The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 309- The Smartest Thing I've Ever Done

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

Happy Sunday! In this episode I talk about graphic images from Ukraine, why I started my podcast, the reason the internet is dividing us right now, getting yelled at by my neighbor, feeling like an outcast, going to the beach, and more! Thank you for listening! ILYSM!! :)  Patreon.com/TJMS 

What's up, guys? It's episode 309. Welcome back to the show. hey what's up it's Jacqueline welcome back to the show happy Sunday thank you for being here please go ahead and hit that subscribe button wherever you're listening right now I'm here once a week

and head over to patreon.com slash TJMS if you want to support me and become a patron it's $5 a month it's always $5 there's $5, $10, and $20 but just based off of what I'm

observing in the world right now I'm pretty sure five dollars is all you can afford so I get it I understand uh I'm not judging you for only signing up or for signing up for the five dollar tier uh once again Jesus I'm this is an interesting uh start to the episode already once again patreon.com slash tjms go check it out uh all right let's let's do the episode so I want to set the scene real quick for you. It's Sunday. It's 1230 PM. I went on a run on the beach this morning with my dog. It was pouring down rain. It was great. And I needed, I needed that run. I needed to go clear my head

because you guys, I'm so sad about the world right now. Honestly. Um, yeah, the reason I needed that run was because i rolled out i rolled out of bed this morning at 6 a.m grabbed my phone like i always do got on this update account it's called at ukraine.ua on instagram and i went down a rabbit hole of uh these war images they've they've posted and like the latest post today it's so harrowing it's so like gut-wrenching to see these images of like people it's just like they posted like swipe throughs like multiple swipe throughs today of civilian bodies being blown up and it's so it's fucking sobering and it's just like it it literally like i started getting emotional i was like in bed at 6 a.m like about to cry because i saw this woman's hand with

a beautiful red manicure and I think there was like a heart on one of her fingertips she was blown to pieces and it was just a picture of her arm and that beautiful manicure but her arm was like black and blown up and like yeah so that's how I started my day and I'm honestly in this weird mental place right now because of the war going on over there and just like the fuckery that society has become now and I've been really in my head about it lately because honestly I don't know if you're the same way as me but or if you have the same like content consuming routine as me but I listen to a lot of podcasts okay and I listen to a lot of people dissect the current events happening and literally like what the fuck is happening to

this planet and you know like it's so anyways um like what's new I feel like everyone's talking about it I don't want to be that I don't want to be another podcast today for you talking about how fucked up the world is but yeah I'm kind of sad I want to make this episode light and fun I um I have some like I things queued up here I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do like a Q&A thing and then like a fun quiz and I have a couple I do have a couple story times to tell you first um one about my neighbor who I'm in a laundry war with speaking of war um first world problems over here I'm in a war with I'm in a laundry war right now with my neighbor Jesus how do I segue from the Ukraine war to that fuck um yeah I have a story time about that I want to refresh you all

listening um I want to give you a little refresh about my why and why I'm podcasting because I think that's important to uh to mention I haven't mentioned it in a while so I want to talk about that um yeah and then the story time I'm going to tell you about my my laundry my laundry war is going to segue into a theory or a math equation about god this is already getting too deep why the internet is dividing us oh my god that I want to keep it light and fun but I'm also going to talk about why the internet is dividing us and literally give you a math equation so let's see I went on a run this morning uh it's called Fiesta Island here in San Diego and it was great I needed that cleared my head and now I'm podcasting and I'll be honest let's

here's the first like funny thing I'm going to say today I watched my dog shit out my thong like my entire thong this morning it was the first like so weird having a dog I feel like until you get one and I have a large dog I have a golden retriever like you don't realize it until you get your own dog and you live in a city where you have to clean up their shit like with your bare hand like every single time they shit for the rest of their life like he's a shit factory and I'm a shit I'm a shit picker up machine or whatever I'm a shit cleaner like multiple times a day every single day seven days a week it's like non-stop right but the first object that came out of his ass this morning at the beach was my entire like pink thong so he had somehow

gotten into my laundry basket or my drawer and he pulled it out and he ate the entire thing and I just gotta laugh at that like I can't get mad at him I it's just fucking hilarious because it's like this dog is he's got a personality and like and he's very he's like everything he does is funny and I feel like everyone says that about their dog but my dog especially is funny and yeah so um what else could I tell you maybe a confession about speaking of dog shit I'm just trying to like lighten the mood right now get off the the you know the dark war Ukraine stuff I just mentioned but speaking of shit i do have a confession to make um i was actually thinking about this before i started recording i'm like

my coffee machine so i was making my coffee shout out james coffee here in san diego using their reusable uh glass jar today for my hot coffee so my garbage excuse me my garbage can and my coffee machine my my braville barista express coffee machine are like within you know a foot of each other here in my kitchen and as i'm making this coffee for the episode i'm like jacqueline jesus jesus christ like this is the last time like you're gonna okay just follow that follow this i was like jacqueline you're an adult you should not be standing over your counter making your coffee

smelling those coffee beans uh brew and also smell a little bit of dog shit permeating out of or perfuming out of your garbage can like stop being a lazy fuck find a garbage can on the street go out of your way if it takes a if it takes a couple extra blocks to find that garbage can find the garbage can or go to your own garbage big dumpster in the back and like take the extra two minutes and do the passcode and open it and throw that shit bag in there instead of fucking dumping it into your garbage can because like yes I buy the scented garbage bags and so there's like a nice fresh scent going and it kind of masks odors but like I've been neglect I've been yeah I've been lazy and I've been in this bad habit of

just quickly taking my dog out bringing the shit bag back in my kitchen and dumping it in there and it's just I gotta stop so yeah I don't know if you if you live in a city I feel like everyone's cool dumping like you can take your dog's bag and like poop bag and like put it in their garbage can but like some days like they're hard to find and I throw it in my kitchen garbage and so yeah okay that was my little confession time my little stupid confession time about being a lazy adult who picks her dog shit up and throws it into her kitchen garbage you guys who's sick and tired of me talking about my dog honestly I feel like that's all I have to talk about now but like whatever um I'm trying to lighten the mood so and honestly I'm in my head

