The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 315- Guns Aren't The Problem. The Media Is.

Episode Date: May 27, 2022

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What's up, guys? It's episode 315. Welcome back to the show. hey what's up it's Jacqueline welcome back to the show So this is going to be an audio only episode. And I'll be honest, I planned on telling some pretty lighthearted stories today about my life, like I usually do. one that includes um puking on a first date last weekend I thought that might be a funny story to tell uh specifically puking up octopus on a first date okay I was going to talk about um current events happening in the food industry like this new edible burrito tape coming out you guys know how much I love burritos that really got me excited when I read that headline there's edible burrito burrito tape coming to market okay Kim K is now there's some news about her being

or becoming the first taste tester ambassador for some fucking vegan meat company I don't know And then I think, what else did I have? I was going to talk about how, okay, I'm in a sauna every day at the gym. I'm, like, telling you guys what I was going to talk about. I'm, like, briefing you. I'm not going into any of these stories because here's the thing. We're going to talk about the Rob Elementary School shooting, and I'm going to bitch, okay? This is going to be me unloading my, uh, ideas about mass shootings or my ideas, my

opinions, just like every other fucking content creator on the internet right now. Okay. I'm going to be talking about the Rob elementary school shooting and I'm kind of numb right now. I'll be honest, I'm, like, numb, but I'm also fired up and fucking mad, and it's a weird, this has been a really heavy week, and so, yeah, that's what this episode's gonna be, let me just cut to the chase, the, the last thing I was gonna talk about is how, yeah, I'm in the sauna every day, or every morning, and everyone in there speaks Spanish, and I was gonna, like, make a comment, or, like, a joke,

or do a bit about how I'm become, I'm gonna become bilingual, something like that, I don't know, um because I like it's like a personal challenge every time I go in the sauna I'm like okay let's see how let's see if I can like understand what this conversation is about just like I understand words not sentences but I'll sit there without my headphones on and I'll like try to eavesdrop on these conversations conversations in Spanish and anyways by the way I got my shoulder tapped on okay this is a reoccurring thing lately lately in this me struggling with my l's fuck late hold on speech impediment i'm a podcast host i need to fix that lately this has been a reoccurring

reoccurring thing lately where i'm approached about my podcast in public like what the fuck right it's always unexpected it's always like whoa I can't believe someone listened to it or whatever so yeah speaking of the sauna I got my shoulder tapped on by this guy and he taps my shoulder and he's like hey I'm sorry and I'm like what he goes you're really strong and I'm thinking what are you talking about like working out like I'm at the gym like you're really strong he goes I listened to the episode about how you got cheated on or whatever so like there we go again like someone in public some random person in public talking to me about my podcast it's crazy and then he was telling me so then what's amazing about that is then he was like yeah that happened

to me like you know relatable relatable relatable and that's literally the most fulfilling thing like at this stage in the game with content and you know posting it to the internet like that's all I want that's my uh that's like the only thing or the only reason or my only goal is that those moments like when a stranger walk in the face of the earth alongside me out there um you know feels like they're not alone or they find comfort in what i'm saying or they can relate to me and you know like or and we can um connect over that because that's real it's not just like a fucking photo with a stupid emoji as as your caption and that's all you're putting out there like that's my jesus i'm not talking

about the Rob Allen laundry school shooting and I'm kind of avoiding it to be honest because I know I'm gonna get um I'm gonna be it's gonna get hot and heavy okay um yeah I've always kind of said I don't know if you're new listening right now but I established pretty early on with this show that you know the internet's not going away social media's not going away it's it's like people know you or or when they think of you they think of your social media so I was like the for me like I don't feel good about just posting a photo and then that's all people know about me it's just a still image it's like a little pixel it's like one pixel of who I am but with the podcast it's like you're getting the whole movie okay you're getting to you get to

actually, so yeah, you might follow my Instagram. I might follow my, uh, nobody fucking watches my YouTube. I literally have no YouTube subscribers. I love it. I have no, like my views get, I get like 16 views on a fucking YouTube video. Um, but yeah, you follow my social media and then it's like, okay, so yeah, you can see some short little clips here and there or pictures. Um, but then you also get to hang out with me for an hour every week and you have at any time right now you have 315 hours of of me so I just I just I feel really good about that like that makes me as a content creator as someone who puts themselves out on put them fuck puts themselves you guys I had a protein shake with coffee after the gym this morning and there is

nothing I don't know what that combination does to my body but there is nothing that makes me more wired and focused I feel so laser focused right now um yeah I feel good about that anyways um it's more real it's more like authentic than just yeah posting a picture it's like giving you I don't know the full scope of who I am great cool great story um it's not unique you're not special they're everyone and their mom has a podcast Jacqueline um I actually said that to someone the other day I said oh I'm not special they're like Jacqueline you're like you need to give yourself some credit I'm like well have I yeah okay I'm starting to feel that way about myself like with the show I guess like I've I've produced this whole thing by myself

for a year and a half, and I have over 300, I keep repeating that each episode, I have over 300 episodes, like, what the fuck, it's starting to, yeah, it's starting to occur to me, okay, let's talk about, you know what, cue transition music to the, cue sad transition music to the rob elementary school shooting so um fuck so here's what i want to say okay i could spend this entire podcast talking about how horrifying it is how sad it is how terrible terrible it is how oh my god i can't believe this keeps happening this needs to stop this is you know i could sit here and get emotional and

