The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 35- I'm Calm Today

Episode Date: October 8, 2020

Hiii Happy Thursday! I'm soo calm today. This episode was zen af. Hope you're having a great day!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic

What's up? It's episode 35. Welcome back to the podcast. what's up guys it's Jacqueline happy Thursday welcome back to the podcast today is honestly gonna be so honestly it's gonna be so chill so calm I'm I mean in comparison to yesterday I'm feeling like this is gonna be a bedtime story naptime type of episode I just feel so fall I feel so cozy it's kind of gloomy here in San Diego today um for it's finally kind of overcast outside and not 90 degrees so I'm feeling it I just want to you know I've got my candles lit all around me I'm gonna bake some pumpkin bread later you know what I mean it's one of those days it's Thursday and it's such a cozy little morning too like I just felt so

peaceful this morning and calm and it's hard to describe but I don't know if I you know what it is I'm finally I'm like happy for the first time in my life guys I'm really happy I'm very content with my life choices lately. And this whole, this podcast is me just talking about, you know, I'm living life and talking about it. And it's my self mastery course. It's my personal development hero's journey story time every day. I don't know what this is like solo circus. I'm just so emotionally available for you guys every day, telling you all my insecurities, all the shit I'm going through but it is it's that what did I just say dude I don't even know what I just said but it's such a wonderful thing that I've decided to do this and I'm reflecting on that and I'm just

feeling grateful that I I'm committed I made a decision to do this and I'm all in and I've never felt more happy so woo um today's format of the podcast can be a little different I don't know why I'm telling you this it's not like you guys need to know the behind the scenes information but I just feel like I don't know I'm gonna talk about what I did this morning because it's such a good morning and then I'm gonna ding dong ditch into the uh what the hell I need new trend I need new I need a new vocabulary I'm gonna transition into what I did yesterday and we're gonna just talk about this year I want to do a little like reflection time and then look at what I was doing a year ago and how much life is different so just like curl up the book you know curl up with a

blankie. And, uh, yeah, let's chill out today. I don't want to, I don't want to bring you guys the energy like I did yesterday. Every day. I think that's a little too much. Uh, and on my part, it's like, I feel like an athlete that's being over, I'm like over-training if I'm constantly showing up like guys, welcome back to the podcast. You know, I don't, I just can't, I can't sustain that. You guys think I'm going to burn out cause I do this seven days a week, but dude, my game plan, I got a game plan. It's called some days you show up like this and some days you bring the heat and bring that energy it's strategy man strategy I gotta I gotta control energy is everything you know you gotta really preserve it correctly um so anyways let's

talk about what I did this morning uh woke up roll out of bed at 6 20 had a great sleep and I I just rolled over to check my stocks check some shit out on the stock market and that's usually how I wake up I just like roll over with my phone and check shit and then I went and took a cold shower pretty immediately actually like I didn't even drink water I just jumped in the cold shower which is not usually what I do I usually wow I'm really giving you guys a step-by-step behind the scenes here but usually if you want to know the specific details I and go listen to I think it's episode two I literally vlogged it I was like I woke up and podcasted and did every step and that was like yeah I think episode two but today normally what I do is I wake up I like chug or I

excuse me brush my teeth wash my face chug a bunch of water make my coffee let it sit I don't like drink it yet just like make it get those ice cubes kind of going in the ice coffee you know I'm saying I open all my blinds I open all my windows I uh bank my bed cold shower like I do all this stuff right before I podcast um anyways today I just jumped in the shower this is really I want to jump in like I have juicier content to talk about today I don't know why I'm doing this but uh oh we got a husky outside again there's so many huskies in the neighborhood lately cute it's like it's probably it probably has blue eyes I can't see it from this far away but anyways hi people watching time so what was I gonna say oh I made it a conscious decision I

said Jacqueline you're an adult you've done this podcast now for 30 days you love your life this is like all you want to do when you wake up you finally found your passion okay but you need to be an adult and get your shit together so I've been looking at I've been looking at my couch my cushion covers for my couch for the last five days so I finally took care of those this morning put them on just dislocated my shoulder doing it and it was a it was a great time but I was gonna tell you guys this my little like here's some helpful information to leave the podcast listeners with because sometimes I talk and I'm like what was the point of that here's the point of what I'm gonna say or this is the point of you listening today when you have bitchy or like tasks

excuse me when you have tasks around the house that are just a bitch to do like for me putting the duvet cover on is the worst second to worst task the first worst task is putting my couch cover couch cushion covers on it's such a tongue twister so what I do this is your life hack of the day this is your adulting tip is I pretend I'm on a game show and I got 50 grand on the line and I got to beat this other school, like person putting these covers on the couch cushions. There I am again, couch cook. That's going to be the title of the episode today. Couch cover, cushion, cushion, cover couch. That's, I'm going to figure out a title around that, those three C's. So I make it a, I make it a game. I go, Jacqueline, you're, you got, you got to beat this

other person, put these covers on. And I do it as fast as I can. I'm like, yeah, I'm like really pushing myself I do this for so many chores like every time I do my uh my floors my I have hardwood floors are very annoying to keep clean also have a side story to tell about my floors and what I did this morning but yeah I make it a game I like go as fast as I can I I don't know why like it does anyone gamify their life or like okay if I have the microwave on when I'm so when I do my iced coffee in the morning. I microwave because I don't want to put on a tea kettle. I'm not paranoid about the microwave. It's all good. I put my hot water, I make hot water in my microwave. And then as I'm doing it, if I have something to grab in my room or I'll make my bed before I come

get the hot water out of the microwave, you get it. So gamify your life. There's your human optimization tip of the day. Don't listen to Aubrey Marcus. Don't listen to Ben Greenfield and all the people out there doing the human optimization shit just listen to Jacqueline all right I got I'm bringing I'm bringing the fact I'm being I'm bringing the knowledge what the uh I just like to name drop and talk about other podcasters because I really look up to those people but uh yeah gamify your life there you go and you'll uh get more you you will it's like I don't know get years of your life back doing stuff faster that's where I'm at that's where I'm at so anyways um shit what else okay so the floor situation I was going to talk about let me drink