right now about that segment because my when my boyfriend first listened to my podcast he listened to like one episode full like all the way through and the feedback he gave me some really positive feedback and said said something so amazing like this just makes me want to find out more about the type of woman you are and how your brain works and how you think and all this like stuff and then he also mentioned that oh you said shit a lot so I guess that's my that's a word I use a lot in every episode and I and I know I just did that but you know what whatever um okay let's go into real quick why I'm podcasting why I'm here why I'm doing this if you're a new listener or if you're a listener, or if you've been listening for a while, I think it's important, it's important

to mention to everyone, so, basically, I know what it's like to be sad, depressed, down, feeling, like, feeling alone, just, yeah, like, feeling, like, in the dumps, and turning to the internet, turning to content creators turning to podcasts turning to youtubers for a sense of comfort and like like peace like there's something so peaceful about peaceful about it it's like just you and them and I know it's all virtual and it's not real but if it fucking feels good it makes your life a little it helps improves your life a little bit in the moment that you're you're feeling bad so that's what I want to be here um that's that's why I'm here that's why I want to be here on the internet for you is, is to be like that. Yeah. That comfy podcast you

listen to once a week or just that person you, you know, who you keep up with and their, their life story. Cause you find that you relate to it in some way or you get entertained by it in some way. And yeah, that's kind of the, I guess that's it. That's all I'm that's honestly, it doesn't doesn't need to be more complicated or like more deep than that um I feel like a lot of a lot of times I come across advice and inspiration about being becoming a content creator and it's like there's a huge emphasis on like adding value and like educating your audience and leaving with leaving them with something you know that they can take with them and use out in the world and And like, it's all about like serving people in a very like meaningful, wholesome way like

that, where you're like, you're not just getting on the, you're not just like wasting their time talking about dog shit. Like I just did, or not wasting your time. Like, I mean, if you're listening, if you're still listening, you're still being entertained. So whatever. Um, so yeah, it's not, my podcast is just like, yeah, it's fun. It's light. I'm here, um, like a friend and that's it.

um okay quick water break before I get into my laundry war story time uh I'm drinking out of straws okay so I have so much lip gloss on right now that like I can't if I sip my beverages I have coffee and this sparkling Trader Joe's Trader Joe's water if I sip the lip of them my lip gloss will get all fucked so I use these ridiculously long straws and yeah anyways okay water break over let's talk about the laundry room okay so I talk about laundry a lot here on the on the podcast uh back in the day I told you how I have this quirk about going to a specific laundry mat like 20 miles or it's like 20 minutes away from me it's like there's one like a mile away but I go to I go to one that's like out of town because I

liked it so much because the it had these lattes you could buy in a vending machine and i really liked that and they also accepted your credit card or your debit card or whatever instead of coins and that made that made me feel less poor because like going to a laundromat just make it makes you feel fucking it always makes me feel poor so the fact they took a card instead of quarter your card instead of quarters just like really it just it just made me feel better and it was like classy it was nice really well taken care of all the machines were like really new So yeah, that was my old, old laundry routine. And the fucked up thing about that is that I have a laundry room here at my apartment complex that I can use. And I decided to drive like 20 minutes away once a week instead. So anyways, now I'm doing my laundry in that laundry room. And there's a there's a lot to learn. There's a lot to learn about being a good neighbor. okay, from that, from that laundry room, um, so, speaking of neighbors,

I don't know what it is, like, my neighbors, there's, like, 20 people, probably, total, my neighbors piss me off for no reason, and that's kind of messed up to say but like literally if I just hear a door shut I'm like fuck you like it's just like every noise is annoying every time they walk past me and I'm walking past them and we're like going through the same doorway it's like I just get I just get annoyed I don't I don't know why okay um and so I feel like if I feel that way there's got to be someone else here that feels that way and it just so happens that uh my old man neighbor really fucking feels that way and really hates everyone here especially me because he has

cussed me out uh multiple times now about that in that laundry room and I guess here's a story for you so um it started with lock the fucking door that was the first time he yelled at me um and then this past Tuesday he yelled at me again because apparently he does laundry every morning at 6 a.m or every Tuesday morning at 6 a.m that's what he told me and basically what happened was the night before I did my laundry at like 6 30 to like 8 p.m and I went to go grab my last load out of the dryer but it looked like a fucking construction zone or construction side in there all the machine there's only two machines oh my god did I even mention this is why it's such a fucking mess here and so chaotic and annoying it's because there's only one washer

and one dryer for like all these people and they're constantly everyone's constantly using it so yeah um anyways the one washer and the one dryer were like moved he was like drilling and like doing shit in there and it was just like loud and um and I had like my load in the dryer but it was like you couldn't even access it because how he had moved everything so I was like you know what it's the end of the day I'll wake up early tomorrow morning Tuesday morning and I'll grab my clothes out of the dryer so i just thought you know i thought that was reasonable i wasn't you know in a hurry to like get them because who was going to be up at 6 a.m the next morning to

use the laundry room right well turns out that my old man neighbor does his laundry every tuesday morning at 6 a.m and uh guys i'm still shooken up by this honestly it's uh i have like i don't like getting yelled at for real yelled at where someone's like, like the type of yelling Will Smith. So like when Will Smith yelled at, uh, uh, why was it, why was I going to say Kevin Hart, Chris Rock, the way he yelled at him was like very like intense. Right. I can't stand when people yell at me like that. I get, it like shakes me up for like days. And, um, so I wake up, it's like six, maybe like six, 6 15 okay well I'm a little late to my I was originally gonna go in at 6 a.m okay whatever

it's like okay not that serious it's just laundry room at 6 a.m and on a Tuesday morning who's doing their laundry so it's like 6 15 I go to the door with my key and I have my bag my laundry bag and I'm like oh my god what did the construction man do last night to this the keyhole it's all fucked up I tried to use my laundry key in there and it was like the whole thing was like someone had gone in and just like fuck like literally like try to mess up the keyhole so you couldn't put your key in well oh and I also noticed it sounded like someone's laundry was going in there so that was so that's me like these are my first impressions here at the laundry room the next morning and um next thing i know old man neighbor walks down his balcony kind of slow and just like

