The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 387- An Important Overshare

Episode Date: November 27, 2024

Happy Thanksgiving! 🦃 Today we discuss my thoughts on the Buy Now documentary, Wicked movie press tour, and the 4B movement, how my surgery recovery is going so far, the unconventional dish I made for Thanksgiving this year, my GLP-1 medication updates, how the global internet ACTUALLY works, and why I've had multiple mental breakdowns in the last couple weeks. Thanks for listening and supporting the show!!! $10 off GLP-1 Drink: https://modere.io/IuBqfF REVIEW THE SHOW https://open.spotify.com/show/4ijzUBunTIHgVmahB0ISEN BECOME A PATRON! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/tjms⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  KEEP IN TOUCH! INSTAGRAM »⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/jacquelinemonroe/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  TIKTOK » jacqueline.monroe  EMAIL THE SHOW! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  MY MUSIC GUY  ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  SPONSORS Spotify for Podcasters Modere

What's up, guys? It's episode 387. Welcome back to the show. I don't ever slow up. No, I don't take shit. I got no love for the famous. If you want to play tough and want to hate this, I'll always show up and make a statement. I don't ever slow up. No, I don't take shit. I got no love for the famous. If you want to play tough and want to hate this, I'll always show up and make a statement. Someone asked me if I was going to be participating in the 4B movement. to get the fuck away from me first of all no that's the dumbest shit i've ever heard and it's also like highly highly offensive and insensitive to the original movement

the actual for me movement and second of all i'm married and my husband pays all the bills and he also does pull-ups off of like water pipes like like a prison inmate so i most definitely will not be participating in 4b fucking anything jesus christ i'm not 4b i'm for the d okay bitch stay safe out there y'all but that shit is not for me not for me at all hey what's up it's Jacqueline welcome back to the show so yeah that's how we're gonna start it with that 4b video because I realize that like a lot of you out there are probably like what does this mean like what is the context of this video she just played like what's going on so you guys

probably don't know this about me but I am profiting heavily off of excuse me I am so I am starting drama on my TikTok on a regular regular basis and I'm profiting off of it And one of the things that I've been in deep water and deep shit over recently is my personal take on the 4B movement. Now, if you don't know what 4B is, like I kept hearing it. I started hearing it before the election in like July, I want to say. and I was coming across all these videos and women talking about how they're unfollowing every single man on their social media that they follow they're not talking to men in public they're not giving men any attention they're not like literally they're cutting men out of their

lives completely and they're coming online and they're proclaiming this so I was like well what the hell like what is this and I kept hearing 4b 4b and I didn't understand like what it meant so long story short this is a movement that a feminist movement that that originated in south korea and essentially 4b um the the 4b um terms in korean uh all start with the letter b i believe so it's there's four no's and all of those no's start with the letter b so it's no dating no sex no marriage no kids with men and there's a whole history about it or you can go and i wikipedia to be honest like i i kept hearing about i was like okay let me just brush up real quick i haven't deep dove into it but uh it started out of south korea and it's made its way to the u.s

it's i go to my tiktok if you want to hear my thoughts on it but um that's kind of what's going on in my life like literally guys i was bedridden for five days so i'm still recovering from surgery I wanted to get on today to just update you on my life and like what's going on and talk about Thanksgiving and like things going on in the world okay so but I spent like five days on my TikTok just like reading stuff and causing drama I don't fucking care it's like it's interesting I think it's it is what it is that's yeah I I don't really talk about my drama that I cause on TikTok here I feel like I just kind of keep I like pretend like I'm like okay if you saw that like you saw that but I'm not going to address it you know um but it's been

interesting and uh kind of fun um I'm basically doing the same thing I do here but I'm making TikTok videos instead so yeah back to do I want to say anything else about the 4B movement no I just like that chick because like I just like how she's like I'm not for B I'm for the D and okay women in the U.S. so like the reason this is happening obviously is because of the of Trump getting elected and how everyone feels about women's rights now and abortion rights and women not being safe now that Trump's back in office so this recently has caught a lot of attention or it's caught a lot of um storm or whatever and women are jumping on board and yeah go to my tiktok if you want to see my thoughts on it because I have a very like I feel like a pretty

I can only speak from experience and it's so funny when people attack me for like well all you think about and all you talk about is your experience and you don't consider the lives of other people who have a different experience from you and you need to learn how to have empathy and it's like all I can I don't I can't talk about things I don't have experienced it. I can, I can acknowledge it. And I do acknowledge it. Like, I understand that anyways, I'll go into a rabbit hole. You guys know me. I will go into an hour and a half on this topic in the very, I haven't even like plugged anything, but like, I will deep dive into this and go off right now for an hour and a half if I don't cut myself off. But, um,

yeah, I've, I basically talk about how I've been, been around the block with all types of men and specifically abusive men emotionally abusive like especially and I've been in horrible relationships I've been in great relationships I'm a child of divorce I've also witnessed amazing marriages that are long lasting and I just go to my videos okay it's but like literally women are shaving their heads and like I said they're completely like cutting men off and not even like looking at them anymore they're that fucking pissed off at the opposite sex okay so yeah it's just another one of those radical feminist movements but I also believe there are a lot of positives to it which is like polar opposite thinking right like I hate

it and I love it at the same time I do think that um women finding community with other women is amazing. I think the whole, and the 4B movement in the US is not even, you can't, we need to call it something else at this point because it's not, it's not even, it's, I feel like, yes, it's disrespectful. Like she said in the video, it's disrespectful to the original 4B movement in South Korea. And now our world here compared to their world and the reason they started their 4B movement are completely different scenarios so I think yeah again it's disrespectful and but what I'm saying is the thing I do like about it is women finding community with other women I think that's always positive I'm always pro that and then the other part is what women are talking

about here in the U.S. is like women prioritizing their goals dreams ambitions and not putting men in the center of their universe and you know doing everything to in their life to attract a man get a man and focus on men all the time so um we've talked about this a little bit here um my epiphany before I got married was that yeah that's pretty much what I did my whole 20s so um it's been yeah it's been a lot over there on the talk but let's get into it I want to kind of recap how my recovery's been going what I've been up to um my GLP-1 update I don't really think I've talked about it here but um we're gonna talk about the Wicked Press Tour I'm gonna play some TikToks for you and talk about the mental spirals I've been going that I've been having recently and

And we're going to get a little deep because, yeah, I think I have some growing pains happening right now. And it's been a little rough behind the scenes emotionally, which is very normal, right? Like life isn't always smooth, but I've been going through it a little bit. So we're going to talk about it. But first, please hit that subscribe button wherever you're listening right now. I'm on Apple, Spotify, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, Breaker, Overcast, wherever you listen to podcasts. Please hit that subscribe button and review the show five stars while you're there. Follow me on TikTok for the drums.

Follow me on TikTok at Jacqueline Monroe, Instagram at Jacqueline Monroe, and YouTube, the Jacqueline Monroe Show. This is audio only today, but typically I post my full-length episodes on YouTube, so go check it out. the Jacqueline Roche on YouTube and if you want to support the show patreon.com slash tjms patreon.com slash tjms all right let's get into it so oh update I did make I posted a bunch of wedding photos recently and I I officially made or I finally made a deep dive video of all of my outfits and I break down everything I wore and I like share my mindset or whatever my like thoughts behind my outfits I like really take you in to um what I did for all all of my bridal looks for the wedding and yeah it was really fun it's on my tiktok I think it's it's the latest video if you

want to check it out so that was a lot of fun and yeah I literally have I got married I didn't make any wedding video wedding related videos on my TikTok which was a total miss so now I have all this content I want to catch up on and make because guys hi I'm a TikToker here's what I want to say before I get into like how I'm doing how's recovery been and like what's like are you still taking Percocet are you still like fucking high as a kite because we need to talk about that it has been very eye-opening I don't know if I've addressed this here yet but I believe that the reason why I have talked about this on here but I just sound like a condescending cunt whenever I come on like whenever I get on my little soapbox

and share my perspective on a topic like the 4B movement, for example, or literally anything, I feel like what triggers people is my, just like my fucking vibe is like, it's like, I can't help it. And then I'm like, am I a bad person? Like, I know, like, I'm just trying to like

share my thoughts on this. And like, and I guess this is like what most people go through when they post TikToks and start going viral like I go viral like weekly like I'm not just out here I mean some my videos flop all the time but like I'm consistently going a little viral and I'm like it's very rare I have like one video where the entire comment section was my frontal lobe just developed thank you so much I needed to like I've been waiting my whole life to hear this I haven't thought about this until you like I have one video that's like really positive and sweet and I love that comment section

And all of the other ones are like, fuck you, bitch. Like you're, you're condescending cut. And I'm like, I, I I'm like, I'm like, I know, like, I know I come across like that. Like my tone of voice, my vibe, I just sound like a bitch. And I'm like, it is what it is. Hey, hey, it fucking works for the algorithm. So like whatever, but I don't want to swear. Sorry. It works um and I'm not angry the thing is is like I'm not it's really interesting because if you were inside my brain you'd understand and I feel like that's my life story like if you only could live inside my my brain for a day you would understand that I'm not like angry at the world when I come in with my hot takes when I say my

opinions here on the show or on my TikTok videos or whatever like I'm just like talking like I'm not like a pissed off person I'm a very happy like optimistic like last half full positive chick like my whole like yes you know that that is me to a t but when it comes to making content for some reason I lean I skew like a I sound like a fucking old curmudgeon contrarian and it is what it is I don't know I think I get that from my dad it's therapeutic to bitch online and like you know find community around it and find the haters around it and just like start up a shit storm in a comment section it's like I don't I don't know it's my new it's my new thing I'm just exploring it and I've been doing this for four years and

nothing has changed literally nothing has changed like I mean obviously my life has changed I've changed but that whole tone of like complaint or complaining and just shitting on everything that's trendy and always going with the opposite take of the popular take is it's been consistent since day one so I think it makes for an interesting podcast and interesting content because I'm not always going to go along with what most people think. I'm probably going to disagree with it. So anyways, um, how are you? How's your dude? Fucking month went so fast. Whenever it's audio only, I just start popping off by the way. So this might be one of those episodes. I trying to think what I have to do today. I can't really work out right now. So I'm

not look I'm I got something I got surgery and it wasn't anything crazy but I'm kind of like unable to work out right now and do much and because I'm recovering so I'm fine it's all fine like nothing crazy happened I'm completely healthy but um it's been like I feel like grandpa joe and the gang from willy wonka and the chocolate factory like the whole laying in bed drinking or like eating soup now i sound like i'm sick it's like grandpa joe and the gang that's the vibe of my life right now i've been living in a bathrobe just like chilling not doing much and it's been nice it's been nice which pisses Corey off or