send my unending thoughts and prayers and condolences to these families i could i could even you know i'm not an expert but i could sit here and talk about the second amendment and the fine details of that um you know i could that's how i could approach this elementary school uh shooting segment here but that's not what i'm gonna do okay i am googling the second amendment because i do want to um read it here i think this is like a dumbed down simplified the second amendment protects an individual right to possess a firearm unconnected with service in a militia and to use that arm for traditionally lawful purposes such as self-defense within the home okay that's

second amendment i'm not i'm not okay i don't want to talk about gun control i don't want to talk about gun safety i don't want to talk about and this might be raising some eyebrows right now like jocelyn what the fuck i don't want to talk about that i don't want to sit here and make this a gun thing okay i'm gonna sit here and bitch about the media okay Now, I have a tendency to oversimplify things, and this week I find myself over and over and over again watching people's stories reading what they're posting seeing all these tweets etc etc thinking to myself like everyone's overthinking it everyone's missing it nobody nobody is talking about

root cause i mean in the way i see the root cause of mass shootings of school shootings okay I think they're missing the big one and you know this isn't something I just thought about in fact I YouTubed about this it's a private video I actually pulled it up yesterday to re-watch it back in college I bitched about the media uh reporting mass shootings and I was back in it was like 2016 and here's the thing okay yeah I have a tendency to oversimplify things and what do I mean by that

I believe the media over the years since Columbine has inadvertently made mass shootings, school shootings, a thing. They have quite literally woven the term school shooting into the fabric of society. that didn't exist when our parents were our age i have a demographic of 18 of 18 to 36 and my grandma listens and that's 70 okay but it didn't it wasn't a thing and so my whole take on this to cut to the chase is i think the media has planted seeds offered up an idea to the minds of mentally ill deranged young men because young men are the ones that have they're the ones that are doing these mass shootings and that's a whole

subject in itself what's going on with the mental health of young men out there okay um it's a problem clearly um yeah they've they've basically blown it or they've shoved it down our throats since columbine every single time it happens and those images are put into the minds of you know i'm sure when this kid was yeah younger i what was he eight 18 year old yeah he would watch tv watch the news and he'd see that shit because here's the thing okay again i oversimplify things i think a lot of people are going okay and i have so many things i have so many um i'm gonna constantly rebuttal myself here because i understand and i see and i hear the other side

100 like i get it at this point it's like all right we they're the solutions people are coming up with like putting security guards with guns in schools like hiring vets to do that um bag checks metal detectors um like i love when all these dumb asses are just like go vote like that's their solution to this fucking issue like people on their social media vote make sure to vote okay um yeah like metal detectors or just like you know let's get rid of all of all guns that's a solution right now get rid of all the guns like um like i get at this stage like why people are coming up with these ideas right because it's like it's logical it seems logical but again i feel like they're

missing the point they're missing the big one which is this wasn't an issue before it was reported or before yeah i just and at the end of the day at the end of the day i believe the media made mass shootings a thing they period end of story and it sounds like nonsense even when I say it out loud

to say that oh the media should just they next next time what was the headline I fucking saw on like CNN or CBS it was like echoes of Sandy Hook fuck you so instead of reporting echoes of rob elementary the next time an elementary school gets shot up

how about this cbs cnn whatever all these news channels are don't report it that sounds crazy it's like you know because over time like i think we're too far gone now like it's already i don't want to say that because that's when once you start saying that shit and you give up and you go well it's too far we're too far along for anything to get solved and and for there to be a real solution like now we just have to put all these band-aid uh band-aids on but in my opinion if if yeah we start if the national news stopped fucking reporting this these shootings when they happen maybe in 30 years they'd slow they wouldn't be they wouldn't happen as often

who's with me all right everybody rally around let's uh let's go to fucking how do we how do we do this how do we because here's the thing social it's gonna it's gonna travel around social media when it happens anyways right that's a rebuttal well jacqueline people are going to be posting tiktoks of this and instagram stories and it's going to be on alternative news site like people are going to still post shootings but the thing is it's the mat it's the national news it's the it's the nbc the cbs the fox the cnn all of those channels that are blanketing the nation with this subject every time it happens and it's for a month straight

so yeah next time a shooting happens cnn i'm just using them as an example what would happen obviously your ratings would i mean you got to make money somehow you know if it bleeds it fucking leads okay that's why if you understand how the business of the news works that shit rises to the top every time oh young children in an elementary school lost their lives and got shot up by a in a massacre we're making money today motherfuckers let's post all let's blow shit up today on air about it and that's wrong i i just you know and back in the day it's funny i was watching this youtube video i posted about um I was ranting about the news back in college because I wanted to be a I wanted to be a

broadcast journalist I wanted to be a news anchor like my mom I wanted to sit and report the news and what I was saying in that video and I and I recognized early on in my I believe I I mean I just for whatever reason I started observing how fucked up the news was and I said in that video I was like, I just, I switched to PR. I changed my degree path to PR. So I'm like, this doesn't align with me. I don't want to be a talking head and report on things that I don't believe in. And I don't believe in reporting mass shootings because again, it's literally,

they, they fucking made it a thing. Tell me differently. tell me that, tell me that, see, here's my point, I didn't prepare, I don't have any notes or anything, okay, do you think that an 18-year-old kid would, multiple 18, multiple young men, how many mass shootings have there been, hundreds, thousands, I mean how many school shootings in the US

there's so much data on all this shit why is Cash App texting me right now I don't use Cash App holy fuck the US has had 2,032 school shootings come on Wi-Fi

