The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 377- Birthday Episode

Episode Date: July 5, 2024

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What's up guys, it's episode 377, welcome back to the show! I don't ever slow up, no I don't take shit, I got no love for the fake news, if you wanna play tough and wanna hate this, I'll always show up and make a statement. I don't ever slow up, no I don't take shit, I got no love for the fake news, if you wanna play tough and wanna hate this, I'll always show up and make a statement. hey what's up it's jacqueline welcome back to the show welcome to the last show of my dear dearest 20s last show of my 20s my birthday's on sunday um it's happening i'm turning 30 okay this is not cute but recently I've been having this like realization about myself that like I'm kind of having my degeneracy years or it's happening to me now like okay I'll explain

myself in a sec but like I feel like I I'll talk about my 20s but like recently I would say over the last like year I have been more of a degenerate with the partying and the drinking than I ever have in my life and so anyways it's 12 10 what time is it it's 12 12 p.m it's Friday July 5th we had a great 4th of July I drank a lot of wine and had a lot of great food and like maybe I'm saying this though because I'm also getting older and I'm more hungover from drinking than I used to be so it's more like obvious I don't know anyways it's like a thing like I'm turning 30 on Sunday and I'm like who the like who am I like I had so many phases in my 20s and like I didn't expect I'd be in my 29th year just like saying fuck it with the the fun the fun times and the

alcohol like a 22 year old like it just it's something where like now obviously I'm super aware of it and I'm like I'm over it and I'm like I don't like obviously feeling hungover like who does but um yeah just like a weird like thing and obviously what I do here on my show and like hi welcome back to the show I don't even think I introduced the show yet but um it's the thing I do here you know I talk about my struggles my things my bad habits my stuff and um it's kind of like it's not fun to admit publicly but I know that like I'm not alone in this who else is hung I mean, it's fucking 4th of July. Like I had, I'm so hard on myself and I think it's because I have, it's, you know, family history with alcoholism and stuff. And so, um, I'm like OCD and overly worried about it with myself. But, um, yeah, it's just like a, I'm like, wait, it's like more frequent than it used to be, I guess is what it is. And I'm just not stoked on it and how I feel. and I'm prepping for my wedding and like this is not going to be good for my skin on my wedding day

so um it's like the meme is like drinks two glasses of wine uh podcast the next day mildly hungover honestly I'm not violent it's not violent a violent hangover it's like a mild hangover but it's like I had more than two glasses of wine by the way but it's like takes one sip of wine goes down the spiral staircase on her podcast the next day and goes into a dark hole and an and has an existential crisis about the fact that she is, she drinks too much. And it's like, kind of like, yeah, that's me right now. But, um, you know, I just have to bring this up because it kind of like hit me when I was listening to Nikki Glaser. I forget what podcast she was on. She was like getting interviewed after that Tom Brady roast and you know, everyone, everyone was

having her on and she's like, cause she's sober. Like she doesn't drink anymore, but she was like, um, how come I started the episode with this? I guess it's cause I'm literally sitting here. Like before the episode, I'm literally standing over my counter with two day old Jasmine rice out of the, like, it's like in the rice cooker still like in our fridge, just like cold Jasmine rice, uh, and a rotisserie chicken just like over my counter, like fighting for my life, like trying to get some, like, you know, energy for this show. And I'm just like in this mode right now of like it's the day after the 4th of July I was out super late like I don't know um but anyways Nikki was like look she's sober I don't know how long she's been sober she but she

was like nothing great ever came from me drinking and like she likes to feel for her work and for being a good comedian and like doing her job like she has to be like on she has to be on point and so she just realized like this isn't how like I can't work when I'm always hung over and feeling like shit but she said she's like for those of you out there that you know like you know have your fun and drink your drinks or whatever and you don't you're not sober she's like do it until you like she's like get it out of your system like do it until you have to quit or she said something like that she's like just like just do it as long as you can like do it as long as it don't yeah and like again with like talking about um or I was talking about like the show

and the format here and like what I've built over it's going to be year four or my four-year anniversary on September 4th September 4th four years yeah the format has always been like me um being very like introspective and and thinking about my behavior and like things I want to work you know just like I'm talking it out I'm doing my little personal therapy session with you um here on the show and um yeah this drinking pretty much every weekend thing is like not cute and when I reflect on my 20s when I really think about it like I was so deep into health and wellness like I was vegan for three years in my early 20s I was deep in my like eating disorder bullshit I was like afraid of the alcohol calories I didn't I never bought I never like I just I

I didn't want anything to do with it. It was like, I was always the kind of person that was like, yeah, I don't drink. And then maybe like once a month or like one, you know, anytime I like go out with people, like it's like once every two months, like literally it was like never. And so, um, I'm just having this reflective moment where I'm like, what the fuck? Like now I'm like 29, like doing what most people do in their early twenties or not. I think I'm again, being very hard on myself. Um, but it's just like, who is she? Cause like, I would have never overdone this in my early twenties. Like I would have never have like, it's just like a, it's just like, I think it's cause I'm honestly, you know what? I also didn't

have it. I've said this on this, on this podcast so many times, but I also like, didn't really have a big social life. A lot, a lot going on a lot of events, a lot of things in my early 20s. Like I wasn't as plugged in as I am now. And I think that's like part of being an adult and like growing up is like, you're going to be more busy. You're going to have more things to do. More people are gonna invite you to stuff you're gonna and and the nature of socializing especially you know in the summertime let's call it what it is it's like hot out and people are drinking like you're gonna be around that more and so for me now I'm like okay this has been a pattern I don't like it it's not cute I'm not trying to make this like my fucking brand now that I'm like the slop

the sloppy you know hungover chick like the early uh caller daddy with like the Alex early Alex scooper days of like that I mean does she kind of still do that I don't know like her whole her new brand is so so it's like targeted towards like college age kids and she's always out like taking shots with them bars and stuff and um I think she was doing just doing that in like Boston after like there was like a Red Sox game I think she like threw the first pitch out which was super cool for her like that's great but it's kind of like her brand I don't that's just not me I'm just saying like, anyways, welcome back to the show. Happy, happy 5th of July. I hope you had a safe and healthy and happy 4th. Um, I have a great show for you today. Um, we're going to go

into, uh, let's see. Honestly, I'm deep in my wedding planning bridal bubble stuff right now because I'm 11 weeks out from the wedding. So we're going to like deep dive into like where I'm at with wedding stuff. And I'm going to just like tell you everything. Um, because yeah it's like a lot to face right now like this stuff I have to get done from now until then and I didn't want this to be my July remember that I was like I'm gonna do everything in June and get all my shit together in June and then July is gonna be like a breeze it's like shit you know it's anyways we're gonna talk about Olivia Culpo's wedding and my thoughts on like her dress and stuff because she just got married to Christian McCaffrey uh gorgeous stunning running

back amazingly talented running back Christian McCaffrey um we're gonna talk about this I know I posted on my Instagram all about it but if you don't follow me on Instagram I'm gonna give you a little story about um also me never mind I'll tell you the story in a sec uh a story about uh me having a fucking panic attack that someone was in her home um at night like I heard a noise and I'll tell you that story um what else I think that's like it maybe I'll just do like a little reflection at the end on my 20s and to be honest like I just feel so and I said this last episode like I just feel so there like I'm so 30 I'm so um yeah I I'm I'm ready and I'm prepared and I can't wait to be there I'm just like I don't know I'm not I think if I think when I was like 27 I

was like oh 30 I don't want to turn 30 but now I'm just like I'm it doesn't really I don't have like a physical like I don't have like a reaction about it it's just like oh I'm 30 like yeah of course I'm 30 I feel 30 I'm like sitting in a house I bought with my fiance I'm like we're getting married like I you know everything in my life which is crazy to say like the stages of life like the things you do um is that a phone notification do you guys hear that sorry kind of unfolded exactly how I predicted or wanted them to for myself and you know it doesn't matter if it does or not like it really I mean obviously you don't want to be 60 and like you're like I didn't get anything done on the timeline I wanted but yeah it's really like special that I don't

know like things are just they fell into place for me and I want to go back to what I said about just me feeling like, kind of like icky about this year of like, just having fun drinking and doing my thing. Like, I think the reason why, and I, and I have a lot of, and I've proven it to myself on this show. So that's kind of why I'm like as hard as, as hard as it is for me to like bring up these uncomfortable, like kind of vulnerable, like overshare topics. It's not even a fucking overshare. Like I said, like, I know I'm not, I know it's not like rare to be hung over on the 5th of July and like, like, and reflective about like, am I drinking too much lately? Like, is this a healthy, like, like I know that's not rare and I know it's not like unique

to me. So I'm sharing it. Cause I know people out there relate to stuff like this. And also I've proven to myself, um, over the years of podcasting that when I talk out my things, my, the things I want to work on, the things that I, you know, don't like about my personality or my behavior or whatever I course correct through talking it out. And it helps me. And I, it makes me, cause I believe the first step in any sort of like, um, journey to better yourself is like, just being aware that you even have an issue to begin with or have something that you don't like about yourself or you want to work on to begin with. And so that's simply what I'm doing here. And like, if you can't even do that and most people like it, you meet a lot of people out

there that can't even do that first step um you're just going to continue the behavior it's going to get worse you're going to go down a little dark alley of you know bullshit for the rest of your life if you don't have any sort of self-awareness about it and um yeah so that's kind of why I'm like I'm just like yeah today standing over my counter with a rotisserie chicken like 11 30 I did make a great TikTok video though I'm doing a wedding prep a bridal wedding prep series over there so I like made a TikTok this morning Corey and I got coffee and then I like was hungry after that after the video I made and edited and posted and then I was like okay I'm gonna eat some food I'm just like like I just like something about like standing over your kitchen counter with a

