The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 333- Did Alex Murdaugh murder his wife and son?

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

Today I talk about the trial of Alex Murdaugh, Netflix's new true crime series Murdaugh Murders, how climate change is making California's weather more extreme, Jake Paul vs. Tommy Fury fight results, the most embarrassing thing I pretended to like for a man, eating everything in sight this weekend, clapping back at a line cutter, and more! Thanks for listening, ILYSM!! :)  Patreon.com/TJMS

What's up guys, it's episode 333, welcome back to the show! I don't ever slow up, no I don't take shit. I got no love for the famous. If you wanna play tough and wanna hate this, I'll always show up and make a statement. I don't ever slow up, no I don't take shit. I got no love for the famous. If you wanna play tough and wanna hate this, I'll always show up and make a statement. Hey what's up, it's Jacqueline, welcome back to the show. hi um happy end of another month uh holy shit it's the end of February tomorrow and where has the time gone um I changed my mind on a 24-hour basis about literally everything

like I'll have an opinion about something in the next day it's the different it's like the opposite But the reason I'm saying this is because I've been debating with Corey over the last like week or so if time feels fast, like it's going fast to him or if it's going slow, because for me, time feels slow until I changed my mind today. I'm officially admitting that life is going by so fucking fast, but I was debating with him because to me life I guess I can separate things like my relationship with him has felt really slow like I I feel like we've done a lot and it doesn't feel like oh just yesterday I met him we've been together for nine months like to me I was telling him I was like I feel like it's

gone really slow we've done so much like like thinking back to August when we went to Vegas feels like so long ago or like thinking back to when we um went to Ruth Chris for my birthday dinner I don't know I'm trying to think like it's shit from like July or like um when I introduced you to my mom in June like that feels so long ago to him it was like he's like what are you talking about it's gone so fast um but I guess for me when things are good I'm stopping to smell the rose is more I'm I'm taking it all in I'm really soaking up my life and I'm enjoying it and I'm reflecting a lot I feel like in this relationship I reflect a lot and I think about all the like fun amazing experiences experiences we've had and so I don't know I feel like time

moves slower because of that but yeah what about you like do you feel like time's going by fast why am I on this fucking subject right now this is what happens I like start an episode with something I didn't want to talk about or didn't intend on talking about. I want to talk about Alec, Alex, Richard Alexander. Isn't his first name Richard? The Alec Murda, Murda. Let's get the pronunciation right. First of all, it's Alec Murda. That's how everyone says his name, but it's spelled a l e x i want to talk about the trial i want to talk about the netflix the netflix documentary i just watched this weekend my thoughts on it because a few days ago someone was posting about the trial and they were like posting a clip and i was like i've never heard

of this so i went on a deep dive and then i ended up watching the whole netflix series this weekend and now I know all about it and um yeah so I'm gonna go on go into that topic I'm gonna talk about my weekend um what we did I want to talk about the weather here in California because it's um not looking like California recently and it's appalling and disgusting and I I'm so over it like look I understand it's been I moved here five years ago this year will be five years typically daylight savings happens in the fall it starts getting darker out earlier and then that's when the temperature drops at night and in the morning and like I'm comfortable with I'm good with that I get it like all I really need is my little Patagonia puff zip up thing

and I'm good but the difference is so I'm like I expect that with Southern California I'm in San Diego like that's fine the difference is this year when I look back I'm gonna put it at like November 14th I don't really know the specific date but like I'm gonna say from November the entire month of November through now the end of February so four consistent months it has been chilly cold at night and then like there's like a chilly air almost like the kind of chilly air it's not even comparable I mean I know it's not like below 30 but like sometimes the breeze will blow in my face and I'm like this feels like snow's coming like the chilliness of the air feels like that it's been consistently cold consistently wet dark scary I saw

scare I'm talking scary I saw it happened for one day but it was enough to terrify me for the rest of the year no I'm kidding um Corey was gone in Ohio the other weekend and I was like I was woken up to golf ball golf ball sized hail coming down pelting the fucking roof and I was like what state like where am I is this like I'm okay with like hail is fine it was huge and I'm right here by the beach I don't know if it's because of the marine layer and the clouds are heavier by the water I don't fucking know but it was terrifying and am I just saying that for dramatic effects I'm hosting a fucking podcast or kind of okay whatever just go with it um so yeah this season this winter has been different and um I was actually talking this climate change

activist at the consignment store who was checking in my clothes um about I mentioned the weather and she just went in it was like this was her moment right to educate me and she's like yeah we can expect this now for the years to come like California's officially gonna have a winter and all four seasons and she's like going off and I was like okay I can see that I can see that happening like um I'm not I'm not happy about it I'm not I'm not excited if if this state like if we get the same winter next year I'm gonna be fucking pissed because the reason I moved here was because again I'm not talking about I really want to talk about the Alex alec murder trial and all that shit um cory just texted me the windshield scrapers

we're going he got a windshield scraper um we got a few tangents going on let me let me bring you let's um let's collect ourselves we got me introducing the podcast and then what did i start talking about can't remember i want to talk about the alec murder case and i'm talking about the climate the the weather uh the climate change activists the consignment store also we're gonna go off on a tangent from that woman at the consignment store to another woman at the consignment store that i had to clap back at because i told her i didn't want to stand in line like i was waiting for a fucking bus while i was gonna check my clothes out and we'll get into that and then cory just texted me about the windshield scraper because life update i'm going

skiing this weekend to Mammoth okay um he bought a windshield scraper it cost him like two dollars and fifty cents he was telling me I was in the shower the other night and I was giving him shit I always act like just for fun I'll act like I can't hear him or understand and he's like honey I had four dollars left on my Amazon gift card I didn't even know I had money on it so I bought us a windshield scraper because we were talking about because like he hasn't been to Mammoth before he hasn't like I don't think he's driven his car in the snow before so or really been I'm from Washington state I grew up like waking up in the morning taking a credit card or like literally a spatula like I was showing him in the kitchen like no you just

use a spatula let's find like a burger flipper and take that instead you'll never use your windshield scraper again or you'll you'll you'll use it like once a year when you go skiing um so yeah I'm like used to scraping my windshield in the morning when it's like icy out or snowy and anyways I'm in the shower he's like I got he's like I got his I got a windshield scraper I had four dollars left on my account it was like 250 I was like yeah I got and I was like what you got four ice scrapers he's like no I had four dollars on my account I got us so I I got us a windshield scraper for the snow it was two dollars and fifty cents I was like you got two of them for four dollars see I just fucked with him for like the longest time and then

he like didn't think I could hear him so he kept saying it louder and louder and I kept saying it that's just my favorite thing to do sometimes and then anyways but he texted me that it's it's um at the door got delivered so um yeah life update we're going to mammoth there's like 47 feet of snow there um can't wait last year i went and it wasn't the the town the roads it was like barren no snow except for the mountain so i'm excited to like see how the drive there looks with the mountains and the snow cover and the winter winter wonderland and um yeah so back to the consignment store climate change activist let me take a sip of my water it's funny how uh podcasting gives me cotton mouth um hold on

so yeah she's telling me okay moving forward like we can expect california to have all four seasons and you know this because the climate change and she was like giving me the science and shit I was like okay um but that day when I was standing in line so I go to this specific consignment store where you um show up there's no they used to take appointments but they don't do that anymore you show up with your bag of clothes to consign and you stand in line and they go through everything and then they give you money for it or you can put it on your account I always put it on my account so then I could shop there for free basically so anyways that day I had a big like black um like sleeping bag stuff or what the fuck why am I being that

specific about my fucking bag I brought my clothes in I had a big like mesh kind of like a laundry bag full of clothes and literally every time I go there I'm like and it wasn't that busy I think there's two people there's a girl checking her clothes out a girl sitting on the there's like a little bench there where you wait with your clothes and then there's my bag and then a girl came in after me that I saw this is the girl that I had to clap back at so think of like this bench has a girl with her bag of clothes my bag my big um black laundry bag thing and then a girl the new girl all in a row so it's clear someone's kind of there before her okay so what I do because I'm like what's the fucking point of standing in line it does take it takes a long time sometimes

people bring like four bags of clothes and it takes a half an hour like what's the point of just sitting there when I could be shopping right so I literally I set my stuff down I hold my place in line with my bag and I and I look around well Tina fucking Tina the third girl in line the girl that came in after me when I went over to get my bag um because then I was like I could see the girl in front of me was gonna go and I was like okay I want to go and like make sure that I keep my place in line she goes hi sorry I was here I was here first and I was like okay do you ever have these moments in life where you're like I killed that or like I that was like perfect so well spoken so well said I had one of those

moments in the for like the first time honestly in my adult life where I was like I wish I could have like recorded that because I felt really proud of myself for standing up for myself I was like I wish I could repeat it perfectly because I'm probably gonna stutter here but um she's like hi I was here first I was here first I was like oh I was like see that bag I was like that's mine I got here 30 minutes ago and I've been shopping looking at the clothes and um she goes no no I was here first I was like I I don't know I was like pointing out my bag and I was like I've been here for 30 minutes I'm looking at the clothes and I said a comment again I can't say it perfectly because I'm now I have stage fright