let's go chrome um 16 facts about gun violence is cool okay yeah 2032 is that what i read since 1970 here's my point i'm not even i don't need to stop googling shit i just need to talk Yeah, like, if these school shooters were never exposed to images and videos on the news of school shootings, would they just randomly get the idea on their own to go shoot up a school? It became a thing to do. when you're fucking sick in the head and you have

mental derangement it was like all right i'm gonna walk in and shoot the shoot a school up like i don't think it's that wishful thinking is that yeah i just i just don't see how because it's become a pattern it's become a pattern and what's become a pattern as well reporting the news reporting it every time it happens there's a correlation there whatever the fuck it's called i don't know what is it called correlation yeah now here's what i want to say about solutions and what people are saying about you know gun control gun safety like i agree that it needs to be i don't believe in getting rid of guns i believe it's a constitutional right to own a gun i'm pro owning a gun through and

through you can't convince me that getting rid of all guns is going to solve this okay but obviously i think there should be um stricter laws around getting a gun and um you know just like this kid had a i didn't read too much into it or read it i didn't even i can't even fucking watch the thing is is like i can't even watch the news because it pisses me off so much but they talk about on there and i saw something like this this kid had he'd like cut his face or something and he was like his neighbor thought he was acting weird and he had like a I don't know if he had a record with the police or whatever but it just like he he was the type of person type of citizen out there that should have been on notice or a high-risk person watch

or whatever it's called here's the thing I want to say right now just as a um because like sometimes when I podcast or talk in general and this is from my past um this is like PTSD from talking or having conversations in the past with people where they're like what did you just fucking say um something I don't do is I don't pretend to know things I don't know I don't like talking about things I don't know about I just say I I talk what I'm like this is what my brain is thinking and this is what I know about it and this is how I'm thinking about it and that's what I'm telling you so I don't I fucking hate that one content creators it's like you literally I've watched podcasts before I've seen clips of podcasts where someone's saying something really

like inspirational or like insightful and or really educational and you're literally watching them think out loud like trying to remember it they're not an expert in it but they're like they want to sound good I'm not gonna ever do that ever no um but where was I going with this oh solutions yeah like in these moments I get why people are like oh yeah let's get rid of guns let's put security guards in schools let's um you know do bag checks let's uh you know let's fucking vote let's um do metal detectors um I get it okay when when shit goes down like this that's where people's brain goes and mine's going to like root cause okay I've uh I've never I don't think I've ever talked about this on my show before, but I've had to run for my life more

than once. And in that moment, there wasn't a gun involved. I will insert that. There might have been that's what I thought but there I mean I never saw one um in that moment it would like it's logical or you would go oh well it'd be great if that person didn't have a gun and then you go a little step further and you go well it would be great if they were mentally well they weren't mentally deranged and sick in the head so you kind of like work backwards so like I get it like okay people are thinking okay let's get rid of guns let's implement mental health programs which I'm so pro like let's fucking do that and but then let's go a step further and let's uh stop reporting it does anyone ever think about how or do you ever think about

how like back in the day I know it's a different world now we've access to information 24 7 from all over all over the world but like back in the day you only really knew what was happening in your town and sure yeah maybe there was a national newspaper or something and you would like know about the war and like you would read some headlines about the war going on or something happening on wall street like it trickled to your name that information trickled to your neighborhood somehow but it's not like you knew about the elementary school shooting in 1852 you know a couple states across that wasn't a reality and now it's a reality and I just at the end of the day like

it's in my opinion too much information I think that kind of type of news should stay local as much as possible um or not be reported at all as horrible as that might sound like what's the fucking point because in my opinion all it's doing is furthering the issue it's making school shootings a thing it's planting seeds in the minds of these of these school shooters and it's a thing to do just like uh what is the news report that makes it makes something a thing to do I don't know like hey it's Memorial Day weekend go barbecue with the family here's some hot dog recipes or toppings for your hot dogs that's a thing to do it's like school shootings is right fucking next to that it's just no it's no different it's just it's like a well this is

did I just say that I did say that it is very different not even in the same realm or the same whatever category but um what is it called programming propaganda predictive uh what is googling again predictive programming no a neuroscience predictive coding a theory of brain function in which the brain is constantly generating and updating a mental model of the environment the model is used to generate predictions of sensory input that are compared to actual sensory input well programming the news is programming school shootings into minds it's a term again it's like that term school shooting it's woven into the fabric of society if you say to anyone walking down the street they go

oh i remember when sandy hook happened in this and the news about it and i remember the like the images and you know people recall this shit it's like planted into our minds and i don't think it's a good thing back to what i was saying about 1852 and you know getting your news back in the day it's like i don't know i'm just like too much information it's it's a new world yeah we have access to it 24-7, but try it, what if the news didn't report, I don't even want to say the next 10 school shootings, see, that sounds dark, but like, I don't know, back when I started the episode, and this might be short I'm feeling I don't feel like doing like an hour on this but um and I said I have a tendency to oversimplify things