rotisserie I was sitting there with Jimmy like feeding him pieces of chicken like like just in my like silence of, or my like little pre-podcast silence mode of like thinking about what I'm going to talk about. And I'm like, just standing there like, dude, it's just, it's not worth being hung over. I get why the whole like sobriety thing is a wave. Like I get it a hundred percent, but also high stream of consciousness, high one take episode. I'm just like blabbing right now, but um I think what I learned from and this is part of like a reflection on my or this the this is me reflecting a little bit on my 20s and what I've overcame and whatnot but the biggest epiphany I had with myself in my eating disorder stuff was that I was living in extremes and so what I've what I've

learned is that I don't do well with like I'm never drinking again and I'm sober now and I'm never touching like I don't do well with extremes because then it gets it gets um my brain doesn't like that like it it it messes me up so I like modesty I like being in the or I like the middle right that's where that's where the happiness lies in life like just being well balanced you know work-life balance and with food it's like being in the middle balance with alcohol being the middle balance everything's like this and you don't want these big spikes and these extremes because it's just, it's, it's not sustainable. And so I think with this, what I've kind of been telling myself, and here's what, here's what I've been telling myself, I think, and you in,

and I think it's like an addict thing. I'm pretty sure I've read this a million times over, like about addiction and whatnot. Cause I've studied it. Cause I've been curious cause of my, my genetics and whatnot, but, um, you kind of like justify and convince yourself of things. And so I was like well if I'm extreme and I completely cut myself off then I'm gonna so I'm like oh well I just kept any time at any time I had an opportunity to have drinks and like go out and do stuff I just kept saying yes because I was also like hey I'm trying to enrich my social life because I kind of like that was a huge empty bucket in my fucking 20s and that's something I I don't think I I guess I can make the entire episode about that um so I kind of went a little

too extreme with it I think I'm like saying yes to everything having fun and doing it all and like not caring and then it's like okay I went too far on the little teeter-totter here and I'm like oh this isn't I don't like this pattern so yeah I was telling Corey I'm like it's just a weird thing when is this the episode wait hold on I know we're gonna talk about wedding planning but like um I'll talk about wedding planning after this but let me just get I feel like this is a really like raw kind of intro I'm having right now um you guys know about like subscribing and liking I don't need to tell you that um and like rating the show and all the things do it do it while you're listening right now um no like it's a hard pill to swallow but

I've learned that I'm not good at taking action when it comes to seeking out friendships and like people and activities to do and things. And like, I don't initiate, I don't go, I'm like, I don't do any of, I don't know like why, I don't know if it's a, if it's a, like a block I have. And I talked about this on the episode last week. I literally, oh my God, like, am I falling apart? Like literally this episode, like, what am I going to title this episode? Like, I have a drinking problem dot dot dot like um last week was like ADHD test like this could explain a lot like I think am I falling apart like right before I turn 30 and get it's like right before she gets she turns 30 and gets married she's just like this is my this is

this is a new rock bottom we had a rock bottom in 2020 I think things happen in cycles I guess no I'm kidding I'm really I'm doing very well let's like focus on what I'm doing well like like I think I'm honestly like being a little bit I am hard on myself I think it's just how I am but um yeah I'm doing very well but what I'm saying is that when it comes to taking action and initiating relationships I'm just like it doesn't exist like I'm so bad I don't even it's not even like a priority for some stupid reason like you would think that you know here's the embarrassing thing I guess I'm just you know what right before she turns 30 she's just admitting all of her shit like oh this is all the stuff I hate and I'm embarrassed about

fuck it whatever like you would think I moved to a new city and I have again I'm like I could justify and explain it but it's really on me like they're the situations I can't blame the situations I've put myself in and like it's all on me at the end of the end of the day but it's like I moved here six years ago and I've kind of like lily pad or lily pad leapfrogged around relationships with guys and with those relationships I've become I've become like acquaintances with all their friends and I've I was like always like leapfrogging around new friend groups and new people and I didn't stick with any of them because once I dumped the guy or once you know I moved on to a different relationship then I got a new set of friends

and that that's kind of how my six years in San Diego has been like total like honesty like it's not like I moved to San Diego and I'm like hi I'm Jacqueline and I you know want to have my own like thing going on independently of whoever the fuck I'm dating and it's like that's 101 like how to have how to be a good like or how like what a woman in her 20s should fucking do is de-center men and center girlfriends and center connection and community with girls first and then go find your man you know so if I've learned anything it's that and look it all worked out I'm I'm doing fine this is just an area of my life that I need to be more proactive in and it's like a broken record and I just it kind of like eats me alive and it haunts me a little bit and I

literally think it's a matter of just like working the muscle like I'm out of practice I'm like out of like friends practice like I'm out of like texting a girl to hang out practice like I and honestly like I have been unhinged with my like following people I meet and like like I met a bunch of girls golfing the other week and I just like follow them like text I'm just like let's hang let's do this because it's like duh that's what you do that's not even hard for 90 like I feel alone in this because I look around and social media is really good at like convincing you that everyone's got like a million friends and they're like super social but like you know I feel kind of like an outcast like a like and I'm like that's not me I don't want to that's not my

identity I have my I see my it's really fucking weird how like you see yourself as a certain way And then like that matches 99% of my life. Like how I perceive like me and who I am is my environment and what I have and all the stuff is a reflection of that. And so it connects. But then when it comes to the girlfriends and stuff, it's like, dude, I have like my OGs from back home, but like, even with them, I don't put any effort. It's like, it's a mess.

So the two words I'm going into my thirties, you know what I said? I was literally like oh my god wait hold on let me take a sip of my LaCroix this this podcast is like this is how I'm gonna have like the best day ever now and not have this this hangover will literally vanish in like the next within the next five minutes it'll be gone just simply from talking um oh the two words the two words that I'm going into my 30s these just popped in my had this morning when I was making that TikTok. Dude, my video, by the way, dude, dude, I always say dude. And then I remind you that everyone's on, everyone who listens to the podcast is in the friend zone. We're all in the friend zone here. Everyone's dude to me. Hey girl. Hey dude.

Fuck. I'm like, dude, I can't do this. Holy shit. Okay. No, wait, I'm like, hold on. No, the two words I was gonna say the two words but I remembered from like last week's episode I was like enough with the therapy talk enough with the introspective shit Jacqueline like we've heard it all you've talked it out like let's move on let's talk about new topics let's do like get off this subject like you're fine like nothing's wrong with you you know that was my whole mantra for a while too like oh nothing's wrong with you you're fine I'm like actually that's just that's just avoiding your problems um no but it's like I'm in this you're gonna come with me in every phase of my life so like this is just like where it's at right now so like I can't help it I can't help but talk

about these kinds of things like the friends and the drinking and the whatever and um and honestly like I love these are my favorite podcasts to listen to when people talk like this so like fuck it you know discipline and taking action I think those are my those are three words discipline taking yeah for me I think when I reflect on my young 20s my young early chipper 20s I think because you're in your early 20s it's like you feel this sense of like enthusiasm like you got the whole world ahead of you you have no roots planted anywhere you're you're like a free bird you got the whole you're the world is your oyster you know like go do oh that was my aura ring hold on and there was something about that time in my life that you

know threw me into extreme discipline and I was like like I said I was like raw vegan I was vegan vegan for like three years like I was super and also like I had really bad insecurities about my body I had all the like eating stuff alongside that time which was not great either but I was really like mentally disciplined and I like gave a shit more if that makes sense like I was a lot more I had an edge like I had like this thing about like I want to live a good life I want to do great things I want to like good and I think did I mention this last week I keep bringing that in a way it's almost like the more cush my life has gotten and the less stressful and like I'm on my own my life has gotten the more like I've created for myself and built for myself like

the more comfortable I've gotten with it and I don't have this like hunger like I did when I was in my early 20s like I don't think for me I'm a very like driven person and I know that's why I've built out this successful podcast and I've been able to do it so many goddamn times like um but within that drive like it ebbs that edge ebbs and flows that that hunger that like I'm on a mission and I'd sink or something like that ebbs and flows and yeah I just feel like I've gotten comfortable and a little too relaxed lately now it's not one of those things where I'm like not working out and I'm eating like shit and I'm like a slob it's not drinking kind of but it's more so about like like my life like when and I think the like being comfortable with myself

in my life and not seeking out relationships I think because at the end of the day that is the empty bucket if I had to go you know if I had to be like what's the worst area of your life that you're having to like psychologically navigate right now that pisses you off about yourself it's like the friends thing it's like my it's just such a and social like literally I when I think about my 20s what's kind of sad but I'm also like it is what it is this is the new world we live in like I just feel like god it's like social media is my job and there's so many great things about it but it definitely just like makes you feel like you're you like get a hit of your friends you like get a hit from scrolling and seeing people all the time that you don't feel

like you need to necessarily be like arm and arm with them like it's so dumb though because like nothing is better than friendships and closeness with people and being in person and doing stuff with them and like having meaningful conversations in person all that shit is like that is like the bread and butter that is a sweet sauce of life like that's what all the scientists say about like or the biologists say about longevity it's like the number one thing that makes people live the longest is like community and like relationships so yeah I've gotten a little comfortable I haven't I haven't been proactive in that department and it's embarrassing I'm like I think I've also like kind of um I've been in my head about it I don't know like I've just been

super like I don't know Corey and I are talking about this honestly like we were talking about last night and I told him a story about how I met this girl when I moved to California actually this is like yeah when I moved to California and my first impression was like she just gave me like Southern California like bitchy like stuck up vibes and I think it's because she was like tall blonde skinny like super like shiny looking and I'm like from I'm not from this area and I just remember meeting her for the first time and I was just kind of like I don't feel you make me I don't I feel like I don't you're too like this isn't my lane like I just I think of myself like the thing that's fucked up is like I put myself together I think of myself as like a hot southern