he goes aren't you just going crazy like don't you can't don't you just want to like get up and go go go go go and I'm like no this is actually nice and he's like that's a problem like if you guys know me like of course like I am made to lay horizontal I am made to chill I am made to be in sweats and no makeup and I'm made to just like do nothing and enjoy my and just be a it sounds that sounds sad like am I depressed like is this do we need to talk about we'll get into the mentee bees the mental breakdowns I've been having recently and we'll kind of get into that because it's a little depression coded but it's not depression and yeah we'll like talk about that later I will end the episode probably with that because I know it's gonna like trail off

and probably be redundant if you're a regular listener but it might be new because it is new information um but no like I'm just I like to be comfy I like to lounge I like it's fucking cold out it's it's dark at 3 30 I'm just I'm just like embrace and you know what I told him I said look because he's so go go go go go every single day like I'm like go go go go go but I'm like calm about it and chill about it and I'm like very relaxed about it all which I don't love about myself but like it is what it is but um he what did I say oh he said it was a problem and I'm like no oh I was gonna say it's because I'm like well I can't do anything so why sit here and wish I could go go go go go I'm just like embracing this time like instead of getting in

my head about like I'm losing I'm wasting I'm wasting time you know I'm like I should be doing other things right now but I have to recover or whatever so anyways um yeah so let's get into oh yeah. Surgery was fine. I'm recovering. It's like, it's day seven. I, it was last Wednesday and the fucking medication they give you. I, okay. I was, let me just explain this. So like, this is like all, is this too vague and too annoying? Why even say, why even talk about your recovery if you're not going to talk about the surgery um whatever just I was in a lot of pain initially and for probably like three or four days and so I was taking the pain medication and I don't like like I was I needed it I don't like taking that stuff I think

it's like hydrocodone percocet I don't fucking know which one it is but so I typically like I I had I've had surgery before and I took it for like two days and I was fine this was like I needed it long longer I needed to like finish the bottle like I almost like didn't have enough but I ended up being fine and I had like three pills left but I felt like I was floating and I get why people are get addicted to opioids is what I'm saying like it was like because I slept a lot I was taking a lot of naps and I just felt like I was floating I'm like laying there and I'm just like high but I'm not high and then what's really weird about it is it makes your like eyesight when you're taking uh narcotics or is that what they're called narcotics yeah it makes your eyesight like

not blurry but like your depth perception is weird you feel like you're in this haze I was talking to Corey and I'm like I'm talking to you and I'm like hearing my voice in my ears weird so yeah it wasn't fun I mean like it did its job its job but I'm so happy I'm like oh the constipation oh my god the constipation the constipation at a certain point it's like how much more food can my body hold I wasn't eating a lot but like it took me like four days to take a shit. And I was taking, this is what pisses me off. I was drinking. I didn't get like laxative pills. This is, hi, this is for the girls. If you're, everyone's in the front. If you're a guy listening right now, I'm talking about,

I'm talking about my shits. Okay. Fuck. I hate when I do this, but I always, I always talk about the nasties on here. The gross, God, it's like, I don't want to be the gross girl with the podcast but like I always am I always leaned I always skew this is whatever but those pills those pain pills constipate you so bad and I know this right so I got the smooth smooth move god damn it smooth move tea because that is undefeated it always works for me I do two bags at a time I put that uh water in the microwave for three or three minutes it's boiling two bags of the tea I'm good to go it always works um but that this time it didn't work for like three days and it's all I had and I was like okay well what's going on so I had to get the

I had to get like the drinkable laxative stuff that's awful tasting and that finally worked but I was so ready to get off the pain meds and like get get to the other side and anyways I literally though I was bedridden like I didn't get I it was bad like I think it was five five days four days straight um I was getting up to walk every hour to keep the blood flowing but um yeah and then I realized I was like I haven't podcasted in a minute I need to get back to this like ASAP. So that's why I'm here. Um, Oh my God. So I have, I have the worst track record with puking at, at, at just the, at the worst times. And also like having zero aim, zero anticipation or like, like of where, what am I saying? Like, you know, when you feel like you're

gonna puke like I am I feel that and I'm I'm not I feel like I'm gonna puke and I'm not looking for a bag to do it in I'm not looking for a bucket or just anything to like puke it a window to put to roll down a car door to fling open like my brain doesn't go there or like a toilet like if I'm inside my brain like doesn't go there it just sits in that feeling it sits back it's like you know it just my body just goes through the motions of feeling like it needs to puke and then it just pukes all over itself so I was so nauseous after surgery we had to drive home I had it up north from San Diego we live in San Diego and so my surgery was up north we had to do a little road trip back after and I was getting so nauseous and I fucking puked right into Corey's uh speakers in

his car and like the air conditioning vents. And like, it was so bad. I felt terrible. Like they gave me a puke bag is my point. Like they gave me a place to aim. If I felt that coming on did not even, I didn't even flinch to even look at it. So, and I have, like I said, a track record where like the last time I got really sick, I felt, I felt the puking feeling coming on. we talked about shitting now we're talking about puking oh my god okay um just wait till I become a mom because it'll just the all of all the subjects will revolve around the bodily fluids coming out of my kid's ass like that will be the entire podcast our like you know just the sticky stinky smelly situations that my kids are bringing to my life that week like that will be my podcast

like once that day occurs and once those kids pop out of me like I don't know why do I talk about it it's like I feel like weird about like let's talk about dresses and makeup um so no but the last time I got really sick I felt that coming on and it was like there's the toilet tell me why I took three steps to the left of the toilet and like puked projectile puked and this is when I had um neuro norovirus if you know you know um if you know you know does that ring any bells or any asshole it's when it comes out both ends okay I at the same time I like peeped all over the mirror next to the toilet all over the sink all over the like indoor house plants we had all over the rolled up towels we had in the bathroom like all over the

toothbrushes all over whatever was on the counter and then like a and then just like on the side of the toilet I'm in the bathroom bathroom feeling like I have to puke tell me why I just didn't go right over the toilet you know what I mean this is a problem in my life that I the day I actually make it into a a hole a vessel of like a container is gonna be I'm gonna be that isn't the next time I feel it I don't know what I'm gonna puke next but like I want to remember this conversation because I need to get it together and the poor people around me that have to like help me clean it up because you know I'm sick and it's like of course they're gonna help me Corey I'm talking about Corey it's so annoying for them so anyways I'm good we're back on the podcast I'm still

recovering I'm still wearing a bathrobe every day and I linked I have an I have an Amazon storefront okay I don't really promote it very often but I am gonna promote this right now I I found the perfect like heavy spa bathrobe and now I listen I did just watch the buy now documentary so I am aware that I am pushing consumerism right now and I'm pushing you to buy now on Amazon because this isn't this is an Amazon product okay but this is the kind of product that will last the test of time and you won't have to repurchase it a lot and you can feel good about this purchase because I think it's also like 100% cotton it's like quality so I feel good about this even though like I am so disgusted by my consumption and just the world's consumption

right now and the I just we'll talk about that documentary in a second because wow you know um we all we all knew this but like the visuals of it were disgusting like I couldn't look at the screen I was like it was it like bothered me really bad that documentary so anyways if you go to my Amazon storefront link to my bio on Instagram I have a link tree thing it's you click on my Amazon storefront um or you can just look this up on Amazon I don't even know what I don't like promote my products on my storefront ever but I actually like made a video because I'm like do people whenever an influencer links an Amazon product I never like I might click it but then I'm directed to the website version of Amazon that I'm not logged into. And then I'm

like, Oh, I'm just going to search this product on the app. And so that person never gets commission and it's like pointless. And I feel like does, yeah. Does anyone actually buy from the links because they're like, I don't know. Anyways, what am I saying? I have a storefront. I don't, what I'm saying is I don't even know how much commission I would get off of this. like or if it's even worth whatever it's there if you're curious what my I've curated a few boards like if you're curious what things I like to use my products my daily products my favorite workout clothes bikinis skincare products home decor things like dog stuff it's all there but this bathrobe is from just look up like spa bathrobe from monarch i think is the storefront

name or the brand name and it's the best i've been living in it for seven days now it's like fleecy cloth like terry cloth lined and it's heavy and then it has this like really nice it's not plush on the outside if that makes sense has this really nice like lining and it reminds me of all of the spas I've ever been to like those really nice heavy bathrobes so it's bathrobe season it is so cold it's 60 degrees in San Diego it's so cold I wake up every morning and the first thing I grab is my bathrobe like I it's fleece inside so it's so warm right like this is the best this is the best thing ever for this time of year but I'm always cold now I can't be in my house we don't turn on the heat because it's not cold enough to turn on the heat like it just seems

stupid to turn heat on but um yeah I'm always cold and I'm always wearing my bathrobe like over my clothes like I might be in a jeans and a t-shirt and I have a bathrobe on like just bundled up like look I love being cozy I love like what did I say earlier I was made to lay horizontal and I love being cozy I don't care um my mother-in-law's calling me okay can you guys hear that I feel like you can hear the ringtone to call her back it's probably about Thanksgiving because we are hosting Thanksgiving this year we're going to talk about it um and I want to talk about what I made because it's so wild for like I feel like

it's it's not when you when I explain it it's not that wild but like when I made it I'm like what the fuck am I doing this feels wrong like this feels like it shouldn't be happening right now but I was doing it if that makes sense so um yeah should we just go into this what I made right now and then I have a game you should play with your family on Thanksgiving a really fun like group game that's really easy and like really it costs like nothing um yeah i wanted to do the glp1 update oh i was gonna mention i'm finally i've been going back and forth with how i feel about the seahawks this season and now that we have literally like they're six and five now so now that we have a positive record i'm like actually like i care now

so uh go seahawks what the fuck happened with the chiefs on sunday uh they played or was it was it monday night football what's today the carolina panthers are the worst team in the league and the Chiefs almost lost to them I'm not I didn't watch the game but I'm pretty sure it was a shit show and a lot of mistakes were made because obviously if they almost lost to the Panthers um but yeah that's what's going on in football oh I want to talk let's just quickly talk about the buy now documentary and then I'll talk about Thanksgiving and that game so I love this what I love about being a person with social media and people that um oh my god she's asking about fruit pies hey do you guys like fruit pies at bakery in town