because I'm talking to you and I'm like trying to repeat this perfectly why am I making such a big deal about this like I told a girl off or I was like I stood up for myself I made a perfect comment about like uh sorry I don't want to stand in here I was like sorry I didn't say I didn't say sorry I never say sorry to people I was like that's my bag I was oh I was just looking at the clothes um I don't like to stay yeah that's what I said I was like I'm just I was just looking at the clothes while I was waiting I don't like to stand here like I'm waiting for a bus that's what I said exactly like that and she didn't really know what to say and then just kind of rolled her eyes and then I just stood there because I was

like I'm not gonna keep looking around she's gonna like say something or like cut in front of me so then when the people called us up for like okay who's next she just like bolted in front of me I was like they were like who was first I was like just raised my hand and she was like you know doing one of those things and it was just so stupid I hate shit like here's the thing I hate shit like that like I hate dumb fucking rules I hate when people are like putting up a fight about some bullshit like standing in line and like clearly it's like someone was here if I walked into that situation I saw a bag sitting there of clothes I would think oh someone was there before me this girl's like I was here it's like fuck like you were not here first

how were you here first when someone's bag is literally in front of you like does my body have to be with it like manning it the whole time that's a stupid fucking rule so um am I the worst type of person that like do you think that's annoying like if you're that girl would you be like fuck that like you have to stand with your bag you have to like wait in line like everyone else or are you like that's a stupid rule you should like mark your place in your bag and like like look around it's a casual environment it's not like a super like it doesn't need to be like so militant you know what i mean so i was here first she says and i go you see that bag that's mine i was just looking at the clothes because i don't like to stand here and in line like i

wait for a bus i gotta get better at acting and shit like that was kind of rough but you get the point um i felt good about myself i don't always i i don't i'm not a sometimes you i don't like people that are too nice and like oh I'm sorry I didn't know that's not me I'll say something like I'm getting better at standing my ground standing up for myself and being like a little bitchy because like people are so fucking dumb sometimes and like they need to be called out and they need to be put in their place and they need to not be like little they can't I don't like when people get their way for stupid shit like that that's just my like even though it doesn't fucking matter we're literally standing in close or in line to consign our clothes and get like ten dollars for

So, um, anyways, let's talk about the Alec Murda case, Murda case. I also have here, Jake Paul lost his fight. Yeah. I don't really care. The Jake Paul fight, like he lost or whatever. Like I didn't really pay attention to that. I saw the promo for it. I saw him posting, but I never watched it. I don't really have anything to say. I just think it's sick what he's doing, and I think it's respectable. Especially what he said after. I saw the post-game interview, and he was like, yeah, I got sick a couple times in training camp,

and I was flat today, and you know what I mean? He wasn't, like, an asshole about his loss. That was, like, a stand-up thing to do or, like, a respectable thing to say. So just good sportsmanship all around, you know? that's what I like about sports is when people get interviewed and they say nice shit like that I'm like I don't know it's it doesn't like everyone wants to win and he's got the biggest fuck you mentality fuck you attitude ever and so you kind of expect him to say something fuck you at the end there but it was nice to hear him say that and just be um take take the

the loss with a, like, in a nice way. I don't know what I'm saying. Okay. So back last, hold on. Last week, someone posted about the Alec Murdaugh. I got to pronounce it right. Alec Murdaugh. Murda? Murdaugh. Trial. Someone posted about it. And then I went on, then I went on a deep dive and that night happened to be the night that or that day that Netflix came out with the the series Murda Murders a southern scandal um and so I watched it and basically I don't know if you're caught up with this but this happened in South Carolina the murder of the Murda of fuck I shouldn't be laughing and joking about a murder I've been into these true true crime shows and documentaries lately before I live I lived um with Corey

hold on I'm like scatterbrained one sec that's another topic or tangent I can get on I had a conversation with Corey about how i'm like i i feel skittish sometimes when i talk and when i connect with people in person and like have conversations in person because if i'm like staring at an artificial screen all the time and looking at it and then i try to hold a conversation with a real person there's like this weird haze lately and I've been noticing it and I'm aware of it and I'm like this is not I don't want to this is not good right so like I'm already going blind from my cell phone I've told you guys that

I officially think I need glasses or I need to get my eyes checked um and it's also obviously frying my brain cells like and making me fucking I feel like it's making me dumb and or not dumb just kind of yeah skittish scatterbrained spacey like I don't know if you can relate to this but like back to the consignment store for example when I was talking to the girl um checking out my clothes I was like looking at her face having a conversation and mind you she had like 14 piercings on her face like 62 rings on she like so much to look at maybe that was the reason I was having a hard time connecting it was like so much but the distractions were um very distracting but yeah it's like looking at people sometimes it's like they're real they're there but

I don't feel here's the thing too they're like these are a bunch of gen z millennial types like myself you can clearly tell they're all social media type influencer people they're all they work at a consignment store they're all they're dressed like they watch a bunch of fashion tiktok videos all the time they always keep up with the trends like they're in the fucking sphere of social media and phone usage and shit like that and so I notice when I'm like talking to them it's like they're scattered I'm scattered we're not connecting it's not it's a little clunky it's a little like the timing's awkward like people are speaking a little bit ahead of you predicting what you're gonna say kind of hurrying along the conversation

assuming your next comment and saying uh-huh yes yes uh-huh yeah yeah yeah like the entire time they're not really listening to you and I attribute that back to what I was saying to just staring at artificial shit all the time and constantly being pulled with your to your cell phone and not being present and grounded in the moment so um I think I just brought that up because I was feeling scatterbrained talking about this Alex murder trial and I feel like I need to take a pause here um and collect myself first which is healthy like as a podcast host I want this to be a good experience for you and for me to just motor mouth this entire time and not pause is probably um annoying so I've actually it's been I think five nights now I'm on night or day six today of

just so fucking I'm one of those people I'm not preaching I'm not telling you what to do but I've been charging my phone in the bathroom at night and I've been reading a book before bed okay don't need to explain the health benefits of that I don't need to explain like I'm not preaching I'm not telling you to do that I'm just saying for me it's been something that I've known is good for me I know it's good to not fall asleep with your phone to your face um and I haven't done anything about it right I think I mentioned that in the last podcast but I've been consistently doing it for about a week now and I and I feel like last night I'm just laying in bed talking to Corey no phone around nothing pick up my book read it pass out

to my book and I just feel like my brain's less it's like calmer especially when I wake up and my phone's not there I can't I have to like literally get up to go get it so except this morning he grabbed it and he's like I know you want this and I was like fuck you you're not supposed to you like unplugged it in the bathroom and like threw it on the bed I was like stop you're not helping me right now I actually took his phone the other I'm like trying to i'm not telling you what to do again but like if that's the one time a day where i'm like intentional with my phone usage i think if it's a one time a day i can suck up and not have it i or if i can master that i'm gonna feel i feel like that's gonna improve my life a lot

right before bed put the phone away just yeah so um let me know i i like when you guys send me dms and shit like let's have a conversation about talking to people in person and feeling like they're not really listening to you and they're kind of like they're just not all there because they're probably like you addicted to your phone and scatterbrained and skittish and like spacey and does that make sense i i always think okay if you're listening you probably relate to me in some way I'm I talk out of my ass here a lot and I go off on a thousand tangents but maybe that resonates with you um and that's just me admitting

like I know that I grew up without a phone and I all of a sudden got one right I'm a 20 something I actually put my age on my Instagram the other day go watch the latest Instagram reel if you want to know my age I'm in my 20s and um big reveal it's a big day when I post that I was like I don't fuck well I'm like why am I weird about posting my age I just thought like fuck it whatever um but I've noticed a difference in my ability to focus and my ability to genuinely connect with people like strangers just meeting strangers at the grocery store in the gym and from my phone I feel like it's because of that that's the root cause of it and the the speed at which I'm watching things clicking things tapping things

things typing things posting you know it's like a very it's like a little it's like a little canyon that what am I saying it's like a fucking machine gun that's all day long with my thumb just poking around bopping around and picking it up putting it down getting back to work doing it again and just like all day long so I'm taking note of that in my life right now and I'm trying to do something about it and trying to I'm course correcting or whatever but um back to the Alex murder case oh my fucking shit state of south carolina versus richard alexander murder murder is an ongoing american criminal case in the 14th district of south carolina circuit court which murder is accused of the murders of his wife and their 22 year old son in june 2021

