real or I'm being real and I'm being raw and I'm being vocal because

did I not have a say in the past did I not really have was I yeah I already said it it's like I didn't have a sense of who I was so me so to to make up for that to make up for all those years in my teens like I remember this in high school and in college and then like my first like a couple years here in San Diego to make up for all of that time where I was it's honestly a lack of self-love too and a lack of because I I feel like I was constantly wishing and wanting to be something I wasn't and being friends with people who I thought I would like versus people who I actually liked or like the like I always wanted to be friends with like the most popular people because I want to be associated

with them because I wanted to be popular too like I had I was I had the wrong intentions I didn't love myself, I was trying to change myself, all the things, and so now, to make up for that, I'm on my show, talking out what I like, what I don't like, I'm just, I'm forming, I'm finding my identity, I'm finding who I am, and I guess my, oh, Jesus, this went on for a little bit too long pass that quiz, but the purpose of me saying this is to forgive, not forgive myself, like be a little easier on myself about the fact that I'm like, here's the deal. Here's the deal. If you, if I was fully like, I don't care what other people think about me and whatever, if I was fully like that I wouldn't even be in this um on this tangent right now because here's the deal

I know that there's a piece of me post show post posting my podcast that still judges that I'm like this like that I'm and I think it's like a like as if as if it's a negative thing which is like ridiculous because I'm like dude I am who I am this is what like this is just me talking on a microphone unfiltered unedited stream of consciousness I shouldn't judge any part of myself like this is just who I am but I think sometimes I'm like I I'm hanging on I still a piece of me is like still hanging on to wanting to be something that I'm not wanting to be that

dainty little butterfly of a woman who's softer spoken and like cuter and like more feminine and her voice and like part of me is like Jacqueline why aren't you like that like because to me it's like that's I guess I've idealized that in my past I idealized that type of woman who's not um like assertive and strong-minded and strong-willed and like vocal like I've idealized this literal Disney princess who's just like twirling around like whatever and then of course yeah social media I'm exposed to like all kinds of people my age and I look around I'm like because you know you do as you do on it's just like natural it's like you just

happen to follow people and you look around you're just like like what would that life be like where you're just like fucking frolicking and you're just being like I don't know you don't have a need to like shove your fucking opinions down people's throats on a microphone once a week and you're just like I don't know I guess I do struggle with comparison a little bit still too yeah I'm like a little bit hard on myself guys this is like go to therapy right Jacqueline go to your therapist get off the microphone

yeah does that make any sense you know what it might be though what I'm comparing myself to or like what I'm seeing and I'm like why can't I just be like that is who I was okay this is a weird loop it's like who I was in the past where I was trying to like I was into like do I was like into i don't know what i'm saying guys like looking good for other people or like trying to please

other people everyone's on their own journey i need just i need to get get the fuck off the i need to end the show um why did i get on this again oh I'm like making up for my younger years where I was just really insecure and I was a people pleaser and I was wishing I was something I wasn't and I idealized or I yeah I like wanted to hang around certain types of people that I thought I thought were cool and blah blah and the truth of the matter is every time every fucking excuse me every time I've hung out with the quote-unquote popular crowd or I

like I'm in this outside position and this could be in high school this could be in college it could be post-college like going to parties here in San Diego whatever it is like since I've been here now what three years I've like experienced some shit it's like every time I get into that I get from the position of like oh I'm kind of on the outside I don't really know anyone or or I do know people and um I have an in to get to get into the group or to get into the yeah like the friend circle I'm always disappointed it's always a letdown it's like it's never what I thought it was gonna be and then I realized like I actually enjoy like I'd rather just hang out with myself or my like two best friends over this quote-unquote

popular crowd because it's just a lot of like because I don't fucking like normally it's like you you're on the outside for a reason bitch like you don't actually fit in with those people there's a reason for that stop trying to like fit in I'm really talking hard I'm like coaching myself right now it's like Jacqueline you're on the outside or you don't naturally click with those people because you don't naturally click with those that's not your group that's not your crowd I think an issue or something and I was just talking to um earlier today on on a meeting I was just talking to someone about this I was like my next phase my next journey in life is finding those people finding my people