okay do I need to do hot takes on fruit pies right now my hot take or not it's not even hot take apple pie yes cherry pie yes apple cherry what am I forgetting rhubarb strawberry rhubarb cool with that um what other fruit pies are there peach pie no peach pie and sometimes it's okay but like I don't need boysenberry I don't need rat black blackberry any of those berries no what other fruits are there strawberry it's got to be straw okay here are my top three apple duh cherry if you don't if you think you don't like cherry pie you like cherry pie just give it like

go get a grocery store cherry pie I grew up where my mom I don't know what happened but like my brother had cherry pie once and and he loved it and then my mom would just randomly buy grocery store cherry pies all the time and bring them home and I always associate cherry pie with my brother and so and they're great like cherry pie is great you just like the grocery store pies are fine like yeah so apple cherry strawberry rhubarb I feel like I'm missing a fruit that's it I'm just gonna leave it at that but anyways what I was saying is the thing I love about being a person social media and we're all connected and we're all talking about the same stuff all the time which is like so fun especially if you're a podcast host because you're adding to

the conversation and you can do your you can talk about your thoughts and ideas about what everyone else is talking about and you can add your two cents so it's always one of those things it could be a documentary like this buy now one or tv show like squid game you know or whatever like a really popular movie um but it's so crazy how like I feel like this happens to all of us where all of a sudden you're seeing like you're seeing people taking pictures of their tv and it's they're all taking pictures that are similar of the same show or documentary or whatever and then you're like i keep seeing this and then you're like you're on netflix and you're like going through the home page and you like see the the thing that everyone's been posting you're

like oh my god everyone's talking about this like what's going and then you're sitting there with whoever you're watching with or if you're by yourself you're like oh my god this is what everyone's been talking about so for me it was by now because I kept seeing people post it and I was like okay I gotta I gotta give this thing a shot and I knew what it was gonna be as soon as I like saw it um you know about our over consumption and how awful the garbage landfill situation is on this planet how toxic it is how it's killing like the sea life and people and it's causing disease it's just it's so bad and when they visualized how much garbage is being piled up or buried or you know how much floats in the ocean and you see the visual of it it's like

it makes me feel sick it makes me hate like the fucking cup i'm looking at right now i hate myself for right now i went to starbucks okay and i got an iced coffee and now what the fuck happens to this cup right like because i'm swearing more because it's audio only sorry like does it have the little recycle thing on it i've kind of known for a while i don't know where i heard this probably a podcast that recycling's bullshit like it ends up in the same place that um garbage does so you feel like a good person because you're recycling but like somewhere down the line like five or six years ago I heard like no all this shit just gets shipped to China and like burned or buried or it's not even actually recycled now I don't know the details on that but I can

I used to work so one of my old jobs was I picked up garbage on the side of the freeway no I was not uh an inmate this was when I was like 14 it was a it was a job that they hired it was like the only job in the state that like that hired 14 year olds and so as soon as I turned 14 it was like bitch get to work it's your summer job like I applied for it my sister did it I think I did it for two summers and yeah it was literally like get in a van get your garbage bags get dropped off with an orange cone. You're wearing a hard hat and an orange vest. You're on the side of the road. You're 14. You're picking up garbage. I did that for two summers. Okay. I believe it was eighth grade and ninth grade. Now I remember we would specifically take the cans and put them in

a special bag. So we would bring the cans and you see this a lot. If you're in, if you live in a city, homeless people do this all day long. Like they're collecting the cans because they can get, they can get money for it because it's aluminum and aluminum aluminum is very valuable so I believe um but anyways we would go to these we go to go to this local recycling center and they clearly were sorting the recycling compartmentalizing everything and then compacting it into these recycling cubes and it looked like oh like this stuff's gonna go get recycled and I'm sure it probably was I'm sure that still exists but on the mass scale I don't think most of the things you throw in the recycling are actually being recycled based on this documentary and based on

like my just like my gut um I don't know I don't know though I think I need to look more into it but um when I was doing it back back in the day I mean what year was that like 2012 how old was I no god no that was like 2007 2008 um it just looked like yeah this is an actual recycling center where they're actually doing it right and all all of these materials are being recycled so I'm kind of at the point now where everything just needs to be biodegradable period like if it can't crumble back into the earth and become one with nature again like don't produce it like I don't fucking care if it's a laptop figure out a way to crumble that shit back into the earth because it was so sad like seeing these workers and I think it was Thailand like break apart

electronics and you just know that they're dying young like that is so toxic like whatever's in these batteries and um yeah so but here I am with my Starbucks it's just you know I'm a gluttonous I'm a gluttonous whore what am I I'm a gluttonous pig I am swearing more today I'm saying crass things because I'm audio only and do you guys like this version more because I kind of do and it's so much easier and not that I like taking the easier out because I like making my clips I like posting my full-length episodes on YouTube but um I don't know I'm literally like one leg up on my desk right now just chilling like not I don't care I'm I love this yeah I like this uh format so um yeah the documentary so and then we're going to

talk about Thanksgiving don't forget I won't forget um so I have always been a thrift shopper I am a thrift shopper. I'm a Goodwill. What other thrift stores? I am a Buffalo Exchange. I am a local consignment store, like, aficionado. Is that the right word? I am a connoisseur of thrift, of thrifting, of thrifted goods.

Okay. Majority of my closet, I'm going to say over 50% of the clothing I own is probably thrifted. and this grosses Corey out because you guys have to understand there's two types of people in the world people that go into a thrift store and get excited and people that go into a thrift store and get grossed out Corey gets grossed out and he can't last he lasts like five minutes he's like I gotta leave I gotta leave people have worn these clothes before I gotta get out of here I'll meet you and just meet me at Viore you know so it's kind of like the it's just kind of the vibe in our relationship with the thrift shopping and I grew up thrift shop if you know you know

like I love thrifting it's so fucking fun I find the best stuff and if you live in a good area most of the times like or most of the time the clothes are really good like the selections like I live by goodwill that is so it's like I'm finding like I'm finding like should I find it Nordstrom and like you know what I shop for online it's all there all the time like the top like what are those jeans everyone a gold a gold a goldie like I always find those jeans there and they're so good so yeah um I kind of draw the line at shoes but I have a ton of thrifted shoes so I can't really say that but anyways it this documentary made me feel slightly better about myself that I may I prioritize like if I'm buying clothes I'll I like thrifting you know I don't

really like department stores I don't really like I'll shop online for clothes ish if it's something really specific that I want that like I saw someone else wear or whatever like if it's a if I want something that's more high-end like I'm gonna shop for it online but for the most part I'm at the thrift store and that makes yeah so this documentary that it was the clothes for me it was the she in it was all of the fast fashion brands and how like Zara produces 25,000 items a year excuse me like huh because of how fast the fashion cycle goes now and how much they have to like keep up with the other brands and always have something new on their site like it's out of control it's so fucked up and I the amount of clothing out there that's just like or there's this thing

where I think it was somewhere in Africa right like oh don't eat to the people that need clothes in Africa that don't have anything like that shit just gets piled up by the ocean or something or in the desert and like does it doesn't actually go to them or just shit like that like it's just obviously there's corruption in this world but when you see it and it's visualized it's like dude what the fuck you know like do like we can do so much better it wouldn't even be that hard like it wouldn't even be that hard and I think I'm really happy that it came out right before the holidays when everyone's mass consuming mass buying gifts and food and all the things because it really makes you second guess your purchases and I think what I'm really into is

using up like if I have shampoo or lotions or makeup products like for the most part I'm not rebuying I can't say this I'm full of shit catch me in the TJ Maxx shampoo and conditioner aisle just well wild and now buying another bottle something I don't need because I have like three more at home but I'm like oh I need back stock I need back stock or I need a different type of shampoo for the days where I'm like I need a little more moisture because all I do is fry my hair with volumizing or it's not fry I strip it with volumizing shampoo all the time so I'm like so I but I feel like recently it's been kind of a vibe I think it's because I got on like under consumption TikTok and I saw how people like squeezed their toothpaste until the fucking last

the last morsel and they used like an ant's ass sized amount like for a week to stretch it out that thin before they had to rebuy another thing toothpaste and I was like that's a vibe and they're like see this soap right here this was from Christmas 2019 you know what I mean it's a vibe it's like oh you know who does that it's so like cool and like so savvy and so smart like I don't know it can go it can get to the extremes obviously but um I I used to I used to be really into minimalism and I would get rid of stuff all the time and I wouldn't buy things unless I absolutely needed it and dude look at my if if you like it's I've got I've like crawled away from that I don't I don't know it's like you're older you have more money now so you buy more I

don't know if it's that but it probably is that because when you're younger it's different and then dude whatever so that was the documentary do I have any more thoughts um I thought it was really well done um okay this is the game you're gonna play with your family on Thanksgiving this year and I saw this video everything is hey I saw it on TikTok right like how like when's the last time you've had a conversation with someone who didn't bring up hey I saw this thing on TikTok and I have to tell you about it it's like okay I love the comment section or I love them the comments are like hey I'm employed what does this mean can't relate like there's two types of people in this world it's like the people commenting like hey I'm employed what does this mean because

they don't understand like trends on TikTok they don't understand like TikTok language and social media language and the drama that's going on on TikTok or like so across social media they don't like they're employed their heads in their email all day or their heads in a spreadsheet all day and they're working all day and they're like they're not like the rest of us who I don't know what your job is or what you do all day but like you know I'm self-employed at this point so I mean yes I am self-employed it's your time is your time you can do whatever you want and you end up on TikTok a lot and I do it for it's for the job like I'm making TikToks I'm causing drama on TikTok and profiting off haters and it's been that's the job right so I'm on TikTok and um anyways I saw

this video on TikTok it's like there's no other way to phrase it if you're trying to share information you could just say hey I read this I read this really cool book about games to play with your family I should just say that um okay here's what you need this is gonna be like this is for you already ate dinner or you already had Thanksgiving Thanksgiving dinner you're lit a little bit you're with a group of like 10 people okay you need this can't I mean you could do it less than that but what you're gonna do is this is like you're around the living living room floor you need a clear surface like a good like you need if there's a okay push away the ottomans push away the centerpiece tape what are the things called push away the ottomans push away

the coffee tables clear that area rug in the living room off okay pile people on the couches you need like 10 people and then ask your grandma or ask whoever's hosting Thanksgiving for a paperback. Okay. You need a standard paper bag for this game to work. And that's it. A paper bag and 10 people. So what you do, and I saw this again, and I read this in a book about family games to play on. I saw this on TikTok. It was so funny. And I, I, I was laughing so hard. so everybody takes a turn to bow down to it basically you have to like put your face to the bag and you have to pick it up with your mouth without using your hands so everyone and then as the bag gets like picked up more and more it starts breaking apart and it starts getting

lower and lower to the ground and like because people are taking literal bite marks out of it as they pick it up and it is so funny because people are like doing the full splits you see these grown-ass men and they're in their like jeans and their fucking fupas hanging over them and they're trying to like get down there with their hands behind their back and it's and they're trying to balance it's like it's so funny so if you're looking for like a fun game where like everyone's going to be laughing it's going to be a challenge but not too hard um just don't face plant. Try not to face plant. Cause I feel like, and don't do this. Oh my God, please do this on a rug. Um, yeah, that's the game. And I don't know. I just feel like our Thanksgiving is going

to be very intimate, very small. It's literally Corey's parents and Corey and I. So I'm like, I'm hosting Thanksgiving. There's four of us. Okay. Just one of those years, you know? Um, Um, but yeah, there's, I don't, I don't think we're going to be playing this. Corey and I, I guess could play it together, just back and forth, back and forth, but it looked really fun. It looked funny. Like one of those games that's really easy to do, but, um, you know, makes for a good time.