I think it's because what my brain does is it goes it immediately goes when there's a problem and I'm looking for a solution I immediately go to root cause and I ask myself like when did the problem start and exactly and what exactly happened and the reason I do that is because it takes the least amount of time and it gives you the

answer right away because things happen in patterns and in my mind about regarding school shootings pattern it's it school shootings are a pattern after columbine every other school shooting ever happened the big ones the mass shoot even just mass shootings the vegas shooting the dark the Dark Knight premiere in, what was that, Colorado, the, the shooting in the theater, all the, the news started reporting them every single time, so I go, okay, problem, issue right there, media reporting it, and it reoccurs, media reporting it, before that, they're one-off, I don't even know, I, I, should I have done some research today,

should I have researched past mass shootings in the United States since like the 70s like I read the statistic earlier should I've done that to really know like what kind of reporting was done on it probably but I'm just assuming like it's ramped up so like anyways um so problem to me is media exposing mass shootings media exposing mass shootings and for not just like a day it's like a month straight and then we'll get a follow-up in like a few months you know and then also mental health obviously I think that's a fucking big one too the mental health of young men in this country is fucked it's um things are not looking good the mental health of literally everyone these days it seems like

and I don't know if that's because like everyone just says that but I mean there's obviously statistics around anxiety, depression, and other mental health, you know, problems, but or diagnosis, ADD, ADHD, there's all kinds of shit. So I believe that's a huge reality we're facing right now is mental health and in men young men so root cause is that obviously if someone was well in the head they wouldn't walk into a school with a gun and shoot it up because that is not normal that is not a healthy minded person okay the gun is not the problem okay I will always I always disagree I just every single time someone argues against that like oh

people kill people guns don't kill people what is that quote I know that sounds that's annoying to someone out there listening right now that's like we need to get rid of all the guns, yeah, so, I don't know, I just thought, okay, I podcast, i do i do a podcast i'm a podcast host i usually keep it light and tight fun and free fun free and fabulous like what do i always i keep it yeah just it's just it's a good old time here on the show mostly but this week i was like i i just feel called to talk about it because of my opinion about the media and what they've created and they're already on my shit list as it is

you know coming out of the pandemic they're on my they've been oh they were on my shit list back in college okay when I made that fucking video when I started realizing what was going on and you have to understand I started recognizing it early because of social media like the the headlines were ramping up and you were constantly exposed to this bullshit so you know back in high school it was like facebook then myspace before that and then i don't know i was in elementary school getting the local paper reading that at my mom and dad's house but, like, yeah, about college, you know, 20, I'd say, like, 2014, I started, yeah, going, what the fuck, um, what am I saying, oh, um, this episode, talking about it, um, yo, the news, the media's on

my shit list you guys have to understand like i literally i don't talk about my job in here i literally work well i work in pr but i work with the media and they're not all bad people there are great reporters out there i work with a lot of them like there are amazing people amazing um yeah reporters out there and good reporting solid journalism like it's just the fucking popcorn bubblegum eyeball it's the eyeball our bubblegum for our eyeball school shooting bullshit or whatever what am I thinking in my head it's it's it's that that i'm just not not at all okay with and i believe it needs to stop

how do you tell a news company who's already going down the shitter like cnn that they need to stop reporting uh school shootings they need to cut it out because like how do you go about this what is the solution to that how do you what's the first because to me everything else is a band-aid other than and like the mental health programs I just here's here's why I'm like okay I'm not I'm not super hyped on putting security guards with guns in elementary schools it's like that kind of I'm just maybe I'm going from a sweet

old time like it might like elementary schools are safe places they should be and they're not anymore they don't like it's sketchy as fuck like if I ever go back to my elementary school in my hometown I'm gonna be a little sketched out I'll be a little bit like what like you know and post mass shooting every time this happens, I had to get out of a movie, I can't tell you how many movies after, um, the, what was it, the Dark Knight shooting, the premiere, whatever, after that happened, there was another one, I think, after that, I've, I've had to walk out of theaters multiple times, because I get, I have, like, a panic attack, and even now, i will be honest even now i was just at um i saw a movie a couple months ago and i i was like

uneasy i still get uneasy in stadiums sometimes i get uneasy yeah big public places i've reported it i suspected shooter before jesus christ i've been very paranoid turns out the kid was uh training for uh just like in the police academy or something I'll tell the story real quick I was working at my college after I graduated for the year after and I was walking to work or I was walking home from work and I passed the library and I looked through the window and I'm watching this this kid with like a beanie on just kind of like laying low in a hoodie with a beanie had his laptop popped up in the very back of the library it's like after hours like 6 p.m on a Thursday I don't know uh but he was watching a YouTube video and all I saw were like it was

like a gun video like how to shoot a gun but it was like a it was like a clock like I don't know what kind of would that be uh come on Jacqueline let's recall a rap lyric right now that has specific details about a type of gun handgun I don't know not a rifle like a handgun 369

handgun me googling this right now FBI is going to show up at my fucking door hand types of handguns pistol no wait why do i really want to know what this is right now because i'm thinking of a specific one do you like like this is an example of me not pretending like i know shit jesus i don't like this i don't like looking at pictures of god i mean it's like whatever

you guys maybe I should insert this too I grew up around guns I grew up around a lot of hunting okay I grew up around like my grandpa like coming by the house when our old pony was on its last legs with this fucking shotgun and everybody close your ears we're in the house we know grandpa's gonna take care of business as they say as the uh you know and that's how i mean i grew up out on a farm like he was a farmer like you you just you don't inject it with some lethal you know i mean i think we've put horses down before that way but he actually shot our arabian oh my god this is so dark i do you guys want me to lighten it up okay we're talking about shooting i'm talking about guns what i'm saying let me be um like oh jesus jacqueline okay i think it's easy

for me to talk about this subject and guns the way i am and and i think it's easy for me to be pro gun and when these things happen because of my upbringing and i i i'm aware of that and i don't see anything good coming out of getting rid of all guns like that's never gonna fuck it's a and there's data i was reading something again did i come prepared with notes and i'm not i can't report this to you right now i'm not gonna pretend like i know it either um i was reading someone posted some data about why owning a gun is like like safer than not owning a gun or something like that i don't know