I'm out of I drank all the coffee today I am self-disciplined I'm not allowed to drink anymore so I have a ginger sparkling water from Whole Foods I'm drinking today and it's not that exciting and I'm gonna I don't know I feel like I'm being disciplined about my intake I mentioned on Monday I did my motivation what I want to work on this week Monday fucking episode and I was like guys I'm gonna work on the caffeine intake this week and I'm proud of myself I've been limiting it and I am yeah so anyways this morning I have this blanket now it's a it's a new blanket for my couch that sheds like a little I don't know sheep it's got little like fuzzies on it that just fly off I don't even touch the blanket and somehow they fly off I don't have a draft in my

apartment. You guys know, I haven't figured out my AC. I didn't know how this blanket is voluntarily shred shedding, shred shedding itself all over the place. And guys, if you listen to episode, I think three, like six years ago, no, um, I did a vlog where I went to home goods and I like talked about what I got at home goods for the fall decor for my apartment. And, um, anyways, I mentioned getting this blanket anyways. So this, I've been looking at this blanket do this for the last month since I did that podcast and bought it and I have finally this morning I finally took care of business and I was like Jacqueline you're an adult like you you why do you look at something every day and not take care of it like why do you but I feel

like whatever I uh you know I'm too tunnel visioned right now in the zone of the podcast and things around me just aren't making me like that upset like they normally would I'm not like hyper aware of it, but I finally had it with this fucking blanket today. And I put it in my little, um, filing cabinet with my other blankets. No, my, uh, my, I have a storage closet thing in my hallway and I whipped out a black blanket instead to like switch it up. And I'm just so proud of myself. So dude, and then I'm so proud of myself. I went to the UPS store this morning before I podcasted. I had to do some returns. Um, the great guy worked there. He he's there every time I go. I think his name's Eric I don't know I just saw his business card sitting out in front of the

cash register this morning he was teaching me about Amazon returns because I I did something kind of he he was telling me how to like hack the system so I don't it's not as complicated on his end so anyways I didn't did that um I don't know what else did I do oh I said oh Jacqueline's Thursday football's on tonight who's playing go look that up so I found out that Chicago and the Buccaneers are playing and I don't care about either of those teams but uh I don't know this NFL season's really making me feel like I'm a part of something again like I'm part of something bigger than myself you know the NFL people are bonding over the fact you know we can watch football now and we have sports back and I feel like they've been back for a while obviously but

I don't know I've been so isolated on my own this year and it's very strange to be honest I had a I got really in my head about that last night and I'm gonna talk about that later how I don't think anyone I mean I'm sure there's people out there that have been alone not really with other people or social as like this like me this year what am I saying but anyways this whole like football season is making me feel like I'm just like part of the part of the the community out there the greater the American people watching football all the time and it feels good so anyways yeah checked out the score the schedule today for that decided I'm gonna make yeah I did I don't know if I mentioned this earlier you guys this is a

little behind the scenes information I started this is the third time I've tried recording this because I kept um like kept tripping up on a certain segment like something I've already mentioned probably I think it was about the blanket I went too long about the blanket too many times and I said Jacqueline you gotta restart it and I think I still did it too long in this episode but we're gonna pull through we're gonna keep going because I gotta push myself and uh stop caring about that um hot guy outside actually but he's wearing like basketball shoes on a walk dude high tops or foot turtlenecks that's all I'm gonna say and it's not that cold out your ankles are gonna be fine

so anyways um football check that checked uh oh I like opened some mail I like checked some mail why are they still sending why are grocery stores still spending money on those goddamn junk mail like turkeys on sale this week for $4.99 a pound or whatever the fuck like does anyone actually look at those you know those colorful like Albertsons or Vons little magazines they fucking say what are they those little junk ads for food that's on sale I don't know it's just it's annoying and then of course all the coupon books they send i'm like well i don't need my gutters cleaned like it's always the shit they have in those coupon books is always something that's like not like oh do you need your attic cleaned do you need your fucking septic tank

pumped and i'm like bitch i live in an apartment that that i gotta you know someone else's i got a landlord taking care of all that shit i don't need help so i never get excited about those coupon books or the junk mail i'm kind of getting sick of them i'm like look it's 2020 who the fuck is like actually paying attention to those anyways uh nope did not burp you did not hear that and then I went on Pinterest for baking inspiration for what I'm gonna bake today and it was just it was a cozy morning you know what I mean and I was I was like walking outside a little brisk walk you know and I was like oh just like love I love life it's great isn't this such a chill episode who's cozy right now I love being cozy oh I even put on a new um I finally

changed my costume my podcasting costume I'm wearing a just like a gray it's a gap hoodie it's been wearing my tie-dye one every day I'm like Jacqueline it's gonna be annoying to watch you on the YouTube podcast by the way you can go over to YouTube and watch this to watch this it's gonna be annoying to see that like you see me in the same outfit seven days a week but I'm like this is it this is it bitch this is my outfit this is my costume I'm on Broadway I'm doing this every I'm doing a show every morning okay gotta have my same I gotta have the same costume but maybe Thursdays we'll do the gap hoodie I love getting creative about my podcast even thought I was like on Amazon I'm like what if I got a hoodie or like a top for each day of the week so you just saw

like oh she's wearing yellow today it's Tuesday I don't know it's so fun being creative that's why I'm happy it's because this is creative as fuck uh what else did I do this morning I don't know that was about it let's talk about I guess yesterday okay so I was productive I have to say I was productive I I uh posted it on my patreon I uh uploaded exclusive content to my patreon for my patrons so that was productive um I've been trying to post as many like behind the scenes pics to back up the stories I talk about on the podcast or just like random pics off my camera like selfies and stuff that I never posted or like just funny pics I don't know so I I did that I put together a little video for Instagram I just thought like yesterday's podcast was so