serious he like turns the corner and he comes over and he's like is that your fucking laundry in there i do my laundry every tuesday morning at 6 a.m take your fucking shit out you're not supposed to leave it in there overnight and blah blah and you're just like he's like going the fuck in like really intense and it's like probably waking up the neighborhood that was that was definitely waking people up the weight the level he of like the volume he was yelling so I'm just like immediately calm because or like I'm shooken up but I'm like trying to keep my cool and I'm like hey it wasn't intentional there was a maintenance man in there he's like come back tomorrow morning and pick it up I couldn't even access it because he had moved all the he had

moved the machines and you know it wasn't intentional and he goes yeah well I threw out your fucking laundry up on the shelf there so you're gonna have to get it down and um you know and because so yeah he said that and I'm like oh my god okay this what what is he talking about so I go in the laundry room oh and I also mentioned I was like oh were you able to unlock it I was having trouble unlocking the keyhole and he goes oh yeah it's probably because it's cold outside right now but no he totally like fucked it up like I think we have to get that replaced now so anyways I go in the laundry room and I'm like there are there are my clothes up high like he threw them it was like hard to get to he just like threw him out of the dryer and at that moment I

was like Jacqueline you're gonna turn this bitch around you're gonna turn this negative energy into a positive uh into positive energy so I move slow as fuck and I sit up I get my ass up on the dryer because that's how I was going to access my clothes he threw up on the shelf sit my ass on the dryer get my laundry bag and I'm doing like one at a time okay I'm taking my he's I'm taking my sweet time he's he's at the door I'm taking it taking it down really slow there's my thong he had thrown up there. There's my booty shorts, my like sweat shorts, my sweat pants, my yoga pants. Okay. Just taking everything down one by one. I tell this man to his face. I said, it's easy to be an asshole to people you don't know.

I was like, hi, I'm Jacqueline. I've been here for two years and this won't happen again. I'm sorry that this pissed you off and uh and he goes oh I'm so sorry like shouldn't have I shouldn't have spoken to you that way I actually got really bad news this morning 5 a.m and it's put me in a bad mood and I'm so sorry he's like you know what I should get your laundry down I can see you're having trouble getting it like you know I threw it up there I should take it down he just started like backpedaling or whatever or like you know and but that's so true like yeah if he didn't know me He didn't know me personally. He's never talked to me before. Other than the other time he told me, did I say this already? Yeah. Like a week prior, he told me to lock the fucking door at

the laundry room because he thought I didn't lock it, which like, it's just like, it's okay. I'll take accountability for my actions. I didn't lock the door, but I also was just like going back to my apartment real quick to grab more soap. So I was like, okay, from the laundry room to my apartment is like one minute. If I keep it unlocked while I'm doing laundry in there for that one minute it's like no one's gonna go in there and fucking steal shit or like do this guy oh later he told me that people go in there when you leave the door unlocked and shoot heroin like the homeless people will go in there so within that minute of me walking back to my apartment to get soap and going back to the laundry room that wasn't gonna fucking happen

but you know what happened he had walked by and noticed the door is unlocked and that's when he said lock the fucking door so i was probably already on a shit list so we had talked before but he didn't know me he didn't know me personally so yeah i told him it's easy to be an asshole to people you don't know hi I'm Jacqueline introduce myself because you know that was me kind of you know standing up for myself there a little bit um and yeah we ended up just like talking two neighbors shooting the shit and I was straight up with them I was like look this laundry room fucking annoys me people annoy me here I don't even know my neighbors here and I don't even know you but like everyone here's annoying like you're annoying like I get it I

literally said that I was like I get how you feel like anytime I see someone else doing laundry in there I get and I when I want to do it I get pissed so I get it I was just trying to like relate to him a little bit um yeah and then what else happened uh we started talking about our careers he's like hey you know like somehow he asked me what I did I was like oh I work in PR and he's like yeah I used to work in PR and anyways um I guess something else I want to mention about that a little like nugget of wisdom is that or this is just my I just feel like in my mind this is how I think uh like I think what am I saying in my head like this is how you should live your life okay but like don't you don't have to apply this to yours or do this but it's just

what feels best for me so when people come at you hot like that when people start yelling at you like that I feel like it's easy to clap back and to fight back and to yell back and to get heated back and tell them off and start swearing and like I could have I could have done that easily but I chose I made a conscious decision to slow down stay calm be like kind and lead with love layer just like sounds so fucking cheesy but like yeah I wasn't coming at him hot back I was very calm and yes I called him an asshole to his face subtly but he was he knew he was being an asshole he's he's old old enough and wise enough to know what he was doing and he ended up apologizing for speaking to me that way so basically like I'm at a place in life where I don't have fucking

time. I don't have time. It's, like, not worth my time and my, yeah, to, like, get upset over fucking anything. Like, I don't know why I've become so unfazed. I don't understand why. I think maybe it's because of my past and experiencing a lot of, like, chaos and yelling and screaming and fighting and like you know just all of that kind of drama that unfolds in a chaotic household I guess I don't know because now it's like when I encounter it I'm like I don't have fucking time for this shit I've been there done that I want to keep I want to keep myself in this state of like calm at all times because it's not worth it to like ruin my fucking day. It was at six in the morning. Like if I got heated, if I started

yelling, I would have been in that mode all morning and it would have probably taken time to like snap out of it. And I just don't have time for that anymore. I just choose now that I just, I choose peace and calm and kindness because at the end of the day, it's always the, it's the other person's problem. It's not yours. Like the reason they're yelling has nothing to do with you it has everything to do with them and so yeah like I set him off what I did leaving my laundry in the dryer overnight set him off and in his mind I'm a piece of shit for doing that but it's like he doesn't he didn't know the backstory he didn't understand why he just decided instantly to yell at me if he knew why I did that he would have probably been like hey

