The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 312- PART 2 Cheating Story (HIS PERSPECTIVE)

Episode Date: May 1, 2022

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What's up, guys? It's episode 312. Welcome back to the show. hey what's up it's Jacqueline welcome back to the show So good evening. It's currently Friday night at 7 p.m. I'm sitting here with candles lit in my little studio by myself and the only reason I pressed record today is because my boyfriend x now asked me to share his perspective with my audience he sent me like a five paragraph essay and he said he wanted he wants his perspective shared because he was aware that I podcasted about the cheating story and I'm just going through so many emotions right now like nothing about this is fun part of me is like I'm like still mourning I'm like still

mourning the relationship I'm still mourning what happened I'm still in that post breakup like like sadness mode every time I think about it I get like that stomach like pit and I want to start crying and like I'm going through that and then at the same time I'm like fucking over it and just like yeah keep airing it out keep sharing the dirt on what happened and keep blasting your ex all over your podcast and fuck it you know because it's like it's over it's done with I think a lot of you right now would say like Jacqueline stop wasting your breath on this man like this is like it's over with you guys are not meant to be together like it's done okay but um again he's like I want my perspective shared you guys listening are invested I got a ton of new

listeners after that last last episode a ton of new listeners from San Diego which is crazy like people DMing me from you know around here such a small town that's what I found out after the last episode like the DMs I got from people like who knew about like the who I was referring to the last like it's nuts and fuck okay like this sucks um fuck like I'm like this is my life okay I'm learning on the job I'm not an expert at relationships okay all I know how to do and all I ever intend to do is on this podcast is share my story and my life experiences with the intention to learn more about myself and my behavior and why I am the way I am

and help you listening because maybe something I'm saying is gonna to resonate with you some way it might make you feel like you there's someone out there in this world you can relate to and you're not alone okay like that's the point here so in no way do I want to make this honestly I know what I just said about like part of me is like fuck it but and and you know just talk about how much of a piece of shit he is and just air it all out and and just hit it hard like like that with that kind of energy but honestly my heart and my character whatever I don't even know just like the type of woman I am like in no way do I want to make this a gotcha episode I don't want to talk a lot of shit

um I just want to like explain everything that happened objectively I actually really want to hear your guys's opinions and feedback. I got so many DMs over the last week, and you guys were actually, like, super helpful, like, with your opinions about this all, and I think after this episode, I'm gonna need, or I'm gonna be curious to hear what you have to say about, like, his text and his perspective and, like, you know, all of that. So, fuck. I'm, like, on the, I'm on the, I'm on like a teeter-totter right now because here's the thing like I'm not fucking soft okay I'm not fucking soft um I don't I will never tolerate any form of disrespect towards me in any like in just at all and I'm gonna I feel like I don't get disrespected very often I don't get cheated on

all the time so when it happens of course uh I'm gonna talk about on this show because unfortunately we all go through that with relationships here and there and it's in my opinion one of the most relatable real things you can talk about like it's fucking real we all like no relationship is perfect no nothing about the human experience is perfect and fuck I'd rather be honest and vulnerable and raw and talk about exactly what happened and share the details exactly how they unfolded then just say fuck it move on don't waste your breath because it's a I think like I said last episode it's um this is a teachable moment in my life that I will learn and grow from and I'm yeah I'm kind of I'm kind of all in I'm committed at this point

um after he said he wants his perspective shared I'm like well I got the green light might as well might might as well go press record on an honest on a part two and talk about it so um but it again it's this isn't fun um I was in love with him I don't want to cry right now but I was with this man for about a year um I thought I was going to marry me fuck I can't talk I thought I was going to meet his parents this weekend. I thought he was coming to Vegas with my family next, um, next month. Um, uh, he asked me what I want to do for my birthday. He wanted to go on a trip with me for my birthday in July that was coming up. Um, just like we, oh my God, we fucking talked about moving in together

recently. Um, it's, it's just, it's not easy. Like having those, like your, that anticipation and that like hope or not even hope like I was hoping we'd stay together it's just like everything was fucking great until it wasn't and it's just like 100 to 0 like that and I think that's the thing I'm I a huge lesson I learned about romantic relationships is that's how quickly things can end like one fucking thing happens and you're cheated on and then it's done and all that momentum all that whatever uh future the hope of the future and the excitement about the future and the thoughts of maybe you marrying him someday and and how much like i i thought i was gonna have kids with him like all that like it's it's done so that's why this is hard um

and shit you guys listen if you listen the last episode you're probably like hold on, let me, like, pull it together right now, fuck, I got the AC on, cooling my neck off, shit, I'm gonna do this, I'm committed, um, yeah, if you listened to the last episode, you probably heard me, you did hear me detail out, detail out all of the red flags and all of the ways that we weren't compatible, right, so you're probably thinking, like, Jacqueline, like, obviously if you're like, you're a smart enough woman to, to realize and to make peace with the fact that you're, you're not good partners for each other. He wasn't your man. Like this wasn't a good fit. Right. But, um, this is the part I want to share with you about myself that

I need to be completely honest about. And, um, something I kind of kept in my back pocket over the last year while I stuck it out and stayed with this man. So basically I had it in my head that it was like mature of me or like good on my part or how do I say this? Yeah. Like mature of me to have the mindset that no matter who I get into a romantic relationship with no matter who they are they're going to be flawed they're not going to be a perfect human being okay and red flags will

come up along the way and that's just normal that's just life that's just how people that's is how human beings are. I've never met an imperfect human being. Okay. Other than Jimmy, he's a dog. Okay. So that was my mindset. Like, okay, I understand all humans are flawed, including the love of my life, my boyfriend, he's good. He's not going to be perfect. And so I was telling myself throughout the relationship that, well, after the first red flag and I jumped ship and I go to the next guy he's there a red flag's gonna pop up and I'm not gonna like it and then I'm gonna jump it's just like you're never gonna find a perfect person so I was I was looking past a lot of things and I was like willing to accept him for who he was and all of

his quirks and flaws because none of them honestly were total deal breakers they were not they were kind of like okay that's annoying or I'm not super stoked on the fact that you're having to like debrief after I got COVID because of my judgment about getting the vaccine and you don't know if you can be with me because of because I wasn't fully vaccinated and I got like that whole situation I explained last podcast like anyways like those kinds of things were annoying like a couple of a couple of the other red flags I mentioned were just kind of like yeah that's annoying but it was never like oh I can't be I can't continue on a relationship with you you know what I mean? So yeah, like if I'm being honest over the last year, I kind of, I, I

was just, I was constantly like accepting him for who he was and I loved him for who he was fully. And I, and I wasn't, um, it was never like, I never, I was willing to like work with him even up until the end, even up until he fucking cheated on me. You guys, I have a story to tell about what happened after all that went down, and how I, in a way, like, came back, and I, and I wanted to fight for our relationship, so, um, again, I know if you listened last episode, you're probably like, Jacqueline, come on, you're wasting your fucking time. Okay. But that's just me being honest. And, um, I know that's, um, I think that's because I'm a, I'm a, I'm a lover and I'm a fighter and I don't give up on people easily. And, um,

I think that's to a fault. I think I, I learned that from my, um, parents cause they stuck it out for a really long time with each other is, fuck, I'm crying, as hard as things got, and, um, so, fuck, let's get into the, let's get into the tea, I guess, the final text message that he wants, where he said he wants his perspective shared, okay, I just collected myself, and Jesus, I did not plan on getting that emotional on this part too um but yeah I just collected myself and a thought came over my body about this man and I just like saw the light or I just like had an epiphany about him and this is gonna be the part of the episode where the tone's gonna shift okay like I said in the beginning I'm like teeter-totter teeter-tottering

between, between being an emotional, sappy, sad mush ball. Who's going through a breakup where I got cheated on. I'm going from that to like, fuck him. He's a loser. All this shit. Like, you know, I just, I'm mad angry. Like, I just want to like pop off. Okay. So while I'm not going to go full fucking crazy mode, I know, first of all, I think he called me in the text a neurotic insecure person um yeah I think a lot of people might categorize me as a psychopath like a psycho crazy girl girlfriend for even recording this episode right now I'm owning it I'm I'm fully committed I'm here I don't I honestly don't like care it is what it is and I think I said enough at the front of the episode to back up what I'm doing here and to justify this whole

thing, okay, and it's, yeah, I don't think it's that bad, but anyways, this isn't going to be super kind, but this okay the epiphany the thought the light I just saw at the end of the tunnel about this man is so average like I he's so average in every single way and holy shit like I've been so I've been on the phone for like the last week or so and I've been I've talked to a lot of men around his age and my brother and and like the men in my life that I look up to and respect and they're like no man no I know like the whole like high value man fucking shit is all over social media like alpha male there's like content

out there about like how to be a good man and like a yeah like a high value man all right okay but anyways like not all of all of them were saying the same thing like first of all he's way too old to be acting like this and this is like so bitch boy like soy like someone said like soy boy like pansy like beta male behavior and yeah so I'm realizing who I was working with now who I was dealing with now and I see him that way again all the emotions all the love all the goodness it's like fuck I like it's easy to like think about that and get sad but at the end of the day like the true colors always come out at the end and you see a person for exactly who they are and he's fucking average, and I even told him on the phone, like, we, there's so much I need to tell