Okay. Um, okay. So this is what I made for Thanksgiving. We're like, how far are we into this episode? Okay. My leg's still up on the desk. I feel like it's not good okay we're just gonna get situated here so listen I feel like when I describe what I made for Thanksgiving

now you have to understand I pre-made the food because I'm not going to be able to like do much because I'm still recovering um like I can't lift a 20 pound turkey and like cook a bunch of food and I won't be able I won't be I can't be an octopus on Thanksgiving and put on a big Thanksgiving feast so I prepped ahead and I had I was trying to think of something that would be that would cover all of my bases or like knock every food group out on Thanksgiving at once so what did I do I put every single Thanksgiving dish inside of pie dough okay I made a Thanksgiving pie so here I am I don't know it was just two weekends ago making stuffing making mashed potatoes making sweet potatoes with marshmallows and pecans

making green beans making literally I cooked a whole turkey making what else is on Thanksgiving gravy I feel like I'm really I'm forgetting something really important did I say stuffing um there was something on top it crumbled and I can't remember it was like green beans and something else so yeah why am I really drawing a blank the cranberry sauce is not inside of it it's gonna go as like a it's gonna be a side sauce to eat with the pie okay whatever so I literally did like a lasagna vibe where you put down the stuffing put or you put down yeah stuffing mashed potatoes turkey gravy sweet potato green beans something else I can't remember and then you like put oh pie doughs underneath it because you're making like a pie a savory pie and

then pie doughs on top of it and it weighs like 20 pounds I cooked all day it's done I feel like okay no one can complain because I hit every single dish that Thanksgiving that comes with Thanksgiving and it's all going to be in a package that will be able to it'll be baked very easily and quickly and everyone will be happy you'll get all the flavors in one bite and yay you know so I looked up a bunch of recipes and I feel like people do this is this is an actual thing by the way like I didn't just randomly come up with it but I guess this is something people do with leftovers which makes total sense like they throw all the leftovers into pie dough and they make like a Thanksgiving leftover pie so that's what and I don't know what else we're having so his

mom is making she's bringing dessert and she's bringing um her famous oh my god her famous crab dip she makes it in this like it's like inside of a bread like a sourdough loaf if that makes sense it's like you dip your little cracker into the cheesy crab dip it's so good um probably gonna get I can't have any fun cocktail is Cory golfing on Thanksgiving oh my god should I call him to confirm that first Thanksgiving I'm hosting I'm like you guys did I am I starting you is this my first complaint about my husband or like I have never complained about Cory until just now but I'm I'm complaining because it's such a cliche with like the man golfing and like the wife being a golf widow but like I'm like who am I gonna watch the Thanksgiving day parade with

who am I gonna prep Thanksgiving dinner with I'm like whining to him like fake whining because all it but because I'm like I was I was like no like he's I know he's going golfing like he'll be gone until like noon or something he has an early tea time but I was like actually like go because all want to do is like have a holiday cocktail put in a podcast and watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade and like start the football games and just like make the house all like homey and cute and like get it going you know like I don't fucking care like that will be my I will love that like I love like my me time when I'm doing all that kind of stuff is so therapeutic and I love it and it's so but I just I just brought that up because I just remembered he's like honey

so-and-so and so-and-so want to go golf but it's on Thanksgiving and I'm like you could do it any other day this is our this is our first Thanksgiving he'll be there all afternoon he's going to be cooking everything by the way he is going he's going to be the master chef now I cook the I'm for the most part I'm cooking like nine out of ten times I'm I'm chefing it up for us but this will be his time to shine he will be on duty all afternoon cooking all the food prepping the table prepping everything while I sit back and I don't know I'm just gonna watch him be like okay here you go preheat the oven to 350 let's see how you let's see what you do or let's see your like impress me I'm gonna fucking pull a Miranda Priestly on him just watch him I'm just gonna

sit and judge him in the corner um but yeah I'm not I can't have alcohol for like two weeks which is fine I like I haven't drank in like a month now because pre-surgery I was like you know cutting back on everything um trying to eat healthy and because they because of blood thinning and you don't want to cause any compl you don't want to you guys know what I'm saying you don't want to cause drama no you don't want to create problems for yourself or you don't want to bleed and surge what am I but I'm you don't want to have any complications during surgery so you do all the preventative things beforehand to give yourself the best opportunity of getting to the other side of the anesthesia alive so anyways I and I and I'm like dude like this is such a vibe

like I've been you guys I've talked about my alcohol consumption on this podcast like it's been a journey in the last well what was it 2023 was like my drinking year of my life like I was like for I was drinking more than I ever have and I was just like not I don't even know why like it was just like for no reason you know what I mean not like it was I mean we were doing it for a reason we were going out more we're having fun we just got engaged we're planning a wedding we're like doing all the stuff we're with people all the time we're like socializing and if you know me like I didn't do a lot of that in my 20s so 2023 was my I put it as my drinking year but yeah I'm like I used to go months like I would have maybe a glass of wine a month maybe but I used to go

back when I was like in my early 20s through most of my 20s I barely drank so um I feel like oh going and it's literally been a month since I haven't but I'm like oh this is what I used to do so um anyways but then I looked at Corey in the car today did you guys see that Theo Vaughn episode or clip of him on Joe Rogan where he's like he's just fiending for like a he's like I just need something right now I need something he's like looking at Joe he's like I just I just want to feel something right now I just want to like take he's like it's been a hell of a week man I just need something and Joe gives him those smelling salts but he's like you got any nicotine you got and he fucking he's like he's an addict you know and he's like I just need something right now so

I had a moment in the car today I think by the way I do believe it does run in my family on both sides addiction specifically specifically alcohol so obviously I'm hyper sensitive with myself about alcohol but literally I'm in the car today on the way to the gym and I'm looking at Corey and I'm like I really want some weed like I haven't smoked or I haven't had like weed in like six months and I'm like we need to go like do you want to go to the weed store and like stock up for you know a couple months like we need stuff you know like I I just like had this itch you know I was like I need it but I don't know if that's an addict thing I just think it's a sometimes like we go in our we have spurts where we'll take edibles for like a month

like every single night and then we'll like get a couple joints and like finish those off after it like everything lasts is like if you're if you're a weed if you smoke or whatever to take edibles regularly if this is like a no big deal thing to you you're probably like the way we go through it is so slow and it's like we take such a small amount because it doesn't take much to like get as high but anyways I just looked at him in the car and I was like I was like I just or what did I do I was so after I had a mental breakdown and I wasn't joking like I actually felt this so maybe this is an addict thing like I was I had two really bad breakdowns and one before surgery one after surgery and I literally was like I just need I was like I need I was like I need a

sick I was like I need a cigarette like I need something I was just doing a theovan to Corey I was just like so stressed out and so overwhelmed and I was crying and I was screaming I was just like fucking I was guys this is the thing also they I wasn't allowed to take birth control or my SSRI for like a month before surgery so obviously hi I need that obviously I'm gonna fucking turn into a basket case if I don't take my Prozac for you know that long and it happened and it's clockwork anytime I've had a gap in my medication I am I'm a lunatic I'm a crying crazy mess and it's so dumb because I'm like crying it's like it's so classic it's like so woe is me it's so like self-deprecating it's so like oh why why why me and I'm just like talking

about like death and just like darkness and just like not wanting to be it just it gets really guys I'm sorry trigger warning I'm you know but like it gets so like that so quickly if I don't take my medication which is so wild but that I need it to feel normal but I feel like it's because I did it cold turkey and that is the side effect of getting off your medication is you're gonna go go crazy a little bit and I do every single time so I also by the way um haven't been on it I still can't take it because it it is it's inner it has a negative interaction with my one of the other medications I'm on post-surgery so I'm like fuck me you know we're on what month one week we're on month I think it's been a month in like a week now so

I'm hanging in there you know what I mean I'm just trying to like you know what helps me though podcasting so it's good that I'm getting it all out here and um guys okay moving on we'll talk about the mental breakdowns in the context of them or like what happened and like what's going on in my brain in a second but um I have an update on my GLP-1 journey no I am not overweight or obese no I am not overweight no I am not obese no I do not have no I am not overweight no I am not obese no I do not have diabetes yes I am vain as fuck and mentally ill I okay so this is the story long story short I'm gonna start taking a GLP-1 through the I'm gonna be injecting it okay hi mom I know you're pissed off that I just said that because you're probably like

my daughter is crazy she doesn't need that this is so like unhealthy because she's had body image issues and disorders and this is like what the fuck like you don't need to lose weight and okay I hear you I see you I love you however I just want to give you guys a little insight into what's going on. So about two months ago, I, update from Corey, they're just cutting the front yard. The gardener's here. Okay. Hi. You can hear that in the background. If you hear a lawnmower in the background, our gardener's here. Okay. So a couple months ago, I got reached out to by a rep for Modare. I've promoted their products before on the show here. I've talked about them on my Instagram so they reached out to me to start take it to promote their latest

GLP-1 product called Curb which is a drinkable form of GLP of a GLP-1 so it's basically an appetite suppressant but it helps promote healthy GLP-1 levels and there's a there's a whole they have so much clinical research around it around it it's not even funny like it's been proven and everything to like actually work the people that have taken it long term have lost like x amount of I mean it's like or no in like 90 days they lost 10 percent of their body weight and I'm not I will I can't guarantee that this will happen but people have it helps with your blood sugar so people that have been struggling with their blood sugar like diabetics it has I can't say it cured it but like it has greatly improved their, um, symptoms of that and their levels of their blood sugar.