Southern California chick and it's like bitch you've been here for six years like at this point you're basically you know like it's it's rubbed off on me like that's kind of how I am now but at the time it was so it was like an intimidation thing I was like I don't know like I felt uncomfortable around it and I met a lot of girls like that but so fucked up that was early when I came to California full circle same person is or I don't want to say like who and be specific but it's like you meet that person years later you see them again and now it's like you're besties and it's like no it's like you click and there's no weirdness there and I think that's just me maturing and just me being like dude you're all in your head you were all in your head when you

first moved here about girls and how they are here like you basically made a bunch of bullshit up in your head that blocked you from making friends with them so it is a thing I have like an internal like insecurity thing some sort of like because you know and my fucking therapist would be like because you were bullied and you were bullied and you always you never thought you were good enough and you have all this stuff from your past and you always felt like nobody liked you and you know which is valid but it's not I can't it's not an excuse it's just I don't that doesn't I don't identify with that anymore anyways should we talk about wedding planning Corey texted me oh he said good luck with the podcast hon

um anyways so yeah I'm like a loose cannon if you get a text from me just know that it's because I'm you know I want to be friends friends with you and I want to do stuff with you bestie let's do it like speaking of I mentioned Alex Cooper I'm going to mention her again in this episode for a different reason when I talk about wedding planning but she was interviewing Lauren on Call Her Daddy a couple years ago probably and that was at a time when I was I think it was longer than longer ago than that I was kind of like in my lonely little single era of like I didn't really have a lot going on I think this was like pandemic times but basically they were like normalize going through seasons of your life where you don't have very many friends

and I just like heard that phrase and I go fuck yeah like yes but then I go you know what that's an excuse like for me that's like it sounds good and I think the internet is really good and like people on podcasts are really good at telling themselves what they want to hear to make them feel better and then you find people that are like hell yes yes girl like relatable like yes I found my people like and then you just get in this cesspool of like being of like not not trying hard and not like pushing yourself not you know because like the right thing to say is like that's not normal people should have friends you should be proactive send that text go to that meetup group go to that whatever like that's what we really should be telling each other

but at the time that felt good to hear and I was like you know what I'm doing the best I can I really wasn't see there I'm justifying it um but I think again with the fucking social media stuff you just get almost like yeah you get like a hit and then it doesn't feel like you're missing out and or you get like the friends through that and then yeah anyways this is like you know what I think I have like embarrassment around this because I'm like wait a minute this is like there's so many people like so many of my friends like I I have to say I can't say oh I have no friends it's just like the the type of girlfriends where it's like I need couch friends like I I need like I need like couch you know that feeling of like they're on my couch and

we're just like hanging and just like I my best friends from back home in Washington like we had that for a long time we were just like sisters you know it's hard it's I think when you it's when you're an adult and everyone's kind of busy and they have jobs and it's just you literally have to be like a pit bull about it. Like we're doing this at this time, be there, be square. You're coming with me. We're going golfing. We're doing, you know, but, um, anyways, uh, no, but I was saying that, that like, um, I feel like I'm embarrassed because if I was to like, say this to someone else and be like, dude, just send the text. Like what's not, what the fuck? Like you're, everyone loves you. Like, what are you saying? Like, Oh my God. Like you're fine.

Like you're girl, you're so fine. Like what the hell? Like you go through this in your head. Like are you serious like come out like let's be friends like yeah everyone would embrace like I would I feel stupid like admitting this but I know that on the other side and this is the truth about facing your fears when you're afraid of something when something gives you anxiety or fear or you're embarrassed by whatever you're uncomfortable the truth is that when when you face it and this I think is I learned I worked a lot of muscles and learned and really I think I did I overcame a lot of shit in my 20s right but the muscle I need to work hardcore in my 30s is like I said discipline and taking action right but like pushing through my

fears and the things that make me uncomfortable because I'm so I love being comfortable dude I love it so much I'm just so good at like being in a routine not switching it up you know being riding on the coattails of the man i it's not cool it's not cute it's not cute um and yeah what you find is when you face those uncomfortable things that that you you know the fears whatever what you find is that on the other side there's people with open arms embracing you they just want you to win there's no he neener neener oh that's you're stupid and that's embarrassing and no one ever fucking does that good there's it doesn't happen every single time in my experience that I've done that and I've and I've reached out and I've made that I've

tried to make a connection and do something and initiate something like the other person is so receptive and so wonderful so it's a dumb fucking thing that is blocking me that I'm so annoyed by but like that's just kind of like what I'm dealing with right now as a 29 year old turning 30 on Sunday. Um, okay. Let's just do the wedding planning stuff. Um, or do you want to do the story about the potential person in our house that freaked me out? Like the wedding planning stuff like okay I'll just okay I guess it's not that much to talk about so I'll just kind of it is kind of a lot but basically we're 11 weeks out on Monday I'll just yeah I'll do this right now okay new segment um so on Monday I officially started my 12-week bridal prep countdown

like I have a chart okay I have a chart I have rules I have things I'm doing you know health fitness diet hair skin nails like all of it is dialed in right now okay it's dialed in and it's funny because something I said on my TikTok because it's so true is like in the past on days where I'm like a hungover slob like I am right now I would kind of like give into that and be like I'm just gonna be like you know like a lazy piece of shit today because I'm hungover we're like because I'm so close to my wedding I can't there I can't fuck around I can't do that so basically it started Monday I'm doing a new plan I'm basically just like cutting out all the process shit cutting out all the um alcohol except this is this is what I did though and this is where

it's biting me in the ass this is where it's biting me in the ass I'm like well I still want to have a fun summer so I'm gonna have a fourth of July fun day where I can do whatever I want like yesterday I had like a chocolate chip cookie and like you know Corey and I had um what the fuck else to be like a bag of like chips together I don't know I yesterday was my fun day because like I I thought I thought about the next 12 weeks and I'm like I have to have spots where I'm not like where I can live a little so that I don't go insane because I just don't like again with the extremes like it doesn't work for me because I'll sabotage it I'll mess up and I'll be hard on myself so if I go oh the next time I can have a chocolate chip cookie is in 12 days

from now when I go to this thing that we're doing then you know that gives me a little bit of like a light at the end of the tunnel and it's basically I have it was fourth of July my birthday which is honestly going to be I don't even I don't even want a glass of wine with dinner I'm just like fuck alcohol but it's on Sunday I know I'm probably gonna have like you know eat my cake um and then it's a trip then a few weeks go by which is where I'll make a ton of progress on this um and then it's we're doing a trip to Montana and then Corey's birthday and the wedding so I just have a couple spots left where I'm like okay I'll have fun but um that's basically how I'm doing it. I'm, I'm doing hot yoga, hot yoga, like four times a week right now. Um, Pilates,

I'm still doing Lagree Pilates, still lifting. Um, but not honestly, like not really changing anything with the lifting. I know I said that, but like when I tried on my dress, I'm like, dude, I have, it looks so insane. Like what? I just have like a couple tweaks on my body where I'm like, I'd like to shred it up a little bit in certain places which I don't want to say because I don't want to like give any sort of like hints on like what my dress would look like based on like the body part I want to like tone up so um yeah like I'm taking really good care of my skin I got pimple patches so like anytime I have like a little spot on my face I did I talk about picking my face last week I think I did yeah I like instead of picking it I'm just gonna like put a pimple patch

on it so I don't touch it and it's just like my little new habit right like this is a really good way to start my 30s like I'm on a health kick I'm on like a bridal prep kick thing and I'm like you know like really being reflective about my habits and my choices and like I'm wanting to better myself so like what a great way to enter my 30s and again I'm doing well I'm doing well but this is my podcast where I sit and I have therapy a therapy session with myself some of them aren't like this I know sometimes we talk about like news world events like trends tiktoks but today is just like a me day and it's just one of those episodes but what else am I doing I'm yeah like I saw this girl I follow her on Instagram she's getting married I think

in Italy next month and she's like basically like bye everyone now that the fourth is over I'm in officially my bridal bubble like don't talk to me till the wedding and I kind of have to put myself in that mode like because I don't even have you guys this like I don't I know Alex Cooper I'm gonna bring Alex Cooper up again again because she Alex Cooper up again because I know when she was getting married people gave her a lot of shit and they were being like oh she's so unprepared and she doesn't really care about her wedding Matt did everything and he did all planning and and she was acting like a pick me and like she she's not like the type of bride who like really wants to like plan her wedding or do anything and she just like doesn't care about it

and she's like so like she's not like other girls and people like gave her a hard time about it but like you know what I I just only know how to be myself like straight up like I have no I can't be what I'm not and I think like one thing I've learned and I've talked about this before on the show like about the wedding prep is that I'm just not like that super type a kind of bride and I don't even have what I'm saying is I don't really even have a Pinterest board I don't have shoes to go with my dress yet we're 11 weeks out I don't have outfits for that weekend I haven't done my hair and makeup trials yet actually that's happening at the end of this month so I did lock that in um we have a wedding planner thank god and we're basically taken care of like things

are fine with like the details but me personally I'm like I need to oh my gosh like I still have the wedding website to kind of like clean up and the registry to like it's not even we're not sending that out by the way like the new standard apparently is like eight to ten weeks before the wedding so if you're waiting for an invite just know it's coming next week um we didn't forget about you but yeah I'm just not like obsessing over it like obsessing about it every single day but now that there's like a few you know we're getting we're leading up to it now I feel like is the time I mean I could have done this a year ago you know that you can plan it and prep you know a week before if you fucking

wanted to which is insane but um now I'm kind of getting excited to like you know get into my little bridal bubble and knock out my little bridal to-do list and be in my be on my little wellness and health journey with myself and post about it on TikTok it's so fun though like I now that I like blew up on TikTok for the crockpot video I made I'm just like I would be stupid to not continue TikTok like and I do it and I'm like wait this is like I know podcasting is my skill or like solo podcasting is like my thing but like I don't know TikTok just like flows with my personality a little bit. I just feel like those little like talkie vlogs getting ready, you know, like putting my makeup on, whatever, like they're so fun to make. So yeah,