out there that I am like Jacqueline just like make a little clip and post on Instagram this little like preview of the episode so I did that um oh there was a debate last night oh that was later let me get into this um okay so part of this being my self-mastery course my mental health journey my my personal social justice movement about myself what the fuck um is is talking about things I'm not proud about that I'm doing and I need to figure out and that is I got to talk about the napping situation okay so I napped for a long time yesterday I napped for an hour and 45 minutes according to my whoop strap because it tracks how long I nap and I keep saying this every single day that I take these really long naps and guys I'm not depressed I just told you how happy I am

so I'm trying to unpack what's going on and I've factored in a few things so number one I'm like Jacqueline your brain is just processing all this information it's spitting out into the the world every day on your podcast for you know I do this in an hour an hour and a half to almost two hours sometimes so I'm like Jacqueline that's it's just your body trying to process this it's your brain needs to rest after all that talking so I thought that right and then I'm like well Jacqueline it's probably your circadian rhythm and too much coffee and then you're crashing and you need to nap and that's possible so I didn't that's the thing yesterday I was like okay I had my I limited myself in the morning to a certain amount and then I decided before my workout I'm not going

to drink coffee and guess what? That workout didn't happen. Okay. Cause I said, there's no way in hell I'm going to be able to work out right now if I don't have another coffee in the afternoon, which is what I do every day. So I didn't do, I didn't work out yesterday. I napped and I took time off. I basically was like, Jacqueline, so since you're not going to drink coffee, you're not going to work out and you're going to help. This is like cutting back, right? I'm slowly taking away the caffeine. So I'm like, okay, that's it. And then I got into a, again, a rabbit hole about my new medication and I looked up more information about napping and how it it's your body's you know it's adjusting your brain's adjusting so that's probably what it is

but um I don't know so I napped and I'm not excited to report about that again um I do know that I have family listening that's probably like Jacqueline you're so lazy you're so unproductive but like dude I'm just telling you the truth I'm being honest this is very cathartic and very therapeutic to say the truth the absolute truth and not be so I guess I'm not even embarrassed about it I'm just like this is exactly what happened and I'm going through you know this is a weird time like in personal for my personal I guess mental health and like life journey or whatever and I know it's not forever so I'm giving myself a little break I'm not I'm not the type of person though where giving yourself a little break and being like it's okay you can

just you know take it's self-care you know it's okay Jacqueline no fuck that too much of that you don't get anywhere in life so I'm I'm actively or I'm it's on the brain I know what this recent napping behavior is and I'm not I don't want to have this situation every day so I'm taking some steps to like get my get my afternoon uh get that pep in my step in the afternoon again because I don't know what's going on so my goal this week I said cut back on caffeine so I'm going to see how that's going to work today. See if I get tired. Um, like I said, I cut myself off this morning and dude, who's sick of me talking about coffee. It's all I do. It's all I do. It's all I do. There's my positive affirmation alarm alarm that just went off on

my phone. I haven't mentioned that in a while guys, but I changed my life by every like two hours throughout the day. I, I've made an, uh, I made an alarm on my phone. That's like a, it's a it's a positive affirmation like today I decide I'm deciding to have a good day I love myself or something like that and I don't know it it makes me feel good just to see it it's a good reminder I gotta take a drink of my sparkling water anyways um so yeah I'm just adjusting probably to this podcasting thing and I don't know it's not that dude it's probably it's probably the caffeine let's be honest uh what else did I do yesterday um I just I just had such a relaxing night the last couple days have just been so like uh floating on a cloud I think this is this

podcasting thing is the closest I'll ever feel like like to flying I'll feel I think this is the same as like if I'm an eagle and my wings are soaring and I'm catching that little drift in the wind you know what I mean that's how I feel it's like I'm I'm home behind this microphone I get it you know when pop stars are on that stage and they're like I've never I feel like I am they're like that's when I feel like I'm alive when I'm performing on stage now I get it I get it I'm just a little talk show host over here I'm not doing a lot I'm not exuding a lot of energy for you but um it's the same feeling and I so yeah last night I felt really happy I didn't work out so I just like chilled like I always do I napped and then I chilled then I like

made the best fall dinner dude I love combining fall gourds with like vegetables you know what I mean like you got your oh my god the it's gourd season I'm loving it dude I had my pump my my butternut squash I mixed that with um I'd like zucchini arugula cranberry dressing holy shit everything I mean all cranberry season's upon us it's upon us I had this like cranberry kind of sauce going and then I had um chicken and like I just mixed it all around and so good like when you when you mix I don't know it's like this the fall gourds like I love butternut squash or what's another example I don't know delicata squash whatever but like mixing that with I shouldn't I should have had I don't know like turkey that would have been perfect I just love

oh my gosh if I had like actual little cranberries I don't know so I had a great dinner watched uh the last I watched the last question of the debate which um in my opinion I think I only watched the last question but I think Pence did a better job answering that in my because he I like because he of course he attacked the media with his last statement about how they've been trying to get Trump impeached for the last however much time and I was like oh shit okay I mean they both did a great job I think Kamala Kamala I never know how to say it and I feel like people are aren't people getting canceled for saying her name wrong out there like is that are we so like oh my god i feel like i heard that somewhere people say her name wrong and then it's

like oh my god but she did a great job answering it too so i was like oh wait this is what it's like to watch like the way their disposition like their energy levels were so calm compared to the other debate with trump and biden like holy shit oh my gosh and everyone's um talking about the fly on Biden's head how there's a little fly that landed I'm sure you've seen that if you're listening you probably are ever I mean that's what everyone's posting right now and then I saw um someone posted how on Biden's merch section of his first of all it's like buy a gift for someone this holiday or no it's like are you looking for a gift there's like a gift section on the presidential like or president's uh Biden and Trump's websites it's kind of funny I checked it

out and like Jesus Christ like gifting someone merch presidential merch is kind of funny to me but there's a fly swatter that's where I'm getting at there was a fly swatter on Biden's merch store I think I have it up here on a tab dude I'm so calm this episode holy shit compared to yesterday yeah anyways it's like a fly swatter that said flies no lies or something I think I um truth over flies fly swatter ten dollars on biden's website i thought that was funny definitely have a gen z kid running that fucking merch store it's a that's a gen z type of thing to do fly swatter anyways so i watched that and then um i watched uh you know i said my goal this week was to i think my posture's looking saggy i gotta sit up straight for the video podcast on