so this documentary series on netflix starts with this boat crash uh paul murdaugh the youngest son there's paul buster maggie and alec the fucking pronunciation pisses me off i could not stop thinking about that the entire series i'm like they're interviewing people and they're mentioning his name i'm like i don't get the c alec when it's alex alex alex like you know did anyone else feel that way I just could not get past that maybe it's a southern thing Alec let's just I'll just just I'll just say it I won't keep mentioning that but so an Alec Murdon Maggie Alec Buster and Paul the series starts out with Paul crashing the boat uh killing Mallory one of his this they were in high school there's a group of like six of them

uh Paul and his girlfriend um I think it was Anthony and his girlfriend Mallory and then Connor and Maggie Maggie Mallory and there's three m's Maggie Mallory and maddie fuck melanie no um morgan fuck i forget but there's three girls and three guys high school friends paul um the series starts out telling the story of how paul crashed the boat mallory gets hit in the head and she drowns and dies and paul because he's a murder and there there's like a they're uh his dad's and his whole lineage is a big name in the town for they're a bunch of lawyers or whatever um this kind of gets swept under the rug and it's crazy like when they went to the hospital Alec and his dad or his lawyer Randolph show up

and they're like trying to warp things and say that connor was driving the boat and they're trying to get everyone to say that connor was driving the boat so paul wouldn't get in trouble and so it paints this whole picture of how the son was a drunk ass and um i guess let me speed you up to why this is even being this picture is even being painted when the murder of maggie and paul happened in june 2021 and the cops show up alec murdoch is immediately giving a theory as to how he thinks this happened or who's behind this he goes you know i i could play the why don't i just play the body cam footage have you guys watched this are you even paying attention to this is this all um nudie i don't know just like watch the netflix

thing was really well done i have to say um alex murdaugh body cam you know because of the scene i do i did go get a gun and bring it down here it's in your vehicle do you have any guns on you at all no sir it's leaning up against the side of my car you're you're fine man you're fine turn around for me i don't have any okay yes sir i see that okay this is your wife and son okay this is the firearm you brought from inside the house sir yes sir i went again this is a long story my son was in a boat wreck a few months back he's been getting threats most of it's been benign stuff we didn't take serious um you know he he's been getting like punched um i know there's

somebody i know that's what it is okay when did you get home right right when you called or did you go to the house okay so that's him sorry um immediately like explaining what he think happened or like someone was coming after paul from you know maybe it was one of the friends in the boat or someone in the town that knew about the boat crash is you know obviously enraged that he didn't go to jail for that killing Mallory and so he goes it's a long story immediately says that I just feel like okay this is my take when you watch I feel like he's in my opinion guilty because of the dog kennel video there's also this video that came out from Paul's phone the murders happened at like let's say around nine right 9 p.m and at like 8 44 p.m

there's a video of Paul filming a dog at the dog kennels that they're big they have this big estate with uh barns and like a big kennel thing because Paul was into the dog kennel thing like for hunting dogs because Paul was into hog hunting and anyways that's off at the back of the property somewhere and there's a video at 8 44 p.m where Paul's filming one of the dogs in the kennel this is right before he got shot and you can hear Maggie and Alec the mom who got shot and the dad Alec in the background you can hear his voice and people have confirmed yes that is Alec Murda's voice um that's what he sounds like whatever they've like testified and said that so that's like to me how do you explain that he was saying that he went to his parents his elderly parents

um he went off I don't know if it was like at a retirement home or something but he was visiting them because his mom I think has dementia or he was off doing that while this was going down then he came home couldn't find them in the house and then went out there and then found them dead it's like 15 minutes before they were pronounced dead according to the how do they i'm like new to this shit and new to the true crime stuff and the specific like terminology and details but how do they know when were the cops called it was like 10 something i guess they were shot around nine or let me look at the thing um basically what i'm saying is there's audio of him in the background of the dog video 15 minutes before the murders happened and when the cops

show up he's like immediately this is okay this is the needle in the coffin or nail in the coffin for me like if I was a juror he isn't if I was to walk in on my mom and brother shot to death I'd be in the fetal fucking position in shock I don't need I think I'd be throwing up I'd be shitting I don't know what I would not just be able to tell a clear story like he would and everyone's different everyone reacts different but his he wasn't like it didn't seem like he was you kind of hear it in his voice it's like honey you know he's got this clear racing heart and he's worked up and it kind of sounds like he's crying but just the fact that he went in with this is a long story

it's fucking weird but there's also in the documentary it breaks down how like his t-shirt had um something from the gun on it or the splatter from the blood splatter I don't know had something some kind of uh droplet on it from the murder scene that basically would put him right there when it happened so I think he's he's getting locked up for uh for life I I don't I mean I don't know how long this is gonna last but um there's also a bunch of scandals with like his sons like rumor his son Buster was rumored to have a he was oh my god it's like what where do I even start there's so many layers to this the Paul crashes the boat and kills Mallory and Mallory dies it's not like he killed her it was uh what do you call that um caused death a boat crash that

caused death he was the driver um whatever so that happens and then that's just terrible like she just watching that first episode i was like she was just such a light like you could tell she was one of those types of um people where they walk in a room they light it up and she was just so full of like energy and made people laugh and just i don't know just her her vibe was so like light and and fun and i just feel like yeah i didn't fucking it was hard to watch really this why i'm new to true crime but like it fucks me up like it hurts um my little heart and soul to watch this stuff and to think about it after but it's kind of hard not it's hard to look away honestly it's one of those

things I'm kind of like okay I get why people watch this shit now but it's also like hard it's hard to stomach so Paul crashes about that happens and then um there's a they're like cleaning lady fell and hit her head on the steps at their house and died and they said it was because she fell and tripped over their dogs um but there was like damage to her ribs and shit as if there had been an altercation or something more than just her falling and tripping over the dogs that was something weird that kind of got swept under the rug or he sued himself alec murder suit himself and then the brothers or sons of that cleaning lady were supposed to get a bunch of money from that and ended up never getting it so that was all fraudulent and fucked

up and he pocket I don't remember how much money it was and then there was also a death of a Stephen I think his name was Stephen a boy in their high school who was gay a strange death that went cold um this kid was found in the middle of the road apparently allegedly buster and him had a private secret relationship a gay relationship and i don't know like they're they're talking about that and they're trying to like piece that together and everyone that was questioned about it was bringing up buster murdoch buster murdoch um tracing it to him and so but again that nothing really came of that um no one was convicted and it just goes to show you like how there's always that i feel like there's always that family um that big name family in a small town that

yeah can literally get away with murder like they use their power um to yeah like make people disappear or get away with like terrible shit and it's evident that that's what this family was doing and just the way they went about like when the murder of Mallory or not the murder when the death of Mallory happened on the boat like Alec and Maggie drove down to the scene past the caution basically like with the cops and the mom of Mallory wasn't allowed to go down there like that's fucking that just shows you like the power they had with the with law enforcement and also like there is some is that a Chinese weather balloon what the fuck hold on not to change the subject here but what's in the sky I live in San

Diego and that's where these UFOs have been spotted that was actually hold on I need to move my microphone and look at this a little closer is that a plane it's kind of bright out like it's something's reflecting in the sky that looks weird I don't know okay so back to the story let me see where was I at um yeah it's just sad it's fucking sad and I think he's guilty I think he's gonna get locked up and put away for life but um because how do you I've I grew up out in the sticks where there's you know like

a lot of room around to get away with shit if you wanted to like I can see how maybe someone snuck on the property and did this and slipped away in the forest right like I feel like the location you know they're it I'm like who would come and who would go and shoot the mom and the son the what Alex said about the boat crash and he was getting threats and you know people in the town didn't like him because of what happened like I don't know why would the mom get shot because here's the thing he was also kicked out Alec Murdoch was kicked out of the family law firm for stealing money from it so he was done he oh my god another fucking layer am I I hope like I'm trying my best right now I'm trying to like recall this documentary and

recall the information that I just watched and and read about but it's kind of all over the place um I'm trying there's so many layers though like he hired a hitman to shoot him in the head and he didn't die a couple months after the murder the murders happened of Maggie and Paul he like and he got kicked out of the law firm he was on the side of the road changing attire called 911 he's like I just got shot in the head it's I'm bleeding bad and he got airlifted and it's like he called so his drug and he was also addicted to opioids that's another layer and his drug dealer showed up to shoot him but I guess he was trying to make it like so that the drug dealer wouldn't get in trouble that Alec he was

trying to stop Alec from shooting himself or something like that like it's fucking crazy so yeah highly recommend watching this series um it's and it's crazy again like it's the trial's happening now the murder's happening back in 2021 but it's like we're watching it in real time like the it's it's just like it's amazing how quick things move on netflix um these true crime shows so yeah um there's also another another thing with his um his t-shirt the house cleaner testified and she's on the stand talking about how the night

of the murder she walked in the kitchen and things were off she immediately noticed like the pots and pans weren't on the stove like they normally normally are after they cook because normally she'll walk into pots and pans and she'll put the food away from the dinner they had but she found them in the fridge with the lids on now that is the most meaning like maggie didn't put them away because maggie wouldn't put them in the fridge like that she would have left them on the stove for the cleaning lady to take care of so that is the most i don't know about you like so i'm guessing the like alec had done all this because her this this is the part i don't understand the cleaning lady also said that