you, but, like, I was, like, get your shit together, like, I am so much, I am in a different fucking dating pool than you, bro, like, I didn't, I think I said that, I was, we exchanged a lot of, um, digs, um, yeah, I was, like, like, literally, I am a, I'm fucking, I think it's because of my mind I don't think he knows who he is I think he's like constantly like I think he's climbing a mountain right now I think this man is like throwing backpacks on going out into the wilderness like going on all these he's like constantly on a quest on an adventure and it's like I don't even think this man knows who he is and he's always like trying to find it out on a trail or like doing a trek somewhere and I think what he didn't understand that he was working with this whole

time is a straight up, no bullshit, direct, outspoken, confident fucking woman who doesn't tolerate bullshit and like, like, um, disrespect and, and like, like, like average behavior. so um by the way because I'm a psychopath crazy ass now ex-girlfriend I I did some major well not even major didn't even take me that long to find out like I went to our messages on Instagram I like clicked his profile and it's like user unfound and I don't think I don't think it says that unless someone like literally deletes their social media I think this guy I think he disappeared from the internet I don't think I think he deleted his social media because he's aware I made a podcast about the breakup and what happened and then they're okay let me just get into it let me

get into his text message his perspective and then like what he told me and how like incongruent or like it doesn't like what he's telling me isn't what really happened is okay and I'm gonna like ask you guys for feedback um because I really want a guy's perspective I think this is the part where uh the bros can back up another bro um maybe you'll feel that way after if you're like a guy right now and you're and you listen or you hear the text you hear me read the text message you might be like yeah I see what he was thinking as a guy um so anyways let me how should I start with the, I'm like leaking everywhere. Should I start with his text or should I start with the story about what unfolded that I, like the gaps that we're missing from the last

episode? Okay. I'll, I'll read his text. I think that's like how I, I started the episode saying I was going to do that. So I'll start with that, with his essay here. you guys for breaking up with him and for getting cheated on like the amount of communication that happened afterwards is so fucking nuts like I'm not very proud of that I thought I was like I was gonna be the type person who's just like fuck you I'm done no no no like there were phone calls for like hours when he was at Coachella like there were messages happening like late night there were phone calls late night like it carried the fuck on and there's like reasons for that which are kind of, it's making me laugh, because it's just, like, this man is fucking not, like, just,

oh, so dumb, okay, so, um, here we go, um, this is the last message he sent me, should I put on my sexy secretary glasses while I read this, go to YouTube or Spotify to watch the video okay can't say his name but this is from my ex it's very simple get your facts straight I am not going to respond after this anymore I went golfing with two friends and her we all golfed as friends whether I told you who I was golfing with or not is irrelevant because it was never anything more than that. There was no flirting. There was no sexual tension. There was nothing that could point to anything more than all of us golfing as friends. Me omitting that she was there does not change the dynamics of my

emotional feelings at that given time. I don't compromise friendships and I don't give in to ultimatums, which is what you gave me. I don't live by imprisonment, by being psychologically trapped by a neurotic, insecure person. My actions make me a liar, not a cheater. There was never an emotional affair as I accepted her as my friend before meeting you. This was the mutual understanding that she and I had moving forward before you were ever in the picture, period. You were the one who walked away and broke up with me the day after I went golfing. At that point, I'm single and free to do whatever I want. You can judge me however you want, but you cannot call me a cheater if you weren't in a relationship.

Whether you meant or not doesn't matter because you said you were done. I moved on immediately. clearly speaks how I didn't love you anymore and confirm my intuition that I should have broken up with you months ago part three how my feelings change for someone after you broke up with me and walked away is none of your business I cannot I cannot control how why or when my feelings towards someone else changes I cannot help how it escalated thereafter we're all humans with all sorts of complex emotions and are entitled to those emotions as one pleases. Put this on your story and see how the perspective shifts. I truly wish you all the best in happiness. You deserve someone that makes you happy. Goodbye. Okay, now it's time for me to explain my side of the

situation and fill in the gaps, fill in the details that you guys didn't hear on the last episode. Um, so essentially to recap what went down, he went golfing, he brought this girl he had a history with that he calls his friend and he didn't tell me she was going to be there. Right. I found out and I was I called him out and he's like no it was just friendship there's nothing going on there no no it's not a big deal and I told him I was uncomfortable and he just completely was like I don't care that you're uncomfortable I don't care that you don't like her I'm still gonna be friends with her blah blah like that whole thing go listen last episode I go into major detail about what happened and how I found out so literally I'm on the phone with him like

twice that night up until like two in the morning talking and when I woke up the next morning I was like I texted him I was like I'm walking away okay and he immediately kicks back with um I think you're overreacting I think we should sleep on this longer and and you know this one night to make a decision isn't going to solve all of our all of our problems I think we should sleep on this basically like telling me that he was like making it sound like he still wanted to be in the relationship or wasn't like he wasn't like fuck you too I want to I'm walking away too do you know what I mean so from my perspective it was like oh he's not done and he wants to like work this out and maybe sleep on it for a couple days and talk about it okay so that's a message I get

right after that next morning and I didn't respond I didn't say anything back I was absolutely just like feeling cheated on and that going through that and I was fucking pissed and again I'm gonna the only thing I know how to do is be honest and tell you exactly what was on my mind and carry you through my thought process over that weekend and thereafter up until like Coachella and after that when everything blew up and officially ended, so, hi, Jim, Jimmy, petting break, poor guy, he's like, do you want another piece of liver, I got him, these, he loves these, they're from Wag, these freeze-dried beef livers, sorry, I'm breaking up the story right now, um, to feed my dog, but he comes first. Um, also to my ex, she comes first. Um, fuck. Okay. Um,

oops. Uh, so hi Jim. I buddy, I don't know what to do. Should I take a break? Pet you for a bit? so here's what happened here's what happened over the weekend I'm thinking okay he wants to work this out he wants to sleep on this and I'm like okay he still wants to be in I'm kind of one foot out one foot in like what the fuck you just went behind my back with this woman I don't trust I don't trust you with her because of your past and the shady shit that went on between you two over the last year like I'm just not cool with it so like around 4 30 on that Sunday I had a breakdown okay I made myself some like an afternoon lunch and at this point like I haven't been eating I'm just a fucking mess I'm crying I mean I'm in a

I'm in a ball all day long fucking in the shitter emotionally and I remember I like made myself some food I went to my bed to eat it and I couldn't even get it I couldn't even eat I started crying I like took one bite of the I think it was like some broccoli and some like literally just like a bro meal like broccoli and rice and chicken I started eating it I can't eat it and I'm just like I start breaking down I start crying I'm like just sobbing like you know what the fuck do I do I'm still in love with him oh my god you know I call my mom I'm like breaking down with her and she's just the best because she's like any anything you do is perfect there's no right or

wrong here just do whatever just fucking do whatever you feel like doing at this point and I love that advice because that's life like whatever decisions you're gonna make based on emotion like sometimes they're gonna bite you in the ass and they're not they're not going to be the most logical rational decisions but when it comes to your heart and your feelings and your and all of that I think follow follow your fucking heart do what it's telling you to do fucking send it and don't hold back and um basically what I ended up doing is I called him and this kind of goes against everything I I guess this kind of goes against

what I had in my head about like what to do when someone fucks you over and cheats and like does that behind your back and fucks you over um I don't know what your guys's opinion is on whether or not that was cheating or not or like was that just shady you know what I mean um I think everything it's like to me it's like all under the umbrella umbrella of cheating I'm calling it cheating and you can call it micro cheating it's all cheating okay it's not being honest with me it's being deceitful and it's going behind my back with another woman who I later found out more information on about him and his feelings towards her that makes it just seem like a big fucking cheating shit storm so I'm that's that's just what it is so poor Jim hi he's

consoling me right now so I had a breakdown I called him and he's like I'll call you back I'm doing taxes okay typical he's like doing his taxes and then he um we talk we talk it out we talk again about what happened and how I was you know how I felt so hurt and how I felt cheated on and how I you know I was just basically explaining everything again like we basically had the same conversation we had on that I think it was like a Friday or Thursday night and um you know he was like he said he loved me and he he will always love me and he still loves me and all this stuff and it was all like normal and like just kind of somber and just like you know it's like two people in love coming together and going fuck we just had this blow up this

shitty situation go down between us two and we're both just kind of distraught and like fuck you know and I'm like I'm basically what I got him to say because this could be super long-winded I was like look I think I can handle and because Jim's on my lap now I was like this is what I'm not how do I say this I realized that my insecurities about my man being around another woman has everything to do. It's like all on me, right? Like I'm not comfortable with him, like going on outings with another woman he's had a past with and not telling me that she's going to be there. You know, like I'm not cool with that,