YouTube. Hey, um, you know how I said on Monday, my goal this week is to pay attention to a movie every night this week and like sit down and watch a movie. Right. So I was like, Oh, okay. Whenever I'll try this. Right. And, um, I watched pineapple express for the first time, which is crazy to me. I did not, I remember when that came out and I knew, Oh, this can be a great movie. Um, back in the day. And I, I never saw it for whatever reason. I still have never seen it. So I watched that and it was funny and the whole time I'm like kind of depressed because I'm like why oh I didn't realize Heath Ledger was in this right and then towards the end of the movie I was like looking at Heath Ledger in this Pineapple Express movie like I was looking at him like wait a minute

you're James Franco oh shit like this whole time I'm like oh this is kind of sweet you know I'm seen one of Arrested Heath Heath Ledger's movies I have never seen before and I finally my brain finally saw oh shit this is not him so yeah I watched that and then uh what else I got my little notebook here I look like a camp counselor with my notebook oh and then after I like okay not proud of this I didn't sit all the way through it because like towards the end of it I was on Facebook looking at people from high school just on oh my gosh so many people's profiles stalking and just seeing like who's who changed their last names who's married who has kids it was great there's a girl I used to uh go to school with who's pregnant and that's exciting and I used to

be friends with her so I was like oh that's cool but anyways I like did a little Facebook stalk then I went to bed there you go I mean I was productive yesterday I got that you know I'm proud of myself I'm like shit I got my Patreon stuff uploaded I got you know my YouTube podcast up I got my Instagram video made so I'm a one woman show dude this is a one this is my solo circus I'm uh I'm proud of myself I can finally say that episode 35 we're uh we're proud of we're proud of ourselves now but I don't know I have a note here to reflect on this year and I guess I should because the first the very first episode I made was um oh no are my nipples showing sorry um the very first episode this year was it's on SoundCloud and I'm annoyed I didn't move it over

but um I went through every month of 2020 and I talked about like what I was going through and what I was doing and it's crazy to me to look at this year because I don't like maybe I you know what it is it's the podcast bringing out this for like this best version of myself but I'm like jacqueline i don't know who you were in like august even so it's october like just very recently i felt like a lost little puppy dog like what am i doing with my life i felt so down in the dumps like just so like you know i've never felt you know what it was is that i didn't have a purpose and that's what this podcast is is doing for me it makes me feel like i have a purpose i feel I feel like I'm accomplishing something I'm doing something I love and I'm happy right so before it

was like okay you're unemployed you're just like doing this you know new thing and it wasn't really like a I don't know like it just wasn't I wasn't vibing with what I was doing and then like I don't know I'm looking ahead of the year I'm like I still have so long till I can go home and see my family and I don't know I just wasn't a very I don't know proactive like I could be going out and doing things and saying yes to people. In fact, I just got a DM from someone that was like, why didn't you hang out when I was in town? I'm like, I literally told him no, because I was going through like, this is someone I probably would have had the time of my life with hanging out with. And I was so excited to like meet him and hang out with him. And he was like, and to be

honest at the time, I'm like, dude, I'm a rock bottom. I don't, I don't want to go meet anyone or do anything. And I'm, it's crazy to me that like, another thing I'm not proud about that I'm willing to admit and talk about is that when i'm not feeling 100 or like 90 i don't say yes to people i'm like i just don't i need to be by myself going through my shit figuring it out because i don't like to i don't like people to see me when i'm not like on point and like feeling myself because i don't especially when you meet someone for the first time which is bullshit because that doesn't matter like most of your friends will accept you whatever you're at You know what I mean? They don't care. And, um, but the truth of the matter is I had to go through

my little like isolation by myself in my head, depressed, sad little self to get to the other side. And dude, now I'm podcasting and I'm ready for it. I'm open for business, bitch. Like I'm ready to have a thousand friends again and hang out with people and do things and travel the world. And dude, I miss England so much. I was looking at pictures today from my, um, my phone and I'm like dude I miss I miss that travel that travel life miss England London I don't know um is that all I did yesterday yeah I think I got through that oh I was gonna reflect on this year um oh yeah I saw so I have an app called time hop you guys have probably heard of it it's where your uh phone connects to or this app will connect to all your social media and

it'll tell you what posts you made like every year on this day so I saw a year ago I was in this coffee I was like I took a picture of the coffee coffee shop I was working at and I remember like I quit my job with move you in June was that last year yeah last last year and then I basically spent like two months of the summer just like soul searching and finding myself again and trying to figure out my figure my life out then I'm like okay I think I'm ready for a like a coffee shop job you know what I mean like I wasn't ready to do a major job again so I became a line cook in this really awesome coffee shop up in Encinitas in California here and um it was so fun actually like thinking about my little it was it sucked to wake up early but like it was fun like it was fun

working around a bunch of like people that were I don't know we just had a good time it was a coffee shop it's great it's a great lifestyle honestly like there's some 30 something aged people working there like loving life and they didn't they don't care that they're not like you know wearing a suit every day like doing a corporate job like they don't give a fuck they're happy they're happy you can't no one can tell you you aren't successful like if you're fulfilled in what you're doing and happy no one can tell you you're not successful so there's your little tip of the day um so anyways i was yeah working in a coffee shop and um i ended up moving to a different job after that but it's just weird to look at a year ago how i i felt so lost a year ago like i can't