because like a man would put the fucking pots and pans right in the the um fridge like that that's a man thing to do like men don't use tupperware men don't fucking do that shit they just throw it right in the fridge i've seen that a thousand times in my life like if my brother was taking care of putting the the dinner away he thought it would just go straight in the fridge you know or my dad like growing up so the other thing she mentioned is she walked in the kitchen and by the laundry room next to the kitchen Maggie's PJs were on the floor and a pair of underwear like fresh underwear were on top and she she's like Maggie didn't wear underwear with her PJs like that was so odd and they were a fresh pair it was like not strange that they were there

and then she also mentioned that when she went up to the master bedroom it's crazy she had this photographic memory and could recall all of this but that's that that goes to show you I swear like your gut instinct when you see something in the house we walk in and it's off your gut instinct tells you to remember everything or that that's if that was me or if if I walked into that and I noticed things were off I would I would be doing what she did taking notes um so yeah she walked into the master bedroom and there was like a wet towel pile of clothes by the bathtub like something with the in the closet like a shirt had been pulled down and then he also I think later on after the scene was cleared and a little bit of time went on i guess he had maggie or not maggie

excuse me the house cleaner and alec had a conversation and he was trying to like gaslight her into um thinking or saying that he wasn't wearing or he was wearing the white t-shirt or not wearing the white t-shirt or something like that he had a polo shirt last time she saw him before the murders he was wearing a polo shirt the night of the murders he was wearing the white t-shirt that had the splatter shit on it so making it look like he had changed his shirt um or whatever like to get rid of or i don't fucking know how like what the reason behind that would be but the fact he was trying to get her to say something the different was weird so um like if she was asked about it um and she said all that on the

stand how she was first confused like no you're wearing the polo shirt and then and there's a video another fucking thing came out Paul's snapchat story apparently had he was posting on snapchat of was uh there was a video of his of Alec that day earlier that day with like a tree he was like messing with a tree wearing the blue polo shirt so he had changed it into I don't know it's like all these little details um are so interesting and it's just it's amazing I think what it is for me is I've never really watched crime shows um I've never really followed these things because I get scared easily and sad and I've talked about that I was talking about a a month or so back about the Idaho murder case and that was kind of like the first one I dove

deep into and now this one I'm pretty in deep with and um I also got in deep or I went in deep with the the boyfriend I forget their names the guy the they went on a road trip and um it was like a boyfriend and a girlfriend and she he murdered her and then like was found in like Florida in a swamp or some shit so that was like a couple years ago um but yeah now I'm like into it it's kind of my new thing because I was saying earlier I don't know if I completed the thought I probably didn't I used to live alone and I can't if I'm alone in bed at night I'm not watching true crime I'm not watching even sometimes action movies are too much for me like I'm watching two bears one cave I'm watching the

h3 podcast I'm watching like I'm watching podcasts on YouTube or like YouTube vlogs or like Jacqueline Hill doing a makeup video or like I'm watching some light-hearted shit I never watched Netflix the only time I watch in my adult life literally the only time I watched Netflix um and like shows and series series is um just go with it it's word and Netflix series is that how do you pluralize series series um was when I was in a relationship and with like a boyfriend and I'm like next to them because they're there to protect me if I get scared or whatever. Like I, I just, that's how I am. So, um, yeah, it's my like new chapter in life. Um, I have the chipper come to the office, came to the office. Windshield Craper. I think

he talked to text. Sorry. I'm reading Corey's text. Windshield Craper is here at house. I have chipper come came to the office so I guess the ice scraper is it didn't get delivered here it got delivered to his office okay I'm gonna say okay I will um moving on so I went shopping on sun what day was it was so rainy we're like what should we do Corey was at a bachelor party last weekend um came home and we were like having it was like a rainy day and we're like what do we fucking do I think we yeah we just went to the mall and I have a Sephora gift card I need to use and I went in there for a couple things and came out empty-handed because it's all sold out because I saw it on TikTok and everything's it's all it's because

they're excuse me they're like the most trendy things you could buy and they're and everyone's like me and everyone's trying to buy it so and I also walked out because it was a zoo like everyone thought that day it's raining like I don't know what to do I'm bored like let's just go shopping or something so I was elbow to elbow in there it was hot sweaty like just too many people um yeah I don't go to the mall ever and I don't think I'll go back like I online shop okay I'm sure you do too but like going into a store now like sephora is a good one to go to because if you want to test you need to test the makeup or i like to at least i don't have to return it if i order it online so

it's just yeah people parking lots parking walking around busyness chaos it's kind of overwhelming sometimes like good people watching for sure but um i ended up going to nordstrom and i bought a white nike sports bra with makeup a makeup stain on it for full price and i got a fucking white mock neck nike t-shirt that i stained myself when i tried it on um for full price i walked out with two nike items um that's what i got when we went shopping i didn't get makeup at sephora i got fucking a sports bra on a t-shirt with makeup on it the lady's like do you want me to go bring this downstairs the seam seamstresses i'm at nordstrom it's just like that they're so fucking nice they're like they'll do anything for you that's nordstrom is hands down

my favorite department store like i've never not had a great experience they're just so accommodating and they're not pushy and they don't try to sell you anything they're just like do you need to go into the into the changing room with 47 things go ahead i'll be here to help you with anything you need you know if you need a new size i'll be right here outside your door peeking in i already know you need a new size before you ask like that's how it fucking is um but she's like do you want me to take this down to the seamstress and see if they can wash it out and my fucking homemaker ass is like oh i take care of these makeup stains all the time on my white stuff i know this all this needs is a little oxy spray and a little bleach wash on cold and it'll come

right out like I didn't even put up a fight sometimes I'm just like when I know my as a homemaker as a housewife like I know when I see a stain on a shirt I know if I can get it out or not and I just didn't want to have to make Corey wait for me to go get a fucking stain he was down at the men's shoe department I don't want him to have to wait for me to get a stain out of it out of a sports bra like you know just like I'll just do it at home I'm actually wearing it right now it's pretty comfortable um like a classic Nike sports bra just it's slick it's sleek it's slick it's clean it's pristine when you're when you I feel like you see someone running down the street with a Nike sports bra on and a pair of Nike shorts like

that's just the that's just that's the that's the look you want to have okay um or for me at least I like especially if you have like a neon pair of shorts with like the white Nike sports bra speaking of running um in body in body image news in body uh shaming news i was the thing is is okay i've been running for like a month and a half consistently i've talked about this on like the last 10 episodes like why i'm running okay go listen to the last episodes If you want to know why I'm running, there's a little teaser for you. Okay. Um, I've been running consistently. I ran 20 miles last week. Okay. It's been like a few miles a day for a

month and a half. And Corey comes home from his bachelor party trip and makes a little comment. Okay. Cause I've been miss, I've been miss, uh, booty workout, fucking hip thruster girl since April last year where I'm like only lifting weights, only doing big, heavy hip thrusts and working on my glutes. Okay. But all of a sudden I start running. Right. So he made a little comment about my ass being flatter. What did he say? He's like, it just, it's, it's like not as bubbly as or big and juicy as it used to be a month and a half ago so like I don't know we laughed about it because like he knows why I'm running and he's like proud of me and um I was telling him how much I ran last week he's like holy shit I need to start doing that and like he's very supportive

as a boyfriend but it was funny I was like he's right though like it's crazy how running just your ass goes bye-bye see ya or for me at least like the only way I can run and keep a big bubbly juicy fat fucking ass on myself is if I'm doing like runs like okay let's say I do a run Monday Wednesday Friday and like a Tuesday Thursday heavy lift and then when I'm running I end with a sprint like if you look at a sprinter's ass compared to like the endurance runners like they have a juicy ass it's it's so yeah I have to I have to keep my sprinting up so I don't lose the glutes, you know? So anyways, I'm like really proud of myself. I feel like I had a goal to, um, yeah, improve my endurance of my lungs. And I'll just tell you now, I started

running about a month and a half ago cause I was, I'm, my lungs are fucked from vaping and, um, I wanted to push myself hard on the treadmill and really kick some ass every morning in the gym that way and do cardio for a while until I could get my endurance and my lung strength up. And I'm there. I'm fucking there. When I go run five miles now, it's like a cakewalk. And I like, here's the thing. The reason people are like, first of all, do whatever workout you enjoy doing. Like people talk so much shit about cardio and like don't be a cardio bunny and like don't kill yourself on the treadmill for an hour and run it's like do what you like doing because you'll you'll be consistent at that right I have always ever