you know next time it'd be nice if you took it out and you moved you got had the construction guy, like move everything and take it out. And so, you know, I could come here in the morning with an empty laundry room, but he didn't do that. Okay. He didn't, he just, he chose violence and I chose peace and peace works, bitches. Okay. Someone tell that to Russia because what the fuck is happening over there? Um, let's not go back on that topic. I did write a couple notes about my laundry story on my iphone here um yeah i wrote i'm like i'm so unfazed with negative people or negativity and people are rude to me it's not even worth my time to fight back oh i wrote i literally wrote this on my note before recording i wrote i remember watching a jesus movie in school

i went to catholic school and where he where jesus got slapped in the face by someone and he just took it like i'll never forget this scene i don't know what movie it was it was like it wasn't like the passion or anything it was like a i don't know it was another it was just a jesus movie and um yeah jesus got slapped like really hard in the face and he just stood there and looked the guy in the eyes and like with like loving eyes and didn't do a fucking thing and that was a that made an impression on me because you know I still think about it like shit that's what fucking Chris Rock did holy fuck Chris Rock took it like Jesus bitches he fucking took that slap like Jesus would have and he he chose he took the high road after he didn't choose violence

he could have but yeah I guess that's a something to think about like you know in a way I got slapped in the face there by my neighbor yelling at me and cussing me out about my laundry, but I didn't do it back. And I just, I don't know. I feel like someone listening right now is like, Jacqueline, you could have fucking, he deserved to be yelled at. Like you should have given it to him and rimmed him, rimmed him a new asshole or whatever that phrase is. But anyways, so this is going to segue into the math equation because what did I say when you don't know it's easy to be an asshole to someone you don't know is that the phrase of the phrase of the show today okay I'm going to preface this math equation segment about why the internet is dividing us by saying

that unfortunately as amazing as I'm going to make this sound it's not an original thought okay this is information i heard from owen benjamin like 10 years ago when i listened to his podcast and this man is like banned from social media and like the internet and i don't think he podcasts anymore i feel like a lot of people hate him but like back in college he was he got my brain going with with what he was saying um and he has a lot of like alternative thoughts and interesting takes on the world. And I really liked his podcast. But yeah, I'll never forget this math equation he said, or this little like metaphor thing about why the internet is dividing us right now. So I want to share it with you. I want to, I want to like carry this on.

You know, it started from him and he's nowhere to be found on the internet now. So like, I want to, Okay, whatever. Basically, it goes like this. Proximity divided by intimacy equals the amount someone can hate you. Proximity divided by intimacy equals the amount someone can hate you. And here's what that means. The internet has increased proximity between people because everyone's a profile click away. One click and you're on a profile and there's a person. Okay. That proximity is like, yeah, one click. Okay. But there's no increase in intimacy. You don't actually know these people. And this is the obvious part. Like, okay, obviously, Jacqueline yeah there's no increase in intimacy you don't actually know them you didn't have to

shake their hand you didn't have to greet them you don't have to fly to them you don't have to walk to their neighborhood and go to their house and sit down and have dinner with them you just had to click their profile so your proximity to anyone in the world right now is one click away but there's zero increase in intimacy and that's what increases hate okay because like I said earlier. It's easy to be an asshole. It's easy to hate people you don't know. So unless you shake someone's hand and have a conversation with them, you don't know them, right? You don't actually know them. So here's a, let's just like use the numbers here. I wrote this on a piece of paper before the episode. So let's say one click equals proximity. And then divided by

0.01, which equals intimacy between you and, you know, some random stranger online, like some like mom on Facebook you saw or something. One divided by 0.01 equals 100. And that 100 number equals hate. So 0.01 was the intimacy compared to let's say the intimacy was 100,000 because they're like your best friend. You know this person really well. You've hung out with them. You've talked to them. Okay. But let's say you're a hundred miles away. So the proximity is a hundred miles, but your, your intimacy with this person, let's say your mom, I use the mom on Facebook example for the person you didn't know. Let's say it's your mom. Um, the intimacy with your mom is a hundred thousand, but you're, you live a hundred miles away.

Hate at that point equals, or with this equation equals 0.001, which is like way less than a hundred the first uh i'm not good at math so if i'm not explaining this well it's because i'm not good at math it's okay it's okay uh shit should i fucking redo this part is anyone following okay so the first answer i got for hate was a hundred with the person on the mom on facebook you didn't know and then your mom i got point zero zero one for hate so the more you know someone the less you can hate them that's what this equation is all about fuck um so yeah i don't know it's like again kind of obvious but it's something to think about i thought that the interesting part of um what owen had said on his podcast 10 years ago or

whatever was the proximity thing how everyone's just a click away and how that's just so fucking crazy to think about how much access we have to anyone in the world right now and here's another like segue off of this math equation internet hate topic like I think it's kind of insane not kind of it's it's insane how we have opinions about random people on the internet like why do we get so invested and heated and upset by like someone we don't even know like why do people get actually upset and so it's like I think it's because their reality is the internet that like that has become their primary worldview and their primary like like realm they exist in like whatever is on the internet whatever is on their social media is what

they believe is real and what's true and that's like how they perceive people from through their iPhones and it's like it's kind of becoming the reality in a weird way so like I kind of understand how people can be uh so quick to make judgments about what they see someone post but again no one actually knows each other in real life like and then it's like let's go a step further we're all super you know heated about this will smith shit and it's like just i won't talk about the will smith thing because i feel like that's been beat to death but like we all have so many opinions about celebrities it's just like what the fuck that's so i don't know why i think it's so weird like you've never met Kim Kardashian or Pete what's his last name oh my god Pete