even describe it i was like all i know is this company and these people i moved to san diego immediately got hooked up with this crew of people this move you crew and then quit cold turkey for reasons that I've never really disclosed or talked about and which I'm not ready to yet like I'm sure someday I'll disclose everything but just haven't done that yet not want I don't want to I don't like to get I don't you know what it is I don't like to talk about the past and get like about negative shit from the past like that um or I don't want to talk about the company and like, I don't know. I just, it's annoying. So anyways, I moved on from that. I felt so lost. I was like, all I knew was that job and those people. And it's weird. Like

now I was thrown into this, um, fucking battlefield this year in quarantine life with, uh, you know, what's going on in the world. And I, I feel like it got, I don't know if it got worse. It just got different like everything about my life experience this year has been so like odd you know I started out the year with a new job I had a sales job for the first time which I was so excited about I loved everyone I worked with it was like being in high school again it was a lot of energy and people and it was just fun everything about that job was fun and that of course I lost it and life just got weird it got odd everything about this year's been odd and I think it was good for me but dude I I got really in my head last night about the fact that I I don't like this I've never

been this anti-social or isolated in my life ever and so I don't I don't know how to process this or think about it I'm like I think there's good in this obviously like I know myself better than ever now I've I've really been honest with my like I've been totally vulnerable not only with telling you guys shit on this podcast but with myself saying like look this is what you like this is what you don't like and then like I'm making moves now according to that I'm not I'm no longer trying to be something I'm not or want to do something I'm not or strive for something that that feels like I'm it's for show or it's this looks good to my parents type of life you know what I mean and I finally just gave up I'm like look or I didn't give up I I divorced

those ideas I said those are just ideas in your head that have been held holding you back from doing something that feels right and you're passionate about and that you that you're that this is like actually who you are and I came upon podcasting in the most beautiful way and I do want to like frame the conversation I was a little ping pong dm conversation that inspired me to do this and, um, it was so spur of the moment and here I am. So that's probably the beauty and being isolated for so long is that I guess I I've gotten really good at listening to my intuition this year. That's it. And that's what I really try my hardest to promote on this podcast is this is, I even have a note here. I don't know how this relates, but I'm going to somehow make

this relate, dude. Okay. So calmest episode ever. Hi. I wrote a note here that says, don't get sucked into things that throw you off, throw off how you function in real life. Why did I write that? Don't get sucked into things that throw off how you function in real life. Yeah. So when I said, Oh, listen to your intuition. I know why. So I'd have thought about that because I realized that the way I approached social media and being online was throwing off my behavior in real life like I and I don't like how it changed my behavior meaning that I would be in a coffee a cute coffee shop with my coffee or whatever and I'd like snap a pic and do a little like tag and all that shit and and I think I speak for everyone when I say this especially influencers out there

especially people that are you know on their stories all day doing stuff I don't love how my brain has changed when I'm in real life doing things where I feel and I'm inclined to grab my phone and take a picture or you know what I mean instead of being 100 present in the moment it's like oh I got to document this for the Instagram story I hate that part of social media and how it's changed my behavior and so the reason I wrote don't get sucked into things that throw you off throw off how you function in real life I feel like that's what social media has done to all of us and um it's it's a change our behavior and how we think about things when we prioritize and um you know I saw a great quote or I think I read it it was

like a, I don't, an article or something. And it was something to the, the effect of, or the gist of, um, if what you were experiencing, like if this hike was as, as amazing as you say it was on your Instagram story that you posted a picture of this hike and you doing it, if it was as amazing as you say it was it was wouldn't it be disrespectful or um I think this is I have this in writing somewhere would it be disrespectful or it would be um it would decrease or whatever what am I saying the actual experience of or like what you like taking a moment to post how amazing something is or whatever is doesn't I don't know how to explain this I have it in writing you know what we're gonna take a little like I gotta go to my google doc to find this I know I have this in

writing I have my I have this document I've mentioned before of all the stuff I've ever written ever I know it's here um stay with me this is our little transition break you can go to patreon.com slash tjms to support this show or go to youtube to watch this dude it's like it would be a disgrace to post it if it was as amazing as it as you say it was something to the effect of that but let me find this oh it's so much random shit in here i'm the quarterback of quarantine i just can't believe i wrote that um okay just stay with me something about exceeding expectations quarantine thoughts interesting i wrote a bunch of stuff there

if i don't quit i can't fail grant cardone all right i wrote that i'm gonna find this i really i think it's a great phrase and the way it's said and i think it's really i don't know the way i wrote this an intentional life requires a bit more thought and a ton of reflection about your daily choices and habits twirling around in the rat race with the rest of society and driving from where is actually an easier path. I don't know if I can find this. I don't think it's, I don't, guys, it's going to be too buried in here, but I want to go back on that thing I wrote. An intentional life requires a bit more thought and a ton of, and a ton of

reflection about your daily choices and habits. Twirling around in the rat race with the rest of society and striving for more is actually an easier path. Why would that be easier? Why did I write that? Striving for more is actually an easier path than being intentional and reflecting about your daily choices. I think I wrote that because I like the way it sounded, but I think it's true like if you get really intentional and specific about your choices and habits I think decisiveness takes work it takes it takes time it takes saying it takes letting go of in my case being decisive and doing something and choosing my solid strong opinions about society in social media it forces me to let go of wanting people to like me and being accepted by everyone