but I think to him, it's like, oh, you're just fucking insecure and jealous. And you know, you have issues. Right. And it's just like, so I started questioning myself. I'm like, well maybe what I can do and this is like don't girls don't ever fucking do this this is not what you're supposed to do what I told him when I was was I was like look I know a lot of people our age and like older with like lots of male female friendships and it's all cool everyone we're all adults here it's like normal right to have a lot of friends and you're just like going and hanging out together and nothing nothing's going on other than just like we're a bunch of buddies hanging out so I told him I was like I think I can I want to like work with you all this excuse me and I

think I can like overcome this and like deal with her and you hanging out and I think I can be okay with this I just like I didn't want to lose him so I'm like well what is it that I need to do mentally and and shift mentally to like get to the other side you know and so that's kind of what I told him so I was like you know I think I can I love you know I like I love you I don't want to lose you for over this kind of thing I don't think it's worth breaking up over this stupid fucking this girl I don't like fuck so and basically what I got him to say let me cut to the chase is he was like okay um I said you know I'm in and he's like I was really hurt when you sent that text to me that you wanted to walk away and I'm really heartbroken right now and it sounded like

you made your decision and I just I'm really struggling to like that's like a lot it like hit him really hard and he told me he's like I just need to like take some space right now and just like have I just need like time to think this week and you know he was like he confirmed that he was on the fence in a way or like he needed time and then we're gonna have a conversation after like a week of space to like talk about the relationship and how we're gonna move forward okay this is a whole fucking mess jocelyn break up with his ass like just get it's just like if a man needs to do that like it's just so i feel like so dumb just like he should have been straight up with me but he wasn't he wasn't even straight up with me about her this whole time like it's just

a fucking shit show so yeah so i'm thinking okay he's gonna take a week off from like we're not gonna he's gonna take his space like he always does when he needs to think about the relationship and i'm like okay i'm in you're gonna come back to me we're gonna have a conversation and see what we're going to do moving forward. Here I am with my hopes up. Like he's going to think about it and realize he still loves me. So wants me. And then, you know, that's just me being like a little just hopeless romantic. Right. He's like, oh yeah, by the way, I'm going to Coachella next weekend with the boys. And I'm like, oh fuck. Like I would love to go to Coachella with you. Right. But here we are on this little like hiatus, this little break. So I'm like, okay,

this man's going to take his week to, you know, he just paid his taxes. He's got a lot of shit going on at work. I know about, he's really busy this week. Um, he's going to have his little me time. He's going to go to Coachella with his boys that next weekend. And then like come that next week, we're going to have our conversation and see what we decide on doing moving forward. So if you listened to last episode, you, uh, would know, or you would have found out that, um, he went to Coachella with the girl he went golfing with and they posted pictures together and she was like, you know, in his arms. Okay. Like a little couple on their little Instagrams. Okay. So here's the tea. This is what he told me. Cause there was like multiple

conversations after like at Coachella like like I don't even know what day it is right now or when this went down but he's like I I was like I thought you're going to Coachella with your boys and I guess some of his guy friends were there but I'm like what what's how did this go down he goes oh she invited me to Coachella Jimmy okay I think it's time I need to like sit up straight yeah so he told me she invited him to Coachella. I don't know when that happened. I don't know when those arrangements were made, but like, what the fuck, you know, just come with me to Coachella. And then when we're there, we're going to like, you know, be all coupley coupley and like take pictures together. You know, it's just like a, it's just a fucking mess. And so he lied to me. That's my

whole point. It's like, here I am with my hopes up that week after I had texted him, I want to walk away I'm done like you know and then talking to him and then saying you know I want to work together with you on this then him saying I want space and then I'm gonna go to Coachella with my boys like this whole thing was like okay me getting strung along even more him lying to me and then me having to find out that this girl was with him like they went together and they like were couple-y there that fucking hurt that hurt even that was another dagger first I saw him golfing and then I see him on Coachella just like Jesus Christ I know Jacqueline like dump his ass be done don't even give this any time or energy or her for that matter absolute don't want to say

any negative things about her um but yeah like obviously this isn't healthy it's just like a shit show um but what other tea can I spill oh I have like things here like shit he came clean shit he came clean about later more red flags um okay let me kind of recap because I just read his text I told you my perspective so based on what he said I want to break down what he said a little bit more um first of all every single guy I've talked to about this says men put women in categories immediately like and this is just a known thing and I don't know what kind of man I was dealing with or like how his brain works but men know like when you meet a woman she's either absolutely fucking she's either okay complete friend zone you would

never touch her or ever want to do anything romantic with her just absolute just like friend zone forever she's that then she there's the next category which is like you you know would fuck her and she's you know if you got drunk enough you'd like you know hook up with her she's that category but you would never like date her there's that and then there's like wifey girlfriend material you would date her and introduce her to your parents okay so men put and I think women do that too I know I do that like you would get a vibe when you meet someone and you make that kind of like judgment or you you get that kind of a that thing comes over your body about someone that intuition that that whatever and you just know so I think all

this like she's just a friend it's just all bullshit because he came out he came on the phone I finally got him to be fess up and admit how he actually felt this whole time about her and it's like he I should I should just tell the backstory now like there was more to it than no she's just a friend so yeah what what was he saying oh we went golfing with two friends and her we golfed as friends friends friends whether I told you there's no sexual tension there was no sexual tension which he later confessed to I am attracted to her I I have I'm physically attracted to her um I have always been that way with her so he lied to me his whole time about her his his relationship with her is just a friend right so I like knew this I knew he was bullshitting me

this whole time, but it just sucks to hear that because I'm like, why weren't you just honest and straight up with me? He prides himself. He always used to, he prides himself on being no BS. He's no BS. You know, I say it like it is. I'm blunt. I'm direct. It's like, bitch, get on my fucking level okay you're such a passive deceitful lying bitch boy who can't be straight up if you tried like you're weak it takes a lot of I don't know what the word is like if you if you like someone else and not your girlfriend just fucking figure it out tell her as soon as you come to that conclusion like he it's just or just say that from the jump because he from the jump he always framed it as though we're just friends we're just friends we're just friends we're just friends

you know it's just not that wasn't the case ever and um yeah i found out some more stuff about them too over the last year as i while i was dating him that he finally confessed to which is just great to find out um I'd say like the official breakup was that Sunday at Coachella that Sunday night I think we talked on the phone that morning I think he found out about my podcast then we called me immediately and then we talked that night too a couple times and then we were texting about her for a while that's a whole other segment to this episode holy shit so basically let me just explain what he confessed to about his feelings about this friend of his

this girl who's a friend apparently so he said that last year he never by the way never by the he never told me they he never used the word word dated ever with her he was very clear on that we never dated it was never romantic never dated nothing like that we just went and did things together as friends so that always sat wrong with me and I was just like all right okay I'll just I'll just roll with that whatever okay fine you know I don't really yeah it's not sitting right with me I am sniffing through my bullshit detectors going off where's my red flag I have this dart I have this dart on set I was looking for a red flag or like something I could make as a red flag for this episode but I found this dart in my apartment I also have a cigar

how badass would it be right now if I just start if I lit this bitch up is that tacky I also have all this memorabilia like the first time we went hiking to Lawson Peak and I collected this rock and I have like the this like note he wrote here with his handwriting and all this fucking stupid shit i need to throw away um but anyways yeah so friend friend friend let's get back to this i can't shut up about how much he told me she was just a friend but what he finally confessed to was that the reason they didn't work out because he was dating her before me last spring the reason he moved on to me and stopped dating her was because i guess she didn't want a relationship at the time something like that whatever and then he basically said he had

he like stuffed his emotions about her and like buried them over the last year and like just completely pushed him down and like totally just like like apparently friend zoned her mentally which like that no if you like someone if you're romantically interested in someone that shit doesn't go away. Okay. That's not how that works. You don't just go, Oh yeah, they're just, we're just homies now. Like where she doesn't want you, but you still want her. So then you just have to go, okay, well I don't see her romantically or interested in, I'm not interested in her that way anymore. So I'm just going to stuff my feelings. No. Okay. I'm not a snowflake. Like that doesn't fucking, it doesn't work that way. You still go my, you know, maybe someday we're

like, Oh, if she comes back, I'd take her back. You know, you like her and it fucking, he fucking did this whole time so um he can bullshit me all day long about how I can't control how my feelings evolved like when we went to Coachella all this bullshit it's like Jesus Christ um so yeah basically he said he stuffed his feelings he liked her and then she didn't want him and then he met me and then just a fucking mess so what else should I break down in his text message I'll sum things up and speed things along here by saying that the part that hurt the worst for me was how he strung me along for that week and had my hopes up that he was going to come back after the week of space and going to Coachella and have a conversation about a conversation with

me about the relationship and how we're going to move forward you know he said he was hurt by my message that I was walking away and I and and he was yeah he was very hurt by that and he took it hard and it just sounded like he was still in and he still wanted to figure it out with me and so yeah it just sucked how I was like going through that whole week with my hopes up things were good like we were messaging each we were still texting and being pretty like neutral and positive we weren't communicating a lot but um you know I had something exciting happen at work that week and you know he talked to me but it was just like normal things were really normal and I just felt like he was I was like okay so he's taking some space he's busy with work this week okay whatever