since I started working out at a traditional gym I've always been a treadmill bitch I've always loved running on the treadmill can't explain it most people don't get it if you get it you get it right um the girls are gonna get it gorgeous gorgeous girls run on the treadmill what's that like what's the latest like gorgeous girl gorgeous gorgeous girls thing like is there a new phrase out there um it's like there's a song that everyone's tiktoking to it's like um if you be the cash i'll be the rubber band if you'll be the match i'll be the fuse boom something like that if you be the cash I think it's a Miguel song but it's like sped up anyways um the reason I like the treadmill is because I can okay let me sit up straight I'm

like fucking all over the place right now hold on the thing is with my the chair I sit in is the wheels roll over my rug and they don't roll smoothly and it's always like bunched up so whenever I scoot in I like can't scoot in and I haven't done anything about it I just constantly fight it so oh my god there's a hole in the rug from doing that I just noticed there's literally a hole wow love that for me okay so I like running on the treadmill because I get especially the gym because I can adjust the time or excuse me the speed the incline and I feel like I can push myself harder and I like having an audience I like having an audience behind me okay I like the fact that there's people on the treadmills around me that I'm secretly competing against

and out running and doing better than and having better form than and okay that helps me uh get through my run and just yeah like having the I'm personally competitive but like everything to me is competition so like if someone gets on the treadmill next to me I'm gonna be on there longer than they are every single like I just have a it's dumb like I just have that in me it's not dumb it's just how I'm wired so or if they're on speed six I'm on speed 6.5 or like no that's kind of I was that stupid to admit like it helps me have a better workout when other people around me are running and watching and um there's also a mirror in front of me and I like look you know it's like nice to like see yourself in your form when you're running um I like running outside too

don't get me wrong it's just especially now that it's cold it's kind of nice to run in the gym inside and um yeah what what was I gonna say oh yeah sometimes like okay my favorite thing also is like running on the boardwalk with a bunch of people like a huge audience watching because they're everyone's like you're bobbing and weaving around people and like I don't know I just feel like a superhero so nothing makes me feel more like a superhero than running like hip thrusting is like like lifting weights like you look great you look like literally uh you're building your body like a superhero you're getting muscular but like the feeling of running is like flying I don't know. You're like, I feel more athletic. I feel more limber, feel more fit.

I guess combining that with lifting is good. And that's what I've been doing lately. So enough on that. Um, Kanye remarried. Someone's like, yeah, Kanye remarried a girl or got remarried to a girl that looks like him. I had never heard about that. I don't know if you heard about that. i have a note here to talk about it don't really care i looked up the picture and there's like one picture of this woman i think she's like a creative director some shit for like adidas or yeezy or some shit good for him i don't fucking like what's the latest on kanye did they find him is he still missing like he's remarried wait let me type in kanye remarried um bianca sensori she's kimberly noelle oh no it's kim kardashian

yeah i haven't really heard anything i don't care i'm like when i look this up i'm like i don't care moving on did you guys see dk metcalf's vertical was that fake dk metcalf vertical jump video um let me watch it again video analysis if it's real or fake let's see here it's obviously fake but it's just crazy when you see it hold on let me watch it again it's so fake it's so i don't even know why i'm even questioning if it's real

wait let me watch it again if you don't know DK Metcalf is he's a wide receiver for the Seattle Seahawks wide receiver right specimen of a human being um speaking of superhero he's got like a superhero body like perfectly chiseled and every proportion is like a perfect proportion and muscle tone and it honestly looks real okay i'll get wait i'm watching it like 10 times so he throws the football he kind of floats when he catches it you can't jump off one foot with that kind of he jumped off two feet yeah everyone's thinking it's fake oh he's six four he jumped he jumps

12 the ball and his hand when he jumps is up he's six four it's at 12 feet five inches it's fake come on fake but good now these are a bunch of tweets has to be fake Shirley why am I talking about this what else should I talk about um yeah like my life lately has been like Corey's been on a he's been on a couple trips over the last couple weekends I've been home alone with the dogs I'm taking care of the dogs I'm working I'm podcasting I'm oh my god let me talk about how yesterday like all we did was eat um oh I've been golfing obviously going to the driving range I've been getting rid of my getting rid of my clothes at the consignment store

um I'm actually kind of sick today to be honest like I have some sort of throat thing happening and I don't really know why or where it's coming from but um I'm pretty sure I was like Corey do you feel sick he was just on this bachelor trip he's like no I feel great I'm like maybe he gave me something from Mexico I hope not I don't know but he was just there and he was around a bunch people and who the fuck knows but um I just hope like I feel like I'm I'm feeling something coming on that this is the thing about getting sick if it takes a dark turn and progresses the next day you wake up it's like oh fuck it's here to stay so I'm like really hoping it doesn't um but I'm kind of feeling like it could go that way you know so that's what's going on um speaking of

eating everything in sight yesterday that's probably why I feel like shit I and I feel sick honestly um I so yesterday was so Sunday yeah Sunday morning um as usual Corey gets out of bed and takes Louie out and I lay there and I don't get out of bed because I'm like it's Sunday morning I'm not fucking getting up and then he comes back in the room and he's like let's go let's go get coffee like he gets all peppy and you know he has to like I make him cuddle with me first because I'm like I'm not I can't get out of bed unless I've felt your weight and felt your warmth and your love so I make him do that and then we get up and we put on our matching slippers and our sweatpants and we go get coffee and this and I thought on the way there he's like oh I kind of

want a bagel and I was like oh my god that sounds so good so I was like oh I'm gonna I'm gonna get a bagel for sure like as soon as he said that I'm like oh me too so I'm thinking he's getting one right we show up he gets his vanilla infused black coffee I get my regular they know our order we go there all the time it's like the best thing they just like make it before we even show up that's the thing that's where I'm at in life like I I'm a regular like I feel like I'm a regular at my at the driving range I'm a regular at my gym I I feel like I'm a really familiar face there and people know me and talk to me which is like cool because it's a new gym i just started going to and that didn't take very long like the gym i went to before like never talked to anyone no

one fucking knew me like it was weird but this one's like really everyone's like chatty and nice so i feel like i'm a regular there um and i'm really social there so that makes me feel good like i you know and then yeah this coffee shop and also this other place like this a few restaurants that we're regulars at like i don't know that's like a good thing i think if you go if you move to a new city try just go to the same places all the time and become a regular at a few spots um that'll help you like meet new people or if you're in the same city you've been in and you don't really go anywhere or do anything like i think that's healthy if you can kind of like i feel like you it's like i don't know it makes you feel like you're a part of the community and

here like along the what am I saying oh Amazon Prime showing up I really hope they drop off my package today because I'm going to Mammoth and I want it to come here before then um so anyways we walk in they give us our coffees I'm getting a bagel I'm like I'll have a bacon egg and cheese on sourdough bacon egg and cheese on sourdough sourdough please and then he shoves his fucking card in two seconds later and I'm like what you're not getting one he's like no I'm like you you said you were gonna get one and then I went over to the little case and I was like do you want to split a cinnamon roll he said no but like I was two seconds I was pretty close to getting like a pastry too so i go home i shove down my i eat my bacon egg and

cheese we watch it's like obviously we like all we fucking do is watch the golf channel play watch the golf channel i think he was watching like iron man i don't know sunday morning drinking coffee watching random things on tv like i'm eating my bacon egg and cheese we've got the dogs here I sit over on my uh at my desk I start putting my makeup on because we're gonna go to he I dragged him to the consignment store to drop off even more fucking clothes go listen to the last few episodes there's like a whole story about why I have so many goddamn clothes to consign and like why I'm doing it instead of just donating it um just listen to the latest episodes um yeah so then I put my makeup on I like get all ready

I put a little driving range outfit on because we're gonna go there after and we ended up going to so we had our coffee I had my bagel then we went to the farmer's market but before we went to the farmer's market we checked out this little french bistro place and we got another coffee there we got cappuccinos and then they have these incredible pastries in the little display and we're like fuck it let's get one so we split a nutella croissant um literally we we like bought it and then as we're walking to get our coffees because you have to like wait another window we're like eating it there's like a line of people it's just getting ripped apart crumbs everywhere we're eating this in like 14 seconds it's gone before we know it um

then we go to the farmer's market walk around we went there because there's this coat i got there about a month ago and i wanted to get another color in it i ended up deciding not to but like that's why we went there and we ended up walking around talking to some people we knew and then we circle around the back and there's a fucking belgian belgian waffle no belgian fry french fry belgian belgian fries belgian fries fried potatoes what the fuck was it called they were thick cut belgian fries there was a stand and um he's like oh my god this looks so do you want to get them do you want to get them and i was like sure fuck it you know we just had a croissant i had a bagel bacon egg and cheese let's have some fucking fries at 10 a.m at the

farmer's market whatever so we get the garlic aioli to go with it a big thing of ketchup we're walking we're eating the fucking fries okay next thing we know next thing i know we're on the way to the driving range after the consignment store and we're in the mcdonald's drive-thru we're in the mcdonald's drive-thru and i was like it's literally like not even noon okay and i'm like we almost got food okay we went there because i was like i really want to diet coke why am i sick today but why do i feel like shit well here's your answer okay um food is medicine this was like poisoning myself right oh jesus christ so um we get it we get a couple diet cokes we almost got cheeseburgers