Pete Wentz no what's his last name you've never met Kanye like and we but we're so we have all of these like opinions and we we talk about and we talk about their lives in depth with their friends and you hear podcasters like unpack everything and it's just like I feel like at the end of the day it's weird I don't get it like I get it if I don't get it Jacqueline pick a pick a side okay do you understand it or do you know like I understand why we do it but it's also weird um two things can be true holy fuck I don't know if my brain is working right now hold on at the end of the day when we observe people online we observe their behavior and we comment on it we talk to our

friends about it we podcast about it I feel like it's uh we learn from these people and we can like learn more about how like we can it's like because i'm i'm curious about human behavior i've always been that way like i always go like why do people why are you like that like why don't you know i'm just always like judging and observing and sitting back and looking around and going okay i like i have a good pulse on people and behavior of people and like just fucking going to their grocery store and like I could I'm so judgmental like I have this I have this I constantly have like a story going in my head about everyone I see in public and I have like really fucked up thoughts most

of the time and just like questions like what the fuck and yeah so when we observe these people online and we talk we tell stories about them we talk to our friends about them and we do podcasts about them it's like we're all learning about human behavior together and we're all you know applying it to ourselves and adjusting how we behave and i guess it's all learning what did joe rogan say about the chris uh will smith chris rock thing the other day oh it was a teachable moment for society so yeah um while i still believe it's kind of weird and like it's not kind of weird here's where i'm at like when we have opinions about celebrities and stuff it's like to me it's like we allocate god we're so fucking bored honestly it's like we have nothing

better to do in this world now we're just like sad and just like on our phones all day it's like we have nothing fucking better to do than go on a celebrity's instagram watch the oscars and like talk about the drama going on in the celebrity world like okay but it to me it's like we so we allocate all this time to it and it's like in my brain I am seeing it as like a waste of time like it's just such a waste to have to be actually upset I guess where I'm getting it out is like being actually upset at something to the point where you're tweeting about it or you're ranting on a fucking podcast about it which I know I do that all the time here okay I rant and I bitch but um so i'm a hypocrite what am i saying everyone i can't win jocelyn pick a side

you're a hypocrite what else is new i don't know i guess yes i rant about stuff but i'm not actually upset maybe that's other people too maybe I'm talking I'm assuming things about people but anyways I'm gonna do a little check-in right now because to be fully honest as I'm recording this episode I'm feeling more and more insecure about my words and what I'm saying and that just made me straight up so yeah I want to do a little check-in with you right now is anything clicking uh are you relating to any of this in any way is this making sense because I hope I really hope that um this was a good use of your time listening to me today was that math equation did you get the gist of the

whole like one click in your profile or you're one click away from a profile there's a person versus like walking 100 miles to meet them and fuck okay so anyways um let's lighten this bitch up for real i need to do this should i just do a buzzfeed quiz i feel like we're hitting the hour mark here um i also have a random question generator if you're an og listener i used to do this all the time sometimes i just want to i would just sit and hang out with myself i used to podcast seven days a week i would just like a couple days a week i'd sit and hang out with myself and I do this random question generator uh random word generator.com and I get it would give me talking points and it was fun because I never knew what the new question was going to be

and yeah it wasn't very like the episodes weren't really planned out and it got me talking about all kinds of topics so like I guess I could do this right now or the BuzzFeed quiz um um i'll do a couple random questions uh generate random question first question what is your best shower thought oh god it's like so cliche shower thoughts this isn't my oh my god it's today's episode is all about these are not my original thoughts and i'm a fucking i'm what is it called i'm plagiarizing i don't know who to grab i gave credit to owen benjamin about that math equation internet division thing so okay i gave credit

there but i do not know who said this on tiktok uh i just scrolled through a video real quick and this this guy's made a he made a tiktok about his shower thought um a shower thought about dogs and here I'm talking about here I'm talking about dogs again oh my god anyways the shower thought was something along the lines of when we when humans bark at dogs for fun like sometimes I'll just like fuck around with Jimmy and I'll go you know do they think do they think we're do they like isn't isn't that a mind fuck for them like oh they can kind of it's like hearing someone with a thick accent like if someone comes over here from I don't know Germany and they try to speak English to me and they have that thick accent

it's like I can kind of hear I can kind of get the gist of what they're saying is that what is that what it's like for dogs when we bark at them like do they does their brain go what the fuck like they're trying we're almost there like we're almost actually talking does that happen to them are they not that smart I feel like dogs are so smart about is that that's just got to be a mind fuck for them and actually the other day yesterday I was uh chilling with Jimmy on the couch all day and um I tested that out and I noticed his eye whites got huge it was like I was trying to do my best bark and I did it right in his face his and it's probably because I did it right in his face it was really loud but his eyes like and then he kind of like

went back a little bit and he got really excited his tail started wagging so there's something to that. Um, so there's a shower thought, an unoriginal shower thought. Okay. Let's do like one more and then I'll do the quiz and end this episode. What type of exercise do you like most? Sexual intercourse. Next question. Okay. Um, what kind of exercise? Well, I just ran this morning and I will say that I'm a good runner i'm a good runner and i've always been a good runner that's kind of like a weird thing to flex or like say about yourself but like nothing makes me feel more like a superhero than a good hard run in the rain like i did this morning on the beach for sure um there was like a

ridge there was like a ridge before the the beat it like drops off and then you get to the beach I was running on the ridge and I was purposely going on the, the very like edge of it where it was kind of bumpy and rocky because it made me focus on each step. And it was like, it was more challenging than just running on the path. And so, yeah, I fucking love running. That's probably one of my favorite exercises, like my most go-to exercise running. And then yoga, obviously that's like my, that's like church for me going to church is like, okay, getting on my yoga mat. and fun fact it's stupid as fuck to say fun facts about me nobody cares um guys I'm in an eight-week booty program right now

I actually have to take my before and after pictures after this episode um there's a girl I've been following on Instagram for like two years now who who uh she is a, she's a trainer, personal trainer. And she always posted about for like the last couple of years I follow her, she's been posting about this program she does to like grow glutes. And yeah, I'm fine. I finally signed up with her and I'm really excited. So I'm gonna start doing booty workouts where my booty bands are next to me over here in a bin. Um, so yeah, I do enjoy like, well, I used to really like lifting, but kind of got off of it and now I'm getting back into it. I'm just like bored. I'm like, I need to, I need to switch, switch things up. And, um,

you know, my ass is going to be in a G string all summer in a bikini. So, or bikini. So the timing's perfect. It's like, we're in April right now. So April, how many weeks is it? Eight weeks, April, May, June. Yeah. Go in and go. This is a good, good time to do a booty, uh or just any like fitness plan program in general because it's like we're going into summer but it's like be fit all year you know um what is the thing i remember like mike chandler uh posted mike chandler he's the mma fighter he posted something i'll never forget sometimes people post things that stays with you like literally for the rest of your life he because he's all about like clean eating and