and pleasing everyone because when you make decisions and being and when you're intentional and do things you run that risk especially when you vocalize your you know your opinions and things so that's interesting about that but when you twirl around in the rat rate in the rat race with the rest of society and strive for more it's easier yeah because that's what everything is about more more bigger bigger better better more more things more more more more it's kind of a cliche but it's true there's always an op there's every single day there's so many like you can do so much every day if you wanted to you could run around in the rat race buy a bunch of shit at best buy like home goods go to work buy a bunch of you postmate your food you could

go and go out at night every night of the week go to the bars you could you know twirl around and do all that shit and I think when you peel back the layers and you just get down to you and your little me like putzing around my apartment and doing my little podcasting and doing my little life I don't know I feel very intentional and purposeful and I think that's a good thing there's a balance there obviously I definitely you guys are all rooting for me like woo Jacqueline like we really can't wait for you to have your social life yeah but that'll come that'll come time. 2020 was about, um, just self it's go inward. You know what I mean? Get out of your head and into your heart. That's what I, I just, I really feel like I did that this year. I'm proud

of that. Um, dude, who's asleep right now? Chillest calmest episode ever. I had to preserve that energy though. You know what I mean? I'm doing this seven days a week. Um, another thing I feel like this year has done to me is I've I feel like a kinder person I feel more I don't know just nicer to people and I mentioned this a few days ago like when I'm in public when I'm around people I'm like bubbly as fuck like looking people in the eye really really being intentional with how I interact lately because we've been not all I feel like my version of isolation compared to other people's is so much like like I'm in prison and they're in a they're in summer you know not summer camp they're in like detention in school where there's other people but they're

isolated and can't talk to them but like they're they're people I feel like I'm I'm my experience this year has been very very isolated so I know other people are dealing with that at some level so when I'm out in public I'm like trying to just be friendly be really you know conversational and it feels good so I don't know I just do feel I just feel nice feel nice can you guys hear it my voice do I have a nice disposition I just want to be nice to people let's go on Instagram just for a little I don't know um oh shit dropping my phone my iPhone 7 ah talked about my daily update I didn't do a coffee fact because I'm not drinking coffee and I don't want to do that. I just had a note here to talk about how life was different last

year, but yeah, I was at the coffee shop. Oh, I was hostessing at an Italian restaurant. I, um, ended up working at a hotel temporarily and got a sales job. I did a lot of stuff last year. You guys have no clue about, but, um, I don't know. I am blessed. I'm grateful this year has been the way it, and it's crazy to say this now could not have said this back in May but I'm really grateful that I struggled this year because I'm seeing I'm like oh I'm I'm on the other side now I'm working my way up now I'm not I'm not where I want to be right I feel like I'm kind of like things are kind of sucky now especially embarrassed to admit but like socially especially and um and everything like my lifestyle

isn't that juicy. I'm not very plugged into my community out doing stuff. You know, I have a gym and I got my podcast and that's what I like. I'm sticking to those things right now. You know what I mean? I'm really focused. I'm doing that, but I'm optimistic about the future. Like I know coming next, you know, next year, I know things are going to, you know, shift for me. And yeah, I just need this time though. You know, I really need this time to be with myself and sit with myself and, uh, look myself in the fucking mirror every day. And dude, I've been looking at myself in the mirror lately and I've been liking my skin. Okay. I've been liking my skin. I finally am like Jacqueline, you're on YouTube every day. Now you gotta like, girl, you gotta like try a little bit.

So I'm like extra cautious with picking my face, which I don't know if anyone out there struggles with that, but I pick stuff that's not even there. I'm just like, Oh, it feels like a bump. And then I get fixated on it. And, um, so I've been liking my skin lately. I like what I see in the mirror. I feel healthy I feel fit I feel strong I don't know how are you guys doing nothing about me Jesus this is like one giant bitch session or like therapy session with myself and I forget people out there are like I don't know they're listening and they're like well Jacqueline why did she ask about me so I hope you're doing well hope your job's going well I hope you're I don't know if you're struggling out there I feel like I need to be like inspirational and have like

give you life advice but nothing lasts forever especially the shit we're going through right now I'm uh I'm here to tell you that it's gonna be crazy we're gonna have this election we're all gonna go off happy fucking holidays with our family happy new year 2020 2021 is gonna hit and my little cheerful optimistic brain is like you know what people are gonna be like fuck 2020 that was the worst year ever we don't want to go back we don't want to look back and I feel like 20 the new year's resolutions like the way people are gonna think about this new year is like best year ever let's let's make this better than the last and never look back and so yeah if you're going through shit right now if you're like fuck this election everything going on with that

you're like oh i you know stressed out just i don't know like focus on what you can control i'm just repeating information that other influencers have told me like this is like what i don't know like fucking tony robbins would tell me or something i'm just telling you just reminder these are gentle reminders this is not that type of podcast but like just know that nothing lasts forever focus on what you can control take care of yourself and don't focus too much on um the the media is not what the what did pence say last night i just liked how he said it how the what you see on tv doesn't represent the american people as a whole like it doesn't represent the masses it's it represents what they want you to see and like what they want to say

so it's easy to get sucked into that and think oh this is like how the actual this is what the world is right now and it's all curated and it's all so strategically placed in a way that creates a narrative that everyone sees and that a lot of people will be like oh well this is the opinion of the people this is how the world looks and it's it's not so I think at the end of the day just quoting Pence again Jesus Christ like I only watched the last question so I'm just speaking on what i heard him say um he was speaking to a i think a little eighth grader that wrote in but he said at the end of the day everyone comes together everyone comes together when shit goes south we all bond together and that is the truth democrat or republican everyone comes together as

country and i think there is a sense of this togetherness this year that i've never felt before as much as we're isolated and everything there's this overarching like we're all in this together we all want to get to the other side and that's beautiful i got one last thing to talk about here about the nba i just saw this headline it's like this is like so off what i was just talking about it says nba to leave black lives matter social justice messaging off the floor next season says commissioner adam silver i wonder why i wonder why they're gonna leave out those things next season no more social social justice movie social justice messaging in the nba dude everything is about that goddamn dollar sign and that money and they're losing money