So, um, anyways, so I said, yes, I was like, oh, interesting. You know, everyone's talking about Ozempic. Everyone's talking about Wegovy and it's the craze of 2024, right? Like everyone is, it's a buzzword, right? So I was like, interesting. I I've been personally curious. so because I'm like wouldn't that be nice you just take a little shot and you're like not you won't you can like maintain or I know it's not that simple but like it's it's the whole like if a genie asked me a wish I'm a woman okay if a genie asked me a wish if you're a woman listening like you probably relate to this I wish I could just eat anything and never get fat like hi I like food hi I can eat like a fucking 16 year old going through puberty who's also the

center on his high school football team and needs to weigh 300 pounds like that is I have the potential for that I can and I have lived up to that potential in the past I have you know I gained a shit ton of weight during COVID I can I can be fat fuck and I can be a skinny bitch at the same time like I can do it all I've been it all and never okay this is like not this is so insensitive i need to take a breath it's giving cory's calling it's giving she doesn't she hasn't been on her meds in a month in one week and she's acting crazy hi honey you're on the podcast oh sorry no don't be thanks for getting the yard cut we have the yard cut just seeing if you have the pups inside the pups are inside they're sleeping

oh good i'm on the cast what are you guys talking about uh just the usual um we're talking about uh ozempic right now oh that's fun you know but like you know i'm gonna be shooting the shot in my stomach here soon oh boy not needed at all but yeah i know it's a three-month thing i'm just gonna give it a try and see what happens because I'm I want to I got a code red I gotta go love you oh you do okay I know what that means okay love you bye I should have questioned him about golf fuck are you go are you golfing on Thanksgiving um oh we're seeing gladiator two is that what it's called gladiator gladiator two this weekend I'm excited um by the way we figured out like I don't like

regular movie theaters like if there's a way to watch a movie in a recliner and you have full service where they're like coming to you and they're like giving you food and popcorn and whatever you want like i'm going i'm doing that every single time and some people complain because they're like oh well those recliners make me fall asleep and then i don't watch the movie i'm like no i still watch the movie i'm like not i don't i don't sleep if i'm at a movie theater and i paid 46 for two tickets which i think is how much it cost i'm watching the whole fucking movie you know and i'm indulging and i'm enjoying myself and so yeah that's like our my favorite date night recently is we go to the movie theater with the

recliners and the restaurant inside and we because i'm like it kills two birds with one stone we're already going to go home and watch a movie after the dinner at the restaurant so now we're just doing it all in one and it's like the same price as like a normal dinner we go out to kind of maybe a little more depending on what we get but um anyways what was i saying oh i hear the lawnmower i don't know if you can hear it so glp1 yeah here's where i'm at so okay they they sent me the drink i've been promoting the drink it's called curb i have a link in the or i have a link for ten dollars off in this in the description of this podcast and then it's also on my Instagram under my faves highlight if you're curious I don't know why I put it as a fave

I guess it is a fave it does work I have I've talked about a lot on my Instagram story but it's a strong drink like it not like alcohol is strong like it's you drink it and it's like fuck I'm full like I've had many nights where and it kind of it kind of scares me or not scares me but it's it kind of makes me uncomfortable because when you're on a schedule with eating and you do the same thing every single day for the most part and you you know have have a breakfast or your lunch or your late breakfast your intermittent fast I don't know what you do but you do this then do that and then for me it's like at night I cook dinner and we have dinner together so it's been weird when I'm like I don't even really want dinner and then you eat something you're just

kind of like turned off by it so the drink does work the curb drink I got um sent does work now this is the kicker okay this is the kicker this is okay the nature of being an influencer and if uh, am I an influencer? I'm a, whatever. The nature of being a TikTok, okay, like viral TikToker is that people are going to reach out to you. They're trying to send you products. You guys, I'm getting croissants sent to me, by the way, I'm getting, this brand is sending me fucking croissants. And I said yes to it. Like I'm saying yes to everything, including a weight loss shots. Okay. I got reached out to by a company called the Hall of Vitality. And they said, Hey, we will, we will send you a medication approved by your doctor and, you know, it's all legitimate. It's all thorough. They, I've been called and checked and all that stuff. Like they have thoroughly discussed everything with me and to make sure that I'm a candidate for whatever medication that I want.

It's like therapies, like peptide therapies, weight loss medication therapies, testosterone therapies they have for men. They have NAD, they have like all these different amazing, like rejuvenating, like health boosting therapies that they sell. And you can get a prescription of, you can get a, through their company or like through their website, you can get on a subscription for them where you get it sent every month. And it's really cool. And again, it's very like cutting edge. Like this is what everyone's talking about. Everyone's talking about, well, NAD has been around, like people know about that. And like B12 shots, obviously testosterone therapy, but like now with the weight loss shots, it's like, oh, they're offering that now too. so anyways I got reached out to take a medication basically of my choice like whatever you know I was leaning honestly towards the NAD and then at the last second I'm on the phone with a doctor and I'm like fuck I feel like such a piece of shit right now I was like you know what I said look I said I don't I know I don't need this like because it's not I don't have a lot of weight to lose but I'm really curious about it and I really want to try it because I just want

to see what it's like to be on a GLP-1 so long story short I went with the GLP-1 shot I they're sending it to me right now it's gonna come any day and it's a three-month thing and at any time I can stop at any time I can be like this is not I don't like the side effects I don't this is like unnecessary for me and I can stop taking it and then I'll just try something else that they have but um obviously it's in exchange for content so I'm sure I'll post content about it and update you guys on you know what's happening and but I do like here's the thing this is like straight up how I feel about weight on my body and everything I and everyone I'm sure every woman can relate to this I for example like I feel great not like good not like okay I feel great

in the body I have right now and this body when I say this body is 20 pounds heavier than the body that I prefer being at because I like how I feel in clothes or I love how I feel in clothes when I'm 20 pounds lighter so it's really interesting because like I feel great I don't feel hungry I feel confident I feel good and everything but it's like or I can't say fully confident because like it's I'm at the size where like clothes are kind of trickier it's not just like throw anything on and feel amazing like throw on a bikini and you know well whatever I feel like it's not that deep Jacqueline like fucking relax you look fine but anyway so if I was to lose 20 pounds with the aid of a GLP-1 with GLP-1 intervention then I'm not gonna be mad you

you know what I mean and I just feel like I again want to give it a try it's a new age thing there's a lot of benefits to it they're finding that especially in the anti-aging department so I'm curious about that I just want to give it a try again it's a three-month thing you know if someone reached out to you and they're like hey we'll send you ozempic for free and you can get on it like tomorrow you'd probably do it you know what I mean and I know that sounds like fucked up listen to me I'm not guys there am I in my batshit era am I am I reverting back to my 2020 self unmedicated here because I'm trying okay if you're listen I'm not trying to be insensitive but like it's almost like I feel

my brain my mom oh my god I talked hi mom I talked to her on the phone and I was just like I don't even know what I was telling her about but she's like I feel like the you're like you again I'm like fuck off I'm like no I didn't say that but like I'm like I I know what you mean like I need to so I up life update I'm seeing a psychiatrist to do a ADHD evaluation so hi I'm finally getting tested for real I'm finally getting an evaluation but um it's really interesting because like what was I just lost my train of thought there's some like truth and oh but off of my medication recently um I just feel like my brain kind of like reopening and it's more like colorful and more like

just a little more free and creative and and I think yeah there might be something to that so maybe I'll get off of Prozac and get on something else I don't know it's just like I've made peace with like look I have this wild brain that needs to be tamed in order for me to keep it together and be a functioning member of society it's good for entertainment though I will say it is good for entertainment I am I'm so grateful for my brain because it is a fun place to be sometimes especially when I'm creating content but um it also leads to emotional distraught and mental breakdowns that are so unnecessary but honestly crying is so therapeutic I felt it's like so it feels so good to just like really ball it out so should I just get into the mental

breakdowns now you guys this wicked press tour so wicked the movie wicked just came out and everyone's talking about how weird ariana grande and oh my god i'm gonna i forgot her name um wicked cast fuck wicked cast i can't say her name cynthia arrivo did i say that right cynthia arrivo everyone's saying how weird ariana grande and cynthia arrivo are on these on their press tour for Wicked because they're like acting they're so emotional and they're crying and they're just acting very strange and I'm like look at that okay this is like dude it's so fucked up they're hungry like they're hungry what do you do when you're hungry you're not yourself right like they just look okay in all seriousness though and I know we're not supposed

to comment on people's bodies but also people are talking about how thin they have gotten since they started filming this show and it's kind of and look Ariana Grande she came out with that video of like hey like I don't know she's kind of not clapping back yeah kind of clapping back talking about how people I forget the context but it was addressing people commenting on her body I believe and at the end of the day like if you're body positive you should embrace all bodies you shouldn't comment on them and say anything about them but like I just hope they're okay and I hope because it's very like wow like Ariana that she's very thin like very thin right now and she might be extremely healthy and everything's fine and she's there's nothing wrong same with

Cynthia like Cynthia's gotten me Cynthia used to be like jacked and now she's really tight maybe they're on ozempic like straight up like I don't know probably right maybe this movie was stressful or maybe there's a lot going on in their lives I don't know you can't again it's like it's not healthy it's not productive to comment on people's bodies and come online and say especially about women like come on okay that's the last thing I should be doing right now but here's what I want to say I just hope they're okay and because especially with Ariana I just want to say this like I just hope we're not watching like this sounds dark but like I just hope that this doesn't I don't know like you know when you've seen like crazy pictures of like