go follow my Tik TOK for the bridal prep series. I'm posting like a couple of videos a day, or I think like one a day on kind of like where I'm at on the 12 week journey, um, which is such a, it's like such a great thing. It's like, this is the perfect time to do it. might as well it's fun it's good content um i'm monetized so it's even more fun now i understand that drug of like checking your phone in the morning because like you're monetized and there's like more money on your tiktok creator fund and i'm like account and i'm like wait when i do the math on some people's videos i'm like oh my there it's crazy how much influencers make like for just like talking videos just like a little vlog it's just like it took them five minutes to make and

made like 20 G's off of it. Um, so yeah, that's the wedding planning. Oh, I have to get trying to think of other things. Oh, like slideshow wedding or our slideshow. Like we need a slideshow of us or wedding playlist. I still haven't done. I, I started it. I haven't finished it. I still have to do like gifts for my like bridal party and like hotel rooms and I'm what else um outfits for everyone on that morning um my outfits obviously just like things you know so it's kind of where I'm at with wedding planning let's move into the um by the way I what did i say about alex cooper how she was like that but you know i i related to that because

i'm like that's just her like i get her i get her energy of like and you know she likes to be the center of attention she's obnoxious i get it like everyone gives her a hard time about like she's just like always like just she's just like a lot and she's vibrant it's like yeah that's why she's successful like you have to it works you know like that's she's just being herself and now she probably put pores on a little thick for the for the camera whatever but like you know embrace I think when you see someone being themselves and like really just or not giving a shit so much and just like maybe being a little obnoxious maybe being a little cray-cray even though you're 30 and married now and everyone's like why are you acting like

you're still in college and why are you targeting gen z you're 30 like grow up it's time to pivot you know it's like you know I look around the world and when I see people that are successful and then and they're clearly like they're just being themselves they're having a good time i i champion that i i want to clap that up and say like good for you because so many people are afraid to be that way in public and do that or they don't even they're not comfortable with themselves you know i just so it is what it is social but it i feel like social media does bring out people's like cuckoo cry cry side a little bit which um I don't know why I don't know why but

if you would have told me like literally I'm like like reflecting right I'm like turning 30 if you would have told me when I'm like 22 that hey Jacqueline someday you're gonna be turning 30 in 2024 and you're gonna have a podcast you're gonna be on episode 377 of a podcast and then you're also going to be getting married a few weeks after that and then you also just bought a house with your fiance you also have two cute ass dogs you're also like hot and tan and you don't hate yourself and you're happy it's like I would have never predicted this I think I want I wanted this you know like you want it but like I wouldn't have guess like oh this is and I've always said this it's been my mantra like I was not I was not

motivated oh and it's like oh Jacqueline and you also got fired from your corporate job I never was speaking of that I never was career driven in my 20s corporate career I never wanted to be a boss girl and climb the ladder I never wanted to do that ever and I sucked it up and I did it way longer than I can't believe I lasted as long as I did in that world but it's just amazing how I get to do what I love and I'm good you know like I'm it's just crazy like yeah so but I got I got here by being myself I think that's the the little like nugget of you know I wasn't I I and I I say this and I tell Corey this and and I think it's something that I'm really big on is that I will never stop asking for what I want and being authentic like

I will never sugarcoat make and and suck things up and go along to get along just to keep the no I have an opinion I have a backbone I have my little soul has wants and needs and desires and I will not I promised myself I don't think I consciously did this I think it just kind of happened or maybe I had a moment with myself I don't know where I said I'm gonna live a great life I want what I want and I'm not gonna waver I'm gonna stick to it because what you find when you do that is not only will you be happy fulfilled everything will be great in your life because you're gonna get what you want your people will respect you because they there's nothing better than being around someone who knows what they want knows what they like they're they're they're

they're on point like that they're not it's so I feel like infectious to be around when people are like that and when you're like that and and you have other people and you're in relationships you that rubs off on them and they start asking for what they want and everyone gets what they want and everyone's happy and no one's like there's no sweeping things under the rug passive aggressiveness no no it's all addressed it's all talked about it's all out there and if it's just like such a great life I don't know how else to explain it so what was I saying I don't know just like getting what you want I don't know what was I saying did I finish the bride segment I think I did or the wedding segment no I'm saying being true to yourself asking for you what you

want is the greatest gift I think you can give to yourself like truly because I don't want to be because here's the thing I have and it's funny because like coordinator like having a deep talk last night sometimes we do that when we get home late and I was talking about like how every soul like you don't get to pick it your passions like nothing you don't get to pick what you like in this life you don't get to like it kind of just falls in your lap and that's kind of like obviously how the podcast happened if you know you know the story but your little soul has things it wants and desires and dreams of and needs to be to feel good to write to like feel so you're you're up you're you're not down in a dark spiral staircase every day crying about your life because it sucks

like and so you don't get to pick that every little person born in this world everyone gets that it's put on them you can't explain it it's like hey I like butterflies I don't fucking know why I saw a butterfly when I was two years old, it flew on my, it stuck to my nose and I'm obsessed with butter. Like shit happens. You get interested in things, you can't help it. It makes you happy. And so the biggest gift, what I'm saying that you can give to yourself is honoring those needs and those things that make your soul happy and like asking for them and not sucking it up, not turning, not ignoring it because eventually we'll eat you alive and you'll be miserable and you'll wake up one day and now you're 60 and you're like, what the fuck did I just do with my life?

And I, and I talk about this all the, I talk about it all the time. Oh my God, I'm such a broken record. But like the step one though, like a big piece of that puzzle is like, yeah, you've got your innate needs and desires and wants and dreams. But with that, you also need to personally know like what you want out of like, or yeah, you need a, you need a North start you need some sort of like goalposts a thing you need a vision i'm so big on that but god this guy though oh my god should i just play this video because it kind of just it relates to what i just said he's like basically he's like your environment is who you are wait here i'll play it a lot of people this

might honestly hurt you but if you stay at the very end of the video this could be the heart i'm only gonna play like the first bit of it until he says this thing and then we'll move on to the next story or the next segment to swallow that you needed for the day everything that you have in life whether it be the job or the partner or the opportunities or the status or the place that you're living in everything has to do with your identity and if you're someone who's like kev i don't even know who I am. I don't know my identity. The best way to understand your identity is to just look at your environment. That's who you are. Why I said this is going to be painful in the beginning of the video is because this will touch on a topic of radical responsibility. And

this is a very touchy subject because we live in a world where people do not like to take responsibility of their lives. They'd rather blame circumstances, blame other people, blame their jobs, their bosses, blame their traumas for where they are in life right now, why they're not getting the things that they want. Your life sucks because it's tied to your identity. And you will create stories that will reinforce that identity, which will then activate our seeking mechanism, which will help us seek people, events, opportunities, and circumstances that aligns with that identity. Your job sucks because that's tied to your identity. Because if you're someone who identifies themselves as their job doesn't suck, then you would have taken yourself out of that terrible

job and quit a long time ago. And yet you're still staying. Why? You can say because there's a lot of bills to pay kev because there's a lot of things to pay well those other people have a lot of bills to pay too and i feel like i'm like it's like i'm like we're gonna stop with this therapy shit on this show now we're gonna move on to like you know lighter topics and fun things and then here i am playing like a intense tiktok about like your life sucks because it's tied to your identity and your job suck and you know but i just like that phrase of like look around your environment like you're it's like who you are or whatever or it's malfunctioning um by the way like this is a good reminder of like why I don't like wine I just like can't drink

wine anymore it makes me the most hungover out of any other I take it's like two glasses takes me out like one glass will take me out sometimes it gives me the worst headaches because I had I yeah I'm like Cory and I are like popping Advils before bed last night we popped a couple more this morning by the way that's the number one thing so like I fixed his back pain like that's my badge of of honor like like the number one like I will go to my deathbed knowing that like okay if you like change one person's life then that like like it was all worth it or whatever like what's your legacy it's like I fixed Cory's low back pain he introduced me to Advil for headaches because I didn't know what happened but like at one point in college I saw an excedrin

uh extra strength excedrin commercial on tv for headaches or migraines and I was like oh so you pop an excedrin when you have a headache and I had it in my head that like oh this is what you take and those those worked maybe like for the first year of of taking them and then I just kept taking them and they weren't working at that point but I just was like oh I need an excedrin like that's what used to work on my headaches and so I just like was in this habit of excedrin it doesn't work. And Corey, when I met him, I had a headache, headache one morning. And he's like, take this. It went away within 30 minutes. I was like, are you kidding me? So if you didn't know Corey changed my life in many ways, but the Advil is probably one of the most important

things that he's ever done for me. Um, anyways, the therapy talk. Oh, your environment your identity yeah you get it I think I can be hard to be around though sometimes I will say this about you know the fact that I'm unwavering and what I want and I don't I'm not shy about asking for it I'm not shy about like it can be I think a little bit jar not jarring but like, I think it makes it, you know, I believe, I believe it elevates people around you to a higher standard. Cause if you hold people, if you ask for what you want and people are like, Oh, I don't know if I can do that. It makes them rise up. It makes them do better. It makes them push themselves. It makes them because they want to be in your life. They want to, you know,

have a good relationship with you. So, and you're worth it. And so it's going to, it makes everyone better. But when everyone's keeping it to themselves and no one, everyone's just kind of like going along to get along, keeping the peace, everyone's miserable. So it's amazing what happens when people ask for what they want. That's all I have to say. Like honor that. That's the biggest gift. Um, my gift to you is telling you that that is the biggest gift you can give yourself. I don't know what I'm saying. Let's move on to the, uh, speaking of substance abuse issues that I've currently, or I've been having recently with the, uh, the alcohol. No, I'm kidding, but I'm kind of, I'm being, see, it's like I deflect with humor, right? Like I'm, I'm