I can like deal with this I'm like willing to willing to work with that and um then I'm thinking okay then he's gonna go to Coachella with his friends this weekend and then come back next week and we'll talk and then move forward from there right so that's like the story I had in my head about what was gonna go down but instead he fucking dipped to Coachella with the girl he was secretly into this whole fucking time and blew me off and then I had to find out and then it just wasn't it was so dishonest and just fucking it was just straight up mean it's just cruel like just tell me she invited me to Coachella I'm going with her to Coachella I'm interested in her I don't like you anymore I like her just tell me I can handle that okay

I've dealt with worse shit in my life I've had worse things happen to me in my life like I'm a grown-up I'm a big girl you can tell me he's such a little fucking weak passive person where you just couldn't do that like that's who I was working with this whole time like I would never like I wouldn't I just cannot I will never be with a man who's not super um honest and open and like fully just transparent about his feelings and what he's really thinking because it's just a joke it's a fucking joke like it's like it's like dealing with a toddler it's like or toddlers are even more straight or are more straight up than he was you know so that's just that hurt that hurt a lot um yeah and he so there's more shit I was gonna spill more tea

oh I never really finished breaking down his mind in my neuro so he wrote I don't live by imprisonment by being psychologically trapped by a neurotic insecure person he thinks it's neurotic that I don't like him being friends with a girl he had a past with that I now know was romantic it was his intentions were always romantic and not just pure friendship uh he he thinks I'm a neurotic insecure person for being uncomfortable with him bringing her around behind my back and not telling me is that gaslighting he fucking flips it on me like I'm the crazy person it's just like hey dude I'm not comfortable with that and instead of being like yeah I'm a piece of shit that was wrong of

me I shouldn't have done that he goes I'm not gonna stop being friends with her I don't care about your feelings like deal with it bitch like he didn't give a fuck about me he never did he's so all he cares about is himself and his little life and that's just who that's just who I was dealing with and it's just like it's just a joke like I can't even take it's like why again why am I even wasting my breath on this man but I'm learning like I'm talking it out I'm learning about myself it's just holy shit so she invited him to Sedona in January come I come to he came clean about that what okay um around that time I confronted him about this is just such a like social media ruins relationships social media is making people crazy social media social media is

stupid it's not fucking real everyone's just like paranoid and like always checking other people's social media okay I know this is what that is okay I don't give a fuck it's reality like I'm not gonna fight reality I'm just gonna like live through it and go that that I'm gonna be honest with myself and you guys that, uh, social media is part of it. It's part of the equation in relationships now, whether you like it or not. And I have boundaries with social media. I have clear things that I've told him about social media that, you know, are like just non-negotiables for me. Like you don't just go and you just don't, you just don't, uh, like I'm your woman me the only attention the only women that get attention from you the only woman in

this world is me okay that's it if a girl walks down the street and thinks she's hot and you're like damn that's a hot like sure think that okay when you're on social media it's like if you think a girl's hot like whatever just don't go fucking message her and you know if she inquires if she invites you on a trip to another state to go frolic in the desert with you don't entertain that you don't say anything to you just don't even fucking respond like I don't get that so when he said she invited him to Sedona I'm like first of all if I if I ever invited a man on a road trip to Sedona I'd want to it's because I'm I want to fuck him like I would be interested in him in a romantic way like a one-on-one a one-on-one road trip am I batshit crazy do I sound

crazy right now like I feel like why am I even needing to explain this like that's obvious to me so her intentions were that it wasn't just like oh let's just be two buds and go to Sedona like so don't it's like a romantic fucking road trip okay we had just gone on we were just on a trip together us two and she was recently so back to the social media being just ridiculous I know how this sounds like around that time I was like look this girl's on my shit and it's like why is she watching why is she keeping up with me I don't know her like but I know you have a past like why does she what's going on this makes me uncomfortable you know so around that time it's like she's aware and that's when I was like posting him and like obviously we're in a

relationship so what the fuck you know what i mean so that that when i found out that i was just like so dumb uh that he even responded i think he said no he goes oh the only reason i said no was because he may have some bullshit like so you were considering going with her while you were my boyfriend so yeah he finally came clean about that um oh so here's a red flag I realized um um so one time I was talking about I'm not going to be specific here

one time I was talking about a body part that I was not like insecure about but I was just like alluding to I was just like talking about a body part of mine to him and he was like consoling me a little bit about her just like trying to be like nice he goes oh well like he said something like oh do you feel that way because because so-and-so the girl has that and you know that I dated her like oh you know that I've been like he literally confessed to him you know seeing this girl without clothing on basically and I didn't realize that until after but I'm like oh I remember that one time like a couple months ago he goes oh do you feel that way because she's you know Jesus do I sound so insecure right now

and jealous and like oh this why don't why I don't give a fuck about this other woman it's just like the whole situation's a story to tell it's a lot of uh there's like a lot of details that it's like I'm trying to tell a story and there's like no way to do it without or especially this story without kind of sounding a little crazy and jealous and like um insecure about myself you know what I mean because I got cheated on like that's probably what everyone's thinking oh you got cheated on you're like insecure about yourself because the other woman and he likes her not you and you know it is what it is um men don't cheat with better they cheat with easy it's actually an insult um this is like a fucking quote it's like oh it's actually an insult when you see who your

man cheats on you with or something because you're like the only thing I have on her I mean she's like the total package I'm sure she has everything he's ever dreamed of the like she's like literally the total package a complete bombshell like the only thing I have on her I'm pretty sure is my youth so I'm pretty sure he told me she's like pushing 40 so I'm pretty yeah the only thing the only thing I brought to the table for this man is my youth and um my award award-winning personality. And, um, what else do I have going? Well, I can mention other things, but I'll keep it PG. Um, I know I mentioned how he talks shit about her on the last episode, but I thought of something else he said. Like, why did he talk shit about her? Like that's such a red flag. If

a guy's talking shit about a girl, like, but he was saying, I'm pretty sure he called her, like, out of, like, unfit or something, or, like, he goes, we were getting a drink, we got, we were down at this place in this little Italy neighborhood here, and we were getting old fashions, and he's, like, I think he called her, like, oh, she has, like, a, like, something about her, like, jaw's huge or something, I don't even fucking know, it was just, like, why are you saying this and it's so specific like maybe do you like you know what I mean like what the fuck it just messes with my head to think back on this again like why do I I'm just like I'm these are like random details okay so back to what I was saying she invited him to Sedona that pissed me

off oh the body part and he goes oh do you feel that way or does that make you feel that way because she has that and you don't or something like that um red flags I noticed towards the end so I noticed he was wearing cologne all of a sudden and I'm like you never wear that's one thing I didn't like about him he never wore cologne he only wore like deodorant and like he never smelled sexy like I love when a man puts onto you excuse me puts on cologne and you're like going out on a date with him and you like smell him and then go home it's just like the best right he never wore cologne but like towards the end like the last couple months he would like come over to like maybe he'd go out for drinks or something with his guy friends I'm like a little

boy's time and he'd come over to my place and I I'm like you smell good and he's like oh yeah Hugo Boss or whatever I'm like why weren't you wearing that for me this whole time you know what I mean like why are you trying to smell good out there so that kind of that was a little red flag a little bit I thought about afterwards um I noticed he was also like more protective of his phone like I really like we were on the couch at my place and just like the way he held it was just like not like anywhere he was it was just like he was very like height he like hit it more and then if I ever saw it like you know when you're sitting next to your boyfriend girlfriend on the couch

and they're on like Instagram I would always like see her fucking dm in his dms I'm like so you're still you're talking to your good buddy your good friend uh in the dms I can see that uh the hair that wasn't mine I still believe that that was shady and when I confront him about that he started laughing at my well he was just like like no one's been in my room but you for this last year no one's been in here I'm like I know what my hair looks like I I still think that that was shady and that was like a month ago so I'm full sending this I don't care how at this point it's like I've said it all I'm going in I'm women act this way women are quote-unquote crazy and we fucking turn into these whatever you want to say about us psychopaths because of men's behavior