Amy Winehouse and the Olsen twins back in the day when it was just like and like even Angelina like they get like crazy skinny and it's just like I hope it's not gonna turn into that you know and she's okay um because there's like a healthy you know look like skin you're really skinny but it's like you're you still look pretty healthy like she's looking it's getting like scary and and people are confused they're like what's going on they're crying they're emotional they got 10 matching tattoos together they're acting strange they're just like it's just off the interview like should i play it right now of the holding space like this was so weird this week people are taking the lyrics of defying gravity and really holding space with that

and feeling power in that uh I didn't know that that was happening I've seen it yeah that's really powerful that's why I want it I didn't know that was happening I've seen it on a couple posts I don't know how widespread but you know I am in queer media so that's my you know cool okay like a piece of me is like this is kind of all beautiful like the emotion because I'm a double cancer I'm an emotional chick you know I cry a lot I feel a lot and it's kind of beautiful like women among women's interviewers looking at them and she's like telling them how people are holding space for some like these lyrics from the movie and how wow that's so powerful you know it's it's like wow like words

have power and people are it's resonating with people and they're really like embracing these words and really holding space and just really marinating in them and just like it's really help it's at the end of the day it's probably helping people right especially like she said she's in queer media she's seen this from a lot of the queer community so maybe it's been a positive these lyrics the song this movie has been a really positive thing for them so oh a piece of me is like oh how beautiful and then I look at them I'm like what the fuck she's grabbing her finger like Ariana like consoles her and like just grabs her index finger and it's just like the way just the the pace the mannerisms the words they're using and just like the emotion coming out I know they're

actresses but like it's weird it's very weird and I am hearing a lot of amazing reviews about the movie I did put my I cast my vote for the movie to see this weekend I cast it as Wicked and not Gladiator 2 and then Corey's like I don't want to see Wicked I can't I'll just take one for the team and we'll see gladiator which people are saying sucks but i'm looking at the the uh i'm looking at the trailer for it and i'm like i don't think i've personally i'm sure there's other movies i'm sure there's a gladiator one right like it's gladiator two but i haven't seen um uh i haven't seen like a depiction of the coliseum and people fighting in it like i haven't really seen other than like what was it Star Wars 2 when they guys don't know what I'm talking about

that scared the shit out of me those like monsters the one that's like a crab with like a really long like like leg pincher things it was like and the other one's like a tiger like dragon thing it scared the shit out of me and they had to like fight them off that was kind of like a coliseum vibe um but at like a Star Wars gladiator coliseum vibe but I haven't seen so this the trailer I was like oh this is cool like it's it's Roman it's like back in the day and it's like really like they show men like fighting with swords and fighting to the death and fighting off lions and like it just looked good to me so and you know we're seeing in theater so I'm sure it'll look sick and so I just got a text from Corey sorry honey didn't mean to get off the phone

so quick. Do I call him and ask him about golf for fun? I think I should. I think I should. Let's do it. I'm going to tell him I've been crying. He's not going to answer.

He's probably in a meeting or something. Hello? Hi. Hi. Sorry I had to get off so fast. It's okay. Whenever you say code, code red, I don't, I don't even question it. So thank you, dear. Yeah. But, um, I, I do have a question for you. Okay. You're still on the cast by the way. Awesome. We just got our drapes by the way. Oh, good. This is a great episode. I'm having a lot of fun. Um, are you golfing on Thanksgiving or did that get called off? You are. Okay.

Okay. I just want to make sure what time we, I know what time will you be home? 12 30 perfect okay i made a joke about that but i'm i actually was telling everyone how like i'm excited to have my morning to myself to do all the girly things so oh i'm i'm i'm excited you're excited i'm excited to golf with some buddies i know we should go golfing this weekend uh oh wait not to it oh wait i i can't yeah never mind forgot all right well but at some point i'm down yeah i know i just realized that it's gonna be a while yeah i would take it slow probably not till like february i can't golf probably till february march probably probably could putt and chip yeah yeah but not swing no you know yeah and i found the drapes and uh

it should be here tomorrow yay thank you honey yep all right yep and then that'll be it right yeah they'll look great yeah it will look great well what's for lunch what is for lunch uh i don't know a burger burger patty and eggs burger patty and eggs could be a thing although i had that yesterday so i don't know if i want it back to back what's the sandwich shop you go to it's called pepper deli pepper deli pepper deli white on kearney mesa you might need a sandwich from pepper deli yeah they're very good yeah they are very very good um do you need anything for me today i always do like what um do i need anything from from you no i'm trying to think i think we're dialed in i think we're dialed in yeah

are you excited for thanksgiving yeah i told everyone that i made a thanksgiving pie well we just got to get a couple things at the store wednesday and then we'll be good to go Yeah. Are you excited to cook everything? Yep. I'm just going to sit back and watch. On the brand new wolf. I know. Absolutely. Our first Thanksgiving.

With your parents. That's right. Your mom texts me and you get to text her back because she called me during the podcast, but she wants to know if we like fruit pies. No. You don't? Come on. Apple? Yeah, I like apple. What about cherry? No, I like apple.

that's probably your only like yeah yeah but for thanksgiving i feel like it's pecan and yeah i like pecan and apple and apple oh we both say pecan pecan pecan i almost said i thought about it before i said it pecan pecan no i say pecan pecan and pumpkin all right yeah all right well happy holidays everyone thanks everyone looks happy holidays thank you honey do you have any tips uh bundle up find someone you care about snuggle all throughout the holidays what if they can't find someone how and hire someone okay honey yeah just hire him all right jimmy's staring at me he's like get off the microphone mom it's the season of giving okay and gratitude but not giving too much because we don't want to

overconsume and cause more garbage on this planet that's true we also talked about that documentary that is true that is true okay i love you all and i'll see you soon i love you honey bye all right bye um forgot what we were talking about before this so okay let's get into oh i want to give you guys like a little fun fact here i forgot what we were talking about before i called him but um oh we were talking about wicked right so i saw this again saw it on tiktok saw it on tiktok this video about the internet and it's just like a gentle reminder this is like a friendly reminder if you kind of forgot this and then i'm going to read um like more information about it like quick this this will be like a brief thing this is in regards

to the internet so excuse me what do you mean that the internet is just a giant cord that runs along the bottom of the ocean what the fuck how like you guys be doing miraculous shit bitch how did you get that cord down there to run around the whole fucking planet and that's the internet bitch that's the internet a cord on the bottom of the ocean that can i'm assuming get cut because it's a cord bitch it's a cord see i'm assuming everyone thinks or a lot of people think because bitch this was me oh it's the satellite something's in the air that gives us the bitch it's a cord at the bottom of the ocean is the internet that's the internet the cord at the bottom of the ocean how did you guys put that there how long is it because it has to be thousands

of miles of like cord how okay and they're not gonna ever tell us but bitch that's just crazy to me okay so the internet is the cord running along the bottom of the ocean and I just remembered I don't know if this was like a discovery channel uh show or something I saw on yeah like a TLC you know discovery history channel or some shit there's like cord or like pipe laying ships you know what i mean like they like drop pipes that can like carry that can carry cords and other things at the bottom of the ocean and they like go through the ocean and they like drop the pipes down so i have seen how they tech how they get it down there i'm gonna read to you it was just because we're on the internet all day right we're on the internet all day so like no it's not a

outer space thing I don't know maybe there's like a component of the internet that is in the ether like obviously the wi-fi which you know how everyone talks about that like how does like like airdrop like that's crazy you just like press a button and just like hops and jumps over to a like instantly jumps to another device but anyways um undersea cables are the backbone of the modern internet carrying almost all of the world's digital data length let's get into the length the world's undersea cables stretch over 1.4 kilometers or 870 000 miles which is enough to span the diameter of you guessed it the sun the length of the cords or the cables under the ocean

span over 870,000 miles which is enough to span the diameter of the sun okay the purpose these cables carry almost all internet traffic including emails social media movie streams and zoom calls they also process over 10 trillion dollars in financial transactions every day your transactions are being transacted under the ocean that's kind of cool construction undersea cables are made of fiber optic threads that trans transmit data at speeds of up to 180 000 miles per second per second the cables are wrapped in steel armor insulation and a plastic coating installation cabling ships lay the cables on the ocean floor sometimes burying them in shallow waters for protection repeaters are installed along the route to

amplify the optical signal under oh lifespan undersea cables typically last around 25 years yeah threats undersea cables are vulnerable to damage from fishing activities ship anchors and other threats. Um, wow. If you go to images, let me like look at a couple of pictures. It's like not that crazy to me because I guess it is. I mean, there's a map of all the cords or all the cables. it's gotta it's gotta be a physical thing somehow like I can't imagine maybe in the future obviously everything you can imagine is gonna happen in the future like tech wise like eventually but it makes me wonder like will there ever be a time because I'm thinking like

star link or some shit like like the internet is just above us in space hovering or orbiting around the earth in like satellites or something and like everything kind of like pings around above us like that but it's actually like happening in the ocean yeah i'm sure there's going to be a time where those get pulled up and then it's done differently you can really see though they're like there's multiple layers inside the pipes of wow if you zoom in wow engineering is so it's so insane to me like just how like the mass scale of some things I'm just like I know it's like if you can build it in a computer if you can make a little toy model of it

like you can like build it as big as you want like if it works if it works in the computer like in theory it should work in the real world but sometimes i see stuff and i'm just like it just makes me so impressed by like humans like we're we're we have some smart ass people out there you know wow it's really interesting just go google image like internet cables under of the ocean. We're just chilling down there. So, okay. Was I going to talk about my mental breakdown now? Um, wait, what's the, and then we'll end the episode, right? Um, so what's like the core thing here? What's the root thing? What's the, like, why have I been I had two