sensing it's a potential issue. Like I'm sensing that it's a thing I got to like course correct on and it makes me uncomfortable. And so I deflect with humor, but on that topic, we've been California. So no, what is it called? California sober is like when you're just, you smoke weed you don't drink well I told you it was this last week I go again this entire episode is last week I mentioned this and this is what I said I said we were going to a consignment store looking for like something for our new house and we turned the wrong corner and we turned down the wrong street and we pulled up to the weed store now we're like in there buying weed because and we we were on our like little kick like our month long we do this like we did it for a month last

year and now this is our weed month. Okay, cool. So the other night we smoke a joint. I hate saying that. It's like literally like so PG at this point, like smoking weed is not a big deal. And anyways, um, I'm in the bathroom getting ready for bed, just like washing, washing my face. I don't know just in the bathroom probably was I in the magnifying mirror picking is it high or you know oh my god okay okay yeah like I definitely have the addiction shit in my genetics because like I'm thinking about myself or not I'm like hearing I'm talking about the alcohol now I'm talking about smoking weed that's not really an addictive thing for me because I'm literally useless when I'm high and I just like hyper fixate on things that I should like I get I'm like I'm

like a I'm so useless it's not I don't know but the thing I mentioned last week was like ADHD and like picking my face right well I went on Amazon a couple months ago and my new thing oh my god this is like again embarrassing we're just laying it all out there right before I turn 30 it's like I'm a big piece of shit these are all the embarrassing things I do my mom would text me she'll watch me get a text after she listens to this episode and she'll be like Jacqueline, stop saying bad things about yourself. Like, don't say you're a piece of shit. That's not nice. Like, like don't say that out loud about yourself. Anyways, two months ago, I go on Amazon and I bought one of those ear things that have a, uh, a camera on it that

hooks to an app on your phone to clean your ears. And it's so satisfying. So I was probably, and I'm going to get to the story. I know I have to tell you the story about what was happening in their house. But yeah, I was probably, but anyways, it's an app where you can like see your earwax and like remove it. There's like a little tool. It's kind of like a, it looks like a, like a little tooth. It looks kind of like an electric toothbrush, but it has a little tip on it with a camera. It's kind of fun. I don't know. I've never really looked at my eardrum like that before. So it was kind of like scary. I was like, wait, you can just like poke through that. There's like a foggy clear foggy clear it's not those are you get a like a film there I guess that's your

eardrum and I was probably probably like deep in my ear with a camera with a camera with my app just like stoned when I started hearing let me see if I can do it for the microphone oh shit now the dogs are gonna bark because they hear me knocking they think it's a door it was like aggressive pounding from the attic and then it sounded like something was being dragged across the floor like the floorboards the attic floorboards so it was like this intense like scraping noise pound it was like it was like an aggressive pounding noise with a dragging of the it almost I guess I told Corey when he finally heard I said it sounds like a pencil's being dragged like that's where my brain went and it was a pattern like it just it

was like constantly it was just like making noise up there I was like moving around and I immediately like this is the thing about me and my least favorite my least favorite activity ever and I'm sure like this should be everyone's least favorite activity ever is feeling in fear of my life because another human being is gonna like kill me like feeling visceral fear of dying like that of like murder a murder and like it's terrifying and so my little fucking stomach dropped I went cold I couldn't move I was like Corey someone's in her attic someone's in her attic and of course I'm high so of course I'm like this the noise is probably sounding a little louder than it really is I'm not thinking like I normally would but it was a noise and Corey got

Corey was like that's weird that's weird let's go check it out I'm like I'm not doing it no I will not go in this attic I will not be the one checking it out but he was like yeah that's weird he heard it too he yeah he just was like it's probably I don't know what did he say I don't know but anyways we basically I'm like so brain dead right now sorry let me sit up I'm like falling asleep I was so terrified that it was a person that I made him I was like Cora we're sitting in your car I cannot be in this house right now like it's moving around like it's it's definitely like what if it's because you know there's a lot of homeless people kind of in our area like not close to us but around and I was like did someone like sneak in

here and like make their little home up there like I don't know you see stuff on these shows like anything could happen so my I was just telling him like Corey he's like I know or I was like Corey I know you're like not freaked out by this like I am but like think worst case scenario right now like that's how my that's what I'm thinking like that's how serious I'm taking this and I like sobered up like I'm like high but I'm like so like thinking straight and so like I'm on like a mission to like a safety mission like we got to get out of here we got to like get somebody to come check I don't know I was like we're sitting in your car I'm like call 9-1-1 it's a person like I was going off I was I wasn't taking this lightly like I was like something is

clearly in our home making a lot of noise it's drilling I don't know something's up there and anyways he's like we're gonna call pest control it's probably a rodent I'm like no it's probably a person and we went back and forth on that he's like you know it's probably like a raccoon or it's probably a squirrel or it's probably because we have it we're in a canyon you know there's a lot of there's a lot of rodents around here that it's summertime there's critters there's things you know they're looking for for a cool place to take a nap like yeah and we have a Spanish style home with the type of roof that allegedly according to our realtor like things can crawl under those little shingles and get in the roof and get into the attic and it happens and there's you know we

have a new roof though so i don't know where the whole we'll all get to that so i made cory we had to sleep with his parents i made him i was like we're not fucking i was just like we're not i can't sleep in this bed tonight i'm too scared to go in the house we even brought the dogs i was like they're not staying here they're gonna they're gonna get murdered in their sleep such a shit show like we called so we called animal control i got someone on the horn and he was kind of talking me down like hey it's probably a rodent I just couldn't snap out of it's a person like I just couldn't get that off my mind and I wasn't going to that night like it just wasn't gonna happen so I just want to say to all the boyfriends out there fiance's husbands like

in that moment in moments like that especially if you're a little scaredy cat girl like me nothing is worse and I've been in this situation before with a man that it sucked nothing is worse than when you're scared when you're a girl and you're scared and you're really freaked out and you're like having crazy anxiety panic attack about something and the man you're with forces you to stay in that environment and be scared and forces you to face and like here I am saying I gotta face my fears I'm like no not in these situations bitch not when it comes to my physical safety like I get too scared and like nothing is worse than a man being like suck it up stop it's nothing it's a rat it's a like I hate that energy all I want in that moment is like anything you

need honey like I'll keep you safe like like whatever I can do to make you comfortable that is like that is like alpha fucking man shit right there that is like I'm gonna but also people would argue why didn't he just go up in the attic and look himself and it's like you know you could argue that okay but I don't fucking know I just like that we got out of there because I slept oh we slept like shit that night because the dogs couldn't sleep oh my god we like slept so bad the dogs kept waking us up anyways we got a pest control guy there the next day and he opened the attic thing up and he's like yep we got some rat turds up here so it's probably a rat but the morning we came back we heard the same noise again and it was like so violent I'm like

what is this rat doing it sounds like it it's like drilling for oil up there like it was so fucking loud like you could almost hear outside the house and so when we got home that morning we heard the noise and I was like immediately I'm going to check the I'm going to check the perimeter here because how else would it get in right immediately went over to the area by our HVAC HVAC is that what they're called I don't know Corey's taught me that I think that's our AC unit I like went over to the area where that was and I looked up and boop there's a hole crawled right through a vent it chewed through like a two inch piece of wood or something cut like it chewed so much I don't know how it did that but it got in a little hole and the pest guy

they set traps and we haven't checked it yet I smell nothing so there's no like but honestly like I bet if a rat died up there it wouldn't stink I don't think it would it might have escaped like we haven't heard the noise in a few days but that's what happened and it was a good I feel like we always have moments where it was like that was a good like test of our relationship like in situations like this like how do we react how do we respond and like I said he did that flawlessly because I was really scared like I was really like and again stoned probably making it making me so paranoid and like on edge but like I just I guess okay he knows obviously he knows everything about me like literally I tell

him everything I'm like we tell each other everything we're getting married like we know he knows about my past okay so he is sensitive or I'm hypersensitive stuff like this like he you don't fuck around with me when I'm in that mode and we've had a few situations where my intuition my fear was right if that makes sense and so this was another time where I felt that again I was stoned and maybe that was just like all in my head and like sure oh my god like fuck it whatever but um and that thing comes over to me that little inkling I don't I don't question it I don't go oh no it's um it's just no I think life's too precious I have too much I think now I'm at this age where like I'm more I just I value my life I value my future I want

to be safe and healthy and all that and I don't mess around with my again physical safety like I do not fuck around with it um and it was kind of kind of like a fun adventure we like threw the dogs in the car we slept we honestly slept in his sister's bedroom because I don't know why it was like I don't know so I don't know it's just like a funny night I like shit I don't know like I feel like I grew up with a lot of uh just crazy nights of like just you're kind of like on an adventure you're just kind of like we got to get out of here where are we going to drive and then you show up at Walmart and it's like 11 30 p.m and you're like probably gonna have to sleep it on garden gotta get some sweatpants and buy a blanket like I had some like like rough nights of

like you just kind of didn't know where the night was gonna take you because you're trying to like you know get out of there and just like keep it I don't know that's kind of like an overshare a little bit about my laundry is that airing a little laundry just like a little like that was just like a little dish towel I just aired out but yeah that's what happened with Attic Olivia Culpo wedding controversy that's what I wrote oh yeah okay so Olivia Culpo and Christian McCaffrey just got married in Rhode Island it was a beautiful wedding and everyone hates her dress so Dolce & Gabbana right no was it Dolce I think it was Dolce she had Vogue did their wedding okay I just have to see the tag here Dolce & Gabbana yeah they designed her wedding dress and it was a

you know a very classic very conservative especially for her wedding dress all what is that called um you know solid crew neck um big veil you know all covered up and like I guess she the quote that she said about her dress was like she wanted to feel she didn't want it to exude like any sexiness at all or she said I wanted it to feel timeless effortless and as if it's complimenting me not overpowering me well everyone's like well it definitely looks like it's overpowering you which honestly like the more I see the wedding photos the more I look at it the more I like it I just think it's not it needed for me her dress just needs honestly better tailoring I feel like it had so many like weird gaps on the chest