If my boyfriend was honest and, like, straight up with me and treated me with love and respect, this episode doesn't exist. These pop shots I'm taking on him and these things I'm saying don't exist. Your behavior, buddy, there's repercussions, okay? okay and I'm not gonna like I said in the beginning I'm not fucking soft I'm not a doormat when people disrespect me I'm gonna talk about it I'm gonna share my experience with my audience and I'm gonna I'm gonna yeah I'm gonna speak up okay you know he said something like um we were on the phone at Coachella I haven't even gotten to the part about how he's asking me questions about her and what I've heard and the messages I got about her holy fuck I need

that's probably like the last segment um we were talking about like oh I think I was like I wouldn't want you to be the father of my kids or something like that I was just being like you know taking a taking a pop I was like why don't why don't I keep saying pop shot and he goes well I'm I'm glad you're not the mother of my kids and and because they turn out great like batshit crazy like you. So he called me crazy. And I'm like, I was like, I would want my kids to stand up to abuse and disrespect and speak up for themselves and stand their ground against someone like you over like, do you know what I mean? So sure. Call me crazy. Say that you wouldn't want your kids to turn out crazy like me but I think that this is at the end of the day like a good

thing I'm not embarrassed by this I'm not ashamed of this I don't I think um it's more about like the stereotype that I'm referencing like the crazy girlfriend stereotype and it's just like no it's not even that it's it's a person who was wronged standing her ground and speaking up for herself. And I would want my kids to do just that. And I wouldn't want my kids to lie and cheat and be dishonest and average to their partners like you. Okay. So this, in this case, crazy as a compliment and you know so the call it Coachella when I said in the beginning I have all these like new listeners from San Diego shout out to you guys um god where do I even start so basically after I posted the last episode

um like this is so this is like nuts to me honestly I'm still just like what are the odds right after I post the episode I didn't realize maybe they weren't new listeners but people that follow me from San Diego um like knew who the fuck I was referring to and shared their personal stories with me about this other woman that were similar to my experience including a story involving someone who was engaged and I'm just like what are the fucking odds it's such a small town here I swear like it's like if you you listen to a podcast of some girl you follow on Instagram from the same town as you and you connect the dots that quickly and you go oh yeah that same fucking thing happened to me that was just like the like that was the

craziest thing so i was just saying fuck it at this point i have no state i'm not in the relationship it's sunday he's at coachella with her and they're frolicking around and whatever i'm just like he had called me that morning because i about um he actually said sorry oh my god i didn't even like i should have shit i should have said this earlier he called me and apologized that morning on sunday when he was at coachella and he felt really bad for what he did and he was immediately like it was so crazy I pick up the phone and it's just like immediately like I'm sorry I'm sorry you know shit why didn't I say that earlier which I wasn't expecting um and I think that's when the relationship officially ended um that phone call that's

when I would say it did because I thought like he's at Coachella I'm thinking he's coming back the next week and we're gonna have a conversation he's taking space away from me but of course I find out he's with the girl like fully fucking cheating on me I'm still in my brain in a relationship in his brain he's not and it's okay to just go like be with another woman that weekend and and go with her and she invited you and and it's just like that's okay and we're staying in a hotel together and all you know just like I just felt even more that was like more cheating in my head. So fuck. So he called me. I'm sorry. And then, um, that's the day I posted the podcast. And then what else did we talk about that morning? We just kind of like came to a

close. He's like, I want to be cordial about this, whatever. Okay. That night we were like texting I have all the messages I there's so many and I was just like being honest with them I'm like look I'm not this isn't about like getting I'm not trying to is this immature I think this is like Jacqueline don't go that low you know what I guess fuck it I just was in that mood I was just like fuck it the relationship's done. I might as well be on. I just might as well tell him, give him a heads up about who he's dealing with. So I was like, look, I received messages from people in this town about her. And like, I was like, do you want to see their receipt? I'm not proud of this. I'm not

proud of this. When I say this man got real communicative, communicative all of a sudden and started like uh he got real curious all of a sudden and he was like it's like he was freaking out like what does she know about this this girl i'm with at coachella right now like what's her what is what are people saying about her he's like having me send him the screenshots and like showing him what people are saying and i'm just fully going in because it's like the relationship's done we're broken up but like hey man I might be uh doing you a favor here so I thought that was really funny he was like he was like trying to figure out like before I move forward with this woman I just cheated on my girlfriend with me to figure out what kind of

person she is and if she's like a bad conniving manipulative crazy whatever I don't even know what he would think of her like type of person it's like that's so gross it's so just like what the fuck but I was just giving him the info I was just like fuck it here you go and um then he called me we were on the phone for like an hour it was like I don't even know like 10 p.m on Sunday night at Coachella and we were just like he kept asking me questions about her and like asking me what I knew what people were saying and like free it's like he was freaking freaking out but that's when I say it's a small town I'm like people it's like everybody it seems like everybody kind of knows about other people and like I don't know her name was apparent so to summarize it was just like

obvious to me that there was a pattern here with her um getting involved with men in relationships and there is a lot of women in this town that were not I don't even know I can't say a lot just like enough people multiple people I can't say one it's not just me that had this experience who um had a, that had a bad, um, experience with her. So that's just kind of it in a nutshell. And, um, you know, I'm all about women supporting women, right? Like I'm all about that, but not in this case. It's just like, don't be a homewrecker. Just don't, don't do it. Don't be, don't be like that. I think that's like a, a thrill for some people though, or just like, I don't even know. It's

like the men's involved. The man is always involved too. Okay. And something I I've talked or I've thought about is like, what was he telling her? What did she know? Okay. But cause what he was telling her could be different than what he was telling me. you know he might have been like yeah I don't have a girlfriend and I'm single right now and we're not together anymore we broke up last year like whatever she might be thinking oh yeah I like this guy and you know it's like totally cool of me to invite him around to uh adventures and Coachella because he's single like maybe he was telling her that I don't know but I have a pretty good feeling she knew we were together because like I'm literally in his bed like two

days before he fucking cheated on me with her. And like, it's like, well, she wouldn't know that, but like, it just sucks. It's fucking sucks. I just feel like maybe I'm again, neurotic and insecure and crazy. But like when I like a man, because it's 2022 and we all have Instagram and social media I'm looking around okay I'm trying to find out like does he have a girlfriend does he have a girlfriend does he you know and I'm like trying to figure out like who's he hanging out with what's he doing what are his tagged pictures who's he you know who are his friends like that's what you do and I and I feel like I know she might be pushing 40 or whatever he fucking said about her and Jesus Christ but like I'm pretty sure it's it was obvious that we were

in a relationship. Okay. So I don't know. Should I like debrief from this episode, talk about what I'm proud of, what I'm not proud of. I started out fucking crying and then I just got really, I said some pretty nasty things, I think. And I'm, you know, not super proud of that um in all honesty but that's again it's just me being real it's me hanging out with you at my apartment and I'm or just calling you up on the phone because this is audio if you're listening to it in your ears just like me just telling you like it is I was done dirty and I got strung along. I got lied to and I got cheated on and it just fucking sucks. And, um, there's no easy, eloquent, sophisticated, happy, snappy way to talk about it. It's just, and

maybe people out there, maybe the gurus, maybe the, maybe the, uh, enlightened ones, the, the monks would advise me to meditate instead of podcasting and not waste my breath but uh I'm Jacqueline Monroe and this is my fucking this is my fucking podcast and this is who I am okay I'm an overshare I'm an overthinker I don't even think that's a bad thing like I think he he used to he made me go or made me question my you're overthinking it you're overthinking it actually I don't think I do that too much here on the show obviously I do I'm like thinking and talking it out at the same time but um yeah he said some bullshit about me like I don't take

action on things bitch I'm more successful like that's the thing I was like he was punching up I was punching down like I'm more successful than you bro like I have I'm like better not that it matters I'm like doing better in my career in life than you like I don't take action on things like what are you talking about like you're a like a fucking mess like I don't know why I was just like it hit me at the end I'm like I'm literally dating in the wrong dating pool dating you like you're just not even on my level and I and I don't mean that in like a disrespectful way it sounds disrespectful but like it's like bro you're fucking you're you're not on my level and like I was he goes he said some things like

I can't I don't even want to give it any more time and thought he just wasn't a man in the relationship I felt like he I had to take care of him um yuck I never want to feel that way ever again or just like he couldn't provide he couldn't he wasn't a provider and that's what I need like in a relationship all a woman wants is security safety and what is it safety and security because a woman never wants to feel like you're gonna leave her or cheat on her and she wants to feel physically physically safe like her body safe and that if you know world war iii breaks out you're gonna protect her okay that's like huge and a woman wants to this is just me being a heterosexual straight woman who's feminine like

i want a man to provide and he didn't do that it was just very like we're both i mean i just knew it like when he was being tit for tat on gas money on road trips I'm like you're taking me you invited me on this road trip with you you're driving your car and you're making me like I don't know I just like I don't not that a man should pay for everything it's just like some of the things were just off like that I think it's because he thought he like knew I was more successful than him or whatever and he always just like calling me sugar mama and shit like as a joke but I don't think he was joking like one time we were out drinking and he goes

oh like you're so we were down in little Italy again and he's like he's like I know I know I know you're doing better than I am and I know you're just such a boss and you're killing it your job and you're just so successful and like you make so much money and all this shit and he was like saying that about me like his perception of me was like I was financially better off than him and I don't know if that made him feel insecure or like um I don't know how it made him feel but I think it he maybe resented me but that was also that was always like an awkward thing in the relationship and again when I say like at this point I'm realizing like girl you're just in a different those you shouldn't be dating guys like

him who can't provide for you in the way that you need, it's, it's mostly about, like, how I feel, like, I don't like to feel like my man is, some women don't give a fuck, okay, I'm someone who's, like, I don't, like, I don't need to hear about how cash poor you are, you know, like, you need to eat Top Ramen and, like, PB&J, and, like, he said that as, like, a joke, but it's just, like, I don't think it's a joke I think you need to get your shit together I don't think like what are you like but then he would like buy a bunch of expensive shit I didn't I don't know he was just weird with money sometimes and just annoying about it and like very frugal to the point where it's like I can't breathe like you just or like he yeah it wasn't it wasn't fun so