like being fit and he posted stay lean stay lean so you don't have to get lean over a picture of his like chicken and vegetables and rice and like you know one of his like bro meals for um like post-workout stay lean so you don't have to get lean and that's that's stuck with me because it's like nothing's fucking worse than feeling like oh my god i need to lose i need to go you know work out and and lose this weight like just if you stay in shape um you don't ever have to get in shape easier said than done I also like I'm speaking from this is coming from someone who's also mentioned a lot on this podcast so I was I gained the 2020-20 actually the 2020-25 and now it's gone but like I did not stay lean to get or stay lean so I don't have to get lean now

that took time that took me a whole fucking year to get off and I've talked about how I did it which I'm really proud of because it was so like nonchalant and effortless and um I literally have I haven't even been to a gym and this whole time ever since the pandemic started and I was able to lose the weight really easily but I guess go listen to a past episode where I've talked about it I don't know do I want to get into that right now I'm sick and tired talking about like food and weight loss and nutrition and exercise but here we go this random question generator got me on the topic um favorite exercise back to what it asked running yoga booty workouts because i'm a brick shithouse here's the thing about lifting weight lifting

weights like if i do traditional weight lifting workouts i get i i my muscles get big as fuck and I have like round muscles or like my muscles grow like some people have their fibers are like long mine are definitely like round so whenever I start doing intense like lifting and heavy lifting like I can't do heavy squats because my thighs will literally turn into like water like two watermelons wide probably not that big but like huge anyways and I'm all about like I want that I want the big ass the small legs the small waist you know what I'm saying the like petite top as much as possible I don't want like big fucking biceps why am I talking so much about this I need to get off this topic because it's just like I don't it's not my brand I'm not

fitness I'm not fitness Barbie over here I don't want to be and I feel like I've consciously decided to not post fitness stuff and health stuff and my healthy eating and like my workouts because I used to be so obsessive about it it was actually a problem in my life at one point where it was like an obsession addiction like issue where I literally was my identity was all wrapped up in like my body and my how like tight my abs were and so like now I just fucking I don't talk about it on purpose for that reason because I'm yeah a fitness Barbie was me back in like 20 well like all of my 20s so far until like two years ago when I gained 25 pounds and got went blonde and turned into this fat fucking I wasn't even fat Jesus Christ Jacqueline stop talking shit about

yourself oh my god this is like so not appropriate um I was hot as fuck 25 pounds me plus 25 is hot as fuck um god but I also have my opinions about body positivity and obesity and being fat and I could go I could go there too like god okay next question oh my god I'm not I'm not promoting gaining weight and saying you're hot as fuck if you're like 400 pounds okay anyways oh next question what do you consider to be the smartest thing you've ever done in your life so far fuck this is getting deep um smartest thing I've done in my life so far I know what it is it's the day I quit um it's the day I've literally never told this story I don't think I ever will

it's the day I quit my job with a company here in San Diego cold turkey and I walked out and I never talked to the CEO the person I first met at the company again that was probably the smartest thing I've ever done um that was the day I took my power took my power back um and chose myself and my um well-being and my like yeah ahead of anything else which I wasn't doing for that whole year I was uh I literally got my soul stripped because I was yeah I don't want to tell this I maybe someday I'll tell the story but I literally the day so that was the smartest thing I've ever done I've ever done and it was very it wasn't very premeditated literally the week before I quit I some shit went down on a work trip and the week after that I had to edit a bunch of

footage because I was a video I was a videographer editor content creator for the company I'd edit a bunch of edit a bunch of footage and like literally the week after that trip I did not I didn't sleep for five days I will like barely any I remember just being zoned out staring at my ceiling until like five in the morning every night just like not being able to like do anything and and I just like it was in such a dark place and one morning the last morning uh the day before I quit the morning of the day before I quit it was like 5 a.m. I hadn't slept all night I'm just still like up i think i posted something i like posted probably like a meme or some shit on my um instagram story and my mom called me and she's like jocelyn what's wrong she knew something was

wrong just like intuitively my mom had that sense because she was like she didn't maybe it was like four in the morning she couldn't figure out why i was awake because my mom my mom's awake my mom wakes up some mornings at like 2 a.m she's like mark walberg she fucking works out like two three 4 a.m in the morning and like it's intense insane but she was already up and so she noticed I was up and she goes what's wrong I know something's off next morning I walked out of the company and that was the end of that but that moment was the first day it was like I don't even I don't know how to say if I didn't do that I don't know where I would be today, because, yeah, I had to, like, refine myself, I had to, like, get back to who I was

before I had moved to San Diego, and, like, did this just get too, this is getting kind of dark and sad, like, I was made to believe everything, like, at that point, I thought everything was wrong with me, but then I, as I worked on finding myself again, I realized that I was fine the whole time and I was okay and there it yeah so um that was probably the smartest thing I've ever done quitting a job cold turkey I did write a resignation letter with a beautiful signature um I went out like you know professionally but no one will ever know what I went through and I don't think I'll ever tell those stories because it's just, like, not, I don't, I don't, I don't, fuck, I don't like talking about the past, I'm

such a, like, I just, I feel like old me used to reminisce a lot, and, like, I used to be really sappy, and, like, sentimental, and, like, I always talked about the past, and, like, now I just, like, it's my, yeah, it's part of my, it's part of what makes me who I am today, but I just, I don't know, I don't want to get into the dark shit I've been through, so, anyways, let's do this buzzfeed quiz let's uh end the episode here by talking about um the cafeteria the lunchroom in school um stay with me here we're gonna build a cafeteria lunch tray and this quiz is gonna reveal which clique i belong in and i do have a little teeny story about the lunchroom in high school