and they don't want to do that anymore so they're not going to talk about social justice issues so if they really cared about it they would not do this shit so i don't know it's a great way to like lose respect i guess i don't know i just saw that i thought oh really anyways um about to wrap this up I feel like that was a good that's a good amount of time for a podcast I guess I don't know maybe I'll do like I'll do one last push Jacqueline push yourself for one last little segment I'm back on that document how did I read something I wrote last year let me find it do you guys like it when I read my writing stuff I don't know um oh that's that's weird I wrote this two years ago it's weird that a huge portion of the daily

chatter in my head revolves around social media and posting every day it's not even necessary in my life I wrote this in 2018 so it's funny I'm like repeating that today on the podcast and I've already thought about this I said I only interact with one percent of my following in person so what's the point? I don't know. Is that weird? Yeah. Like I, I find I'm connected obviously to, Oh, my neighbor's outside. I never see her. She's an older woman. She's come out like four times this year out of her house. She'll that's an odd, sorry. I had to comment on that. People watching is part of the show anyways. Um, but yeah, I thought about that. I feel this connection to people that listen to the podcast and talk to me in the DMS and stuff, but like never met you

in person. You don't even live close to me. Like it's not even going to happen. And it's weird how that is I think it's a I don't like to use the term new normal but it kind of is like that it you know people online and you can feel a connection to them and it and this is this unique I don't know this way this is some type of way and it's but I I reflect on them like I don't even know these people in real life so why am I wasting my time trying to entertain them on my social media what is this doing but you guys like it you know we've got this relationship now I'm doing this every day you guys are really getting to know me so it's all good um dude I wrote this long ass monologue where is it

oh my gosh I even have old caption ideas dude I went deep into a few years ago I think this like college days I wrote like a whole document full of captions for Instagram pictures funny ones leather weather why did i write that that's so like blogger leather weather dang so many captions how many are on here 89 i like numbered them okay so this is the thing poems slash streams of consciousness here's a stream of consciousness I'm about to read y'all stay with me stay with me oh I think it's here striving to be the best version of ourselves is a collective hobby

everyone's chill about each other's choices going to pilates six days a week drinking celery juice going keto getting eyelash extensions getting botox getting fillers uh going to therapy etc there's an aware awareness now that makes it feel normal and to be honest that lifestyle is honestly fun a lot of the time i like how i feel when i'm fully pampered fed healthy food and um hair free why did i say that oh probably because like self-care whatever i don't know like getting wax is like a collective hobby. Everyone's getting their fucking shit waxed and they're all pampered and their nails done, hair done all the time. Eyelash extensions. I don't know. My issue is that it makes people hyper aware about their appearance. Dude, I was

going through some body image issues in this moment when I wrote this, but it's true. Like I feel like a lot of energy is spent with a lot of like life energy. A lot of time is spent keeping up your appearance these days for a fucking photo and it's just like I don't know it's fun though it's a hobby and like I admitted to that it's it's great you do feel good when you look good and all that stuff but um I don't know I just had a moment to talk about how much time it takes away and I know this so guys out there listening like all I don't want to say like who or when but I was in a relationship once and I remember like my my lifestyle my like half of my fucking day was revolved around me like and I include the gym like getting my body gray all

the time my whole lifestyle was like taking care of my appearance all day long like it got I got so hyper focused or hyper aware of like nail chips like hairs out of place like tweezing hairs like constantly like perfect toes perfect tan perfect like makeup everything like no nothing out of place my hair always done like everything perfect all the time and it was like my career as a girlfriend taking care of myself like that all day and it it was like wait a minute I I think this is when I wrote that actually when I look at the day that makes sense I just felt like Jacqueline like you're for what he's at the end of the day I was treated like shit and I and I moved on but like that was so crazy to like look back on and realize that how like I was just

trying to appeal to a man and just like make every little detail about myself perfect dude it's like you're not on only fans like Jacqueline you're not like one of the that's not your career you don't need to have you don't need to do this much goddamn maintenance every day dude I would shave like twice a day sometimes just like making sure every oh my god dude it wasn't too much oh conversations actually suck with people now they're hurried along everyone wants to talk about themselves and people have zero attention span 2017 dude I even mentioned that a couple days ago how like I make a make it a point when I talk to people now to slow down stay calm and not over talk or talk over them or hurry it along because I think people are so scatterbrained

and because of social media addiction hi social media addicts you know and conversations are they're they're just kind of airy spacey and i i just dude i'm like an old fucking wise old owl old soul i need to sit around a goddamn campfire with some 65 year old men and women i guess too like i don't know i just like pictures of old dudes sitting around a campfire just talking about life like that's where i'm at i don't like it's just not i don't know it doesn't feel good see what else I wrote on here and I'll wrap this up my self-deprecating started in middle school when I was bullied I never let the bullies see me upset and played along and agreed with their comments about me yeah they never I talked about that I think it was I forget what episode

a couple weeks ago told my entire middle school bullying story dude holy shit and today last night was on when I was I told you guys I was on Facebook looking at people's profiles I looked at my bullies profiles and I was like oh karma's a bitch nothing in their life has really gone anywhere which I mean look at me fucking a like I feel like a lot of people would argue that Jacqueline what have you done with your life but um I don't know I'm happy I'm fulfilled can't can't knock on that I've never taken oh oh this is kind of a deep thought I had I wrote this uh 2018 I haven't really taken a moment to celebrate some of the cool shit I did did last year I don't want to say the things I don't I

don't want to say some of the things I wrote because I don't know I don't want to like be a name dropper I don't want to be like a big talker you know what I mean like I don't like people that do that so I'm not gonna do it but I wrote this I said I haven't really taken a moment to celebrate some of the cool shit I did last year then I listed it then I wrote I don't get I don't hype things up and get excited because people are just people to me experiences are for experiencing it's not important to broadcast to everyone I will broadcast what I do every day on this podcast to you guys but I will not name drop ever um I think my but I think my younger self would be like holy shit you did all of that

he made it happen somehow I have this thing about me where or absolutely nothing I want or dream is impossible why not me we all popped out of the womb the same some have an advantage because of where they're born etc but I know I'm the hero of my life story book overcoming a lot of shit and hard to overcoming overcoming shit this sentence doesn't make sense feels like ecstasy that's kind of like what I wrote like overcoming a challenge feels like ecstasy and you finally beat it life is literally a game it's fun and challenging require strategy consistent success routines times to step away and self-reflect like I'm doing now dude I'm always when I read this I'm like Jacqueline you wrote this in 2018 then I took a two-month break to reflect in 2019 now