no judgment like again it's like not for me not for me it's not what I'm I need someone with their shit together in that in that department and on my level and it would be settling like that's the thing I said in the last episode like staying with him would have been settling and I was I felt like so I feel so how I feel about my life now and my energy and the way that the way things have blossomed so rapidly after the breakup is like this man was like lowering my vibration not to get spiritual or whatever like it was like he lowered my my or he like dimmed it I like wilted over the last year in a way like I grew personally a lot of things happened like positively in my life while I was with him but it was mostly because of like

myself like I don't really think he wasn't a he was always supportive and everything of what I was doing but um he didn't inspire me he didn't really get me yeah he didn't really get me excited in that way like oh well you're inspiring me to be a better version of myself no like I looked at him and I'm like I wouldn't you're making me depressed like what watching you and like what you're how you're living and like what you're doing is just so draining and boring and like sad and just so tiring and like I just don't like now I see it like Jacqueline why were you hanging around him that much it's like what will we be doing right now on a Friday night like every or anytime we hung out it's just like not that you have to do anything but he was always too

tired and just always drained and low energy and that rubbed off on me and I think it really lowered my quality of life and I'm just so yeah so since we broke up it's like everything is so like upbeat I'm like smiling more I'm more positive I'm like happier and I know again like I've had I'm like I fucking cried at the beginning of the episode like I've been a I've been a mess because the second I think about the goodness he brought me and the love and that feeling he that came over my body when I was with him and how much he made me feel he was like my home for a year my person you know my he was that in my life for so long the second that comes over me it's like

tears I'm in a ball crying I think it's going away now but um for the most part I'm doing very well things are looking really good in my life right now and I think this was divinely created and it was meant not to say everything's meant to be but like it happened for a reason um I've already been let me just like give you guys an update I've already been on some dates I'm already like moving forward because that's the only unfortunately it's like it's like hard because you're like I don't you just have to get busy you just have to you have

to move on and it's I for I'm forcing myself to do it it's not easy because like while I'm on a date I'm like I wish I was with my ex I well it's not like I wish I was but he was like instantly I'll meet someone I'm like oh you're not my ex this is I'm not even that attracted to you or like it's just not really vibing or whatever but um speaking of vibing I did meet someone that we had a conversation until like three in the morning and I was like oh my god this is what I've been missing for the last year like finally someone that stimulates me intellectually and can hold a conversation with me for like hours and like entertain me with their mind and so that was amazing and we were like on the 40 like my ex would never do this we were on like the 40th floor

of the Hyatt drinking martinis like looking over the city and he like brought me he like drove me he like picked me up brought me there and we like drove around the city we got another drink in another cool spot he like took me to the park we like spun around on the playground a little bit and like we had like this little moment it was really cute and it was just like this man is fun he's exciting he's full of like energy and life and his mind is like just beautiful and I was like what the fuck I told him I was like this is already 10 times better than any conversation I've had with my dad because he knew that I was just cheated on and like he kind of came to the rescue but I was like this is already 10 times better than any conversation I've had with my

ex over the last year so it's looking good I'm already feeling optimistic about my future and my dating life but um unfortunately I had to go through this like experience and learn this lesson and I think love blinds us you know why do we hang in why do we hang around people and stick in or get stuck in relationships for longer than we should be. It's because of love. We think it's love, but it wasn't. It was, well, it was, no, it was. That's the thing. It sucks. It's like, yes, it was love. It was, I was, I say I was in love with him. I do. like right now just in this moment when I think about it I'm like

I want him back I miss him like I get really sad like it's really hard because you go on that's what breakups like this are it's it's a wave and um what I would do to like give him a hug you know and uh see him again and just talk to him you know as much as he hurt me I still loved him and I don't want to end the episode crying but that's just the reality that I'm going through right now and I think he's flawed I think he has he's deeply something is wrong with him internally that has nothing to do with me and this happened there's none of this has to do with me has everything to do with the other person and what he's internally struggling with or going through and what happened in his childhood like we all behave because of the way things went down

as a child and when we act out as adults it's because it's it's like all we know it's all based on our life experience starting at a really young age and i really hope that he figures it all out he's not gonna find it in the mountains i can tell you that he's climbed enough fucking mountains to uh he's anyone that's climbed as many mountains as him and has gone on and has hiked as many miles as him should like shouldn't behave this way they should have it figured the fuck out and they should be like the most enlightened, like, best version of themselves, and, like, so rock solid in how they

treat people, and how they live their life, and he's just not, he's a fucking mess, and so average, I keep saying he's average, I know that's, like, so rude, but truly, um, get off the mountain, go to therapy, um, look i'm not perfect i'm trying okay part of this podcast is like me doing personal therapy i'm i'm really trying um to become a better person and um it's like all life is really about you know leveling up calling yourself on your own calling yourself out on your bullshit and not repeating it and um treating people with respect all right jimmy's passed out

i'm tired um i just had a intrusive thought it never ends you guys it never fucking ends i just thought about how i think he might what if he's lying to me about this weekend because he's he's lied to me so much like I literally can I'll never believe a single word he says but I remember when he's like yeah my dad and my mom are coming to San Diego and my dad and I are gonna go climbing this this mountain he likes to climb we're gonna go climb at the end of April so this weekend and um they're gonna come in they're gonna fly in and then my mom's gonna like stay at hotels while we're climbing and we're gonna do over like three days me and my dad because he's older and it's gonna like take us take him longer and so I'm just thinking in my head like I didn't

ask him I was like waiting for him to say like oh I want you to meet my parents like you know like oh when they fly in will I go to dinner or something because he met my he met my mom and my sister like my mom and sister came last summer and he we went out to dinner with them like it was like right away like meet my meet my parents you know like it was that kind of thing but I realized like when he talked about he wasn't like I was like oh like I can't wait to meet them right like I said that, and he just, like, didn't say much, and what if he's not, what if his, what if that was a lie, like, what if he's not with his parents this weekend, and they didn't fly in, and do you know where I'm going with this, what if he's

with his new girlfriend on the mountain instead, that would be a full circle moment, truly, because that's what happened last, last year, and that's how I even found out about her, because he went hiking he went on listen to the last episode that's how the relationship started you know I was on my I was on the phone with my brother and his girlfriend and they're like look the relationship started so with this person this other woman like going on this climbing trip behind your back with him that's how it started so she was always on your radar as like what like it was like a you know that alarm that was like how the relationship started and it was like a sore spot or just like it made you uncomfortable and so um or not like yeah just at the start

right and so then if that's what's going on this weekend and he's not with his parents and he lied to me like that would be fucking nuts I won't be able to find out he doesn't have social media I don't I think oh yeah she blocked me um yeah like it's a fucking mess but like that would literally I will fuck that'd be so funny I don't doubt it um it's kind of like piece of shit he is yeah my parents are coming to town because what if we were still together and he said that and then he also and then like he went behind my back with her like dude if you don't trust someone get the fuck out of a relationship period end of story what did he say I'm not a liar I'm a liar I'm not a cheater it's like no you're a cheater the hair girls if you if you're finding hair in

your man's bedroom that's not yours he's cheating on you that was such a crazy moment I know this is lingering everyone that tells me about my podcast or like talks to me about my podcast they're like yeah I see you say you're gonna end it and then like 20 minutes later you're still talking Jesus um that was such a crazy moment just like me like examining my I like ripped my own hair out I'm like examining this like light brown hair and I'm like and then I was like then I went to my bathroom back home and I was like if I put hairspray on it does it like change the texture and does it match that one that shit I'm like I don't I I don't even care what's my quote oh yeah I made this little Nutella so this is a go to the YouTube or Spotify I'm just

coming down from the episode right now I made this little pot of Vaseline for his left eye that was always dry because I would like have him put it on his eye to moisturize it that needs to go in the garbage so it's just a bunch of bullshit um fuck what was I saying oh the hair um I don't remember I didn't read the 50th law book the 50 cent book my favorite quote is this every negative is a positive the bad things that happen to me I somehow make them good that means you can't do anything to hurt me that's 50 cents quote yeah every negative is a positive the bad things that happen to me I somehow make them good that means you can't do anything to hurt me it's a blessing like this kind of shit is such a

blessing breakups are a blessing getting cheated on cheated on is a blessing it's just like I'm so fucking proud of myself and just so like like I've arrived like honestly not to it's like in these moments it's like you kind of have to toot your own horn right it's like you're you you just got dumped or like someone just fucking did you dirty and cheated on you and then you're in like a low place and it's like no you have you have to pump your chest and go I didn't tolerate that bullshit I stood up for myself I walked away and I said fuck you and I called him out multiple times for what he did and he always denied it though he's just like he'll never think he cheated on me didn't cheat on you it's like that's what I want your feedback on okay guys especially the male

perspective mostly I don't get it but like 80 percent of my listeners are guys I think it has to do with like Instagram and who follows me because that's just my ratio also on Instagram I think but um just one of the boys the boys just what can I say the boys just love me I'm just such a I'm just so entertaining and they love listening to me talk no honestly it's like actually crazy that people listen this long and they get through like an entire episode I'm like like I thought it was a thing or I've heard men talk about women like oh girls talk too much or like they're not interesting to listen to or like shit like that I'm like what am I doing different here I don't know I just press record and that's it and I and I say whatever comes to mind but yeah from a guy's

perspective I really I'm curious do you think he gets a pass like from from from the text message do you think it's acceptable what he did and and would you consider that just being a lying deceitful boyfriend or is that cheating like is taking a woman is going with a yeah is going with a woman going is is omitting that you're hanging out with a woman that your girlfriend doesn't like is that cheating is that technically is that like under the umbrella of cheating I think it's cheating and is going to Coachella with that same woman a week later and she invites you and then you don't tell your girlfriend who you're still in a relationship with

he thinks he wasn't in a relationship I'm like you literally told me you need to think you need to like he was like getting my hopes up thinking he's gonna have a conversation with me after a week of space after he goes to Coachella right that's just me being stupid but he thinks he's like broken up and single to do whatever he wants according to his text message that's not what he told me I had him confirm that too because I'm like I just want to make sure we're on the same page here like I'm in I'm willing to work with you on this he goes yeah I'm hurt I need to like take some space I'm gonna go to Coachella and then it's just like sounds like you're still kind of in you're not you weren't like hey I also want to break up with you I'm done