I'll probably end this with so let's get into it okay I'm gonna do this quick choose a main dish fish sticks I said fish sticks on purpose spaghetti and meatballs pizza or chicken burger pizza 100 choose a side caesar salad peas and carrots dude wait I'm in the lunchroom though hold on was the pizza good what was like the best thing in the lunchroom spaghetti meatballs fish sticks yeah the pizza was usually the best thing to get yeah i'm sticking with that side dishes here we got caesar salad peas and carrots coleslaw garlic bread broccoli or beans i'm going pizza with beans no pizza with

caesar salad yeah of course choose another side this is kind of fucking stupid why am i doing this quiz right now tater tots i love tater tots fries double fried tater tots double fried fry them twice you heard it here first next time make tater tots don't put them in the oven don't roast them deep fry them put them in twice okay you're already eating tater tots just fuck them up even more fuck your body up even more i am not an advocate of uh what did i say earlier body positivity or obesity or what the fuck uh shit choose another side a bun corn ew the corn was so bad in the lunchroom it was always like they didn't even season it it was just like out of a can. Nachos, uh, fries or tater tots. Choose another side. I just talked

up tater tots a lot. I'm going to, I'm going to choose tater tots. Choose some fruit. Can I select none? Yeah. Whenever I got like an apple in the lunchroom, I never ate it. I'd eat oranges. I'm going to go orange. Choose a drink. Milk, chocolate milk, soda or apple juice. If I'm in the lunchroom there's chocolate milk i'm drinking the fucking chocolate milk and i don't care if it's milk i used to yeah i feel like people have talked about our gen my generation us millennials have talked about our milk consumption in elementary school so much like that cooler you walk in the lunch room and there's like this cooler of milk milk that dairy gold one percent two percent either 1% it was the green the green carton was 1% the blue carton was 2% and one of my I remember one

of my friends I won't say her name would always get 1% and I feel like she judged me for getting 2% but like 2% tastes better so like anyways um I do remember like there was always like something going on with the milk too it was always like icy inside like kind of half frozen kind of not and like chunky and or if you got an expired carton that was like the worst day of your life okay finally choose a dessert pudding apple pie a chocolate chip cookie or a donut i'm getting pizza caesar salad tater tots chocolate milk honestly if i'm eating pizza and all that i kind of want a soda on the side i want to do soda do i say pop or soda we talked about this i think last episode when i went to

the movie theater theater i couldn't remember if i got pop or soda or what i told the cashier pop soda i want to pop soda i say soda yeah i told the cashier i told the cashier i want to i want a medium pop my boyfriend looked at me he's like are you okay like did you just say pop yeah and then I realized what I said and then I was like wait do I say soda or do I say pop I say soda okay but I do want a soda with my pizza and all the other stuff okay I'm going chocolate chip cookie of course um what click am I in I'm okay this quiz was gonna reveal which click I belong in in school and I'm with the I'm I'm I'm in the fucking goth clique okay you're a nice cool person but you

have a dark almost supernatural side to you read more a dark supernatural side to you that you inexplicably that you're inexplicably drawn to you're mysterious and you like it that way plus you look great in black I do have this black leather jacket behind me let's uh put it on and the episode wearing a fucking leather jacket I got for my birthday back in the day my mom got this for me for my birthday and uh I never wear it it's kind of like it's not really the right um for for California it's a bit too warm but it's cool um it actually still has the scrunchie in it the person who this is vintage the person who consigned this didn't take their scrunchie out so I thought that was really cool

that the scrunchie was in there because who knows how old it is um you're a nice cool person we have a dark almost supernatural side to you do I agree with that I feel like people have told me like one time I was at a bar and this guy like got me a drink we got talking and he's like I'll never forget what he said he's like you're dark is it my humor's dark do I have dark humor I haven't been okay I'll be honest I don't know what's going on with my fucking brain lately but I feel like I've become less um witty on my podcast or like, I just don't really feel like I used to have that crackhead energy where I'd podcast and I didn't even know what I was saying, but it was like constant jokes, constant, like making it

just, just fucking laughing and joking the whole time. And I don't know if it's maturity or what, but like, yeah, I used to, I used to see some pretty wild shit on here. I used to talk about like fupas and fat upper pubic area I remember googling it and while I googled it oh my god one day one time I bitched about Gymshark leggings and how girls hike them up so high that their fucking vagina looks like a like it's like it gives you a fupa like you literally have this like fat bulge where your vagina is and it's like why are we hiking our leggings up that high our Gymshark leggings up that high and that was like the look I feel like people still do that so I googled like while I was podcasting I had the NFL theme song going here and there throughout

that episode I still remember this super well I was blonde I was wearing my bathrobe my hair was slicked back um it was wet out of the shower I had blue sunglasses on I remember this so fucking well and yeah like I googled fupa and talked about Gymshark leggings giving you a fupa and I played the NFL theme song in the back and yeah so I don't know I was on I was actually on the phone with my mom talking because she listens to my podcast she was mentioning like right before we talked on the phone she's like oh I was just listening to your show and I was telling her I'm like I don't know what's happened but I just don't feel like I don't feel as fun as I used to be I don't know why is it because the world's getting dark and sad and I'm just like I don't

know there's there's a lot there's a lot to poke fun at though about the world there's like I could maybe it's like Jacqueline come prepared I take a few notes here and there but I used to really come prepared I feel like I used to really have my note taking throughout the week before each episode or I used to fucking up I used to podcast every day but I'd still have my old notebook I don't know where it's at but I'd write notes before each episode and I'd think of like I'd literally write down my my like quote-unquote bits or jokes or things I observed and so preparation is success is preparation what is the quote preparation is the best separation is preparation preparation separation whatever um goths I'm in the I'm in the goth clique

um yeah I'd say I have a dark side to me I think I have a depressive side I'm I'm kind of a depressive person literally I'm like the epitome of that quote like the people with the brightest smiles have the darkest the brightest smiles have the darkest like inner world or something like that I feel like my smile is so fucking big but like behind it all and like this isn't the case anymore because it's like therapy medication like mental health um practice like healthy mental health practices like getting older like learning from my mistakes and like not repeating them and getting good at shutting the bad voices down in

my head like um so it's not really the case anymore but I feel like forever like growing up I was always the one with the biggest smile like I constantly had a big smile on my face but inside I was like depressive and and like I I was really like I was always really down on myself and just like didn't like myself and never felt like I fit in I always felt like an outcast and um speaking of the lunchroom and like you know being in a clique I just constantly felt so growing up I just constantly felt like I was like a leech on the outside of the group I wanted to be in where nobody wanted to be my friend I wanted to be their friends because I perceived them as like the cool people to like the people to be friends with but like no one was like trying to befriend