I've just taken a whole fucking year reflecting I'm just one giant reflection of myself like that's all i do no shit i have 260 fucking pages right in here all i do is reflect i'm like let's get deep and right about life that's crazy i read this two years ago times to step away and self-reflect like i'm doing now i've never really taken a break from life to deeply audit myself to eat sleep work repeat this is so therapeutic and should be promoted to the masses everyone should sit down with themselves for at least a week and be quiet no music no podcast tv or friends just sit in silence and see what comes to your mind bitch i was a stoic in 2018 the fuck i don't remember this daily meditation is popular and works for some but i prefer to go all in and knock

out days in a row to really build that muscle back up it's my number one health advice which strange because oh my god oh shit basic human shit is the number one priority for myself and i now value it more than i ever have friends family elderly young children community nature hobbies silence the self everything else is a distraction screen time screen time is not my way of life screen time is not my way of life i wrote in 2018 bitch do you know what you're gonna be doing all fucking 2020 tiktok bitch you're gonna be on your phone all day scrolling you're gonna be depressed and the world's gonna be melting around you screen time is your way of life okay get over it it's me me in 2018 thinking i'm gonna outsmart my my social media

addiction by being a stoic and writing about taking a meditation break off of fucking soul like I don't know you gotta laugh I'm taking you guys along see this is what I've said so many times before like you've got you've you guys you've guys you've been following me on Instagram you know what I mean follow my social media but you've never been this in my head ever and it's so weird to tell you everything I write and talk about it but like I don't know it feels kind of fuzzy and cool like it's good to just get it out in the universe and talk about it and um episode 35 it got it got interesting there at the end but um screen time is not my way of life to be honest lately I have to say one of my other goals this week was to cut down on the Instagram usage my

daily timer you know cut that back my or my you know it tells you how how long you're on Instagram so I've been honestly I've been doing that a lot I put my phone away I just don't check it like I posted like normally if I post something on Instagram like I'll mindlessly check how the post is doing like I don't even like make my money from Instagram why do I do that why do I care analytics don't mean shit to me and um yesterday I found myself I didn't even care I didn't even look at how many likes or I didn't look at I wasn't paying attention to that and uh so yeah dude overcoming challenges every fucking day all right it's Thursday I'm getting hungry it's time for my breakfast. Um, I might have like a lunch breakfast, not a breakfast breakfast. Do you guys

do that? You eat something not for like a non-breakfast item for breakfast. Okay. Anyways. Um, so I'm going to do that. I'm going to bake some pumpkin bread later. I have a can of pumpkin. ASMR. Um, I'm going to make some like paleo pumpkin bread. Do I have maple syrup? what am I gonna sweeten with yeah I think I do have maple syrup um make that I'm gonna watch the game tonight watch some football might get some chips and salsa for that bitch sit around by myself and watch the football I'm definitely gonna hit the gym though because um I didn't go yesterday and I miss it and I want to be sore again and feel strong so that's what I'm gonna to do and uh stick around if you're a patron you can go to patreon.com slash tjms to support the

show currently have a community of so you guys this my community of my patrons is it's growing it's growing rapidly rapidly here on episode 35 i have three patrons and um it's a small army but um you know i'm just grateful for their support so stick around if you're a patron to hear your shout out or go to my youtube channel to subscribe to watch the podcast you can sit here and hang out with me we can be besties you get to sit in my little studio look at my pumpkins and my background content my crazy distracting background i have a dart i think here i'm grabbing wait the dart i still haven't smoked my cigar yet i'm i made a joke i was like oh i'm gonna be like joe rogan and smoke a cigar on the fucking podcast it's kind of like just a prop in the background now

i'm never like i won't do that dude not in this climate not with this fucking lung disease what the fuck is it called coronavirus blasting our lungs out i'm not gonna smoke shit except weed here and there you know what i mean been enjoying that life again just a little bit it's helping my sleep has been so good i can't recommend a little smoky smoke before the bedtime enough you know what i mean it's great great little uh you know i don't want to i don't take um sleeping aids i just smoke a little um so anyways happy thursday love you guys hope you're doing well be here tomorrow for friday's podcast and uh i'll probably bring the energy more but we'll find out every day's a new day

All right. Love you guys. Okay, bye. Hello, my lovely, beautiful patrons of patreon.com slash TJMS. It's time for your shout out. Why does this sound like a bedtime story? Go to sleep. My first shout out goes to Ricky Jensen. Thank you for your support, Ricky. I'm very grateful for you. Okay, my next shout out goes to Trevor Garrett. Trevor, Thank you for your support. I also really appreciate you. And last but not least, my last, my third shout out goes to Eagle One. Eagle One, thank you for your support. I really appreciate you. All right, guys. Have a lovely day. I'll see you on Patreon. on I'll be posting more exclusive content right after I upload this and so get your little eyeballs

ready because it's gonna be juicy it's funny like no one else knows what I'm posting because you guys can see it but no one else can so hi well you know thanks for being in the club we can all have inside jokes together all right love you guys have a great day I'll talk to you tomorrow okay bye