like the pros of it i just like the idea of like having it in case shit ever goes down I'm a woman you know I'm a I'm I'm worried about my safety and if I I grew up where it's like we had a gun in our house and I lived out in the middle of farmland like I don't know just felt like it's what you do you sit on your you sit on your porch with a shotgun get off my property okay that's kind of the land I that's a land I come from not that fucking redneck at all it was I grew up, I always say this on the show, I'm, like, I grew up in a very classy, um, the classy boonies, okay, um, beautiful countryside, just, like, it wasn't middle of nowhere, like, Oklahoma, you know, so, and the panhandle, it's, like, not the type of small town I come from, but, um, what was I saying? oh it's easy for me to be pro-gun yeah but other countries don't have this issue why do we have this issue

because the media made it a thing media made it a thing media made it a thing that's it that's true that's that's it it's the only way my brain can't see any other reason why this keeps continuing. Other than, yeah, the media making a thing and obviously mental health in this country and young men being at an all-time low or whatever. Okay, let me tell you guys a story real quick about my grandpa coming by to take care of business with some of our farm animals and how I shot you want to know something I do when things are serious and sad like I go to laughter okay laughter is a humor is a safe place it's my safe place it's where I feel the most like yeah safe so was the Rob elementary school shooting

in texas absolutely like gut-wrenching terrible horrifying like sad um like i have a lump in my throat like i've been fucked up this week i'll be honest even working i'm like i just it it hurt it hurts the soul these are kids you know like yes was that um a tragedy that i will never be able to unsee because of the fucking media blasting it in everyone's face all day and all over my instagram everyone's reposting the pictures of all these little kids like yeah that's all true that's all that's what it is okay but i want to end this on a light jeez i can't how can i do this how can i be taken seriously or not seen as a sociopath, fuck me. If I decide to end this episode talking about how my grandpa

shot our animals growing up. I mean, it's just funny because it's like, if you know my family, it's just, it's like, it's sad. It's also sad, but like in a different, it's just, oh Jesus, I don't know if I can do this right now. I just want to laugh. I don't want to cry. And guys, the, I don't want to talk about it. There's some really sad news that came out yesterday. I think about the husband of the, the teacher that got shot, had a heart attack and died. And they had the four kids. Those kids are parentless now. He had a heart attack a few days after it like when I say I feel numb like it's like that is I I get like when I hear that level of a tragedy or hear about it I like can't feel I don't even I'm like because I have a super I have

this ability I don't know where it comes from or why I have it but like I I can like put on other people's bodies onto mine or like get into their heads to the point where like I feel what they feel and when I say that I have fainted and passed out multiple times when people describe a tragic situation in their life, that fucking happens to me, okay, I think that's called, like, is that empathy, is that, like, extreme empathy, is that extreme, I don't know why, I, yeah, I can take on other people's, I can feel, is that a hyper, HSP, hypersensitive person, like, I mean, it's, like, when I drive past a homeless man, I'm, like, I feel like I, I, I go, my brain's like, I'm holding the sign. I'm looking at the car driving

by. How do I feel right now? And then I get sad. And then I'm, then I get pissed at myself for not carrying cash. I always like to give, I don't give a fuck what you think about giving homeless people shit. Like if I have 20 bucks, I'm giving it to them. Anytime I have cash on me, I give it, I always do that. I, my mom did that growing up. That's like, again, all I know. I don't care if they're gonna go buy drugs, I don't care, like, fucking whatever, do whatever, but I, it's like, they're right there in arm's length away, I'm gonna help them, that's just my heart, that's just, I feel for other people that are struggling, and I, it's really hard for me, that's why when I, I think what I do is I, just to stay sane, or just to keep myself from spiraling, and getting

overly emotional and this is i think something i've matured into and i've i've had to like cultivate this skill over time is i now block myself i like have a shutoff valve with my emotions and i just like robot mode through it because I don't think it's good to overly react or overly get overly emotional anything and I've actually learned that from a lot of men I've dated because men are more rational logical pragmatic and like very they're not emo emotional snowballs like women are just by by their it's like their nature because they have to provide and protect and they don't have time for bullshit and emotions you know when shit goes down they got to

get the job done and they have to use logic and reason and rational be rational and realistic like so all of those good things all of that's something I've watched and observed from men and I try to I that's something I've yeah had to like work on with myself especially when when things are sad and heavy. Um, I cry very easily, but now I'm more balanced, I'd say with my emotions. Um, all right, let's just round this bitch out with a story about my grandpa. I actually really miss my family right now. It's my mom's birthday today. Um, they're all camping I just have this picture of a gun on my fucking computer right now no I'm closing that tab um yeah it's my mom's birthday today they're all camping it's Memorial Day weekend every single

year growing up we'd go camping as a family we'd pitch tents park RVs in um a deception pass up in Washington and this is like a really special sentimental weekend um for me and I'm in California obviously my whole family's in Washington I didn't fly up this year for her birthday and she was sending the reason I'm saying I miss my grandpa is she was sending me like videos of my grandparents and my cousins and everyone I was like god damn it they're getting older and I miss them so much and anyways growing up we had we had a little funny farm you know chickens sheep bunnies goats ponies horses llamas um what else did we have kind of like that you know we didn't have like a farm with like we