because we both love a plain mcdonald's cheeseburger that's love if you don't know your boy your boyfriend or your girlfriend's mcdonald's order like you got you need to know that shit that's like that's like yeah that's when you really love someone if you know if you know their mcdonald's order i know he likes a cheeseburger meal two cheeseburgers I remember when I used to work in retail and I'd like you know when you work in retail like you sit out in the parking lot and like take your 30 minute lunch break like sometimes I'd go to McDonald's and just get two cheeseburgers and that would be my lunch and I just sit there with the windows cracked and like I'd take a nap after something you're like did I

even have it did I even have Instagram with social media around when I like what did I do so depressing and you're in your like sweaty work outfit that's when I worked at coach but like coach outlet in Burlington Washington like that was my job and I worked there when I went to community college and lived at home so but the lunch break is so depressing and so just like lonely and like you could sit you could I could sit in the break room and chomp down on my lunch instead sometimes I do that but like the days when you sit in your car you're like I just don't want to be around people those are kind of it's just gross and I didn't have a nice car like it's just it's you know it's just like it's a fucking parking lot like I hate parking parking lots

are my I hate parking lots and then you're like in your car by yourself I don't know I'm like reminiscing so yeah I would get McDonald's cheeseburgers and just sit there or go to like Panera um yeah so we go to the driving range and then after we're hungry as fuck because we're like hitting bombs right we're really using all of our fucking physical power and every muscle grip in our body to hit these balls right we're really working up a good sweat at the driving range we're getting real fucking hungry because those waffle fries are wearing off okay that big bacon egg and cheese is wearing off okay the uh the goddamn croissant we used all that fucking food up at the driving range right so we're like let's let's eat again what did we order oh yeah we

ordered um we went to it's called board and brew we got a turcotta we got like big turkey sandwiches with extra turkey i got a cookie on the side you got some chips that's not that bad like a turkey sandwich we're literally walking we pick it up on the way home and we eat it at home and we're walking in the house and he's like oh yeah like this is our first cory goes he's like this is the first meal of the day we've had like this is our first regular meal of the day like we haven't really eaten today and i'm like are you fucking like i don't know whenever i have like random bullshit like waffle fries at 10 a.m croissants bacon egg and cheese sandwiches like i i'm like i guess that's not that bad but like it just i felt

like we already ate a bunch of shit um and then these sandwiches are so filling like they're literally like six inches tall because we had so much goddamn turkey packed in there because we got double turkey and within 10 seconds of finishing he goes you know what would go great with this a cookie and the the cookie isn't a cookie okay we are chemically our bodies are chemically addicted to this cream witch from Manhattan Beach Creamery shout out Manhattan Beach Creamery it's called the cream which it's a uh ice cream sandwich a chocolate chip ice cream sandwich dipped in chocolate and the kind we're addicted to right now is the salted caramel flavor and um he goes you know he's like

you know what tastes great with this this turkey sandwich and mind you I just had a chocolate chip cookie with my sandwich so he's like you have 10 seconds to answer or the it's gonna go away it's not we're not gonna do it because we have this thing where like if he mentions like let's get fro-yo or like if I say that or let's get the cookie because it's like this this cookie we go get the cream which thing um if we do too much teeter-tottering and we don't make the decision quickly we won't do it it'll be like gone so we have to be quick we have to like not if we overthink the decision where if we're like oh we shouldn't do it we shouldn't do it then we won't do it but like if we just say fuck it quickly then we'll do it and so i immediately was like

sure fine whatever even though i had one the night before these things are like so rich they're huge the cookies are like homemade fresh baked chocolate chip cookies ice cream is like really good quality um yeah so we got that and then we were supposed to go out to sushi with his parents and i we were laying in bed like taking a fucking comatose nap after we what did we watch on the tv we ended up finishing the murder murder murder i can't even fucking say it we watched that um we finished that series the murder murder scandal thing on netflix and then passed out and took a nap and then i i called off the dinner i was like wait because we were supposed to meet his parents

like another 45 minutes to an hour or something i was like i was like are we still going to sushi he's like fuck no i'm not eating i'm so full and we didn't eat for the rest of the night i think that was like at 4 30 um we were so fucking full so um yeah it was just one of those days i made him tea we made i'm making tea when i read my book before bed it's my little ritual that i've been getting into so we had we had um yogi stress relief kava tea for dinner um to round out the day that's how i am though like honestly we could have gotten dinner because i'm like at this point fuck let's just round what else could we shove in to really complete this fuck it eating day you know but it just i hate that feeling of being like

so fucking full and you're like all i need today is fried like carby sugary shit um here and there it's fine obviously but um I actually had a moment okay let me just speaking of food and obviously I've or not obviously I've talked about literally once on my I have like a podcast maybe it's like 15 episodes ago called my eating disorder story so I and I maybe mentioned it here and there after that but I this fucking pinch me weird full circle moment um the other night when I got I ordered tacos because I was like it was like Friday night Corey was gone I was like I don't want to cook I'm like food by myself like I want to order food so I literally was like eating tacos in bed and I had one taco and I had and two came in the package Jesus Christ and the episode

chocolate i'm getting tired holy fuck um two came in the styrofoam like to go container two tacos rice and beans and then i got three rolled tacos on the side they're like taquito things with guacamole and cheese on top so the full circle moment is like i ate one taco and then i had one rolled taco and i was like i'm good i'm full as fuck you'd have to pay me to finish this and my former self would have eaten all of that in one sitting and then I would have like gotten some dessert or maybe kept snacking all night and like watching tv and it's crazy because like peak eating disorder if I had a day where I was eating like if I had like or excuse me if I ever like ordered tacos or something or like Mexican food it was like oh this is like I'm

being bad or like oh this is like not good for me or whatever and there's something about my brain where I'd have to like finish all of it and then start fresh the next day and that was like the the hamster wheel I was always on like eat a bunch of bullshit diet for like a week or like over exercise to work it off and like it just it constantly ruled my life so the full circle like crazy like life gets better moment I had is I'm sitting there in bed putting the food back in the the plastic bag came in the leftover food like I'm full like I'm not gonna finish this and I'm not even thinking about getting dessert or like I'm good and that's the place I always wanted to get to in life like I always wanted to get to the my dream was to get to the point where I'm like

a normal eater and I could just like eat what I want in moderation like get full and not like be obsessive and like think I need to clean the plate off you know so um like that happened yesterday I was full as fuck I called the dinner I was like I called off sushi you know like in a way I kind of did that yesterday too it was like 4 30 and I didn't eat the rest of the day because of what all the food we ate you know I feel like that's I'm proud of that progress in my life or like well you know I'm just funny how like you go so long have your brain is wired a certain way around food and your body and dieting like I'd say from 15 years old to like 26 and like the last couple years it's been

amazing not having my brain's like a new brain so or I just have like new those um um thought patterns are erased now like it doesn't spiral all the time like it used to so yeah it's kind of cool how that is um and my only advice like not to make this about like eating disorders and like i don't know who i'm talking to out there and i don't i don't know if this is you but i if you are someone that's like constantly worried about food and body and diet and exercise and all that kind of shit and it rules your life and or you're in denial like you have like a because i used to be like that i used to be like orthorexic like no this is healthy like this is this is for my health but then it got like i was in too deep where i was like

like eating clean to the point where like every time i ordered a restaurant i was like i was that person like getting the side of broccoli and a piece of salmon instead of just ordering like something off the menu you know um my only advice and the only honestly the only thing that worked for me was time letting time run its course and because it's a lot of trial and error trying to not think about food all the time or like trying to let yourself eat whatever you want and do it in moderation because what I would do is I would try to like buy stuff that I was scared of eating or like knew that if I bought it I'd eat all of it in one sitting and then I'd try to like eat in moderation then I'd fucking finish all of

it and then I'd feel like a failure but over time I think the more reps and I got of like being around I guess you call them your fear foods or like your the bad foods in your head um yeah over time it just I just it I became a normal eater or like I just I don't even honestly it's weird like I think it was the pandemic I gained a bunch of weight I kind of ate whatever I wanted and didn't really give a fuck during that time I think that's what helped heal me because an element of why am I on this topic are we gonna end the episode what time is it um sorry I'm just kind of thinking about how I've come full circle with my food and eating disorder shit like not being public facing during that time and like out in an office with like

co-workers because I wasn't working and I was living at home by myself like that kind of helped because I I didn't feel like I would have felt really insecure if I gained a bunch of weight and I was trying to heal from an eating disorder around I don't know like that's just me being honest so I was able to do it like the comfort of my own home and like no one really saw me in my fat sweatpants like sitting on the couch eating a lot of popcorn and like chocolate and like saying fuck it every day and trying to like heal from an eating disorder like no one saw that and I I wasn't intent the thing is to be honest I wasn't intentionally doing it I just kind of I think I just I did start talking to a therapist that year I did I taught and she she's the one