in certain photos like it's not laying on her chest nicely they look beautiful I mean she's gorgeous I don't even know I feel like the only reason I know who Olivia Culpo is is because through like me kind of like nerding out to the 49ers last year and like no figuring out oh this is Christian McCaffrey and then I was like oh this is his fiance and I was like oh she's gorgeous and then I was like oh she does like social media and then I guess she was like a Miss Universe or Miss you know USA or whatever and um I found out I was like wait this morning because we were talking about I don't know why Corey and I were like talking about their wedding and I was like wait she's like six foot right like because Christian's like he's got to be he's a football

player like I know he's a running back but I'm like he he looks like six two like he looks tall but she makes him look short because she's tall and then I looked it up he's 5 11 she's 5 6 or 5 7 there was one thing that said 5 7 one thing that said 5 she's like my height but she photographs so tall because she's just like her legs are so long I don't know like some people just it's their proportions but that was such a mind fuck because I was like wait she's literally like not short she's average like tall but average tall you know what I mean but yeah like none of the looks in my opinion I don't know I don't love hair the hair down I just okay this was I'm basically saying like my initial thoughts and like I said over time it's growing on me because the photos are

just she's gorgeous he's I mean the pictures of the wedding are the hydrangeas oh my god they had like the best season for hydrangeas she's got a little lily of the valley bouquet it's just a lot of dress and people were like oh she's trying to be like sophia richie and she's like cosplaying she's like new money and then sophia richie's like actual old money and like i don't know people it's so dumb the internet is like who gives a fuck like it's she's a beautiful bride it's timeless it's it's kind of she looks like it's kind of like again it grows on you um but the comments are horrible like I usually love her style I wish there would have been a little more something on the dress though

she somehow did too much with too little it did overpower her and this is a summer wedding what's with the sleeves she looks like a nun in this I don't get it not what I expected at all I love her style so much honestly even that's a thing like was she could wear anything right and this is what she chose like that's kind of a flex like it's kind of like you know what I don't know but she also said this is the thing about Dolce & Gabbana apparently like they designed this dress and she goes this was the first and last dress wedding dress I tried on like she had no other options allegedly like this is what they went with so and then the other looks like then she was all about like I want to have you know I want to be all covered up I don't want it

to I don't want it to exude like sex appeal or sex in any way and then her um after party dress is like see-through like showing her little like ass on like her little it's like it's really cute I love this look but it's like the opposite so it kind of contradicts the whole like I want to be conservative thing fucking who whatever it's so like this picture of her just facing the camera she straight up looks like she's going to the the abbey like she's in sound of music what's what's the um song how do you find it how do you what's that song something about the abbey it's not what they call the place where the nuns go i was i'm literally like born a reese catholic like i can went to i was in um no true don't know what's

the, um, SAC, SAC, SAC, SAC, SAC, SAC, SAC, SAC, SAC, SAC, whatever that big, uh, in Paris at the top of the, there's like a hill, a cathedral, right? SAC, SAC, SAC, whatever. Um, my brother's girlfriend's French. I need her to say it for me so I can repeat it back. Um, I stayed with nuns in that church back in the day like and I like god that's like I haven't even touched on the topic of like growing up going to catholic school and like the things we would do and like the summer camps the christian the catholic summer camps and like the conventions and the getting going to the vatican and like seeing the pope and like staying with nuns and like doing a mass in latin in the catacombs in france and like fucking

it's like a whole background i haven't even like sort of talked about it i guess like that could be an episode a little blast from the past of my but i think it it's weird how like i'm not getting married in a church it's not weird it's very like it's what i want but i don't think when i was a kid i would have ever thought oh yeah someday you're gonna get married and you're not gonna be in a church our wedding is so us though like it's so us that's what i'm excited about like i'm so excited you know how i gave myself a little bit of i was like oh i'm not like a planner i'm not like

on top of this whole like thing with the wedding and the pinterest boards but like literally all i give a shit about is my dress like I could just quit this out I almost like want to stop the episode right now just so I can look at my camera roll that's how like I I wonder okay yeah you guys are I hope I know you're gonna flip I just know everyone's gonna flip when they see it I just know it like it's gonna be like yeah I don't know though because maybe some people will be like that's not what I expected or like oh that's too this or that's too that or that's way too sexy for a wedding or that's way too

conservative or that's you know I'm not giving any hints but um I'm stoked I just can't wait I just need shoes and that's what that's my mission today is buying shoes do I do Jimmy chew do i do the jimmy chew classic bridal meat like what are they not mules i think i want an open toe situation i need like multiple shoes for that weekend though all right what's up what else is on here oh i saw this thing on reddit it's so it's so perfect for like what it is this term is called someone made like a comment on a thread about i don't know it's probably a snark page I was reading. Cause you know, as one does, um, it's like my morning newspaper. No, it's like my trash magazine. Honestly, it kind of is like, it's so toxic and I've talked about it before,

but like, I love reading what other people have to say about influencers. I think it's such an interesting POV, like into like a regular person's mind about this social media world. they're like scrolling past every day that they don't really that they're not in personally involved and they're just an observer they're just a follower you know that is just so because it's like it really I feel like for me it like really puts things into reality or in perspective and like it really shows you like what reality like it brings you back to reality like these are regular ass people seeing influencers pop their fucking vaginas on their assholes someone in common and there's like a fitness one I follow and someone's like I'm just so sick of assholes

like people just flaunting their butt cheeks me yesterday posting in my fourth of July thirst traps like full ass out like I mean I get it I get I get it it's like why are we all do you ever think too deep about that it's like what is this but um anyways someone was commenting on one of the threads and it was like in response to a chick that I guess probably got like way too much done to her face and the term they commented was they said med spa face so like the new term for or whenever you see someone in the wild and it's like they're so snatched and they're so it's like Instagram face it's like med spa face it's like they just I don't know that's kind of mean calling someone a med spa face but

there's like the whole filler or no eyebrow blindness eyebrow blindness filler blindness people just don't you don't notice how um yeah like how far your filler has i'm hitting a wall speaking of thirst traps bikini photos whatever i don't think i have body dysmorphia anymore i said that's so weird i don't think i have body dysmorphia anymore like truly i posted for like i haven't i don't know i don't post bikini photos like non-stop but like this was the first time where i was like wait i actually look like this i look like this i look like like i wasn't like because normally with pictures like that i'm like over analyzing do i look big do i look

like I always feel bigger than I am but I saw the pictures I'm like I like I'm like holy shit I look like I'm like I look like that and then I look at the mirror I'm like I look like this like it was almost like this confirmation that like no bitch you look like that that's what are you so in your like because girls you do that to yourself you're over in a local of your fucking body nine nine like 99 what was I saying 24 7 like it's just but something by the way if you're like on your journey of like not having body dysmorphia or whatever just like stop looking in the mirror full stop like do your skincare routine and like put on an outfit maybe do like one just outfit check and keep it moving like don't look at angles don't look at like the side view the back

feel like don't put your iphone up against your countertop and like or don't set your iphone up on your countertop and like walk around to see like what other people's view of you would be like I've done that where did I get that idea oh bitch you but you better believe I've filmed myself walking around and like having bad posture just to see like okay what does this look like when I'm in public like what do people see that's how insecure and psychotic I have been in the past with my body but but yeah I had this moment where I was like I'm like I look like that what the hell and then I remind myself I'm like I work out so fucking hard like I work out so hard I put in work. I do the things. And I, so yeah, don't, I was kind of like surprised. I'm like,

wait a minute. It's crazy though. How much lifting will change a woman's body? Like for the better. And I cannot tell you, okay, I have this, this is going to be the end of the episode. And if you made it to this part, we are, you are now my best friend and I need friends. So like, just say yes. You can't say no. Um, desperate, desperate much. I have this thing now, look, I'm clearly into aesthetics. I give a shit about that kind of stuff and like bodies and fitness and faces. And I don't know, just my, I like it. I like pretty things, pretty people, healthy looking stuff. I don't know, whatever. I don't have to explain myself and I have this thing, this thing. And I know I have genetics where I can grow

muscles and whatnot. Cool. Thanks mom and dad. But like, I will be in the gym and I will see a girl on a treadmill. Like I'll see like the same people on the treadmill all the time. They're on the treadmill. They're on, they're just like always on the treadmill. And I just, I just want to go over to them and just like grab their hand bring them to the hip thrust station or like the glute drive machine or the abductor and you know just any glute probably the hip thrust machine to start and I just want to tell them like just just literally do this and just like that's it like you have a great body just no ass like just do this that's all you because it's just so much I feel like I used to be that way I used to I would when I was real tiny like I was just obsessed with

cardio like I had no I don't now I'm like having I know it's on the end all be all and I know it's like okay everyone's like getting sick and tired of everyone's like about you know like the whole like ozempic movement like 90s rail thin movement movements happening people are like over the big ass but like it just helps so much just in your proportions if you just like have a nice butt you know it's a big part of your body just like make sure it's just work like lift hip thrust do a glute break I don't know but I see so so I just see so I see that okay this is the most effed up part of the episode but as a former itty bitty titty committee member former clearly uh that sounded so pick me you like clearly I have huge tits like I it's so fucked up but like

this is how like you're getting inside my brain right now we're best friends like I see so many people where I'm just like I just like I'm just like oh my god just like get a job just bigger tits let's go like it would just like transform it would change you it would transform you would look so fucking great like everyone looks great everybody's beautiful sure okay we all we can all agree on that but sometimes i'm just like when someone is like because i used to be that way i pretty much had it going on except no chest going on and it just it changes the fucking game like that's why i'm like wait a minute like i know not everyone wants that nobody not ever it's not a thing for a lot of people like they don't they're not psychotic about looking like a