have like a dairy farm with cows my neighbors i grew up next dairy farms my whole life though like our next door neighbors had cows um anyways uh so a couple stories I think the crazy ass story I'll tell first so after my parents got divorced obviously my mom was living by herself and she decided she wanted to get like a guard dog like a a German shepherd, something that would protect her and sleep next to her bed every night. You know, she, yeah. So she got a, she rescued a German shepherd named Greta and, um, she noticed early on this dog was sniffing cars. Like every time they, they went on a walk, it was, it would like, if there was a car parked, it would like scan the car, you know, check the car and like

sniff around it so she she was convinced this was a border patrol uh a border border patrol like drug dog at the canadian border or something like she just thought like this dog's been trained to search for drugs so it was like yeah it had it's a german shepherd it can fuck shit up when it you know like every police dogs are german shepherds like they're gonna go into full attack mode, if need be, if they've been trained, if they, you know, so anyways, at the time, I, um, at the time, my sister was, I think she was graduated college, or she's still in college, I was in college, we were all out of the house, the whole, all, all us kids were in college, me and my brother, my sister, we all went to Washington State University, anyways,

my mom had my sister's horse in the pasture and a pasture pal a little cute little a cute little sheep so one day my mom is sitting in the living room probably watching I don't know what does she watch like golf or something I don't even know what she like sipping coffee, watching TV, and all she sees outside is Greta, the German shepherd, chasing after and mutilating the sheep. Greta had gotten out of her kennel, broken into the the pasture and like like destroy the sheep like basically it was a try to kill it got really close then Greta she dragged the sheep into like the yard up by the house blood everywhere the sheep's like bleeding out dying then Greta goes and my mom's like chasing her trying to

but she's like freaked out like for her own safety then Greta goes to the horse okay they surprised my sister's like best horse forget its name i think it was her friend's horse she got it's like a beautiful uh quarter horse i think thoroughbred forget um hummer was his name no i think it was the one after anyways then credit goes for the horse's legs okay and that's where shit is like getting real because the horse's like legs is all it all it fucking has especially they're over it any horse like if its legs are destroyed and fucked up we had to put a horse down before like because of its hoof getting severed and like it couldn't even walk like it's a it's bad you don't want to fuck around with horses legs so greta starts attacking the

horse my mom immediately goes to the phone calls my grandpa grandpa gets there because he lives down the street like a mile or two grandpa shows up with a shotgun this is so fucking sad and blows greta up kills the dog kills this german shepherd and well i think he he took he ended the sheep's life first he was bleeding out and then he shot the dog i'm laughing because it's like it's so like what like crazy and just like horrible and the visuals of my mom like chasing Greta and then like the sheet bleeding out and the horse going crazy in the pasture like my grandpa showing up with a shotgun like you know he had like a bad hip I can only imagine him like hobbling over with the gun like trying to aim and oh my god

so that's the first crazy ass story I guess like the other ones are um I know look I love dogs I am sad about that I'm not super stoked the dog had to die that way okay clearly she had a I mean I don't know could have been a kid you know who the fuck knows um so I need to kind of want to end the episode I need to spray tan first world problems let's fucking get it, Jacqueline. Spray tan nails, hair, outfit. Guess what I'm doing tonight? Not eating octopus, I'll tell you that. Jesus. I'm actually going to play some ping pong, I think. Yeah, ping pong. So on my birthday, I was at Six Flags with my youth group. God, i really sound like a conservative christian republican fucking bible thumping red blood

american who was in my youth group i was like like here's the thing when i talk about farm life i haven't done this in a while on the show and this happens every time i go home i get a twang okay this is how my like when i talk to my sister just like shooting the shit we get a twang like we get a little lack. Just like, it's, it's how it just part of my, it's just whatever. Um, so I was riding a roller coaster. I knew that my Arabian ginger or it was like our family horse. I knew she was getting put down that day. Um, cause she was like 30. She's the oldest horse we'd ever, we oldest horse we had. She was so skinny, so bony. It was time. It was her time. And I was peace with her passing I knew it was my birthday but whatever like I knew what okay so long story

short a month later uh Jose our neighbors um one of the workers at the dairy farm next door our neighbor's dairy farm he was like hey what's up like what happened to your horse someone like he goes oh yeah i was um yeah he like had a he put his hand like a gun and put it by his head he didn't speak english very well he goes yeah your horse got shaw what happened i'm like what so i hadn't i didn't know that ginger was i didn't know my grandpa came by you guys my grandpa first of he hunts all right okay if you go to his garage it's like moose head bear head like he has these crazy looking goats um just deer like antlers everywhere like fucking fishing poles and like it's just tricked out with taxidermy okay he hunts so this is like not it's just

whatever um I just feel like the visual of my grandpa like showing up and shooting my horse and just like killing it like point blank like that is like to whoever's listening right now who's like not accustomed to that kind of um animal abuse or treatment euthanization I know it sounds a little gory and sad so anyways Jose's like yeah what happened so I'm thinking my horse was, like, put down by a vet that showed up and it was, like, done with, like, a lethal injection. No, no, no, no, no. Grandpa shot. Grandpa shot the horse.