I'm talking like stomach crying or my stomach's like it's like coming from the gut like visceral like cries and I haven't had one of these since I mean I cry I don't cry like this I probably cry like this once a year it depends what it is like but okay long story short okay there's there's like how do I want to go about explaining this so this again I saw it on TikTok but not really it's actually going to help like prompt me to like talk about this subject because I think it's like it's kind of sad to me about myself like it's kind of or it makes me like dude like what the fuck are you doing with your life it's like one of those things so and I think every entrepreneur everyone who's like transitioning in

life whether that's like new life chapters or career like you kind of you can doubt yourself you can go you can kind of your mind can go places and kind of like spiral and get all out of whack because you're not settled in your next chapter yet you're not like fully like in the groove of it and so I think but but there's a there's layers to this so like let me just play this video and this is no hate to my parents because I know it's gonna like bring up parents in this because I think they were wonderful parents but there's an element I'm sure of my childhood in general and just like what I experienced at school with crazy bullying and my self-esteem issues and also yeah like some things that were going on at home I think contributed to this um let me play it this

is from a podcast um I literally saved it so it should just be right here oh here a marker of good parenting is that your child doesn't have any wish to be famous why is that because it means that they have an internal system of validation rather than external system of validation they are not seeking to be known by strangers they can be content to be known by a small circle of people that they actually know back so it's it's two-way rather than a broadcast system a marker so it's like it goes like this like for whatever reason I have this internal like like driver inside of me I can't like help it it's just how I'm wired to

be seen and heard and known for who I am okay yes Jacqueline that makes sense you have a public podcast you post yourself publicly all the time on social media you make videos you make content you're always talking about your life and you're always you know bringing people into your world and you're sharing pictures of yourself you're sharing videos you're updating updating updating about your life 24 7 like you're always so but at the root of it it's like this need that I have to be it's not to it's not to be famous like let's let it's not it's never about like I've never chased fame necessarily I think what I'm chasing is the the need for me to feel understood because I feel like when I like I feel like social media has given me this platform and this

ability to share myself to the world and be authentically like who I am and all of that like I put myself out there and I feel like that makes me think that okay well if I put it all out there if I share everything about myself if I bring people into my world into my mind and how I think like oh they'll understand me and that will make me feel good because I feel like when I go out into the world and this might just be all it's probably all in my fucking head dude like that's like another layer to this like I think this is an old story I've been telling myself and I think that's the growing pain I'm going through I'm going through these growing pains of like telling myself the same old story and it's like not real and I'm kind of like I'm like cry laughing at

myself about it like part of my mental breakdown was just me bursting out laughing like it was so psychotic like just if you saw me it's like it's like a toddler like I'm crying and then I just immediately laugh I was going crazy but it's this so yeah so I'm seeking to be understood because I feel like I am not understood I feel like people don't get me they don't understand me they don't vibe with me this is the whole like I feel like I've always felt since I was a kid now listen I had my I had my like two best friends and I had some like like stints of lots of friends and like literally just middle school like that was it like actual friends like actual like you actually have hangouts and go to slumber parties so I had my two best friends and

then I had that in middle school and then basically high school was a shit show like I didn't really have that again um I moved kind of apart from my two best friends and then we like got back to got back together in college but anyways what I'm saying is it's like I've always felt like an outcast or like I don't fit into anything and people don't get me and like I'm weird and I've had these like self I've had these ideas about myself for a long time that I'm like different or or I know I'm not saying like oh I'm special and like you know I'm unique or it's not that it's like I just have a vibe that like doesn't fit in anywhere like with friends and people like it's like my own it's a limiting belief at the end of the day I'm telling myself this old story

it's a limiting belief and back back to this video and the whole point of me kind of like going on this is this a diatribe what's a diatribe I don't know it's the whole like he was saying like a bad sign a sign of bad parenting is that your kid wants to be famous instead of like valuing or prioritizing um like having people in real life or valuing or caring about people in real life knowing them and having like relationships with those people like IRL instead of like trying to get strangers to love you and like you and follow you and all that stuff that we do here on social media as podcasters influencers like this is what I'm getting to so I have prioritized the online world and putting myself out there and building this world about myself and this profile all the

profiles and all the videos and all the content right I have prioritized that and then my in my personal life my actual connections are like very low grade like I feel like and this is what like I break down about I'm like I feel like nobody knows me like in real life nobody calls me nobody checks in on me nobody like girls like I'm talking like friendship stuff like I have my two best friends like we we'd still stay in contact like I still talk to them I'm just I feel like it's not enough like I feel and I know society puts its pressure on us like we need to have a million friends and a million social activities and you know we need to be plugged into people and activities all the time we need to have a rich social life and because of social media and

everyone posting like their outings with people and tagging people and they're always doing stuff with people so you get this feeling like something's wrong with you if you don't have a lot of friends and at the end of the day what I'm getting to again I keep saying that is I have put my attention and my energy to towards seeking or gaining outward attention online or online attention online validation online like external right like it's all coming from like I post and then I get praise from strangers and people online and and all of that and then it's like okay that happens and then well what am I doing to cultivate that in my reality in my real life and literally when I say this it like haunts me and I think this is why I like break down because

I'm like I do feel like I have regret you listen girls and this is not fun to admit when you're 30 Like I do have regrets in my twenties and this is like the biggest thing. It's that I, I didn't put myself out there. I didn't, I didn't put myself out there and, and I didn't reach out to people and connect to connect with them too. And I didn't like maintain anything. Like I would do that here and there. And I've had my spouse where I'll like be more plugged in socially. and I'm talking I'm from a pure me and the people I personally seek out connection with not so you might see me you're like well you're doing stuff all the time you're seems like you're social and you know okay my relationships and like with men and the things I do with them don't count in any of this so I'm completely discarding that from this conversation because that is literally what I've fallen back on and I've I've like ridden I've rode on the coattails of my boyfriends and now my husband's social life for my entire adulthood like it was never my own people my own friends my own

connections my own like social circle outside of them it was always I just always defaulted to theirs I was just like went along with them to whatever they were doing and was friends with their friends you know and then you break up and then you lose all those friends for the most part like I never stayed friends with any of those people because I wasn't really close to them I would just show up to events and things on my boyfriend's arm and then I'm his girlfriend and that's how they know me it's not like it you guys get what I mean so when I'm talking about me as an individual and my relationships and the community I've cultivated for myself for my personal self that has nothing to do with my husband or or anything it's like so sad it's like I

and this is why I broke down it's because I'm like I think it haunts me and this is very real and very vulnerable but I do think it haunts me to have children at this point in my life because I'm like but it also excites me because I'm like oh instant friends like instant community like instant women to like hang with and like hang out with their kids with and like push our strollers with like I see it all the time like I live in this amazing community and I love our neighborhood because it's like mom city like like new mom city like everyone's just like out pushing a stroller every single day like I know it's gonna all be okay if that does happen but I just feel like I'm by myself doing this you know it and because it's kind of like that you know I don't

have a community of friends here that I can like when I'm pregnant like get excited about it with I can't like I don't know I think I'm just seeking so I'm at this point now where I'm like okay I've done this online bullshit I've done this external validation bullshit and this is so like everyone talks about this with putting yourself online and how like lonely it is and how like fake it all is like it gives you this false perception of like a connection right because you're it just it's not it's never the real thing so I've been there done that I've been doing this for years and I think I I had a bad breakdown because I'm like and this is where it gets layered because I'm like it's not that I because Corey's like well if you really wanted it you would do it like if you

really wanted girlfriends like you've met like 15 girls recently like I meet girls and get their number and text them all the time right but like it stops and ends there you know like it's he's like well you would just he's like well you would if you really wanted it you would just do it right you would reach out you would set up you know like dinner with them or drinks or like pilates or something like you would just like take that initiative if that's something you really want but it seems like you don't because you don't do it and I'm like what this is the fucking motherfucker of my life like and this is what I do think I'm gonna deep dive into uh the trenches with with my psychiatrist and I don't know if this is

relatable but I have this like physical like it's real it's very real like I'm not this is not an old story I'm telling myself this is not a limiting belief thing like this is a real thing I experience when it comes to like like Corey I'll say that I'm like oh yeah just I should just text so-and-so or like whatever i i physically feel like a block like i can't like i i get like this huge feeling of like resistance towards the action of connecting and communicating and reaching out and i don't know what the fuck that is and cory goes well what would you i think amazon's here sorry or my neighbor because they're rebuilding their fence which means the dogs can't be out I don't answer my door oh it was UPS all good um

so it's okay puppies puppies it's okay sorry this is like kind of a trick we're at the end of the show here but um it's not that I don't want it it's not that I don't want to have friends it's not that I it's like I it's like you I can't fucking it's like I get paralyzed I can't do it and I get like stuck and then I get anxiety and then I'm like what is that you know and I know it's just like okay and then I tell myself shit like I don't know how to do it I feel like I'm out of practice I don't I don't have the habit of doing this I don't know what to say like I don't really know them like Corey's like well it's like dating you just have to like girls when you're making new friends like it's like dating you just have to like set some some dates up and

like you know plan something with them and then you'll meet up with them and then you'll do that you'll do it again and then you'll find your way to their to friendship with them if it works it works if if not if not if not it doesn't work and um he makes it sound so easy and so simple because he's just like texting people all day long and he's always on the phone and he's just but I have like this communication block like fuck it's so annoying oh here's what he asked me he goes well what would be the best case scenario like or what would make you feel better about all of this or like what would what do you think would solve this or you know first of all like I wish I wasn't in my head

because it's clearly clearly one of those things where I'm making this all up it's all in my head it's a limiting belief thing like it is real when it happens but like I'm definitely manifesting it I'm definitely exasperating it because I'm fixating on it that I don't have friends and I don't know how to make them and I feel like you know it's because I get kind of like what the fuck I like get girls numbers I meet out I meet them out and we like talk or I'll be at the gym or like whatever and I'm always like well they never text me to do anything I feel like I'm always the one who has to like make the thing happen the the friendship happen or like the so I get kind of like so I told him back to like what would make this all like go away or what do

you think would fix this and I said I wish this feeling of resistance and this stupid like block that happens to me would just go away where I wouldn't have any I would just do it without hesitation I would just send the text make the phone call plan the date like meet up with the girl and like there's no like there's no block barrier there I don't know why I have a barrier I don't know if what kind of psychological thing this is I don't know again it's probably just bullshit in my head that's been like corroded at this point where I've been saying the same shit to myself for years but I think it's like okay well is it fear of rejection is it social anxiety is it you know you it's it's it's hard or it's it's uh not hard it's um

I don't know so I just feel like there's and then I was talking to my friend she she told me she has ADHD which is like you know every fucking woman over 30 that I've been meeting recently like that's something everyone talks about now which is wild but she's like yeah I don't really miss people like I don't think about people and it and it's not that I don't and that sounds psychotic right like what it's like you don't if they're not physically in your vision if they're not or like if they're not in front of you you're not like oh I need to like call and text them all the time and keep up with them like it doesn't you don't think to do that but yet when you're with each other in person you're genuinely interested in them and their life you do want

to catch up with them you're having a great time you're enjoying you're totally fine socially you can hold a conversation you can be charismatic you can be yourself and and you're vibrant and expressive and you're not like weird with communication like when it's in person but when it's like keeping up digitally it's like you don't think to do it or it's not really and so I think what happens is that has been me for so I related to that when she told me and I think what happens is like years go by and you meet people along the way and you might have like a short-term friendship with them and then it just dies off it dies off it dies off because you're not the you're not going to be the person to keep up with the other person

you know and that's something that I'm I like I'm hard on myself about because I'm like that just seems so not normal and I do compare myself to like people lots of friends and they're like like I told Corey I'm like everyone's having a friendsgiving right now I've met a lot of people since I moved to San Diego for example I've met a lot of people I've hung out with a lot of people everything about my hangouts everything about the friends the friendships I've made everything's like a one-off situation it's never like multiple hangouts multiple like outings together it's like a one-time thing I'm I'm I'm there I that's when I meet them and get their number and then it's like maybe we'll go to lunch or coffee or like