whore like me you know but it just it's crazy how like I'll literally see someone in a sports bra in the gym I'm just like oh my god like I could never walk around like that I'm like wait a minute how did I go in the how did I walk around the world with no tits before like literally I'm like how did I live my life like flat that because it's like you don't have to you can do something about it now with surgical intervention I know that's also like a risk and it's also expensive and I know there's all these other things and it's not for everyone and not everyone has the same dreams as me and my goals from how I want to look and I'm projecting that on everyone else but like I kind of have this like dumb thing I'm just like get a fatter ass and bigger tits like

if you're listening to this right now like even if you're I don't know some people want to be tiny tiny tiny though I used to want to be like that I'm not into that anymore now I don't I think also I'm just so like at this place in my life where I want balance right like I said that and what I've realized is like I can maintain what I'm doing and like have a really well balanced like diet where I'm not overly healthy 99% of the time you know I'm like I can I can live now and keep and I'm curvier than I used to be but I'm like also lifting and I can like get I don't know just like it works so well together so yeah I don't know like it's crazy how girls are so judgmental like is that that's so judgy but it's not even like judgy it's just like huh have you ever thought

of a boob job I'm just like in like I just want to be in a sauna like have you ever thought about getting your tits done is that sick that is sick I feel I feel disgusting for saying that publicly right now but you get it um yeah it's just weird I don't know yeah I sound like a man right now don't I sound like a man I'm like wait a minute I think it's because also what's so crazy to me is that or something that I finally think it clicked with Corey because I'm like you know what? I've heard this so much where I'm just like, I got to start embracing it and accepting it as like pretty true. And again, everyone likes their, what they like, the men like what they like and women and they have their preferences and whatnot. But like, I have never, I've only ever heard guys

talk about how they like a girl, the nice ass, big ass, big heads. They're always like that guys are into that. And so like whenever I told the story a few weeks ago, how like I was walking 20,000 steps a day I was like kind of on this like I'm gonna get ready for the wedding in spring kick and I'm gonna start doing more cardio and like lean out through walking 20,000 steps and I lost my ass and it was like Corey was like where did it go you know like it wasn't fun like it's just like it's not ideal and so yeah I just think when I go into the gym it's so like not even it's obviously hard to lift weights but it's so much bang for your buck you walk into a gym let's say you have 45 minutes to an hour to work out you do some heavy hip thrust sets you're gonna feel

it obviously it's gonna be you're gonna be sore and it's gonna take a while to build up but the results you'll get from that and the like difference in your like silhouette and just like how your jeans fit and just like every your yoga everything just like in a bikini especially holy shit like you're gonna have like a nice perky ass like everything is better when you work out your glutes okay cool hi Brett Contreras thanks for influencing me oh my god he like really did something there with the hip thrust the glute stuff on Instagram um I actually worked out there I think like not even a big deal anymore because I think that they have classes still or like it doesn't matter but I thought it was like such a trip when I did my first workout in that glute

lab I was like oh my god like this is the reason I hip thrust like this is the place of the birth of it so anyways what other sick thoughts can I purge before I turn 30 it's like bitch give it what did I literally just said like get off the treadmill build your ass but you'll see it in the wild too like you'll see like a you'll see and this goes for guys too like guys lift though they're like doing the right thing I don't know again it just depends on like what makes your body feel good I know a lot of people are running they're on the treadmill now because it's like good for their mental health and god bless like do what you got to do like to feel good who gives a fuck at

the end of the day and I'm just again telling you my disturbing thoughts what am I gonna do today I gotta post this episode do I feel better am I less hungover absolutely I gotta clean up the house a little bit I gotta you know you know when people say like oh influencers when they post their schedules act like they're so busy like they're they don't even do anything all day they have like a hair appointment and then they have to like post a tiktok like they're not busy at all It's like, I don't know. I just look at my life and my, my influencing, but my like social media stuff I do. And like, honestly, I work 24 seven, like it never ends. Like you probably are like, the fuck? No, but it's just, it's time. It, here's what I'll say. It might be like nonsense

to you if you like don't do it personally but content is it it takes time it takes a lot of time it's tedious there's a lot of like steps to do and editing and captions and you gotta like dial everything in it's gotta be just right for that algorithm right like there's a lot of stuff behind the scenes that I don't think most people see and sometimes I'll end a day and I'm like I posted two TikToks I'm like well it took you like it like you'll edit forever you know you'll do all this extra shit and it takes a long time so um yeah this is like the dream though I literally I'm turning 30 on Sunday I didn't even do it did I do my reflection will this be a two-hour episode what time is it I started this at 12 I think we're going into the two hours I think I

started this at 12 10. Yeah. Let's just like kind of end here. So for some reason, you know, when you go on your camera roll on your iPhone and it like scrolls up to the very top of the camera roll, like you like do a little thing with your thumb and all of a sudden it's like the very beginning of all of your photos. For some reason I did that a couple of days ago and literally all of my all of the photos that I've ever been texted from other people or that I was on group chats with for some reason they were all at the top of my camera roll there's like hundreds of pictures there and I'm like where did these come from like was this iCloud like I don't know like it was really weird they were all from my past and a lot of them were from my 20s and

like when I first moved to San Diego so it was such a trip to see these different I'll say eras eras of my 20s and like the different versions of myself and I truly lived multiple different types of lives and in my 20s like everyone says I think it's true about women I think like Corey has it he's like dialed in with women and like he's always telling me stuff and it's like he's so then he is the most annoying person to be with because he's always fucking right he's always predicting things before they happen he all he's so dialed in and intuitive and smart and it's like it's so annoying because again it's like how it's I love telling him he's right it's like it makes you feel good about like hey I'm with someone who's like always right because

they're smart like they know they get it but anyways with women it's like every there's like a cycle in your 20s it's like every two years I don't know for me it was like every single year was a different type of version of me but maybe i'll recap let me just like go to my i'll start with 20 because i'm turning 30 so let's reflect on 20s i don't have to go all the way back in time but yeah i was 20 years old what year was that oh my god 2014 right this is where cory would laugh his ass off right now me trying to do math um it's like not again not cute she's a drinking problem she can't calculate simple math throw her in jail put her in the like put her in rehab or no that's what I meant to say put her in rehab and uh throw her back into second grade

so deflecting humor um is that even a deflection I don't know so at 20 years old I just always say like my parents got divorced when I was 20 so I think that's when that happened that's how my 20 started which was weird because like Christmas was never the same you're like going to college and you're like I don't really have parents like I used to and this is all weird and my relationships with them changed and like I think I was 20 and I'm I think that was the year I met yeah I think that was the year I flew I had my first serious relationship that was long distance with a guy from England you guys all know the Harry Styles story not dating Harry Styles clearly but like the whole backstory with that oh let me just like finish this episode with this cute story I was

like in the closet fangirling over One Direction on Twitter like a 12 year old as like a junior in high school I think at the time like what year was this or senior in high school yeah it was like 2012 so I was like I was like the same age as these British dudes okay one Irish one or the rest British and anyways like one day on Twitter Harry Styles like tagged his friend I won't say his name let's call him Scott I don't fucking know Scott now my ex Scott I'll just make him his name's Scott now um and they were golfing or something Harry was golfing with him and I just remember like seeing him tag him and then I went to Scott's profile and it's like oh he's cute and I followed him I think he followed me back and then we had dm'd each other on Twitter

and blah blah blah blah it like we like snapchatted and like texted and shit for like I don't know I want to say that was like yeah 2012 two years a couple years like consistently and it kind of accelerated to the point where it was like I'm gonna go transfer to Washington State University for my I had done my study abroad in London and then I for the spring semester or spring yeah semester I was going to transfer Washington State University but I had this thing where I was like wait I want to meet him and like get and have some like closure here a little bit before I like go and like go to college and like you know because I'll probably want to like date guys there too and like you know I want to meet this guy first and like see what happens so

long story short when I was 20 I'm still at 20 we have to get to 30 and like god knows how long this episode will go now but I uh I'll make it I'll kind of make it quick but anyways so yeah like harry golfs with this dude tags him i ended up dating him the story of that is i got the aok from my mom i'm like mom i gotta meet this guy um i think we literally like zoomed like we didn't even facetime or like i think we talked on the phone but like we didn't even like facetime or anything until i like met him in person but i literally got on a plane in vancouver bc flew a direct flight to what's not Heathrow it starts with like a g right the other airport in London I had to like fly there I took a train from that airport to central London okay by the way I'm all

by myself on the way to meet a man in Manchester for the first time okay so like that's crazy and I'm 20 years old like I wouldn't I just can't believe I did this like this is why when I say I live like 50 lives in my 20s like it's crazy but also like people do this every day so like you know um I'm like this is kind of a cool story so I fly to London go get on the train essential or train to the center of London to get go to King's Cross station I think I had to go to to get on a train to go to Manchester or like Cheshire whatever the fuck Harry Styles is from he's the guy I dated is from the same hometown and live there too so or he lived in um not Cheshire he lived in there's like a adjacent town to Cheshire okay anyway so I literally took the

train up two hours I remember doing my makeup like on the train on the way up just like sitting across from this British man reading a newspaper and I'm like I'm in I'm in England bitch like this is so and like you look out at the countryside and like this is like a movie right now I'm about to meet a guy I'm about to step off a train and meet a man for the first like a man I've never seen in person it was that I snapchatted for two years like okay and I get off the train or the pulls up I'm in this red I remember this red blouse and these like dark wash jeans very like 2014 the outfit and there he was and I met him and we had plans for like two weeks we started out at a hotel and then I think we stayed at his parents for Chris or was I there

for Christmas no I flew there after Christmas so I was there for like New Year's so we stayed at a hotel like a cute little hotel in like his town and then we stayed with his parents for like New Year's and that was super cool to see like you know how they cook and like the tea the making of the tea every night I mean you want a cup of tea and it was like cream and sugar how many sugars two sugars means two spoons it was just like so British and um yeah like the pies the mincemeat pie I don't know or the yeah so then on New Year's we went to Leeds for with his friends to go out for New Year's and we went out to like a club and I remember it was crazy seeing like a bunch of people smoking cigarettes in like a separate room in the club I guess that's like a