I'm single now you weren't straight up like that so yeah is that cheating so then she invites him to go chill and they go and then you know and isn't it like a major sign that someone cheats on you when they all of a sudden are like hanging out with that person like the person they cheat on you with and like kind of in a relationship with them all of a sudden right that's kind of like a red flag like you just like moved on to the next relationship like that it's like no you were talking this whole time you're always messaging you're always like planning shit together and doing shit behind my back together and I knew it and trust your gut if I learned anything so the number one lesson I will end the episode right now the number one thing I learned

from this last relationship is trust your fucking gut it's not wrong if you have a bad feeling that your boyfriend's cheating on you or cheating on you with someone or being shady with other another person get out of the relationship your gut's right it was like everything I kind of had an intuition about came true and for the spirit spiritual gurus out there all the all the people that you know practice spirituality and manifestation or whatever did I fucking manifest this because I had that intuition like that thought like oh this is going on maybe behind my back and it's sketchy in my brain like is did I like create that did

I manifest does that become the reality because of my brain thinking about it as a potential like do you know what I mean I'm like wait is that no that doesn't fucking work that way he it's just not whatever because part of me goes oh I had a bad gut feeling and then I thought about it here and there and then it kind of happened no that's just me being I think smart and that's my body telling me something and me not and I and I should have listened to it so that's my lesson and maybe not and maybe another lesson is like if he lies to you he lied to me a lot and if you're as fuck okay he lied to me just think about this I don't know who's listening right now but here I am this man's ex-girlfriend now coming to the internet with the story about

how he treated me and it's like if you're his friend if you're his co-worker if you're his family member and you're hearing me say this like I'm sure if I if I was on the receiving end of this and I and I was and I knew him personally I would be like what's this man gonna do to me like is is he gonna be a lying deceitful um person to me too is this is this how he's you know this isn't cute this isn't good okay like when I think about it I'm like I was I never disclosed his name I never said his name I nobody it's like I don't know how if you know you know and I feel like it's only people in my circle that know who I'm talking about but it's kind of one of those things where it's like this has a this carries over into

everything in life the way you treat people the way you treat your girlfriend if you cheat on girlfriend like what are you doing with your you know other relationships what are you doing in business what kind of shit are you you know shady shit are you doing with your money which kind of you know it's like it's makes you think and i'm always checking myself i always mention this did i end the podcast no i didn't i go truly i'm sitting here thinking auditing myself something i like to do a lot on the show and reflect i reflect on the the kind of woman i am and my personal values and morals and I talk I reflect on like yeah that kind of person I am

and I'm like what is it that I'm doing right now in my life that is similar to this like what in what way am I cheating on someone or or like in what area of my life am I like am I do you know where am I being a piece of shit like he did this to me okay like what do am I that way too like I'm sitting here thinking like what is it that I'm where am I not being a good person in this world like where am I you know she's overthinking it's the end of the episode she's an overthinker she's crazy but that's what I'm like sitting with myself now really thinking about it I'm like where am I yeah where am I being a piece of shit in this world or to people and mostly I'm let's change switches to relationships where

what relationships am I in right now where I'm not showing up and being honest and loyal and good to the other person you know the most amazing thing that's come out of this podcast to be honest is um or especially this last episode is I had a friend um reach out to me we've talked she's dm'd me a few times who I haven't talked to in a few years and I can say then that I was a shitty friend to her and I think at the time we had a falling out because of my, um, just total like selfishness and not really, um, or lack of like empathy and just like lack of, um, yeah, I just, I was like living for myself. I didn't really care about, I don't think I was a good, yeah, I wasn't a good friend. So I can say

then like that's when I was but the amazing thing is what I was saying is like she reached out like she heard listen the episode and we were talking all of a sudden and it's like I'm a good fucking person like I when I think about it I'm like I don't I can't come up with a single way I'm being a piece of shit to anyone else in any relationship that I'm in right now I'm really trying to think about it like my dad and I talk all the time and we used to not talk after my parents got divorced but now we're like super solid we talk like all the time and it's we have the best conversations in fact I actually wanted to get on come on the podcast mom and I talk on the phone every day my sister and I FaceTime like every day my brother and I talk on the phone all the time

me and his girlfriend are in good terms um my new friendships in San Diego are all solid I'm I'm really good something I've been doing like now that I've been you know on a couple dates and I am talking to new people it's like i'm like purposely responding to text messages like really quickly and i'm like really i'm like on point with my communication um yeah i'm not a piece of shit like i'm not i'm not being a disrespectful lying person to anyone right now i just i'm just trying to make myself feel good about myself and make this my ex just look like i don't know he i've done it enough he that's so average so average

his sister was right that's the story i told in the last episode his sister was right this is how he treats women and he lives for himself he's selfish he doesn't care about anyone but himself and this should not be I will I would I have nothing in common or this this will never this story I'm telling about my ex will never be told about me it's literally like

like i'm just like that's wild i would like this will never like i am not that's not i i have nothing in common like i am not that type of person that's what blows my mind i'm like you know what i could cry right now i'm fucking might end this with crying. I'm going to end this with a little tears, guys. This man knew about my past and he knew about how almost every man I've ever encountered and been in a relationship with has let me down. And it's gotten to the point where it's like I almost expected at some point in a relationship they're just going to fucking let me down

so he knows this he knows about all the shit I've been through all the horrible things I've had to go through in relationships and how horrible men have treated me and how all the bullshit I've had to fucking shoulder

in my dating life so far. And he knew about all this. And I always thought, and he always made me feel like I will, I would never do that to you. I would never do you dirty. I would never cheat on you. I would never lie to you. I would never, I would never treat you wrong. And he was so like, he made me feel like he was good and he had a, he had a big heart and he would never, ever hurt me. And, um, he let me down too. He's just like everyone. He's just like every other fucking asshole that I've had to deal with. I never thought he would. That's the thing. It's like, how could you? How could you? That's what sucks. He always said, and this was the best thing he ever, he always told me is, you know, I have my quirks. I

have my personality that's a little out there sometimes, and he goes, Jacqueline, none of this makes me love you any less, and I love you exactly the way you are, and never change anything about how you act, or anything around me, because I love you exactly how you are, And it's just like, no one's ever told me that no one's ever made me feel that accepted and that comfortable in my own skin and comfortable to be fucking crazy and wild and say all the stuff I say that's, you know, so yeah, it just sucks. he fucking let me down too and he just should I switch teams like I'm I'm switch I just this was like crazy right like I just went from emotion to like now I'm popping off like I'm about to switch teams do I date women now do I fucking go the other distance go the other way I don't know what to do this is like I'm having a joker moment do you see this like I'm literally

having a crazy like I just had a moment where I'm fucking crying and then is this mania like I no one I shouldn't even die or say any kind of like that's what happens though when you're emotional and everything and then going through this you like have these like crazy roller coaster moments emotionally and it's just like I don't hate men, I'm never gonna be one of those women that's, like, fuck men, fuck men, men are trash, but, like, right now, I'm feeling that way, because that was one thing that was really big to me, is how he was so, like, in my corner, and in my rock about,

and just, like, held me when I told him what I've been through, and just, like, made me feel like he would never do that okay I need to stop I know this was a lot um but you have to understand it's it's not easy for me to be in a relationship with someone for a year and just, like, move on, okay, and maybe I process things different than other, than some people who can just, like, put their middle finger high and, and move on, you know, maybe I'm just different in that way, but, yeah, I, I, I was just with this man for a year of my life,

and it meant a lot to me, and I, I loved him, and it just sucks, you know, this all fucking sucks, And at the end of the day, I'm doing what we all do, okay? When we break up with people, we have thoughts. We have thoughts in our head all day long, all night long. We're thinking about it. We're going through it alone, you know? And all I'm doing here is what everyone else is doing, except I'm talking about it. I'm saying it out loud.