My grandpa's also, let's see, what other animals has he taken out? He's, like, shot some possums. Like, a possum got in our chicken coop one time. I think he just came over with a shot and shot it. Speaking of possum, holy fuck. jimmy this morning at the beach i thought it was a dead duck in the water and him and this other dog were like checking it out but they were acting weird and i'm like what the fuck it was a dead possum bobbing in the water and jimmy i i'm like let's go but like i was trying

to get him away he grabbed that thing and he picked it up with his mouth obviously that's how you pick it up and he set it down on the beach and i'm like fuck so then i'm googling like do possums carry rabies like is my dog gonna die from putting it in its mouth for 10 seconds apparently their blood temperature is too low for them to carry rabies there's also like tuberculosis and all these other fucking things that possums have that jimmy could be at risk of contracting who knows he's actually uh due for his rabies vaccine I swear to god it was yesterday I got a notification from my or an email from my vet his one year rabies vaccination whatever so yeah so Jimmy got a possum this morning

but that's not the so he actually I think the crazy ass story about Jimmy again this is a farm story when he stayed with my mom for a couple months while i was traveling last fall um she said he like drug dragged drug a dead calf carcass into the front lawn it was like it was like gnawing on its legs because next door so it's a dairy farm and how do how is it okay i know again i do do i sound psychotic or like sociopath when i'm like oh dead calf carcass like baby calf and then i i audibly laugh what is that is that just my am i uncomfortable so i laugh or i'm so i don't know

am i insensitive to death or just like numb to i don't know it's how I cope, everything to me, I can't take anything seriously, even, like, death, I laugh, I don't know, it's just whatever, so he, so next door, they, um, had a lot of heifers, a lot of pregnant heifers, and sometimes, if the little baby cow pops out, it doesn't make it, okay, one of the, one of the farmers do, for, like, the first 24 hours, they set it to the side, okay, this little baby calf doesn't get a burial right away, most of the time you're on a dairy farm where every every now and then there's a little baby calf carcass laying next to the barn okay so i guess what jimmy did is he had taken the calf

leg and he put it in its mouth and he dragged it like 100 yards to our house and i think he did the same thing with like a cow skull after a butcher came by and like left the head so jimmy's a farm dog he was a farm dog for two months so this possum ain't shit um it was quick it wasn't like he sat and nod on it and chewed it he just gracefully picked it up out of the water and set it on the beach like two feet to the side so anyways i think that's kind of it for my farm stories um trying to think of any other animals got if any other animals got shot up no we had an obese pony one time that got taken away to the meat factory for to make dog food I found about I found out about fuck I found out about that like later on like what

happened to Rocco oh I thought my parents I think they told me oh he went to the pony farm like they took him they we like like I don't think we sold we didn't sell sell Rocco to them they just whatever we were I think they I thought it was gonna end up there at the pony farm I grew up going to for horse camp. Nope. Find out later. Rocco went to the meat grinder, the meat factory. Rocco became dog food. Apparently horse meat is used for dog food. I don't know. So like what's your trauma? Like what's your childhood trauma? I have a lot and a lot of it has to do with watching animals die or like hearing about tragic or just animal deaths. And let's end the show with one more that just surfaced to the top of my brain about my dear pygmy goat maria

god rest her soul okay i've told this story before for the long-time listeners this is going to be a little refresher for everyone new please bow your heads and pray with me i named maria maria because she was born on cinco cinco de mayo which is the 5th of May about July that year I'm driving home from probably like AAU basketball practice pretty sure it was basketball practice and there's a big farm truck in front of me like right in front of our house it stops its taillights are on I'm trying to pull into the driveway and i'm like what the fuck the farmer gets out walks in front of the truck and there she is maria lifeless bleeding out he's he grabbed her hooves four legs set her on the lawn

i'm pretty sure he kept driving and I'm just like bawling crying oh my god it was so sad and my sister was inside and we started crying and then my brother he gets his like gi joe night vision goggles out of his bedroom and then I had to look at her one last time right like I wasn't just gonna like leave her there and I was crying I'm like oh my god my brother's like with with his night vision goggles like inspecting her and like I just remember seeing her nose is like all bloody and she got hit and knocked out totally it wasn't like a I've seen worse like I've seen chicken smashed on the road I've seen um dog smashed on the road not my own cats flattened like I've seen that Maria was a

quick knockout but her nose was bleeding really bad which is really sad so yeah that was a tough one i think i was in like six or seventh grade well okay this was a heavy episode but kind of fun at the end uh hope you enjoyed it again no video this week because i don't know like i used to do 70 i used to podcast 70s a week and the reason it was possible was because i i was audio only but when i have to do a whole production and get all I want to get glam for you guys like I'm totally like not going to show up uh laying low in a hoodie with a messy bun and no makeup like I am a content creator and I I need to flex or I need to keep my appearance up it sounds so dumb like it's fun it's also

like part of the routine part of the routine I love about podcasting is like if I do it in the morning it's like I you know I wake up I go to the gym I come home I shower then I get glam for the show I set up my lights and it's very like zen and I'll watch a little like YouTube video or I'll watch something on TV while I get ready and make a little you know snack a little breakfast I'll press record and it's fun like I do enjoy getting glam but the audio is so much easier because I literally just like press record talk and then upload it no edits this is one take goddamn I'm a one-take Johnny that's what my mom used to say when she's on the news why did her

producer why did her director I don't know like her is because she's a one-take Johnny off the cuff Is this a talent? I don't know. I'm hungry. I'll be honest, like, try self-reflect right now. Get into my mind, how I perceive myself. I never wanted to be a podcast host. Like, or it wasn't ever like a goal. Like, oh I want to start a podcast never said that never thought it totally happened like out of the blue on September 4th 2020 I've told the story a million times I will not repeat it it like fell into my lap and it happened in the most random way and over the year and a half so yeah over the last year and a half I've realized that