I feel like I've chased the wrong people for so long. It's like nothing lasted because those weren't my people. I was trying to be like them. I was trying to like be cool with whatever I thought was cool. And I just want to be around people that flow and fit naturally with who I am. And it's not like I'm forcing it. That's how it felt when I was younger. just always felt like it was like forcing friendships forcing like in high school especially

like I always want to go to the dances with the most popular group and I usually ended up I usually figured out a way to do it like I usually found out a way to do it but it never felt like I was actually friends with any of those people it was just like oh I got invited by or I got asked to a dance by, like, one of the guys that, I don't know, like, it was just, so dumb, so, yeah, okay, cool, episode 298, that was a journey, we went through Halloween, when I faked, I was, like, I can't fake having fun, okay, we talked about that, we talked about, let me go on my list, we talked about Fiesta island we talked about the invasion show we talked about alec baldwin we talked about shiba inu the metaverse facebook i baked cookies i read some africa africa africa brook

um quotes and i did a buzzfeed quiz i found out my most dominant personality trait apparently is that i'm caring based on the ice cream i chose on the quiz and then i wrapped it up by saying like yo girl be yourself and the people that are meant for you will find you whatever the quotes are it's like maybe everyone could sense that like I wasn't being myself I was being fake or pretending or I think people can sense that it's rooted in insecurity though and you know what my mom called me out on it last year she goes you know what i think it is jacqueline i think it's she's just like bold and straight up with me she's like i think you're just really insecure and that was fucking true that was so true like you remove insecurity you add self-love

and self-acceptance and you get jacqueline today like that is me now I have a little everybody has their insecurities still right but like I was literally insecure about the things that made me who I am for so long and

look where it left me I feel like I have to now I'm like rebuilding, refinding I have to it's like a little journey I'm on I've been on, you know, I'm already there. It's like, bitch, I've arrived. Like I'm ready to now apply, like move forward and march forward with my life with this evolved, better version of myself. Um, cause that's all I want to do. I just want to get better every day. I don't want to repeat

the same patterns, the same BS that I had issues with a year ago or two years ago. That's my whole life. I'm on a mission in life to just spend time and work on myself and grow from my past and my negative behaviors and patterns and things that don't serve me so just a lot of insecurity I'll say that my 20s has it just doesn't I wish it's like I wish I could have snapped out of it when I was like fucking 18 so I could have enjoyed college a little more you know what I mean it's like Jacqueline you overthink everything it's not that serious it's not that deep just like

go have fun just go fucking dancing at the club like just have fun like normal people yeah try having my fucking brain like it's I think I'm just highly observant and analytical and it's like

I'll say this though I'm just gonna um make sense of what just happened on the end of the show here for like the last 15-20 minutes um I can sum everything up by saying that this is clearly something that has been buried or like on my mind and I just dumped it out I addressed it and that's it like it's not like it's not like oh my god it's not that serious like it's just like whatever I don't end up my show I'm keeping it so happy week what day is it it's Thursday I should have recorded on Sunday didn't do it

um I put out a podcast every Sunday uh for the most part I podcast once a week now and yeah if you haven't already please subscribe hit the subscribe button on or follow button now I think it is on Apple Podcasts or Spotify and yeah you know I'll plug Patreon again if you want to show some support for the show you can head over to patreon.com slash TJMS and uh yeah go check it out um hope you had a great week I hope you're having a great week hope you had a I hope you had a fun Halloween um and March 1st 2020 was one year eight months and three days ago okay I'm gonna end the show with that. Have a great day. Hit that subscribe button. Follow me on Instagram at Jacqueline Monroe.

And I will talk to you next week. Okay, bye.