me and then I always felt like a desperate like leech on the edge going like pick me be my friend and it never like I never felt like I naturally clicked with the popular people like traditional popular people I'm thinking of high school right now and that always made me feel bad about myself I was always like why am I am I like weird do I am I too and then I always thought I was like too um because one time my friend one of my best friends used to tell me jocelyn you're kind of a you're kind of bossy you always get what you want you're kind of bossy and i maybe i'm a little bit too much maybe people thought i was a bitch i don't know because i just wanted to be friends with everyone and i kind of was like it kind of got to the point where eventually as i became like

a junior senior i made friends with the i i found my group and i was friends with people but like at first like maybe it's because i came from catholic school and i had that catholic school girl vibe and people like didn't really well people didn't grow up going to school with me before high school so they didn't know who i was so it was like i don't know maybe harder yeah okay sob story need to wrap the episode up um for some reason though my the people the people i clicked with the best in high school were the fucking stoners in pottery class like all the short they're all they were all like five two scrawny some of them were scrawny some were fat some were like really actually really tall and skinny they were all

just constantly they're constantly high and I I think it's because the banter like I was able to banter with them and laugh at them and like I was on the same wavelength as them and so the those were like the people in school I actually wanted I went to a dance with one of those guys yeah those are the people in school that I felt like I'm, they get me. But like the girls, like the fucking, like the girls I wanted to be friends with, like the popular girls, like they didn't fuck with me, but the stoner kids did. I don't know. Who cares? And it's like, I did tweet, I tweeted this when I used to have a Twitter, I tweeted this and I'll never forget this tweet. i said i said the weird people in high school it's like no the uh something about the weird

people in high school how did it go like you realize i feel like you realize that after high school but all the people you thought were weird were just really good at being themselves and those are probably the best people to be friends with because they weren't going to judge you and be like weird with you and like compete with you and be jealous of you or any of that shit because they were just like cool with themselves and solid inside even though they came across weird and quirky and they had their they were like literally like live action role playing on the you know on the fucking cafeteria tables during lunch like doing weird shit like watching anime like playing video video games all that like nerdy quote-unquote nerdy like

stuff even though they were doing that they were like solid inside probably the whole time and like cool they didn't give a fuck but yeah if you're friends with them then you're then i well i thought oh well fuck i didn't even whatever it's not even like i wanted to be friends with them but i realize now that those people kind of had a head start at loving themselves or something or like being fully themselves or not giving a fuck about what other people think of them that's what that was so yeah interesting episode we just uh we went on a ride let's recap the ride saw a bunch of blown up bodies on my instagram this morning started my day off

uh sad blew off the sadness on the beach with my dog uh went on a went on a run in the rain um confessed that i put my dog shit i put my shit bags my dog shit bags in my kitchen garbage can because i'm lazy and i it's sometimes it's hard to find a garbage can in my neighborhood and then that's that scent perfumes my kitchen like just the part where I do my like the section of my kitchen where I do my coffee or make my coffee perfumes that area and I'm sick and tired of being this way so I'm gonna stop that bad habit because I'm an adult and I shouldn't be fucking doing that um so I told you that talked about why I'm podcasting I'm here to be your friend. I'm here to be a source of comfort and just like, I don't know, entertainment in your

week. Um, cause yeah. Um, then I talked about my neighbor. It's easy. My laundry room war with my neighbor. It's easy being an asshole to people you don't know. I gave you a math equation about proximity and intimacy equaling hate divided by proximity divided by intimacy equaling hate equaling equal equaling why am I recapping the episode you just listen to it is this is this work I feel like it's good to recap um did a little math equation talked about how close we all are to each other now because we're one click away and okay um I don't really I don't remember the rest did a random question generator talked about some uh shit on that um did a Buzz quiz about being a being in the cafeteria and I'm in the golf click because of the way I answered

my question the questions episode 309 we're done um hope you enjoyed this episode please before you go to the next podcast on your podcast app right now before you you know exit out go back to instagram right now go to your email you know whatever before you stop listening right now please go to your podcast app spotify apple podcast stitcher breaker google podcast i'm fucking everywhere guys only i feel like only everyone listens on google or excuse me uh apple podcast and spotify but go there make sure you're following the show or subscribe to it and then please for the love of fucking jesus christ uh our lord and savior it is sunday it's please for the love of jesus fucking christ should not say the lord god's

name in vain i'm feeling catholic right now as fuck i'm like getting back to like my roots here for the love of jesus christ in the name of the father and the son no this is i feel like that's bad I shouldn't be doing this um shout out Jesus uh please review the show like it's hard I don't know how to make you I don't know how to get you and put your fingers in action right now but wherever you are wherever you are right now if you're on the treadmill if you're on the shitter if you're in your car don't text don't review my podcast and drive if you're on a walk please go to the app click one through five stars you can do this on Spotify now you can rate the show on Spotify or Apple scroll down one through five stars depending on how you like this episode

I'm feeling like this was a this is like a three 3.5 I know yeah okay I'll stick with that three and a half 3.5 I feel like it was all over the place it got really insecure there about what I feel like the math equation part really threw this episode off because i feel like after i did it it didn't make any sense to anyone and i got really like i don't know so yeah rate the rate the show right now do it uh that would help me out a lot it helps people find out about the show or like if you write something like you can write i like listening to jacqueline monroe show because jacqueline talks about her dog shitting all the time or whatever like just write something or just

right or click one through five stars way too long of a segment to ask people to review the show jocelyn but whatever uh also follow me on instagram okay at jocelyn monroe and i'm tiktoking now bitches i'm fucking tiktoking at jocelyn.monroe on tiktok and that's it i hope you have a great day and oh fuck patreon patreon.com slash tjms if you want to support the show it's five dollars a month go check it out patreon.com slash tjms okay episode 309 done thank you for being here thanks for hanging out and i will talk to you next sunday bye I've been dreaming on in my head like I've seen it A life worth living is a life with meaning

I'll do what I love till my heart stops beating I'm feeding this demon