like officially like or was it a psychiatrist I forget who I was talking to like kind of diagnosed it they're like yeah you have um I don't want to say what type it was I honestly had like literally name any eating disorder I had it literally every single one I've dabbled I'm like I know so much about food and like every diet and every like ever I know too much shit about health and holistic living and optimizing the human body and like biohacking and like all the shit you see like Andrew Huberman post about like I nerded the fuck out to that my entire 20s up until like a couple years ago and not that I don't care now it's just like I've heard it all seen it all tried it all done it all you know squeeze the fresh ginger every morning and like juiced and I've you know

what I mean like I've fucking done it all and so I guess part of my recovery was not researching that shit and listening to those podcasts and like if I started listening to like no offense like the Skinny Confidential love that podcast I love Lauren Bostic shout out Lauren Bostic and her husband I love Dear Media I love but like a lot of the times during that era of me healing like Lauren and Michael be interviewing someone they'd be talking about like health and holistic living and like wellness and like dieting and like the 80-20 rule and all this and I just like it triggered me I was like I'm not I can't listen to this stuff anymore so that was part of it like not consuming that kind of content not but yeah um anyways fuck

it's like one in three women are you know have an eating disorder or something now I mean that's a stat so I'm sure someone's this is helping someone listening right there and I know men do I mean I'm not men do too um so yeah how do I want to wrap this I don't really did I finish that segment I need to puppies are passed out I probably need to take them out for a walk um um drink a bunch of water i don't want to wake up sick tomorrow i don't want to wake up feeling like shit so i'm gonna do that the last thing i had on here is kendall jenner and bad bunny is that like a new relationship

that just popped off or what like i don't who's bad bunny is bad bunny a rapper was she seen kissing him in the club or something is that what i heard kendall jenner and bad bunny are hanging people.com they're hanging out together and having fun says source oh wow okay i see it bad bunny what i've never i thought bad bunny was that one like chick from catch me outside who's that chick the dr phil girl catch me outside girl bad baby oh she's bad baby bad bunny's a rapper bad bunny is he from Mexico Puerto Rican he's

Puerto Rican what's it okay what's his face look like without all the like theatrics and the sunglasses and the hat I just seem to see like a bare-faced like or just like you know a normal pick because I want to see if I if I see them together or not um he kind of looks like her it kind of he kind of looks like Brody Jenner to be honest um in a way like the facial hair his eyes are a little closer together than Brody's though um um didn't she date Derek Booker is that his name Derek Booker oh shit she likes it's kind of a similar vibe bad bunny and derrick booker devin booker excuse me i don't follow basketball i don't really fucking know the names of the players except um

dk matt calfsmith here i'm not a dumb bitch i i know a few things about sports but like i don't really remember names that well all i know is that um wessel westbrook needs to change his name i will never say it right? Russell Westbrook. Russell Westbrook. Russell Westbrook. Russell Westbrook. Every time I say it and I, or every time I attempt to say it or try to say it out loud, it's like Russell Westbrook. So Devin Booker and Bad Bunny have a, I guess, let me put their pictures next to each other um bad bunny this is your this is your little pop culture um kardashian update for the podcast okay um okay here's him here's okay so facially let's look at the brows let's start

the brows oh my god she has a type kind of here when I see this wait okay wait this is kind of straight wait let me move my microphone so like the eyebrows are similarly straight and kind of like the tail of them kind of like trails off the same the eye distance oh my god they have a negative canthal tilt they both do wait his is devin booker has a more negative canthal tilt if you don't know what that is um sorry look it up it's like when your eye angle is more angled down than up like cat eyes are more angled up that's like a positive canthal tilt a negative canthal tilt is a lower they like droop to the side so bad bunny's got a more positive canthal tilt but their eye distance I've looked up I'm on this side of TikTok where like people break down facial

structure and like face aesthetic stuff and I think it's really interesting because like like I'm a girl and like that's like it's like I I post selfies and I see pictures of like people all the time and I'm like always trying to like break down like why their face is so beautiful and like why mine doesn't look like no I'm kidding like not really though like I think I know too much about face aesthetics because of social media and like I you know what I mean like everyone's always talking about like their filler and their Botox or shit and I like I like kind of nerd out to it sometimes so that's just a little bit about me um and my unhealthy social media usage and um comparison

to people that um I don't know what I'm saying I think it's weird like I stare at and you probably you do this too like we look at so many people online now where like I feel like without even thinking about it we're like always studying faces or like your mind is always analyzing faces and like just face structure and like eye distance and like or at least mine is like i'm high i've kind of always been hyper aware of beauty maybe and what makes a face beautiful or like sometimes i'll see a person talking i'm like their mouth is the same exact mouth is like brad pitt but it's like their entire upper half of their face is different but like if you put your hand over their eyes and nose and saw them

talking you think it's brad pitt like do you ever notice shit like that or like oh the way their like eyebrows move is like the same as Drew Barrymore but like she has different a different nose it's weird like certain features on faces can be like copy and pasted on other people it's always a mind fuck when I see that like think of the way Drew Barrymore talks think of her little lisp and her mouth like I've met people with that same thing but it's not Drew Barrymore but they have that same kind of thing it's so weird like i have what would i have that might be i think maybe my maybe my slight lispy thing i don't know what do i have like do i have anything someone else might have it's crazy i fucking even talk about this and notice it but

derrick book devon devon they have similar eye distance i'm looking at their face because i'm like does kendall they have a oh my god their fucking nose wait bad bunny's nose bad bunny's got a better or it's better he's got a better nose bridge or just skinnier okay wait now i gotta look at lips okay full lips um different cupid's bow that's a little like thing on your upper lip the little like dip see i know i know that about myself my cupid's bow is like i would pronounced or not pronounced it's like it's not flat i have like a pointy cupid's bow um what else do they have similar jawline kind of i don't know they look kind of similar i get it i

get i get my kendall jenner's into bad bunny if she she when did her and devin break up devin booker he kind of has a baby face like whenever i see him i'm like kind of look like a man child yeah so anyways actually i'm seeing a picture of them next to each other and they don't they they don't look that similar bad bunny and devin booker but i don't know that was a fun little segment right um i forget the account on tiktok but this guy like literally breaks down like when the jaw angle is 45 degrees and the eye angle is 27 degrees it's perfect symmetry of the face and so like literally one time i like took a fucking side profile pic of myself and

i was like okay what are my angles and i'm like now hyper aware of my fucking jawline and it's not like it's bad or anything it's just like I don't know I love learning the thing is is okay let's let's reframe this and make it positive I create content I make podcasts right but I also take pictures of myself a lot and I post them online a lot and that's kind of my just like millions of other people out there that's just kind of like a daily practice okay i see my face a lot on a screen so why not know about it why not know about facial aesthetics and symmetry and shit like who the fuck like it doesn't need to be like oh that's weird or like you're in too deep or like

care too much about what you look you're so self-absorbed and so into your looks it's like i don't think that's a negative thing when you look good you feel good okay if you like the way look that's like step one favorite quote from logan paul i don't remember when it came out i think it was on impulsive impulsive he's like fitness is the first step to greatness and i think fitness yes being a fit person a fit body person being healthy is first step to greatness i agree with that and i also think that if you like how you look that's like gonna help you so much in life than constantly looking in the mirror and fucking hating yourself. So yeah, I give a shit how I look. I like how I look. I'm not going to

sit here and be like, eh, I don't obsess about it. Like sometimes I, sometimes I all admit, yeah, I'll, I'll watch these videos and I'll go take a side profile pic and I'll look up like the jawline or the fucking angle. Um, yeah, but again, it's cause my god damn you know it's like at the end of the day none of this shit matters do whatever the fuck you want nerd out to whatever the fuck you want like it could be the most cringy thing like what i just i feel like what i just admitted is kind of cringy and kind of like oh shit but there's like literal estheticians out there facial plastic surgeons um people that do like inject like professional injector ladies that know all

about this stuff they podcast about it that's their whole world they that's their thing and it's not weird i don't know why i just feel weird like talking about it because i felt like a weird i guess because it's like me admitting that i'm like studying my face and like that makes me sound so self-absorbed and obsessive like or vain i guess the word is vain i think i am i don't think that's i think it's like i'm not i like to take good care of myself and i think again when you looking when you look good you feel good and I like to feel good so why do I even need to explain this to anyone Corey thinks I'm too humble that's another topic I think I'm fucking