like I've talked to a ton of people that are like how do you just sit and talk and make stuff up on the fly for an hour like how did you do that seven days a week for 300 episodes like how do you and that's how i look at people who are like building robots or like engineering like bioengineering creating vaccines like shit like that I think it's the same thing it's like

this just happens to be the thing that I'm good at that I'm naturally good at and it's not hard at all it's the easiest thing I've ever done it feels like it's the most effortless thing I've ever done

that's why I know it's my it's it's sustainable I know I'll do this forever because it's like I'm fucking passionate about it and I look forward to it and I'm never sick and tired of podcasting I never go oh I don't want to podcast today ever so I think it's like it's that it's just it's just a skill like any other profession out there I'm yeah I guess what I'm saying is over the last year and a half I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a natural born entertainer uh I'm naturally good at this podcasting or talking and it's weird and I'm also like uncomfortable saying oh I'm good at it or like I know I'm good

at it because that makes you feel I don't I never like to say I'm full of myself and full of shit but I should be I'm self-aware like enough people have like showered me with compliments and told me how much they love the show and how much they love listening to me and how great I am at it and all the shit to for me to go okay okay you're right all right I see it too I get it um that's a self-esteem problem because I never think I'm good at anything I never think I'm good enough I like it's a it's a journey um it's not interesting when people are like well I don't get how you do it it's so hard how do you do it like it's literally the easiest thing I've ever done can't relate so

so anyways uh thank you for listening this episode it's kind of like heavy kind of intense I swore a lot bitched a lot but let me let me know your thoughts I appreciate your guys's dms whenever I post an episode it makes this feel like a conversation and not just like a one-way conversation it makes it sound like it makes it feel like a two-way conversation so yeah send me a dm let me know what your thoughts are on school shootings the media reporting on it um mental health in this country gun control banning guns um gun safe whatever just like blow my my instagram dms up after this one if you want um they're they're open bitch the bitch was an intense bitch i said that really aggressively

she's on tour okay why are the dms open why are the dms so wide open right now a bitch is on tour all right what do i mean i'm not dating i'm on tour i'm recently single i'm on i'm on tour okay i never thought i'd get here this i might this could be an update for my next podcast my dating update but like i used to be so like one step at a time with dating where now I'm like yes to saying yes to everything just like more is more and it feels good because I think that's good for I think dating a lot of people what I'm saying is I didn't think I could do I don't think I fuck I didn't think I could date multiple people at once or give it my spread my um time like I'm just doing like dates like I'm just going on one-off

dates and then follow-up dates like this is this will be a fourth date tonight so but yeah but it's like I have a date tomorrow night with someone different but like I never thought I could do this I'm really good at putting I feel like I thought it was a it was like in the past I was like oh I'll do one person at a time and if they're not right I'll move to the next person but I'm on what did I say? I'm on tour DMs are open

DMs are open for the podcast mostly obviously that's what I prompted you to do today go slide in and talk to me about the show and your opinions and your ideas about what I said but also you know

hit me up for a hey if you know any good places in this city that uh offer octopus on their menu let me know i'll throw it up on your shoes later hey do you like octopus do you hey do you think I'm cute do you like octopus do you also like do you also get turned on by vomit slide in dm me I'll go eat octopus with you should I actually tell that story I feel like it's too late in the episode to tell that story I it's kind of like it's I basically summarized what happened um it was more at the end of the day I'll just end the episode right now for real

by saying this like it wasn't even it wasn't embarrassing it was more funny and the guy was really cool about it and we we've laughed about it after it happened like it's a funny story like it's not I'm not like oh my god I'm mortified because like we've all been there I mean I had I hadn't puked from alcohol since I only did tell the story a couple weeks ago about puking on the plane seven times coming home from Washington seven times on the plane that was the last time I puked and I had an IPA at the airport before that and a Cuban sandwich and I'm pretty sure so that was the last time I puked from alcohol so I was gonna say last time I puked from alcohol was like college and it was a at a bagel joint that's the last time I actually yeah

and then the time I puked after that was on a yacht from seasickness so I've only puked four times wait yeah college bagel joint alcohol poison drinking too much yacht seasickness recently with in the airport or on the airplane seven times and then uh last weekend octopus wow I got a strong stomach you know what I do so but it was funny anyways it was funny and it wasn't like a wild mess all over everyone around me it wasn't like I projectile vomited onto like the table you know but there were tentacles on the floor, but the octopus was so good, and I'm like, god damn it, I feel like it ruined octopus for me, I can't, god, like, it was so good, octopus is so good, so anyways, okay,

thanks for listening hope you had a great week um outside of you know the news about what happened in Texas um because I know we're all like thinking about it it's hanging over our heads right now um or you might be out of sight out of mind which is a good choice sometimes you got to do that just don't look it up don't listen or watch or follow it so yeah I hope you had a great week oh my god and make sure to hit that subscribe button wherever you're listening right now I'm everywhere uh Apple, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Overcast, Breaker, Stitcher, what was that noise subscribe wherever you're listening right now um and follow me at Jacqueline Monroe on Instagram. Finally, if you made it this far, become a patron. Subscribe

to my Patreon. It's patreon.com slash TJMS. It's my monthly subscription service where it's a donation at this point. I do not provide bonus content like I used to. It is strictly to support me and my podcasting career because i don't profit from i mean um well instagram's paying me now which is pretty badass for posting but not from the i don't make any money from the podcast so patreon.com slash tjms support your local podcast host um thank you have a great week have a great day, night, whenever you're listening to this and I'll talk to you next Sunday, bye