thing in Europe I don't know that was weird and and we yeah we went to the club and then we like went back to one of his friends girlfriend's flat her apartment and like it was just so like where am I in the world right now it was just so such an adventure and I'm like with this new guy I met it was so crazy we ended up so he studied I'm like telling whatever who cares like it's not I'm this is Scott by the way we're talking about alias name Scott but he had studied abroad and he played soccer here in America so our long distance relationship was like me texting him three hours ahead in Ohio and not England so that was kind of nice and yeah we just decided to go our separate ways like I think I saw a girl text him on his phone and I like lost it when I

saw him for the last time I didn't lose it I just remember like seeing it pretending like I didn't see it I was like my stomach dropped like of course how do you do a long distance relationship you're in college and I think we were both like we want to that's if we met maybe six years from now we're like out of this and I don't know like it just didn't work out but oh we had got we stayed in London too oh my god we saw like a Broadway show and it was like what else do we do it was fun it was a good time but that was how I started my 20s parents got divorced I have this serious relationship with a British man I'm long distance dated and that was like a couple years and then yeah I was in college whatever I'm like partying my ass off I turned 21 I go to Vegas with my

girlfriends. We like are, you know, doing the whole like football game shit every weekend at Washington state, blah, blah, blah. You guys know I moved to San Diego. Okay. But like once I got here, it went like, do you guys already know? Do I feel like I'm, I don't need to tell my entire 20 story right now. This could be an, I should have, this should have been the episode. Let's all agree that like now we're at the end and I'm like forcing this reflection, but it is the last episode of my twenties, it can be three hours. Fuck it. So yeah, I'm, I, um, worked. Okay. I'll just tell you. So I graduated college with my degree in communications and assistant PR. Um, after that I got hired at my university and I was a international program coordinator for

all the international students and, and, uh, teachers and professors. So I put on programs for for them and I kind of like they the programs helped them uh adjust to American culture and we like took them on buses to like go and see like what a farm looks like and like you know shit like that so um that was my job for the year and like I remember about three months before I moved to San Diego that's when I like completely checked out and all I cared about was like moving to California it's like you know I'm doing this thing and I knew before I quit that job that like I was going to move here so it was one of those things where you're like you know you're just like counting down you're just like you know um and then I moved to San

Diego and I don't know now I'm married in 11 weeks and the last six years have been I mean I think to highlight some moments like I was so skinny when I moved here um that was a moment that's my my Roman Empire I saw this thing that was like every girl's Roman empire is that like one time in her life that she was like her skinniest and like that one picture of her that she remembers of when she was her skinniest it's like I just thought that was so true I'm like because I always remember that time and just feeling so tiny like I was I think I was like 20 pounds lighter than I am now but um yeah I like moved to San Diego you know got into like the startup social media world and I don't know met

a guy moved in with a guy that all went south and weird and then I was like on my own working in coffee shops and restaurants for a little bit worked sold time shares for a second there for like literally like two months before the world shut down pandemic hit I'm bleach blonde I gained like I gained like 40 pounds 35 pounds in like four months finally got diagnosed with like depression and got on medication and like I just kind of crawled out of that hole slowly with this podcast seven days a week for a year and then went brunette uh no and then met a guy in a year later or like may of 22 no that's when i met cory holy shit may of 21 when did i meet 21 21 i met him we dated for a year and then i had gone back to burn at that time okay what this is like i'm just

like trying to but uh met cory two years later yeah here we are so it's just like i don't know there's so many side quests and side stories I could tell within those years of like things I did and travel and like you know what happened and the details but you get it it's just been like this whirlwind of I don't think I think I um I didn't like discover myself in my 20s like I don't think I was on this like self-discovery journey necessarily I think it's like I built myself like I really think that this whole time like I've been in the driver's seat and I've been just non-stop like creating my life and manifesting what I want and it's been this like cycle of highs and lows and lessons learned and okay I don't like this and I'm course correcting

here and did it and then eventually like through all those like trials and errors and learning and going through the hard times and the heartbreaks and the lessons and the crying and the, you know, all of that, you know, it's evolved to, you know, I've become like, I've literally like built who I am through that. And yeah, I don't feel like a lost little butterfly, like a lost little sheep being like, I think some people, and I, and I have a lot of empathy, this one girl and I, and I made a little video. I think it's on my Instagram. I don't know why I would post it there. Cause it's kind of cringy. Cause I was a TikTok watermark on it, but like, this girl was like I'm turning 30 in a couple weeks and she was basically like I don't like

where I'm at in my life I have to make some changes and kind of like what I did in the beginning here you know in a different way it's not like a dramatic like I need to make a big life change but I sense that a lot of people you know 30 is a big wake-up call and it's like holy shit what have I done with my life in my 20s maybe they just like party their ass off and you're not supposed to think about your twenties. It's not like you're still figuring it out. I think your thirties, like these are your higher earning years and you're like, or I guess that's what they say. And like, you're, you're just, it's like, you're, I feel like you live, you're let your thirties are like, you have more money now to do things. You're like more settled down,

established. Maybe you have kids. There's just like a lot more, I don't know. It's just like better or different but yeah okay I think actually this might be did I start it what time did I start 12 10 right 202 right now yeah like what a ride of being oh that's kind of do am I emotional right now am I sad about turning 30 like or just being I can't say I'm 29 anymore but you know what's weird I don't know like obviously the pandemic accelerated a lot of like it made time like go so fast all of a sudden because you look back and you're like 2020 was over four years ago now right technically like I don't I started I was what 25 I don't really like say my age like I feel like at a certain time like it's not really a relevant

it's not relevant. Like it's not, I don't know how to explain it. I'm never, I'm not like walking around every day. Like, Hey everyone, I'm 29. I kind of do that on my podcast here. Like I'm always calling attention. Like I'm turning 30, I'm turning 30, I'm turning, but like, it's not like, it's not really a conversation or it's not really relevant. It's just like, okay, you're 30. Cool. Like you're 31. Cool. You're three. It's, I don't know. Um, I think it means more when you're like younger how old you are it's like more like yeah but honestly all I want to do on Sunday is golf and have a beautiful like five-star steak dinner at a really nice steakhouse

maybe with some like lobster on top maybe some like I don't know really good brussels sprouts wait what do I like with my steak mashed potatoes steak and what do we always get sometimes we get the cream spinach sometimes we get the asparagus I feel like it's steak it's always a filet it's always a yeah filet mashed potatoes and like a green I think we'll do like asparagus just a beautiful glass of we'll just ask for the house cab usually I have a thing about okay I said I hate wine now because I have a headache or I I'm hung over from wine but like I've been getting real lucky like when we do go out and drink wine at steakhouses or Italian is usually where we when we drink wine if we're getting Italian food like

just ask for the house cab like they're always really good I don't know it's like a I don't know if that's like a thing or just me not knowing anything about wine and me being like oh it's it's good it tastes like I have no palate or whatever like I just yeah recently like when we've had it we we got to dinner we're just like what you know we'll take the house cab and it's like great so I don't want to end the episode because I love podcasting let's check my notifications here on my tiktok someone put a fucking comment on my video of me like getting ready or something for my wedding prep series and they're like advice for the groom colon run like just so aggressive like it's like run just me simply like talking about my skincare routine

it was like advice for the groom run um okay that's it thanks so much for hanging out thanks for coming along today uh please hit that subscribe button wherever you're listening right now i'm on apple spotify google podcast stitcher breaker overcast wherever you listen podcast please hit that subscribe button and leave a five-star review on the show while you're there follow me on tiktok at jacqueline monroe for the wedding prep series and the crock pot series i'm still kind of uh milking that cow as long as possible because i'm almost at a million views on one of those videos which is crazy tiktok jacqueline monroe instagram jacqueline monroe and if you want to support the show send me a little birthday gift patreon.com slash tjms

patreon.com slash tjms it's my subscription service subscription platform go check it out that's it uh all i want for my birthday is my two front teeth my two front teeth how did we go from i'm just a little kid missing my front teeth to you know i'm in a house that i bought with my fiance getting married in 11 weeks like you just never think this day is going to come then now you're literally like a grown-up and it's serious and you have responsibilities do we love it here though like okay the episode's on over um do we love it here and my I love my independence I love my life I love the things I get to do I love yeah like it's great I think it's great all I think it's all great I have bad times in my life

but being a kid was great being an adult is great um yeah so I love it here I'm excited to be 30 and um yeah that's it love you thanks for being here and I'll talk to you next week What it takes, I ain't making mistakes like that Ayo, ayo I'll bleed on your face just to make you go take it back Ayo, ayo I'll lose my shit, I go crazy when I'm mad Ayo, ayo

And now you go wish you had shut the fuck up real bad Ayo, ayo Ayo, ayo Ayo, ayo And now that I'm gone, yeah, I know there's no turning back Ayo, ayo Ayo, ayo Ayo, ayo

And now that I'm gone, yeah, I know there's no turning back I don't fuckin' take smoke, I'ma poke a hole for you Chokin's overdue Come at me and you won't get any older, dude Crack your hole to two Heated up inside of me, blood so violently Thanks for trying me Now it's finally time to see

How this rivalry becomes my dynasty I know there's no turning back Oh God, adrenaline wasted So mad I can taste it, I know there's no turning back Ayo, ayo, I'll do what it takes, I ain't makin' mistakes like that Ayo, ayo, I'll bleed on your face just to make you go take it back Ayo, ayo, I'll lose my shit, I go crazy when I'm mad Ayo, ayo, and now you can't wish you had shut the fuck up real bad

Ayo, ayo, ayo, ayo, ayo, ayo And now that I'm gone, yeah, I know there's no turning back And now that I'm gone, yeah, I know there's no turning back