I'm using my voice. I'm recording it. I'm posting a podcast, okay? so this is a total stream of consciousness you know while i'm going through a breakup and it is what it is so i need to stop finally shit i should be out on the town right now like i should not be

It's like Friday night. I'm fucking crying with a $30 Amazon call center headset attached to my face in my little apartment. I'm going out tomorrow though. So that's exciting. I guess the next phase of my podcast will be all about my dating life and all my dates and all my new like new boys and all my fuck part of it's like oh that's exciting but also I just got to know someone really well and things are going so well up until yet and I'm just like devastated I'm just like how the fuck do I find I'm not like desperate though to get in a relationship again it's just like I feel so good in life where I'm like, I don't need to go do a shit ton of like work and be single and like

read all this. I have all these self-help books. I've already read like twice all around me. I'm just like, I need to get with someone who's like on my fucking level mentally. And he's like, so just, they know exactly who they are and they're, they just know themselves and they, that's the thing about me it's like I'm unwavering or what's the word I have an in my I'm unwavering in my ability to be myself all the time and be exactly who I am in no matter who I'm with no matter where I am it's Like, I need someone like that who doesn't put on a facade when they're in this group or they're at that event or they're, you know, at the, I don't know, at the grocery store.

Like, they're just always this, they're always, they're so comfortable in their skin. They know exactly who they are and they're never, they don't change. and they're not all about like yeah my ex when I'm thinking I'm still recording it was like he was so and I and I gotta say I you know I get it like you're in this society where you're a man and you it's like there's this unspoken thing or this pressure that you need to have a really good career and you need to be financially well off and you need to have like a full life with like lots of you need to have like

your hobbies man it's like you gotta have all the hobbies and all the toys and the the friends and you need to have like the you know and it's just like this man it's like it's like he I would like watch him think about his life like think out loud and it was like I'm gonna I have these I do these things I go on these adventures I have I'm friends with these certain people I buy these certain things I go I do the because it's like this is gonna look good this makes me look like a man and who's like doing well and is successful you know it's just like bitch are you fucking solid inside are you happy I just I feel bad for him in a way I feel like he's so programmed and so just like one lane just like doesn't like think outside the box

doesn't have any sort of like a creative like he's not like curious about anything he just like accepts just the society and this is how things work and this is what we do and it's just like boring just like but he doesn't seem very happy and i think it's because he's like stuck in it i think all this like extra stuff he does all these adventures is like even when i'm on the adventures with him i've gone on these like 50 mile hikes with him i've done all this shit it's like he never really seems happy that was like part of his like tagline his tagline his little like like motto life motto I'm like if someone's telling you they're happy I don't think they're really

it's just like you didn't seem like it it's also because he seemed like he was never satisfied especially with his career he was always like bitching about his job and it's just like he never yeah I think it's the difference between me and him now that that I'm reflecting for the fucking fifth time I'm trying to end the podcast and here I am going on again I think the difference between me and him is I'm I wake up and I like who I am and the littlest things make me happy the simplest things make me happy my basic little lifestyle the like bare bones like I get out of bed make myself a coffee I go to the gym now I used to not go but now I go I walk my dog

I do my little like morning shower and I get myself all ready for my work and I work and you know just like that little like look simple little life routine I'm glowing inside I'm I'm ecstatic I love routine I love my life I love the little things in life and I feel like this man is just like every fucking morning I don't want to go to work I slept like shit I'm tired fuck I gotta do this meeting in five minutes just like everything fucking sucks oh like I want to go on a bike right after work I'm too tired oh it's gonna be just like always negative I just I'm just like thinking about this now it's like where I'm just like it's a new day I'm stoked and everything's good like I have such a ridiculous like pot I don't know I think it's just because

I'm, I have perspective about how blessed and lucky and how good I have it, and I think about it a lot, maybe, and he doesn't, he's thinking about what he lacks when he doesn't have, and why, you know, where he's at in life isn't where he wants to be, and he has more to accomplish, more to do, more to, it's just like, it never ends, and that rubs off, that rubbed off on me and it drains me. So all of this external shit, all these fucking adventures, all these fucking climbs, all these fucking ski trips, all this fucking shit. It's like, it's fake. But, um, that's just my opinion or just my perception of him from a, you know, from my viewpoint, um, he would probably say, I'm happy, I love, you know.

Yeah. So, yeah, so Jocelyn needs to find someone who's just, like, chill with them, they're just, like, happy, because it's a new day, and they're just, like, life's great, you know, and not someone who's just like constantly bitching about how much they are just like tired and don't want to work and you know, just like bad energy to be around. The best thing I did for that man, I bought him a Theragun and he uses that bitch every single fucking day that, uh, I have a Theragun that's not close to me right now. And every, and he said, this is the best gift anyone has ever given me. He uses that every day and he can massage his calves and think about me every single time. How fucking nice I was to him and how good I was to him

and how I never cheated on him and I loved him and I gave him really good back massages and I fought for him. I loved him for who he was, even with his flaws. Good luck finding that in someone else that's the thing about me it's like maybe that's where I I fall short or I shouldn't something I shouldn't do is like accept that many flaws and that many red flags into my life in a relationship just like that's like too it's like the thing like to a fault like I just think people are beautiful I think people are imperfect beautiful souls and we're it's all everything's a mirror right so like yeah when I say I accepted him for who he was it's because I I know that, yeah, nobody's perfect.

Yeah, I don't know what I'm saying. And also, like, what was the mirror thing for me? Like, what was he mirroring on me that? It's almost like he was showing me the opposite of what I am. I mean, like, that energy that I used to maybe carry on my shoulders all the time that I don't anymore. it's like that was rubbing I don't know maybe I was like aware of it it like was more um apparent to me yeah I think that's that's like a lesson from dating him is that if I was on his same low energy vibration his level I it wouldn't probably be a problem to me

because I was I would be like that too but because I'm above it and I'm like higher energy more positive, more happy, more, like, upbeat, more, you know, it's, like, it is, it was more noticeable, and I was, like, oh, you know, I'm pitting out, oh, my God, I need to end this episode, is that, no, wait, can you see that, is my AC still on, 69, always, it's in Fahrenheit, if you're curious, all right episode 312 is done it's done um the uh drama the theatrics the tea has been spilled it's been aired out it will live on forever as episode 311 and 312 I don't plan on making this a theme or a series on this show it just kind of happened and it was well received um I think people appreciated my vulnerability and my honesty and my and my courage for sharing

my story and they you know I'm sure got a kick out of the some things I said so yeah moving forward it's gonna be back to our regular programming here on the Jacqueline Rush show it's gonna be conversations about my dog shitting multiple times in the night and I have to wake up and let him out and like you know how much coffee I drink and how I need to go on a caffeine detox and how I want to like redo my apartment and buy new furniture just like bullshit like day-to-day stuff but um did I just peak as a podcast host this kind of felt like a a peak so uh episode 312

we're done I don't know how to end this have a you guys thank you for being here I do want to thank you, thank you for being here with me right now, and, you know, taking the time out of your day, wherever you are right now, to hear my story, and maybe, like, thanks for, like, being in my corner if you're like supporting me being this you know vulnerable and everything like thanks for being in my corner it feels good that's one thing i'll say about all the messages like nothing feels better than like going through a breakup and then people just showering you with like love and praise and just like you know cheering you on and saying how all these nice things about you like i can't i can't thank you guys enough like i didn't understand how many fucking people listen

my podcast until i posted this last episode every like everyone on instagram is like sending me a message now about it it's like this is the topic people people you know gotta they they listen to or they like wanted to message me about so let's pray to god i don't have to talk about cheating again. Knock on wood. All right. Thank you for being here. I love you guys a lot. Hope you have a great week. Be honest. Be straight up. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Treat people with respect including yourself and don't cheat and don't lie to your partner so they may make a podcast about you someday and yo no one's safe we learned that we fucking learned that you cheat on my ass you treat me

like shit you lie to me and you're my boyfriend it's going on the podcast that's that's what we learned and I have absolutely no um regrets or like I don't feel bad about it I don't owe him anything I don't owe him anywhere like yes he's a person he's flawed I you know he only said all that shit but like I don't I don't know him anything so bye boy what did I say last episode bye see ya have a good life wish you the best enjoy your adventures with your new girlfriend how much how much how jealous or insecure how bitter can i sound right now how do i end the podcast uh have a great week hit that subscribe button please if you're if you've made it this far you might as well hit the subscribe button and review the show on apple or spotify you can

review it on spotify now if you're watching on youtube please subscribe to my youtube channel no one watches there or listens there but like if you support me if you're like hey i like listening to our podcast and you have a youtube and you watch youtube videos at the least just like click the subscribe button and like i don't know about you but i don't ever click my subscription uh inbox on YouTube I just like see whatever's on the home page so like it wouldn't even if you don't even like want to watch the show won't even show up but like subscribing would help me out a lot so let's get me to 101 subscribers after this episode I'm currently at 100 uh do the math I don't know how that makes any sense I don't fucking care uh people watch me on Spotify though

um which is cool I can't even believe that just seems cool that I have my video podcast on Spotify um but yeah do all the things follow me on Instagram and thank you thank you thank you I love you I love you I love you I will never cheat on you I will never cheat on you have a great week and I will talk to you next Sunday bye