Pilates or something and then it's like that's where it ends you know and I don't know if that's my fault I'm not the one following up to have it to maintain it and to do it again a lot of the times like people I don't vibe with them so I'm like well I don't really see us being friends so then I just cut it there but my point is this I'm like I told Corey I was like I've never been in like a group text that's fun with a bunch of girls like I've never not since like college I'm 30 like I've never been invited to like a thing a thanks uh friends giving I don't go on like girls trips I don't I'm like and then I told him I said I think what I fucking need is I was like strip I was like you know what would help me so much because I feel like I have to be like handheld

I'm a fucking I'm a I'm an adult woman saying this like I know this is like dude if you made it to this part of the episode like god bless you and I please like don't judge me like I think this is uh probably refreshing to hear I don't feel like a lot of people talk about it but um I mean a lot of people like it's been kind of therapeutic like I follow a lot of girls on like everything's TikTok right I'm like the amount of girls that are like yeah I don't have any friends is like a lot like a lot of girls say that like and it's always like the really pretty ones that have their lives together and that are like clearly confident and sufficient and they don't I don't know not putting myself I am putting myself in that category I feel like I do kind of I feel like

maybe I'm too intimidating I don't know but I told Corey I was like I feel like I need someone to take me under their wing and and I need to go to everything they go to I need to be introduced to everyone they know I need to be like dragged with them everywhere as like they're like we like under their wing like they get invited to something hey Jack I'm going to this you're coming with me and then and then rinse repeat rinse repeat like I just have someone that's like like I need to like can I hide this sounds psychotic like can I hire someone to do this for me because for me to just like put myself out there it's debilitating I have this huge block I don't know why and it's so stupid because anytime I'm actually in person with people

anytime I'm actually like socializing for example like with Corey and his friends it's like so fine it's so okay it's so normal it's so not an issue Corey's like people love you you're so funny you're so great everyone's like holy shit like Jack's like such a great girl like everyone says that and then I don't think that about myself because when it comes to me facilitating that for my life and doing it on my own, I just hit the ground and hit my head on the ground and fail every time. And I know it's like, dude, you're just, you got to get your reps in. It's going to be awkward. It's going to be weird. It's going to be probably, yeah, a challenge is you're probably not going to feel like doing it. You're going to, but you just got to, you know,

it's, it's an old story. Now I moved to a city six years ago and dated a lot of guys and made friends with all their friends. Didn't make my own, you know, and that's fucking, and that's on patriarchy. That's on the patriarchy. That's on the patriarchy. Uh, I'm being brainwashed by the patriarchy. There's pieces of that that's real, but it's my fault, you know? And I think that's what I was crying about I just felt like I told Cora I was like I haven't spiraled and I haven't been this down on myself in a while I've been feeling myself you know like I've been really feeling myself for the most part recently up until like I stopped taking my meds no like literally like I I feel like it kind of like helped me realize this and and really think about it

I I don't know maybe my medication like numbs me too much to where I'm not thinking about connection and like I don't know I'm trying my best but it's just a broke broken record and I I'm not proud of it like I think I cried a lot because I was just like I feel I can't believe I feel like I hate myself like again I stopped doing that a long time ago I healed that part of me that would talk bad to myself and beat myself up and here I am again like really being like fucking get it together bitch like you're better than this like you're such a like I think it's because I'm just like saying I'm a lazy I tell myself I'm like a lazy useless piece of shit and here I am in the beginning of the episode being like yeah I'm

mentally horizontal I like doing nothing I just like to like chill like and I was like is that depression coded like maybe that's happening again it's like such bullshit because it's like bitch you have everything you should have you you should be happy and I am I think I am I know I am but it's you could it's such a core thing a human a human being needs and that's feeling like you're understood heard known loved by people that aren't your boyfriends or your husband's friend like your own people like you know so I'm gonna text every fucking girl I know after this episode and I'm gonna be like hey bitch I'm desperate I did text one friend kind of alluded to that she hasn't hooked up a date or anything but again it's on me I gotta double text

gotta send something line that up that's where I'm like what is is it just am I I don't know am I a lot or just like I don't know somebody I mean so yeah that's what I've been crying about and spiraling about and it's been really frustrating for Corey to see because he's like dude you haven't done like this was your goal this year you haven't done anything you haven't made any progress that's so real like he's so right and I'm just sitting here going okay yeah I know I'm just gonna go talk to a therapist and figure out why I'm so fucking paralyzed to send a goddamn text to another like girl that's nice and cool like me like how dumb is that is it a I'm trying to think

like what again I at the end of the day I think it's this it's an old story it's corroded into my brain it's a very uh what's the word it's uh it's a bad it's a bad mindset it's a limiting belief it's not I need here's what I think I need to do to counteract this and to combat this within myself is I need to start remembering who the fuck I am and like how great I am and I I totally preach this on the podcast right for you guys to do I'm always like telling you to hype yourself up and talk nice to yourself like I especially when I was starting this out and really healing that part of me that was a asshole to myself like so I think I need to crawl back to that and really practice that again because it's not it's just not cool that I'm regressing in

that department like it's so dumb it's my own doing I think it's just a it's literally a cycle where like if you it's like you got to break the cycle you know that break the cycle of your own bad patterns and suck it the fuck up and do the hard thing and you have nothing to lose what's the worst that's gonna happen a girl goes and I don't think I don't like you I don't want to be friends with you bye okay move on like I know like I know that's not the worst thing ever I'm not even like afraid of that I just can't fucking get my fingers to type the text or make the phone call but even Corey was like I'm supposed to call his sister this week about something and it's like even that he said it and I had anxiety I was like like I got like like about it

I would just call him he makes it like so nonchalant like oh just call just didn't text oh just for me that's like the hardest thing to do and I don't know why and I think you guys if you have any insights into this if if you've ever been in my position like what did you learn about yourself or what did you do I mean it's pretty obvious there's one solution it's reach out make the connections put the rubber to the road and shut the fuck up you know like get out of your head and get your hands on your smartphone start typing bitch like that is a solution um I think I just have to be relentless and just like okay I'm not going to sleep tonight until I send a text to a girl in San Diego I don't care what happens like I'm gonna just reach out reach

out reach out line shit up line shit up but again it's so annoying where it's always me and I guess it's because like people have their own friends and they're not really like thinking about the new random girl they they met one time so they don't think to text her maybe it's that so it has to be the girl like it has to be me but guys I've been talking about this on this podcast for four years you guys have heard this many times but now I'm just like bringing you back in because it's it's re it's manifested where now it's like an actual problem because I don't think I can continue on with I just like with like I feel like every time I post on social media media now and I don't have like close friends in IRL I'm like I feel like just bad about myself

because I'm just like what is this for who is this for who am I trying to like impress like it doesn't fucking matter and I've never done it to like impress people I think you know it's like well then why do you post anything like what's the point I don't know because it's fun I like seeing myself in a positive light online I like seeing like cool pictures of myself and it's fun to document like the dogs all day like I don't know it's a habit it's entertainment I do put myself in that entertainer box so it's part of the job like you know but I am at a point where I'm like I only want to be in tagged pictures with lots of people bitch like that if you're like oh Jacqueline hasn't posted in six months go to my tagged photos

okay there better be 300 and I better be amongst like 50 people group pictures I don't know like oh god you guys anyways okay Corey just texted me and then we're gonna end it this is married life okay should we get a tree this weekend question mark let's end the end the show on that should I just title the episode should we get a tree um wow was this two hours probably that's the episode thank you so much for hanging out and sticking it out to the end there if you made it this far I'm totally fine I'm totally okay but what's the point of talking about your problems if you're not gonna actually do something about it right so that's where I'm at that's my

advice to you if there's something that you're just fucking it's like poking you in the side every day and you're not addressing it you're not doing anything to change it like so this is what I want you to do this week okay eat your thanksgiving pie and then get to work on those things okay like take action get after it like and I need to start reading these books from all my favorite people again that I like haven't read in a long time but there was a time in my life where one of the things I lived by was like action like the difference between like successful people and unsuccessful people is the second they think about the thing they successful people take action on it like right then and there they don't delay they don't

procrastinate they don't marinate they don't stew on it they just get it done and I want to be like those people. Like I need to crawl back to that way of thinking because my life is just going to be, everything will become easier. My life will move. I'll get things done quicker, manifest things faster. Like it makes sense. The smaller that gap is, the more growth you're going to have in your life. So I'm really not impressed. I think at the end of the day, I'm not impressed, but I fucking, I am proud of myself. Like, yes, I have a lot of things that I've accomplished, but I'm not really impressed with the area of my life I just spiraled about like it's a joke and I feel ashamed and it's hard to look at my husband when he's like hey you know that girl you met like

oh whatever happened to her like you should reach out to her and I just like can't I'm like standing in front of him with my phone he's just like yeah just text her I'm like spot like freaking out shaking in my boots like you know so i will leave you with that thank you for hanging out please hit that subscribe button wherever you're listening right now i'm on apple spotify google podcast stitcher breaker overcast wherever you listen to podcasts please hit that subscribe button and review the show five stars while you're there follow me on instagram at jacqueline monroe tiktok at jacqueline monroe and subscribe to my youtube channel the jacqueline monroe show and if you want to support the show patreon.com slash tjms patreon.com slash tjms remember you've

got ten dollars off with the link in my description of this podcast for that glp1 drink if you want to try it out it's called curb from modere so i'll make sure to link that below check it out that's it thanks for hanging out and i'll talk to you next week I'll bleed on your face just to make you go take it back I'll lose my shit, I go crazy when I'm mad And now you go wish you had shut the fuck up real bad And now that I'm gone, yeah, I know there's no turning back And now that I'm gone, yeah, I know there's no turning back

I'll fucking take smoke, I'ma poke a hole through you, choking's overdue Come at me and you won't get any older, dude, crack your hole or two Heating up inside of me, blood so violently, thanks for trying me Now it's finally time to see how this rivalry becomes my dynasty I know there's no turning back Oh God, adrenaline wasted, so mad I can taste it I know there's no turning back I'll do what it takes, I ain't making mistakes like that

I'll bleed on your face just to make you go take it back I'll lose my shit, I go crazy when I'm mad And now you gon' wish you had shut the fuck up real bad And now that I'm gone, yeah, I know there's no turning back And now that I'm gone, yeah, I know there's no turning back