I don't know why but I tend to I have this fear about being too cocky and like I don't want to ever be annoying and like cocky and arrogant and like I don't want people to think I'm full of shit and I think I'm better than other people and like I never ever want to come across that way that's like I don't even know why I've put thought into that like not wanting to come across that way because like at the end of the day you can't control how people perceive you you can try it the hardest you can try your best no matter what you do people aren't gonna like it so I think my past podcast host version of myself or whatever was kind of caught up in like I'm just a regular girl with

a podcast and I you know and I kind of saw myself short and I wouldn't really because the reason I'm bringing this up is I think when lately if I talk to people about my podcast or if I introduce myself and talk about what I do I kind of play this off cool and I I kind of I don't really do a good job at like or I don't make it sound like I make it sound like it's no big deal you know what I mean even though this is literally my fucking passion and my favorite thing to do ever and like my like career path of choice for my future like this is what I want to do forever like I don't know I kind of I just play small and I kind of get shy about like I don't want I don't

I don't know why because I am so proud of this I'm so you know I believe that I'm a successful podcast host and I should preach that and talk about it and be proud of that instead of being so like humble and go it's just this little thing I do on the side it's like no why do I have to play it down why do I have to do that so that's something I'm working on um because I don't when someone tells me about their shit that they're that they do or their business or their thing and they're like pumped up and talking there I'm not like oh they're so cocky so arrogant there's like a difference there's like a way to there's a there's like a a vibe or a you could just there's a you can tell a different in the person's delivery of what

they're saying if they're like being arrogant about it and cocky or if they're just like confident and you know like know their shit so um anyways i don't know if that's like an overshare but what don't I talk about on here like should I I have this question here or I was looking at Hannah Berner's a stand-up comedian podcast host that I followed for a while and she does these street interviews with people like she'll just put a microphone up to people in the street and ask them a funny question and like um I got inspired by a couple of the questions she asked recently and like speaking of oversharing I was going to talk about how I washed my ass in the shower she asked she's like do you wash your butt in the shower that was her question and like this

guy's like yeah I really get in there or something like that or he's like I'm out here and I'm in there or I'm really in there and um another question question I thought about answering today was the most embarrassing thing I pretended to like for a man um I'll just answer these and then so we'll answer we'll finish this episode by um what a crazy ass chain of events that went down here I'm literally gonna go from talking about the weather talking about the Alec Murdoch Murdoch case what else i talk about talking about kendall jenner talking about i feel like i deep dove into something else for a while i'm eating disorder and we're gonna talk

about what we're gonna finish by how i wash my ass in the shower okay if you made it this far you're welcome this is a real fucking treat isn't it okay my the most embarrassing thing i pretended to like for a man hands down and this was a consistent theme in my I've dated a lot of uh European soccer players okay not a lot like uh what was it four and yeah four like I feel like a lot of my 20s was watching European soccer watching Manchester United watching Chelsea watching whatever fucking teams they were into and like pretend just like sitting there with them and like getting into soccer like I didn't want to watch it I didn't care I don't fucking like soccer but I like sit there and pretend and the first couple boyfriends

that I dated that were soccer players like I fucking followed their social the soccer team social media I would like I think I used to tweet about it that's so cringy I think I used to tweet about the games or the soccer matches are they called matches I don't know like I used to pretend I like soccer um a couple stories let's put a pin in that for a sec couple stories just to retell I think because it's been a while I want to catch people up to speed about how I got into podcasting if they're new maybe I'll do that for the next episode at the beginning do like a recap of how I got started um because I feel like I have new list new listeners and you might not know that story. Um, so there's that. And then the story about how, um, Harry Styles went golfing

with one of his high school friends. And then his, that friend tweeted another friend. And then I saw that guy, that other friend's Twitter and thought he was hot. And then I, um, followed him on Twitter. We followed me back and then we talked for like two years and Snapchat and shit. And then we fucking dated and I flew to London went on a train I'm telling the story right now went on a train to Manchester alone traveled across the world to meet a man and dated him long distance all because Harry Styles went golfing with one of his fucking high school friends when we went home after like a tour or something back when like One Direction was popping off and I was following his twitter fucking a like that was a wild ass like that is a fucking probably one of the most

like spontaneous things i've ever done but just but that was one of the guys i dated where i was like pretending i liked soccer the whole time or i didn't really pretend like i he didn't expect me expect me to be like a diehard fan of manchester united like but i was just around it i fucking if I was honest I'd be like I hate this I hate watching soccer I'm not like the only time I like watching is a world cup like the fucking world cup finale game this year was Argentina and uh who was the other team it was such a great game that's when I like watching soccer so um okay so that was the most embarrassing thing I pretend to like for a man now let's talk about washing my ass in the shower do I wash my ass in the shower absolutely how do I do it I mean

I feel like there's only one way to wash your ass in the shower if you use a fucking washcloth I'm sorry like a washcloth I've heard people this is like a topic on podcasts people get into a lot for some reason or I've like heard people talk about how they wash their ass in the shower before and I'm like the washcloth grosses me out so much because i'm like what do you do with the shit stained wash like if i'm not like you have shit in your ass like it's like do you just rinse it off and like wring it out and like throw it do you put it in the dirty like in your laundry bin immediately or do you like hang it out to dry like what do you do with the washcloth um i have a loofah okay i have a loofah okay i have a natural

sponge loofah thing I have that I also have a fucking hand and I use my hand okay there you go how do I wash my ass in the shower I just I feel like it's efficient wipes off clean when you're done you're like I don't know I do how do I wash my body I go top down I wash my legs and feet are last i wash my feet and then i rinse out my no i rinse out my conditioner wash my feet with my natural i have this like eucalyptusy shit for my feet i use it's like a lavendery wash my if you don't wash your feet in the shower start doing it it's like life-changing i feel like not a lot of people wash their feet in the shower um then I wash my ass and all that you know in my um my uh have I ever said vagina on my show

vagina fuck I don't think I've ever said that um yeah and then after I wash my ass and my vagina wash my face and that's it's hair this is how this is how I shower I get in the shower if it's hair wash day I shampoo I rinse out the shampoo apply conditioner because I want to get that conditioner in early now pro tip about conditioner with long hair um rinse your hair out with the rinse the shampoo out and then squeeze the water out of your hair as much as possible so the conditioner goes on like drier hair so that it actually sticks on it because if it's really wet and you put the conditioner on it's it's gonna slip off now another step you could do is put your hair in like a little clip or something on the top of your head so it's not

like so the conditioner is like staying in your hair and it's I don't know I never do that but that's like something you could do if you were try hard um then I wash my face I double cleanse um honestly I'll start with if it's a night shower I brush my teeth first then shampoo then i wash conditioner then i wash my face then body wash wash the bod the whole thing then feet no then i wash my conditioner out then feet should i start with my feet like how should i do this i feel like the feet kind of get cleaned the whole time you know what i mean there's like soap and shit coming off your body onto your feet and the final thing is deep cleanse of the feet and then I get out so yeah um thank you for being here thanks for

hanging out I need to wrap this um I hope you enjoyed today's episode um go watch the Murda murder trial all it's all over TikTok like I've seen a bunch of videos on TikTok if you want to like catch up with it there's obviously the Netflix series um maybe try i'm not gonna tell you what to do maybe try charging your phone uh in the bathroom or in the in the kitchen somewhere away from your bed tonight try it i don't know um i'm on day six doing that and it's been kind of nice to shut my brain off that way and not be on my phone right before bed um subscribe to the podcast if you haven't already i'm on apple spotify stitcher breaker google podcast wherever you listen to podcasts please

subscribe and don't forget to leave a review while you're there please it if you follow me if you keep up with me on instagram stories if you're like a like maybe this is the first time you've listened my podcast and you're like how could I really help out Jacqueline today how could I be of service how could I be a good Samaritan how can I go into the gates of heaven when I die please it takes two seconds go over to the Spotify pot Spotify app if you have it or the Apple podcast app and go to the Jacqueline Monroe show and review the show and you just tap it's like one through five stars tap five stars submit it you don't have to write anything if you don't want to if you write something that's appreciated appreciate appreciated but you

don't have to and submit it and done and that would be like a beautiful thing you could do for me um so please yeah subscribe to the podcast review the show follow me on instagram and tiktok at Jacqueline Monroe um what else love thy neighbor do good in the world be kind it costs nothing to be nice happiness is free okay never forget that don't need to break that down happiness is free it's all mental it starts and ends in the mind your mindset is everything um everything's gonna be okay just tell yourself that if you're going through it right now everything's gonna be okay every hard situation you've ever been and you've gotten out of you've figured it out you're gonna do it again if you're going through it right now you're gonna do it again

you're gonna get to the other side and you're gonna be living free pretty soon okay but again like i said earlier time let time run its course it might not happen overnight but just believe never give up just believe okay keep pushing keep pushing practice that fucking gratitude remember that you're so blessed remember that you got a warm bed a warm meal and a warm roof over your head in these cold fucking winter days in california okay don't forget that okay you're blessed um and depression is selfish because it's all about you what other quotes do i fucking remember i don't know how to end the episode i love podcasting i love you thanks for being here and i'll talk to you next week bye

Thank you.